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Logan's Log Entries

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March 30th, 2018.

Theory: I talk too much.

Evidence: I am frequently told to be quiet, I am spoken over, or I am ignored.

Example One: I was explaining the issue of adopting three dogs to Patton (who was not listening as he was far more focused with something on my face) when Roman interrupted and told me to, “Talk less, smile more!”

I did not appreciate the comment as Patton quickly burst into song with Roman and my conversation was thrown in the metaphorical gutter.

Example Two: Halfway through watching a documentary on the stars with Virgil, I elaborated on the mythology of the constellation of Orion’s Belt and the difference between the Roman tale and the Greek tale. No more than 45 seconds passed and Virgil stared at me in what could only be bored silence.

I resumed the show and his attention immediately returned to the documentary with far more interest than when I presented my small rant.

Solution: Take part of Roman’s advice and talk less.  Refrain from speaking unless directly addressed or if Thomas’s safety would be compromised without my input. Try not to lecture the others as much, and if necessary make it as quick and concise as possible in order to keep their attention.

March 31st, 2018.

Experiment One: All throughout breakfast I did not contribute anything to the conversations. Nobody noticed until Patton knocked his juice on me in a moment of over-excitement. While assisting me in cleaning up the mess, he briefly asked if I was alright, to which I gave a small reply followed by a cautionary warning that he needs to be more careful so as not to accidentally hurt anyone. From there I retreated to my room to work on fixing up Thomas’ schedule, and I did not have any other interactions.

April 1st, 2018

Experiment Two: It is April Fools day and Easter. The pranks went by rather quickly today, however, a few ill-timed whoopie cushions and a plastic wrap on the doorway trick did evoke several verbal outbursts on my part. By not speaking after the early pranks, the others believed me to be angry and seemed on edge around me. I did get my revenge as I personalized my pranks to suit each of them. Without saying anything other than the traditional, “April Fools,” I pulled a toy spider along the ground near Patton, put a sticker of my face on Roman’s hand mirror, and switched Virgil’s music to Beyonce when he wasn’t looking.

Patton and Roman decided then that the pranks were over and insisted that we celebrate Easter with the ridiculous traditions of coloring eggs, eating sweets, and decorating the place with pastel colors. All in all, my lack of verbal communication seems to have gone unnoticed and has, from my current observations, not caused any significant issues.

April 2nd, 2018

Experiment Three: I did not participate as much as I would’ve liked to in today’s brainstorming activity. Throughout it, I noticed the different reactions and behaviors of the other sides as I essentially. “sat back and watched.” Things went quickly downhill as the voice of reason (myself) was removed from the picture.

Observation One: Virgil had a difficult time trying to convey his opinion with support, as I am usually the one who can see past his overprotectiveness and explain his valid reasons to the other two overly emotional sides. Without my assistance, Virgil because restless and anxious.

Observation Two: Patton spoke loudly and halfway through the discussion realized I hadn’t uttered a word. He then began to ask questions directly in accordance with my function, even going so far as to say that they needed my opinion on whether the proposed project would be ideal to fit into Thomas’ schedule while taking into consideration Joan, sleep, healthy lifestyle practices, and social outings.

Observation Three: Roman began presenting the most outlandish ideas to us, and when I did not shoot any of them down or even critique them, he began to embellish and expand them until Virgil’s hands were noticeably shaking from the thought of all the preparation, time, and energy it would consume. With no other alternative, I quickly pointed out the flaws in Roman’s creative plan while still praising the idea itself.

April 3rd, 2018

Personal Observations: This is the fifth day of my experiment and I have reached a conclusion. Although I talk too much and cause tension within the group, when I do not speak at all the others will over stress, worry or forget about the constrictions of reality, all of those will put Thomas in danger. Although I have not told anyone of my experiment, in the last day they have noticed my behavior as being slightly off and have taken to worrying about me slightly.

Conclusion: Although I find their attention towards me adequate, I will end this experiment today so as not to negatively impact Thomas or cause issues for the other sides.

Notes: By not speaking, I caused some disruption but I believe that moderating the amount I speak by reading the mood would be beneficial as it would force me to listen to the others.

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April 7, 2018

Theory: Patton finds comfort, joy, and relaxation in the company of others.

Evidence: He says so. However, he only makes it truly known with his body language and how he plays with his hoodie sleeves when he craves attention or physical affirmations.

Example One: After a particularly difficult heartwrenching day, Patton purposefully sought us out for attention. While in our presence, he regained his cheery disposition and the obvious tension in his shoulders and jaw released. Upon receiving cuddles from Roman, Patton opened up about how tired he felt.

Example Two: Patton nearly broke down when he received a hug from Virgil on a Tuesday. According to Patton, it was because he was confused again and wasn’t sure if he was doing what was best for Thomas. I was unsure of what to do at the moment and placed my hand on his shoulder and held it there in an attempt to be reassuring, somehow calming him down enough for him to better explain his concerns.

Solution: I will attempt to spend more time with Morality this week in order to observe his behavior and reactions.

April 8, 2018

Experiment One: When approaching Patton today about participating in baking (one of his favored pastimes), I realized he had contracted an illness.  I believe the term “heartsick” would be the most literal descriptor for Patton’s situation.  While monitoring Patton to ensure he didn’t overwork himself, I tried to deduce as to what was hurting Thomas and would cause this reaction. While I was with him, Patton didn’t seem as stressed as the other times he was ill.

Note to self: Patton likes animal crackers and goldfish in his soup. Do not argue.

April 9, 2018

Experiment Two: Patton’s condition has not improved in the slightest, and as far as Roman, Virgil, and I can tell, Thomas is not experiencing any negative emotions that would evoke this kind of reaction. While using the day to care for and converse with Patton, I realize how much he needs physical or verbal communication to maintain a positive outlook and in turn, keep Thomas on the morally correct path. I also realize he wants nothing more than to make the people around him happy and bringing joy to others. He told me today that I made him feel, “happy.” I don’t understand how he can associate an emotion with me, especially a positive one such as that.

April 10, 2018

Experiment Three: Patton’s condition seems to have cleared up with only a little assistance on my part. Today I remained with him for only a few hours as he is still recovering and I do not wish to exhaust him. While I was in his company, Patton’s mood improved by a marginal amount compared to before I approached him. At dinner, Roman stated that Patton was acting sweeter than usual and was wondering if something good had happened to Thomas. Virgil simply nodded in agreement and I realized I had forgotten to take Thomas’ actions into account when making my observations about Patton. However, Patton merely smiled and shook his head before saying he was just happy.

Note to self: Remember to check Patton’s temperature again as his face was very red and flushed at dinner.

April 11, 2018

Personal Observations: Patton’s outward behavior improves immensely when he is given the proper amount of attention and is shown he is loved just as much as he loves the rest of us.

Conclusion: I shall set aside at least one hour a day to spend in Patton’s company. I will also prompt the others to do so as well if they are not already.

Notes: I believe giving Patton a pat on the back or the occasional embrace would also assist him in relaxing.

Also, refrain from making puns and dad jokes in writing. And verbally

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April 16, 2018

Theory: Roman has little understanding of self-care.

Evidence: As stated in the last vide, he believes it better to stay up and finish a project than sleep.

Example One: During the creation of the last Sanders Sides video, Roman did not eat properly, regularly forgot to sleep, and stressed himself to the maximum to the point of nearly passing out after filming.

Example Two: When coming up with ideas and mapping them out, he misses “family” family dinners, upsetting Patton. (This, in turn, requires Patton to have an extra 10 minutes of physical contact or an additional 20 minutes of activity time).

Solution: I will for a time, take on the role of Roman’s personal caretaker and enforce healthy eating and sleep habits until he either understands and takes it up without prompting, or until his head swells from the attention.

April 17, 2018

Experiment One: Today Roman did not attend Patton’s monthly pancake, waffle, and french toast breakfast. In order to prevent a meltdown on Patton’s end, and to proceed with my plan went to retrieve Roman. After knocking on his door, I waited for five minutes before being greeted with an excuse as to why he couldn’t attend breakfast. As he futilely attempted to shoo me away, I stated that having a proper breakfast will enhance focus and creativity and it is beneficial not just for him, but for Thomas that he be well nourished.

When it looked as if that attempt would fail to bring him to the table, I mentioned that Patton was on the verge (no pun intended I swear) of tears. Not only did this prompt Roman to join us for breakfast, but he apologized for being so distant and assisted Virgil with the dishes. He then returned to his room to continue working but did reappear around dinner for a brief time.

April 18, 2018

Experiment Two: I entered Roman’s room this afternoon without knocking, earning a stream of startled yelling form the princely figure. Upon presenting the lunch I had prepared for him, Roman’s mouth dropped and he stated that he had forgotten to eat entirely. Before leaving, I made sure Roman had begun consuming his sandwich and had put his work to the side so as not to be distracted. On my way out an open notebook full of scratched out ideas was lying on the floor near the door. When I picked it up to hand it back to Roman, I noticed that many of the ideas were interesting and rather decent.

When taking the book, Roman’s expression turned from its usual happiness. Specifically, his forehead crinkled and his eyes narrowed almost as if he was angry with what he was being presented with.I returned once more in the evening to insist that he join us for dinner, to which he acquiesced but not before teasing me about becoming a doting mother.

Note: I believe the attention may bet getting to his head.

April 19, 2018

Experiment Three: When entering Roman’s room to deliver a late breakfast (I believe Virgil called it brunch), I was greeted with a notebook containing many ideas shoved in my face. While Roman ate, I looked over the ideas he marked out as his personal favorites and scanned the notes about the potential content. After he had finished eating, I explained the pros, cons, and potential of each idea he had highlighted. However, most of them were well thought out and I did compliment him on being able to expand upon them while keeping the main idea in mind.

When I returned to deliver a snack to him an hour or so later, Roman presented me with an edited version of the ideas I had selected as being the potentially better ones from the first grouping, followed by an entirely new notebook of ideas I hadn’t seen before. Although he ate and didn’t work while I was in the room, I am concerned he may be overworking himself.

April 20,2018

Personal Observation: My previous concern was correct. Today when I entered to deliver his sustenance, I saw Roman fall unconscious to the floor, or faint. After checking his temperature and assessing the state of his condition, I lifted Roman to the stairs where Virgil picked up on what happened and prepared the couch for me to deposit Roman. Patton insisted on making a broth for Roman to stomach when he aroused and Virgil slid Roman’s stuffed rabbit in his arms.

Once he awoke, Roman ashamedly admitted to me that he had pulled an allnighter with no breaks, no water, and no snacks of any sort. Instead of reprimanding him, I carefully explained the negative effects of allnighters and how he should’ve put his work on the back burner until morning so he didn’t overwork himself. I forwent today’s experiment so as to assist the others in getting Roman back to his original state of health.

April 21, 2018

Experiment Four: After delivering Roman his brunch today, he requested that I stay and align his approved video ideas with the schedule I created. Roughly halfway through our planning, Roman threw a water bottle at my head and quietly muttered what could’ve been taken as an insult, but I know it to be his way of showing gratitude towards what I have been doing.

April 22, 2018

Personal Observations: When having at least one meal provided to him and a sleep schedule at least mentioned by someone other than myself (preferably Patton), Roman’s performance improves significantly and he is far more articulate with his ideas and more organized.

Conclusion: I will attempt to bring Roman a snack or a meal each day or have him join us, while he adapts to his new sleep schedule.

Notes: The last video did prove he may need assistance with self-care. I will be as patient as possible while teaching him how to properly care for himself the way he cares for the others.

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April 13, 2018. Friday.

Personal note: It has occurred to me that bother Virgil and roman feed into the superstitions associated with Friday the thirteenth.  This was proven when I went downstairs for breakfast only to see the two of them huddled on the sofa with a mass amount of blankets, pillows, a few stuffed toys (I believe Roman calls one Mrs. Fluffybottoms), and a substantial amount of snacks.  When I attempted to prompt them away from their den of lies, I was met with hisses and screams that I would be cursed by the bad luck if I did anything today.

Of course, I chose to pay no mind to this childish behavior and went about my day with Patton as he has no desire to indulge in a silly superstition.  While Roman and Virgil hid from the bad luck on the couch, I partook in one of Patton’s favorite pastimes of baking cookies.  He has noticed I have taken time from my day to spend with him, and I assume he is thankful as he regularly touches my shoulder fondly and wiped some cookie batter off my face today.

Note to self: Remember to take Patton’s temperature again, as he was very red while baking.

Once finished with dinner preparations, Patton and I presented food to Virgil and Roman who skeptically ate with us while we watched several Disney movies. Patton and I were not allowed on the couch as we had been moving about all day with the “bad luck” and “black magic.”  After declaring it was time to regenerate ourselves with sleep, Roman made it very clear that he and Virgil intended to stay on the couch until 12:00 AM on April 14, so as to ensure the bad luck had disappeared.

In the middle of the night Patton awoke me to ask if I was in need of a drink, and to properly hydrate myself I joined him downstairs for a glass of water where we discovered Virgil and Roman unconscious on the couch.  Patton made a high pitched sound of what could be delight, and took several pictures of the two who had moved closer to each other and were “cuddling.”

I pray that the next time this happens I am able to talk sense into the two fools instead of having to carry them up to their rooms with Patton taking photographs of us..

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April 24, 2018

Personal note: Today is Thomas’ birthday, and although I do admit his aging is something to be celebrated, I do not understand the need behind throwing a party in the mindscape when only four of us will be able to attend. However, I must say Patton had this well thought out when he gave us all our duties.

Roman was put on decorations, something he excelled at as the entire commons was covered in our emblems, streamers hung from the ceiling, a poster with different pictures of Thomas’ previous birthdays, all while maintaining a certain level of practicality. I myself was put on planning to make sure everything ran smoothly. Nothing came up that needed urgent correction, however, I did have to step in at one point and help Roman get down from the ladder he was using to hang the streamers.

Note to self: Do not let Roman near the ladders again as he is superstitious about walking under them, and needs to be carried down when he gets stuck.

Patton delegated the job of baking the cake to himself, something none of us argued against as we all appreciate his baked goods. I must say that offering small taste tests of the batter and icing before it was complete was not entirely sanitary, but Patton insisted by shoving a beater or his finger covered in the sweet in my face. I must say that Patton’s baking skills have improved since he first began, but that is an observation I will save for another time.

Virgil’s assignment was not specified and he flitted between assisting Roman with the decoration of the posters, Patton with the cake, and rearranging the gifts for each other. I took a moment to ask Virgil what I could do to improve his mood or assist in calming him down and instantly his posture relaxed. Although he said he did not need anything, I kept an eye on him for the rest of the day so as to prevent any harm befall him.

In regards to the gifts, a week or so ago Patton had us draw names like we did for the Secret Santa so we would all get a gift. The name I drew was Patton’s and with only a week to properly assess what he wanted, I believe my gift was satisfactory. From my observations of the others, Patton enjoys doing activities such as baking, watching movies, doing crafts, and the occasional cuddle or hand hold.

My gift to Patton was 10 handwritten coupons that were each redeemable for two hours of my time to spend however he liked. When presenting the present to Patton I nearly had to take the coupons back as he started to choke on his own excitement. Patton’s gift was for Roman, which was a Tupperware full of ravioli (Roman was not disappointed). Roman’s gift went to Virgil and was a black notebook with what looked like encouraging messages written in it, I did not get a good look as Virgil quickly closed the book and held it close to him.

Note to self: Do not leave this book anywhere as it looks very similar to Virgil’s new encouragement book.

Virgil’s gift to me was a pair of noise-canceling headphones and a jar of Crofters. I may or may not have lost composure and lunged for the sweet fruit spread upon seeing it. Not my proudest moment, but oh so worth it.

After finishing the gifts Patton had us sit around the TV and served us cake while Roman put in a movie for us to watch together. Virgil did retreat to his room for a while to put his gift away and he returned with several blankets. I lost count of how many movies we watched, but it was an enjoyable time.

I believe this is what one would call a good birthday, and I hope Thomas had a good one as well. 

Chapter Text

April 27, 2018

Theory: When Thomas consumes a frozen dessert too quickly, I suffer the negative consequences.

Example One: Two weeks ago when Thomas indulged in a frozen dessert, the temperature in my room dropped to 40 degrees Fahrenheit.

Example Two: Just recently when the same consumption of sweets occurred, my own body temperature dropped significantly, leaving me incapable of moving from my room to ask for assistance.

Solution: I will look up different ways to prevent “brain freeze” and attempt to implement them this week without causing harm to Thomas.

April 28, 2018

Experiment One: To begin with this test I needed to have a first experiment in order to properly compare the two solutions I found to the natural process of the brain freeze. I suggested today that Thomas reward himself for all the work he’s been doing on his recent videos, as associating a reward with an action releases dopamine in the brain and causes the person to associate the reward with success. Patton agreed entirely, even though I’m not sure he understood the science behind my explanation and suggested Thomas get ice cream. I agreed and retreated to the privacy of my room in order to record my first symptoms without fear of interference.

When it started the cold was slow, however, it sped up and ice and frost spread through my room, essentially proving that the temperatures could become lower. When my body temperature began to drop, I felt my hands go numb and attempted to exit my room in order to warm up as the freeze receeded. Unfortunately, my door had frozen shut and with the feeling in my hands taken away, I had no means of leaving until the brain freeze went away naturally.

While it slowly warmed up in my room and the ice vanished, it occurred to me that the colder it gets in my room or the lower my body heat gets, the more pain Thomas must be feeling. When I was finally able to remove myself from the still chilled room, I realized the others had no idea what happened. This benefits me as they won’t interfere, however, it is disappointing they were’not able to differentiate my normal actions from those of today.

April 29, 2018

Experiment Two: Today Joan and Talyn went out with Thomas for lunch assisting my experiment as milkshakes made an appearance. Between the two brain freeze solutions I found, the one I planned on testing today seemed the most practical. Applying pressure to the roof of one’s mouth, using one’s thumb like a young child, and sucking in it to create a vacuum suction all while keeping one’s thumb in the original position on the roof of the mouth would alleviate the freeze.

Again for this, I retreated to my room under the pretense that I had much work to do, unfortunately, this cut off the amount of time I spent with Virgil today, however, I believe he was interested in something Patton was doing. When the freeze set in, I suggested the solution to Thomas who attempted it promptly. Shivers had made it difficult to properly record my symptoms at the time, however, the frost and chill breeze in my room and my own body temperature returned to normal rather quickly thanks to this technique.

April 30, 2018

Experiment Three: Today didn’t go as well as the last few attempts at this experiment. The second “cure” for brain freeze is to drink something hot as soon as the freeze begins to set in. I was not prepared for Thomas to indulge in a frozen dessert today and only when the freeze set in did I realize I was still in the commons with the others. In theory the idea of drinking something hot is a good idea, however, Thomas had nothing prepared as he made himself a warm drink, the cold became very obvious to the others.

Patton was the first to respond to my situation, as ice seemed to only circulate around me and a cold wind blew through the commons. Throwing his hoodie at me, Patton rushed around trying to find something to bring my body temperature up. Roman had the near opposite effect, sitting with me and insisting on hugging me to “share body heat.” I believe he liked seeing me in a position of weakness, but I appreciate the halfwit’s Prince’s attempt at helping. Virgil was the one who stood quietly in the corner of the room, unsure of what to do until Patton threw an armful of blankets at him and demanded he help fix my condition.

It was roughly around then that Thomas partook of his hot drink, slowly warming me up. Although they attempted to help, the others now know of this weakness. I know they mean no harm when trying to assist me but it’s degrading for logic to need to depend on others.

May 1, 2018

Personal Observations: Although I found two forms of combating brain freeze, only one was practical enough for the situations Thomas was in. I also learned that the others are willing to drop everything in order to assist me when in significant pain or danger.

Conclusion: I will file the information on the first solution so Thomas has access to it for future reference (see April 29 for reference).

Notes: Thank the others somehow as they went out of their way to help me when I didn’t ask for it or want it. I needed the help even if I wasn’t willing to admit it.

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May 5, 2018

Theory: Virgil purposefully isolates himself from us whenever Thomas is experiencing great amounts of stress and anxiety,

Evidence: He hasn’t emerged from his room in two days, even to join us for meals and movies.

Example One: Last year before “Accepting Anxiety,” Virgil had a bad week,  one where Thomas was overly stressed and exhausted and refused to come out of his room even to annoy Roman.

Example Two: Last month when Thomas was going through what Roman told me is body negativity, Virgil retired to his room until Thomas felt better and was confident in himself.

Solution: I will attempt to coax Vigil from his room so he can talk to us and relieve some of his anxieties. I will also try and find what is causing him this distress and try to solve it.

May 6, 2018

Experiment One: Upon seeing Virgil and Roman absent from breakfast, I elected to bring them their food. After giving Roman his nutrients, I knocked on Virgil’s door and waited for a good five minutes before he answered. Virgil’s appearance seemed slightly off, albeit I don’t know why, but he was wearing his hood up with a blanket over his shoulders as if he were cold. When presenting him with his breakfast I asked if he was alright to which he stated that he wasn’t feeling adequate.

As I have recorded from my experience with Roman, ignoring or covering up one’s state of health is dangerous, so I insisted that Virgil lie down and rest, allowing me and Patton to check in on him every so often to ensure his safety. Roughly around 4 in the afternoon when I was checking in on him, Virgil stated that he felt fine, however, if he was telling the truth I don’t believe Deceit’s faint laugh would’ve echoed throughout the room. Virgil did join us for our movie tonight, although he wrapped himself in almost all the blankets and isolated himself on the couch.

Note to self: Roman is doing very well with this new system we have of me keeping him in check. He tries to do the same for me, so it is not all one-sided.

May 7, 2018

Experiment Two: Virgil joined me in my room today for some light reading and to discuss the books we had chosen from the library. He provided many interesting points I never previously thought to bring up and listened to my long explanation of the inaccuracies within one book’s lore. At one point it began to get rather warm (I believe Roman gave Thomas a daydream that included fire or the ever growing heat), and I asked Virgil if he wanted to remove his hoodie in order to maintain a healthy body temperature and not overheat. Becoming defensive, Virgil snapped that he was perfectly fine and that I should mind my own business.

He then smacked my hand when I tried to be comforting by touching his shoulder the way Patton does. He later apologized for his actions, but I still find his behavior strange.

Note to self: Find out why my chest hurt when he smacked my hand.

May 8, 2018

Experiment Three: Virgil came to talk to me today and I assumed it was about his standoffish actions from yesterday, but I was wrong. Virgil was very on edge as he brought up how Thomas’ brain freeze affects me, and I will admit I was tense as well. He then admitted that when Thomas’ anxiety gets out of his control or escalates to a level he cannot reign in easily he has a visible physical reaction. I was expecting the effects of Virgil’s room to worsen, however, he explained that he hides from us because he gains weight as Thomas feeds into his anxiety.

Although I personally see nothing wrong with Virgil’s appearance, I’m honored he trusted me enough to confide this in me. I only hope I do not mess this up and that I am able to be supportive enough.

Experiment Four: Virgil approached me today to ask if he should tell the others of his predicament. I stated that he should do whatever pleases him and that I would be supportive of his decision no matter the outcome. When it came down to telling Romand and Patton, ti went rather well.

I’m proud to say that Virgil articulated himself wonderfully and used my freezing issue as a proper comparison. Patton insisted on a hug and exclaimed that Virgil was like a life-sized teddy bear. That statement made Virgil’s face turn pink bordering on red, I must look into if that was good or bad. Roman merely stated that it was no big deal as he himself gets injuries when Thomas’ ego is bruised as that is what he represents. Both of the right brain aspects thanked Virgil for trusting them with that information.

I’m still satisfied that Virgil told me first.

May 10, 2018

Personal observations: When being open and gentle, Virgil will come to me with his issues and insecurities instead of me trying to pry them out of him.

Conclusion: I will attempt to be more open and receptive to everyone so they feel comfortable enough to confide information and icky feelings in me. I will also assist Virgil when Thomas feeds into his negativity and he is affected by it so he does not think too negatively of himself.

Notes: If Virgil is brave enough to tell everyone about his body negativity and how it is forced on him, I should have no shame in going to the others when Thomas has a brain freeze.

Chapter Text

May 15, 2018

Theory: When Thomas get’s sick, the others do as well.

Evidence: Thomas’ recent cold has changed the behavior of the others.

Example One: Patton has been burning up, reaching a temperature of 101.8 degrees Fahrenheit on the thermometer. He doesn’t complain, but I know he is feeling horrible.

Example Two: Roman has reached a temperature of 102 degrees Fahrenheit on the thermometer and cannot stand or sit up without help, and has a serious fall risk. He has passed out twice already.

Example Three: Virgil has fallen twice helping the others to bed, is severely dehydrated even though he has consumed multiple glasses of water, and has complained of his head hurting. He refuses to let me take his temperature with a thermometer but all I can tell from putting my hand on his forehead is that he is burning up.

Example Four: Deceit made an appearance in the Commons after I diagnosed the others to ask for help before losing the contents of his stomach.

Solution: I will try my best to help the others through this while also looking up the best ways to assist Thomas with his sickness as this is directly related.

May 16, 2018

Experiment One: Roman and Deceit cannot keep down any solids for more than a few minutes, however, Roman has insisted on decorating his barf bucket with colored sharpies and stickers. Deceit has shown no interest in eating anything after a failed attempt at keeping toast down but drinks any fluids I put in front of him. Both Roman and Deceit’s temperatures have stayed at 102 degrees Fahrenheit, but I will check everyone again at the end of the day. Roman has slept most of the day after decorating his bucket for 10 minutes, often waking up to mutter about being overheated or freezing even though his external temperature is exceedingly hot.

Patton has ignored several of my warnings and almost forgot to take a Tylenol as he was more focused on getting as comfortable as he could. I couldn’t blame him for his discomfort, but it took several minutes to convince him to take the pill in hopes of bringing his temperature down. Virgil, on the other hand, has shown signs of improvement as he has been drinking water religiously and has managed to keep down some toast and applesauce. Both Patton and Virgil insist that they’re fine and don’t need my attention, however, at this moment in time, Virgil is the only one whose words match up with his physical condition.

When I took their temperatures at the end of the day, Roman and Deceit’s had remained at 102, Patton’s had risen to 101.9 a minuscule amount on the thermometer but it is unnerving, and Virgil refused again. I didn’t push our anxious trait as he has been uncomfortable and upset all day, however, he did come to me when his headache worsened and I do not want to push him away by being overly protective.

May 17, 2018

Experiment Two: I have moved everyone to the commons. I awoke last night to Virgil dry heaving in the bathroom with a temperature of 102.8 degrees Fahrenheit and his hoodie discarded on the ground. After getting some water in him and assisting him downstairs, he mumbled about everything burning and how he was worried about Thomas’ health. I informed him quietly that he had nothing to do with the illness, but it became rather clear that it would be difficult to care for four aspects when two were downstairs and two were in their rooms.

I left Virgil in a slight daze to retrieve Patton and Roman from their rooms and carefully deposit them on the couch to sleep. Deceit woke up once, his eyes very foggy and his face extremely flushed, only to roll onto the floor with his blankets without a word and curl up. This left enough room for Patton and Roman on the couch while Virgil, with my assistance, resided on the armchair. I stayed up to make sure Roman, Patton, and Virgil had some water before setting a cup down for Deceit.

Later in the day, I was pleased to see that Roman’s fever had gone down drastically to 100.1 degrees, and he was tired, but willing to drink a little soup and move onto the armchair so Virgil could stretch out. Patton had remained at a constant 101.9 throughout the night, but it was good to see a change of 101.3 this afternoon when he woke up for water and a small bit of soup. Deceit worried me as he barely moved from the ground, only drinking water when I demanded he does. When I checked on him in the evening he was shivering uncontrollably but his temperature had remained at 102. I asked once how he was feeling and without lying, he stated that he hurt all over, his head was pounding, he felt as if he were about to vomit, and he was cold.

Before I could do anything to assist him, I had to rush to Roman’s side and help him to the bathroom as he vomited up his lunch. Roman wasn’t the least bit upset about being sick and instead asked how his forehead felt. When I tested it with the back of my hand I replied that he was hot and he smirked. I still don’t fully understand what he was implying and I’m not sure if I want to know, but if it put him in a good mood that’s all that matters.

I helped Deceit procure another blanket and watched him to make sure he drank a full glass of water slowly before he went back to sleep. Roman has improved and I don’t believe he has a risk of falling anymore, however I will be keeping an eye on him. Patton and Virgil both asked for a soft ice pack to hold while they fell asleep, and I wrapped them in towels so as not to let the water from the melting packs drip into the couch.

Note to self: Make sure to tell Patton how much I appreciate him. This caretaker role is most difficult.

May 18, 2018

Attempt Three: This is no longer an experiment. This is my poor attempt at trying to take care of four other people when I myself have a hard time making sure I eat and sleep properly. Roman’s temperature has gone down to 99.2 degrees and he’s been able to keep down most food, including some scrambled eggs, however, I’m not sure if I’m doing right by the others.

While Patton seems to have improved in the night, he still says his head hurts and that he feels warm. I don’t know what I’m doing wrong. He says I’m doing “just fine,” but I know he’s just saying that to keep my spirits up. Even Dee, while unable to sit up properly and speak without sounding like someone metaphorically rubbed sandpaper down his throat, says I’m doing a great job and that he’s very thankful. He has to be lying again. I’m failing at the one thing I need to do right, which is getting Thomas better and getting the others better.

Virgil improved as well, and he says that I’m just anxious and overanalyzing everything. He may be right, but it’s disturbing that Roman, who is still ill, can do a better job of caring for Patton than I can. I greedily took a moment for myself by putting on a movie for the others to watch while I stood in the kitchen and tried to collect myself. Roman ended up walking in on me when he was getting more water. Looking me dead in the eye, he stated that I needed to give myself more credit because I was doing a good job with what I had. I’ve never known Roman to give a false compliment, so I took it.

I believe the sickness and negativity of everyone merely caught up with me for a moment, but I thank Roman and the others for being supportive enough to tell me I was doing well. I still don’t know if Dee was telling the truth or not, but since he still gets dizzy when he sits or stands up too quickly, I will take it as one of his rare truths.

May 19, 2018

Attempt Four: Roman is doing just fine. Patton is on the mend as well as he is able to keep down fluid and solids, explain himself without panicking, and isn’t having hot and cold flashes anymore. The two right brain aspects have taken to sitting on one side of the couch, leaving room for deceit and Virgil on the other side, and are just exhausted from this ordeal. This brings me to the other two. Virgil and Dee are both physically tired, having slept most of the day and only woken up to get a drink of water, use the restroom, or change position.

Dee has moved back onto the couch upon Patton’s request, but I did a small test and the snake scales on the left side of his forehead are cold while his skin is still warm. A very interesting discovery that I may explore in the future if we remain on good terms after this. Virgil is still tired, but from what I can tell, everyone's’ temperatures have gone down drastically and they have recovered rather quickly. I am curious as to why I myself am not ill, but that will most likely be answered at a later time.

I do believe I experienced the emotion of pride when I overheard the others crediting my skills as one of the reasons they’re getting better so quickly. I know for a fact that I have little to no skills in this, even though I should, but it was still pleasing to hear. I’m also proud of them for following my instructions and being so tolerant of each other, especially Dee.

May 20, 2018

Attempt Five: I have told Patton and Roman that they’re not deadly sick anymore and that they can go about their business as long as they remain hydrated and check in with me every few hours to ensure they’re safe. Virgil and Dee have also recovered enough to take care of themselves. Dee simply nodded at me as he sank out of the commons, probably back to his room, but nonetheless, I will check in on him later as I cannot have him lying about getting better. Virgil stayed on the couch for the day but has taken care of hydrating himself and feeding himself properly.

When Roman and Patton checked in with me, they were the picture of health. Thomas’ ego and heart are in top condition, if I may say. I did look in on Deceit and noticed that he had gone through a box of tissues, but had several empty glasses of water next to him. Virgil hadn’t complained of anything, so as a reward I suggested we watch a movie. This has been an exhausting few days, but I believe it has paid off by bringing me closer to the others.

Note to self: Bring Deceit more tissues.

May 21, 2018

Personal Observations: Virgil is now much better, as is Deceit, and Patton and Roman are completely cured of their illness. Thomas isn’t sick anymore either. I believe spending more time with the others benefitted how we see each other, and how I see them. I will be more aware of how to treat them when they’re sick and when they’re in perfect health.

Conclusion: When Thomas gets sick it directly affects us and we suffer from equal or greater symptoms.

Notes: I think I may be coming down with something as I’ve been feeling warm all day, but it’s probably nothing.

May 22, 2018

Personal Note: It’s not nothing. I’ve caught the sickness a few days later than the others and now they are all trying to help me in their own way.

Supplemental Note: Roman, Patton, and Virgil are rather cute when they’re worried about my wellbeing.

Chapter Text

May 27, 2018

Theory: The interests of the other sides can include others wishing to participate as well.

Evidence: I’ve been invited to join them multiple times.

Example One: Roman’s trips into the imagination or his realm can be modified so more people can accompany him on his quests.

Example Two: Patton’s joy for baking and coloring are adaptable to include anyone who wants to join him.

Example Three: Virgil, although usually alone, will permit anyone who is genuinely interested in his music to listen with him and scroll through Tumblr.

Solution Proposal: I will try to join them in their preferred activities so as to gain a better understanding of how to include others in one’s hobbies and interests.

May 28, 2018

Experiment Activity One: I asked Patton today if it would be appropriate for me to join him in making a batch of brownies. Although we’ve been spending an hour a day in each other presence, I wanted to see how he would react to e initiating our activity instead of him. His response was rather positive as he grabbed my hand and nodded excitedly and talked about a modification he wanted to make to his current recipe.

I realize that asking to be included in someone else’s activity is different from asking others to join me in something I enjoy, however, Patton’s simple and happy response has given me an idea as to how to proceed with this idea.

When making the brownies with Patton, he asked if I was willing to help him make banana bread soon, and recognizing that he enjoyed my company, I agreed to join him again. I did make a mistake by putting in too much vanilla extract, however, Patton told me not to worry and compensated by adding an extra pinch of salt and told me that baking isn’t exact. I was satisfied with the baked goods we produced, and Roman and Virgil seemed adequately pleased as well.

Patton seemed very happy that I asked to join him instead of just following him into the kitchen. I believe that as morality, he appreciates small gestures of appreciation more than anything else, which could possibly make him the easiest to include in my own interests.

Note to self: Compliment Patton more often. He needs and deserves it.

May 29, 2018

Experiment Activity Two: I’m attempting to properly label my interactions with the others. As these aren’t experiments as much as me attempting to socialize with the other sides properly, I’d consider these activities.

Today I tried to implement the next part of my plan by approaching Roman during breakfast by asking if I could join him on one of his many adventures. His expression showed true confusion and uncertainty, but he did agree to my accompanying him with only a little teasing. I must admit, I’ve never been on any of Roman’s quests or trips to the imagination other than when he pulls us into daydream mode, and even then I’m out of my element.

When taking me into his realm, Roman stated that it would be interesting to see how I reacted to one of his favorite worlds. In truth, I was slightly intimidated by what Roman had in store as we are opposite aspects of Thomas’ personality, but it wasn’t as horrible as it could’ve been. Roman’s adventure this time consisted of several challenges in a maze, each one needed to be completed before proceeding to the next.

The first was a simple test of strength, which Roman probably conjured in order to demonstrate how to maneuver around this imaginary environment.  The second was an intricate puzzle that Roman stated was, “One of the most challenging tests in the land.” I found it rather enjoyable to finish solving it while Roman monologued about the difficulties he endured only to be stopped at this challenge. As we proceeded through the tests, Roman began to joke lightly and admit he was enjoying himself in my company.

Note to self: Find out why my face heated up at that comment.

The last test of the maze was one of teamwork, which with Roman I considered impossible, however, he insisted we proceed instead of giving up. The logical thing to do would’ve been to call in Patton who would be better equipped to work together with Roman, but somehow with our matched wit, his physical prowess, and my intellect, we were able to clear the test. With little difficulty. When we returned to the commons, Roman stated that he enjoyed himself more than he anticipated and invited me to join him on another one of his quests. I readily accepted the invitation as I too had a better time than I expected and wanted to accompany Roman on another escapade.

May 30, 2018

Activity Three: I asked Virgil today if he wanted to do anything with me that could assist in lowering his anxieties. Although my initial approach was badly worded and he gave me a rather sarcastic reply, he invited me to his room to listen to music and look through hacked Wikipedia pages. Although Virgil’s activities have less interaction, it’s still enjoyable to see him willing to share his interests with me.

At one point I noticed Virgil holding the book Roman gave him for Thomas’ birthday, I didn’t say anything about it but I was staring. Virgil stated that both Patton and Roman had added new messages of encouragement to the book and offered me a pen to add my own if I so desired. I didn’t hesitate in taking the book and opening it to the last page that had been written on. I do commend Roman and Patton for being so positive not only in their verbal affirmations but in their written ones as everything they wrote was positive and complimented Virgil in more ways thank I myself could come up with.

In the end, I simply put that Virgil’s company was something I valued immensely. Instead of returning to the Wikipedia pages we were looking through for inaccuracies, Virgil suggested we watch a movie. I accepted the idea and we spent a few hours watching films and pointing out the flaws and darker undertones of the scenes.

May 31, 2018

Personal notes: I enjoy spending time with the other sides as well as indulging in their preferred pastimes upon request.

Conclusion: I will attempt to accompany them in their favorite activities more often and in addition, invite them to join me in mine, although I don’t think they would enjoy puzzles and brain teasers as much as I do.

Notes: Patton likes trying new modifications to his baking recipes, Roman wants to go to a new place in the imagination he found with me, and Virgil has several Youtube videos of “Cinema Sins” he wishes to watch with me. I believe this means I am welcome to include them in my activities as well.

Chapter Text

June 7, 2018

Theory: My amendments and editions to Roman’s ideas do not please all parties.

Evidence: Roman always voices a complaint, will be clear in his body language that he isn’t pleased, or will try and side the others against me to try and get his way.

Example One: During “Why Do We Get Out of Bed in the Morning,” he was clearly displeased that I was making logical sense without taking his own thoughts into consideration.

Example Two: When Crofters gifted me with my own jam, Roman was physically deflated and had a slight verbal outburst in an attempt to gain attention.

Solution: I will outright ask Roman for assistance in making his ideas more realistic while also keeping his feelings in mind.

June 8, 2018

Attempt One: When I asked Roman today at breakfast for assistance in revising the plan for one of Thomas’ future videos, he dropped his cup of orange juice and spilled it over the table. He then made numerous comments about how I was finally lowering myself to asking for help, and how I was, “losing my touch.” After the juice was cleaned up and we finished helping Patton with the dishes, Roman followed me into my room where we began to go over one of his favored ideas.

The outcome was a mess as Roman insisted everything was perfect as it was when in truth, it could be improved. I calmly tried to explain to Roman my revisions but he became defensive and looked as if he wanted to leave. I then asked if he would prefer to make the changes in his room, as I believe that being in an unfamiliar environment where he had little to no control over the matter of his ideas was causing him to be acting in self-preservation.

When we moved into Roman’s room and I wrote down what I wanted to remove, replace, or rearrange in his idea, Roman became immediately accepting to the proposed changes and even provided a few of his own to help make what I was suggesting fit better. I suggested we keep meeting in Roman’s room for the next set of editions so as to, “Keep your creative juices flowing.” He seemed very accepting of the idea.

June 9, 2018

Edition? Revision Session Two: I met Roman in his room today to go over a handful of video ideas, and the process went smoothly. Like yesterday, I gave a visual example of what I wished to remove, replace, or revise, by writing it down for Roman to see. He did the same with his smaller additions and revisions and we finished going through several detailed ideas before lunch. Roman showed no signs of nervousness or defensiveness this time, and I believe that being in his element and having a sense of control has benefitted him and me in this process.

June 10, 2018

Revision Session Three: Today I only had a few ideas and proposals to go over with Roman and as such, I didn’t approach him until the afternoon, but I was met with an apathetic response of how he wanted a break for a day and how we could continue tomorrow. As his self-care habits have improved by taking breaks, I couldn’t refuse him this and instead wrote out in advance what revisions I wished to make and joined Patton and Virgil for some early evening baking and music reviewing.

Whenever I or one of the others attempted to invite Roman to join us he gave an excuse as to why he didn’t wish to spend time with us. Virgil became very down on himself and blamed himself for Roman’s lack of appearance, even though the two had barely interacted today. Patton was able to cheer our anxious trait up with one of his witticisms, and we ate far too many cookies than would be advised.

June 11, 2018

Revision Session Four: Roman approached me today and said he had a slightly different location for us to work on the edits to the video ideas. Somewhat reluctantly, I followed as the last time I went with Roman into the imagination I ended up with a sprained ankle and a slight concussion from a nasty fall. I am unsure as to what I was originally expecting from Roman, but a grassy field with trees and a lake was not it.

We sat down to go over the papers and while I was explaining why asking Joan to make an appearance would be better than asking Talyn to, Roman put his arm around my shoulders. Patton and Virgil do this regularly to each other as a form of comradery, so I did not push Roman off and kept talking. After a good half hour of work, Roman asked if I was hungry and summoned a platter of sandwiches and fruits, something I was not expecting but was grateful for. Taking a break, Roman babbled on about a new quest he wished for me to join him on and how he appreciated how I was considering his plans more often than not.

Romas then insisted that I lay back as he darkened the sky. In a mock narrator voice, he explained the negativity of light pollution and then waved his hands to remove it from the sky, clearing it so the stars were far more visible than before. I believe I lost myself for a time as I rambled on for a good while about the different constellations, planets, stars, moons, and comets without considering Roman’s interest in the subject at all.

After some time, I dozed off and woke to find myself with one of Roman’s arms thrown over my chest and his forehead pressed against my shoulder. In an attempt not to wake him, I carefully sat up and with the light of the moon Roman had created, looked over the finalized set of our revisions.

June 12, 2018

Personal Observations: Roman has become quite more accepting of my nature as I have of his, and when we try to work together we can accomplish much. In this time, Roman and I have worked out and arranged Thomas’ schedule to allow him enough time in every area to do what is needed for the upcoming videos in a far quicker and efficient way than if I had attempted to do it alone.

Conclusion: Asking Roman for advice and assistance isn’t as counterproductive as it would seem.

Notes: Find out why I enjoyed spending time with Roman, why my face flushed multiple times, and make a thank you card for what he did in the imagination.

Chapter Text

June 16, 2018

Theory: Virgil doesn’t get a proper amount of sleep at night.

Evidence: He shows signs of physical and mental exhaustion regularly

Example One: Virgil’s eyeshadow appears darker after random nights and he is slow to react to people speaking to him and when moving.

Example Two: Once, Virgil walked right into me without realizing I was there and proceeded to lean against the wall to stay upright.

Solution: I will check in on Virgil as quietly as I can at nights in order to assess his sleeping habits and attempt to make things better for him.

June 17, 2018

Night One: As I didn’t expect Virgil to go to sleep as early as I do, I set an alarm for myself in order to wake up and check on Virgil. When I awoke and gently opened his bedroom door, the lights were all out and our anxious trait seemed to be fast asleep on his bed due to his slow breathing. As I set the alarm for 2:30 in the morning, I didn’t linger and went back to sleep. I realized my error when I awoke.

Virgil appeared normal this morning, but his reaction time showed he hadn’t received a proper amount of sleep. I believe Virgil was still conscious when my alarm went off, prompting him to fake sleep, and as he is proficient with his breathing techniques, he was able to fool me into thinking he was in a state of deep sleep. Remarkable. I didn’t approach Virgil on this as he seemed dazed and as if he wanted to avoid verbal communication until he had consumed enough caffeine.

June 18, 2018

Night Two: Instead of setting an alarm, I stayed up far past my usual bedtime. While I prefer to go to sleep at 10 or 10:30 at the latest, I noticed that Virgil stays up until one in the morning on a regular basis. By occupying myself with some star charts Roman gave me, I was able to remain conscious until roughly 2:15 when I decided to check in on Virgil.

When I looked in Virgil’s room, I wasn’t expecting to not see him there. Something in my chest clenched in a negative way as I made sure Virgil wasn’t in his room by opening the door all the way. I quickly left as the anxious energy from the room was probably affecting my judgment, but my decisions for the next few minutes were erratic and unplanned. I nearly tripped on the last stair when I went to check the commons, but my anxieties were put to rest when I saw Virgil asleep on the couch.

Note to self: Find out why the clenching in chest stopped when I found Virgil.

Nonetheless, Virgil had curled up on the couch with a blanket and the television on even though he was very much asleep. I wished to bring him back to his room, however, I didn’t know if he was movable without waking up, and with Remy on another “outing” I was unable to find out from him, so I left Virgil where he was but adjusted his bedding.

June 19, 2018

Night Three: I decided to check in on Roman and Patton tonight as well as Virgil for two reasons. One is because if Virgil questions why I am up late looking in his room, I will not have to tell a falsehood about making sure the others are sleeping well. The other reason is that I wish to make sure Roman and Patton are comfortable and not falling off the bed or cutting off circulation to their limbs by lying on them for too long a period.

I was on my way to check on Roman when I thought something sounded strange and I realized it was coming from Virgil’s room. Quietly I listened in and deduced that Virgil was unconscious, but whimpering in his sleep. I lightly knocked on the door and let myself in to make sure Virgil wasn’t in any danger. The anxious effects of Virgil’s room seemed less intense than yesterday, so I proceeded to Virgil’s bedside and placed my hand on his shoulder.

Instead of waking up, Virgil leaned into my touch and pressed his face into his pillow harder, his small cries fading. I removed my hand for a moment as Virgil started to shift uncomfortably by curling in on himself. I took that as an indication that he was having a nightmare and gently shook his shoulder. Virgil woke up with a sharp intake of breath before demanding to know what I was doing in his room and why I was waking him up at 2:48 in the morning.

I carefully explained what I was doing, that I had heard him, and my deductions. At that point, Virgil fixed me with an angry look before telling me to leave. As it was late and I was the one to awaken Virgil from his slumber, I believe I was in the wrong from his perspective and I retired to my room after telling him to come to get me if he needed anything.

June 20, 2018

Night Four: I was awoken tonight by Virgil knocking on my door. I hadn’t checked on the right brain sides yet, but seeing as Virgil had come to speak with me, he took first priority. When I asked what brought him to my room he merely shrugged and asked if he could, “crash on your floor for a while.” I was unsure as to why Virgil wished to sleep on the floor, so I told him to make himself comfortable on the bed.

As we are both aspects of Thomas’ personality, being in close proximity for some time doesn’t have a negative effect on us, so sharing a bed for a night would be a simple matter. Virgil seemed unsure and almost nervous (he’s anxiety, of course he is) about being close to me, however, I saw nothing wrong with it as long as he was able to properly rest. When Virgil did lie down next to me he attempted to keep some distance between us something I had no issue with as he fell asleep in a matter of minutes.

When I awoke in the morning I noticed rather quickly that Virgil had rolled over in the night and had grabbed onto my sweatshirt and had his head next to my chest. Although I prefer to rise early and maintain a schedule, Virgil seemed to be sleeping peacefully and I didn’t wish to disturb him, so I stayed in that position for another hour. When he did awaken, Virgil apologized to me, for what reason I am unsure, and tried to leave as quickly as possible.

I did manage to tell him later in the day that he was looking well rested and that if he ever needed to visit again he should do so without hesitation.

June 21, 2018

Night Five: Virgil came to my room again tonight, only this time around 10 when I was ready to retire. He rolled over on his side of the bed and seemed to fall asleep quickly and soundly. I was pleased to see he was getting some form of rest and that he was willing to trust me. I fell asleep soon as well and found myself comfortable with Virgil’s presence next to me.

I was awoken a couple hours later by Virgil letting out what could only be described as a strangled scream. When I turned my lamp on to see what happened, Virgil was sitting up with his hands over his mouth and his eyes watering. I was unsure of what to do in that situation, as Patton is the real caretaker and the only one truly gifted at comforting others. Carefully I asked Virgil to put his hands down, and when he ignored my words, I gently pulled his hands down so he could speak. When I asked what happened Virgil shrugged and gripped at the blankets, his usual indicator that he was embarrassed to talk about it.

I proceeded to ask if he had a nightmare, and I received a simple nod in response. Seeming unwilling to talk, Virgil attempted to lie down again, although his body language said that he was quite shaken and upset. Cautiously, I asked Virgil if he desired a hug which prompted Virgil to start crying. I didn’t know what I had done wrong to elicit such a reaction, but Virgil rolled over and leaned into me. Unsure of what to do now that I was this far, I rubbed Virgil’s back with one hand and hoped his crying would cease.

I believe we both fell asleep soon after, as when I awoke Virgil had shifted and was holding me in a cuddle but was still fast asleep. Later that day I asked how he was feeling and Virgil stated that he was fine. He later told me privately that he was thankful for my comfort and that he would be fine for a few days. I saw no issue with that and then told him to take care of himself even if that meant asking one of us for assistance.

June 22, 2018

Personal Observations: Virgil likes to cuddle with someone or something when he is asleep, and my presence didn’t bother him when I was trying to be helpful.

Conclusion: I will continue to keep my door open to Virgil should he need my assistance, and I will ask Roman to create a large stuffed animal to hopefully give him the feeling of security.

Notes: Look into chest aches and face flushing as signs of illness.

Chapter Text

June 24, 2018

Fact: Patton loves me.

Evidence: He has proven it in multiple ways.

Example One: He regularly gives me hugs and notices when I need to be away from physical contact.

Example Two: He makes my preferred foods when I am visibly upset, typically a Patton thing to do, however, he adds something sweet such as a note or he arranges the food or sweets in a design.

Example Three:  He told me. He told me he is interested in being in a relationship with me.

Reaction:  I felt my face heat up immensely and I made a horrid excuse to leave the room. I have been hiding in my room for the last 13 hours with no company other than a now empty package of chips and my belongings. I am still not used to explaining myself with emotions, as I am logic and should possess none, however, I believe I would call what I am experiencing embarrassment, uneasiness, and pleasure?

Solution Attempt Proposal: I shall spend more time with Patton as he sees fit and see how things progress.

June 25, 2018

Interaction One:  I approached Patton today with the intent of asking if he truly wished to pursue romantic involvement with me however, he was several steps ahead of me. Saying that Roman and Virgil had gone off on a quest in the imagination, Patton sat me down in the kitchen and began to give me a rather poorly organized power point presentation on why he liked me and why he considers me a close friend if not a partner.

It took several minutes to get his attention as Patton said to hold all questions until the end. To finish, he apologized to me for putting me in a situation where I wasn’t prepared to respond to his confession and that if I wished we could pretend it never happened. His expression when saying that made something in my chest clench harshly, as he visibly was expecting the worst. I carefully explained I’ve no experience with romance or intimate platonic relations, and that I would be willing to try being with Patton to see if it was something that I found satisfactory.

Words fail to describe how much joy filled Patton when he realized I wasn't turning him down but offering to try being in a relationship with him.

June 26, 2018

Date Two: Patton insists that his power point explanation was his idea of a first date, and although I personally do not agree I’ll let it slide as Patton has made up his mind and it doesn't affect my numbering system for my entries.

Patton insisted on merely making cookies as we always did (for his hour of interaction), but he wanted to color the dough red (I suppose in honor of Roman?). I am unsure as to why colored foods make him and Roman so excited, but if it doesn’t negatively affect Thomas or cause him to eat a vat of fluorescent green or neon pink goo, I believe it’s fine. It turns out that making chocolate chip cookies and coloring the batter red makes it pink. I was aware that the coloring would change after being baked, but Patton was oblivious to this fact.

Nonetheless, they tasted the same as usual and I attempted to lift Patton’s spirits by pointing out an oddly shaped cookie that appeared to be a heart. Patton’s mood seems to have been much more positive since yesterday, I only hope it isn’t affected by my actions and lack of experience in this field. Seeming to notice my hesitance to fully participate in the activity, Patton said I was doing fine and that I should speak up if I’m unsure of something. I’m not used to admitting when I’m wrong or even being wrong, but I know Patton means me no harm and that he wants to assist me in understanding.

June 27, 2018

Date Three:  Patton held my hand today and caused Roman to flush red and Virgil to stare for quite a while at our hands. I don’t understand what is so important about it, all couples hold hands at some point and even friends perform the action. When we sat down for our movie night, Roman purposefully sat away from me on Patton's side of the couch and only interacted with Virgil when discussing the movie’s content.

At one point Patton rested his head on my shoulder, and although it wasn’t unpleasant, I didn’t know what to do with myself other than try not to breathe so as not to disturb Patton. He realized what I was doing after roughly two minutes and sat up again, and from the corner of my eye, I think I saw Roman glaring at me although I am unsure as to why.

After the third movie, Virgil stated that he was retiring to his room for the night, unusual behavior for him. When Virgil left, Roman pointedly said he and Virgil spent some time in the imagination yesterday and had worn each other out. Patton listened intently to Roman’s story as the opening credits played, and was an active listener. After a couple more movies Roman said he needed his, “beauty rest,” and left to his room, leaving me and Patton with an unfinished stack of movies.

Patton then asked if it was alright to cuddle, which I have no issue with. I’ve participated in that activity with both Virgil and Roman, although the latter was by accident. Cuddling with Patton was rather pleasant as he seems to just want to be around me. Halfway through another movie, I noticed Patton had fallen asleep on me and I carried him to his bed so he could rest properly. I did check in on Roman and Virgil and was surprised to see Virgil in Roman’s room on an air mattress.

Note to self: Find out why my chest hurts whenever I see Roman and Virgil, but why I feel so good around Patton.

June 28, 2018

Date Four:  Patton suggested we do something I want today. I’m still unsure about this ‘dating’ experiment, however, I’ve found nothing that displeases me about being with Patton in this way, in fact, it’s rather enjoyable.

For my chosen activity, I brought out several puzzles, jigsaw, brain teasers, and riddle books, and proceeded to solve some while Patton watched me intently before becoming interested in the riddles. He attempted to stump me on all of them, but considering I have that book memorized it was relatively easy for me to give the correct answer each time.

Around noon, Patton began to make lunch and I sought out Roman in hopes of arranging another trip into the imagination as it’s enjoyable when he’s there. When I did find Roman, he was obviously upset about something, however, I don’t know what and he didn’t provide context. When I asked about another, “quest” Roman’s expression lightened briefly as he said there was a new place he wanted to show me. I’m still unsure of what I did to upset Roman, but I hope to clear up any misunderstanding with him while we’re in the imagination, as those trips have a way of building comradery between us.

I joined Patton and Roman for lunch, but Virgil arrived late and seemed to be feeling overly anxious as he shrunk deeper into his hoodie than usual and kept mostly to himself. When Patton asked if he was alright, Virgil nodded and merely stated that Thomas was overly anxious today and the negative effects were taking a toll on him. We chose to spend the rest of the day together working on some of my puzzles and watching Roman’s Disney choices.

It’s strange, but although I’m supposed to be with Patton, I feel more satisfied when Roman and Virgil are with us as well.

June 29, 2018

Personal Observations:  Patton is more than delighted to be in a relationship with me so long as I am comfortable with the idea of it. Roman has something bothering him although I don’t know what, he’s willing to go on more quests with me. There seems to be no reason, but Virgil has been suffering from Thomas feeding into Anxiety again, more regularly, and although he trusts us enough to tell us, I worry about what is causing his problem.

Conclusion: As long as it doesn’t negatively affect my job as Logic, I’ll be satisfied to stay in a relationship with Patton.

Notes:  Ask Patton if it’s normal to have a light feeling in your stomach when someone talks to you.

Chapter Text

June 30, 2018

Theory: Virgil has been acting, “off” recently.

Evidence: His actions and behavior.

Example One: He has shown physical signs of stress and has chosen to sleep most of the day.

Example Two: Virgil has verbally accosted both me and Patton, for whatever reason I am still unsure. To my knowledge, he hasn’t snapped at Roman yet.

Example Three: He became very tired and emotional when I presented Thomas’ filming schedule to the rest of the group

Proposal: I will encourage Thomas to pursue ways to reduce anxiety, while still performing his daily activities without difficulties.

July 1, 2018

Attempt One: Today, with Patton’s help, I convinced Thomas to have some tea, as I read somewhere that it could calm one in times of high anxiety. I know Virgil hates it when we try and control him and his function, however, he seems tense and unwilling to listen to anyone. I may be wrong in that assumption, however, I must try this approach before coming to any other conclusions.

The tea itself seemed to calm Thomas and allow him to perform as he usually would, with an additional caffeine boost. Roman worked very quickly and was full of energy during the filming, and Patton and I worked together better than I think we ever have in supporting Roman. Virgil on the other hand, seemed tired and almost apathetic to the situation, not caring too much about what we did or didn’t do, and kept mostly to himself, only adding commentary when we seriously needed to redo something.

Although the tea calmed Thomas, the reaction it seemed to have on Virgil was rather negative, and I wouldn’t like a repeat of it. I will consult Patton about another method of helping Virgil.

July 2 2018

Attempt Two: When I consulted Patton for advice today, he suggested we ask Virgil if there was anything we could do to lower his levels of anxiety and decrease his aggression. I’ve come to appreciate Patton’s wisdom more, and since I was already contemplating it, we chose to approach Virgil about the matter. We found the anxious side in the commons with Roman of all people, watching a Disney movie and holding a pillow close to his chest. He seemed to be amused by Roman’s singing of the current song, and his attempts to dance along with the animated characters.

When Virgil and Roman noticed us, they immediately seemed to stifle their enjoyment as they waited for one of us to says something. When I began to ask Virgil if there was anything I could do, he seemed to portray the emotions of anger, sadness, and rejection in his body language. He curled in on himself and hugged his pillow tighter as he stated in a harsh tone of voice that he didn’t need me and Patton constantly checking in on him as if he was a liability.  Roman looked at me with what I could only interpret as a silent apology for Virgil’s words, and Patton and I left.

There seemed to be no way to reason with Virgil in his over emotional state, and considering he seemed at ease with Roman before Patton and I intruded, I left him alone for the rest of the day in hopes that he’d calm down enough for me to explain my standpoint to him at a later time. I have also noticed that he hasn’t been joining me at night for comfort recently, meaning he is either experiencing better sleep, or I have proven myself untrustworthy to him in some way.

Note to self: I have done something to warrant Virgil and Roman’s hostility. I just don’t know what it is yet.

July 3,2018

Attempt Three: This morning before I did anything, I went to Virgil to apologize for my potentially overbearing behavior. He reacted with much more composure than before, and stated that he was overly stressed yesterday, and that he was apologetic about his attitude. I then asked if he was feeling alright with Thomas’ schedule and everything we needed to accomplish, to which his posture slumped, but he responded that he could work with it.

The rest of the day was rather uneventful, however, Roman has arranged to take me to the imagination again for more questing.

July 4,2018

Attempt Four: Today, I tried to make amends to Roman and Virgil by collecting them and Patton for some United States of America trivia in honor of our celebrated day of independence. It could’ve gone better, however everyone seemed rather amused by the fact that we celebrate the signing of the declaration of independence on the wrong day, many other facts about the American revolution, and even the war of 1812.

Roman insisted that it would be funny to recreate Thomas’ vine of dumping hot tea out the front window, and none of us had the courage to stop him as he was carrying a hot beverage.

When it came time for dinner, Virgil stated that he wasn’t hungry, but Patton insisted that he needed to eat. All throughout dinner, I noticed Virgil swaying (?) in his seat, staring off into space, and he had become slightly paler than usual. When we retired for the night, I asked Virgil if he needed anything, to which he waved me off with a comment about my glasses.

July 5, 2018

Attempt Issue Day: Virgil collapsed.

The day started out normal, however Virgil was swaying badly whenever he walked or stood anywhere, and he was incredibly lost in thought. It took several attempts to get his attention, and he didn’t seem interested in eating, however he did manage to finish most of his food. It was when he attempted to bring his dishes to the kitchen that he fainted.

Roman was the one to react first, moving him to the couch in the commons and demanding that Patton get something for Virgil to hold while I assessed the situation. Observing Virgil’s state, I noted he was far paler than last night, his body temperature was freezing, and he was visibly fading in and out. I realize what may have caused this reaction and I can easily say I felt guilty.

A good while ago I thought it beneficial for Thomas to begin taking anxiety medication occasionally, with Virgil’s consent of course. It worked relatively well, with little to no side effects, and Thomas almost never needed to take it, but it was a nice precaution to have around in case of emergencies. I believe I may have unconsciously prompted or persuaded Thomas to take a higher dosage of the medication yesterday or the day before, thus prompting Virgil’s reaction.

When I attempted to explain this to Roman, I’m unsure of what came over me, but my eyes began to rapidly create fluid and I lost control of my breathing. It was illogical to panic and my response to the situation only worsened everyone else’s mood as I looked so undignified. I hate to admit that I felt an emotion, and a negative one at that, but I now know why Thomas hates guilt. It eats away at my stomach and makes me feel physically sick, even though there’s nothing that can harm me other than my own thinking. In that moment, though, all I could think of what that I had caused Virgil to fall into unconsciousness and that I didn’t know how to fix it.

It took a few minutes of Roman rubbing my shoulder and telling me that I couldn’t have known this would happen, but I still feel like I should’ve anticipated this. With Virgil unconscious, and no idea of how long he’ll be in this position, Thomas may become like he did when Virgil ducked out. It’s late, Roman is proposing an idea that we take turns looking over Virgil. I should’ve thought of that, but I think I need to clear my head and look at things objectively before I make another decision.

July 6, 2018

Day Six: Virgil hasn’t awoken yet and all of us are rather worried. My feelings of guilt have receded, as Roman was correct in stating that I had no idea that the anxiety medication in a slightly higher dosage would cause this to Virgil. I have made a mental note that Thomas will remember, no more anxiety medication unless Virgil has a say in it. I made a mistake, and although it should be impossible to find error in logic, I want to recognize this mistake and improve from it as Thomas wishes to do.

Virgil’s condition has improved, from what we can tell. His body temperature is back to normal, however he is still unconscious and shows no signs of waking anytime soon. Roman went so far as to say he looked comatose, causing Patton to panic. It took an extra kiss on the forehead to calm the moral side down, however I didn’t think of Patton when I was comforting him, but of Roman and Virgil. If this makes me less of a partner, then so be it, but I did notice how Roman looked almost disappointed when I turned to Patton to offer comfort.

I attempted to make it up to Roman by thanking him for the reassurance he gave me yesterday, and I squeezed his shoulder the way he does to me whenever he finds something amusing or is admiring something we worked on together. Roman said that he was fine and I should take care of Patton, but I insisted that Patton wasn’t the one injured nor was he the one who assisted me when I needed it.

July 7, 2018

Day Seven: Virgil woke up in the middle of the night during Patton’s shift to be accurate, and Roman and I were far more willing to throw ourselves at Virgil than we may have anticipated. Virgil was still weak in the legs, exhausted, and paler than usual, but he stated that he felt physically fine and wanted to know what happened. While I reluctantly told him of what unknowingly transpired with Thomas, Roman kept a hand on my shoulder while Patton sat next to Virgil rubbing his back.

I did the best I could to apologize by saying that I wouldn’t allow Thomas to make such a decision again, that I was in the wrong for trying to think through things logically instead of talking to Virgil, and that I never wanted to see him in such a position again. Virgil, amazingly, took my apology and stated that it was fine and that all the aspects of Thomas’ personality do things wrong. When I tried to reason that logic should have no faults, Roman told me to shut up and playfully threw an arm around my shoulder.

Later, when the sun had risen, we had breakfast again and played a series of games Virgil liked and listened to his preferred music. At one point, the anxious trait grabbed my hand and mumbled a thank you before turning away quickly. I may note that Virgil has joined me tonight as a, “cuddle buddy.” I hate to say I’ve missed his presence, but I have.

July 8, 2018

Personal Observations: Virgil has now recovered from this incident and I have apologized to him for causing harm to his being. I still feel as if I have done something to deserve both Virgil and Roman’s irritation towards me, however I will look into that at a later time.

Conclusion:  It’s possible for me to make mistakes, even when my intentions are honest. Communicate with the others. While my intentions may be good and logical, the feelings, health, and safety of my companions takes priority.

Notes: Talk to Roman about why I began to cry and become inconsolable when Virgil was unconscious, as he is the side who was able to calm me down from that illogical reaction.

Chapter Text

July 10, 2018

Theory: Roman is not only experiencing difficulty coming up with an idea, but he also bears some form of grudge against me.

Evidence: His interactions with me and his building frustration.

Example One: Not long after I started dating Patton, Roman’s attitude and behavior towards me became hostile and almost irritated.

Example Two: Roman has yet to approach me with new video ideas for us to schedule, and has even expressed during family dinner that he is having difficulty thinking of one.

Proposal: I will join Roman in the imagination in hopes of sparking an idea and getting his creative drive back, while also figuring out and resolving his hostility towards me..

July 11, 2018

Attempt One:  Earlier this month, Roman and I had arranged to go to the imagination for another quest of his choice, but when I asked him about it, he responded that he didn’t feel in the mood. This was unacceptable behavior from the creative aspect of Thomas’ personality, and from the person I had cleared my schedule to spend time with, so I insisted that we could find something else to do in the imagination, even if it wasn’t the trip to the gorgon’s dungeons like Roman had initially planned.

When we arrived, Roman spent a good ten minutes trying to think of an environment for us to just relax in and work on the schedule and review past ideas, however the area remained white and Roman stated that he was, “Drawing a blank again.”

I remember how this happened in Making Some Changes, however I didn’t think it possible for Roman to be effected by creative block for more than a few minutes. As Thomas is a highly creative and thoughtful person, I believed that taking Roman to the imagination would bring some thoughts to the surface that he could use to motivate himself into creating something like he usually does. I have been proven wrong, yet again, as this trip did nothing but irritate Roman as he tried multiple times to make some kind of environment appear with no success. We retired to the commons after some time and watched several movies together, both of us pointing out inaccuracies and ridiculous fails in the story line and animation, while also appreciating the effort and style put into the movies.

Patton and Virgil joined us in the evening, and although Virgil seemed to distance himself from us by sitting with a pillow to his chest, there were no arguments and no hostile remarks exchanged between any of us, with the slight exception of Roman’s nicknames.

July 12, 2018

Attempt Two: Roman and I were scheduled to review some past ideas today and make some revisions, however with Roman’s creative block causing some issues, we chose to sit in his room in hopes of him becoming inspired by being in his element. Unfortunately, several minutes into working, Roman exclaimed that he wasn’t coming up with any alternatives or solutions to the part we needed to change, and began to get frustrated.  Roman threw several of his pillow across the room and even kicked a stack of his books across the floor, all while hissing and saying harsh falsehoods about himself such as, “I’m useless,” and, “I can’t even do one thing.”

When he showed signs of calming down, I told Roman that it was natural for everyone to go through a time where it was difficult to come up with something. I used a situation of my own as an example to explain to Roman that when Thomas had an essay it was up to me to come up with the topic and a logical way to unpack the content. As I explained that, Roman seemed to relax enough to assist me in picking up the mess he made before returning to looking over the ideas.

We eventually decided it was best to take a break from working, and Roman asked me if I would want to do anything tomorrow. As Patton and I had nothing planned, I said it would be perfectly fine for us to do some kind of activity together. Roman’s eyes seemed to get wide with excitement as I agreed, and he stated that he’d try his best to work through his creative block in the meantime. I told him not to push himself too hard, because that could have a negative effect on Thomas, and it seemed like he actually listened to me.

July 13, 2018

Attempt Three: Today I was caught off guard when Roman took me back to the imagination. I asked him if he was able to work through the block, but when he tried to conjure something or change the blank environment to anything else, he shook his head in what looked like resignation. I did notice that he had his folder of videos we needed to work out and several pens in his hand while we spoke.

When I did ask why we were there when it seemed impossible for him to come u up with anything, Roman stated that I was going to be the one to create the environment. I admit I was at a loss for words, but as I explained to Roman, I’m not an aspect of Thomas’ creativity, I’m not even on the side of Thomas’ brain that thinks creatively. I’m logic, if I did manage to create anything, it would turn out to be mathematics, sciences, or history based, and none of those prove to be good content for youtube nor are they something Thomas wishes to make a video on at the moment.

Roman however, would have none of my reasoning and stated that I just had to think of something and the imagination would take on that form. His explanation made sense, however I didn’t know fully what to do, or what I could think of that could please Roman’s fantastical ideals. Seeming to notice my hesitation, Roman stated that anything I could think of would bet better than a plain white room, and I agreed with him.

I’m unable to properly explain how, but I was able to make the imagination work to create a different environment that pleased me. Roman told me again that I could think of anything and the imagination would take over, and so I tried to organize my thoughts into some form of a flow chart in my mind to manipulate it to doing what I wanted. One of the more fascinating things in our world is space, and the ideas of space travel is becoming less and less of a fantasy and more of a reality, and before I could recognize what was literally space.

The walls of the formerly white room vanished, much like whenever Roman is in control, and the gravity tying us to the floor seemed to vanish, allowing us to float among smaller, but accurate representations of the stars, constellations, planets, comets, and other limitless things. Roman seemed almost startled when I looked back at him, but his shock turned quickly into amusement as he called me a, “space nerd,” and began trying to fly around our representation of Jupiter.

We completely lost track of the work we originally came here to do, choosing to use our time to talk about the stars, and amazingly enough, Roman asked me questions and encouraged me to speak about what I knew. It was relaxing in a strange way, but Roman made everything feel much more lively and comfortable than it would’ve been if I had been here by myself. It did cross my mind that I had forgotten to make sure I had completed my daily tasks, but in that moment I truly didn’t care.

This is when I discovered another fact: Roman loves me.

Somehow, he managed to find his way to me and grab my hand and talk very quickly and in a very embarrassed tone about how he was jealous when I began to date Patton and how he apologizes for being selfish and not telling me upfront about his romantic intentions at an earlier time. I forgave Roman, but my face was flushed and I was having difficulty completing my sentences without stammering. Still, I felt guilty about talking about this without Patton, and I did voice this concern to Roman who stated that he and Patton had already spoke.

I believe this means Roman is now part of our relationship, and it pleases me. We spent more time just talking and floating around in the imagination until Patton stepped in for a moment and told us it was time for dinner. He seemed slightly nervous, but when we exited, I chose to take both Roman and Patton’s hands and verbally tell them I appreciated their company. Patton responded by pulling us into a tight hug, which Roman followed with kisses on Patton’s cheek and on my hand as I am still not used to this much physical contact.

July 14, 2018

Attempt Four: Roman is slowly regaining his creative powers. We sat down yesterday with Patton and worked through several ideas and video plans, and about halfway through Roman began making edits and additions to the scripts and original plans. I can easily say that I’m impressed with how much effort he’s put into the ideas just today.

I do also enjoy having Roman in my relationship with Patton, but I’m still unfamiliar and unsure of when he is making a flirtatious remark towards me. Today he said I was, “his nerd,” putting emphasis on the possessive tone of the statement. I believe this to be a “pet name,” but will ask Patton of it at a later time to be certain. In other words, I’m satisfied that Roman has worked through Thomas’ creative block and is creating again as I do look forward to that quest I was promised.

July 15, 2018

Personal Notes: I appreciate Roman’s determination to show me new things by showing me how to use the imagination to create an environment of my own design. I’m also very pleased that Roman is now with me and Patton in a relationship, even if I am still unsure of why I feel incomplete.

Conclusion: When Thomas experiences a creative block, Roman is unable to conjure, summon, or create anything even in the imagination.

Notes: With assistance, patience, time, and determination, Roman is able to work through the block and work on things with what seems to be a refreshed mind, and a new look on things.

Chapter Text

July 19, 2018

Theory: When Thomas experiences an intense emotion or physical exertion, Patton reacts to it.

Evidence: Multiple times Thomas’ life experiences have caused a response from Patton.

Example One: When Thomas went on his date, Patton was giddy and flushed even a couple days after, and was rather jumpy when around said person.

Example Two: When Thomas exercises for a good time, Patton becomes rather tired and overworked, although this does increase his physical strength.

Proposal: I will observe his reactions throughout these next few days while also attempting to propose solutions in case something goes wrong in the process.

July 20, 2018

Observation One: When Thomas went to the gym today and worked his cardiovascular system, Patton began to get tired, as usual, but seemed to e hiding some form of discomfort. When I pressed him about it, Patton waved it off as nothing but I believe he might be trying to keep me from worrying about him. While recording the results from the work out I mentioned Patton’s seeming discomfort to Roman, who demanded I help him arrange a date with Patton in order to build trust.

Although many of Roman’s ideas are over the top, ridiculous, or unnecessary, I find his determination endearing, and since it was for a legitimate reason, I couldn’t say no. As Thomas went about the rest of his day, Roman and I worked in the commons on ideas for our date while Patton took a nap in his room. While we were sharing ideas, I mentioned to Roman how Patton responds almost exactly like Thomas’ physical heart to different situations. I was rather surprised when I found Roman was interested in what I had to say and stated that it was impressive for me to notice something like that.

When we returned to our date plans, Virgil joined us, mainly so he could use the television to view one of his darker Tim Burton movies, but his mood seemed to take a turn for the worse when Roman asked for his advice on what Patton might enjoy doing. Virgil crossed his arms and became defensive, answering questions as bluntly as possible and not making eye contact with either of us. Although this attitude is perplexing, neither Roman nor I brought it up as the stress Thomas is experiencing with getting the new Cartoon Therapy video edited is taking a toll on the anxious trait. By the time Roman and I agreed on what to do for our date, it was far too late in the evening to execute our plan, and instead, debated on which episode of Buzzfeed Unsolved to watch before retiring for the night.

July 21, 2018

Observation Two: Today Thomas suffered from a mild case of heartburn, however this, like my other theories, proved to cause Patton some physical discomfort and a bodily reaction. Although it was only for a little while, Patton began to overheat and sweat immensely and curled up on the couch in the fetal position in an attempt to alieve the pain. While I accessed Thomas’ mind for information on what to do, Roman sat and spoke reassuringly to Patton in an attempt to distract him from the heartburn. When it finally cleared up Patton seemed to be fine but I made sure he had a glass of water and was sitting while he drank.

When Roman suggested the idea of a date in the imagination, I tried to say that maybe it wasn’t the best time, however, Patton insisted that he was alright and didn’t want to spoil our fun. Both Roman and I told Patton that there was no way he could spoil something like that for us and we made our way to Roman’s room to enter the imagination. On our way we noticed Virgil start to come out of his room, but then reenter it as we passed by. Patton and Roman seemed to frown at this, and when I turned around to see if Virgil was alright, he was slouched over, more so than usual, and stomping down the stairs to the commons with his hood up.

I’m aware that this video editing process is taking a toll on him, but at the same time, I’m proud of him for trying to keep Thomas on schedule and not overwhelm him. My only wish is that he’d confide in me or one of the others so we might have a better understanding of how to assist him during this time. However, this still doesn’t stop me from thinking something is troubling him.

When Roman and I lead Patton to the imagination for the date we planned, Patton doubled over again and stated that he didn’t want to ruin it and asked if it was possible to reschedule it. Considering Patton almost never wants to disrupt anything, Roman and I brought him back to his room and tried to deduce what was wrong while Virgil watched a television series. While I checked in on Thomas’ physical condition, Roman set to trying to make Patton as comfortable as possible.

Although Thomas seemed to be feeling fine, he was still suffering from heartburn. When I returned to share this information, I found Virgil rubbing Patton’s back and talking quietly to him while Roman fluttered around the kitchen in an attempt to find something to fix Patton’s condition. This evening, Patton said he was going to retire early so as to try and sleep it off, but from what I could tell, he had a difficult time moving without feeling some form of pain.

July 22, 2018

Day Three: This morning when I went to check on Patton, I found him curled up on the couch in the commons groaning. Virgil was awake too, encouraging Patton to take sips of water and pushing his hair back from his face, all while remaining far calmer than either Roman or I could.  When he noticed my presence, Virgil seemed to tense, almost like he did before Accepting Anxiety, and stated that he was only trying to help. I nodded in agreement and stated that he was doing a fair job and that I was immensely grateful for all he had done so far.

Seeming to relax at my comments, Virgil asked if there was anything he could do to help. While I tried to think of something Patton began to shove off his blanket and shift uncomfortably, mumbling about everything burning. With Virgil’s assistance, I moved Patton into a sitting position and pulled back as his skin was exceedingly hot. At this point Roman came down, looking tired and worried as he rambled on about how he couldn’t think of anything to do to fix the problem, and unfortunately, I had nothing else to add.

Upon seeing Roman join us, Virgil backed away from us and sat somewhat away from us as we discussed what to do for Patton. The three of us talked for a little bit before deciding that Virgil could look after Patton for a few minutes while Roman and I brainstormed what to do in my room to come up with a solution. When we left, Virgil was still sitting away from Patton looking almost dejected, but I may be imagining things as the stress of someone I care about being in pain is distracting.

When we reached my room and I closed the door to create a quieter environment, Roman burst into tears and started rambling about how his ideas must be overworking Patton. It took me a few minutes to calm Roman down, prompting him to argue with me angrily that I was wrong about my deduction, but he eventually listened to me as I explained that heartburn is a form of indigestion, not something that can be blamed on creativity. While he listened to my explanation, Roman fiddled with his sleeves and stated that he didn’t know enough to help come up with a solution, and as a result, we rejoined Virgil and Patton with no success.

The situation in the commons had changed from when we left, Patton’s shirt and cardigan had been tossed on the ground and he was lying on his back on the couch. Upon closer inspection, he was holding an ice pack to his chest and had a cold washcloth pressed to his forehead while Virgil frowned at the thermometer, indicating to me that the temperature shown was high enough for concern. As we had no plan for how to proceed, we chose to take shifts sitting with Patton throughout the day and night so we could change his cold compress and icepack in an attempt to bring his fever down.

July 23, 2018

Day Four: I’m not panicking I’m panicking. I’m unsure of why I’m acting irrationally and with no logic but I am and Roman noticed. Throughout the night, Virgil and I switched on and off taking care of Patton but his condition only seemed to worsen. By now Thomas is feeling the pain of heartburn and has tried taking something for it, but I’m concerned it will take a while for it to kick in, and even then it will take longer for its effects to treat Patton.

Virgil told me that during his shift Patton was mumbling about me and Roman. Noticing the irritation in Virgil’s tone, I asked if anything was wrong and if I could assist, prompting Virgil to yell at me. Unprompted, Virgil began shouting at me for spending so much time doing nothing useful and causing everything to take so much longer and how I didn’t plan enough for the editing of Thomas’ latest Cartoon Therapy video. As he ranted, Virgil’s eyeshadow darkened, his breathing became erratic, and tears began to appear in the corners of his eyes as a result of working himself into a meltdown.

When I apologized for everything he had accused me of, Virgil rubbed at his eyes and stated he was wrong for saying those things to me and that he was tired from the video editing and Patton’s fever not improving. I forgave him as plainly as I could so he couldn’t misinterpret my words and switched off with Roman for the early morning shift so I could take a rest before helping Thomas work. By the time Virgil came to relieve me, it was late in the day and he said he was going to bed and to call him if he was needed. The rest of the night went uneventfully with only a little improvement as Patton stirred once to drink some water before falling asleep again.

July 24, 2018

Day Five: Patton woke up today around seven in the morning with his fever reduced significantly. To say Roman and I overreacted is an understatement as both of us gave Patton hugs for quite some time. When we finished, Roman insisted on giving each of us kisses on the forehead, something I don’t particularly enjoy but endured as it made Patton giggle slightly. While I explained to Patton what had occurred, Roman went to fetch Virgil to tell him of the news so he could relax in knowing Patton was fine.

Upon seeing Virgil, Patton’s face lit up with what I think is joy, and he tried to get up to give the anxious trait a hug only to fall back on the couch. Virgil offered a small smile to Patton before saying he had to go make sure Thomas wasn’t procrastinating on the editing and sunk out to go do just that. Roman pulled me onto the couch with him and Patton and insisted on having some cuddle time as Patton was still tired and we had nothing too important to do as Virgil was taking care of the editing process. When we told Patton of everything that had happened, he thanked us and said he wanted to do something nice for Virgil to thank him.

I felt guilty again.

I’ve come to describe it as gut-wrenching, something that eats away at my stomach and makes me feel sick and light headed as I think about what I did or didn’t do. In this case, I never thanked Virgil for helping Patton or even considered that this might cause him to have a difficult time sleeping, functioning, or even interacting with us as he relies heavily upon verbal assurances from us. Roman and I agreed that as soon as Patton had fully recovered we would set to working on something to thank Virgil, putting our date to the side for a while as I insisted that maintaining all relationships was just as important as ours.

July 25, 2018

Personal Observations: Roman relies on Patton’s wellbeing in order to think clearly and maintain a positive outlook on things. Virgil has been experiencing more stress and anxiety as usual and has even begun to lash out because of it, making me concerned that he may need to revisit his breathing techniques and stress activities.

Conclusion: Patton does, in fact, respond to Thomas’ physical condition, developing a fever when Thomas experiences heartburn. I only hope Thomas never has to experience a heart attack.

Observations: Roman and Patton were both very outright in their displays of affection, and although I have no issue with that, it can be overwhelming at times.

Chapter Text

July 30, 2018

Theory: When Thomas is overworked, Virgil and I go into overdrive nd effectively overwork ourselves until the job is complete.

Evidence: We have done this many times with no thought as to why we do so, or if we should change our ways.

Example One: Several final exams ended in me working until I was incapable of speaking, and Virgil was curled up on the kitchen floor half crying as he hugged the coffee pot.

Example Two: This new video. Although I’m sure the viewers will enjoy seeing Emile again with an Avatar the Last Airbender episode, we have been working far too hard on this, using most of my logical planning and Virgil’s pressure to ensure Thomas can get the video out.

Proposal: I will suggest that both Virgil and I take a few days to ourselves in which we try to relax to the best of our ability, and communicate so as to fix whatever has grown between us in our friendship.

July 31, 2018

Day One: When I entered the kitchen this morning, I was startled to see Virgil was the first one up preparing breakfast for himself. Typically I am the first one to arise, followed by either Patton or Roman, with Virgil’s late lifestyle keeping him in bed until 10 or 11 in the morning. When I entered Virgil’s field of vision, he tensed and asked me what I wanted while hunching down and curling in on himself. It is difficult for me to say, but in that moment Virgil looked like an injured or scared animal trying to protect himself from something that could hurt him (in this case: me).

When I stated that I was a bit overwhelmed from being around Patton and Roman’s planning for an extravagant party in the imagination and needed some downtime, Virgil seemed to relax and cracked a small smile at me saying that the right brain sides really have no sense of when to calm down. I then chose to ask Virgil if he wanted to take a break from video editing and join me to read or watch a movie.

Virgil quickly tried to say that I should spend time doing what I wanted, and muttered something I couldn’t fully make out about, “of birds.” When I stated that I wanted to spend time with him as we hadn’t had a chance to talk or do anything when there wasn’t an emergency or a pressing issue, his expression changed to something of guilt before saying that he was busy. I believe I let my usual expression of neutrality drop for a moment into that of disappointment, as Virgil quickly stated that he was free to hang out with me tomorrow.

I readily accepted and began to prepare my own morning meanwhile making small talk with Virgil. He rarely spoke, only listening to me ramble on, but he was listening to me so well because he asked for clarification on the use of a word I used that many would have a difficult time figuring out. It seemed like things were finally going back to the casual way we had them until Roman and Patton joined us, instantly changing the mood.

Virgil’s lopsided smirk faded and his eyes seemed to lose their interest in what I was talking about. He quickly said his good mornings to the others before stating that he needed to work with Thomas on managing the editing of the video before disappearing for the day. Both Roman and Patton asked me what had transpired between us, and when I explained, they seemed to get quiet.

I will ask them about what they were thinking at a later time, but for now I must turn my attention to Virgil to ensure he is of sound mind and body.

August 1, 2018

Day Two: Thomas was up far later than he should’ve been working on the editing of the video, causing more exhaustion to me and Virgil than usual as even while we are asleep, we’re still working aspects of Thomas’ personality and will always be drawn upon for our purposes. I arose later than intended today and quickly readied myself so as to approach Virgil with a few activities I know he has enjoyed participating in. When I went to knock on his door, I hear what sounded like him talking to himself from inside, however it’s not my right to pry into his business, so I mentioned nothing of hearing him when he opened the door. Instead of his usual attire of hoodie, jeans, and a ripped shirt, he appeared to still be in his pajamas that consisted of a short sleeved t-shirt and sweatpants.

Almost carelessly, Virgil slammed the door to his room shut and grabbed my wrist, hastily dragging me down to the commons where he flopped on the couch and asked what I had planned for the day. As I cautiously explained that Patton and Roman would be off in the imagination for the entire day, Virgil didn’t tense, neither did he relax upon hearing this news. He seemed to be almost indifferent to the same news that significantly affected him yesterday. I’m unsure of whether or not this is my doing or if there is another part to this equation I am missing.

Nevertheless, I asked Virgil if he was interested in doing a puzzle with me or if he wished to watch a movie to which he shrugged and stated that he wanted to do whatever I wanted. I took this as being passive aggressive and stated that I wanted to do what he wanted to do. To emphasize my point, I sat next to him on the couch and stated that I wouldn’t move until he chose to do something.

Although that approach was very much like Patton in its form of close contact, I know that Virgil will respond to physical contact. In some cases when he’s uncomfortable, he will pull away or instantly come up with something to occupy himself, whereas if he’s pleased with the stimulation he’ll relax into the touch and sometimes even make up an excuse to stay in that position. I have seen him do this multiple times with Patton and Roman accordingly, but I myself have never truly asserted myself in his personal space in order to elicit such a reaction.

Instead of moving away or coming up wth something to do, Virgil leaned against me and pulled one of the couch blankets over himself before muttering that he just wanted to take a nap and to put on whatever I wanted to watch. This surprised me immensely as I thought Virgil harbored negative feelings towards me as evidenced by his erratic and aggressive behavior towards me in the last few weeks. I did accommodate him by turning on Big Hero 6 and leaving him to lie against me.

After some time, Virgil slipped down from leaning against my shoulder to sleeping deeply in my lap, unaware of what was taking place around him. I suspect that being overworked causes Virgil to be exhausted, blunt, and passive aggressive to others. While he slept, I noticed how relaxed Virgil looks when he isn’t trying to carry more weight and responsibility than he can. After a little while, I found myself falling asleep as well, and eventually dozed off comfortably.

When I awoke, it was to Virgil Sitting up and rubbing his eyes while Roman and Patton whispered quietly to each other from the kitchen. Giving me a look that I can only describe as regret, Virgil mumbled a quick thanks to me for the nap and returned to his room before asking if we could do something again tomorrow. When I nodded, I noticed the anxious side’s shoulders relax and the worry in his eyes dissipated.

After Virgil retreated to his room, Roman and Patton asked me what had transpired and I told them the full details. It was then that Roman suggested that Virgil could be jealous of us and our relationship to each other, as our anxious side’s nature is to overthink things to the point it causes cognitive distortions. I found this incredibly unfounded until Patton mentioned how when he spent time baking with Virgil the other day, he was acting as he usually did until I came in to give Patton a kiss on the cheek. Roman stated a similar account involving the imagination. I never considered that Virgil may be interested in the relationship we’re in, let alone be envious of it, however everything seems to link directly to this issue.

I will attempt to bring this up in conversation with Virgil tomorrow, and I will make sure that Roman and Patton won’t interrupt so as not to give Virgil a reason to shut down.

August 2, 2018

Day Three: I awoke today to Virgil knocking on my bedroom door. This was an unusual occurrence as Virgil never likes to wake anyone up unless it’s an emergency. When I answered, he asked me if I was alright and if I needed a glass of water or to sit down. I admit I was confused at the worry in his tone of voice, but I stated that I felt perfectly fine and stepped out to join him on his way to the kitchen.

Going down the stairs first, Virgil explained that Thoams had been up until the early hours of the morning planning and doing more for the Cartoon Therapy video, drawing upon not only his but mine and Roman’s core aspects. Virgil then stated with what I interpreted as concern and admiration that Roman was still fast asleep due to being slightly overdrawn upon for his creative insight.

Although I seemed fine, as we descended the stairs to the commons, I felt lightheaded and my vision began to get fuzzy. I don’t fully recall what happened next, but I do remember a sick empty feeling in my chest along with Virgil yelling something. When I came back into consciousness, I was lying on the floor of the commons in Virgil’s arms, him kneeling next to the stairs looking terrified. When I attempted to move, I realized my legs wouldn’t work and my arms felt incredibly numb and useless.

I recall panic filling up in my chest and making my throat tighten as I tried to say something to Virgil, who looked down at me and held me tighter. I did find I was able to speak, even if my movements were restricted, and instructed Virgil to get me to the couch. Following my instructions well, Virgil sat next to me and started rambling about how I just fell with no warning and that Thomas was still working on the video.

I tried to calm Virgil by asking him if he was alright, to which he nodded slowly and stated that he would go get Patton to help me. I had forgotten about trying to get Virgil to answer if he was interested in my relationship with the other sides, and quickly said I wanted him to stay instead of getting Patton. This was strangely true and I felt more comfortable as Virgil returned to where he had been sitting next to me. I stayed unable to move for roughly three hours, all of which were spent in Virgil’s company.

August 3, 2018

Personal Observations: Based on Virgil’s behavior around me, Patton, and Roman, we assume that Virgil is interested in our relationship, and perhaps even being a part of it.

Conclusion: When any of the sides are overworked, we can become temporarily paralyzed, lose our ability to move, and become incredibly exhausted.

Observations: When I was completely overused by Thomas, Virgil became panicked but took on the role of my caretaker and listened to me.

Chapter Text

August 8, 2018

Theory: When presented with a difficult moral choice, where the solutions are not black and white, Patton becomes confused and physically loses all pigment.

Evidence: Both Roman and I have photos of when this has transpired.

Example One: Thomas was once presented with the option of lying to someone to protect the well-being of a friend. When Patton needed to make a decision, his skin, hair, clothes, and eyes all became shades of grey as he tried to decide.

Example Two: When dealing with Deceit a while back, Patton became grey after the snake-like side asked him a theoretical question involving the welfare of Thomas and his friends.

Proposal: I will attempt to help Patton through his current “grey period,” by offering different solutions and possible outcomes depending on which decision he makes.

August 9, 2018

Day One: I forgot to mention in my previous entry what Patton’s moral dilemma is exactly. This must be my feelings (ick) for him getting the best of my logical mindset. Recently Thomas was offered a chance to join Joan and Talyn to hang out, however on the same day before responding to the first request, Thomas was also asked by Terrence to go see a movie together. As Thomas knows Terrence is going off to school in Georgia soon, he wishes to spend some alone time with Terrence so as to truly appreciate his friend before distance separates them, however he doesn’t wish to turn down Joan or Talyn.

Patton’s coloring has almost faded as he contemplates what to choose, and although this has happened before, it’s still alarming to see. Yes, I have previously thought that these kind of moral questions are unimportant, but Patton has slowly been teaching me that even though these seem simple, it’s this type of situation that shapes how Thomas will respond to future requests.

When I asked Patton how he was feeling today, he had to force a smile and state that he was feeling nervous about choosing. When he said that, Roman bluntly butted unto the conversation and exclaimed that he hadn’t seen Virgil since lunch yesterday. This does cause some confusion and even more problems, as Virgil usually regulates Thomas’ anxiety when Patton is causing a ruckess over a moral dilemma. Upon further discussion, we agreed that I would be the one to approach Virgil about his recent…behavior? Attitude? I find it difficult to put into words how Virgil has been ignoring us and even going so far as to skip out on movie nights.

When I did manage to get Virgil to open his door to speak with me, he was holding his phone tightly in one hand and the door with the other, almost like he was ready to shut me out with no hesitation. Unfortunately, I let my thoughts get the better of me and instead of asking “nicely” with glazed over words, I essentially demanded Virgil tell me why he was holding up in his room and keeping us shut out from him. I’m not the best at reading expressions, but I do know how to recognize pain and uncertainty, both of which Virgil expressed plainly.

Without argument, Virgil explained that he doesn’t like seeing Patton in a grey-state, however I believed this to be an insufficient reply and took a step into his room so as to keep him from closing me out. This managed to make Virgil step back in surprise and allowed me to keep the conversation going as I kept asking why he was isolating himself. As I mentioned, I am only able to read uncertainty and hurt on another’s face with ease, so when I repeated my questions a multitude of times, Virgil turned aggressive to my surprise and I learned something I don’t think I was supposed to find out.

Virgil loves me.

He loves the others as well, however knowing that he has affection for me is pleasing, however the way I found this out was not under optimal circumstances. Where Patton confessed sweetly and Roman made romantic gestures, Virgil became angry at me. After I asked one question too many (I believe it was “Why are you isolating yourself?”), Virgil stepped very close to me, entering my personal space as he began to yell at me. It only took a minute or so for Virgil to scream at me about how he’s keeping himself out of our way so he doesn’t interfere with my relationship with Patton and Roman, how he wants more than anything to be a part of our lives the same way, to be loved by us the way he loves us, how he only wishes to keep us happy even if it means sacrificing his own happiness.

My chest got tight, and hurt.

As soon as Virgil had spewed that information at me, he reddened in the face, stumbled back a few steps, and looked terrified at what I might do. Unsure of how to respond with Virgil in such a state of emotional instability, I merely stated that I would like to talk to him again once he calmed down, and I returned to Patton and Roman. When I returned, I felt the weight of guilt rest of my chest again as Roman and Patton looked at me with a knowing look, signifying they had heard my altercation with Virgil and that they too were aware of his feelings.

In order to take my attention away from Virgil, I mentioned how Patton looked like he was feeling a bit better, to which he nodded and said he was slowly coming up with a solution to the scheduling problem.

August 10, 2018

Day Two: Virgil hasn’t come down to speak with me yet. I’m concerned he’s overthinking what transpired yesterday, but I cannot force him to open up to me. I made the mistake of thinking I could do that yesterday.

Patton’s grey-state has seemed to worsen, and his only pigment is now only black, white, and shades of grey. I always imagined myself as being the colorless one, and seeing Patton so cheerful but so muted is indescribable. Both Roman and I have suggested ideas as to handle the situation, but Patton is insistent he can do this on his own. His stubbornness will be the end of him, but it’s a feature I do think makes him as wonderful as he is.

The day passed slowly, with me and Roman trying to assist Patton, snacking and playing a few card games, and waiting for Virgil to emerge so we could talk.

August 11, 2018

Day Three: Around midday Virgil came downstairs to talk with us. Actually, he probably descended from his room because his mini fridge ran out of snacks to sustain him, however the others and I jumped at the opportunity to speak with him. Sitting at the kitchen table, Patton offered Virgil a soft smile and Roman greeted him happily, but Virgil seemed as if he just wanted to curl up and hide from us. I don’t blame him, and so I apologized for prompting him to share his feelings when he was reluctant to do so voluntarily. 

Virgil merely smirked at me in a forlorn way before muttering, and I quote, “S’okay, Nerd. Just let me down easy.”

All the times my chest hurt somehow made sense now as I realize “heartbreak” or “heartache” does exist, even in me, and I had to keep a choked whine from escaping me. Patton’s grey-state was not optimal for him to be encouraging or provide reassurance that we wouldn’t be telling him to stay out of our relationship, and he stayed quiet, keeping his grey eyes on Virgil with a small smile.

It’s times like this I’m grateful for Roman. It’s so easy to forget him and how much he brings to the table, but I admire him in a way I cannot fully articulate. Simply, but intricately, Roman explained to Virgil in a calm tone and with such affection, that we love him. Somehow, Roman was able to weave a masterpiece of a love confession that was still simple enough that Virgil would understand it and not misinterpret his words.

When Roman finished, Virgil looked at each of us with some sort of realization before stating that we were making him anxious by staring at him. I don’t regret letting myself smile a bit while Roman laughed and held Virgil’s hand. Patton’s smile grew to one of his true ones and a sense of peace fell over all of us in regards to our relationship and how we’re communicating again.

August 12, 2018

Day Four: Amazingly enough, Patton accepted assistance from one of us in regards to the moral dilemma. Although it has been a few days since Thomas was asked to do something, Patton has been scavenging to come up with something to say, and it was Virgil who he listened to.

Virgil’s suggestion was to have Thomas do a video with Terrence exclusively, so as to ensure they have some time together, but also something to look back on and Thomas could hang out with Joan and Talyn at another time. Patton took this as great advice, replied accordingly, and his color is quickly returning to the relief of all.

Sidenote: Don’t let the others know that when they smile, my chest gets light.

August 13, 2018

Personal Observations: Things have quieted down since and returned to a more normal situation. Patton has regained all his color, Virgil is willing to participate in our next date activity, and Roman is writing a series of poems for each of us.

Conclusion: Patton, when presented with a moral choice, turns grey, but refuses assistance from others unless it is Virgil (or a specific circumstance dictates he must).

Observations: My chest is very light around the others and I feel the need to smile at every given moment. Why?

Chapter Text

August 19, 2018

Theory: When Thomas experiences the effects of alcohol consumption to the point he acts irrationally, I and my function become compromised.

Evidence: The other sides have told me how I reside in my room alone in the past whenever Thomas drinks more than a glass of wine with dinner.

Example: When I was compromised, I allowed Patton to run free and caused Thomas several emotional outbursts as I was unable to keep his affected mind from overreacting to a simple feeling.

Proposal: I will try to carefully see how I respond when Thomas has small intakes of alcohol, slowly upping the amount until I find where I become useless so as to avoid that from now on.

August 20, 2018

Test One: As I know alcohol and drinking is a tricky and potentially dangerous subject, I have spaced out the scheduled intakes I have planned for Thomas, so as not to create an addiction, dependency, association, or negative correlation to it, and so that we may have time to recover as the liquor takes its toll on me.

As I already know one glass of a wine with a meal has little effect on Thomas, I skipped that and moved directly to two glasses. When Roman asked me why Thomas was having a second, I stated that it was from a positive association to the meal he prepared.and a good atmosphere. Roman puffed up his chest in pride and announced that it was his and Patton’s idea to make that specific meal, not noticing my bluff.

Virgil, on the other hand, seemed concerned when he asked me about it. As we just gained his company in the relationship, I didn’t want to do anything that might jeopardize his trust in me. He was nervous and talked briefly about Thomas becoming an alcoholic, and I could sense his anxiety towards the situation rising. I placed a hand on his shoulder and stated simply that it was only two glasses of wine and how it wouldn’t damage Thomas’ health in any way, and that he would be able to recover quickly and I would personally ensure there was no addiction developing.

This seemed to set Virgil at ease so I could observe my condition in the privacy of my room. Unfortunately, someone else wanted a word with me.

I’m still unused to Deceit’s presence, and since we’ve barely seen him since we all caught the flu, I haven’t had a chance to truly talk to him until now. I sat in my desk chair to speak with Deceit while he stood standing looking somewhat irritated at me before launching into how I should (shouldn’t) be lying about Thomas’ alcohol consumption and he asked me what I was trying to do.

When I stated that my research was none of his business, Deceit offhandedly said that he might tell the others about what I was doing by betraying their trust. Somehow this sent a shaky feeling through my chest and I felt lightheaded and nauseous upon hearing him say that. I quickly tried to come up with a compromise with Deceit, which he quickly shot down and began to make his own demands. I was frustrated that he was dictating to me hat needed to be done, but I believe it was the drinks affecting my judgment in the moment.

Deceit stated that there were three conditions to him not telling my partners about the drinking experiment.

  • I’m not to get Thomas drunk for the purpose of getting him drunk.
    • Meaning I‘m not to see how Thomas and I respond when completely sloshed.
  • I’m to fess up and tell the truth as soon as the experiment becomes a danger to Thomas.
    • The only exception is that there’s no exception.
  • I’m to tell Deceit how much I’ve upped Thomas’ consumption and whenever I plan on having him drink.

After ensuring I wrote all this down, Deceit made us both sign at the bottom of the notebook paper and took it, saying that it was legally binding in the mindscape. If I lie about any of what I agreed to, Deceit will know, he’s the best at that, and even I can’t hide a falsehood from him. Deceit then tossed me my log book which I had left somewhere, stated not to leave that lying around, and sunk out.

As long as I go about this experiment logically and with caution, I’ll be able to find out my reaction to liquor, learn something new, and keep Deceit from causing trouble.

August 25, 2018

Test Two: I’ve has Thomas try a different drink, slightly stronger, but it should compliment the meal Roman has panned on making tonight. Patton and Virgil were concerned about the new brand of liquor, but upon seeing Roman’s excitement about the combination of it with the meal, their worry vanished into delight as our creative side began rambling about what needed to be done. I don’t understand how something as simple as cooking can make Roman as ecstatic as he is, but that’s just how our prince is, and there must be some aspect of creativity in cooking.

As our contract stated, I alerted Deceit to what I planned on and gained his approval. I despise having to ask permission to do something that would benefit Thomas, but it’s better than having him tell my boys loves? partners. Deceit seemed cautious as he nodded to approve my decision, and sunk out without another word to me. Thank goodness.

When Thomas actually partook of the drink, the effects were far more different than I imagined. I had an immediate reaction, suddenly feeling fuzzy in the head and tired. I noticed I was unable to properly articulate my words around the others, so I didn’t say as much so as not to tip them off. When I went back to my room for the night, I fell asleep almost instantly and awoke with my pillow strangely wet. I checked my mouth and noted that I hadn’t drooled in my sleep (it would be embarrassing to develop that habit now), but my eyes were sore. When I was getting finished in the bathroom, I noticed that my eyes were slightly red, almost like Patton’s when he cries, and it was extremely noticeable.

I don’t cry. I’m unsure of how this happened, but I washed my face with cold water and waited a few minutes for the color to fade before going downstairs to assist Patton with breakfast. It was then that Virgil asked if any of us had seen his journal, to which none of us knew. I suggested that perhaps he left it in the imagination when we had a picnic ther a couple days back. This seemed to set Virgil at ease, and it took any attention to my still reddish eyes away so we could look for the journal.

Potential drinking symptoms: Crying, exhaustion

August 30, 2018

Test Three: I intend to use the same alcohol as the last test only with a second glass.

As my previous experience revealed I may experience crying as a symptom, I believe that alcohol may suppress my main function and make it harder for me to work under the influence. Upon observation, I noticed that after the last test the other sides had reactions as well.

  • Patton became more outspoken, almost as if any restraint he had on his expression were cut away.
  • Roman was somewhat quieter but came up with even more ridiculous video ideas.
  • Virgil fell asleep very quickly, disappearing from the equation.

I have alerted Deceit of this new information as he demanded it, and he has approved my test for today under the condition that if something goes wrong with another side I must cease my experiments. He needn’t have told me that as I would rather quit all my theories and experiments than harm my partners.

Before I actually began the test today Virgil talked to me to ask if we should try cutting back on the alcohol due to the upcoming events and projects Thomas needed to do. I recognized Virgil’s hesitation and how he was acting as he was supposed to, but I also knew that I needed to proceed with this test so I could conclude whether or not I actually cry when under the influence. Somehow the thought of emotionally tearing up is disturbing to me and I want to know if it’s actually true.

I managed to sidestep Virgil’s question by giving him a peck on the forehead, something I’ve noticed he loves receiving. It’s fascinating how out of every place to press a kiss, the forehead is Virgil's preferred spot as long as it’s followed by calm reassuring words or a gentle hug. I felt a small pit of guilt in me as I used that to my advantage, however, I swear never to do that to Virgil or the others again as it’s morally wrong and I know that if my favored signs of affection were misused, I’d be reluctant to lean into it again.

Upon Thomas’ consumption of the drinks, I noticed Virgil mutter something about going to bed as he left the room and went to his, potentially to pass out. Roman became erratic in his behavior, criticising his own ideas and praising them at the same time, al while Patton giggled in glee as he rambled on about different topics including how much he loved Joan and Talyn to how much he still has regrets over different parts of Thomas’ life.

I myself felt like I was fading. when I told Patton to calm down, he didn’t hear me and my physical form became semi-transparent. Like logic as being overpowered by the drinks. This was terrifying, and I felt every emotion I was experiencing, large or small, come to the surface as every ounce of self-control I had vanished. In a state of panic, I fled, like Virgil, to my room where I proceeded to suffer from the suspected symptoms.

Without warning, I began to cry with nothing restricting me and I felt no intention of stopping. At some point I threw my glasses on my desk and was trying to wipe the tears from my eyes to no avail. I know I was making some noise but I don’t know what got me so worked up to prompt me to sob. Only a few minutes after the crying did die down, I became rather elated or excited over something I thought of that finally made sense something about how I love my partners more than I like to admit but I was so out of control of my emotions and what I was feeling I just rested on my bed until I fell asleep.

When I awoke, I had a splitting headache and was close to vomiting when I went downstairs to join the others for breakfast where we had a discussion. The others agreed that Thoms needs to cut back on the drinks and should be limited to only one drink per meal if he chooses to do so. I wanted to protest that this could ruin my research, but I kept my thoughts to myself as I was still overly emotional from the alcohol and the others were truly worried.

Deceit came by later in the day to state that I needed to stop the experiment now, but I know what I’m doing. I don’t need a liar to tell me what to do. Logic is the opposite of deception, and I’m close to finding out why I react emotionally when Thoms is drunk.

September 8, 2018

Test Four: As far as I’m concerned, my contract with Deceit is null and void as he stated that my experiment was over. His proclamation of it didn’t change my intention to continue, so I have no need to confirm my actions with him before proceeding.

As the others have expressed worry over Thomas as a whole when he drinks, and how they are personally affected by the alcohol, I have chosen to drink by myself in the mindscape. As we’re capable of experiencing the same things s Thomas, it’ll be possible for me to get drunk without the others suffering the same consequences. I plan on making my log entries as I continue so as to get the raw data written down while I’m still experiencing it. I only hope I’m able to decipher what I meant when I am sober again.

Drink one

  • I feel slightly dizzy, almost as if there’s a slight buzz in the back of my skull.
  • I have chosen a stronger liquor for this personal test.
  • I feel somewhat giddy or kinda happy
  • Patton must feel this a lot because he embodies most of Thomas’ happy feelings

Drink Two

  • Tired already
  • I feel the buzzy feeling getting stronger, almost like a vibration
  • I want to do something or put myself to use
  • that’s probably what Roman feels a lot of the time.
  • He creates the best things when he’s had a good rest and is encouraged

Drink 3

  • Sad now
  • I don’t think I hold liquor very good
  • well
  • very well. grammar logan.
  • wanna curl up and sleep but I wanna keep goin

Drink 4

  • I’m crying now and I don’t know why but it hurts and I don’t know why
  • I don’t care anynmore I want the others

September 9, 2018

I’m very embarrassed.

I feel that by how red my face gets and how everything feels very hot when the others look at me. They’d been lecturing me for an hour during and an hour after my hangover about alcohol consumption and how I could hurt Thomas by suppressing my main function. I admit I said a few things that were out of character, complimenting Roman’s face (just his face, no specific feature), going on about how much I loved them, and crying and apologizing profusely about not telling them what I was doing.

I now know that after our last conversation, Deceit had been watching me, and when he noticed me disappear to my room with something that looked like a bottle of liquor, he notified my boys. I still feel tipsy and have a headache. I deserve it. I made Virgil stress out and he looked up everything he could on what to do, Patton was crying because he thought I had an addiction, and Roman was angry because he made the connections that I was trying to do science by using something that so many people abuse.

I’ve given each of them a written and verbal apology and they’ve all forgiven me, but I still feel guilty and embarrassed. I should’ve seen this coming. My obsessive nature and burning desire to learn coupled with something as addicting and dangerous as alcohol could’ve lead to something worse had Deceit not told them. I suppose I owe him a thank you, but it will have to wait until my headache goes away.

I’m tired, so my conclusion in summary is: My function and my actual being is reduced to a puddle of loose emotions, I lose whatever control I have over the others logically, the other sides are affected when Thomas drinks, and I will never do this again.

Note: Deceit may have had a reaction as well and hid it from us. Perhaps I shall ask about it sometime after this has blown over. For now I just want to cuddle my loves.

Chapter Text

October 31, 2018

Theory: The other’s have been acting out of character recently.

Evidence: They’re actions and words go against their typical behaviors.

Example One: Virgil was over dramatic the other day, almost as if he was attempting to hide something. It may serve to note that Deceit has also been hanging around more often.

Example Two: I found Roman pacing around scribbling in a black binder while muttering about planning, organization, and timekeeping.

Example Three: I walked into Patton yesterday morning only for him to laugh almost sarcastically and hold up what must’ve been his second cup of coffee.

Example Four: Deceit has been lying more often than usual. I assume this is to play with my head.

Proposal: I will give the others their space as what I said in the last video may have come across as harsher than intended, especially since we had something akin to a lovers spat before filming. Hopefully, this will smooth over our apologies and bring some light to the situation.

Personal note: I thoroughly enjoyed Halloween this year. Aside from their unusual behavior, my loves made it enjoyable. Patton made pumpkin themed cookies, Roman conjured costumes for us to wear, and Virgil decorated a bit. We watched The Nightmare Before Christmas and cuddled for a bit, and I felt good.

November 1, 2018

Observation One: When I walked into the kitchen this morning, I overheard Patton whispering for someone to, “Be quiet!” and “Keep him busy!”

It may be noted that Patton’s “whispers” are of the same volume that others usually talk at.

As I entered, my loves quieted down and plastered smiles on, something Virgil shouldn’t do early in the morning as it looks more like a grimace. I attempted to engage in small talk but was silenced by Roman with a small kiss and was handed a plate of breakfast by Patton. As we sat and ate, I finally noticed Deceit standing in the corner almost minding his own business. Occasionally he’d make eye contact with Virgil and nod slightly before glancing at me.

When we finally started on our own daily activities, I was somewhat started when Deceit joined me and began asking a multitude of questions that took much time to explain. When Dee asked what the purpose of daylight savings time is, I became frustrated as I was being prevented from spending the day with my loves or working on reviewing projects. Dee seemed to notice this and teased me by saying that he wasn’t up to anything in the slightest.

By this time I was too tired to confront him on what he was implying, but I pressed on and demanded to know what he meant. This began a three hour back and forth session of us going in circles trying to outsmart each other with words and phrasing. I do give Dee credit for being able to twist words to mean what he wants by using intonation and intention, however it still frustrates me to no end.

When dinner came around, only Roman joined me. By this point, Dee had gone back to his room, and as far as I knew, Virgil and Patton were busy working on something in Patton’s room. Roman seemed to be his usual self while we ate and talked about some of his better video ideas, but then I said something that changed the conversation. I have been working on being more sensitive to the others’ emotions and my own (even if I don’t fully understand them), and I assumed it would be alright to ask Roman what he had been working on with Patton today.

Instantly Roman’s open expression shifted to something closed off like he was hiding something, and he stated that it was just something he’d never done and wanted to try out. I felt as if Roman was hiding something from me, but I refused to push the issue further so as to prevent any conflict from arising. However, before bed I overheard Dee telling Roman that he needed to work on his falsehoods because the one he told me was almost unbelievable.

Roman is lying to me. What about, I don’t know, but I hope he has good reason to.

November 2, 2018

Observation Two: Today Virgil and Roman were occupied in the prince’s room doing who knows what. I haven’t pried into their business and it seems to be paying off as Patton insisted we spend the day together. For a few hours we baked in the kitchen, making fr too many cookies and cupcakes, but if it puts a smile on Patton’s face I’m willing to go against practicality. AT one point, Patton insisted on icing one set of cupcakes with blue and black, my preferred color choices. When I inquired as to why we would use those colors as opposed to the usual white and sky blue, Patton laughed and kissed my nose before stating he was thinking of me.

I freely admit my face turned red and I was slightly speechless at the sentiment. I recognize this as one of Patton’s many ways of showing affection and love, especially since I have difficulty accepting physical gestures at times. I truly don’t know what I did for him to find me worth his time, but nonetheless, I enjoy every second of it.

Around the time we finished washing the dishes from baking, Virgi came down to tell Patton that Roman required his assistance with somehthing. As Patton left, Virgil took his place by my side and asked how I was feeling. Truthfully, I felt a tight grip in my chest as if I was being left out of something. I think this could be described as jealousy or anger, potentially towards my loves as they refuse to explain anything to me. Instead of admitting that, I told Virgil I was tired and would appreciate his company for a while.

Virgil merely nodded and offered me a smile before we relaxed on the couch for a while, Virgil listening to music while I alternated between reading and lightly dozing off.

When I was in a light sleep, I noticed Roman and Patton join us and assumed I was immersed in unconsciousness. So as not to alert them to my awake state, I remained with my eyes closed and breathed lightly. Roman, I believe, removed my glasses and set them on the table before asking when they were going to tell me. Tell me what I don’t know, but I can only assume that based on my recent behavior towards them and how I’ve been slow to learn their intentions they wish to cut me out of the relationship.

I know what sadness feels like and was suddenly overwhelmed with it that I began to fight the urge to cry. Virgil seemed to notice my emotional state as he took my hand and whispered lightly that I must be having a bad dream. I could only wish I was. patton then proceeded to say that they would let me know tomorrow at 9:30, as they originally planned. If they had this breakup scheduled, I can only imagine how much discomfort I unknowingly put them through to get to this point where they could keep this from me for so long.

I realized I was being illogical, Patton had just finished making cookies with me and decorate them in my favorite colors, and Virgil had chosen to spend time with me. None of those actions could lead to them breaking up with me unless I completely misread their previous actions. At this point I chose to “awaken” and was greeted by a true smile from Roman, offering me a slight reassurance that my worst thoughts weren’t true.

I then told my boys I needed to work on a few things alone and retired to my room. When I arrived, I found Dee sitting on my bed reading through one of my animal encyclopedias, waiting to talk to me. I sat on my desk chair and listened as Dee told me he felt a disturbance and wanted to let me know that, and I quote,

“Your disgusting boyfriends will definitely break up with you.”

I was still tired from my confusion and stress from downstairs, so Dee restated in complete truth that my boys weren’t breaking up with me. Somehow, hearing this from Deceit of all people reassured me that they wouldn’t leave me. At least not yet.

By the time evening came, I was too tired to join anyone for dinner and stated that I had overworked myself and needed to sleep. Upon hearing this my boys offered a quiet cuddle session, and although I truly wished to partake in that, I declined and went to bed alone.

November 3, 2018

Day Three: I was awoken by Dee telling me the others were waiting for me downstairs. Somehow this sent a shock through me as I’m typically the first one up, with the exception of Patton. To awakenVirgil and Roman before 9:00 without getting scratched or bitten is a miraculous feat. Not wanting to hold anyone up, I put my glasses on and went downstairs in my pajamas, not caring what Dee thought as he followed me and commented on how neat my hair was in the morning.

When I reached the commons, I was greeted with someone throwing blue streamers over my head and my boys yelling, “Happy birthday,” to me. Dee had joined the others and smirked a bit as I took in the ridiculous amount of birthday decorations around the room. Honestly, I didn’t know how to react to his as I had been adding up all of their recent behaviors to be something negative instead of something as simple as the day I was introduced to the world.

When I stated that this was unnecessary and that they should’ve spent time doing something for themselves, my boys and Dee all began to protest and explained how they took a handful of days to pull this together. Roman then revealed it was Patton’s idea for Dee to distract me or keep me busy and help the others hide the surprise from me. This all took so much teamwork and consistency, I found myself unable to express how impressed I was.

Patton then guided me to the commons where we began to discuss what was planned for the day, but I noticed Dee starting to leave. I then asked if he could stay for a while as he did contribute to this birthday surprise. With a look similar to shock, Dee looked to my boys for confirmation that it was alright and found that he was welcomed to join us for the celebration. Roman was far too excited to share the games and start on gifts with me, Patton insisted we have breakfast and cake before we did anything else, and Virgil just laughed at us and leaned against me.

I loved it.

Conclusion: My loves and Dee weren’t planning anything malicious or heartbreaking, but something to make me feel even more welcomed and loved than I already am.

Notes: Remember to thank Dee for reassuring me of reality instead of my cognitive distortions.