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I Wouldn't Be on this Adventure with Anyone Else

Summary:

Kara and Lena have been married for a few years and decide to expand their family. This story chronicles the life of the Luthor-Danvers family as Kara and Lena embark on the journey of motherhood together. Will probably have some background chapters about their relationship added, too.

Notes:

The basis of this story came from my Avalance fic, You're My Greatest Adventure. I have a couple of chapters featuring Supercorp- their wedding, and Sara coming to visit after their daughter was born. I enjoyed writing those chapters and decided to expand on it. As a background, Kara and Lena started dating after they put aside their anger and hurt and realized their feelings for each other. Lena proposed a year later, and they got married. They waited a couple of years before trying for a family.

https://www.decoist.com/2014-11-10/gray-nursery-ideas/posh-nursery-in-white-and-gray/
Here's the picture that inspired Allie's nursery!

TW for Chapter 1: Miscarriage (not graphic)

(See the end of the work for more notes.)

Chapter 1: I'm So Glad I Get to Go on This Adventure with You

Chapter Text

Being pregnant was one of the hardest things that Lena had ever done. She’d heard so many stories about how being pregnant was such a beautiful and wonderful time, where the expectant mother glowed from within and felt nothing but joy and expectation for the birth of her child. It was anything but beautiful for Lena. She was violently ill from the second her body registered that it was growing another human being until well into her fifth month. It got so bad that she actually lost weight for the first few months, and she even had to be hospitalized twice to get IV fluids because she was so dehydrated. She was also tired ALL THE TIME. She went from working 12-13 hour days to 6-7 hour days, which put her in a foul mood because she was getting SO much less done than she wanted (although Kara loved the extra time at home with her wife). Her head ached, her breasts swelled, her feet were sore, and even though she was gaining weight at a healthy rate after the first few months of sickness, she still felt like she had a planet strapped to her middle. The baby was highly active and apparently liked nothing better than kicking Lena in the ribs and bladder all day, which was about as pleasant to experience as it sounds. She’d taken to calling the baby “the parasite” in her head because she felt like the little bugger did nothing but sap her energy, nutrients, and vitality. However, as unpleasant as it was for her, she had no regrets about the pregnancy, because she and Kara had fought so, so hard for this baby.

Their first three attempts to conceive hadn’t worked. They used the same method that Sara Lance and her wife, Ava, had used to conceive both of their daughters, and that Alex and Jess had used to conceive their daughter, Hannah. Using a variety of Daxamite and Kryptonian writings and methods, Alex had determined how to combine the DNA of one parent with the egg or sperm of the other, meaning that two women or two men could conceive a child without the use of a sperm or egg donor (although men still needed to use a surrogate to carry the child). Ava and Jess had both conceived on their first try.

Lena hadn’t necessarily expected to get pregnant on the first try- even for those getting pregnant in the traditional way, it often took months or even years for it to work. But she would never forget the deep sense of disappointment that she felt after the third time that she had to look at the set of pregnancy tests on her bathroom counter that read “not pregnant.” She had turned her head away, trying to hide her tears from Kara, and said “I’m sorry,” over and over. Kara wanted to be a mom so, so badly. She LOVED kids. She was Hannah’s playmate and best friend, and whenever Lena saw the two of them playing dress up together, cuddling together, or giggling together, she imagined what Kara would be like with their own daughter. While she had many doubts about her own parenting abilities, she knew that Kara would be the absolute best mother.

But sweet, wonderful, beautiful Kara, who Lena still sometimes didn’t think she deserved, simply came over and wrapped her arms around Lena. “Hey,” she whispered softly. “Look at me, Lee.”

Lena glanced up at her wife. Kara wore a soft smile. “You don’t have anything to be sorry about. It’s not your fault. Sometimes it just takes a while for it to work.”

“What are we going to do?” Lena asked in a small voice.

“We’ll try again. We can wait as long as you want before we do. And hopefully next time will be successful. And if not, we can talk about other options, like fostering or adoption. This isn’t the end of the road for us. It’s just the beginning.”

They did try again, two months later, and the fourth try worked. The look on Kara’s face when she saw the “pregnant” tests was one of pure excitement and joy, a look that Lena hoped that she would never forget. But that joy and excitement was fleeting; two weeks after finding out she was pregnant, Lena woke up to bleeding and cramping. The doctor confirmed what she already feared- she had lost the baby. That night was easily one of the worst in Lena’s life. She lay in their bed, curled around herself, sobbing quietly. Kara never left her side, and wrapped her arms around her wife, placing soft kisses on her shoulder, whispering comforting words in her ear, telling her that no matter what, she loved her so much, and nothing could ever, ever change that.

The following months were a dark period in Lena’s life. She was disappointed, depressed, and despondent. She started seeing a therapist to talk through her feelings, and she and Kara spent nights in bed, talking about the love they had for their baby in the two weeks that they knew she existed (SHE- because Kara and Lena were both women, any child they conceived would be a girl), the hopes and dreams they had for her. With time, and healing, and the love and acceptance of her wife, nine months after losing the baby, Lena was ready to try one more time. And this try worked.

The one positive aspect of the pregnancy was seeing Kara’s reaction to it. She was incredibly loving and supportive throughout the entire pregnancy. She held Lena’s hair back and washed her face with a cool rag when she was sick, and stayed with her in the hospital when she needed to get fluids. She rubbed Lena’s feet when they were sore, and she helped her put on her shoes when her belly got too big for her to reach down. She was always affirming of Lena’s changing body. She marveled at Lena’s growing belly, called her stretch marks “tiger stripes,” and loved to nuzzle at Lena’s larger breasts. When Lena placed Kara’s hand on her stomach so that she could feel the tiny kicks, Kara unashamedly began to cry. Every morning when they woke up, Kara placed a kiss on Lena’s bump and said, “I love you” to the baby. She read the baby books when they lay in bed at night, and spoke to her in Kryptonese (they had already decided to raise their daughter to be bilingual), and told her multiple times throughout the day how much she loved her, and how excited she was to meet her.

**

It was two weeks away from the expected due date, so the baby could come at any time.

Everything was ready for the baby’s arrival. The nursery was set up and painted. Kara had let Lena take the reigns on the nursery. It was a modern concept with a white and gray theme, but was still cozy and inviting. The baby already had an impressive collection of books and stuffed animals, with Kara’s favorite being a large stuffed bunny with long, floppy ears that she’d named “Flopsy,” after the character in Peter Rabbit. Lena had picked out a comfortable gray rocking chair that sat in the corner. She and Kara had a small white bassinet in their room that the baby would sleep in for the first few months, and they also had a matching rocking chair to the one in the nursery for the late-night feedings that were ahead. They’d stocked up on diapers, and had a Mamaroo, a Diaper Genie, a baby carrier and wraps, and a top-of-the line stroller ready to use. Her closet and dresser were full of clothes of all sizes, because Kara went a little crazy when confronted with baby clothes (“Oh my gosh Lena! This dress! She HAS to have it!”). The hospital bag was packed and ready to go, although Lena was still trying to convince Kara that she wouldn’t need to be flown to the hospital when the time came, and that a normal car ride would be sufficient. Lena had even put their daughter’s name down for a Chinese immersion preschool, ensuring her a place on the two-year waiting list.

They’d known from the beginning what her name was going to be: Alura Alexandra Luthor-Danvers. Alura was for Kara’s mother, and Alexandra was of course for Alex, who cried when they told her they wanted to name their daughter after her. They planned on calling her Allie. Kara already had a whole list of nicknames for her- Allie Cat, Bean, Bug, Allie Bear, Peanut. “The poor kid’s going to have no clue what her real name is,” Lena said, making Kara giggle.

Lena was in bed reading when she heard the swish of a cape and boots touching the ground as her wife landed on the balcony of their apartment. Kara had been out for a few hours on Supergirl duty. She didn’t have many more nights where she needed to be Supergirl. Lena insisted that she get three months of maternity leave after Allie was born. “National City survived all these years without Supergirl. I think it’ll be okay for three months.”

“Hi, love,” Kara said as she came into their bedroom, leaning down to give Lena a kiss. “And hi to my little love,” she said, bending down to place a kiss on the bump. She paused for a moment, listening to the baby’s heartbeat.

“How’s she doing in there?” Lena asked.

Kara smiled. “Snug as a bug in a rug. Doesn’t look like she wants to be going anywhere any time soon.”

“Damn,” Lena muttered. She was way past the uncomfortable stage of her pregnancy, and well into the “get this thing out of me NOW” stage.

Kara stripped off her suit, threw her bra into the dirty clothes hamper in the closet, changed into well-worn pajamas, and brushed her teeth before climbing in bed next to Lena. She gave Lena another kiss and stretched out next her, placing her hand protectively on Lena’s stomach.

“How are you feeling?”

“Like a beached whale,” Lena said. “I’m big, I’m hot, and I can’t get comfortable. And Little Miss keeps trying to lodge her feet up into my ribs so I have to nudge her to get her to stop.”

“Awwww, Allie Cat! Are you giving Mommy a hard time?” Kara said, placing another kiss on Lena’s stomach. They’d decided that Lena would be “Mommy,” and that Kara would be “Mama." Kara stroked Lena’s stomach. “I hope she looks like you.”

“I hope she looks like YOU,” Lena said. If the 3D images they’d had made the week before were any indication, Allie was going to be VERY cute. She had chubby cheeks and full, pouty lips. Lena knew that she and Kara were going to have trouble resisting that pout someday. But other than that, they couldn’t tell which of them she would look like. Kara hoped she’d be brown haired and green-eyed, while Lena hoped for a blonde haired, blue-eyed baby.

“I can’t wait to meet her,” Kara said.

“I can’t either,” Lena replied. “I’m half excited to meet her, half terrified out of my mind.”

A concerned look crossed Kara’s face. “Terrified about what? Labor?”

“Labor’s scary enough in itself, but I figure that it’ll be over soon enough. I’m scared about the REAL hard part. About whether or not I’ll be a good mother. My real mother must have been decent, but I hardly remember her. And Lillian was… pretty much the worst example of what a mother should be. She never showed me any type of love, affection, or validation. I’m just scared that I won’t be able to give any of that to Allie.”

Kara reached out to brush a lock of Lena’s hair behind her ear. “Lee, you are going to be a phenomenal mother. Just the fact that you’re concerned about this is a sign of that. Think about it- would Lillian even be bothered about whether or not she would be able to give her child love? NO. And I know you. You have so, so much love to give to people around you. I see it in the way you give it to me, and to Alex, and to Jess and Hannah and all our friends. You are a wonderful person Lena, and you are going to be the absolute best mommy in the world. Allie is so lucky that she gets to have you as her mom.”

Lena felt tears slip out of her eyes. “I don’t even know what to say…”

Kara gave her a reassuring smile and wiped the tears with the pad of her thumb. “You don’t have to say anything. It’s all going to be ok. If you want to know a secret, I’m actually kind of terrified, too.”

Lena smiled. “I didn’t think Supergirl was terrified of anything.”

Kara laughed. “Supergirl’s terrified of a lot of things.” Her face grew serious again. “But I’m more scared of this than I have been of anything in a while. I’m so nervous that I’m going to hurt her. I try to control my strength but… she’s just a baby. She’s so delicate and precious. If I hurt her in any way, I don’t think I’d ever forgive myself.” Allie was half-Kryptonian, but Alex hypothesized that for the first 12 or 13 years of her life, she was going to be a normal human child. That meant she was susceptible to bruises, and broken bones, and any number of injuries and maladies that humans faced.

Lena reached out and stroked the hand that rested on her belly. “I know that must be really frightening for you to think about. But look at how gentle you are with me, and how gentle you were with Hannah when she was a baby. The safest place in the world for her is going to be your arms.”

Kara gave Lena a slightly unsure smile. “I hope so. But you know what? I wouldn’t want to be a terrified first-time mom with anyone but you. We’re in this together. Always have been, always will be.”

Lena turned to give Kara a soft kiss on the lips. “I think we’re probably much better cut out for this motherhood thing than we give ourselves credit for. We’ll just have to learn together.” She yawned. “I don’t know about you, but THIS mama wants to get a full night of sleep while she still can.”

Kara laughed. “Enjoy it while it lasts!”

Lena kissed her wife again. “I love you. SO much. I’m so glad that I get to go on this adventure with you. I wouldn’t do it with anyone else.”