“You alone hold my heart…”
“Would you prefer I act as terrified as I feel?” The statement threw Alec off, as the slightest waver in Magnus’ voice made itself known, rocking the archer’s entire world to its foundations. Magnus was… Afraid. Ergo, Alec was terrified. “This is insane.” Alec retorted, yet his voice was low and surprisingly even. Magnus didn’t want to think about the inner turmoil his lover was facing as he was standing there, body tense and rigid, muscles and bones coated in a thick layer of fear. Because if Magnus were to think about that, then his own façade would collapse. And this couldn’t happen, not yet, not now. Because now, he had to play the most tricky card he had up his sleeve. “Tell me Jace isn’t worth it.” Magnus offered, knowing the card he was playing was one Alec could never rant against.
And yet… As the Warlock eyed his lover, his heart missed a beat, feeling unable to function, for it was trapped within a cocoon of agony and terror. What was the answer he would hear and what was the answer he so secretly wished to hear?
‘Tell me Jace is not worth it.’
No, he’s not. I’ve done all I could to save him, I’ve risked my life, I won’t risk yours too. I won’t risk you. I won’t risk us.
Magnus chuckled inwardly, a motion which sent a ferocious wave of sadness to every corner of his body. Alec would never utter such words, and if Magnus wanted to be honest with himself, he had to admit that this was one of the reasons he was drawn to the young Shadowhunter. This was who Alec was, the one who would do anything, who would sacrifice anything and everything for the people he held dear. And Jace surely held a special place in his heart, in his very soul, to be exact.
So when Alec licked his lips, parting them ever so slightly, Magnus could almost hear the words which were lingering on the tip of the young archer’s tongue.
‘Tell me Jace is not worth it.’
Yes, he is worth it, because he’s my brother. We’re bonded, he’s a part of me.
And Magnus knew that was the truth. Jace was holding a part of Alec’s soul and he always would. But still, deep down, in the pits of his very being, there lingered a small part of Magnus, which yearned for Alec to stop him from venturing to Edom. The secret, almost twisted yearn welled up within Magnus’ chest, a force fierce and relentless, equally powerful to the fear which was wrapped around his heart like a vice. But it all crumbled down, falling back into the pits from which it had crawled out, as Alec’s words, or better, the lack thereof, coated the room.
Magnus held his breath for a mere second, as both his lungs as well as his brain were wrapped in that deafening silence. But the very next moment his senses kicked back in and the reminder that his elixir had helped Lilith secure her dominance over Jace smothered Magnus’ mind. He had to do this, he had to fix his mess, protect his people from Lilith’s menace. Protect his beloved Alexander from the pain of losing a part of himself. The Warlock tried to hold onto that noble thought as he turned around, facing the hellish blazers. Yet, his breathing was getting out of control, as fear began taking over him.
Magnus knew he had to go now, before his legs could betray him and give out from under him. He could feel Alec’s eyes burning holes in his back, but try as he might, Magnus couldn’t bear to turn around and face the archer, for then he wouldn’t be able to detach himself from Alec’s sweet, hazel eyes. Yes, it was better this way. With steps hectic and uneven the Warlock marched towards the flames, but Alec’s hand grabbed his forearm, obliging him to come to an abrupt halt. “You’ve got to make it back, you hear me?” And just like that, Alec’s calm façade cracked and shameless fear claimed his entire being. “You’ve got to come back. Because I…” The archer stuttered, his hold on Magnus’ forearm tightening.
“Because I know now… I know I can’t live without you.” The rushed words were laced with honesty up to the last syllable and Magnus found himself unable to resist his heart’s desire. He smiled softly, cupping his lover’s face tenderly. His palm tingled, leaning against the pale skin. Magnus gasped silently, yearning for the sensation of Alec’s warm skin to be all he would be able to feel from now on. “Magnus… What Jace said when he was here… About me choosing him over you—” “He’s possessed, Alec—” “I know, I know. But… You’ve got to understand that, I…” Alec’s voice faded as his troubled mind searched for the appropriate words.
Warm, hellish flames bellowed into the sky per Magnus’ command, and the pentagram shone, but the Warlock found himself transfixed in his lover’s glossy eyes, in which fiery tongues were reflected. “He holds a part of your soul, Alec. Of course you would do anything to save him.” Magnus offered gently, his tone masked perfectly. “Yes… Yes, I would.” Alec said. “I will.” The archer corrected hiself. The sheer boldness of those words caused Magnus’ heart to flutter with pride, despite the stab of pain he felt deep in his gut.
‘Who do you think your precious Alexander would choose?’ Magnus almost flinched at the small, poisonous voice which was ruling over his subconscious and hurried to silence it. “I’ll do anything to save him.” The declaration caused Magnus’ eyes to meet the floor.
I would choose him.
“Just like I’d do anything to save you, Magnus.” The archer vowed, his voice now unwavering, rough and thick from all the unspoken emotions it carried. “I would do anything. I will do anything. I will give up everything.” Magnus swallowed soundly at that, Adam apple popping in his throat as his eyes were once again met with Alec’s face. “Alec…” It was a chant, filled with love and hidden traces of relief, which Alec didn’t miss. “Jace may hold a part of my soul… But you… You, Magnus… You alone hold my heart.” Big palms enclosed Magnus’ slightly trembling hands, leading them towards Alec’s firm chest, allowing them to rest right above Alec’s beating heart. The all too familiar thuds shook Magnus’ frame, traveling from the tips of his ring-clad fingers to each and every fiber of his body, becoming one with his magic, reaching the very core of his being.
Magnus dared to look his young lover in the eyes, which were filled to the brim with tears. Yet, Alec wouldn’t let them fall. He just pressed Magnus’ hands on his chest, so as to further emphasize his point, feeling the sting of silver rings digging into his flesh as he did so. As for Magnus… Magnus could only look at Alec, mesmerized and utterly stunned, deafened by the words which were never uttered, yet their echo was loud and clear…
‘I would choose Jace. Because he’s my family, my parabatai, the bearer of half of my soul.’
‘As I would choose you. Because you’re my lover, my savior, the bearer of my heart.’
This was more than Magnus had ever thought he’d ever find. It was something worth fighting for. It was worth living for.
The kiss that followed was hotter than the fires of Edom, more desperate and intense than anything Magnus had ever felt. It was a silent demand from Alec’s part, which soon transformed into a plea, as the archer’s lips memorized the curves of Magnus’ mouth. And it was a muffled promise from the Warlock’s part, which soon steeled in his mind, becoming an unbreakable oath, which was shielded as Magnus licked Alec’s swollen lips.
I will come back to you, my love.
“I need to go, my darling.” Magnus offered as he slowly detached himself from Alec’s grasps. “Magnus, I love you.” The declaration was honest, deprived of all masks. “And I you, Alexander.” The Warlock offered, placing a kiss on his archer’s forehead. “I could come with you, keep you safe—” “No—” “I want to be there—” “You’ll be with me the whole time, my dear Alexander.” The Warlock assured, letting his hand dive into his pocket. When it resurfaced, Alec gasped, for in Magnus’ grasped lingered… “The charm I got you.” It wasn’t a question, yet Alec’s voice wavered. “If anything will keep me safe, it’s this.” Magnus stated, as he began backtracking, his eyes never leaving Alec’s clouded ones.
“I’ll be back before the sun rises, Alexander.” Magnus uttered as his steps led him within the pentagram and fire engulfed him, reaping him away from the realm of the Mundane, away from Brooklyn, away from his beloved Alexander. The portal caused him to feel lightheaded and when he stepped in Edom, he was almost boneless. Yet, a familiar weight pulled him back to the present, obliging his senses to kick in and his eyes to open so as to face the cruel kingdom which was laying before him. Magnus smiled softly, as he reached deep in the pocket of his coat.
The omamori charm was there, and the Warlock traced it with his fingers before starting to walk the long road to his father’s domain. ‘It’s supposed to bring you luck and protection.’ Alec’s voice echoed in his head and Magnus took in a deep breath, gripping the omamory charm for dear life. Meanwhile, back in New York, Alec stood right where Magnus had left him, feeling the taste of his lover’s lips lingering on his tongue as the first rays of sunlight crept in the room, casting large shadows on the walls.
The sun was rising.
But Magnus was nowhere to be seen…
But that was alright. Alec would wait, for as long as he had to.
“I love you, Magnus…” He whispered to the now, empty loft…