"In your arms I return once more..."
“Magnus!” Alec’s voice reached the Warlock’s ears, causing him to release a long sigh. Yet he did not pause. He did not even slow down. No, he needed to get out of there, get back to his loft and bury his nose in the countless books he owned. Maybe the answer to Jace’s possession was lingering in between thick lines of texts written in languages long forgotten. Maybe the answer was in one of his potions. “Hey, Magnus!” This time, the tone was somewhat softer as some of the urgency had melted away, giving its place to a hesitant plea which Magnus could trace in his lover’s voice. Soon, Alec caught up with Magnus, his long, skilled legs carrying him to where the Warlock was.
Magnus’ eyes squinted, but Alec placed his body in front of the one of his lover, barring his way, stopping his hectic movements which were so plainly indicating he was wishing to flee. Alec’s heart ached, for it could see what his eyes could not. He could see the guilt slowly crawling upwards, welling up within Magnus’ body, up until it reached his heart. And then it began wrapping itself around that beautiful man, eating him up from the inside out, like canker devours wood. Seeing that his only way out of that situation was through it, Magnus opened his mouth and did the only thing he could do. He spoke the truth.
“What a fool I am.” The claim left the Warlock’s lips slowly, its echo screeching in the Warlock’s ears. “If I hadn’t given her that elixir, Jace would still be Jace.” The hidden meaning behind those words, was crystal clear. ‘I am the reason your brother, your parabatai is under Lilith’s influence. I am the reason he almost killed Clary. It’s my fault—’ Alec’s voice, however, cut the Warlock’s train of thought. “Magnus, Lilith would have gotten to him, with or without you. You can’t put this all on yourself.” The declaration was spoken in a low tone, yet Alec’s voice was firm, laced with honesty up to the very last syllable. The words caused something inside Magnus to stir and the Warlock dared to look at his lover.
“I will fix it.” ‘You will, for this is your fault.’ His mind added and he hurried to reassure Alec verbally even more. “I will use the last drop of my power if it’s the death of me.” The words felt heavy, almost sour on the tip of Magnus’ tongue. A tiny part of his brain protested, but the echo of the words he himself had once uttered to Dot, was now distant, nothing more than a weak whistle of the wind. ‘You would risk your life for a Shadowhunter?’ Magnus chuckled inwardly at the irony of it all. But he knew he would risk his life to save Jace. He needed to fix his mess. He needed to save Jace… He needed to save Alec’s parabatai.
“Thank you…” Alec offered kindly, before leaning forwards, enfolding Magnus in a warm embrace. The Warlock was startled, for Alec’s gratitude was rather forced; something to fill the silence, two words to mask the ones which were hanging on the archer’s lips. Magnus swallowed and blinked, for this was unexpected. The concept of death was the reason why Magnus hadn’t felt Alec’s arms around him the last couple of days. The fear of what the future may hold had driven them apart, yet the same fear was now pulling them back together. And to actually hear Magnus talking about his death… The mere thought caused Alec to shiver, given the fact that the Warlock was the one who could not age and die of natural causes.
Magnus allowed his own hands to circle around his lover’s waist, feeling his fingertips tingling as they touched the smooth, black shirt, which was so neatly falling over Alec’s heated skin. Magnus gasped silently as he felt his young lover lingering there, his big hand pressed in between the Warlock’s shoulder-blades. “About our fight…” Magnus’ heart missed a beat. This was not a good time; or maybe it was a very good time. Lilith was on their tale, which meant doom and destruction were soon to follow. And Magnus didn’t want to have regrets. “Alexander…” The way his vocal cords produced that name, startled even Magnus himself.
Like a chant his lips uttered the word, slowly, carefully, for the name meant so much and Magnus hadn’t even dared to whisper it for two hellish days. Because, Alec hadn’t been there to hear it. But now, there he was, with his hands around Magnus’ lean back. So, the Warlock uttered his lover’s full name, knowing only he had the privilege to do so. He spoke lowly, drawing it out as long as possible, until his soft call was interrupted by Alec’s louder one. “No, I was wrong. I said things I shouldn’t have.” At the sound of that heart-warming and truthful apology, Magnus let out a silent sigh. Maybe it was for the best that they weren’t facing one another.
Yes, it was safer. It was easier. The sadness which was coating Alec’s voice was enough to cause Magnus’ last defenses to crumble and fall so he sought refuge in the spot between Alec’s neck and shoulder. He allowed his cheek to linger on that spot as he spoke, voice low, meaningful. “As did I.” The echo of his words flooded Magnus’ mind, causing his breath to get trapped in his lungs. ‘I am immortal! I can’t change who I am and neither can you!’ Oh, but if he were to reveal his most sacred wish, then he would be allowed to say how he longed for Alec to be freed of the bonds of time. But he could never ask for something like that. No, he could never…
Magnus squinted his eyes again, blinking back the tears, unaware that Alec was thinking the exact same thing. Silence leaped between them, yet it was welcomed, for it was mending their wounds. Magnus relished the quiet moment for a few more seconds before his brain took over again. “This is not important right now.” He uttered, pulling away from Alec’s arms reluctantly. “What’s important is that we save your parabatai.” Alec’s hand lingered on Magnus’ shoulder, as if the archer was afraid to let go. And maybe, he was. Alec blinked, nodding his head in agreement. Magnus offered him a small smile as he turned around so as to walk out of the Institute.
The Downworlder had taken a couple of steps before his lover’s call caused him to come to a halt. “Magnus…” Alec muttered, remaining pinned where he stood. The Warlock turned to face him, a questioning look painted on his face. “I meant what I said earlier. I would have done the same thing as Clary. I would have used the wish.” Alec’s voice was low, yet it reached the man’s ears.
“I know, Alec. And that, selfish as it may sound, would not have been a bad thing.” Magnus reassured calmly. “I would have done it, Magnus.” Alec offered again, more passion laced with his words this time. “I know, I know Alec—” “I would have done it, for Jace, for Max, for Izzy… But above all, I would have done it for you.” Magnus’ mouth was left gaping, as his eyes flew open. He blinked a couple of times, regaining his composure shortly after the words had faded. “Alexander, I am not—” “You’re worthy of every nice thing this world has to offer you. You’re worthy of—” Alec stuttered, shivering. Magnus gasped silently, as his body moved on its own accord, for it was drawn to Alec’s as if driven by an invisible magnet.
“You’re worthy of all the love and affection this world has, and I promise to give you as much as I can and then some more…” The archer muttered shyly, yet his voice was laced with honesty. ‘Nephelim love fiercely, and they love once…’ Alec could now tell this hearsay was no simple chatter, no romantic myth. Alec loved Magnus with every fiber of his being. He loved him so much that it was scaring him. God, he was aching by the intensity of it all. “Magnus I—I will give you—” Alec paused, ashamed. ‘Everything. Everything I have, everything I am.’ Yet, try as he might, Alec couldn’t bring himself to say it, for he knew Magnus could be driven away by his seemingly, exaggerated statement. A kiss on his forehead, caused him to shudder and lean on Magnus’ body, which was now nestling so close to his own. ‘As will I, my beloved Alexander… As will I.’ The Warlock chanted inwardly, holding Alec against him just for a little while longer…