“Loki! I’m so jealous!” Tony whined as he clung to his husband’s leg while the god of mischief made his way through the palace.
No one else really seemed to react anymore to their queen’s random and weird shenanigans. Loki was pretty much ignoring him but Bucky had yet to learn when to ignore Tony and when to listen.
“Why are you jealous?”
Tony glared at him.
“Well wifey it’s because you have such amazing titles. I give you godhood and you betray me like this? How dare you.”
Bucky just grinned looking like the smug bastard he was.
“Well being god of fertility, lost warriors, miracles, and hunt is pretty awesome.”
Loki made a sound that drew Bucky’s attention.
“What’s wrong? Are you not happy with having a second wife?”
Loki stopped walking and glared at Bucky.
“You are a fertility god; do you have any idea how terrible this is? I have given birth to one child already and he is considered monstrous by all of Asgard. With you it is not question of if one of us gets pregnant, only when.”
Tony’s eyes widened with excitement as he jumped to his feet.
“Are you saying I could give birth to an awesome child?” He jumped on Bucky. “Knock me up right now, your queen demands it.”
“Wife, what if you give birth to…a beast that is part octopus, part dragon, and part human?” Loki said like that would deter Tony from wanting babies.
“I could give birth to Cthulhu?” His eyes were filled with excitement as he began chanting demands for Bucky to knock him up.
Loki face palmed before trying again.
“But what if it’s a horse…with a horn…and the color of rainbows?”
“I could have my own my little pony?” Again more excitement that made Loki wonder what horrors humans had thought of that this only excited his wife.
“But what about a hairy beast…with huge feet?”
An immortal being with fangs that feeds of the blood of the innocent?”
“An ugly creature with snakes for hair that turns people to stone?”
“A fierce giant dog with three heads.”
Thor found Loki an hour later crying in a corner.
“Brother what has happened?”
“Mortals are frightening creatures and my wife is insane because she’s excited to give birth to beasts. Damn you fertility gods.”
“I have done nothing, why do you curse me?”
Loki kicked him in the dick. At least now they were both in tears.