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Out of the Mouths of Babes

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"Uncle Milo, what's S-E-X?"

Of all the questions Milo is prepared to answer, that is not one of them. Not from Slade, not when he's barely stepped through the door and hasn't quite gotten his bearings from a day of running endless errands and a week of long shoots. He blinks and blinks again, and wonders where in the hell Natalie and Adrian are and how is he even going to begin to give Slade an answer?

Slade saves him, continuing on. "Momma says you and Daddy need to have more S-E-X and you won't be so grumpy. Is it like chocolate? Momma's happy when she has chocolate."

"It's like chocolate, yes," Milo says faintly, torn between fleeing and laughing hysterically. Also, he is not grumpy.

"Hm. Okay," Slade says. "Can I have some? I like chocolate."

Milo is going to kill Natalie later. He's certain of this. Assuming he doesn't die from the hilarity and embarrassment first. "Sure, Slade," he says, nearly choking on the words. "When you're much, much older. It's a grown up thing."

Slade sighs, whole body heaving with it in the way only young children can manage. "Everything's a grown up thing. It's not fair."

"Sorry, buddy," Milo says, ruffling Slade's hair.

"I'm not your buddy, pal," Slade says, giggling and, thank God, distracted.

"Yeah, well, I'm not your pal, friend," a voice---Adrian---says from the living room doorway.

"No, you're Daddy," Slade says, rolling his eyes for Milo to see. "And he's Uncle Milo, and you're both weird. I'mma go play with Stella."

Milo waits until he's gone before sagging against the front door and giving into the laughter that's been threatening to bubble up since he came in. "Jesus, what are you two teaching him?"

"We're not the ones who told him sex was like chocolate," Adrian points out, crossing to stand toe to toe with Milo.

"No, you're the ones who let him watch Ocean's Eleven and quote that Caan kid and little Affleck," Milo says, tilting his head up to look at Adrian. "And it has the same chemical effects as chocolate. I read a thing about it. Also, not grumpy."

"Oh, you read a thing," Adrian says, shifting just enough to let Milo stand up straight. "And, yes, you are. You're always grumpy."

"I'll show you grumpy," Milo says, miles away from it and grinning.

"Oh, is that what you named it?" Adrian asks, mouth twitching. "In that case, you can show me grumpy all night long."

This time Milo's the one rolling his eyes. "That was lame, even for you," he says, reaching up to give Adrian a light slap. Adrian ducks away and ducks down, kissing Milo fast and hard.

"It's been a long day, I'm all out of witty," Adrian says, stepping back. "Come on in before Natalie starts yelling for us or Slade comes up with another question."

Milo groans, thunking his head against the door, not sure which of those would be worse.