8:00 pm Leia created group Exclusive Territory
Leia: Hey everyone
Leia: Made this so we can vent a little. Also I want ONE group without that annoying douche.
Leia: Who's in?
Sabine: I get the feeling we don't really have a choice
Leia: As if you aren't sick of him.
Sabine: who, Han? He's fun. Everyone likes him. Even jyn likes him and she's a social reject
Jyn: Excuse me?
Sabine: I KNEW IT! I KNEW SHE WAS GHOSTING!
Jyn: f you I have a life
Leia: Hey wait a minute.
Leia: Come back.
Leia: I thought she was bluffing when she said she had a life.
Sabine: jyn? no life whatsoever.
Sabine: it says she's online.
Leia: Ugh, why is she like this?
Leia: Omg she's probably texting Cassian.
Sabine: you have 0 proof good luck with that
Leia: I hate you.
Sabine: got a customer bye love
Leia: Boring conversation anyway.
Private Chat: Jyn, Cassian
Jyn: Sabine just said I have no life I hate how right she is
Cassian: That's probably because of the course you're taking.
Jyn: you didn't even deny it I feel so betrayed
Cassian: Sorry. It's just that we don't even get to hang out.
Jyn: Awwh is someone feeling neglected?
Jyn: do you want me to come over and give you a hug? Cuddle for a whole night maybe?
Cassian: Ffs jyn
Jyn: Lol love you too
Jyn: K gotta go. Bye! Hugs and kisses lool
Cassian: Bye :)
Private Chat: Luke, Bodhi
Bodhi: Luke, can I ask a favour?
Luke: Sure, what's up?
Bodhi: Leia created this group, I thinks it's only for the girls? I think I got added by accident can you ask her to remove me please
Luke: Why don't you just ask her??
Bodhi: she's just...kind of scary
Luke: Come one she's not that scary
Bodhi: have you seen her yell at Han it's terrifying
Luke: haha okay I'll mention it. We're meeting up for dinner. Wanna come?
Bodhi: if I'm there how will you mention it
Luke: Oh for God's sake
Luke: K. Won't forget. Bye!
Bodhi: THANK YOU and byee
Bodhi: Oh I forgot
Bodhi: Han's hosting movie night
Luke: Shikes leia was actually looking forward to movie night this time
Bodhi: think she'll skip?
Luke: Nah. I'll just slide it to her though. I'll say there'll be good food.
Bodhi: okay cool. Good luck!
Luke: C'mon she doesn't hate him or anything
Bodhi: yeah I can believe that. Yeah.
Luke: Han is a REALLY great guy once you get past the smug exterior. She'll realize. Eventually.
Bodhi: I'm going to feel a lot of stress leave me when that day comes
Luke: GTG, she's calling. Bye!
Bodhi: BEST OF LUCK
Reviews are love, and suggestions are welcome!
Chapter 2: The Great Spanish Swearing Showdown
Kes walks in on Cassian having a mini existential crisis, a breakup happens over text, and Hera keeps the expletives at a minimum.
Kessel Rim was one of those bars that weren't crowded on weekdays because it was far from the workplace sector, and closer to the middle of nowhere that was too exhausting to travel to after a hard day at the office. Of course, this made it a fairly private venue for regulars, or anyone in search of a bar they could carry out an audible conversation in, and the owners of Kessel had turned this feature to their advantage and installed private booths in one corner, removing the partitions of weekends. The alcohol prices shot up to compensate for the customers not visiting.
The bar had only two other people in it, a fact that didn't warrant renting out a private booth to drain your sorrows in. Well. Not that Cassian used alcohol as a coping mechanism anymore, but. He needed the time alone. Away from his best friend and roommate Kay, who'd only sardonically comment on his weird mood and make things worse.
The thing was...well, the thing was...
Cassian Andor was used to life giving him shit. He was so used to it that whenever a crisis presented itself, he stared it cold in the face, not backing down and not rising to the bait, either. So he did not have to cry his eyes out in a private corner or on the shoulder of his (too tall) best friend. He could sit still through a storm. This feature had earned him the his college nickname of Resting Spy Face Guy.
(Andor with the Ass was another college nickname, used in a much more flattering sense, but he didn't know that.)
But as of right now he was sitting in this sad excuse of a bar like a loser clutching a glass in one hand and his phone in the other, and if only his grandmother could see him now.
He kept repeating sentiments in his head- Get out of it, you moron. - It was a joke, stupid. - and sometimes even audibly -"Get out of it, you moron."
Cassian didn't think his mood could get any worse until the door of the bar swished open, and a very buoyant Kes Dameron walked in with his girlfriend of two years, Shara Bey.
(He had a sneaking suspicion they were married legally. Who stayed together that long and weren't? They were probably delaying having an actual wedding until they had the money for it)
Cassian buried his face inside folded arms, on the table, hoping they wouldn't notice him under the thick folds of his jacket. To his relief, it worked. But as soon as he started feeling some semblance of hope, the couple slid into the seats next to him and started a complicated order of drinks and sandwiches.
"Oh, could you change that to the roast option?" Kes called over the counter. "Just for me. Thanks."
He went to sit down, and his elbow accidentally caught in Cassian's jacket. He withdrew quickly
"Hey, I'm so sorry, didn't mean to- Cass?"
Oh, right. He was wearing his old football jacket, with the number 11 on the back of it, which spelt the word CASSIAN in big block letters.
"Holy shit, bro, what're you doing here?" Kes's face was in his, eyes wide and disturbingly concerned, as he reluctantly lifted his head. His cousin looked different degrees of worried.
Behind him, Shara's mouth had formed into a susprised O.
"Tough week," grunted Cassian by way of explanation, then went to bury his face again.
"Hey, hold on a moment," Kes gripped his arms and pulled him out of it. "You never do this."
Cassian laughed dryly. "Very tough week," he amended his lie.
To his annoyance, Kes looked more than prepared to listen, and Shara dragged her stool over beside him to look on in sympathy as well.
"Can we get you a drink?" she asked.
"Dios- no, Shara, that's alright." How had his life come to this? "I'm just tired. Can't deal with Kay right now." He smiled in a way he hoped was convincing.
Kes was not fooled. "Alright, what the hell is up with you?"
Cassian glared. "I told you."
"No you didn't," Kes turned to his wife/girlfriend. "Babe, can you give us a moment? You really don't wanna witness this."
Shara snorted, knocking back a shot. "I can handle a lot of shit, Dameron. But if it's a question of privacy, yeah, sure. I'm going over there."
Kes smiled. "Thanks, babe."
Shara almost tripped on a wayside stool on the way to her chosen spot, but she dulled the effect of the mistake by pointing the finger out for Kes when he started laughing. How many drinks had she had? Already?
Kes stopped looking cheery and slammed a fist on the table. "Right. Spill. What do I have to save your ass from this time?"
Cassian chuckled in a self-deprecating way, but he suddenly felt far more self conscious than when he'd been caught in the first place.
Kes was his cousin, had grown up with him, and knew far more things about him than he was probably aware of himself. He couldn't hide anything.
"You're going to say I'm pathetic."
Kes rubbed his shoulder sympathetically. "I'm not gonna judge, brother."
Not even looking the other man in the eyes, Cassian opened his phone, found the right place and slid it over.
Kes contemplated what was in front of him for a long time.
Cassian would've rolled his eyes if this wasn't already as embarrassing as it was. "What do you mean, and?"
"Wait, you're snivelling over- joder, you really are pathetic."
"Tonto del culo," muttered Cassian, but half-buried his head again, hoping to cover the reddening tips of his ears.
"You know this is a joke, right? Or just...just something people say sometimes? Like, I've told you a million times. Bodhi says it. Leia's said it to you. What difference does it make?"
"Did you really just ask that?"
Kes huffed. "Well I know you have it bad for her, but this is fucking ridiculous, hijo de puta."
Across the room, Shara rapped on her table irately. "Why can I hear none of this conversation except your extremely loud cursing? Civility, guys!"
"Is civility a word?" mumbled Cassian, objectively not meeting his cousin's incredulous look.
"Puta madre," said Kes firmly, stealing his elbow from under his head so he had no choice but to meet his eyes. "You're being really, really ridiculous. Just-" And here a creative rush of expletives. "Ask her out already."
Cassian knew some creative curses, too.
"Que te folle un pez."
From far away, Shara burst out laughing before Kes could respond.
"I can't deal with both of you at once," he said miserably. "I can't. Fine. Drink up, hermano, feel sorry for yourself, but this conversation isn't over, you hear?"
"Leave him alone," called Shara.
"Listen to her," said Cassian.
"You're such a- a Cabrón,"finished Kes lamely, having run out of steam. He slumped back down his seat. "Oh, my sandwich is here. Look what you did to my apetite, idiot. And it's cold now. Joder."
Cassian snagged his drink. "I meant that last one."
Kes objectively ignored him while Shara's laughter rang in his ears.
Chatroom: Exclusive Territory
Leia: Where are my favourite bitches
Leia: Well, you wouldn't have turned up if you didn't have something to scold me about.
Hera: Ugh, kids.
Hera: Well, is there a reason I was summoned? I'm in the middle of some work.
Jyn: Hey bitchh
Hera: Ugh kids
Leia: Hiya mom
Leia: And I'm here to rant...so you can skip this one actually. Probably should.
Jyn: what did that hijo de puta do this time
Leia: You remember that auction my parents held last month?
Leia: Wait, what did you just call him?
Jyn: It means son of a bitch. Only milder. Cause I like Han.
Leia: Why does EVERYONE like Han? He's such an asshole, it doesn't make sense.
Hera: Jyn. Leia. Language.
Jyn: holy shit you're still here??
Hera: Notifications, sweetie.
Leia: Um, okay. Sorry.
Private Chat: Leia, Jyn
Jyn: I don't get why you made a group especially for roasting Han and added Hera to it
Leia: Hera's part of the gang!
Jyn: Hey I fucking love Hera, but she won't let me say the work fuck in a group chat about Han?
Leia: Okay you got a point there.
Leia: And where was I? Oh yes, so somehow at the auction
Leia: My mom is so CHARMED by him
Leia: He was acting SO BLOODY CIVILIZED in front of them
Leia: And they're going to invite him. On our trip. OUR trip!
Jyn: Wait a family trip??
Leia: Well it's more like a tour to distribute those charity packs. The ones that came from the auction. But STILL. those invites are EXCLUSIVE, not for annoying pieces of shit like Han Solo!
Jyn: doesn't sound like a bad idea to me
Jyn: might be a good chance to shed off all that UST
Leia: WTF JYN
Leia: Are you suggesting that I fucking like Han fucking Solo? The fuck kind of friend are you?!
Jyn: yup. All that UST.
Leia: Don't talk to me until you've said sorry to me and my dead relatives.
Jyn: come onn
Jyn: Leia where'd you go
Jyn: Bitch come back
Jyn: Fine. I don't need you anyway.
Private Chat: Jyn, Bodhi
Jyn: I think Leia's mad at me
Bodhi: did you in any way suggest she likes Han
Jyn: I'm ALLOWED TO! She teases me for Cassian all the fucking time
Bodhi: that's because you won't break her fingers for it
Bodhi: also it's very hard not to
Jyn: I hate you.
Jyn: can you do me a favour?
Bodhi: right after you declared your undying hate for me? Very strategic
Bodhi: fine what do u want
Jyn: can you buy me a box of condoms
Jyn: as in, the cardboard thing where they keep all the small boxes
Bodhi: WTF JYN NO WAY IN HELL
Jyn: my annoying nieces are coming over, they want a water balloon fight like last time. That's all. Gee.
Bodhi: THAT IS COMPLETELY UNETHICAL HOW COULD YOU
Jyn: you know how annoying they are. They asked for a water balloons and I didn't have balloons in the house I had no choice
Bodhi: well GET BALLOONS THIS TIME
Jyn: balloons break easily and the brats will get hurt
Bodhi: jyn. I literally cannot do this. Who goes up to the counter and buys THE ENTIRE SET
Bodhi: wait do I want to know why you had a whole box in your house last time
Jyn: Didn't. Bought from the neighbours.
Bodhi: HOW DID YOU EVEN
Bodhi: you know what? I really don't want to know more
Jyn: there's a wholesale dude living in the next apartment. Whole sells everything. You need something, anything, you go to him.
Bodhi: are you bullshitting me or are you serious?
Bodhi: why can't you go to him again?
Jyn: can't, he's kind of creepy now.
Bodhi: this was just LAST YEAR
Jyn: well, people change. Leia was my best friend an hour ago.
Bodhi: if I'm gonna do this I'm going to need something huge in return
Bodhi: i'll ask on movie night
Jyn: oh who's hosting movie night?
Bodhi: your ex wouldn't like it
Jyn: my ex??
Bodhi: well you broke up with leia didn't you
Jyn: My ex best friend you mean
Bodhi: idk you call each other wife
Jyn: That's just something girls do, Bodhi
Jyn: fuck HAN'S hosting it??
Jyn: wait you didn't seriously think the wife thing was real did you?
Bodhi: han is the best movie night host a little respect please
Bodhi: lando thought it was serious lool and he went around telling everyone but shara whacked his ass about it and he was silenced
Jyn: dear God guys are so stupid
Jyn: lando is stupid
Jyn: I'm going to whack his ass too
Jyn: wait is this why Han started avoiding me at Christmas last year??
Jyn: He was jealous omg I'm so gonna tell leia
Bodhi: aren't you more concerned cassian thinks you're gay tho?
Jyn: FUCK WHAT
Jyn: WHAT THE FUCK AND YOU DIDN'T CORRECT HIM?
Jyn: SOME FUCKING FRIEND YOU ARE
Bodhi: omg LOOOL
Bodhi: you fell for it!
Bodhi: haha this is gooooold
Bodhi: you soo like him
Bodhi: hey where'd you go
Bodhi: it was just a joke I'm sorry
Bodhi: sis please
Bodhi: i'll bring you extra cheetos on movie night
Sorry for not including this earlier! Here are translations of what Cassian and Kes were swearing at each other: (WARNING: Censored but some of these are downright mean)
"Tonto del culo"- literally translates to "Idiot of the Ass". A popular Spanish phrase.
"Hijo de puta"- s.o.b in Spanish
"Puta Madre"- mf
And finally, my absolute favourite:
"Que te folle un pes" which actually means- and I kid you not, this is a legit phrase- "I hope you get f***ed by a fish."
Chapter 3: Who’s To Say What A Man Is
Han enters the picture, one or two heated arguments happen, and someone sends a purposeful sext.
5.00 a.m Han created group Dicks lol
Han: Now you all probably wanna know why you're here
Ezra: it's 5 in the morning
Han: Yeah but you turned up so that kinda defeats the point
Han: Some friend you are
Cassian: What is it, Han?
Han: I made a group without leia and all your girlfriends
Han: Because some things we can't say with them around.
Cassian: Am I going to like these things?
Han: We aren't savages but we still gotta complain.
Cassian: Complain to Lando on private, and leave us out of it.
Han: You're an amazing bloody friend has anyone ever told you that?
Han: Anyway, I'm sure they have a chat without us.
Han: So who's coming for movie night?
Han: Chuckie it is then.
Cassian changed group name to Guys
Sabine looked up as another customer walked in, cursing that th whole neighbourhood rushed for tea on Saturday mornings. She wasn't used to the café's routine. But her unregistered home-based tattoo parlour was in danger of being discovered with that old couple who'd moved in downstairs, so she had to run a real job until she found a venue for a newer, more expensive and legal tattoo parlour.
The scowl that had almost permanently fixated on her face ever since she took up the new job lifted as soon as she registered the familiar face. Dark, stunning eyelashes and curly hair that attracted a lot of jealousy, plus really cool clothes. She caught her attention and waved.
"Hey," greeted Shara, leaning for an awkwardly-angled hug over the counter. Probably a bad idea with all the crowd, but Sabine didn't care about her job enough for that. "Just thought I'd drop in. When's your shift over?"
Sabine pulled a face. "In the afternoon. I only get to leave this miserable place for lunch."
Shara looked sympathetic. "That sucks. Wanna go out for lunch?"
Sabine grinned at once. "Hell yeah. What about Kes, though? Don't you normally save Saturdays for him?"
Shara snorted. "He's planning a surprise for me."
Sabine raised an eyebrow. "What?"
"Yeah. He was talking to someone on the phone and it was really loud. We're going to Disneyland."
"Okay, much as it sucks that you found out, that's really sweet."
"I know, I love him. So lunch at two?"
Sabine rolled her eyes. "I'll be dead by two."
"That sounds amazing. You gonna buy something, or...?"
Shara considered the quickly disappearing items in the shelves. "Donuts to cheer Leia up?"
"Why does she need cheering up?"
"She says she had a fallout with Jyn, who apparently destroyed their friendship by suggesting she liked Han."
Sabine whistled, and tried not to roll her eyes. "Right. One Boston Creme for 0.99."
Group Chat: Guys
Kes: Yourll I have a question
Kay: *y'all. Abbreviated form of you+all.
Kay: Why have I been added to this group?
Kes: that's a really good question
Luke: Now don't be mean
Kes: he's literally the one who asked why
Kay: I will inform Cassian that you have a problem to consult about. Goodbye.
Kes: thank you?
Ezra: guy's a robot I swear
Luke: We really need to meet up
Ezra: I miss you too :(
Kes: ew guys y'all cheesy as hell
Luke: He lives in a different state, Kes, you should miss him as well!
Luke: What happened to friendship?
Kes: Okay gee I miss you but must you be so cheesy
Ezra: Were I a lesser man I would've said 'fuck you'
Kes: Haha now I miss you for real
Cassian: Kay said there was a problem?
Kes: Did you follow my advice yet?
Cassian: puta madre, not now
Ezra: What advice? Kes gives advice now?
Kes: I'm pretty much the only hope these losers have for relationship advice
Ezra: Cassian's in a relationship?? IM MISSING OUT ON SO MUCH
Luke: wait you're in a relationship?!
Cassian: Isn't there something we should be talking about?
Luke: oops totally forgot
Luke: What were you saying, Kes?
Kes: Oh yeah, sorry
Kes: So I have this surprise planned for Shara
Ezra: Who's cheesy now lol
Kes: haha very funny
Cassian: Are you sure it's still a surprise? Last time you tried to 'surprise' her she was waiting at the door like she expected it
Kes: Look there's NO WAY she could've found out this time
Luke: So what's the surprise?
Kes: I planned a trip to disneyland
Luke: That's so cute!
Kes: Holy hell kid
Ezra: omg you're such a sap
Cassian: So what's the issue here?
Kes: I hate you guys
Kes: there's no ISSUE it's just a question damn you cass
Cassian: I haven't forgotten about yesterday
Cassian: And there's always an issue with you
Kes: Someone had to talk you out of your ridiculous love life crisis
Kes: Anyway, my question
Ezra: since when did cassian have a love life?? I'm missing SO MUCH
Luke: Wait Cassian you never told us!
Cassian: You're not wrong, I don't have a love life. Now what the hell do you want, Kes?
Kes: Hijo de puta
Ezra: English please
Kes: Son of a bitcg
Luke: omg guys CALM DOWN
Cassian: Okay but seriously, what's the question?
Kes: Do you know any good place for like rings and stuff
Ezra: nose rings?
Kes: Why on EARTH would you think that
Ezra: sabine threatened to give me a nose piercing in my sleep
Ezra: it was terrifying. Kanan didn't even object.
Luke: Disneyland+ring = ?
Kes: Guys just tell me where I can buy a ring from
Cassian: YOU DIDN'T EVEN TELL ME
Cassian: YOU'RE SUPPOSED TO TELL ME THIS KIND OF THING WTF
Kes: Well I would've but it was awkward
Kes: Actually this is even more awkward
Kes: I was hoping you wouldn't figure it out
Ezra: well I didn't . you have to be more specific when you say ring
Luke: Ezra you're the only one who has that problem
Luke: And congratulations, this is amazing!
Kes: I haven't even asked yet
Luke: Idk about rings and stuff but I could ask Leia
Han: Ask Leia what?
Ezra: we summoned a demon everybody
Han: I get a notification when the word Leia is used on this group
Cassian: What...kind of feature is that
Han: Comes with the premium package
Luke: That's really weird and frankly, stalker-ish
Han: That's the only reason I made the group kid
Cassian: You paid five dollars for that feature?
Han: 5 dollars for the PACKAGE andor I spend my money wisely
Kes: Firstly that's a creepy ass feature
Kes: Secondly, about the ring? Does anyone care anymore?
Ezra: try sephora
Kes: Those attendants at sephora are like shara's scream queens they're going to tell her everything
Han: Scream queens?
Luke: So get it from their website
Han: What's a scream queen
Kes: You don't buy a wedding ring off a website, luke
Han: Why are you buying a wedding ring
Luke: I'll ask Leia for a good place
Cassian: Can't you just go to another sephora?
Kes: There are other sephoras?
Cassian: This is what happens when you grow up an only child
Kes: F you I thought you were my brother
Han: I hate to admit it but Leia is pretty much your only option
Han: And what's a scream queen?
Kes: nngh can Leia keep a secret?
Cassian: It's Shara she probably knows already
Kes: Keep this up and I'm going to tell everyone YOUR secret
Cassian: Tell them that and I will confirm to Shara what she already knows
Kes: That is so unfair
Han: Why is nobody telling me anything!
Luke: So can I ask Leia?
Kes: Yeah but say Cassian is asking
Cassian: Don't you dare
Kes: Chill, she broke up with Jyn
Han: What does Jyn have to do with any of this?
Kes: Shit gotta go
Ezra: what did I miss?
Luke: I have no idea
Han: Nobody tells me anything!
Han: And also don't remind me because Jyn and Leia were never a thing fucking Lando made that up
Han: I can't believe we fell for it
Ezra: you fell for it?
Luke: Han...you were the only one who fell for it
Han: Fuck that's it I'm kicking him out
Han: Bye, traitor
Han removed Lando
Han: Anybody else wants to go?
Private Chat: Han, Leia
Han: Hey Leia can I ask you something?
Han: What's a scream queen?
Han: And is there something going on between jyn and cassian?
Leia: I have no idea what you're talking about
Leia: Where did you pick up that term?
Han: Kes said somethin
Han: Attendants at sephora are shara's scream queens apparently
Leia: Wait, really?
Leia: That's so cool
Han: What does that mean, minions or something?
Leia: Something like that.
New Window: Private Chat: Leia, Jyn
Leia: Get your ass here NOW
Han: K thanks
Han: Don't know if anyone told you, but movie night's at my place this Wednesdsy
Jyn: Oh, so we're friends now?
Leia: Omg shut up Jyn this is important
Jyn: Well if you want me to shut up
Leia: Look, Han's massaging me
Jyn: Um ew I don't wanna know
Leia: Fuck *MESSAGING
Leia: Now that you mention it, that's a pretty image...
Jyn: I only exchange voyeuristic sentiments with people I'm friends with
Leia: I hate you when I'm trying to tell you something important
Leia: What's the movie?
Han: Well we were planning on watching a creepy doll movie
Leia: One of those cheap horror flicks?
Han: A horror classic
Leia: How did you do that?
Han: Asked the guys, they didn't have a problem with it
Leia: I seriously doubt everyone consented to watching that
Leia: And I was talking about the italics
Han: Why do you doubt that? It's a good pick for movie night, everyone's either going to have fun laughing or get scared and wet themselves
Han: Everyone will be involved
Han: That's what makes me such a good host
Leia: I'm pretty sure you picked the movie on your own. Luke and Cassian are way too cultured to watch that third rate crap.
Han: Italics come with the premium package
Leia: And Bodhi wouldn't have said yes unless you bullied him into it
Han: Well excuse me, princess
Han: Classic horrors aren't uncultured
Han: And what makes you think I don't consider what other people say?
Leia: Are you seriously asking me that question?
Jyn: Fine, what's happening?
Leia: Took you some time
Leia: Han just asked me if there's something happening between you and Cassian
Jyn: Why would he think that?
Leia: Exactly, it's very one sided if anything
Leia: And there's no way he could know about the stuff you tell me
Jyn: Wow fuck you Leia
Leia: By one sided I mean he doesn't give anything away alright? Guy's like some kind of secret agent, no personal effects
Jyn: Cassian's playlist has more personality than Han's fucking jackets
Leia: Ha yeah defend your man
Jyn: It's the bloody truth
Leia: But how the hell does Han know??
Jyn: Please don't tell me he has access to your phone
Leia: Why tf would I give anyone access to my phone
Jyn: Some couples do that and it's frankly really stupid
Leia: I'm going to ignore the grave error in that thing you just said
Jyn: Look, the only way anyone could find out is through one of us, and nobody betrays the fraternity
Leia: It's Han
Leia: What if he seduced someone to tell him our secrets?
Jyn: ugh I don't want to imagine Han Solo seducing someone
Leia: You're right, Cassian Andor would do a better job
Jyn: Thank you for delicious images
Leia: Haha no problem sweetheart
Leia: Are we even now?
Jyn: Send screenshots
Leia: Aahh I love you♡
Han: Since when have I been inconsiderate?
Leia: Remember when you had to cover Lando's shift but you were too busy with your own entertainment?
Leia: And when you were supposed to contract Sabine for that mural but you just gave it to that cheap guy?
Leia: Oh, not to mention those shitty new fixtures you installed in the common room without asking anyone.
Han: Seriously, that's what you're going to bring up?
Han: What are you, my moral compass? Some kind of angel keeping track of shit that I do?
Han: I never do anything that isn't completely justified
Han: I got you that interview, didn't I?
Leia: You mean you told that sleazy guy that he'd get to hit on a pretty brunette who looks like his ex?
Han: Your agency wanted the interview and I got you the fucking interview what the hell does it matter how?
Leia: Don't know if you've figured this out, laser brain, but some things are socially accepted as 'unethical'
Han: Well it's not like he got to do any damage anyway!
Leia: He tried to GROPE me, idiot!
Han: Tried to
Leia: Oh I see
Leia: You're one of those men
Han: Hey hold on now
Han: You think I'd support the guy if he actually did anything?
Leia: Whether you try to grope a woman or successfully grope a woman you're a shitty masochist
Han: Can't go to courts with that
Leia: Please shut up
Leia: Han is being an asshole
Jyn: anything new?
Leia: I actually can't do this anymore
Leia: Tell me honestly, who's being unreasonable here?
Jyn: You know he kinda has to defend the guy right?
Jyn: Job and all
Leia: Yeah, like the guy's monitoring our conversation?
Jyn: Well yeah, he can afford to be honest with you...
Jyn: Oh come on you know he's not one of THOSE men
Jyn: He's just a little silly
Jyn: They don't always get it
Leia: Look I'm not going to start another feminism argument with him
Leia: If he comes up and says feminism is overrated ONE MORE TIME I swear I am going to kick him where it hurts
Jyn: Change the topic
Leia: That's admitting defeat and you know it
Jyn: No listen up
Jyn: Be subtle about it, like bring up movie night again
Jyn: And suggest watching a second movie
Leia: I am angry enough to kick him right now and you want me to talk about movie night?
Jyn: Calm down and think of how you'd totally destroy him in bed
Leia: JYN WHAT THE FUCK
Leia: Do NOT go there
Jyn: I'm not implying you like him geez
Jyn: Just imagine it you'll feel better
Leia: I HIGHLY doubt that
Jyn: As if you wouldn't take the opportunity to sleep with him
Jyn: Oh please, you've never considered it?
Jyn: He's not bad looking. Probably great at it but you're probably even better.
Leia: I hate that I'm enjoying the images you put in my head wtf Jyn
Jyn: Hey you know what'd be funny?
Leia: Why the hell do I feel I'll be on board with this idea...
Jyn: I should accidentally send him a sext
Jyn: Meant for YOU
Leia: But he wouldn't believe it
Jyn: Well not a sext just something that'll rile him up
Jyn: You know he was actually jealous when Lando told him we were a thing?
Jyn: He believed it and he was JEALOUS
Leia: WHO TOLD YOU THIS
Leia: Omg okay do it
Leia: I'll keep him occupied think of soemthing
Han: Fine, if it's all the same to you anyway
Han: I didn't say the guy had a right to do it, did I?
Leia: Why are you taking his side anyway?
Han: Hmm maybe to do with the fact that I WORK FOR HIM
Leia: Bullshit, like he can read your chats or something
Han: Look, no one paid the price for being extra careful, okay?
Leia: You don't make sense at all
Private Chat: Han, Jyn
Jyn: Do you want to meet up for drinks and go lingere shopping
Jyn: Ohh shit
Jyn: Sorry that was meant for Leia
Jyn: Oh God this is super embarrassing
Han: Uh huh yeah it is
Jyn: Look just pretend I never sent that OK?
Jyn: Please delete it on your end then we can forget this happened
Han: Of course
Jyn: Thank you
Group Chat: Guys
Han: Something really weird just happened
Ezra: What is it
Han: Actually no
Ezra: um okay
Private Chat: Han, Leia
Han: I was considering having two movies this time, actually.
Han: Do you have any preferences?
Reviews are love!
Chapter 4: A Vote of Confidence
Leia's girls are all online for a conversation about lingere, mental imaging and explicit content of questionable morality. Hera tries to keep lines from being crossed while Sabine makes her discomfort obvious.
Group Chat: Exclusive Territory
Leia: Hey everyone
Sabine: sup guys
Leia: Wow almost everyone's here!
Shara: Btw are you and Jyn okay now?
Leia: Chill, I just threw some Cassian porn at her and we're cool
Hera: OK now do I really want to know?
Shara: She means she put some dirty images in her head.
Hera: Why would you DO that?
Shara: Oh, it's an effective technique. Whenever I'm mad at him and leave him on read Kes just sends me a shirtless pic then we're cool again
Leia: Has Kanan not figured that out yet?
Hera: Please don't give him ideas
Leia: But it's a win-win situation
Hera: I would really rather not
Shara: Suit yourself. Keep it in mind for future ref, tho, it also works the other way around
Sabine: Omg guys stop talking about Kanan this is weird for me
Leia: Lool sorry
Jyn: Hi guys
Shara: We're talking about boyfriend porn
Jyn: Not sharing any of it I hope
Sabine: DO NOT. ENCOURAGE THEM.
Leia: Chill just imagine-porn, like yesterday
Jyn: I'm invested now
Hera: You guys are so perverted
Leia: Trust me babe you haven't seen us in action just yet
Sabine: As long as you don't say anything explicit
Sabine: Or talk about certain body parts
Sabine: I'm serious
Shara: SO ADORABLE AWW
Leia: Let's plan this for a later date but does anyone want to go shopping together
Jyn: What kind of shopping do you have in mind? ;)
Hera: Why is there a winky face? Can someone explain the winky face?
Shara: Actually I'm out shopping right now
Sabine: How are you texting us?
Shara: Changing room
Shara: And no I'm not hogging it I'm like the only customer here
Jyn: Send picss
Leia: Omg yes please
Shara: Well idk
Shara: I'm just trying on bras, guys
Sabine: Those two are going to ask for Shara porn just wait for it
Leia: No we aren't
Jyn: Yes we are if it's sexy lingere
Shara: YES IT IIIS
Leia: SEND PICS
Hera: I hope no one else ever gets access to this chat...
Sabine: K I'm so jealous woww
Jyn: I don't know if it's the white lace or your amazing arms but I am shook
Hera: I hope your automatic backup is off though or it'll get stored online
Shara: AWW YOU GUYS♡♡
Shara: 'course, mom
Leia: Kes is so lucky adfkjj
Shara: I'm gonna buy this one then?
Leia: Buy it and a red version if they have it
Sabine: Oh red would look really good
Jyn: R E D
Shara: I'll ask them, good idea!
Leia: See this is why need to go shopping together
Leia: You can ask everyone's opinion
Jyn: You know the only opinion she needed for that one was Kes's right?
Leia: Where's the fun in that?
Leia: Also she wouldn't even get to surprise him if he's the one she asked
Jyn: no room for surprises when you share a closet space, leia
Leia: He doesn't look in her UNDERWEAR drawer
Sabine: Stop that thought now
Jyn: How would you know that?
Leia: LIMITS exist yk!
Jyn: tbh you invalidate all those limits when you strip in front of another person
Sabine: Pls stop
Shara: You guys talking about strip teases?
Shara: Oh no kes stays away from my underwear drawer but he does know everything I own
Shara: Guys that's NOT what I meant
Leia: I am considering your implied offer of teaching us how to do strip teases
Shara: YAS WELCOME TO MY TED TALK!
Jyn: And who you gonna use it on, Leia? ;)
Leia: Please don't make me block your number
Jyn: Come on just admit it
Sabine: 1) I don't want a class on how to strip
Leia: Idk why you think I like that ASSHOLE!
Sabine: 2) it'll make everyone's lives a lot easier if you just admitted you like 'that asshole'
Hera: Don't be so harsh on him
Jyn: Don't be so harsh on the poor asses
Shara: Which asses?
Jyn: the cute donkey things did no wrong
Sabine: Say it, Leia
Sabine: Say "I have a crush on han solo" come on say it
Leia: No way in HELL do I have a CRUSH on him ffs
Jyn: Okay, fine
Jyn: Admit that you're at least attracted to him
Leia: This is the worst betrayal
Shara: You aren't? Not even sexually?
Leia: TF, GUYS
Leia: But only because he's hot
Leia: Which is completely justifiable and you can't blame me for it
Leia: But he's still an asshole
Jyn: THANK YOU
Shara: I can finally breathe now
Shara: See, was that so hard?
Leia: I hate you all
Leia: But just because he's an asshole with sex appeal doesn't mean I actually like him
Hera: Can we keep the swearing at a minimum, please?
Shara: AH with sex appeal, I like that term
Hera: Swearing in short form is still swearing, Shara
Leia: How come no one ever bugs Jyn? It's not fair
Jyn: Because I don't deny anything? Hah
Shara: So you admit you have a crush on Cassian?
Jyn: EW SHARA IT'S NOT A CRUSH
Leia: D E N I A L
Shara: Yep sounds like denial
Jyn: You can't judge me
Jyn: He's hot that's all
Leia: Are you sure that's all?
Leia: He's super sweet
Leia: Openly feminist
Leia: Decent and funny
Leia: It actually makes sense to like him
Jyn: Doesn't mean I do
Leia: He's an angel with sex appeal
Shara: I'M LAUGHING SO HARD RN
Shara: Kes just shot me a funny look
Sabine: Please take the phone somewhere else
Sabine: I don't want to think about if kes accidentally sees this
Shara: And finds out Jyn's thirsty for his cousin loool
Jyn: @Leia you started this bs
Shara: You both are sooo thirsty XD
Leia: In our defense we aren't SECRETLY MARRIED to a hot guy
Shara:We're NOT secretly married
Jyn: Ofc you'd say that, if it was a secret
Shara: You're right about the hot part, though
Sabine: AGAIN, TMI
Shara: I DIDN'T SAY ANYTHING
Shara: Perverts, the lot of you
Leia: Only because we like images of your toned arms, sweetheart
Sabine: You are now part of Leia's mental porn reserve
Shara: Honoured. Really.
Jyn: You've been the centerpiece of my reserve for years love
Shara: HAHAHA NO WAY
Leia: I like my Shara porn the best
Sabine: I still think of you with dignity
Shara: Honey for that ily even more
Shara: I have an idea
Shara: Well it's not my idea
Shara: But let's go shopping this Sunday?
Leia: I think I'm free so YES
Hera: So the conversation is decent again
Hera: I think I'll be able to make it
Sabine: But I am not entering a lingere store with you lot
Leia: Oh come ON
Sabine: I don't even like anyone
Sabine: Perfectly comfortable in the stuff I own
Sabine: And you're going to do something embarrassing like take pornographic mirror selfies
Shara: Lol I only did it today because of peer pressure!
Jyn: I wouldn't do that
Leia: What if we "accidentally" send said selfies to Cassian?
Sabine: ARE YOU NUTS
Jyn: Can you stop giving me stupid ideas??
Jyn: No way in hell
Leia: Oh but he'd love it
Jyn: HERA MAKE HER STOP
Hera: Leia, you know Jyn is easily influenced
Leia: Can I send this one?
Jyn: Omg stop sharing my porn on the group
Sabine: That's not porn, it's a crop top
Sabine: And you look pretty good in it
Leia: Can I post it on IG then Cassian will see
Jyn: I sent you that picture in CONFIDENCE
Leia: Yes, and your abs look great in it
Shara: Holyy shit that's GORGEOUS
Shara: Also, didn't know you had abs!!! Woooww
Leia: If Shara approves that's end of discussion
Hera: Guys if Jyn doesn't want you to post it, don't post it
Jyn: Shara are you being serious?
Shara: OFC I'm being serious!
Shara: I'm offended
Jyn: Fine post it
Jyn: But DON'T TAG ME
Leia: Why not
Jyn: I have a reputation
Jyn: And delete as soon as he's seen it
Leia: Why are you like this?
Leia: Reputation my ass it's probably the prettiest thing you've ever worn
Jyn: I hate you
Leia: I know, sweetheart
Jyn: Want me to post one for Han?
Leia: Omg yes
Shara: Pretty sure I've seen that before
Jyn: You got any good ones?
Sabine: I LOVE THAT
Leia: Ew no, my face looks weird
Sabine: What are you even talking about??
Leia: Is that from Greece?
Leia: I thought I lost all my Greece pics
Shara: I still got the ones you sent me
Sabine: I like that even better
Jyn: I mostly chose this bc Luke looks adorable as Will Turner but you look kinda good too
Hera: Is that Luke?? HE LOOKS SO CUTE!
Leia: Wait can you send a pic from that party without Luke?
Sabine: MORE LUKE PLEASE
Sabine: so sweet and pure my heart
Hera: You guys are the CUTEST
Shara: Okay, this is more cute than sexy, but I love Leia in the second one. Your cheekbones look perfect. Beautiful neck exposure too. And your calves are really nice.
Shara: Also, pirate outfit! I'm pretty sure guys love pirates and things. That's one awesome pirate outfit.
Jyn: Well it would be sexy if you were on your own but Luke kissing your cheek is the most adorable thing ever
Jyn: I think that'll make Han a little jealous too
Leia: HE'S MY BROTHER
Jyn: Oh brothers make them jealous trust me
Jyn: Idk why but that's a fact
Leia: How the hell
Shara: Maybe because you hang out with your brother more than you'll ever hang out with him
Shara: And because girls are comfortable around their brothers but not as much around other guys most of the time
Sabine: That's...kinda true?
Leia: Well idk
Leia: It's a nice picture though
Leia: Yeah and tag both of us
Shara: I really want to know what goes on in Han's mind when you slay like that...
Jyn: *whispers* p o r n
Leia: I'LL BLOCK YOU I SWEAR
Leia: But yes
Leia: It better make him want things he can never have.
Reviews and suggestions are welcome!
Chapter 5: Misunderstand the Stars
Things get complicated, feelings are messed with. Han calls on an old friend.
I didn't think it was possible for a crackfic to get angsty...but here it is. Please forgive me for paying more attention to this silly thing than my actual fics.
Group Chat: Guys
Luke: guyss look at what jyn posted
Luke: it's from lando's costume party last year!
Luke: it's by far like the best one I've seen of us
Luke: I'm thinking of framing it for leia's birthday present
Bodhi: It's really sweet
Bodhi: who were you dressed up as tho?
Bodhi: oh and did you see the one of Jyn? she looks so pretty my sis
Luke: Will Turner
Bodhi: who dat
Luke: um pirates of the carribean Will Turner
Bodhi: I've never really watched those
Luke: What was your childhood
Luke: Yeah jyn looks really cool in that one
Han: Notifications brought me here
Bodhi: holy shit!
Han: I can do jump scares on group chats? Interesting
Luke: Did you see the pic of me and Leia?
Han: Cute, kid
Han: What were you though?
Luke: WILL TURNER
Luke: was my costume really that bad??
Han: I never really liked Will
Luke: you are not my friend anymore goodbye
Han: Who was Leia as?
Luke: Just a pirate
Luke: Actually she said she wanted to be a space pirate. Not sure what that's supposed to look like.
Han: Look I don't know if I should tell you this, but I think the leia/jyn thing might not be so far fetched after all
Luke: HAN nope no more conspiracy theories we have already established that it's false
Bodhi: We never thought it was real in the first place
Cassian: I thought everyone knew that Lando was making it up?
Han: There could've been some truth in it
Han: Hear me out ok?
Han: This morning they both post pictures of each other
Han: Last night Jyn sent me a message on accident
Luke: why am I still here listening to this
Han: I think they were planning to go out
Cassian: You do realize that "going out" is something they do anyway?
Han: Well they weren't going out in that sense, for a movie or anything!
Han: Okay this is weird
Han: But you're not going to believe me if I don't tell you
Luke: I don't think we're gonna believe you no matter what you say
New Window: Private Chat: Luke, Bodhi
Bodhi: dude bit of an emergency here
Luke: Why what's wrong?
Bodhi: you forgot to tell leia I was added to that group didn't you
Luke: oh my God I'm so sorry
Luke: I'll tell her at once
Bodhi: NO DON'T
Bodhi: they've already talked too much they're going to KILL me if they find out I've been on the group this whole time
Bodhi: I swear I don't read their chats but I've accidentally seen some of it
Bodhi: which I'm definitely not supposed to see
Luke: oh god
Luke: this is bad. Like really bad.
Bodhi: what if they find out??
Luke: shikes I don't know
Luke: oh god I hope they don't
Bodhi: I really need to get out I'm really not supposed to see any of it
Cassian: Fine, what was in the message?
Kes: Hi peasants
Kes: Wait @Han you're not serious right?
Han: Guys. Jyn asked Leia if she wanted to go out for drinks and then lingere shopping
Han: I am not being perverted, that's exactly what she asked
Kes: Okay that is pretty weird
Kes: But Shara's friends can be pretty weird
Han: Yeah but this is something we've been hearing about since last Christmas
Han: And Lando knows stuff, alright? He doesn't just say things
Kes: Well he's normally credible
Kes: Idk what to believe
Cassian: We're missing the most likely explanations here don't you think?
Kes: But Shara told me it wasn't true
Han: You really think they tell us everything?
Cassian: You're overthinking this
Han: What part of lingere shopping doesn't spell suggestive to you
Cassian: I'm pretty they shop together for various things, Han. I wouldn't be surprised if that's another thing.
Han: Look why would they exclusively shop that? They're not even seeing anyone
Cassian: Which brings us to the other explanation, maybe they are.
Han: Okay no way. We would know about it.
Cassian: Not neccessarily
Cassian: It's none of our business
Han: Shit, Andor
Han: That's even worse
Han: Is there a real chance of that?
Han: @Luke do you know anything about this?
New Window: Private Chat: Kes, Cassian
Kes: Hey do you really think Jyn is seeing someone?
Kes: I mean it could even be just leia
Cassian: I don't know
Kes: I'll ask Shara?
Cassian: If Jyn didn't tell us, she doesn't want us to know
Kes: Dude I know you're upset about this
Kes: And it's okay to be
Kes: But shouldn't you know if it's true first?
Cassian: It's going to be so much worse if I find out it's true
Kes: You're right
Kes: I won't ask.
Kes: You okay?
Cassian: I'm fine
Cassian: Really. Don't worry.
Cassian: You think the picture leia posted has anything to do with it?
Kes: You're really not fine, are you?
Cassian: What did you expect?
Kes: Okay I'm coming over
Cassian: Please don't
Kes: With tequila
Cassian: Thank you.
Private Chat: Han, Lando
Han: Idc if you never come online but you'd better answer me this time asshole
7:23 p.m Group Chat: Exclusive Territory
Sabine: I hate old people
Shara: Is this about your neighbours?
Sabine: ugh they're such a pain in the ass!
Sabine: I'm so frustrated rn
Shara: Didn't they sign your form?
Sabine: haven't got that far
Sabine: but today she came to my place and tried to talk me out of doing tattoos
Sabine: said it wasn't 'ethical'
Sabine: and I said I don't KIDNAP people and draw on them wtf
Sabine: and she was like yeah but later in life they regret it?? WTF?
Shara: Don't let them bother you, honey
Shara: And your landlord approves right?
Sabine: I want to get my own place to run my business anyway
Sabine: I only want to have it here for a couple more months or else I'll lose my reputation
Sabine: and I need the money
Shara: Would they really complain tho? This old lady doesn't seem the malicious type
Sabine: they're old ppl, Shara. Lots of free time.
Sabine: @Hera can you proofread the thing I sent you
Shara: Maybe you can sweet-talk them?
Shara: Visit with a cake or something
Sabine: they're not gonna like that if they're diabetic
Shara: Sweetheart please
Shara: Don't be so negative
Shara: Try to get along with them, I'm sure they won't mind your business then
Hera: @Sabine sure, hon
Sabine: THANK YOU:33
Sabine: you're the best
Sabine: How long will you need?
Hera: Just got home, give me till tomorrow morning?
Shara: Watcha talking about
Sabine: Letter to the old ppl listing why I can run my tattoo parlour
Shara: Can you really? Without a, yk, license
Hera: Actually it's a letter requesting license
Sabine: I don't operate within the law
Hera: sure, hon. Maybe don't ask a lawyer to proofread your letter next time?
Shara: lol you guys
Hera: I really gtg
Hera: Bye, loves!
Sabine: bye, ilysm♡
Shara: See ya later kween
Hera smiled at her screen before switching it off, then reaching into her pockets for the house keys. She walked into the living room to find all its lights turned on and a pleasant smell wafting from the kitchen nearby.
Her smile grew more pronounced, subtly delighted. She loved coming home exactly for surprises like this.
She'd almost made it into the kitchen before she was tackled from behind.
"Kanan," she exclaimed, trying not to laugh too hard as her fiancé kissed up and down the side of her neck, arms locked in a hold around her waist that she couldn't break. "Oh my God, stop- stop."
He titled his head to a side, giving her a little bit of breathing room, and inquired, "Hard day at the office?"
She grinned, leaning forward for a quick peck on the lips that he eagerly tried to follow. "No more than usual. What's this?"
"This," Kanan answered, sounding no small degree of pleased with himself, "is the result of two hours of YouTube cooking videos. You're welcome. Happy anniversary, by the way."
Hera froze. No way. She couldn't have possibly forgotten. "It's...It's today? I thought..."
But Kanan was wearing a shit-eating grin when she next looked at him, and her shock of guilt turned into an unamused scowl.
"And here I thought you were being sweet."
He hummed non-committally. "When's our anniversary, love?"
Hera bit into her lower lip and treated him to a smile she hoped came off as clever, like he was asking because he couldn't remember. In actuality she wished she could answer that question without looking at her phone calender.
Kanan raised an eyebrow, but she was relieved to find he only looked amused and a little pleased with her bad acting, but not hurt. Never hurt. He didn't need any of the typical things to affirm that she loved him. They didn't do anniversaries, Valentine's days or cutesy couple things. They didn't need to.
"I love you," said Hera, instinctively.
He ducked his head, hiding a smile. "I know."
She snorted. "Two hours of cooking vids, huh? You wouldn't do that if you weren't smitten for me."
"Oh, I'm smitten," he bent to kiss her. "And admit it, you are, too. That's why you're wearing that ring."
"It's a nice ring," said Hera, but ran a thumb over the ring nevertheless, fighting back a smile as she thought of the day she'd seen it the first time.
She followed him to where he'd laid out an impressive spread on their dining table- impressive in a very loose sense of the word, but impressive anyway considering who was responsible for it. He'd made two different (oval-shaped, unevenly-crusted) pizzas and a bowl of fruit salad, accompanied on the side by a store-bought cake. A cake dripping chocolate with little hearts arranged at the top. This decoration likely done at home. She had to pause and take in a breath.
Kanan emerged at her shoulder. "I'm sure it tastes better than it looks."
She spun around immediately, throwing her arms around his neck and crashing her lips to his fiercely. She kissed him relentlessly until he made a small noise at the back of his throat, then pulled back to sink her teeth gently into his lower lip.
"Thank you," she said, a little breathlessly. "It looks amazing. Thank you."
(She had flattering comments about every item, generous enough with her praise that he actually started looking embarrassed. Embarrassed Kanan was a rare thing. She liked to think she brought out the best in him.)
Dinner was still in progress when he raised an important question.
"When do we plan on telling everyone?"
Hera looked over the rim of her glass. "We've...already told them?"
Her fiancé rolled his eyes fondly. "Not about the engagement. You know. The actual wedding."
"The wedding," Hera smiled, put her drink down. "Yeah. Um. We have to formally invite them, right?"
Kanan ran a hand through his hair, a nervous tic since he'd cut it short. "We didn't even tell them there was going to be a wedding."
"Okay. Well." She pursed her lips. "Let's get them all in one place and break the news."
He winced. "That'll be difficult to schedule and you know it."
They settled into an award silence.
"How about movie night?"
Kanan looked up. "Everyone's going for it?"
Hera rolled her eyes fondly. "Everyone always goes, love."
She laughed. "Yeah, seriously. They don't all have strict working hours."
He mulled it over. "Sounds good. Where are they having it?"
"So Leia isn't going to be there."
Hera almost chortled. "No, she's making an exception for movie night. Don't worry, she's mature enough to admit now that she doesn't hate him."
Or that she's attracted to assholes with sex appeal.
Damn it, guys.
"Okay," Kanan reached across the table, took her hand. "Call Han and inform him we'll be there?"
She squeezed gently, loving every bit of warmth in the contact, in his eyes.
Private Chat: Han, Lando
Lando: How nice to hear from you again
Lando: I recall recently being removed from a group you made?
Han: That's because you lied to me
Lando: Leia and Jyn? I'm still pretty sure they're a thing.
Han: Fuck off
Han: There's a bigger problem now
Lando: And why should I help you?
Han: This is why they say friendship is dead
Lando: Fine, what do you want?
Han: I need to know if Leia is dating anyone
Han: And for fuck's sake don't come up with that 'its jyn' nonsense
Han: Because we have established that it isn't
Lando: So you want me to investigate?
Lando: Name your price
Han: We are not roleplaying
Lando: Lol okay but you have to buy me drinks
Han: Okay. Thanks.
Han: Seriously, thanks.
Lando: Don't mention it. The drinks will be pricey.
Chapter 6: In the Defense Of Comic Books
Bodhi picks up a ginger, Leia doesn’t set traps and Jyn gets asked out in front of the last two people she wants to be asked out in front of.
Luke experiences epiphany.
To all my readers,
1) Thank you for all the support! I'm really feeling dedicated to this crackfic now; and there's going be a plot unraveling very soon.
2) Do NOT microwave sausages. Seriously, it's highly carcinogenic. This fic does not promote microwaving of sausages. You have been warned.
3) You CANNOT convince me that in a modern au our favourite Star Wars characters wouldn’t all be nerds to varying degrees.
(See the end of the chapter for more notes.)
Private Chat: Leia, Jyn
Jyn: bbg what time is movie night?
Leia: How are you getting there?
Jyn: Bodhi said he could drive me. You taking anyone?
Leia: Sab and Shara
Jyn: Sounds fun
Leia: Yup, we're going to take the long route on purpose so we can listen to our playlist
Jyn: THE playlist?
Leia: The one and only.
Leia: What're you gonna wear?
Jyn: remember the rose gold crop top and the shorts you got for my birthday
Jyn: well now that you remember it
Jyn: I'm wearing my tony stark tshirt
Leia: I hate you
Leia: This is why you aren't making strides with anyone
Jyn: Shut up
Leia: Why do you never take my advice?
Jyn: Pretty shit is not my style
Jyn: I will sacrifice my style for no man
Leia: You're the worst
Leia: You do know that it's not so much a 'sacrifice' as a trap in the right circumstances?
Jyn: OK then let's just say I'm not desperate enough to set traps
Jyn: Are you going to set any kind of trap tonight?
Leia: Hah. If only he was deserving.
Jyn: You did say he was hot
Leia: A lot of hot people are assholes, and undeserving
Leia: And FYI he's not hot enough to bypass the assholery
Jyn: Whatever that helps you sleep at night
Jyn: if it's 7:30 I'd better get going
Leia: Can you at LEAST wear the cute shorts?
Jyn: Isn't it an odd combo
Leia: Would look cute. Specially if he's into Marvel
Leia: Which we know he is
Leia: Wait a minute
Leia: This IS a trap isn't it?
Jyn: girlfriend I think you watch too many rom-coms
Jyn: And no, he's a DC person
Leia: Of course he is
Leia: Dark and depressing
Jyn: not all the time though
Leia: Ik, he's a ray of sunshine sometimes
Jyn: i was actually talking about DC comics in general but ok
Leia:Oh yeahh, how many in your collection now?
Jyn: 14. can’t afford I mostly borrow.
Jyn: I'll wear the shorts if I havent outgrown them
Leia: I GOT YOU THEM LAST YEAR JYN. LAST. YEAR.
Jyn: weight gain happens
Leia: Weight gain my ass, you just don't want to dress like a human being.
Jyn: & if they're not too short
Jyn: a wedgie in cute shorts is still a wedgie
Leia: You're trying really hard, aren't you?
Jyn: I'm supplying legitimate reasons to not wear those shorts
Leia: Next time I'm not getting you a birthday present. It'll hardly ever get used, if at all, so what's the point?
Jyn: there is a very simple solution to our problem:
Jyn: buy me stuff I will actually make use of
Leia: If you actually listened to me you'd get dates more often.
Jyn: that would make sense if you went on any dates yourself
Leia: Hey I get offers. You know I just turn them down.
Jyn: oh deer I wonder why
Jyn: yk if you were as proficient in the art of wooing men as you say you are you'd have snagged han a long time ago
Leia: Han is stupid
Leia: The normal rules don't apply to him
Leia: And who said he's the reason I'm sacrificing dates?
Jyn: mm keep telling yourself that babe
Leia: You are such a pain in the ass
Jyn: But I'm your pain in the ass
Jyn: And it's a nice ass so I have no problem being a pain in it
Leia: haha ily
Jyn: I gtg, need to get ready for tonight
Leia: Bye love!
Jyn: See ya
Private Chat: Jyn, Bodhi
Jyn: Hey bodhs we good to go tonight?
Bodhi: yep, my place at 6?
Jyn: That's early
Bodhi: I adopted another cat I want to introduce you
Jyn: You did??
Jyn: Bodhs you're the best!
Jyn: is it a he or a she?
Bodhi: why don't you come over and find out :P
Jyn: ugh you're killing me
Jyn: it's been so long since I last played with a cat
Bodhi: bc you haven't been 2 my place in 3 wks
Jyn: ik, I'm sorry
Bodhi: nvm , you've been busy
Bodhi: I'm not feeling very creative so you can name it too, if you want
Jyn: Thank you!
Bodhi: np :)
Of the handful of places Jyn dared to familiarise herself with, Bodhi's building was the closest thing that came to a second home. Her own flat wasn't much; it provided accommodation, a fridge and a bathroom, which was more or less all she needed to get by as an adult in her early 20s without any requirements but those at a personal level. But Bodhi had at least one other mouth to feed besides his own, and his apartment was a little more spacious, bright and comfortable. She'd taken to spending most of her weekends there in recent years.
Bodhi's 'one other mouth to feed' was perched on the stair railing that ran parallel to the apartment's door and gazing at her with twinkling, piercing green eyes. It mewled in recognition and offered its ears for scratching, which she did, but that was about all the affection the black cat was willing to entertain. It turned away from her and jumped down to the railing below.
"Proud as ever, Imp," Jyn called after it, before ringing the doorbell and hanging back. Bodhi answered only after a minute had passed.
"Sorry, but the new one was scratching my curtains," he offered an apologetic smile. "Come in. I'd give you a hug, but then we'd both be covered in fur."
Jyn gave him a one-armed hug nevertheless, making him laugh and reciprocate hesitantly, before making her way in with a familiarity that always felt pleasant.
She wasted no time in looking around, but there was no sign of a curtain-scratching cat. She payed attention when Bodhi started calling for his new pet.
A soft-looking ginger head peeked out from behind the curtains and Jyn felt her heart melt. The new cat was...so freaking adorable. It was ginger-mixed-white with bright green eyes and a patch of white fur on its forehead, and it was looking between herself and Bodhi inquisitively.
She dropped to her knees and crawled closer to it, carefully holding out a hand and making soothing noises. Bodhi chose to stand and watch with a hint of amusement on his face.
She easily coaxed the cat out from behind the curtains, scooping it up gently as she got to her feet. The ginger appeared alarmed for a moment, but she stroked its head slowly and it made a few noises before relaxing in her arms. She held it like one would hold a child.
"She's beautiful," she whispered to Bodhi, afraid of making a noise that would startle the cat. "Where'd you find her?"
"Behind my building." Bodhi sighed. "She was pretty bad off. Dirty and hungry. I've been feeding her for the past week, took her to the vet as well. Quick recovery, though."
The cat purred as if in question, and Jyn ran her fingers through the top of its head again. "You're safe now, sweetheart. Bodhi's going to take good care of you."
The cat started to stretch, purring loudly, and it curled in on itself to sleep the moment Jyn set it down. She raised an eyebrow. "Naps a lot?"
"Kind of like me," laughed Bodhi. "I can't wait to show her to Luke, he's going to go crazy. But since you got here first, I suppose you can name her."
"I can't think of one off the top of my head," protested Jyn. "Give me some time."
"You have to give me one before Luke does, Jyn, or I'll have to choose between the two of you."
She treated him to a look of mock incredulity. "Should that even be a problem, now, when Luke's probably going to suggest a name like...I don't know, Thor?"
"I would seriously consider Thor."
Jyn laughed. "No way. And it's a she. We need to give her a...fitting name. Pretty like she is."
"Thor is very pretty," said Bodhi seriously, as if of ended by the mere notion that he wasn't.
Jyn playfully swatted his arm. "Shut up. I'm thinking."
Bodhi pulled out his phone. "You get two minutes, or I text Luke."
"You're seriously going to time me?"
Bodhi quirked an eyebrow. "The seconds are ticking, Jyn."
"Okay, okay," Jyn raised her palms. "Work with me, alright? How's her personality?"
"She likes affection, and acts like the place is hers. Also, Imp and her didn't hit off so well, she keeps biting his cushion and eats food from both plates."
"Does she listen when you tell her to do something?"
Bodhi snorted. "Never. I have to physically intervene to get her off the couch, and she keeps ripping my curtains."
Jyn grinned, her face suddenly brightening as if a cartoon lightbulb had popped over her head. "Got it."
Bodhi actually set his phone down. "Tell me."
"She's a little rebel," Jyn sat back, allowing herself a self-satisfied smiled. "Never listening, doing stuff she's not supposed to. Let's call her Rebel."
Bodhi pursed his lips. "So you want my cats to be Imp and Rebel?"
"Yep. And the names go well together for some reason. I don't think Luke could top that."
"Alright." Bodhi smiled at her, then at the ball of fluff napping on his rug. "Works for me."
Private Chat: Hera, Kanan
Hera: You on your way?
Kanan: Just got off from work
Kanan: Where does Han live again?
Hera: Hold on I'll send you a pin
Hera: [1 ATTACHMENT]
Hera: There's a pizza place nearby, shouldn't be too hard to find
Kanan: Sure ok
Kanan: Shit I took the wrong train
Hera: Please tell me you didn't
Kanan: I'm probably going to be late, love.
Kanan: I'll see you there
Hera: We're going to tell them tonight, yeah?
Hera: But I'm not judging you for being nervous, sweetheart.
Kanan: Let's see who's nervous when it comes to it
Hera: Whatever that makes you happy
Hera: Now get on the right train and hurry up
Kanan: Yes ma'am
Luke walked into Han's apartment to the delicious smell of something burning. Wait, that didn't sound right. The smell of something delicious burning? No, it still sounded cynical and somewhat psychopathic. The smell of burning food?
Well, a nice smell anyway.
He followed the scent into the kitchen, rapping twice on the wall outside just so he wouldn't be turning up announced. Han whirled around from where he'd been fixing himself a greasy-looking sandwich.
"What's burning?" asked Luke conversationally.
Han blinked, not registering the words for a moment. "Is that the trending way of asking what's up?"
"What? No, no," Luke shook his head helplessly. "I meant to ask what's cooking. Like. What you're making."
Han looked at his skeptically before gesturing at the mess of ham and cheese in front of him. "Sandwich."
Luke bit his lip. "That's not what I- okay, let's put it this way. What's the nice smell?"
"Oh," it dawned on Han before he snorted to himself and rolled his eyes. "Sorry. I put some sausages to microwave. They should be done now."
He shoved his sandwich in the toaster, holding the lid down because the clasp had broken last month, and expected Luke would say something to fill in the silence before it turned awkward. His toaster took over six minutes to toast anything, environmental disaster that it was, and he didn’t enjoy the idea of six minutes standing in one place, holding a toaster down, and waiting for his generally more conversational friend to speak.
A minute in, suspicious now, Han turned around to check if Luke was even around anymore. He was, but he was standing still, and his face was doing something funny.
“Kid?” ventured Han carefully. “What’s gotten into you?”
Luke blinked, snapping out out of his reverie, but he still looked a little dazed.
“Sorry,” he said distractedly. “Just, um.”
Han frowned, concerned enough now that he let go of the toaster. “What’s wrong?”
Luke looked up at him, and he finally placed the odd expression on the boy’s face- awe.
“That is so cool,” Luke whispered, almost reverent.
“What? What are you talking about? What’s cool?”
Luke’s gaze was directed at a spot behind him, not on him, and Han whirled around to see-
His microwave working, the dish inside rotating slowly under a warm light.
“I didn’t know you could do that,” continued Luke, and he spoke quietly, like some sort of spell would be broken if he was any louder.
Han‘s eyebrows shot all the way to his hairline. “Do what?”
He was almost prepared for Luke to hiss at him to keep it down, but all of that was in his head, and Skywalker instead gave him a straight answer, albeit in the same weird tone.
Han blinked. “What.”
“I didn’t know you could just...not fry them. That you can make them without frying them. Wow.”
“Kid.” Han slapped his palm to his forehead. “You gotta be shitting me.”
Bodhi Rook owned a Toyota that looked like one of those retro movie props that had no value anywhere outside of the silver screen. Perhaps not even inside the silver screen, actually, unless it was a documentary about road accidents, because the cream-coloured car was fractured, dented and otherwise falling apart all around.
It was also refusing to start.
Jyn hit her head back against the seat and drew a long, patient breath.
“This is the second time it’s happened when I’ve been here.”
“She’s normally reliable, okay!” Bodhi squeaked, getting defensive the way he always did when his ride was insulted. Jyn had always meant to ask if the car was an old family heirloom or something- nobody should be attached to a car like this without good reason.
“Okay.” Jyn shook her head, resolving to stare distantly into the small parking lot they were stranded in. “Okay. We need to find a way to get to Han’s place.”
Bodhi turned the keys in the ignition again, and the car issued a few dying coughs, before it sunk back down and went still. For the third time.
“I can’t understand what’s wrong,” he said miserably, and Jyn felt just the briefest touch of pity towards him. Maybe the car was a family asset.
“Hey,” she offered up, placing a hand on his shoulder. “We can figure it out tomorrow. Maybe she just needs another service, you know?”
Bodhi sniffled. “Maybe.”
She patted him lightly on the cheek. “Come on, out you go. I’ll call an Über.”
They got out of the car, Bodhi closing his door carefully. He shook his head.
“I don’t think it’s worth it, to go all the way to Han’s. But if Cassian’s on the way we can hitch a ride with him?”
Bodhi dialled Cassian’s number and pressed the phone to his ear. It rang, deep and slow, for all of ten seconds before being picked up.
“Cassian is driving,” announced Kay’s mechanical voice. “And as it is inadvisable to answer the phone when driving, and because he asked me to, I am answering on behalf of him.”
Even in his lingering state of upset, Bodhi had to repress a smile. “Um. Hi Kay, it’s Bodhi.”
Jyn raised an eyebrow. Kay? Kay was coming for movie night?
“Could you...could you tell Cassian that I need a lift? My car’s not, um, it’s not working.”
Cassian’s voice came through. “No problem, Bodhi. You’re on speaker, by the way, so Kay isn’t doing as much help as he makes it sound.”
Bodhi actually did laugh this time, and Jyn was allowed in on the conversation when he set his own phone on speaker. “Glad to hear I didn’t bother Kay too much.”
"I have already been bothered enough, as is evident by my going to Han Solo's movie night," came Kay's blank voice. “I was supposed to coordinate with Artoo and Threepio on our web development program.”
"You got him out of the house?” Bodhi grinned. “I'm proud, Cass." He glanced at Jyn, who was making no effort to be part of the conversation but listening to it anyway. He could use that, he decided, and added, "Also, I might have one extra passenger with me."
"What does might have entail?" asked Kay, flat.
"It means I have. Okay." He rolled his eyes. "You have space, right?"
"Yes," said Cassian. "But one of you will have to take the front seat, because Kay's sulking in three quarters of the back."
Kay sounded indignant.
"I am not sulking."
"You're researching for your thesis. When the company is good, that looks like sulking to me."
"I answered the phone for you. I had to reach over to the front seat. I am not sulking."
Bodhi snorted loudly. He didn’t know how or why Cassian was bringing his roommate along for Han’s movie night, but it was reason enough for someone like Kay to be put in a prissy mood. “Sure, Kay. And thank you! What time will you be here.”
“Give me five minutes,” answered Cassian.
“Five minutes in the event of Cassian not choosing stop at the traffic lights coming up six meters ahead, or the next one, in another fifty meters.”
“Your GPS shows the upcoming traffic blocks. You really should be paying more attention to it.”
Jyn could practically hear Cassian roll his eyes to the heavens. His sigh rasped through the speakerphone.
“Somewhere around ten minutes. Just hang in there, Bodhi.”
The call was terminated before Kay could pass another smart remark, and Bodhi sniggered. He seemed to have forgotten of his own ongoing car crisis, and for that she was grateful.
“Think we can get Han to dial down the A/C this time?” He asked her, mimicking curling his arms around himself. “I brought the warmest non-winter jacket I own, but Han’s A/C is possessed.”
“You’re telling me.” Jyn grunted. “Leia was honest-to-god trying to convince me to wear a pair of shorts.”
Bodhi eyed her getup of Tony Stark t-shirt, green three-quarters and sneakers. “I don’t think you understand the gravity of the situation. That A/C brings the temperature of the whole room down to just below freezing, and Han lost the remote. So unless he’s found the remote by now, which is highly unlikely given the state of his apartment, that’ll be the standard setting that we cannot control. And he won’t turn the damn thing off either, saying it’s hot without it.”
Jyn big back a grin; it would not do to show amusement at Bodhi’s latest rant of the world’s injustices. She’d missed the last time Han had hosted movie night, so she hadn’t known about the A/C remote fiasco. Not having herself experienced what sounded like a miniature cataclysm, she merely found the story veering to the side of funny. “Want to take a guess as to the real reason he doesn’t turn it off?”
Bodhi frowned. “There’s a real reason? So it’s not just his preference of sub-zero climates?”
“Nope,” said Jyn wisely. “It’s probably his justification for sitting so close to Leia. You know, warmth and everything.”
Bodhi actually guffawed. “I am not surprised. Not surprised at all. You know how much easier life would be for all of us if they just admitted to it already? We wouldn’t have to suffer his demonic air conditioner unit.”
Jyn sighed. “It’ll be easier to convert Spock into the Klingon way of life than to make them admit to that.”
Bodhi laughed, punching her playfully in the arm. “Heaven above, Jyn, you’re such a nerd.”
She gaped at him. “Look who that’s coming from!”
“Would you stop that? Playing Donkey Kong doesn’t make me a nerd.”
“Playing Donkey Kong on a Nintendo DS from a decade ago makes any respectable adult not-so-respectable.”
“Hey, listening to Aerosmith or watching Thundercats at twenty-three doesn’t do you any favours either!”
Jyn sniffed. “Don’t you dare insult Thundercats.”
Bodhi snickered, shaking his head wistfully. “Honest, Jyn, I swear you and Cassian are just made for each other.”
Jyn stilled, all traces of her joking demeanour seeping out of her features. “What?”
“You know who else watches kiddies shows from the past century?” Bodhi teased, clearly enjoying the prophecy he was preaching. “Oh yes, I found out. And I heard that you guys occasionally have very long nerd-to-nerd chats too.”
“Okay, first off-” Jyn shook her head, annoyed most of all that Bodhi seemed to be getting the desired rise out of her. “That doesn’t mean anything, least of all the way you think it does. We just have some stuff in common and we talk about them. That’s basically what friends do.”
Bodhi raised an eyebrow at her, clearly not buying it.
“Sure. Like you and I are friends. You’re not interested in him at all.”
“Shut up,” muttered Jyn, stuffing her hands in her pockets. She couldn’t deny anything, especially not when Bodhi already knew too much. Denial would almost certainly prove his point further, and sound like guilt.
She was still giving him a rather petulant silent treatment when Cassian’s (less beat-up than Bodhi’s, but not altogether impressive) car pulled before the entrance of the building, and Bodhi flashed her a wicked grin before taking to the wind. Her face dropped into a slightly confused frown and she followed at an unhurried pace, wondering what he could possibly be up to.
When she reached the car, she saw that Bodhi was already inside, in the backseat next to Kay, and giving her his widest possible shit-eating grin as he gestured to the passenger seat.
So mature, Jyn mouthed to him, before fixing a small smile and walking around to the front. Cassian turned her way as she slid into the seat next to his.
“Hi,” he said with a smile.
“I deduced a seventy percent probability that Bodhi’s extra passenger would be you,” Kay informed her, in his own unique way of saying hello.
“If you say so,” she remarked somewhat fondly, before looking back at Cassian as he started to drive. “Hey. Done with Death of the Family yet?”
Bodhi made an obvious chortling noise right behind her, and she felt like leaning across and smacking him upside the head. Of course she had to go and say that, right in front of the one person who wouldn’t let her hear the end of it. But it was how they always greeted each other, dammit.
“I have some practical questions, like how his peeled-off face didn’t decompose for all of a few months.” Cassian paused, seeming to think about it. “Actually, I was wondering if he’d, realistically speaking, even have a face in the next installation. There’s no way that thing can last him two comics.”
Jyn willed herself to ignore the subtle kicks Bodhi was giddily giving the underside of her seat. “Well. He’s the Joker. You’d be surprised with what he’s capable of.”
“I can never grasp why the two of you are so invested in completely unrealistic and over-the-top comic books,” Kay sniffed. “I keep telling Cassian that they’re a distraction from his work. Also, there comic book culture hasn’t evolved with the rest of the world in the last couple of decades, because one hardly comes across references to periods of history other than the two world wars, or a change in the way villains and female characters are portrayed, or even original plots. There is very little to gain from spending your hard earned money on accumulating a collection.”
Jyn rolled her eyes. “Holy crap, how do you live with him?”
“Bliss is ignorance, ignorance is bliss, and that’s all ye ever know and all ye ever need to know.” Cassian wrinkled his nose. “Wait, I don’t think that goes.”
“It doesn’t,” Bodhi pointed out, “Make any contextual sense.”
“I think I got John Keats mixed up with something Foaly said.”
“I love Foaly,” said Jyn.
Cassian’s responding delight was full-blown, enough so that he took his eyes off the road when he exclaimed, “Shit, you read them too?”
Bodhi made a gagging noise from behind her, and she nearly rocked back in her seat to hit him in the chin with it. “Yeah. Obviously. Have I never mentioned…?”
Jyn had the good grace to look somewhat sheepish, but she was smiling more than anything, and Bodhi could probably sense it but she didn’t care. “Oh, okay. Well, I’m mentioning it now.”
“Wow.” Cassian was grinning as much as she was, even with his eyes back on the road now. “Hey, it’s a little early, but you wouldn’t happen to be going for NYCC this year, would you?”
Her heart did a little excited flip in her chest. “Actually…”
“Holy shit, Jyn.” He almost sounded breathless. “Can we...I mean, if you don’t already have plans, do you think I could come with you? I mean, if that’s okay. What I mean is, Kay isn’t willing to leave his website thing for a few days, and Luke and Kes said they both might not be free-”
She could hear Bodhi screaming silently behind her, barely able to restrain himself from commenting and absolutely waiting for the moment he could get her alone to bug her about it, but she found it difficult to be concerned about that now. This was an important moment. This was...good. Really good. She tried to sound neutral when she replied but it took every ounce of effort she could give.
“Of course. It’ll be fun.”
In a startling moment of self-realisation, she found she really couldn’t wait to tell Leia about this.
- I could not resist throwing in references. Least of all Artemis Fowl references. Come on, people who’re interested in the things you like are always higher up on the attractiveness scale, and we all know Cassian and Jyn are both 100/100s.
Also, getting asked out to a comic con is simply the most romantic thing.
Chapter 7: Chucky’s Unwarranted Curse
In which childish pranks are played, conversations are had, and Han’s demonic A/C strikes again.
Everyone gets to hear the good news.
Luke didn’t need to have mystic powers to notice that Han had been shooting him sideways looks for the past twenty minutes, while they shared a plate of sausages between them in awkward silence. It made him restless; his friendship with Han was a comfortable one, and they hardly ever experienced this level of awkwardness when left to each other’s company.
Unable to bear it anymore, Luke put his phone down, tearing his earplugs out, and shifted the full force of his attention in Han’s direction. The other guy startled.
“Okay, you’ve been giving me weird looks,” Luke informed him promptly. “What’s going on?”
Han’s reflex reaction was to scowl way too defensively to be subtle. “No I didn’t. Haven’t. Haven’t been. Nothing’s going on.”
The blonde boy quirked an eyebrow. “Okay, now I know that something is definitely going on.”
“There isn’t.” Han plucked one of the crisp, sad-looking microwaved sausages pointedly, indicating that they were done talking about this. Luke didn’t buy it for a second.
“Leia,” he said simply, testing a theory.
Han stiffened. “Huh?”
“I knew it!” Luke beamed, looking way too triumphant than was deserved. It had, after all, not been a very difficult deduction. “So what’s going on this time? Did she disagree with the movie you picked?”
”No!” protested Han, too quickly, before realising his mistake. The damage had already been done, however, so he gingerly resigned himself to amending it instead. “I mean, yes, she did, but that’s not the problem.”
The blonde pushed his chair back and drew his knees up onto the seat, eyes sparking with interest. It was hard to tell what exactly that look was- maybe Luke Skywalker really enjoyed helping people out, maybe he loved listening in on real-life drama, or maybe he just lived on ammunition to tease his friends with where their love lives were concerned. Possibly a combination of all three.
Han half-groaned, half rolled his eyes, before settling for his miserable fate. He’d meant to ask Luke anyway, because he absolutely had to have this information soon.
He took a breath. “Is Leia seeing anyone?”
To his amazement, Luke’s expression became one of total confusion. “Wait, is she?”
He gaped at him. “You don’t- you don’t know? ”
Luke sat up straight immediately, eyes wide, dragging himself back to the table. “No! I mean, I didn’t even think...well, she doesn’t tell me everything , obviously, but this is the sort of thing I’d know- unless she’s, uh, waiting for the right time to tell me? Maybe they aren’t serious.”
“Is there a chance she isn’t seeing anyone at all?”
“Um. Oh boy.” Luke nervously chewed his bottom lip in thought. “I really don’t know. Like, she didn’t even mention it, or drop any hints, so that’s possible too. Who told you about this?”
Han shook his head, trying to ignore the sick knot that had formed in his gut. He hoped, he really did, and there was hope, but the alternative was that he’d lost his chance. He...didn’t want to deal with that possibility, right now.
“Have you read the group chat recently?”
“No,” admitted Luke. “Not since day before yesterday, at least. What happened?”
He resisted the urge to start drumming his fingers on the table. That would be too obvious a giveaway for the raging turmoil inside his skull. “Well, it’s like this. After Jyn accidentally sent me that message meant for Leia- you know, you were online when I mentioned it- Cassian suggested that maybe they’re...going out with someone? One of them, maybe, so we still don’t know, but there’s that chance.”
Luke frowned, taking this in. He really hadn’t bothered browsing the rest of the messages at the time, but he realised now that he’d missed a lot. “If that’s true, you know, I think there’s a bigger chance it’s Jyn. Because Leia would tell me, but Jyn isn’t all that open about stuff. She normally tells Bodhi almost everything, but she might have not told him about it yet, either.”
Han found himself nodding in agreement before Luke was even done talking. It made sense, but more than that, it was a relief- or at least, a bigger chance that spelt hope. He was probably right. It probably had nothing to do with Leia at all. “That’s a good bet.”
Luke clasped his shoulder lightly, smiling reassuringly. Was he that obvious? Shit.
“It’s a really good bet. I’ll talk to Bodhi tonight and try to get something out of him. We can put two and two together and be sure about this.”
“Yeah. I guess we can.”
“Great!” Luke swiped his phone back off the table. “Don’t worry, you’ll see; this is just a misunderstanding. I’m at least seventy percent sure Leia isn’t dating anyone.”
“Seventy percent,” murmured Han, wondering just how the hell anyone could be optimistic with odds that low.
Cassian pulled the car into the parking lot Han recommended for his visitors- that of a run-down grocery store close to his building whose owners wouldn’t object too much because ‘they were bankrupt anyway’- while Leia’s white Three-Series was reversing into a spot. Still concentrating intently on not smiling too much and resisting the temptation to ask Cassian more questions about his plans for Comic Con, Jyn didn’t even have the presence of mind to ogle her friend’s beautiful car.
Bodhi was out first, greeting Sabine and Shara with an enthusiastic hug each, followed by Kay, who simply nodded in greeting. From the passenger seat, Jyn caught Leia’s eye.
Look at you, the brunette mouthed, an insufferable smirk curving the edge of her lips.
Jyn discretely flipped her the bird. She chortled, then wiggled her eyebrows suggestively. Cassian, throughout this exchange, was digging around the gearbox compartment for his keys or something.
Shara peeked in by her window, wondering who Leia was communicating with, and her eyes widened upon seeing Jyn. She didn’t waste time trying to tease her, though. Just- son of a bitch!- turned around and hurriedly told Leia that they should get out of here.
The two girls dragged a confused Sabine after them, crossing the parking lot to the exit, and Bodhi caught on, delightedly shooting her a pair of finger guns before himself dragging Kay and running after them. Jyn was left appalled and disbelieving because really? Really?
Cassian muttered a curse and shut the compartment. “I forgot my house keys.”
Jyn offered what she hoped came off as a sympathetic wince, and not a look of utter betrayal that her so-called friends had deserted her in favour of leaving the two of them in his car, alone. “Maybe Kay will have brought one?”
“Too much to hope for.” Cassian shook his head. “He normally makes it a point to remind me a hundred times because he doesn’t like taking his set everywhere and- hey, where did everyone go?”
“They, uh.” Jyn made a show of rolling her eyes. “I think they thought it’d be funny to just leave us here, like. A prank.”
He raised an eyebrow, incredulous. “Seriously?”
“Yeah. Bunch of middle-schoolers.” Jyn waved it off.
They got out of the car and started making their way across the gravel. The space was dark except for the illumination of windows on nearby buildings and a single solitary streetlight after they left the parking lot. Han’s flat complex was a short walk from here, and in the distance Jyn could see the group of Leia and the rest of her traitorous friends in animated interaction with each other save for the brooding silhouette of Kay.
The wind was chilly, but mild enough to be pleasant. The streets were relatively quiet, and a couple of vintage Minis were parked along the sidewalk, probably the property of Han’s wealthier neighbours.
Cassian walked closer to her than was really necessary, in the same manner they always operated. It was an unconscious move and nothing about it felt unnatural. And, if their fingers occasionally brushed- she wasn’t going to complain.
“So, about NYCC.” Cassian cleared his throat. “Does Bodhi plan on going, too? I can get tickets for all of us, do the booking and everything because it’s easier if one person handles all of that. Just, uh. Just let me know?”
“Bodhi is...probably not going.” She shrugged, feigning nonchalance through the lie. Bodhi would most definitely want to tag along, be her wingman or something, but she absolutely did not need any assistance from those quarters. He would keep on relentlessly teasing her and besides, she wanted to have some time alone with Cassian. And see where it went.
A flush creeped to her cheeks at the unbidden thought. Dammit, now was not a good time.
“Oh. That’s…” He craned his neck awkwardly. “Okay. Cool.”
They walked the rest of the way in a stilted kind of silence, like they felt some kind of turn in their relationship on the horizon. It was the electric tension that sometimes settled between them, when there were no movies or books to talk about; when it was just the two of them, and no distractions from the way they felt.
Well. If he felt that way, that is. Jyn knew in the back of her mind that getting her hopes up about this thing, however transparent it seemed, was a bad, bad idea. She could be reading into it too much. Maybe he didn’t view this the same way she did. Maybe the intensity of his gaze when he looked at her sometimes and the fact that he only seemed to truly smile around her was all just her imagination.
As they made their way up the narrow steps to Han’s floor, shoulders pushed up against each other, Jyn decided she’d just see how the night played out- and if it really came down to it, get Leia’s opinion as well.
Speaking of Leia. She’d already got into some argument or the other with Han, and they could be heard all the way down to the bottom of the stairs. The violent breach of the tense silence between them was more than welcome, and Cassian grinned at her and she smirked right back as they pushed the door open.
Luke, wearing the strange combination of a murky, swamp-coloured knitted sweater with light blue jeans and rainbow sneakers, was attempting to pacify the situation.
“Guys, guys , I’m sure you’re both correct, and does it really matter? It doesn’t, does it? Come on, let’s drop these old issues and have some fun.”
“Old issues!” hissed Han. “If it was such an old issue then why would her Ladyship bring it up in the first place?”
“I just asked you a question, jerk!” shouted Leia.
“She kind of did,” Luke pointed out dryly.
“It was a passive-aggressive question! That I did not want to hear!”
“Children, calm the fuck down,” Shara called from the living room couch, where she was already snuggled comfortably with Kes, who’d arrived earlier after work.
Cassian followed Jyn wordlessly as she stepped around the Big Fight and they found themselves in the air-conditioned living room with the others, every light switched on and four bags of crisps already open and being passed across the floor. Hera and her fiancé had claimed one of the beanbags, Sabine seated on the fluffy carpet beside them, Bodhi had spread himself across two smaller beanbags and Kay was civilly seated on a straight-backed chair beside the couch.
“Hi, sweetheart,” Hera greeted Jyn as she nudged Bodhi with her foot, urging him to stop being a selfish prick and give her room. “Have you met Kanan?”
“Once, I think,” answered Jyn, resorting to dropping her weight on Bodhi’s knees, which was received with a yelp of pain. “Nice to meet you, though.”
“You as well,” said Kanan politely, with all the poise of someone who had clearly never been to one of their chaotic movie nights. His eyes flickered to Cassian, who’d been standing by her side the entire time. “And you are...Jyn’s boyfriend?”
Bodhi burst out laughing at the same time Jyn startled and Cassian’s eyes widened.
“We’re not, uh…”
“He’s not my…”
Hera rolled her eyes, poking her fiancé in the arm. “No, love, the couple is Kes and Shara, and I introduced you before.”
“Oh.” Kanan offered an apologetic smile at them. “Sorry about that.”
“It’s okay.” Cassian shrugged, feigning nonchalance. He instinctively went to sit beside Jyn, but paused, because he did not need to give more people that idea. He wanted to sit with Jyn, and she probably wouldn’t mind it either, but Bodhi was peering up at him curiously and Kes was shooting a maniacal grin his way, so he crossed the floor and went to sit in the empty space beside Kes, also next to where Kay was seated in his stiff chair borrowed from the kitchen.
He probably just imagined the flash of disappointment that crossed Jyn’s face when he took his place, but there was nothing he could do about it now.
Kes leaned closer to him the moment she turned to talk to Bodhi.
“Coward,” he whispered.
“Joder tu,” Cassian muttered back at him, earning a chuckle.
Just after Kes had redirected his attention to Shara, though, Kay leaned in over the armrest of the sofa.
“You asked Jyn Erso out on a date.”
Cassian stiffened, because his roommate wasn’t exactly being quiet. “Keep it down, for heaven’s sake! And it wasn’t a date.”
“Perhaps not by conventional definitions,” Kay went on crisply as if he hadn’t been shushed. “But you asked to go out with her, to an event, without the company of anyone else, and don’t think that I am not aware that you rehearsed how you would present the question approximately ten times before we set out today.”
Cassian coughed. “How do you-”
“I heard your rehearsals, obviously. For the record, I am glad that you didn’t go with ‘I’ve wanted to hang out with you alone in a geek-friendly environment for a really long time’ . The phrasing was stilted and awkward. Were I in Jyn’s place I would have not responded positively to that one.”
“Oh my God.” He closed his eyes, pinching the space between his brows when he felt a headache come on. “Shut up, Kay. What’s your point?”
“My point is that two days ago, you were worried that Jyn already has a boyfriend. What happened to him? Or rather, what happened to that concern? You are exactly the type of person to back away from her and completely give up trying if you found out she has a boyfriend. Were your suspicions proven wrong?”
“The thing is…” Cassian sighed, shaking his head. He did a quick look around to see if anyone was paying attention to them before lowering his voice for only Kay to hear. “I don’t know that for sure. It’s just...a guess. Not a very strong guess, either, after I considered everything, and I figured...well, I could ask, and she’d say no if she didn’t want to go with me, wouldn’t she?”
“She may have consented to going with you in your capacity as platonic friends,” Kay notified him unhelpfully.
“I know. I know, Kay, but we’ll just have to wait and see, okay?”
His roommate’s response was cut short with the familiar dreaded sound of an A/C turning on.
“No,” Kes whispered in horror. “He didn't.”
Han climbed down from the chair he'd used to reach the main switch of his air conditioner, having lost the remote a long time ago. The ancient freezer box had been set to an abysmally low temperature when the remote had gone missing, which meant it was stuck on that setting forever. Han was never generous enough to turn it off entirely either.
“Why did everyone go all quiet?” Kanan whispered to Hera.
“Oh, sweetheart,” she sighed, clasping his hand in both of hers. “Just roll your sleeves all the way down and pray that the power goes out.”
Private Chat: Kanan, Hera
Hera: When do you think we should tell them?
Kanan: After the movie maybe?
Kanan: God it's so cold
Kanan: You're literally seated right next to me why can't we talk in person?
Hera: Some people get cranky when people start having conversations in the middle of movies
Kanan: No one's even WATCHING the movie
Kanan: Whose idea was Chucky, anyway?
Hera: Movie night host gets to pick.
Kanan: I think you should try out a more democratic system
Hera: So, to answer my question?
Kanan: I don't know
Kanan: Let's tell them after the movie
Hera: Nervous? ;)
Kanan: Very funny.
Hera: I knew it!
Kanan: Only because I don't know everyone so well!
Kanan: Speaking of which
Kanan: Where’s Sabine?
Hera: Don't think I didn't notice how you changed the topic, love.
Hera: She went somewhere with Jyn?
Hera: Normally they ransack the fridge when the movie gets boring, and come back with snacks that no one else is allowed to touch.
Kanan: Can we go ransack the fridge as well? This stupid AC is making me hungry.
Hera cast a discreet glance at where Han had cozied up snugly beside Leia, who was actually paying attention to what was going on on-screen but not out of being impressed with the quality of horror. She rather looked keen on studying every aspect of the movie so she could give it a merciless critique later on.
Hera pecked her fiancé lightly on the cheek. Sure, she mouthed. Let’s go.
They were careful, incredibly so, in extracting themselves from the big green beanbag Han took out exclusively on movie nights, and snuck out of the living room without making a sound. If Han noticed, he was too enraptured by the woman at his side and his favourite horror classic to say anything.
Hera, Kanan found out, was in no hurry to stuff herself with whatever morsels Han’s fridge offered.
“Hey,” he protested half-heartedly as she pushed him against the wall and crushed her lips to his. He quickly dissolved into a grin that was so wide it almost hurt, before enthusiastically wrapping his arms around her waist and leaning down to meet her better.
“Demonic A/C made me cold,” Hera muttered, a light in her eyes. “Warm me up?”
Kanan barked a quiet laugh. “Demonic A/C?”
“It’s possessed, like half the things he owns.” She ran her fingers through his hair to pull him to her again. “Let’s go outside.”
“Ah, outside…” Kanan winced. “I think, ah, Kes and Shara already got that place to themselves.”
“Damn.” Hera smiled nevertheless, and it was a soft smile, so in contrast with the heat of the moment, but dear god, he was so in love with her.
“Hey.” She rested her hand lightly against his chest, in the small space between them. “What’re you thinking?”
“Nothing.” He reached back to tuck a stray lock of green hair behind her ear. “I’m just lucky to have you.”
He laughed as she leaned up to meet him again, catching his lips with a mischievous kind of enthusiasm that made the blood in his veins sing.
They were in one of the furthest stages of making out (his hands snaking up her ribs from under her shirt, her mouth suckling marks on his neck and her knee pushed insistently between his legs) when Sabine and Jyn made the unfortunate decision to return to the movie, carrying a couple of milk cartons and cereal boxes between them. Jyn startled, clutching the the boxes close to her chest, but Sabine dropped them with a thud that snapped the couple out of their private haze.
They broke apart, looking as mortified as anyone in their situation would.
“Uh- sorry. Let's go,” muttered Jyn, rushing through the safe arch of the doorway. Sabine smiled at them embarrassedly, then resolutely avoided any eye contact as she hurriedly picked up the cereal box and followed suite.
Kanan and Hera watched her go, feeling very much like a pair of people caught red-handed doing something illegal.
Hera cleared her throat after a moment of silence. “Well. That was awkward.”
“They did not have to see that,” agreed Kanan sheepishly.
“This is...what, the fourth time it's happened to Sabine?”
“Third, I think. She generally has better luck than Ezra.”
Hera groaned. “Don't remind me. Everyone has better luck than Ezra, in general.”
“Yeah.” He moved to fix what he could of his rumbled clothes. “I really miss him, though. I don't miss Zeb or Chop, but I miss him.”
Hera placed a light hand on his forearm. “We'll see them all at the wedding.”
Kanan nodded, then linked his arm through hers. “Do you want to go to the kitchen now? We have something to plan, you know.”
His fiance smirked. “So you are nervous.”
“Why would I be nervous? They already know we're engaged.”
“Yeah, you're nervous.” She bumped his shoulder with hers. “Come on, let's go and see if they left any cereal for us.”
“So apparently,” Jyn knocked Bodhi’s knee, drawing his attention to the not-couple sitting at the other end of the room. “Everyone except Han is bored to death with this movie.”
“Yeah. I guess.” Bodhi shifted his eyes away from the screen, and Jyn could tell that he’d been very far from bored . She’d even hazard a guess that he was a little scared, judging by the way he’d been gripping Luke’s sleeve. “It’s not that boring, though.”
She rolled her eyes. “Everyone’s seen it before. I told Han we should watch a Christopher Nolan movie, but it probably wouldn’t help him get laid because Leia wouldn’t get bored.”
From Bodhi’s side, Luke turned wide, horrified eyes on her. “Please do not continue that thought.”
She bit back a laugh. “Hey, I’m just saying. Kes and Shara are doing stuff in their car, in the parking lot, and we just caught Hera and Kanan, too. And if Hera’s up for doing anything in public, it can only mean that that stupid A/C is really good at setting the mood.”
Luke grabbed her box of cereal and straight up drank some from the box. He started crunching loudly, turning his attention back to the movie, which was honestly the most passive-aggressive Luke thing anybody could do.
Han hissed at him to stop crunching so loudly, and he immediately swallowed it down. Jyn couldn’t prevent him from sweeping the last of her chocolate milk either.
“Well, I’m not in the mood,” said Bodhi decisively. “That doll is freaking me out. Why does it turn its head like that? And what the hell is up with the squeaky shoes?”
“It’s a doll. A doll, Bodhi.” Jyn sighed, sinking into her beanbag. “Why is this boring? Movie nights are never boring. Especially Han’s ones.”
“I’m with you there,” agreed Luke. “Hey, what are Kay and Cassian working on? Is that some kind of project?”
“Kay’s thesis. Cassian is asleep.”
Bodhi chanced a quick look behind them, and sure enough, Cassian didn’t appear to be actively involved in anything. He was probably not fully asleep, but he certainly didn’t look enthralled with Chucky’s blood-splattered dungarees, either. “Looks like the A/C failed to set the mood for someone else as well.”
“Oh, shut up.” Jyn punched him in the shoulder.
Bodhi chose then to drop his investment in the movie, finally seeming to realise he now had the perfect opportunity for grilling her. “You should go wake him up and ask if he’s interested in some good-old-”
“Oh my god, can we not?” Luke exclaimed, righteously scandalised. Han hissed at him from across the room and he ducked his head conspicuously toward the two of them. “I don’t want to hear about who’s doing who when everyone you’re talking about is around the corner. It’s weird.”
Bodhi chortled indignantly. “I wasn’t talking about anyone doing anything! Just offering a suggestion!”
“That’s even worse!”
“Is nobody watching the movie?” Han shouted from his comfortable perch. He’d actually straightened up a little, to glare at them. “You guys suck. Here we have a horror classic, a brilliant piece of cinema with the most grisly murders of its time, and you lot aren’t even paying attention.”
Leia lifted her head then, looking every bit the unimpressed audience as she raised an eyebrow at him. “I am horrified. Out of my skin. By the fact that you seriously think this is a good movie.”
Han bristled. “Well excuse me, Princess-”
Luke waved his arms widely. “Woah, time out!”
“Whatever,” grumbled Han, settling back beside Leia, who looked aggressive and less than thrilled but didn't consciously protest.
“Maybe you have a point,” murmured Luke thoughtfully. “He needs to get laid. But can we please not bring my sister into this?”
“You're too protective,” snickered Bodhi. “You should be more like me, always rooting for my sister to get laid.”
Jyn treated him to a poisonous look. “Zark off.”
The movie eventually drew to its bloody (“And stupid,” Leia offered) conclusion, marking the end of the demonic A/C’s reign because it was only when the movie ended that Han got enough of a bearing of his surroundings that he realised it was too cold. He returned after turning the air conditioner off, almost earning applause from everyone else, and because Leia had by then reclaimed the entire couch to herself, he was left standing somewhat awkwardly without a place to sit.
“Well, that was a good movie,” announced Han triumphantly from the middle of the living room instead. “Didn't I tell you it was going to be good?”
“Mm, yeah.” Cassian blinked himself awake. “Couldn't have spent my Friday night better.”
“I could have,” raised Kay sullenly, from behind the sofa. “Curse of Chucky is a vastly overrated horror flick, not to mention one I'm certain everyone in this room excluding myself have seen countless times.”
“I do not watch movies that don't have a critic's score above seventy-five and simultaneously an audience score above seventy on Rotten Tomatoes.”
“He doesn't watch a lot of movies,” Cassian translated.
Han rolled his eyes. “That's a good justification for bad taste. And where did Kes and Shara go?”
“Parking lot,” hollered Bodhi delightedly.
Han looked confused. “Why would they go there?”
“Because your A/C set the mood for- mmph!”
Luke smiled from beside him, where he'd clamped a hand over his friend’s mouth.
“I'll give them a call and tell them the movie’s finished.”
“Good, you do that.” Han clapped his hands together. “Because Hera and Kanan have some good news for the lot of you, which means everyone needs to be in this room.”
Hera smiled meaningfully at her fiance, taking his hand again. “Yeah. Some news.”
Sabine’s eyes widened. “Oh my God. You're having a baby.”
“What? No!” Kanan looked incredulous. “Why was that the first thing that occurred to you?”
“Hey, when you told me you had something to tell everyone, that's what I thought, too,” Han pointed out.
“Well, it definitely wasn't an engagement announcement, because everyone already knows that.”
“Wait. Oh my God.” Leia sat up straighter. “It's the wedding, isn't it? You're going to tell us when the wedding is!”
Hera winked at her. “Perceptive as always, honey.”
“The wedding,” gaped Sabine. The brightest of grins spread on her face, her eyes lighting up. “Hera! Did you really have to keep quiet about it for so long? This is the most important day of my life. Do we have enough time to get plane tickets or whatever? Where are you having it? Oh my gosh, we need to tell Ezra. Does Ezra even know this is happening?”
“Well, not yet,” admitted Kanan, trying to keep up with the questions. “But we'll tell Ezra just about as soon as we’re done telling you now.”
“No need for that,” said Han, holding up his phone. “I made sure I got him online. You're welcome.”
On screen, a boy with dark hair and a broad smile waved at them energetically. “Hi, guys!”
Bodhi, Luke and Sabine were immediately right in front of the screen, exclaiming greetings as one. Han winced as the reunion too close to his ears got a little loud, surrendering his phone without protest to Sabine, who had the presence of mind to actually pass the screen over to Kanan and Hera.
“Han said you have news!” came Ezra’s excited voice from the speakers. “Are you having a baby? Please tell me you're having a baby!”
“What is up with that,” groaned Kanan, but Hera only shook her head.
“No, that's not it, Ezra. Take another guess?”
“You're...getting engaged?” Ezra looked puzzled. “But you're already engaged. You're getting double-engaged?”
“Laserbrain,” sighed Sabine.
Kes and Shara walked in then, having responded to Luke’s call and wondering at the commotion now.
“What's going on?” asked Kes. “Did something happen?”
“Is that Kes?” Ezra squealed. “Can I say hi?”
Hera shook her head fondly, before passing the phone to Cassian, who was waiting.
“CAPTAIN!” shouted Ezra happily. “You're here too!”
“I still have no idea why you call me that,” said Cassian.
“Hey, let me talk to him,” Jyn reached for the phone.
“Who was that? Leia? Jyn?”
Cassian met Jyn’s eyes with a wicked look. “Leia. Here you go.”
“What- jerk,” she bit back a laugh as he passed Ezra over to Leia instead, who was gracious enough to let her, Cassian, Kes and Shara look over her shoulder into the screen so Ezra could see all of them.
“Hi, kid,” greeted Kes. “You look like a bad Internet connection.”
“Says the piece of ass who never FaceTimes,” Ezra bit back.
“Speaking of FaceTime,” interrupted Han pointedly. “I don't have WiFi at the moment, and that call is costing me a lot of mobile data. Can we all stop pretending we've forgotten what the kid’s face looks like and get on with it? Please? I'm going to need a loan to cover up the cost.”
Leia glared. “Oh, shut up.”
“No, he's right.” Ezra laughed sheepishly. “I'm also, uh. Also on mobile data. And yeah, I need to hear this news before one of us loses connection.”
“Okay, okay,” Leia handed the phone back to Han. “Go on, then. Tell us about the wedding.”
“The wedding,” exclaimed Ezra, the penny finally dropping. “Ohh. So that's what it's about.”
Sabine remained unimpressed. “Like I said. Laserbrain.”
Han leaned his phone back against the TV screen to give Ezra a good enough view of the living room while he settled on the floor beside Luke.
Hera squeezed her fiancé’s hand once, reassuringly, before turning to face their audience.
“So, obviously, you're all invited for the wedding.”
On screen, Ezra went “Yess!” like this was new information.
“We want to have it three months from now,” said Kanan. “And we'll most probably have it in California, close to our old residence. Which is where you lived with us, Ezra, Sabine.”
“Wow,” Sabine covered her smile with a hand, because there was no other way she could keep it down. “Really?”
“It's a special place,” Hera shrugged. “Most meaningful venue we could think of.”
Ezra raised a hand. “Are Chopper and Zeb invited?”
Kanan raised an eyebrow. “What kind of question is that? Of course they are.”
“Dang it,” muttered Ezra.
“You want them there. I can tell.”
“I do not! They’re annoying!”
“You love them,” said Hera primly. “And so do we, and we want every one of you at our wedding. No RSVPs, either. We’re giving you enough advance notice.”
“I wouldn’t miss your wedding for anything in the world,” said Shara. “Also, it’s going to be so fun. Have you picked a bridesmaid?”
“Um. About that.” Hera awkwardly craned her neck. “We haven’t thought about that, yet.”
“You haven’t thought about it,” pointed Kanan innocently. “I’ve already picked a best man and a ring bearer.”
“I’m the best man!” crowed Ezra. “Well, I have to be, right? I’m a better choice than Zeb.”
“Oh no.” Sabine crossed her arms. “If he gets to be best man-”
“You’ll be my Maid of Honour,” promised Hera. “Okay? And you guys can be my bridesmaids. Or flower girls. Or whatever it is they have at weddings these days.”
“Yes!” exclaimed Leia, fist-pumping the air. “Brilliant!”
“We promise to be the best side-chicks ever,” said Jyn solemnly. “We do.”
“But I am your best man?” Ezra ventured carefully.
“Yes, kid.” Kanan shook his head. “Who did you think it was, Zeb?”
“He wanted Zeb too,” Hera whispered loudly. “And Chopper for ring-bearer.”
“Look, there’s no reason I can’t have more than one best man! You get half a dozen bridesmaids.”
“Can I be the wedding bouncer?” asked Han.
“Weddings don’t have bouncers,” Leia shot him a look.
“Well, yours can have one. So everything goes smoothly. I’ll keep the drunk uncles out.”
“We’d be honoured,” Kanan assured him.
“See? He believes in wedding bouncers. You and I are going to get along great, Kanan.”
Sabine stood up from her spot on the rug, looking back and forth between Kanan and Hera. “I’m going to hug you both now. It seems appropriate for the occasion.”
Hera laughed and opened her arms for Sabine at the same moment Ezra started complaining that he couldn’t do that because he lived three states over.
When Hera and Kanan took the train back home that night (and this time, the correct train), she let her head rest of his shoulder, feeling a good kind of tired, and a lot of contentment that made it difficult to stop smiling, no matter how many strange looks they got from everyone else taking the subway.
“That went well, don’t you think?” Kanan asked as he unlocked the front door to their house.
“It’s the first step out of the way,” she agreed with a kiss to his cheek. “But now, you and I have a real big wedding to plan.”
Chapter 8: The Sephora Incident
Luke follows Kes’s instructions, Hera sponsors her side-chicks, and Cassian has the single worst experience a man could possibly have in a makeup store.
Private Chat: Luke, Leia
Luke: can I ask you something?
Luke: actually I’m asking for a friend
Leia: Sure, shoot.
Leia: And stop calling me that
Luke: Lay’s are the best
Luke: anyway, what’s a good place to buy jewllweh
Leia: Jewellery? What kind?
Luke: expensive stuff preferably
Luke: like wedding rings
Leia: Wait, who’s asking?
Luke: can’t sayyy
Leia: What do you mean you can’t say?
Leia: Come on.
Luke: nope I was Forbidden ™
Leia: It’s someone we know, isn’t it?
Leia: Is it Kes?
Leia: HE'S GOING TO PROPOSE TO SHARA?
Luke: no it’s not kes
Luke: but like, good guess
Luke: but it’s not him
Luke: he’s not planning on proposing any time soon
Leia: Well, then who is it? Come on.
Leia: I won’t tell the girl, I promise.
Luke: do you solemnly swear upon your blood that you will not tell the girl
Luke: if you know her that is
Luke: i don’t think you know her
Leia: Ugh just tell me already!
Luke: ok ok
Luke: it’s cassian
Luke: but no one hears a word about this, ok?
Leia: Holy shit.
Leia: Are you serious?
Luke: you promised on your blood!
Leia: Alright I WON’T tell the girl, okay? I don’t even know who she is!
Leia: I didn’t even know he was in a relationship!
Luke: he’s a private guy
Luke: so what’s a good place for a wedding ring?
Leia: Give me a sec, I’ll brb.
Private Chat: Jyn, Leia
Leia: GET YOUR ASS HERE NOW
Leia: CODE FUCKING RED
Leia: This is serious
Leia: You’ve got to hear this
Leia: I’ll send you a few location pins.
Leia: These are the best jewellers I’ve heard of, anyway.
Luke: thanks Lay’s
Leia: You’re the worst.
Jyn: Why who died?
Leia: That is NOT what a code red situation means.
Jyn: idk sounds pretty serious to me
Jyn: But I’m concerned now, what happened?
Leia: Luke just texted me
Leia: I’m gonna cut right to the chase here.
Leia: Cassian is seeing someone.
Leia: And apparently he’s thinking of proposing because he asked Luke to ask me where he can find wedding rings.
Jyn: Wait wtf
Jyn: you’re joking, right?
Leia: I’m not, Jyn.
Leia: It just happened.
Jyn: send proof.
Leia: Luke said we don’t know the girl.
Jyn: Not possible
Jyn: I mean yeah he’s a private person and all but there’s no way he hid a serious fucking relationship from everyone all this time
Jyn: also Kay would’ve given it away at some point
Leia:Are you sure?
Jyn: Of course I am
Jyn: It can’t be, Leia. maybe Kes is the one who asked.
Leia: Well, Luke told me it wasn’t, but then again Luke would lie to protect Kes from getting found out.
Leia: I think that clears it up.
Jyn: yeah duh
Jyn: ngl, you scared me for a moment there
Leia: I freaked out a little too.
Leia: But what you said makes a lot of sense.
Jyn: I think we can safely proceed under the assumption that it's not too late for me to shoot my shot
Leia: Well, this little scare is a reminder at least.
Leia: You’ve got to “shoot your shot” soon.
Leia: It’s a miracle someone like Cassian has stayed single for so long, but it’s not going to last forever.
Jyn: Crap I forgot to tell you
Jyn: I may or may not have got asked out last night
Jyn: I think it’s got
Leia: WHAT?? SPILL!
Jyn: So bodhi’s car broke down before we started for han’s place
Jyn:and we hitched a ride with cassian
Leia: I know that bit WHAT NEXT?
Jyn: I don’t know if he asked me out it’s just a possibility
Leia: Well tell me the details so I can break them down and FIGURE IT OUT FOR YOU, HONEY
Jyn: We were talking about DC and some books we’ve both read then he randomly asked me if I’m going to nycc this year
Jyn: that’s comic con btw
Leia:: I KNOW, Jyn, I’m not stupid.
Jyn: he kind of said he wants to go together.
Jyn: but because Luke and Kes weren’t free
Leia: Oh. My. God.
Leia: It’s a date.
Jyn: how do you know?
Leia: Easy. Because Luke is definitely going this year.
Jyn: He is?
Leia: YES. He hasn’t been able to shut up about it since he got his tickets!
Leia: But until recently he didn’t think he’d get to go?
Leia: There’s a chance that that’s when Cassian asked him.
Jyn:you’re terrible at this analysis job
Leia: What were the other clues?
Jyn: I don't know!
Leia: Did he look nervous when he asked?
Jyn: Tbh I was too busy being nervous myself that I did not notice
Leia: Was he awkward about it in any other way?
Jyn: again, did NOT notice.
Leia: You’re making this really difficult.
Jyn: excuse me, when you’re offered a seat on a rocket ship you don’t ask which seat and so forth
Leia: Pretty sure you stole that from somewhere.
Jyn: Besides the point.
Leia: Did he want it to be just the two of you?
Jyn: I wanted it to be just the two of us
Jyn: He asked about bodhi but I said no on his behalf
Jyn: Gosh will that make things awkward?
Leia: You two are almost best friends. He’s your best friend after me and Bodhi. I don’t think it can be awkward, you get along just fine.
Jyn: it’ll be hella awkward if I like him but he’s not on the same wavelength
Leia: I’m sure he does.
Leia: I wouldn’t ask Han to come with me to comic con if I wasn’t crazy over him
Leia: Which I’m not, mind you.
Leia: That’s not the point.
Jyn: We’ll just have to wait and see, I guess.
Jyn: This could be nothing
Leia: But it could also be him asking you out because you’re both massive nerds and a comic con is the most romantic setting he could think of.
Jyn: Oh zark off
Leia: I’m serious!
Jyn: You’re coming for the thing tomorrow, right?
Leia: I can’t wait!
Jyn: What's on the agenda?
Leia: Manicures for everyone, fish reflexology
Jyn: I am not going to let my toes be bitten off by fish
Leia: Buzzkill. It’s harmless.
Leia: We’re also going window-shopping and spoiling ourselves a bit.
Leia: And, if we’re feeling really adventurous, also dragging Hera into a lingerie store.
Jyn: now THAT’S a brilliant idea
Jyn: I have an item to add to the list
Jyn: no day outing is complete without junk food
Leia: I was actually thinking healthy stuff so we could actually fit into the clothes we buy.
Jyn: you’re buying clothes. I’m buying a Big Boss grilled chicken-n-cheese burger.
Leia: Well. It’s your cash.
Leia: But can you please dress nice for tomorrow?
Jyn: girlfriend I already have my outfit planned.
Leia: Please tell me it’s the crop top I gave you. Please.
Jyn: it’s better
Jyn: it’s my Spoderman t-shirt
Jyn: you know, the meme spiderman? like the weird guy with the distorted face?
Leia: What did I do to deserve this.
Jyn: excuse me, I LOVE that shirt! It’s the funniest frigging thing on the planet.
Jyn: it has the spider pig song at the back
Leia: Where do you even find such atrocious clothing?
Jyn: spider pig, spider pig, does whatever a spider pig does
Jyn: can he swing from a web? no he can’t, he’s a pig
Jyn: look out he is spider pig!!!
Leia: Goodnight, Jyn.
Jyn: so mean
Jyn: I hope spoderman haunts your dreams
Leia: You are such a weirdo
Leia: I guess I love you.
Jyn: you too, girlfran
Jyn: I change my wish
Jyn: May the great lord spoderman bless you always.
Leia: Goodnight, you terribly dressed human being.
Jyn: Night, gorgeous!
Private Chat: Kes, Cassian
Kes: Andor get your ass here right now
Kes: I need a favour
Kes: ok you agreed good.
Cassian: That was not agreement.
Kes: Look, are you free tomorrow morning?
Kes: OK I need a big, BIG favour
Cassian: So you said, eight lines ago.
Kes: So Kanan & Hera’s wedding thing
Kes: has me freaked out
Kes: because they're actual ppl actually getting married
Kes: and it reminded me
Kes: I need to get shara’s ring
Kes: I just asked Luke to get jewellery places recommendations from Leia
Kes: But I want to check out sephora first, cause it’s supposed to be really good yeah? If we find anything there Luke wouldn't even have to ask Leia and risk making them suspicious.
Cassian: Didn't you say that the attendants there know Shara too well?
Kes: I know she goes to a sephora closer to our place but you said there were other branches
Kes: Can we check out one of those tomorrow?
Cassian: I can tag along, Kes, but I can't promise I'll be of much help. I don't know the first thing about rings.
Kes: ik but like MORAL SUPPORT
Cassian: Well alright.
Cassian: Tomorrow morning at what time?
Kes: like 10 or something?
Cassian: Should be fine.
Kes: !!! Thank you!
Cassian: Are you sure Shara won't get to know where you're going?
Kes: I've told her I have an interview. Anyway, she's going to Hera’s place or something.
Cassian: Good. It'd be problematic if we happened to run into her on this trip.
Kes: Yeah you're telling me this is legit like a secret mission, I never usually lie to her so much
Kes: So I'll come pick you up 9.30?
Cassian: Sounds good.
Kes: also this doesn't need to be said but DON'T TELL ANYONE
Kes: Not even Jyn, she's really close to Shara
Cassian: What do you take me for? Of course I won't tell.
Kes: I know, but you go from the world's most talented liar to a total ammature at lying when it comes to Jyn
Kes: I can't believe you've hid your crush on her for so long successfully from everyone
Cassian: How many times do I need to tell you, it's not a crush.
Kes: Hm you're right, that's too mild a term for being a total goner
Cassian: Shut up.
Kes: You love me.
Cassian: I doubt it more every day.
Kes: uwu :3
Cassian: I'll see you tomorrow at 9.30.
Kes: You didn't uwu me back!!
Cassian: Goodnight, Kes.
Kes: Where's the love man
Kes: goodnight you stick in the mud
Kes: may you have dreams of the person of your dreams ;)
Cassian: Why are we friends
Cassian: Wait. We're related. I never had a choice.
Kes: oh my God I am screenshotting this and framing it on my wall
Kes: History was made tonight!
Cassian: Can I go now? You'll have the whole of tomorrow morning to torment me in person.
Kes: You are released, my servant.
Cassian: Thank you.
Kes: Sweet dreams best fran
Cassian: I give up.
“No. No, no, no, no.”
Jyn easily found her group of friends in a prime spot of the open food court by virtue of Sabine’s loud disagreement to something the others had suggested. She made her way over to them, exchanging a quick greeting with everyone, Sabine included, before promptly sitting herself down on Leia’s lap. Sabine went back to protesting.
“I did not sign up for this! And I told you- I told you - that I wasn't on board with it!”
“What's going on?” Jyn whispered to Leia.
Leia rolled her eyes. “Shara is trying to convince her she can't stand waiting outside the store while we help Hera find bridal lingerie.”
Jyn chortled. “Holy Zircon. And Hera agreed to it?”
“I was just being gracious,” Hera pointed out, catching on. “I may just regret it a tiny amount now.”
“Oh, come on,” Shara chided. “It's not like you can ask your fiancé for an opinion.”
Hera narrowed her eyes testily. “I could just go with my gut.”
“Guts aren’t safe enough for wedding night choices, honey,” Shara wiggled her eyebrows suggestively, causing Hera to exhaustedly palm her face.
“Also, Hera’s like a mom to me. Or a big sister.” Sabine made a face. “I don’t want to see what she’s going to wear on her wedding night!”
Jyn snatched the cup of pink boba on the table in front of her, assuming it was Leia’s. “You know, Sab’s got a point.”
“Get your own boba,” protested Leia. “You keep finishing mine saying you’re only tasting the flavours so you can buy one for yourself yet you never do.”
Jyn slurped up a significant fraction of the drink. “I haven’t found the right flavour yet.”
“Bullshit. From your track record of finishing my drinks, everything is the right flavour.”
“Can we take a vote on this?” Hera interrupted, tapping at the table to get their attention. Once everyone had turned their heads, she clasped her hands together. “There’s no point voting on the lingerie thing, because there are three of you and two of us, but how about we all do some regular shopping, spoil ourselves a bit?”
“Sounds good,” mumbled Jyn around the straw, and Leia made an annoyed noise but wrapped her arms around her friend’s waist, burying her nose in her hair.
“I agree,” she sighed.
“You guys are so fucking cute,” snickered Shara.
Sabine rolled her eyes. “I can’t believe you act like this in front of Han and Cassian and expect them to think you’re interested in them .”
“You’re just jealous,” said Jyn, who’d now finished the drink in its entirety. “Leia and I have the purest form of friendship. Don’t we, Leia?”
“Oh, gosh, ew.” Leia pulled back, wrinkling her nose. “You used that bloody citrus shampoo again.”
Shara laughed so obnoxiously loudly that she drew stares from across the food court.
Hera rubbed her temples like it was the beginning of a headache, but the small smile twitching at the corner of her lips gave her away.
“Anyway, as I was saying,” she looked around at them pointedly. “We need to vote on what do first. We have a whole day, after all.”
“I vote we go for a movie,” Sabine piped up. “Movie, anyone?”
“Movie!” enthused Jyn. “We can go for the new Jordan Peele.”
“Uh, no. No movie,” Shara raised an eyebrow. “That’s three hours wasted, you guys. Also that’s not hanging out. ”
“I vote we all go buy ourselves clothes from all the places having Spring discounts,” said Leia, who side-eyed Jyn. “And not only because of the discounts.”
Jyn pouted. “Spoderman did nothing to deserve your hate.”
“How can you walk around in public wearing that!”
“Ladies, calm down.” Hera rolled her eyes. “I propose neutral territory for the first item.”
“Lingerie stores are not neutral territory,” noted Sabine appreciatively, popping her chin in her hands.
“So, uh...neutral means something no one has suggested yet…” Hera looked around, her eyes scanning over the big brand names boasted by the mall. Clothes, furniture, sports goods, Bath&Bodyworks—
Triumphantly, she grinned and got to her feet, sweeping her side-bag and coffee-cup up with her as she did.
Hera dramatically flipped her sunglasses down over her eyes.
“Chin up, ladies. We’re going to Sephora.”
Kes pulled his gleaming Ford Mustang into the halfway-crowded parking lot of the Kyber Galleries mall, all the while inconspicuously looking around for familiar faces. Or rather, he thought he was being inconspicuous. His nerves at the idea of getting caught by Shara were almost tangible, and Cassian sighed.
“When you know your car is recognizable from a mile away, why didn’t you just bring me here in a cab?”
“Hey, I can’t think of everything!” protested Kes, unclipping his seatbelt.
“We need a cover story if we run into someone Shara knows,” said Cassian, ignoring him. “Something casual, unremarkable. What would we tell them?”
“Uh, I don’t know.” Kes rubbed the back of his neck. “We’re here for you? You need a new shirt or something?”
“We can say we’re just here for lunch. Completely unmemorable and, if Shara gets to know, believable. You usually drop in at my place when she’s not at home for lunch.”
“Huh. Who knew you were so smart.” Kes grinned. “Okay. Okay, okay. We’re going to do this. I’m pumped. We’re going to get a ring and I’m going to propose.”
Cassian clapped him encouragingly on the shoulder before they both got out of the car, and headed towards the direction of the mall entrance, stuffing their hands in their pockets as the wind blew a chilly streak. Kes was by this point positively vibrating with both nerves and excitement.
The mall was a big place, four stories tall with an open yard in the middle serving as a giant food court, so it was a while before they located a Sephora. Everyone they stopped to ask directions from looked momentarily surprised upon the inquiry, and honestly, this should’ve been the first sign that something wasn’t quite right, because how odd could it be that a guy was looking for a jewellery store that was supposed to sell expensive diamond rings?
But they did come across the store at last, on the third floor but visible probably to the entire building through the open space in the middle of it, and found themselves more than a little confused.
Cassian and Kes stared for an embarrassing amount of time at the model’s face with the pink background, dusting some kind of makeup brush on her cheeks.
“Uh, who recommended this place, again?”
Kes blinked. “Luke? I think it was Luke. But he sounded pretty sure.”
“Maybe it’s an accessory store.” Cassian looked up at the board again. “You know. Like an Aldo or something. We could still check it out.”
Kes snapped out of it, nodding wisely. “Yeah. No way Luke got a cosmetics store confused with a jewellery store, right? Didn’t he work part time at a cosmetics store?”
“I think that was Sabine,” admitted Cassian.
“Gosh dammit.” Kes faced the storefront with a hard look. “You know what, you’re right. We should still check it out. At the very worst it’s going to actually be a makeup store and we can tell Shara this story after the proposal and the girls will all laugh at us.”
Cassian caught himself imagining Jyn’s mirth at his own stupidity, and tucked the picture away before he could allow himself to appreciate it.
He followed Kes inside, feeling only a little self-conscious as he did. He didn’t care that the place was full of shelves of colourful cosmetics and advertisements featuring women predominantly, but it was just a little embarrassing when each pair of eyes they passed turned on them in confusion.
It took them a few more minutes of aimlessly wandering down the aisles to conclude that they weren’t going to find what they were searching for, and Cassian opened his mouth to propose that they leave before that very eager store assistant walked up to them offering help, but he was cut off by the sound of loud voices.
Kes panicked. It took more time for the reality of the situation to hit Cassian, but his cousin had thus far been on high-alert and accustomed enough to the sound of his girlfriend’s voice that he bolted on instinct.
Where did he—
Cassian looked around, hurriedly scanning every direction for Kes, but he was nowhere to be seen. The sound of the girls’ voices, however, was nearby, and his heart raced with the need to find a way out of this mess now .
The friendly assistant tittered over to him.
“Hello, sir. You seem to be new here! Is there anything specific you’re looking for?”
“Can you, uh…” Cassian desperately looked around the aisles. He wanted to ask for an alternative route out of the store, but he was pretty sure that would only result in weird looks and more time wasted. “Can you direct me to the men’s…” Shit, did this place cater to men? “I mean, the skincare products?”
“Of course.” The assistant beamed. “Two aisles over, you’ll find our full range of face-masks and other cleansing products.”
“Right. Thanks.” He turned around, keeping his head bowed. That information actually helped- the skincare essentials were located far away enough that he might not get spotted and close enough to the doors so he could slip through unnoticed. He hoped Kes had gotten away, because there was no way he could save both their hides at this stage.
He settled for a brisk walk, taking a corner sharply in the hopes of getting there faster, but he had to abruptly grind his feet to a halt when a flash of purple passed in front of him.
“No, I’m sorry,” started Cassian, ready to brush it aside and continue on his way, but then he made the mistake of looking up.
Sabine stared at him, her jaw dropping open, and also dropping the multiple items she’d been holding onto.
He took an instinctive step back, brain working a hundred miles a minute to come up with a story explaining his presence here. Before Leia popped out of the aisle beside Sabine. Followed by a confused-looking Hera wondering what they were all gaping at. Followed by Shara, who just reared back and stared .
He held his palms up because he very much felt like someone caught in the act who was about to get arrested.
“I can explain.”
Shit, why did the most obvious, incriminating thing he could possibly say leave his mouth in this situation?
Then, as if things couldn’t possibly get worse, Jyn wandered over to her group of friends and a did a double-take when she spotted him.
He turned to her, trying to ignore everyone else’s stares. Jyn he could communicate with best, or at least he could crack a joke and distract them, but he had to pause again when he noticed what Jyn had on.
Why the everloving Spock did she have to look so damn cute today?
“Yeah, so, this is awkward,” he stuttered out at last, trying to ignore the adorable scrunch on the bridge of Jyn’s nose. “But I wanted, uh. A face-mask. You know, for your...for your skin.”
It only took a second for Leia’s expression to shift from confused and suspicious to total comprehension. “Ohh. Well, sorry then.” She laughed, almost sheepishly. “It’s just weird to run into you here of all places, but that makes a lot of sense.”
You can play this. This is a good line.
“I guess you stumbled on my secret, then,” he offered them an embarrassed smile, though he certainly didn’t have to forge embarrassment. “Yeah. I come here for skincare stuff. It’s, uh. I don’t like acne. And the weather’s so dry that... I’m getting dry skin these days. Bleeding pores and all that.”
Sabine shook her head. “Hey, sorry we reacted like dickheads. We were just a bit surprised.”
“You’re right, though,” said Hera seriously. “You need a skincare routine especially when the weather’s like this.”
Shara crossed her arms. “You have a skincare routine?”
“Uh...yes.” Cassian prayed that they wouldn’t ask him what exactly his routine was.
To his surprise, Shara then threw her arms up in frustration. “Andor, you are literally perfect. Do you know how much we appreciate guys whose masculinity isn’t so fragile they can’t even shop for face wash? And you have a whole damn skincare routine! You should force Kes to take it up too. I mean, I love him, but he thinks he’s going to look young forever without taking care of himself.”
His cheeks were flaring, and he definitely couldn’t bring himself to look at Jyn now. He didn’t want to see that she wasn't buying his story the least. Shit, what if she thought he was lying? Why would he lie about being here? Unless he was doing something like...shopping for another girl?
No, she has no reason to suspect that. I’ve never let on that I like anyone else. Would she care, anyway? It’s not like we’re going out or anything—
“...and really, how the hell are you still single?” finished Shara.
He couldn’t figure out a response besides smile awkwardly, and couldn’t help but risk a glance at Jyn.
Jyn, who hadn’t said a word so far, and raised an eyebrow laced with skepticism when she caught his gaze.
Chapter 9: Interlude: Social Media Break
A brief look into the online lives of our rebellious bunch before we move onto the next chapter of the story.
Leia likes to post pretty pictures of Jyn, although Jyn insists that it ruins the "troll under a bridge" vibe she's going for. She secretly doesn't mind at all and Leia knows this. Something to do with Cassian seeing the pictures and always leaving a like.
Bodhi is an aspiring model on his Instagram. He has several hundred followers, and Luke is his chirpy, supportive photographer. Seriously, those two plan out shoots at fancy locations and everything. Han is supportive too, in his own bizarre way.
Cassian hardly ever posts anything. The rare occasions he does, it's either promoting some kind of social campaign or pictures of the sunset and various scenery. His profile picture is always a very professional one where he's in a suit or something. Han keeps telling him that Instagram isn't LinkedIn. He doesn't understand why everyone thinks his social media is lame.
Luke's feed is the most cheerful place on this side of the planet. Cute animals in hats. Airplane models. Aesthetic origami. Many adorable selfies and pictures with Bodhi. Pictures of Han taken when he's not looking. Pictures of him and Leia as kids. All with ridiculously happy captions.
Not even Cassian is immune to the combination of Bodhi and Luke making puppy faces. Not that he really has a problem with it. Anything to promote Bodhi's page
and it doesn't hurt that Jyn gets to see these pictures, either.
Then there's Ezra. His is a gaming account showing unerring dedication to the Pewdiepie vs. T-Series battle for subscribers. Sabine doesn't know why she even follows him. She tells herself it's so she can keep an eye on him and alert Hera and Kanan if he's being edgy, but really she just misses him and his little eccentricities.
Zeb makes his first appearance in the story, and his username puts all others to shame.
These images were painful to make. Hope you enjoyed them:)
Next chapter coming very soon!
Chapter 10: Han’s Detectives of Good Deduction
Han calls a meeting, Leia is a dangerous passenger, and Cassian proves to be the ultimate boyfriend.
Han, Luke and Bodhi also risk a visit from the secret service.
Group Chat: Exclusive Territory
Hera: Hey guys. Just wanted to thank you all for such a great time yesterday, I really appreciate it and it was a lot of fun!
Hera: Except now I have to hide a bridal lingerie set from Kanan, and hope he doesn’t accidentally discover it.
Shara: OMG XD
Shara: If you’re really concerned though you could keep it at my place until the wedding comes around.
Hera: Good idea
Shara: I would’ve put my own set to good use last night itself if Kes had been at home ugh
Sabine: B O U N D A R I E S PLEASE
Shara: Hey I was excited okay! Really wanted to test it out
Jyn: Why wasn’t Kes home?
Shara: I have no idea. He texted me saying he got a call from work and it was an emergency.
Sabine: oh thank god otherwise you’d probably be treating us to even more details rn
Shara: Oh yes, details! Did I tell you about that time we
Sabine: WHY DO YOU DO THIS TO ME
Shara: We’re preparing you for the real world love
Sabine: this is going to be the reason I stay single for life
Leia: Hey bitches, ready for the ultimate display of LEG?
Hera: OH MY GOD
Leia: Compliment accepted ;)
Sabine: whyyyy just WHY would you send that
Jyn: THAT’S SO FRICKING HOT
Shara: I TOLD YOU THOSE BRIEFS WOULD LOOK GOOD
Jyn: forwarding image to Han
Leia: Thank you, my lovelies.
Leia: Don’t you FUCKING dare jyn ffs
Shara: I drool
Shara: jyn try on the set you got and send pics
Jyn: hey, no.
Jyn: the government is monitoring our chats
Sabine: surprised you aren’t joining in
Sabine: I genuinely thought you’d be on my side yesterday
Sabine: but you go get yourself a set too
Hera: You’re right, sending pictures is not safe.
Shara: Unless your n00ds have the national security trigger words in them I don’t think they’re gonna pull them up
Leia: Jyn actually has national security level n00ds
Sabine: did I mention that you guys are REALLY STRANGE?
Jyn: you’re right tho I can’t believe I let them sell me a set that I’m never going to use except to send Leia pics that she’d inadvertently distribute to the rest of you
Hera: The sales people were quite persuasive.
Leia: Hey, that’s not true.
Leia: You most certainly will be putting them to good use.
Leia: (Did someone say NYCC??)
Jyn: OH MY GODDD
Jyn: LEIA WHY
Shara: Wait what’s happening at NYCC?
Jyn: nope no
Jyn: I am burning that set
Hera: What? Why?
Sabine: im confused
Shara: It’s Comic Con
Sabine: I know THAT jeez
Leia: How much money are you willing to bet on it?
Jyn: uh. All my life’s savings? Though that isn’t much
Leia: Done! You owe me all your life’s savings if you get laid at NYCC.
Hera: Wait what??
Shara: WHAT IS GOING ON
Jyn: im cosplaying as a sexy nurse and Leia thinks that’s gonna get me laid
Private Chat: Leia, Jyn
Jyn: DON’T TELL THEM ABOUT COMIC CON
Leia: But you said it was okay to tell?
Jyn: yeah but
Jyn: that was before yesterday, ok?
Leia: What changed yesterday?
Jyn: look it’s obviously not a date and I don’t want to come off as pathetic
Jyn: when we all find out who his actual girlfriend is
Jyn: it’s just going to be terrible
Leia: What are you talking about?!
Jyn: we caught him at a sephora
Leia: Um, yeah. Buying skincare products.
Jyn: I can’t believe you fell for that.
Leia: What do you mean?
Leia: I don’t get it.
Shara: I’m. So confused.
Hera: A nurse?
Leia: I dared her to.
Leia: She hates it.
Leia: But she lost a bet really badly, so there’s no backing out.
Shara: Isn’t the point of comic con to go as comic characters?
Jyn: its an Arkham asylum nurse
Sabine: Arkham asylum has nurses?
Shara: That is MORTIFYING omg
Shara: What was the bet?
Leia: Something to do with Han...
Hera: Oh, so it’s personal then.
Shara: You take no prisoners do you Leia
Jyn: do you have any idea how stupid I’m going to look?
Sabine: I have a pretty good idea and it’s really funny
Jyn: so mean
Sabine: Leia we’re counting on you for some good pics of this
Leia: I ordered this off Amazon for Jyn
Sabine: E P I C
Hera: Am I the only one that feels sorry for Jyn?
Jyn: thanks for the save.
Leia: Anytime. I’m sorry, by the way.
Leia: I didn’t know there was an issue.
Leia: But what’s going on?
Jyn: I feel pathetic
Jyn: just. All this drama over a guy. I can’t.
Leia: Please tell me what’s going on.
Jyn: Cassian was lying.
Jyn: I can tell when he’s lying, okay? And that bs face mask explanation was a straight up lie and not even a good one.
Leia: Are you sure?
Jyn: he looked way too guilty for a guy who was shopping there for face masks.
Jyn: and he was pretty darn far away from the skincare aisle
Leia: I’m sure he was just on his way there.
Jyn: look, if he was a regular he’d know how to get there fast instead of sneaking through the middle of the aisles
Jyn: it’s right next to the fucking entrance for crying out loud
Leia: You think he was shopping for someone?
Jyn: look, let’s not get worked up over this
Jyn: I don’t want this drama
Leia: I’m going to talk to him.
Jyn: wtf no
Leia: What? He can’t just give you mixed signals and play with your feelings like this!
Jyn: that is. exactly. the kind of drama I want to AVOID
Leia: He has no right
Leia: How are you so calm about this?
Leia: I want to go to his place and demand answers
Jyn: please don’t
Jyn: come to my place?
Jyn: we can go out for boba
Leia: Of course, Jyn.
Leia: I’m sorry.
Leia: Just really pissed off.
Leia: Can I just ask Cassian what his deal is? I won’t go to his place, just send a text.
Leia: I’m just angry.
Jyn: Me too
Private Chat: Cassian, Kay
Kay: It is 10.30.
Kay: I have told you multiple times to warn me in advance if you’re coming home after 10.00.
Kay: Update me with where you are or I will use the GPS tracker enabled on your phone to find you.
Cassian: I thought I told you to disable that tracker
Kay: Where are you?
Kay: What are you doing at Han Solo’s place?
Cassian: Why is the tracker still working?
Kay: Redundant question. It is for the purpose of your own safety. The likelihood of life being endangered is higher for those who travel via public transport and on foot compared to those who drive their own private vehicles.
Cassian: Hm, pretty sure accidents happen more with private vehicles than public transport.
Kay: I am not talking about accidents.
Kay: I am talking about the danger possessed by those in your environment.
Cassian: So you enable the tracker if I’m not home by 10 and...notify the police?
Kay: If multiple attempts to contact you fail, then yes. I will assume the worst and call the police.
Cassian: I don’t think my own grandmother was this protective.
Kay: I don’t see why I shouldn’t be concerned for your safety.
Cassian: It’s much appreciated, Kay, even if the tracker is a little creepy.
Kay: What are you doing at Han Solo’s place?
Cassian: Is that necessary information?
Kay: It might be, so I will have someplace to start from if you don’t get home before morning.
Cassian: Fine. We’re playing FIFA.
Kay: How long will you be playing this game?
Cassian: I don’t know
Cassian: How about I call you when I’m about to leave? Is that okay?
Kay: That is sufficient.
Cassian: Thanks, Kay.
Kay: You are welcome.
Group Chat: Guys
Han: @Bodhi you left your socks
Han: How did you manage to leave your socks?
Han: They are on my carpet.
Bodhi: sorry about that
Han: How didn’t you notice you left without socks?
Bodhi: my shoes were warm for some reason
Han: ...because that’s why people wear socks.
Luke: I’m still on my way home
Luke: also my cab guy is giving me the creeps
Cassian: Fake a phone call and tell the person on the other end what the number of the cab is. Make it loud.
Han: Is your life constantly endangered or something?
Cassian: These are survival skills.
Bodhi: wait you didn’t take an Uber?? just got into a random unmarked cab??
Luke: Well...there were no Ubers available at 11 in the night
Han: How is the driver creeping you out? Does he appear to be armed?
Luke: but um he’s on this shady sounding phone call
Cassian: Call me.
Luke: will you pretend to be my dad?
Cassian: I don’t think that’s necessary.
Luke: but you have to sound like a big scary guy
Bodhi: use your assassin voice!!
Bodhi: you sometimes switch to this super serious assassin voice
Luke: yess use your assassin voice!
Han: Man I hope Luke gets home alive.
Han: I’m going to keep Leia on standby, just in case.
Bodhi: good idea
Han: I’ve never had a creepy cabbie experience
Bodhi: me neither but jyn has had like 3
Bodhi: yeah so this one time it was a guy who kept taking the wrong road on purpose like even when she told him not to take the road?
Han: What the fuck.
Han: What did she do?
Han: She strangled him with her scarf from the backseat
Han: And then chloroformed him and took over the wheel and drove herself to safety
Bodhi: no wtf
Han: It’s Jyn.
Bodhi: well yeah jyn might do that if she carried CHLOROFORM AROUND!
Bodhi: wait why do you think carrying chloroform around is something people do?
Han: Are you kidding me? You need to be prepared in case of a kidnapping attempt. Leia carries a bottle with her.
Bodhi: you’re fucking with me
Bodhi: please tell me you’re fucking with me
Han: Who do you think told her where to get the bottle from?
Cassian: I checked in with Luke. He got home safe.
Bodhi: thank heaven!!!
Cassian: I’m pretty sure it isn’t legal to carry chloroform on your person.
Han: Who told you that?
Bodhi: han who the FUCK carries a kidnapping drug with them??
Han: A defence against kidnapping in this instance.
Cassian: It’s illegal.
Han: No it’s not.
Han: Lando connected me to a guy who sold them. Very nice chap.
Han: Also what did Jyn actually do?
Bodhi: she called Cassian and he pretended to be her police boyfriend
Han: Police boyfriend? How did anyone fall for that?
Bodhi: are you shitting me anyone trying to do something shady would get scared
Han: So you were Jyn’s Police boyfriend over the phone, and Luke’s dad.
Cassian: Luke’s Police boyfriend.
Bodhi: OMG HAHAHAHAHA
Bodhi: i m wheeezinggg
Han: Have I mentioned how weird the lot of you are?
Han: It’s so much simpler to just carry chloroform.
Cassian: You and I need to have a talk.
Luke: hi everyone!
Luke: and hi babe @Cassian my knight in shining armour
Bodhi: you cheated on me!
Luke: well, you didn’t save me from a creepy cabbie did you now
Cassian: Anyway, I’m going to sleep. Goodnight.
Luke: nooo come back :(
Bodhi: that’ll teach you to cheat
Han: Guys I googled it.
Han: Chloroform is actually illegal
Bodhi: took you long enough
Han: This is really bad
Han: I’m going to call Leia and tell her to get rid of it.
Luke: ITS TWELVE IN THE MORNING
Han: This is an emergency Luke
Luke: I feel like I’m missing some context
Bodhi: this bright idiot introduced Leia to a kidnapping drug as a form of self defence
Luke: are u serious??
Bodhi: she’s not in any immediate danger han just text her
Bodhi: she’ll see it before she goes anywhere in the mornin
Han: You’re right.
Han: God I hope she’s okay.
Bodhi: I can’t fall asleep
Bodhi: keep thinking about my socks
Han: You mean these socks
Bodhi: dude wtf! disgusting!!
Han: Wait don’t go
Han: I actually have a question
Han: So remember when we were going through Lando’s intel today
Luke: you mean his stalker files
Han: It’s not stalking if it’s publicly available information!
Luke: dude. it’s stalking.
Han: I don’t know if you guys remember this but when we looked into Lando’s theory that Jyn might be into that dude and not Leia, Cassian got all weirdly tensed up.
Luke: what does he have to worry about
Luke: doubt that dude can be her police boyfriend
Han: Why do I even bother
Bodhi: wait he actually got all tense?
Han: Yeah. I’ve never seen it before.
Han: Do you think he has a thing for Jyn?
Luke: no. WAY!!
Luke: sure we didn’t imagine it??
Han: Idk, looked a lot like it to me.
Bodhi: just saying, but it would actually make sense…
Luke: BODHI. WHAT HAVE YOU BEEN HIDING FROM US
Bodhi: no, nothing. he just asked her out to Comic-Con.
Bodhi: in the car. on the way to movie night.
Bodhi: wait will he murder me for telling this?
Han: They’re a thing?
Han: You’re kidding me.
Bodhi: no they’re not a thing
Bodhi: they might like each other that’s all
Luke: if cassian is ghosting on this chat right now we’re all dead meat.
Han: Oh shit.
Han: Delete these messages ASAP
Bodhi: he’s gonna kill me…
Han: DELETE EVERYTHING
Luke: the whole chat??
Han: Yes. We can pretend it’s an accident. Or else he’ll see that only the messages after he left have been deleted.
Luke: yeah you’re right!
Bodhi: we are so dead
Bodhi: he’s going to bring all his secret service friends and make us vanish
Bodhi: going to go now and tell my cats I love them
Han: Drama queen
Luke: am I a group admin?
Han: Yes. Luckily you only need two admins to erase all the data.
Luke: wow close save
Luke: Commencing: Operation Cinder.
Group Chat: Guys
This chat is empty. Make it less lonely; send a message!
Chapter 11: Everybody Loves Kanan
The investigations start to lead somewhere. Luke thinks it leads nowhere at all. Kanan solves a few problems and Leia coins a new phrase that Jyn loathes.
Group Chat: Guys
Ezra: hey where did all the messages go??
Bodhi: good morning!
Han: I think it got deleted by accident.
Ezra: but how?
Han: Not sure.
Kes: Hey yall how did last night’s discussions go?
Kes: Again sorry I couldn’t make it
Ezra: I’m always missing out
Han: According to Lando, there’s some dude that Leia and Jyn are both following
Han: They always comment on his stuff
Kes: Someone we don’t know?
Han: Yeah he’s not in our circle
Han: Del something
Ezra: stalking now!
Kes: K I’m gonna check him out
Kes: Holy shit
Han: Holy shit is right…
Ezra: ok I don’t mean to be a dick but this guy is gorgeous
Han: He’s decent
Bodhi: no, he’s gorgeous, and you’re just jealous
Han: He doesn’t seem Leia’s type
Han: So he might be Jyn’s
Kes: I don’t mean to add fuel to this shitfire
Kes: But he’s anyone’s type
Han: Just because you all think he looks good doesn’t mean he’s Leia’s type!
Ezra: there there
Han: Seriously, Lando is more Leia’s type than this guy.
Kes: What does Cassian make of this?
Kes: He usually has more common sense than the rest of us
Ezra: excuse me!!
Kes: It’s true
Han: Cassian thinks Lando’s findings aren’t indicative of anything
Bodhi: or I quote, “largely insufficient information on which to base any important decisions”
Ezra: I just read that in Cassian’s voice
Kes: Sounds more like his robot roommate to me
Bodhi: omg we should ask kay!
Han: A hundred times no
Han: I’m telling you it’s not worth it
Kes: Maybe Cass is right tho
Kes: Lando was wrong last time
Bodhi: yeah also he has shady contacts like chloroform suppliers
Bodhi: long story.
Kes: But how did Lando come across this anyway?
Han: He didn’t explain the process to me and I didn’t ask
Bodhi: which is why we all think this is seriously morally wrong
Ezra: it’s kinda stalker-ish
Han: I keep telling you, he didn’t do anything illegal
Bodhi: press X to doubt.
Han: Oh ha ha
Kes: k so they comment on his pics, so what?
Han: Wait I’ll share
Ezra: maybe those are inside jokes?
Kes: Definitely inside jokes
Han: They seem to have a lot of those with this guy
Han: Whom we’ve never even met
Han: I mean I’m not saying they shouldn’t have friends outside our circle
Han: Leia has a lot of contacts
Han: But Jyn too?
Han: Jyn hates people
Bodhi: she doesn’t interact with new people, yes
Bodhi: maybe Leia introduced them
Han: Three of them seem really close though
Kes: I’m gonna go with Cassian and say that it’s a leap
Kes: Maybe they’re all in the same book club or smth
Ezra: book club yeah right
Kes: Hey just saying
Han: Do you think I’ve missed my chance
Han: She might get more pissed at me than usual if she already has a bf
Han: Or if she likes this guy and they have a thing
Bodhi: you could just
Bodhi: do something?? Like ask her out already?
Bodhi: then you’ll know for sure
Han: But what if she gets mad?
Kes: Oh for HEAVEN’S SAKE
Kes: She won’t get mad if you ask nicely
Ezra: she’ll turn you down politely
Han: Oh gee thanks Ezra
Ezra: I didn’t say for sure!
Han: Supposing I could ask her
Han: How do I do it?
Kes: This needs a bit of thinking
Ezra: a bit?? knowing Han he’s not gonna think at all and screw up
Han: You are SO supportive
Ezra: we need to call in an expert
Ezra: one of leia’s friends
Ezra: who knows the things she likes and stuff
Han: Hey I know what she likes!
Ezra: we need someone from the girls side
Ezra: an inside man
Kes: Dude, they’re all super loyal to each other
Kes: They’ll tell Leia
Han: Really bad idea
Ezra: we could make them promise
Han: Oh because THAT always works
Ezra: I’m thinking Sabine
Ezra: she’s not like, leia and jyn
Ezra: so she wouldn’t spill if we made some kinda deal
Bodhi: I have a bad feeling about this
Han: That’s a horrible idea
Ezra: she’ll keep it secret if I ask her!
Kes: I dunno
Kes: She more loyal to you or the girls?
Ezra: look we’re like bffs
Han: Big risk
Kes: Look why don’t you come up with a plan to ask Leia out anyway
Han: What if she says no?
Luke: GOOD MORNING MY CHILDREN
Luke: nahhh she won’t say no
Luke: not unless you catch her in a really bad mood
Han: What makes you think that?
Luke: cuz it’s Leia
Luke: I know my sister ok
Kes: The last time you were this sure about something
Kes: Cassian and I wound up lost in a cosmetics store
Bodhi: omg WHAT
Ezra: what do you mean?
Luke: when did I direct you to a cosmetics store??
Kes: Does the name Sephora ring a bell?
Luke: Sephora is a jewellery store!!!!
Kes: Luke TIFFANY’S IS THE JEWELLERY STORE
Kes: SEPHORA IS THE MAKEUP STORE
Kes: And it’s not just on Luke because NONE OF YOU KNEW EITHER
Han: Hey how are we supposed to know??
Han: You’re the one with a girlfriend, you should know better!
Kes: I COULDN’T VERY WELL ASK HER
Kes: This happened to be the day Hera took the girls out
Kes: And they walked right into the bloody store while we were wondering where the fucking diamonds were
Kes: CASSIAN GOT CAUGHT
Kes: He had to explain to them what he was doing in there!
Han: I’M DYING
Han: THAT HAPPENED?!
Kes: It was NOT funny
Ezra: dude wtfffff
Ezra: no no that’s the DEFINITION of funny
Bodhi: POOR CASSIAN
Luke: they didn’t catch you??
Kes: No I managed to hide
Kes: But it was clearly the worst day of my cousin’s life
Cassian: Good morning. And thank you, everyone, for all being completely unreliable sources of information.
Cassian: Not one of you knew what Sephora was?
Ezra: how did you explain yourself to the girls omg
Cassian: I said I was there for skincare products
Han: Good save man
Kes: Yeah he even got complimented for it
Cassian: Let’s not revisit that memory.
Cassian: I notice all the previous messages are gone?
Cassian: I thought there was a two-factor authentication system in this app for clearing chat history.
Han: Probably got wiped out by a bug or something.
Cassian: That makes sense
Cassian: I advise uninstalling the app and running a virus scan before installing again
Kes: Nobody is going to do that
Cassian: Your loss.
Han: We should do that just to be safe
Ezra: ok fine when you do it tell us if you found a virus
Kes: I refuse to spend my morning on this
Cassian: What about the ring, do you have it sorted now?
Kes: I have a couple of ideas
Luke: no cosmetic stores this time?
Kes: Shut up.
New Private Chat: Kes, Kanan
Kes: This is Kes
Kes: We met on movie night, if you remember?
Kes: I was wondering if I could get advice on something
Kes: Oh BTW remember Hera’s fiancé?
Han: Nice chap
Bodhi: what about him?
Kes: Think we should add him to this group?
Kes: Seeing as we’re gonna be around for his wedding and all
Kes: would be weird if we don’t keep in touch
Cassian: We should add him
Cassian: But I am not sure how he would react to the kind of conversations you frequently have on this group.
Ezra: nah he’s chill
Ezra: anyway he doesn’t even know leia or the other girls that well he won’t tell them
Ezra: also I trust him with my life
Han: You’re absolutely positive he won’t tell Leia?
Ezra: no, he minds his own business
Han: Well okay then
Han: Do you think we should add Lando back?
Han: I kind of feel bad now
Luke: dude nobody was ever mad at him except for you
Han: I’ll add him back but istg if he pulls a stunt like that again
Han added Kanan
Han added Lando
Han: Anyone else?
Cassian: Yes, Kay said he’d like to be removed from the group.
Han: Of course he said that
Han removed Kay
Bodhi: ummm guys?
Bodhi: speaking of adding and removing ppl
Bodhi: is it possible to leave a group without people in the group being notified that you left?
Ezra: no it shows if you leave
Han: Of course it does
Han: What kind of question is that?
Bodhi: it’s just that
Bodhi: so the girls have a group, ok? just like this one
Bodhi: and they accidentally added me
Han: Wait, what?
Luke: yeah and I was supposed to tell Leia to remove him as soon as it happened but I kind of forgot
Bodhi: and now it’s been like a month
Bodhi: and if I leave they’ll see that I’ve been on the group all this time
Bodhi: and they’ll kill me
Kes: Wait a minute hold the fucking line
Kes: You have been on the girls group for a MONTH?
Han: AND YOU DIDN’T TELL US??
Bodhi: no! I just want to leave the stupid group before they find out!!
Han: Please tell me you realise what this means
Bodhi: IT MEANS I’M IN A SACK FULL OF SHIT
Han: IT MEANS YOU’RE IN A GOLDMINE
Cassian: I can already see where this headed
Cassian: Please don’t finish that thought
Bodhi: oh my god
Bodhi: no way
Bodhi: no way in hell
Kes: Do you actually read the messages?
Bodhi: I try not to
Bodhi: but sometimes they just pop up in my notifications
Cassian: Who are the moderators of the group?
Bodhi: Leia and Hera
Cassian: If you’re afraid to tell Leia, I’m sure you can ask Hera to be removed
Bodhi: but they’ll all still SEE when I get removed
Cassian: I don’t think it can be helped at this point
Han: No wait
Han: What does Leia say about me on the group?
Bodhi: um LIKE HELL i'm going to tell you
Han: Come on
Bodhi: look I don’t know anyway! I don’t READ that stuff!
Han: Maybe they wanted you to be on the group
Han: Maybe it wasn’t an accident
Bodhi: I know what you’re trying to do and it’s not going to work
Han: Look, we’ve been looking everywhere for information and I even had to set Lando on the job while all this time you’ve had everything we could possibly need!
Kes: This is a bad idea
Ezra: a really bad idea
Luke: some would even call it a horrible idea
Han: You all suck
Cassian: It would be a massive invasion of privacy for Bodhi to read their messages and pass it on to us
Han: Yes I know, that’s why I’m not asking for anything specific
Han: What do you think I am??
Han: I just want to know the odds of Leia saying no if I ask her out
Han: That’s innocent information right?
Luke: except he’d have to go through a lot of not-innocent information to find that out
Han: Dammit Luke why do you have to stir up my morals like this?
Bodhi: well gee I TRIED to tell you subtly last night
Bodhi: okay fine
Bodhi: I still think del meeko is hot af and there’s a chance lando is right
Bodhi: but I don’t think they have ever talked about him on the group
Han: THANK YOU
Han: So Lando could be wrong
Han: They’d definitely talk about him if Lando was right
Han: Thank you, Bodhi
Han: That wasn’t so hard now was it?
Bodhi: that’s all I’m gonna tell you
Bodhi: I need to get out of there ASAP
Ezra: just out of curiosity
Ezra: what DOES Leia say about Han?
Bodhi: NOT YOU TOO
Cassian: I think enough has already been disclosed
Bodhi: Yes. Yes I think that too.
Han: Okay I owe you something for that so I’ll leave you alone
Han: But you really should’ve told us sooner, Bodhi
Ezra: not to be paranoid but can we make sure none of the girls are accidentally on THIS group??
Kes: HOLY FUCKING SHIT
Kes: LEIA IS ON THIS GROUP
Han: WHAT THE FUCK
Kes: No of course not jk
Han: Kes Dameron I SWEAR TO GOD
Luke: everybody calm down!!!
Ezra: omg lol
Ezra: I just thought of something stupid
Luke: I’m listening
Ezra: so you know how we have a spy in their group?
Ezra: and we can’t even use our spy bc it isn’t fair that only we have one?
Cassian: That is hardly the reason
Ezra: I was thinking
Ezra: to make things even
Ezra: we should let them infiltrate our group too
Han: Please tell me you’re joking
Ezra: no no then it’ll be fair and we can use Bodhi
Kes: Someone always manages to think of a worse idea than the last
Ezra: oh come on!
Kes: You have anyone in mind to “accidentally” add?
Ezra: what about Sabine?
Kanan: Sabine would rat you all out and you know it.
Ezra: OMG KANAN!!!
Kanan: Hi everyone. Thanks for adding me.
Kanan: But I’m more than a little confused
Cassian: That tends to happen here.
Ezra: I did say it was a stupid idea didn’t I?
Luke: Yep. Sorry even I can’t get on board with that.
Ezra: anyway I think han should ask her out
Kanan: Oh, I see.
Bodhi: I feel like we’ll have to get you up to speed on a lot of things
Kanan: Do you want me to ask Hera?
Kanan: She would know how to get Leia’s attention.
Han: Wouldn’t she tell Leia?
Kanan: Not if you don’t want her to.
Han: You are my new favourite person?
Han: I owe you one
Kanan: No problem.
Bodhi: did you just...solve Han’s existential crisis
Bodhi: did he just...come from nowhere and solve the problem of the ages
Ezra: it’s sort of his specialty
Private Chat: Kes, Kanan
Kanan: What’s up?
Kes: So I was wondering
Kes: Looking for a place to buy a wedding ring
Kes: You have any recommendations?
Kanan: I’ll send you a list.
Kes: You have a list??
Kanan: I got quotations from a handful of places before selecting one for Hera.
Kes: You are my new favourite person
Kes: Don’t tell Cassian
Kanan: It’s no big deal. I had the list before.
Kes: I feel like I’m going to be coming to you for a lot of advice in the near future
Kanan: Wedding planning?
Kes: And probably everything after that
Kanan: Don’t worry too much about it. You normally figure things out as you go, when it comes to all this.
Kes: That is quality advice
Kanan: Not really.
Kes: Yes it is
Kes: Can I keep you forever?
Kanan: You can text whenever you want.
Kes: Close enough
Kes: Hit me up if you ever need a favour, I already owe you big time.
Kanan: You don’t, but thanks all the same.
Kay Tuesso was working his way towards a PhD in electronic engineering, and had even been told by his professors that he’d get there a year early. He had also earned his Masters in physics not long after leaving High School, and he was well-versed in six programming languages.
Kay Tuesso was not, however, good at a great many other things. He had zero athletic prowess and couldn’t swim to save his life. He was allergic to tree nuts and dogs. Most importantly, he had little to no understanding of social graces.
Which is why he didn’t notice his roommate and best friend’s odd behaviour until more than half the day was gone, twenty minutes after Cassian had started to pace the room, frequently glancing down at his phone and muttering to himself under his breath.
Kay looked up from where he was fiddling with a faulty circuit (plucked from their building’s fire-alarm monitor; he had notified the management that the monitor had a faulty circuit and they hadn’t taken it as urgently as they should have, so here he was, doing community service so that the building wouldn’t burn down with his prized possessions) at the dining table.
Cassian didn’t hear him, so he repeated himself, louder.
“Hm? Oh, forgot you were here.” His roommate stopped pacing to turn his way. He looked a tad bit disoriented. “What’s up?”
Kay decided he was going to cut to the chase, so to speak.
“You are pacing.”
His friend blinked, like Kay’s bluntness was a new thing. “I noticed.”
“There is a ninety percent chance you are worried. I would like to know why.”
“Kay, look, it’s nothing.” Cassian rubbed his eyes in with the base of his palms. “It’s just...stress from work.”
“That is unlikely,” retorted Kay, who was adept at reading his friend when he got past a certain point, but again, inexperienced in social graces such as allowing the lie of a person who didn’t want to talk slide. “When you are stressed from work you sit at your laptop the whole night. You don’t pace. Your laptop is nowhere in sight.”
Cassian sighed, walking up to the table and pulling out the chair beside him. He sat down in it carelessly.
“Jyn and I were supposed to check out this new space-themed restaurant today. We made plans last week.”
Kay picked up the circuit again, continuing work on it. He was not only mending it, but also adding a few upgrades of his own. This most certainly counted as community service. “Your plans got cancelled.”
“I don’t know,” Cassian admitted. “She hasn’t responded to my messages since yesterday. I think she’s mad at me.”
That’s not a first. “Do you have an idea as to why she might feel that way?”
His roommate craned his neck awkwardly as if there was a sore spot of muscle. “The day before yesterday, when I went with Kes to help him find a ring. She may have spotted me in the wrong store. A cosmetics store, to be specific.”
“I do not understand. Why would Jyn Erso be mad at you for visiting a cosmetics store?”
Cassian massaged his temples tiredly. “I don’t know. I think it’s...why would I be shopping at Sephora? I have no use for their products. Her guess was probably that I was there for another girl.”
Kay set his workpiece down carefully, and looked his roommate in the eye. “Were you not?”
Cassian blinked. “What? No, I wasn’t- why would you think that?”
“Because, as you put it, you have no use for their products personally. It is a logical assumption that you were shopping for someone who does.”
“That’s- look, maybe it is logical , but it’s not what happened.”
“I see.” Kay’s piercing gaze never left his, running a continuous line of analytics while he studied him. “And why would Jyn Erso take offence if you were buying cosmetics for another girl?”
“I don’t know!”
His roommate regarded him silently, staring so long that Cassian had to look away uncomfortably, drumming his fingers on the table.
“She could be jealous,” Kay said finally. “If we continue under the presumption that she has non-platonic feelings towards you, this is the explanation that makes the most amount of sense. If it is true, we can also drop our previous conception that Jyn herself has a boyfriend.”
Cassian abruptly stopped drumming, turning his way fast. “Do you really think that?”
Kay shrugged. “Who can fathom the mind of Jyn Erso? I am only saying it is possible. Either way, I see no solution to your problem besides telling Jyn why you were really at the cosmetics store.”
“Yeah. Yeah, you’re right.” He looked down at his phone miserably. “I could do that, except she’s not answering my calls. Or replying to my messages.”
“If you send her a message, she will read it eventually.”
Cassian sighed, but unlocked his phone all the same. The wallpaper was part of a mural from a local comic convention that he and Jyn had gone to last year. The two of them weren’t anywhere in the picture- he never made his wallpapers personal- but there was still a heavy sentimentality to it that now made his heart ache. The event had been nowhere near as big as NYCC, but that day he’d decided that he never wanted to visit another convention without Jyn. Especially not the biggest of the lot. And now it looked like that might not happen after all.
“Shit,” he swore as soon as he opened the messaging app. “Shit, she’s online.”
“Isn’t that ideal?” asked Kay quizzically.
“No, I don’t have time to think then!” he hissed.
“You don’t have to think of anything new. All you need to do is rely the true events of that day.”
“Shit.” Cassian stood up, already typing on his phone as he hurried in the direction of his room. “I’ll be right back. Just, uh. Keep some very strong coffee ready.”
He didn’t catch Kay’s incredulous and highly judgemental look before slamming the door behind him.
Private Chat: Jyn, Cassian
Cassian: You free to talk?
Jyn: busy now. leave a message.
Cassian: Cancel dinner?
Cassian: Are we good?
Cassian: Did I do anything to piss you off?
Cassian: I’m sorry.
Private Chat: Leia, Jyn
Leia: Like HELL he doesn’t know what he did!
Jyn: should I tell him off?
Leia: You had dinner plans?
Jyn: from last week
Leia: Holy frick.
Jyn: as friends, leia
Leia: Like the ComicCon thing was supposed to be? Give me a break.
Leia: I can’t believe I thought he was a decent guy.
Leia: Tell him to sod off, Jyn.
Jyn: shouldn’t I say why first?
Leia: No. He knows already.
Leia: You’ll look less affected if you don’t say why.
Jyn: I’m not sure I understand that logic but ok
Leia: Don’t sounds overly pissed, though.
Leia: Go for “ticked off”.
Leia: Trust me on this one, Jyn.
Jyn: I’ll just sound sarcastic?
Leia: Sarcasm is good.
Jyn: Idk, do you think you pissed me off?
Cassian: Please tell me.
Cassian: Hear me out
Cassian: If this is about that awkward thing at Sephora I’m sorry.
Jyn: sorry about what?
Jyn: needing a face mask?
Cassian: It was Kes.
Cassian: I was there with Kes. He wanted to get something for Shara.
Jyn: do you just lie as a habit?
Cassian: I’m not lying, Jyn.
Jyn: why would Kes hide if Shara knew he was there for her?
Cassian: It was a surprise.
Jyn: I can’t do this
Leia: That’s even worse than the last excuse!
Leia: Tell him to FUCK OFF.
Leia: And that I’m going to beat the shit out of him.
Jyn: why’s he taking this approach, though?
Jyn: it’s a very classic and obvious angle to take
Jyn: “I was there for a friend but you didn’t see him”
Leia: Come on.
Leia: Does he always accompany Kes when he goes shopping for Shara?
Jyn: let’s just see what he says
Jyn: you just keep making this worse
Jyn: you know how far away her birthday is?
Jyn: should’ve stuck with the face mask story.
Cassian: I promise I’m not lying, Jyn.
Cassian: It’s what happened.
Cassian: You can ask Kes.
Cassian: Why else would I be there?
Jyn: getting real tired of your bs cassian
Jyn: me and your girlfriend both.
Cassian: I don’t have a girlfriend
Cassian: I wasn’t shopping for anyone
Cassian: It was just Kes
Cassian: I would never lie to you.
Cassian: Jyn, please.
Jyn: he sounds sincere?
Leia: Oh my God.
Leia: You’re smarter than this
Leia: Stop thinking with your vagina
Jyn: did you just
Jyn: still doesn’t work
Leia: Yep that’s the right one.
Leia: MY POINT BEING
Leia: You’re trying hard to give him a chance that he doesn’t deserve.
Jyn: the hell am I supposed to do?
Jyn: we’re best friends
Jyn: and what if he never even wanted me that way
Jyn: then it’s not two timing and he’s allowed to have a girlfriend
Leia: Thinking with the pussy again.
Leia: Also I’M your best friend.
Jyn: THAT IS A HORRIBLE PHRASE
Leia: Well, I’m going to keep using it until you stop doing it.
Leia: Just leave him on read.
Leia: Give him a few days.
Leia: If he’s innocent (which I’m sure he’s not), he’ll make an effort to rectify the situation.
Jyn: we’ll see
Leia: You okay?
Leia: You're taking this really well.
Jyn: I told you, I’m not going to lose my head over a guy
Leia: This is one of your best friends we’re talking about. It’s okay to be disappointed.
Jyn: I’m more disappointed I’m missing a good dinner
Jyn: what are you doing rn?
Leia: Just got home from work
Jyn: how do you feel about a last-minute date at a space themed restaurant?
Leia: LET’S FUCKING DO THIS!
Jyn: I’m going to make my way over there right now
Leia: Meet you in 30?
Leia: You’d better dress nice, because I am.
Jyn: I’ll wear your birthday present
Leia: FUCKING FINALLY
Leia: Love you.
Jyn: you too
Jyn: thanks a bunch
Leia: Anytime, sweetheart.