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Wide Eyes

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Hinata Shouyou had never truly considered what it meant, or what it would actually feel like to fall in love.  He thinks it is very different than what the American Hollywood movies portray or the K Dramas his mother watches and pretends she does not— or even the lust-filled and romance-centric mangas that Yachi has stacked in the corner of her closet that her mother is unaware of.  It is not all encompassing and overwhelming, nor is it love at first sight. Shouyou continues to stay steadfast in his disbelief of that particular notion.

Kageyama is shoveling food in his mouth— this mango mousse Yamaguchi’s mother had learned to make during a vacation to Brazil.  Shouyou had already had about three cups of it himself. Kageyama is on his fifth. Yamaguchi had given about ten little cups of the mousse to each teammate.  Kageyama had invited him over to eat them and watch this American show Ghost Hunters that the dark haired boy was currently into. Shouyou plays with his fingers as he stares, he’d be ashamed of it if Kageyama was not pitiful oblivious to the world around him, there’s a drop of orange mousse stuck to the corner of Kageyama’s mouth.  And Shouyou has the sudden thought that he wants to lick it.

He blinks.   Oh .  And then he is really staring.  At the broad expanse of Kageyama’s shoulders, his long, long fingers that Shouyou knows are calloused at the tips and so, so gentle when they ruffle his hair— a big difference to the grip he used to shake Shouyou with their first, he had learned.  Shouyou swallows. Blinks again. Kageyama had gotten taller, much to Shouyou’s frustration, and he had started to style his hair. He had what Yachi called an undercut now. Shouyou liked to scratch his fingers through the parts of it that were buzzed short.  But the thought of doing that before had never sent a shiver down Shouyou’s spine as it is at the moment, nor did it make him curl his fingers tight into the material of his jeans.

Kageyama is handsome .  Shouyou had always been aware of it in a vague way— girls had started to confess to the boy, but never made a true impression on him.  Sugawara had commented on how much more manly Kageyama had become over the months since he had graduated.  Kageyama was never mean, he simply apologized in that flustered way of his, mouth twisted awkwardly into a small smile, and then said that his affections lie elsewhere.  Shouyou assumed he meant volleyball, or perhaps even Yachi.  Shouyou had never wanted it to be him before— but now, Shouyou’s heart clenches at the idea of Kageyama ever saying yes to one of those girls.  Of showing up to practice with his hand wrapped in the grasp of another.

Shouyou is in love with Kageyama.  Had he always been? He thinks not.  No, this is new. His wanting to stay near the other slowly developing over the past months,  Kageyama becoming the first person he calls, the one Shouyou goes to when his body aches and his mind is moving in a thousand different directions.  Kageyama who listens when Shouyou can not help but ramble for hours. Kageyama who sits next to Shouyou on the bus for every game. Kageyama who has an extra snack on him during lunch just for Shouyou.  Kageyama who lets Shouyou sleep on his futon during overnights when Shouyou has a nightmare so mad his hands will not stop trembling. Shouyou’s best friend .

Shouyou’s teeth cut into his bottom lip, drawing blood.  The taste of iron jerks him out of his thoughts, and Kageyama is staring back.  Mousse forgotten, eyes narrowed as he considers Shouyou. Shouyou jolts, pressing into the corner of the sofa, directing his gaze to the television.   

“Shou,”  It starts tentatively, another of Kageyama’s newer traits, and the deep timbre of his voice has Shouyou’s undivided attention once again.  Shouyou’s eyes are wide, fear and anticipating making his heart pound in his ears. Ghosts long gone from his mind. Kageyama moves closer on the sofa, wrapping a hand around the thin bone of Shouyou’s ankle, thumb rubbing over the bone in a caress.  “Are you okay?”

Shouyou nods jerkily.  Too fast, it hurts his neck.  Kageyama looks doubtful.

Shouyou swallows.

“I want to kiss you!”  A yelp of a sentence, and Shouyou buries his face in his hands.  His entire body thrumming with nerves, from the tips of his toes that press against the muscle of Kageyama’s thigh to his ears flushes red.  

Kageyama is moving closer.  Shouyou can feel the dip in the cushion.  He gnaws at his lips, peeking between his fingers at the taller boy.  

Kageyama looks as serious as ever.  Eyes determined in the way they only are during a particularly hard test or a volleyball game.  Shouyou feels like something to be conquered. And perhaps he is. Shouyou is confident in the notion that Kageyama would never seriously hurt him, especially over this , as Shouyou had come out to him months ago, and the other boy had taken it in stride.  But maybe he had been okay with it if Shouyou didn’t want to kiss Kageyama in particular.  He hadn’t even known he wanted to until today. It is the mousse’s fault, really. And Kageyama’s stupid face and soft hair and big hands.  

“Okay.”  Kageyama is whispering, pushing between Shouyou’s legs, his hands coming up to grasp at Shouyou’s thighs.  Large enough to wrap around them almost completely, and Shouyou shivers. “Let me kiss you, Shouyou.” He’s tugging at Shouyou’s wrists now, tearing his hands from his face.  His lips are quirked up into a tiny smile. Shouyou’s hearts skips a beat at the sight.

“Really?”  And there is confusion in the lilt of Shouyou’s voice, still squeaky.  A bit hopeful as well. “You’re not just being mean?”

“I would never be mean about this.”  Kageyama frowns for a moment at the idea that Shouyou would think so lowly, but his grin returns soon after.  And he maneuvers Shouyou into his lap, the smaller boy straddling the width of Kageyama’s thighs.

Shouyou feels dumb , dumber than usual.  He does not know what to do with his hands.  Kageyama’s are resting on his waist. Shouyou reaches up to hold onto Kageyama’s shoulders.  This seems better, less awkward.

Kageyama is the one to move forward, mouth brushing Shouyou’s.  Breath mingling, and Shouyou parts his lips as to taste it, eyes fluttering shut.  Kageyama lets out the tiniest of laughs, presses his mouth fully to Shouyou’s. Shouyou is pliant under Kageyama’s hold,  helpless to the boy. This is falling in love, he thinks. Kageyama pulls away, and he leans his forehead against Shouyou’s, noses nudging.  Shouyou giggles.

“I really like you, Shouyou.”  Shouyou had never heard Kageyama’s voice so gruff before, something just above a rasp.  Shouyou’s fingers clench, digging into Kageyama’s shoulders.

“I really like you too, Yamayama.”  This time it is Shouyou who moves forward, Kageyama’s lips soft beneath his own, opening to Shouyou almost immediately.  Shouyou sighs into it.

“Let’s finish Ghost Adventures.”  Shouyou murmurs as they part, curling sideways in Kageyama’s embrace, laying his forehead against the other’s collarbone.  Kageyama’s fingers part through Shouyou’s hair, fingers tangling in the golden red curls, gentle as always .

“Okay, Shouyou.”  

And how had Shouyou not seen it beforehand?  That single phrase so poignant in his mind. No matter what Shouyou wished for, asked, considered.  Kageyama was willing, wanting to be there. Beside Shouyou since the moment they met.