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H-B High Presents The Teenage Valentines of Desire

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"By the end of today, Penelope will have no choice but to throw herself at me!" cheered an older blond teenage boy, wearing an orange and purple letterman jacket over a white shirt and blue jeans. It was the town's self-proclaimed #1 babysitter, Peter Perfect. He was so sure of himself that he confidently held his head back and laughed.

His young charges, a mix of kindergarteners and first graders that he was leading to their schools, were less than impressed. One of them even commented, "That's messed up, Peter." Among these kids were those infamous mini-meneces, The Impossibles: the blond-haired Corey Hartman, the raven-haired Freddie Marchese and the red-haired Mikey Reno with their two equally mischievous female friends, Annie Wilson, who today felt the need to dye her pigtailled hair pink with white tips and Mary Goodman, an African-American girl with long curly dark brown hair. Also, there were the unusually smart first grade twin blonds, Kimmy and Timmy Thompson.

It was Mikey, who raised his hand, asked, "Peter, didn't Miss Penelope dump you?" which burst Peter's bubble.

"No!"  he yelled at the five-year-old, denying it.

Annie casually replied, "Pretty sure she did." Turning to her friend, Freddie, she asked, smiling, "Didn't she, Freddie?"

"I think everyone in town knows, Annie."

"Okay, okay! But she was totally just playing hard to get," shouted Peter, waving his arms around, "But in the end, I just know for sure that Penelope just can't resist The Old Perfect Charm."

The children all groaned as they rolled their eyes and slapped their foreheads, even the ones that weren't paying attention. With that, they all kept on walking. Until something caught Peter's eye.

It was Corey and Mary holding hands as they skipped in complete happy bliss.

"Say what's going on with these two?" the teenager asked, pointing them.

It was Kimmy, in her own deadpan way, who explained, "They're married now."


"Yep," added Timmy, "Got rings and everything."

Upon closer inspection, Peter saw that both kids were wearing Ring Pops. Corey even started sucking on his.

"I caught the flowers," Kimmy helpfully added.

It was then when both Mikey and Annie jumped up, shouting, "HA! HA! Even a little five-year-old has better luck with the ladies than you, Peter!"

"SHUT UP!!!" Peter yelled, straight to their faces, "THAT IS SO NOT TRUE!!!!!", all while the two did their best to look like little angels. It didn't matter that everyone knew about what little meneces they could be.

"Peter!" shouted Freddie, blushing, "People are staring!"

Somewhat embarrassed, Peter went back to leading the kids to their schools.

A little bored, Kimmy started handing out Valentine cards and candies to her friends. When Mikey got his, he was so happy that he literally split into two people.

The clone then smiled at Kimmy, asking, "Hey, so ya wanna kiss?" Well, The Impossibles were never ones who care about the concept of cooties. 

"Whatever," she shrugged. And so, Mikey's clone kissed her on the cheek, much to the displeasure of every kid who wasn't Freddie, Annie, Corey and Mary.

"Okay, break it up!" shouted Mikey, causing the clone to disintegrate.

Kimmy's mouth quirked up a little as she smugly asked, "Jealous?"


This exchange provoked laughter, Peter ignored it as he took it as a sign that his plan to win back Penelope would work.

"Penelope won't know what hit her."


Over at Hanna-Barbera High School, the home of the Singing Hounds, love was definitely in the air as the students would scurry along trying to impress with bigger and bolder stunts. For that new kid in the indigo cap and gray hoodie, Secret Squirrel, it was weirdly fascinating.

Yes, he was just standing there after walking into the building and taking it all in. Which amused his new friend, Penny Ardilla so much as she giggled at the sight.

"Hey, Secret," she greeted. To which, he greeted back, noticing the red dress that she was wearing and just how fantastic she looked. She then explained, "Here, at Hanna-Barbera High, when it comes to holidays, we tend to go big or go home." She then asked him, "Ever celebrate Valentine's Day?"

He had to think about it. "Hmm... aside from the time with my ex, where we couldn't be all blatant about it because her uncle's an ass, not really," he answered, shrugging his shoulders, "Well, actually, there was this one time I got some chocolates, but it was kinda an obligation thing, so it doesn't count."


The pair then walked off because they couldn't just block the school's entrance. It was then when Secret finally asked Penny, "Say, Penny, what's with the outfit?"

Gesturing to her dress, she explained, "It was either a Bunny plan or a Dee Dee plan, but a bunch of us are gonna sing a musical number in the cafeteria later." Just as she said this, a girl walked by wearing a similar dress, which proved Penny's point.


Slyly as she looked him over, she told him, "You know, S.S., I'll bet that you would look amazing in one of these dresses. Wanna join in the fun?"

Deadpanning, Secret replied, "No, I don't sing."

"Suit yourself," she shrugged, then playfully punched him on the arm, laughing before walking away, leaving Secret to ask himself, "Go big, huh?"


Hanna-Barbera High wasn't a school known for normalcy, so things tended to blow up around holidays. Valentine's Day was no exception.

Local flirt Doggie D. would go into overdrive whenever he saw a cute girl, no matter who she was and regardless of relationship status.

Camera fiend Huck Hound was testing this new song he wrote for this rich girl named Desiree, even though he hasn't met her yet, on his best friend, Snagglepuss. Judging by the way everyone within an earshot was plugging their ears, it was going perfectly. 

Fun loving Bunny Rabbit gave Blabber Mouse a little kiss on the forehead after he gave her some gardenias, much to the mouse's best friend's annoyance.

"No fraternizing with the enemy, Blab!" the hall monitor would shout, only for Bunny to stick her tongue at him. Yeah, those two have had a sort of rivalry for a long time.

But isn't love great? Nothing could possibly go wrong.


Yogi Bear, wearing a green pork pie hat along with a white T-shirt with a green tie design on it, was just talking to his best friend/hopefully soon-to-be little brother, Boo-Boo Bear, who wore a tuxedo T-shirt when Cindy Bear and Brunhilda Bear walked up to him at the same time, bearing gifts.

Cindy looked beautiful with her blue fur, dyed, and wearing a pink headband, a white collar with a pink bow and a matching skirt. She really loved pink. Brunhilda, on the hand, wasn't really as beautiful with her frizzy blonde pigtails, buck teeth and purple skirt.

Both girl narrowed their eyes at each other, but managed to smile at their object of affection as they held out their picnic baskets. At the same time and with the same amount of cheerfulness, they sang out, "Happy Valentine's Day, Yogi!"

"Aw, thanks!" Yogi grinned, especially when Cindy opened her basket, showing off all the goodies she packed. Mouth watering, Yogi added, "Happy Valentine's Day to you, Cindy," taking it.

Beaming, Cindy took the opportunity to smirk victoriously at her rival.

Yogi did quickly remember to add, "Oh, and... uh... you, too, Brunhilda," but nobody noticed.

"Cindy, you cheater!" Brunhilda admonished.

"Me, cheat?" asked Cindy, acting shocked, "Why, I'd never." She then turned away, flipping her hair.

Boo-Boo then snarked into Yogi's ear, "Surprised that Brunhilda was actually smart enough to notice." Normally, he would have been much nicer to her since he had such a big crush on her little sister, Buttercup, but, come on, he couldn't help it.

Yogi whispered back, "I know, right?"

Suddenly, Brunhilda said the unthinkable to Cindy, "Well, at least, I don't dye my fur into such an ugly color."

Everyone gasped.

Boo-Boo then deadpanned, "Okay, I take it back, Brunhilda isn't smart," while Yogi just stood there, looking terrified. You just don't insult Cindy's choice in fur color, you just don't unless you're feeling suicidal.

Quick turning back to her rival with a practically evil glare, she angrily asked, "What did you say about my fur?!"

Arms crossed, Brunhilda smugly replied, "Oh, you heard me."

"You bitch!" Cindy yelled as she threw the first punch at the face, knocking Brunhilda down, making the basket she was holding go flying.

Brunhilda managed to get back up and responded by attempting to slap Cindy in the face, but the blue she-bear was just too quick, catching her wrist just in time and then punching her in the gut. Hard.

Normally, Cindy would had been more of a lady about this, but nobody insults her fur and gets away with it.

But Brunhilda managed to get back up and while her rival was distracted, she tackled her. Kicking and screaming, they rolled around on the floor. They even pulled each other's hair.

Now a crowd was really starting to gather around, all chanting, "Fight! Fight! Fight!"

As Yogi watched, he was torn between wanting to join the crowd, chanting and cheering, and wanting to stop the fight. But when he turned to Boo-Boo, his bear-type buddy shook his head as he took his books out of his locker and slammed the door shut.

As he walked away, Boo-Boo told him, "Sorry, Yogi, but I gotta get to class." He shrugged as he looked back, "This isn't that big a fight." After the life he led before coming to town, of course, Boo-Boo would have different standards towards fights.

Sighing, Yogi went back to watching the fight as it was still going. Now he wished that he watching Cindy fighting someone much hotter.

"Like Honey," he fantasized with a happy sigh until he realized just how awkward that would be nowadays. Honey Bear, a very pretty slightly older light brown she-bear with long curly hair, typically wears a purple dress with a matching hair bow and a pearl necklace, was a girl that he used to have a crush on a few years back, but she ended up marrying his uncle, Bruno, making her his aunt.

Still, he would rather watch a catfight between two cute girls than a catfight between one cute girl and one ugly one.

Suddenly, someone shouted out, "Oh no! Cindy got her parasol out!"

This was true, Cindy did pull out her trusty white and pink parasol from Hammerspace and she knows just how to use it. Well, she's wielding it like a bat.

Between all the chanting and fighting, Yogi knew that there was only one thing that he can do: run away. Well, he did have to get to class, eventually. And besides, he wasn't that interested in getting in trouble at the moment.

Before he left though, he quickly got Brunhilda's basket off the floor. No use in wasting a perfectly good pic-a-nic basket, right?


Penelope Pitstop, most popular girl in the whole school, a beautiful blonde girl wearing a long hot pink shirt, bright pink jacket and red jeans with white sunglasses on her head, is no stranger to being loved. It was like every few minutes someone would come up to her with a new valentine, some of them didn't even go to school there. Especially, since she had broke up with Peter Perfect. But luckily for her, she had her loyal bodyguards to help her.

"Alright, buster, that's far enough. Just hand over the card and nobody gets hurt."

Clyde Carbone, the diminutive fearless leader of the Ant Hill Mob, took his job very seriously. He even wore a 1920s style suit and fedora, along with the rest of his gang, six of his friends. He snatched the card from the latest boy and handed it to Penelope. 

"Thank you," she said, very prettily, batting her eyelashes at this boy.

"Y-yer welcome," the boy replied, goofily, blushing so hard at the pretty girl until an annoyed Clyde jumped up, smacking this guy across the face, yelling, "Okay! Now scram!" The poor guy didn't need to be told twice.

Clyde watched him go, growling as his eye twitched.

The rest of the gang weren't happy about their leader's attitude today. Sure, he always has an attitude, but today, it just seems worse than usual.

"Come on, Clyde, don't be that way," one of them, likely Ring-A-Ding, also known as Dum Dum.

But he bluntly told him, "I'm just doin' my job."

"And you're doing a wonderful job," Penelope smiled.

While Clyde did play it cool as always, he did love it when Penelope would praise him, not that he would ever admit it out loud. The eight friends were about to leave the lockers when the last person Penelope wanted to see finally showed his face to her and she was doing such a great job at avoiding him all day. Was it Sly Sneekly? No. Was it Dick Dastardly? No. Was it her ex-boyfriend Peter Perfect? Yes.

And he had the school marching band behind him.

"Oh, happy Valentine's Day, Pretty Penny," he greeted, grabbing hold of the popular girl's hand, attempting to charm her like a prince. Little did he notice, Penelope was not impressed, her seven bodyguards were less so.

Clyde was so livid that he ended up pushing Peter away from Penelope, swearing up a storm, old timey gangster style.

Peter blinked down at the shorter teen, in confusion until he remembered, 'Oh, yeah, these are the guys who fancied themselves as Penelope's protectors. How cute.' Smiling in amusement, he shoved Clyde aside with a dismissive, "Not now, Calzone." He didn't even try to get his name right.

"That's Mr. Carbone to the likes of you!"

Penelope, faking her smile, trying prevent something bad like a fight since she did hear about the one involving two Junior girls earlier, politely said to Peter, "Happy Valentine's Day to you, too."

Thinking that his plan was already working, he confidently told her, "And here's my gift to you!"Turning back to the band, he hollered, "Hit it!"

Now with the band playing their music, Peter began to serenade Penelope with a song about how they were an amazing couple, so please, please, please take him back. The blonde girl and her friends' jaws all collectively dropped at it. No matter what they couldn't stop listening. It was like the audio version of a trainwreck.

Two members of the Ant Hill Mob, Kurby and Danny, also known as Softy and Yak Yak, respectively, both had interesting reactions to the song.

"Softy," Danny asked, "Why are you crying?"

"I'm crying because this is just so sad," he explained, then asked, "Why are you laughing, Yak Yak?"

"Because this is just so sad!"

After listening for a while, Penelope couldn't take it anymore, so she yelled out, "Stop! Stop! Stop!" while waving her arms around. Which got the entire band to stop though Peter keep going for a sec. Now that she had their attention, she smiled as she asked the band, "Okay, how much is he paying you guys for doing this?" After getting her answered, she offered, "I'll pay you triple if y'all stop."

Everyone in the band looked at each other and agreed. "Okay, sure," one of them shrugged.

"What?!" Peter cried out.

Penelope nodded to Clyde, who snapped his fingers which signaled Mac, whose nickname was Pockets, to take a checkbook and a pen out of his suit pocket. He handed Clyde the book and pen, after which he passed them to Penelope, who quickly got to work. 

Penelope Pitstop is the richest girl in school. She could have gone to The Richard Rich School for the Very Financially Secure, or Snob School as everyone in Hanna-Barbera High calls it, but instead, she goes here. So she could afford it. At least, it's for a good cause.

After she handed the band the check, they stared at it as if it were the most wonderful of wonderful things. One of them had tears of joy when he sincerely said, "Thank you, Penelope!"

"You're welcome!"

The whole marching band, after thanking Penelope some more, left, excitedly talking about using the check, along with the money they already had from Peter, for Band. Before they were all out of sight though, Penelope called out to them, blew them a kiss and happily waved, "Happy Valentine's Day!"

To her friends, she grinned, saying, "Okay, let's get to class." They finally left, leaving Peter who was now on his knees, crying, "WHY!?!"

Nearby, those bullies Dick Dastardly and Sly Sneekly had seen the whole thing. Dick turned to Sly, pointing his thumb at Peter, commenting, "Man, what a loser."

"I know right?" laughed Sly, before offering him some candy, "Chocolate?"

"Don't mind if I do."


Eventually, the school day has to come to an end, but that didn't mean that the day was over yet since for these guys, Valentine's Day had only just begun!

Penelope and Clyde walked out of the school and for once, the rest of the Ant hill Mob were away, doing who knows what, leaving just the two of them. The shorter teen was honestly glad that it was all over. Sure, he doesn't mind helping Penelope with anything, but he is glad that Valentine's Day comes only once a year.

"Well, that was something," Penelope commented.

"Of course, it was."

"I don't know what I would have done without your help," she told him, honesty shining in her eyes.

But Clyde replied, "It was all a team effort."

"Still, thank you." She then did something that he honestly didn't expect her to do: she bent down and kissed him on the nose. It was a quick kiss, but he still himself blushing like mad. It was so embarrassing and he knew it didn't really mean anything, but he knew that he was going to treasure that moment forever.

Giggling, she headed for her car, but not before telling him, "Happy Valentine's Day, Clyde Carbone."

"Oh, you too."

Clyde smiled as he watched her go. He knew she was so out of his league, but a kid could dream, besides bodyguard develop crushes on their charges all the time, right? Still, he was content with just being her protector.

Now, he just had to figure out how to stop blushing before anyone sees.

Yogi and Boo-Boo were heading for the exit, content that the school day was over with. Still, the older bear told his friend, "I can't believe that Cindy got suspended."

"I know, right?" Boo-Boo added, "From what you told me, that wasn't even that big a fight."

"But man, were those pic-a-nic baskets great or what?"

"You said it, Yogi," replied Boo-Boo.

"Valentine's Day is fun," Yogi said as he opened the door.

Penny was talking to some friends as she was opened her locker, only to find herself covered by an avalanche of origami birds, much to her surprise.

Secret who was nearby yet out of sight, commented, "Phase One: complete, now, one to Phase two." If there was one thing that Secret was good at, it was making plans up on the fly. He then walked away, but not before saying, "Happy Valentine's Day, Penn."