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Ed Bighead: Group Therapy

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Rocko's Modern Life Presents

 

A Narwhal Puppy Production

 

Ed Bighead: Group Therapy

 

At a school in a classroom. There was a group therapy session was taken place. In the group there was Dr. Hutchison, Ed Bighead, Rocko, Heffer, Peaches, Slippy, and Filbert.

 

Dr. Hutchinson began, "I thought we had a very challenging session last week. And I thought this week we could all benefit if we could be a little more supportive of each other. And if we can do that, I will guarantee that your lives will get better."

"That is a big fat lie. Life never gets better, only worse. Always. My life started out bad, then it got real bad, then it got worse. Then the floor dropped out, I fell down 100,000 feet onto a pile of loose razor blades. I try to get out, I cut all over. I say 'Why God, why?!' He pours down lemon juice on me. Then I catch fire. And that was during the good years! Always!" Ed Bighead yelled.

SINGERS: If you are blue, if you are sad, if you're depressed, upset, or unbelievably mad, you'll get a big lift when you're talking with the Depressed Toad Conglomo Employee (who's now in court-appointed group therapy).

"Ed Please, Mofaz, wait! That's not your name, I will get to you in a minute. I'd like to start with Rocko, Rockohow was your week?" asked Dr. Hutchison.

Rocko said, "Um, well, heh heh, I'm still waiting to hear the results from my college entrance exams. I'm a mess, I mean I only get, like, an hour of sleep every night."

Ed Bighead spouted, "You lucky ten-year-old bastard! Do you know how I sleep? With one eye open. You know why? Because I have one kid. One kid who ran away to become a cartoonist. And you know what he say? 'Papa, if you do not have candy, I am going to kill you in your sleep!' And when I finally get to sleep and they find the candy, do you think he thanks me? No. He say 'Papa, you stupid. Papa, you ugly. Papa, you look like a porn star from 1977."

Dr. Hutchison getting disgusted, "Okay, we are getting off track again. Please, I'd like to move on. Heffer, what's going on with you?"

Heffer stated, "Well, I know I'm seeking approval because I was adopted by wolves, but, even so, I can't stop taking food from all these strangers."

"At least you are having eating! Every night, always, I try to get into my wife's Bev's, eh, hella, hella, hella! I try with this". Uses hand motions, "I try with this". Does another hand motion. I try with this." Then Ed Clicks his tongue, "hella, hella! Nothing, nothing, never works! Nothing." Ed Bighead feeling sorry for himself.

Growing tired of Ed Bighead tirades, Dr. Hutchison said, "I am leading this discussion group. Please, please. Now, Filbert, last week you told us you were trying to cut back on your handwashing How is that going?"

Filbert answered, "Actually, it's gotten worse. I turn the page, then I wash my hands! Turn the page, wash my hands!"

"What is so bad about that? A hand washing addiction would be a blessing to me. If I were in drugs, I could forget all about my wife who sits in the corner...pulsating like larvae. Next to her is my sister-in-law, who is like a giant bloated maggot in bike shorts." Ed Bighead interrupted once more.

"Okay, Bighead, please stop." begged Dr. Hutchison. Ed Bighead continued, "And together they talk in their language, which is not my language. Hella hella hella, hella hella hella. Then my son Ralph walks by...'Hella, papa, you porn star. Hella, hella!'"

Dr. Hutchison heeded a warning, "I am sorry, but I don't want to hear another word out of you until everyone else has had a chance to speak. Do you understand? I mean it."

The two both start to argue.

" Take it easy, sister." Ed Bighead sneered.

Dr. Hutchison getting in his face, "Not...not a word."

Ed Bighead getting angry, "You don't have to say it twice. Only say it once. Always."

Dr. Hutchison who sees Slippy The Slug who is in a wheelchair, "Slippy, how are you doing?"

Slippy the Slug stated, "Well, I still miss my legs."

Ed Bighead stood up, "May I say something?"

"No! Slippy, please continue." Dr. Hutchison said.

Slippy giving into Ed Bighead's shenanigans, "You know what? Let him talk, I really don't feel like talking anymore".

Ed Bighead begins, "Thank you, okay. Now, Slippy. You want the legs so bad? You can have mine. I hate my legs. Always. You know why? They are one single bone. The calf and the ankle are one. They...it's called a cankle."

Dr. Hutchison could not believe what was happening with the group therapy and how Ed Bighead was taking it over. "You know what, Bighead? You don't give me any other choice. I'm going to have to ask you to leave because you are bringing this entire group down."

Slippy was okay with Ed Bighead dominating the group, "No, actually Dr. Hutchsion - he made me feel a bit better. I mean, at least I don't have cankles."

"Yeah, actually, I'm glad I don't have a spouse who lies in the corner...pulsating like larvae in bike shorts." Peaches said sitting on the corner.

Dr. Hutchison stood up, "You know what? I am just a few seconds from walking out of this room and just letting Ed Bighead take over. Is that what you guys want? Hmm?"

Rocko, Filbert, Heffer, Slippy and Peaches all agree with the odds were in Ed Bighead's favor.

Dr. Hutchison decides to leave, "That is fine with me. You know what? You're all a bunch of losers."

Slippy wheels over, "Hey, Bighead. Tell us more."

Ed Bighead was very happy to complain about himself to the group, "First I thought she was going to close the door and walk into it. I don't know if you saw that. Okay."

SINGERS: If you are blue, if you are sad, if you're depressed, upset, or unbelievably mad, you'll get a big lift after talking with the Depressed Toad Conglomo Employee! (who's now in court-appointed group therapy).