Have you ever experienced being blackmailed? Neither had I, until today. During my afterschool theatre rehearsal, I was pulled aside by Lotor, an oddball with a very small group of friends along with white hair. We stood outside the back door of the theatre and I looked at him, very puzzled as to why he wanted to talk to me since we’re barely even acquaintances. Lotor took a deep breath before speaking “I read your emails.” He said simply.
“You what?” I asked, bewildered as to how on Earth he got access to my emails, until it hit me.
Oh my fucking God.
I left my account logged into the school computer like an IDIOT! The bell for 5th period rang and I just forgot about it. “So what’s with the fake name?” Lotor asked, digging for more information as if I was going to tell him all the details about Blue.
Blue is my pen pal, I met him through our school Tumblr blog, where gossip seeps through every corner. He posted an image of a Ferris wheel with a poem, saying “Sometimes I feel like I'm stuck on a Ferris wheel. One minute I'm on top of the world, then the next I'm at rock-bottom. Maybe it’s the fact I haven’t told anyone I’m gay.”
Basically, I instantly created a new email and contacted him. There’s no way I’m losing him because of this asshole.
“Take a guess,” I answered coldly.
Lotor backs up with his hands up in defense “Whoa calm down man, I’m just curious.”
“Well you’re not getting shit out of me, now what do you want?”
“I just need a bit of help… with Allura…” Lotor twiddled with his thumbs nervously.
Allura is a newcomer to my friend group, she’s been at our school for about 3 months now and Shiro, my friend since kindergarten, has an obvious crush on her. Pidge, my best friend of 6 years has a thing for Shiro, so maybe playing matchmaker will work things out? I don’t know…
“And if I don’t?” I crossed my arms, annoyed and ready to walk away from all this bullshit.
“Well, I have screenshots…” Lotor mumbled and I almost punched him right there. After taking a breath and remembering what Shiro taught me about controlling my anger, I responded “Fine, I’ll help.” Before he could thank me, I interrupted “Just give me your phone number and we’ll talk about this later.” We exchanged numbers and I was on my way back into the theatre, already planning his name in my phone to Monkey’s Asshole.
After theatre practice, I drove home in my red Volvo V70 and instantly wrote back to Blue.
DATE: Oct 17 at 5:07 PM
SUBJECT: Re: when you knew
That’s a pretty sexy story, Blue. I mean, middle school is like this endless horror show. Well, maybe not endless, because it ended, but it really burns into your psyche. I don’t care who you are, puberty is merciless.
I’m curious- have you seen him since your dad’s wedding?
I don’t even know when I figured it out. It was a bunch of little things. Like this weird dream I had once about Daniel Radcliffe. Or how I was obsessed with Panic! At The Disco in middle school, and then I realized it wasn’t about the music.
Did you know you’re literally the only person I email? I’m not even kidding, my friends are lucky to get more than 140 characters from me. Anyway, I think I’ll sign off here. Not going to lie, it’s been kind of a weird day.
DATE: Oct 17 at 8:46 PM
SUBJECT: Re: when you knew
I’m the only one? I’m really honored, Red. It’s funny, because I don’t really email, either. And I never talk about this stuff with anyone. Only you.
You can’t imagine how much I hated middle school. Remember the way people would look at you blankly and say, “Um, okaaay,” after you finished talking? Everyone just had to make it so clear that whatever you were thinking or feeling, you were totally alone. The worst part, of course, was that I did the same thing to other people. It makes me a little nauseated just remembering that.
To answer your question, I’ve seen him a couple of times since the wedding- probably twice a year or so. My stepmother seems to have a lot of family reunions and things. He’s married, and I think his wife is pregnant now. It’s not awkward, exactly, because the whole thing was in my head. It’s really amazing, isn’t it? Someone can trigger your sexual identity crisis and not have a clue they’re doing it. Honestly, he probably still thinks of me as his cousin’s weird twelve-year-old stepson.
Sorry about your weird day.