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Steve Rogers x reader Stories

Chapter Text

“That’s the last one”, you told the removalist.

You had just moved to New York, hopping to start a better life here. Growing up on a farm you weren’t exactly used to life in the city, but you hoped that would change soon.

You paid him and went inside your new apartment. It was small, but with a little bit of work you could make it your home.

A knock on the wooden door made you jump. Since you didn’t know anyone here you wondered who it could be. It was probably the removalist. Maybe you hadn’t paid him enough or he had found something that belonged to you.

Opening the door you saw a handsome man in his early thirties. He was tall and had blonde hair as well as baby blue eyes. Holding up a bottle of wine he smiled at you.

“You just moved here right?”, he asked, his voice comforting on it’s on way.
“I saw the van in front of the house”

You nodded. “Yeah. I would let you in but it’s still a mess in there”, you explained with an apologetically smile.

“Oh it’s fine. You can come over if you want.”, he offered, pointing at the door acroos your flat.
“I am Steve by the way. Steve Rogers”, he held out his hand and you shock it firmly.

“I’m (y/n) (Y/l/n)”, you introduced yourself.

“I am sorry, I have to decline your offer. There are still tons of cartons waiting for me”, you explained, feeling gulity to reject him.

“Oh I see”, he replied. “Maybe another time?”

You beamed in excitement. “I would love that”

He smiled at you once again and it made your heart melted. He was so good-looking it was nearly unfair.

“Great, then it’s settled”, he declared and you grinned in joy. Right when you wanted to close the door you heared his voice again:

“Oh er this is for you” He held up the wine bottle akwardly and you took it, blushing a little.

“Thanks. I will bring it when I come over” He nodded and you closed the door. Once more you were alone.

The next time you saw him was only a few days later when you had just gone grocery shopping and where now carrying all your bags up the stairs.

“Let me help you”, you heared a voice and there he was, looking as good as ever and now grabbing two of your bags. You blushed. “Thank you.”

“Oh it’s no problem. I have the same way after all”, he reassured and you followed him up the staircase. You wished you would have some time to talk to him but there was work waiting for you.

“I assume you are busy?”, he asked hoping for a denial. You fished for you keys grinding your teeth. “Yeah, I am sorry. I am still caught up into unpacking. Can you believe how long it takes to fix up a shelf?”, you muttered and he chuckled.

“Well I’m pretty good at it”, he winked at you.

“You’re kidding, right?”

He shook his head.
"I had to exchange my whole furniture a few years ago and I got the hang of it.”

You watched him in awe which made him chuckle even more. God, he was handsome!

“How about I come in and help you and you pay me back with a talk over a bottle of wine”, he suggested and you nodded in excitement. You unlocked the door and wanted to walk in but Steve was faster. He grabbed the door, holding it open for you to enter. You looked up to check if he was serious. He was. Handsome and a gentleman. How could you be so lucky?

Giggling you made your way into the apartment, Steve following you behind.

You had spend the rest of the evening unpacking your last boxes while laughing with Steve over old photos you had found and watching him put together your furniture. It was pretty impressive how easily he lifted the heavy wood and put it together without any problems.

You felt like you could watch him all day. It was adorable how he frowned in concentration and smiled whenever a part fit into the other.

“So why did you move here?”, he suddenly asked, not looking up from his work.

“Uh I just wanted a change I guess”, you answered honestly. “I grew up on a farm and it just wasn’t my thing. If I wouldn’t have left I think I would still sit there waiting for life to happen. Now I put faith into my own hands.”, you shrugged.

“That’s impressive!”, he replied, now looking up from the wardrobe he was currently working on.

“Do you know anyone here?” You shook your head.

“All my friends and family live in Kansas so no” You fiddled with your hands, feeling insecure.

You looked back up when you heared footsteps to see Steve walking over to you. He sat down across from you, leaving you no choice as to look at him. Then he took your hand.

You blushed at the touch. It was warm and comforting.

“I am your friend now”, he announced and squezzed your hand. You shly smiled at him, wondering how the the atmosphere had gotten so intimate, while he drew small circles at the back of your hand.

“And I won’t leave. Not now, not ever.” His dark voice lulled you in like a warm hug.

”Why?”, you asked him confused. “You only know me for 3 days.” His caring eyes mustered you up and down.

“Because I really like you”

Chapter Text

You were woken up by loud sirens. Red lights flickered through the hallways, filling your small cell with light for the first time in days.

You couldn't remember when you had last seen the daylight, since they kept you in the cell and only took you out for the experiments. They always brought you into another room with no windows.

White, cold light would shine down at you, putting you on full display. Then they would blind you with their small flaghlights and measure your heart rate and blood pressure. But that was still the best part about it.

The imagination of what procedure followed after that popped into your head and the memories made you groan in pain.

You were sick of their torture, sick of their experiments on you. They wanted to give you special powers, but you felt nothing but pain and exhaustion.If only you could flee from this horrible place.

You had tried, many times and had failed each one. You had gotten better at it, but they had always caught you and punished you until you felt like your lungs would explode and your body was a trembling mess.

You heared people yell in the corridors and got up to get a look at what was happening. Maybe one of the others tried to break free.

Your knees were shaking and you grabbed the bars for hold.

Voices were coming closer, but they didn't have the russian accent you were used to. "Second floor is clear!", you heared a mans voice cracking through a radio. "I think they keep them in the basement", somebody answered him, this man coming closer and closer.

"I will send Natasha down to help you. Tony and I will follow when we have knocked off all the guards", you heared voice through the radio again. The man thanked him and then it went silent.

The sirens stopped, only the red lights continued to flicker. You could hear footsteps coming closer and one part of your brain told you to hide in the shadows of your cell, but the other made you stay where you were.

You were too mesmerized to move. Maybe this was somebody, who was here to free you. But you rejected the thought. You couldn't dare to hope such things. You had realized that there was no future for you long ago and you had accepted your faith.

The steps stopped next to your cell and you looked up to see a figure gazing at you. The man was wearing a uniform. He was carrying a big shield with a star on it in his hand, but put it on his back in a swift move.

His blonde hair was tousled and his face sweaty from the heat that lingered in the whole building. For a second you mustered him up and down, then you suddenly felt the panic flood you. What if he would hurt you? What if he would do something even worse than they had done?

You backed away until your back hit the wall. The impact made your knees give away and you sunk to the cold floor.

"You don't have to be afarid", the man spoke. He rose his hands in surrender, showing you that he had no intentions to hurt you. "I'm gonna come in now, okay?"

You didn't react to his question, but since you didn't protest either he unlocked the door and opened it.

Then he walked into the cell, careful to make slow and small steps so he wouldn't scare you.

"Is it okay if I help you get up?", he asked softly, but you immediately shook your head. As if you would believe he was here to help you.

"I need to get you out of here, okay? We are here to save you, all of you and I promise I won't do anything you don't want." His voice was forceful but gentle and he crouched down next to your body.

You hugged your knees even tighter when he did that. "I can't help you, if you don't let me."

He was right, he couldn't help you, but he couldn't hurt you either. But if he had the plan to harm you, wouldn't he had done it by now?

"How can I know that I can trust you?", you whispered. To hear your own voice freightened you. You hadn't heared it in ages, only when you had screamed out in agony. It sounded dull and hoarse, not like the voice you were used to hear before all of this happened.

Your memories were gone, but the image of your voice was clear in your head.

The man thought about your words for a second. "I was an experiment as well." The words surprised you and you gazed up at him. "I know you feel like you don't belong anywhere, but trust me you do belong. I felt the same way and I found a good life."

You clung to every word he said. Maybe, he could really save you.

He held out his hand and you stared at it for a moment, before you put your hand in his. Compared to his your hand felt small and while he was calm, you were shaking from the lack of sleep and food.

The man didn't move any further, he only held your hand and squezzed it gentle. His eyes were locked with yours and slowly but surely you started to gain confidence and courage.

"Natasha and I have the others. Can you return to the quinjet?", the voice spoke through the radio again. It made both of you jump and you let go of his hand. The man seemed unpleased about the interruption, then grabbed his radio from his belt.

"We are coming."

He stood up and held out his hand again, but this time to pull you up. You didn't want to be anymore of a burden, so you grabbed it and let him steady you until you stood again.

Your body was still trembling and it required all your focus not to stumble. At first you rejected his help, but while you were walking out of the bulding you realized you couldn't make all the way on your own.

So you let him support you until you reached a big metal door. The sight of it made you both reliefed and frustrated. You had never come this far, never made it through the door.

Now it was different. You would see the sunlight again, feel the fresh air fill your lungs and the wind play with your hair.

You had lost tracks of the day and you didn't know whether it was summer, winter or any other season.

The man noticed your hesitation and gave you a minute to brace yourself for the next steps. Patiently he watched your features until you gave him a little nod.

He pushed the door open, but before you could see the light, you felt your body falling and you blacked out.

-

When you came back to consciousness you were lying in a soft bed. A steady beeping filled the room and you felt something was sticked to your upper arm.

You tried to open your eyes, but had to blink a few times before you could take in your surroundings. You were in a white room, a window front on one side of it, leading to a hallway.

A needle was stuck in your arm, which lead to an IV bag. Next to it where monitors, one showing your steady heart rate. You didn't know what the others were for.

On your left side was a nightstand. You were suprised to find a bunch of flowers. It made you wonder if they were a part of the basic equipment of the room or if somebody had brought them during a visit.

But who would visit you? Maybe someone from your past life?

The door to the hallway was pushed open and you could see someone in a white coat entering.

When you spotted the white coat your mind went blank. Your body tensed and you heared the heart monitor start to beat rapidly.

"Hey calm down, I just want to check on you." The womans voice seemed to be miles away. You squeezed your eyes shot, trying to fight the panic that filled your body, but you couldn't.

The next time you opened your eyes, the woman was holding a needle in her hand. The sight encouraged your terror even more and you struggled to get the needle, which led to the IV bag, out of your skin so you could flee from the doctor.

"Stop!" The voice made both you and the woman look up. It belonged to the blonde man, who had saved you. You weren't sure if he was speaking to you or the woman, but when he signaled her to leave the room, you knew he had meant her.

You were still with one half of your body on the bed and with the other out of it, not daring to move.

"I knew this was gonna happen, but they didn't listen to me", the man sighed and pulled over a chair. He sat down next to the bed and when he didn't move near you, the heart monitors beeping started to decrease.

"Why don't we start with easy things, huh?", he suggested and you slowly moved back into the bed. "I am Steve. You may have heared of me as Captain America." You shook your head and he chuckled.

"What is your name?", he asked and you debatted whether to trust him or not. But from all the people you knew, he was the only one who hadn't tried to hurt you.

"I'm (y/n)." He smiled at the mention of your name and you blushed a little. "Can you tell me something about you? Perhaps where you come from?" You thought about it, but your head was empty. There were no memories.

You shook your head and Steve nodded in understanding. "You said you were an experiment", you whispered and he blinked in surprise, hearing you speak without him having asked another question.

"Yes, yes I was", he mumbled, visible in thought.

"It made me strong and all of what I am now. But it also threw me out of the normal world", he explained. "I am not like other people", he added and gave you a small smile.

"How did you adjust? To the world after-", you trailed off, not knowing what words to use.

"I used my new powers for the good. I fought for my country and now I am trying to save people. Whether the missions are about stopping terrorists or saving others like you, I do everything to protect the people as best as I can."

"And you think I could do that too?" Your voice displays your insecurity and you hate to be so weak in front of him.

"I believe you can do great things for the people." You stared at him again and although you knew you had to stop, you couldn't break eye contact. He was just too full of good to avert your eyes.

"But how?" The desperation was clear on your face and Steve grabbed your hand in ressurance.

"We are here at the avengers headquarters, a place for people with special abilities and the will to save the world. You would fit in perfectly. We're going to build you a new life, based on new memories we will create and you will learn to control your powers and accept them. They are a part of you now and maybe you feel like you are overpowered, but I promise you it will get better. And before you can even blink you will have control over them and an amazing team by your side."

You teared up at his speech and you didn't know what you were doing when you leaned forward to hug him.

He embraced you and for the first time in months you felt safe. You knew that you had to open up about what they had done to you eventually, but you trusted Steve enough to do it. He was the light that filled the darkness, which surrounded you like a shadow, and you welcomed it.

The warmth of the hug and the protectivness you felt, made your whole body relax for the first time in ages.

When you let go, you had stopped trembling and the pain had eased a little. Instead you felt a wave of energy flod your body and when you opened your eyes to look at Steve you could feel something was different.

You couldn't describe the feeling, but you knew that one of your eyes had started to glow a little. Steve watched you with a proud grin on his face.

"My powers", you whispered, still not believing what was happening and Steve nodded. He gave you a mirror that was lying on the nightstand and held it so you could see yourself.

At first you were shocked by how pale you were. Dark bags were under your eyes and your lips weren't as bright as they usually were. But what caught the most of your attention were your eyes.

One was shimmering golden and you had to smile at the image.

"It's beautiful", Steve whispered and you couldn't agree with him more.

Perhaps you could really start a new life.

Maybe your powers were a part of you now.

Chapter Text

Right now you really wished you were more of a makeup wearing person.

You only used a chapstick and mascara on regular basis, nothing more. You just weren't the type of girl to have the patience nor the motivation to apply tons of makeup on your face everyday. You didn't see the point in it.

Now you did.

The black bruise on your right cheek was impossible to overlook, you had already spotted it a mile away from the mirror.

"Damn it!", frantic you ran your fingers through your hair. You couldn't go to work looking like this. Everyone would get suspicious towards how you had gotten the injury, especially Steve, and you couldn't risk to set them off to something.

You were fine, it was just a little bruise.

While collecting the things you needed for work, you thought about possible excuses. S.h.i.e.l.d hadn't send you on missions for over 3 weeks now, which meant you couldn't tell them that it had happened during a fight.

The falling-down-the-stairs- excuse didn't seem realistic either. Sure you were clumsy sometimes, but not that clumsy.

A glance at your watch told you, that you were already late for work. "Keys, keys, keys", you mumbled as a mantra, hoping to find them any time soon.

You were never late for work, always taking the chance you had gotten to work with such an amazing team seriously. You wouldn't dare to lose your job through such a preventable thing as coming to late.

Finally you caught sight of your keys and sprinted towards the car.

When you eventually arrived at the facility, you tried to sneak in as quiet as possible, so nobody would notice you had been missing before.

"Hey (y/n)", Sam waved at you. Mentally cursing him you put on a fake smile and waved back. You hoped he would leave it to this so you wouldn't have to turn around and show him your other cheek, but apparently Sam had something other in mind.

"The great (y/n) comes to late to work. Never thought I would live long enough to witness this", he grinned at you. "Haha, really funny", you remarked sarcastically.

"Can I leave now to bring this to my office?", you asked, pointing at your bags. "Feel free", he raised his hands in surrender, still smirking at you.

"Thank you", you scoffed and hurried down the corridor.

Registering the person in front of you too late you forcefully collided with his chest. "Ouch", you groaned while touching your temple on reflex.

"(Y/n) are you okay?", you heared his voice and instantely tensed. You nodded, avoiding to look up. He must not see your cheek.

But of course Steve wasn't satisfied with your response. He put two of his fingers under your chin and lifted it up, making it impossible for you to hide your bruise. He inhaled deeply when he caught sight of it.

You still couldn't look at him and peeked past his face, as if the white wall was suddenly very interesting.

"What happened to your face?", Steve asked you softly. You couldn't look him in the eyes, see the warmth blue of them that made you feel like home. It was funny, blue eyes normally sensed coldness, but Steve's were like a crackling bonfire that immediately filled you with warmth.

You didn't deserve that feeling now, so you shook your head, still staring at the wall.

"(Y/n) what happened to your face?", Steve repeated, forcefully this time. "Look at me", he added with a soft whisper.

You couldn't resist any longer and turned your gaze to his. His face was filled with mixed emotions: Concern, affection, fury.

The excuses you had prepared during the car ride seemed no longer good enough.

"I was going home and there was a man who attacked an old woman. I stepped in", you explained, but it sounded more like a question than a statement and Steve only shook his head.

You chewed your lip. Why wouldn't he let it go? It was none of his business anyway.

A part of you wanted to tell him that, but the other reasoned that it was Steve. He would never stop caring.

"It doesn't matter", you sighed, knowing you were defeated.

"Yes it does!", Steve raised his voice and you flinched a little. His features softened immediately.

"Someone hurt you (Y/n). Of course it matters!" His gentle voice made you loose all your strenght to keep up your facade and tears filled your vision. Blinking them away you glanced to the ground, hoping he wouldn't notice.

You couldn't tell him the truth. As much as you wanted to do it, the words didn't form in your throat.

"I can't-", you stuttered and Steve nodded. He stroked your left cheek and put a strand of hair back behind your ear. "You don't have to say it doll", he whispered.

"But I need to know. Was it Rumlow who hurt you?" At the mention of your boyfriends name you broke down in tears. This was answer enough for Steve and he pulled you into a tight hug.

"It's gonna be okay", he whispered into your neck and you cried into his shoulder.

After an eternity you had calmed down and Steve released you out of his arms. With his thumb he wiped your tears off your face and you relaxed under his touch.

"He didn't want to hurt me", you spoke, but Steve frowned. You knew what the thought: How could you defend him after what he had done to you? But Steve didn't know anything.

"We argued and it got messy. It was my fault!", you explained determined.

"What are you talking about?" Steve couldn't help but stare at you in disbelief. "He hurt you (Y/n)! It's not a little scratch, it is a bruise! On your face!"

Ashamed you turned your gaze away. You had never wanted this to go so far. You knew that Steve and the others weren't exactly fond of your boyfriend, but it shouldn't be their issue who you decided to date anyway.

"That's not fair! It was an accident", you defended him and Steve rolled his eyes in annoyance. He took a step back, searching for the right words. When he seemed to have found them, he came close again.

"You really think so?", he challenged while his raised hand moved along with his words. "Do you really believe that he didn't want to hurt you? That it was just the rage speaking and not him?"

You nodded and Steve flinched in both fury and hurt at how naive you could be. His hand fell to his side helplessly.

"Can you promise me that it won't happen again?", he tried again.

This time you didn't nod. You couldn't promise him that. You had never expected this to happen the first time, who knew there wouldn't be a second?

"I can't do that", you answered honestly. Relieved that you were thruthful this time Steve exhaled deeply before considering his next words.

"Then why do you stay with him? With a man that hurt you and could do it again? Do you really love him that much?"

This question visibly seemed to torment Steve. He pursed his lips and this time he was the one that peeked away.

You studied his face, searching for any kind of advice for his behaviour. "I would never hurt you (y/n)", he added, only as loud as a whisper, but you still heared it.

"Why would you say that?", you whispered back, confusion written on your face.

Steve still couldn't hold your gaze and it made you anxious. "Why wouldn't I?", he responded frantic. His gaze met yours once again and you felt your heart pounding rapidly in your chest.

You didn't understand anything. Was he trying to say that- "I care about you! I care about you a lot and I can't watch you getting hurt. He shouldn't lay his hands on you", Steve clenched his fist, but released it only a second after.

"You won't stay with him anymore. We will do whatever it takes to get you safe, but you need to leave him, okay?"

You nodded in uncertainty, still unsure what to think of this situation.

"I will help you get through this and maybe eventually you will forget him and see what is right in front of you", he blushed and your eyes widened.

"You like me?"

"Yes, I do", he spoke, his voice confident now. "And I will wait until you are ready." A smile crossed his face and you shyly smiled back at him.

Steve was in love with you and he was willing to wait for you. He would help you break up with your boyfriend and when time would pass maybe he would become more to you than just a friend. You felt excited at these thoughts.

You didn't love Steve that way yet, but you had never even though of the possibility that he could see more in you.

"Thank you", you joyful responded and hugged him. He wrapped his strong arms around your waist and his breath hit your neck.

"I will wait"

Chapter Text

You stood by Steves side, waiting for your enemies to show up. Behind you was an army of soldiers, all clothed in golden armaments. Nervously you tapped your fingers against your trousers.

"What's on your mind doll?", Steve asked you gently. He was wearing his captain america uniform, only the shild was missing.

"What are we even doing here?", you spoke, suddenly confused. "This is a suicide mission!"

"It's do or die. More likely die", Steve winked at you playfully, but he turned serious when he met your furrowed glance.

"Hey, you don't have to do this", he reassured you with a frown. You shook your head in determination.

"Yes, I do! Somebody has to stop them and I was trained as an agent. It is my duty to protect the people and that is excatly what I am doing", you exclaimed in despair.

"But I am scared Steve. This is not like the other battles we fought. There is a great chance that we will die", you turned to look at him. You knew the fear had taken over your expression, but Steve had remained calm.

"I can't imagine a better way to die as to die as a hero", Steve confessed composed. "If you fight for what you believe in, I think it is worth dying for."

He searched your face for a sign of what you felt, but couldn't find any. "So this is worth dying for you?", you wondered and Steve nodded.

"You are okay with dying? Not opening your eyes once again, not seeing what happened to the world?" He nodded again and you trembled at the thought of Steves death. It made you sick to imagine a world without him. It was impossible.

"Then you are a lot stronger than me", you concluded and turned your gaze to stare at the horizon again.

"Hey", Steve made you look at him again. "You are the strongest person I know (Y/N)", he assured you with a soft smile. "Then you don't know a lot of people", you replied with a stern look and he laughed. His laugh was your favorite sound in the world and made you smile uncontrollable.

"That might be true", he grinned. "But that doesn't change anything. When you were shot, you fought a week for your life and you survived. When Wanda lost her brother you were the only one able to calm her when she lost control. When you witnessed the burning building at the fifth avenue you ran inside without a second thought and saved everyone."

You darted your gaze to the ground, a little ashamed when Steve named all these events like some heroic moments.

"I might did all of that", you sighed. "But I am not ready to die. I am 25, I haven't been anywhere", desperation took over your features.

"There are still so many things I wanna do!", you confessed and felt your breath quicken frantically. You rang for air to fill your lungs, but you felt like the oxygen didn't reach you.

You started to shake rapidly and felt a hand grab yours. Steve turned you to him. "Breathe (y/n), just breathe with me", he whispered. You nodded and tried to follow his rhythm of inhaling and exhaling.

"I don't want to die here. Not here- not like this", you croaked in between breaths. "Sh, don't speak", Steve advised you gently.

You followed his breathing until you calmed down a litte, but your hands were still shaking due to the panic attack.

"Did that ever happen before?", he asked concerned and you shook your head. He seemed to be reliefed and slowly took a strand of hair behind your ear.

"I promise you, I won't let anything happen to you!" His voice was full of confidence, but both of you knew that he couldn't promise that. You nodded and turned away ashamed.

Every single one of the soldiers had volunteered for this as well and none of them freaked out the way you did. You were a trained agent and this behaviour was inappropriate.

"I am sorry", you mumbled quietly. "You don't have to be sorry for anything", Steve responded with a frown.

"You said there are still so many things you want to do..", he trailed off but you knew what he wanted to ask. But you didn't know what to answer. What you had said early had been in a weak moment and you regretted your words.

Honestly there was a lot that you still wanted to do, but under the pressure you couldn't think of anything except one thing.

Your mind debatted over if you should say it or not, but when you saw the first enemies in the distance you felt more confident than ever. Maybe this was your only chance.

You turned to Steve and gently grabbed his face. Then you pressed your lips against his. At first you had the horrible feeling that he would stop you, but then he kissed you back.

You only pulled away when you ran out of air.

"This is one of them"

Chapter Text

A loud crash cut through the previously quiet night. You shot up and gazed at your alarm clock. It was 3 am, in 4 hours you would have to get ready for work.

For a second the room was illuminated, then it was dark again. You sat there anxiously waiting for the thunder.

When it came, it roared through the city, making you whimper. Steve, who was laying next to you, was miraculously still asleep. He looked so peacful that you immediately felt guilty to wake him up, but when the next lightning filled the room you couldn't hold back.

"Steve", you whined and gently shook his shoulders. He started to move under your touch, trying to flee from it.

However when you repeatd to say his name he opened his eyes and sat up.

"Sweetheart what's wrong?", he asked, his voice from the sleep deeper than usual.

"I-" The next thunder was heared and instantely you pushed yourself against him. Protectively he wrapped his strong arms around your fragile body.

"Hey everything is fine", he reassured you. "It's just a little lightning."

You broke free to make eye contact with him.

"That is not a little lightning!", you protested. "Besides, it's loud."

Steve chuckled. "You are scared of thunder?", he asked with a grin. "Oh shut up! Of course I'm not!", you responded, punching his shoulder. He smirked in amusement.

A second later, when another crash filled the air, you were in his arms again, trembling from fear. "Shh. It's okay", Steve murmured into your ear, his smile had faded at the sight of your anxitey. "It can't hurt you."

You continued to hold onto him, hoping that the shelter his body provided could save you from the worlds rage.

"You know, when I was a kid I used to be scared too", Steve explained. Interested you turned your whole attention to him.

"But that changed when I grew up. I had always felt like the sky was angry at me. Like I had done something wrong and now it would yell at me. But when I was older I suddenly saw it from a completely different perspective. Maybe the sky wasn't angry at me, maybe nature just needs to scream sometimes too."

You smiled at the image of that. Steve had the ability to turn even the scariest things into something to think about. He made you question things when you only accepted them and he could turn a thunderstorm into something soothing.

Even the thunder that cut through the silence didn't scare you this time. "That sounds nice", you glanced up to him. He softly caressed your cheek.

"You're still scared?", he asked. You shook your head.

"Maybe a little", you added honestly. "But with you by my side nothing will happen to me."

He fondly looked down at you and smiled. "Come on, we should get a little rest", he whispered and you laid down in his arms.

"Thank you", you mumbled after a few moments of silence.

"Anytime."

Chapter Text

"Ouch", your best friend Jamie yelled out.

"What is it?", you asked worried.

"Oh just a little scratch", she said, not even caring anymore about her recent injury.

"But you just sat here on bed with me", you wondered. "Oh it's probably my soulmate", your friend replied, not looking up from the magazin she was reading.

"A soulmate?"

Now her furrowed glance met yours.

"You have never heared of soulmates?"

You shook your head.

"Well it's that one person on the world that is meant to be with you", she tried to explain. "From birth on you have a connection. Whenever your soulmate gets injured you get the same injury as well and half of the pain. It's also working with emotions but not everyone experiences that. It depends on how strong your connection is"

You looked at her in awe. "You never experinced something like this?", she asked you stunned. Again you shook your head.

"It's the first time I've heared about this", you told her, a little disappointed.

It was silent for a moment until you couldn't hold back any longer.

"What if I don't have a soulmate?" Desperately you tried to feel anything than your own emotions. You couldn't feel anything.

"Honey, everyone has a soulmate, Maybe not everyone believes in it and not everybody finds their soulmate, but you still have one. That's like a natural law"

You still weren't convinced. "But how come I can't feel mine?", you questioned.

Jamie shrugged. "I don't know. But what I do know is that one day you will feel the connection."

It had been 14 years since you had learned about soulmates and yet you felt nothing.

Jamie had already married hers, making you feel happy for her but somewhat jealous as well.

Why were you the only one without a soulmate? What if your soulmate had already left this world? Or he wouldn't want to be found?

Night after night you had spend sleepless, questioning the existence of your other soul. That was until the day you watched a football game with your friends. 10 minutes before the end you had collapsed into your chair.

Waking up in a hospital bed you couldn't remember at first what had happened. Then it all came back.

Glancing down your arms you could see they were bruised and bloodied, making your heart race in shock. What the hell had happened to you?

"She's awake", you heared a female voice. It belonged to a blonde nurse, who now walked over to your bed. "Hi darling how are you feeling?"

"Okay, I guess", you answered, still not sure how to feel about the situation. "How did this happen?", she asked and you didn't know what to say. So you made an attempt to tell her the truth.

"Honestly I don't know. I watched tv with my friends and then I blacked out." The older woman smirked at you.

"Oh I see. It must have been the connection to your soulmate because your test results show that you are a young and healthy woman." You smiled, reliefed that you were well and excited, that you did have a soulmate.

-

"Look what's in the tv" Jamie stormed in, grabbing the remote and putting on the news channel. It showed New York city, fire, explosions and panicking people everywhere. The next video clip displayed a group of five- no six people. They all wore superhero costumes, except from one who was just big and green.

"What happened?", you asked your friend, not taking the eyes off the screen. You recognized some of the superheroes, there was Iron Man for example. But to be honest you hadn't really payed attention to the news of the superheroes the last couple of months.

"Just an attack, I don't know", Jamie responded, throwing her hands into the air.

"But that's not the point. You know when that happened? The exact same time you passed out." "So?"

"So one of these people in new york is your soulmate!", she stated with a proud smile on your face. Your eyes widened and you stared back at the screen.

"Oh my god!"

"Yes, that was exactly my thoughts too. Maybe your soulmate is even one of the superheroes!", she squeaked in excitment. You raised a brow, then laughed at her joy, hoping this information would bring you closer to finding your soulmate.

However not everyone dealed with the circumstances as admirable as the young nurse. Your doctor speculated you were on drugs while another nurse tried to make you talk about your abusive father. It annoyed the hell out of you, because he was a great dad and would never hurt you in any way.

So once your doctor told you, you could leave the hospital, you signed the papers and left as soon as possible.

From then on you started to search for your soulmate. Faith whatever, you couldn't wait any longer. Internet researches and daily library visits didn't help much. You understood the soulmate thing better now, but nethertheless you had little to no information on how to find him.

-

Caressing your temples you sat in the little flat you called your home. After another day of unsucesssful searches you found yourself giving up.

You had even thought about cutting words into your skin, after all your soulmate would see them, but you were too scared to go to such extremes.

Noticing your bruises were already fading, you sighed. In a few days every evidence your soulmate existed, would be gone.

"Damnit", you punched the wooden table, instantly regretting your action when you felt the pain. Sniffling you leaned back, wondering if your soulmate had felt your pain too and maybe even thought about you this moment.

"This has to end!", you heared your own voice. You had focused so much on finding your soulmate, you had lost all control over your life, the mess in the apartment reminding you of that every day.

"From now on my soulmate can find me", you decided and went to clean up the mess your life had become.

Chapter Text

While you still had no sign of your soulmate, you felt your connection getting stronger. Maybe it was all in your imagination, maybe the thought of somebody being meant to be with you was the thing you held on to with all strength. Maybe it was the only reason you kept going, but it just had to be true.

Sometimes when you sat by yourself you felt happy without any cause. Sometimes you wanted to burst into tears although you had been cheerful a minute before.

Perhaps it was all you, but blaming somebody else made it easier.

It didn't make the situation better when one of your friends had made it her plan to set you up with her cousin. Why waste your time on a man when he wasn't your soulmate? It didn't make any sense to you and your refusal to date anyone at all made not only your friends, but your parents frustrated.

They told you the whole soulmate thing had gotten to your head and after hearing it for the 50th time you decided you needed a break.

One year later you had already found a new task to distract yourself with.

Building up sustainable houses for the poor you felt constantly determinded and happy, as well as distressed and exhausted.

In 3 months you would start your new job and before you would spend the rest of your life behind a desk, you had wanted to put a few miles on your soul, not mentioning getting away from the whole soulmate thing.

A coworker had told you about the social injustices in Sokovia and a week later you had went on a plane to get there.

"Hey, can you give me the hammer?", one of your teammates, Dani asked you.

You grabbed it and handed it to him when suddenly it went dark. Like the sun had hid behind a cloud, but much worse. Looking up you saw a crowd of dark, flying its way over to you. At first you concluded it was a massive swarm of birds, but when it came closer it looked like..."robots?"

"Everybody get down", you heared somebody yell and you found yourself cowering next to the house you had previously worked on,

"What the hell", you mumbled, still not believing what you saw right in front of you. The robots swarmed out, beginning to shoot at everyone and everything. There were hundreds of them, marching and flying down the streets. You stayed low, peeking around the corner of the building.

Everyone was running around, screaming in fear and agony. You spotted Jane, a friend of yours. She was crying, not noticing the robot aiming its laser weapon at her.

"Jane get down!", you yelled while spriting towards her. She didn't hear you. The robot fired, the laser beamed through the air towards your team mates face.

You jumped in front of her in an attempt to block her and it worked. The laser burned through your right shoulder making you cry out in pain. The pain felt nearly unbearable, but the adrenaline that rushed through your veins made you forget about it quickly.

When you glanced up the robot aimed at you again, now at your heart. His whole body was made out of metal, his "eyes" glowing in a bright red. Panicking you tried to find an object you could use like a shield, but there was nothing except from rubble.

You closed your eyes in surrender. That was it. That was the last thing you would see. You would never meet your soulmate.

A crash made you open your eyes again.

A blonde, tall guy was fighting the robot, destroying it with a swift move. When he turned around you recognized him as Captain America, the super soldier who had been found in the ice a few years ago.

"Come here", he waved at both you and Jane.

"Than-Tha-Thank you", she stuttered and hugged you tightly, pressing herself against your wound, making both you and Cap flinch.

"There is no time", he clarified with a little cough, looking puzzled at what had happened. You nodded, rubbed Janes back in comfort and turned to the Soldier in order to find out what you should do.

He mustered you, then opened his mouth to say something, but he got interrupted by the earth rumbling. You had never experienced an earth quake, but the furiously shaking ground made you anxious. You hated heights. The ground had always gave you some kind of comfort, knowing it wouldn't move nor break.

Now it did exactly that and it freightened you.

Only a few metres away from you the ground started to burst, leaving an enourmous cliff between the ground you were standing on and the other part of the city. A loud voice cut throught the air, making you jump:

"The beauty of it. The inevitability. You rise only to fall. You, avengers, are my meteor. My swift and terrible sword. And the earth will crack with the weight of your failure."

Who was speaking? You went to glance at the Captain, checking for his expression. He looked up, his face twisted in exhaustion, but determination as well. He knew who was talking.

"Purge me from your computers! Turn my own flesh against me! It means nothing! When the dust settles, the only thing living in this world is metal!"

You heared a wimper from Jane and turned towards her, She stared down at the earth that moved farther away by each passing minute. You gulped, realizing that maybe you wouldn't make it out of this one.

"We have to go", Cap stated, but you knew there was no space safe here. He couldn't leave you to your own, but couldn't protect you either.

"I know", you spoke, with a calm voice. "You have to go, be a superhero. I will protect her."

You both watched Jane, then looked back at each other. Cap nodded in a painful expression and jogged away, making you feel scared and alone again.

"We're gonna be fine", you reassured Jane, although you didn't believe your own words. A knock into the stomach send you flying over onto the ground, your breath becoming frantic. You coughed and looked up to see nothing at first.

Smoke was clouding your vision and made it almost impossible to see anything.

Then you discovered blonde hair. Captain America was lying on the windscreen of a dented car. He grimaced and spoke something into his headset.

"Oh my god", you whispered, not believing what idea had just popped into your head. Slowly you raised your hand, your eyes fixed at the blonde soldier. You took a deep breath and then pushed your fingers right into your shoulder wound.

A scream made it's way up your throat, but you kept squeezing. You needed to know if it was true.

Lost for words you watched the man grimacing in pain. He checked his shoulder for any injury and then turned his gaze away, searching the crowd. When his eyes met yours you felt like you would pass out.

You had stopped pressing, but your fingers still touched the wound, which seemed to burn like it was on fire. Caps eyes widened and it was like you could inspect the blue color of them from the distance this far.

It was impossible.

Your heart started to race and while you knew you had to pay attention to your enemies, you couldn't take your eyes of the man.

Captain America. Your soulmate.

Chapter Text

You snapped out of your shock when you heared Jane scream.

You turned around and saw a robot hitting her into the stomach. She stumbled back.

"No!", you cried out when she reached the edge. You rose and tried to grab her hand, but it was too late.

You watched in horror how she fell until you couldn't see her anymore. Raging you faced the robot. Fists flew and met metal. Somehow you managed to knock the robot over the edge and since he didn't fly back up he seemed defeated.

You sat by yourself, rage and guilt flooding you.

Captain America had left his place when you had broken eye contact and was nowhere to be found. You scaned the area and saw Thor and Iron Man fight these beats.

"Everyone go to the helicarriers", you heard someone yell. You caught sight of a massive air vehicle, docking onto one part of the city.

You ran towards it as fast as you could, avoiding as much robots as possible. When you finally took a step onto the craft, you felt all adrenaline leave you.

"Come over here", a young man pullled you over. He pressed you down on a seat and then went to give instructions to the next people entering.

You felt suddenly so tired, you instantly fell into a deep sleep.

-

When you gained consciousness again, you layed in a bed. Taking every detail of the room in, you assumed you were not in a hospital. Where the hell were you?

You sat up and mustered your clothing. Somebody had traded your jeans to comfy grey sweatpants and changed your shirt into a light t shirt. A needle was tucked into your skin, leading towards an infusion.

"Oh you are awake."

A redhaired woman entered the room. You recognized her.

"You are one of the avengers", you stated in disbelief.

"Well yes, my name is Natasha", she smiled at you.

"How are you feeling?", she questioned and walked over to your bed.

"Um fine", you shrugged. You felt a little dizzy after the long sleep but that wasn't unusually for you. Natasha removed the needle and helped you in a standing position.

"That's good. The doctors will check you later again. We were afraid the fever would cause some longer lasting problems", she explained.

"Wait fever?", you asked her surprised. "Oh yeah your wound became infected. You had fever for 3 days."

"3 days?? I was out for 3 days?" You rubbed your eyes in disbelief. She smiled at you again. It didn't seem fake, but warm and soft.

"How about we go for a walk and I will tell you everything you want to know?", she suggested and you nodded in approval. You followed her through the doorframe and out of the room.

"So where am I?", you asked your most important question first.

"You are in the avengers headquarters" You glanced around.

"Why? I assume you don't take in every patient" She stayed silent for a few seconds until she came to an hold.

"It was Steves will", she sighed. "Steve?"

"Steve Rogers aka Captain America", she explained.

"Oh...oh", you replied dumbfounded and she laughed.

"Can I speak to him?", you asked although you didn't feel ready. Natasha grinned. "Of course. He must be somewhere in this building. You know, he took that really serious when you were ill. Nearly got himself sick as well", she told you and you had to chuckle.

So she didn't know about the soulmate thing. But also you felt a little flustered to know that it was his special will to treat you here. And your connection was true, he had been sick himself.

"How about I take you to the others and go search for him?", Natasha pulled you out of your thoughts. "Yeah, I would like that", you answered and followed her through the next corridors.

You felt beyond nervous getting to know the others, which you guessed where the other avengers. They were superheroes, fighting for world peace and you were just..you.

When you entered the living room you already heared laughter and talking. You saw a little group of people sitting on the couch chatting, while 2 others were playing cards nearby. You recognized one of them as Falcon.

Natasha guided you to the couch where you saw Iron Man, Hawkeye and another guy.

"That's Tony, Clint and Bruce", Natasha introduced them. You mentally cursed yourself you had little to no information on all these superheroes. If Jamie was here she would have freaked out like the fangirl she was. Probably she would have even known their whole biography.

The thought made you smile. "I'm (y/n) (y/l/n)", you presented yourself and shook their hands.

"We already know darling", Tony replied and you bit your lip. Of course they knew who you were. They were superheroes and had 3 whole days to take some researches, not mentioning the super modern technology they probably used.

You blushed and stood akwardly. The guy, Clint made you some space on the couch and you shyly sat down. Natasha left and Clint started a conversation with you. After a few minutes you had already warmed up to him, since he seemed the most human of them all to you.

You were grateful he had the patience to fill you in on everything and he seemed thankful that you weren't a fan girl.

"and then I kicked him in the ass", he just ended one of his stories and you laughed along.

A little cough made you turn around. Natasha was standing in the door, next to her Capta- Steve. He looked beyond handsome in his red hoodie, creating a nice contrast to his eyes.

You stood up and walked over to them, then followed Steve out of the room so you could talk in private. He guided you to a room which seemed to be his bedroom. There was a rather big bed next to a small window with a great view at the surrounding nature.

A grey couch could be found on the left side from a small desk But a big board full of photos and strings caught your attention. You recognized Loki, the villain who had destroyed New York last year. Next to him was Thor, obviously.

Your eyes searched for more faces you knew and you came to a hold next to Steves. There was a photo of you, connected to Steve's with a blue string. A little post-it note read your name and a question mark. Another one was filled with the single word "Soulmate".

"Uh", Steve blushed and then put his body in front of it. You smiled at him while you sat down.

"Are you feeling better?", he asked although he already knew the answer.

"Yes", you replied.

After a few seconds of silence you decided to come straight to the point. "So what do you know about soulmates?", you asked.

"Er Bruce told me about it, which is somehow a little weird because he is a scientist. So he told me all about the scientistic facts. I didn't really get anything if I am honest. But what I do get is that we feel the same. I felt your pain and you must have felt mine."

Steve seemed confused, a frown written on his face. "What about you?"

The smile he gave you made your knees go weak and you were glad you were sitting.

"My friend told me about it when I was a kid. I never felt anything. Then suddenly I blacked out and I woke up in the hospital. It was at the time when Loki took over New York."

Steve's eyes widened. "I didn't know", he whispered and you smiled. "Of course you didn't. I didn't know either. I tried to find out who you are, but failed. Then Sokovia happened."

Steve came over to the couch and crouched down in front of you. When he took your hand in yours you flinched at first, but relaxed at his warmth immediately.

"I am sorry that happened to you", Steve breathed, not breaking eye contact with you.

"It's okay", you murmured, mesmerized by the beautiful blue. "I am sorry I got ill." He flushed a smirk. "It's okay too."

You grinned and blinked a few times to break the tension. "What does this mean now?", you asked then.

"You are a superhero and I am just a woman writing newspaper articles. You are 60 years older than me. I wasn't even alive when you were born- when you were in your twenties."

He grimaced. "Now you made it weird" You laughed and nudged his shoulder.

"Sorry!" You gave him an apoleptic smile. "I think we can make this work. It is our fate after all. And from my view I can say fate made a great choice for me."

You blushed at how he could be so naturally charming. "Thank you. I can't complain either."

He grinned in excitement and then held out his arm. "Wha-what are you doing?", you questioned, gazing up at him.

"I will take you out for dinner now. And then we will go dancing", he stated and you rose a brow. "Where did I miss the part where I agreed to this?"

"Oh come on!", he exlclaimed grinning and you chuckled at his expression. Did he really think you could say no to him?

You linked your arm with his and then fell into pace with him.

"But I can't dance", you stated insecure after a few seconds of walking. "Then it will be my pleasure to be your teacher", Steve winked at you and you giggled.

That was exactly how you could spend the years. Next to the man you already fell for after a few seconds of knowing each other. It felt as if it had always been your purpose. And maybe you were a fool to believe this could actually work, but Steve did and you already trusted him with your life.

Furthermore, you would protect him with your life. They say when you lose your soulmate, the part of him inside you dies as well and you will always feel only as a half. Growing up you had always felt half, like a part of you was missing and you didn't belong.

Only now you realized that it had changed. Maybe Steve had been the missing piece in your life for all this time.

Chapter Text

Tomorrow was the day. The day you feared the most of them all- your birthday. The day you had to choose between staying in your home country forever or leaving to never come back.

Even one day before you turned 18, you didn't know what to do. Your feelings told you every day that you didn't belong here. You didn't fit in and that had always been the case. Since you could remember you had felt like a stranger to this town, to this country.

When others went out partying you stayed at home, watching the stars while you counted the days until you could finally leave for good. Your younger version had known how to decide, but now you weren't so sure anymore.

You loved your family and the thought of leaving them behind and never seeing them again made you feel sick to your stomach. Sure, you could face time and send letters, but that wasn't the same. You wouldn't see your 10 years old sister grow up, the girl that looked up to you and had always wanted to be like you.

Only it wasn't so great to be like you. How could you decide against your family, to go to a country where you knew nobody?

However you couldn't stay either, not a single day. You couldn't live your life in this country, your personal hell. It would kill you.

A knock on the door told you that it was time to sleep. Tomorrow you would have a birthday party with your family and your relatives until you would have to decide in the evening. The alarm clock signaled, that it was indeed late and you could need every rest you could get.

-

The next morning was planned into detail. You were happy that your family had organized a party for you, but you wanted, no you needed some breaks as well.

You knew exactly why your father had made a full time plan. If every second was structured, you wouldn't have time to think about what was to follow.

"Smile please!", you forced a fake smile and the flash went off. Your aunt had taken a photo of your sister and you as a "reminder of this special day" like she used to call it. She ran around the house, taking pictures of everyone and everything.

You had known it was a bad idea to buy her a camera. Your uncle was sitting in the kitchen, nipping on a beer and watching the sunset. He seemed deep in thought, so you backed away and decided to leave him alone with his thoughts.

His daughter had made the decision to leave 2 years before and you had seen how it had broken him.

How could you look after him, but do the same to your own parents?

It was evening faster than you expected.

The guests left until only your sister and your parents remained. Furious you ran your fingers through your hair. All eyes lied on you and you couldn't bear it. Your mother had told you that they would accept whatever choice you would made, but still you felt like you would betray them.

"You have to decide honey", your mother reminded you. Slowly you grabbed the pen and let it wander through your fingers. Mustering the two contracts you took a deep breath and pulled one further to yourself. Then you took a last glance at your sister, your father and your mother.

As much as you would miss them, you had made this decision already a long time ago.

"Are you ready with packing yet?" Your mother came into the room, silent tears flooding down her cheeks. You bit your lip and nodded.

You never ever wanted to be the cause to your mother crying and you couldn't forgive yourself that you made her feel this pain.

"We are waiting for you downstairs", she announced and left, sobbing into her sleeve. You took a last glance at the room, your room and then grabbed your bags to leave.

When you stepped into the living room, your whole family was waiting for you.

Your sister was wearing her red pullover, the one you had given her to her 8th birthday and that was her favorite from then one. She even wore the same hairstyle like you.

It made your heart hurt even more and you already questioned your decision. Your father grabbed your bags and brought them to the old car.

Your family wasn't exactly the definition of poor, but there had been months when you had struggled to pay the bills. Since you were 12 years old you had worked to help your family make enough money.

That was also one of the reasons why you needed to leave. You needed to build your own life, get a new start and don't stay in your parents world.

"It's time", your father stated and collected the car keys from the wooden table. He would bring you to the airport and then you would never see him again. Your mother pulled you into a bone crashing hug, whispering into your ear that she would always love you and that she was proud of you.

Even through your own tears you had to smile. Your sister gave you a book and told you to open it once you had arrived in New York, the destination of your journey. You thanked her and promised to write a letter once a month.

Then you left and got into the car, only turning around once to watch your home getting smaller and smaller in the distance.

The car ride took an hour, but you felt like it had only been two minutes. A silence filled the engine and your heart got from mile to mile heavier. Your dad turned on the radio, but when your boths favorites song came up, none of you sang along.

Not like you used to do.

When you reached the airport it had started to get dark. You hugged your dad goodbye, but when you let go a deep frown had filled his face.

"What are you thinking??", he yelled out of sudden and you flinched. He had never yelled at you before. "You think you will just go on this plane for New York and leave us all behind? What about your mother? What about your sister?!"

You gulped and fiddled with your sleeve. This wasn't how you wanted to say goodbye, but your plane left too soon to discuss this.

"I have to go", you replied quietly. "Mom will be fine. She told me she is proud of me. (y/s/n) will be fine as well. Without me, she will find out who she really is and what she really likes and won't keep being fixed on me. I know you don't see this, but I've never fit in. I am so grateful for the life you gave me, but I need to build my own now."

Your fathers frown looked as if it got bigger than before, if that was even possible. "If you were the slightest of grateful you wouldn't just leave us behind like the toys you don't need anymore! You are an ungrateful brat, that's what you are!"

The words stung more than you liked and you had to blink a few times to keep your tears from falling. Why did he had to keep all of this for now?

"Dad, I really have to go now. Please don't let us end it like this", you pleaded him, but he shook his head.

"First you decide to leave us and now you even have standards of what we have to think about it. I cannot see the girl I raised. She wouldn't be so selfish like the woman I see right in front of me now. You are not my daughter!"

You wanted to scream at him, that he had no right to say this. Not now. You wanted to punch him for being so stubborn and you wanted to cry, but you did none of that.

Instead you mummbled a "Goodbye dad" and turned around to make your way to the plane. You tried to blend out the insults he was throwing after you, but everyone burned it's mark onto your soul.

-

"A beer please", you ordered and put some money on the bar.

After 2 months of living in New York you couldn't hate yourself more. Your little apartment was cold and empty, and even though you had been excited to design it on your own, it didn't feel in any way like your home.

While you spend the most hours of your days at your job, which wasn't so bad to be honest, your free time was a constant reminder that you had no friends here. You were alone the whole day and the whole night and it made you anxious.

Talking to your mother or sister on the phone made you feel even worse and your dad still wouldn't speak to you. When you had opened the book your sister had given you, which was filled with pictures she had drawn as well as some photos, even including the one your aunt had taken on your birthday, you had burst into tears.

You missed her so much already and your only hope was, that she would make the same decision as you so you would be able to see her again. But on the other hand your parents would never recover from loosing both of their children.

"Seems like someone is having a rough day", you heared a male voice and turned around to face the stranger.

He was blonde with gorgeous blue eyes, a soft smile showing his perfect white teeth while his sweater gave him something that made him look down to earth. His gaze was turned into your direction and jealous of the person he was speaking to, you turned around to muster him or her. But there was nobody behind you.

Confused you turned back to the man. He was still staring into your direction.

"Wait, you mean me?", you asked and he nodded in amusement. "Who else should I be talking to? The bar is empty."

You glanced around to find out that he was right and gave him an akward smile. "Right..er yes..this day really isn't the best..but that isn't unusual", you shrugged and nipped on your beer.

"So a rough week then?", he questioned and you shook your head. "Rough two months." "Why is that?", he wondered, true interest showing on his features. You gulped and took a second to search for the right words.

"Uh you don't have to talk about it if you dont want", he added and smiled sheepishly. "I am sorry, where are my manners? I am Steve Rogers."

"(Y/n)", you introduced yourself with a big grin. It felt refreshing to speak to someone, even if it would be nothing more than a 10 minutes talk in an empty bar.

"It's nice to meet you (y/n). So what took you to New York? You clearly aren't from here", Steve asked curious. "Am I that obvious?", you chuckled and he grinned and nodded.

"I turned 18 two months ago and I decided to leave my home country. Somehow my destination became New York. What about you?", you told him and took another sip from the bottle. The alcohol burned down your throat and reminded you, why you didn't like to drink.

"Born here and still stuck. I wasn't brave enought to choose to leave", he revealed and you rose your brow in surprise. This man seemed like the definition of confident, how should you actually believe that he wasn't brave enough to make a decision, even you had been able to make?

"You're kidding right?", you spoke, but Steve shook his head.

"But I am not brave", you protested with a frown.

"Why would you say that?", he wondered and slid closer to you. "I think it is impressive to travel to a country you don't know while knowing you leave your old one behind."

You shifted under his gaze.

He should quit thinking of you as someone brave, someone to look up to. You had made a terrible mistake and you would carry it around you your whole life. You wouldn't attend your sisters graduation nor your parents golden wedding anniversary. You would never get to know her children and would not be by her side when she needed you the most.

How was your decision brave?

"I am not brave", you repeated forcefully.

"I ran from my family, from my country. I left them behind. They offered me the best life they could and I left them. My dad will always hate me for that and my younger sister won't have her big sister to ask for advice when she dates the first boy or has a girl drama. I fled from my country, because I didn't fit in, in order to find out I don't belong here either. I am not brave, I am a coward!"

The words you had kept to yourself for so long suddenly spluttered out of your mouth. Frustrated you took another sip from the beer. How had this evening turned from good to bad so fast?

"I think I should go", you mumbled, grabbed your jacket and hopped of your chair, but a hand grabbed your wrist. You turned around again.

"I don't want you to go", Steve replied and his eyes showed that he spoke the truth.

"You made this decision for yourself. You chose yourself over your family and that is okay. Because sometimes you need to do things for yourself, even if it seems selfish. I know what I am talking about, because it took me long, too long, to figure this out myself."

The look Steve gave you was so intense, that you clung to his words with every fibre of your body. You felt like you were drowning and he was here to save you.

"Your family will learn to respect your decision, but let us talk about why you think you don't fit in here. To me you seem like an independent young woman. You even adapted an american accent", he gave you a gentle smile.

You sat down again and mustered him. What you were about to tell him was one of the most personal things you felt and you hated to be vulnerable. This man was a stranger after all, he could be a drug addict or criminal for what you knew, and you were about to tell him everything he wanted to hear.

You felt safe with him and although your brain told you this was a bad idea, you listened to your heart.

"I feel alone", you admitted and immediately felt a burden fall from your shoulders.

"Why is that?", he asked carefully. Again you couldn't hold back.

"I have nobody. Nobody I know or can talk too", you explained. "But I really shouldn't tell you all of this. You have your own problems", you added troubled.

This stranger made you pour your heart out, only using a few right words and it was not only embarassing but degrading.

Steve sighed. "I sure have, and one of them is that I am lonely." You gasped in surprise. "What?" "You heared me right", he chuckled. "Why do you think I spend my time in a dead bar?"

You needed a few seconds to process what he had told you. If you hadn't met him this way, you would have guessed that he was a successful business man, who also played football, spend his time at highclass parties and had the most beautiful girlfriend in the world. He had been employee of the month more than once and besides all of his other work he was involved in politics and saving the oceans.

And now he told you that he felt alone.

The bittersweet taste of this thought made you chuckle. "And you are sure there is no girlfriend waiting for you at home?", you asked serious again.

"Not that I knew", he said smirking. "Why? You have interest?", he teased.

You winked at him.

"I might."

Chapter Text

You had been called for another mission.

Being a shield argent made it sometimes impossible to relax.

"(Y/n) and Bret will go in. You take the files and leave. No more fighting as needed. Rogers, Romanoff and Barton will stay as your backup in the jet. You report to them every 3 minutes. Is that clear?", you nodded, both in excitment and disappointment.

You had hoped to go on a mission side by side with Steve, like you had done for years now, but apparently you should work with Bret.

You really liked him, he was your boyfriend after all, but he wasn't Steve.

You knew Steve for over 3 years now and since you two had met you had become inseparable. You worked good as a team, so shield usually send you on missions together. Now he would just be your backup.

"What's going through your mind?", Bret whispered in your ear, hugging you from behind.

"Bret I have to get dressed for the mission", you protested grinning while trying to grab the radio. "This is our first mission as a team", he stated and you beamed excited.

"I know. But now you have to let me put on that bullet proof west or else we won't go on that mission" He let go of you and started to get armed as well.

"Come on (y/n). It's not like somebody would shoot you. They are too distracted from that beautiful face of yours" You laughed.

"Uh-huh. Well that won't stop me from shooting them. And maybe you, if you don't stop flattering me", you announced with a teasing grin on your face. He chuckled and you both went back to dressing up.

"Ready?", Steve entered the jet. You nodded.

"Try not to miss me that much", he chuckled and you grinned.

"I don't know if that's a promise I can keep", you responded with a wink, sitting down across from him. The rest of the team joined you two and shortly afterwards the jet made it's way to the location of your mission.

You traveled for nearly an hour until you arrived at the scene.

It was an old warehouse, located in the middle of the woods. Both you and Bret left the jet, but not without you exchanging glances with Steve. He wanted you to be careful, you knew that without him having to put it into words. And every time you would promise him to take care of yourself. It was a ritual you two shared, not going unnoticed by the others.

Natasha used to tease you with it saying "look who made that frozen heart of Rogers melt" and you would just brush it off with a laugh.

You already knew Steve didn't mean things that way or else he wouldn't be with Sharon.

Perfect little Sharon, who you couldn't hate. She was nice and clever and beautiful as well. It had just been a matter of time until the two had become a couple.

"Two people on the roof", Bret repoorted and you broke out of your thoughts, focusing on the mission instead.

-

You had taken down some agents and finally reached the room where you should steal the files. You had to admit you worked good with Bret, but not as good as with Steve.

You would just have to give him a glance and he would know exactly what to do. With Bret you would have to give orders, but you guessed that would change over the time. It was your first mission together and you shouldn't expect too much from him.

Looking around you saw tons of computers as well as two agents and a guy, chained to a chair. You narrowed your eyes, not believing what you saw. It was an agent of shield, who had gone missing during an operation only two days ago.

Taking down the two soldiers you sprinted towards him, loosening his bonds. "We're gonna get you out of here", you explained smiling and he responded with a weak smile himself.

You helped him up when Bret bursted into the room. "Every soldier taken down", he delcared and you nodded in approval. Then you explained him the situation and ordered him to bring the agent to the jet while you would search for the files.

He nodded and went to turn, but the agent grabbed your arm. "Thank you", he said. "I've got some good information about Hydra to share with you."

You grinned and they left.

After a while you had found everything you had searched for. You went down the hallway in order to search for Bret, when you stopped to check his position on the tablet.

Suddenly a red liquid dropped at the screen. You frowned and looked up.

It was the agent you had just saved, his body limp and blood dripping from a wound. He was dead. The realization hit you like a slap on the cheek.

Stumbling back you saw someone had cut his throat. Sure it could have been one of the soldiers, but the tablet indicated you that every enemy was taken down, already had been when you had started to search for the files.

Bret had told you that himself.

You bursted through the next door you could find. It was a restroom. Somebody had killed the shild agent and had hid his body, because you weren't supposed to see it. You should believe he was fine, already sharing all information he had with the team. You yelped, the impact of your thoughts making your breathing hard.

Bret was a tratior.

Chapter Text

He is Hydra.

The thought made you pale. You felt sick to your stomach.

He is Hydra. Your hands started shaking and tears filled your vision. You crouched down against the cold bathroom wall. He had been a spy all the time. He had tricked you, and you being as dumb as you were had believed everything he had said.

He had fooled everyone: Natasha, Wanda, Clint even Steve. The thought made you feel a little better. At least you weren't the only one.

The food you had eaten in the cafeteria today made its way up your throat and you threw up into the dustbin.

That's why he hadn't said a thing when you had given him the order to bring the agent to the jet. You had done exactly what he wanted.

You trembled, pressing the files against your body. Every little thing he had said- he had done, had been to manipulate you. To make you feel safe so you would share every little detail of your life with him.

Every little piece of information he could use against you. It all had been a complete lie.

Breaking out of your stare you reached for the radio. "Steve come in!", you spoke, your voice sounding a lot thoughter than you felt.

You waited and decided to try again. Radio silence.

You changed the channel in an desperate attempt to get a connection to the team. "Barton come in!" "Romanoff do you copy?"

All you were greeted with was a devastating silence, leaving you all alone to your panic, slowly getting the upper hand. Trying to calm yourself down you reached for your phone.

When you couldn't find it you remembered you had left it in the control room. "No mobile devices if not for special reasons needed"

Yeah right, you needed it now.

"(y/n)?" It was his voice, filling your heart with terror. Taking a look at your tablet it confirmed you were the only two people in the building. Nobody was here to save you.

Studying your tablet you saw him walking past the restrooms, still in search for you. It would just be a matter of time until he would look for you here.

Trying to get a clear head you focused on the options you had: Staying here and waiting here for....what exactly? A miracle to happen? Or going out trying to get past him unnoticed. Both eventualities seemed impossible.

You could try to find him and act like you hadn't just found out he was the enemy. But due to the painful sting of betrayal you felt, you knew you couldn't fake what you felt.

The red signal of your tablet made you snap out of your thoughts. He was coming back and this time he was walking straight to the restrooms. You had no choice. Jumping up you took a glimpse in the mirror. You looked horrible.

Splashing cold water into your face you focused on your breathing until it became slow and steady again. Then you opened the door only to bump right into him.

"Whoa", you heared him chuckle in surprise. "There you are", he stated after steading you. "I have been searching for you. Everything alright?"

You tried to fake a possible reason for your behaviour. "Sorry I just gotta pee and decided to use the restroom right during our mission" didnt seem like a good excuse.

"Yup", you answered smiling. You plopped the 'p' like you used to do.

"Just some girl problems but everything is fine now."

He rose his brow sceptically, then turned to leave the room. You followed him and easily fell into pace next to him. "Girl problems, huh?" You nodded enthusiastic.

"Yes, but I've got everything under control now." You even added a little chuckle.

-

"So I've got the files. Every agent in this building is taken down. Let's go back to the jet", you told him, not even looking at him once.

"Sounds like a plan."

You wanted to burst into tears of joy when you reached the big old gate of the complex. You had made it. In a few minutes you would get to the yet and from then on you would have Steve, Natasha and Clint by your side.

Smiling to yourself you reached for the doorknob. Taking a note to yourself you decided to give yourself later a grammy for your acting. While your heart was shattered into millions of pieces you were all smiles on the outside.

However your smile faded when you heared the click of a gun.

Turning around slowly you tried to compose yourself for whatever was to follow. There was Bret, aiming his gun at you.

"Wha-what are you doing?", you whispered hoping if you would just play dumb he would put the gun away.

"Come on (y/n) no games. When did you find out?", his voice was depper than usual, cold and demanding for a quick answer. Bret had always been a guy of patience, not pressuring you to talk about anything you weren't ready for yet. "Take your time. I will wait", he would have said and that had made you like him even more.

His fingers were tapping against his jeans in impatience and his eyes were shaped into thin lines.

"Find out what?", you answered, still following your strategy. Bret sighed in annoyance.

"Whatever, it doesnt matter. I would have done this anyway", he stated, his eyes not leaving you once. With a quick step he had grabbed the files and again brought some space between the two of you.

"But why??", you whispered desperately.

"Well for one I can't leave you with these files. And it was just a matter of time until you would have found out anyway."

His voice sent shivers down your neck.

"So what are you gonna do now? Shoot me?", you asked him with new bravery. You were wearing a bullet proof west and you knew he wouldn't have the heart to shoot you in the head.

"No honey", he murmured. "I have different plans for you" With that he took out a silver disc. Pushing a button a timer started to count backwards from 2 minutes.

You just watched in horror.

"A bomb. Are you kidding me?? After everything we've been through?"

Now you weren't scared nor brave, you were just annoyed as hell.

"It wasn't personal", he declared already going for the door, his gun never leaving you. "It wasn't personal?!", you threw your hands in the air, taking in the bizarreness of the situation.

Bret, your boyfriend who had once saved your life now pointing his gun at you, the steady ticking of the countdown running out and yourself being more anoyed than scared.

"I am sorry (y/n)", he said. "But from now on I can do nothing for you"

Then he closed the door and blocked it, leaving you all on your own with the darkness and the horrorfying knowledge of what was about to come.

Chapter Text

"Anything from (y/n) or Bret yet?", Steve asked while walking up to Clint.

He shook his head. "They should have reported long ago", Steve wondered, his face twisted in confusion.

"Maybe they are just too busy making out", Natasha suggested with a chuckle. Clint gave her a glance and she stilled.

"Something is wrong", Steve stated and grabbed his radio. "(y/n) do you copy?" His question was followed with silence. "(y/n) do you hear me?", he asked again, still getting no answer.

His worried glance met Clints furrowed one. "Bret do you read me?", he tried again. After a moment of anxious waiting they decided to fly back to the warehouse to check if everything was alright.

The atmosphere in the jet was tensed. Of course it just could have been a misunderstanding, a malfunction of the radios or something else, but there was also a possibility that something had gone horribly wrong.

Furthermore the jet was filled with the three people who had grown to care the most for you.

Clint being your mentor, who had become fast someone like a family figure for you, Natasha your best friend and Steve.

Steve who was even more than a best friend to you.

After years of knowing each other you shared a bond you had with nobody else, not even Natasha. You didn't even need words to communicate, being able to read each others body language like a book.

Besides your feelings for him he was the most important person in your life and you wouldn't exaggerate saying you couldn't imagine your life without him.

Little did you know that Steve couldn't imagine his without you either.

After 2 minutes, which felt like an eternity, they reached the warehouse.

Everything looked normal, but they had learned quickly that appearances could be deceiving. "Still no word?", Natasha aked from the front of the jet.

Both men shook their head, caught up in their own concern. "I'm gonna land", Natasha declared and Steve stood to get a better view.

It was when a huge explosion made them all widen their eyes in terror.

Trying to process what had just happened Steve felt his knees going weak. His whole body seemed to lose all energy he had left.

Stumbling back he hit the wall of the jet, giving him something to hold on to.

"We..we have to land", he stuttered. Getting no reaction from Natasha he repeated

"We have to land right now!" This time Natasha snapped out of her shock stare, nodded slightly and initiated the landing.

When the doors of the jet finally opened, the three sprinted outside.

"There could be a second bomb", Natasha warned. They knew she was right, but there was no chance they would wait any longer. There was always a risk. That was the job, and they all knew it.

"Nat you take the second floor, Clint you the basement", Steve ordered and they jogged over to what had once been the gate. Passing it, they were greeted with rubble and ashes.

The bright walls were covered in dark soot and some little fires were burning out. A cloud of smoke made it nearly impossible to see anything. They stood there for a moment, gazing at the scene and realizing it wasn't much likely that somebody had survived.

"Maybe she wasn't even inside", Natasha whispered, making both men look at her in disbelief.

"We have to stay in contact alright? If anyone finds (y/n) or Bret you report", Clint declared and Nat and Steve nodded. Then they parted, making their way through the smoke and rubbles.

Steve had been searching for a while now. Still not lucky he felt anxious. You couldn't be dead. It just wasn't possible.

"Damn it!", he yelled and kicked against a log. He knew if you would be by his side now you would have nudged his shoulder and have whispered "language", with a victorious grin spreading your face.

He smiled at the thought, but it faded quickly, realizing maybe you would never be by his side again. Never speak to him again.

He made his way to the end of the warehouse, where the explosion hadn't destroyed as much as at the other parts. Narrowing his eyes he caugh sight of a limp body, laying on the dusty floor. Running towards it, he felt the adrenaline cursing through his veins.

He came to a hold next to it, crouching down. It was you.

Your face was covered in dirt and blood sprinklers. Your hair was falling messy around your shoulders and your clothes had been ripped into shreds, the bullet proof west being the only part with no great destruction. A large wound was covering your left tigh, blood soaking through the shreds of your jeans.

Steve inhaled deeply before putting two fingers against your neck. You had a pulse. You were still alive. The thought made him get back to his feed, the energy that had left him earlier, coming back. Quickly he picked you up and carried you to the jet.

"It's gonna be okay", he repeated more to himself than you. Natasha and Clint met him by the doors.

"Oh my god (y/n)", Natasha called out, running up to Steve, Clint by her side. "Is she.." "She's still alive", he explained and both exhaled reliefed.

"What about Bret?", he asked and they both shook their heads. "No sign of him" Steve didn't know what to feel. Sorrowful, because he hadn't deserved this death; anxious of your reaction to his death; reliefed, because he hadn't liked him as your boyfriend; gulity, because an agent had died and he had done nothing to save him.

-

"It's not your fault, you know that right?", Natashas voice made him jump. Watching over you in your hospital bed he had grown tired. He sighed.

"They didn't report. We should have reacted earlier" Natasha sat down next to him.

"The enemy cut our connection to them. They were prepared for our attack. Nobody could have seen that coming- not even you." She sighed and put a hand on the back of the chair.

"Right now we have an even bigger problem" Steve glanced up, confused of what she was talking about.

"They were prepared", she repeated and the realization hit Steve. "A spy!" She nodded. "Yes. Someone of us isn't who we think they is", she explained and fiddled with her hands.

"Let's think about that tomorrow okay? Right now our priority is (y/n)" Steve tried to read what she felt. Natasha had always been good at hiding them, but he had gotten to known her. She looked exhausted, maybe even a bit afraid.

He squezzed her hand.

"She is strong. She will be fine", he reassured her although he didn't quite believe his own words. Natasha nodded and left to get some rest.

It took 5 more hours for Clint to convince Steve to get some sleep himself.

The super soldier didn't leave your side since your arrival here, not even for a second. It was already late in the night but right now Steve couldn't think of sleep. Not until you woke up.

"I will stay here until you come back", Clint promised and Steve finally agreed. Returning to his room he still couldn't find any sort of rest, his mind always wandering of to the imagine of you.

Your smile, the adorable face you made when you had just woken up, the laugh that made your eyes sparkle and then the image of your lifeless body laying on the floor. Your pale face and the dark circles under your eyes making you look so small and lifeless in that white hospital bed.

When you woke up you felt sick.

Your stomach was hurting, as well as your head. Your throat was dry and your leg was burning. You blinked a few times until you could open your eyes fully, taking in the sight of a room with white walls.

Literally everything looked white and clinical. You were clothed in a sweater and a short pair of shorts, revealing a white bandage around your left tigh.

"(y/n)?" Clint leaned forward, a reliefed smile across his face. You were overwhelmed with emotions. Somehow you had made it out alive. You were safe.

Recalling everything what had happened you knew you had to tell the team as soon as possible about it, but at the same time you weren't prepared to put it into words. Instead you started to cry.

"Hey it's okay", Clint comforted you, hugging you tight. "You are safe"

You sat there crying into his shoulder for a few minues, until the door opened and you broke apart to look up. It was Steve, the worry written heavy on his face.

Seeing you awake made him look a little eased, but your puffy red eyes made him worry again. Did Clint already told you about Bret?

"She just woke up", Clint explained, then left to give the two of you some space. The anxiey had left deep marks on Steves face and you wanted to tell him it was okay. You were fine. But nothing came out of your mouth.

"(y/n)", he started and you knew something had happened. "I am so sorry-"

"What is it?", you interrupted him, your voice reflecting your fear. "We couldn't find Bret. We believe he died in the explosion."

A dry laugh made it's way up your throat and Steve looked at you in shock. That wasn't the reaction he had expected. "Is everything okay?", he asked, the question more rhetorically than serious. Obviously nothing was okay.

"Yeah", you said, stopping to laugh and tears filling your eyes instead.

"He was- he is a traitor", you declared. "He is a spy. All the damn time he was-", your voice broke.

"He is Hydra. He set off that explosion, because he needed to get away with the files without any witnesses. He- he wanted to kill me."

Steve watched you in shock, still processing what he had just heared. "I am so sorry doll", he said after a moment of silence.

"It's fine", you reassured him. A bitter smile made it's way up your face. "It was stupid of me to believe someone could actually love me."

"Hey!", Steve touched your chin and turned it so you had to look at him.

"Don't ever say that again! You are the greatest person I know (y/n). You are strong and brave and you are funny and always look out for everybody. You see the best in every person and you support people, who don't even desevere your attention. You are beautiful and smart and I was so worried that you were...gone..I-..I can't live without you", he stopped.

You tried to read his expression, but this time his baby blue eyes gave nothing away. He fiddled with his hands and looked to the ground. Then he finally met your eyes again.

"Because I love you." Your eyes widened.

"Wha-what about Sharon?", you asked in a whisper. "We broke up weeks ago. It just didn't feel right", he sighed.

You nodded in understanding and then tried to process what Steve had told you.

"and you..you really love me?", you asked, still not believing what he had said. "Yes", he chuckled. "Yes (y/n), I love you!"

You smiled and hugged him tight. "So is this the moment you will friendzone me?", he asked, his breath sending shivers down your neck. You let go of him and studied his face.

"Where did you learn that?", you asked grinning. He rolled his eyes. "Sam mentioned to me that people talk like that nowadays", he gave away and you chuckled. How could he even be this adorable?

Then you remembered his question and shook your head. "I am not gonna friendzone you", you stated. Taking a deep breath you prepared yourself to say what you had wanted to say for so long now.

"I love you Steve. Since the day I met you my life has become so much better and I cannot imagine my life without you too." He smiled in surprise.

"But what about Bret?" You sighed, feeling uncomfortable talking about him yet.

"He was nice. I liked him and I thought maybe he could help me get over you", you revealed, feeling your cheeks heat up. Looking up you saw Steve studying your face, his eyes soft as the ocean.

He leaned forward until his lips met yours. The kiss was soft and slow, making you feel warm and happy. Home.

"You have no idea for how long I have wanted to do this", he told you and your eyes light up at the thought of him feeling that way.

You only broke apart when Natasha bursted through the door, stopping at the sight of you two and murmuring

"Finally!"

Chapter Text

You were sitting near your window, watching people pass by.

It had been months since Steve, your boyfriend, had gone on a mission. It was supposed to endure not more than 2 days, but Steve, nor the other avengers had returned yet.

Day to day your anxiety grew. You knew of the risks and what it meant to be captain americas girlfriend, but Steve had always returned on time. Sometimes the missions took a little longer, but never more than a month.

Silent tears rolled down your cheeks. You couldn't lose Steve, not now, not ever.

Every day you returned from work only to spend the rest of the day waiting for him to return. Every time you hoped that this was the day, the day he would come home to you, but nothing happened.

The holidays had passed and while everyone had celebrated and spend the days with their loved ones, you waited and cried. Your family wasn't living close to you and you had no friends except from Wanda and Natasha, who where missing too.

Steve and you had become a couple years ago and you couldn't imagine your life without him anymore. You had always feared to let someone into your life so much that you relied on them more than anything, but it had happened. Steve was your everything and there was a great chance that he wasn't even alive anymore.

You sobbed even more at that thought. He couldn’t leave you like this.

A noise behind you made you turn around, but there was nothing. Just the same old door that lead into the bedroom, wher you were curently at.

You turned back to the window and pulled your sleeves closer to your hands. It had become cold in New York. There had even been a little bit of snow, but the white flakes that had once made you so excited, didn’t wake your interest at all.

It reminded you of the first time it had snowed when you and Steve were a couple. You had ran outside and played in the snow and Steve hadn’t stopped smiling the whole day.

He had told you that he didn’t like snow, because it was cold and would get ugly once it got a little warmer, but he loved to see that it made you so happy.

Once again you heared a noise behind you, but this time you didn’t bother to turn around. It probably came from the other apartment: the walls were as thin as paper.

A knock on the door, made you frown. “This isn’t you”, you mumbled to yourself.

“What if it’s me?”, a well known voice replied and you froze in shock. Turning around you saw Steve, his face a little bruised, but nothing serious looking.

He was alive.

“Is this real?”, you whispered, not daring to make a move, afraid that your head was playing tricks on you and Steve would disappear once you moved towards him.

“Yes- yes this is real.” His voice was quiet and began to crack at the end.

You broke free from your chair and ran towards him. He opened his arms and you collided with his body, the force nearly making you both fall over. But Steve caught you, like he always did.

He wrapped his strong arms around your trembling body, stroking your back in soft and comforting moves.

“I thought you were dead”, you cried out and he rocked you in his arms. “Shh, it’s okay. I am alright”, he whispered and you clung onto him even more.

Slowly he let go so he could press his forehead against yours. He needed to see your face. After the time he had been gone, not knowing if he would make it out alive and if he would see your face again, he needed to know you were by his side.

“I missed you so much”, he confessed and tears filled his eyes. “I missed you more”, you chuckled while tears ran down your cheeks. “That can’t be true”, Steve grinned and moved down to capture your lips in a kiss.

You melted under the touch, his lips as soft and warm as you remembered them.

“Don’t leave me ever again”, you sobbed when you broke apart.

“Never”, he smiled, embracing you once more.

Chapter Text

“Steve”, you called out, your heart starting to race. You felt like your body was on fire, a burning pain slowly crawling up your legs and arms.

You gazed up to see that you were alone. You called out again, fear shaking your body in waves.

You tried to move forward, but your legs felt heavy and every step was harder than the other. You stumbled forward, hoping to recognizes your best friends blonde hair somewhere.

“Steve!”, you called out again, this time loud and in panic.

“(Y/N)?” You saw the bushes near you move to the side, revealing a large figure, which belonged to the person you needed more than everything.

Relief filled you. Steve was here now. His pure presence was enough to provide you with a feeling of safety and you couldn’t help but let out a loud breath.

But Steve didn’t move, only starring at you with wide eyes.

You tried to take another step towards him, but your strength left you and you collapsed to the ground when your legs began to fade.

Now Steve snapped out of his gaze, rushing to your side immediately.

“I don’t know what’s happening”, you cried out, trying to stay calm and focused, but failing miserably.

Steve still didn’t say anything, but pulled you into his lap. You looked at him with wide eyes, hoping to find some sort of comfort in his.

“I’m so sorry”, he suddenly whispered, tears filling his eyes when he discovered the helplessness of the situation.

You nearly chuckled at his words, wasn’t this anything near his fault.

“I’m so glad you’re here”, you murmured instead, relaxing into his arms. The pain nearly felt unbearable at this point, but it seemed forgotten when his arms embraced you.

You would die, there was no denying that.

There was nothing that your nor Steve could do to stop it and maybe this was your only chance to tell him what you had always wanted to say, but hadn’t, because you had been scared of the consequences.

Now it didn’t matter anymore. You just wanted him to know everything.

“Does it hurt?”, Steve whispered while a single tear escaped his eye. You shook your head, knowing that he already knew the answer to his question.

You didn’t want him to know how the pain invaded every cell of your body, making it hard to breath.

“I need to tell you something”, you coughed, your tongue feeling heavier from second to second.

Your legs had already vanished and the numb feeling started to spread your hips as well.

“I love you. I always have”, you whispered, tears flooding your cheeks now as well.

You watched Steves expression carefully, wanting to take in every little detail of his face before…

“You don’t have to say it just because of me. I know it was obvious how I feel about you, but it’s okay. You don’t have to love me.”

His words left you speechless and you needed a moment to process them. “What do you mean? You- you like me?”, you stuttered and Steve nodded.

“But I’m not lying, it’s the truth. And if I would have known how you feel about me, I would have said this earlier.”

Steve mustered you in shock, his fingers interwining with yours.

“I wish we wouldn’t have wasted so much time”, he whispered, sobbing a few times.

The pain had disappeared and you wondered if it was a good or bad sign.

“I wish so too”, you whispered, realizing that you wouldn’t have enough strength to say anything more.

Your arms vanished and Steve grabbed your torso, clinging on what was left of you.

“I will bring you back somehow, I promise!”, he sobbed while taking in the familiar features one last time, tracing over your cheek before you faded completely.

His arms fell into his lap, where everything that was left of you was a pile of ash.

“I will bring you back”, he whispered once again, before hugging himself and allowing him to cry like he had never done before.

Chapter Text

You were sitting in your room, starring blankly at the wall. You had been with the avengers for only a couple of months, but it felt like you could build a life here.

For the first time in your life you felt like you belonged somewhere, Maybe not a place, but with people.

The avengers were your family; at least you considered them yours. They were the first people to show truly interest in you and actually care about you.

A knock on your door made you gaze up. It opened only a few inches, a certain blonde super soldier peeking inside.

“Can I come in?”, he asked and you nodded, returning your gaze back to the spot in front of you.

You only faintly heard how Steve closed the door and took a seat next to you.

“Why are you beating yourself up like this?”, he asked softly and you frowned. “I’m not beating myself up”, you argued, but Steve only smiled.

“I know you”, he reasoned and you stilled. He did know you; maybe even better than you knew yourself.

Steve had been the first one to look out for you when Shield had brought you to the avengers headquarters. You had been mortified and afraid, since you had just discovered your powers and had already done some damage.

And shield hadn’t been exactly gentle to you. You were seen as a threat, someone to lock away for the greater wellbeing.

And that’s where you would be right now; locked in a cage for the rest of your life, hadn’t it been for agent Hill, who had convinced shield to give you a second chance with the avengers.

They would be your mentors, making sure that you wouldn’t cause more harm.

Coming to the facility hadn’t been easy. Being surrounded by the earth’s biggest heroes, who were just too perfect for you to catch up to, only made you realize how pathetic you really were.

You couldn’t control whatever was inside of you and so you did the only thing that felt right. You locked yourself in your own cage.

If you suppressed your powers, you couldn’t hurt anyone.

But although you loved the others, you felt like they lost their patience with you. They were told to have a new teammate with special abilities, but all they got was someone ordinary.

Someone who didn’t use their powers for the good, but rather not at all.

And how should you explain to them that you hadn’t lost sense of what was inside of you, but instead chose to repress it, although it got harder and harder every day?

Steve had been your rock all this time. He had shown you that he wasn’t as perfect as people pictured him, but had his own flaws and problems. He sometimes had night terrors when he got flashbacks of the war and often felt out of place.

Everything he had known had vanished from his world and often he got anxious.

“Too many changes too fast just overwhelm me, you know? I just want to say I get what you’re going through and I want you to know that I’m here for you”, he had promised.

“Always.”

It might have also been the moment you had fallen in love with Steve, but you were too scared to let yourself allow to feel. The chance of hurting him, or one of your team mates for the matter, was holding you back.

They had helped you so much in the last months, taking you in and making you feel welcome, so if this was the price you had to pay you would do it no matter how hard it was.

It was the least you could do for them.

“(Y/n)?”, Steve asked and you blinked in irritation. “Sorry, I’m just a little tired these days”, you quickly explained, before he could ask any further.

Steve didn’t seem convinced, but he let it go, knowing you didn’t want him to question it.

“You have been here for a few months now”, he began then and you heart immediately began racing.

They are gonna kick me out.

“Do I have to leave?”, you interjected, the sudden fear of having done something wrong being overwhelming.

“What? No!”, Steve frowned. “Is that what you are scared of?”, he asked then, “that we will make you leave?”

You peeked to the ground, a little insecure to be so vulnerable in front of him. “No”, you muttered, knowing it was the truth.

“Then what is it?”, Steve wondered, his voice warm and gentle.

“Why do you think I am scared of something?”, you questioned, now looking back up to meet Steve’s eyes.

“Because I can see through your facade. I know that you are not fine. You are tired and distracted and it becomes worse every day.”

You didn’t know what to respond so you fiddled with your hands. “I’m okay.”

You tried to sound as convincing as possible, but Steve only smiled sadly. “I know you’re not. And I can’t watch you hurting yourself. So what is it?”

You kept fiddling with your hands, hoping to be able to avoid his question this way, but you could feel your determination fade.

“Please talk to me!”, Steve requested and slid closer.

And that was all it took for you to break down.

“I’m scared- to hurt you! To hurt anyone of you! I can’t control my powers, but I can hold them in and if that is what it takes to protect you and the rest of the team I will do that!”

Steve’s face had become softer. His brows were wrinkled and his eyes full of empathy.

“You won’t hurt us!”, he promised, but you shook your head.

“How do you know?”, you blubbered out.

“Trust me, if there is one thing I know than it’s this”, Steve smiled and reached for you hand.

You hesitated at first, but then let him take it.

“Darling…listen to me!”, he said while drawing small circles at your hand.

“You will not become stronger if you are afraid of all the incredible abilities you carry.”

You could feel your eyes began to water feeling all of the relief.

“Trust me?”, he asked and you nodded, letting Steve take your hand and place it in front of your body.

“Then let go”, he said with a small smile and it took you a second to be able to advert your eyes from his gentle blue orbs.

You closed your eyes and suddenly a warm feeling began to spread your body until it reached your hand.

You could hear Steve inhale and slowly opened your eyes, watching sparks floating from your hand.

“This is beautiful!”, Steve sighed and you allowed yourself to take a side-glance at him, which let the sparks die.

You both chuckled and Steve gave you a proud smile. “See, the place is not on fire”, he commented and you laughed, feeling free for the first time in months.

“Again”, Steve encouraged you and you closed your eyes another time.

Again you watched sparks emit from your hand, this time a bigger amount since you felt more confident already.

A few seconds later they died and you smiled at your hand before pulling it back to your body and turning to Steve.

“Thank you!”

Your voice was only above a whisper.

“Anytime”, Steve smiled and could felt your heart skip a beat.

Now that you weren’t holding back your emotions anymore, you could feel your feelings for him stronger than ever.

But this time it didn’t feel scary or overwhelming.

It felt like a chance.