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Say what you mean

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It begins in front of the whole precinct.

"Excuse me Jenko can you give me a fuck?" Schmidt spits out from where they're beefing with another pair of detectives.

Schmidt doesn't even realize what he's said until Lowman - a Nick Jonas reject - looks him up and down, something lighting up in his eyes.

"So thirsty" is muttered in Schmidt's vicinity. And that's when it clicks. Schmidt hears the blood rushing to his face.

"Because I am all out of fuck's to give!" Schmidt finishes hastily, nearly trips over the words. The effect is ruined because his face goes beet red. He cringes as he turns to Jenko who is eyeing him in disappointment.

And how had Jenko - out of the two of them - cornered the market on maturity?

Schmidt's made them a laughing stock and Jenko doesn't even complain about it.

Just huffs fondly, says, "Let's get some tacos tonight, my treat."

Schmidt dreams of Jenko that night. Tipping him over the couch and settling on top of him, breathing heavy in his ear Still want that Fuck?

It's the first dream of many, and half the time Schmidt wakes up wet. He'd find it humiliating - but humiliation is a constant in his daily life and it takes more than that to rattle him so he only finds it annoying.

The next time it happens it's only half the precinct. And that's the fact that Schmidt consoles himself with.

It's really not his fault, Jenko had been on a health kick - and he knows Schmidt hates those but he'd dragged him along to the gym anyway. Schmidt's thighs burn. They're so sore.

"Jenko I can't even walk straight!" He complains loudly, "My knees are still wobbly."

"Oh?" Jenko asks, nonplussed, "Sit down then." He says as he pushes him down into a chair.

Ignores the startled looks they're getting. One of the detectives - Judy - is grinning, making rude hand gestures.

"We were at the gym!" Schmit yells loudly.

Everyone pauses and it seems suddenly even more suspicious.

"The lady doth protest too much me thinks." One of the guys murmur.

"Who said that?!" Schmidt asks, voice high and startled, as someone high-fives Jenko.

And Jenko actually accepts it - and Schmidt should have known innuendo, intended or incidental, would fly right over Jenko's head.

His dream that night involves Jenko teasing him, whispering coarsely in his ear Gonna fuck you 'til you can't walk straight.

It's startling when Schmidt wakes up - and he's blushing even in his sleep - but more importantly it's startling because Schmidt? Schmidt doesn't like pain, doesn't like the thought of pain or of roughness. Knows himself and knows he would prefer it slow and soft, gentle.

He thinks of Jenko being slow and gentle then and has to shake the stubborn thought off before work.

He finds he can't shake it entirely, exactly. Is even picturing Jenko, eyes at half mast and I'll be gentle.

It's probably why, when they're training in self defense and it's the sparring portion he looks up at Jenko, wide-eyed in fear, and says "Please be gentle with me."

"Yeah!" One of the other guys calls, "it's his first time Jenko - be gentle!"

There's a bunch of cat calls then and Schmidt feels the familiar heat on his face. Almost turns to leave but a hand at his elbow stops him.

"Come on Schmidt, I'm not gonna hurt you." Jenko says, smiles at him.

The crowd disperses a little and so no one is really watching when Jenko takes him down and pins him to the floor, grunts in his ear. Schmidt wills himself not to think about it.

"You try now." Jenko says and gets off of him after a beat of just lying on top of him.

Schmidt pins him and Schmidt isn't completely stupid, he knows Jenko is letting him. Still, he can't help but feel a little triumphant perched on top of Jenko's huge body.

"You letting him ride you now?" Someone calls from across the room. But that's not what gets Schmidt off of him faster than a race car.

It's because Jenko twitches in discomfort and Schmidt comes to the startling revelation that he's leaning all his weight on Jenko. He's probably crushing him.

But yeah, the riding thing? Jenko seeing him from that unflattering angle and feeling how heavy Schmidt it? That isn't hot at all.

It doesn't stop him from dreaming about it though.

The next time happens solely due to Schmidt's own idiocy.

And the sad fact is that he just thinks it's cool. They're in Chinatown and Schmidt sees the biggest carrot he's ever seen in his life, it's like something out of a cartoon. It's like fate because he has just enough money in his pocket to buy one.

He brings it to the squad car, where Jenko is tiredly trying to shake off his hangover with a gallon of coffee.

Schmidt jumps into the driver's seat, brings it to his mouth.

"What's up, doc?" he laughs, and actually tries to take a bite but chokes faintly when he bites off more than he can chew.

He's always biting off more than he can chew. It's an apt description of his life.

Jenko stares. And Schmidt doesn't even notice at that point. His stupid mouth keeps on running. He wraps his hand around the base of the carrot as he coughs up the carrot chunks he wasn't able to swallow.

"I mean look how big it is. I can barely wrap my fingers around it." He shoves his fist in Jenko's suddenly alert face. Jenko licks his lips and shifts in his seat uncomfortably. His eyes snap back to Schmidt's mouth, where he's brought the carrot in for another bite.

And that's probably the time he realizes - at the most humiliating moment. His mouth is open, poised to accept the carrot. He and Jenko lock eyes.

Schmidt's hand falls away from his mouth then.

Schmidt's face heats until he's sure he's as red as a tomato.

Somehow it's worse - with just the two of them. There isn't an audience, no person to redirect his attention towards. All there is for him to focus on is Jenko's eyes, which have gone a little glassy and dark.

Jenko doesn't even complain that Schmidt was supposed to use his pocket change to get him more coffee.

And Jenko has a stupid smile on his face the whole morning, as if he's mocking him.

He knows Jenko doesn't mean for it to make him feel this way - but everytime Schmidt sees that little smile on his face he feels humiliated.

The first time something really happens they're crashing at Jenko's apartment. They're not drunk. They're exhausted from a 24 hour stakeout.

"Do you have an extra blanket for the couch? Fuck, I'm so tired I can't remember." Schmidt can barely keep his eyes open.

Usually he would know but when he reaches for the information in his brain it slides out of his grasp. He blinks dumbly when Jenko throws a shirt and shorts at him, doesn't catch it and the clothing falls to the ground.

"You wanna shower first?" Jenko asks, and he seems a little sleepy but otherwise he's fine. Schmidt can feel himself sway on his feet.

"Not gonna shower - too tired."

"Right. Let's just go to bed then." Jenko takes Schmidt's shoulders and leads him into the bedroom. It takes a moment of Schmidt staring at the bed and Jenko stripping down beside him for him to clue in.

He gets a second wind.

"I'll take the couch. I wouldn't want to...intrude."

"Schmidt," Jenko smiles at him fondly, "the bed's big enough. Just change and climb in."

Schmidt's face heats because it's obvious Jenko means for him to change right in the room, in front of him. It's different from at the station - and Schmidt has mainly been able to avoid that anyway, has been crafty about it.

"S-sure. Just...yeah, let me...shower and then...yeah, see you in a few." Schmidt backs up across the room, towards the bathroom.

It's a last ditch effort to appear like he isn't terrified of taking his clothes off in present company. Besides, he can't deny the cold water wakes him up. Cools his blush - or at least, until he changes into Jenko's clothes.

He expects Jenko to be asleep by the time he appears but he isn't. He's gazing tiredly at the doorway like he's been waiting for Schmidt. For some reason that causes nervous butterflies to cascade in his stomach.

"You look good in my clothes." Jenko murmurs, yawns, then he lifts the corner of the blanket in invitation.

Schmidt doesn't look good in his clothes. The waistband is too tight - cutting - and the shirt tight in all the wrong places, loose in all the wrong places. He's never felt more unattractive and when he climbs into bed he's grateful for the cover the blankets provide. He turns his back to Jenko so that Jenko can't see his burning face.

"Schmidt" Jenko says and reaches to pull Schmidt over, make him face him.

"What?" Schmidt snaps, embarrassment putting him on edge.

At Jenko's renewed insistence Schmidt flops over.

"What?" he says again.

Jenko doesn't talk. Instead he leans over and seals his lips across the seam of Schmidt's mouth.

Jenko goes to pull back and Schmidt stops him with a tight, overzealous grasp. He knows his face is beet red as he moans into Jenko's mouth. They kiss until they need to break away for breath.

"Fuck that was hot." Jenko whispers. A hand comes up to Schmidt's waist then, fingers perched on his too tight waistband where the ample flesh is spilling over. Schmidt doesn't have words for how awful that makes him feel and he startles immediately.

"S-sleep first." Schmidt says.

Jenko eyes him for a second before he sighs and smiles gently.

"Have sweet dreams Schmidt."

 

 

 

Jenko and Schmidt have started kissing. It happens frequently, randomly. Jenko will pull him into an empty bathroom stall at work. Or he'll stop Schmidt when they're walking down the hall and kiss him against the wall. Jenko's even kissed while they're on the couch eating popcorn and watching a movie.

Schmidt thinks about initiating sometimes only to have the idea die fluxing between a state of crippling insecurity and embarrassment. It doesn't really matter though because whenever Schmidt even thinks about wanting to kiss Jenko, Jenko is already there tilting Schmidt's mouth up to receive. It's good.

It's only when the kisses start to turn...heated that Schmidt begins having problems.

And if Schmidt was careless with unintended innuendo before it's nothing compared to what he's like now. It's like Schmidt's subconscious has gone into overtime to humiliate him. Spitting out such jewels as 'I wanna come first' and 'it's too big to fit in my tiny, unused storage unit'. And Schmidt feels like it's Jenko's fault. Half the things he's said wouldn't sound so dirty if Jenko didn't look at him like that afterwards.

But the heated kisses - Schmidt doesn't like them if only for the reason it's getting increasingly difficult to press pause on them.

He feels his resolve weakening.

It's one such time when they're at Jenko's apartment and Schmidt tips backwards on the couch to allow Jenko to hover over him. Jenko kisses him to within an inch of his life - is careful not to touch him anywhere sensitive. Anywhere that might make Schmidt say 'stop'.

It's not playing fair.

Jenko always finds a way around Schmidt's defenses. Always has. And Schmidt doesn't like to think about that. When Jenko used his powers for evil.

Jenko pulls up and Schmidt briefly shifts to follow, his mouth chasing up at the lost contact. When Schmidt meets Jenko's gaze his eyes are almost black and there's something like hunger in them. It makes Schmidt shiver.

"Can I...?" Jenko voices, watching him.

Schmidt hesitates. Wonders if they're talking about sex. But then Jenko smoothes a hand down the outside of his thigh and Schmidt is entirely sure they are. He feels his heartbeat start to pick up until it's a sweeping gallop.

"Can I keep my clothes on?" The words are out of Schmidt's mouth before he can think them over.

Jenko pauses, expression unreadable, but then he leans down to kiss him more. Makes his way down until he's laying kisses at Schmidt's throat, something they haven't done before. He sucks a hickey onto Schmidt's skin.

They don't go further than that though.

 

 

The next day at work Schmidt makes sure his collar is done up tight but somehow throughout the day, with Jenko's constant readjustments, it gets loosened without him noticing.

It only takes one of the other detectives whistling at him lowly for everyone to take notice.

It's awful, for a moment, as Schmidt waits for it. Waits for someone to call him a moped like the old joke about fat people (fun to ride but you wouldn't want your friends seeing) or ask him how he found a girl with such low standards.

Some kind of stuttering lie is at the tip of Schmidt's tongue in anticipation when Jenko comes up behind him and wraps his arms around him. Presses a kiss to the side of his throat.

The room erupts in cheers and hollers. And the thing of it is that no one actively congratulates Schmidt, they save all that for Jenko. Jenko waves them off with a pleased smile on his face, hand at the small of Schmidt's back.

"You're embarrassing Schmidt." Jenko says as one of the guys starts moaning exaggeratedly.

It is embarrassing but what Schmidt takes away from it is that no one even bats an eye at the idea of him and Jenko. That not only is Jenko not ashamed of him, but he wants to show him off.

It should make things easier, but it doesn't. Knowing that Jenko isn't ashamed to be seen with him, and it strikes Schmidt then that they are together, just makes Schmidt think Jenko hasn't thought things through. Irrationally, Schmidt thinks Jenko might not want him when he sees what's under his clothes.

It's not like Jenko doesn't know what Schmidt looks like...only Schmidt doesn't want him to see it all laid out. Imperfections on display. But, it's futile because in the end, if that's what Jenko wants - of course Schmidt is going to give it to him.

 

 

They have a proper date night. Jenko takes him to a pizza joint where they grab a slice and then walk around the park at twilight, lanterns shining almost magically. It makes Schmidt feels like he's in a classy painting or in a Disney movie or a romantic chick flick. When they're done eating they hold hands and Jenko rubs his thumb over the back of Schmidt's hand.

It's so easy to fall into it.

Eventually they go back to Jenko's.

Schmidt's not really nervous with the kissing so much anymore, tries not to freeze up when Jenko's hand caresses up his side. Jenko toys with the buttons on Schmidt's shirt, starts to unbutton them and he gets half way down before Schmidt straightens up.

"Wait." Schmidt says, a little breathless.

Jenko pulls back a little.

Schmidt tries to steel himself, psych himself up to keep going but the clock keeps ticking, stretches the moment out longer and longer.

"Sometimes it feels like you're punishing me." Jenko says quietly.

"What? Why?" Schmidt asks, feels put on guard at the non sequitur.

"I know you're not." Jenko rubs at the back of his neck, "I just mean...for the shit I said in high school. The way I treated you."

"No." Schmidt says lowly, then says it again to impress the fact.

"I almost wish you were."

Schmidt doesn't like the expression on Jenko's face.

"What? You're not making any fucking sense Jenko." Schmidt frowns.

Jenko's gaze feels piercing, uncomfortable.

"You're insecure Schmidt." Schmidt feels himself blush at the words, "I know I had something to do with that. I wish it was just that you were punishing me. Only I know it's not - it's about the way I made you feel."

"That's not - just what?"

"The clothes." Jenko switches tracks. "If I could just get you to trust me, you'd see you have nothing to worry about."

"I-I think that's a me issue Jenko, you can't really take credit for that." Even as Schmidt's saying it he knows it's a little bit of a lie. He'd never been ashamed of his body before Jenko in high school and he'd never been as intensely ashamed afterward either, even though the general sentiments had stuck.

Jenko looks at him like he knows it's a lie too.

"I know it's hard, but please trust me?" Jenko asks.

Schmidt finds he can't deny him.

 

 

 

Later, Schmidt thinks that Jenko was right. He has nothing to worry about.

Knows it from the way Jenko reverently sweeps his fingers across Schmidt's body - dips, bumps and all. Knows it from the way Jenko looks at him. Knows it from Jenko's heated whispers, retellings of all the times Schmidt has made him hot without meaning to - and Schmidt's mortified to realize there are more unintended innuendos than he's even caught on to.

It's uncomfortable and frightening, letting Jenko see him. It feels significant.

It's freeing.

When they wake up the next morning, all cozied in Jenko's bed, Schmidt initiates his first kiss.