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sorry seems to be the hardest word

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Please, Zee…” he breathes out, barely a sound, he knows that for once he can’t talk his way out, there’s nothing he ever can say to fix this, not that he’d ever have the right words anyway.

 

No.” Her voice is wavering but still harsh, emotion dripping from every syllable, trying to make him understand, to try and make herself heard. 

 

"You don’t get to be the victim here John. I forgave Bruce because I love him, he is my oldest and most trusted friend and despite everything he does I know he gives a damn about me. But you?” She laughs, cold and harsh before continuing.

 

You are nothing but a pathetic con man with a chip on his shoulder, who lures people in with deceit and false promises that I was naive enough to fall for because for a minute there I actually trusted you, I actually loved you. But I should’ve known better, you’ve never cared about anyone but yourself.” A sad, self-deprecating sigh slips past her lips without permission as she turns away from him, shaking her head.

 

"Bruce has done a lot of bad things... none of them ever got my father killed in the process.” She practically whispers the last part, voice thick and eyes glazed with tears she wouldn’t dare to shed in the company of him, not anymore, and his heart breaks. To know he is the cause of her pain, her anger, her self-loathing. To see this beautiful, incredible, Goddess of a woman crumble in front of his eyes. To know that he had destroyed the only woman he’d ever truly loved because he was a selfish callous bastard. To know that despite every fiber of his being screaming at him to do something, anything, he won’t; because every word she said about him is true. So he says nothing, opening his mouth slightly before thinking better of it, turning and walking away.

 

John Constantine is no hero, he’s a coward and a quitter and a con-man through and through, and even the love of the most magical woman in the multiverse can’t change that.