"Whoa whoa hey! Hands off the merchandise, man!"
The taller, bespectacled man ignored his protests, hand still buried deep in Jon's hair. "Hm, you probably could get top dollar at a wig shop," he said thoughtfully.
"Uh..." Jon stared at him, too surprised to even try to swat the man's hand away. He could feel him squeeze.
"Yes, definitely," he said. "This? Is some high quality merchandise you're carrying here. You might want to take some precautions. Perhaps invest in a hat."
Jon huffed a disbelieving laugh. "Precautions against what?"
"Roving packs of feral hairdressers."
A crazy man was squeezing his hair. Jon decided to play along.
"Are they prevalent in this area?" he asked in the most serious tone he could manage.
The man raised an eyebrow and said gravely, "You can tell where they've marked their territory by the smell of hairspray. They'll have you shaved and trimmed in a minute flat if you're not careful."
Jon bit his lip, trying not to laugh. "Sounds uh, dangerous. Sadly, I left my yarmulke on campus."
"There're reasons Halakha calls for your people to wear protective headgear," the man said sternly. "It's to protect the fragile beauty of the Jewfro from those envious of its glory." At Jon's startled look, the serious expression dropped away and he almost looked sheepish. "Comparative Religion class."
A giggle finally escaped Jon and he shook his head, not quite dislodging the man's hand but loosening his hold. He stuck out a hand. "Jon."
The man awkwardly took it with the hand not in Jon's hair and gave it a firm shake. "Stephen."
"I thank you for your concern over the, ah, safety of my hair, Stephen."
Stephen gave a solemn nod. "I feel duty-bound, Jon, to accompany you and protect it should we wander into the territory of any rabid barbers." He shot Jon a tragic, earnest look. "You wouldn't even know your doom was sealed until you heard the ominous sound of clippers on all sides."
Giggling again, Jon batted Stephen's hand away from his head. "Seriously, man, get the fuck outta there."
"You know you love it."