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Last Breath

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Last Breath


Hoheo taralna, rondero tarel…

Hoheo taralna, rondero tarel…

Hoheo taralna, rondero tarel!*

What are you looking at? Have you gotten so dull that you don't even know when I'm calling you? Does that little bug with the pretty wings flapping about amuse you? How small! And to think, when I first picked you up, I thought you had the mind to keep to your word. But it seems obvious that you can be no bigger than those filthy villagers that used our house as a dumpster and trampled on our valuables less than a week after our parents died.

I said look at me!

Look that the soul that went from being the last person, last orphan in a city full of death to the sole heir of the Trancy estate. Look at the soul that shed all sense of self worth to call that spotted predator 'father.' The soul that wheezed out the sounds of ecstasy and pleasure when each felt like vomit crawling up the back of the throat. The soul that trained its body not to pull back at the wrinkly touch. The soul that taught itself to love the pain. To call it pleasure. This is the soul that transcended. This is the soul that that emerged out of a sea of naked, shamed bodies to earn a better kind of dignity than the one it had to give up.

Your eyes are prickly, they burn.* It must be a lust for me. You want to feel the burn that is me inside of you, to make it satiate you, don't you?

You have to burn for me! Who is he but an ingrate who rode his way through luxury and got lucky enough to win the lottery and get a Butler of his own? He wanted revenge for losing his source of milk and allowance money. Revenge for having to tell himself when it's time for meals and having to figure out how to tie his own bow. How petty. How predictable. So much for the Phantomhive name; the kid can't even stab someone right.* He has the shell of a useless rich vermin and he is, at best, worse than the stalest bread.

You are lucky I chose you. I am rich in many ways. I can see the all of the ugliness around me because I stand high enough to see it. I don't tolerate all the shit around me but I am generous, because I need followers; people to clean my shoes and make my meals. I am industrious like that. I spare them, Claude. I give them a duty in life. I give them meaning to their lives. Taking an eye, just an eye, is generous. In fact, it is merciful. Because, in the end, I can control these lives and take them at will. I know exactly what I'm talking about because I've been on the receiving end. But I did not have the same mercy bestowed upon me. We're talking about an eye here! I had my innocence sucked out of me by a thing already on its way to the grave! I was a fly for the spider to indulge upon. I was a chew toy, a punching bag, the plaything for end of a walking stick and you're asking about a fucking eye?

Don't you dare call me 'Jim!' I am nothing other than 'Your Highness' to you or else I will make sure you never eat again!

Poor, confused Claude. Maybe you are more simple-minded than I thought you were or maybe your immense lust for me is making you delusional. Either way, you happen to think I'm someone other than Alois Trancy, the sole heir to the illustrious Trancy estate. Do you hunger for me everyday, poor, deprived Butler of mine? You must count the days, hours, seconds until the time when you can finally consume me, when you can finally fulfill that emptiness that you are so close to but so far from achieving. But look at it this way, this contract is far more beneficial for you than it is for me. I needed people out of my way and most of them are already dead anyways. In exchange, you get the richest soul out there; the crème de la crème to put it in a way you'll understand.






Stop it.

No. You are definitely delusional, that would explain why you're smiling. I just needed time to realise that. Your mind is different from mine, after all. You must break down faster than I do. Understandable. I am generous, remember? I will not hold that against you if it is just this one time. But you must never do it again. I am not bothered by it! I am NOT! You have a bug crawling up your back. You're thinking about how to please me. You are thinking about how to punish those ungrateful servants. You are not smiling. You are not thinking about…

There is a cost to instant gratification, you told me that yourself. Maybe there is a cost to prolonged gratification as well. Humans deteriorate if they don't eat or drink. Demons must be the same. In the end, your actions are driven by nothing more than a basic need. I pity you for that because humans can do more than that. We can strive for higher things, things we don't have to need. Things we acquire out of pure want. Do you need me or want me? I guess you have no choice in the matter. The first one is a necessity and the second one is a luxury you can't afford.

What is the difference between crying and laughing? 'Oh father, father, why did you leave me?' The difference doesn't matter. I am in a place where I can get what I want regardless of whether I need it or not.

Oh father, why did you leave me all this wealth and status?

You're smiling because I'm funny.

Your eyes are turned to the sky because you want to see the spider webs in the light of the moon. I have felt your gentleness more than once and I will continue to do so in the future. You handled me like a precious commodity. You call me 'Your Highness' not just because I am the king of your world but because you care about me. My brother was the first to do so and you carry on his legacy because there will always be someone to follow me. There is always someone for Alois Trancy because he deserves it. He deserves more than that.

Your eyes cannot meet mine anymore because you are losing your self control. You keep your distance because you are imperfect. You keep your hands to yourself because they are stained with blood and you don't want to dirty my clothes. You remain silent because there is no need for words between those who have been intimate for so long. Closeness isn't always a good thing, you know. I am enjoying this distance between us. We both do.

But the space is making me cold. Maybe a need another jacket.

I took matters into my own hands. It was the first time I did so without you. But that doesn't matter. If you haven't noticed, I've been doing that for a long time now and you're simply there to keep meddlers out of my way. I get far. Far for someone riding in carriage driven by a woman with one eye anyways. But the meddlers are like bugs, they never stay away, even when they know there is a spider lurking about. But you appear by my side as always to get rid of them when others fail me. Loyal and trustworthy Claude.

You finally tear your eyes from the sky to look at me. They seem distant but maybe it's just the light of the moon bothering your eyes. You close the gap between us and bend down to my level. You bring your hand to cup my cheek and it feels good.

You lean closer because you want to kiss me.

When everyone else fails, there will always be you.

Your eyes hold onto mine, the expression unreadable. (But that doesn't matter).

Because Claude Faustus will always remain by Alois Trancy's side.

Your breath is strangely cold. (But maybe it's because you're a demon).

You need me and I am all you have.

I close my eyes so I can feel you better.

I have only you.*

Your hand grips onto me tightly. (Maybe because you think I'll move away).

There is no one to receive my love but you.

Hoheo taralna, rondero tarel

I hope we have each other forever.


- End -