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Carry me

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The last few days have been a literal hell to Dan. And the only person he can blame is himself. He was the one who procrastinated on getting his new antidepressants prescription for so long that he had to endure more than a week of withdrawal effects. And the regular side effects he already complained about were nothing in comparison to these withdrawal symptoms.

He’s been nauseous all the time, and has actually been sick a few times as well. Not to mention the colours distorting his vision, or the hallucinated bugs crawling across the ceiling (they might not have been hallucinated, but he’d rather believe they were). Luckily, he’s back on his meds now, but the combination of last week’s horror and the side effects of his current drug is proving to be quite lethal.

This is why he’s currently lying on the sofa between Phil’s legs, his back resting against his boyfriend’s chest. Its movement as Phil breathes in and out is calming. It soothes the thoughts that always go hand in hand with bad events in his life. Thoughts that he isn’t good enough. That he can’t even function without his drugs, that he’s no more than a posh junkie. Insecurities about his weight. It’s the one thing he didn’t use to be insecure about in high school, but it got taken from him by his antidepressants when they made him gain weight.

But he isn’t having any of those right now, because Phil is under him, as supportive as a rock, yet just as soft as a fuzzy blanket. And so easy to fall asleep on. Dan’s already quite far gone on the journey to his dreams when Phil’s voice halts him momentarily, leaves him hanging between the worlds of sleep and consciousness.

“You want to watch another episode?”

Dan wasn’t even aware they were watching a show, so all he does is grunt. It’s not meant to be an answer, more like a way to let Phil know he’s heard him.

Phil chuckles, “Let’s go to bed then, shall we?” and tries to get Dan to stand up. He manages to get the both of them seated upright, but as soon as he slips away from Dan and stand next to the couch, Dan’s already fallen back down.

“Come on, we need to get to bed” Phil tries to encourage him, but he already knows Dan is too far gone. He doesn’t even react anymore.

Sighing, he grabs both of Dan’s arms and wraps them around his neck. Then, he slides one arm under his knees and one around his back to grab at his chest. Like this, he manages to pick Dan up bridal style, cradling him as closely to his chest as possible. His boyfriend unconsciously heaves a little sigh and Phil’s heart melts at the sound. Of course, Phil bumps into quite a few objects on the way, which is probably why Dan becomes slightly more aware halfway to their bedroom and mumbles confusedly: “You can’t carry me”. But Phil knows he can, and always will.

Eventually, Phil reaches the bedroom and drops Dan on the bed before flopping onto it as well. Dan curls up around him and they enjoy their well-deserved rest.