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My Past has Tasted Bitter for Years Now

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my past has tasted bitter for years now

The changes in Sansa Stark were undeniable, and Jaime’s composure faltered for a moment as he took the Lady of Winterfell in. He had heard stories of what she had gone through in addition to those he had already been aware of, many of which included Sansa at the mercy of his own son. Unfortunately, the worst of her tales happened after Joffrey, and in part Jaime felt himself responsible.

so i wield an iron fist

Still, after everything, the girl was a vision. She no longer dressed herself in the style of the women of King’s Landing, but instead in a more harsh, dark fashion. She wore her hair similarly to her mother’s which spilled out beautifully over a modest neckline, the red of her hair bright against the black of her dress. Somehow she managed to keep a pristine lady’s posture, and though her regal face was not at all vulnerable it did not hold the same shadows of bitterness his sister’s did. Cersei had claimed that she saw herself in the girl, but clearly Sansa nursed her battle wounds and wore her scars much differently than the Queen.

grace is just weakness, or so i’ve been told

The most interesting of his observations was of the way she sat in her chair not paying him any mind while her focused gaze remained trained on her sewing. Her hands were expertly careful, her lithe fingers moving smoothly without a stutter in their pace. An underappreciated skill, he realized as he we waited to be addressed. A humble picture of a graceful, powerful woman. A true Lady of Winterfell. One would never find Cersei resembling any sort of demeanor on her throne.

i’ve been cold, i’ve been merciless

He glanced at Brienne who was watching him warily from Sansa’s side, the very woman who had brought on his impulsive decision to defy his sister and follow her north. Brienne had come to King’s Landing in place of Sansa where her brother, the man the North had named King, had claimed himself pledged to the Targaryen queen. Anyone with a head on their shoulders would know the North would never support such an idea. Jaime had pointed this out to Brienne after catching up to her on the journey to Winterfell when she was going on about the Northern King’s decision, worrying about Sansa’s reaction. In response she had claimed to believe that there was more to Sansa’s feelings than simply house loyalties and feuds. Jaime nearly smirked recalling the idea. Perhaps there was a bit of Cersei in her.

but the blood on my hands scares me to death

“It has been a long time, my lord,” Sansa observed, acknowledging him finally with an emotionless but polite tone of voice.

maybe i’m waking up today

“Indeed it has, Lady Stark. I can see you’ve fared quite well. Time has been kind to you.”

With eyes now staring through her work, Sansa’s hands paused. From his peripheral vision Jaime saw Brienne give him a rather sharp look. Ah, a horrid choice of words on his part.

i’ll be good, i’ll be good, and i’ll love the world like i should

“Forgive me, I only meant that you look well, my lady,” he added on swiftly, a sigh in his voice. “My intentions are not to mock you. I have heard of what you have had to endure. I regret severely that Joffrey had his part in your list of horrors.”

for all of the light that i shut out

“I need not your apologies for your son, my lord. I can assure you Joffrey is far in the back of my mind in these times. I thank you for the sentiment.”

Her tone was ever so slightly clipped but still held on tightly to its politeness. No, his sister she was not. Cersei was never talented at hiding her distaste.

for all of the innocent things that i doubt

“Yes, you are right. I’m afraid we’ve much larger issues on hand than a temperamental child. That is why I am here, as I hope to assist you through the troubles to come.”

Another pause of her hands. “Oh?”

for all of the bruises i’ve caused, and the tears

“If you would have me, Lady Stark. I find myself feeling as though I owe it to your mother, and I wish to my relieve myself. A Lannister always pays-”

for all of the things that i’ve done all these years

“It seems a common theme for people to find themselves in debt to my mother. If only one of you had managed to do her well, rather than attempting to make up for your failures later on.” Sansa inhaled deeply, letting out her breath in a way meant to calm herself. “Carry on, my lord. I am sorry to have interrupted you.”

for all of the sparks that i stomped out

A small, sort of sad smile graced Jaime’s lips. Sweet girl. Joffrey clearly never deserved her, Jaime wasn’t sure who did. He remembered Cersei’s anger when he had made it known that he would not bring her Sansa’s head. Even if he had attempted to find her he couldn’t imagine killing her once seeing the reverent and innocent grace of her. “I cannot retract the past. What I can do is offer myself as I am. Whatever you will have of me, I wish to serve you how I’m able.” 

for all of the perfect things that i doubt

“And I’m meant to trust the word of the man who put his sword in the back of his king, the last Targaryen ruler? What kind of fool would I be to accept the word of the Kingslayer as though he is in good faith?”

i’ll be good, i’ll be good

“I understand you, my lady. However, that is the past, and in the present I offer the word of only Jaime Lannister as I-”

“I’ve no use,” Sansa interrupted him again with her voice strong in its dismissal as her eyes moved from the halted sewing work in her lap to stare at the ground just beyond him. “of Jaime Lannister.”

and i’ll love the world like i should

Jaime sucked in a slow breath, closing his eyes as he determined whether or not to continue arguing. He wasn’t sure of his next move should the Lady of Winterfell turn him down. When he opened his eyes and parted his lips to speak again he was met with her startlingly blue eyes watching his. Finally he had found the vengeance that existed in every woman who had been wronged enough to reach such a point, and a dangerous point it was.

i’ll be good, i’ll be good

“It is the Kingslayer who would be of use to me.”

for all of the times that i never could