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I've made my mistakes

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He slowly blinked awake to michonne gently nudging him, it was still pretty dark but that kind of dark that if you blinked it'll already be light.

“Carl, you need to wake up now” michonne said gently

He slowly sat up rubbing his eyes. “are we going to go in?” he said through a yawn

“not yet but soon”

He nodded slightly, his head felt like he was floating in fog, he couldn't really process anything right now everything was kind of far away, as if none of it was actually real. He knew it was real but it didn't really feel it, same as how he knew his dad was dead yet it still feels like he'll come back, like he did before.

Carl forces himself to push all that back, to focus on the twigs underneath him and the fence at his back until it stops feeling distant.

“where's Daryl? “ he asks, if he was more aware it would probably be obvious he's gone to check for the best entrance.

“looking for a way in” michonne said whilst searching through the small bag with their supplies a half empty bottle of water, a box of cereal, a couple of tins of soup and a spare gun.

He just nods at that slowly looking around to make sure they are no walkers, or people, nearby.

“here” she hands him what's left of the cereal, which isn't much just over a handful, with a determined look.

“thanks” he quietly mutters whilst taking the cereal, he's too tired to care that he wants to throw it all up before he even eats it, slowly pulling out one piece at a time knowing he needs to eat as much as he can so he's ready to fight.

“how are you carl?”

“I'm fine” he doesn't want to tell her about how he just wants to die, for everything to stop and how he knows he doesn't deserve to die, death would be too kind for a monster like him.

“you don't seem fine” she tells him bluntly.

“I'm fine” he doesn't know what else to say everything else is the truth waiting to pour out of him, but he can't say that because she'll comfort him and he doesn't deserve that, doesn't deserve her.

She just sighs in response knowing that he won't talk to her right now.

That sit in silence together, the only sounds; Carls quiet eating and the wind blowing through the trees.

Soon enough carls finished eating the cereal and can still feel it churning in his stomach, wanting to come back up but he can't let it they don't have enough food to waste it by throwing up. So he just takes deep breathes until most of the nausea has passed, which luckily happens just before he sees Daryl coming back.

“so what's the best entrance?”

“over ere”

The slowly and quietly walk towards where Daryl has made a small hole in the fence, it's jagged and sharp but easy enough for them to all get through without getting caught.

They sneak down into the main warehouse, well what they are pretty sure is the main warehouse anyway. Creeping done the halls on the balls of there feet to try and make less sound until they reach what must be the base of operations.

They are at least 10 people in there all doing something some with guns in hands some at desks and one guy, who carl presumes is the leader, walking around checking in everyone.

“we should step out”

“are you sure? What if they-”

“we can take them but if we wanna stay here we need to show the first bit of trust”

“OK then”

They whispered to each other carl steps out first gun raised with Daryl on his left and michonne on his right both welding there weapons.

“well hi there, normally we have a better welcome but I'm Gareth, I bet it's Albert on watch today isn't it?”

“I'm carl”

“daryl”

“Michonne”

“well it's nice to meet you all normally we do this where the tracks meet but… “

“we just wanted to make sure you were OK”

“makes sense, how long you been on the road, looks like a while”

“longer than we'd like” michonne interrupts

“you're nervous, I get it, we all were you came here for sanctuary though right? Well you found it. Alex here will take you to answer some questions but first I need you to lower your weapons to the ground- you can pick them back up straight after but we just need to see what weapons you've got.”

“...”

“im sure you understand”

“i do” carl declares putting first his gun down then his knife both michonne and Daryl copying him putting there weapons down.

Gareth comes over to oat them down starting with Daryl

“wow I'd hate to see the other guy”

“you would”

“did he deserve it”

“yes” carl said with complete sincerity feeling the truth of it in his bones, which honestly terrifies him, he knows he's a monster and monsters do monstrous things but he doesn't regret it at all, he just knew that's the only way he'd be able to survive so he did it, and he'd do it again