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In their own way

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No matter how much he tries to read Hux’s thought there’s always something hiding under the surface of Hux’s mind.

He doesn’t try to dig deep enough because Hux would feel it and it would break what little trust he had gained back from Hux after choking him and throwing him into a wall.

Hux’s sleeping next to him his back to Kylo while he’s sitting up on the bed legs bent at the knee and trying to meditate, he has been turning in bed for the last hour and he is unable to sleep he feels a presence he doesn’t know if it’s Luke or Rey or maybe even Snoke still lingering at the back of his mind even though he’s gone now.

Sometimes he stills wake up with nightmares of Snoke torturing him, so does Hux but they never talk about it, their abuse at Snoke’s hand is a subject that they never discuss but both share. They have seen each other on the ground taking Snoke’s punishment so many times that it became some sort of routine.

They used to always try to blame the other and try to manipulate the situation just to see the other take the punishment.

But Hux is currently sleeping peacefully next to him, showing Kylo his back, showing him that he is not afraid of him that even maybe he trusts him but Kylo doesn’t believe that. Hux doesn’t even trust his own shadow.

He has never met someone as paranoid as Hux.

Even if he can’t see Hux every thought he can always feel the underlying bitterness and anger and more importantly envy every time Hux calls him Supreme Leader or submits to him when they’re not in private.

Kylo forgets who he is sometimes he loses himself in the memory of Ben Solo of that child laughing and playing with Han Solo and Chewie in the Millennium Falcon, of Luke showing him the way of the force when he was still too little to actually be able to really use it but the moment he loses the most of him to Ben Solo is when he remembers Leia kissing his cheek, holding him in her arms and telling him that she’ll always protect him from the nightmares.

He laughs out loud at the memory and Hux stirs next to him but doesn’t wake up.

Hux has never talked about his mother and barely mentioned his father other than telling Kylo that he also killed his father for power and that he should get over killing his own.

Him and Hux have a lot of things in common but could not be more different.

Kylo sighs looking back over at Hux thinking if he should finally give him the title of Grand Marshall before Hux actually kills him and takes his place as the Supreme Leader because as much as they need each other right now at the end of the day they both only want power.

He doesn’t need love if he did he would go back to his mother, he closes his eyes. He remembers feeling her so close to him and not being able to shoot when it could have been so easy. He could have ended it all.

Hux would never love him, and if with some miracle he ever did it wouldn’t be as much as Leia did once, no one could but as he lays back on the bed holding Hux close to his chest, Hux gives such a feeling of warmth when Kylo touches him that maybe one day Hux will love him and he’ll love him back not in any way that they have ever known but in a new way that is entirely their own and the whole galaxy will bow to them.

He tightens his hold on Hux, the day he’ll loosen his hold will be the day Hux’ll betrays him but Hux is the one with his back to Kylo.

 

XX

 

When Hux wakes up the first thing he feels is Ren’s arms around him, he must have had a nightmare if he’s holding onto Hux so strongly.

He remembers all too well when Ren told him that the only reason he didn’t kill him that day on Crait was because he rescued him from StarKiller base but sometimes when he holds him like this Hux likes to think that it’s for a different reason.

But he can’t forget and he can’t just accept what Ren did to him that Ren would never lay a hand on him ever again.

Even though at the moment Ren is wrapped up around him his breath tickling Hux’s neck and Hux has never felt safer in his whole life.

Hux has never known love, never. He doesn’t even believe in it. How could he?

It’s just an excuse people use to explain their stupid decisions.

He doesn’t love Ren and Ren doesn’t love him.

They just need each other.

This is their way of showing it, sharing a bed and hoping that the other won’t betray them.