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Unrealized Love

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Kat doesn’t know what’s going on with her. She hates the things she’s done lately, the way she’s been treating Firuze, and even worse how she’s been treating Adena. They’d grown close since they’d been paired to share a dorm, but ever since Kat was introduced to Firuze their relationship had been a bit strained. Kat never thought she was homophobic, but something about seeing Adena and Firuze interact made Kat feel something less than comfortable. Kat figures Adena must have picked up on the tension coming from Kat, because she’d been more distant as of late.

“I don’t know what it is,” Kat says. “I mean, I never thought I was homophobic but something about seeing Adena and Firuze together makes my stomach tighten uncomfortably.”

Kat doesn’t notice the knowing look Jane and Sutton share. Sutton tilts her head towards Kat, indicating that Jane should say something. Jane only has a second to inaudibly protest before Kat is turning around and giving them an accusatory look, “Are you guys listening? I think this might actually be a problem. I don’t want to be a homophobic asshole.”

Jane looks uncertain for a moment, but then hesitantly suggests, “Maybe it’s not about Adena being gay, maybe you just don’t like Firuze?”

"No,” Kat says after thinking it over for a second. “That’s not it. First of all, Firuze seems great, and second of all, I felt this way when Adena was with Coco as well.”

Sutton pulls a face as she mouths the word ‘wow’ and Jane nudges her for not being subtler. Sutton quickly gets her facial expression under control, turning towards Kat and saying, “Maybe you should just talk to Adena about it? You guys are friends.”

“I don’t know,” Kat says. “Maybe.”

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“Do you not like Firuze?” Adena asks her as soon as she enters their dorm.

Kat takes her time taking off her jacket before turning to face Adena. She frowns at Kat, arms crossed. She looks like she’s hurt by the idea of Kat not liking her girlfriend.

“What?” Kat asks, trying to maintain a level intonation. “Why would you think that?”

Adena strides towards her, “You barely acknowledge her when she’s her, you keep rejecting all our invitations to hang out, and also, a couple of hours ago, you came in here, saw that she was here and promptly left again.”

“I remembered I had other plans,” Kat explains half-heartedly.

“Kat,” Adena starts, and suddenly she looks tired and a bit sad. It breaks Kat’s heart a little to see her like that.

“I-“ Kat starts, trying to find the words to explain how she’s been feeling lately. “It’s just that, well the thing is, recently, I’ve been feeling a little…uncomfortable with the whole you and Firuze thing.”

Kat doesn’t look Adena in the eye as she finishes, can’t stand the look of hurt that is probably on Adena’s face.

The room is silent for a while before Kat finally musters up the courage to look at Adena. She’s surprised to find a look of confusion on the other woman’s face instead of the betrayal, she’d expected to find there.

“Isn’t your friend Eliza gay?”

“Yeah, which is why I don’t understand why I’ve been feeling this way.” Kat starts pacing in front of Adena but stops in front of after a couple of seconds again. “Look, I’m sorry, I am so sorry. I’ll get over it; I’ll be better.”

Adena seems to be mulling things over, her eyebrows pulled together as she scrutinizes Kat’s face. After a second, the muscles in her face go lax with realization. Kat feels weirdly vulnerable, like Adena has seen some part of her that she wasn’t meant to see. She feels bare as she tries to figure out what Adena had read on her face.

Adena must see the discomfort Kat is feeling because she clears her throat and shoots Kat a small smile. Kat watches as Adena swallows and takes a small step closer to Kat, then another and another until she’s standing right in front of Kat. It’s getting harder for Kat to breathe. She doesn’t know why, but she isn’t gonna question it at the moment.

When Adena’s gaze flickers down to Kat’s lips, Kat’s heart stutters in her chest. “What are you doing?” She asks, and her voice sounds light and breathy to her own ears.

Adena raises her gaze and catches Kat’s eyes as she leans in slowly, reading every emotion that appears on Kat’s face. She leans in closer and gently presses her lips against Kat’s, and Kat swears her heart gives out for a second. Kat keeps her eyes close as Adena pulls back; she can feel the other’s eyes on her.

“How was that?” Adena asks and the uncertainty in her voice makes Kat open her eyes to look at her.

“Uh huhm” Kat hums, nodding slowly. She leans in to kiss Adena again when something occurs to her. “Wait, what about Firuze?”

“What about Firuze?” Adena repeats as she moves closer to Kat to softly press her lips to Kat’s, but Kat takes a step back.

“Adena, you have a girlfriend. We can’t do this.”

“I don’t have a girlfriend.” Adena counters, confusion lacing her voice.

“But Firuze is gay,” Kat says as if that explains everything.

“Yeah, she is.” Adena confirms, nodding.

Kat gives her a look like the fact that Firuze is gay is supposed to clear everything up.

“I’m gay. And Firuze is gay. But her and I are not dating.” Adena says slowly as if that will make Kat understand what she’s trying to say.

“Oh.”

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“So, are you guys a thing now?” Sutton asks after Kat tells them about her night spent with Adena.

“Yeah, I guess.”

Jane and Sutton let out twin groans, “Finally!”

“Wha- you guys knew I liked her and you didn’t tell me?!” Kat exclaims indignant.

“Well, see, Kat, when somebody comes out, it’s usually the non-straight person that does the revealing.” Jane says in a mocking tone

“Shut up.” Kat giggles as she gently pushes Jane away from her.

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