Tony tried to be a good guy, even the score of his death toll from his Merchant of Death days, and be what the Avengers had needed him to be. Apparently that wasn’t going to happen though. He had a witch mess with his head which resulted in JARVIS’s death and Ultron’s creation, Steve had completely ignored him when he said Wanda was bad news, the superhero civil war happened, and even though they broke a shit ton of laws the rogues had been brought back and dropped on Tony’s doorstep. Seriously what else was Tony supposed to do but realize his life as a superhero just wasn’t meant to be?
Tony had found Loki’s hideout on earth and waited in his living room with that drink he’d promised all those years ago. The god of mischief had come home to find Tony lounging seductively on his couch with the best alcohol money could buy scattered around him just waiting for the mage.
“Hello there my prince, I’ve come to put in my application to be your slave/minion. All I need in return is appreciation and love. Maybe some cuddles, I’m a very touchy feely person and that seems like a fair exchange for my undying loyalty.”
Loki was utterly confused by the sight of his admittedly most interesting and intelligent opponent among the mortals of this realm. Seeing the genius laid out and offering both himself and loyalty to him was tempting. Very, very tempting. The god had to shake himself out of that train of thought and remind himself not to be a bad villain. Good villains didn’t sleep with heroes. Sure they corrupted heroes if possible and destroyed them, even manipulate them if possible but they did not sleep with them.
Bad Loki, do not sleep with the really sexy genius.
His face must have betrayed his inner thoughts because the genius walked over to him with a slight swing to those very attractive hips.
Oh Norns if he turns around and shows me that deliciously attractive ass of his I will lose this battle to temptation.
Loki did not lose battles. He let a cool mask of indifference overtake his face as the genius wrapped his arms around his neck and pressed his well-toned form against the god’s.
Damn this sexy mortal temptress and his attractive form.
On the outside Loki was as the mortal say cool as a cucumber but on the inside he was cursing the genius and every single force in the nine realms that brought their paths to intertwine because he would end up claiming this mortal all over his home. He was supposed to be a supervillain! He would not be led astray by…
By Odin’s beard his lips are the softest I’ve felt!
Loki forced himself to have self-control and put the genius at arm’s length even though he wanted to continue ravishing the man’s mouth. He shouldn’t have let the mortal close enough to kiss him!
“Listen to me Anthony Stark, you are a hero. Your heart and soul betray you in your quest to try and walk the same path as I do. These mortals of this realm are beneath me, they are mere ants waiting for the boot to crush them. You do not nor will you ever see them as I do. So you will return to your home and continue on the path you walk as a hero. Continue to shine as a beacon of hope to the lowly creatures of this world that do not deserve you yet continue to have you leading them from the destruction and horrors those like myself bring.”
Loki froze when the genius engulfed him in a hug. It was not painful as Thor’s were but gentle and comforting. If only he’d met this hero long before, perhaps he would have saved him to.
“Come man of iron, I shall take you home.”
Tony Stark did not lie when he said he was a very touchy feely person. Loki carried the genius on his back the entire way back to his home. Of course the god of mischief hid them from sight. He was a good supervillain; no one was going to see him taking the hero home safely. It would ruin his credibility among the other villains and give Thor uselessly hopeful ideas.
Erik most commonly known as Magneto knew mutants were the future. He gathered his forces, worked to show the humans their time was at an end, that mankind had evolved to a higher level and that level was mutantkind.
His stance was well known, his enemies numbered against him and his cause, which was why he was confused as to why a very human and very heroic Tony Stark was here before him.
“So I could probably design a weapon that would wipe out all non-mutant humans. You’d appreciate if I did that for you right? You wouldn’t accept my gift for you and then badmouth me and say I’m just trying to buy your love or friendship? I’m a futurist and a scientist, I know how evolution works. Quite frankly I believe mankind has been doomed for a long time. Might as well help the evolutionary train move along.”
Erik sighed as he took in the dark shadows under the man’s eyes as well as the redness that showed he’d either been holding back tears or had already let his tears run dry.
“Let’s get you home Dr. Stark, no making chemical weapons though mutants everywhere would remember you fondly for centuries to come if you helped us.”
He picked up the genius who giggled slightly clearly half mad from lack of sleep.
“I knew you were my favorite mutant ever for a reason!”
Erik didn’t comment on that.
“For what reason have you come to me to offer a way to accomplish my goal which I might remind you would put an end to your own life as well? I did not take you for the suicidal type.”
Though he cared nothing for humans, he had a fair amount of respect for Tony Stark. The man was intelligent and more than capable of destroying this world with that alone. It was his strength and his weapon that he wielded with skill he could admit he envied. Though the man came from a background that happily sowed the seeds of war he had changed and moved to better the world. For that he was someone the mutant would hate to see go when mutants took their place as the rightful rulers of this world. It was his respect alone for this man that he did not take advantage of him in his exhausted and hurt state to use whatever weapon he could create.
“The rogues have been back for months now and all they do is talk shit but they’re more than happy to accept my toys and money. I’m trying my best…” Erik was shocked to hear a sniffle like the genius was going to cry.
Please dear god don’t let him cry. I’d burn the world not to see him cry. He’d probably look like an irresistible puppy.
Erik will never admit out loud he had a weakness for cute puppies. Every man had his Achilles’ heel, cute puppies were his.
“You know Cap just today said I’ve had everything handed to me in life and that I’ve never really worked a hard day’s labor in my life? I’m overworked trying to meet their demands, the UN’s demands, Stark Industries demands. Plus I’m mentoring young minds! That last one I don’t mind, kids are awesome. They’re our future you know; we should be kind to children.”
Another point of respect he had for the genius. The other so called heroes were happy to fight the battle then return home. Tony Stark never forgot the damage or victims left behind as he put efforts towards relief of those affected by battles. He did that as well as raise money for various charities and indeed worked to better the future of young minds.
“He is a fool and his brain the size of a walnut, do not listen to his nonsense.”
Tony Stark actually giggled again before he seemed to start dozing off as the mutant carried him. He didn’t bother with doors and simply flew directly to the roof of the Compound that was home to the Avengers. He was not surprised to see Vision waiting there for him. The android should fear what the mutant could do to him but instead he faced him with little fear. Erik was impressed with the creation of Tony Stark. He held out the genius who slumbered away. He did not look back to ensure the genius was safe with the android. It was a struggle though he wasn’t sure why.
Thanos had seen many things in his years of life. The small and oddly adorable human sitting on his throne was perhaps the strangest thing he’d seen. He looked at his adoptive daughter Nebula who was equally confused by the human and how he got here.
The genius opened his eyes and looked at Thanos stealing the breathe from his lungs.
Such an adorable brown doe eyed creature!
Thanos was said to have no weaknesses. This was a lie. Lady Death and his love for her was a weakness. Adorable precious creatures like this that must be protected were another.
Why does he have to be so cute! Now I can’t destroy his planet.
His face did not betray his inner thoughts. He could wait out the human’s lifespan before attacking his world. Who was to question him, he was an immortal blood thirsty tyrant.
“So hey I know you sent Loki-dokey to attack earth and he failed and all that. So if you shower me with love and never insult my intelligence I’ll totally hand over earth to you. I make great weapons and I can hack into anything! The earth won’t know what hit them if I’m on your side!”
Thanos could read the human well.
I will crush whatever foolish creature has made this doe eyed delight feel unloved!
Thanos considered the offer. He could keep the adorable creature and shower him with love and still offer up his entire realm to his lady love. He decided against it. Nebula was already jealous of Gamora. If he kept the human she’d likely kill him within a day.
“Nebula, take this mortal home and place him safely within his bed.”
Nebula looked offended and utterly confused by the order. Thanos couldn’t resist petting the mortal who leaned into the gentle touch like a cat. Thanos might still go to earth during the human’s lifetime if only so he could see him and shower him with love in the form of the mutilated corpses of those who made him suffer. It would be a nice present. He’d have to find out when the human’s birthday was to do it.
Hela wasn’t surprised by anything anymore. She ruled the dead, all manner of beings crossed into her realm. She was also the daughter of the god of mischief Loki. Truly nothing could faze her.
There is a mortal, a LIVING mortal in my realm. Why is there a living mortal in my realm?
She kept these thoughts to herself and approached the mortal who held up a gift for her. She accepted still confused until she felt the softest fabric she’d ever felt in her many years alive. It was a beautiful dress and in her favorite shade of green. The second gift to be handed to her was a beautifully crafted sword that radiated power when she held it.
Oh if only this mortal was courting me. Such lovely gifts that could make even the Allfather green with envy.
“Please don’t send me away.” The mortal pleaded with her causing her long since dead heart to break. “I’ll help you capture as many Aesir souls as you want! I’ll be loyal even after I take my last breathe.”
She knelt down and touched the mortal’s cheek. A quick work of her magic revealed to her the mortal’s suffering. A witch with red magic bringing him unending nightmares, a former friend with a similar build to her uncle’s talking down to him with words that claimed him always wrong, snide remarks from a very unimpressive group that consisted of an archer, a spider, and a falcon with mechanical wings. Oh how she longed to tear them apart.
She picked up the mortal and cradled him close.
“I will love you and cherish you when your time has come my beautiful bright soul. For now, you must return to your own realm and not rush back to me. If you try to return here before your time I cannot accept you.”
She placed a gentle kiss upon his forehead forcing him to sleep. She rocked him gently as he slept as she worked her magic to shield his mind from the wretched woman claiming herself a witch. She looked forward to the day both entered her realm permanently. The mortal with the bright soul would become her most precious treasure. The mortal witch she would tear apart for all eternity.
Surtur knew the realm he resided in was far too hot for a mortal to survive in. Why there was a tiny little human there he did not know. He lowered his massive form to look at the human that seemed comfortable in the burning heat.
“The cold just hasn’t left since Siberia when I was betrayed.” The mortal said aloud to himself before adorable sad eyes turned to the fire demon. “So I heard you’re an enemy of Odin. Don’t make me go back to being cold and I’ll help you kill him.”
Surtur might have accepted the offer but he’d heard rumors. Thanos was a terrifying opponent but it seemed he’d taken favor of a certain doe eyed mortal. As had Hela and her father Loki. He knew not if these rumors were true but he was no fool to make so many powerful enemies at once. He sent one of his underlings to take the mortal back but not before he pet the mortal. He was indeed like a cute beast one would keep as a pet and shower with love. He could see the appeal and the need to crush those who hurt him.
After one of the fire demons of Muspelheim had dropped Tony off with Loki the god had decided he’d had enough of the so called heroes that allowed the genius to suffer so that he’d seek the path of a villain. It was becoming clear the avengers that had once been criminals were constantly tearing apart the genius with their harsh false words. Loki could sense his daughter’s magic on the genius and had taken a few moments to try and understand how the mortal had not only traveled to Muspelheim but also Niflheim where his daughter ruled over the dead. A quick scan as he held the genius had shown he’d come into contact with Thanos as well.
After returning the genius to his home he’d begun his plans. It was surprisingly easy given that he had failed Thanos, he as a prince of Asgard was not welcome by Surtur, he and his daughter were sometimes at odds, and the mortal villain known as Magneto wasn’t overly impressed by anyone that wasn’t a mutant.
When Loki arrived outside the compound with his allies at his side he had to resist smiling when the avengers rushed out geared up and ready for a fight. Thor had stopped as he stared up, up, and even higher up to stare at the massive form of the fire demon Surtur. His size no doubt alerting many in the realm for miles of what was happening at the avenger compound.
The only one not present was Tony but that didn’t last long as the genius poked his head out not even bothering to put on his armor. Hela smiled as she opened her arms for him and letting the genius rush into her awaiting embrace. She ran her fingers though his hair and offering him a gentle smile that made her battle armor almost look less intimidating.
“Hello my precious genius, has my magic worked to keep the worthless witch out of your head?”
Loki refused to admit he was jealous of his daughter getting attention. Thanos for a ruthless murderer who had ended countless realms was ridiculously more frightening as he cooed at the genius and petted him. Loki got the impression of a cat as he butted his head against the mad titan’s hand. Even Surtur knelt down which did nothing to make his massive size less intimidating so he too could use a finger to pet the genius.
“He’s oddly adorable.” Nebula, Thanos’s adopted daughter and a well-known assassin commented with only a hint of gentleness to her tone.
“He’s adorable and I will crush anyone who dares hurt him.” Hela said her tone now icy but her expression softened when Tony nuzzled into her like an affectionate animal.
“Wh….Hela? Loki? Why are you here with the mad titan and Surtur?” Thor asked his voice a horrified whisper.
Magneto who had remained in the background moved forward looming over them with an impressive amount of doom radiating from his form.
“You do not deserve the genius of Anthony Stark. Abuse the gifts and time he offers you again and we shall take him and end your pathetic kind.”
At that each of the villains turned their icy and protective gazes at them promising death. Thor paled knowing the destructive force of one of them alone and knew not even Asgard’s forces could take on Thanos, Hela, Surtur, and Loki on at once. Add to that Magneto and whatever forces they brought with them and Thor could only guess how long before they’d be slaughtered. There was no if of that happening, only the timeframe of their demise.
Loki did not need to be a mind reader to know his not-brother was thinking about returning to Asgard and never return to the realm that seemed set on dooming all worlds.
“You can’t just come here and try and bully us into submission.” Steve said regaining his voice as his grip on his shield tightened.
Thanos grinned cold and cruel.
“Little mortal, you may be impressive here but while you’ve managed to protect this world once from me I have ended countless others. The only thing saving your realm from me is this delightful creature.” He took Tony from Hela and the genius didn’t even protest.
Thanos was no less frightening as he cradled a comfortable and content genius in his arms.
“Hurt him again and we will return and slaughter you.” Surtur growled at them.
“Death will not be the end either.” Hela gave a frightening smile that promised nothing but unending pain.
“I doubt these fools will heed our warning. I shall stay to ensure his safety.” Loki offered which earned a look of distrust from Thanos as he held the genius away from him.
“Are you planning to sleep with him?”
Loki didn’t even bother to hide his smile.
“I shall appreciate him and shower him with affection in my own way.”
Tony seemed to perk up at that.
“Yay!” Loki tried not to die from cuteness overload as the genius reached for him. Nebula wasn’t as lucky as she swooned right into Magneto’s arms.
Thanos grumbled but he handed over the genius. Loki couldn’t stop his grin from showing as he pushed past the shocked avengers with the genius in his arms. As expected the government had a lot to say about the aliens now hanging around the compound and the genius. Nebula and Loki stayed permanently and intimidated the once rogue avengers into shutting the hell up because everything that came out of their mouths about Tony made them want to murder the humans. Thanos, Hela, and Surtur were like protective uncles and aunts that visited every weekend and the government had given up trying to stop them. Magneto came around only enough to remind the rogues that he could crush them in their own home because he controlled metal.
Thor had informed Asgard of what happened and Odin had sent Thor right back and told him to keep the enemies of the nine realms happy otherwise he’d banish him to a realm far worse than Midgard next time. Loki had nearly died from lack of air as he fell over laughing hysterically as Thor cried in a corner saying he didn’t want to be a prince anymore.
Two weekends in Thanos punched Steve in his perfect teeth, Hela turned Wanda’s magic against her in retaliation for her accusing Tony of being a monster, Surtur ‘accidently’ burned the widow’s and hawk’s bedrooms, and Magneto crushed Falcon’s wings with little effort to remind him not to mess with him. Other than continuing to silently promise horrible painful murder to the once rogues, Loki got along wonderfully with Vision, Bucky and Nebula became murderous assassin besties(Tony’s words not Loki’s), Thanos and Rhodey became drinking buddies, Hela(much to Loki’s horror) started a strange and epic romance with Pepper Potts(who Loki learned very early on was a terrifying and powerful woman that you did not mess with), and Surtur and Happy(a strange name for the friend and bodyguard of Anthony Stark) had become strange friends. Loki found it all very odd but he had little time for that as he showered the sexy and adorable genius with all the love and affection he could.