Yokoyama Yui tapped her fingers on the windowsill, the sound echoing throughout the tiny room she had occupied. It was dark outside, the only source of light being the moon that hung up high in the night sky. Yui sighed and leaned back in her chair. It was quiet here. Quieter than Tokyo even at it’s slowest hours. She didn’t like it. She missed the constant loud sounds of the people and cars. She missed the artificial lights that illuminated the city. She missed Tokyo. She missed her.
“What’re you thinking about?” A voice whispered in her ear causing Yui to shiver slightly.
“Nothing in particular,” Yui smiled softly, feeling warm arms wrap themselves around her shoulders, “Why are you awake, Sayaka? You have class tomorrow right?”
Yamamoto Sayaka hummed, “Why are you awake, Yui?” She shot back.
“Can’t sleep,” Yui answered simply, leaning her head back against the chair and glancing up to look at the other girl.
Sayaka smiled down at Yui, raising a hand to push aside the bangs that sprawled onto the older girl’s face, “Should I read you a bedtime story?” She joked.
“That sounds good,” Yui chuckled and closed her eyes expectantly.
“As if,” Sayaka lightly flicked Yui’s cheek.
“Hey,” Yui opened her eyes and rubbed the spot where Sayaka had flicked her, “That’s not very nice.”
Sayaka rolled her eyes, “I’m not a very nice person.”
“I’m not either so I guess we make the perfect match.”
“That’s a lie,” Sayaka reached for the older girl’s hand that laid on top her lap, “For dealing with me, I have to say you’re probably the nicest person I know.”
Suddenly Yui felt a wave of guilt crash over her. Would Sayaka still think she was nice if she knew what- or rather who she was thinking of? Yui squeezed the hand in hers and for a split second she actually considered asking the younger girl that question but decided against it.
“I’m happy you came back,” Sayaka continued, shifting her body behind her so her head was resting on Yui’s shoulders, “I missed you while you were gone.”
Yui clenched her eyes shut. She knew this was wrong. To continue to lie to Sayaka. But she was a selfish person who was plagued with loneliness and Sayaka was the first one to open her arms for her. It didn’t surprise Yui in the slightest. She knew that Sayaka was still very much in love with her despite the fact that the older girl had previously trampled on her heart.
“Yui?” Sayaka called, her voice soft and filled with worry. It made Yui feel that much guiltier. She wondered how much longer her conscience would let her continue this farce.
“Sorry,” I’m sorry for using you. “I’ve missed you too,” Truthfully, she had been too busy in Tokyo fawning over Miyuki to even remember who Sayaka was let alone to miss her. The lie seemed to please Sayaka though and that’s what mattered.
Sayaka smiled widely and pressed a light kiss to Yui’s temple. Yui let out a breath and stood up from her seat, Sayaka’s arms falling back to her sides, “I’m going to bed.” She announced before walking towards the hallway.
Yui turned around and noticed that Sayaka wasn’t following her, instead she continued to stand in her place, head turned towards the window, the moonlight falling on her face in a way that made Yui’s breath catch in her throat. Yui coughed into her hand, “Are you coming?”
Sayaka turned back towards Yui and nodded, walking towards the older girl and clasping her hand with her own.
Sayaka wasn’t Miyuki but that didn’t mean Yui couldn’t pretend.
“So when you gonna tell her?”
“Tell who what?” Yui raised an eyebrow in question at the girl that sat opposite of her.
“You know,”Kawaei Rina brought a cup of coffee to her lips before setting it back down on the table, “When are you going to tell Sayaka about Miyuki?”
“There’s nothing to tell. Miyuki is my past.” Yui brushed the question off.
“Oh you know except for the fact that you’re still in love with Miyuki. No big deal or anything.” Rina rolled her eyes.
“I’m not,” Yui said stiffly, “Where did you get this idea from?”
“I don’t have to get this idea from anywhere,” Rina crossed her arms over her chest and gave Yui a look, “Your reaction tells me more than I needed to know.”
“Listen, I’m not in love with Miyuki and even if I was I wouldn’t need to tell Sayaka anything. We’re only friends.”
Rina scoffed and took another sip of her coffee, “Bullshit. That’s not what Sayaka told me.”
“What did Sayaka tell you?”
“More than I needed to know. You would think you would at least have the decency to sleep with someone who wasn’t head over heels for you if you were only going to claim her as ‘just a friend.’”
Yui narrowed her eyes at the younger girl and questioned why she was even friends with this aggravating girl in the first place, “What I do in my spare time is my business.”
“Listen, as your bestest friend in the whole world, it is my obligation to help make you a morally sound person,” Rina paused, “And I think you should tell her.” She said a little quieter.
Yui sighed, “I know and I will…I just-”
“Want to be selfish for a little longer?” Rina finished, a knowing smile on her face, “Whatever, it’s your choice and it’s not as if I’m particularly close to Sayaka anyways.”
“Thanks Ricchan,” Yui had to admit that as much as the younger girl aggravated her she still had a microscopic soft spot for her.
“For what? All I did was yell at you.”
“For yelling at me,” Yui chuckled, “And for always being there for me when I need you the most.”
Rina made a face, “Gross. Don’t get all emotional on me, Yuihan. I don’t know how to react to this.” A small smile made it’s way to Rina’s lips, “You’re welcome though.”
Yui smiled back, a soft laugh slipping from her lips, “Now you’re the one being gross.” She reached over the table and gently tapped Rina’s head with her hand.
“Hey! What was that for? You’re the one who started this.” Rina sucked her teeth in feigned anger.
“You’re the one who started this entire conversation!” Yui pointed a finger at the younger girl.
“But you’re the one who invited me over!” Rina shot back.
Yui closed her mouth. She couldn’t argue against that. “Fine, you win.”
“Heh,” Rina had a smug look on her face, “I always win.”
Yui simply rolled her eyes and waved her hand, “Yeah, yeah, whatever.”
Yui laid sprawled out on her bed, the moonlight spilling in through the window that was left open. The sound of crickets chirping and the grass rustling in the wind made it’s way to her ears. It wasn’t the honking of cars or the shouts of people in the streets but it was noise and that was good enough for Yui.
Yui let out a small sigh and draped an arm over her eyes. It had been a month since she had moved back home and she still wasn’t used to the unnerving silence that came with living in the country. The silence was actually one of biggest reasons as to why she had moved out to the city in the first place. Yui loved the noise because it drowned out her thoughts while the silence allowed Yui to soak in all her thoughts. Yui preferred to not think.
Maybe that was why she was so smitten with Miyuki. It always seemed like there was never a silent moment with her. But being with Sayaka was the complete opposite. With Sayaka everything seemed to fall into place. There was no noise or chaos. Everything was perfect with Sayaka and that scared Yui to no end.
Sayaka stood for everything that Yui couldn’t stand. Silence and perfection. Sayaka did what she was told and would change herself in a heartbeat if it meant it could please Yui. But Miyuki on the other hand, it was the energy and unpredictability that had attracted Yui to her. A noisy city girl who wouldn’t conform herself for anyone. Yui had fallen for her as soon as she had laid eyes on her. Yui closed her eyes. She could still feel her lips on her skin, her warm breath on her neck, her fingers caressing every inch of her body.
Yui opened her eyes and turned on her side, glancing out the window. She loved Miyuki, “So why am I thinking about Sayaka?”
“You love her,” Rina said as if it was the most obvious thing in the world.
“No, I love Miyuki.”
Rina raised an eyebrow, “I thought Miyuki was your past?”
“Look, that’s besides the point here!” Yui looked around frantically as if anyone could be watching or listening in to them, “I’m not supposed to feel this way about Sayaka.”
Rina simply shrugged her shoulders, “I don’t understand what the problem is. Miyuki is your past and Sayaka loves you back. Why don’t you just get with her.”
“Because! If Miyuki is my past than Sayaka is my ancient history.”
“I still don’t get it,” Rina rolled her eyes at how difficult Yui was being, “So you were faking your feelings before? Just continue on but with your real feelings.”
Yui sighed, “But what if my feelings change again? I don’t think I can hurt her a second time.”
Rina placed a heavy hand on Yui’s shoulder, “No matter what option you choose you’re going to hurt her. If you break whatever you have with her off now, you’ll hurt her. If you change your mind, you’ll hurt her. If you continue this facade, you’ll hurt her. Either way you’re screwed.”
Yui shot Rina a look, “Is this supposed to make me feel better?”
“Hey, you’re the one who made this mistake. I don’t think there’s anything to say to make you feel better about this.”
“Well maybe some words of encouragement would be nice,” Yui mumbled, mentally taking back the compliment that she had given Rina yesterday.
“Okay, that I can do!” Rina gave Yui a hard pat on the back, “You’re screwed no matter what you choose. But at least if you tell her how you feel and then change your mind you’ll feel slightly less shitty about it in the end because at least you tried.”
“Wow thanks. This makes me want to go out and confess to her as fast as I can.”
“No problem!” Rina looked satisfied with her advice, “But really, I think Sayaka is good for you. She helps calm out all the crazy you’ve got in your head,” Rina tapped the base of Yui’s head with her finger.
“You make me sound like I’m mentally unsound,” Yui scowled and gently slapped Rina’s hand away.
“Well…” Rina trailed off. Yui made a face and crossed her arms. “I’m kidding!” Rina let out a small laugh, “But you know what I mean. Sayaka might not be one of those wild girls that you seem to love so much but I think she’s the perfect match for you.”
Yui sighed for what seemed like the umpteenth time, “Do you think I should tell her how I feel?”
Rina let out a loud sound of exasperation, “What have I been telling you this entire time?”
“Is that a yes?”
“Yes! It’s a yes!” Rina threw her hands upwards, “Go confess your undying love for her. Go kiss her and do whatever it is you do.”
Yui broke out into a laugh and wrapped her arm around Rina’s shoulder, “Once again, Thanks Ricchan.”
Rina hummed and nodded her head, “I’ll take your ‘thank you’ without question this time. As my own personal gift to you.”
“Thank you for this wonderful gift that you have bestowed upon me oh great Rina,” Yui put a hand to her chest and bent forward slightly, a small chuckle escaping her lips.
“You have the highest of my welcomes, my loyal servant.” Rina played along and deepened her voice causing the two of them to burst into laughter.
Yui shifted positions in her bed. Another sleepless night. She had been having those a lot lately. To be more accurate she had been having them since she moved back home. Yui glanced over at Sayaka who laid next to her soundly sleeping. She wished she could follow the younger girl’s example and sleep as well. However, she seemed to be caught in this constant state of unrest. Yui sighed and rested her head on her outstretched arm, if she squinted the stars kind of looked like the lights that illuminated Tokyo.
“Can’t sleep again?” The tired voice of Sayaka broke through the silence.
Yui simply nodded. She could feel the warmth of Sayaka engulf her as the younger girl moved closer.
“It’s because you’re always thinking. You should give your mind a rest.”
“I can’t help it. The silence makes me think.”
“Think about what?”
Yui stayed silent, letting the question saturate in her mind. The room was silent aside for the soft breaths of the girl behind her and the thumping in her ears, “I love you.”
Sayaka hummed as if she had expected it and moved to wrap her arms around the older girl’s waist, resting her forehead against her back, “I love you too.”
Yui closed her eyes, savoring the warmth that irradiated from Sayaka. Yui closed her eyes and let the silence lull her to sleep.