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Are Tortillas Bread???

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Clyde, 10:50   

Are tortillas bread?  

Token stared down at the message on his phone, taking a single moment to process the question. He looked up to where their teacher stood, back turned to them as he wrote away on the board. He turned round in his seat to check on the other people in class to see what they were doing. Wendy Testaburger and Kyle Broflovski sat next to each other both furiously scribbling at the paper in front of them in a strange competitive ritual they usually had. Behind him was Tweek Tweak, staring at the board with bug eyes he’d mistaken for confusion the first few classes, but soon accepted was just his normal concentration face.  

He turned back to the message received and typed out his response with some speed in hopes he could get this over with and not get caught.  

Token, 10 : 54   

Dude, I’m in class.  

The response was almost instantaneous. He hadn’t even managed to tuck it back into his pocket before the device started to vibrate.  

Clyde, 10:54 

Same.  

Seriously tho, are they???  

He glared at the black phone in his hands. For fucks sake.  

Token, 10:55 

Why are you even asking?  

Clyde, 10:56 

Lol  

You dont know do you?  

Thats why your avoiding the question  

Token, 10:58 

Just tell me.  

Clyde, 10:58 

Alright so  

I was like lents coming up so I wanna give something up  

And then jimmy says that traditionally you give up bread  

And I wanna lose some weight I guess and so that works  

But then CRAIG  

Is all like  

If you give up bread you have to give up tortillas and shit cause thats bread  

And I said it wasnt  

But he doesnt believe me  

And jimmys just laughing at us  

So craig was like ill ask tweek but I know tweek would just side with him so im asking you  

Are tortillas bread????  

It was a lot to take in.  

He could picture the scene perfectly as the trio sat round Clyde’s table as they usually did when they were slacking off in their maths class talking about whether or not tortillas constituted as bread and if Clyde would have to give them up if he gave up bread. They were so utterly ridiculous.  

Token, 11:0 2 

If you wanna lose weight you should probably give up Taco Bell.  

It went down about as well as he thought it would.  

Clyde, 11:02 

I cant believe youd betray me like this  

I thought I could trust you  

But your as bad as craig  

And jimmy whos still laughing at me  

Not that youd CARE  

You betrayer  

Just cause you dont know the answer doesnt mean you can treat me this way  

Token sighed as the messages came in and decided to just bite the bullet. He checked the teacher was still busy before turning to face Tweek, who’s confused-but-concentrating look fell as soon as they locked eyes, instead replaced by his usual expression. Which was mostly concern.  

“Tweek,” Token hissed out. “Are tortillas bread?”  

“What the fuck?!” Tweek whispered back at him, hands gripping the edge of his desk. “We’re in class what kind of fucking question is-?!”  

“Just answer it, please. Clyde wants to know.”  

Tweek huffed out and narrowed his eyes, but seemed to accept this. “It’s complicated. They’re sort of bread, like, the definition of tortilla is a type of bread, but the definition of bread is that it has to have a rising agent or-or something. I don’t remember. Why does Cly-you know what, I don’t wanna know.”  

Token’s brow furrowed at the response. “So, is that a yes? They’re bread?”  

“It’s complicated. It depends who you-you ask.”  

“What do you think?”  

Tweek’s eyes flickered up to the teacher before he answered. “No, they’re not bread. They have the same ingredients but so does pasta, and pasta isn’t a bread, is it?”  

A beat of silence.  

“Is it?”  

“No,” Token assured before a paranoid worry of whether he’d been wrong this whole time could start. “Pasta isn’t a bread.”  

“So, tortilla is a type of bread, but it isn’t brea-shit.”  

Token snapped his face to the front, seeing their teacher looking at them and waiting for him to turn back round. He cleared his throat and did so, making a mental note to do something nice for Tweek later as a thank you for risking getting caught talking during class.  

He gave it a few minutes before he got his phone back out. After getting a stern look off the teacher she’d probably look back to him to check if he was causing trouble – a rarity when Kyle was in the class and could attract trouble by just breathing – so he needed to make sure he was careful.  

Token, 11:13   

I asked Tweek and he said that tortillas are a type of bread but they aren’t bread.  

Clyde, 11:15 

Token  

My dude  

What the fuck  

Token, 11:16 

That’s just what he said.  

Clyde, 11:16   

You were meant to settle this argument  

Wait 

Tweek said they arent bread?  

Token, 11:17   

I didn’t tell him it was to solve an argument.  

Clyde, 11:18 

Holy shit  

HOLY SHIT  

I cant believe it  

He sided with me over craig  

Token, 11:19  

His exact words were ‘it depends who you ask’, but he doesn’t think they’re bread. But other people do think they’re bread. It was really complicated.  

Clyde, 11:20 

This is monumental  

Im gonna tell craig  

Hold on  

Token, 11:20  

Dude no just stop texting me, please. We only have like ten minutes left of class  

Clyde, 11:21  

Dude no offence but dont kill my buzz k?  

There was a loud ahem from above him. Token dropped the phone in his lap and looked up, seeing their teacher towering above him with a glare on his face. He reached out a hand, gesturing for Token to hand it over, and he very reluctantly passed the iPhone to the hands of the devil.  

Class continued and at half past when it was time for them to leave he walked to the front of his class, retrieved his phone and was served a mini-lecture on using phones during class time, before moving to meet Tweek outside the door.  

“Why was-was Clyde asking about tortillas?” the twitchy blonde spat out with a slight tic. “They’re-nnngh-supposed to be in class!”  

“They are. He and Craig got into an argument about whether or not tortillas were bread and he didn’t want to message you because he thought you’d side with Craig, so he asked me instead.”  

Tweek paused. He narrowed his eyes.  

“You didn’t really answer the question, so…”  

“Who said they weren’t bread?”  

Token shrugged as though it was no big deal. “Clyde.”  

There were a few moments where the pair stared at each other, both mutually realising that this was something that Clyde wasn’t going to let go for at least a week. That’s about as long as his attention span would let him keep it for.  

Tweek swore under his breath. “Damn it.”