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My ImMormon

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“NO!” I THOUGHT IT WAS Mafala but it was Poptarts. He started to scream. “OMFG! NOOOOO! MY POPTARTS HURT!” and then….. his eyes rolled up! You could only see his red whites.

“I had a vision of what was happening to Elder McKinley…………….Elder Butt Effing Naked has him bondage!”

Anyway I was in the Gotswana’s office now recovering from General Butt Effing Naked’s attack. Devil was there too. he was going bak to hell after he recovered cause he was evil and you can’t have those fucking sinners in a village with lots of hot elders. Jesus had constipated the cideo camera he took of me naked. I held up my book of mormon at him.

Anyway Mafala came into my hospital bed holding a box of donuts with a maple glaze.

“Kevin I need to tell u somethnig.” he said in a v. serious voice, giving me the donuts.

“heck off.” I told him. “You know I hecking hate maple glaze anyway, and I don’t like sinners like you.” I snapped. Mafala had been mean to me before for being mormon.

“No Kevin.” Mafala says. “Those are not donuts.”

“What are they you sinner?” I asked cause I was angry that he had brought me pink roses.

“I saved your life!” He yelled angrily. “No you didn’t I replied.” “You saved me from getting a Paris Hilton p- video made from your shower scene and being vued by the Devil.” Who MASTABATED (c is dat speld rong) to it he added silently.

“Whatever!” I yelled angirly.

He pointed at the donuts. “These aren’t donuts.” He suddenly looked at them with a religious look in his eye and muttered praise christ .

Then he screamed. “Orrrrlando orlando i love u orlando”

And then the donuts turned into mickey ears in the middle of the air. Now I knew he was a mormon.

“OK I believe you now wtf is Elder McKinley?”

Mafala rolled his eyes. I looked into the mickey ears but I could c nothing.

“U c, Elder,” Jesus said, watching the two of us watching the ears. “2 c wht iz n da mickey, u mst find urslf 1st, k?”

“I HAVE FOUND MYSELF OK YOU MEAN OLD MAN!” Mafala yelled. Jesus lookd shockd. I guess he didn’t have a headache or else he would have said something back.

Mafala stormed off back into his bed. “U r a liar, Jesus!”

Anyway when I got better I went upstairs and put on a my missionary uniform. I cut my hair all precise and combed it so so I looked like Brigham Young (if u don’t know who he iz ur a sinner so heck off!)

“You look kawai.” Nabulungi said sadly. “Oh em gosh you do too.” I said sadly too, but I was still upset. I went to the mission hut. Poptarts was in their. He looked all depressed because Elder McKinley had disappeared and he was his mission companion. He was eating poptarts.

“Hi.” he said in a depressed way. “Hi back.” I said in an wqually said way.

We both looked at each other for some time. Poptarts had beautiful mormon eyes so much like Elder McKinleys. Then……… we jumped on each other and started screwing each other.

“STOP IT NOW YOU HORNY SIMPLETONS!” shouted the angel Moroni who was watching us and so was everyone else.

“Poptarts!” I said slapping him. “Stop trying to screw me. You know I loved Elder McKinley!” I shouted and then I ran away angrily.

Just then he started to scream and then….. his eyes rolled up! You could only see his red whites.

“I had a vision of what was happening to Elder McKinley…………….General Butt Effing Naked has him bondage!”