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Team Work Makes the Dream Work

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Signing up for the Avengers isn't the kind of job you walk in, ask for an application and then come in later for a nice little interview.

Gwendolyn should know, she tried. It went about how you'd expect.

Dressed in her full suit, katanas strapped to her back and guns at her sides, she walked into the Avengers Tower with a bright smile. The ladies sitting behind the desk took one look at her and started pressing some buttons on their little thing, signaling to Tony upstairs that a suit had just waltzed into his building. “Stark is in, yeah?” She asked, tilting her head a bit to the side. The slightly scared looking secretaries nodded rapidly.

“Sweet, I'll let myself up,” she turned and headed to the elevator. There is a passcode to get to the penthouse, but Gwen has, like, the answer to everything, so it wasn't much of a shock when she overrode the system and was let up into the penthouse. When the metal doors slid open, she was met with Iron Man, Vision, Wanda (“Can we call her the Scarlet Witch? No? Okay, fine.”), and Spider-Man standing there, looking ready to fight.

“Who are you?” Tony Stark asked, his voice sounding slightly robo through the mask.

“Gwendolyn Poole,” she gave a little wave, “I'm here to apply for the position of new Avenger since you lot are kind of lacking currently.” She brought her left leg up, balancing on her right foot and leaning to the side. “I'm a good guy like you!”

They seemed a bit skeptical, but didn't say anything for a moment before Tony finally said, “She's a mercenary.”

“I'm also from another dimension,” she said, holding up one finger, “I am great with guns, knives, swords. I learned it from YouTube.” She was ignored though, as Tony had already basically made up his mind.

“We aren't,” he put a metal hand to his mask as if her rambling had given him a headache suddenly, “We aren't hiring. We don't hire mercenaries.”

“That's not fair,” stomping her foot, Gwen pouted, “You hired Deadpool.”

Spider-Man spoke up then, “No, we did not. I'm not even an Avenger. Deadpool is even less of an Avenger.”

She gasped, “So, I can be called an Avenger?”

“No.”



Now, how does one get a job with the Avengers?

Well, usually they are scouted out. Some lame-o doing good deeds and happens to be able to lift a car with no problem and suddenly you're Avenger material? No, not cool.

Wade was certain he was a shoe-in, I mean, his best friend was Spider-Man! “Come on,” he whined, pulling the arachnid back against his chest and burying his masked face in the smaller's shoulder, “Put a good word in for me.”

Spidey, though, just huffed, “No. You still take mercenary jobs, Wade. You know the rule.”

Wade whined, dropping his weight against his friend, “I figured the rule only mattered if I was patrolling with you.”

“Look,” Spider-Man said, “Tony already said they weren't looking for any new members. Just, try changing your game and maybe he will let you in. S.H.I.E.L.D keeps an eye on you as it is, so if you were to be a good guy for a change, and it was permanent – maybe, just maybe – Tony will give you a shot.” The arachnid just shook his head, “And they don't know we're working together right now. As far as they know, we are just a one-time team-up.”

“Team Red is a one-time team-up,” Wade grumbled, “But, fine. I'll shape up.”

 

Chapter Text

Gwen huffed, scooping up a bit of cheese with her nacho as she watched some cars come and go. “How the Hell do you go about becoming an Avenger?” Balancing the plate of cheesy nachos on one knee, she dug her phone out and opened Google. “Okay, Google,” she shoved another nacho into her mouth, “How do I become an Avenger?”

“Here are your results for 'Howard beekeeping award.'”

“No,” she groaned, “That isn't what I said!” Sighing heavily, Gwen exited out of Google and leaned back onto her elbows. “Man, if I had a cool Avengers pal, I could totally get in.” Cool Avengers pal...

“I feel like this narrative only has room for one wall breaking lunatic,” a voice said behind her, causing her to sigh again.

“I said 'Cool' Avengers pal, not this reject,” but she just slid her nachos from her lap and rolled back, landing a bit awkwardly on her feet and straightening up to face Deadpool. “So, Jack, what's up?”

“That's not my name,” Deadpool said, rolling his eyes, “And I'm the coolest Avenger.”

“I'm pretty sure the plot of this is becoming an Avenger so if you're here, that totally means you aren't. Not now,” She pocketed her phone into the little phone case at her hip before crossing her arms over her chest. “So, again, what's up, Jack?”

“Well, this is usually where I meet my gal pal, but it seems he hasn't shown up yet so I guess he's busy,” Deadpool looked around, humming some, “Yeah, I don't see him. He probably got held up again. Yeah, I know he usually texts if he is going to be late. Shut up, we're best friends.” Gwen just shook her head as he continued arguing with himself. (“Man, his arguing would make more sense if the voices were visible in my narrative too. I mean, technically they would be in the comics but I won't judge too hard.”)

Deadpool snapped his fingers, somehow managing to actually make a snapping noise despite wearing gloves, “Hey, don't do that. You're putting words to the audience instead of to me. That's my gig.”

“Uh, you do realize this is my story, right?” She turned on her heel and held out her arms, “Man, I hate to share the spotlight but I guess that's how it is gonna go.”

There was a sigh to their side, “Oh God,” Spider-Man sighed, “Two loons.” Gwen gasped, letting out a girly squeal before practically tackling the red and blue clad hero. “You must be Gwen... Miles mentioned you.”

“Oh, man! I didn't think I'd get to meet the Spider-Man. I mean, it was amazing meeting Miles but you! You're the real OG! Can we take a picture together? How old are you now? Are you running the company or is that not this universe? Oh, maaannn,” she had pulled her phone out and was snapping pictures of and with the arachnid hero while he was trying to calm her down or at least get the camera out of his face. She seemed content with the multiple pictures, turning away to admire them.

Deadpool groaned, “This is going to get old quick.”

Spidey kind of smirked under his mask, “It's like a taste of your own medicine.” He didn't really get time to appreciate the annoyed look Deadpool threw him before he was yanked away from the pink colored merc and into a bone-crushing hug by the red-clad mercenary. “She's like a cuter version of you.”

Deadpool gasped and held Spider-Man at arm's length, “Spidey! You don't mean that!” Gwen glanced over, squealing again.

“I never read Deadpool comics, but I did read the Spider-Man/Deadpool comics and I got to say, I loved it! It took a lot of sweet talking to get my phone to link up to another dimension. Btdubbs, I love Dr. Strange.” She snapped another picture of Deadpool teasing Spidey while the smaller was shoving him away. “Ship,” she sang, hopping around them to scoop up her empty nacho plate and tossing it over the edge.

Spider-Man finally got Deadpool to let him go, though the merc was making unhappy noises, “What are you doing here anyway?”

Gwen was standing on the edge of the building, pocketing her phone and doing a few stretches, “Oh, I wanted to be an Avenger. Guess I got to go fight some baddies first.”

Deadpool snapped out of his little bubble, “Hey, I was planning to join the Avengers.”

“Mmmm, but I'm cuter,” Gwen shot back, pulling a pose with her leg up and a finger to her cheek, “Plus, I have the intel to be on the team.”

Deadpool stalked forward, brushing off Spidey trying to stop him, “I'll show you, I'd make a way better Avenger.”

She bent forward, tapping her chin while looking thoughtful, “I don't know...” she cracked a smile, “They don't hire mercenaries.”

Her and Deadpool had a stare down before Spidey broke in, “You're a mercenary too, Gwenpool.” Both mercenaries snapped out of their little stare down, realizing that Spidey was right. They were in the same boat. “I mean, Wade has kind of changed his ways. I mean, at least a little. Last I heard, you were still taking jobs.”

Gwen stared at him a moment then looked to Wade, “Oh, you do go by Wade. Huh. Guess the author likes that arc better. Do you have blue eyes, too?” Wade just glared back, turning away from her while huffing out his chest. “Oooh, you do! Man, I'm good,” she stood up to her full height again and gave a small wave. “Well, Par – Spider-Man had a good point. Time to go help some old ladies cross streets and stop muggings! Look out world, here comes the new and improved Gwenpool!” Then, well, she jumped off the roof.

There was an awning below, so she rolled off it and dashed down the road to go find some good deeds.

[This is going to get competitive.] White chimed in, seeming a bit exasperated already.

{I think it is.}

Wade watched her run off into the night, “I like it better when the story if just me and Spidey.” Spider-Man didn't really know what the Hell Deadpool was talking about but he did have to agree. It was always simpler when it was just them lurking the rooftops of New York City with the occasional villian that required outside help. Spidey glanced at Wade who was glaring at where the pink merc disappeared to, almost nervous as to what was going to go down in the days to come.

 

Chapter Text

Wade sighed, dropping another gun onto the pile in the middle of his apartment. Spidey – Peter – stood there in a pair of sweats and an athletic top, holding a clipboard while his glasses glinted some from the overhead light. “So, this sudden change of heart is..?”

“I know I had a shot at being an Avenger when SHIELD had their dirty hooks in Stark, but now there is the whole government thing and sure, I've done a lot of work for the government but I mean, now it'll be on record,” Wade dropped a belt of bullets while Peter nicked it off on the clipboard. “I can't be a good guy while looking like a bad guy. I mean, would you trust me in a school of kids with a bunch of grenades in my pants?”

Before Peter could make a smart remark, Wade dropped Bea and Arthur on the pile, “Plus, Spidey prefers when I don't have guns.” The brunette didn't even blink at that - he was used to Wade and his odd hero worship, though since they had started dating, it had been toned down to a more platonic yet still flirty obsession.

[Oh yeah, big dummy hasn't connected the dots.]

{Is it cheating if we're all over two men who are one?}

Wade went to make a response that was more like he was questioning what the fuck his boxes were talking about when Peter chimed in, “I think,” he pushed up his nerdy glasses, “you should change for you and not because you feel threatened by Gwenpool.” As always, Wade really did have to admit his cute little boyfriend had a point. At some point, Peter had become his voice of reason when White and Yellow had turned their nonexistent backs on the looney merc. 

“Yeah,” Wade sighed and patted his sides and legs for any more weapons, “I mean,” he paused while pulling a knife out of his boot, “I have wanted to be better for a while. Sure, I mostly just maim now and I take small jobs, but those are usually non-killing jobs. You got those whole 'Don't bring murder home,' rules. I'm a good boy,” Wade dropped a second, smaller knife onto the pile, “but I need to be a great boy.”

“Oh?” Peter asked, making two nicks on the board, “and how are you going to do that?” There was a slightly teasing tone laced with the words, such a Peter tone. 

Wade flashed him a smile, and despite the mask, Peter got the message, “Looks like ole Jack is going cold turkey on every bad thing. I'm a devout Christian now, baby.” Peter rolled his eyes but was smiling anyway. “That means,” Wade dropped a small box of matches onto the pile, “You're sleeping on the couch.”

“What!?” Peter gasped, “You should take the couch!”

“Why me?!” Wade asked, undoing his belt while Peter crossed his arms over his chest. Man, he was so cute when he got frustrated. {We can't be a devout Christian when he's being so cute!} Yellow cried while White was already writing off the number of sins Wade was going to have to pay for before the sun even rose completely.

“Why me?!” Peter asked, “I'm not the one becoming celibate. That's your balls on the line.”

“I'm not becoming celibate,” Wade stepped around the table, crowding Peter and placing his hands on the smaller male's hips, “We just can't be gay.”

Peter couldn't help his smile, “You going to confessions later?” He tugged up the merc's mask, leaning more against the larger body, “Because,” Peter leaned forward, barely brushing his mouth against the other's, “You got a lot of sins to be forgiven.”

[We're going to Hell.] White said, though that was already a common fact. Yellow, despite having become used to the more sexy and teasing side Peter had, was always stunned into silence when cute, innocent Petey showed just how naughty he really way. [We have tainted the innocent.]

“Well,” Wade hummed, grabbing a handful of Peter's ass and making him squeak, “Father forgive me for I am about to do a lot of sinning.”




 

Gwen hummed, looking at herself in the mirror while turning this way and that way, “Hey, Cecil, do you think it is rude for a pagan writer to do some making fun of Christian things?” She fluffed the pink polka dotted poodle skirt some before twirling a bit. Her ghostly friend glanced away from the window, blinking in a bit of confusion at her.

“Um, no? I mean, I don't think so?”

She hummed and tugged on a black jacket over her tank top, “Cool. Now it is the time we go be good guys.” Cecil didn't question her, just vanished while she tucked his skull into her shark bag and slung it over her shoulder. “I guess, we go give money to the homeless?”

Her apartment wasn't nearly as nice as what she had before working for M.O.D.O.K but it was nice and had plenty of her things inside. Plus, she had done plenty of research to make a space that made Cecil comfortable – since he hadn't appreciated her ghostly decorations. By that, she had basically hung up some tacky Halloween decorations in the other room to give him his own space but he hadn't liked that much. It had also taken a lot of research to find ghost friendly things. Tumblr had been a bit of help before she just e-mailed Dr. Strange. He had been a lot of help, as was Sarah but the Terrible Eye had been more interested in investigating the specter than helping him become comfier in his lack of skin.

Giving money to the homeless wasn't much on the way of being Avenger level hero, but she gave herself a few brownie points for it. Just her luck that a bank was robbed while she was drawing out more cash to give away.

The men had burst in with some high tech alien looking guns, wearing really bad masks that reminded her of Chuck E. Cheese characters – though when she mentioned that, one of them informed her they were characters from Five Nights at Freddy's.

Bonnie pointed a gun at a teller, ordering the terrified blonde woman to put money into the bag. “I swear, if you add one of those ink packs, I'll shoot you.”

Gwen glanced over from the ATM, “Score!” That drew Chica's attention while Freddy and Foxy were securing the door with bars. Gwen pulled her mask from her bag and tugged it on, drawing a pistol from under her skirt, “Now, I'd like you Zootopia rejects to lay your guns down.”

“There are four of us and one of you,” Chica said, shooting at Gwen. Luckily, she'd been expecting that and managed to jump out of the way before the yellow blast caught her in the abdomen and instead hit the ATM behind her, causing it to start spitting out sparks and cash while it smoked – probably on fire too but she really wasn't going to stick around to check.

“Oh, come on, I'm a good guy. Good guys always win,” she reminded, cartwheeling over a table and landing on the teller's desk, letting off a clip's worth of shots at the animal themes villains. A few actually caught their marks, hitting Chica and Bonnie – not that Gwen knew their names at the time. She was about to start shooting again when Cecil appeared.

“No killing!” he reminded her, his ghostly blue form appearing in front of her gun, “You're a good guy now!”

“Ugh,” she groaned, chucking the gun at the giant chicken head instead of shooting again. The guy under the mask was already bleeding profusely from his stomach and there was a hole in the right eye of the large-headed chicken mask, but he'd live. “Fine. I forgot. Jeez. Okay, apprehension...” She didn't get a chance to think of how to attack before multiple colors of shots were made, purple, blue, yellow and orange laser-like shots blasting at her and shattering the glass behind her while setting fires in their paths. “No, no no,” she was a bit dizzy from doing cartwheels but managed to hide behind the desk.

“Okay, so by now the police would be here. Alien guns. Bearier on the doors. Chuck E. Cheese rejects. I got this. No killing,” she gave her singed skirt a sad look before pulling a stun gun from her bag and popping up over the counter long enough to shoot it off. “Okay, everyone that doesn't have a gun stay down!”

The patrons and workers were screaming or crying or making some other noise while she tried to think. “Okay, I need to get out Teddy over there, he has the biggest gun...” Freddy's gun was the biggest but he also had hostages, a redheaded bank teller, and a fat businessman. His large paw was wrapped around both of them as he tried to hide his oversized body behind them. The fat guy made sense, but the teller was stick thin and ugly crying.

“Get the money and blast a way the fuck out of here,” he yelled to Bonnie, who was digging in his jacket pocket for the glowing device.

“Cecil, I choose you!” Gwen yelled, somersaulting over the desk and launching herself at Chica, using the stun gun to take him down and holding his body up as a shield. “Use ghost hack on Swiper! This bird is baked for now!" Part of her wanted to yell 'Swiper no swiping' but she was in the midst of using a giant chicken as a human shield and trying to make sure innocent people weren't in the way for when the shots were fired again. 

“I'm not a Pokemon!” her friend said, but disappeared into a computer in front of the scurvy fox. As the pirate began looting, he was hit with sparks and electricity as the computer fritzed and fried. He yelped as his large claws and the maw of his suit went into flames from the bouncing sparks.

Gwen let out a yelp as the other robbers started firing at her and Bonnie seemed a lot closer to activating the bomb – that was now attached firmly to the wall. Her skirt was on fire, but that wasn't as big a deal as the giant bear trying to blast her head off. “Come on! Just put your guns down and I won't have to shoot you!” Using their pal as a human shield wasn't doing much in the way of keeping them from firing at her. Man, these party animals are not kitten around. 

“No shooting,” Cecil said, “Killing isn't hero worthy!”

“Okayyy!” She groaned but tossed the used stun gun aside and dug another pistol from under the burnt skirt (luckily she'd worn shorts underneath). “Aim to maim, right,” two bullets went into Bonnie's back, “Oh, that might cause some damage. Sorry,” she called but didn't waste too much time before burying a few more bullets into the other attackers. She shifted how she was holding up Torchic ("Pokemon? Really?") so she was hiding almost fully behind the slouching fursuiter. 

“You drop your gun or I shoot these innocents!” Smokey the Bear yelled, pointing his dangerous looking gun (“All guns are dangerous, FYI.”) at the attractive redhead, who began sobbing louder. “Shut up!” he hit her in the head with his gun, knocking her out while a trickle of blood fell from her scalp. No, not the innocent beauties!

“Okay! Guns down,” Gwen tossed her gun aside, still hidden behind the slightly overweight man in the chicken costume. "This shoot off was getting a bit unbearable anyway!"

“Step out into the open! Hands up! Clark,” he glanced over at the Barney reject – Clark - “You got that thing up?!”

There was just a groan from his friend and Cecil came out of the computer, letting the floating and sparking wires fall to the ground while Tails was trying to get the flames to stop growing, “Ghost hack?” He asked, though as soon as he appeared Papa Bear shot at him with the laser gun. It just went through his body, catching the wall behind him to catch on fire with a blast whole in it. Not that it went all the way through, just about halfway. “Rude.”

“No, I got this,” Gwen dropped Chicken Little and stepped out, pressing a button on the inside of her wrist right before the green shots were directed at her. Each round kind of frazzled like electricity before dissipating around her as a pink shield appeared. “How many warning do I have to give? I said to drop your guns,” she was stalking forward, glaring as she ran her hands over the alien gun she'd snatched from the chicken man. “You have no clue who I am,” she aimed the gun at him, feeling it vibrate as it powered up, “And now, I'm going to kill you. Why? Because I feel like it.”

Cecil was calling to her, but she ignored him. Freddy Fazbear (Ha, didn't think I'd ever use the right name, now did ya?) dropped his hostages, “Okay! Okay! I surrender!” His gun fell to the ground and he put his hands up. The businessman caught the redhead and dragged her out of the line of fire because if looks could kill, the oddly dressed man would be a real Smokey the Bear - and not because he was stopping forest fires.

“Ah! Good,” her demeanor changed like a flip of a coin, going from murderous to smiles, “I'm so glad I didn't have to kill you. It would have totally dampened my mood,” she shot the door, exploding the glass and metal and causing the police to panic a bit. “Now, let's go.”


 

Wade gasped, patting Peter's face a few times, “Go back!” The channel flipped back to the news, where it showed a bank, police and what looked like Freddy Fazbear being led out by - “Is that Gwen?” Peter asked, sitting up. They were both staring at the TV in a bit of shock as the reporter seemed to be... praising the burnt looking mercenary. Her mask had a few holes and her hair looked singed where it was coming out, but other than that she was smiling as she led the furry robbers out of the building. 

“Dammit,” Wade said, falling out of bed and taking half the sheets with him while Peter barely caught the blanket to keep over his nudity, “Damn, fuck,” he started tugging on his pants, “She's trying to get ahead of me!” He shoved the left shoe on his right foot, “You distract me,” he grunted, tripping over the sheets still tangled around his waist and awkwardly tucked into his pants. He really shouldn't be allowed to dress in a hurry. Wade let out a few curses as the sheets pulled some kind of Houdini trick as he tried to pull them out. Why did beds need so many sheets anyway?! 

Peter shrugged, watching the TV as the reporter explained what was happening, “Are you going out?” He glanced at Wade, who had put his Deadpool top on backwards and was trying to fix it while letting out curses that'd make a sailor blush. “Can you bring back some food? I'm going to head into work, won't be back in till late.”

“Yeah, uh, sure, tacos?” Wade was distracted, barely noticing Peter hadn't moved to get up yet. If he really wanted to leave, he would be making more of an effort. “Wait- work? I thought you were off? Tonight was our night?”

“Well,” Peter clicked the TV off, grabbing his shirt off the bedside lamp where it'd been tossed, “I mean, you're going out and I bet Jameson will want to yell at me because there is a new suit and he wants pictures. Might as well get it over with.” The messy haired brunette was about to get up out of bed to do his own dressing when Wade stopped him.

“Shit. Okay, fine,” he stripped off the leather and spandex again, “I'll stay. I did promise you a good night.”

“Sure, but remember? You get the couch.” Wade went to protest but Peter started laughing and he had to admit, he loved when Petey laughed. He could let Gwen get a little ahead, he would just ask Spidey for some tips later. “Anyway, you still have to get food. The fridge is practically empty!” Wade rolled his eyes and was kicked from the bedroom until he promised to bring back food - preferably something with chocolate and maybe some hot sauce (though not really together.)

 

Chapter Text

Spider-Man gave Deadpool a bored look, “Really? You want me to- what? Mr. Miyagi you into a good guy? I already let you onto patrol,” the blue and red-clad hero had already listened to Deadpool begging, his pathetic pleading to show him the light. He'd even explained how he wasn't going to be gay for his boyfriend anymore, which made the arachnid laugh some. The past year, anytime a relationship was mentioned by Wade, it was usually crude or cheesy. Of course, Wade had to brag about having the hottest piece of ass this side of the universe and living realm. He was just lucky that Spidey wasn't a snitch because Peter seemed pretty iffy about his boss (Tony Stark the Tin Man himself) finding out because it could cause problems. I mean, sometimes Wade had to work with the man and Tony had that weird thing where he tried to sometimes be fatherly to Peter so Wade was really not wanting to get thrown into that. So, the Avengers didn't hear about his late night events, but Spidey did.

“I know, but, you could let me help you on bigger things. Like, when you get a call to go do some big heroing,” Wade clasped his hands in front of him, giving his best-beaten puppy look. “I won't touch your butt for a whole day!” Sure, okay, Wade wasn't the greatest about not being grabby on the webhead, but to be fair he had been hopelessly... let's say in love with the web-spinning wonder forever before even meeting Peter. Then. Well, Wade met Peter and they got close and... That's a story for some time else.

“You shouldn't even do that,” Spidey pointed out, “I mean, you gave me a very detailed explanation of your relationship with Parker. I'm not some side piece,” he turned away from Deadpool, who did let his eyes travel down to admire that perfect booty. [I don't think it is cheating. Peter knows we get grabby with the Spider.]

{Still, technically Wade thinks it is if it goes further.}

[Technically, Spidey never says to stop – even though he knows about Peter. I say we blame him for the confusing relationship.]

“I'm pretty sure it's more of a polygamous thing we have going on. I mean, Pete has so many pictures of Spidey,” Wade said to himself, tapping his chin, “I bet he keeps a few just for the old spank bank.” He'd asked Peter once, back when they first met about the whole photographing Spider-Man, but the nerd just shut him down saying 'it pays the bills.' So does riding dick but Peter wasn't doing that (and yes, Wade did say that to which he got a lamp thrown at him for.) 

“Wade,” Spider-Man interrupted, “I've decided I will help you. Come on, I'm actually working on a case, it isn't big yet but it is starting to shape up.”

It took some time, but Wade eventually found himself with Spidey in an old lab that belonged to Oscorp back in the day but was now just empty. Or it was supposed to be. “This is gross,” Wade mumbled as they stepped around littered beakers and spilled chemicals. “I mean, what even is this?”

“My guess? Underground morgue,” Spidey said, gesturing to a metal table that had some old embalming tools laid over it. “I'm guessing,” he continued, voice lowered while he led Deadpool down another hall, “someone is building up a crime ring under the nose of even Stark surveillance and this is how they are making the bodies disappear without any kind of suspicion.” There was a room that stank of death and burnt flesh, Wade had to take a few grounding breaths before walking past it.

No doubt that was exactly what was going down.

“How can I help?” Wade asked, fingers flexing over his gun (dummy bullets made of rubber so they wouldn't do any killing, he was a good boy. But, yes, he does have real ammo back at the apartment... just in case.)

“Well,” Spider-Man nudged a door open, revealing a filing room, “I was thinking you go underground and ask around. Find out what is going on and who is behind it.”

Wade could do that, sure. He was always underground, “I can do that.”

“You can't tell anyone though. If anything slips out that you're even possibly a spy it could be bad,” Spider-Man reminded, stopping and facing the merc full on. “It could put your Avengers goal at risk if things go south since no one will know you're undercover.”

Wade gave a smile, placing his hands on Spidey's hips, “My first goal is helping you, and I know you won't let me go down too far. You'll protect Peter and have my back. I trust you,” Wade's voice had lowered and his fingers dug into the blue spandex. “As long as you promise to protect him, I'll help.” Everything Wade was doing, it was for Peter. If he could get into the Avengers, he wouldn't have to rely on S.H.I.E.L.D assignments, wouldn't have to take any mercenary jobs. He'd be a hero and no one could say Peter deserved better, even if he did because Wade would finally be on a level that might even be considered in Peter's league. No, he wasn't going to tell anyone that was why he was working so hard, why he had changed so much. He was whipped and though most of the world knew it, it wasn't just because that nerd was a good lay. Peter was so much and Wade wanted to be enough.

“I'll,” Spidey's voice broke some before he cleared his throat, “I'll protect Parker. He's my best photographer. I'll get the information to you on what to do. You keep me up to date on your intel.”

Wade gave a smile, “Sounds good.”




 

Gwen huffed some, looking at the stockpile of guns in her apartment while Cecil floated beside her. “I feel,” she said, “like all these little things aren't building me up any.”

Cecil gave her a confused look, “What? Why?”

“I don't know,” she tapped her chin, “Jack has a leg up in this game and I don't know how...” She picked up a .45 pistol, pulled out the clip and hummed, “Wade, I mean.”

The specter shrugged, “I mean, he's a bad guy. Didn't you say he's killed the entire universe before?”

She nodded, placing the gun and clip down to inspect a sword on the wall, “Yeah, but people like him. I mean, he's got so many fans. I'm not so popular. I might lose this just because the author doesn't know how to make me win,” she ran her finger along the blade. “I might need to step up my game.”

“You've stopped,” Cecil made some ghostly looking numbers appear, “twelve muggings since the bank robbery two days ago. Got three cats out of trees. Helped four old ladies cross the street. Gave about four thousand to the homeless. And, only caused a few injuries,” the numbers disappeared while he circled around her to catch her attention again. “There is no way he has caught up.”

She sighed, “I just, I feel like he might have something big planned. Plus, he has Spider-Man in his corner and Iron Man loves Spidey. I love Spidey! Everyone loves the friendly neighborhood Spider-Man. I need to pull the big guns out for this one.” 


 

Peter was editing some pictures on his laptop when Wade came in, looking a bit on edge. “Hey, love,” he called, glancing over the rim of his glasses to watch the merc as he walked over to the couch and lifted it up. “What's up? How was... work? I don't even know what to call it.”

“It was... fine,” Wade said, lifting up the floorboards and pulling out a duffle bag. “Spidey says hi,” he added, setting the couch down again.

“What's going on?” Peter asked, closing the laptop. Wade ignored him, counting the stacks of money he dropped onto the couch and the ones he placed in a separate pile. Once they were about 1:3, he placed the bigger stack on the coffee table and the smaller back into the duffle bag, which he put back into its hiding place. “Wade,” Peter called, but his voice was ignored again.

Wade went over to the bookshelf and slid it aside, punching in the passcode to the gun safe hidden there. “Where's my other suit?” He asked, pulling out a few guns and Bea and Arthur. Peter had stood up and walked over, a slightly worried look on his face.

“In the bathroom... What's going on?”

“I got a job,” Wade said, moving around Peter to go to the bathroom, “I don't know how long I'll be gone. It's out of town,” he called, his voice a bit distant. “I can't give you too many details.”

“Okay...” Peter shifted his sweater – Wade's sweater - “I thought you were changing. Not taking jobs that require...”

“Well,” Wade said, entering the bedroom to be followed by Peter, “I figured,” he was pulling out some clothes, tossing them onto the bed, “I could take one or two more. I mean, the Avengers aren't in a rush to hire me. I'm not a good guy as it is.”

That kind of shocked Peter. Sure, Wade wasn't the greatest, but he'd made a lot of changes the past few months. “Wade, if Gwen said something-”

“She didn't,” he cut Peter off, grabbing his extra boots from the closet, “I just figured, I should continue being me. I'm a mercenary, not a hero.”

“You are a hero, though. You don't need an Avengers title to be a hero,” Peter had raised his voice a bit, getting slightly annoyed at being ignored by him. “You do so much here. In New York. In our home.”

“Yeah, but I've also caused problems, Petey. Maybe, I just need to step out a moment,” Wade paused in his packing. “I'm not doing this because of you or anything,” Wade said, reaching to pull Peter close, but the photographer stepped back.

“Then why are you really doing this?”

Wade stared at him, the mask not giving away anything, but Peter blinked at him anyway, “I just need to clear my head.”

“Then take a few days off,” Peter said, “Stay here. I can call in or go stay with my aunt. Go hang out with Spidey or something,” at the mention of the arachnid, Wade winced slightly but Peter didn't say anything. “You don't need to go off some guys to-”

“Just,” Wade's voice had risen enough to make Peter jump, though it came off as a flinch. Wade stepped back, “I'm sorry, Petey. I just, I need to take the job. I'll be back.” Peter stepped forward to hug him, but Wade stepped back again. “I'll call you later, okay?”

Peter just stood there while he packed, didn't even move after the door had closed. Wade was freaking out because he'd kissed Spider-Man and he couldn't tell Peter what was going on with the job. Peter sighed heavily, running a hand through his hair. Part of him regretted kissing Wade in the makeshift morgue but it was just so tempting. Wade was always teasing and flirting with Spider-Man and anytime Spidey flirted back, he'd get jumpy and run away. After Peter had kissed him, he'd awkwardly pulled away and apologized. Deadpool! Apologizing!

Peter sat down on the bed, sighing heavily. “I fucked up.”

But, Wade was heading to stay at his hidden lair – his Pool Cave or fortress of solitude or whatever name he was calling it that day – while he worked the case with Spidey. Peter would get to see him, not that Wade would know it was Peter. Maybe he should just tell him. It was starting to cause problems but what would Wade do if he knew? Would he be mad? Happy? Would he laugh and say he knew? Would they have kinky new sex in new places? “Fuck,” Peter sighed, laying back, “this is confusing.”

 

Chapter Text

Gwen stood on the roof with Spider-Man four days after Deadpool went MIA. Spidey seemed a bit on edge, but when Gwen pushed it, he just said it was nothing, that everything was fine. “So,” she said, “What's with you and Hot Tamales?” She paused, “Those are a thing in this universe, right? Man, I've been here so long but haven't even had any of those candies.”

“I have a box back home,” Spidey said, “But we're just partners sometimes,” his tone was clipped, making her suspect more. “But, I'm doing you a favor. You can patrol with me while he's out.”

She squealed, “I've never done the whole patrolling thing with someone else!”

“I resent that,” Cecil said, though he was still invisible. Gwen tightened the straps on her backpack, sniffled once and braced her fist on her hips. “Let's go,” she said, while Spidey just rolled his eyes.

They were going across rooftops, breaking up a few muggings (which Gwen was totally adding as a bonus to her score) and they even stopped at a taco stand at one point. They seemed to know Spidey and had a load of food prepared fast before he even had to say anything. Gwen was tempted to ask about it but got distracted by the very large bill that he handed over. “Dude, where did you get that kind of cash? Freelance photography does not pay that much!”

Spidey froze, “What?”

She let out an eep and almost dropped the bag of tacos she'd been handed, “I mean, uh, nothing?”

“Gwen,” Peter growled, white lenses narrowing.

She glanced around, making sure no one was around, “Okay, okay. I know it is Parker – Peter Parker behind the mask.” This time, she did drop the bag of food when she was suddenly pinned against the wall.

“How?” He snapped, the white lenses had an eerie blue glow that seemed to brighten as his stare bore into her, “Wade doesn't even know that.”

“I know, I know,” she struggled to get out, scrapping the bottom of her tennis shoes against the brick wall for some sort of hold. “I'm from a different universe where this world is just a bunch of comics,” she gasped, hands raking at the fingers holding her throat, “So, I know everything about everyone. I swear, I won't tell.”

Her knees hit the ground when Peter dropped her, “You better not,” he growled, “I've worked too hard for too long to have a Deadpool rip off spill the beans.” She would have made a retort but she was struggling to catch her breath and she was lamenting the cuts on her hands and knees. “My boyfriend has killed a lot of people, I'm sure if I ask, he is willing to add one more to that list.”

The threat was cold and enough to shock the just caught breath out of Gwen. “Woah, wait, I thought you said-”

“As far as identity-wise, Deadpool and Spider-Man are just friends. He flirts, but that is it. If Spider-Man flirts back, he panics and runs off. Wade Wilson and Peter Parker on the other hand,” Peter's voice trailed off, “I really don't know right now... Spider-Man made a slight mistake a few days ago and now Wade is gone so,” he picked up the bags of food, “Let's just get back to patrolling.”



Gwen gasped, putting a blue sticky note on her wall and dragging a red string down to it. Now, she had the connection between Jack – Wade, dammit – and Peter/Spidey. The connection between Spidey and the Avengers was still a bit confused and her board was missing a few details – like whatever Wade was doing and what the Avengers' role in the plot was – but she had a good feeling.

“Okay,” she said to herself because Cecil wasn't really paying attention, “We have the whole Spideypool link, check. We know that Jack A.K.A Wade Wilson is dating Peter Parker. We know that he doesn't know his boyfriend Parker is the man behind Spider-Man. Wade is trying to become an Avenger – like me, but his is a different reason. Sure, we don't have his reason yet! But, I feel like soon it will be revealed. Unless it was revealed in a previous chapter...

“Also, the Avengers haven't been much of a deal aside from exposition to get the plot started. My guess, they'll come in eventually. We know that currently Cap is in the wind with Bucky and his pals are probably locked up. SO, we know that this is a mix of comics and movies. In some ways, we are after Civil War yet way before Civil War.”

“How so?” Cecil asked, more just playing along to her rambling than actually paying much mind.

“Like I said, Cap is in the wind. And Spidey is in close with Tony Stark – but, he isn't, like, 12. He's got that whole... Garfield type vibe, but acts more like comic Spidey as in he has that badass attitude and less ugly crying. It's more of a pre-Itsy Bitsy death scene kind of attitude, but his murder vibes are directed at me currently. Not to mention the fact he is younger than that time, probably just out of college.”

“You did out his identity. You heard what he said, Deadpool doesn't even know. No one does,” Cecil pointed out, drifting a bit closer, “He seems protective. Plus, it isn't the first time you've almost been killed by a Spider-Man because of your recklessness.”

“Yeah, I thought so too,” Gwen tapped her marker against her chin, “I think I need to fill in some blanks before I can fill in others.”

“Like?”

“If Wade is MIA, does that mean he dumped Peter? Is this going to be like a weird thing where Spider-Man spends most of the story moving on while Wade is stalking him from afar? Is the plot going to advance anytime soon or am I going to continue guessing for the rest of the chapter? What's Wade's goal in becoming an Avenger? He hates being called a hero but now he wants to be in the big leagues. Plus,” she tapped the board, there the red string connected to the blue tack and blue sticky note, “Are we going to see Murdock in this? Who is top in Spideypool? Do you think Wade keeps his Instagram up to date?”

To the last question, she pulled out her phone and started searching for the merc.




 

Wade sighed, putting his phone on charge at the plug under the bar and placing the device screen up on the wood. “Come on, if you're going to continue being a lame sad sack of shit, I won't help,” Weasel said, “So what some other guy kissed you while you're dating that photographer? It isn't like he had your kid or something.” Weasel knew about Peter since they had moved in together, so of course, he'd be the top in guessing why Wade was all upset.

“Not helping, Weas. Did you send out your creepy little feelers?” Wade sat on the bar stool, snagging the bottle of Jack Daniels before the bartender could slide it away. Weasel rolled his eyes but went about cleaning the bar while he filled Wade in on what he had dug up.

“So,” he began, “It seems you're right about someone moving in and trying to build up some kind of thing. The guy's been hiring out a few of the rougher guys that come in here. I got some information, the guy is basically paying good money for some young blood to be brought in. Not like kid young, but just busting through that youthfulness. Like, teens or young adults. Mostly it has been men brought in. According to some of the guys,” Weasel glanced around and leaned close, “Sounds like some shady shit. Big vats of chemicals, guys hiding behind masks. Sounds kind of like the shit you were in.”

Wade hummed, downing a gulp of the whiskey, “So, how do I get in touch with these guys?”

“That's the thing,” Weasel said, setting down a glass he'd picked up to inspect, “They won't touch mutants. You're gonna need some fresh blood to get intel. I'm sure they got your name on a big 'Do Not Let In' sign.”

He huffed, laying himself on the counter to press his forehead against the cold wood, “I don't want to send anyone in but me.” Especially if it was Weapon X related. He hated them and hoped before he'd offed them all but they were like fricking worms, they grow back from the little bits. Or like Hydra. One head goes, two more grow type deal. He hadn't wanted to tell Spidey what he found so far because he'd want to call in S.H.I.E.L.D or the Avengers or something that would blow the whole cover.

“What if you ask Spidey?” Weasel suggested.

“He's mutated, you dummy,” Wade grumbled, “They probably have some kind of Sentinel Service mutant detecting device or whatever. I need a human,” he hummed, just when his phone pinged beside him.

Glancing at the screen, Weasel and Wade shared a look, “I think I know just the human.”

“GwenPoole'17 liked your post.”

 

 

Chapter Text

Gwenpool and Spider-Man were a bit hit with The Daily Bugle. Apparently, Jameson had a liking for the pink-clad anti-hero that had been spotted with Spider-Man stopping the robbery of a local gas station. Though the paper did seem to miss the original Merc with a Mouth, Gwenpool was a good replacement. They also, somehow, became a sort of “it” couple for the paper.

Peter was reading the paper when the front door opened, Wade waltzing in looking cheery, “Lucy!” he sang, “I'm home!” Despite leaving in his suit and with two bags, Wade entered with nothing and in civilian clothes. Usually, he wore a Spider-Man hoodie, but it was gone and was instead a Captain America hoodie (which weren't sold anymore but Peter wasn't surprised he'd be wearing it.) Peter tried not to look too relieved that Wade turned up after going ghost for nearly three weeks.

“Hey, how was work?” Peter asked, removing his glasses and placing the paper down, “I was a bit worried when you didn't call like you said you would...”

Wade gave him a sheepish look, “Sorry, I didn't have any service. But, the work isn't finished. I'm on a big lead, and I need you to pass a message to your pal Spidey,” Wade pointed at the paper, “I need his girlfriend to help with something.”

Girlfriend?” Peter choked, looking down at the paper then back at Wade, “I'm certain that Gwenpool and Spider-Man are nothing.”

Wade hummed, leaning over the back of the couch and pressing a kiss to the top of Peter's messy hair, “Either way, I need her help.”

“Um,” Peter gulped, twisting his fingers, “Okay... Why?”

“I can't say, but you got to trust me,” Wade called from the kitchen, “Do we have any soda?”

“Yeah, in the storage... I stocked up,” Peter called, “Wade, I think we should talk.”

That had his attention, “What about...?” The merc stood in the hallway, giving Peter a slightly confused look but mostly it looked worrisome.

“Um,” he paused and took a deep breath, “Spider-Man...”

Before Peter could continue, Wade had dropped his soda bottle, “Shit, sorry, hold on, um, uh,” he all but ran into the kitchen, reappearing with the mop and continuing to apologize. Peter waited for Wade to calm down a bit, watching with a worried look while Wade spent a little too long to clean up a bit of spilled Mountain Dew Code Red. (They mostly had Code Red and Voltage... Red and Blue...)

“Wade, please sit down. You cleaned up the soda,” Peter said, scooting over a little and patting the cushion. Wade put the mop up and awkwardly sat beside Peter, shoulders hunched like he was expecting to be hit or something. Maybe he was, Peter couldn't really tell with Wade sometimes.

“What about Spider-Man?” Wade's voice was so small and soft, it made Peter's heart hurt some. Part of him wished he hadn't even said anything, just let Spider-Man do the unmasking. God, he should have thought this out better.

“Um,” Peter glanced towards the turned off TV, “well, you see,” he paused and Wade filled in the blanks himself.

“I swear, I know I flirt with him a lot but I always backed off. I mean, I love you and all but he's so teaseable, I swear, I didn't know he was going to kiss me, and Peter, I'm sorry,” Wade blurted.

They stared at each other for a while before Peter actually found any words, “You love me?”

Wade buried the lower half of his face in the front of his hoodie, only his sad puppy dog eyes showing under his hood, “Um... Yeah... But,” he was cut off when Peter jumped him, pressing kisses all over his face and practically wrapping himself around the larger man. Wade kind of fell into it, returning kisses and wrapping his arms around Peter's waist. Peter forgot what he was even going to tell Wade before then...

“I love you too, you big old idiot,” Peter laughed, breaking out into a smile. Wade chuckled.

“Are you sure? It doesn't sound like love when you call me mean names,” He teased, running his hands up under Peter's sweater. Peter would never get used to the feeling of scarred skin against his, but in a way that would always make him smile. Everything about Wade was just so uniquely Wade and he loved every bit of it. From the weird stockpile of snacks and weapons in their storeroom to the odd posters in their room, the smell of gunpowder and Old Spice on the sheets and even the odd evening gown in the back of the closet.

“I mean it, I do love you.”



* * * * * * * *

Gwen was doing some practice attacks when Spider-Man dropped in. “Sup, Parker,” She called, to which he froze.

“Parker?”

She looked over her shoulder, “Oh, hey Ja- Wade. Hey, Wade. I didn't say Parker, I said... Barker. Yeah, like arf arf.” She turned on her heel to face Wade completely. “He has a sort of puppy-like energy, wouldn't you say?”

Before she could shove her foot any farther down her throat, Spider-Man spoke up, “Deadpool, Peter said you were back in town.” That got him a glare from Gwen, who had been urging him to tell Wade before some stupid plot twist causes him to unmask. He ignored her in favor of approaching Wade, stepping a bit too close for a no homo relationship.

Wade, though, noticed the closeness and stepped a bit away, “Yeah, I need help from a human.”

She gasped, pointing to herself, “I'm a human!”

“And a mercenary,” Wade pointed out, snapping and doing finger guns, “SO, you are perfect for the job I have.”

“I don't do that anymore,” she said, arms crossed over her chest, “If this is you trying to sabotage me becoming an Avenger...”

“No, I need you to go underground. I can't because I'm a mutant. I was going to ask Spidey, but he's a mutant too,” Wade said, kind of grabbing at the air, “Spider bites and all that good jazz.”

Gwen hummed, “I think I can swing that. I have way more brownie points than you right now since you've been MIA.”

Wade narrowed his eyes, “I have years worth of brownie points.”

Spider-Man spoke up then, “Technically, he's right. S.H.E.I.L.D has been wanting to get a contract on Deadpool for years, so technically he has a closer step in due to ties in the government.”

“Yeah, but I have better legs,” Gwen argued.

“No, you don't,” both males replied, which made both of them blush under their masks. Gwen just shook her head and crossed her arms over her chest. She totally had better legs- in her opinion.

“So,” she drawled, “What do I got to do?”



She sat in the crowded rough looking bar awkwardly, chewing her bottom lip as she held the glass of soda. The ice tinkled against the sides of the glass as she rolled the glass between her hands, trying to not look nervous. After getting few little information from Deadpool and Spider-Man, she was dressed in some tough looking clothes and dropped off at a shady bar that she didn't want to be sitting in.

The only thing comforting her was the reminder that she was the protagonist of the story so she was protected, but that didn't mean she couldn't make a few brushes with death along the way to the resolution. Gwen downed the watered down Sprite and didn't even have to wave over the bartender to fill it again.

Of course, she figured out what the bar was pretty quickly. She went to Ronnie for jobs, but some mercs went to other places and Sister Margret's was one of those places. A few of the rough looking guys seemed to know who she was as they stepped aside and let her have the far end bar stool. Gwenpool might not be the most popular with comic readers yet, but other mercenaries had heard tell of the wild newcomer that made Wade Wilson look sane(-ish).

All she had from her partners was a fur-lined plaid jacket and a wad of unmarked bills from Wade. “Remember,” he'd said under the moonlight while twirling a katana around in one hand, “look menacing and the buyers will come.”

How a 5 foot something girl in leather pants, heavy eyeliner with a shark backpack could look menacing while drinking Sprite made zero sense to her, she was rolling with whatever she got at this point. Not like she could just rough up the huge guys for answers – they'd probably kill her before she managed to get the knife from her boot.

“Miss Poole,” a tallish man approached her, a hat over his head and dressed far too nice for the bar, “I presume.”

“Yep,” she said, “That's me.”

He smiled a wicked grin that made her shiver. He radiated villain and he'd only said one sentence. “I heard from a little birdy that you gave up the mercenary life,” he waved the bartender (Weasel) over and ordered a gin and tonic. “Good to see we haven't lost the best yet.”

Okay, now she knew this guy was shady. She couldn't shoot a gun very well and had learned most of her combat from YouTube aside from the bit of training from Batroc and Spider-Man. Sure, she seemed like a good mercenary if you didn't actually ask how she worked, but she was a last resort hire. He pulled out a card, “I've got a good job that will pay you very heavily.” She took the card with a smile, hoping she didn't look too suspicious.

“Well,” she pocketed the card, “I like money.” What was she getting into? This guy was creepy. Oh jeez, was it too late to back out?

“I'm glad.” Then, he tipped back his drink, nodded, and left. She shivered. Man, this was going to be super gross.

 

Chapter Text

Gwen hadn't been able to pass information to Peter, seeing as he had told her she couldn't tell anyone anything until they made sure she could get in. Apparently, whoever was running whatever they were going through had eyes and ears everywhere. She'd started to become paranoid, wondering who was in it and who she could trust.

Cecil was her only companion as she waited for the phone call from this mysterious figure looking to hire her. It was around midnight the next day she actually got the call or well a text. They'd sent an address and after suiting up, she made the trip to an abandoned warehouse that had an entrance to underground New York.

“Okay,” she said, walking down the old tunnel with only a few dim lights at far off points being a guide. It was almost magical – like the scene in Brave where the princess follows the wisps – but instead of being in a forest, she was underground in the old tunnels that they used to move illegal things back through the prohibition. She was certain if she focused, she could still smell the illegal alcohol that seemed to stick to the walls. Only her footfalls, breathing and the occasional drip of some unseen water was around. “I can do this. Just some creepy old tunnel,” she peered around, straining to see into the dark some more.

It felt like forever before she entered a large underground room with high walls and more lights. It seemed like that was where a lot of business went down as there were tables and large crates scattered around. “Gwenpool, good to see you,” a voice called, stepping out of the shadows of one of the stacks of crates to greet her.

The man was wearing a long coat and goggles, large rubber gloves. Man, he was the picture of a comic evil scientist. “Nice to meet you, Mr...”

“You can just call me Sir. Names aren't important,” he said, clasping his hands behind his back, “Now, I need to know if you're willing to do the work I have. If not, then,” he sighed and a few more men came out of the shadows, each carrying alien guns, “I'm afraid you've already seen too much.”

“No, nah, no need for that,” she rushed, putting her hands up some, “As long as you can pay, I can work. See? No need for scary threats and alien guns.”

“Good,” the scientist said, probably smiling but he had a mask over his face, “Now, I need you to do some work for me.”




 

Wade paced, “I don't like this. I should be the one in there doing the work.”

Peter glanced up from his laptop, “Are you worried about Gwen?”

He paused in his pacing, throwing his boyfriend a weird look, “What? No. I can't stand her. I'm worried that she is going to get the credit for this if she manages to get to the mouth of the river.”

[What would Spidey said if he heard you?]

{Yeah. I mean, Spidey hired us first and we put it off on someone else.}

[You can't even hero properly. Maybe you shouldn't get credit for the job anyway.]

“Wade,” Peter adjusted his glasses, dragging his legs up to cross them under his laptop, “I'm sure it will be fine. If anything goes wrong, you'll be able to step in easily.”

“Yeah, but I was hired for this job and I put it off onto a half-baked female rip off,” Wade picked up a dart from the coffee table, throwing it at a dartboard across the room. It was about an inch from bull's eye, but he didn't comment on that. “If she gets intel, she can't even share it. We have no clue who is doing what work.”

Peter gave him a sympathetic look, frowning a bit, “You could ask the Avengers for some help.”

Wade shook his head at that, throwing another dart and winding up closer to the bottom than before, “No, I have to get this job myself. Spidey asked me to do some digging and my shovel only went so far.”

A dart missed the board and stuck in the drywall, making him groan before he marched over and yanked them all from the wall and board. Peter set his laptop aside, “I could ask To-”

“Nope, don't even say his name. I know he was pretty good with your dad and your dad was pretty good with the Osborn's but this is my case and I can't have you getting mixed in. If shove comes to shoot,” Wade flicked another dart – actually hitting the center of the board this time – “I can go in guns blazing.” From what his digging had found, Oscorp was somehow tied into Weapon X and that was something he couldn't let Peter get into. He couldn't even ask Spidey to go into it with him, Weapon X was his own Hell and those demons weren't allowed anywhere near his new life.

“Okay,” Peter resigned, “But, I think it might be good to have him have some kind of idea. You know he'd get worried if I suddenly went underground.” Wade hummed in agreement. Peter had been targeted a while back due to his ties with Wade and he'd went into hiding for a few weeks until the threat went away. The Avengers had been all over Wade's ass for that, saying he was a liability to Peter. It had been May to get Tony to drop it, which the merc was still thanking her for.

“Still, I think it would just be best if I went underground and we hid our ties until this was settled,” Wade suggested before he realized what he'd actually said.

“What?” Peter asked, standing up from the couch. He crossed his arms over his chest and narrowed his eyes at Wade. Despite being the merc with a mouth, Peter had the ability to shut Wade up with just a look and he was giving the mercenary that look that had him tripping over his words. “No, Wade, we talked about this.”

“I know you can take care of yourself and you have Spidey watching over you,” Wade rushed, putting his hands up to wave away his previous sentence, “But it might look better.”

“No,” Peter argued. God, he was so stubborn.

“I'm not saying we should actually break up, just kind of... You should stay with your aunt until this blows over,” Wade was staring Peter down with a look that was mostly pleading while Peter just gave him a blank look. “I just, if something happened to you-”

“Nothing will happen to me,” Peter said, “I'm a big boy, Wade. I don't run off when things look dangerous. If I did that, I wouldn't be living with you now. I wouldn't even be talking to you. Some underground thugs aren't going to make me give up the life we've built.”

Wade sighed heavily, “You don't understand. This job can get dangerous. If they grab you, then it is all over. I can't lose you. I can lose my title as a hero, but I can't lose you.”

“You'd lose me if you tell me to go stay with my aunt. It isn't even that dangerous right now,” Peter gestured to the board on the wall behind the couch that had pictures and notes that were mostly Wade's theories of what was going on. Or, what he was allowing Peter to think was going on. He had a board at his hideout with his real theories, which revolved around human experimentation, trafficking, and Weapon X.

“So, you want me to just bring all this shit home? Peter, you could have a normal life. I'm not normal,” Wade gestured to the board himself, “This could go so much deeper and we wouldn't know. What if they figure out I am digging and they start threatening you? What if they threaten your aunt? I can protect you here, but I can't protect her too. Someone needs to watch her,” Wade was hoping the mention of Peter's vulnerable aunt would be enough to get him to see this wasn't the Lizard or some robots. This was serious and it could get messy.

“Wade,” Peter stepped around the coffee table, standing in front of Wade so close they were practically chest to chest, “I'm a big boy and May is a grown woman. If the heat gets too bad, then I will go and watch her. But, right now, we are fine. You've been making excuses for me to leave since this job came up. Just, trust me.”

Wade sighed, he really wished he could just trust that everything would be okay.

[Nothing is ever okay when we are involved.]




 

Usually, Gwen thought, people disappearing was pretty rare. She wasn't exactly sure when she noticed how common disappearing people actually was.

She was looking down at a list that had been given to her by the Scientist (that was her name for the villain since he refused to give a name other than Sir.) The list was long, containing little information about the people on the list. Each name either had a red mark over it or was waiting for the red mark.

Over forty people had red marks over then, with little black X's next to them.

It was pretty basic people, some were homeless, some were scientists that had either worked with Stark, Parker or Osborn at some point. The most high profile name on there had been some lab worker for Oscorp that was proclaimed missing over three months before but he didn't have any family that was too worried about him so the case went cold before they'd really started digging. Gwen's guess, the cops had been coerced to give up the hunt.

She sighed, flipping through the list and spotting a name she really didn't want to see. Peter Parker was close to the end of the list.

“You grab the names not marked and bring them to this location,” the Scientist had said, “I'll pay for each person brought in.” She was doing a little recon on the names, trying to find a link other than super smart or homeless. A few were children, which made her want to back out but those names had already been crossed out – and a little digging found their parents were also out of the picture.

She was prepared to leave, but was stopped by another command, “And if a Mr. Wade Wilson gives you any problems,” a man with a mask over the lower half of his face and the frame of a brick house for a body handed her a small case, “here is a little gift for him.”

She gave a smile, though she felt a bit ill in her stomach, “I'll be sure to deliver his birthday present early this year. Ciao.” Then, she ditched out of there as fast as possible.

That was how she found herself in her apartment, looking at the odd-looking gun with a pinkish glow that came from an odd glowing liquid while she read over the list of names. Jeez, this looked pretty rough. Cecil had been a little help in organizing her next few steps – unfortunately, one of those involved actually using the alien-like device on Wade, though now she had the suspicion that none of the guns were alien in origin. She needed to see Peter or at least some other smart science person soon. Otherwise, her mission was going to go down like the Titanic.

 

Chapter Text

Well, luckily for Gwen, her list had Peter Parker on it. Unluckily, that meant she was going to actually run into Wade at some point on this journey to get answers. The gun was going to have to be used or she risked being found out. If Peter was on the list, the Scientist knew that Peter was tied to Wade and that was why the gun was made. What was in the gun was still a mystery because Google didn't have any information on odd glowing pink serum in a weird gun that looked like a marshmallow shooter mixed with a sawed-off shotgun.

She waited a few days, doing plenty of more plotting with Cecil before she suited up and went to snatch up Peter Parker to drag back to the lair.

It also took her that time to realize the snagged up people were either mutants, mutates or scientists that worked with the X gene, bioengineering or even basic DNA research.

Which was also when she cursed herself for never reading the Deadpool comics.

She couldn't just barge into Peter's apartment and threaten him, so she did the second lowest thing she could think of.

Dressed in her pink suit, odd pink gun at her side and her usual stock of weapons in place, she stood on the porch of May Parker's house.




 

Peter had been doing a lot of work with Stark lately, and it made Wade a bit edgy. They never argued about it, Wade knew Peter liked the whole science gig he had going on. He was just nervous. What if Stark convinced Peter to dump Wade? What if Wade came home one day to find Peter's stuff gone and some lame note explaining “it's not you, it's me. But really it is you.”

No, Wade thought, Peter wouldn't let that loser talk him into dumping Wade. They'd been together nearly two years already if Pete was going to leave he would have the first time Wade showed up missing an arm and holding his intestines in with his one remaining arm. That didn't mean Wade wasn't still nervous every time he came into an empty apartment.

He was sitting on the couch in his Hello Kitty onesie when his phone rang.

Wade was used to May calling, but usually, she called when Peter was home so she could talk to both of them. So, the nurse calling in the middle of the day was a bit odd.

“Mayflower,” Wade greeted, muting the TV when he answered the call.

“Wade,” May said, and something in her voice made Wade stand up, ready to jump out the window to get to the house across town, “How are you doing?”

“I'm fine,” Wade replied, grabbing his weapons bag from the bedroom closet and stripping out of his onesie. It was kind of hard to do while on the phone; he almost fell over twice and got his arm stuck in the sleeve before he managed out. “Is someone there?”

“There was a small leak in the kitchen sink, but it is alright now. I meant to call and tell you, but I had someone come over and fix it,” She said, “It is all good. I was wondering when you and Peter would be coming by for dinner?”

Wade tugging his less complicated [That's a lie, they're all complicated.] suit on, he stuck his guns into their holsters and was out the door, “Soon. No worries.” He was taking the stairs four at a time, practically jumping down them, “Lasagna?”

“I was thinking pizza. Perhaps vegetarian this time.”

He half thought to text Peter and tell him to get to May's but he couldn't risk wasting a single second. “Olives?”

“Extra,” she replied, “When you two come by, could you bring a bottle of pink wine?”

“Of course,” he said, “How is Friday night?”

“Sounds perfect,” she replied, a slight smile in her voice, “I can't wait to see you two. My favorite boys. I should go now and rest before my shift, you have a good day.”

His bye was quick before he pocketed the phone and patted his various pouches, “Fuck, wrong suit,” he grumbled and decided to just run to May's house. His suit back at the hideout had the slightly damaged transporter, but running was good.

[That was a weird conversation, are we going to explain what just happened while he is running?]

{I say we should.}

[Wade was scared that something would happen to May, or Peter while he wasn't around, so he had them come up with a code.]

{May was telling Wade that there was someone in the house, a woman, with lots of weapons who was possibly listening in on the phone call.}

[Wade was saying he would be there as fast as possible.]

Wade huffed a breath, wondering if a taxi would be faster than him running but he couldn't risk midday traffic. It took about fifteen minutes for him to run at full speed, only almost tripping twice, to get close enough to May's that a taxi would be faster. It took a moment to stop a taxi and get them to agree to speed so he could make it.




 

Gwen sighed, sipping tea while watching May seem to fidget in her seat. “So,” Gwen glanced around, “I hate to come off as the bad guy here, but I am just doing my job.”

May waved her hand, a polite smile on her scared face, “I understand, dear.”

They sat in awkward silence a few more minutes before Gwen spoke again, “I'm not doing this to hurt you or anyone. I just, I need Peter.”

The older woman's eyes flashed anger for a brief second before she gave a kind smile again, “He has some odd friends. I'm sure you could just go to his home.”

Gwen sighed, setting the teacup and saucer down, “I would, ma'am, but I would be very badly outnumbered there. Here, I have you. If he or Wade think you are in danger, they will lay their lives down so no one has to get hurt.” She hated to seem like the bad guy, but she needed to get to Peter without it looking suspicious. Waltzing into his apartment would look suspicious, especially if she didn't use the gun on Wade. She was certain she was bugged somehow, even though Cecil had triple checked.

Step one, incapacitate the mercenary.

Step two, bag Parker.

Step three, take down the Scientist.

Gwen glanced at the clock, standing up and giving a slight stretch. “You might want to go answer the door.”

May didn't move, but the door did open and Wade came in, gun raised. Before he could shoot or voice his confusion, Gwen drew the pink gun, “I'm sorry.”

The blast was similar to the colorful ones in the bank, looking more like a laser blast than an actual shot but when it hit Wade, he slammed back into the wall and collapsed. Gwen half expected him to get up again, but he didn't. Hell, she couldn't even tell if he was breathing...

“Oh my God,” May cried. Gwen gave a soft sigh before leaving through the window. May was crying, trying to wake Wade up while Gwen dashed down the road. Fuck, what had she gotten into? He was going to be so angry...




 

Peter was working on a new webbing with Banner when his phone rang. It was May?

“Hey, Aunt May. I'm so-”

“Wade's been shot! He isn't waking up!” May was crying and he almost dropped the beaker of chemicals. “Peter, hurry, please. I don't know what to do, he isn't responding.”

Banner gave him a confused look, but Peter just placed the chemicals down and dashed from the lab, foregoing the elevator. Thank God for Spider speed.

He shed his lab coat somewhere along his exit, not even caring that his face was exposed when he shot his web and made across the city at a speed that would probably have killed him if he hit a building. Wade was shot and May was upset. She knew about the merc's regeneration, but if he wasn't responding it had to be bad.

He practically broke down the door to the house when he burst in, finding May pressing on Wade's chest. “He stopped breathing a few minutes ago, his heart rate is failing. Peter, what is going on?” She had shifted into nurse mode at some point, probably when she realized his state was deteriorating and her panicking wasn't going to help.

“He was shot?” Peter asked, noticing there wasn't any hole in his suit. “Okay,” he took a breath and grabbed the leather top, ripping it in half. May didn't ask questions, just stepped aside to let Peter remove the top.

“What the...”

Wade's chest was free of scars. Not a single scar marred his flesh, not a single bruise. Peter removed his mask next while May went back to trying to get him to breath. Wade's face was free of scars too, he actually had eyebrows and sandy blonde hair. They both froze for a second, having never seen the merc before his scars. But, when May realized his heart rate had dropped, even more, they were back to trying to revive him.

“May, hand me that lamp,” Peter held his hand out and she passed him a pretty blue lamp with a soft grey shade. He ripped the cord from the fixture, working to not electrocute himself as he separated the wires and sticking them into his web shooters. Fighting Electro had made him put insulation into them, but also inspired him to work on taser web. Some altering, he was sure it would fry the shooters but might be enough Jules... “Step back,” he said, taking a deep breath, “Don't you fucking die on me, Wilson.”

 

Chapter Text

Gwen paced in her apartment, pulling at her hair, “I probably just killed Wade Wilson!”

Cecil shook his head, “I doubt that. Remember, he has regeneration?”

“I know, but we have no clue what was in that gun!” She looked over at her cork board. “What if he is dead? What if Spider-Man is looking to kill me now?”

“Spider-Man doesn't kill,” Cecil said, drifting to her side and sort of patting her shoulder, though his hand didn't actually touch her.

“Did you read the last chapter?” She cried, “It sounded like I killed him!” She was getting worried she was actually going to wind up being the bad guy again so she did her own reading to try and catch up and make sure everything was fine. Though it mostly just sounded like no one knew what the fuck was going on and Gwen had suddenly gone dark side. 

Cecil shook his head, “I don't know.”

“It has been a few hours, maybe he is fine,” she took a few deep breaths, squeezing her eyes shut. “Fuck, if I did kill him, I would be the bad guy of this story.”

She'd disappeared after running from May's, hiding in her apartment for the retribution that was bound to come. It didn't matter that she was just doing the job she'd been told to do, she killed Wade Wilson. Peter Parker would find out and then she was a dead woman. Maybe if she went to talk to him first...

Her phone rang, displaying a number she didn't know. “Hello?” She gulped, holding the phone to her ear.

“Good to see that the gun worked,” the creepy voice said, “Wade Wilson is quite a problem when he is in the picture.”

“Did I just kill him?” She asked, eyes starting to water, “I just killed Wade Wilson.”

“Unless he has medical treatment, yes. I doubt he would be able to get it in time, seeing as the gun was designed to subdue his healing factor and reverse its effects. His condition would deteriorate rapidly, eventually, his heart would stop and he would be dead. Now,” the Scientist hummed, “You can nab his partner without that threat to your life.”

Of course, it all boiled down to grabbing Parker. Gwen had been too optimistic hoping that the gun would just, like, freeze him in place for a few hours or something. Now, she was a murderer again. Not just that, but now there was no way she could back out of this. Before, she could have just pretended she was trying to grab Peter but no. Now, she had moved all the chess pieces and it was time to move in or they'd realize she had the game rigged.

Fuck.

“Okay,” she said, taking a deep breath. She had to detach herself. Look at this in the eyes of a mercenary, not a hero. She was undercover and she had to accept that.

“I expect to see Parker soon, Miss Poole,” the voice said before the line clicked dead.

“What am I getting myself into,” she whispered.




 

Wade shot up, swinging at the weight holding him down but his fist was caught swiftly. “Wade,” a voice said, “Calm down. Are you okay?”

His eyesight was kind of foggy, but a bit of adjusting and blinking found May and Peter leaned over him, both looking worried yet relieved. “Peter? May? What is going on?”

May touched Peter's shoulder, “I think he should see a doctor.” They were staring at him, and he half thought of the fact he was missing his mask. They were both used to his face, so it shouldn't be that.

Wade tried to sit up, but Peter pushed him back down, “I think May is right. Wade, we need to figure out what is going on.”

His eyebrows scrunched together, “What? No, I'm fine. Look at me, I'm... fine...” His voice trailed off when May passed him a mirror. “Wow, what the fuck?”

Not that he wasn't pleased to see his attractive face again, it was still unsettling because the last he remembered was getting shot. Had it been... “Gwen,” Wade gasped, this time Peter did let him sit up, “she had a weird pink gun. It hit me and Death was there. She looked kind of shocked. But then she smiled and left. I mean, she usually always does the leaving, but I never saw her look so shocked before.” Wade put a hand to his forehead, fingers brushing the ends of his hair. “I'm hot again.”

Peter made a weird noise but didn't say anything. May stepped back, looking at her broken lamp, “How about I make some tea?”



Wade tried to keep from touching his hair and face and everything else, but it was kind of hard to when he wasn't used to having such perfect... everything. Peter was a bit apprehensive, brushing Wade's touch away when he tried to get handsy. Wade told himself it was because they were in May's home, but even that night when they returned home Peter kept himself distant.

“What is your problem?” Wade asked, crossing his arms over his chest. “I figured you'd be really happy about this.”

Peter stared at him for a moment, “Wade, I am happy. I'm happy you are alive but this,” he gestured at Wade, who had changed into his pajamas, “this isn't the man I fell in love with.”

Wade made a noise of disagreement, “I'm still the same Wade Wilson. Just, improved.”

“I thought you were great as you were,” Peter argued, “I get that you're super happy, but this is a bit odd. To me. Wade, you almost actually died today. I had to electrocute you to restart your heart. You weren't healing.”

Wade went to say something, but he had to admit, that was pretty bad. Peter had seen him die, but this time he would have stayed dead. He knew he would have, Death looked so shocked to see him. She must have known he was actually going to die this time until Peter brought him back. “Thank you, by the way. For, you know, saving my life and all.”

Peter waved him off, “I'm more worried about your healing factor now. Can you still heal? What did that blast do? Who made the gun Gwen had? Why had Gwen shot you?”

That got a shrug from the mercenary, “I don't know. But, we can test my healing factor,” Wade pulled out a pocket knife, flipping it open. He was about to slash his arm when Peter yelled at him.

“No! Not doing that! We aren't risking your life like that!”

The knife was put away with a grumble, but Wade glanced towards the clock, “Do you think Gwen knows I survived?” It was getting late and he usually met Spidey for their patrols around this time if he wasn't busy. Maybe he should go and meet the arachnid.

“I don't know, but we shouldn't risk it. You should lay low until we figure out her side. I know you said she was doing a job, so maybe that explains her shooting you,” Peter rubbed his face, “I got to go to the lab though. I ran out of Bruce when May called and he is probably curious.”

“Yeah, go on,” Wade shooed Peter away, “Get your nerd on. I'll watch a movie or something.”




 

Spider-Man was waiting when Gwen appeared on the roof. Once again, she was pinned by his strong strength, “What the fuck was that?” His voice was like venom, making her almost pee her pants. “You shot Wade with some weird blast!”

“I know!” she clawed at his fingers, “He had to go so I could do my job. I'm sorry!”

Spider-Man let her go, moving back while still looking ready to punch her in the face, “What do you mean?”

“I can't say,” she whispered, shoulders drooping, “His death was necessary.” Peter went to say that he hadn't died, but Gwen held up her hand, “I know you two were partners and all. I know Parker probably told you I murdered him. Probably told you I held his aunt hostage. I'm sorry,” she pointed to her ear, then made a swirling gesture with her finger. “He had to go.”

Spider-Man crossed his arms over his chest, “I've been trying to get rid of him for ages now, so despite the fact I should arrest you,” he looked over towards the skyline, “I will let it go this time.”

She let out a breath, “Not that you could catch me anyway,” she gave a small wave and dashed off, “Peace out, girl scout.”

Peter watched her run off. So, it had been part of the job. She was being watched, or at least they were listening to her. He hoped this job would be over soon. Hoping it was just a new form of drug being cooked up seemed like a stretch after the day he had. If they wanted Wade out, and they had the means to do it, he had no clue what the fuck was really going on. His own theories were starting to be crossed off as the plot thickened. Now, he really needed to get information out of Wade, but he doubted the man would talk to Peter about it and Spidey couldn't just burst in there with all this information. What if their apartment was bugged? What if Gwen was lying about the job? Too many factors and none of them were adding up to anything good.


 

Tony hadn't been expecting to find Wade Wilson in the penthouse, but then again, the man always showed up unannounced. He almost hadn't been expecting to find him without a mask and looking... normal. 

“Tin Man,” Wade gave a small wave, “How's it hanging?”

“Wade? What happened to you?”

The mercenary pointed to his face, “This old thing? Oh, just a mishap with some weird alien tech. I needed to talk to Peter, but he isn't in and Banner won't let me into the lab. I figured, if he was working in the lab, he could figure out what was up. I don't know where he is, though,” Wade made a displeased face, pursing his lips. Tony didn't know Peter was supposed to come in that night, he figured the kid would be at home like usual. He never worked nights, always giving some half baked excuse about how he was busy or he was going out with Wade that night. 

“I don't know where he is either,” Tony offered, moving around the room to grab himself a drink though he never turned his back on the merc, “I didn't know he was planning to come in.” He half thought to say Peter doesn't work nights, but after trying to convince the kid to dump Wilson before, he learned some information shouldn't be said face to mercenary. Probably giving him suspicions of Peter cheating wasn't a good one. 

Wade blinked a few times, “So... he isn't in the lab, isn't at home and isn't with May...”

The mercenary stood in place a moment before he turned and headed for the elevator, mumbling something about having to go. Tony watched the doors close, letting out a breath as they finally shut and he collapsed onto a bar stool. Peter was going to be the death of Tony. "Kid, where are you?"

 

Chapter Text

Peter wasn't at the apartment when Wade returned, and he didn't answer his phone when he called.

[He left us.]

{But, why? We aren't ugly anymore!}

“He doesn't like this version of us,” Wade said, glancing at his reflection in the television before he looked away.

{What if it is something else? Hmm? He could be doing anything.}

Wade was about to comment on that when the door opened and Peter came in, holding a bag of tacos. “Babe, I brought food home.”

He wanted to question where Peter had been, but that would mean revealing he had left the apartment and he didn't want to deal with that argument. This job was going to be the death of Wade.




 

Gwen figured she could get in, grab Peter, and get him underground pretty fast. She just had to wait for a good moment. Sure, it might be a bit difficult if Wade is in there, but that was fine. He could suit up and follow or something.

Okay, so she didn't have the finer points worked out. She was going to mostly wing it and hope no one died. Man, she was starting to regret wanting to be an Avenger. The work of being a hero was so hard.

The light in the apartment shut off and she did her best to move down the fire escape silently, but it seemed the world chose that moment to be devoid of any sound as she peeked into the window and carefully slid it open. Everything felt so loud but it really wasn't.

No one was in the living room and the bedroom door was open, so she moved carefully to get there without alarming anyone. The hard thing about sneaking up on a Spider, the whole Spidey sense. She couldn't sneak up on Miles, Gwen or Peter - it was a Spider thing, she was certain of it.

Gwen ducked into the room and noticed Peter was in bed alone, laying on his stomach with his arms under the pillow. Wade was in the bathroom, though she wasn't going to push that luck. He might have been a bit mad about the whole 'I shot and almost killed you for real' deal.

Peter jumped up before she had even touched him. He'd gone to yell at her, but she dove forward and covered his mouth. “Shh,” she whispered, eyes glancing out the door to see if Wade noticed the movement. Luckily, it seemed he hadn't. Peter stared at her but remained quiet.

She pulled out a pack of stickers and pressed one onto Peter's pillow, making a hand gesture to ask about his web shooters. He grabbed them, clasping them to his wrists under his sweatshirt. Gwen was leaving a small trail of pink stickers, one every five or six feet then one pressed to the window. Peter was about to follow her when she gave him an apologetic look and pressed a rag covered in chloroform to his face.

Dragging Peter away was a bit hard, probably should have knocked him out after he was out the window, but she couldn't risk anything seeing him following willingly. She dropped to the ground, wincing as Peter's weight made the fall rougher. She had run out of stickers and dropped a pink paintball, crushing it with her foot.

If Wade was smart, he'd see the trail.

She prayed he saw the trail and no one else did.



The lab was a bit different from the catacomb laboratory. It was in an old Oscorp building, containing tons of probably stolen medical equipment and some tools that looked very sharp and scary. Gwen was ready to collapse from carrying Peter when the Scientist made his appearance at the opening of the hallway.

“Very good,” he hummed, “yes, perfect.” He waved a rubber-gloved hand and a larger man stepped up, taking Peter from Gwen. “I knew when Weasel informed me that you were of the best he wasn't lying,” the Scientist said, probably smiling under his creepy Bane-like mask.

“So, what's going to happen to him?” She asked, hoping she didn't seem suspicious, “I'm a very curious person.”

He stared at her, the goggles not really giving away anything before he waved her to follow, “I feel like you and I will become very close during this.” He gestured her to follow, “You see, you and I are very alike. We fight to make our way in a world full of superheroes, mutants and mutates. I am making a difference for the people like you.”

He pushed open a door and revealed a large lab, various science thingys (“I'm not the brightest, okay? I dropped out of high school.") and some people using those things or people asleep on medical tables. “I bring in scientists and they work for me. They help develop ways to either take away these scary mutant powers or at least help us better understand them. That way, one day, we can rid the world of the things that give some an advantage over others.”

He led her through the lab, not bothering to actually explain any of the work going on, “Peter Parker is a very popular name in the science world. He works under Tony Stark and is the son of the late Parkers, who had been doing a lot of work with genetics, mutations, and bio-engineering. He will be very useful in my work.”

“What if he doesn't want to help?” Gwen asked, inspecting a vial of black ooze before dashing to catch up to the monologuing villain. “You can't, like, force him to do bad stuff.”

“It isn't bad,” was the response, “He will see that I speak the truth, that we live in a world where the basic human is becoming endangered because of these so-called superheroes.” He pushed another door open, and Gwen almost gasped. There were tons of people in there, looking either close to death, high or some other unhealthy state. Her heart ached for them. “We need to save ourselves because while they think they are saving us, they are killing more of us than they save.”

Gwen kept her mouth shut, praying Wade had figured out what was up, praying Peter had woken up and was about to burst in and web up the bad guy. Praying anyone would come and help her save everyone.

 


 

Wade noticed the bed was empty before he had even fully entered the room. Okay, so Peter lies about where he is almost all night and then goes missing? What the fuck?

He was about to write it off as Peter being Peter and probably was cheating, but he saw a sticker stuck to the pillow. It was a pink unicorn. “Weird,” he said, peeling it off and then noticing another on the bedroom door.

“Okay, Hansel, where'd Gretel take you,” Wade asked quietly, following the little trail of stickers to the window. A small flower was stuck to the glass, the window slightly open at the bottom. He glanced out but couldn't see anything from the window. “Time to suit up.”

He was dressed and armed to the teeth in minutes, exiting via window and inspecting for more stickers. There weren't any, but there were pink paint prints. Every few steps it would stop before, a few feet away, it would start again. He had almost lost the trail a few times when it had turned down a road before the print reappeared, but he found it and came up to an old Oscorp building that had been closed for a while after the whole Goblin fiasco.

“I'm coming baby,” Wade said, looking up at the seemingly empty building, “Daddy's coming and daddy's gonna save the day.”




 

Peter woke up in... a seminar room? He was the only one besides the large man that was guarding the door. The screen was blank, but once he shifted in his seat, finding his arms bound by leather straps, it cut on and displayed a man in a coat like a plague doctor with a hospital mask over his mouth and nose and glassy goggles over his eyes.

“Welcome, to the new age,” the man said, “I know this isn't the greatest way to meet, but it was the quickest and easiest. You and I, we share a common cause. The cause of man...” the man continued talking, but Peter wasn't paying attention. The man at the door was watching him carefully and had seemingly been the one to turn the film on as there was no one else and the projector wasn't too far from him.

“Our world is being dominated by non-human entities, taking the wealth and the power from us humans. We have no way to defend against them other than relying on other non-humans,” the man said, a clip of the aliens over New York and the Avengers showing then a clip of Mystic aiming a gun at the former President. Various other things showed, even a clip of Spider-Man swinging in and fighting the Green Goblin.

Okay, Peter had enough of this 'We hate superheroes and mutants' speech. The guard hadn't even bothered to check Peter for weapons or anything, the leather straps went of his forearms so it wasn't like his web shooters had been compromised. He snapped the thick leather bands off with a soft grunt and shot a web at the guard, quickly wrapping him up and leaving the large man stuck in the corner where the roof met the wall, like a Spider that caught a fly.

“Okay,” he said to himself, “Gwen is here somewhere, Wade is probably on his way. This guy hates mutants. Okay, caught up,” he slipped out of the seminar room. “I wish I had managed to change before being dragged out here.” He sighed to himself as he'd have to fight goons and baddies in basketball shorts and a sweatshirt that said: “My boyfriend bought me this.” He just couldn't get a break. At least he had the shooters and Gwen hadn't left him completely defenseless. 

“Perfect,” he said to himself, sticking to the wall and making his way down the hall. Unfortunately, as soon as he slipped into a lab to search for Gwenpool, an alarm sounded. He'd triggered a mutant tracking device. Perfect.

 

Chapter Text

Wade heard the alarm as soon as he slipped down one hall. His first thought was that he had triggered it, but a weird spider-like robot rolled past, its metal legs making loud clacking sounds against the stone floor. It rolled right past his hiding spot, dashing down a hall and around the corner. “Shit, wherever that thing is going, I need to be there,” Wade drew a gun and dashed after the creepy thing.

It wound up meeting up with two other spider thingys and they actually went up the side up the wall and he was about to question it when he saw the figure on the ceiling, not noticing the wall-crawling robots. “Spidey!” Wade called, shooting one of the things before it grabbed his leg.

The bullet did little damage, but it did draw the attention of the other two robots. Wade cursed and let off a few more shots. A web caught one, dragging it back to the ceiling while Wade tossed his gun aside and drew his infamous katanas.

Slicing the things in half didn't do much good either as they made like a starfish and became double the problem. “Shit, shit,” Wade yelped as a now smaller version of one caught his leg and was digging drill like probes into his skin, “Oooh, that hurts!”

A web yanked it off and Spider-Man made quick work of crushing the bots and then wrapping them firmly in webbing, “Are you okay?”

Wade was inspecting his leg, the four screw sized holes oozing blood, “Yeah, I'm good... Not healing, but I'm good.” He went to look up at Spidey but the arachnid had punched out the fluorescent light when he heard the bots and Wade, shrouding them in darkness, “Where did Gwenpool go?”

Spidey dropped from the roof and Wade could barely make out the fact that Spidey wasn't in his suit, “I don't know. I'm sure she's close, though.”

“I don't want to split up. One of us is gonna get picked off if we do,” Wade said, sheathing his blades, “I'm the hot cheerleader, so I'll probably go first.”

“I don't know,” Spidey said, leading the way down the hall and into a lab, the one he'd rushed out of once the alarm sounded, “I feel like Gwenpool would be out first, she is the female.”

“Nah, female lead movies are becoming more popular,” Wade joked, though the pain in his leg was a bitch, “they'd kill her off last as a sort of social justice play.” Wade's voice was tense, he wasn't used to the pain and how it was lasting. He kind of felt bad for all the guys he stabbed now, like really bad. Did it always feel like this? Jeez-us!

“Mmm,” Spidey hummed, “I'll protect you, hot cheerleader.”

Wade gave a small laugh, though his nerves were really on edge. He had no clue where Peter was, Gwen was somewhere in the building, and Spidey wasn't in his suit. Nothing was going right. “Oh yeah, so you can seem dead for a full thirty minutes and then somehow come back in a shocking twist to stab the baddie before he gets the colored character which leads to your death.”

Spidey paused, listening some. Wade gulped. He respected Spidey and all, but he felt really awkward about the arachnid being without his mask and his boyfriend being somewhere close by and Wade was running around with the arachnid. God, he hoped Peter wasn't the jealous type. He never seemed like it before. Wade went to ask his boxes before he realized, well, they'd kind of disappeared. “Here,” Wade removed his mask and shoved it into the chest of his partner. Spider-Man looked down at it before putting it on.

“Thanks,” he said, leading Wade through another hall. Damn, this place was a fucking maze.

They entered a lab, finding dazed looking scientists moving around like zombies and a few more of those damned spider things perched on the walls. Spidey webbed two when they launched themselves at the newcomers while Wade put his swords through another like a shishkabob.

Kabob bot gave a slight whirring noise before it went limp and he let hit fall to the floor. Spidey wasn't taking a chance though and stomped it like a bug. A large, almost four feet wide and about two feet tall bug made of metal and wires.

“They track mutants,” Wade said, “I thought I tripped the alarm, but it was you.”

“So, they're going to keep finding us as long as I'm with you,” Spidey said, moving past the zombie like workers that didn't even notice them.

“Yeah, but it is fine, we can kill each of them. I mean, you just stomped it like it was nothing,” Wade hopped over it to catch up. “Unless you run out of webs and we are left purely doing hand to hand.”

“Yeah, I have a few canisters, but I don't know how many of these things will be coming after us,” the arachnid glanced around the corner.

Wade kind of smirked at the sweatshirt, “I bought Peter that same sweatshirt.”

Spidey froze for a second before they continued down the hall.

God, was it going to take forever to find Gwen??




 

Gwen jumped when an alarm blared, causing the Scientist to turn abruptly from where he was talking to her, “A mutant tripped the alarm.”

“What? How?” She asked, hoping she didn't seem suspicious.

“Probably tried to get out of their cage,” he murmured, “Let us continue. I wanted to show you what you are going to help with, and perhaps, how I can repay you greatly.”

He pushed open another door. The lab had a tube that went floor to ceiling and was filled with blue liquid. The liquid had a very familiar look to it that she couldn't quite place.

“This,” he said, “is the very serum they used to create Captain America. I have spent ages replicating it, perfecting it even. With this,” he flipped a switch and it caused more of the room to light up, showing beds with large men laying, comatose, “I will build my own army. They will be loyal to our cause, to protect the average man from those non-humans.”

“But,” she gave him a confused look, “you would be using the very things you are trying to get rid of- advanced humans.”

He hummed, “Perhaps, but these men are purely loyal to our cause. They would never endanger a human.”

She still wasn't getting how that made sense, but nodded anyway, “That's cool.”

Goggle doctor nodded, “Yes, it is.” He moved to another smaller tube, filled with a suspicious looking yellowy fluid. “This,” he tapped it, “is the stuff that makes Deadpool who he is. This, added to my super serum, will make the perfect unstoppable soldiers. They will not die but be willing to to protect man.”

She inspected the fluid, “So, you just inject this into them and they'd become immortal?”

“Yes,” he said, moving away from it to look at his future soldiers.

“And, you've tested it?” She asked, tapping the glass.

“Well, not yet. We are still in the trial phase. Younger subjects have had negative reactions to the two serums, as have older subjects. We are still finding the perfect subject,” he gave a sigh but seemed to cheer up a bit, “That is why I needed Parker. He was there for the creation of the Lizard, he can tell me how to get the serum to bind to the DNA with animals. Some animals are designed for loyalty, if we can separate that trait to add to my soldiers, they will be perfect.”

“Peter had nothing to do with that, though,” Gwen said, “He was working on something else and someone else had altered his work.”

“Trust me,” he said, “Parker is the key to all of this.”

The doors behind them, the one Gwen and the Scientist had entered through, “Well, looks like you have the wrong lock.” Wade stood there, swords drawn, lacking a mask while Peter stood there, in his pajamas and the Deadpool mask.

“Woah, what the shit is all this,” Wade asked, looking around at all the various things.

“This is the future!” The Scientist said, pressing a button on the wall and a much larger spider thingy came out from a hidden cage at the back of the lab. It came to about Gwen's waist and looked a hell of a lot scarier with glowing mechanical orbs to track more than one target at a time, and extra legs. 

“Oh, shit,” Wade yelled, “I'd run now.”

Gwen squealed and flipped out of the way just before sharp barbs skewered her. “What is that?” She yelled, drawing her own gun and firing a few times. The bullet ricocheted and hit some random medical instrument, causing an alarm to go off. “Bullets aren't working!”

Wade jumped over a desk and threw himself at the thing, tumbling over with it as he stabbed it while yelling, “This” stab, “thing is,” two more stabs, “very creepy!” Another stab and it actually split apart, becoming multiple bots. He let out a string of curses as sharp drills went through his shin and knee, blood spraying the floor and the bot currently trying to attach itself to his leg. "It's like stomping the Giant Goombas! It makes little Goombas!" Wade was flung over a table, knocking a few things over as he and a few bots went flying.

“Wade!” Peter yelled, web shooting at the bots to pull them away. But, as they were built to fight mutants, they twisted and pulled the webs in response, dragging Peter closer and oozing a liquid that was dissolving the webbing. It didn't take but another second for them to start emitting electrical currents that made Peter have to drop the webs or his shooters would be fried. Gwen was shooting at another that had entered from the air vent.

“Spidey,” Wade yelled, “If I die, you better protect Petey with your life!” He stopped focusing on the bot and fired at the Scientist that was about to dash from the room. “And stop that prick!”

Peter looked from Wade to the creepy guy that dashed from the lab, and followed after him, “You help him,” he yelled to Gwen as she pried the legs off the bot that had flung itself at her face. “Don't let him die!”

“Cecil!” She yelled as Peter disappeared after the evil scientist, “Ghost hack something!”

The blue specter appeared, “I was going to let you handle this but it was looking really bad,” then Cecil disappeared into one of the bots. It froze before beginning to fritz, twitching wildly and dropping from where it was stuck to Wade's leg. The merc let out a pained string of curses before stabbing another. After a moment, Cecil was spat out but he had done enough damage before it rewired.

Gwen looked from Wade and Cecil to the yellow vat of liquid. God, Wade was going to hate her for this.

She grabbed a syringe and plugged the canister into the dashboard in front of it, watching it fill up. Once it was filled, she shoved it into the large gun like a plunger, the needle dripping a couple drops before she hopped over a table and stood over Wade, who had collapsed after the spider bots stopped moving. Cecil gave her a sad look, “He's going to be really angry.”

She sighed, “I know,” and then she plunged the needle into his chest, pushing the liquid in. Wade's eyes opened and he yelled in pain, but he didn't move to shove her away, didn't rip the needle from his chest until it was completely empty. She had to look away as his scars reappeared, looking more painful than before. “I'm so sorry.” Her voice was so soft, it hurt even her to do that. She had to admit it, the merc had become what she could call a friend and she knew he hated his scars. But, he loved Peter more than he hated himself.

Wade laid there with his eyes closed, breathing hard, “It's cool. I knew it wouldn't last.”

“At least you won't die now,” she said, trying to give him something positive, “I mean, they just took away your healing so you probably only had a few days before the whole cancer thing kicked back in and you keeled over anyway.”

He smirked and sat up, groaning some, “I thought you didn't read my comics.”

“I watched the movie, largest grossing R-Rated movie - no one could pass that up,” she said, shrugging, “Come on, we got to go help Spidey.”

Wade nodded and they went to go find the arachnid hero.

 

Chapter Text

The scientist was pretty easy to catch.

Gwen and Wade caught up to Spidey, who was webbing the bad guy up. “Can someone call the X-Men or the Avengers?” Spidey asked, collapsing to the ground once the webbing was secure. They probably had a few more of those bots to fight, but he needed a breather before they showed up. “I wouldn't even mind if you called Paw Patrol at this point.”

Wade walked up to the webbed man, punching him hard enough to knock him out cold before he collapsed next to Spidey on the phone while Gwen made the phone calls.

“I have to find Peter,” Wade said, jumping up again, “He might be hurt or worse!”

“You don't have to find him,” Spidey said, putting a hand up, “he's fine.”

Wade still got up, “I gotta find him. I gotta tell him I'm sorry for dragging him into this shit show.” Wade ran a hand down his face. His gloves had been torn when he was trying to rip the bot out of his leg and his pants leg was ripped to hell and back, plus there were rips in the back of his suit from where one had caught him on the back. His suit was just in shambled while Spidey's sweatshirt and shorts didn't look too much better.

“No,” Spidey said, “I think I should apologize,” he looked up at Wade and Wade slightly shied away, “I should have told you sooner, Wade.”

“What?”

Gwen was still on the phone so she missed the whole unmasking scene, much to her chagrin later.

Peter tugged the mask off, giving Wade a sheepish, almost guilty look. “I tried to tell you before...” he paused, “but you panicked because you thought I was going to break up with you... I got scared.”

Wade stared in shock.

Honestly, he should've known.

The signs were right there.

He blinked a few times and even slapped himself. Peter looked so nervous and his hair was so messy from being under the mask. “Wait,” Wade rubbed his face, “so,” he pressed his fingers into his eyes, “this entire time I felt bad for flirting with Spidey while dating you, I was just flirting with my boyfriend?”

“Um, yes,” Peter's face turned redder.

“So,” Wade was rubbing his temples, “When Spidey kissed me, it was Peter and I didn't cheat?”

“Yes,” Peter looked down at the mask.

“So,” Wade peeked one eye open, “You aren't cheating on me?”

“What?! No! Why would you-”

“I went to Stark's lab today but Banner said you weren't there and Tony said you don't work nights so I kind of figured,” Wade's voice trailed off and Gwen skipped over.

“The Avengers are on their way, and Logan said he will stop by as soon as he can so he can get a team to move the mutants somewhere safe,” she said, “I'm surprised no more bots have come at us.”

Peter nodded, which caused her to realize he was unmasked, “Wait!” She gasped, “Did I miss the whole unmasking scene! NO!!! DO it again!”

Peter laughed and Wade collapsed onto the ground again, “I need a fucking nap.”



Peter was given Gwen's mask when the Avengers showed up since he wasn't really ready to unmask for them yet even if Tony swore he knew who was under the mask. Banner was the only one who knew. And maybe Natasha. Sure, SHEILD had his information, but Phil had promised not to spread it since the Avengers weren't tied to them much anymore. SHEILD was underground and the Avengers were above ground, at this point they were working practically side by side with the military and police but above both of those as their commands came from a different voice. It was complicated and Peter was comfortable being one of the underground guys.

“What is all this?” Tony asked, letting the techs go in and start photographing and whatever they did.

“Well,” Peter said, “Wade and Gwen took down this evil guy who was planning to build an army of immortal super soldiers.”

Tony hummed, looking between the battered Pools. “I guess you two aren't all bad,” he admitted, “I might be able to pull some strings if you keep the good behavior up.”

Gwen was lamenting her slightly singed hair from where her mask had ripped in the back, “I dunno,” she said, “I like the idea of being a hero but this? This was a lot. I think I'll stick to the solo act for a while.”

Wade put his fists in the air, “I fucking win. I'm America's Next Top Avenger!”

Tony rolled his eyes and Peter smiled. Gwen kicked the merc, “You're alright, Pool.”

Wade gave a smile that could be seen through the mask, “You're not too bad yourself, Poole.”

“I totally saved your life, so I have more points over you.”

“Uh, you also almost fucking killed me. I read that chapter, you had no clue what was going on.”

“Um, I was just doing my job. You said go underground!”

“You could've shot some random pigeon, not me!”

Tony looked at Peter with an exasperated look, “I'm going to regret giving them both a shot, aren't I?”

Peter looked over at where Wade had sat up and was arguing with Gwen over who was actually the main protagonist in the story and who had more to do with the plot. “Oh, yeah,” he said, but his voice held a fondness that made Tony smile a bit. He liked Spider-Man, the kid was alright. And if the friendly neighborhood Spider-Man thought the Merc with a Mouth and Gwendolyn Poole were alright, then maybe they weren't half bad.




 

May smiled, pouring four glasses of lemonade. “So,” she said, “you don't plan to leave a man dead in my house again, correct?”

Gwen, Peter, and Wade were in May's home, all in their civilian clothes while she made lunch. It had been a week since Dr. Osmond Norvile had been arrested on several accounts of kidnapping, conspiracy to commit terrorism, and several counts of murder. The mutants he'd created and kidnapped were taken to a facility to be treated for any injuries and rehabilitation for the worse off ones. The scientists that had been hypnotized were cleared by Dr. Strange to have only been under mind control and not willing participants in the acts.

Peter and Wade didn't argue as much anymore, Wade promising not to let the stress of Deadpool come home with him while Peter promised not to go into anything too dangerous without telling Wade first. Gwen was staying with them because she forgot to pay her rent for the third month and their storeroom was moved so she had her own space. Now their sodas had to hand out with the workout machines and that wasn't a very healthy mix. The weights were almost unusable because both mercs had weapons and it overran the room and they had enough food stored in there to survive the apocalypse. So, they'd all been slacking on weight lifting.

May sat with them while the food – lasagna – was in the oven, “I heard you have moved in with Peter and Wade.”

Gwen nodded, “Yeah, I got kicked out and after convincing the guy not to call the cops, I got all my stuff moved and they are letting me crash. Got to say, Wade's cooking isn't half bad.”

Wade rolled his eyes and May laughed, giving the merc a smile, “Wade is a wonderful cook. He keeps Peter well fed and that boy could eat an army's worth.”

That got nods from both ex-mercenaries while May just sighed wistfully, “I didn't think spiders ate so much, but they really do eat quite a bit. Wade isn't much better.”

Peter, despite having sticky fingers, dropped his glass of lemonade. May just covered her mouth, “Oops. Did I say that out loud?”