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Edward Elric to the last jedi 9 pm DON’T BE FUCKING LATE IM TALKIN TO U YAO: pray tell where the fuck is my brother

Edward Elric: it is 8 o fucking clock

Edward Elric: im locked the fuck out of the house

Edward Elric: freezing the fuck out of my ass

Edward Elric: and al STILL ISN’T BACK FROM HIS GODFUCK SHITHOLE DATE

Paninya: wow

Paninya: godfuck

Paninya: thats new

Ling Yao: nah he used that yesterday when i took the last garlic bread

Paninya: damn aight

Paninya: ed take a deep breath n hurl urself into a pond or smth

Paninya: als been freakin out about mei for at least 38478392 years now

Paninya: let him relieve his thirst

Paninya: AND BTW CAN I JUST SAY

Paninya: THIS IS UR OWN DAMN FAULT

Edward Elric: how in The FUCK???? is this MY FAULT??????

Paninya: u couldve had a perfectly gross dorm on campus bUT NO U HAD TO BE BOUJEE N RENT AN APARTMENT WITH UR BROTHER

Paninya: THIS IS KARMA AT WORK M8

Edward Elric: KARMA CAN GO SUCK MY ASS

Edward Elric: IM ONLY LOCKED OUT BC AL LOST HIS GODDAMN KEY AND I

Edward Elric: BEING THE SAINTLY BROTHER THAT I AM

Ling Yao: w0w thats a lie

Edward Elric: GAVE HIM MINE AND NOW I GOTTA SCREAM AT HIM TILL HE PUTS HIS TONGUE BACK IN HIS OWN MOUTH AND COMES THE FUCK BACK

Winry Rockbell: u reeaaallly dont gotta

Paninya: have u heard???

Paninya: of this thing??????

Paninya: called?????

Paninya: pm?????????????

Paninya: bc its a thing u could use to bitch at al without annoyin the entire shit outta the rest of us

Ling Yao: lol lan fans at her grandpas rn and her phone cant be put on silent

Ling Yao: shes going to kick ur ass

Edward Elric: IM gonna kick ALS ass if he doesnt show up in the next half hour I DONT CARE IF HES ON A FUCKIN DATE

Ling Yao: may i remind u my sister is the girl ur brothers currently wooing

Ling Yao: u do that and lan fan wont be the only one ripping u apart

Edward Elric: what think u can take me weakLing

Ling Yao: uh duh but i was talking about mei

Edward Elric: PLS shes what half a foot tall????? PLSSSSSSS

Lan Fan: so twice as tall as you

Edward Elric: DO,,,,,U WANT,,,,,,.,TO FUCKING DIE,,,,,,,.,.,,,,

Lan Fan: edward

Lan Fan: i am at my grandfathers house

Lan Fan: my phone is ringing so loud my neighbors think their doorbells are broken

Lan Fan: my grandfather is ready to smash it into oblivion

Lan Fan: if he does we WILL be reliving 3/10 and youll be tasting a lot more than just your stomach acid when im done with you

Lan Fan: do not make me sneak out of training to answer you again

Paninya: Rekt™

Ling Yao: mic drop

Edward Elric: psh whatever

Edward Elric: u fuckers think 3/10 scared me

Edward Elric: GUESS FUCKING AGAIN

Edward Elric: FUCKING C O M E

Edward Elric: A T

Edward Elric: M E

Paninya: o look shes typing

Edward Elric: anyway im gonna pm al goodnight and thank u

 

Edward Elric to Smol: HEY ASSWIPE

Smol: Holy shit

Smol: I am on my way home

Smol: Could u pls calm down

Edward Elric: WHAT IS THIS CALM U SPEAK OF

Edward Elric: ITS BEEN SO LONG

Edward Elric: IVE BEEN TOO FROZEN THAT I,,,

Edward Elric: CANNOT FUCKING COMPREHEND THE IDEA

Edward Elric: OF BEING FUCKING CALM

Smol: I cant believe they call u a prodigy

Edward Elric: U BETTER BELIEVE IT HO

Smol: When u got shut down by lan fan just mENTIONING 3/10

Edward Elric: how the FUCK do u know about 3/10

Edward Elric: WHY THE FUCK IS 3/10 EVEN A THING

Edward Elric: IT WASNT THAT FUCKING BAD

Smol: Clearly it was bad enough that u dont even remember that I WAS THERE

Edward Elric: ,,,she could kill me with her pinky man

Smol: Oh i am aware

Edward Elric: i cant believe ling survived childhood with her

Smol: I can

Smol: Ok im in the building just wait

Edward Elric: fuckING FINALLY


Winry Rockbell to is it gay to want to literally drink ushers voice: OI AL how was the date

Winry Rockbell: I WANT DETAILS

Edward Elric: if anyone wants to know how to be the Creepiest Fucking Person Ever

Edward Elric: talk to winry

Winry Rockbell: well seeing that i won best ed impression two years in a row now id say i do indeed know

Edward Elric: HAR DE HAR

Edward Elric: u think u fucking know me???

Alphonse Elric: Is it hard?

Paninya: yea all u rlly gotta do is yell fuck a lot

Alphonse Elric: Put ur hair in a braid with one obnoxious ass strand sticking right up

Winry Rockbell: dont forget u have to crouch down

Winry Rockbell: i recommend kneeling

Edward Elric: dont think i cant deck all u shitdicks

Alphonse Elric: Attractive

Paninya: u sure ur not adopted little elric

Alphonse Elric: Dear god i hope so

Ling Yao: ive just annoyed the info out of my sister

Ling Yao: it seems al is quite the casanova

Ling Yao: clearly not a family trait BUT

Edward Elric: i will piss in ur backpack

Ling Yao: case in point

Ling Yao: ANYWAYS

Ling Yao: UPDATE ON THE BET FRONT

Alphonse Elric: Oh here we go

Ling Yao: as im sure u all know ned, roy mustang and i have had an ongoing wager

Ling Yao: who can wrangle the most freshies into joining his club

Ling Yao: well

Ling Yao: as of today the martial arts/dance troupe has 20 more members

Paninya: ARE U SRS

Edward Elric: BULLSHIT

Winry Rockbell: how the hell did u convince that many to join??

Ling Yao: i have my ways

Ling Yao: but more importantly i believe that pulls me ahead of ned to tie evenly with mustang

Ling Yao: and really would any of u choose archery over martial arts?? i think NOT

Paninya: tbh i choose social life over any clubs but ¯\_(ツ)_/¯

Edward Elric: basic bitch

Paninya: u kno it

Paninya: but srsly wtf shifty how did u get 20 new members so fast

Lan Fan: he showed off and gave his number out to like half of them

Ling Yao: :O

Ling Yao: how could u EXPOSE ME LIKE THIS

Ling Yao: I tRuSTeD YOu

Lan Fan: ¯\_(ツ)_/¯

Paninya: yisss

Paninya: another one bites the dust

Edward Elric: just u fuckin wait ling

Edward Elric: ill leave both u asshats in the GROUND

Alphonse Elric: I mean first u have to

Alphonse Elric: Yknow

Alphonse Elric: Be taller than the ground

Edward Elric: I LIVE WITH U I CAN MAKE UR LIFE FUCKING MISERABLE U HEAR


Winry Rockbell to kyle ron WHOMST???: so

Winry Rockbell: about laser tag this weekend

Winry Rockbell: invite lings sister yay or nay

Lan Fan: why not

Rosé Thomas: It’d even us out

Paninya: good bc as much as i love al

Paninya: n u kno hed be the only decent choice outta the guys to bring

Paninya: he cant keep anythin from that tiny volcano he lives with

Rebecca Catalina: does it even matter tbh

Rebecca Catalina: we all kno whichever team rizas on is gonna win

Paninya: ok true

Paninya: but we gotta ease mei into the chaos somehow

Riza Hawkeye: Catalina i resent that statement

Rebecca Catalina: pls point to me where thE LIE IS HAWKEYE

Winry Rockbell: ok then

Winry Rockbell added Mei Chang to the chat

Winry Rockbell: welcome friend

Maria Ross: that wasn’t ominous at all

Paninya: EY UVE JUST BECOME PART OF THE MESS THAT IS US SOPHS

Maria Ross: and a few seniors

Lan Fan: like thats any better

Mei Chang: so this is just a chat for the girls i take it

Paninya: WE’RE BASICALLY A KPOP GROUP BUT BETTER (ʘ‿ʘ✿)

Lan Fan: ok we’re going laser tagging this weekend

Lan Fan: you in

Mei Chang: i feel like i may die if i say no so

Mei Chang: as long as my idiot brother isn’t going i’m in

Mei Chang: then again he’s been talking to a girl on the phone for like 2839 hours now so i’m pretty sure that’s not happening

Mei Chang: boys

Lan Fan: ¯\_(ツ)_/¯

Winry Rockbell: cool so thats settled

 

Paninya to could u actually perhaps makin bacon pancakes: [DELETED MESSAGE]

Ling Yao: wot

Alphonse Elric: Whos going laser tagging

Winry Rockbell: pan ffs

Paninya: (◔◡◔✿)

Edward Elric: fuckin RUDE

 

Paninya to Gearhead Bae: ignorin that lil slipup

Paninya: im surprised ling even bothered replyin at all

Paninya: from what mei said he seems p busyyy

Gearhead Bae: *facepalm*

Paninya: well that boi is like ed in that hes fuckin oblivious af

Gearhead Bae: its true

Gearhead Bae: but u know lan fan

Gearhead Bae: shed sooner kill us all than do anything about it

Paninya: well ya

Paninya: buT THATS NOT STOPPIN ME

Gearhead Bae: pan whatre u doing

Gearhead Bae: pan


Edward Elric to Weak: oi lets go to papa johns

Weak: and???? why????? would i

Weak: ???????????? with u?????????

Edward Elric: because ur sister and my brother are on the phone

Edward Elric: and u may have gotten half the numbers in the school but i KNOW u dont have anything better to do

Weak: what if i told u i did indeed have plans edward

Weak: what then

Edward Elric: id tell u get ur entire fucking head out of ur ass

Edward Elric: dont bullshit me

Weak: its a wonder u have any friends

Weak: luckily for u my one love is pizza

Edward Elric: yeah because u cant get anyone else

Edward Elric: idk how lan fan deals with u

Edward Elric: shes got lower standards than ur sister

Weak: speaking of lan fans coming too

Edward Elric: fukichjgi

Edward Elric: never tell her what i just said


Lan Fan to Panko: what is it

Panko: i have no idea what u mean my dear

Lan Fan: youve been typing for an hour now

Lan Fan: AND i can hear your teeth grinding from my room

Panko: i have no idea what u could be referring to my sweet

Lan Fan: paninya

Panko: i just wanna kno how ur days been

Lan Fan: this is about ling isnt it

Lan Fan: im fine

Lan Fan: theyre just phone numbers

Panko: dear

Panko: u used an emoji

Panko: u never use emojis

Lan Fan: im trying something new

Panko: lan fan

Lan Fan: look

Lan Fan: i get that youre just looking out for me

Lan Fan: but its fine and so am i

Lan Fan: i really dont need a pity heart to heart

Lan Fan: besides

Lan Fan: hed give out his number to everyone in the world if he could

Lan Fan: thats just who he is

Panko: well

Panko: ur not wrong

Panko: is it bad to say im so glad i rarely have to deal with bois

Lan Fan: girls can be idiots too

Panko: ppl in general usually r


Alphonse Elric to WE CANT KEEP DOWN ALL THAT VODKA ON KRAFT MAC N CHEESE: So i cant feel

Ling Yao: mY FACE WHEN IM WITH U

Alphonse Elric: That and the rest of my body

Alphonse Elric: How is one person

Alphonse Elric: So funny and sweet and amazing

Paninya: MY PRECIOUS

Paninya: MY SON

Paninya: HES IN LOVE YALL

Paninya: ITS TRUE FUCKIN LOVE

Paninya: ELRIC 2.0 TEXT ME IF U NEED ANYTHIN

Edward Elric: fuckkkkkkkk

Paninya: CONDOMS

Winry Rockbell: oh god

Lan Fan: paninya

Paninya: BIRTH CONTROL

Edward Elric: PAN WHAT THE FUCK

Edward Elric: U THINK AL KNOWS WHAT A CONDOM IS

Paninya: HE IS A HORNY TEENAGE BOI I BET U MY ENTIRE ASS HES USED ONE BEFORE

Lan Fan: PANINYA

Ling Yao: OH SHIT

Winry Rockbell: u might want to know

Edward Elric: OVER MY ACTUAL CHIPPED FUCKING GRAVESTONE

Winry Rockbell: who we added yesterday

Mei Chang: uh

Lan Fan: …

Paninya: oh fuck

Ling Yao: mei so it was U that made that balloon fart noise just now

Lan Fan: ling

Lan Fan: kindly shut up

Edward Elric: SO AL ISNT BREATHING

Edward Elric: I THINK HES DEAD

Edward Elric: HES BEEN STARING AT HIS PHONE FOR 10 MINS NOW FUCK WHAT DO I DO

Paninya: CALL 911 U MORON

Lan Fan: where do you live i know CPR

Ling Yao: thats hot

Winry Rockbell: MEI PRETEND U CANT READ

Mei Chang: er

Mei Chang: i can’t read suddenly i don’t know

Ling Yao: (╯°□°)╯now she gives in to the memes

Paninya: MY CHILD CANNOT DIE HERE

Edward Elric: ok nvm hes alive

Edward Elric: buT I M NOT GONNA BE FUC KBRB RUNNINGgh

Paninya: rip in peace

Lan Fan: no one would blame you if you left mei

Mei Chang: this isn’t that bad tbh

Mei Chang: i think i can deal with this

Winry Rockbell: that makes one of us


Alphonse Elric to how Extra™ do u gotta be to come up with fuccboi: So we’re still down for gta tomorrow right

Alphonse Elric: Ed cant make it because i killed him

Ling Yao: the old ed cant come to the phone right now

Ling Yao: why

Edward Elric: because hes going to cut off lings fucking elbows

Roy Mustang: can you even reach his fingers

Edward Elric: listeN HERE U liL SHIT

Alphonse Elric kicked Edward Elric from the chat

Ling Yao: thats cold

Alphonse Elric: Whos going to be on hawkeye duty

Alphonse Elric: Also i still cant believe we have to sneak down ur rickety fire escape every time ur girlfriend comes home

Alphonse Elric: Is she that against u playing with us

Denny Brosh: Ha HA roy wishes

Jean Havoc: hawkeye could finish a job and knit a hat in the time it takes roy to finish

Ling Yao: damn really??

Roy Mustang: of course not havoc is simply describing his sex life

Alphonse Elric: U know u sort of just commended his skills in the sack right

Jean Havoc: what can i say im a gentleman

Jean Havoc: and im not lying seriously riza is scary quick

Ling Yao added Edward Elric to the chat

Roy Mustang: i knew it couldnt last

Edward Elric: stfu u shit waffle

Edward Elric: ALSO if any of u polefucks ever want to know how to get ling to do something

Edward Elric: bother lan fan

Ling Yao: try it again and i will Key Your Face

Ling Yao: she has a physics test tomorrow

Alphonse Elric: Wow

Roy Mustang: :O

Jean Havoc: ( ͡° ͜ʖ ͡°)

Edward Elric: whatever

Edward Elric: i got the beer for tmr night

Alphonse Elric: Damn right u do im not letting u in otherwise

Edward Elric: ignore asshurt over here hes pissed i embarrassed him in front of his date

Roy Mustang: at least he has one

Jean Havoc: yeah have u ever had a girlfriend edward??

Denny Brosh: Do you know what a woman is ned????

Edward Elric has left the chat


Ling Yao to Good Shit ✔: hey lan fan

Ling Yao: lan fan

Ling Yao: LAN FAAAAAN

Good Shit ✔: what

Ling Yao: guess who i just saw in chem doodling one miss rockbells name on his hw

Good Shit ✔: no

Ling Yao: oh yes

Ling Yao: i wanted to take a pic but ed decided to be a good student and tore it off before handing it in

Good Shit ✔: does he even try in chem

Ling Yao: no but at least he doesnt fall asleep like he does in lit

Good Shit ✔: hemingway puts everyone to sleep

Good Shit ✔: read some brontë

Good Shit ✔: or steinbeck

Good Shit ✔: id say dickens too but anti Semitism and all

Ling Yao: i love it when u talk lit to me

Ling Yao: reminds me of when u used to sneak into our library and read the biggest books u could find

Good Shit ✔: better than you climbing up the side of my house to sneak into my room

Ling Yao: pls u loved it

Good Shit ✔: debatable

Good Shit ✔: club meetings today dont forget

Ling Yao: how can i

Ling Yao: ur always here to remind me ;)

 

Ling Yao to Rolls ROYce: fuck expectations right 

Rolls ROYce: yeah


Winry Rockbell added Roy Mustang, Riza Hawkeye, Jean Havoc, Maria Ross, and Rebecca Catalina to ROSE TYLER DEFENSE SQUAD WHERE YALL AT

Winry Rockbell: just so we’re clear

Winry Rockbell: friday nights a byob sitch

Lan Fan: well wade was totally off

Ling Yao: atta girl

Winry Rockbell: …ok well

Winry Rockbell: u dont bring a drink u dont drink a drink

Paninya: wow and here i was thinkin byob meant bug ur own business

Edward Elric: what the utter fuck

Alphonse Elric: Dont act coy u LIVED a bugs life ed

Winry Rockbell: BRING YOUR OWN BOTTLE CAPICHE

Winry Rockbell: jesus now ive got the kim possible theme song stuck in my head

Jean Havoc: it IS a classic

Alphonse Elric: Winry u dont need more wii controllers do u

Riza Hawkeye: I have some extra

Edward Elric: if one of u picks yoshi i will e n d  u

Edward Elric: IM LOOKING AT U PANINYA

Paninya: no promises

Paninya: n its not our fault yoshi pushed ur fool ass off mushroom gorge that one time

Rebecca Catalina: LMAOOO

Edward Elric: that demonic fucking dinosaur needs to go extinct

Winry Rockbell: yeah bring more controllers

Winry Rockbell: and get fucked ed yoshis my main

Paninya: its aight if i bring a tinder girl right

Paninya: or guy we’ll see ( ͡° ͜ʖ ͡°)

Winry Rockbell: they gotta bring their own drinks

Lan Fan: really paninya

Paninya: what

Paninya: a girls got needs

Mei Chang: hear hear

Paninya: oh hush u with ur angel of a man one alphonse elric

Paninya: my son

Paninya: my darling

Winry Rockbell: ill never get used to u calling al ur child

Paninya: o its just gettin started fam

Roy Mustang: since brosh doesnt give a shit do we want to make this a floor thing

Ling Yao: i see what ur doing mercedes benz u sneak ass

Roy Mustang: you caught up yao

Roy Mustang: i can finally start trying

Edward Elric: news flash fuckers i got 5 more ppl today

Edward Elric: u can both suck my ASS

Winry Rockbell: ok but keep it small

Lan Fan: ,,,,,,,

Maria Ross: this is why timing’s important kids

Ling Yao: how much smaller could his butt get

Roy Mustang: are we even be able to locate it

Rebecca Catalina: does ned even have a torso????

Edward Elric: I HOPE U ALL ROT IN HELL

Paninya changed the chat name to eds ass is bigfoot pass it on


Edward Elric to Crazy Mechanic: yo just saying

Edward Elric: starbucks has eggnog lattes again

Crazy Mechanic: I AM THERE™

Crazy Mechanic: OUTSIDE UR APARTMENT RN GET IN WE’RE GOING SHOPPING

Edward Elric: im not basic she says

Crazy Mechanic: mean girls is a classic how dare u

Edward Elric: ok true

 

Winry Rockbell to Mulan but Better: is it weird that i cant stop smiling at ed

Winry Rockbell: hes sleeping in the chair across from me

Mulan but Better: a bit

Winry Rockbell: yeah

Winry Rockbell: hes such a nerd

Mulan but Better: but hes your nerd


Roy Mustang changed the chat name to WHO TE HFUCKS IDEA WAS IT O MAKE THIS AFLOOR THING

Edward Elric changed the chat name to URS U FUCKING CURLY STRAW


Paninya to wubba lubba dub dub: christmas has come fucking early

Paninya: all of u need to see this Spicy™ video of ed from last night

Winry Rockbell: pan

Winry Rockbell: its 9 fucking am

Winry Rockbell: who tf is up that cares

Paninya: o dont u worry winnie the pooh

Lan Fan: yep shes still drunk

Maria Ross: did u even come back from the guys' room???

Paninya: THE POINT IS

Paninya: i think ed will when he stops groaning in the bathroom there

Paninya sent a video in the chat

Paninya: srsly im postin this on ig later

Winry Rockbell: SHIT thats loud

Alphonse Elric: What the fuck is that

Riza Hawkeye: Is

Riza Hawkeye: Is he singing mad world

Paninya: u bet ur blonde ass he is

Lan Fan: was this after we took turns playing yoshi and demolishing him in mario kart

Paninya: u bet ur toned ass it was

Winry Rockbell: paninya i can barely hear anything over u shouting STRIP STRIP STRIP in the bg

Ling Yao: edward really is tone deaf isnt he

Ling Yao: oh hes stopped puking

Ling Yao: hes looking at his phone

Alphonse Elric: Rip in peace our bloodshot eyes

Edward Elric: wHAT THE ALL AROUND ME ARE FAMILIAAAAR FAAAAACEESSS IS THAT

Edward Elric: WHAT THE ALL AROUND ME ARE FAMILIAAAAR FAAAAACEESSS

Edward Elric: WHY THE ALL AROUND ME ARE FAMILIAAAAR FAAAAACEESSS CANT I ALL AROUND ME ARE FAMILIAAAAR FAAAAACEESSS SWEAR

Edward Elric: WHAT THE ALL AROUND ME ARE FAMILIAAAAR FAAAAACEESSS ALL AROUND ME ARE FAMILIAAAAR FAAAAACEESSS DID U ALL AROUND ME ARE FAMILIAAAAR FAAAAACEESSS DO TO MY PHONE

Ling Yao: HAHAHAHA OH MY GOD

Roy Mustang: dear jesus what is happening

Paninya: oH MY

Paninya: WHICH ONE OF U DID THIS

Paninya: I WILL K I S S U

Mei Chang: there is way too much shouting this goddamn early in the morning

Paninya: LING

Ling Yao: while u were busy cackling over that video i may or may not have convinced lan fan to steal eds phone

Edward Elric: U ALL AROUND ME ARE FAMILIAAAAR FAAAAACEESSS ALL AROUND ME ARE FAMILIAAAAR FAAAAACEESSS BETTER ALL AROUND ME ARE FAMILIAAAAR FAAAAACEESSS FIX MY ALL AROUND ME ARE FAMILIAAAAR FAAAAACEESSS PHONE OR IM ALL AROUND ME ARE FAMILIAAAAR FAAAAACEESSS

Edward Elric: ALL AROUND ME ARE FAMILIAAAAR FAAAAACEESSS

Jean Havoc: hes like

Jean Havoc: an infuriated duck with a lisp

Roy Mustang: siri what is the tiniest species of duck

Edward Elric: U WANNA ALL AROUND ME ARE FAMILIAAAAR FAAAAACEESSS FIGHT

Paninya: pls tell me one of u hungover fucks is gettin this on video

Paninya: dont let me down lk this

Jean Havoc: brosh is but idk what u expect this is all on his phone

Jean Havoc: oh nvm eds face is turning purpler by the SECOND HOLY SHIT

Jean Havoc: man is it even possible for someones face to be that goddamn maroon

Edward Elric: ILL MAROON UR ALL AROUND ME ARE FAMILIAAAAR FAAAAACEESSS ASS ON A ALL AROUND ME ARE FAMILIAAAAR FAAAAACEESSS DEATH ISLAND

Mei Chang: lan fan

Mei Chang: you okay?

Lan Fan: yeah

Lan Fan: too much shouting i have a headache

Lan Fan: add me back when ed calms down

Lan Fan: (◕ ‿ ◕✿)

Lan Fan has left the chat

Paninya: hey ed ill bet even yoshi can say fuck

Edward Elric: FOR ALL AROUND ME ARE FAMILIAAAAR FAAAAACEESSS SAKE

 

Winry Rockbell to Peter Pan with Boobs: somethings wrong

Winry Rockbell: lan fan used an emoji

Winry Rockbell: paninya did u watch the entire video

Peter Pan with Boobs: not rlly i didnt pay attention to anything after ed started stripping

Peter Pan with Boobs: y

Peter Pan with Boobs: should i go check on her

Winry Rockbell: nothing else is in the video its just ed pirouetting off a table and landing on mustang

Winry Rockbell: maybe she just needs sleep

Peter Pan with Boobs: yea

Peter Pan with Boobs: maybe

 

Lan Fan to Guns n Roses: hey

Lan Fan: i dont know where you are rn

Lan Fan: but i just

Lan Fan: im still sort of hungover and

Lan Fan: i kind of need someone to talk to who isnt going to get angry or

Lan Fan: try and rationalize everything and well

Lan Fan: do you ever just wish that things could change

Lan Fan: that you could be someone entirely different or

Lan Fan: that you could get out and leave and not give a damn about anything or anyone or

Lan Fan: because

Lan Fan: ¯\_(ツ)_/¯

Guns n Roses: Okay

Guns n Roses: I was at work but i’m coming back right now

Guns n Roses: And i’m going to get you tea and you’re going to tell me whatever you want to tell me okay??

Lan Fan: thanks


Edward Elric to ILL TEARS TO FEARS UR F R I C K I N FACE OFF: FUCK U ALL U FUCKING FUCKERS

Edward Elric: FUCKING PIECES OF FUCKING SHITFUCKS

Alphonse Elric: Ah

Alphonse Elric: I wondered why u made that shrieking sound earlier

Edward Elric: WHERE THE FUCK IS LING IM GONNA FUCKING RIP HIS FINGERS OFF THROUGH HIS EARS

Paninya: but whatre u gonna do with those fingers ed

Paninya: ( ͡° ͜ʖ ͡°) wrap them???¿¿¿

Ling Yao: AROUND THE BIBLE PRAISE THE LORD HALLELJUH Amen

Paninya: sounds fake but ok

Paninya: HOLD UP

Paninya: GIMME THAT FUCKIN BIBLE I JUST SAW A DOG

Paninya: I KNEW SLEEPIN AT 3 AM HAD ITS PERKS

 

Paninya to ID SING OH CANADA TOO IF MY PM HAD AN ASS LIKE THATok but for real

Paninya: dicks r like mushrooms

Paninya: little funny gross mushrooms

Rosé Thomas: Paninya you’re high go home

Paninya: oh sweet flower

Paninya: i wish i was

Winry Rockbell: its 4 fucking am GO TO SLEEP

Paninya: time is an illusion


Mei Chang to Al (///ˬ///✿): hey did my brother seem

Mei Chang: off today?

Al (///ˬ///✿): I dont think im the right person to ask

Al (///ˬ///✿): I dont really see ling that often

Al (///ˬ///✿): Id ask my brother but he definitely wont take it seriously after the phone thing

Mei Chang: yeah

Mei Chang: he’s been in a mood since lan fan went off the radar

Mei Chang: right now he’s just pacing in his room and checking his phone every 5 mins

Mei Chang: last time he did this was when she went to thailand with her grandpa for a month

Mei Chang: he’s so obvious isn’t he

Al (///ˬ///✿): Well

Al (///ˬ///✿): He isnt the only one


Paninya to TRICKY tricky TRICKY tricky: i crave the sweet release of death

Edward Elric: FUCKING KARMA

Winry Rockbell: i could hear u playing music at 5 am again today

Winry Rockbell: why tf have u been up so late

Paninya: my roommate was screaming french at me

Paninya: she has a test today

Paninya: also

Paninya added Lan Fan to the chat

Paninya: LAN FANNNNNNNN

Lan Fan: i didnt do the psych hw paninya

Lan Fan: and run-dmc doesnt deserve this subpar treatment

Alphonse Elric: Lan fan

Alphonse Elric: Lings been looking for u

Lan Fan: i know

Lan Fan: its ok dont worry about it

Edward Elric: FUCKING

Edward Elric: A FUCKING BIRD JUST SHAT ON MY HEAD

Paninya: what was that????? u said???????

Paninya: about karma?????????

Edward Elric: WHAT IS THIS LITERAL SHIT ON ED DAY

Lan Fan: is that not everyday

Edward Elric: I WILL FIGHT ALL U ASSDICKS

Lan Fan: 3/10 edward

Edward Elric: i will fight me for only i myself am the one assdick here thank u amen and goodbye


Lan Fan to Literal Monkey™: so i hear you were looking for me

Literal Monkey™: that depends

Literal Monkey™: what did i do lan fan

Literal Monkey™: did i say something

Literal Monkey™: tell me what i did that made you so upset at me

Literal Monkey™: if i did something im sorry i really am

Literal Monkey™: but you cant just disappear and not even tell me whats wrong

Lan Fan: i know

Lan Fan: it wasnt you

Lan Fan: i just

Lan Fan: my grandfathers relapse and its been rough with classes lately

Lan Fan: it kind of hit me that i cant always afford to be chill all the time

Lan Fan: sorry ive been mia

Literal Monkey™: well now i feel like a dick

Literal Monkey™: ur my best friend lan fan

Literal Monkey™: i think ive gotten so used to u being near i freak out when ur not

Literal Monkey™: i guess it kind of says something about me that might not be a good thing

Literal Monkey™: especially since i climbed the side of ur house to see if u went back home and u werent there

Lan Fan: you w h a t

 

Ling Yao to Frying Pan: in hindsight

Ling Yao: i prob shouldnt have told her about the climbing

Ling Yao: shes not talking to me again

Frying Pan: u done fucked up boiii

Ling Yao: so

Ling Yao: will u tell me whats really wrong with her now

Frying Pan: not a chance boiii


Alphonse Elric to Mei <33: So lings mentioned it a few times but ive never really understood

Alphonse Elric: And i know you two are really only half siblings but still

Alphonse Elric: Whats the deal with ur family

Mei <33: so winry talked to you

Alphonse Elric: She didnt have to tell me about lan fans feelings

Alphonse Elric: Spend enough time with them and u get it but

Mei <33: our family’s always been hella old fashioned

Mei <33: really super traditional

Mei <33: not to mention the fact that our dad is neck deep in china’s political world

Mei <33: ling’s not expected to follow in his footsteps but

Mei <33: as the oldest legitimate son he’s got less freedom than the rest of us

Mei <33: as in either he joins dad in the corrupted hellhole of politics or he marries some CEO’s daughter to get connections

Mei <33: and the one thing ling hates is being forced to do something

Alphonse Elric: Well

Alphonse Elric: And i wont pretend i know what lan fan feels

Alphonse Elric: But id feel like shit if i wished that someone i had feelings for reciprocated those feelings while knowing theyd have to do something they hated in order to be with me

Mei <33: i won’t try to assume anything either

Mei <33: but i don’t think you're too far off the mark there


Winry Rockbell to Wannabe Alchemist: hey

Winry Rockbell: i know its kind of sudden

Winry Rockbell: and u prob have other things to do

Wannabe Alchemist: nah im free shoot

Winry Rockbell: could u maybe come with me this weekend

Wannabe Alchemist: …are u sure

Wannabe Alchemist: i mean of course ill go

Wannabe Alchemist: hell even if i had a meeting with the goddamn president id skip it to go anywhere with u

Wannabe Alchemist: but i dont want to

Wannabe Alchemist: overstep my right or anything

Winry Rockbell: no ed u could never impose

Winry Rockbell: its just been kind of a shit year

Winry Rockbell: i dont know if i can handle going to visit them alone this time

Wannabe Alchemist: dont worry

Wannabe Alchemist: im there for u

Wannabe Alchemist: whatever u need

Winry Rockbell: i

Winry Rockbell: thanks ed

Wannabe Alchemist: theyd be proud of u win

Winry Rockbell: :)

Winry Rockbell: not to degrade ur sentiment or anything

Winry Rockbell: because damn ed u can be sweet

Winry Rockbell: but id do buttfuck anything besides meet with our president

Wannabe Alchemist: i read that as u would butt fuck anything but shit u right


Mei Chang to “3/10 WASNT EVEN THAT BAD” famous last words: paninya

Mei Chang: was that you outside my school

Mei Chang: trying to sell taylor swift tshirts?

Lan Fan: paninya what the hell

Paninya: ok HS GIRLS EAT TSWIFT UP

Mei Chang: sounds fake but okay

Mei Chang: also you looked stalkerish as hell

Mei Chang: my principal was going to call the police

Winry Rockbell: just burn them in a rusty can like the ratchet ho u are

Paninya: what is This Disrespect™

Paninya: n pls im not gonna burn them that merch cost me lk 984759 bucks

Lan Fan: sounds fake but ok

Ling Yao: and why tf would u sell them taylor swift is finally getting interesting

Paninya: r u kidding me

Paninya: on twitter with all her snakes n shit

Paninya: up in here tryin to jump on the edgelord train lk

Paninya: girl too little too late n im DONE

Winry Rockbell: yeah shes finally being savage af isnt this what u signed up for

Paninya: hey

Paninya: i signed up for Drama Taylor

Paninya: this is just plain whoring for attention

Alphonse Elric: Not sure those terms are mutually exclusive

Edward Elric: HOLY FUCK

Lan Fan: speaking of whoring for attention

Edward Elric: I GOT MUSTANG TO PLAY LEAGUE

Edward Elric: went straight for brand the dumb fucking pyromaniac

Alphonse Elric: Can i just remind u that ur first time ur jerk ass went right for garen

Edward Elric: GAREN is a PERFECTLY FUCKING GOOD CHAMPION TO GO FOR WHEN UR A NOOB DUMBASS

Alphonse Elric: Sounds fake but ok

Ling Yao: and a bit like neds trying to compensate for something

Edward Elric: U TRIED AHRI FIRST AND GOT DEMOLISHED DO U REALLY WANNA GO U FUCKING DESK LAMP

Edward Elric: U ALL AINT SHIT

Lan Fan: its yaint

Ling Yao: u uncultured fuck

Paninya: k first of all

Paninya: lol is a game for 13 year old prepubescent boys

Lan Fan: so perfect for edward

Edward Elric: DONT FUCKING TRY U KNOW UR A HO FOR AKALI

Edward Elric: ,,,,,,,,

Edward Elric: dont say 3/10 u know i would rather fucking die

Lan Fan: then perish

Alphonse Elric: Ed did U make that whale noise

Alphonse Elric: What was that?? u need some ice??

Ling Yao: he needs a fucking ambulance is what he needs

Winry Rockbell: the real question here is

Winry Rockbell: paninya???? can actually spell???????? words???????? whAT??????

Paninya: SECOND OF ALL

Paninya: any of u want tswift shirts hmu (◡‿◡✿)

Alphonse Elric: Why would any of us buy ur used taylor swift shirts

Edward Elric: also taylor swift is fucking great why the fuck would u sell them

Mei Chang: ……….

Winry Rockbell: ………..

Alphonse Elric: ……………………

Paninya: ,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,

Lan Fan changed the chat name to ill take edward elric is fake Punk Rock™ for 800 alex

Edward Elric: OI U CAN BE PUNK ROCK AND STILL LISTEN TO GUILTY PLEASURE POP

Winry Rockbell: SOUNDS FAKE BUT OK


Rosé Thomas added Winry Rockbell, Mei Chang, Alphonse Elric, Edward Elric, Roy Mustang, and Riza Hawkeye to Unnamed

Paninya changed the chat name to PROJECT LINGFAN

Paninya: ALRIGHT LISTEN UP

Alphonse Elric: What the hell is lingfan

Paninya: PLS WITHHOLD ALL QUESTIONS TILL THE END OF THE BRIEFING MY PRECIOUS CHILD

Winry Rockbell: she continues??? to spell????? correctly????????

Winry Rockbell: what i am amazed?????????????

Paninya: ROCKBELL FULL OFFENSE STFU

Winry Rockbell: rude

Paninya: SO EVERYONE HERE KNOWS OUR GOOD FRIEND LING YAO AKA SHIFTY AKA MONKEY BOI AKA CO-PRES OF THE MARTIAL ARTS/DANCE TROUPE YEA

Mei Chang: if i say no can i leave

Paninya: AND EVERYONE ALSO KNOWS MY SPICY GIRL LIGHT OF MY LIFE LAN FAN AKA DEFINITION OF BADASS AKA EDS WORST NIGHTMARE AKA CO-PRES OF THE MARTIAL ARTS/DANCE TROUPE YEA

Edward Elric: she is not my worst fucking nightmare

Mei Chang: so you don’t turn into a stuttering baby every time she brings up 3/10?

Edward Elric: U WERENT THERE U DONT FUCKING K N O W

Paninya: AND EVERYONE HERE KNOWS THAT THOSE 2 HAVE THE BIGGEST RAGING BONERS FOR EACH OTHER THAT ANYONES EVER FUCKIN SEEN YEA

Winry Rockbell: i feel like there was a better way of putting that

Edward Elric: wait hold THE FUCK UP

Edward Elric: ur fucking with me right

Roy Mustang: yes edward

Roy Mustang: she made an entire separate chat

Roy Mustang: and invited all these people

Roy Mustang: just so she could fuck with you

Alphonse Elric: Thats literally what the normal group chat is for wtf ned

Edward Elric: what the UTTER FUCK????

Edward Elric: LING AND LAN FAN????????

Rosé Thomas: You were right winry he’s blind

Alphonse Elric: Dude how the hell are u so ignorant

Riza Hawkeye: Edward are you really unaware of this

Edward Elric: HOW DO U ALL KNOW ABOUT THIS WHAT THE FUCK

Roy Mustang: id ask if you saw them at the floor party but

Roy Mustang: i remembered you were too busy practicing for your x factor audition

Paninya: OK ED SINCE UR CLEARLY THE OBLIVIOUSEST FUCKING PERSON ON THE FACE OF THE GODDAMN PLANET

Winry Rockbell: obliviousest

Winry Rockbell: i knew it wouldnt last

Paninya: LET ME JUST HIT U WITH SOME EXAMPLES

Paninya: LAN FAN NEVER BLUSHES UNLESS U MENTION LING TO HER AND THEYVE KNOWN EACH OTHER SINCE C H I L D H O O D

Paninya: EVERY TIME E V E R Y  T I M E LINGS DRUNK HE WHISPERS AT ME HOW COOL AND GREAT AND AMAZING LAN FAN IS

Paninya: WHEN LAN FAN SHATTERED HER ARM IN FRESHMAN YEAR LING CARRIED HER HALFWAY TO THE DAMN HOSPITAL AND SLEPT NEXT TO HER SICKBED FOR THE ENTIRE WEEK SHE WAS THERE

Roy Mustang: he threatened to and i quote ‘key your face’ if you bothered her again

Winry Rockbell: lan fan only shattered her arm that time because some dumbass thugs tried to jump ling in order to threaten his dad

Mei Chang: whenever lan fan doesn't answer him right away he gets all huffy and paces for hours and checks his phone like 500 times until she replies LIKE SHE ALWAYS DOES

Mei Chang: then he gets the most obnoxious shit eating grin on his face

Paninya: LITERALLY TODAY OK RIZA CAN CONFIRM IM WALKIN TO MEET LAN FAN FOR PSYCH

Paninya: AND I SEE HER PRACTICING A FUCKING KARATE MOVE OR SOME SHIT WITH LING ON THE QUAD

Paninya: SHE STARTS LAUGHING AND I SWEAR ON MY FANTASTIC ASS LING STARES AT HER FOR 10 WHOLE MINS

Paninya: SHES BENDING HIS LEG FARTHER THAN ANY LEG SHOULD BEND AND HES LOOKING AT HER LIKE SHES THE ONLY DAMN THING WORTH KNOWING IN THE ENTIRE FUCKIN UNIVERSE

Paninya: THIS HAS BEEN HAPPENIN FOR YEARS

Paninya: I CANT EVEN WITH THEIR UNNECESSARY ANGST ANYMORE

Paninya: THEY NEED TO GET THEIR SHIT TOGETHER BEFORE I ACTUALLY FUCKIN EXPLODE JFC (╯✿◕益◕)╯︵ ┻━┻

Riza Hawkeye: That is indeed what happened

Rosé Thomas: And that’s why we made this chat

Rosé Thomas: So all of you can experience our pain

Edward Elric: ,,,,,,

Alphonse Elric: Seriously wtf is a lingfan


Mei Chang to pacific rim uprising is the sequel we didnt know we wanted and always needed no one fight me on this: you all know my name is mei right?

Paninya: first time im hearin it

Mei Chang: because my calc teacher doesn't

Winry Rockbell: oh god what does he call u

Mei Chang: literally ‘mee’

Edward Elric: RIP IN FUCKING PEACE

Paninya: wot in tarnation

Ling Yao: u mean wot in pronunciation

Mei Chang: mee-eye is okay

Mei Chang: mYE sure

Mei Chang: but MEE

Paninya: dw a teacher called me panYEA once

Paninya: lk??? bless u????

Alphonse Elric: Gesundheit

Paninya: U ARE GERMAN i was so fuckin right

Ling Yao: saying gesundheit is hella common now but aight

Edward Elric: omfg

Edward Elric: PETITION TO CALL PANINYA PANYEAH FROM NOW ON

Lan Fan: panno

Winry Rockbell: a teacher called me wine-ry in fifth grade

Winry Rockbell: how in the actual fuck could u mess win-ree up

Edward Elric: maybe bc u were indeed hella whiny

Winry Rockbell: at least she knew i was there u were too smol to see over the table

Alphonse Elric: Thats true

Alphonse Elric: Better loud than nonexistent

Edward Elric: GTFO AL I WAS FUCKING TALLER THAN U

Paninya: “was”

Mei Chang: in any case i’m done trying to correct him

Mei Chang: hello yes my name is mee

Ling Yao: and wen it nite

Paninya: wtf r u on ling yao n where can i get some

Winry Rockbell: its another fucking meme i stg

Winry Rockbell: lan fan pls control this boy

Lan Fan: the kalc teachre cannt saye it rhite

Ling Yao: vINdICatION

 

Edward Elric to PROJECT LINGFAN: fuck this they gotta be in love


Alphonse Elric to Tol (enough to reach my knees): Hey

Alphonse Elric: Just thought i should tell u

Alphonse Elric: I saw a guy ask winry out at starbucks today

Tol (enough to reach my knees): and why the fuck do u think i care

Alphonse Elric: Oh dont fucking try with me ed

Alphonse Elric: U may not have seen a project lingfan coming fine

Tol (enough to reach my knees): do u still not know what it is

Alphonse Elric: But u and winry are so obvious even u cant possibly NOT see it

Alphonse Elric: And as much as u want to cover it up or hide it or cuss it out of ur life

Alphonse Elric: This has been happening since we were kids and u cant just keep avoiding it anymore

Tol (enough to reach my knees): did u actually just fucking swear at me

Alphonse Elric: Ill keep fucking swearing at u till u get ur damn feelings together

Tol (enough to reach my knees): i cant believe ur fucking swearing at me

Alphonse Elric: I cant believe ur trying to change the subject

Tol (enough to reach my knees): what the fuck do u want me to say al

Alphonse Elric: I want u to stop avoiding ur feelings and admit it bothers u

Tol (enough to reach my knees): ok FINE IT BOTHERS ME OK

Tol (enough to reach my knees): IT BOTHERS ME THAT I CARE ABOUT SAYING MY USUAL DUMBASS FUCKING THINGS IN FRONT OF HER

Tol (enough to reach my knees): IT BOTHERS ME THAT SHE COULD LITERALLY KICK MY ASS AND AFTERWARDS ID PROBABLY THANK HER

Tol (enough to reach my knees): IT BOTHERS ME THAT IM ANGRY THAT SOME DOUCHECANOE ASKED HER THE FUCK OUT WHEN I DONT HAVE THE FUCKING BALLS TO

Tol (enough to reach my knees): ARE U FUCKING SATISFIED

Alphonse Elric: I suppose

Tol (enough to reach my knees): U FUCKING S U P P O S E??????

Alphonse Elric: Also u should prob know she told the guy she didnt speak english and got the hell out of that starbucks without her frap

Tol (enough to reach my knees): wait isnt that what ling said when he got caught climbing a museum last year

Alphonse Elric: Yeah

Tol (enough to reach my knees): it barely worked when ling said it

Alphonse Elric: Yeahhhhhhhh


Winry Rockbell to Mulan but Better: hey theyre selling stroop waffles outside the bio building

Winry Rockbell: i can grab some for u if ur in class

Winry Rockbell: wait

Winry Rockbell: is that u in line

Winry Rockbell: are u wearing a lab coat

Winry Rockbell: u ran out of class didnt u

Winry Rockbell: did u not even bother to take off ur goggles u look like a nerdy terminator

Winry Rockbell: how many are u buying holy shit

Winry Rockbell: ARE U STUFFING THEM IN UR LABORATORY COAT POCKETS

Winry Rockbell: DID U JUST N A R U T O  R U N OUT OF THE QUAD

Mulan but Better: why are you still asking me you know the answers yes

 

Roy Mustang to My Queen™: theyre selling stroop waffles right now

My Queen: Has ling gotten there yet

Roy Mustang: theyre no longer selling stroop waffles right now


Rosé Thomas to 7 excellents and LAN FAN THE WAFFLE TRAITOR: It’s official

Rosé Thomas: Mustang won the bet

Winry Rockbell: wow i forgot that was still going on

Maria Ross: how’s ed taking it

Rosé Thomas: Oh

Rosé Thomas: How you would think he’d take it

Paninya: EYYYY EDS GONNA ATTRACT THE CAMPUS POPO AGAIN

Rosé Thomas: Ling is significantly calmer but

Rosé Thomas: He seems almost frightened about something

Lan Fan: what did they bet anyway

Riza Hawkeye: Roy didnt tell me

Mei Chang: from what al tells me you two are practically married?

Riza Hawkeye: Ill get it out of him

Paninya: thats scary n kinky at the same time

 

Roy Mustang to PROJECT LINGFAN (WHAT IS A LINGFAN SOMEONE TELL ME ALREADY): if ling lost the bet he had to choose

Roy Mustang: either actually outright confess to lan fan

Roy Mustang: or end whatever it is they have

Rosé Thomas: Hawkeye works quick

Paninya: Y TF WOULD U GIVE HIM THE SECOND OPTION

Paninya: ALL THEY NEED TO DO IS STOP DANCIN AROUND EACH OTHER N BANG

Alphonse Elric: Paninya its more complicated than that

Paninya: WHAT IN THE 7TH RING OF HELL COULD BE SO COMPLICATED ABOUT THIS

Mei Chang: long story short

Mei Chang: our family's shit deep in politics

Mei Chang: either ling gets in there shit deep too or he's married off

Edward Elric: well fuck

Paninya: HOLD THE FUCKING PHONE Y TF AM I ONLY HEARING ABOUT THIS NOW

Riza Hawkeye: This is a familys private situation paninya

Riza Hawkeye: You cant go telling just anyone about it

Rosé Thomas: Lan fan knows

Rosé Thomas: When she messaged me after the party i found out that this is why she was so upset

Rosé Thomas: Apparently a drunk ling told her that she should leave him

Winry Rockbell: what?? why???

Rosé Thomas: Because ‘he’s scared about what would happen if he stopped caring and she deserves better than a coward’

Roy Mustang: riza and i were in a similar situation but things worked themselves out for us

Roy Mustang: i dont know how yao could get out of this without anyone getting hurt

Paninya: well now i feel like shit

Mei Chang: welcome to my world

Edward Elric: nah

Winry Rockbell: what do u mean nah

Edward Elric: i dont buy it

Edward Elric: this whole cowardly martyr act is bullshit

Alphonse Elric: Ed nows not the time to be rude

Edward Elric: ur all acting like lings got no chance

Edward Elric: dude may be an idiot but hes not dumb and hes too greedy for cowardliness

Edward Elric: no way in hell hes going to give up just because his asshole family says so

Mei Chang: no lie there

Edward Elric: if anyones going to find a way its him consequences be damned

Rosé Thomas: Wow

Mei Chang: wow indeed

Paninya: so you rlly can be smooth sometimes ed

Edward Elric: fuck right off to hell dick muffin

Winry Rockbell: there he is

Riza Hawkeye: I guess its safe to say lingfan might happen after all

Alphonse Elric: chRIST ON A BIKE WILL SOMEONE PLS EXPLAIN WHAT IN THE UTTER HELL LINGFAN IS


Winry Rockbell to Wholesome: al

Winry Rockbell: ed is continually surprising

Wholesome: Well

Wholesome: Now ull never get bored

Wholesome: and now that ur never bored TELL ME WHAT LINGFAN IS

Winry Rockbell: Read at 4:36 PM


Mei Chang to Secret Swiftie: remember how you came to my school and almost got arrested?

Mei Chang: a couple of girls are asking about your tshirts

Secret Swiftie: call it what u want is a fuckin eargasm I TAKE IT ALL BACK ALL OF IT

Secret Swiftie: I HAVE HEARD AN ACTUAL REAL LIFE A N G E L

Mei Chang: great i’ll tell them you died


Lan Fan to WHOS FAKE PUNK ROCK NOW U FILTHY FUCKING HYPOCRITES P A N I N Y A: has anyone seen my book

Paninya: what book is it

Lan Fan: howard’s end

Alphonse Elric: Forsters great

Winry Rockbell: sorry i havent

Lan Fan: its fine i probably left it in the studio

Paninya: y u always gotta read depressing ass books

Lan Fan: i dont

Paninya: last book u read the girl threw herself under a train or smth

Winry Rockbell: oh i know that one

Winry Rockbell: anna karenina

Winry Rockbell: yeah that ones depressing af pans got a point

Edward Elric: howards end has a happy ending actually

Edward Elric: if ur into all that romantic shit

Alphonse Elric: …..

Lan Fan: ……..

Mei Chang: ,,,,,,,,,,

Paninya: edward wtf

Edward Elric: we had to read it in hs fuck off

Winry Rockbell: i was unaware u actually read it

Alphonse Elric: I was unaware u actually could read

Ling Yao: oi i was just kicked out of the dining hall

Ling Yao: what kind of DISRESPECT

Paninya: k but u were eatin all the soup

Ling Yao: is that a crime now

Ling Yao: i think the fuck not

Winry Rockbell: u took the entire pot ling

Lan Fan: you didnt even try to be stealthy about it you just ran back to your seat giggling

Mei Chang: how are they just kicking you out now?

Lan Fan: oh they have

Lan Fan: he climbs back in through the window

Edward Elric: last week u complained the rice wasnt cooked

Ling Yao: have u????? had the rice here??????? itS C R U N C H Y

Edward Elric: jfc lower ur standards ur highness this is college

Lan Fan: you dont pay 70K a year to eat

Paninya: just suck it up lk the rest of us

Winry Rockbell: its either this or starve yao

Ling Yao: :O

Ling Yao changed the chat name to fake friends™


Alphonse Elric to The Alcohol Mom™: WHAT IS A LINGFAN

The Alcohol Mom™: (ノ◕ヮ◕)ノ*:・゚✧ 

Alphonse Elric: +゚*。:゚+凸(◕‿◕✿)+゚*。:゚+

The Alcohol Mom™: i did not???? raise u????

The Alcohol Mom™: to be lk this???????

Alphonse Elric: U didnt raise me at all

The Alcohol Mom™: ok true

 

Alphonse Elric to My Good Hotman: I still have ur xbox controllers

Alphonse Elric: I will throw all of them out my window unless u tell me what a lingfan is

My Good Hotman: new phone who dis

Alphonse Elric: And theyre gone

 

Alphonse Elric to cAn yOU FEeL iT Now mR KRAbs: What the everloving fuck do i have to murder to find out what the shit lingfan is?????¿¿¿¿¿

Lan Fan: …..

Alphonse Elric: Ah

Alphonse Elric: Wrong chat

Paninya: (✿◉‿◉)

Winry Rockbell: AL FOR THE LOV EOF

Winry Rockbell kicked Lan Fan from the chat

Winry Rockbell kicked Ling Yao from the chat

Mei Chang: you know they can still see previous messages

Edward Elric: fuckkkkkk

Paninya: well

Paninya: first time not directin this at edward

Paninya: duuuuuude u fucked up


Alphonse Elric to “i am not meme trash” i Am nOtT mEMEe TraASh: Hold on

Alphonse Elric kicked Ling Yao from the chat

Alphonse Elric: So all of u here know about lan fan and ling right

Alphonse Elric: I am sitting on ed rn hurry tf up

Jean Havoc: ye

Denny Brosh: Oh yeah

Roy Mustang: jesus christ alphonse really

Alphonse Elric: ARE U FAMILIAR WITH THE TERM LINGFAN

Denny Brosh: Thats like their ship name right

Denny Brosh: I literally only know this because of maria

Jean Havoc: sounds fake but ok

Roy Mustang: are you satisfied now al

Alphonse Elric: What the fucking hell is a ship name

Alphonse Elric: FuCKIGJ I ED GOTOUT GOTTA R UN

Roy Mustang: well

Roy Mustang added Ling Yao to the chat


Alphonse Elric changed the chat name to PROJECT LINGFAN (I HOPE U ALL DIE VIA SNAPCHAT HOTDOG OVERLOAD)


Panko to Lan Fan: hey r u ok

Panko: i saved u a seat in psych but u didnt look over

Panko: is this about kickin u out of the squad chat

Lan Fan: do they all know

Panko: uh kno what

Lan Fan: does everyone know paninya

Panko: if i answer will u promise not to disappear again

Panko: lan fan??

Panko: no one told anyone else about it if thats what ur angry about

Panko: we all figured it out by ourselves

Panko: well except for ed but that boi is dumb af

Panko: n im not sayin u guys were obvious or anything it took a while until we saw it

Lan Fan: ok

Lan Fan: i think im going to go back to my grandfathers for the weekend

Panko: pls dont drop off the face of the earth again

Lan Fan: i wont

Lan Fan: i was going to go back anyway and

Lan Fan: space is good

Panko: ur not the only one in this lan fan

Panko: no matter how much u wont see it

Lan Fan: (◠‿◠✿)


Winry Rockbell to PROJECT LINGFAN (ALPHONSE ELRIC DONE FUCKED UP YALL): so lan fans gone

Winry Rockbell: when did u say ling had to make a choice mustang

Roy Mustang: i didnt??

Rosé Thomas: …….

Edward Elric: u said he had to make a decision and DIDNT GIVE HIM A SHITDAMN DEADLINE

Edward Elric: ITS NEVER GONNA HAPPEN NOW HONDA

Paninya: well thats just great chevrolet

Riza Hawkeye: You really didnt think this through bmw

Roy Mustang: wow

Roy Mustang: at least i didnt blow our cover

Alphonse Elric: Dont throw me under the bus with u toyota at least im repentant

Paninya: alright well now that lamborgini royally fucked up

Winry Rockbell: “lamborgini”

Winry Rockbell: so close

Edward Elric: so what the fuck is gonna happen now

Paninya: get it

Paninya: ROYally

Mei Chang: i will slap you

Paninya: damn how do u deal with ling if puns piss u off

Winry Rockbell: ok mei can talk to ling bc she lives with him

Mei Chang: unfortunately

Rosé Thomas: I don’t know if lan fan will be willing to talk

Rosé Thomas: She used an emoji again

Roy Mustang: i could try but im not sure how she will respond to someone outside of your friend group

Mei Chang: actually i’ll talk to her

Mei Chang: someone else tackle my brother

Paninya: idk how to speak fuccboi language one of the guys gotta do it

Winry Rockbell: after roy and als fuckups who else can we choose

Edward Elric: RUDE

Roy Mustang: sit down you didnt even know they were a thing

Edward Elric: MAYBE BC I DONT POKE MY FUCKING NOSE INTO OTHER PPLS BUSINESS

Alphonse Elric: Well ofc u physically cant ned

Winry Rockbell: can u even see other ppl without platform shoes

Mei Chang: or a ladder

Edward Elric: UR FUCKING SHORTER THAN ME JFC


Mei Chang to Ed’s Worst Nightmare: you don’t have to answer me if you don’t want to

Mei Chang: i just hope you read this and understand

Mei Chang: my brother has never taken anything seriously in his entire life

Mei Chang: he hates being told what to do and he doesn’t waste time on anything he doesn’t like and he isn’t stupid

Mei Chang: you know all of this

Mei Chang: what i don’t think you know is that you make him stupid

Mei Chang: you make him ridiculous and stubborn and happy and better than he is

Mei Chang: i’ve seen him waste days and weeks away with you

Mei Chang: i’ve seen him become steel itself for you

Mei Chang: i’ve seen him plot and think himself into oblivion for a way to keep you out of our father’s greasy hands and i know that if he can’t do it my brother would do anything our family told him to do for you

Mei Chang: but i know you know he can

Mei Chang: you think you’ll torment him by making him choose?

Mei Chang: my brother has been tormenting himself for far longer i think than even you have

Mei Chang: please don’t break his heart as well


Paninya to milk: hate it, shouting: always, music taste: shite = I AM FORCIBLY SHUT INTO THE BODY OF A SIX YEAR OLD: RIZA TOLD ME THERE IS A PETTING ZOO 3 MILES AWAY YALL MEET AT MY CAR IN 5

Edward Elric: we’re already fucking here

Ling Yao: lol weve been here for an hour

Alphonse Elric: Mustangs been holding a komodo dragon for approx half that time

Mei Chang: winry drove us and there are llamas

Winry Rockbell: i am surrounded by puppies rn am i dead

Paninya: bitch u r to me im writin u all out of my will CLEARLY ALL MY M8S ARE SHIT


Edward Elric to Weak: look

Edward Elric: im not going to be that pretentious asshole who knows everything about ur life

Edward Elric: shit my ignorant ass didnt even know about u and lan fan until the other fuckasses told me

Edward Elric: but now i physically cant unsee the fact that ur pining just as much as she is and whatever reason is holding u back shouldnt be

Edward Elric: and its literally killing me to say this but

Edward Elric: ur a smartass but ur also just plain clever

Edward Elric: ull figure a way around it

Edward ELric: …..

Edward Elric: if u screenshot this ill kill u


Ling Yao to Sister Mine: mei

Ling Yao: meiiiiiii

Sister Mine: i’m literally right next to you what

Ling Yao: have u ever seen lan fan with her hair down

Sister Mine: once during the floor party you all snuck me into

Sister Mine: you had your arm around her

Sister Mine: why do you ask?

Ling Yao: her hair tie broke a few days ago and she was fussing with it and i couldnt breathe

Sister Mine: when her hair is down?

Ling Yao: up, down, soaking, gone

Ling Yao: she takes my breath away, mei

Ling Yao: she takes my breath away no matter what she does, or says, or looks like

Ling Yao: and i am a coward

Sister Mine: you may be right

Ling Yao: are you ashamed of me?

Sister Mine: that depends

Sister Mine: what do you plan to do about it


Paninya to Daughter-in-Law: damnnnn ur good chang

Daughter-in-Law: i am aware


Lan Fan to Literal Monkey™: hey

Lan Fan: i know its 5 am and youre probably not even awake

Lan Fan: and this is probably useless anyway considering ive been transparent as all hell

Lan Fan: but i dont think sleep is an option until i tell you

Lan Fan: youre ridiculous

Lan Fan: youre ridiculous and full of it and infuriating and reckless and beautiful and just so so idiotic

Lan Fan: id have to be too i guess

Lan Fan: to be in love with you even after all of it

Lan Fan: and i really am just that

Lan Fan: idiotic and in love with you

Literal Monkey™: thanks

Lan Fan: is that

Lan Fan: did you just breakfast at tiffanys me

Literal Monkey™: yes because you would understand it

Literal Monkey™: you understand lan fan

Literal Monkey™: every shitty meme or reference or word i say you’ll always always understand

Literal Monkey™: just like how you understand that im all those things you said i was

Literal Monkey™: im reckless and infuriating and indecisive and greedy and far too ridiculous to deserve you and you understand that

Literal Monkey™: and if youre idiotic for being in love with me then im a hundred times more and you understand why too

Lan Fan: i think you have too much faith in me

Literal Monkey™: i think you have too little

Literal Monkey™: come to your window

Lan Fan: what why

Literal Monkey™: because its hard to type when im barely holding onto your window frame and looking like a hero straight out of an austen novel and honestly id rather told you how much im in love with you in person

Literal Monkey™: convention and all that

Lan Fan: well alright then


Paninya changed the chat name to IT FINALLY FUCKING HAPPENED LADS LINGFAN IS REAL FUCKING CHRIST NO MORE ANGST I AM LIBERATEDDDD

Alphonse Elric: Great so can someone pls explain wtf a ship name is now

Edward Elric: Read at 8:09 AM


Ed’s Worst Nightmare to Mei Chang: he makes me stupid too

Ed’s Worst Nightmare: your brother

Mei Chang: love often does


Ling Yao to if the men find out we can shapeshift they’re going to tell the church: edward elric u weasel

Ling Yao: u havent held up ur end of the bet yet

Edward Elric: who tf are u calling a weasel mr indecisive as FUCK

Alphonse Elric: What did mustang bet him anyway

Ling Yao: shhh its a surprise

Mei Chang: surprise as in that time i scared dad so hard he fell on his ass surprise or surprise as in that time you put 10 live scorpions in his office drawer surprise?

Lan Fan: surprise as in that time we replaced your dads coffee with pond water surprise

Winry Rockbell: none of u should have children

Edward Elric: stop fucking saying surprise now it looks weird

Paninya: oi surprise is a great surprising word stfu edward u fuckin surprise me sometimes with ur surprise

Ling Yao: surprise bitch

Lan Fan: i bet you thought youd seen the last of me

Alphonse Elric: Seems like its ur eyes thatre surprising u ed surprise is just surprise

Edward Elric: u can all fucking suck my ass

Paninya: hold on i cant believe ling told lan fan what the surprise was and not us?????

Paninya: im surprised wtf happened to bros before hos ling

Ling Yao: what can i say

Ling Yao: im a very surprising person

Winry Rockbell: im more surprised lan fan didnt kill him for surprisingly agreeing to make her part of a bet

Lan Fan: bet or not we would still end up here so

Lan Fan: not very surprising

Edward Elric: fucking kill me now

Mei Chang: that can be arranged

Mei Chang: would you like a surprising cause of death?

Alphonse Elric: As long as the surprise is public ill be there

Alphonse Elric: I can be thoroughly surprised in person

Ling Yao: it shouldnt surprise u that making it public must always be a surprisingly huge part of any wager with edward

Alphonse Elric: Surprisingly it doesnt surprise me

Winry Rockbell: to be surprisingly honest if i didnt know so much about ling and meis dad id be surprised u 2 were so surprisingly nasty towards him

Ling Yao: surprisingly i would be surprised as well

Paninya added Roy Mustang, Riza Hawkeye, Jean Havoc, and Rebecca Catalina to the chat

Roy Mustang: i hear edward is surprisingly ready to fulfill his bet

Roy Mustang: dont worry its sure to be very surprising

Edward Elric: OH FOR FUCKS SAKE

Riza Hawkeye: I am surprised at your attitude ed

Riza Hawkeye: It shouldnt surprise you that we would also torture you with surprises

Jean Havoc: surprise surprise surprise surprise surprise surprise surprise surprise surprise?

Edward Elric has left the chat


Lan Fan to Katniss with a Gun: fuck tradition right

Katniss with a Gun: Yep


Smol to Edward Elric: I know u have my ds give it back

Smol: Its not in my bag and ur a shitty thief

Edward Elric: fucking fight me u lil shit

Smol: Ur 5’4 i could literally pick u up

Smol: Dont make me sit on u again

Edward Elric: I WAS NAPPING AND U FUCKING TACKLED ME U ROTTING WEEDHACKER

Edward Elric: U THINK I CANT TAKE U ON BITCH I COULD WIPE U ALL OUT

Smol: Oh hey lan fans here now ling can stop moaning

Smol: I could stop her looking over my shoulder but

Edward Elric: OH M Y GUFKDCING GOD OK U CAN HAVE UR SHITTY GAME BACK JESUS DONT EVEN MENTION 3/10

Smol: Shes asking if she needs to have a talk with u

Edward Elric: i will never touch a ds ever again in my life pls let me live thank u praise tCHRIST AND THE BICYCLE HE RIDES


Rebecca Catalina to MEET AT THE SCIENCE BUILDING FOR THE BEST FUCKING THING UVE EVER GODDAMN SEEN: PLS TELL ME SOMEONE GOT THAT ON VIDEO

Ling Yao: THAT MIGHT BE THE BEST FUCKING RICKROLL IN THE HISTORY OF ASTLEY HIMGODDAMNSELF

Alphonse Elric: HOW TF CAN U EVEN SPELL ALL THOSE LYRICS OUT IN PERIODIC TABLE ELEMENTS

Rebecca Catalina: AND I THOUGHT HIS FUCKING MAD WORLD RENDITION WAS GOLD

Jean Havoc: EDS GOT SPICY MOVES THOSE THRUSTS THOUGHHHHH

Lan Fan: youre welcome

Paninya: HE GOT SO FUCKING INTO IT THE LIL

Paninya: THE S A S S IN THOSE JAZZ HANDS OH MY

Mei Chang sent a video in the chat

Mei Chang: GOT IT FROM ONE OF HIS CLUB MEMBERS

Roy Mustang: edward really knows his way around a tabLE

Ling Yao: thats all thanks to my girlfriend so again ur goddamn welcomE HAHAHA OMG

Ling Yao: I WAS LAUGIHNG TOO HARD TO SEE EARLIER BUT 2 FRESHIES GET UP AND JOIN HIM HOLY SHIT???????

Alphonse Elric: Thats it this is going on youtube

Paninya: NEVER GONNA GIVE U UP NEVER GONNA LET U DOWNNNN

Edward Elric: great fucking laugh it up dickwads

Ling Yao: will edward elric run around and desert you

Lan Fan: nah those hips dont lie

Paninya: NEVER GONNA SAY GOODBYEEEEEE

 

Edward Elric to Crazy Mechanic: so

Edward Elric: i didnt see u in the chem room with the rest of those shitholes we call friends to watch prob the lowest point ive ever reached

Crazy Mechanic: yeah i sort of got held up jeremy in compsci asked me out

Crazy Mechanic: i was there for the last part though and damn ed u were HELLA into it

Edward Elric: stfu that was part of the bet

Crazy Mechanic: sounds fake but ok

Edward Elric: so he asked u out whatd u say

Crazy Mechanic: turned him down

Crazy Mechanic: hes nice but eh

Crazy Mechanic: u know he asked if i had someone else

Edward Elric: oh

Edward Elric: so i guess u told him to fuck right off to hell right

Crazy Mechanic: i said yeah

Edward Elric: ,,,,,,,,,oh so just like to get him off ur back

Crazy Mechanic: nah

Edward Elric: ,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,ok so

Edward Elric: u do actually,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,have,,,,,,,,,,idk

Crazy Mechanic: kind of

Edward Elric: kiND OF????? HOW CAN U KIND OF HAVE SOMEONE??????

Crazy Mechanic: it depends

Crazy Mechanic: hes kind of a handful

Crazy Mechanic: rude and annoying and really damn ignorant but

Crazy Mechanic: he can be sweet too at the most surprising moments

Crazy Mechanic: he swears at his friend so much one minute and then later hes telling the guy hes clever enough to figure a way out with this girl he loves

Crazy Mechanic: ive known him since childhood and half the time i think i know everything about how his mind works and the other half i dont know what to expect

Crazy Mechanic: and idk if thats a good thing or a bad thing

Crazy Mechanic: but i think id be down to find out

Crazy Mechanic: it also kind of depends on how he feels about it

Edward Elric: ,,,,,,,,,so how does he feel

Crazy Mechanic: idk

Crazy Mechanic: but im talking to him rn so i think ill know soon enough

Edward Elric: so its prob because im really damn ignorant

Edward Elric: and also prob because its cold outside and i forgot to bring a jacket before driving back to campus so now im heading for ur dorm in a tshirt but u should prob spell it out for me in case im completely wrong

Crazy Mechanic: yes im talking about u

Crazy Mechanic: u dolt

Edward Elric: ok good because i lowkey love u a bit and highkey am about to freeze my fucking ass off out here

Crazy Mechanic: coming down

Crazy Mechanic: i lowkey love u a bit too


Rosé Thomas to PROJECT EDWIN (WHY ARE ALL OUR FRIENDS SO DUMB ABOUT LOVE): So does jeremy want cash or venmo

Ling Yao: already sent him the 20

Alphonse Elric: I still cant believe he actually agreed to do it

Paninya: I STILL CANT BELIEVE U THOUGHT EDWIN WAS JUST A RANDOM ASS NAME WE USED AS A COVER

Alphonse Elric: HOW TF WAS I SUPPOSED TO KNOW IT WAS ALSO A SHIP NAME

Lan Fan: al dont you have a tumblr

Paninya: what kind of goddamn millennial blogger doesnt kno what a ship name is

Alphonse Elric: It is literally just coffee pics and shit videos of ed ok let me live

Roy Mustang: i cant believe we had to go through months of scheming and yelling just to get you children to admit you like each other

Paninya: pls as if u didnt go through the same thing ferrari

Lan Fan: apparently you needed a whole regiment to help you ask riza out chrysler

Ling Yao: dont be a hypocrite nissan frontier u wouldve stalked hawkeye for months if she hadnt confronted u about it

Roy Mustang: and you heard all this from havoc i assume

Riza Hawkeye: No i told them jeep

Rosé Thomas: Wow i could hear volkswagen’s gasp of betrayal from my hall

Mei Chang: i’m just glad all this is over

Alphonse Elric: I swear on my entire ass getting ed to say anything about his feelings is like

Alphonse Elric: Getting a pentakill with veigar

Paninya: NEITHER OF U ARE ALLOWED TO SPEAK ME N ROSE HAVE BEEN SUFFERING SINCE FRESHMAN YEAR

Alphonse Elric: Uh weve lived with them our whole lives?????

Paninya: excuSE ME did U have to watch them fail to act normal around each other every day for 2 years?????

Paninya: i think the fUCK NOT u trick ass bitch

Alphonse Elric: :O ok uncalled for

Ling Yao: hey lan fan should we be offended

Lan Fan: i think we can let it slide this time

Paninya: U DONT KNOW HOW SHITE IT IS NOT TO TRY N PUT UR HEAD THROUGH A WINDOW WHEN I SEE ALL OF U MAKIN BEDROOM EYES AT EACH OTHER WHEN U THINK EVERYONE ELSE ISNT LOOKING

Rosé Thomas: It really is quite shite

Rosé Thomas: But i’m a hopeless romantic so it’s also kind of beautiful i guess


Edward Elric to if u wake me up inside i will go right the fuck back to sleep: what THE FUCK

Edward Elric: U FUCKING PLANNED THIS SHIT??????

Mei Chang: ned you have no right to be pissed you did the same damn thing

Winry Rockbell: paninya prepare to Die™

Ling Yao: w0w its not like she killed ur father or anything

Edward Elric: IM GOING TO STOMP ALL UR GODDAMN HEADS INTO FUCKING COW SHIT

Paninya: if u can even manage to reach my elbows ill bend down n offer my head TO u

Paninya: and u should be thanking me for gettin ur shit together for u

Winry Rockbell: +゚*。:゚+凸(◕‿◕✿)+゚*。:゚+

Paninya: :O

Paninya: THE ACTUAL DISRESPECT

Lan Fan: not to interrupt this Absolute Trainwreck

Lan Fan: but theyre selling krispy kreme in front of the law building

Alphonse Elric: ARE U SERIOUS

Paninya: I AM ON MY FUCKIN WAY

Paninya: geT REKT THERES A HUGE LINE

Edward Elric: SHIT SPRINT WIN WE GOTTA SPRINT

Edward Elric: SPRINT BEFORE YAO THE FUCKING BOTTOMLESS PIT GETS THERE

Ling Yao: Rude™

Alphonse Elric: Jesus christ ed i can hear ur shrieking from the library

Paninya: y r u even messaging each other ur literally 2 feet apart

Winry Rockbell: I SEE LAN FAN QUICK TRIP HER

Lan Fan: 3/10 elric

Edward Elric: WOW THIS BUSH IS LOOKING LIKE A GREAT PLACE TO FUCKING FADE INTO THE GODDAMN VOID SUDDENLY THANK YOU AND GOOD BYE

Mei Chang: i swear to god you lot are the most Extra™ college students

Paninya: ✧・゚: *✧・゚: * 〜( ̄▽ ̄〜) u kno it (〜 ̄▽ ̄)〜 * :゚・✧* :゚・✧

 

~fin~