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Dragons, Demons and Rising Snake Dudes

Chapter Text

The letter that starts it all

Dear Hokage of the Village Hidden in the Leaves,

My name is Albus Percival Wulfric Brian Dumbledore of Hogwarts School of Witchcraft and Wizardry.

I stumbled across Konoha School of Combat Magic whilst finding an Asian magical to request to take part in a tournament. This tournament is the Triwizard tournament, where three schools (including Hogwarts) take part in a friendly competition. I've already sent requests to five other schools, and like most things in life, the early bird gets the worm.

If you are able to join us in the competition, please send a reply right away. Term starts on September 1st (British Time) but the tournament will not take place for a while yet. The youngest that a champion can be is 17, but after a bit of research, I've come to realise that your school is not organised by age, but more on ability. So, if you would, some of your strongest would do quite nicely.

If you wish for your students to understand our culture better, they are free to join in on lessons.

Sleeping arrangements will be taken care of, and any specific food requests will surely delight our house-elves. The language barrier is also a problem, but I'm sure that you can handle that.

However, there is also the concern of a certain Dark Lord returning, so I have come to realise that this might put you and your students in danger.

Please reply no later than a week.

Yours Faithfully,

Albus Dumbledore.

P.S- A performance in our great hall will be greatly appreciated.

Dear Albus Percival Wulfric Brian Dumbledore,

I would be delighted to send my students to partake in this tournament of yours. I can only send one student, as many of the strongest are out doing 'field work'.

His name is Uzumaki Naruto (or in your language, Naruto Uzumaki) and he is one of my strongest students. As our name suggests, we focus mainly on the combat side of magic, so academic classes may do Naruto some good.

However, Naruto is emotionally unstable right now, due to an unfortunate occurrence some while ago. He will mostly likely try to kill/ hurt/ maim anyone insults them, and if this cannot be done, he will probably give them the evil eye for the rest of eternity.

To conclude my little speech on the mentality of my student; he is a mad as a hatter, as sly as a fox and very angry.



Tsunade Senju

Fifth Hokage of Konoha.

 Tsunade looked and was immensely pleased with herself. As she folded the letter and attached it to the owl, she giggled quietly to her self. Not only had she tricked some old geezer into thinking that Konoha was a school, she had also dumped her Naruto problems onto someone else for a while. Naruto needed some new and exciting places to keep him 'on his toes' and Britain was just the place.

Was Naruto going to be okay? Yes, he was going to be fine. Britain? Not so much.

She reached under her desk and pulled out a bottle of Sake. After downing over half of the bottle, she opened the window and watched as the owl flew away. She downed the rest of the bottle and dropped onto her desk with a clank as it hit the other seven, empty bottles.

Tsunade was drunk.

Extremely drunk.

"SHIZUNE~!" Tsunade bellowed, loudly.

The door flew open, and a panicked Shizune stumbled in.

"Lady Tsuande," She asked worriedly, "What is the matter? ARE YOU DRUNK?"

"Bring me Naruto, Shizune. And I believe you can answer the other question for yourself." Tsunade ordered.

Shizune's eyes widened. Naruto had only just come back, and had already punched a few people. But, she complied. There was no way she was going against a drunk Tsunade.

Albus Percival Wulfic Brian Dumbledore prided himself in not being surprised or caught of guard by many things in his life.

Having a fourth school reply (and agree) to the tournament, and send over a mentally unstable child was not one of them.

He was already mentally preparing for the worst.

Albus was going to have to warn the other teachers, and figure out how the tournament was going to work. He couldn't just sent this school away. It'd ruin his reputation.

"Let's hope Voldemort doesn't try to kill Harry this year."

Chapter Text

The man dressed in orange ran through the trees, chasing his target. He smiled, thoughts in the gutters. Or should he say, thoughts in the sewers. He was arguing with a massive, orange fox about the best way to torture a child.

Kyuubi said that they could tie them to a chair and rip up their stuffed animal collection in front of their eyes, or just tickle them.

Naruto thought that they should kill everyone close to them one by one.

A rustling in the trees startled Naruto out of his argument. Shizune came up behind him, panting slightly.

“N-Naruto, p-p-please stop r-r-r-running.” She wheezed.

Naruto grinned and started to speed up. He felt Shizune’s glare on his back and laughed. He stopped to let her catch up.

“I really hate you, you know,” she muttered under her breath.

“I know!” The blond laughed.

“Tsunade would like to see you.” She huffed.

“Kay, bye bye.” Naruto waved, before preforming the necessary hand signs and disappearing.

Shizune scowled, crossing her arms and glaring at the spot Naruto once stood.

“Seriously, that boy.” She pouted.



Tsunade was happily downing another bottle of sake, however, her peaceful aura was changed when…


“NARUTO! SHUT THE FUCK UP!” She bellowed back, throwing her sake bottle just as the door swung open.

“Owwie! Baa-chan.” The boy whined.

“It didn’t hurt that much, plus, I thought you liked pain and blood.” She said.

“Not when its inflicted on me,” he wailed.

Tsunade smiled at his childlike antics and proceeded in pulling out a letter written on what seemed like, thick, heavy looking paper.

“Parchment.” She said when she saw the confused look sent her way.

The boy nodded uncertainly, staring at the parchment with distrustful but curious eyes. “Will it explode?” he asked.

“Nope, already read it,” Tsunade said reaching for another bottle.

“Right, so what’s it say?”

“It’s not really a mission, but a request, BUT!” She held out her hand, silencing Naruto before he could complain, “It’s a very interesting one.

A man named Albus Percival Wulfric Brain Dumbledore, yes, I do know his name is strange, has requested that our ‘magical school’ join three others in a ‘magical tournament’, he requested that I send students to participate. However, since we're not actually a magic school, we could only send one right now, since our studies are different.”

“OBAA-CHAN MAGIC ISN’T REAL!” Naruto exclaimed, flailing his arms to prove his point.

“ANYWAY!” Tsunade proclaimed loudly, “I decided to send my top student, AKA: you.”

“ME!” he stared at her wide eyed, “I thought you were going to send Teme or something.”

“Sasuke is untrustworthy.” Tsunade said, lacing her fingers together.

“Everyone in the village think I’m insane.” Naruto pointed out.

Tsunade blushed, “Well… umm… you see… when I replied… I was drunk… ahaha… heh” she then coughed, trying to ignore the temperature drop in the room.

“Obaa-Chan,” Naruto said, clenching his fists together, “I’ll do this request-mission thingy, but only if you buy me 25 bowls of ramen.”











“Stupid baa-chan, making me pack for a year, for a non-existent place whilst drunk.”

This is what Sakura and Sasuke could hear from Naruto’s apartment. They glanced at eachother and shrugged. 

“Narutooooo!” Sakura chirped, whilst banging on the door. The door swung open just as Sakura knocked again, thus sending Naruto flying.

“Sakura-Chan,” he cried, rubbing the growing bump on his head.

“Hn. Dobe.”


“Naruto, what were you muttering darkly about?” Sakura asked.

“Baa-Chan’s sending me on a mission, FOR A YEAR!”

“Are we not coming?”

“Nah. Wait. Maybe?”



“Ah, Sasuke where are you going?”

“To see Tsunade-Sama, obviously.”


“That’s nice, GET OUT!”

After his two teammates had left, Naruto sat down on his bed and pulled out a book. This book had a bluish cover and a title that said, Oxford’s English Dictionary.

Naruto knew there was going to be some sort of ‘magic spell’ that could translate, but it wouldn’t hurt to learn how to swear and question people without a translator.

He had was leaving early the next day, spending a week in this place named ‘London’ and the boarding a train and going to Hogwarts. A man named ‘Hagrid’ was going to be showing him around ‘London’, helping him buy school supplies (1)

Naruto also had to plan his entrance. He decided with lots of explosions and a big sign. He grinned, this school year was going to be fun.

For him at least.



In the staff room at Hogwarts, a stunned silence had settled. The first to break it was a huge man with a long beard (though not as long as Dumbledore’s)

“You ‘spect me tah show this kid around?”


“But Albus, this child could harm the other students!”

“Minerva, his Hokage was drunk when she sent me the letter.”

“How? I read that letter, there was nothing signifying she was drunk,” McGonagall exclaimed.

“Ah. There was a stench of alcohol on the letter.”

“But Albus… What happens if what she said was true?”

“We’ll just have to keep him under control until the rest of his school come.”



Chapter Text

Sasuke stormed into the Hokage’s office. Tsunade was fast asleep on her desk, another bottle in her hands. Sasuke slammed his hands down on the desk, resulting in Tsunade waking up, picking up said desk and throwing it at the Uchiha.

Sasuke successfully dodged it, Sakura not so much. But, at least she caught it. Sakura placed the desk in front of the Hokage.

“Tsunade-Sama, your paperwork is everywhere.” She murmured.

Tsunade huffed, “I’ll pick it up later… what do you guys want?” she said turning back to the fuming Uchiha, who was glaring at her. She ignored him.

“Well, we just visited Naruto, who told us he was going on a yearlong mission, WITHOUT US!” Sakura cried loudly.

“The rest of us will be going later, it’s just that I was kinda drunk and well I had to send my best to compete in a ‘magical’ tournament.”

“I’m much more powerful than that dobe!” Sasuke muttered.

“Well, Uchiha, you’re untrustworthy, I mean you left the village for power.” Tsunade pointed out.


“Aren’t we all?” Sakura whispered unconsciously.

“That we are, Sakura.” Kakashi said (he had been outside the window reading and eavesdropped when Sasuke had a table thrown at him). He was now standing behind the Hokage, book in hand. “But Naruto is more insane than others, including Gai and Lee.”

Everyone in the room shuddered at the thought of the two green-spandex wearing ninja.

“ANYWAY! The school is a school of magic, and the Third Hokage, to keep the village safe from outsiders, formed the lie that Konoha was also a magic school. However, he made it out that we,” she gestured to the village outside the window, “are a ‘magic combat school’.”

The three others nodded.

“Good. NOW GET OUT!”



The three of them stood outside the Hokage tower. “I overheard Tsunade and Jiraiya before you guys stormed in, they were talking about this ‘tournament’.” Kakashi said.

“What did they say?”

“Apparently, this tournament hasn’t been held in over a century. The tournament was cancelled due to the high death toll.”

“How many died?”

“The last time it was held, all three champions were injured.”


“These wizards are bloody pacifists aren’t they.” Sasuke muttered darkly.

“Wait until they meet Naruto!” Sakura laughed, “Man, I wish I was going with him!”

“DID I JUST HEAR YOU RIGHT!?! THESE WIZARDS ARE FUCKING PACIFISTS??” a voice shouted behind them. They spun around to find Naruto, eyes wide after hearing the shocking information.

“Yes, you heard correctly.” Kakashi stated. Naruto’s eyes instantly brightened.

“Fucking with them will be twice as fun then!” He said cheerfully, “Now come on, Baa-Chan’s treating me too ramen!”

They arrived at Ichiraku’s, where Tsunade was waiting. She looked at them all, “I’m not paying for all of you.”

“At least you’re paying for me, nee, Baa-Chan!” Naruto nudged her playfully.

“Only a few bowls though.” She huffed.



The next day, Naruto stood in front of the Hokage, excitement evident in his eyes. Tsunade wasn’t worried about him physically, it was more his mental stability.

Naruto’s mind was racing. He was going to a wizard school. He couldn’t help but wonder what wizards were like.

“Ok Gaki, this can is supposed to transport you to ‘London’ where this Hagrid guy is meeting you,” Tsunade said, passing Naruto a can.

 “Nee, baa-chan, how can a gun transport me?” Naruto questioned.

“Dunno, magic probably, and Gaki put this on.” Tsunade gave him a necklace, “It’s a translator.”

“Okay, Baa-Chan.” Tsunade smiled at the boy.

“Three.” She said.

“Wait! She’s counting!”




Naruto felt a tug at his seal, and then the office vanished. A few moments later, Naruto landed on a table with a thud.

“Ow.” He sat up and looked around.

He seemed to have landed in a pub. The pub was rickety and looked as though it could collapse at any moment. The people in the pub looked as though they too, would also drop dead. There were a bunch of giggling old ladies smoking in the corner and the bartender was even older than the old hag, by the looks of things.

But the odd thing was, they were all staring at him, fear in their eyes.

“What you looking at!?!” he said very loudly. Everyone gaped and then quickly turned away. He could hear them whispering.

“Who’s he?”

“He seems rather young to be on his own.”


“Not a clue?”

“Any ideas Hagrid?”

Naruto perked up at the mention of Hagrid. He walked slowly over to the conversing pair, treading silently.

“Are you Hagrid-San?” he said loudly. The two men turned to face him. One was a tiny wee thing. (1) The other was a huge man, Naruto thought he’d be taller than Kisame, if that was possible.

“Tha would be me.” The tall one said standing.

“My name is Naruto,” the blonde said simply.

“Your tha one Professor Dumbledore said I had ta show round.”

“That’d be me, sir!”

Hagrid beckoned him to follow, leaving the other man confused. They walked pat the bartender, who was still ‘cleaning’ the same bottle. The giggling ladies in the corner had all dropped their cigarettes on the floor and were staring at the blonde.

From what they could make out, he was about 15 and had blonde, spikey hair with dyed red tips. Naruto had dyed them red, so if he got blood in his hair it just merges with the dye. Naruto was too lazy to shower after every mission. He was wearing a bright orange shirt and black trousers. (2)

Hagrid lead Naruto out into the back, where they were met with… a brick wall…

“Umm… I’m confused.”

Hagrid chuckled, digging into his jacket and pulling out a pink umbrella. He then proceeded to tap random bricks on the wall. Naruto was staring at Hagrid like he was crazy, which was saying a lot considering who he was.

The wall shook violently before opening, revealing a bustling street. (3) They proceeded down the streets, Naruto twisting his head around, taking everything in.

“Firs stop, tha book shop.”

Naruto groaned. Why books?

Chapter Text

The walk to Flourish and Blotts was exciting. They passed a owlery, robe shop and an ice-cream parlour. Naruto’s head was over flowing with possibilities. He saw a few things that he could use to scare people, and most were normal everyday things.

Naruto was staring at a shop that seemed to sell brooms. He glanced away. Something in the corner of his eye caught his attention. It was a sign that read: Knockturn Alley.


He turned away from Hagrid and walked towards the sign.

“I wouldn’t go down there if I were you,” a voice called. Naruto stiffened. He had caught a quick glance of Knockturn Alley, and to be honest, it looked fun. There was a whole shop dedicated to poisons. Another was dedicated to bombs, his favourite.

He sighed and turned to face the spoil sport.  He was annoyed to see that there were three people, two boys and a girl.

The first boy, the one who had stopped him, had messy, black hair and green eyes. He wore glasses and had a thinly shaped lightning scar.

The second boy was tall and lanky with red hair that looked a lot like Gaara’s. He wore scruffy clothing that looked second hand.

The third was a girl with bushy hair and slightly large front teeth. She seemed the serious type, a bit like Sakura.   

Naruto looked at them, analysing them sceptically. He narrowed his eyes at the one in the middle and replied finally.

“But you’re not me, so why does it matter?” he spat.



The three of them took a step back in shock, they had not expected the blonde to act so violent. He glared at them, eyes never leaving them for a second.

Harry started to fidget, the boy hadn’t taken his eyes of them for what seemed like forever. He glanced sideways to find that Ron and Hermione were also in the same situation. The blonde then broke the eye contact and glanced longingly back at Knockturn Alley.

The boy walked slowly past them, eyes full of a desire. Though, Harry didn’t know what this desire was.

“Do you know where the book shop is?”

The trio were shocked. The boy had yelled, glared and walked away from them but now he was asking for help. The looked uncertainly at eachother. Ron wildly shook his head at the same time as Hermione nodded.

Harry shrugged, “Okay sure.”

The other boy’s face lighted up and he looked immensely happy.

“Thanks!” he grinned.

Harry was somewhat surprised; the boy hadn’t recognised him! That was a first…

With their new companion, the trio made their way to the shop. The blonde boy introduced himself as Uzamaki Naruto, which had confused them, until Hermione, because she’s so smart, realised he was Japanese and his name wasn’t actual Uzamaki.

The arrived at Flourish and Blotts and were surprised to find a furious Hagrid waiting inside. The glanced at Naruto and saw that he was grinning sheepishly.

“Sorry Hagrid-San.”

Hagrid’s eyes warmed a bit and proceeded in handing Naruto piles of books, from first year to fourth year, Hagrid even gave him a book on dragons and whispered that it would help him a lot this year.

Whatever that meant.

Hagrid then wondered off, reading a book on Asian creatures. Harry and Ron walked up to Naruto, who was now engrossed in a book named: 500 ways to get away with a magical crime… A joke book… Obviously. 

“Naruto?” Harry questioned, “Why were you here with Hagrid?” Ron nodded, signifying that he wanted to know as well.

Naruto looked up. He set the book down and grinned ferally, “Well, you see, since I’m from Japan, Old man Dumbledore didn’t want me getting lost in ‘London’, saying it would ‘cause a ruckus’ or something like that. Anyway, he assigned Hagrid- San to me so I don’t kill anyone.”

Harry blinked. Kill someone? Naruto wouldn’t do that, would he?

“Right…” Ron murmured, “Why are you here Naruto?”

“That’s for me to know and you to find out!” He grinned. He then turned and walked out of the shop, holding his large pile of books.

“Um… Guys?” Hermione said coming up to them.

“What?” Ron said already reading the book Naruto was reading.

“Naruto didn’t pay.”



Naruto was laughing. No-one had realised he hadn’t paid for his books. He skipped down the street, arms full of books towards the pub known as the ‘leaky cauldron’.

Why it was named this, he had no idea. In fact, it sounded like what a witch would say if she was on her period. Like, “Oh, my cauldron leaked…”

Maybe the original owners had it as an inside joke. He chuckled to himself, drawing strange looks from the shopping locals (Or not)

Hagrid had told him that the pub owner, ‘Tom’ had a room prepared for him and all he had to do was state his name and then he was all set.

Arriving in the Leaky Cauldron, Naruto was surprised to find that the place was empty except from a lone man in a cloak. Naruto could sense that this man was watching him, but chose to ignore him, opting instead to go to his room.

“Yo,” he said, walking up to the counter, the man there looked at him wearily. “My name is Naruto Uzamaki!” the blonde supplied helpfully.

“Oh, you’re the kid that ‘agrid bought a room for, ay” The old man stated cheerfully.

“Why, yes I am!” Naruto replied, as equally happy.

“Follow me then!” Tom smiled at the blonde and lead him to his room.

Naruto was awed, this room, rented for two weeks (if I might add), it was far bigger than his room and kitchen, combined. He ran his fingers over the four-poster bed, feeling the fabric beneath.

It was silk.   

“Is silk flammable?”

“Why do you want to know that!?!”

“So, I can set the room on fire before I leave! OBVIOUSLY!”

“Right, obviously…”

Naruto dumped his books on the bed and waved Tom out. He wandered over to the window, which looked out onto Diagon Alley. Naruto’s piercing gaze raked over the crowds before stopping on three particular people.

“Potter Harry, Weasley Ron and Granger Hermione, they were quite rude to be honest, talking about me behind my back, stopping me from going into that exciting alley AND NOT FUCKING INTRODUCING THEMSELVES!”

“Kit, calm down…”

“Prank mode on, planning new prank right away!”

“Can I help?”

“Course you can Kyuu!”

Naruto giggled, enjoying the laughter of the demon in the back of his mind. They were quite similar at times… Something that scared the council.

“Alrighty then… Standard book of Spells: Grade 1”


Chapter Text

Over the past week, Naruto had read all his books, bought more, read most of those ones and had tried all the flavours of ice cream in Florean Fortescue's Ice Cream Parlour.

He even got himself a pet, and you guessed it… It was a fox. A fire breathing, three-tailed fox. According to the owner, (after he’d gotten over the shock of seeing a boy asking to buy one of the most arrogant and stubborn creatures in his shop) the fox, about the size of a Golden Retriever, was only in his initial stages of growth, and by the end it’ll have nine-tails.

Coincidence? I think not.

Naruto had named the fox Honoo.

Even though Hagrid had booked the room for two weeks, Naruto was leaving the next day. The map lying on the floor had a ‘train station’ circled.

Whatever that was…

Naruto sighed. He was procrastinating and he knew it. It was just that he wasn’t prepared to fully meet wizards, in fact the only magic he had seen was the brick wall.

He opened a storage scroll and started piling all the books into it. One of his newer books fell onto the floor, opening onto a page containing information on the Japanese Tailed-Beasts. Naruto shuddered, picking up the book to put it back. His eyes fell on the Nine-Tailed Fox.

Fifteen years ago, give or take a few months, the Nine-Tailed Fox, also known as Kyuubi disappeared. Many people think he could have died, but most believe that he was sealed. Like the other Tailed-Beasts, Kyuubi’s tails hold an immense amount of power, therefore, meaning that his container (Jinchuriki) will also hold his power. This makes the Biju containers powerful and dangerous.



Harry was confused. Charlie Weasley was being confusing. Everyone seemed to be hiding something from them, even that Naruto kid knew what was happening.

Here Harry was sitting in the train apartment, thinking about the ‘new rules’ and what did Bagman want to say at the tournament.

“… Father actually considered sending me to Durmstrang rather than Hogwarts, you know.” Draco Malfoy’s snarky voice drifted through the carriage door, “He knows the Headmaster, you see. Well, you know his opinion on Dumbledore – the man’s such a Mudblood-lover – and Durmstrang doesn’t admit that sort of riff-raff. But Mother didn’t like the idea of me going to a school so far away. Father says Durmstrang takes a far more sensible line than Hogwarts about the Dark Arts. Durmstrang students actually learn them, not just the defence rubbish we do…”

His voice was cut off as Hermione slammed the door and sat down fuming.

“So, he thinks Durmstrang would have suited him, does he?” she said angrily. “I wish he had gone, then we wouldn’t have to put up with him!”

Suddenly the apartment door slid revealing Naruto. “Thank Kami!” He sighed, “I thought I’d never find you!”

A few minutes earlier

Naruto was very confused. He was at King's Cross Station and none of the passer's by knew where platform nine and three quarters was. The blonde had even stopped to ask the guard, who only gave him a extremely tired look.

Apparently he got asked that question a lot.

Naruto on his trunk, sagging in defeat. Honoo looked at him with sad eyes, willing him to go on. A movement caught Naruto's eye and the blonde looked up as a very peculiar family walked past, wheeling trunks and owls.

A wizarding family.

Watching in hidden awe as the familiar ran at and then through the wall separating Platform 9 from Platform 10, Naruto smirked. 'Genjutsu' he thought, 'didn't know they could do that.' But he didn't have anytime now, he could ponder on it later on the train.


He sat down in the corner without asking too, and stared out of the window. After a few surprised seconds, they continued with their conversation. “So, Durmstrang’s another Wizarding school?” Harry asked.

“Yes,” Hermione replied curtly, “It’s got a horrible reputation…”

“According to An Appraisal of Magical Education in Europe, it puts a lot of emphasis on the Dark Arts.” Naruto said.

The other three looked at him in shock, they had forgotten he was there, plus, he didn’t seem smart, so they weren’t expecting him to know that.

“What?” he said looking at them, “You didn’t expect me to know that?” he asked.

They smiled sheepishly and he laughed.

“Also, there’s traditionally been a lot of rivalry between all the magic schools. Durmstrang and Beauxbatons like to conceal their whereabouts so nobody can steal their secrets…” 

Over the course of a few hours many of their friends stopped by, including Seamus Finnigun, Dean Thomas, and a round faced boy named Neville Longbottom.

Seamus was wearing a green rosette, which apparently, according to Ron, was the Irish Quidditch team from the tournament. The rosette kept squeaking “Troy! Mullet! Moran!” continuously in a tired voice.

Naruto felt amused by its obvious struggle.

Ron, Seamus and Harry started up a conversation about Quidditch, Naruto listening intently, trying to gather information. Hermione, growing tired of their Quidditch talk, buried her head in The Standard Book of Spells: Grade 4, and tried to learn the summoning charm.

Naruto had read that book, it wasn’t really a summoning spell, it just made things come to you. It didn’t even involve a contract or blood or anything. But he read it none the less.

The round- faced boy named Neville listened jealously, “Gran wouldn’t want me to go,” he said miserably, “Wouldn’t buy tickets. It sounds amazing though…”

Naruto was laughing internally at his face. He looked like he had swallowed a lemon, but apparently, he was the only one he found this funny.

“It was,” said Ron, “Look at this, Neville...” He rummaged through his trunk, before pulling out a miniature Viktor Krum figurine.

“Wow!” Neville whispered.

“We saw him right up close, as well!” Ron chided, “We were in the Top Box- “

“For the first and last time in your life, Weasley.” No-one had noticed the door opening.

Draco Malfoy had appeared in the doorway, Crabbe and Goyle flanking him. Evidently, they had heard the conversation through the ajar door.

“Don’t remember asking you to join us, Malfoy.” Harry said coldly.

“Weasley… WHAT IS THAT!” Malfoy said, pointing at a bit of fabric sticking out of Ron’s trunk. Ron dove for it but Malfoy was too quick for him; he seized it and pulled.

Naruto watched with sick enjoyment as Malfoy proceeded to humiliate Ron.

“You going to enter?” he taunted, probably knowing that Ron had no idea what was going on.

“W-W-What?” Ron looked confused.

“I said, ARE YOU GOING TO ENTER WEASLEY!?!” Malfoy questioned again, still holding Ron’s robes.

“I am.”

Everyone turned to face him. They all seemed to have forgotten he was there.


Naruto smirked, “You entering Malfoy?”

Draco didn’t say anything, eyes narrowed at the boy who interrupted him.

“You’re entering, aren’t you Harry?” Naruto said, wanting to confuse them even more. He didn’t like this Malfoy person, but he liked the games he played.

“Entering?” Harry asked.

“You didn’t know?” Naruto gasped, listening to Kyuubi roar with laughter, “That’s expected from someone who lives with muggles, ay!”

Harry’s faced contorted. He had thought Naruto was a nice guy, but he was like Malfoy. Arrogant and loved humiliating people.


Naruto clutched his face eyes wide. Malfoy was staring at Hermione in shock, then suddenly…

Naruto laughed.

Naruto clutched his stomach, tears of amusement pouring down his face, “Oh man, this year’s going to be fun!” He chuckled wiping a few stray tears of his face. He then sat down and grinned at them.

“For me anyway!”



Dumbledore was worried, Hagrid had come back from Diagon Alley to tell him what this ‘Naruto Uzumaki’ character was like.

Apparently, he liked the look of Knockturn Alley, stole books and bought a fire-breathing fox.

Dumbledore was rarely scared of anything; this child could very well be in that list. He just had to hope that it doesn’t get too serious before his Hokage comes…



Chapter Text

Ron was in a bad mood. Malfoy had insulted his father, resulting in him breaking the apartment door.

“Don’t let Malfoy get to you, Ron.” Hermione scolded after repairing the door.


Naruto snickered. This was just too funny.

The train pulled into the station and hundreds of students piled off. Naruto walked to the back of the train, searching for his trunk. He had left it somewhere. He walked into the last apartment. His trunk was lying on the seat, Honoo sitting on top.

“There you are, come on, we need to get a carriage!” He yelled grabbing his trunk, Honoo at his heels.

Naruto walked out of the train, just as it departed. He realised that something was missing.

The carriages had left.

“Shit! Fuck! Fuck my life!” He yelled running down the path at top speed, the rain splashing onto the ground he left behind. Even though he was a ninja and he was running at top speed, running up hills tire people out. Naruto stood panting on top of the third hill. The carriages in the distance.

“Let’s do this shit!”

The last carriage that had left contained Malfoy, Crabbe, Goyle, Blaise and Pansy. Naruto jumped on, causing them all to jump, splashing them all with water.

“Yo! Mind if I join- WHAT THE FUCK IS THAT!” he yelled suddenly, pointing at the front of the carriage. The five students stared at him.

“Looks like a horse skeleton… to be honest… Why is it pulling the carriage…?” Naruto pondered to himself.

“Umm… excuse me…” Pansy said, looking at him curiously.

“OOOH! THEY’RE THESTRALS!!!! THAT MAKES SENSE!” he muttered, nodding to himself.

Pansy looked taken-aback. She was being ignored by a boy, who was talking to himself. “EXCUSE ME!” she said even louder. Naruto looked over at her.


“Who are you?” she asked.

“Who are you?” he replied.

“Pansy Parkinson!”

“Uzumaki Naruto! Dattebayo!” he smiled back. Suddenly, Blaise felt something wet touch his hand. He shrieked loudly and looked down. An orange fox stared innocently back.

“And this is my fox, Honoo!” He grinned, “So, tell me about Pigfarts!”

The entirety of the journey to Hogwarts consisted of the five Slytherins explaining the concept of Hogwarts to the blonde.

From what he was told, the best lesson was Defence Against the Dark Arts, though he completely agreed with Draco when he said they should also learn the dark arts.

To be honest, he found the wizarding world less exciting than he thought it would be, because, according to the others, none of things his books talked about were ever used.

I mean, seriously, who wouldn’t like to learn 1,350 diverse ways to torture someone.

Listening to Draco rant about how popular the Potter kid was kind of reminded Naruto of him and Sasuke. Even the hair colour was right…

Naruto found the Slytherins much more interesting, considering that their parents knew a lot about the evils of the world. Blaise started telling Naruto about his parents’ adventures with trolls and dragons, whilst Pansy nattered on about different potions her mother had discovered.

Glancing behind him turned Naruto’s eyes wide, as he saw the castle of Hogwarts stretch out before him. The windows sparkled in the night and the turrets loomed over them, looking even more menacing because of the rain.

The other five students watched him in amusement.

The carriage pulled up and Naruto leapt out, Honoo following close behind. Dragging his trunk up the stone steps, Naruto looked around him. He started taking back what he said about the wizarding world.

“By the way,” Blaise said behind him, “Why are you here, Naruto?”

Grinning, Naruto faced him, “I’m here for the tournament! Dattebayo!”



As the students piled into the hall, Harry looked around, trying to spot Naruto. But he couldn’t find the red and yellow hair anywhere. He walked past all the other tables, noticing Malfoy and his cronies slide along the edge.

Nearly Headless Nick appeared, gliding towards them.

“Good evening!” he said, beaming.

“Says who?” Harry muttered, emptying the water out of his shoes, “Hope they hurry up with the sorting. I’m starving.”

Harry was looking forward to the sorting, seeming as he had missed the others. Just as he was getting comfortable, a breathless voice said, “Hiya, Harry!”

Colin Creevey, a third year Gryffindor who worshipped Harry like a God.

“Hi, Colin,” Harry murmured tiredly.

“Guess what, guess what! Guess! Guess! My brother, Dennis is starting this year!” Colin cheered, bouncing up and down.

“Er- good?” Harry said.

“He’s really excited, I hope he’s in Gryffindor! Keep your fingers crass, eh, Harry!” he said bouncing off.

After a few more minutes of chatter, Professor McGonagall lead the timid looking first years into the hall. If Harry, Ron and Hermione were wet from the rain, it was nothing like the drowned looking first years, who looked as though they had swum across the lake.

The smallest first year, who was wrapped in Hagrid’s coat, caught Colin’s eye. He gave him a double thumbs-up and mouthed the words, ‘I fell in the lake’. He looked extremely pleased with himself.

Professor McGonagall placed the three- legged stool at the front of the hall. She then placed a brown hat on top.

The brim of the hat widened and it said:

A thousand years or more ago

When I was newly sewn,

There lived four wizards of renown,

Whose names are still well known:


Bold Gryffindor, from wild moor,

Fair Ravenclaw, from glen,

Sweet Hufflepuff, from valley broad,

Shrewd Slytherin, from fen.


They shared a wish, a hope, a dream,

They hatched a daring plan

To educate young sorcerers

Thus Hogwarts School began.


Now each of these four founders

Formed their own house, for each

Did value different virtues

In the ones they had to teach.


By Gryffindor, the bravest were

Prized far beyond the rest;

For Ravenclaw, the cleverest

Would always be the best;


For Hufflepuff, hard workers were

Most worthy of admission;

And power-hungry Slytherin

Loved those of great ambition.


While still alive they did divide

Their favourites from the throng,

Yet how to pick the worthy ones

When they were dead and gone?


T was Gryffindor who found the way,

He whipped me off his head

The founders put some brains in me

So I could choose instead!


Now slip me snug about your ears,

I've never yet been wrong,

I'll have a look inside your mind

And tell where you belong!


Naruto was amazed. The wizarding world had surprised him yet again. Who knew that a hat could sing? It could even sing well!

He shook his head. Naruto was standing in the shadows of the hall, watching the ceremony in silent amazement.

He was also stunned to find that no- one had noticed him, giving him free range of the hall. Except…

He couldn’t eat the food…

That made him sad.

Humming slightly to himself as the sorting took place.

When it came to Dennis Creevey, Naruto had to hide his sniggers from Harry’s intense face.


The boy ran over to the cheering table, saying very loudly (for Naruto anyway) “Colin! I fell in! It was brilliant! And something in the water grabbed me and pushed me back into the boat!”

“It was probably the giant squid!” Colin whispered excitedly back.

‘Giant Squid? COOL!’

When the ghost started to explain about trouble in the kitchens and Hermione ranted about house- elves, Naruto tuned them out. Instead, he turned his head to listen to the Slytherins. But before that could happen, Dumbledore spoke up.

Naruto tensed, readying his entrance when the time was right.

“So!” Dumbledore started off cheerfully, “Now that we are all fed and watered!”

Naruto heard Hermione ‘Hmph’ in the background.

“I must once more ask for your attention, while I give out a few notices.

Mr. Filch, the caretaker, has asked me to tell you that the list of objects forbidden inside the castle has this year been extended to include Screaming Yo-Yos, Fanged Frisbees and Ever-Bashing Boomerangs. The full list comprises some four hundred and thirty-seven items-“

Naruto tuned the rest out, preferring to scan the expressions of the students. Most were bored expressions.

“Also, it is my painful duty to inform you that the inter-house Quidditch Cup will not take place this year.”

Naruto loved the looks of horror on most of the students faces.

“This is due to an event that will be starting in October, and continuing throughout the school year, taking up much of the teachers’ time and energy- but I am sure you will join it immensely.”

‘Oh. I will.’

“I have immense pleasure in announcing that this year at Hogwarts- “

 He was cut off as a deafening rumble of thunder sounded through the hall, and the doors to the Great Hall banged open.

A man stood in the doorway, leaning heavily on a staff. Naruto noticed that one of the man’s eyes were fake, he had a fake leg and awesome scars.

He heard gasps echo around the hall as the man took of his cape. Naruto knew he was going to like this man.

Even if the feelings weren’t returned.

He watched as the man slowly made his way to Dumbledore and shook his hand. The man then sat down, pulling a plate of sausages towards him, all the while keeping his fake eye on the hall.

“May I introduce our new Defence Against the Dark Arts teacher,” Dumbledore said brightly, gesturing to the man, “Professor Moody!”

‘Moody? As in Mad-Eye Moody?’

Naruto’s eyes grew round with shock.

After a few minutes of whispering and stares, Dumbledore cleared his throat.

“As I was saying, we are to have the honour of hosting a very exciting event over the coming months, an event that has not been held in over a century. It is my pleasure to inform you that the Triwizard Tournament will be taking place this year. However, it’s going to be the ‘Quad’Wizard Tournament!” Dumbledore broke off, beaming.

“YOU’RE JOKING!” The red- headed twins from the red table yelled.

The tension that had been building up broke, and the hall erupted with laughter. Dumbledore was still chuckling as he said, “I am not joking Mr Weasley, though, now that you mention it. I did hear an excellent one over the summer about a troll, a hag and a leprechaun who go to a bar-“

McGonagall cleared her throat loudly.

Naruto was disappointed, he had wanted to hear the joke.

Dumbledore coughed awkwardly, “Now, where was I? Er- Yes. The Tournament envolved lots of different tasks that different wizarding schools competed in. it established ties between young witches and wizards- until the death toll mounted so high it was discontinued.”


“There have been many attempts to bring back the tournament, none which have worked. But, our own Departments of International Magical Co-Operation and Magical Games and Sports have decided that the time is ripe for another attempt. They have changed it so that none of the champions are killed.”

‘They literally are pansies’

“That’s not going to stop you, eh kit.”

‘Mah, Kyuu-Chan, you know me so well’

“I should, we live together…”

Naruto chuckled.

“The heads of the three other schools, Beauxbatons, Durmstrang and Konoha will be arriving in October, however Konoha have already sent one student, who has already arrived, as the head wants him to partake in classes.”

Naruto grinned, it was time.

He sprang from the shadows.



After Dumbledore finished, a silence settled over the hall as they waited for the Konoha student. Harry realised that this was what Malfoy was talking about.

And it pissed him off.

Suddenly the hall filled with smoking, clogging up the occupants’ noses. As the smoke cleared, there was two flashes of light and a sign was now hung above the teachers’ head. It read:

Konoha School of Combat Magic!

We’ll beat you bitches in this competition! No sweat!

The teachers looked horrified at the language used, and the students were getting more excited.

The doors to the hall slowly opened, revealing to foxes. 

One fox was about the size of Fang, with orange fur, blood- red eyes and three tails.

The second fox was about the size of a bear, this fox was a pale- blue with red eyes and five tails. This fox walked in as if it owned the place, swinging its head from side to side, fixing students with a glare.

As they reached the front desk, the larger of the two began to glow. But before anyone could see what was happening the smaller had covered it with its tail.

After a few seconds the tails were removed, revealing a blonde head and a human body.

It was Naruto.

Chapter Text

A stunned silence had fallen over the hall. Naruto got up, grinning. He stood at the front of the hall, one hand on his hip and the other one punched in front of him.

“My name is Naruto Uzumaki! And I’m gonna beat you all! Dattebayo!”

Harry’s eyes widened in shock. Even Naruto knew?

Dumbledore stood up again, smiling. “That was Konoha school…”

Naruto laughed, “You ain’t seen nothing yet!”

“Right… Why you go and sit down at a table?” Dumbledore said, his smile a bit more forced. Naruto grinned and bounced over to the Gryffindor table.

He sat down next to Harry, Honoo following close behind.

Dumbledore cleared his throat and continued talking, “The selection for the champions will take place on Halloween. An impartial judge will decide which students are deemed worthy to partake in the Tournament, winning the Cup, glory for their school, and a grand prize of a thousand Galleons.”

“One thousand Galleons!?!” Ron said wistfully.

“I’m totally entering,” Fred whispered to Harry.

The entire hall was listening to Dumbledore, hanging onto his every word. Dumbledore, most likely hearing the Weasley, continued, saying, “Some of you are eager to join, however the heads of the participating schools, and the Ministry itself, have all agreed to set an age limit of seventeen-”

But before he could continue, he was cut off as students yelled their defiance.

“HOWEVER!” he yelled, bringing the school to quiet, “We have made an exception, as the oldest contestant that Konoha could send was sixteen”

Everyone turned to Naruto, who avoided their looks, staring straight ahead with an amused smirk on his face.

“Those below the age line mustn’t waste time trying to submit their names.” He glanced over at the Weasley twins when he said this.

Dumbledore continued his speech, and then sent the students off to bed.

“They can’t do that!” George said, refusing to move with the stream of students, “We’re seventeen in April!” He yelled.

“They’re not stopping me from entering,” Fred said stubbornly, standing with his brother, “The champions will be able to do all sorts of cool stuff, AND! One thousand Galleons as a prize!”

“Yeah... One thousand Galleons…” Ron said, with a far-away look in his eyes.

“Ugh- Come on,” Hermione scolded, “We’ll be the only ones left if we don’t get a move on!”

As the twins and the golden trio moved away, Naruto stood in the shadows, watching completely amused by what he had seen.

“So that’s why you’re here,” an amused drawl came from behind him.

“Mah! Draco, you mad that I can enter but you can’t?” Naruto said, smirking slightly.

“I don’t care about this school, and I have no use for the money.” Draco said.

“You remind me of a friend…”

“That friend must be amazing then.”

“Nope! He’s a total prick! Dattebayo!” with that, Naruto ran off, leaving a fuming Malfoy behind.

That was… until…

“Mah… Draco… I’m lost!”



-Back with the Gryffindors-

“What d’you reckon?” Ron asked, as they made their way to the Common Room, “Be cool to enter, wouldn’t it? But I s’pose they might want someone older… we might not know enough-”

“I definitely don’t…” a gloomy voice said behind them. Neville stood next to Fred and George, a look that seemed as though someone had died, on his face. “I expect my gran’d want me to try, though, she’s always going on about how I should up hold the family honour and- oops!”

Neville’s foot had sunk through the staircase, one of the many trick steps in the castle. Ron and Harry started to pull him out.

“Let me help you there, oh brave ones!”

Neville was out in a flash, with Naruto standing next to him, staring at the stairs.

“Are there many steps like these?” he asked.



Naruto grinned at them.

“Now… Draco told me where to go… but… Do you guys know where the portrait of a red fox is???”

They all stared at him blankly.

“No? Okay.”

And away he went, bounding down the corridors.

“That’s a weird chap…” Neville said timidly.

They all laughed.

They continued on their way, stopping in front of a fat lady, who said, “Password?”

“Balderdash,” George said, “a Prefect downstairs told me.” He added.

The portrait swung open, revealing the room which they climbed into. Hermione cast the merrily dancing flames a dark look, muttering ‘Slave labour’ before biding them goodnight.

Harry, Ron and Neville climbed up the spiral staircase to their dormitory. They opened the door to find Dean and Seamus laughing on the floor and Naruto perched on the end of a bed.

“Haha… Oh m-m-my… Shit! Seriously!” Seamus choked out.

“Yep. It seriously was another mask!” Naruto laughed.

“Harry… lis-listen t-to this!” Dean laughed, “N-Nar-Naruto a-and h-his frien-friends tried t-t-to s-see under his tea-teacher’s ma-mask and it was an-another mask! Hahaha!”

“Naruto? Why are you here?” Harry asked, confused.

“Umm, well… I’m still lost!” Naruto said, rubbing the back of his neck sheepishly.

Harry sighed. “Seriously?!?”

“Yup! So, I’m staying here for tonight!”


Naruto pulled out what looked like a scroll, and bit his finger, the blood trickling down his hand.

“Woah! Naruto, dude. You don’t need to hurt yourself…”

“Hmm. What? I’m not hurting myself. I’m just getting my stuff!” Naruto said, looking confused.


“I’ll just sleep on the floor…”

So that night, Harry fell asleep, dreaming about Cho and the tournament. Naruto fell asleep on the floor, dreaming about the village and himself. As Hokage.

In the morning, the boys asleep in Gryffindor tower were woken up by an energetic blonde, who wanted to eat breakfast quickly so he could explore.

During breakfast, Hermione poured over their timetables, getting confused when Naruto was given one.

“Baa-Chan wants me to continue studying here.” He explained.

They all nodded in understanding. Except Hermione, who proceeded to question the poor blonde.

“How old are you?”


“Them why are you in fourth year classes?”

“I only know up to third year stuff…”

“You’re taking ancient runes!?”

“Yup! It sounds fun!”

“Today’s not that bad… we’re outside in the morning! Herbology with Hufflepuff…” Ron said.

“Which house is Hufflepuff?”

“The yellow one,” Harry replied.

“Ugh. Care of Magical Creatures is good, but it’s with Slytherin!”

“Will Draco be there?” Naruto asked.

“Yeah… Why…?”

“Because he said he was going to show me around!”

“Malfoy said that?!” Harry said.

“Yes, I did Potter.” Came Malfoy’s cold drawl.

“Draco! So, tell me! How many love letters?”


“Bwahahahahaha!” Naruto fell on the floor, drawing gazes from the surrounding people.


Draco blushed and glared at the blonde boy. “Shut up, Blondie!” he then stormed away.

“I like him!” Naruto said, wiping away his tears.



A few minutes later, the Gryffindors, Hufflepuffs and Naruto stood in the Greenhouse.

Professor Sprout showed her class the ugliest plants they had ever seen. They looked like thick, black slugs instead of plants, protruding vertically out of the soil.

“Bubotubers!” Sprout said proudly, “They need squeezing. You will collect the pus-”

“The WHAT!?!” Seamus and Naruto said in disgust.

“Pus! Finnigan, Uzumaki, PUS!” Sprout said firmly, “And it’s extremely valuable, so don’t waste it. You will collect the pus, I say, and put it in these bottles.”

She indicated the bottles next to all the students.

“Wear the dragon-hide gloves, it can do funny things to the skin when undiluted.”

Naruto felt like this task was disgustingly satisfying. Squeezing the plant released the pus and by the end of the lesson they had collected a few pints.

Professor Sprout started talking about the use, but Naruto was distracted by the other plants. He poked one with tentacles, and they wrapped around his wrist. He felt a small pain, but it vanished as Kurama healed him.

“MR UZUMAKI THAT PLANT IS POSIONOUS!” Professor Sprout screamed.

‘That was the small pain’

“Give me your wrist!”

Naruto shrugged, wrenching the plant off him and showing the Professor his wrist.

Sprout looked closely but couldn’t find any sign of infection. “W-What?”

Naruto just stared blankly at her.

Next, it was Care of Magical Creatures.

Hagrid stood outside his hut, hand on Fang’s collar. A pile of box crates lay by his feet.

“Mornin’!” he said, grinning at them. “Be’er wait fer the Slytherins, they won’ want ter miss this – Blast- Ended Skrewts!”

“WHAT!” Ron yelled.

Hagrid pointed cheerfully at the crates.

“Ugh!” Lavender shivered.

Naruto thought that was the word that summed them up. They looked like deformed, shell-less lobsters.

Thinking about lobsters made Naruto hungry.

“On’y jus’ hatched,” Hagrid said proudly gesturing, “So yhe’ll be able ter raise ‘em yerselves! Thought we’d make a bit of a project ou’ of it!”

“And why would we want to raise them?”

The Slytherins had arrived. Hagrid looked stumped.

“I mean, what do they even do?”

Hagrid opened his mouths, apparently thinking hard. “That’s fer next lesson, Malfoy!”

Naruto laughed. The giant had no idea what he was doing.

“An’ what’s so funny, Naru’o?”

“Nothing sir.”

Chapter Text

After a very hectic Care of Magical Creatures lesson, which involved everyone but Naruto being hit by the Skrewts’ blasts (hence their name). The weary students made their way up to the castle, going to the Hospital Wing before lunch.

Care of Magical Creatures was now Naruto’s favourite lesson. Watching people scream when they got hit made Naruto realise, he hadn’t killed anything in over three weeks.

He was going to have to fix that.

He fingered the kunai in his pocket.

“Hey Harry?” he whispered.


“Can you handle pain?”

“Yeah… I guess?!?”

“Okay… Give me your hand!”


“Come on, Harry, pleeeeeeease!!”


Harry was looking at Naruto, seeing the way his hand moved in his pocket. He was holding something. Something he wanted to hurt Harry with.

Naruto pouted. ‘These Wizards are no fun.’

“Seriously, Kit!”


Naruto sighed and walked away, leaving a slightly terrified Harry behind. He might as well blow of some steam in the forest.

Watching Naruto disappear around the corner made Harry realise that the boy’s personality was out of control and wild. It had no bounds. That’s what scared him.

“What did he want?” Ron asked.

“He asked me if I could handle pain, and when I said yes, he asked me to give him my hand…”


The continued there walk to the Hospital Wing. Hermione remained quite throughout the walk. One look at her face and Harry and Ron both knew she was deep in thought.

“Naruto’s strange,” she said finally.

“No shit!”

“Language Ronald!”

“What’s strange about Naruto?” Harry asked, steering the conversation.

“I mean, he was the only uninjured person in class. Also, don’t you remember? We found him going down Knockturn Alley.”

“Oh yeah! He seemed pretty pissed when we stopped him!” Ron contributed.

Hermione thought for a moment, “He also stole all the books!”

They heard a snigger. Spinning around they found Naruto’s fox staring at them with an amused expression.

If foxes can have amused expressions…

“Did that fox laugh at us…?” Hermione asked, slightly scared.

The fox sniggered again, and them beckoned with its tail. They glanced warily at eachother and then nodded. They walked cautiously after the orange fox.

The fox sped up, breaking into a sprint round the last corner. The people behind him broke into a run, rounding the corner.

Crashing into Draco Malfoy.

“OW! POTTER! WHAT IS THE MEANING OF THIS!” The blonde yelled, rubbing his back.

“Can’t talk Malfoy, following a three-tailed fox,” Harry said hurriedly.

“You mean Honoo?” Malfoy asked, standing slowly up.

“… yeah …”

“I’ll come to then,” Malfoy declared loudly, dusting off his clothes and following the fox, which was standing, with an unamused expression, at the entrance.

The three Gryffindors and the Slytherin followed Honoo into the forbidden forest, stopping at the entrance.

“Honoo,” Malfoy said quietly, “We can’t go in there. It’s forbidden!”

Honoo gave Malfoy a ‘no shit’ expression and walked into the darkness.

They followed him through the trees, having to run to catch up after slowing down to avoid tripping. The deeper they went in, the darker it got. They all pulled out their wands, lighting the area around them. Hermione let out a gasp, whilst Ron dropped his wand in shock.

The surrounding trees were destroyed.

They were also on fire.

“Honoo… what the fuck is this!?!” Draco whispered to the fox, who seemed to be mocking them.

Honoo ran off again, through the burning trees and into a clearing. Malfoy ran after him, not really questioning the fox. It was a smart-ass fox.

The trio exchanged confused glances and then followed.

Arriving in the clearing, they found Draco and Honoo staring in amazement at the sight set before them.

Naruto was multiplying himself, then attacking himself with a glowing blue ball. He slammed it into another of himself. The other exploded into a poof. Then Naruto summoned another glowing orb and slammed it into the ground, making a giant crater.

“HOLY SHIT!” Ron yelled.

Naruto looked up in shock and then grinned. He put his hand in a weird position (A.N- This is Harry’s POV) and disappeared.

 “Where’d he go?” Hermione whispered.

“I’m right here!” a voice said behind them.



‘Hey Kyu-Chan,’ Naruto said sulkily.

“What is it Kit?” Kurama replied.

‘I’m lonely’

“You have me, don’t you?” Kurama replied. He looked at the small boy before him.

Naruto was still blonde, but his hair was matted with blood and mud. The six-year-old boy was covered in cuts and bruises. His clothes were ripped and his ribs were visible.

‘I don’t see why no-one likes me…’ the boy said, tearing up. He clenched his fists and looked the fox directly in the eye.

‘Kurama the Nine-tailed Fox,’ he declared loudly, ‘I want you to train me to be the best ninja EVER!’

“Are you sure kit, I mean, I am hated in the vil-”

Naruto cut him off by trying to squeeze through the bars of the cage, ‘I WANT YOU TO TRAIN ME, STUPID FOX!’

“KIT, STOP! I’LL TRAIN YOU OKAY! YOU DON’T NEED TO COME IN HERE!” Kurama yelled, wrapping his tail round the boy, preventing him from entering.

‘FINALLY! Gosh, took your time!’ the little boy yelled happily. The fox smiled. The child was adorable.



Draco and Honoo parted from the group, walking towards the dungeons whilst Naruto and the trio went to catch up on lunch.

“Honoo really like Draco, he says the have a ‘connection’, but I think it’s just because Draco likes to brush his fur. If Honoo was a person, he’d probably be bisexual, although I can’t assume my fox’s sexuality… Blah blah… blah…”

Hermione shovelled food into her mouth, ignoring her surroundings. Her two friends were staring at her in disgusted awe.

“Er- is this the new stand on elf rights?” Ron questioned.

“NO!” Hermione said, spraying food everywhere, “I just want to go to the library!”

“Hermione!” Ron said in disbelief, “School has only just started! We don’t even have homework!”

Hermione shrugged, continuing to shovel her food down. She then pushed her plate away and jumped up. “See you at dinner!” she yelled running out of the hall.

“Where’s she going?” Naruto asked.

“Library!” Harry and Ron replied.

The bell rang, signalling the beginning of afternoon classes. The trio of boys made their way up to the Divination Tower.

“Naruto?” Ron said, “Aren’t you also taking Ancient Runes?”


“Isn’t that at the same time as Divination?”





They entered the class, and Naruto felt his senses clog up with perfume.

He sneezed.

“Good Afternoon,” a ‘mysterious’ voice called.

A thin woman with enormous glasses appeared.

“Holy Crap, it’s a bat!” a loud voice said.

Everyone turned to the source. Naruto was sitting up straight staring at the Professor in awe.

“I knew Hogwarts had strange teachers and all, but I never knew that a bat could teach!” He said loudly.

Trelawney looked extremely offended. She turned her back on Naruto as she took the register. She peered at Harry through her glasses.

“You are preoccupied, my dear,” she said mournfully, “My Inner Eye sees past your brave face to the trouble-”

“Neji would like this class, but he’s a prick so no-one cares, bat lady!”

Naruto was relaxing with his feet propped up on his desk, a bored expression on his face. He was spinning his cup on his finger, making the cup blurry.


“I think I need a new cup!”


Lavender was clutching her head, pulling a shard of china out of her head. It was part of Naruto’s cup.

Everyone turned to look at Naruto and were horrified to see that the blonde boy was sniggering, whilst looking at the girl.

“My dear boy, you have a blood thirsty aura surrounding you, and one day, it will be your downfall.” Professor Trelawney cried as she and Parvati carried Lavender out of the room.

“A blood-thirsty aura? HOW DID SHE KNOW?”



“Arnold Weasley, who was charged with a possession of a flying car, two years ago, was yesterday involved with a tussle with several Muggle law-keepers (‘Policemen’) over a number of highly aggressive dustbins.”


“His name is actually Arthur,” Ron mumbled. Naruto turned his head towards them.

He smirked.

“And Weasley! There’s a picture!” Malfoy snickered, showing them the picture.

“Get stuffed, Malfoy,” Harry said, “C’mon Ron…”

“Oh right… you were staying with them over the summer, so tell me. Is his mum really that porky, or is it the picture?”

The room had fallen silent. Naruto grabbed the back of Ron’s robes pulling him back.

“At least his mum doesn’t look like she has dung on her nose!” Harry yelled back.

Draco turned slightly pink, a furious expression plastered on his face, “Don’t insult my mother, Potter.”

“Yeah!” Pansy piped up, “At least his mother is still alive!”

“High-Five!” Naruto yelled, a grin forced on his face.

Pansy grinned and reached to hit his hand. Naruto’s grin suddenly slipped off his face, replaced by a sadistic smirk. He grabbed her wrist and gripped it tight.

“Never bring up a dead mother like that again,” he snarled and he snapped her wrist back, the crack echoing down the corridor. “And to think, I kinda liked you!”

Pansy was white with shock, staring as the blood poured down her wrist. She then screamed.

Draco stared at Naruto in horror, “Y-Y-You broke her w-w-wrist!”

“I did? Oops! I was trying to break her arm, here give it to me. I’ll try again.” Naruto exclaimed, reaching for her other arm.

Pansy shrank back and sprinted down the corridor.

Naruto smiled and turned away.


The crowd turned to the staircase and saw the new Professor. Mad-eye Moody. He had his wand in front of him, pointing at a pure white ferret, standing where Malfoy stood.

“He tried to curse blondie here!” he said, gesturing to an amused Naruto.

“PROFESSOR MOODY!” a voice yelled. It was Professor McGonagall.

“What do you think you are doing?” she screeched loudly.

“Teaching!” Moody dead-panned, whilst swinging the ferret up and down with his wand.

“Alastor! That isn’t a student, is it?” McGonagall asked.

“Maybe…” The other said, not meeting her gaze.

“NO!” cried McGonagall, running down the stairs and pulling out her wand; a moment later, with a loud snapping noise, Draco had reappeared in a crumpled heap on the floor.

“Moody, we never use Transfiguration as a punishment!” McGonagall said weakly, “Surely Dumbledore told you that?”

“Might’ve mentioned it, yeah…” Moody said rubbing the back of his head sheepishly.

Whilst they were talking, Naruto sidled up to Malfoy and put a comforting hand on his shoulder. Malfoy looked at him wearily and then allowed Naruto to drag him away to the Hospital Wing.

So, he could apologise to Pansy.



The Gryffindor fourth-years were looking forward to their first DADA lesson. Most arrived, queuing outside Moody’s classroom before the bell had even rung. The only people who weren’t there were Hermione and Naruto.

Hermione turned up just in time for the lesson, “Sorry, been in the-”

“Library. Yeah, we know!” Naruto said, coming up behind them.

“C’mon,” Harry muttered, not meeting Naruto’s eyes, “we might not get decent seats.”

They all nodded, Naruto fixing Harry with an icy stare. Naruto knew what that meant. Harry feared him. Just like everyone else.

If Harry feared him. He might as well have fun with it.

Naruto started muttering,

“Curiosity killed the cat,

But satisfaction bought it back,

But the cat was never the same again.

Through the horror and pain of feeling itself die,

The cat became insane.

And because the cat kept coming back through satisfaction,

It could never rest again.”

The look on Harry’s face was priceless.

“Guess what,” Naruto whispered in his ear, “That represents

Chapter Text

The trio of friends hurried to the front, taking three empty seats next to eachother, whilst Naruto sat at the back. He took out his copy of The Dark Forces: A Guide to Self-Protection.

He found the book title odd. Why didn’t wizards learn to protect themselves from a youthful age?

Crap… Lee was influencing him again…

Listening intensely, Naruto could hear the faint clunk of Moody’s leg. A few seconds later the whole class was staring at the door. Suddenly, the door swung open and Moody entered, looking frightening to everyone but Naruto.

“You can put those away,” he growled. He received confused looks and elaborated, “those books. You won’t be needing them.”

Everyone put the books away, the classroom filling with excitement.

Moody took the register, fixing his eye on each student as they answered.

“Right then,” he said, as the last person answered, “I’ve had a letter from Professor Lupin about this class.”

‘Lupin? Isn’t he the werewolf that Potter and his friends were talking about… wow… this school must like animals teaching…’

“It’s rude to eavesdrop you know…”

‘Wasn’t eavesdropping… just information gathering…’

Their conversation was cut short when Moody said loudly, “You’re behind – very behind – on dealing with curses.”

Everybody perked up instantly.

 ‘Curses? Like torture jutsus perhaps?’

“So, I’m here to bring you up to scratch on what wizards can do to eachother. I’ve got one year to teach you how to deal with the Dark-”

“Aren’t you staying?” Ron blurted out loudly.


Moody fixed his eye on Ron and then smiled.

It was a slightly creepy smile, in Naruto’s opinion.

Naruto focused on Moody’s face as the man spoke to the red-head. Naruto watched as the fake eye swivelled round the class room, before stopping on him. Naruto stared back, until Moody turned his full face to him.

“So,” he glanced at Naruto, “Straight into it. Curses. They come in many strengths and forms.”

‘Ah… like jutsus…’

“Now, according to the Ministry of Magic, I’m supposed to teach you counter-curses, but not show you the illegal Dark curses themselves until your sixth year. But, Dumbledore reckons you guys can handle it.”

‘I definitely can.’

“A wizard who puts an illegal curse on you isn’t going to tell you what he’s going to do. You need to be prepared. You need to be alert and watchful.”

‘I know all this, I learnt back at the academy.’

“Remember Kit. These wizards live in a world where you may be able to live your life without seeing murder or becoming victim to theft.”

‘You do have a point.’

You need to put that away, Miss Brown, when I’m talking!”

Lavender jumped. Naruto smirked, staring at the stitches in the side of her head. She blushed, stuffing her completed Horoscope into her bag.

“So… do any of you know which curses are the most heavily punished by wizarding law?”

Ron’s hand was one of the first in the air. He waved it wildly around until Moody pointed him out.

“Er- my dad told me about one… it is called the Imperius Curse… or something.”

“Yes… your father would know about that one…”

Moody stood up heavily and walked over to a draw. Opening it, he pulled out three jars with a large, black spider in each.

He opened one jar and tipped the spider onto his hand. He pointed his wand at it and said, “Imperio!

The spider leapt out of his hand, and swerved back and forth on a fine thread, as if it was on a trapeze.


“Apparently the ‘spell’ can control you...”

“Anyone want to volunteer?” Moody called over the laughter. No-one raised their hands. Moody sighed.

“You,” he pointed at Naruto, “Blondie! How ‘bout you?”

Naruto raised his eyebrows.


“Get up and dance.”


“Come on… show your brilliant dance skills for the entire world to see.”


“Come on…”


‘YEAH! I won’t!’

Suddenly, an unseen force (Aka- Kurama) pushed the spell out of Naruto’s head. Moody was thrown back into the shelf behind and quickly stood up, looking rather excited.

“You’re a funny one.”

Naruto smirked.

“CONSTANT VIGALINCE!” Moody barked loudly. Everyone jumped, “NOW! Does anyone know another one? Another illegal curse?”

Hermione’s hand shot up again, and to everyone’s surprise, Neville’s. Even Neville looked surprised at his own daring.

“Yes?” Moody said.

“W-Well, t-t-there i-is o-one – The Cructiatus Curse,” Neville mumbled.

Moody looked very intently at Neville, eyebrows furrowed, “Your last name is Longbottom, correct?”

Neville nodded shakily.

“The Cructiatus Curse,” Moody said loudly, “Needs to be a bit bigger for you to get the idea.”

‘I’m excited.’

ENGORGIO!” the next spider from the jar grew two times its normal height. Naruto heard a scraping sound, and was delighted to see Ron moving away in fear.

It made him feel all warm and fuzzy inside.

Moody raised his wand and yelled, “Crucio!

The spider began to spasm horribly, its legs buckling beneath it. It twitched horribly and rocked from side to side. Naruto could hear the high- pitched scream it released (1)

“Stop it!” Hermione screeched. Naruto covered his ears.

Everyone turned to look at her, following her gaze, not to the spider, but to Neville. Neville’s hands were pale white and clenched under the table, his eyes wide and horrified.

Moody turned his eye to Neville, raised his wand and cancelled the spell. The spider lay on the table before shrinking down to its original size.

“That’s a cool spell. Where can I learn it?”

Hermione turned and glared at Naruto, “That spell, is a torture spell,” she hissed.

Naruto grinned, “I know!”

“Bastard!” Ron yelled.

“Language!” Naruto chirped.

Moody ignored them, but glanced interestedly at Naruto.  “And the last one?”

Hermione shakily raised her hand, “Avada Kedavra,” she whispered.