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A first crush

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John walked into the living room, exhausted after a long day at work. Bobby was a good boss, and a good friend, but sometimes he took on too many jobs with not enough men to get it done in time. He’d been working overtime lately and missed being home, with his wife and kids.


“Mary?” he called out, after hearing some stumbling upstairs.


“She’s in the garden!” a voice shouted, and John walked into the kitchen.


He walked over to his youngest son, ruffling his hair. “Hiya Sammy, whatcha doing? Helping mom for dinner?”


Sam huffed and tried to get away. Sam was proud of his hair, he wanted it longer and anyone who dared to mess with it would get a very heavy glare. John chuckled, then sat down at the kitchen table.


“Dean out there too?”


Sam stopped what he was doing and turned around. John frowned; he knew a guilty kid when he saw one.




“Dean’s upstairs, dad. We kind of had a fight…”


John raised his eyebrows. A fight. Sam and Dean had a fight. How was that even possible? He’d never seen Dean angry before. Dean was his smiley little boy.


“Want to tell me what happened?”


Sam scuffed his shoes over the tiles. “I picked him up from his group today and he was so excited about going to the park on Saturday, and… well, I kind of told him there was this girl, and, I asked her out and she could only go on Saturday. And I really like her and I just… I really want to go out with her, dad.”


John stood up and walked over to his son. “Sam, I know you’re getting to that age where girls get important. But maybe next time, try working around the plans you and Dean have, okay? Dean doesn’t do well with last minute changes, you know that.”


“He’s twenty, Dad!” Sam exclaimed before immediately looking down, realizing how that sounded.


Because Dean wasn’t  twenty. His body, yes, but his mind most definitely not.


John put a hand under Sam’s chin and forced the boy to look up. “You’ve known him all your life, Sam. You knew he couldn’t handle something like this. Why did you think Dean was going to react any differently?”


“I just hoped that…”


“You hoped he would just be fine with it? Sam, he doesn’t even know this girl. The only thing he knows is that she is taking you away from him.”


“Dad, that’s not-“


“I know it’s not Sam. I know that. Dean doesn’t.”


Sam sighed and leaned forward, John opening his arms to let the boy in.

After standing there a while, he kissed Sam on the top of his head. “Now, I’m going to check in with my other boy, and you’re going to make it up to him, aren’t you?”


The youngest Winchester nodded in his dad’s chest. John let go, ruffling the boy’s hair once again.




John walked upstairs, making sure his heavy footfalls were heard. He heard something stumble and shut, before a small giggle was heard. John smiled; Dean heard him coming up and wanted to play hide-and-seek.


“Dean? Where is my boy?” he called out.


Walking towards Dean’s bedroom, he knocked on Dean’s open door. “Oh no! I can’t see my boy! Where is he?”


Another giggle was heard, this time from the bathroom. Turning around, John slowly walked over.

“Is he in the bathtub? Has he fallen down the toilet?”

Dean’s squeal came out of nowhere, but wasn’t unexpected.


John knocked heavily on the bathroom door. “Dean, did you get flushed down the toilet? Are you in the sewers? Dean…? Dean!!!” he cried out, then making some sobbing noises. If anything would lure his boy out, it would be the sound of someone crying.


“D-don cry!!! Don cry I’m c-coming!” he heard, before the door opened, revealing his oldest son with wide eyes.


John put on his largest smile and watched as Dean started to grin. “Y-you joke Daddy! You j-joke!” he shrieked, before launching himself in John’s arms.


Dean was big; he was a full grown twenty year old adult male. He wasn’t easy to catch, but John had experience with his son’s rambunctious nature. Expecting the hug, he’d already put a foot back to make sure he wouldn’t fall over.


His son bounced up and down in his arms before snuggling in tight. “D-daddy, home! Home home home!”


John smiled. “Daddy’s home, that’s right. Want to cuddle on your bed for a bit?”


Dean nodded and grabbed John’s hand, leading him to his bedroom. “I-I show you m-my room!” he exclaimed. He always wanted to lead John the way, seemingly forgetting that John was there at least two times a day.


His son walked in and pulled him towards the bed, flopping down on his belly before turning over and motioning for John to join.


John let himself lie back, waiting for Dean to plaster himself all over him. It didn’t take long, and soon Dean was humming contentedly as he had his head resting on John’s chest.


He let his arms come around his boy, rubbing Dean’s back. “I heard something strange, Dean.” John said calmly.


Dean just kept on humming.


“Heard you were mad. At Sam. I thought my little boy never got mad?”


Dean despised being called ‘little’, but John knew just how to push his buttons. The boy wiggled and wormed until he had his chin on John’s chest, looking up at his father.


“S-sammy new friend D-daddy. New f-friend, ‘s-not me..” Dean said as he frowned. Dean looked adorable, but John wouldn’t mention that. He’d always been a bit of a softy. If it hadn’t been for Mary scolding him whenever he got too sappy…


“Don’t you think we can all have more than just one friend? Also, Sam isn’t just your friend. He’s your brother, too. He’s always going to be there for you, sugarbug.”


Dean shook his head. “N-no daddy! S-sam doesn’t w-want, me in p-park, he, he s-said so!”


“He didn’t say you weren’t going to the park, sweetheart. You’re just going on a different day now. Sam’s going to have a date, with a girl.”


Dean made a face and John laughed. “You don’t like girls?”


The boy shook his head and scowled. “Girls a-are yuck!”


John didn’t know if this meant Dean had no sexual interest, or that he just wasn’t into girls. The boy was done with puberty, but Dean being Dean… well, let’s just say he never even remotely showed any interest in wanting someone special.


It didn’t matter to him either way, but he was curious.


“What about boys?”


“B-boys are fun! F-fun daddy!”


“Would you like to hold hands with boys?”


Dean frowned; John already knew he set himself up for that one. “H-hold hands boys allll t-time Daddy!”


It was true though. Dean held hands with him, Sammy, mentors at the Special Care Centre or groupmates. Never with girls, the only exception being Mary. John didn’t necessarily feel like this was a gay thing; Dean had made it obvious more than once that he just felt safer when he was with another boy or man. John had told Dean ever since he was a little boy that he would protect him, that he could always come to his father for help. It seemed Dean implemented that onto every other man in his life, as well.


“Let me rephrase. Kissing another boy, do you think that’s yucky?”


Dean took some time to reply and John knew he had his answer. He hadn’t missed how Dean had looked at one of his groupmates at the Special Care Center the other day, in a way that wasn’t strictly platonic.

John had had to nearly pull Dean away from there, when he couldn’t stop looking at the new boy in their group. Mary had told him the next day that she heard from one of Dean’s mentors that Dean had made several drawings for this new member of his group.


Oh boy.


“Would b-be okay, D-daddy.”


“Kissing another boy would be okay?”


Dean nodded.


“But j-just… just o-one.”


John never minded Mary calling him ‘too curious for his own good.’ This was no exception.


“Yeah? Is there a special boy for you Dean?”


Dean nodded and his face split into a grin. “’s Name ‘s C-Casti… C-Cast..”

The boy huffed. “’s Name’s C-Cas.”


“Cas? He’s the new boy in your group?”


“Y-yeah. C-cas ‘s c-cool. D-draw Daddy! Draw Draw!”


“Can he draw really well?”


“Y-yeah Daddy!” Dean smiled. If anyone could impress Dean it would be with other drawings, since it was his favorite thing to do too. Dean’s whole room was covered in them, so was the kitchen and the living room. If anything could get Dean out of a funk it would either be a cuddle or making a drawing.


“Huh. Well, okay then.”


Dean snuggled in again.




“Dean, want to go downstairs in a bit? I think Sam has something he wants to talk to you about.”


Dean nodded against John’s chest and nuzzled in closer. “S-stay here f-first.”


Rubbing Dean’s back, John kissed the top of Dean’s head. “Sure bud, we can wait. Dinner’s not ready yet.”


“C-could make draw-drawing for C-cas…” Dean mumbled.


John chuckled and stroked Dean’s hair. “Yeah we could do that. I bet Cas would like that.”


“Hmm hmm.”




John took Dean by the hand and when they came downstairs, dinner was waiting. He gave Mary a kiss (earning a ‘ew!’ from both of his sons) and gave her another one just to spite his boys.


He sat down, grinning, giving Mary a wink when her cheeks reddened. All those years, and he still knew how to make his girl blush. He’s got game.


Dean and him held their pinkies together, like they always did at dinner. After everyone had filled their plates, Mary nudged Sam.


“Sam? Don’t you have something you want to say to your big brother?”


Dean practically puffed out his chest, the words ‘big brother’ making him a very proud young man. Mary saw and smiled, before looking over at John. They gave each other a meaningful look and waited to see how this would turn out.


“Dean I’m sorry. I… I thought maybe you wouldn’t mind because I said we could go on Sunday but I didn’t… I didn’t think you’d feel like this. Sorry, man.” He stammered.


Dean looked at Sam, clearly trying to figure out how he should respond. Dean didn’t do well with other people’s emotions; he didn’t really know how to read them which made it hard for him to figure out how to respond.


“N-not park on S-Saturday?” he asked, eyes wide.


“No, we can go Sunday, okay? I really like this girl and I…”


Dean nodded. “S-Sunday, okay…” he mumbled, looking down at his food.


Oh crap. John hated seeing his boy that way.

“Dean, what do you say, want to go twice this weekend? We can go on Saturday and you and Sam go on Sunday. How about that?”


Dean’s head shot up. “R-really D-daddy?”


John nodded and squeezed their pinkies together. “Pinkie promise.”


Dean bounced in his seat. “T-twice! M-mommy did y-you hear?! T-twice!!”


“I heard big boy! That’s so cool!” Mary cooed.


Sam was playing with his food, knowing that even though Dean was happy, Dean still hadn’t really forgiven him.


“Dean, why don’t you go and give Sammy a hug. Don’t you think he deserves a hug?” John asked, figuring this would be the best way to get them to reunite.


Dean giggled and shot up, before walking over to the other side of the table. Sam stood up too and let himself be crushed by his brother. “T-thank you thank you thank y-you!” Dean said, rocking them side to side. Sam smiled and hid his face in Dean’s neck. They were almost the same height; he could do that now.


John didn’t miss Mary looking at their boys with that beautiful soft smile of hers. God he loved that woman.


Getting Dean to sit back down at the table again was a struggle, because it seemed all he wanted to do was sit in Sam’s lap. Dean was heavy though so it wasn’t the most comfortable for his little brother. Mary had the solution and opted for ice cream, which they could eat on the couch in front of the television.


After piling up on the couch (Mary, John and Sam sitting with Dean spread out over their laps) and eating their ice cream, Mary carded her fingers through Dean’s hair, watching her boy get mesmerized by the A-team. It was one of Dean’s favorite shows, after Sesame Street. Dean had a thing for Elmo, maybe because they were so alike in their happy-go-lucky behavior.


John had his arm around Mary, and it wasn’t long before she was leaning against him, Dean still in her lap. Dean was the first to fall asleep; turning on his side so his face was resting against Mary’s belly. Mary lovingly stroked her son’s cheek before letting her hand rest in Dean’s hair.

Mary was the second one to fall asleep, soon followed by Sam. John looked at the three of them, before chuckling.


Dean was holding his hand and John squeezed it lightly before letting his head fall back and wiggling down a bit, making sure he was comfortable before he closed his eyes. If they were all having a nap, then so could he.