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We're not making love here

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“What the hell was that?” Danny shouted as soon as they got in the car. “He did it. You can’t just pat our suspect on the head and wave ‘goodbye’ and just leave him!”

Steve frowned as he turned onto the main road. “Kahani didn’t do it.”

“And you know this because…” Danny drew out the last word and waved his hands around like he was waiting for some enlightening response.

“Danny, what is your problem? You’ve been on my case about every single thing that I do since yesterday.”

Danny threw his hands up. “Oh ‘my problem.’ ‘My problem’ he says. Wanna know what ‘my problem’ is, Steve? You. You are ‘my problem.’ We spent two days tracking this asshole and now that we find him you talk to him for, what, like two seconds? And then you decide that he’s not our guy based on, what? Voodoo? A crystal ball? Yeah, I’m definitely the one with the ‘problem.’”

Steve nodded. “Alright, alright. I can see that something is bothering you.”

“‘Bothering me?’ No, ‘something’ is not bothering me. You are bothering me. That guy killed three tourists in three days, but ‘Oh I didn’t do it, Mr. Steve’ is suddenly enough for you?”

Without warning Steve yanked the wheel hard, pulling the car off the highway and onto a small dirt road.

“Jesus, Steve. You’re not driving in a war zone, okay? You can slow down before you take a turn.”

Steve didn’t say anything in response. He drove them up the road a few hundred yards — far enough that they couldn’t see the main road or any houses.

“Get out,” Steve ordered as he opened the door.

Danny sat there staring at him.

“Are you going to get out? Do I need to open the door for you? Maybe help you up? Give you a hand?” Steve prodded.

Danny rolled his eyes and held up his hand to stop him. “I can do it myself, thanks.”

Steve was standing in front of the car, waiting impatiently, when Danny finally made his way over.

“So what’s out here? The answer to all our problems? The missing evidence that proves your little friend didn’t do it?”

Steve crossed his arms and stood in the front of the car while Danny walked up. “Let’s settle whatever this is, right here, right now. What do you need to get it out? A fight? Because I will fight you if that’s what it takes.”

Danny rolled his eyes and crossed his arms. “Yeah, I wanna brawl with a SEAL. You know, I’ve always wanted dentures in my thirties.”

Steve pursed his lips and sighed. “Danny, when was the last time you got laid?”

“Oh, the last time I got laid? Because that’s any of your fucking business,” Danny replied. “But how about you? Huh? When was the last time you got laid? Maybe you would be more tolerable if you’d gotten laid recently. But of course we can’t consider that.”

Steve nodded. “Yeah, it could be that… except that I got laid last night.”

Danny threw his hands up and turned away from Steve. “Of course. Of course! Because nothing is ever wrong with Lieutenant Commander Steven McGarrett.”


Danny turned around “No, yeah, it’s fine. You’re right. Last time was right after Rachel left me. So it’s been about two years,” Danny snapped.

Steve nodded. “Yeah, I get that. SEALs deployments are eighteen to twenty-four months. I know how you feel. So in the meantime, how you plan to deal with your attitude because I don’t wanna work with you like this.”

“You know, fighting you is sounding better and better,” Danny shouted. “I know, why don’t you just fuck me over the hood of the car. There. Then, you can make sure it gets done to your satisfaction and then it’ll be taken care of and we can get back to work.”

“Fine! If that’s what you want,” Steve yelled back.

Danny’s mouth dropped open and he froze in place. It only took Steve three long strides to grab Danny by the bicep and shove him forward and down over the hood like a combative suspect.

“Are you serious?” Danny shouted as he struggled against Steve’s hold.

“You’re the one who brought it up! If you want me to stop, you need to tell me,” Steve ordered.

Danny struggled, less vigorously than before, but didn’t say anything. Behind him Steve held him tight, but didn’t move. “Danny, if you don’t answer me, I’m letting you go. What is it you want?”

“Fuck you,” he growled back.

Steve let him go and stepped back. “I overstepped. I’m sorry. Come on. Let’s get out of here and I’ll buy you lunch.”

“Yeah, because lunch is gonna make me forget that my partner has been thinking about fucking me,” Danny shot back as he straightened up.

“What do you want me to do, Danny? I screwed up alright?”

“Let’s just get the fucking over with, so we can get on with our days. Sound good?” Danny suggested.

“No, that does not sound good. That’s not how sex works. You don’t just get sex over with. It’s not a chore. And I’m not gonna fuck you out of resignation on your part,” Steve explained.

Danny rolled his eyes. “Steve, just shut up and stop overthinking this.”

“I’m not overthinking this.”

“You are definitely overthinking this. You could be fucking me over the hood of my own car right now, but instead you’re hashing out the finer points of consent, which is great by the way, but also unnecessary because I fucking consented and I’m a goddamn adult. I don’t need you to help me make own decisions,” Danny said.

“Oh, that’s what you want, is it?” Steve said slowly.

Danny stared back. “Sure sounds like it.”

For a second, they just stared at each other. Then, Steve moved. He stepped forward and grabbed Danny so fast, that he couldn’t help but struggle, and slammed him hard down against the hood.

“Fuck, my arm, Steve!” Danny shouted in pain. Steve just twisted harder and Danny gasped.

Steve leveraged his weight and height against Danny, pinning him to the car, while he used his free hand to rummage in his pockets. He produced a condom and a small packet of lube and dropped both on the hood in Danny’s line of sight.

“What are you, a fucking boy scout? Why are you always prepared?” Danny asked angrily.

Steve shoved Danny a little against the hood, just like he would to warn a suspect who was getting a little too comfortable or a little too mouthy. He lifted Danny up with the one hand, just enough to get his free hand underneath him. Steve easily undid Danny’s belt, button, and fly, and shoved his pants and underwear down to his knees with a couple rough jerks, before slamming him against the hood again.

“Which felony did I commit again?” Danny asked. This mouth was squished to the side and it made his words sound a little garbled.

“Oh, now you want it gentle, princess? You don’t seem like you’re asking for gentle. Are you asking for gentle?” Steve asked.

Danny started to struggle again and Steve grabbed both wrists in one hand, twisting painfully. Danny hissed through his teeth and went still. There would be a bruise in the shape of Steve’s hand on Danny’s wrists later, but Steve wasn’t exactly concerned.

Steve’s pants were still up and he ground the rough fabric of his tactical pants against Danny’s bare ass as he leaned forward. He brought his free hand up to Danny’s face and held out his index and middle fingers in front of his mouth.

“Better get ‘em good and wet,” Steve ordered.

Danny struggled and Steve was forced to plant his feet to remain in place. He could feel the bones in Danny’s wrists grind against each other and he tightened his grip and pressed his weight into the hold.

“Well, if you don’t want to, that’s fine,” Steve said as he withdrew the hand. “I’ll just prep you dry. It’s not my ass.”

Steve’s fingers dug into the flesh of Danny’s left ass cheek, pulling them apart to expose Steve’s target.

“Fine!” Danny shouted.

“Hmm?” Steve asked, pausing.

“Fine, I’ll suck your damn fingers,” Danny clarified with a dejected huff.

Steve smiled. “Smart boy, Danny,” Steve praised, pressing his fingers into Danny’s mouth. “You had better get them good and wet, because that’s the only lube you’re getting until I fuck you. You copy that?”

Danny nodded, his cheek squeaking against the paint on the hood. Steve fucked Danny’s mouth with his fingers, and to Steve’s surprise did a fair job of getting them wet. His tongue even wrapped around Steve’s fingers, doing an imitation of a half-decent blow job. By the time Steve pulled them back, he was mostly hard.

This time when he nudged Danny’s legs apart, he didn’t really resist. Steve managed to get his fingers where he wanted them without losing too much spit in the process. He didn’t massage or rub or carefully press against Danny’s asshole. Instead, he lined up his fingers and drove them in. He fucked them in and out, spreading them as he worked.

Steve watched Danny carefully. He felt Danny’s tension rise, and listened to his breath go tight and hiss out of him. He felt the subsonic grunts and growls in Danny’s chest that he suppressed before they came out, and felt the way his asshole gripped tighter around his fingers. Danny’s eyes were closed so tight that the skin at the corners wrinkled. It could just be Danny, and all five feet five inches of him was fighting against what he wanted — fighting just to fight — or it could be that he was having second doubts. Steve brought his fingers to a halt and leaned forward over Danny.


Danny continued to draw short breaths, but didn’t answer. Steve twisted Danny’s wrists to get his attention.

“Danny, answer me now,” Steve ordered.

A deeper breath shuddered its way out of him. “I hope that’s not all the prep you had in mind,” he muttered.

The corners of Steve’s mouth turned up and he wiggled his fingers a bit. “You could take it,” he said.

“Can and want to are not the same, Steven,” Danny pointed out, shoving his ass back onto Steve’s fingers. It wasn’t much of a movement, honestly he wasn’t going anywhere with how Steve had him held, but it was enough to assuage Steve’s concerns.

He spread his fingers fast and rough, and Danny’s asshole resisted every step of the way. Three fingers wasn’t usually necessary in Steve’s experience, but he put another in anyway just to be sure. Danny wasn’t relaxing into it — some people just had to go down hard in Steve’s experience — but even so, nothing kills the mood faster than anal fissures and a trip to the ER.

Adding that last finger hadn’t been too much of a struggle. At least, it hadn’t been a struggle for Steve. But the friction of a dry finger was clearly unappreciated.

“Fuck! Shit, that hurts,” Danny swore.

Steve laughed and scissored all three at once. The breath rushed out of Danny, and his shoes made a grinding noise against the gravel as he shifted, trying desperately for traction.

Satisfied that Danny wouldn’t have any embarrassing trips to the ER today, at least not for this, Steve pulled his fingers free and leaned back off of him enough to get to his own pants. Unconcerned by the mess on his fingers, Steve loosened his belt and got his fly down. He considered not even pulling his briefs down, just letting Danny be the only one exposed on this public road, but he ultimately decided against it and pulled the front of them down just enough that he could get his dick and balls out.

He leaned forward for the condom and rubbed himself against Danny. Danny thrashed and Steve dropped the condom, and used the palm of his free hand to pin Danny’s face hard against the hood.

“You got a lot of fight in you today, especially for as little as I’ve done. You sure this is what you want? Because for someone who asked to be fucked over the hood of his own car, you’re doing a lot of resisting,” Steve observed coolly.

“Asked for this? I asked for this?! I didn’t ask for this, you great big idiot. You slammed me against the hood of my car and jammed your fingers up my ass. I did not ask for this!” Danny screeched.

Steve took a second to think. They both knew that the sequence of events had been significantly different. Danny hadn’t just forgotten. That meant that this had moved from awkward colleague sex to roleplay of a sort, and that was something that Steve definitely understood.

“Yeah, you asked for this. You’ve been pissing me off for two days. You knew what you were asking for. I mean unless you were angling to be put over my knee, what else did you think this would get you?” Steve growled.

“Fuck you!” Danny shouted.

Steve laughed leaned in close to Danny, his lips nearly touching Danny’s ear. “I think it’s you who’s getting fucked today, babe.”

Danny shouted in anger and bucked back against Steve who lifted him off the car just enough to slam him back down.

“Calm the fuck down, princess. You’d have my dick in you already, if you weren’t being such a little bitch about it,” Steve snapped in fake anger.

Danny made one more half-hearted attempt at escape and then settled against the hood — breathing heavily and waiting. Steve waited a moment to see if Danny was done before taking his hand off Danny’s head and grabbing the condom. He ripped it open with his teeth and rolled it on, jamming the wrapper in his pocket. Next, was the lube. He spread a fair amount on his dick and rest he emptied onto Danny’s asshole. Once he’d put that packet in his pocket he roughly pushed back in with two fingers, getting as much lube into Danny as he could before withdrawing. He lined up and leaned forward, not enough to push in, but enough to warn of his intentions.

“You still want this, Danny?” Steve asked, the act temporarily dropped.

“Shut the hell up. We’re not making love,” Danny snapped.

Steve chuckled lowly. “No, we’re not.”

Permission given, Steve leaned hard against Danny and pressed relentlessly until he finally breached. Danny grunted and struggled.

“Hurts, doesn’t it? Feel free to complain. I mean it’s not gonna change anything, but you’re still free to complain,” Steve said with a laugh. “You know, this is actually your fault. I prepped you, but since you couldn’t calm down enough to relax into it it’s gonna hurt. Too bad really. It feels pretty great on my end.”

Danny didn’t seem to appreciate the humor, but that wasn’t surprising. Even so, Steve wasn’t going to be cruel, so he started at a middling pace; enough to hurt Danny but not enough to push him so hard that he had to ask for mercy.

As he fucked, Danny’s face made funny little squeaking noises as it slid against the paint on the car. Steve kept pushing him until the little noises that Danny made went from just plain angry to desperate. But it wasn’t desperation for stimulation, it was the kind of desperation people had when they were reaching the end of their ability to withstand something unpleasant without crying out; where it began to overwhelm them. That was when Steve slipped his free hand between Danny and the car and began to pull him off.

“Oh fuck,” Danny moaned.

The change in Danny’s body language was immediate. Not only was the fight gone but so was the coiled tension in his shoulders and arms. He lay there, finally relaxed in Steve’s hold, just taking what Steve gave. Small breathy moans escaped his lips and after only a few minutes, Danny started to tense. He wasn’t fighting this time; he was riding the incoming tide of pleasure.

He didn’t say anything when he came, but the rhythmic flex of his asshole around Steve let him know all the same. Steve stroked him through it until Danny began to whine from the overstimulation, and then he let go. Steve grabbed Danny’s hip in his left hand, his right still holding Danny’s wrists, and he picked up the pace. He wasn’t too far off from coming himself, but he had been so focused on Danny that he hadn’t quite gotten there yet.

Danny’s post-orgasm breathing went from relaxed to tight very quickly, and the sounds he was making so longer sounded so pleased.

“You alright down there?” Steve asked.

“Fucking hurts,” Danny grunted.

“Suck it up, buttercup. You got yours, now I’m gonna get mine. You can take it,” Steve told him.

Steve could see where the muscles in Danny’s jaw and neck locked up tight, trying to wait out Steve. His ass went tight too, and Steve couldn’t pretend it didn’t help the cause. Another minute of that, and Steve was pounding the last of his pleasure into Danny’s ass.

He gentled his grip on Danny’s wrists, but didn’t let go, and laid over his back. He lay there, just breathing, for a few seconds, his softening dick still in Danny.

“You alright, Danny?” he finally asked.

Danny nodded against the hood, his cheek squeaking. “Yeah, I’m good, Steve.”


Steve straightened up, pulling slowly out of Danny, and letting go of his wrists. He stripped the condom off and stuffed it back in the wrapper, which he tossed on the hood of the car. While he got himself adjusted and re-clothed, Danny did the same. They both leaned against the front of car, staring off towards a copse of trees.

“You feel better?” Steve finally asked.

“Oh, yeah. Really peachy, Steve. You?”

“I felt fine before,” Steve pointed out.

“Oh, of course you did. Right, I forgot. Lieutenant Commander Steven McGarrett is never off his game,” Danny snarked.

And shit. This was supposed to make things better, not worse. “Danny, that’s not what I meant.”

“Oh, please do explain to me about the charity fuck then?” Danny snapped.

Steve sighed. “It wasn’t a charity fuck, okay? We’re friends. We help each other out. I had a good time, better than I’ve had a while. I hope you had a good time, too. That matters to me, Danny.”

Danny crossed his arms and looked down, nodding. “Yeah, it was good,” he admitted quietly. “I haven’t been with a guy since college.”

“Yeah?” Steve asked incredulously.

Danny looked up and glared. “Yeah, jerk. And my asshole is sore. I’m gonna be walking like a duck for the next two days.”

“Buy you lunch as an apology?” Steve asked.

“What? No. This isn’t a date. I’ll buy my lunch and you can pretend that you don’t have your wallet. Again. Now come on. Get in my car. I’m hungry,” Danny demanded.

“Aren’t you gonna clean off the, uh, front of your car?” Steve asked.

“No, you will when you pay to run it through the car wash, while we’re eating our lunches,” Danny shot back as he climbed into the car. “Oh and also, don’t touch anything with your left hand. I know where that’s been and I don’t want my steering wheel to smell like asshole for the next six months.”

“Danny, it’s your asshole,” Steve reminded him.

“I don’t care if it’s the pope’s asshole. Keep it off my steering wheel,” Danny demanded.

“Okay, okay,” Steve replied.

Steve turned the car around and pulled back out onto Likelike highway. “So do you wanna know why Kahani isn’t our perp?”

“Yes, Steven. I would like to know why Kahani isn’t our perp.”

“Our perp is left handed according to Kono-”

“-and Kahani’s left hand is too nerve damaged to be able to hold a knife,” Danny finished. “You know you could have just led with that?”

Steve smiled. “Yeah, but you’d probably have missed out on getting fucked on the side of the road.”

Danny groaned and threw his head back against his headrest. “I hate you so much.”

Steve laughed. “I know.”