That’s all it seemed like Stiles could see. Terrifying, unknown, chilling, darkness. Stiles woke up, eyes wide open. Today was different. There was no desperate gasping. No overwhelming panic. Just another day after the nogitsune had been forced out of him.
Stiles was recovering slowly, but at least he didn’t wake up screaming himself hoarse. Some days he woke up after a full night of sleep. Dreamless sleep.
No Kanimas, ancient fox demons, alpha packs, or whatever new “big bad” came crashing into Beacon Hills. That’s not to say he was free of his night terrors or that he didn’t still feel like the world has been crumbling down around him with no way to escape whole and unscathed.
Some days… some days Stiles could feel the kanima prick his neck. He could see the mechanic’s body being crushed, Stiles unable to look away. The venom spreading through his body, too quickly for Stiles to react.
When Stiles thought too much about what the Nogit- the void took from him, completely violating his life, family and inflicting pain, death, chaos, and strife everywhere he went and the friends Stiles never thought he’d have, forcefully taken from him. People who chose this life and those dragged in through blood alike it was unbearable.
Sometimes Stiles still couldn’t manage to meet his own eyes in the mirror, afraid of what he might see, he couldn’t stop the trembling in his hands as he counted his fingers and read books over and over and… some days everything was too much. Everyone was trying to put their lives back together and the pack had to regroup, take a bitter, grief-filled breath, but a breath none the less because those still here are breathing and they couldn’t just stop living their lives.
Stiles still couldn’t quite believe no one blamed him for what happened to All- no, not her name, not yet.
He knew over time he might be able to forgive himself maybe if he just kept going and could forgive himself one day he’d be--not fine, but better. It seems almost impossible to even think of, but Stiles was no quitter and even if Morrell wasn’t the best role model to follow she was right about one thing.
When you’re going through hell, keep going.