Theo is in love with Liam. That’s one way to put it. Theo would do anything for Liam. He would die for Liam. He loves him so much it hurts. Liam is such a huge impact on his life and made him want to be a better person. He made him want to do good and even though he’s been wanting to do good since he first got out of hell, Liam encouraged him. He’d do anything for Liam. He’d die for Liam. He’d give him the moon if he asked. He knows it’s bad and horrible for him to fall for someone who doesn’t reciprocate. He saved him from the worst anyone can ever go through. He meant so much to Theo, Theo didn’t know what to do. He was so gone on Liam, it hurt him to hear the next room down the moans and grunts. He grabbed a pillow trying to block out the noises. Even his music turned up so high in his ears didn’t help at all.
“I fucking hate being a chimera right now with excellent hearing,” Theo mumbled, his voice cracking.
He knows Liam doesn’t feel the same, would never feel the same. Theo is just some pathetic worthless scum living with him and the Dunbar household out of pity. Sure, him and Liam have gotten close and become friends but that’s it. They’ll never be anymore any less. It won’t change. Theo bit his lip hard to avoid a sob coming and blinked back the tears. Fuck, he will not cry because of Liam. He won’t. The noises keep getting louder and all Theo wants to do is go there and shove the person off and slash their throat. He hates this, Liam isn’t his. He isn’t his to claim. He needs to sleep, he can’t keep hearing this almost every night. He moved around uncomfortable in his bed and groaned and slammed the pillow on his face, trying not to scream. Finally after hours which could be minutes, he fell into a deep slumber plagued by nightmares.
He woke up screaming and sweating. He gripped his sheets tight, claws and fangs coming out. He took a deep breath, he’s okay. It was just another nightmare, only this one involved Liam. He gets up and walks over to go to the bathroom and is met with the sight of a sleepy Liam looking at him with heavy lidded eyed. “What do you want?” Theo asks.
“I heard you screaming and wanted to check up on you,” Liam says.
“I’m fine,” Theo says coldly and shoves Liam out of his way to the kitchen.
He goes to the kitchen to get a cup of water and knows Liam followed him and can smell the confusion and hurt already.
“What’s wrong?” Liam asks.
“Nothings wrong, I’m fine. I’m good,” Theo mutters and drinks his water, ignoring Liam’s stare.
“No you’re not, did you have another nightmare?” Liam asks coming closer till he’s a few feet away.
“It doesn’t matter,” Theo answers and tries to go back to his room, but Liam blocks his path.
“Theo, talk to me,” Liam says.
Theo knows it’s unfair to Liam that he is keeping this away because he never did. They have just begun trusting each other and they’ve come so far, but Theo was just so tired of everything. He thought he would be okay, but he doesn’t know if he ever will be. He doesn’t know how long he can keep this up. His heart is heavy and his body is tired physically and mentally. “I had a nightmare again,” he whispers softly, “it was the same old. Tara ripping my heart out multiple times and me getting resurrecting than going through the same cycle over and over again”
Liam places a hand on his shoulder and Theo almost shoves it off, he can smell the person on Liam. He can smell him. He doesn’t want or need Liam to comfort him when he smells like that. It already hurts enough and he usually stays away from Liam until he showers.
“Wanna talk about it?” Liam asks softly.
“No,” Theo shoves Liam’s hand off and goes to his room.
He shuts the door and locks it so Liam can get the message and back off. He hears Liam’s footsteps coming closer till they reach his door. “Theo?” Liam softly whispers, no doubt not wanting to wake up his partner.
“Go away Liam, please,” he doesn’t want to deal with Liam right now, he doesn’t want Liam to talk to him right now after Liam had his fun. He doesn’t want to smell the scent of him and his partner lingering on Liam’s skin.
He hears Liam sigh and walk back to his room, shutting the door. He hears whispers and he guesses his fucking friend woke up and knows by tomorrow morning they’ll be gone. Fuck he groans and falls right back to sleep, exhaustion flooding through his body.
The next morning, he wakes up tired and exhausted wishing he was anywhere but here. He stares at the ceiling and just feels pathetic he’s fallen for someone. Fallen for someone like Liam who he doesn’t even deserve. He gets up after a while and goes to the bathroom to clean up and take a small shower. He bumps into Liam’s friend and can practically smell Liam all over him.
“Woah sorry didn’t see you there,” the guy said.
The guy was handsome with brown hair and blue eyes. He was shirtless and probably just left Liam’s room.
“No you didn’t,” Theo says and shoves him out of his way.
After he washes up and changes he does downstairs to start on breakfast for him and Liam only. He can already sense the guy is gone and feels relieved and starts on the batter and ready to make the first batch when he hears Liam coming down, fresh out of the shower. He feels more at ease and continues to cook.
“Blueberry pancakes?” Liam smiles
“Blueberry pancakes,” Theo smirks.
“Maybe Blueberry pancakes will be our always,” Liam teases.
Theo groans, “that was horrible, Liam. Never say that again.”
Liam puts his hand over his chest, “that hurts Theo, you wound me”
“Good, now shut the fuck up and eat your pancakes,” Theo places Liam’s breakfast consisting of blueberry pancakes with extra blueberries and whipped cream on top.
Liam smiles and starts to dig in, stuffing his face looking like a chipmunk. Theo softly smiles till he snaps out of it and swallows down his emotions. He quickly makes himself a small batch and sits quietly eating his meal.
He needs to control his emotions more and learn to not show how upset he is. He can’t have Liam suspicious and can’t ever have him known. It would destroy what they have now and Theo doesn’t want to risk that. He silently ate and could tell Liam wanted to ask him if he was okay. They usually always talk and banter like always, but Theo wasn’t feeling it. After yesterday, he wasn’t in the mood for talking to him or anyone. He picks at his food and sighs not in the mood to eat anymore, losing his appetite.
“Theo, do you want to hang out with me, Mason, and Corey?” Liam asks.
“Yeah sure,” Theo smiles.
Theo feels a bit better and has to keep up this facade, this mask to cover up the hurt. He can do this, he’s done it for a long time since the Dread Doctors. He can do this about Liam and his feelings. So he puts on a mask and smiles at Liam and agrees to go.
“Cool, we are going out to lunch. We are meeting up with them in 20 minutes at that new diner,” Liam nods and they both get in the truck and drive to meet up with them.
“I’m glad you feel better than you have this past week,” Liam comments.
“Yeah well,” Theo shrugs.
They drive up to the diner and already spot Mason and Corey waiting for them. Theo was good friends with all of them and had fun with them. They talk and all have a good time but Theo can’t help if his face falls a bit when he catches Liam glancing at the waitress and winking at her. His mood sours and he looks away glancing at Mason and Corey. They both look at him with worried glances and Theo realizes they know. They know and pity him, he’s pathetic. He would always ignores the way they look at him with sadness in their eyes and hates to be pitied by them. He glares at them before he goes back to picking at his fries ignoring the way Liam flirts with the waitress probably getting her number. He’s had enough. Liam can do better. Liam can have a better friend. And so Theo goes on with life and tries to smush down his feelings and ignore them because Liam is his friend and nothing more, they would only be friends. He would always look away whenever he catches Liam checking out a girl or sometimes a guy, he would try to distract himself whenever Liam would smile at a person and flirt. He sometimes left early from the arcade restaurant or wherever they went whenever he sees Liam hit it off with someone and stay in the Liam’s guest room, laying on the bed with his head pressed against the pillow wondering why he feel for someone who would never feel the same. They carry on with their lives and Theo pretends and his mask falls when he’s alone and his smile turns to a broken frown and his eyes dim and the light is gone. He would groan and think why is he like this? Why does he like someone like Liam? Liam can do better. Liam can have a better friend. The same process happens all over again and it’s always the same. He always hears the noises at night whenever Liam invites someone over when his parents are gone. As quiet as he tries, Theo has better hearing considering he is a chimera and so he tries to cover the noises with anything. He plugs in the headphones and turns it up all the way but sometimes he can hear the noises and it breaks him. It hurts so much and he decides enough is enough. He’s done.
He’s done with this. He’s done with his feelings. He’s done with all of this. He can’t take it anymore. So one day after weeks when Liam goes out with his Corey and Mason, Theo says no because he has something to do. That something involves him grabbing a duffel bag and stuffing it with all his clothes, necessities such as his toothbrush and toothbrush, comb, gel, pillow, a blanket, his saved money, basically everything he needs. He zips it up and leaves. He grabs his cologne and grabs a small bag and stuffs it with food like granola bars, rice cookies, crackers, bottled water, and a small box of pop tarts. He leaves the extra key Liam gave him on the counter and walks out the door, but not before glancing at the place he once called home. It’s not his home anymore, he’s too hurt and filled with an ache that he doesn’t see it as a home anymore. He thinks Liam isn’t just interested in him because why would he? Theo is worthless, he’s done nothing but bring them pain and suffering. He killed Scott, he manipulated Liam into trying to kill Scott. He tricked the whole pack, he’s done so many horrible evil things, why would Liam fall for him? He’s useless, pathetic, the scum of the earth. He doesn’t deserve any of this. This isn’t home anymore.
He walks to his truck and every step he takes is like a heavy weight on his chest and feels the ache in his chest grow. He doesn’t want to leave but he can’t stay, he can’t. It hurts too much, he throws his bag in the back and hops in, driving. He doesn’t want to stay over at anyone’s, he knows they’ll tell Liam or Liam will somehow find him. He always does even if he leaves no trail behind. He doesn’t want to be found, so he drives, drives with no location in mind and leaves the place he once called home. Theo mindlessly drives and keeps going for hours and hours, he is tempted to leave Beacon Hills. To forget everyone, to give people peace so they wouldn’t stress he’ll kill everyone and be evil again. He should just drive away. He wants to so badly, but something is pulling him back. He knows what is pulling back and it causes tears to spring to his eyes but he holds them back. He doesn’t want to cry, not because of Liam. He blinks rapidly to avoid them falling and looks forward. He understands why Liam doesn’t feel the same and he accepts it. He honestly does but it’s become too much for him to see him with other people, it hurts him. His phone keeps ringing and beeping from the messages and calls he’s getting probably from Liam, Corey, and Mason. He ignores it and shuts off his phone. He doesn’t deserve them, not anyone. He keeps driving before he goes to the forest and continues. He finally finds a place so far into the forest, he doesn’t think anyone can find him. He doesn’t even know where he is and he prefers it that way. He sets up a small little tent like area and lives in his truck once again. He spends his days either reading from the books he’s gotten, writing anything and everything, and of course shifting into a wolf and running around feeling the wind in his fur and the freedom. He eats his granola bars and foods some days. He doesn’t eat everyday because he needs to preserve food for a while. Sometimes he would go two days sometimes one. He doesn’t care anymore, doesn’t have a reason to care about himself. He threw his phone in the lake so he wouldn’t hear the ringtone and beeping. He’s just so tired of it all, tired of feeling.
He doesn’t know how long he stays in the forest, he can’t tell time anymore. He doesn’t bother. It could be days, weeks maybe even months he doesn’t know. He shaves when he can, he bathes in himself in the lake sometimes wolf form sometimes human form. He brushes his teeth. He may live somewhere that’s dirty but he’s not going to be dirty himself. He sometimes goes out to the store late at night to buy necessities and avoid being caught. He covers his footprints well and sleeps in his truck, locking all doors and windows. One night, he hears footsteps while asleep and sits up. Listening to the footsteps and heartbeat. Sounds like one person and he hears them coming closer. He widens his eyes and hurries to try and hide or drive or anything to get away. Then just as he is about to, someone knocks at his window. Fuck he’s been caught. He slowly turns and opens his mouth in surprise.
Theo stares blankly at the figure and can’t form words. He hasn’t spoken in however long and can’t form words. His mouth feels dry and he feels like the air is choking him. Liam stands there, staring at him with the look of disbelief and hurt and sadness all in one. Theo stares back, shocked and surprised.
“Theo, we have been looking for you for weeks. We thought you were dead,” Liam croaked, his eyes ringing with tears.
Theo continues to stare, he doesn’t know what to say, how to say that he didn’t want them to look for him. He didn’t want them to find him. But he can’t form words.
Theo stares at Liam, Liam keeps staring back and the tears start to fall from liam’s eyes. “We looked everywhere for you,” his voice breaks, “you’ve been gone for weeks. 18 days since we last saw you. Mason and Corey thought you were dead or kidnapped. I had hope you were alive and almost gave up because everyone convinced me you wanted to be left alone. You needed time. But goddamn it Theo you’ve been gone for fucking 18 days and I missed you, asshole,” he glares but Theo can see anger, sadness and devastation in his eyes and it breaks something in Theo.
He wants to form words and talk, but nothing comes out. It hurts his throat to talk and he wants to comfort Liam and tell him he’s here. He’s alive, he just can’t be with him anymore or hang out with him because it hurts so much and he can’t keep doing this.
“Liam,” he croaks out.
His voice comes out wrong and broken. He hasn’t spoken in so long and it hurts his throat for him to finally be able to talk. He looks at Liam who has a broken expression and all he wants to do is unlock the door and let him in, to hug him tight and finally hug him again. But he holds himself back and clenches his fists right to resist the urge to do so. He can’t go back, he doesn’t want to go back. It hurt too much to have all emotions flooding his every thought and dreams. When he came back from hell, all these emotions of regret and guilt filled him up and he knew he had to do the right thing as did his very best to do what’s right. Then he befriended Liam and started to have all these emotions were all he thought of was Liam and protecting Liam and saving Liam and Liam Liam Liam. He isn’t used to all these feelings and can’t handle how overwhelming it is. He’s lived with the dread doctors most of his life and never showed any emotions and always hid them away. Now that he’s back from hell and having all these rushing to him makes him feel anxious.
“Theo, come home,” Liam whispers.
Theo shakes his head, “it’s not my home anymore”
Liam frowns, “yes it is, it’s been your home ever since you stayed over for dinner. Ever since you became comfortable enough to sleepover. It’s always been your home, Theo”
Theo frowns and shakes his head, “I’m not coming back, Liam and that’s that. You wasted your time coming here, you should leave and forget about me,” Theo croaks out.
Liam shakes his head as tears stream down his face and he takes a deep breathe, “Theo please come home,” Liam pleads.
Theo looks away and clenches his jaw tight. Liam can’t do this to him, he can’t. This isn’t fair, Liam isn’t being fair to him. He can’t keep doing this, acting like everything’s okay when all he wants to do is leave and bury those feelings. He holds back the tears and looks back to Liam who is looking at him with despair. He can sense the sadness and devastation radiating off of him along with a bit of anger. He doesn’t blame him, he deserves Liam being angry with him. Liam should never have bothered to look for him, it’s not worth his time. He’s not worth his time. He looks down and sighs, “Liam go home. I don’t belong there,” he says, his voice still slowly faded.
“We have been searching for so long, we were worried about you. Scott, Malia, Lydia, Mason, Corey-“ Theo cuts him off.
He scoffs, “probably worried I would turn evil and kill others again”
Liam glares at him, anger seeping through, “no,” he grits out, “we were worried because we care. You’re part of the pack now,”
Theo laughs, no humor or joy behind it, it’s empty. “Yeah right I’m not part of your pack and I never will be. You guys don’t trust me and still doubt it, you’re here right now looking for me because you were worried I run off on a possible killing spree,” he breathes out.
He grabs a water bottle and jugs it to help with his dry aching throat. It hurts to talk so much, it’s been so long. Liam punches the side of his car and Theo turns quickly to yell at him when he sees Liam’s glowing yellow eyes and fangs. “Stop saying that,” he snarls, “we fucking care about you. I care about you and I want you to come home with me”
Theo looks at him owlishly for a few seconds seeing the way Liam is still glaring and hears his heartbeat beating fast. He bites his bottom lip hard and can practically taste blood. “Liam,” he sighs deeply and softly says, “please go home. I have no place in beacon hills”
Liam growls and Theo can practically hear his anger taking over. He knows what happens when Liam lets his anger take over especially when he’s in werewolf form and he can’t let that happen. He unlocks the door and slowly gets out. He places his hand on Liam’s shoulder, “Liam calm down. Take a deep breathe,” Theo softly says and rubs Liam’s shoulder slowly.
Liam nods and shuts his eyes, breathing deeply in and out.
“That’s it, you’re doing well little wolf,” He twitches at that nickname he hasn’t used in a while.
He shouldn’t say that nickname anymore since he isn’t going to be with Liam at all. Liam nods and listens to Theo’s heartbeat and follows the rhythm to calm his breathing.
He focuses on that and uses it to help. After a few minutes his claws start to go away and his fangs turn back to human teeth. He feels his eyes fade back to blue and opens them to see Theo looking at him with concern. “Theo I need you,” he whispers.
Theo widens his eyes and lets his arm drop from Liam’s shoulder. “You’ll do fine without me, I’m just a burden you have to take care of.”
Liam took a deep breathe before he lost control again and reaches over to touch Theo. Theo notices and backs away till they’re a few inches away from each other. Liam flashes him a hurt expression and slowly drops his hand. “I’m not going to leave till you come back,” Liam says firmly.
Theo glares and yells, “why do you even care? Fucking go home and be with your friends and family, you’re better off without me. I already was living with you and being a burden. I don’t need this right now, Liam. I don’t need you,” he snarls.
He knows the last part is a lie and he controls his heartbeat so Liam won’t hear it. If Liam isn’t going to leave when he asks him, he’ll have to hurt him. He doesn’t want to, it hurts him that he does but Liam doesn’t leave him any other choice. Liam looks at him hurt and more tears stream down his swollen red eyes, he shakes his head sniffing, “you don’t mean that”
Theo sighs, “I do mean that, Liam. I don’t need you so leave”
“We are each other’s anchors”
“That doesn’t mean anything to me”
Liam flinches as if he’s been hit and he looks down, eyes rimmed red with fresh tears. Theo’s heart breaks and he bites his bottom lip and clenches his fist to stop himself from admitting it was all a lie and that he actually loves Liam and more than that, he’s in love with him. To stop himself from agreeing to come home with Liam and getting stuck in the cycle that rendered him hurt and tired.
“You don’t mean that. You can’t, not after everything we’ve been though. Not after how far we have gone,” Liam says brokenly.
Theo nods looking away, “I do. I do mean that”
“Say it to my face,” Liam says.
Theo turns to look at him with a raised brow, “What?”
Liam walks up to him like there is barely any space left, “say it all to my face what you just said. Look into my eyes and say it, I’ll leave you alone if you do”
Theo’s breath catches and he stares at Liam for a minute taking in his red swollen ready eyes and his grey eye bags, tired and exhausted. His cheeks are pink and there are tears sticking to his face. Theo has the urge to reach his hand over and wipe them away but he remains still. Liam is still staring at Theo when he makes eye contact and Theo forgets how far gone he is on him. He forgot how blue his eyes were like the sky or the ocean. How beautiful they are like a thousand galaxies in his eyes all together to form the perfect blue. They’re dark blue when angry and frustrated and light blue when he’s happy and sweet. They are the only color Theo wouldn’t mind getting lost in and the only eyes he would gladly drown in. It scares him how much he would willingly do what Liam asks for and all he has to do is ask and flash him those pretty blues. His hands slightly shake and he closes his eyes right to hold back tears when he feels a warm contact to his. He opens his eyes and looks down seeing Liam lightly touching his hand. He looks back up and sees Liam looking at him with affection and sadness, he holds back a whimper and snatches his hand away already missing the warmth. He has to do this now or he’ll never get the chance and Liam would take him to his house. He looks back at Liam and ignores the way his eyes follow his movement and the expression of anguish in his eyes. He takes a deep breath and controls the rapid beating of his heart.
He stares at Liam and softly says, “I don’t need you, Liam. I can live without you and you being my anchor doesn’t mean anything to me”
He controls the beating of his heart and the deep ache of hurt shooting out and running through his veins. It aches something horrible and he has the urge to sob uncontrollably for hours and leave. His love for Liam burns like a thousand galaxies and all he wants to do is wish for this to never have happened. He wishes he never felt anything. He wishes he never met Liam. He wishes he never feel hard for Liam.
He looks at Liam who’s looking at him so broken and so devastated as tears keep streaming down his face and Liam sniffs, wiping his nose with his sleeve. Liam backs away a little and looks anywhere but Theo. He nods and sucks in his lips and rapidly blinks to stop the tears but they keep coming and streaming down his face. He brokenly sighs and looks at Theo who has the expression of guilt pain and hurt. He doesn’t know why Theo should feel that when Liam is the one who’s hurt. Who feels like his chest is being ripped out of his chest and being stomped on. He tries to control his breathing but he feels like he’s going to break down any second and all he wants is for Theo to smile again and say he’s kidding and that he wants to go home, but Theo doesn’t say anything. He just keeps looking at him and Liam wants to punch him for looking hurt when Liam is the one in pain. He opens his mouth and closes it, doesn’t know what to say but wants to say something.
“You should go now,” Theo whispers.
His heart breaks and he feels himself hurting all over again. He turns away and looks away to not see Liam walking away. It’d hurt too much for him. He can see Liam walking closer wanting to speak, wanting to do something. He can sense the hurt and pain he’s feeling but doesn’t do anything. He doesn’t belonged with the pack, he doesn’t deserve anything good they gave him and did for him. He never did.
“Theo you mean so much to me. You’re my best friend, I care about you a lot and it hurts you don’t think I do,” he tries desperately to make Theo see he belongs with them. With him.
“Just go away, Liam. Don’t come back and leave,” Theo says.
“I don’t want to leave you,” he whispers so low Theo wouldn’t have heard it if it wasn’t for his heightened hearing.
“You said you’d leave if I told you and I told you,” Theo says.
“I-I know I did but I can’t live without you, you’re my anchor. We are each other’s anchors. My best friend. You’re someone I trust can count on. You mean a lot to me and I wish you’d come back with me. Your room is waiting for you and I want you to come. I want you to stay with me,” Liam mumbles brokenly.
“Leave,” Theo says firmly.
Liam nods and puts his hands in his pockets, “I’ll leave Theo, but only because you’re asking me to. But I’m not going to give up on you, I’ll come back for you,” Liam says.
Theo bites his tongue to prevent saying that he won’t be here tomorrow, that he’s going to move somewhere else so he won’t be found again. He just nods and looks away, he doesn’t want to see Liam walk away and hears his footsteps fading. He can hear Liam’s heart beating as it fades and he numbly walks to his truck and climbs in, locking all doors.
He stares at nothing and lays back down pulling the blanket covering his body. As he lays down, he can feel the tears streaming down his face and finally lets them fall. He cries himself to sleep that night and the next day he packs up and drives somewhere far. He never talks to Liam again.
Liam doesn’t talk to him again accepting Theo is never coming back and even though his chest aches and his eyes tear up at the thought, he still tries to accept the fact, but it doesn’t stop him from searching for him and keeping watch. He knows it’s creepy and downright stalkerish but he wants Theo to be okay. If he can’t have him come home, he might as well watch to make sure he’s safe. Because Theo doesn’t deserve to stay in the forest out there where danger lurks and he feels pain thinking of Theo being hurt or injured badly.
Sometimes he can hear footsteps in the distance and a fainted heart beat close by. He knows who it is and why they are there. Theo knows Liam is watching him and as much as he wants to tell him off and tell him to leave, he can’t. He finds comfort that Liam still cares enough even though he doesn’t deserve it. He wants Liam to leave some days because he can’t take in that Liam is out there, watching him just because he believes he cares. He is probably making sure Theo doesn’t do anything horrible and evil like murder. He still misses Liam so much and sometimes he wants to go over and tell Liam to take him back and to come home with him, but he holds back and moves on. He doesn’t doesn’t deserve good things, he doesn’t deserve Liam. He never will.