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Poké-Emails in Hoenn!

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From: rockhardbutnotbrockhard@elite.hoenn.com

To: Bill@billtech.Kanto.com

 

Greetings Bill.

I hear your complaints about Lannete, and I realise that copyright cases do fall within my purview of law as Champion.

While I do understand that our companies, The Devon Corporation, headed by my father, and BillTech, recently renamed from Bicrosoft, share friendly ties, and have worked on a number of products whose success was unfortunately limited, such as, the Zubane, which failed to deter Zubat’s from attacking trainers, and was deemed too inconvenient when compared to Max repels, I feel like I simply cannot interfere in this case.

 

I apologise for the inconvenience, but the law doesn’t work as a blanket statement, and the case Lanette presents, on building on features you’ve patented, for her own PC System, and re-building them using her own code, is sound legally. To add to it the addiction of basic Fonts and Themes, besides a simple scroll menu, makes it a differing product.

As you know, besides fighting, as Champion I have the legal right, as well as necessity to know law. Something they don’t tell you when you win the title. Furthermore, as heir to the Devon corporation I am versed in patent law.

I am sorry for the negative response, but I won’t press charges.

Your friend.

Steven Stone

(Devon-Corp heir, Champion, law connoisseur, rock aficionado)

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From: Garchompinpforfossils@Elite.Sinnoh.com

To: rockhardbutnotbrockhard@Elite.Hoenn.com

 

Hey there, fellow champion!

It has come to my attention that the Poketch, and the Pokénav share a number of similarities in their design. Including, but not limited to the addiction of apps through a firmware update by the developer. A display of the Region’s map and connecting routes, the status of a key Pokémon, and a timer, and step counter.

 

While proper processes are no doubt being filled by the lawyers at Devon, I wished to share a few words with you, in private, about the likely result of the process. As a fellow Champion, though our copyright law differs somewhat, I’m sure you’re aware that this is likely to constitute a long and drawn out process.

The PokéNav has failed to make an impact on regions to the North, as I’m sure you’re aware, as those are dominated by the Pokétch and Pokégear. With a firm dominance over the Sinnoh Market, the Poketch company likely has the legal power to tie up our courts into a standstill. I would advise you to advise your father for a process of royalties for the included features copied verbatim, rather than straight up litigation.

 

I greatly admire you and respect you, Steven, and I can’t help but hope for the best. But that can’t affect my involvement in the due process.

Your friend:

Cynthia (Champion of Sinnoh, Archeology major, your Equal)


Ps: The research you asked me to undergo about primal reversion, and the portraits in Dewford has proved to be quite tricky. I appreciate the challenge! I’ll give you a brief of my findings soon, as I have events to host. You know, public life, right?

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From: Wattsonofmauville@elite.hoenn.com
to: Everyone@elite.hoenn

How to break up a fight in front of a pokémon gym
type matchups ralts - electrode
pokémon fight - Mauville electric tile position solution
How to change electric tile puzzle
how to erase puzzle from internet
How to skip a war story
how to say no to an important visitor
is it offensive to quiet down a vet?


From: rockhardbutnotbrockhard@elite.hoenn.com
to: wattsonfrommauville@elite.hoenn.com

Wattson, this is a personal email, think of it like a physical mail slot.

It isn't conducive to searches. If you still need help with Surge, send him my way.

Please reply to me and not to everyone, as it spams them. Such as getting unwanted adverts.

Best of greetings

Steven Stone

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From: rockhardbutnotbrockhard@elite.hoenn.com

To: Brendan2003@trainer.johto.com

 

Hello Brendan.

As you might be aware, I see great potential in you. - It is true! I do. This isn’t just the spiel that I give every trainer I meet, I even gave you a Technical Machine with my favorite move.

As you might be aware, sometimes the Elite closes of for one reason or another, it might be because a gym leader goes missing to take care of a sick pokémon, you’ve heard the tale, right? It might be because he goes missing for years, until he finds a worthy opponent. - Whatever the reason I pride myself in keeping such problems to a minimum at Hoenn.

 

I write to you to ask a favor. You see, besides being my go to carrier boy - that was a joke, excuse the weak attempt at humor - You are also somewhat of a fierce opponent. The Mossdeep space center is under attack, and I wish not to subject children to the possibility of harm by criminals.

While you are not much older, I feel that you’ve earned a place at my side for the fight. I have dealt with many a trainer over the years, but you clearly are a strong one. With all the intensity of your father’s slakoth, and the know how of great trainers from Kanto and Johto, like Red, Blue, or Ethan.

I hope this personal message finds you well - and I ask that you hurry up in arriving. I know you’re in the region, at least. From reports of tate and lisa. That might have been the maddening itch on your scalp. Sorry about that.

Your friend, and ally:

Steven Stone (League Champion, motivational speaker, ally)

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From: Imdachampseriouslywallaceyouwantmetogetthisasmyemail@elite.hoenn.com
To: imtoohotforfayareimwaterbitch@elite.hoenn.com

"Wallace.

It would be in both our interests to meet up for what is commonly called a video game session, I don't believe the last
Event, where we partake in creating the worse monstrosity possible in Soul Calibur 2's Create a Character mode, was indicative of
Our fighting skills. I will go with the long steel staff, which I'm sure has a name that evades me. You can be whomever.

Meet me in Ever Grand at any time - You don't really need to schedule a time, you kill every shot a trainer has at arriving at us on the Elite.

Your friend

Steven Stone (Champion-friend-Rockafficionado)

Ps: I've changed my email, you can find me at "rockhardbutnotbrockhard@elite.hoenn.com", I expect a reply soon

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From: Rockhardbutnotbrockhard @elite.hoenn.com
to: roxxaneatrustborotrainerschool@elite.hoenn.edu

"While I thank you for the opportunity to present a class on type match-ups, and the chocolates are appreciated, I have>
already indulged in plans for my night. Plans of vital importance. It relates to Champion business with other gym leaders.

While I do have a place to nest (pardon the pun) in rustboro, It'd be rude, and counter-active to cancel my plans. I assure  you they're a vital matter.

I know you to be a fan of physical mail, and I again must stress the chocolates were delicious - at least the truffles sidney and Phoebe
Didn't throw at each other. However you can reach me at any time by email - the buzznav has an alert feature!

But enough about Devon products, I apologise for the negative response, I know this to be rather short term, but might I suggest Wally? You surely
Know of him, he's a meta-trainer, who nearly made it to champion. I see great potential in him.

Sorry again

Steven Stone (Friend-Champion-Rock Aficionado-Technically your superior so don't get lippy)

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From: Josephtheadventurerlikeyou@Devon.Hoenn.Com

To:   Imdachampseriouslywallaceyouwantmetogetthisasmyemail@elite.hoenn.com

"Son

I write to you not as a father, but as a desperate citizen, some very important documents, in a suitcase, about 14 inches by 22, plywood interior, rattles because it has parts, have been stolen.

As the jurisdiction of  criminality and law is given to you as champion, could you find the grunts, of the pirates who took it and unleash the law on them? I'd do it but you know about my wobbly knee.

Go all judge dredd on them please

Joseph Stone (Ceo-Father-Concerned citizen"

PS: Do it and I'll give you some stone samples

PPS: I'm too cool to close brackets or do edits, you know what I mean. I'm hip with the children



Reply to: Josephtheadventurerlikeyou@Devon.hoenn.com

"Father, as much as I desire to find the grunt, I can't just withold all imports and exports into hoenn, not only because it'd have a catastrophical effect on the economy, but also because I'm waiting on a sample from mt.moon. Of course that's a secundary reason.

I have assigned one of my lap-dogs, by which I mean talented trainers I see potencial in, to it. Maybe you could reward them? I don't know give them something which holds no value - a great ball?

Yours truly

Steven Stone (Champion)

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From: darkandedgysidney666@elite.hoenn.com

To: deaderthanmydusclops@elite.hoenn.com

 

My dear Phoebe.

Meet me in Ever Grande, well we’re both in Ever Grande, we’re part of the elite, but you know what I mean. I’ve got the best idea to trick Steven. I won’t tell you here but be there at 21:30, that should be enough time, there are no trainers fighting at that hour, right?

 

Sidney!

 

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From:  Rockhardbutnotbrockhard@elite.hoenn.com

To  darkandedgysidney666@elite.hoenn.com  and  deaderthanmydusclops@elite.hoenn.com

 

Guys.

You know that I have access to every email sent under an “at elite” email, right?”


While we’re at it, maybe you should keep your conversations about what you’d do to one another, in the bedroom, not in this private, personal, professional, mailing service.

Steven Stone (Your superior, not about to be pranked, kind of disgusted)

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From: Justarnormanboyfromajohtofamily2@elite.hoenn.com

To: rockhardbutnotbrockhard@elite.hoenn.com

CC: justanormanboyfromajohtofamily@trainer.johto.com


Steven!

How are you pal? It has come to my attention that you’ve been in contact with my boy! That’s great! I always did want to put the pokémon trainer bug in him. - I mean, that sounds wrong, but you know what I mean!

However it has  come to my attention that you referred to him as a “Carrier boy” - I know his password, he thinks I don’t know it's “thenextredandblue123” - isn’t that cute? By the way, don’t invade his privacy, like I do.

Now I’m fine with you calling him your lap dog, it is pretty much what he is, just like Ethan was to Lance, or Red and Blue were to Oak. But could you not use the term “Carrier boy”?

It is my impression that in Hoenn packages are transported by Wingull and Pelipper, and those birds are not even normal type! Why not compare him to a mighty fearow, an impressive pidgeot, or, if you want to go native, a grand swellow? Why not refer to him as your undercover Noctowl?

I just think that, with all due respect, given who his father is, you’d do well to compare him to a normal/flying type bird. And not a - gasp - water/flying.

See you soon:

Norman (Just a normal man which is technically is a gym leader)

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From: Undergroundandiggingaround@elite.sinnoh.com

To: rockhardbutnotbrockhard@elite.hoenn.com

 

Ok, what the hell Man?

Steven, you’re a great trainer, and an even greater geologist! I totally appreciate your love for the rocks, it’s even in your new email! I look forward to the day Cynthia doesn’t hog you and I can show you the Sinnoh Underground(s).

 

But you must understand one thing, my fellow geologist. When people think “Fossil guy” they think of me, Roark, I even use one in every team I have! I know you do too, as champion, but still.

 

It came as a surprise that you contacted Cynthia, for her archeology expertise and yet didn’t think to contact me, the world’s utmost rock and fossil expert. That’s a bold claim to make - but years on a coal mine have taught me the ways.

 

Furthemore the hiker magazine put you at the top of the list of the “What’s rocking? The guide to the Hot, strong trainers with rock Pokémon!

While I’m glad  I was still in the podium, I have a feeling someone slipped someone at the magazine a little something. How can you and roxxane  be number one and two? How can brock be number 5? And worse, how can I be number 3?

For Arceus’ sake, you don’t even own a mining helmet, that I know of.

But enough moaning, I don’t want to cause a rockslide, text me back,


Roark (Rock expert,  mining helmets collector)

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From: imnotblindimonix@elite.kanto.com

To: rockhardbutnotbrockhard@elite.hoenn.com

 

I just got your new email from the League. My eyes literally opened as I read the handle. I knew someday someone would appreciate how hard I train, and how rocky my gym was. Everyone waiting for me to slip, or thinking they’re so clever by evolving caterpies!

I just wanted to commend you on a great email handle. And yes, I am also Brock hard.

Your colleague in rock pokemon:

Brock (gym leader, hard as stone, hater of butterfrees)

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From: pokemart.com@mart.hoenn.com

To: Richboywinston@ImsorichIboughtmyowndomain.imrich.hoenn.com

 

Hello “Rich Boy Winston”

Thank you for shopping at the pokemart. Your one place destination for every purchase, be it necessary or just plain obtuse. We pride ourselves in being the leading pokemon item selling chain in the world, with affiliates from Kanto to Unova.

Below is a receipt of your order-  This Order has been sent to your destination by Dodrio and Can not Be changed.

Full Restore (X49)

Great Balls(X10)


Total Cost of Order: 153 thousand Pokedollars.

Please enjoy your complimentary premier ball.

 

Pokemart Inc

 

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From: mydarlingpeekoinavirtualsea@trainer.hoenn.com

To: Ridingthewavesandlivingthedragonlife@elite.hoenn.com

 

Drake! My old buddy at sea and at drinking, how are you?

I’ve heard you’ve done quite well for yourself. An elite position, huh? I remember when you were but a grunt on my ship, complaining about having to pull up cables and fighting in the docks when I went out for my “Smoke”. In actuality I ended up watching you most of the time. Even then you were such a fierce opponent!

Look at me, an old man reminiscing. Ah, what age does to all of us. I wanted to contact you personally regarding a problem that has recently plagued me. I was out for my stroll, as one does, I went past Rustboro, craving the cliffs and dreading the blisters from travelling through the woods again, when the unthinkable happened! Someone took my Darling Peeko!

The thug, the young whippersnapper had an M embroidered on his clothes. I just knew that he was in one of those youth gangs you hear about, like team Rocket. Hoenn was far too quiet for my taste anyway.

Though I’ve recovered my darling Peeko, whom I dearly love to chase, I ask you to deal with them. Show them some of that draconian fighting spirit I know and love. And maybe, in the end, I’ll take you for the sake you so much enjoy.

Your former captain:

Mr Briney.

 

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From:   roxxaneatrustborotrainerschool@elite.hoenn.edu

To:   unclesaysIshouldbereachablesothismyemail@trainer.hoenn.com

 

Wally.

I think I remember you, from our gym battle. You had that Kirlia, freshly evolved after the Mauville Gym, right? I raised my eyebrow at the uncommon order at which you choose to challenge me. I’m usually the first! My colleague in rock pokémon, brock, complains about type advantages, since he lives near Viridian Woods, but you did him one better, you brought a psychic type which knew a grass type move!


A trainer of very high talent, the champion himself, recommended me your services. You see, besides my Elie duties as a Gym Leader I am also, as you know a teacher. Though I don’t recall ever seeing you at my Trainer School, I can tell you that sometimes I have presentations made by more  - shall we say accomplished - trainers.

One such spot, if you so desire, is open to you. I’ve heard that you built a dynamic and varied team to account for all major weaknesses, with moves that can take down any one type. All second hands reports I’ve heard from the likes of Norman, and Brawly indicate so. Though it isn’t really fair to use a Kirlia against Fighting types, and you know how hard it is to counter normal?

Either way, I present you this invitation to do a real demonstration for show of skill - with the possibility of speech and powerpoint. - Demonstrating type efficacy. That, I find, is a hard thing to teach without some practicality to students.

I wish you well - and that your consistent cough has improved:

Roxxane (Gym Leader, Trainer’s School Teacher)



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From: ContestSpectacularMasterJuan@Contests.Hoenn.com

To: imtoohotforfayareimwaterbitch@elite.hoenn.com

Wallace, my protegee.

I am simply appalled at the e-mail handle you seem to have chosen. I thought I had raised your sensitivities better than this!

Just the thought - the nerve - of using such a crude and vulgar word - it is unbecoming of someone of your caliber. Of a Master Contestant. The B word, which I won’t even pronounce, really? I had difficulty typing it out to send you an email.

I know that you, young, fiery contestants are - or at least like to consider yourselves - filled with edge. That they like to show contempt to the old guard - and though I hate to admit it - that is me. But there must be, there have to be better ways to show it than the flagrant use of that word!

Cordially yours:

Master Juan



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From: Justarnormanboyfromajohtofamily2@elite.hoenn.com

To: Scotthescouter@battlefrontier.hoenn.com

CC: justanormanboyfromajohtofamily@trainer.johto.com

 

Hey there Scott!

Haven’t seen you since you opened the battle frontier! That was a great event! Pretty ---Normal, if you ask me, get it?

I do however message you because we have a little problem, just an itsy-bitsy-little thing. Ratata small, you shouldn’t worry.

 

You called my son a newbie - because his clothes weren’t dirty. Now don’t get me wrong, he is a newbie, I get it - in fact he hasn’t even challenged his old man, but to identify it from the way his clothes are clean? I have personally told him the importance of grooming and hygiene.

In short just because you smell like the underside of a Slakoth, doesn’t mean my son has to. But let us not be petty. I expect him to eventually reach the battle frontier - I already got him a pass - And to win all that there is to win.

Yours,

 

Norman

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From: MagmaPR@magma.hoenn.com

To: rockhardbutnotbrockhard@elite.hoenn.com

CC: (3) Documents

Dear Sir

We write to you to ask for a Champion approval of our Organization, so as Team Magma (inc) is recognised under the eye of the law.

Team Magma is composed of several members who are highly motivated and wish to do their best for the betterment of conditions in the Hoenn region. We have an established place of business - As you can see in the annexed documents - Which provide all the conditions required by the law.

We wish to be registered as a non profit organization - None of our members earn a payroll and whatever money we st-collect is put into our research. Team Magma also convinces some of the top scientists in the land to test and help with research. It is of particular interest to Team Magma myth and folklore, meteorites, and the study of the ground. Indeed we here at Team Magma are huge fans of the natural structures known as caves.

We believe that, in being registered officially with the League, we can increase our reach. I know this process to usually be done by email, but as you can see from the annexed documents (below) we already have a logo, corporate structure, and a place purchased. Would it be possible to expedite the process?


Best regards,


Team Magma




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From: MossdeepSpaceinstituteJared@research.hoenn.edu

To: IwannaflyhighsoIcantwistascarf@elite.hoenn.com

 

Winona

 

A more general psa about the expected launch of our “jigglypuff voyager 2” is soon to be released as a public statement to the public, but first and foremost I wish to warn you personally.

While taking your rag tag team of trainers who study under you to train sky acrobacies in the skies of Mossdeep seems like a fine idea - it does provide the people with a majestic and graceful spectacle when the meteorites aren’t falling.  I ask you to refrain from doing so - at least in Mossdeep for the following days.

At the Champion’s request we declined to press charges when the altaria of a young female trainer was sucked into the jets of the first JigglyVoyager. As you know the shockwaves of the crash caused waves to reach lilycove. Luckily Hoenn has much water.

We ask you to not do a repat performance. While you were able to save the young lady, we, at the Mosdeep Space Institute, who invested years of our life on it, could only watch as the first JigglyVoyager crashed.

Greetings:

Jared

PS: Isn’t grace and poise Wallace’s thing?

PPS: And the scarf? Wallace did it first, surely?

 

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From Foranalluringmossdeep@trainer.hoenn.com

To: MosdeepSpaceInstitute@research.hoenn.edu

The sight of the rocket on the side of Mossdeep truly is iconic. However I can’t help but notice it breaks the building codes of the island.

As I’m sure you’re well aware due to the particular nesting spot of Pellipers nearby, no building is to be taller than 65 feet in height. The Rocket is, at least 90.

How can this be? Do you have an explanation? Were you granted an exemption to the rule by the champion? And why do you keep the rocket anyway if you will never launch it? I mean Geez it’s so tall it has to be supported by beams.

 

Does it not just qualify as a building? Can I get around the rule by buying a large hulled boat and living there? Because that’d actually be cheaper…

In doubt,

A trainer in search of natural beauty.