Chapter Text
Castiel drove, and the lights of Kansas City grew dim in his rearview mirror. He was nervous as he drove towards the only place that ever felt like home.
It had been ten years since he was back in Lawrence. Ten years since he had made the worst mistake of his life—one that had haunted him every single day—when he ran away to New York; ten years of seeing the same face in every crowd, of hearing the same songs in every cafe and every club and feeling the same pain as if it were the first time, every time.
He had ten years to come up with a plan, yet he was rolling into town without one. But there was one thing that kept him up at night, one thing he thought about every day since he accepted the job to run the mathematics department at KU. It was that one thing he kept in mind when he signed for the loan on his new house—the house on the lake that brought back countless memories.
It was the one thing running in the back of his head as he packed his stuff and moved out of his brownstone in Brooklyn, where he lived for eight years and never once felt at home. Castiel had one thing that kept him going as he flew out of JFK, as he bought a truck, as he drove down that dark highway he could have driven with his eyes closed.
Castiel knew one thing: He was in love with Dean Winchester, just as he had been every day since their first day of Freshman year when he met his new roommate, the boy who turned his entire world upside down with his smile.
***
Castiel maneuvered the truck into one of the open parking spaces. The Roadhouse looked just as it did ten years ago aside from a fresh coat of paint. The sign was still the same, and if Castiel looked hard enough, he'd probably find some of the same people camped out front smoking cigarettes on the open porch.
Castiel rested his chin on the steering wheel, hands on each side. He sat there for what felt like hours staring at the door, and watched as a few people went in and came out. He thought about getting out of the truck, and tried not to be obvious when he looked around the parking lot, but it’s not like anyone was looking at him. He looked for the tell tale curve of the Impala’s roof, looked for her black paint shining and reflecting every light that hit her gleaming finish. Castiel must have checked that parking lot a hundred times before deciding she wasn't there, that he probably wasn't there, but never thinking for a second he might not be driving her anymore.
Castiel slipped out of the truck, and leaned against it, weighing his options. He could turn around and go home, start unpacking and try coming back another night. The bravado he felt on the highway slipped away, and he found himself trying to come up with one decent excuse after another to avoid going inside the bar. Castiel swallowed thickly. He had no good reason not to go inside. Dean probably wasn't even there, so fuck it. Castiel pushed himself off the truck and stalked towards the front door.
He stopped short at the door, a brightly colored sign catching his attention. It had the days of the week listed, each one advertising a different theme: Monday - Ladies Night! Tuesday - 80’s night! Wednesday - College Night! Thursday - Half price wings and beer! Friday - Open Mic Night! Saturday/Sunday - All Day Happy Hour!
Castiel hated them all. The only “theme night” that was halfway decent was the Open Mic night. What the hell happened to the bar to make Dean stoop to these ridiculous antics? He sighed and pushed the door open, not sure what he was walking into.
Castiel let out the breath he didn't realize he was holding when he stepped into the Roadhouse and found it relatively unchanged. The layout was the same; the big U-shaped bar still dominated the room, and booths still wrapped around the left and back sides. The new addition to the room was the stage that held—to Castiel’s great surprise—a baby grand piano. It was a Steinway, and Castiel’s fingers itched to tickle the keys, something he hadn't done in ten years.
His eyes drifted to the back corner of the room, to the booth he and Dean had shared countless numbers of nights in; studying, laughing, growing up, and falling in love. The table still had its familiar “Reserved” sign sitting on the edge of the tabletop. Who was occupying its worn leather seats these days? Out of everything familiar about the bar, that booth made him miss Dean the most.
Castiel took a seat at the bar running his hands along the smooth surface; it had been refinished in a gorgeous butterscotch maple wood. As Castiel looked closer, he noticed not only was the bar refinished, but the booths and small scattered tables had been done as well. Castiel smiled, he found Dean here after all. He scanned the bar and thought about the days they used to spend there. There had always been a Harvelle or two hanging around, Bobby and Rufus occupying a couple barstools, Ash sleeping on a pool table, Sam and Jo studying hard in a booth. It made Castiel sad to think they’d probably moved on in the last ten years.
Castiel saw the bartender leaning in to talk to another patron at the end of the bar, and waited for them to stop flirting before he cleared his throat, hoping to order a beer. The bartender straightened and headed in his direction, turning his charms toward Castiel.
“What can I get for ya, boss?” The bartender was young, maybe late 20’s, wide eyed and smiling.
“Whatever you’ve got on tap.” Castiel wasn't really thirsty but he's here, and he's wondering how much information he can get from this guy without sounding like a creep.
As the bartender, Aaron, if his name tag was to be believed, poured his beer, he proceeded to strike up a conversation. “So, business or pleasure?”
Castiel startled. He wasn't expecting anyone to ask him questions and he wasn't ready with an answer. Aaron seemed to take his silence for confusion.
“What brings you to Lawrence? Business or pleasure?” He slid Castiel's beer across the bar.
Castiel cleared his throat. “Uh, both actually. I just moved… here. For work.” He almost said he just moved back, but that would have provoked even more questions he didn’t feel like answering.
“Cool, man. Maybe we'll see you around more often. Check back next week, we're debuting our own beers. It's kind of a big deal. In fact” —Aaron grabbed a small glass from under the bar and waved it in Castiel’s direction— “care for a sneak peek?”
“Are you sure that's ok?” Castiel was curious to see where this was going.
“Hell yeah, man. Perks of dating the boss.” Aaron winked at him, and if he noticed the shock on Castiel’s face, he didn't react to it. He pulled out a growler filled with an amber beer and poured a taste for Castiel.
“This is our Sasquatch Brown Ale. Tell me what you think.”
Castiel smiled to himself, knowing exactly who this beer was named after. He took a sip and chocolate and caramel burst on his tongue. It was the best beer Castiel has had in years.
“It's excellent. Can't say I've had anything this good in a while, even in New York. Did you say this was your recipe?”
“Oh, hell no man. Dean is the brains behind this. He's been perfecting his beers for about a year now. They're finally ready and we're really excited about it.”
There it was again, we. Castiel felt sick, thinking of his Dean with this guy. He admonished himself; Dean wasn't his and hadn't been for a long time. And now, there was Aaron, comfortable in a place Castiel used to stand, a place that used to feel like home. Castiel was ready to leave.
“You should definitely come back next week. Like I said, we're revealing the whole line of beers on Friday. Catch our Open Mic night too.” Aaron hadn't lost his enthusiasm for a minute. It was getting exhausting.
“Yeah, I'll think about it, thanks. Tell your, uh, boss that the beer is good. Is he here tonight?” Castiel hoped he sounded casual.
“Nah, man. Dean teaches guitar lessons down at the Y on Wednesday nights, but you can come back next Friday and tell him yourself. He’ll be glad to hear it. Plus, if you’ll be living around here, you should meet him and our wayward family. We've got quite a group of regulars around here.”
We we we. Every single we was like a punch to Castiel's gut. He ached, thinking of all he had lost just within these walls alone. Castiel was a part of that family, long before Aaron . A real family that chose him, not one that was forced to put up with him, one that made sure he knew how much he disappointed them still, despite everything he had given up to please them.
Castiel needed to get the fuck out of there.
He dropped a ten on the bar and quickly turned toward the exit. Aaron called out a good night, but he just put his head down and walked faster. He felt like a fool for being upset, for feeling jealous over something he should have seen coming and he clenched his fists to keep them from shaking. Castiel climbed into his truck and started it up, peeling out of the parking lot before he lost it right then and there. He kept it together until he pulled into his new driveway and only then did he fall apart, the tears he was desperately trying to stop streaming down his face.
It was stupid coming back to Lawrence. It was really stupid going to The Roadhouse knowing Dean wasn't there and spying on his life. Castiel felt like a fool. Dean had moved on, he had Aaron now. He didn't need Castiel and his fucked up priorities, his callous decision making, and his lifelong track record of selfishness. Dean deserved better than what Castiel could offer.
Castiel walked into his new house, stared at his stacks of boxes, and wanted to burn it all to the ground. Deciding it would take more effort than he had at that moment, he found the box in the kitchen with all his alcohol and proceeded to get wasted.
Chapter Text
“Ok Dean, turn around and stand with Sammy next to yer’ Baby so I can get a picture.”
Dean closed the trunk of the Impala and turned towards Ellen, smirking and rolling his eyes affectionately. Ellen was like a mother to him, and if she said she wanted to take a picture, he would damn well do it. But that didn’t mean he wouldn’t give her some shit for it anyway.
“Aw, come on Ellen, it’s not that big a deal.” He dropped his duffle bag on the ground and slung an arm around Sam.
“Oh yeah? I have a picture from every single one of your first days of school, what makes you think your first day of college is gonna be any different, boy?” Ellen shot him the look , the one reserved for those times Dean and Sam were being especially bratty.
Dean smiled wide. “Technically, my first day is on Monday.” Ellen threw the pillow she was holding at his head. He caught it, laughing as he swung it up to smack Sam in the face. Sam growled and yanked the pillow out of Dean’s hand, rearing back to retaliate.
“Alright, enough, you idjits!” Bobby’s voice boomed over the parking lot.
Sam froze, arm in mid-swing, pillow dangling from his hand. His hair was mussed up, a murderous look in his eyes, and Dean couldn’t stop laughing at him. Bobby growled in their direction.
“Get right so Ellen can take the damn picture. Act like you like each other for a damn minute.”
Sam’s arm dropped to his side, his eyes narrowing as he glared at Dean. “So glad I’m finally going to have my own room. Jerk.”
“Bitch.” Dean grinned and grabbed Sam again, wrapping his arm around Sam’s shoulders. Sam tried his best to smooth his hair down for the picture. They were both leaning against the Impala in front of Dean’s new dorm, smiling to avoid death at Ellen’s hand. Ellen snapped the picture, and Dean made a mental note to ask her for a copy later.
It was Dean’s first official day as a freshman at the University of Kansas. He worked his ass off to get there, holding the title of the first in his family to attend college. A baseball scholarship got him in the door, and if staying on campus wasn’t a requirement, he’d still be living over at The Roadhouse, sharing a room with Sam and driving to class every day. Dean had slept in a bed next to Sam every night since Dean was four years old, and he was nervous about Sam not being able to sleep without him. At least that’s what he was telling himself.
Dean had been emailing with his new roommate for the last month since KU’s Housing Department sent him his room assignment. The questionnaire he filled out about himself in August paired him with another freshman, a guy named Castiel Novak. He was a mathematics major from Illinois. They agreed instead of bringing furniture and decorations, they would bring whatever money they were planning on spending and go shopping together. Dean was glad he and Castiel seemed to get on ok; it lessened the stress of living with someone he’s never even met.
When Ellen was finished with the picture taking, Dean slung his duffel and his guitar case over his shoulders while Sam, Bobby, and Ellen each grabbed a box and headed for the building. Dean led the way up two flights of stairs and found Room 311 on the other side of the stairwell. The dorm room was a double with an en suite bathroom connecting to another double room. The Resident Advisor was on the other side of the floor with the common room in the middle.
The whole floor was bustling with students and parents, most of them putting on a brave face, but Dean noticed a few tears here and there. Dean didn’t foresee any tears within his little group, especially since he was planning on seeing them all on Monday night for dinner. Call it a perk of going to school in the same town you grew up in. Dean was proud to be from Lawrence and going away to college never crossed his mind. KU was his first and only choice.
The group arrived at the room and everyone hung back, letting Dean be the first to go inside. Dean pushed open the door and took in the room. Two armoires, two desks, one empty bed with another bed right across from it, occupied by the most handsome guy Dean had ever laid eyes on. Castiel was laying on the twin bed, long legs splayed out, a pair of black square framed glasses perched on his nose, and a book in his hands.
Dean stopped short at the door, Sammy crashing into his back and like dominoes, Ellen and Bobby following suit. They all tumbled into the room together, making quite the entrance and somehow, no one dropped anything. Dean laughed as he tried to regain his footing, knowing only his crazy family could make such a graceful entrance.
In the commotion, Castiel sat up in alarm, his book slipping from his fingers. Dean straightened as he dropped his bag and guitar on his bed, quickly catching his breath before grabbing the book off the floor and approaching the other bed. He handed it back and held out his hand after Castiel took the book.
“Dean Winchester, nice to finally meet you! Please don't mind these lunatics behind me, I hired them to help me carry my stuff.” Dean smiled. Castiel stood and shook his hand enthusiastically.
“I think you should ask for your money back.” He smiled back at Dean. “Castiel Novak, nice to put a face to the name.”
They stared at each other, smiles lingering for a beat too long.
Bobby cleared his throat, breaking Dean and Castiel's gaze. Dean spun around, ready to make introductions, when Castiel beat him to the punch.
“Castiel Novak, nice to meet you sir, ma’am.” He shook hands with Bobby and Ellen, both of them looking a little bewildered.
“Uh, nice to meet you too, Cas-teel.” Bobby said as he returned the handshake.
“It’s Cas-tee-el,” Dean and Castiel corrected in unison. They looked at each other and grinned.
“Well Dean, it looks like you might be in good hands, so I think we'll be takin’ off now.” Ellen was all smiles. They placed their boxes on the empty bed as Sam poked around, looking inside the armoire and the desk drawers.
Castiel sat back down on his bed and watched the scene in front of him with a fond smile.
“Sammy! Get your nose outta there!” Dean motioned towards himself, trying to get Sam's attention. “Get over here!”
“Sorry about him. Little brothers, you know?” Dean looked apologetically towards Castiel.
Castiel smiled again. “I'm the baby in my family and I'm sure I've annoyed my big brothers a time or two.”
“Oh crap, you two can't be friends then. He knows all my embarrassing stories.”
“Hey Sam! We're gonna talk later, ok buddy?” Castiel laughed as Dean shook his head.
Sam wandered over and gave Castiel a high five. “I'll give you all the dirt, don't worry. Just so you know, he snores.”
Dean decided that was just about enough. He clapped his hands and turned towards his family.
“Ok, time for y'all to go. I'll walk you out.” He rolled his eyes in Castiel's direction. “Be back in a bit.”
Castiel nodded and settled back into his pillow.
Dean herded his family out, turning and shooting Castiel a wink as he closed the door. Once they were all back at the car, Dean popped the trunk of the Impala and pulled out a bag with two boxes inside. He got one out and handed it to Sam.
“Here, Sammy. This is to celebrate you getting your own room.”
Sam's eyes grew wide as he stared at the box. Inside was a brand new cell phone, a black Nokia 3310. Sam looked up at Dean, disbelief all over his face.
“Really? You got me a cell phone?”
“I got us cell phones. I've got a matching one, see?” He dug in his pocket and pulled out an identical phone. “Now you can call or text me anytime you want, ok? You need anything, I’ll be there in a heartbeat. You wanna tell me how great it is to have your own room ten times a day? Go for it.”
Sam was beaming as he wrapped his arms around his big brother. “Thanks Dean, this is awesome.”
Dean felt a lump in his throat. He cleared it, trying to keep the tears away, and hugged Sam back tighter. “Seriously Sammy, call me if you need me ok?” He ruffled Sam's hair.
“You got it.” Sam was focused on figuring out the phone, throwing the box back into the bag.
Dean hugged Ellen and reassured her he would be home for dinner on Monday. She hugged him tightly, leaning in as she did so.
“We're real proud of you, Dean. Real proud. Your mama and daddy would have been too.” Ellen pressed a quick kiss to his temple before she pulled away.
Dean’s heart clenched in his chest. He owed everything to Bobby and Ellen. They had stepped into the role of parents following the car crash that took John and Mary Winchester from them when Sam was six months old. If it wasn't for Bobby and Ellen, Dean had no idea where they would be. The thoughts of what could have been scared him. He'd never be able to repay them, so he worked hard to make them proud. Dean quickly wiped away the tear that had escaped his eye and pulled her back into a tight hug. “Love you, Mama.”
Hearing the endearment that the boys had all but stopped using a few years ago pushed Ellen over the edge. She smacked Dean in the arm and guided Sam towards the truck. Bobby came over and clasped Dean's shoulder, the equivalent to a hug in the older man's eyes. He pushed an envelope into Dean's hands.
“Just a little somethin’ from us. Use it when you go get the stuff for your room, ya hear?”
Dean opened the envelope to find a couple hundred dollar bills.
“Bobby, no, this is too much!” Dean couldn't accept this.
“Shut up, ya idjit. I'm not takin’ it back. Now get upstairs and get yourself settled. We'll see you for dinner on Monday. Kick it in the ass, son.” Bobby clasped his hand to the back of Dean's neck and gave him a shake before he turned towards the truck. “And don't forget to call Jo, she's already mad we didn't let her tag along.”
Dean nodded and waved goodbye. He had the best family in the world.
Dean headed back to his room, taking the stairs two at a time. He was a bit nervous now that the buffer of his family was gone. Dean hoped the easy banter between him and Castiel wasn't a fluke because he was really excited about getting to know the guy. He pushed open his door to find Castiel right where he left him, reading his book on his bed. Dean couldn't stop the smile on his face even if he tried.
Castiel put his bookmark in its place and closed the book, setting it on the nightstand.
“Hello, Dean.”
“Hey, Cas,” Dean watched a jumble of emotions cross Castiel’s face, until finally settling on a hesitant smile. “Is it ok if I call you that?” Dean dropped his duffle and his guitar case on the floor and settled himself cross-legged on his bed, facing Castiel.
“Yes, it's fine. No one has ever given me a nickname before. I like it.” Castiel smiled shyly. “That was nice of your family to help you move in. Do they live close by?”
“About twenty minutes from here. Bobby and Ellen own a bar, The Roadhouse. Ever heard of it?”
Castiel shook his head. “No, I'm afraid I haven't explored the area much. I arrived early this morning and came straight here.”
“Did your family come? Too bad I missed them.”
Castiel coughed. “Uh, no, they didn't come. I didn't bring many things, and my father thought it would be a waste of time…” Castiel trailed off, clearly uncomfortable.
“Ah, that's ok, I bet if you brought more stuff, he would have come.” Dean changed the subject. “Speaking of, ready to go shopping? I thought we'd hit up Target and then bring back a pizza? First official night as roomies, we should celebrate.”
Dean smiled widely and Castiel matched it with a smile of his own, the uncertainty disappearing from his face. Castiel jumped off his bed and turned towards the door. “Let's do it! Can we get sausage on our pizza?”
“How about pepperoni and sausage?” Dean followed behind Castiel, gently placing his hand on Castiel's lower back as they walked out the door, ushering him out. Dean locked the door behind them as Castiel waited close by.
“That sounds perfect, Dean.” Castiel beamed at him, bright as the sun, and Dean felt its warmth spread from his head, all the way down to his toes.
***
They spent the next couple of hours shopping, first at Target, and then Castiel insisted they go to Barnes & Noble where he picked up a Harry Potter poster and Dean a Star Wars print.
“I can’t believe you’ve never seen Star Wars, Cas! That’s like, a crime against humanity or something.”
“My father preferred we read and pretty much let us read anything we wanted. We don’t even own a TV at home. I’m equally surprised that you’ve never read Harry Potter, it’s very popular.”
“Sammy has the books, but I never picked them up. Tell you what, you let me show you Star Wars and I’ll read Harry Potter. Sound good?”
The offer made Castiel smile and Dean realized he’d do pretty much anything to make that happen as often as he could.
When they got back to their room, they dumped all their packages unceremoniously on the floor. Unpacking and arranging their room would have to wait until the next day; right now there was pizza to be eaten.
They settled on their beds, facing each other with plates filled with sausage and pepperoni pizza balanced on their laps. It had been a pretty good first day.
“Hey Cas, what's in that box?” Earlier, Dean noticed a long, rectangular box leaning against the wall next to Castiel's bed.
Castiel swallowed and jumped off the bed, excitement etched across his face.
“It's my keyboard! I hope you don't mind, but I'm supposed to practice a few hours a week. Since I couldn't bring a piano, my father bought me this to set up in our room.” Castiel placed the long box on his bed and pulled out pieces of the stand. He set it up before pulling the keyboard out and placing it gently on the stand.
Cas’ back muscles rippled under his shirt as he set up the keyboard, and Dean shifted and adjusted his plate over his lap.
“That's friggin’ awesome, man. I brought my guitar, so we're totally going to jam. Can you play me something?”
Castiel blushed but nodded and turned on the keyboard. He sat down and played around with some of the settings before he began. Castiel transformed right before him, his eyes closing, his hands relaxing into the keys, and the tension in his shoulders melted away. Dean was in awe, and Castiel hadn't even played a note yet.
And then he did, and Dean’s jaw dropped. Dean recognized the melody, but he had never heard it like this before. The Mamas and The Papas “California Dreamin’” filled the room. Dean stared at Castiel, his head bowed, eyes closed, forehead creased in concentration. He couldn't see from where he was sitting but Dean found himself aching to watch Cas’ fingers dance across the keys.
It was in that moment that Dean knew. He was totally and utterly screwed.
Chapter Text
It had been two weeks, and Castiel had yet to return to The Roadhouse. He'd like to think it was because he was busy unpacking, busy getting his office set up, and of course, busy with the start of the school year, but Castiel knew he was just scared.
After the fiasco of his first visit, he wasn't sure he wanted to go back. It wasn’t like Castiel expected to return to Lawrence and find Dean pining for him ten years later. That would be pathetic; it was what Castiel was doing all those years. But Dean, Dean was stronger than him, and always had been.
Dean was never afraid to live his life. He was always satisfied with the choices he made, always confident he would achieve the goals he set. And Dean had achieved his goals from the looks of it. He owned The Roadhouse, had his own line of beers, and he was in a relationship. Castiel pushed away the thought that all of those goals were formed with Dean in his arms, that all of those dreams were created with the idea that Castiel would be standing by his side as he achieved them.
Castiel was glad his own shortcomings didn’t stop Dean from getting everything he wanted.
Wednesday rolled back around and all day, Castiel thought about going back to the bar. If there was one thing he was good at, it was internalizing his arguments with himself. He went back and forth throughout all his meetings, distracted with the indecision to go back to The Roadhouse. He was talking himself out of it for the fourth time when his phone rang, Celine Dion’s “My Heart Will Go On” blaring from the speaker.
“Hello, Baz.”
“Cassie, darling! How's Oz treating you?”
“Not bad, actually. Dorothy’s in my first period theoretical math class. The girl won't stop talking about the unit circle as a uni-dimensional projection of a helix.”
“Where's a tornado when you need one, eh?”
Castiel laughed, his first genuine laugh since returning to Lawrence. “I've missed you, my friend. How's the city?”
“Not as fun without you. Are you ready to come home yet?”
Castiel sighed. “You know I’m not coming back to New York. Why do you insist on asking? I’m home, Lawrence was always home.”
Castiel could hear Balthazar sigh in annoyance. They’ve had this conversation. Too many times, in Castiel’s opinion.
“Have you at least spoken to him? Because Meg and I have a bet going and I’d like to keep my money.”
“I don’t know, did you bet on me? Because that was probably your first mistake, if so.”
Castiel could hear Balthazar cover the phone with his hand, and he could just make out Baz asking Meg if she wanted her money in hundreds or small bills. There was a scuffle and Meg’s voice filled the line.
“Thanks, Clarence. There’s a pair of Louboutin’s at Barney’s with my name on them. I’ll send you a picture.”
Castiel rolled his eyes as more rustling drifted through the phone.
“Cassie, you owe me five hundred bucks.”
“I didn’t tell you to make the stupid bet. You should know better. Besides, I haven’t even seen him, how could I have talked to him?”
“Please, you know where he works, you know where to find him. You’re avoiding. Why? You didn’t move there to avoid him for the rest of your life.”
Balthazar was right and Castiel hated it, hated himself for being so weak and predictable. He lowered his voice. “He’s got a boyfriend, Balthazar. He’s his bartender. He kept saying ‘we’ when he talked about them.” Castiel shuddered at the memory.
“Well Castiel, it is the proper use of pronouns when referring to yourself with another person.” Balthazar’s sarcasm was the last thing Castiel needed, but he knew Baz wasn’t going to let him wallow. As much as he really, really wanted to.
Balthazar’s voice was gentle as he continued. “Go back to the bar, sweetheart. Go talk to your boy. Man up, as they say. If he refuses to talk to you, or heaven forbid, punches you in the face, go back the next day and the next. If he’s half the man you made him out to be, he’ll at least hear you out. If he doesn’t, maybe I’ll have to take a trip down to Oz, show him what he’s missing out on.”
Balthazar was the first person Castiel met when he arrived in New York, all those years ago. They worked together at NYU. Balthazar took him under his wing as the newest staff member. They dated briefly, which turned into a disaster once Balthazar realized Castiel was in love with someone else. They stayed friends and eventually became roommates. Balthazar was his best friend and his biggest supporter. Castiel didn’t know where he’d be without the man.
“I hate to admit this, to you of all people, but you’re right.”
“What was that? I went through a tunnel. Let me turn on the speakerphone. Now, can you repeat yourself please?”
“You fucker, I know you’re just sitting on the couch watching America’s Next Top Model .”
Balthazar laughed, long and loud. Castiel missed his friend something fierce.
“Ah Cassie, how well you know me. So you’ll let me know how it goes? Don’t go costing me more money now.”
“Don’t make anymore stupid bets with Meg.”
“Go, Castiel. And remember, fear is temporary but regret is forever.”
Castiel smiled at how incredibly cheesy but spot on Baz was. “Are you quitting your job and writing for Hallmark now? Talk to you later.”
Castiel ended the call and finished walking to his car. He was going to go home, shower, and go back to The Roadhouse.
***
Castiel pulled into the parking lot, and noticed it was busier than the last time he was there a week ago, when he sat in his truck and didn't go inside because the Impala was parked alongside the bar. He saw her the second he pulled into the lot. He parked, stared at her for 45 minutes, and then drove home. Castiel got drunk alone that night.
Tonight, the Impala was nowhere to be seen. It was dumb of him to feel relieved, but Castiel was. He remembered what Aaron had said, that Dean usually wasn't in on Wednesday nights. Teaching guitar at The Y was just so… Dean. He taught Castiel in college and in return, Castiel taught Dean how to play the piano. That was how it went; they traded in learning, experiencing new things at the pleasure of the other, in every sense of the phrase. Castiel forced away the memories that threatened to overwhelm him.
It was cowardly to come back here on a night he knew he wouldn’t run into Dean. Castiel kept telling himself it was because he wasn’t ready to see him, to explain himself, if Dean even wanted to listen. It was possible Dean hated him and would kick him out of the bar as soon as he saw Castiel’s face. Part of him wanted to enjoy the familiarity of the bar before he couldn’t step foot in there again.
Castiel knew whatever happened, whatever possible scenario he worked out in his head, however it would go down, he wasn’t giving Dean up again without a fight.
He climbed out of the truck, steeling himself against whatever might go on inside the bar tonight. He pushed open the door and a wave of nostalgia hit him once more. It was uncanny, but the bar even smelled the same: stale beer mixed with the heady scent of wood and Ellen’s special cleaning solution. Castiel took the same seat as last time, his eyes flicking over to the table in the back. It was empty save for some scattered paperwork and a half full pint of beer. As he wondered who was working the bar, Aaron walked from the door that led to the kitchen and, as Castiel knew, the living space upstairs.
Castiel frowned but quickly rearranged his face into something neutral. He clenched his jaw as Aaron approached, smiling the same smile as before. Castiel’s stomach churned, but he plastered on a fake smile anyways.
“Hey, you’re back! Didn’t see you last week, what happened?”
His memory was good; Castiel had to give him that.
“Uh, I had a work thing come up last minute. How did it go?”
“It went great! So good, we already sold out of some of the beers. I don’t think Dean expected that, but luckily we’ve got backups. Sorry, I’ve got the sign down to update the selections, but did you want to order something? Try another home brew?”
“Sure, whatever you recommend.” Castiel really did not want to like this guy.
“How do you feel about pale ales? Our Angel Eyes Pale Ale was quite the hit.”
Castiel felt like he’d been punched in the gut. Angel Eyes? What the hell could that mean? If it was a coincidence, it was a huge one. He must have had a weird look on his face because Aaron looked concerned.
“Pale ales aren’t your thing, or what? I could get you something else.”
Castiel shook his head. “Um, no, no that’s fine. Let’s go with that.”
Aaron was still looking at him funny as he poured him a pint. He slid it over to Castiel and waited for him to taste it. Castiel took a sip, tasting the citrus and bitterness found in a good pale ale. While he normally wouldn’t drink them, Dean’s version was excellent.
“It’s very good, is there a story behind the name?” Castiel couldn’t help himself.
Aaron shrugged. “Dunno, man. Dean came up with all the names. I suggested a few but I got shot down.” Castiel could see Aaron’s smile was forced. “He kinda had a theme and he’s a little obsessed with angels, and after a fight or two over it, I gave up.”
Huh, Dean was obsessed with angels. Heat bloomed in his chest.
Clearing his throat, he looked around the bar. “Kinda slow on a Wednesday, no?”
“Yeah man, Fridays and Saturdays are our busiest nights. Open mic really attracts the college kids. If we advertised we have wifi, we’d probably get more of them in here during the week, but that’s another fight I can’t seem to win.” He looked annoyed. “Anyways, can I get you anything else? As much as I’d like to stay and chat, I’ve got a sign to finish.”
“Sure, I’ll take another of these and a shot of whiskey. Thanks.”
Aaron served Castiel his drinks and headed to the back. Castiel watched him walk away, wondering how he had ended up with Dean. He knew nothing of Aaron, except he liked to over share. Who tells a perfect stranger about fights with his boyfriend? Castiel laughed to himself, thinking back on the epic fights he used to have with Dean in college. It was like everything they did was fueled with passion, including their fights and the inevitable making up they would do after.
Castiel finished his drinks and dropped a couple bills on the bar, leaving a generous tip. As he made his way out the door and across the parking lot, he froze as he heard someone call out his name.
“Castiel!”
He was cemented to the spot, immediately recognizing the voice, and turned, dread filling his stomach.
Sam Winchester was making his way towards him, a look of fury and disbelief on his face.
It didn’t take long for him to catch up to Castiel, and once they were face to face, Sam didn’t hold back.
“What the hell are you doing here? I saw you at the bar talking to—fuck, do you even know who you were talking to? I had to look again because there was no goddamn way Castiel Novak was sitting in my brother’s bar, talking to his boyfriend.”
“Sam, I—“
“No. No, you don’t get to talk right now. In fact, there’s not really anything you can say that would make this ok. You shouldn’t be here, you shouldn’t be in Lawrence. Hell, you shouldn’t even be in Kansas,” Sam hissed. “You have no idea the damage you did, and you waltz back in here like you didn’t completely destroy Dean’s life. You can’t just come back and… and I don’t know, do whatever it is you’re planning to do. I won’t have it, I can’t let you hurt him again.”
Sam paused and ran his hands through his hair. Castiel took advantage of the reprieve.
“Sam, please. Let me explain. I won’t make excuses for what I did, I know I fucked up. Big time. I regret—I regret everything I did. And I’m not here to mess things up for Dean, all right? I swear, I’m not. I met Aaron and he seems… nice.” It pained Castiel to even say it. “I know he’s with Dean, and I don’t want to fuck that up. He has the bar, Aaron told me about the beers, he used we a lot…” Castiel kept talking and ignored the funny look Sam gave him.
“An opportunity to run KU’s math department was offered to me and I took it. I live here now, Sam. And I want nothing more than to coexist in a town filled with Winchesters and Harvelle-Singers’ that probably want to kill me.” Castiel took a deep breath and worried at his bottom lip before continuing. “I’ll be honest, I’d love nothing more than a chance to make things right with Dean, but now I can see… now that I know he’s happy, I will not be the one to ruin that. I swear, I don't want to hurt him. I never wanted to hurt him.”
“You actually moved back to Lawrence?” Sam dragged a hand down his face, his expression unreadable. “Fuck.”
“Sam…” Castiel bit his lip and looked away. He was terrified to hear the answer to the question that was about to spill out of his mouth. “Does he hate me?”
Sam stared at Castiel, his expression terrifyingly blank. “You'd have to ask him that.”
Castiel shuddered, fighting back the emotions that were raging inside of him. He would not cry in the parking lot of The Roadhouse under Sam's mistrustful gaze.
“Why here, Cas?” Sam's voice cracked using Castiel’s nickname for the first time in a decade. “This is Dean's home, our home. It took him so long to even set foot back in the bar, said it reminded him too much of you.”
“Sam… this was my home, too. The Roadhouse, Lawrence, you, Dean… ” Castiel took a stuttering breath. “I've never known anything else that felt like home. I was always meant to be here.”
“Then why did you leave?”
The question hung heavy between them. Castiel knew he had to answer for his sins, he knew he owed Sam and Dean an explanation, and he felt he might break with the weight of it.
“You know what? Don't answer that, you don't have to answer to me, man. It's Dean that needs to hear this. You owe him a hell of a lot more than you owe me.”
“Sam, for what it's worth, I'm sorry that I left you too. You were like a little brother to me and… and I'm just so sorry. I thought about you often through the years.”
Sam's voice softened, it was almost wistful. It made Castiel’s chest ache. “You know, after you left, he wouldn't talk about you? He forbid all of us from talking about you, he just shut it all down, like you didn't exist, like you hadn't altered everything he knew about himself. Like you hadn't changed everything about our family, our lives. He just… closed off that part of himself.” Sam sighed and stared out into the darkness. “I don't know what this is going to do to him, I honestly don't.”
Castiel stared at the ground between them, focusing on a discarded bottle cap, willing away the tears that threatened to escape, as regret and guilt coursed through his veins. “What should I do?”
Sam huffed out a sad laugh. “You're asking me? Shit. Well, you're going to have to talk to him. Come back on Friday. He has to go see a vendor in Kansas City tomorrow so he won't be back until late. Friday, everyone will be around, so it's less likely he’ll kill you.” Sam grinned for the first time since approaching Castiel. “I'll even do you a solid and make sure to hide Jo’s weapons.”
Castiel swallowed audibly. There was nothing more terrifying than the Harvelle women.
“I'm actually going to have to warn them you're here, make sure they behave. You don't exactly have a fan club around here, you know?”
Castiel nodded. “Why are you helping me? I don't deserve this.”
“Oh, I know you don't. But… I dunno, man. I guess I believe you when you say you don't want to hurt Dean. And if you guys were anything, you were best friends first. There's something to that, you know?”
Something inside his chest loosened. Sam was going to help him, in his own way at least, and Castiel was grateful.
“Thank you. I appreciate this more than you know.”
“Look Cas, here's the deal. You come back on Friday and talk to Dean. If you don't, I'll have to tell him and neither of us want that. He deserves to hear it from you,” Sam said with a straight face. “You don't show, don't bother coming in again. Find a new bar, ok? I'm sorry, but this is his place. You understand?”
Castiel straightened his shoulders and looked Sam in the eyes. “I'll be here on Friday, Sam. I know I can't run anymore.”
Sam's expression softened. “We'll see you then.” He clasped Castiel on the shoulder. “Welcome back, by the way.”
“Thank you. I'll see you soon.” Castiel watched as Sam walked back to the bar. He was about to walk back to his truck when Sam turned and jogged back towards Castiel.
“Hey… for the record, I don't think Dean hates you.” Sam gave him a small smile. “G’night.” He gave Castiel a little wave and headed back inside.
For the first time since coming back to Lawrence, Castiel didn't feel so scared.
Chapter Text
Dean was dreaming of an open road. The windows of the Impala were rolled down and the wind was blowing on his face, through his hair. The sun felt warm and he could hear what sounded like a muffled voice, and a hand was holding his on the seat next to him. He looked over to his right and saw Cas, head thrown back as he laughed at something Dean didn't remember saying. It was Cas’ hand holding his, Cas’ smile warming him. Cas’ lips were moving around a grin and Dean couldn't make the words out but he watched as Cas leaned down and slipped a tape into the car radio. The music was just as muffled as Cas’ voice but he could feel the bass in his chest. He could see Cas dancing in his seat and Dean knew he was smiling. The words became more clear as they played… the sound of footsteps crowding his mind…
Dean cracked one eye open, his duvet pulled halfway over his face. Feel Good Inc was playing and Dean could see Cas, bent over his desk, wearing only his white boxers, swinging his ass to the beat, his back curved, miles of golden skin arching down. Dean couldn't stop all his blood rushing south, couldn't help himself from imagining his mouth exploring all the peaks and valleys of Cas’ back and shoulders.
Dean never wanted to wake up to any other sight, ever again.
If Cas was playing Gorillaz this early, Dean knew he was in a good mood. Dean decided not to move, letting his eyes track Cas’ movements around their room as Cas performed his morning routine. Dean wasn't sure when Cas noticed that he was awake but he still threw the comforter over his head after Cas flashed a wink at him before pulling the bathroom door closed for his morning shower. Dean rolled his eyes under the blankets, knowing Cas would give him shit later. Every time he caught Dean doing this, Cas teased him about how adorable he thought it was.
The school year had flown by, barely a month or so left before they would break for the summer. Not only were his grades good, but Dean had been having an awesome baseball season, well on his way to a starting position next year. Dean had made a lot of friends on the team but most importantly, he had Cas. A day hadn't gone by the entire school year that Dean didn't give a silent thanks to whoever had paired him with Castiel for a roommate. Cas had quickly become Dean's best friend and the two of them were inseparable. If you saw Dean in between classes or in the evenings, it was a sure bet that Castiel wasn't too far off, and vice versa. Dean was happy and everything was almost perfect, as far as he was concerned .
His only issue, the thing that nagged at the back of his mind, the thing that reared his ugly head multiple times a day, that wouldn't let go without a fight, was that Dean had fallen in love with his best friend and no matter what he did, that feeling would not go away.
The first time Dean realized he was in love with Cas was just like any other day. On Wednesday mornings, they both had class across campus, Math for Dean and Physics for Cas and once they were ready, they would grab coffee and walk together. It was December 16th, (Dean would never forget that date) and it was freezing. Dean tried to insist that they take the Impala but Cas wouldn't hear it, instead tugging his bright blue beanie onto Dean's head and wrapping a matching scarf around his neck.
“Dean, it's not that far and when I checked this morning, there was five inches of snow on top of your Baby. We're walking.” Cas fussed with the scarf as he talked and Dean couldn't take his eyes off of him. Cas put on his own beanie and scarf, this set in a deep navy blue, and shrugged into his black pea coat. Once Dean pulled on his leather jacket, Cas deemed them weather appropriate and they headed out the door.
They were halfway across campus, steaming cups of coffee in their hands, when it started to snow and Dean just happened to glance over at Cas while he was talking. He was going on about light and refractions and whenever Cas got going about something he was passionate about, he lit up from the inside. Dean may have known nothing about physics, but listening to Cas talk about it made it the most interesting thing in the world. It was in that moment that Dean knew.
He watched Cas’ breath puffing in little clouds from his chapped lips, his eyes shining, the navy blue of his beanie making them into a deep sapphire that glowed in the morning light. Snowflakes were getting caught in his long lashes and Dean knew he was in love with Cas. He knew the crush he had been harboring was long gone, that the deep ache in his chest that wouldn't go away was actually just love, simple and pure and nothing Dean had ever felt in his life.
It took everything inside Dean not to kiss Cas right there in the quad. Instead, he reached over and brushed away a little snow that had gathered on Cas’ beanie and was threatening to fall on to his nose. The gesture startled Cas out of his lecture and he looked up at Dean with so much admiration that Dean felt his resolve start to crack. Before he could make an ass out of himself, they reached their building and had to part ways.
Dean spent the next hour trying to figure out how to live with this revelation, never assuming for a second that a guy as good and smart and gorgeous as Castiel Novak might possibly love him back.
***
They spent Christmas break at The Roadhouse and the little rooms above it, Cas crashing on the couch while Ellen cooked them meals and Bobby taught him about football. Cas looked at it from a mathematical point of view, which Bobby hated and Dean found enduring. Sam caught him leaning in doorways to watch Cas one too many times it seemed, because as usual, his little brother couldn't help getting into his business.
Two days before Christmas, Dean was downstairs working at the bar and Sam was underfoot, as usual.
“Make yourself useful and wipe the tables down Sammy!”
Sam stopped racking the pool balls and glared at Dean in response. “No way, you're the one getting paid here, Dean. I'm on Christmas break.”
“So am I Sasquatch, I just have to make some money to pay for your Christmas present!”
“Mine… or Cas’?”
Dean rolled his eyes and glared at his annoying little brother.
“What do you know about it? Mind your business.”
“Ok Dean, I won't tell him you looovvveeee him!” Sam's eyes danced with mischief.
Dean looked at him calmly for a beat before he vaulted over the bar top to put Sam in a headlock. “Just because you're almost bigger than me doesn't mean I can't kick your ass, Sammy.”
Of course that was the moment Cas came from upstairs to see what was going on in the bar. He shuffled through the doorway, red flannel pants hung low on his hips, black tee shirt contrasting his rumpled, dark hair. He was wearing socks covered in reindeers and Dean wanted to eat him alive.
Dean gripped Sam tighter as the younger Winchester dissolved into giggles in his hold.
“What's so funny?” Cas tilted his head in that endearing way that made Dean forget how to blink.
Sam gasped for breath, laughing so hard he would be on the ground if it weren't for the hold Dean had on him. Dean realized this and let him go suddenly , smirking when Sam hit the floor.
“Nothing, Cas. Just teaching this little shit how to keep his mouth shut. Did the game end?”
“No, but I thought it was time to come down. I told Bobby that the probability of his team winning was down to about five percent and he said the probability of him kicking me across the room had dramatically risen to ninety-five percent. The odds were not in my favor.”
Castiel had made his way around the bar to pour himself a seltzer, sneaking a shot of vodka in. He poured one for Dean too and toasted him with a wink.
“Can I help clean something, Dean?”
“See, Sammy,” Dean pointed at Cas. “He's helpful.” He jumped back over the bar and gave Cas a nudge with his hip. “I got this, go kick Sammy's butt at pool.”
“ Of course, Dean .” Cas gave him a gummy smile and squeezed past him. Dean cursed the small space behind the bar.
Dean dutifully started wiping all the tables down when the sound of laughter by the pool tables caught his attention. He glanced over to see Cas and Sam, cracking up, Cas with one arm draped lazily around Sam's shoulders while they figured out their next shots. The ache worked its way into Dean's throat and he had to blink fast to keep himself steady. It was then that Cas lifted his eyes to meet Dean's and Dean couldn't help but think about how their eyes could find each other’s across any room, every single time. They held each other's gaze, small smiles dancing over their faces.
Two days later, Castiel experienced his first Roadhouse Christmas. It was chaos and Dean couldn't be happier to have Cas by his side. Everyone in his family loved Cas, loved his dry humor and the way he teased Dean. He even got Bobby to smile and everyone knew that only happened once every few years.
It wasn't until the pies were gone and everyone was sacked out around the TV, watching A Christmas Story for the tenth time that day, that Dean knew it would be safe to sneak away. Cas had been sprawled out on the floor next to him when Dean nudged him and nodded towards the door. Cas perked up and quickly got up to slip down the stairs. Dean got up next and glanced around, catching Ellen's knowing look. He ducked his head, only to see her smile and motion towards the door. He dropped a silent kiss on the top of her head as he passed by.
Cas was waiting for him in the darkened bar, a stolen bottle of Jack dangling from his hand while he leaned against the bar. Dean ducked behind the counter and grabbed the blanket and the packages they had stashed back there earlier in the day. They went out the back door where the Impala was parked and jumped in, Dean cranking the heat to make sure Cas stayed warm.
“Ok Dean, where are we going?”
“I told you Cas, it's a surprise. Just relax and let me be your guide.”
It had been snowing most of the day but luckily the trafficway had been plowed for the holiday traffic. Dean took them west and Castiel stared out at the untouched snow, a smile on his face.
They didn't have far to go and soon they were stopping alongside a turnout on the road. Dean grabbed a blanket, hats, scarves, and gloves from the back and they bundled up. He popped the trunk and pulled out another blanket, motioning for Cas to follow him down a path. The storm that dropped all the snow had moved on, leaving a clear sky with a bright moon lighting their way. Once their eyes adjusted, it felt almost bright as day.
Dean pushed into the clearing he found a few weeks back when he was out for a run with some of his teammates. He had detoured to find a place to relieve himself and had happened across the clearing. It looked to have been someone's property a long time ago; there was a decrepit house falling down off to one side and what might have been a beach at some point, a dock half under water. He had sat quietly for a few minutes, listening to the water brush against the shore and he thought about taking Cas there.
When Cas suggested they sneak away after Christmas dinner, Dean knew where he would take him.
Cas gasped as they entered the clearing and Dean knew he had picked the perfect spot. He grinned as he laid a blanket across a fallen tree that rested by the water. He sat down and looked up at Cas who was staring over the still water of Clinton Lake. The moon shone in his hair and Dean thought he looked like an angel.
“ Pretty awesome , huh?”
“Dean, this place is beautiful! How did you know it was here?”
Dean shrugged and gestured towards the blanket. Cas took his cue and sat down next to Dean, their thighs pressing together. Dean settled the other blanket over them as Cas opened the bottle of whiskey. He took a drink and passed it to Dean.
“Found it on one of my runs a few weeks ago. I think it might be private property so don't tell anyone .”
Castiel grinned. “Ooh so rebellious. It'll be our little secret.” He pushed his shoulder against Dean's. “Ok, present time!”
Dean laughed at Cas’ enthusiasm, lifting a wrapped box out of the bag they brought.
“Merry Christmas, Cas!”
The box was covered in Star Wars wrapping paper and Cas laughed as he ripped into it. He opened the box to reveal a leather bound notebook, “Cas Novak” engraved in the bottom corner.
“Dean, what is this? It's gorgeous.”
“Open it.”
Cas did to find page after page of blank composition paper. He lifted his eyes to Dean's, his grin consuming his face.
“It's for your music, when you write your arrangements.”
“I love it, Dean. Thank you so much!”
“The notebook inside is replaceable too, so when you fill it up, you can just add a new one.”
Castiel nodded as he ran his hands over the soft leather. “I can't wait to use it.”
Cas put the notebook back in its box and the box back in the bag, exchanging his present for Dean's. He handed Dean an envelope with a shy smile.
“You got me a Christmas card Cas? You shouldn't have.” Dean teased him with a smile.
“Open it, Dean.” Cas rolled his eyes fondly , pulling the bottle from Dean's hand and taking another drink.
Dean slid a finger under the seam and pulled out the card. Drawn on the front was a jumble of Christmas lights, the end plugged into the wall, the words “Nailed it” written across the top. Dean cracked up, remembering a month ago when they tried to decorate their room and the lights had gotten so tangled that Dean just plugged the bundle into the wall and called it a day.
“Did you draw this for me Cas? It's awesome.”
Castiel grinned and nodded. “Open the card already!”
Dean opened it and saw a small bundle of tickets clipped to the inside. His eyes grew wide as he figured out what he was looking at.
“Cas! Royals spring training tickets? Seriously ? Holy crap dude!” Dean whipped his head up to look at Cas in shock.
Castiel grinned. “The games are right in the middle of spring break so the three of us can drive down to Arizona and back with plenty of time.”
“Wait, three of us?”
“I asked Ellen and Bobby for permission to take Sam before I got the tickets. It's for two games, and I figured the road trip would take a few days round trip.”
“Holy crap, Sam is gonna lose his shit. I can't wait to tell him. This is awesome, man. Thank you so much.”
Dean tucked the card back into the envelope and pulled Cas into a hug. Cas hummed with happiness and squeezed tight. When they pulled back, their eyes met across the short gap between them. The moon lit up Cas’ smile, and Dean wanted to kiss the little scar on his chin.
“Merry Christmas, Dean. I can't explain what your friendship has meant to me these past few months,” Cas said. “ I was so nervous about the holidays and not having anywhere to go after my father said he would be in Europe for the season. I appreciate you welcoming me into your family's traditions.”
Cas rested his head on Dean's shoulder. His warmth pressed along Dean’s side was an even better Christmas gift. Dean tugged the bottle of Jack from Cas’ hand, took a small drink, and laid his head to rest on top of Cas’.
“Cas, you're family now. You're never gonna get rid of us.”
“Good,” Cas said, and Dean could hear the smile in his voice.
That was Dean's favorite Christmas.
***
By the time Cas finished showering, Dean was sitting up in bed, his duvet wrapped around his shoulders while he messed around on his laptop. Dean pulled his glasses off and set them on his keyboard, watching Cas’ delicious hip bones disappear as he put on a shirt. He wrinkled his nose, hating that shirt for hiding those perfect—
“ Dean ! Hello!” Cas snapped his fingers in Dean's direction. “Damn, we need to get some coffee in you.”
Dean blinked. “Sorry man, wild dreams last night.”
“Oh yeah? Was it about those twins on the swim team? Got a thing for Speedos, Dean?”
Got a thing for you. Dean shook his head and rolled his eyes and flipped Cas the bird.
“ Alright , we're meeting up later to go to the party? I should be done with tutoring by five, my last appointment cancelled.” Cas zipped up his bag. “We'll get dinner and head over to the house?”
Benny had invited them to his fraternity’s End of the Month Karaoke Party. He played shortstop on the baseball team with Dean, and they had become friends during the season. He was constantly trying to get Dean to pledge, but fraternities weren't really Dean's scene. They threw some awesome parties, though.
“Sounds like a plan. Hit me up if you wanna grab lunch.”
Dean's Fridays were light, he only had one class in the afternoon, so he spent most of the day cleaning their room and doing homework. Cas would drop in and out throughout the day, and they often met for lunch.
Cas grabbed his stuff and left with a wave. Dean put his glasses back on and returned to the term paper he was working on. Ten minutes later, Cas popped back in with a giant coffee and a donut for him.
“You're the best, Cas. Keeping me alive here.”
“You look cute in those glasses , by the way . See you later, Dean!”
Dean almost spilled his coffee. How could Cas just drop compliments in his lap like it’s no big deal. He swore his devotion to Cas when he pulled the chocolate donut out of the bag, wondering again how he got so lucky.
Later, after a quick dinner of pizza, they headed for fraternity row. Cas had come back to their room after tutoring and had changed into more casual clothes. He dressed like a professor for classes and work, and Dean didn't even know he had a bow tie kink until he met Cas.
Cas was wearing worn out jeans, one of Dean's Rolling Stones shirts, and a light blazer. Even his casual clothes were sexy, and it did things to Dean when Cas wore his t-shirts. It was easy to get their clothes mixed when they did laundry together on Sundays at the Roadhouse.
The party was in full swing by the time they got there. They hadn't made it in the door before jello shots appeared in their hands, and Benny had made them hit the beer bong. It was a required entry fee.
They got separated as soon as they headed inside. Cas went to see a friend from his math class, and Dean was pulled into the kitchen by Garth, the team's equipment manager.
“Dean! Buddy! Glad you could make it! You singin’ tonight?”
“I dunno, man. Last time I did, you assholes didn't let me live it down for months.”
“That's what you get for singing ‘I'm Too Sexy’, you fucker!” Victor, their second baseman, always gave Dean nothing but shit.
“Yeah, yeah. We'll see.”
Victor shoved another jello shot in his hand, and everyone in the kitchen took them at the same time. A few more jello shots and two beers later, Dean's blood was buzzing pleasantly under his skin. He wandered around the party, chatting with people as he went. Eventually , he worked his way to the backyard where the karaoke was well underway, and laughed as he watched Garth sing “Highway to Hell.” Dean clapped with enthusiasm when Garth finished, whistling and calling for an encore. He hadn't seen Cas since they arrived and was about to head inside when a familiar voice that drew his attention back to the stage.
“I want you, to want me!”
Cas was on the stage, microphone in hand, pointing straight at Dean.
The opening drums of the Cheap Trick song poured from the speakers. A cheer went up around Dean, and someone shoved him closer to the stage. A hand clasped his shoulder and Benny's voice was in his ear.
“Close your mouth, cher. It's about time, I say.”
Dean was in shock as he watched Cas, his quiet and serious best friend, up on stage at a frat party, shaking his ass and singing to Dean. Dean threw his head back and laughed, watching Cas swing his hips, singing I'll shine up my old brown shoes, put on a brand new shirt, I'll get home early from work if you say that you love me right at him.
Seeing Dean laugh triggered the giggles in Cas and he doubled over with laughter. The crowd ate it up, clapping and cheering Cas on. Dean was singing along to Cas when the bridge hit and Cas got serious. He jumped off the stage, mic still in hand, and stalked towards Dean, a smirk on his face that Dean had never seen before.
I want you to want me
I want you to want me
I want you to want me
Cas was in front of him, his energy and swagger crowding Dean's senses. Dean matched his smirk, raised his eyebrows, and opened his arms. Cas took him in and accepted the invitation, throwing his arms around Dean's neck and crushing their lips together, all fire and electricity, and their tongues slid together, finally , after months of wanting.
Dean had tricked himself into believing the small touches and lingering looks were enough, but the press of Cas' lips proved just how wrong he was. He kissed back, overwhelmed by the taste of Cas' tongue and the scrape of his stubble against Dean's cheek.
They smiled against each other’s lips and Dean’s heart beat for Cas. Only ever for Cas.
Chapter Text
“Excuse me, Professor Novak? Do you have a moment?”
Castiel stopped packing his bag and glanced up to see Kevin Tran standing in his office doorway. Kevin was a physics major, and one of the brightest students Castiel had ever met. Kevin was in his first period class, and Castiel was assigned to mentor him. He had potential, and Castiel was looking forward to seeing how far Kevin could go with some help.
He beckoned Kevin in with a wave. “How can I help you? Don’t we have an appointment on Monday?”
“We do, but I just wanted to ask you really quickly about this weekend's assignment?”
They discussed the assignment in brief details, and Castiel was confident Kevin wouldn’t have any problems with it.
“We'll go over this again together on Monday, ok? Believe me, you'll read it and it will click.” Castiel’s words seemed to put Kevin at ease. “Now go, relax. It's the weekend, try to enjoy it.”
“You got any plans tonight, sir?”
Castiel grew warm and cleared his throat. “Actually, yes. I'm meeting up with some, uh, old friends at a local bar. They’re having open mic night.” Castiel felt uncomfortable talking so casually about a place he may not be welcome in 12 hours from now.
“Oh! Are you talking about The Roadhouse? My friends and I go there on Fridays. Cool vibe. Maybe we'll see you!” Kevin looked happy about this possibility.
The thought made Castiel not want to go. He'd rather avoid a potential scene in front of his students, but he had promised Sam, and he meant it when he said he was tired of running. He put on a professional smile for Kevin.
“Yes, maybe you will. Good afternoon, Mr. Tran.”
“See you, Professor Novak!”
His transition to KU had been smooth. The faculty was friendly and the students were polite. He couldn't imagine they were this polite when he attended school. He wanted to ask Dean before he remembered that they weren't a team, weren't a couple, weren't really anything at all.
It wasn't until he was home, standing in front of his closet that the anxiety hit; he had nothing to wear. Castiel shook his head and he gave himself the eye roll he deserved.
More clothes littered his floor than there were hanging in the closet, but Castiel finally found his outfit. Distressed jeans on the tighter side (Baz said his thighs and ass looked great in them) matched with a Foo Fighters tee (so what if it was from a concert he took Dean to?) tucked in the front, and finished with a dark denim blazer on top. He pulled on his brown boots and headed to the bathroom. He took a few minutes tousling his hair, making it a little wild, much like the way he remembered Dean liking. It was shameless, but Castiel didn't care. This was it, do or die, all cards on the table. Castiel was full of cliches and some kind of sudden confidence.
He pulled out his phone and snapped a picture in his full length mirror, texting it to Baz with a thumbs up and thumbs down emoji followed by a question mark.
His phone blew up seconds later. He answered it quickly, eager to get this over with it.
Castiel had to yell to be heard over the noise coming from his phone. “BAZ! Shut the fuck up for a second, please! I need to get going. Does this look all right or is it too obvious?”
Baz was breathless. “Holy shit, Castiel! You look amazing, who put that outfit together for you? Do you have a new gay best friend I don't know about?! How quickly you replace me, darling!”
Suddenly, Meg was on the line. “Well done, Clarence, you look positively delicious. I could eat you up.”
“I'll pass, thank you. But I will take that as your twisted way of complimenting me.” He chuckled dryly. “Can you give me back to Balthazar now, please?”
He could hear scratching over the receiver before Baz spoke again.
“Really, Cassie, you look perfect. Your hair looks like you just crawled out of bed, and that dark blue jacket makes your eyes glow. You're radiant. If Dean doesn't throw himself over the bar at you the minute he sees you, he's a fool.”
Castiel blushed and rolled his eyes. “Ok, relax. He's not going to do that, I'll be lucky if he acknowledges my presence. But thank you for the compliment. Ok, I'm gonna do this. I don't know what I'm going to say, but I'm going to walk in that bar and see Dean again.”
Oh boy, he needed to sit, and quick.
“Baz… I'm going to see Dean again.”
No matter what was about to happen, Castiel was going to see Dean. He’d been thinking about this moment for ten years. No matter what Dean's reaction would be, he would look into those eyes again, eyes a shade of green Castiel never saw anywhere else again. Eyes that reminded him of home.
“I know, darling. How do you feel?” Balthazar's voice grew incredibly soft.
“I'm scared. If he hates me, I don't—”
Balthazar cut him off. “No, Castiel. Don't do this. He might be angry, but no one who knows you, and I mean, really knows you, could ever hate you.” Castiel heard his best friend sigh. “Now, go down to that bar and talk to your boy! Make it all right and live happily ever after in Oz!” Baz’s enthusiasm was back and it recharged Castiel.
“All right. I'm going to go. I'll let you know what happens.” Castiel took one last look in the mirror before leaving his bedroom. “Thank you, Baz. Talk soon.”
***
Castiel was impressed when he pulled into the Roadhouse's parking lot. It was almost full, and he only just managed to find a space near the back. The Impala was parked in her spot next to the back entrance, glowing under the neon lights; she was still beautiful after all this time. The outside patio was crammed with people laughing and and pulling on their cigarettes. Open Mic Night was definitely a big draw.
He pushed his way inside and glanced around, seeing a few open seats at the bar. He thought he saw Sam's retreating silhouette, but he wasn’t sure. Dean was nowhere to be found, and Castiel tried to convince himself that he wasn't disappointed. It wasn't until he slid into the barstool that a now familiar voice called out to him.
“Hey, chief! You made it for open mic night! Planning on getting up there?” Aaron. Aaron was always there.
“Uh, I don’t think so.” Castiel laughed and swallowed. The idea of performing in front of all these people, let alone Dean, after all these years was ludicrous.
“Aw, well, think about it. It’s not so bad once you’re up there.” Aaron paused, looking around the bar. “Hey, let me find Dean for you, I know you wanted to meet him.”
And then he was gone, heading straight for the kitchen door and calling out for Dean before Castiel could stop him. “Hey, babe!”
Castiel looked towards the open doorway, dread sitting heavy in his stomach. It was like everything was in slow motion as Dean walked out of the kitchen. He was looking down at a clipboard in his hands and when he looked up, his eyes found Castiel's as if their subconscious’ were reaching out to each other, anxious to reconnect after so long apart.
Castiel sucked in a sharp breath. Dean had always been handsome, but looking at him now, ten more years on his face, he was gorgeous. He grew a thick beard, cut close and framing his pouty lips, putting them on display. He kept the same haircut, short on the top, the sides shaved close. His style hadn’t changed much, worn jeans hugged his hips, an old Nirvana tee under a black and grey flannel, sleeves rolled halfway up his arms, and worn black boots. Castiel reminded himself to keep breathing.
Dean stumbled at the sight of Castiel sitting in his bar. His emotions worked their way across his face, recognition and flickers of so many others, and Castiel’s heart pounded, a wild beat in his chest as he waited for one to win out. The muscles in Dean's jaw clenched tight, Castiel knowing that meant Dean was trying to stop himself from reacting. Aaron stood by, none the wiser to the potential disaster unfolding before him.
Dean followed Aaron behind the bar, his eyes never leaving Castiel's, still holding his clipboard in one hand, the other clenched into a tight fist at his side.
“Babe, this is the guy I was telling you about. Just moved to the area and, shit—” Aaron turned to Castiel. “I never actually caught your name, man.”
Castiel blinked, caught off guard, his brain still not fully functional.
Dean cleared his throat, his steady gaze locked on Castiel's face, and said, “It's Castiel. Castiel Novak.” Dean's voice had gotten deeper with age, and Castiel had a visceral reaction to it, his stomach flipping at the sound. Dean held out his hand, and his neutral expression never faltered. Castiel couldn't tell before, from so far away, but Dean's arms were covered in tattoos. His right arm was inked from his wrist up, the tattoo disappearing into his shirt sleeve, and Castiel wondered what was hidden by all that flannel. Dean's left arm had writing on it, but Castiel couldn't make out the words.
Reeling, Castiel reached out and accepted the handshake. Up close, he could see what looked like tall, thin trees tattooed around Dean’s wrist, the branches reached up his forearm. They reminded Castiel of the trees in the clearing, the place that was theirs throughout college. Castiel ached to see the rest of Dean’s tattoos, to find out how long he’d had them, and learn their stories. He prayed he’d get the chance.
“Hello, Dean.”
Dean's hand was warm and Castiel’s palms were sweaty. He winced as Dean grasped his hand too tight, for too long. When he let go, Dean’s fingers trailed across Castiel's palm, leaving his hand tingling.
“Wait, you know each other?” Aaron looked suspicious, his head whipping back and forth between them.
The tension between the three of them ratcheted. Castiel stammered, looking for an explanation, but Dean cut him off.
“We were uh—friends. Back at KU” He gave Aaron an easy smile, not leaving much room for speculation.
“Oh, cool. Did you two play baseball together?”
“No, actually, we were roommates.” Dean gave him a warning look, eyebrow raised slightly. He didn’t elaborate further.
Castiel nodded. “That's right. I wasn't sure if Dean’s family still owned the bar so I didn’t mention it.” He gave Aaron a vague smile and shrugged.
Always one with impeccable timing, Sam sauntered up to the bar, casual as could be. He looked between the three of them, and Dean's eyes widened, a look of panic flashing in them. Sam didn't notice as he clasped Castiel on the shoulder and gave it a shake.
“Castiel! Nice to see you, man. How long's it been? Welcome back!”
Castiel looked between the two brothers, clearing his throat before addressing Sam. “Hello, Sam. It’s been a long time.”
Dean's eyes narrowed into slits as he watched his brother talk to Castiel. Sam was a horrible actor. “Sammy, can I talk to you a minute? Privately.” Dean's voice left no room for argument. Dean spun on his heels, and Sam at least had the decency to look a little nervous as he followed Dean into the kitchen, the door slamming behind them.
Aaron watched them go, a wary look on his face, before he turned back towards Castiel and shrugged.
“Still can’t figure those two out. Sometimes they have entire conversations without saying a word.” Aaron rolled his eyes. “Must be a Winchester thing.” He gestured at the chalkboard behind him. “What can I get you to drink?”
Castiel looked up and just noticed the long chalkboard that listed quite a few different beers and their alcohol content. His eyes roamed over the names and widened as he read them.
He recognized the Sasquatch Brown Ale and the Angel Eyes Pale Ale, and read the rest in amazement. There was the Blue Thursday Stout, the Halo IPA, the Saving Grace Citra, the Mixtape Banger and the Profound Bond Double IPA. Castiel’s throat tightened and he swallowed thickly; they were all named after him, after them . It took him a moment to find his voice, and it came out rough when he asked for a pint of the Blue Thursday Stout.
Again, Aaron waited for his thoughts as he took a drink. The rich coffee flavor hit Castiel and he hummed in appreciation. This was his favorite so far, he always favored stouts and wondered if Dean remembered that.
“Excellent, as usual.”
Before Aaron could respond, a loud crash in the kitchen followed by muffled yelling drew their attention. Aaron gave Castiel a sideways glance, eyes filled with apprehension. Castiel just lowered his head and took another pull of his beer.
Aaron sighed, irritation creeping into his voice. “Gotta excuse me, they’ve probably got each other in headlocks by now.” Aaron looked annoyed as he headed back to the kitchen.
Castiel thought about leaving, but he was in for a penny so he might as well stay for a pound. He took some time to look around the bar, noticing that most of the tables were filled with people of all ages enjoying themselves, waiting for the performances to start.
The kitchen door flew open, and Dean stalked out, making a beeline for the stage. He avoided looking at Castiel and the entire side of the bar he sat on. Castiel’s eyes widened as he watched Aaron come out from the back next, looking mad. Sam came out last, a sheepish look on his face. He dropped into the barstool next to Castiel and let out a deep sigh.
Sam lowered his voice to confide in Castiel. “He knows I knew you were back. Not sure if you can tell, but he's pissed at me.”
Castiel's shoulders stiffened. He never wanted to come between Dean and Sam. Dean stomped around the stage, setting up the microphones at the front and by the piano.
“I'm sorry Sam, I never meant for this—” Castiel was cut off mid apology as Dean cleared his throat and addressed the crowd, a forced smile on his face.
“Good evenin’ everybody, and welcome to The Roadhouse's Open Mic Night. I can see some familiar faces in the crowd, so, welcome back! For anyone who has never been here before, the rules are simple. You put your name on the list”—he gestured to a small table holding a pad of paper and a pen—“and when it's your turn, you get up here and do your thing. You can use the piano, the house guitar, or just get up here and wail. If singing ain't your thing, we take all kinds of entertainment. Once you're done, you gotta introduce the next person on the list.” He looked back down at the pad. “I noticed that quite a few of you have already signed up, so I'll get us started. Hope everyone enjoys themselves. Make sure you try some of our new house beers while you're here. Let’s have some fun tonight!”
Castiel felt warm, and Dean's voice reverberating across the room was comforting. He expected Dean to jump off the stage, instead he sat down at the piano.
Sam leaned in and filled Castiel in. “He always sings the first song. Thinks it breaks the ice, but I know he just likes being up there. He usually plays his guitar so it's gonna be interesting what he does at the piano tonight. I haven’t seen him play in years.”
Chills broke out along his skin. Back in school, everyone knew music played a big part in their relationship. Hell, it was how Castiel confessed his feelings to Dean. Castiel with his piano and Dean with his guitar were well known around campus. Music drifted from their room all the time, either played by them or their sound system. Some nights, Castiel dragged his keyboard out to the common area, and they played together, taking requests, and their little shows drew larger crowds over time. Performing together was always fun.
Castiel’s favorite time, however, was when they sang together in the privacy of their room. Dean played his guitar and sang slow songs to him, while he wrote piano arrangements for songs he wanted to sing to Dean, filling composition books over and over. Castiel would make mixtapes for Dean with the songs they played together and he wondered what had become of them all.
Castiel was brought back to the present when Dean started playing, and a hush fell around the room. Dean sang, his voice like liquid honey soaking into Castiel's bones.
Ah, ah, when I was younger. I, I should have known better.
He had almost forgotten how beautiful Dean sounded when he sang.
And I can't feel no remorse, and you, don't feel nothing back.
Castiel knew this song, “Ophelia” by The Lumineers. It was composed beautifully on the piano and Dean treated each note with care. At the break, his fingers flew over the keys with practiced ease, performing the legato to perfection, not one note missed. It took Castiel's breath away.
Dean continued to sing, and once Castiel was over the shock of how well Dean had gotten on the piano, he paid attention to the lyrics.
Ah, ah got a new boyfriend, he feels like he's on top. And I don't feel no remorse and you can't see past my blindness.
Dean changed the word from girlfriend to boyfriend, and Castiel felt Sam stiffen beside him as Aaron slid up next to them while Dean went through the chorus, leaning in to talk to Sam.
“Since when can Dean play the piano?”
Sam glanced at Castiel, who refused to meet his eye. He turned back towards Aaron and shrugged. “I think he learned in college or something.”
Aaron sniffed at that and stood up, stepping back to lean against the back of the bar, his arms crossed over his chest.
Castiel noted Aaron and his apparent discomfort. Dean was still playing beautifully and Castiel's eyes locked on him as Dean kept his head down, focused, his eyes occasionally fluttering shut as he played, as if the words caused him pain. Castiel found himself distracted by the emotion in Dean’s voice.
Suddenly, the song swelled and Dean's eyes flew open, locking onto Castiel's from across the room.
Ah, ah got a little paycheck. You got big plans, you gotta move.
And I don't feel nothing at all. And you, can't feel nothing small.
Castiel swallowed and wilted under Dean's gaze.
“Honey, I love you” that's all he wrote.
Dean broke their gaze and looked back down at the keys. The damage was done; Castiel felt himself fall apart. He flinched when Sam put a reassuring hand on his shoulder, and he let the gesture ground him.
Heaven help the fool who falls in love.
Dean finished the song and grinned slightly at the people cheering for him.
“Breathe, Cas. It's ok.” Sam's voice in his ear was comforting. Castiel nodded and tried to relax. His mind raced, thinking of everything Dean could have meant, wondering how long that song had reminded him of Castiel and why he would get up there and sing it to him, especially in front of present company.
Aaron watched them through narrowed eyes from where he stood. He pushed off the bar to meet Dean halfway after he exited the stage. Castiel and Sam watched, their heads following the couple across the bar and back into the kitchen until the door shut behind them.
Castiel shuddered and pushed his empty glass away.
“Well, that was a disaster. I’m sorry, Sam. It was not my intention to put you in a position to lie to Dean. That was selfish.” Castiel ran a hand down his face. “Do you think Dean would accept my apology?”
“For what? For leaving? Or for how awkward tonight is going?”
Castiel flinched.
Sam sighed and waved his hand. “It's fine, Cas. I mean, I guess it isn't, but it will be. It's not your fault, I'm the one who decided to keep this from him. You do owe me for keeping the rest of the family away tonight. Jo was chomping at the bit for a piece of you, but I told her she couldn't interfere, considering Aaron had never heard of you.”
“I didn’t fully believe he pretended we were never—that we weren’t…” Castiel trailed off, disturbed that he had hurt Dean so badly it was just easier to pretend Castiel never existed. It made something twist in his stomach unpleasantly.
“Yeah.” Sam blew air out between his teeth. “That sucked, and so does this. But, cat’s out of the bag now, so we may as well see what happens. Another round?” Sam got up and made his way around the bar.
“What’s with the beers, Sam?”
Sam shrugged but refused to meet Castiel’s eye. “I dunno what to tell you. You'll have to ask Dean about that. Did you try mine though? Pretty good, if I do say so.” He waggled his eyebrows, making Castiel laugh, and he relaxed a little.
Sam pushed another beer toward him and Castiel sipped it, grateful for the distraction. Open Mic was in full swing by then; there had been a singer or two, someone got up to read a poem, and now a budding comic was on stage. The atmosphere was good, light, and Castiel was proud that Dean had kept the bar alive and thriving.
He listened to the guy on stage attempting to be funny and didn’t notice Aaron’s return until he walked by, a pompous smile on his face. Castiel burned with curiosity, wondering how Dean explained himself and what he said to Aaron.
Castiel kept a wary eye on Aaron as he made his way back behind the bar. Aaron sneered at him and it made Castiel nervous. The bartender approached them, gesturing towards their drinks. “I see you boys managed a refill. Figured out your way around back here, Sammy?” He wasn’t even trying to hide his animosity.
Sam tensed up beside him. He glanced sideways to see an epic bitchface working its way into Sam's features. “It's Sam .”
Castiel hid his grin in his glass, remembering the summer Sam spent trying to get Dean to stop calling him Sammy, giving up and giving in once Castiel started calling him Sammy, too. In all those years, Sam never corrected Castiel.
Aaron tried to laugh it off but his laugh sounded sarcastic. Castiel shifted on his stool, letting his eyes drift around the bar, noting that Dean hadn't come back from the kitchen. He met Aaron's gaze; there was a challenge in his eyes.
Aaron slapped the bar with his open palm and startled more than a few people around them. “So, not-so-new-guy, got any special talents? Gonna get up there and show off a little?”
Castiel narrowed his eyes feeling like Aaron was trying to throw his weight around to see how far he could push him. Castiel wanted to laugh, but took a deep breath, trying to ground himself. If this guy wanted to challenge him, Castiel wasn't about to back down.
“You know what, I think I will. I just have to put my name on the list, right?” Castiel pushed himself off his barstool without waiting for an answer. He signed his name on the list, noticing there was only one other person in front of him, and swallowed, instantly regretting his posturing. He turned back, only to see Aaron leaning against the back of the bar again, wearing the same arrogant smile. Castiel wanted to wipe that look off his face more than anything. Instead, he sat back down in his seat and looked casually back at Aaron.
“Can we get a couple shots of whiskey? Thanks.”
Castiel turned towards Sam, his expression as neutral as he could keep it. Humor danced behind Sam's eyes. Aaron put the shots down in front of them, and Castiel nudged one towards Sam, holding his up to toast him. He didn’t spare Aaron a glance as he served them. Baz had taught him a thing or two about being petty, and other than his sassy Brit friend, no one was better at this game than Castiel.
“To the good old days.” Castiel didn't know it was possible for someone to choke on air, but Sam did. Aaron stalked off with an eye roll. One corner of Castiel’s mouth quirked up before he took the shot and chased it with a long drink from his beer. When his head tipped back down, he noticed Dean was leaning against the back wall, his arms crossed in front of him, eyes locked on Castiel, watching him pal around with Sam. Castiel met Dean’s eyes, let his gaze linger, not giving a damn who noticed. Dean stared back, apparently not giving a damn either.
It took Sam kicking his ankle for him to break his gaze. “Dude, they're calling you. You're up.” Sam mumbled. “Can’t believe I’m back to interrupting your damn eye sex after all this time…” Castiel caught the beginning of Sam’s mutterings and grinned.
Castiel risked another glance in Dean's direction as he slid off the barstool; Dean hadn't moved. If he thought Castiel getting up on his stage was a bad idea, he didn't show it. Castiel took a deep breath and stepped up, taking a seat at the piano.
He cleared his throat and said, “Hello, my name is Castiel, and I'm going to, uh, play this gorgeous piano and sing for you fine people.”
“Yeah, go Professor Novak!”
Castiel smiled and looked around the room. Kevin Tran and a few of his other students sat around a table in the middle of the room, all of them waving and smiling at him. He waved back and leaned in to address them. “I hope that homework I gave you is done.” The students cheered and he laughed.
“Ok, I'm going to get this over with. Bear with me, it's been about ten years since I've sat down at a piano.” He flicked his eyes towards Dean again, hoping his intentions were clear.
Castiel’s hands shook. He clenched and unclenched his fists and studied the keys he had avoided for so long. He took another grounding breath and began to play. If Dean was sending him a message, he’d send one right back, pulling out a song they used to sing together in college, one that Dean had helped him arrange; "Look What You've Done" by Jet.
The vibrations of the strings reverberating beneath his fingers calmed him and he sang.
Take my photo off the wall if it just won’t sing for you. Cause all that’s left has gone away and there’s nothing here for me to prove.
He took the liberty of changing some of the lyrics.
Oh, look what I’ve done, I’ve made a fool of everyone. Oh well, it seemed like such fun until I lost what I had won.
The sound of the bar faded away and all Castiel could hear was the music. He let it consume him, realizing how much he had missed this feeling.
Give me back my point of view ‘cause I just can’t think for you. I can hardly hear you say, what should I do? Well, you choose.
Castiel opened his eyes and looked around the room. He found Dean in an instant, closer to the stage, a look Castiel couldn't interpret frozen on his face.
Oh, look what I’ve done, I’ve made a fool of everyone. Oh well, it seemed like such fun until I lost what I had won.
Castiel closed his eyes again, the look on Dean’s face imprinted on the back of his eyelids.
Oh, look what I’ve done, I’ve made a fool of everyone. A fool of everyone.
As he held the last notes of the song, Castiel opened his eyes and was surprised to see Dean gone. He scanned the room, but Dean was nowhere in sight. Aaron was across the room, talking to a table of customers and ignoring Castiel on stage.
Panic bloomed in his chest and he wondered if he had gone too far. He took his bow and announced the next performer, jumping from the stage to go back to the bar.
Sam was looking at him with wide eyes when he got back to his barstool. Castiel shrugged, sat down, and put his head in his hands. He turned and looked at Sam, who was still staring at him, his eyes full of pity.
“I know, it’s pathetic. You don’t have to look at me like that.” Castiel lifted his head and drained the last of his beer. “I think it’s about time I head home.”
Sam looked like he wanted to say something, but was interrupted by Aaron’s return to the back of the bar.
“So, are you all set? Wanna close out your tab?” Aaron was looking at him expectantly, making it clear he wanted Castiel to go and probably never come back.
Sam made a noise of protest but Castiel stopped him. “I think I’m done for the night.” He dropped a couple of twenties on the bar and turned to shake Sam’s hand. “Good to see you again, Sammy.”
Castiel nodded his goodbye at Aaron, who did not return the gesture. He turned and walked out the door, feeling unsettled. The nerves drained out of him as he remembered his song chased Dean away. He worried his bottom lip between his teeth as he thought about what it could mean for them.
Castiel kept his eyes down and made his away across the parking lot. He noticed the boots first, crossed at the ankles, and Castiel inhaled sharply and stopped in his tracks. His eyes traveled up, taking in every inch of Dean leaning against his truck, waiting for him in the dark. Dean was so casually gorgeous it made Castiel’s chest ache with want.
The two of them stared at each other for a moment and Castiel didn't know what to say. He opened his mouth, knowing they had to start somewhere. Before he had a chance to speak, Dean held up his hand.
“Castiel, don't.”
“Dean, I—”
“Please.” Dean's tone made Castiel lose his nerve. Whatever Dean had to say to him, Castiel would accept. He had to, he owed Dean that much. He waited for the man to speak again.
“I just don't get it, man. Now? After all this time?” Dean dragged a hand down his face, rubbing absentmindedly at his beard. He broke eye contact to stare at something over Castiel’s shoulder, his eyes not focusing on anything in particular. Castiel didn't dare move.
“Sammy says you're back. Back for good?”
Castiel nodded. He watched Dean's eyes drift back to his face, watched as Dean glanced down at his lips. They twitched and Dean looked away.
“You know I'm dating Aaron?”
Castiel nodded again and forced himself to not flinch as the name rolled off Dean's tongue. Dean stood up straight, arms still crossed across his chest. He was back to studying Castiel's face, and Castiel withered under Dean's heavy gaze.
“It took me a really long time to get over you, Castiel. You broke my heart.”
Castiel recoiled as Dean's honesty hit him. His shoulders sagged and he dropped his chin to his chest. Before he could say a word, he felt Dean brush by him, heading back towards the bar. Castiel spun around, calling out to Dean before he lost his nerve completely.
“Dean! I just need you to know… I'll never regret anything as much as I'll always regret leaving you. I'm so, so sorry.”
Dean ground to a halt, and Castiel watched as he turned back towards him, a thoughtful look on his face. Castiel took it as a sign to continue.
“I'm not here to cause you trouble and I’m sorry if I caused any problems tonight. I'm glad you're happy, I truly am. I—”
Dean cut him off again with a wave. “Let's not, ok? You're back so… no use talking about the past.” Dean closed his eyes, and when he opened them again Castiel thought he recognized a flash of vulnerability there. It didn't last long before the mask snapped back into place.
Castiel nodded, whatever Dean wanted of him, he would give. Anything he could have with Dean was better than nothing at all.
“Please don't be mad at Sam, he only saw me the other day.” Castiel rubbed the back of his neck. “He was not pleased to see me and basically threatened my life. It was pretty adorable, actually.” He gave Dean a shy smile.
Dean looked at him, trying to keep his face impassive, but he still had the same tells. Castiel noticed the corner of his lips trying to flicker into a smile.
“Come back next week, we'll catch up some.” Dean didn't wait for Castiel to answer, just nodded at him and turned again towards the bar. He didn't look back.
Castiel watched him walk away, adrenaline finally hitting his blood stream. He raced home, eager to unpack a box he hadn't opened in ten years. He should have sold the thing years ago, but he could never get himself to do it. Castiel was glad he resisted.
Castiel unpacked his keyboard carefully, setting it up in his living room under the big window. His heart twisted when he thought about all his composition notebooks left behind when his father sent someone to pack his dorm without Castiel’s knowledge. Whoever it was decided they weren't important, and he had lost years of work, years of songs he arranged with Dean by his side, for Dean, because of him. He went to his messenger bag and pulled out the worn leather notebook with his name on the cover. Castiel used it for work, keeping his calendar and daily notebook inside. He made a note to order blank composition books the next day.
Castiel was excited to play again, something he had no urge to do since leaving Lawrence.
Chapter Text
Dean walked through the door of the stairwell and onto the 3rd floor, his bag slung over his shoulder. He finished his last class for the week, and he was one week closer to the end of his freshman year. Dean looked forward to the break; he and Cas had a list of things to do before Cas went away with his father for the last two weeks of summer. It would be the longest they’d be apart all year, and Dean wasn't looking forward to it. He shook the thought off, focusing instead on the fact he and Cas were spending most of the summer together. Nothing was going to change that.
Dean was almost outside their room when he heard the bass, Filter's “Hey Man, Nice Shot” reverberating down the hall. He rolled his eyes and smiled at Cas’ flair for the dramatic. His boyfriend was nervous about tonight and his angsty music confirmed it.
They were going to a family dinner at The Roadhouse, Castiel's first since they made their relationship official. Dean had already told everyone. Sammy first, of course, and his only response was “it's about time, Dean.” Bobby was confused. He thought they were already dating, and that earned him eye rolls from Ellen and Jo. Ellen patted Dean’s cheek and told him to “hang on to your happiness, baby,” while Jo whispered conspiringly, “if he hurts you, I'll kill him.”
He stood outside their room and looked at the sign on the door. It read their names: Dean Winchester and Castiel Novak, along with a pentagram in the middle of a ring of flames that Cas drew. He explained to Dean it was a protection symbol that would ward off any evil trying to enter their room. Dean didn't think it worked considering Sam could walk through the doorway.
He laughed at the newest addition to the sign; someone had drawn a heart between their names and little Xs and Os were scattered around it. He suspected it was one of the girls on their floor; they always giggled when the two of them passed through the common area. Dean shook his head and unlocked the door.
Their room was in disarray. Piles of shirts and sweaters covered the floor, jeans thrown on their beds, pant legs askew in every direction. It was as if both their closets had exploded. Dean took a deep breath and looked at Cas, standing in front of their full length mirror, tugging at the edges of his navy blue vest, a scowl on his face.
“You ok there, Cas?”
Castiel frowned deepened. “I have nothing appropriate to wear for tonight's dinner.”
“Why's that? Something special about it that I don't know?” Dean was trying to stay nonchalant for Cas’ sake.
Dean sat down at Cas’ computer and scrolled through his iTunes account until he found what he was looking for. Incubus’ “Warning” filled the room, and Dean got up and stepped over a pile of clothes to reach Cas, who was still fussing with his vest. Slipping his arms around Cas’ waist, Dean leaned in and rested his chin on his shoulder.
Their eyes met in the mirror, their gazes locked. Dean could see the anxiety in Castiel's eyes and tightened his hold. He leaned closer to his ear and sang Cas’ favorite line I suggest we learn to love ourselves, before it's made illegal.
Cas relaxed in his arms and huffed out a laugh as Dean ran his lips over the spot behind Cas’ ear. Dean’s eyes drifted up and down Cas’ body in the mirror as his hands roamed, one tucking under Cas’ shirt from his side, gripping his hip with a gentle squeeze, the other brushing across Cas’ waistband, creeping over to touch his belt buckle. His skin was soft and Dean ached to taste it. Castiel watched Dean's hands as they made their journey, his breath hitched with Dean’s every move.
“If you're trying to take my mind off of tonight's dinner, it's working.” Castiel sounded strained and Dean reveled in it.
“Just trying to get you to relax a bit, sunshine.” Dean continued to kiss the curve of Cas’ neck.
“Tell that to my dick.”
Dean threw his head back and laughed. He spun Cas and his grumpy face around, wrapped his arms around Cas’ neck, and pulled him in for a kiss.
“It's going to be fine, Cas. It's just a family dinner. You've been to dozens of these, nothing's changed.”
“Nothing, except for the fact that I've now had my tongue in your mouth. No big deal.” Cas pulled out of Dean's grip to mess with his vest again.
“I don't think you need the vest. Not that you don't look amazing in it, but it's just dinner at the Roadhouse.”
“I'd like to look nice, Dean.”
“I know, sweetheart, but keep in mind, they all saw you in your bee pajamas like, two weeks ago.” Dean fought back a grin.
Castiel dropped his chin to his chest and sighed. “Ugh, you're right. This is fine, I'll just wear something casual.” He whipped the vest off and threw it on his bed. The RHCP shirt he was wearing fell right to his waistline, and his dark jeans hugged his thighs. Dean licked his lips and considered calling Ellen to let her know they couldn't make it.
He shook his head and reminded himself that he intended to take things slow with Cas. They had something special—Dean could feel it in his bones—and he wasn't going to mess that up with sex, despite the fact he could think of nothing else.
Dean tugged Castiel closer to him, running his nose up from Cas' throat to capture his lips in a deep kiss. Cas’ groan shot straight to his dick, and Dean pulled away, resisting the urge to push Cas down on the bed and not come up for days. Instead, he squeezed Cas’ ass and shoved him towards the bathroom.
“Finish getting ready, we gotta go soon. I told Ellen I'd pick up some stuff for her on the way over.”
Soon enough, they pulled the Impala into her usual parking spot next to the side door of The Roadhouse. Castiel was absentmindedly biting his nails and staring at the door, so Dean leaned over and gently pulled his hand away from his mouth, holding it tight between both of his own. The setting sun shone through the windshield, and the glow of the early evening softened Castiel’s features. Dean kissed Cas’ knuckles, unable to tear his eyes away from Cas’ face, and laughed when Castiel blushed.
“It's fine, Cas. Seriously.” Dean pulled Cas close. “Nothing to be nervous about. If anything, they'll give me a harder time because they love to torture me. Come on, Ellen's making your favorite, fried chicken.”
Castiel perked up at that and helped Dean pull the grocery bags from the backseat. They waved at Ash, who was manning the bar that night, as he did most Friday’s. At the top of the stairs, Dean gave Cas another reassuring kiss that turned into five more kisses as he pressed Cas up against the small space next to door leading to the main living area. They were interrupted by Sam yanking the door open.
“They're out here making out, Bobby!” Sam smirked at Dean's glare as he leaned against the open doorway.
“Tell those idjits to get in here, Ellen needs those potatoes!”
Castiel was bright red as he made his way inside, apologizing profusely to Ellen as he handed her the bag of potatoes.
Dean grabbed Sam as they passed by, and shoved him outside before locking the door. He laughed as Sam pounded on the door, demanding that Dean let him back in. Dean walked into the kitchen to give Ellen a kiss and offer up his services.
“Need me to peel something Ellen? Chop some veggies? Put me to work!”
“Let your brother in, Dean. He's going to annoy the customers downstairs.”
“Eh, he'll quiet down eventually.”
Ellen and Castiel exchanged a look and Dean smiled, wondering when that started. He rolled his eyes as Cas made his way to the front door and unlocked it. Sam ran by the kitchen, his middle finger flying, and yelled, “Jerk!”
“Bitch!” Dean shouted in response. He settled at the kitchen island, and waited to be given a task. Castiel washed the dishes Ellen had accumulated while she cooked. Bobby wandered into the room, nudging Dean as he passed by on his way to the fridge.
“Ellen made pie, boy. Stop torturing your brother and maybe I'll let you have some.” Bobby leaned against the fridge and sized Cas up. He was elbows deep in soap suds, laughing with Ellen over something. Bobby’s eyes met Dean's and he nodded his approval, lifting a weight off Dean's chest he didn't know was there.
Jo snuck into the kitchen and tried to avoid Dean’s out stretched arms.
“Dean! Get off! You're worse than Sam.”
“Aww, Joanna Beth, you love me.”
Ellen noticed Jo standing around and gave her a look. “Jo, set the table, please.”
Dean pointed and laughed as Jo grumbled, pulling out utensils and plates.
“Dean, help your sister.”
Jo laughed as she shoved the plates into Dean's hands. He grinned, happy to have something to do. Cas had finished up the dishes and made his way over to the table, taking the plates out of Dean's hands as he set them around the table. He leaned in to whisper in Dean's ear. “Go help Ellen serve the food, I've got this.” Cas bumped his hip into Jo’s and winked.
Dean helped Ellen get all the food onto the platters, and she smiled warmly after she caught him staring at Cas playing a game of rock, paper, scissors with Jo over who would do the dishes after dinner.
“He's a good man, Dean. I think you've found a winner.”
“I think so too, mama.”
Ellen squeezed his shoulder and called everyone to the table. Dinner went smoothly, Ellen only had to remind Jo once about her knives after she tapped one pointedly on the table while staring at Castiel.
“Joanna Beth, you know the rules, no toys at dinner!”
Castiel looked like he wanted to hide under the table. Dean laughed and squeezed his hand.
“Don't worry Cas, she's all bark and no bite.” Dean got up and cleared plates while Ellen got dessert from the oven; a warm cherry pie that had the house smelling like fruit and butter all evening.
Bobby broke the silence while everyone dug into their pie. “So, boys, whatcha got planned for the summer? Anything good?”
Castiel cleared his throat. “So far, we want to go up to Kansas City for some baseball games, and we talked about taking a trip down to the Gulf. We have to plan around our work schedules, but I think it should be fine.”
Ellen looked at him with wide eyes. “You're still going to tutor over the summer?”
“Oh yes, students need help with summer classes, too. I was asked by my advisor to take on a few high school students as well, so I'll be plenty busy. Luckily, I can mostly make my own schedule.”
“Oh! Maybe you can help Jo with her calculus work. Math has always been a struggle.”
“Mom, seriously? Cas doesn't want to do that.”
Cas smiled at them both. “I'd love to, are you kidding? Calculus is easy once you get the hang of it. Maybe we can take a look this weekend? I'll come by with Dean when he comes to work his shift on Sunday.”
Jo's shoulders softened and she smiled back at Castiel. “Thanks Cas, that would be awesome.”
Everyone finished dessert and Sam cleared the table before excusing himself to study. Dean and Cas took their places side by side at the sink; Dean washed the dishes while Cas rinsed and dried. He gave Cas a quick kiss after he handed Cas the first soapy plate.
“See, that wasn't so bad, was it?”
“No, it wasn't. I'm not sure why I was so nervous, I guess I just wanted to make a good impression.”
“You're family, Cas. You always will be.” Dean nudged him with his elbow and Castiel nodded with a grin.
***
Between finals and all the year-end parties, the last two weeks of school were a blur. Dean had finished his last class an hour ago and was waiting for Cas to get back to their room. They were going to hit up Benny's Schools Out party, but Cas didn't know Dean wasn't planning on them staying long. He was going to take Cas somewhere quiet. After the stress and rush of the last two weeks, they both needed it.
Dean grinned from his bed as Cas pushed the door open, a little frown on his face as he read their door sign.
“Did you see that someone added glitter to the hearts? Glitter, Dean. Who here has that kind of time?”
Dean laughed as Castiel put his bag down and kicked off his shoes. “I dunno, babe, but apparently, people on this floor 'ship' us. Whatever the hell that means.”
“I don't even want to know.” Castiel raised an eyebrow and Dean's stomach flipped over. He put down the book he was reading and scooted to the edge of the bed, holding his arms open and making little grabbing motions with his hands. That got a smile out of Cas, and he crossed the room to straddle Dean's lap.
“Hello, Dean.”
Cas wrapped his arms around Dean's shoulders and kissed him slowly. Dean made a move to take off his glasses, but Cas grabbed his wrist before he got the chance.
“Leave them.” Castiel murmured against Dean's mouth, kissing him as Dean smiled against Cas’ lips. Dean wrapped his arms around Cas’ waist, sliding his hands down until they rested at the top of Cas’ ass. He squeezed lightly and pulled Cas closer.
Castiel clenched his thighs against Dean, rolling his hips to grind into Dean's lap. Dean groaned into Cas’ mouth and felt his resolve slip. He broke their kiss and slipped his hands further down, lifting Cas to his knees, each hand wrapping around the back of Castiel's thighs, holding him tight. Dean rubbed his cheek into Cas’ firm chest, feeling Cas bend down to kiss the top of Dean's head. Dean sighed and tilted his head back to look at Castiel's face.
“We should go.”
Cas pressed himself back into Dean's lap, rolling his hips again. He pulled one of Dean's earlobes between his teeth and tugged. “Do we have to?”
Dean closed his eyes and took a deep breath. Cas had the nerve to snicker, knowing the effect he was having. Dean grabbed him by the ass and lifted, dropping Cas into the opposite bed in one swift motion. He dropped down, pressing every inch of himself against Cas’ body. He kissed along Cas’ exposed skin, licking and biting across his collarbone, leaving wet trails up and down Castiel's neck.
Cas wrapped one leg around Dean's waist, one hand clutching the bedspread and the other tangled in Dean's hair. The whimpers falling from Castiel's mouth drove him insane. Dean pressed their foreheads together and let Cas catch his breath before pulling away.
“Come on, sweetheart, let's get going. I've got some plans for us tonight.”
Castiel leaned back, propped on his elbows, and cocked his head, curiosity winning him over. “What are you up to, Dean Winchester?”
Dean waggled his eyebrows. “You'll see. Now get changed, we're leaving in five.”
***
It was definitely the biggest party on fraternity row. The frat house glowed, every light on, and Dean could see people in every window. The lawn was packed full of people, and Dean knew the backyard was likely the same. He had to give Benny props for this one, it looked like the guy had gone all out.
Gordon was manning the door and wouldn't let them pass until they paid their entrance fee: a shot and a beer from the beer bong for each of them before they slipped inside. Dean wrapped an arm around Cas’ waist as they made their way around the room. Someone shoved beers in their hands, and Dean sipped his slowly, knowing he was driving later. He tugged Cas into the kitchen where they found Benny handing out a round of shots.
“Hey there, Dean! Cas! Glad to see you! Jager shot?”
Plastic shot glasses where thrust in their faces, and Cas tipped his down and chased it with his beer. Dean threw his over his shoulder, hoping it looked like he drank it. It was an old party trick he’d learned in high school whenever he didn't want to drink too much. They wandered around the house, talking with friends, finding out who was staying for the summer and who was going home. They planned a game night with Garth and a few other people who were sticking around, and Dean looked forward to it.
Cas found a friend from his physics class, and Dean could hear them discussing projectile motion as he slipped his arm around Cas’ waist.
“Dean, this is Inias. Inias, this is my boyfriend, Dean.”
Dean reached out and clasped the other man's hand, giving it a shake. “Nice to meet you, Inias. Always good to meet a friend of Cas’.”
“Yes, it's nice to meet you, too. Castiel speaks highly of you.” Inias cleared his throat. “Well, I should be going. Are you staying for the summer, Castiel?”
“Yes, Dean is from Lawrence, and I'm going to continue tutoring, so we will be around.” Dean felt warm hearing Cas talk about them, including Dean even if Inias hadn't asked about his plans. Dean tightened his hold around Cas. “Maybe we'll see you around.”
Castiel turned towards Dean, pressing in close to speak into his ear. “Having fun?” Cas planted a kiss on Dean's neck.
“I am, but it's time for us to go. Here, I got you some water.” Dean held up a water bottle which Castiel accepted happily.
“Where are we going?”
“It's a surprise. But we have to slip out, or we'll never heard the end of it.” He wound their fingers together and pulled Castiel towards the door. They stopped to talk to a few people in the front yard before Dean caught Cas’ eye and flicked his head towards the street. Castiel nodded, grabbed Dean's hand, and they took off in a sprint, laughing as they made their way down the street.
Halfway down the block, Dean slowed to catch his breath, hands on his knees, his shoulders shaking as he laughed. Castiel had passed him, but doubled back once he saw Dean stop.
“Well, that was subtle. Think anyone noticed?”
“Who cares? I finally got you all to myself.”
They kissed under the streetlight, the yellow glow creating a halo above Castiel's head. Dean pulled back to take in the sight. “Lookin’ like an angel tonight, Cas.”
Castiel ducked, a little smile playing over his lips. He looked up at Dean through his lashes. “I'm named after an angel. The Angel of Thursday. My mom named all of us after different angels, but my name is definitely the weirdest.”
“Hmm is that so? Well it fits, you're pretty weird.” Dean laughed as Cas pinched his side. “But you're my kinda weird.”
***
Dean drove through the night, holding Cas’ hand as he maneuvered the Impala down the highway. He pulled down an unmarked road, one no one would notice unless they knew it was there. Castiel looked at him curiously, there was no way he would have known this route since the last and only time they were there, they had walked. He pulled into the clearing, their spot, as Dean considered it. He had found the driveway a week before, confirming his theory that this property used be someone's home.
Dean parked the car facing the lake and looked at Castiel in the moonlight. Cas’ eyes glowed cobalt in the darkness as he stared across the lake, and Dean was mesmerized. He reached across the seat to run his fingers up and down the back of Cas’ neck. Dean felt him shiver under his fingertips, and he yearned to see Cas come apart under his hands.
He leaned in and pressed a kiss to Cas’ cheek. “Come on, I want to show you something.” He squeezed Cas’ hand and opened the door, grabbing a blanket off the backseat as he went.
He laid the blanket on the hood of the Impala and helped Cas onto it. Dean settled next to him, both of them leaning back against the windshield. The sky stretched out above them, and millions of stars put on a show just for them. It was the sky Dean grew up under, but it still took his breath away. He looked over at Cas, head tilted up towards the sky, and Dean realized that it wasn't just the stars that left him breathless anymore. He wound their hands together and leaned into Cas, never taking his eyes off him.
“What are you thinking?”
Cas glanced at him, a small grin on his face.
“Just that I love it out here, under the stars. With you.” Castiel squeezed his hand and Dean felt warm all over. “This reminds me of something I read in my art appreciation class: I know nothing with any certainty, but the sight of the stars makes me dream.”
Dean hummed in approval. “Who said that?”
“Vincent Van Gogh. I'd imagine that feeling had something to do with Starry Night , but who knows. He was a brilliant artist but also psychotic and depressed.” Cas shrugged as he adjusted himself on the hood. Dean nudged him and motioned for him to sit up and slipped his arm around Cas’ shoulders. He settled into Dean's arms and sighed.
“What do you dream about, Cas?”
Castiel was quiet for a moment. “Happiness? Helping people. Not feeling so alone in this endless universe. You know, simple things.” He chuckled and Dean could hear the hesitation in his voice.
“I think those are great things to want.” He pressed a kiss to the top of Cas’ head.
“What do you dream about?” Cas rubbed small circles into Dean's palm, and he relaxed into the touch.
“I don't know. I'm a simple guy, you know? I just want to be able to take care of my family, pay back Ellen and Bobby for everything they've done for me and Sam.” Dean sighed. “I want Sam to be happy, give him and Jo opportunities to do what they want. I just want the people I love to be taken care of.”
Cas shifted towards Dean. “That's great Dean, but what about you ? What makes you happy?”
“You do. Being with you makes me happy, Cas.”
Castiel closed the distance between them. They kissed lazy and slow, no urgency because they had forever in that moment.
As heat began to build between them, Dean sat up, sliding off the hood of the car and taking Cas with him. Dean pulled him close, and Cas pressed kisses to his mouth as they made their way towards the back of the car. Dean pulled open the backseat door, looking at Castiel shyly as he held his hand out. Cas climbed in and leaned against the opposite window, watching Dean as he got inside and closed the door behind him. It was quiet inside, the only sound was their breathing as they looked at each other across the small space.
Dean rushed forward and captured Cas' mouth with his, their lips bruising. He pushed Cas against the door, sliding his hands beneath his shirt, and miles of soft skin met his eager touch. He pushed up Cas’ shirt, exposing him to the cool air.
Castiel’s breath hitched, and he pressed into Dean's hand. Dean's knee pressed between Cas’ legs, and he ground against it. Dean could feel Cas’ hardness and groaned into Cas’ mouth. Suddenly, Cas pushed Dean into a sitting position, and his leg swung over Dean’s thighs to straddle his lap.
Castiel leaned back, pressing himself against the back of the front seat. He stared at Dean as he pulled his shirt off, dropping it onto the front seat. He grabbed the hem of Dean's shirt and pulled it over his head. Their chests heaved as they stared at each other, drinking each other in. They'd been around each other like this, as roommates often were, but this time they could appreciate the sight in front of them without having to look away.
Dean slid his palms down Castiel's chest, stopping to rest on his hips. Castiel’s hands were busy as well as they ran up and down Dean's chest, sliding over his shoulders and down his arms like Cas couldn't get enough.
He needed more, needed to feel Cas against him, needed to taste his golden skin. Dean reached around and pulled Castiel to him, their bodies arching up to meet each other. Their pace turned frantic, with Castiel grinding into Dean's lap and Dean bucking his hips to meet every glide.
“Dean…” Cas was breathless. “Dean, I want to touch you, can I touch you? Please, baby.”
Dean moaned, his breath hot on Castiel's lips. “Please, Cas… need you. I want you so bad.”
They both reached for the others belt buckles, fumbling between the tight press of their bodies, both of them eager to be closer. When the buckles finally opened, they wiggled out of their pants, as much as the cramped space allowed. Dean laughed as Cas fought with his pants, hitting his head on the roof of the car as he stretched to remove them. Cas glared at him but smiled once he was free, throwing the offending clothes over his shoulder.
Dean felt Cas’ hardness against his hip and couldn't resist pushing Cas’ boxers down, freeing him. Castiel reciprocated, pulling Dean's cock from his boxer-briefs, gripping him tightly as he worked his hand up and down his length. Dean groaned and leaned forward to mouth at Castiel’s collarbone, then dipped his head to flick his tongue over a nipple. He pulled the dark nub into his mouth and sucked lightly, and a deep moan fell from Cas' lips, the sound echoing in the small confines of the Impala.
Their frenzied pace overwhelmed Dean; he wanted to savor this moment, their first moment together like this . Cas was exploring Dean’s body with his hands, their hips grinding in frantic circles. Dean stilled him with a gentle squeeze on Cas’ hip.
“Cas, sweetheart, slow down. I—” Dean gasped against Castiel's shoulder, heat pooling in his gut as Cas gripped him tighter. “Mmm… baby, look at me.” Dean leaned back to look into Cas’ eyes, dark with desire. “Are you… have you ever?” Dean swallowed thickly.
Castiel dropped his eyes and shook his head. Dean hooked a finger under Cas’ chin and lifted his head. “Me either, ok?"
“If I’m doing something wrong, please tell me?”
“It’s ok, baby, I’ve got you. You’re perfect, Cas. Makin' me feel so good.” Dean kissed the worry from Cas’ face, hoping he believed him. He pulled him in by the back of his neck and sealed their mouths together. He swiped his tongue against Cas’, working into a rhythm he matched with his hand, stroking Cas’ cock slowly.
With the touch of his hand, Cas moaned loudly, shamelessly. Dean stroked him faster, swiping his thumb over the head of Cas’ cock with every other slide of his hand. Dean's hand was slick with Cas’ pre-come, and Cas’ strokes were becoming erratic. Dean grabbed Cas’ wrist with his free hand and pulled Cas’ arm up to his own shoulders. At Dean's encouragement, Cas wrapped both arms around Dean’s neck, burying his face in Dean's shoulders, biting and sucking bruises there, making Dean his.
The thought made Dean want to come right then but he swallowed and willed himself to hold on just a little longer. He grabbed his dick, holding them both and stroking in sync. Castiel jerked in his lap, Dean's name slipping from his lips, and the sound of it caressed Dean’s skin. The heat of their bodies, the sounds Cas was making, and the smell of leather and sweat and sex pushed Dean over the edge. He painted stripes between them, his come slicking his hand even more. Dean felt Cas come apart, and he stroked them both until there was nothing left.
Cas crumpled in his arms. Dean cradled him, and shifted their bodies across the leather seat. He grabbed the blanket, cleaning them while pressing kisses into Cas’ skin. He threw the blanket to the floorboards and gathered Castiel in his arms brushing sweaty strands of hair away from Cas’ face.
“Are you ok? Was that… good?” Dean kissed him softly, his insecurities trying to creep their way into the car.
“That was amazing. I’ve thought about this moment for a long time and nothing ever came close. You're amazing.” He kissed Dean in the dark. “You're everything, Dean.”
“Aw babe, you're makin me blush.” Dean dropped his face into Cas’ hair, breathing in the smell of his cinnamon shampoo mixed with the residual smell of cigarettes from the party. “I'm so happy, Cas. We got pretty lucky, getting assigned the same room. I should send whoever is responsible some flowers.”
“It's an algorithm, Dean. You can't buy a computer flowers.” Castiel yawned and stretched his toes, pressing them against the window.
Dean smacked his legs. “Watch your feet, dude. You're gonna clean your little toe prints off my Baby tomorrow.”
Castiel chuckled. “Of course, Dean.” He snuggled closer to Dean, nuzzling his face into Dean's chest, kissing him gently.
“We should get you home, sweetheart.”
Castiel sighed. “Can't we stay here forever? Or at least a little while longer? I’m really not in the mood to move.”
“Sure, Cas. Whatever you want.” Dean grabbed the extra blanket from the back window and draped it over them, tightening his arms around the gorgeous man laying in them. He smiled as he thought about all the moments that had brought them here, and he couldn't believe how lucky he was. Dean hoped his luck would hold, this time.
It wasn't until he heard Castiel snoring softly that he closed his eyes and let himself relax. Dean didn't know when he fell asleep, but the early morning cries of a bird out by the lake woke him, and he gently shook Castiel awake.
They sat together, watching the sun come up over the water, the soft pinks and purples of the sky filling the Impala with light. Dean drove them home with Cas tucked against him. Neither of them tried to hide their smiles.
***
The summer was a whirlwind. Dean worked day shifts at The Roadhouse while Castiel tutored, freeing their nights to spend together. Dean's favorite shifts were the ones when Cas came with him, slipping upstairs to help Jo and Sam with their summer work, or just sitting in their booth, reading a book or working on piano arrangements. He wore headphones and an intent look on his face as he concentrated.
Cas always played whatever he worked on for Dean once they were back in their room. They split their nights between the dorm and The Roadhouse. Cas crashed on the couch, and Dean slept in his old room with Sam. More often than not, Ellen would find Dean on the couch the next morning, wrapped around Cas, sleepy smiles on their faces when they woke.
They spent many nights driving up to Kansas City to watch the Royals play. Dean loved teaching Cas the game, explaining balks and watching the Royals hit walk offs. They celebrated when the team won and complained when they lost. Dean bought Cas a jersey and thought he looked even more sexy than usual wearing a baseball hat.
Castiel's enthusiasm for the game made Dean deliriously happy. At one game, he taught Cas how to keep score and then it was game over. Castiel started obsessing about statistics, batting averages, ERA’s and OPS. As much as Dean would talk about who was on first or what constituted a perfect game, Castiel would talk about the physics behind a head first slide and a feet first slide and which was faster and why.
“You don't slide head first Cas, it's just like, an unspoken rule.”
“But Dean, it's actually faster .”
They occasionally let Sam join them, and he would root for the other team just to piss Dean off. Dean didn't really mind; the annoyance was worth it when he drove them home with one of the cassettes Cas made for Dean on the stereo. It’s a mix of songs and, as always, one or two tracks were of Cas playing something on the piano, recorded in one of the school’s music rooms. His cover of Mad World was one of Dean's favorites.
Cas was usually tucked under his arm, or holding his hand while he sang slightly off key. Sam would sleep in the backseat, and Dean would feel like everything was right in that moment, that he could do this for the rest of his life and be content.
With less than a month left until Sophomore year, Cas and Dean decided to drive to Corpus Christi to camp for a few nights on Mustang Island. Dean stopped at the Roadhouse to pack for their trip. He threw a tent, sleeping bags, a camp stove, a portable hammock, their gloves, and a baseball in the trunk, closing it firmly before heading back to campus. Sam was pouting against the back door, pissed that Dean wasn't taking him along.
“It's not fair, Dean, I've never been to the Gulf!”
“Sorry, Sammy. Maybe we'll take another trip during spring break. This is kind of like a trial run anyways, me and Cas'll work out all the kinks for the next time when we take you.”
Dean ruffled Sam's hair. He knew the kid hated it. “See you in a few days, Sasquatch. Text me if you need me.”
Dean climbed into the Impala and headed to the school, picking up a cord of firewood on the way. Cas was waiting outside their dorm, a duffle in one hand, an ice chest in the other, and Dean's guitar case at his feet. As Cas slid all of it into the backseat, Dean jumped out and walked around the car, opening Cas’ door so he could climb in. By the time Dean got back in, Cas was leaning over to kiss him.
“Hello, Dean.”
“Heya, sunshine. Ready to go? Got everything?”
“Yes. When I called Benny to borrow the cooler, he brought it over fully loaded.”
Dean perked up. “Oh yeah? Anything good?”
“Some of your favorite beers and a bottle of whiskey for me.” Castiel raised his eyebrows in amusement. “We're keeping him.”
Dean laughed. “Hell yeah, we are. I think next time we do this, we'll make it a group trip. Sam was bugging me about coming, too.”
“That sounds like fun. Dangerous, but fun.”
“True. We should save up for bail money.”
The drive took them a day and a half. The longest stretch was through Texas, and they stopped overnight in Austin before the last part of the drive to Mustang Island, where they had reserved a slip right on the water. Dean set up their tent while Castiel built the fire and they spent the rest of that night relaxing, Cas’ head resting in Dean's lap as they watched the stars.
The next day, they swam in the gulf and found a place still serving fresh crawfish and stuffed themselves. By the time they were back at their campsite, it was close to dusk. Dean made a new fire and they threw the baseball around, listening to the Astros game on the radio. They tossed around the idea of going back through Houston for a game before realizing the Astros were on the road that week. They promised each other they'd catch a game in the future, their idea evolving into a vow to see every major league stadium together.
Castiel sat between Dean's legs as they watched the sun set, back to chest. Dean's chin hooked over Cas’ shoulder and his arms wrapped around Cas’ waist, hands under Cas’ shirt, slowly tracing patterns across his stomach.
They watched the blue herons fly low over the water, their legs skimming the surface as the birds made their way home for the night. Castiel explained how they hunted, diving into the water beak first or grabbing with their talons, and Dean half-listened while kissing and sucking small marks into Cas’ long neck. The marks would fade before they got back to school, and Cas would then be leaving for two weeks to accompany his father in Europe.
Dean didn't want to think about that and Cas had stopped talking.
Dean pushed the thought from his mind, choosing instead to focus on the next few days.
“Hey, Cas?” Dean reached behind them and grabbed a grocery bag, dangling it in front of Cas. “S’mores?”
Castiel turned to face him, his eyes wide with awe. “You didn't!” Cas snatched the bag from his hands and pulled out the ingredients: graham crackers, chocolate bars, marshmallows, and a bag of peanut butter cups. He held the latter up in confusion.
“I thought it was just chocolate and marshmallow? What are these for?”
“Old family recipe. Replace the chocolate with a peanut butter cup. Instant upgrade.” Dean's mouth watered just thinking about it. “Wait, have you ever made s’mores before?”
“Are you kidding?” Castiel scoffed. “Father barely wanted us to go outside, let alone eat something so messy.” He started opening the bag of marshmallows, popping one in his mouth as he worked to get the rest of the ingredients ready.
Dean blinked, not believing what he just heard. “Wait, so you're saying you never got to play outside as kids? Didn't you and your brothers like, wreak havoc on your neighborhood like red blooded Americans? Shit, me n’ Sammy used to terrorize our street. I swear, if we didn't make up for it by mowing lawns and shoveling driveways for our neighbors, they would have run us out of town.”
Castiel laughed and shook his head. “No, the Novak children had to be the epitome of perfection.” Cas emphasized his point with air quotes. “After our mother passed away, Father was determined to make it seem like he had it all together. Unfortunately, that meant we didn't get the chance to be kids like you and Sam. It's probably better we didn't know what we were missing at the time. Gabriel was the only one that truly rebelled. Father sent him to a private boarding school in Paris after the police brought him home one night. He had taken a patrol car for a joyride to impress some girl.”
Castiel smiled and Dean hung on every word. Cas didn't talk about his family much, and Dean felt like it wasn't his place to pry. He only knew Cas had three older brothers and an older sister, but they weren't close at all. It was hard for Dean to imagine, considering how close he was to Sam. He was beginning to understand why feeling a part of Dean's family was so important to Castiel.
“So, where is Gabriel now?”
“Still in France. Boarding school didn't exactly stick, if you can imagine. He went off the radar for a year or so, I'd get an occasional letter or postcard from him. He opened his own candy shop, specializing in chocolate.” Castiel looked thoughtful. “Maybe I'll see if Father is agreeable with us paying him a visit. I'll bring you back some French chocolate filled with alcohol ganache.” Castiel grinned mischievously. “We can literally get chocolate wasted.”
Dean leaned forward for a kiss. “I'd like that. But I'd like it more if you didn't have to go.”
Castiel shoulders dropped and his smile faded. Dean regretted the words immediately.
“Honestly, Dean, I'd rather stay here with you too. I hate these trips, I don't see the point. It's just my father's way of flexing his power over me, in the end. I'll be lucky if I get to see Gabe at all.”
Dean hated how sad Cas looked. He leaned in, putting a hand on Cas’ cheek and guiding their mouths together. “It's just two weeks, baby, it'll fly by. I'll be working and getting our room ready for next semester, don't worry. Plus I'm going to drop you off and pick you up from the airport. We'll make a night of it in the city when you get back. Sound good?” He raised his eyebrows hopefully, and Castiel’s face softened.
“That sounds great, Dean. Now I have something to look forward to.”
“Awesome. Ok, now let me show you how to make a proper s’more. First you need to prep your graham and your chocolate so it's ready for the marshmallow.” Dean stacked a peanut butter cup on top of a graham cracker. “Then, you need to roast the mallow, not too crispy, just burnt enough on the outside so it's gooey on the inside, ok?” Dean slid marshmallows on the metal rods he had picked up just for this. He handed one to Cas. “Okay so, let it catch fire—no Cas, it's fine, don't worry.” Cas looked at him in doubt. “Look, once it's on fire, you just blow it out and that should be perfect ok? Watch.”
Dean let his marshmallow ignite, pulling it from the flame, letting the fire consume the outside of the candy, and quickly blowing it out before it melted.
“Then you take the marshmallow and put it on the chocolate, cover it with another Graham cracker, and slide the stick out.” Dean demonstrated, making a perfect s'more on his first try. He handed it over to Cas.
“Here you go, baby, first one is for you.”
Cas eyed the treat warily, unsure how to start eating it.
“Just take a big bite Cas, you gotta eat it while it's still hot. Come on!” Dean grinned, excited to see Cas enjoy his first s'more.
Castiel took a huge bite, moaning as all the flavors hit him. Dean's blood rushed south at the sound and he shifted in his seat.
“You like it?”
Castiel chewed and swallowed, his throat muscles rippling. Dean had to bite his tongue. “Oh goodness, Dean, this is amazing. How have I gone my whole life without this?” Cas quickly polished off the rest. “Ok, let me try this time.”
Dean watched as Cas toasted the marshmallow, letting it get a little more crispy than it should but Dean didn't correct him. He was so focused on his task, and Dean couldn't take his eyes off him.
The sun was setting on their perfect day, and Dean couldn't help but think Cas always looked most beautiful in the dusk. He'd never get tired of looking at him in this light.
Castiel finished making the s'more and passed it to Dean. “Ok, tell me how I did.”
Dean took a bite, the chocolate and peanut butter melting with the marshmallow, the crunch of the Graham cracker topping it off. He moaned his appreciation.
“Perfect, Cas! I'd give this an A plus.” Dean winked at him.
“Well, I can't take all the credit, I had a great teacher.”
“Oh yeah? Well, aren't you lucky?”
Castiel looked at him, eyes sparkling in the fading light. “The luckiest.”
Dean blushed and leaned in for another kiss. Their kisses tasted like chocolate and peanut butter and it made Dean warm inside. Cas leaned away to make himself another treat, enthusiastic in his duties. Dean leaned back and finished off his s'more, enjoying watching Cas cook up another marshmallow.
“Can I try it without the other stuff?”
“Hell yeah, roasted marshmallows are awesome on their own. In fact, I'll make one for myself too.”
They roasted the marshmallows side by side, Cas quickly figuring out he liked his a little more toasted than Dean. He was on his third one when Dean noticed that Cas had a little fluff on his nose.
“Babe, you got a little something.” Dean gestured at his nose, trying not to laugh. Cas swiped at it, but he had more melted marshmallow on his fingers and a swipe of melted fluff on his cheek joined the bit on his nose. Dean threw his head back and laughed.
“Cas, you're just making it worse. Oh my God, it's getting everywhere.” Dean chuckled as Cas tried to rub the mess from his face, only resulting in spreading it around in random places. He decided to intervene before it ended up in Cas’ hair.
Dean scooted over to Cas, framing his bent legs around Cas so he could get close. He was still giggling as he used a wet napkin to wipe Cas’ face while the man huffed over the mess.
“Now I understand my father's aversion.”
Dean rolled his eyes, laughing at Castiel's dramatics. “Oh my god, you got it in your ear! How the hell did you manage that? You're crazy, you know that? I Iove you so much.” Dean leaned in to nip at Cas’ ear. Cas froze, his breath hitched. It took a moment for Dean's brain to catch up with his mouth, and he pulled back, mouth opening and closing like a fish out of water.
Castiel turned burning blue eyes on him, emotions warring across his face. Dean's face burned. He was terrified it was too soon, that he'd freaked Cas out and screwed everything up. Dean was ready to take it all back when Cas surged forward and threw his arms around Dean's neck, smothering him with kisses.
“Did you mean it, Dean? Please, tell me you meant it. Because I love you, Dean. I love you, I love you, I've loved you for so long.”
Dean’s fear evaporated, his chest flooded with emotion. He cupped Castiel's cheeks and stilled him and pressed their foreheads together as Cas caught his breath. Dean kissed Cas slowly, pushing past his lips to swipe his tongue against Cas’.
“Love you so much, Cas. You make me so happy,” Dean whispered against Cas’ mouth.
It was difficult to kiss when they’re both smiling so wide. They giggled, the combination of sugar and the rush of emotions making them both a little giddy.
The rest of their trip passed quickly, too quick for Dean's liking. It felt like they had just started the summer when Dean found himself dropping Cas off at the airport for his flight to New York, where Cas was meeting his father for their international flight.
They said their proper goodbyes that morning when Cas slipped into Dean's bed, trading kisses and lazy hand jobs until they were both sweaty and covered in each other's release. Quick showers and a stop for coffee, then they were on the road, getting to the airport in record time.
Dean got out of the car to pull Cas’ bag from the trunk, going over to open the door for him. He found Cas sitting there silently, looking down at his hands in his lap. Dean dropped into a crouch at his side and ran a hand up and down Castiel's leg.
“What is it, sweetheart?”
“Just trying to think up some last minute excuse to give my father.” Castiel grimaced, looking towards the entrance doors.
“Two weeks, Cas. That's it. Piece of cake.” Dean tried to smile encouragingly, but he knew Cas wasn’t buying it. He leaned in to place a kiss on Castiel's pouting lips.
“I’ll miss you, Dean.”
“I'll miss you too, Cas. Now c'mon, you still have to get through security and all that.” He pulled Cas from the car and into a hug. “Don’t forget my souvenir.”
Cas shoved at him playfully as Dean winked at him. He handed Cas his bag and pulled him close for a goodbye kiss. They must have taken too long because he was suddenly tapped on the shoulder by security and being told he had to leave the drop off area.
Dean gave Castiel one last squeeze, whispering his goodbyes and a soft “I love you” before letting him go. Castiel entered the terminal, turning back to wave goodbye. Dean waved back and watched until he couldn’t see Cas anymore.
Dean spent the next two weeks working and rearranging their room, pushing their beds together and buying a memory foam mattress topper. He also picked up a new whiteboard for the back of the door, writing I missed you! on it for Cas to see when he got home. Dean had some pictures printed from their summer and framed one of him and Cas at a Royals game, arms around each other while singing “Take Me Out to the Ballgame”. He put it on their bedside table.
Two weeks was over before either of them knew it.
Chapter Text
Castiel planned all of his lessons during his runs. The wind on his face and the silence around him gave him clarity, helped him visualize the lessons and where he wanted to go with them. He used to run daily in Central Park, the quietest part of the city. In Kansas, the silence was thick, and it surrounded him; it was easy to get lost in his thoughts.
Now that he was only teaching one class that didn't meet every day, by midweek, he already had his plans set, leaving his mind to wander wherever it wanted. Castiel found that difficult to deal with. He listened to music to distract himself from thinking about green eyes and freckles, but too many of his playlists were infused with songs that reminded him of the man he didn't want to think about.
He had replayed the events at the Roadhouse all week, going over and over the brief conversation he had with Dean, wondering if he meant it when he said he wanted Castiel to come back, to catch up, to actually have a talk. His fears were abated for the moment; it seemed Dean didn’t hate him.
If he were honest with himself, Castiel didn't like pretending they were only roommates in college when they had been so much more. The idea of being around Dean’s family made him nervous. Following Dean's lead seemed to be the safest bet, for now.
Castiel was only a mile or so from home when the rumble of an engine—one he would always recognize—drowned out the music in his ears. He stopped short and watched the Impala pull up to the side of the road in front of him, kicking up a cloud of dust. Pulling his earbuds from his ears, he walked to the passenger side at a slow pace to buy himself time. He didn’t know what he would say when he got to the car.
The passenger window rolled down, and Castiel leaned in warily to greet the occupants. Dean sat behind the wheel with Aaron beside him in the passenger seat. He smiled as Dean turned to face him, lifting his hand in greeting.
“Hello, Dean.” Castiel let his eyes flick to the other rider. “Aaron.”
Fleetwood Mac’s “Dreams” was playing on the radio, and Dean reached over to turn it down.
“Dean and his damn hair rock.” Aaron rolled his eyes in Dean's direction. “I keep trying to get him to branch out, but it's the same ten cassettes over and over in here.”
Dean and Castiel started speaking at the same time. “Driver picks the music—” They caught themselves. Castiel covered his laugh with a cough, and Dean flushed pink and stared out at the road.
Aaron looked between them, narrowing his eyes at Dean. “I thought that was something you and Sam made up.”
Dean looked uncomfortable. “Oh, we all used to say it back in college. No big deal.”
Aaron seemed satisfied by the answer and reached across the seat to take Dean's hand, looking at Castiel with a self-satisfied sneer on his face.
Castiel cleared his throat. “‘Dreams’ is a classic. Rumours is one of the best Fleetwood Mac albums, hands down. Might have to dig that one out when I get home later.” Castiel could see Dean smile slightly, and it lifted Castiel’s spirits.
“Dean insisted we stop when he saw you running. You live around here?”
“Yeah, about a mile up by the lake.” Castiel gestured to the road ahead. “What brings you both out this afternoon?”
“Dean has a tattoo appointment in the city so we're making a date of it. You got any ink?”
Castiel smiled tightly. “Just one I got in college.” His eyes briefly met Dean's, and he knew Dean was remembering the day they drove to Kansas City and got matching tattoos; the protection symbol Castiel had drawn for them was inked on their chests. Dean ran a hand over his heart, right where the tattoo sat. “I've been considering another, and it seems like you've got a good artist. Maybe I can get their name and see what they can do for me.”
Dean finally spoke up. “You remember Garth? He opened his own shop up there. He's supposed to be down this weekend. Couple of other friends will be in Friday night, too. If you're interested in joining, you could catch up with him then.” Dean stared at him with an impassive look on his face.
Castiel nodded. “That sounds great, it will be nice to see Garth again. I'm glad he's doing well for himself. Anyone else from school still hanging around?” Castiel bent down and rested his arms on the window ledge.
Dean shifted before he cleared his throat and continued. “Yeah, Benny’s got a Cajun restaurant over in Overland Park. Great crawfish and gumbo. He'll be here Friday too.”
“Sounds like a good reunion you've got planned. I'm looking forward to it.” Castiel smiled widely, hoping to hide his nerves.
“Just the usual crowd, nothing fancy like you're probably used to in the big city.” Dean cut his gaze away from Castiel.
Aaron cleared his throat, breaking the tension that was building. Castiel tried to ignore Aaron’s pointed stare while he spoke with Dean.
“So, I thought you said you didn't play baseball for KU. Isn't that a player's hat you're wearing?” He gestured at the hat Castiel had on. It was his favorite hat, and Aaron was right, it was a player's hat, this one in particular bearing the number 67. Castiel wore it so often he didn't think to remember it was once Dean's. He ripped it off his head, folded it in half, and stuffed it into his pocket. He stood up and took a step back from the car, and didn't miss the surprised look on Dean's face as he fumbled to answer Aaron's question.
“Is it? I've had it forever, I can't remember where I picked it up.” He tried to change the subject. “Do you guys catch a lot of games?”
Aaron shook his head. “I think baseball is boring, but Dean and Sam take their little bonding trips up to see the Royals every so often. Isn't that right, babe?”
Dean nodded slowly, his jaw clenched, his expression hardening. “We get to a few games a year. Sam goes to humor me, mostly. Always cheers for the other team.” He caught Castiel's eye. “Well, we better get. Careful out here on the highway, yeah?”
Castiel nodded, a small smile playing on his lips.
“Of course, Dean.” He stepped further from the car. “Enjoy your day.”
Aaron tipped his fingers in a mock salute. “See you Friday, man.”
Dean met Castiel's eyes one more time before he shifted the Impala into drive and pulled away slowly. Castiel stood and watched the Impala until it was a speck on the road.
***
Friday came quickly. Castiel spent the day suppressing his nerves at the prospect of seeing more people from his past, hoping Dean had explained their situation to everyone. Castiel was ready for awkward silences, but he didn't want to explain this ruse Dean had going. It was another reason Castiel hated this.
Castiel climbed out of his truck and smoothed down the dark blue Henley he was wearing. He squared his shoulders and walked into The Roadhouse, almost bumping into Sam. Relief flooded him; Sam would guide him to wherever everyone was congregating.
“Cas! Just in time! Everyone’s already here and open mic is starting in about a half hour. Let's get you a beer, you're gonna need it.”
He let Sam guide him to the bar, one hand on his shoulder, where Aaron was drying a pint glass and looking at them through narrowed eyes. Cas straightened at that look, feeling bolder as he approached the bar. He smiled at Aaron and took a look at the chalkboard behind him.
“What can I get you?”
“Let's start with a round of shots for the group, how about it?”
Sam grinned. “You still know the way to everyone's heart, Cas.” He rattled off a few different shot orders to Aaron, knowing what everyone preferred, including whiskey for Dean, Castiel, and himself.
Castiel laughed. “I can't go wrong buying the first round, right?”
“Definitely not.”
Castiel turned a sideways glance to Aaron as he poured the shots. “Can I get a pint of the Profound Bond as well?” He smiled as Aaron slid the pint towards him, a bit spilling over the rim.
Castiel handed Sam his drink and took the tray of shots in one hand. “Lead the way, Sammy. Let's see if my bartending skills have held up after all these years.”
Sam shook his head and turned towards the back corner of the bar. A few tables had been pushed together next to the family booth, and Castiel took in the faces watching him as he approached.
Dean had called in the cavalry. Castiel recognized almost everyone sitting there. Garth and Benny sat across from one another, Garth smiling at him and Benny looking wary. A lovely brunette sat next to him, her hand on his arm. A woman with bright red hair was beside Garth, a smile on her face. She was holding hands with Jo, and the sight of Jo scowling at him warmed his heart and scared him just a little.
Castiel couldn't see any knives, which was a relief, but that didn't mean she didn't have one tucked in her boot or somewhere equally inconspicuous. There were three empty seats at the end of the long table, and he took them as being for him, Sam, and hopefully Dean. He hadn't seen him yet but Castiel knew he was here.
His eyes drifted to the booth and he was suddenly filled with regret. Bobby was there, his naturally perturbed face looking at him, trucker hat still planted firmly on his head. At his side and looking as lovely as he remembered was Ellen, a sad smile on her face. He hated being the one to put it on her. Ash sat across from them, throwing up devil horns and smiling at him.
“Hey guys, Cas bought a round of shots!”
Castiel held up the tray and grinned. “Hey everyone, it's good to see you all.”
Sam handed out the drinks while Cas took time to greet everyone.
He went to shake Garth's hand and was pulled into a hug. Castiel clapped him on the back. “Good to see you, Garth. I hear you're a tattoo artist now?”
Garth’s smile was bright. “That's correct buddy! Saw some of my work on Dean? He said you might want to get some more ink! We'll definitely have to work something out!”
“I'm looking forward to it.” Castiel squeezed Garth's shoulder before turning to Benny.
He held his hand out. “Benny. How've you been?”
Benny clasped his hand a bit too hard but Castiel didn’t falter. “Not too bad, brother. Let me introduce you to my wife.” He let go of Castiel's hand to put his arm around the woman by his side. “Andrea, meet Castiel. Castiel, Andrea. My wife of 6 years.” Her eyes widened in what Castiel thought looked like acknowledgement.
“Oh, Castiel. It's nice to meet you. Benny's mentioned you.”
“The pleasure is mine.” Cas smiled warmly at her.
Sam cleared his throat and Cas turned towards him. He had the red haired woman by the shoulders, facing Castiel.
“Cas, may I introduce the Queen of Moons, miss Charlie Bradbury? Dean’s bff extraordinaire, expert cosplayer, another annoying little sister we never knew we needed, and Jo's girlfriend. Charlie, meet Cas.” Sam left it at that, no long introduction, as if he knew Charlie didn't need it.
Castiel had a feeling she knew all about him. He took it as a good sign she was smiling, and an even better one when she hugged him and whispered, “I'm glad to finally put a face to the name. We are so talking later, dude.”
Charlie pulled away and looked at Jo, who was staring daggers at Castiel. “Stop it, be nice to Cas. We talked about this.” Jo's face softened as she looked at Charlie.
“Jo, it's great to see you again. You seem happy.”
“Yeah, I am, we all are. We're all doing just fine, Castiel. Let's try to keep it that way, shall we?” She looked at him fiercely. She hadn't changed a bit.
Castiel nodded. “Agreed, Jo.”
Ash interrupted and stepped between them to high five Castiel. “Glad you're back, bro! How's the mysteries of time and space treating you?”
“Very well, Ash. You?”
“Excellent man, as usual. Even got myself off the no-fly list!” Castiel could never tell if he was joking, but he laughed anyways.
“Congratulations,” he deadpanned and Ash laughed.
“Good to see you're still the same as I remember.” Ash took off for the bar to pour himself another drink.
Castiel took a deep breath and walked to the booth, and Ellen stood up to greet him. His nervousness melted away when she opened her arms. He wrapped his own around her and pressed their heads together.
“Ellen. I'm so sorry,” he whispered, wishing not to be overheard.
Ellen put one hand on the back of his head, and the gesture reassured him. “Cas, honey. It's ok. If Dean is ok with you being here, so are we.”
Castiel pulled back in surprise. He swallowed thickly and tried to hold himself together. Ellen was the closest thing he ever had to a mother, and her forgiveness meant as much to him as Sam's and Dean's did. He nodded and let her go, turning and holding a hand out to Bobby. The older man's expression didn't change, but he accepted the handshake and pulled Cas towards him.
“Not everyone gets a second chance, boy. Don't screw this up.”
Castiel accepted this with a tight nod. He stood up straight and turned back towards the table, only to be met with Dean, standing next to Sam, his eyes on Castiel. Dean seemed pleased at his exchange with Ellen and Bobby, and it put his mind at ease a little more.
Castiel took in the sight of him. He looked a lot more formal than the other night. He wore a form-fitting, dark-washed chambray button up with caramel colored slacks, brown scuffed boots, and a matching belt. His sleeves were rolled up, exposing his ink. He looked absolutely mouthwatering.
“Hello, Dean.”
“Hey, thanks for the drink.” He held up the shot of whiskey and turned towards the group. “Everybody drink up because you're all singing tonight.” He drew a collective groan from the group. “All right, all right. Cheers.”
The group toasted and drank, glasses slamming down one by one. Dean gathered all the shot glasses on the tray and checked if anyone else needed a beer. Castiel watched as he smiled and joked with everyone, and his eyes flicked to Castiel's briefly before he turned and walked towards the bar.
Castiel sat next to Sam at the end of the table, relaxed and glad that everyone seemed to be okay with his presence. He glanced around the room and drank in the crowd that turned up for Open Mic night. His eyes settled on the bar, noticing Dean and Aaron trying not so hard to hide what looked like an argument. It was impossible to hear them, but he could see Aaron gesturing towards their group and Dean swiping his hand through the air. Castiel knew that motion. Dean was pissed and trying to stop their argument in its tracks.
Benny leaned back and got Sam's attention. “Trouble in paradise, Sammy. Might want to grab Dean, it's almost time for him to get up on stage.” He cast a sidelong glance at Castiel.
“Shit. I'll be right back.”
Sam headed to the bar, knocked on it to get Dean's attention, and nodded at the stage. Dean pushed one tray of drinks toward Sam and grabbed the other, and they walked back to the tables to hand them out. By the time Dean got to their end of the table, he was smiling again. He set a fresh pint in front of Castiel and dropped in the chair across from him, taking a big drink from his beer, eyes on Castiel.
Castiel decided to break the ice. “The beer is great Dean. I heard you came up with all these recipes yourself.”
Dean nodded. “Worked on the recipes for about four years before I even tried to brew. Almost blew up a few closets with over-carbonated batches.” He laughed, and it was better than any song Castiel had ever heard.
Castiel groaned and laughed, shaking his head. “Gotta watch out for those pounds of pressure. Did you ever succeed in creating an explosion?”
“Are you kidding? I was brewing upstairs, Ellen would’ve had my freakin head!” Dean's eyes sparkled as he laughed. “Between Sammy and Jo helping me adjust the math, we got it eventually. Now we have seven beers and sales are good. I've got a new batch of each one sitting, they'll be ready by Sunday.” As Dean talked, his left hand had slowly inched across the table, closing the space between him and Castiel.
“You should come by, let me show you the tap room. Your inner physicist will love it.” Dean touched the inside of Castiel's wrist and glanced down, looking surprised at his hand, as if he hadn't even realized what he was doing.
Dean's fingertips burned Castiel's skin, and he gasped. He yanked his hand back and the sudden absence of his heat made Castiel shudder and flex his fingers. Dean laid his hand flat on the table, his eyes sweeping back up to Castiel's. They were blown wide, and he blinked rapidly, trying to focus. Jo elbowed him furiously, and Dean shuddered and whipped his head around to look at her. “What the fuck, Jo?”
“Dude! Incoming!” Jo glared at Dean and flicked her eyes towards the bar.
Dean and Castiel both looked up in unison to see Aaron stalking over to them. Castiel picked up his drink and hoped to avoid any crossfire.
“Dean! I've been trying to get your attention. It's eight, you gonna start this Open Mic or what? Because I'm not gonna do it.”
Dean's expression hardened and Castiel hated that look. He glanced at Castiel as he stood, murmuring a quick “excuse me” as he walked to the stage and brushed Aaron’s hand off his arm. As Dean set up the stage, Charlie planted herself in his seat, nudging Castiel to get his attention.
“So, Castiel. How's it going? Things looked pretty cozy a minute ago.” She smiled wide at him. He found it to be very contagious and blushed.
“Yes, Dean was telling me about his beers and almost mishaps while brewing. It's all very interesting.” Castiel took another drink. “How do you know Dean, if you don't mind me asking?”
“Oh, I went to KU. You guys were two years ahead of me. I met Dean your senior year. Do you remember that women's movie course he took?”
“Ah, the History of Women Through Feature Length Films! We watched a lot of movies that year.” Castiel laughed as the memory came back to him. “I think we were partial to When Harry Met Sally .”
By then everyone was listening and laughing with them.
“Dean made us watch The Bodyguard on the bus to away games! You should've heard the team singing ‘I Will Always Love You.’ ” Benny laughed as he added to the story.
Cas nodded. “They were pretty good, I think they performed that at the rest of Benny's Karaoke nights. Someone has to have a video somewhere.”
Andrea had a mischievous look on her face. “I'd pay good money for that!”
The table laughed as Aaron approached with more beers. “Dean asked me to keep these coming. What's so funny over here?”
The laughter faded as the beers were passed down.
“These guys were just discussing a very sensitive subject: Whitney Houston!” Sam had everyone laughing again. “Oh shit, shut up, shut up, here's Dean.”
“Hey y'all, sorry for the delay but welcome to Open Mic at The Roadhouse!” Dean ran through his speech and Castiel couldn't stop staring. Dean glowed on stage. Castiel hoped he would sing again.
“Y’all are in for a treat, I've got some friends and family here tonight that were told they needed to sing for their drinks, so this is going to be a fun one. Ok, let's get this party started!”
Dean turned and picked up his guitar as he sat down. Castiel appreciated the gleaming wood and the sticker from the Coldplay concert they saw in their Junior year was still there, faded after all these years. Dean had stuck it there when they returned to their room, still singing songs the band played. They had stayed up all night, Dean playing his guitar while laying in Castiel's arms, with Castiel's ankles hooked over Dean’s calves. Castiel shook off the memories as Dean started playing.
His breath caught in his throat at the opening notes to Foo Fighters “Everlong.” The acoustic version was one of Castiel's favorites, and Dean played it beautifully.
Hello, I've waited here for you. Everlong.
Dean sang, and the music filled the room. Every note, every inflection, cut into Castiel. He closed his eyes and listened.
Come down, and waste away with me, down with me. Slow how you wanted it to be, I'm over my head, out of his head he sang.
Castiel heart clenched and he could feel curious eyes from around the table. He ignored them and focused on Dean's voice.
Breathe out, so I can breathe you in, hold you in.
Castiel's eyes flew open. Dean stared at him from the stage, then looked at his hands, shoulders dropping as he came up to the last chorus. He raised his head to look at Castiel again, unwavering.
If everything could ever feel this real forever, if anything could ever be this good again. The only thing I'll ever ask of you, you've got to promise not to stop when I say when.
Dean finished and Castiel swore he could hear a pin drop in the silence that followed. The whole room seemed charged, but Castiel considered it could just be him, his brain buzzing under the sheer weight of Dean's intensity. Someone started clapping—it sounded far away—but soon the entire place cheered as Dean blushed his way through introducing the next person, who just happened to be Sam.
Castiel welcomed the distraction of watching Sam get up on stage and force Dean to stay with him, both of them belting out Bob Seger’s “ Night Moves” while Dean played his guitar. Everyone at the table sang along, and Castiel could see Charlie recording it all on her phone. Castiel was enjoying himself, and he told Sam as much when he came back to the table.
He was holding his sides and trying to catch his breath when he sat down. “Oh man, we haven't done that in years. Charlie, did you get some video?”
“You bet your ass I did. So much blackmail material tonight!”
Everyone seemed to be enjoying themselves, and Benny returned to the table with another round of shots. He leaned down to talk to Sam, who looked towards the bar where Dean and Aaron were once again in a heated conversation. Sam rolled his eyes and started to get up, but his action was futile as the couple walked towards them, Dean with a deep scowl on his face and Aaron looking angry. No one missed it when they walked by, hearing the contempt in Aaron's voice as they stalked past the group to get to the kitchen.
“You're fucking embarrassing me, Dean. Can you keep it in your fucking pants tonight?”
Castiel clenched his fists and looked down at the table, noticing Sam's hands clenched in his lap as well.
“Enough. Not in front of my family.”
Dean held the door to the kitchen open as Aaron stalked through it. Before it swung shut, Castiel could hear Dean asking, "All right, what's going on?"
The coldness in Dean's voice startled Castiel. If he knew one thing, it was that Dean had a lot of pride and he worked hard to take care of his family and protect them from any problems, especially his own. When they were younger, it always took time and the occasional blowout before Dean would let Castiel help him with anything. Castiel knew Dean well enough to know he was most likely incredibly uncomfortable doing this in front of everyone. He couldn't stop his thoughts from betraying him, from reminding him he was the real root of this problem.
Dean and Aaron were in the kitchen but their raised voices could be heard over the din of the bar. Castiel thought it might be time to call it a night.
“Sam, I should probably go. That's my fault.” He gestured towards the kitchen.
“Dude, no. You're not leaving. Let's get some fresh air, yeah?”
Castiel nodded and followed Sam out to the porch. Benny, Charlie, and Jo followed in succession. They propped themselves up against the railing so they could face each other and talk. The night air was cool and smelled of rain. Castiel had really missed the crisp Kansas fall.
Benny broke the silence first. “How long have they been this bad, Sam?”
Sam sighed and looked out to the parking lot. “Too long, man. I know Dean sees it. He refuses to talk about it and I've been breaking up fights left and right. And now…” Sam trailed off, and avoided Cas’ eyes.
Castiel pushed himself off the wall. “Seriously, Sam, I should go. Me being here isn’t doing anyone any favors. If my presence is going to cause that every time… I can’t keep making Dean unhappy.”
He turned to go but found a small, blonde spitfire blocking his way. “So you’re just going to run again? Is that it?”
Charlie placed a gentle hand on Jo’s shoulder. She shrugged it off. “No, he needs to hear this. I don’t give a damn what Dean said.” Jo shot challenging looks at all of them. Charlie stepped back, hands up in surrender.
“You left, and you fucked Dean up. You broke our brother, Cas, and there was no one here to pick up the pieces but the four of us. So if you think I’m just going to let you walk out of here again, you’re fucking wrong. Dean doesn’t want that ok?”
“I don’t know what Dean wants, Jo. I tried to talk about it and he didn’t want to.”
“It’s Dean! What do you expect? Do you think any of us want to pretend you weren’t a part of our family? It’s stupid and uncomfortable for all of us, but we love Dean so here we are. But you have to understand something ok? You never really left, Cas. And we’ve all been living with your ghost for years.”
The fight drained out of Jo. Charlie reached out and snaked her arm around her waist, kissing her on the head.
“I’m sorry, Jo. All of you, I can’t apologize enough. I just don’t know what to do.”
Benny stepped towards him and placed a hand on his shoulder. “Just stay, brother. If you really want to be here, back in Dean’s life, just stay. Be a friend. It’s what he wants.”
“I don’t understand why you’re all helping me.” Castiel let his chin drop to his chest. “You have every right to hate me.”
“Cas…” Sam huffed out a sigh. “He doesn’t want us to be mad for him. He said if he can let it go, we can too. So this is us letting it go.”
“I just feel like every time I’ve been here, I’ve caused a fight between them. It’s not fair to Dean.”
Sam shook his head. “Dean will probably kill me for this but you need to know—This is nothing new, ok?”
The others nodded in agreement.
“I don’t know why Dean puts up with it but I think we’ve all tried to make him see that Aaron isn’t good for him. Truth is, they aren’t good for each other. But we get the standard response—“
“I’m fine.” Jo and Charlie spoke at the same time and Castiel gaped at them.
Sam looked grim. “What Dean needs you to be is a friend. And he’s open to it. So just—be a friend, Cas. Do you think you can do that?”
Castiel nodded, but before he could say any more, the sound of screeching tires interrupted him. They all turned to see a dark Toyota Corolla fly out of the parking lot. Sam and Benny exchanged a look.
“There goes Aaron.”
Castiel waited, holding his breath to see if the Impala would follow. His attention was diverted to the bar door opening as Bobby and Ellen made their exit.
“Time to call it for us old folks.” Bobby moved to shake hands with Benny and Sam. Ellen swatted him.
“Who are you talkin’ about? Speak for yourself, old man.” She hugged Jo and Charlie before turning to Castiel. “Hang in there, baby. We’re happy you’re home.” She kissed him on the cheek before moving to hug and kiss Sam goodbye. Castiel was close enough to hear her murmur in Sam’s ear, “Better go check on your brother.”
“Stay out of trouble y’all.” Ellen waved at them as they walked towards their truck.
Sam eyed the door warily, as if going back inside was the last thing he wanted to do. He pulled the door open and everyone followed him back to the table. Dean was back behind the bar but nodded at them. It looked like Ash stepped in to help after Aaron’s departure. Sam detoured to the bar to speak to Dean and returned with another round of beer. Castiel gave him an imploring look but, he waved it off. He wanted to make sure Dean was ok, but before he could ask, he heard Andrea calling him up to the stage. Apparently, Dean hadn't been kidding when he said they were all going to sing that night.
He climbed on stage, Andrea patting his back as she came down. “You can thank Dean for this one.” He saw the list, saw his name in Dean's familiar handwriting.
He sat down at the piano and introduced himself. His looked at Dean and watched Dean’s eyes flutter shut as he played Coldplay's “Trouble .”
I lost my head at the thought of all the stupid things I'd said.
I turned to run at the thought of all the stupid things I've done.
His fingers flew over the keys in apology, wanting the notes to reach their intended recipient. He stared until Dean opened his eyes again, and heat pooled in his stomach as Dean held his gaze.
I never meant to cause you trouble, I never meant to do you wrong. Oh and if I ever caused you trouble, oh no, I never meant to do you harm.
He finished playing, and as much as he hated it, he broke eye contact to introduce the next person. They were towards the end now, and Castiel laughed as he called Jo and Charlie up to the stage. Charlie high fived him as they changed places, and as he left the stage, Dean had a small smile on his face and he beckoned Castiel to join him with a tilt of his head.
Castiel slid into the empty seat in front of him, smiling and looking over his shoulder at Charlie and Jo who had just started a lively duet of “Don’t Go Breaking My Heart.” Jo was rolling her eyes but laughing as Charlie wrapped herself around her. Dean and Castiel both laughed when Charlie dipped Jo during the chorus.
“Charlie is great, I wish I had known her when we were in school.” Castiel turned towards Dean and accepted the glass of water and another pint of beer Dean offered. He thanked Dean with a nod and a smile.
“Yeah, she’s awesome. I met her our senior year, we had a class together.”
“That Women’s Film class, she told me. We had a good laugh when Benny reminded us about The Bodyguard .” Castiel smiled over the rim of his glass at Dean’s groan.
“Oh my god, I forgot about that.” He took a pull of his beer. “Are you having a good time?”
“I am, thank you for inviting me. It’s nice to see everyone again. Benny’s wife is great and Garth said he’d be happy to talk to me about a tattoo.”
“What are you thinking of getting?”
“I’m not really sure. Probably something music related. Lyrics or something.”
“Yeah, I’ve got one like that.”
Castiel pointed to Dean’s left arm. “That one?”
Dean shook his head and held out his arm. Castiel read what was inked into Dean’s freckled skin.
I fear no fate, for you are my fate.
He looked up into waiting green eyes. “E. E. Cummings. ‘I Carry Your Heart.’ That’s a beautiful poem.” Castiel didn’t ask why, scared of the answer.
“It was my second tattoo. Had it about 10 years now.” Dean’s eyes burned into Castiel’s, and he thought he might melt under the heat of his gaze.
“Dean, I—”
Benny clapped his hand on Castiel's shoulder. Andrea hovered behind him, with Garth following close behind.
“I think it's about time for us to call it a night, fellas. Gotta relieve the babysitter.”
Castiel raised his eyebrows in surprise. “You have kids?”
“Just one, light of my life. Rose is three going on sixteen.” Benny laughed, love reflected in his eyes. He dug out his phone to show Castiel a photo.
“She's beautiful. Hopefully she takes after her mother.” Castiel winked at the couple.
“She's a handful so she already does.” Benny laughed as Andrea punched him in the arm. “See?”
Benny reached out to shake Dean's hand. “Thanks for a great night, brother. Next time y'all are coming down to Guidry’s, dinner's on us ya hear?” He nodded towards Castiel and shook his hand as well.
Castiel cleared his throat and clasped Benny's hand, shaking it firmly. “That would be great, thank you.”
Dean nodded, raising his hand to say good night. “Talk soon, Benny. Drive safe.”
People filtered out slowly as the last singer on the list finished performing. Garth wished them a good night, gave Castiel his card, and told him to call and set up an appointment. Jo and Charlie both slipped behind the bar to hug Dean before leaving, and Charlie gave Castiel a quick hug on their way out. He couldn't quite figure out why she was so accepting of him but he wasn't going to question it. Sam was going around with a tray, clearing tables as people left them.
“Can I help clean up?” The offer came out before Castiel thought too hard about it. Dean looked surprised but shook his head.
“Nah, look at that.” He pointed towards Sam wiping down the booths. “Finally got this guy to pull his weight around here. We've got this covered.” He grinned at Castiel, and Castiel couldn't help laughing.
“Better late than never, I suppose. I guess I should head out as well.” He looked towards the door, hesitant to leave.
“I'll walk you out.” Dean walked around from behind the bar before Castiel could protest. “Sammy! I'll be right back! You missed a spot!” He pointed at a random table as Sam scowled at him. Dean gestured towards the door, laughing, and Castiel shook his head.
“Night, Sam!”
“See ya, Cas!”
Castiel was wistful as he walked outside. Dean flipped off the porch lights as he followed. Castiel’s truck was one of the two cars left in the parking lot. He assumed the Prius was Sam's. The Impala was in her usual spot.
“The Impala looks great. She still runs well?”
Dean’s chest swelled with pride. “Hell yeah, like the day she came off the lot. She's gonna outlast us all.”
Castiel laughed. “You might be right.” They stopped by his truck and Castiel hesitated.
“Look at you, got a black beauty of your own here. She'll be great in the winter.” Dean looked at the Ford F-150 Castiel bought when he arrived back in Lawrence. “A Limited too, nice. How about those seat warmers?”
“It has those? I'm still trying to figure everything out.” Castiel blushed. “Maybe you could show me?”
Dean looked down, gripped the back of his neck and smiled. “Yeah, I could do that.”
Castiel didn’t want to, but he needed to ask. “Are you okay? It seemed like you and Aaron—“
“I’m fine.” Dean gave his head a small shake and cleared his throat, squinting at Castiel. “Still wanna come by on Sunday? See the tap room? We can take a drive after, show you all the bells and whistles this baby's got.” He tapped on the hood of the truck.
Castiel could recognize an attempt at a subject change when he saw one. Sam’s words echoed in his head. Be a friend. He could do that.
“That sounds great, Dean.”
“Ok, perfect. Around noon? I'll make some burgers.”
Castiel smiled. Dean knew Castiel loved his homemade burgers. “I'll see you then.”
He unlocked the truck with the key fob and turned to open the door. Dean's hand beat his as he pulled the door open for Castiel. He felt his face grow warm as he climbed in, Dean shutting the door behind him and tapping the hood of the truck before he stepped back towards The Roadhouse. He waved, standing in place as Castiel drove away.
***
It felt like a lifetime but Sunday finally arrived. Castiel was nervous, unsure about the upcoming day. He had changed his clothes too many times to count, finally settling on a pair of khaki shorts and an AC/DC shirt that hung long on his frame. Some worn Chucks and his aviators topped everything off. His nerves were on edge as he pulled his truck up to the front of The Roadhouse.
The Impala was there, and an old El Camino that Castiel thought belonged to Ash. He tried the front door to the bar but it was locked, so he headed around to the side, finding that door open. Ash was behind the bar, bottles everywhere as he cleaned. He looked up as Castiel entered and smiled.
“Cas! How's it going, man? Dean said you were coming over to check out the set up.”
Castiel nodded. “Apparently, there's a lot of science involved in brewing? I never knew.”
“Oh, hell yeah, man. It's awesome. Dean figured most of it out on his own too. And now he's got these kick ass beers. We sell out almost every week!”
“That's very impressive.”
“Yup, Dean's a secret genius. Man's got a talent for this stuff.”
“Wasn't much of a secret to me. Dean's always been very smart.”
Castiel jumped at the sound of a throat clearing behind him. Dean held two plates filled with burgers and fries.
“Hey Ash, can you get us a couple of the Halo IPA that we tapped this morning?”
“Sure thing.”
“There's a burger in the back for you, whenever you wanna eat.”
“Thanks bud.”
Ash slid two pints across the bar and Castiel picked them up. Dean settled into the family booth and placed Castiel's plate across from his. Castiel took the hint and sat, handing Dean his beer.
“Thanks for having me over, and for lunch.”
“Go ahead, dig in.”
Castiel took a bite, a moan escaping his lips as the familiar taste of the best burger he'd ever had hit his tastebuds. He had searched all over New York for anything that came close but nothing ever had. He told Dean as much.
Dean blushed as he chewed and finished the bite he took. “That's hard to believe, thought the food there was supposed to be the best.”
“Well, I can tell you I searched far and wide for something comparable. I even had Baz on the hunt. He doesn't even want to eat hamburgers anymore, we ate so many.”
“Baz?”
“Balthazar. We met when I first started working for NYU, he was my roommate for most of the time I lived there. Now, we're best friends. My moving here was not something he was agreeable with.”
“I know how that feels.”
Castiel dropped his eyes and cleared his throat. “I’m sorry, I didn't mean to—”
Dean cut him off. “No man, I'm sorry. I shouldn't have said that. If we're going to be friends, I shouldn't say stuff like that.”
Castiel lifted his eyes to Dean's, seeing genuine regret on his face. “Is that what we're doing, Dean? Trying to be friends?”
Dean's voice was soft. “I'd like that.” He looked at Castiel hopefully.
“So would I, very much.”
They locked eyes, emotion flying between them, years of things unsaid, regret, and relief passed between them. Dean looked away first, nodding and gesturing to the food, encouraging Castiel to finish.
They made small talk. Dean told him about the bar and how Ellen and Bobby had signed it over to him about a year after graduation. Business was good for a long time but now, with the new beers, it was on the rise.
“So, what's with the theme nights? I saw those the first time I came in, and I couldn't believe it.” Castiel was burning with curiosity.
“Why's that?”
Castiel shrugged. “It doesn’t seem like your style.”
Dean chuckled at that. “No, you're right. That was Aaron's idea. The only one I like is Open Mic. It's gimmicky, and I get enough business without it.”
Castiel shifted uncomfortably at Dean's mention of Aaron. “So why do it?”
“I dunno, man. He had a decent argument at the time so I compromised and decided to give it a trial run. We'll see, the promos haven't been running long enough for me to see an impact yet.”
Castiel nodded. He reminded himself that they were trying this friend thing, so he figured he had to ask questions friends would ask each other.
“So, how long have you and Aaron been together?” It made his stomach hurt to talk about this but he tried his best to ignore it.
“A few months now. He had been working for me for a bit and just started hanging out more and more. We eventually grabbed coffee and that was that.” Dean looked uncomfortable, not making eye contact with Castiel.
“That's nice.” Castiel decided a subject change was in order. “Now, what about these beers?” He held up his empty glass. “Seriously, Dean, they are so good. You always talked about doing it, and I love seeing that you've succeeded.”
Dean's green eyes lit up and Castiel had to put a damper on the feeling growing in his chest. “You ready to see the tap room? It's pretty awesome.”
Castiel nodded, and they slid out of the booth. Castiel grabbed their empty plates as Dean took the glasses, leading him back towards the kitchen. Everything looked the same except the stainless steel appliances, those were new. They set the pint glasses and plates by the sink.
“I started off brewing upstairs, like I told you, but I moved everything down here to that back room. The one Ellen used for storage.”
Castiel nodded, remembering the one late night they spent locked in that room, with Castiel pressing Dean up against the shelves. They broke a few jars that night. He blushed at the memory, and Dean winked.
He pushed open the door, chuckling as they entered. “No more shelves, as you can see.”
“Shame.”
Dean shook his head and turned to the silver tanks. Castiel could see a flush of pink on the back of Dean's neck and he was pleased by his reaction.
He listened as Dean explained how the brewing process worked, showed him the kegs and how they filled them each week once a new batch was done brewing. There was a white board and an erasable calendar on the wall, beer names and dates listed to help Dean keep track of what was brewing and the stage of the process it was in. Castiel was impressed. Dean had small glasses on the table, ready for tasting.
Castiel felt a little buzz building as they tried each beer. The last of his nerves melted away as they talked, and his smile came easier as they went. They were at the last tank and Castiel didn't want the tour to end.
Neither did Dean, it seemed. “I have one more thing to show you, this is the best part.” His eyes shone and Castiel thought he fell in love a little more right then. Watching Dean talk about his passion was intriguing.
Dean led Castiel out of the kitchen and to the side door. He held the door open for Castiel, then followed, pressing a hand to the small of Castiel’s back. The gesture was so familiar, it took Castiel a moment to realize it even happened. He stopped, and Dean's hand pressed into him. He looked over his shoulder, only to see Dean looking down at his hand, again perplexed about what happened.
“Where are we going?” Castiel hoped not acknowledging what happened would show Dean that it wasn't a big deal. It seemed to work. Dean shook his head as if to clear it, and strode along side Castiel as they walked.
“So, a year or two ago, when brewing on a bigger scale became a real possibility, I thought about expanding the bar. Me and Sam looked into it and the permits and the waiting time from the city would have taken forever; we heard horror stories. Anyways, after a little research, I found out that this big empty lot back here was actually owned by the city. We always assumed it was part of our lot. So Sam asked around—he's got friends at the mayor's office—and turns out, the city was willing to sell it, called it unclaimed land.”
Castiel nodded as he looked out across the lot. It looked like it had been recently leveled, the usual rocks and shrubs that had taken up residence there were gone.
“Long story short, this plot is mine. Got a great deal on a couple of unclaimed spaces, actually. You're looking at the future home of the Winchester Beer Company.”
Castiel gaped at him. Dean looked proud, and Castiel ached to hug him, hold him tightly and kiss him. It was physically painful stopping himself from doing so. “That is amazing, Dean. Congratulations. It's going to be a great success.”
“Do you want a tour?”
“But… there's nothing there.” Castiel was confused.
“Ah, but there will be. I know the layout by heart, come on.”
Dean guided Cas to the corner where the front doors would be. They walked through the tasting room where Dean planned to have daily tastings and tours available. Next was the game room that would have pool tables, darts, and tables for trivia night. “That's going to be the only thing like that over here.”
Castiel laughed.
Dean showed him the area that would house the tanks and the kegs, explaining they would have a large walk-in that would hold everything and a state of the art dispensing system. There would be office spaces and a break room as well. They walked through what Dean described as a grotto type area for the smokers, leading him to the furthest corner of the lot.
“I'm planning on putting a family space here, you know, somewhere we can all hang out. Big outdoor couches, a fire pit, bbq, smoker, kick ass sound system, the works. Probably tap a line or two out here for refills. Sounds awesome, right?”
Castiel smiled, hoping to hide his disappointment. “It sounds wonderful, Dean. I think everyone would enjoy something like that.”
“Me too. You can tell me if you enjoy it when it's all done.” Dean grinned as if he knew what Castiel was thinking. He expected Castiel's attendance.
They walked back to The Roadhouse, both trying to slow down time.
“I can't believe it's really happening. Of course, it won't be open until next summer or so, but I'm excited.”
“I'm sure everyone is thrilled, Dean.”
“Ha, yeah, about that. No one knows about it, actually. Except Sam, considering he's my business partner. I was waiting for the final approval on the plans before I told anyone.”
Castiel felt honored. “My lips are sealed.” He mimed zipping his lips and tossing the key. Dean laughed and shook his head.
“Thanks. Appreciate that.”
They reached the side door and Dean leaned against the Impala to look over the future site of his brewery. Castiel watched him.
“I've worked my ass off for this, you know? It was always just a dream and now it’s becoming a reality. I had put so much on hold… and then I realized one day I couldn't keep waiting…” Dean's voice grew soft, and Castiel drifted closer to him without realizing. Dean cut his gaze away from the lot and found Castiel staring.
“I couldn't wait anymore.” Dean's eyes pleaded with Castiel to understand. “I tried. I tried so hard.”
A deep ache bloomed in Castiel's chest. He took another step towards Dean; they were close enough now that they could reach out and touch.
“I know, Dean. You did the right thing.”
Dean dropped his head, sighing deeply. Castiel moved in anticipation of that next step, his only thought was to comfort Dean. The universe seemed to have other plans as the side door crashed open, Ash coming through the doorway, seemingly on a mission.
“Dean, man. Aaron called.”
Castiel blood ran cold as he stepped back and away from Dean, the moment crashing down around them. Dean's head snapped up, his features steeling themselves.
“When?”
“About ten minutes ago. I told him you were filling kegs but he wanted to talk to you and said he couldn't reach you on your cell. He sounded kinda pissed.”
“Thanks, Ash.”
Dean sighed again, something heavy and long this time. He dug his phone from his pocket to check his messages. His jaw clenched as he read through them.
Castiel turned away, not wanting to see Dean's smiling face turn into stone.
“He’s pissed I didn’t answer my phone.”
Castiel stiffened. “Did he know we were having lunch?” He didn’t want to come across as accusing but he also didn’t want to be a secret.
Dean ran a hand through his beard, tugging on it a little. A stray thought betrayed Castiel as he wondered what Dean's beard might feel like, rubbing against his skin.
“He knew. Hell, I told him to come over and he didn’t want to, said he had plans with his brother.” Dean shook his head. “He gets jealous easily, despite anything I say. I tried explaining that we were friends before so I don't know.”
“Dean, why didn’t you tell him the truth?” Castiel tilted his head in confusion. “I mean, it’s your business—of course—and I’m not angry, I just—I’m not completely comfortable with contributing to the lie.” He swallowed thickly. “I’m sorry, I don’t want to make things difficult—“
“Naw man, don’t apologize. I’m sorry, I don’t want you to be uncomfortable it’s just—our past is just that—ours, and I don’t really talk about it. I should have told him the truth already.” Dean looked at him and he could see the remorse in his eyes. “I’ll tell him, I will. Soon.”
“I’m not trying to force you or make you think our friendship is contingent on it. I just think it would be better for everyone.”
“You’re right.” Dean nodded, a small smile on his face. “You’re always right.”
“Hardly.” Castiel laughed.
“Did you still want to take that drive?”
He shook his head. “I think it’s time I get home.”
“Raincheck?” Dean looked hopeful.
“Of course, Dean.”
The smile he received was bright. “Awesome.”
Dean opened the side door to the bar, gesturing for Castiel to follow. He led him towards the front entrance and held the door open for him. Together they walked back outside and despite his choice to leave, he was still disappointed that their time together was over.
“So, next week…” Dean stumbled over his words. “Do you, uh, want to grab lunch or something? I'm not sure what your schedule looks like but mine is pretty flexible.”
“I'd like that, Dean. Thank you. I can text you my schedule, if you'd like.”
“Yeah, that would be great. Here, let me get your number.” Dean got his phone back out of his pocket, and Castiel rattled off his number. He felt his phone buzz in his pocket.
“There, sent you a text. Now you've got my number too.” His smile was blinding. “I can make pretty much any day work.”
“I'm thinking maybe Tuesday? I need to confirm but I can most likely make it work.”
Deans face dropped. “Oh, Mondays are no good?”
Castiel fought back a smile. “I teach my theoretical mathematics class that day, and I have open office hours as well. Kids are coming and going most of the day. I'm lucky if I get a break to eat.”
Dean grinned. “Tuesday then. Just let me know, ok?”
Castiel nodded, his heart beating out of his chest at Dean's enthusiasm. He swallowed as Dean approached him, placing his hand on Castiel's shoulder and squeezing gently. “Thanks for coming by today. And for talking some sense to me. I hope you had a good time.”
“I did, thank you. The burgers were delicious and the beer was great. I appreciate the invite.”
“Anytime, Cas.” Dean released him, scuffing him on the cheek before taking a step towards the car door.
Castiel stood there in disbelief. In all their conversations, Dean had continued to use his full name and it grated on his nerves. Hearing the nickname Dean gave him, knowing how it sounds when Dean moaned it, and hearing it again now from Dean's aged voice almost pushed Cas off the edge.
With a shaky hand, he pulled the key out, dropping it once before managing to unlock the door. Dean pulled the driver door open again, smiling as Castiel climbed in. He had to take a deep breath to focus as Dean shut the door, knocking on the glass once he was done. Castiel pushed the button to roll down the window.
“Don't forget, send me that schedule. I know a good BBQ place we can hit up.”
“Of course, Dean. I'll do that tonight.”
“Awesome. Have a good one, Cas.”
Castiel wasn't sure how he got home. It was like he blinked and was suddenly in his driveway. He sat for a moment, replaying the day's events. He thought he might be in shock before he pulled his phone out, remembering Dean had texted him. His hands shook a little as he opened the message.
It was a picture message, a picture of Dean smiling behind the bar. The text that came with it read 'just in case you need a contact picture’ with a winking emoji. Castiel laughed at the very thought that Dean used emojis at all. He saved the picture and set it as Dean's contact photo.
He sat back in his truck as he thanked whatever greater power was involved with the way the day had gone. Castiel couldn't have hoped for a better outcome.
He hurried inside to check his schedule and call Baz to give him the play by play like he promised.
Chapter Text
The smell of coffee woke him. Dean loved mornings when Castiel picked up coffee after his morning run. He'd shower quickly, then get back into bed with him. With fresh coffee and his naked boyfriend wrapped around him, what more could anyone ask for?
That morning, Cas smelled like cinnamon and brown sugar. He must have used the scrub Dean bought him last week.
“Mmmmm, Cas. Smells like pie.”
“Yeah?” Dean was the little spoon, and Castiel kissed his back, running his tongue across his shoulders and nipping lightly at Dean's skin.
Dean rolled over, settling himself in Cas’ arms. He burrowed his face into the curve of Cas’ neck and breathed deeply. “Yeah, baby.” Dean latched his mouth onto Cas’ skin, sucking gently, dragging his tongue up and down the line of Cas’ throat. “Taste so good, too.”
Castiel tipped Dean's chin and brought Dean’s lips up to his, consuming his mouth. Dean moaned, hooking his leg around Castiel’s hip, grinding them together. Castiel continued his onslaught on Dean's mouth, licking deeply into him, swallowing Dean’s every moan. He pushed Dean down, slid down his body, kissed Dean’s tattoo, left a trail of bites and soothing kisses, and worked his way down to Dean's hips.
He dragged himself lower, taking Dean's boxer briefs with him as he went. Cas spread Dean's legs open, trailing his open mouth along the fine hair on Dean's thighs, his hot breath making Dean’s cock jump. Castiel nosed at the crease of Dean's thighs, breathing in his clean scent, dragging the tip of his tongue across Dean's balls and higher, licking a long stripe up Dean's length.
“God, Cas, your mouth…”
“Mmmm what about it?” Castiel continued to lick along the length of Dean's cock.
Dean sat up on his elbows to watch Cas work over his cock. “Ah, fuck.” Cas looked up at him through his lashes, his mouth drawing higher. “You need to come with a fucking warning label.” Dean dropped his body back onto the mattress.
Castiel burst out laughing. Dean groaned and threw his arm over his eyes. He twisted in the sheets, canting his hips upward, and whined, “Cas, please.”
“What do you want, Dean?”
“You, babe. Your mouth. Fuck, please!”
“Well, since you asked nicely.” Castiel sucked Dean down without warning, and Dean cried out. Castiel hollowed out his cheeks as he sucked up and down Dean's length, taking a little more each time. His mouth was hot, and he worked his tongue against the sensitive spot below the head of Dean's cock.
Dean moaned loudly when the tip of his cock brushed against the back of Castiel's throat. Cas swallowed around him, and he gripped Cas’ hair with both hands, pulling lightly. Castiel pulled off, gripping his dick at the base.
“Harder, Dean.”
Dean's head snapped up, mouth open in surprise.
“My hair, Dean. Pull it harder.”
Dean's eyes rolled back into his head as Cas swallowed him back down, sucking Dean all the way into his mouth. Dean dug his fingers into Cas’ thick hair, gripping tight and pulling it hard. Cas’ moan vibrated around him as he fucked up into Castiel's throat.
“Cas… baby…” Dean hissed and pulled Cas’ hair again. “I'm gonna come baby, can I? God, don't stop.”
Castiel hummed and caught Dean's eyes, slowing down to nod slightly, making it clear what he wanted. He gripped Dean's wrists and held tight as Dean groaned, the permission to come granted. He spilled down Cas’ throat and Cas took every drop, licking and mouthing at his dick as he rode out his orgasm. Castiel nuzzled at Dean's thigh, dropping feathery kisses as he went. Dean let go of his hair and ran his fingers through it, rubbing his scalp lightly.
Castiel crawled up Dean's body, resting on his stomach as he kissed into Dean's mouth. Dean licked greedily, loving the taste of himself on Cas’ tongue.
Castiel pulled back, a smile on his face. “Happy anniversary, Dean.”
Dean pulled him close again, cupping his face in his hands. He kissed Cas softly, pressing their foreheads together. “Happy anniversary, sweetheart.” Dean wrapped his arms around Cas, and he melted into Dean. “How much time do we have for me to return the favor?” He kissed the top of Cas’ shoulder.
“None, I'm afraid. We're already cutting it close as it is.” Castiel sat up and stretched, the long lines of his back making Dean crazy. The sheet pooled at his waist, and Dean reached out to stroke Cas’ bare skin. He slid his fingers up and down Castiel's spine, making him shiver.
“We could just stay here all day, I mean, if you want.” He pushed his thumbs into the hard muscles of Cas’ back, kneading softly.
“Mmmmm, that feels so good.” Cas pressed back into his touch. “I'd love to stay in bed, but we both have tests today.” He pointed at their whiteboard. Dean Calc test! and Cas English test! was listed under Thursday, closely followed by Anniversary dinner.
“Ugh, gross. Fine. But we're havin’ lunch and you're meetin’ me back here at six for dinner.”
“Yes, Dean.” Cas twisted down and kissed Dean before climbing out of bed. He stumbled over to the closets and pulled out clothes for both of them. He tossed Dean a pair of shorts as he pulled his own on, pulling two T-shirts from their stacks.
“Do you want The Killers or—” Cas shook out the other t-shirt. “Uh, Jayhawks tee?”
Dean grinned. “Killers. That other one is one of my warm up shirts. You can wear that one.”
Castiel turned it over in his hands. It had Winchester and Dean's number 67 on the back. He rolled his eyes at Dean. Dean just smiled like the cat that caught the canary.
Cas pulled the shirt on, turning his back towards Dean and looking over his shoulder. “Look ok?” He arched an eyebrow at Dean.
“If you expect to get to that test, you better stop lookin’ at me like that, Cas.” Dean jumped out of bed and gathered Cas in his arms. He squeezed his ass, lifting him slightly off the floor. “Fucking love you baby. Look so good in my shirt.” He bit lightly at Cas’ neck. “I don't even need to leave a mark, everyone will know you're mine with that on.”
“Oh my god, you're impossible. We need to go before I change my mind about staying here.”
They were still laughing as the made their way out of the building, parting ways with a kiss.
***
Dean wanted to take Castiel to a nice dinner in Kansas City but Cas wouldn't hear it. He asked Dean to take him to dinner at The Roadhouse instead, insisting it was much more their style. Dean ditched his last class of the day and went over to the bar early, preparing burgers and fries for them. He had a few surprises lined up, and cooking Cas dinner was at the top of that list.
Castiel laughed when Dean dragged him into the kitchen, tied an apron around his waist, and put him in charge of the french fries. They ended up extra crispy but that's how Cas liked them. They ate their dinner in their booth and toasted their year together before heading out for the rest of their date.
Dean loved looking over and seeing Castiel riding next to him in the Impala. They were cruising, windows down, letting the summer wind fill the car and ruffle Cas’ hair. The sun was setting and the car glowed with golden light. They had one more stop before heading back to their room.
Dean pulled down the unmarked driveway, the Impala rolling over the divots. Castiel grinned when he saw where they were going.
“I love this place, Dean.”
“I love you .”
They sat on the hood of the Impala and watched the sun set, Castiel wrapped in Dean's arms. They kissed, lightly, slowly, vowing to come to this place they considered theirs every year.
Dean drove them back to school, holding Cas’ hand the entire way. He held it after he opened the Impala door to let Cas out, held it as they walked up the stairs, occasionally stopping to press each other into the railings, kissing and grinding against one another. Cas was dragging him to their room, and Dean tugged on his hand.
“Sweetheart, slow down, come here.” Dean pulled Cas' into his embrace, wrapping his arms around Castiel’s waist from behind. He walked them to their door, holding Cas against it, grinding his hips into Cas' ass. Cas groaned quietly against the wood. Dean unlocked the door and squeezed Cas tighter.
“Open the door, Cas.” He whispered, feather light lips against Castiel's ear.
Cas pushed the door open and gasped. Almost every available surface in the room was covered in candles. The room glowed, orange and inviting.
“Dean? How did you?”
“Paid a couple of girls across the floor to do it. Cost me a pack of wine coolers. Do you like it?”
“It's perfect.”
Dean pushed them inside, closing and locking the door behind them. He pressed a kiss to the place behind Castiel's ear.
“Go get comfortable, baby. I'll be right there.”
Cas looked at him, confused, as Dean slipped into the bathroom. He stripped down, grabbed his guitar he had stashed in there earlier, and opened the door. Castiel was sprawled out on their bed, clad only in his white boxers, hands behind his head, legs wide. His blue eyes widened at the sight of Dean: naked and strumming his guitar, walking towards their bed. He grinned and started playing Queen's “You're my Best Friend.”
Whatever this world can give to me, it's you, you're all I see.
Castiel laughed, his eyes shining in the candlelight, flickers of shadows playing across his tan skin. Dean had never seen anything so beautiful.
Dean sang, laughing as Cas joined in.
Oh you're the best friend, that I've ever had.
He stood next to the bed and Cas got to his knees in front of him.
You're my sunshine and I want you to know, that my feelings are true, I really love you.
They were both smiling wide as they traded kisses.
Oh, you're my best friend.
Cas pulled the guitar from Dean's hands, leaning over to place it gently against the wall. He pulled Dean to him, running his hands up and down Dean's abs and sides, hands full. Dean's hands had a mind of their own as they roamed Cas’ body. He thanked God Cas was a dedicated runner, his lean body firm under Dean's palms. He pulled Cas closer, hands sliding over the globes of Castiel's ass, pushing down those annoying boxers that separated Dean's skin from Castiel's. Dean took him in his hand, stroking slowly. Cas’ breath hitched.
“Did you like your song, Cas?
“Ah, Dean, y-yes. Yes, I loved it. Oh, so good." He sucked his breath in and pressed himself against Dean.
Dean kissed lazily across Castiel's shoulders, while Castiel licked and sucked at his neck, ran hands up and down his back, and stopped to squeeze his ass. Dean moaned appreciatively.
“Cas?” Dean whispered into Cas’ skin, his voice hesitant. “Hey, sweetheart? Can I… do you think…”
“Use your words, Dean.” Castiel hadn't stopped his assault on Dean's neck, lips moving up and down slowly.
Dean heaved a sigh and pressed his lips to Cas’ ear. “I want you, Cas. I want you inside me.”
Castiel froze. Dean’s gut lurched, thinking for sure he’d said the wrong thing, that Cas wasn't ready, that he had taken things too far. They hadn’t gone this far together, but they talked about it. Extensively. Even though they were exclusive, they got tested regularly. They had gotten close many times but Dean was waiting specifically for tonight, planning to make it special.
“Cas, I—if you don't want to…” Dean buried his face in Cas’ hair.
“Fuck, Dean, yes. I want to, I want you.” Cas sounded utterly wrecked, and Dean pulled them apart to study his face. Cas’ eyes were lust-blown and filled with hunger. He took the hint and crushed their mouths together, licking and biting at Cas’ lower lip. Cas whimpered against his open mouth as Dean pushed him down onto the bed, straddling his hips.
“Fuck, Cas, you're so beautiful. I want you so bad baby. Want to ride you.” He dropped himself on top of Cas, caging his arms around Castiel head, sliding his fingers into his hair and gripping tight. A guttural moan escaped Cas’ lips and Dean thought he might come just from that sound alone.
Dean let go of Cas’ hair and slid a hand under the pillow where he had stashed the lube before they left. He sat up, grinding his hips down as he rocked their bodies together. Cas gripped his hips, guiding Dean as he moved, his fingers tight. Dean knew he'd have his fair share of bruises in the morning and he couldn't wait.
Castiel surged forward, pressing his knees up and spreading them wide, pulling Dean's legs further apart. He grabbed the lube and popped the cap one handed. Dean leaned back against his thighs as Cas coated his fingers. With his other hand, he hooked Dean around the back of the neck, and pulled him to his chest.
“I'm going to open you up, baby. Relax for me.” Cas’ breath was hot against Dean's skin, and he shuddered as he wrapped his arms around Cas’ neck. He mouthed along Cas’ collarbone, gasping when the first of Cas’ fingers touched him gently, pushing until it slipped past the ring of muscle. He sighed, feeling himself relax as Cas kissed him, pushing deeper and then slowly drawing his finger back out. They kissed deeply as Cas continued sliding his finger in and out of Dean until he was sure Dean was ready for a second one.
Dean moaned into Castiel's mouth as he added a second finger, pumping slowly, scissoring his fingers gently.
“You're doing so well for me, baby. Feels good?”
Dean could only nod, unable to form words. He felt heat building between them as he whined against Cas’ skin.
“Are you ready, my love?”
“Yes, Cas, please! I'm ready.” Dean was panting with want.
Castiel slipped his fingers out, adding more lube to his hands and slicking himself up. He guided himself to Dean's rim, pressing gently, slipping inside. He held Dean's hips firmly, guiding him down, stopping occasionally to allow Dean to adjust to the sensation.
“Ok? If we need to stop, please tell me.”
“No, no. Don't stop. Oh my god, Cas. You feel so good.”
“Ahh, Dean… you're so tight, so hot. You feel amazing. You're perfect. So perfect.”
Dean dropped his head back as he settled his hips down, Castiel pressed all the way inside him. He stilled, allowing his body to adjust to Cas’ size. Dean kissed Cas and pushed him gently to lay back again. He lifted his hips, sliding up Cas’ cock and down again. Dean bit his lip as he watched a flush spread down Cas’ chest, his eyes locked on Dean as Dean rolled his hips, starting slowly at first but quickly gaining speed.
Dean was getting close, and he sank down to kiss Cas, licking deeply into his mouth. Cas slipped his hand between their bodies and gripped Dean's cock. Feeling Cas’ hand wrapping around him made him shudder, the heat in his belly burning hotter.
“Gonna come, Cas, please.”
Castiel jerked him faster, sliding his hand up and down, swiping his thumb over the head as he went. “Come, Dean.”
The gravelly sound of Castiel's permission pushed Dean over the edge, soaking the space between them with his release. He cried out against Cas’ mouth, and Cas soothed him with soft kisses. Dean's body relaxed as Castiel continued to move.
Dean wanted Cas to come, wanted to be full of him, and he murmured Cas’ name over and over, urging Cas on. He slid his hand up into Cas’ hair and pulled, exposing Cas’ neck. He latched onto the curve, sucking and licking, his mouth moving up to tug at Cas’ earlobe. “Come, baby. Want to feel you come inside me.”
Castiel groaned and pulled Dean closer, holding him tightly as he fell apart. Dean felt the heat, felt himself grow even more full. He released Cas’ hair and trailed soft kisses across Cas’ cheeks, leading a trail to his mouth. They kissed, arms around each other as their bodies relaxed.
“I love you, Dean. So much.”
“Love you too, sweetheart.”
***
Summer flew by much too quick; Cas took another trip to Europe with his father, returning with a few boxes of Dean's new favorite candy. They were well into their Junior year, and with each passing day, the pressure was mounting, senior year looming. His team was trying hard to make the finals, and the expectation to bring home a championship and only having one more year to do it stressed Dean out.
Dean was having a shitty week. He'd missed an easy pop up, effectively losing the game for his team. He was benched for the next game and coach made him run 3 extra miles the day before. The extra practice meant he couldn't study for his chemistry test, and the result had been a failing grade. It was too close to finals for that kind of shit, and Dean had a GPA to maintain to keep his scholarship. To top it all off, it was hot as hell and the AC in their building was on the fritz. Their RA said it was going to be fixed, but the general mood of their floor was unpleasant.
Dean stomped up the stairs, looking forward to grabbing a cold bottle of water from the kitchen. However, on par with his shitty week, the fridge was empty. He slammed the door shut and stalked back to their room.
His eyes swept the room as he pushed the door open, and scowled as he catalogued all the shit on the floor: running shoes with dirty socks hanging out of them, piles of clothes, a half empty bottle of lube peeking out from under the bed, two empty coffee cups on the bedside table and three on the desk, a half eaten bagel keeping them company.
Dean narrowed his eyes and threw his bag onto the unmade bed. Castiel wouldn't be home for at least another hour, which gave Dean an hour to stew and rage-clean. He gathered all the clothes and stuffed them in the hamper, stomped around with a trash bag, and threw everything away, never mind what it was or if it needed to be kept. He continued, finally reaching the bathroom which presented its own set of issues.
When Castiel got home, Dean was sitting on the bed, arms crossed, staring blankly at his laptop in an attempt to study for his make-up chemistry test.
“Hello, Dean.” Dean pointedly ignored Cas. “You cleaned up? Dean?”
“What does it look like to you? Think your clothes will put themselves in the hamper?”
Castiel looked taken aback. He cleared his throat. “Um, no? I appreciate you doing that.” Castiel took a tentative step forward. “Are you upset with me?”
“What gave it away?”
Castiel shrugged. “I didn't think it was that bad. I don’t know why you’re freaking out.” He kicked off his shoes into the corner of the room.
Dean's eyes finally snapped up to Castiel's. “Really? Seriously, Cas? That worries me because when I got home today, this place was trashed. I live here too you know, would it kill you to throw a cup away?”
Castiel glared, threw his bag down, and pulled off his waistcoat. He looked Dean in the eye as he tossed it towards the bed, barely flicking his wrist, knowing the clothes would fall to the floor, and tipped his chin in defiance.
Dean growled and pushed himself off the bed. He grabbed the vest, balled it up, and walked to the hamper, holding Cas’ stare as he dropped it in.
“Did that look hard to you? Because it wasn't.”
Castiel rolled his eyes. “Damn, I should have taken notes.”
“Do you need an instruction manual? Not Being a Slob For Dummies ?”
Castiel's eyes turned to slits. “A slob? You're calling me a slob? Because you're so perfect right, Dean?”
“What's that supposed to mean?”
“Do you think it's easy to live with such a control freak? Sometimes messes are ok. There are much bigger problems to be had.”
“Ok, so, it's bad that I want our room to be clean? That makes a lot of sense. And you think I'm a control freak? That’s fuckin perfect, wow.”
“What? It's true. You want everything a certain way and it's exhausting.”
“Oh, now I'm exhausting? Kind of like when you whine over every single test you have to study for? As if any of this is difficult for you. Talk about exhausting.” Dean paced in the small space, frustrated he didn't have more room. He wanted to throw something, smash something, his stress causing his anger to spiral, the heat turning his irritability up even quicker.
“Give me a break, Dean. You flunk one stupid test, a test you get to make up, I might add, and it’s the end of the world. Maybe if you put as much time into studying as you do baseball, you wouldn’t have this problem.” Castiel stood defiant, eyebrow raised, going for the cheap shot.
Dean laughed bitterly. “Ok, Cas, sure. Because if I study more, my grades will be great but if I miss baseball to do it and I get cut, then where will I be? No baseball means no scholarship which means I don’t get to finish college. So tell me Cas, since you’re so smart, what should I do?” Dean glared at him as he paced. “We don’t all have a Daddy that pays for everything.”
If Cas wanted to hit him with a cheap shot, he was ready with his own. He saw Castiel flinch and thought for a split second he might have gone too far. Cas hated when anyone assumed he was only at KU because his father got him there. Dean knew that wasn’t true, but he was too pissed to give a damn.
“Fuck you, Dean. I work my ass off to be here and you know it. I'm no idiot, I'm not going to turn down the opportunity to not have student loans the rest of our lives ok? If my father wants to pay for my schooling, I'll let him.”
“Well that's just not a luxury we all have, Cas. Keep that in mind the next time you think I'm playing too much baseball or whatever the fuck it is you think I'm doing.” Dean ran his hands through his hair in frustration. “Not to mention, when I'm not fucking around on the field, I'm stuck at work serving beers to drunk co-eds and alcoholics! So the last damn thing I want to do when I get home is pick up your shit.”
“This is such a waste of time, I swear. No one asked you to pick up any of my things, Dean. I'm perfectly capable of cleaning up after myself.”
“That so? Ok then. Tell you what, I won't pick up your shit ever again, Cas. In fact, let me go ahead and put things back just as they were, since you don't need anyone to clean up after you.”
With that, Dean ripped back the covers on the bed he had made. He stomped to the hamper and dumped it out, holding it up and looking at Cas while he did it. He didn't give a damn if it was juvenile. If Cas thought he could clean up after himself, fine by him. He could do whatever he wanted now.
“Oh my god, now who's being dramatic? You're making a way bigger mess than what was here Dean. I'm not cleaning up after your tantrum, that shit can stay there forever for all I care.” Castiel crossed his arms over his chest in frustration.
“It probably will, if I don't pick it up!”
Castiel sighed. “I really don't have the time or the patience for your bullshit tonight. I have lessons to plan and five chapters to read for one of my classes, but you don't give a damn about that. No, time stops when Dean Winchester has to throw an epic tantrum.”
Dean glared and went back to his pacing.
“Damn it, can you sit down?” Castiel ran his hands through his hair. “You’re driving me crazy.”
“That so? Well, let me do you a favor and get out of your hair. I'm not interested in hearing you cry about your lit test tomorrow, anyways.” Dean slammed his laptop shut and shoved it into his bag, stuffing his chem book on top of it.
“I don't cry over tests, Dean. That's absurd. You're being ridiculous.”
“Yup, sure am, Cas. Ridiculous, annoying, dramatic, exhausting, and I just found out my boyfriend thinks I'm some kind of child who throws tantrums.” Dean ticked each thing off on his fingers. “Anything else you want to get off your chest while you're at it?”
Castiel stared at him coolly, eyes drifting up and down. He sat down at his desk and opened his computer. “No, I think I'll save a few things for the next time we do this. Wouldn't want to spoil a good time.”
“Oh yeah? Well, let me make this easy for you. Let's just avoid a next time, how bout that? I'm outta here.”
Dean grabbed his bag and stopped only to stuff a change of clothes inside. He looked at Cas one last time before walking out. Cas sat rigidly in his desk chair, his back to Dean. He huffed and stomped out of the room, slamming the door behind him.
He ignored the dirty looks from people in the hall as he made his way out of the building. Dean stopped by the housing office, stalking up to the admin, a scowl on his face.
Becky held up a room transfer form before he could ask for one. “You know the speech, Dean. If you want a new roommate, please fill this out and allow 1-2 weeks for review.”
“Slip this one to the top of the pile, Becky. He's really lost it this time. Calling me a control freak. Me!”
Becky sighed and nodded. “I'll see what I can do for you.”
He finished signing the form and slid it over. “Good. Tell that computer I want someone who will pick up his fucking clothes this time.”
Dean spun on his heel and pushed his way out of the building.
Dean scowled all the way to the Roadhouse. Cas thought he was a control freak? Because he liked things a certain way? What a load of crap. Dean didn't throw epic tantrums. He thought that was rich coming from a guy who complained about free trips to Europe every summer.
He went straight to his old room when he arrived, ignoring the looks from Ellen as he passed. Sam tried to talk to him, but didn't get far with Dean snapping. Sam brought him a plate of leftover meatloaf anyways.
Dean barely slept a wink. He caught a pillow to the face sometime around one in the morning.
“Stop fucking moving around, Dean. I have to get up early for class tomorrow!”
Dean muttered an apology, grabbed his pillow, and went to the couch. He fell into it face first, scowling because it smelled like Cas. They stayed over a few days before, and his scent was embedded into the cushions. He rolled over and tried to sleep.
***
Dean woke up the next morning alone. It took him a second to get oriented, remembering his fight with Cas and groaning at the kink in his neck. He rolled over, propping his head under one arm, thinking about how stupid he was.
He took inventory of the state he found himself in: stiff neck, no coffee, his devastatingly handsome boyfriend not wrapped around him like an octopus; if he still even had a boyfriend to miss. He thought about the stupid shit he had said to Cas last night. If he could punch himself in the face, he would. In the light of day, he realized he really didn’t give a shit about the mess, being a little disorganized was just part of what made Cas who he was. Just like Dean liked things tidy and clean. It just was, and Cas had always accepted Dean’s eccentric ways.
Dean felt like an idiot. He reached for his pants, pulling his phone out. He had apologies to make and a lot to make up for. Checking his phone, he found no missed calls or texts from Cas and that worried him. Any other time they’ve had dumb blow out fights, Cas always called to tell him to come home. Dean couldn’t help but think that maybe, finally, Cas had gotten sick of his shit. The thought made his blood run cold.
He pushed himself off the couch and headed towards the bathroom, slipping in right as Sam was coming out of their room.
“Damn it! Don’t you have your own bathroom to shower in? I can’t be late today!”
“Easy, Sasquatch, I’ll only be a few minutes!”
“Hurry up, Dean!”
Dean took the fastest shower of his life, and threw on the clothes he’d brought. He ran a quick hand through his wet hair and left the bathroom, sticking his head in Sam’s room to tell him he was done. Sam glared and pushed past him, stomping towards the bathroom.
“Better hope Cas forgives you for whatever you did this time, Dean. There’s no way you’re moving back in my room.”
“Shut the hell up, Sammy. Mind your business.”
The bathroom door slammed in response, and another door down the hall flew open.
“Would you two idjits shut up! Some of us are tryin’ to sleep!” Bobby glared at Dean from the doorway in his boxers and a t-shirt, hair every which way.
Dean ducked his head and waved in apology. “Sorry, Bobby, I’m goin’.” He glanced sideways towards the door. “Sorry Ellen!” He heard a muffled “S’ok baby! Have a good day!” before the door slammed shut after another glare from Bobby.
He walked quietly past the other bedroom door, thankful Jo could sleep through pretty much anything after growing up listening to him and Sam fight. Dean checked his phone again, still nothing from Cas. He sighed and long pressed the number one button, his speed dial for Cas.
The call went straight to voicemail.
Dean’s breath hitched again. Cas never had his phone off, even in class. Even when he was tutoring, he would always text Dean back and call him once he could. He thought of all the stupid things he said to Cas as he gathered his stuff. He regretted the jab about his father the most. Dean of all people knew how sensitive Cas was about that. Cas hated feeling like he lived under his father’s thumb, it was the reason he tutored, even though he didn’t have to. Dean knew it was Cas’ way of being defiant. Going against his father’s wishes was incredibly hard for him to do, and Dean had watched him struggle with it their entire relationship. Dean felt like a real shit for using it against Cas.
He ran down the stairs, intent on grabbing coffee for both of them to start his apology tour, needing to catch Cas before he left for his morning class. He pushed his way out of the building, stopping short at the sight of Cas, leaning against the Impala, two cups of coffee in his hands and a sheepish look on his face. Dean had to do a double take because he couldn’t believe Cas was there.
“Cas? What the hell? How did you get here?”
“I got a ride from Inias. Ran into him at the coffee shop and he offered. I was about to walk but…” Castiel trailed off.
Dean approached him slowly, unsure if Cas wanted him close or not. “That’s crazy Cas, it’s too far to walk.”
“I had to come Dean, I needed to see you and have this conversation face to face.” He held out one of the coffee cups. Dean took it, using the opportunity to step even closer to Cas. He took a sip, letting the coffee warm him. He tried to push down the sick feeling in his stomach and brace himself for what was coming.
Castiel was done with him, done with them. Last night was the final straw and Cas was there to break up with him. Because Castiel was a good man, and even if he didn’t love Dean anymore, he still respected him enough to do it face to face.
“Dean, I—I’m so sorry for the way I acted last night. I said things I didn’t mean and I know I hurt you. The truth is, you’re the hardest worker I know. Between school, baseball, and work…” Cas swallowed thickly. “You’re a wonderful man and implying otherwise, even when I’m angry, isn’t fair to you. I would respect your decision if you said you wanted to end our relationship.” Cas dropped his head down and seeing him like that broke Dean’s heart. He closed the gap between them and cupped one of Cas’s cheeks in his hand, tilting Cas’ face up to stare into his eyes. Dean stroked his thumb gently over Cas’s cheekbone.
“No Cas, you don’t owe me an apology, ok? I said some really stupid shit too, and I over reacted about the mess. I’m sorry, sweetheart.” He tipped their foreheads together. “I’m just—I’m stressed out over some shit and I saw the mess and I took it out on you, and I shouldn’t have done that. I’m sorry.” Dean kissed Cas softly. Cas’ breath hitched as their lips pressed together. ”I’m so sorry, I honestly didn’t mean what I said.”
“Dean, if you’re stressed out, you need to talk to me. I might be able to help you, or at least let you vent. It’s my job as your boyfriend to help you with whatever I can.”
“I know sweetheart, I just don’t want to worry you. You’ve got enough on your plate, you don’t need my drama too.”
“Dean.” Castiel’s voice dropped as he gripped Dean tighter and pressed a firm kiss to his lips. “I’m serious. We’re in this together, ok? I will do anything to make sure you’re happy, and if you don’t tell me what is going on, things like last night happen. So please, talk to me.”
Dean sighed against Castiel’s lips. “You’re right, you’re always right. And you take the best care of me.” He pressed a kiss to Cas’ forehead. “Can we just go home? You’ve got your lit test and I have to make up that stupid chem test, and then we can talk?”
“I think that’s a great idea.” Cas laced their open hands together. “I already emailed my teachers that I wouldn’t be in class today, and I rescheduled my evening students so we can spend the day together after first period.”
Dean pulled back, surprised. Cas hated missing classes. Dean could count on one hand how many times he’d done it. “Really? You gonna ditch class for me, Cas?” Dean teased. “You rebel.”
Cas rolled his eyes, smiling. “Shut up and get in the car, Dean.”
Dean laughed as he opened the door for Cas, smiling as he slipped into the driver’s seat. He felt like a weight had been lifted from his chest, relieved that he was wrong about Cas wanting to end things. Dean climbed into the car to find Cas sitting in the middle of the seat. He slipped himself under Dean’s arm and settled in, ready to go. Dean grinned as he drove them back to school.
“Oh shit, Cas. Um, we need to stop at the housing office really quick.”
Castiel pulled back, giving him a side eye. “You didn’t. Dean!”
Dean stifled a laugh. “I might have. Don’t worry, Becky will pull it. She always does.”
“She hates us, Dean. We said we weren’t going to do that anymore.” Castiel was laughing, his shoulders shaking under Dean’s arm.
“We’ll stop and grab her a latte before we get there.”
***
Castiel smirked when they arrived at the housing office while Becky rolled her eyes at them, assuring Dean she hadn’t filed his request yet and asking them both to sleep on it next time. They both agreed and apologized, laughing as they left the building.
They met up again at the coffee shop after first period, both of them needing another cup after their sleepless nights. They walked back to their room together, and Dean was ready to crawl into bed for a nap.
“The coffee isn’t cutting it. I’m so fuckin’ tired. I don’t know how you’ve been sleepin’ on that couch, it’s so uncomfortable. I don’t think my neck will ever be the same.”
“You’ve slept on that couch with me.”
“That’s different. You make the best pillow.” He pulled Cas to him to nuzzle his neck. Cas unlocked their door, pushing it open so Dean could walk in. “I need our memory foam—“ Dean stopped short when he looked around the room.
Cas had cleaned the entire room from top to bottom. There were no clothes on the floor, their bed was made, their desks organized. It even smelled clean. Dean was in shock, he didn’t think their room had been this clean since they moved in. He turned to Cas who grinned.
“You cleaned?”
“Believe it or not, I do know how.” Castiel’s eyes twinkled. “I even did all our laundry.”
“You braved the student laundromat?” Dean’s eyes widened. “‘Holy shit, you are sorry!”
“I even washed the sheets! What a pain in the ass that was.”
“So does that mean we can’t—” Dean pulled Cas to him. “Get them dirty?” He kissed Cas deeply, loving the feeling of Cas in his arms, feeling Cas’ heartbeat fast against his chest and knowing he did that to him. God, he was so relieved to be there with Cas wrapped around him. Dean never wanted him to let go.
Chapter Text
It had been a crazy morning. Castiel had spent his time after first period with students treating his office door like a revolving door, sometimes one or two students even waited outside for their turn. He was on his third cup of coffee, and his stomach was growling. He glanced at the clock as one of his students, Alex Mills, went on about last weeks exam and how she did. She scored ninety-seven out of a hundred, and was genuinely worried about those three points.
Castiel assured her it was fine, that having a perfect score didn’t matter in the long run. He let her know she could make up the points on the next exam if she completed the extra credit.
While he felt like he wasn’t the expert on being successful, he still wanted his kids to enjoy college and not worry too much about perfect scores and high grades. It worried him that the best and brightest that KU had to offer were also the most stressed and hard-working overachievers. He had seen students like this burn themselves out.
Castiel let Alex lose her steam, ushering her out of his office, consoling her with the offer to come up with even more extra credit work she could do.
“Thanks Professor, I really appreciate it.”
“Anytime, Alex. You’re brilliant, don’t stop believing that based on three points ok? Come see me later in the week and I’ll have that assignment ready for you.” Castiel smiled warmly at her. “Can you send in my next victim?”
Alex sized up whoever was sitting outside his office. She raised an eyebrow at him.
“KU has some hot students. Enjoy your next appointment.” She wiggled her eyebrows and addressed the student sitting there. “Professor Novak will see you now.” She was giggling as she walked away.
Castiel frowned, stood halfway, and cleared his throat. “Come on in!”
Watching Dean walk through his office door was the very last thing Castiel could have imagined. Castiel looked Dean up and down. He was wearing brown boots, skinny, dark washed jeans, a dark brown henley with the buttons open, and a cream colored sweater over it, zipped halfway up. His hair was perfectly tousled, his beard neatly trimmed, and Castiel had to shake his head a few times to clear it. Dean had been effortlessly sexy since the day they met.
Castiel stood up quickly, his chair rolling into the wall behind him with a clatter. “Dean? What are you doing here? How did you know I’d be in my office?”
Dean gave him an easy, lazy smile as he leaned against the doorway. He held up a plastic bag. “You said you had office hours today and that you barely ever have time to eat on Mondays so, I thought I’d drop off lunch. Still like gumbo?”
Castiel’s stomach growled and he blushed. Dean laughed. “Think I’ll take that as a yes.” He sauntered into the room, dropping the bag on the corner of Castiel’s desk. He looked around the office, walking over to the shelf, running his eyes over the books and reading the titles. “I was over in OP this morning, meeting with a vendor, and I remembered what you said about Mondays. Stopped by Benny’s and picked up some grub to go.” Dean picked up a paperweight in the shape of baseball. It was a gift from Baz for his new office. Dean tossed it from one hand to the other before putting it back down. “He put enough in there for two, if you don’t mind some company.” Dean turned, his expression hopeful.
Castiel flushed, nodding in agreement. “Yes, I think I can take time for lunch. Let me hang my out of office sign on the door. It’s ok if I lock us in?” He turned to the door, afraid to see Dean’s reaction. “Otherwise a student will definitely try to join us. No one ever reads the sign.” Castiel laughed lightly.
“Yeah, sure, that’s fine.” Dean was back to looking at the bookshelf. He ran his fingers over the picture frames. There was one of Castiel and Gabriel in front of the Statue of Liberty, another of him and his father on graduation day. There was one of Castiel, Baz, and Meg on New Year's Eve in Times Square. Castiel was tucked under one of Balthazar’s arm’s, Meg under the other and they were all smiling as confetti fell around them. It was a happy memory for Castiel. Dean’s fingers lingered on the frame and Castiel cleared his throat. Dean pulled his hand back like he had been burned.
“New Year’s, 2013. We did the tourist thing and it was as bad as we imagined. Way too many people.” Castiel unpacked the bag Dean brought after clearing his desk.
“This is your friend? You said his name was Balthazar?” Dean left the bookshelf to take a seat in one of the open chairs.
Castiel sat in the chair next to him. “Yes, that’s Baz and next to him is Meg. She’s… a very interesting person. And by interesting, I mean slightly insane.” Castiel smiled fondly. “Baz met her at one of the bars by our apartment, and she kind of took to him. We haven’t been able to shake her. She took my room when I moved out and she’s currently driving Baz crazy.”
“Do you miss them? Miss New York?” Dean served the gumbo and popped open two cokes. He took a bite and waited for Castiel’s answer.
“I do miss them, especially when I first moved back. But I’m feeling more settled now, and Baz and I have gotten into the routine of Facetiming at least once or twice a week. As for the city, no, I don’t miss the city. It was always too fast paced for me, I never really got used to it. I could never figure out why everyone was always in such a hurry to get places.” Castiel took a bite of his gumbo. “Oh wow, this is amazing. Benny is a genius.”
“I’ll let him know you said so.” Dean grinned around his spoon. “So, New York wasn’t for you huh? How did you manage?”
“Moving to Brooklyn helped. It was much quieter there. I spent a lot of time in Central Park. Something about that place… it was as close to home as I could get, to be honest.” Castiel took a sip of his coke. “The city kind of disappeared once you got inside. I could spend hours there, just walking around, reading, whatever. But overall, no, I don’t miss the city. It was never home to me.”
Dean hummed and nodded. “I thought about hitting the road for awhile there, once we graduated. My options were open and being here was… hard.” Dean wouldn’t meet his eyes and cleared his throat. “But Sammy was about to start at KU, and I wanted to be here, in case he needed me. Plus, Bobby was all but ready to hand the bar over at that point. Took some time but I’m happy I stayed.” Dean looked at Castiel then, his smile turned sad. “So how many students have you seen today?”
Dean was trying to change the subject but Castiel still felt awful. “Dean I—“
Dean cut him off, shaking his head. “Cas, don’t. Please.” Dean’s eyes were pleading and Castiel could only comply.
“You asked how many students I’ve seen today? I’d say probably ten? Some come in and ask one question and they’re out the door. Others stay for thirty minutes. It can be a little chaotic, but it makes the day go by quickly. After lunch, I’ll see a few more and then I have faculty meetings this afternoon, which are the worst, by the way.”
Dean laughed, shaking his head. “What time do those start?”
“Around three, and they usually run a few hours. I’m bored and starving by the time we’re through. But I guess that’s the life of a department head.”
They finished their food and sat, staring, sharing small smiles. A knock on the door snapped them out of it. Dean turned to clean up the mess while Castiel went to open the door.
“Professor? I have some questions about this week’s assignment?”
Castiel glanced at Dean, smiling. “Sure, Anna. I’ll be with you in a moment.”
He turned back towards Dean, who was laughing quietly. “Guess you were right about the sign. Ok, I’ll get out of your hair. Thanks for having lunch with me.”
“Thank you, Dean, for bringing me lunch. I really do appreciate it. The food was delicious.”
“Yeah, we’re going to have to take Benny up on his offer for dinner soon. His crawfish is amazing.”
“I’m looking forward to it.”
“We still on for BBQ tomorrow?”
Castiel was pleasantly surprised, he assumed that the lunch they just had would cancel the BBQ. He nodded enthusiastically. “Yes, is twelve thirty good for you?”
“Twelve thirty it is. See ya tomorrow, Professor.” Dean winked as he walked out the door.
Castiel laughed. “Goodbye, Dean.”
That afternoon’s meetings weren’t so bad, considering once the clock hit three, his phone vibrated with text after text of funny pictures and gifs, Dean doing his best to keep Castiel entertained. It was Castiel's favorite Monday in a long time.
***
Occasional lunches turned into quick meet ups in the morning for coffee. Sometimes, they would take their coffee to go, Dean walking Castiel to his office, reminiscing about school as they crossed the familiar campus together again. Dean was friendly, and having him so close again left Castiel aching. He was happy—of course he was—to slip back into his friendship with Dean. He wouldn't trade it for anything. But oh, how he wants. How easily he knows they could be so much more, have everything they lost back, but Castiel refused to push. Not as long as Aaron was still in the picture.
Aaron. Dean didn't speak of him often, but they had apparently reached a place where Dean felt comfortable venting in front of Castiel.
They were shooting pool with Sam on a Sunday afternoon at the Roadhouse, a Chiefs game on the TV, when Dean's frustration boiled over. His phone had lit up like it was on fire all afternoon.
“Dean! Just turn your phone off!”
“Sure, Sammy, and have him storming in here? I'll pass, thanks.” Dean tugged on his beard; Castiel noticed he did this whenever he was nervous or irritated. Castiel guessed it was the latter today.
“What's his problem, anyways? You can't hang out with your brother and your friends now?”
Dean cast a sidelong glance at Castiel as he lined up his shot. Castiel fidgeted uncomfortably, his usual reaction to all things involving Aaron. He had encouraged Dean to invite Aaron to lunch, deciding that if they were going to just be friends, the two of them should get to know each other better at least.
He didn’t know if Dean had extended the invitation or not. Castiel didn’t ask. Secretly, he was glad it was usually just the two of them with Sam, Charlie, and once even Ellen joining them. It was rude to think that way, but sometimes he couldn’t help it.
“I don’t know, Sammy. I invited him over but he said he hated football so he didn’t see the point.” Dean shrugged and Castiel ignored the hard look in his eyes.
“Anyways, it’s fine. We’re having dinner later.” Dean nodded towards Castiel’s empty glass. “Want another one of those? Help yourself, you should know your way around behind the bar, hasn’t changed.”
Sam looked irritated at the brush off from Dean. He watched Castiel gather their glasses and slip behind the bar. He cleared his throat. “So Cas, what's going on with you? Anything new?”
Castiel popped up from where he was pulling cold pint glasses from the fridge. “Actually, yes! My friend Balthazar is coming to visit. He arrives on Wednesday.”
He was excited, looking forward to having Balthazar visit and see his home. Baz was staying for a week, and Castiel was taking a few days off to spend with him. They were going to visit Kansas City, but that was all they had planned so far. He felt a bit anxious introducing Baz to Dean, but Balthazar promised to be on his best behavior.
“Oh, Cas, I checked with everyone, and we're a go for Friday. Sammy? You'll be here Friday night?”
“What's happening on Friday night?” Sam looked between the two of them.
When Castiel mentioned Balthazar was coming, Dean declared they had to have everyone over for Open Mic, so he could be introduced to everyone. At first Castiel had protested, not wanting to bother Dean. He wanted them to meet, but he didn't want to make an event out of it. Dean insisted and wouldn't take no for an answer.
“Baz is gonna meet the family! Did you warn him?” Castiel brought them fresh beers and Dean took the tray from him, smiling widely.
“Yes, Dean. I told him about it and he’s excited.” Castiel rolled his eyes at Dean's wicked grin. “I've asked him to behave.”
“Hoo boy, you better believe I can't wait to pick that guy’s brain. I'm sure he has the good dirt on you, Cas.”
Castiel narrowed his eyes. “Funny, he said the same about you. Maybe I should rethink this meetup.”
Dean threw his head back and laughed. “Too late for that, buddy.”
***
Wednesday came quickly. Castiel drove straight to the airport after a quick lunch with Dean and Sam, promising they would be at the bar early on Friday for dinner before Open Mic night started.
Castiel picked Balthazar up, and they spent the day driving around Kansas City, heading back to Lawrence that night. They spent their time catching up even though they talked multiple times a week. There was something different about having his friend next to him, riding shotgun. Baz was impressed with the truck and thought it was hilarious Castiel chose such a big car.
“I know you're not overcompensating, Cassie.”
“It's practical, Baz.”
They spent Friday shopping, Baz insisting Castiel let him dress him for the party at the bar.
“I've managed to dress myself every day since I moved, Baz. Why do you think I need your help now?”
“Yes, you've done a marvelous job, darling, but please, let me have some fun.”
Balthazar dragged him all over town, even going so far to take him for a haircut.
“We're leaving the scruff alone, Cassie, makes your jawline look delicious.”
Castiel rolled his eyes, but he indulged Balthazar. They only had a few days left together, and Castiel secretly wanted to look as good as he could for Dean.
Balthazar tugged on the black waistcoat he had picked out to go with the black and blue plaid button up Castiel was currently wearing. He smoothed the fabric down and tousled Castiel's hair one more time. Castiel was busy checking the mirror and missed the fond look on Balthazar’s face.
“There. You look gorgeous. Dean won't be able to contain himself.”
Castiel shook his head. “Please Baz, promise you'll behave? Dean and I—we've made such great progress as friends. I don't want to mess it up.”
“I'm insulted! I only live with your best interests at heart.”
Castiel rested his head on Balthazar's shoulder, sighing. “I know, thank you. Shall we?”
“I've been waiting for years. Lead the way.”
Dean had asked them to be there a little early, joking with Cas that he figured he owed Balthazar a burger, considering all the times he tried to find something comparable in New York.
They arrived at The Roadhouse well before Open Mic.There were a few cars in the lot, many of which Castiel recognized. He grinned when he pushed open the door, immediately greeted by Charlie, who flung her arms around him. She had joined Dean and him for lunch one day, and they had an intense conversation about Snape and his love for Lily. Charlie declared them besties once all was said and done. He introduced her to Balthazar, and she immediately dragged him to the table in the back. Castiel followed, laughing, happily introducing Balthazar to everyone. Sam strolled up with a tray of beers—presenting the Sasquatch Ale proudly—and shook Baz’s hand enthusiastically once he set them down.
“Dean's putting the finishing touches on dinner, I'll let him know y'all are here.” Sam excused himself and pushed his way into the kitchen.
Everyone sat. Baz squeezed Castiel's knee under the table. “You're nervous, darling. Don't be.”
Castiel shook his head, willing his nerves away. He turned as the kitchen door opened. Dean walked through with a tray in both hands, burgers piled high, and Sam was on his heels with more food. He smiled brightly at the sight of Castiel, winking as he went to set the tray down.
“Here, let me help.” Castiel stood to help guide the trays down, returning Dean's smile.
“Thanks, Cas.” Dean stood straight, letting Castiel get a good look at him. He was wearing a black and white striped shirt with a black blazer, sleeves rolled up. His tattoos were prominent, and Castiel had trouble looking away. He noticed Dean had gotten a haircut too, and he grew warm at the thought of him trying to make a good impression.
Balthazar cleared his throat behind him, snapping him out of his daze. He stood to greet Dean properly.
“Dean, I'd like you to meet Balthazar Turner. Baz, this is Dean.”
The two men shook hands and Castiel beamed.
“Dean, great to finally meet you. Cassie here has told me so much. Great bar you've got, the beer is fantastic.”
“Pleasure is mine, Balthazar. Please, take a seat. Cas told me about your burger adventures, so I thought I'd serve up the real thing.”
“Oh goodness, I haven't eaten a hamburger in a year since we called off the hunt. You better be right, Castiel.”
“I promise, Baz, these are the best.” He looked at Dean as he said it, smiling proudly. The smile melted off his face as Aaron came up behind Dean, bumping him with his shoulder, a smirk on his face. Dean's face shifted from a soft smile to something stiff and fake, though he quickly tried to hide it. He heard Balthazar huff behind him as he placed his firm hand on Castiel's shoulder, squeezing gently.
“What’s going on over here?”
Dean gestured stiffly. “This is Balthazar, Cas’ friend from New York. Remember I mentioned he was visiting for the week? Balthazar, this is Aaron.”
“Oh right, must have slipped my mind.” Aaron’s tone was flippant and he glanced at the hand Balthazar was holding out in greeting. He grasped it after a beat and Castiel noticed Aaron flinch before letting go.
“Aaron Bass, Dean's boyfriend, as he failed to mention.” He looked sideways at Dean as he stepped back. “Castiel didn’t tell us he was in a long distance relationship. How does that work? Lots of phone sex?” He leered at them. Dean cleared his throat, looking increasingly uncomfortable.
“He never mentioned it because we aren't together. Just very good friends. But the distance has been a challenge and I miss my friend dearly.” He slung his arm around Castiel, smiling at him. “Anyway, he seems to be thrilled to be back in Lawrence, so that makes me happy. Shall we eat then?” He sat in the seat at the end of the table, pulling Castiel into the seat next to him.
Castiel let out the breath he was holding, watching Dean turn to pass food around to everyone. Aaron just rolled his eyes and walked over to the bar.
Baz leaned in to speak to Castiel, not really lowering his voice. “Jesus, Cassie, is that guy always like that? What a little prick.”
Sam laughed across the table and Castiel ducked his head. “Baz! Please!” He looked to see if Dean heard, but he was at the end of the table talking to Ellen.
“See, Sam agrees, don't you?” Baz grinned as he bit into the burger, nodding appreciatively. “Hell, this is good.” He held up the burger, waving it at Dean. He called out to him. “Oy, Dean! Cassie was right, this is the best!”
Castiel watched as Dean blushed, and he dropped his head in his hands as the table laughed around them. “You're incorrigible, Balthazar.”
“Oh, Cassie, you love me.”
Aaron came back with a drink and him and Dean sat down in the two empty chairs across from them, between Sam and Jo, who was scowling in her seat. Andrea was sitting next to Castiel with Benny next to her.
“So, Balthazar, how are you enjoying your stay? Cas told me you've never been to Kansas?” Dean was always good at breaking the ice.
“Please, Dean, call me Baz. And yes, there are a lot less tornadoes than I expected but otherwise, it's everything Cassie always described. A lot quieter than New York, and no one has tried to spit on me while I walk down the street. Quite a nice change actually.”
Everyone laughed, and even Jo cracked a smile.
“Oh my god, does that actually happen in New York? That’s disgusting!” Aaron sounded appalled. “I can't imagine how anyone would want to live somewhere like that! You've got to be a little crazy to prefer that.” His sarcastic laugh fell short.
“Oh, you're right about that, Aaron. We New Yorkers are a special kind of crazy. Did Castiel ever tell the story about when he was almost mugged?”
Dean looked up sharply, concern in his eyes.
“Baz, no, you don't need to tell that story.”
“Aww, come on, darling, it's great.” Balthazar looked around the table, satisfied that he had everyone's attention. “So, we were coming home from a bar one night—this was when we still lived in the city—and it was snowing. Don't ask why we were out in the snow, the cold never seemed to bother this one.” He hooked a finger towards Castiel. Dean smiled at him. “Anyways, we're almost home and this guy just runs up on us, almost slipping in the snow, and pulls this knife, demanding our wallets and phones.”
The entire table was hanging on Balthazar’s every word, except Aaron who looked bored, checking his phone while Baz talked.
“Well, Cassie, being the little genius he is, pulled his wallet out and dropped it in the snow. He played it off, apologizing as he leaned down to pick it up. Then he grabbed a chunk of ice when he was down there and threw it right at the mugger. Knocked him out cold, literally!”
“Damn, Cas! That's amazing!” Sam was grinning ear to ear.
“Thanks, Sam.” Castiel blushed. “It was actually pretty scary. It turned out the guy had been robbing people walking out in the storm all night. The police were able to recover quite a few people's belongings.”
“He's an American Hero, this one!” Balthazar threw his arm around Castiel, hugging him.
Castiel felt his face grow hotter. “Baz, please. It wasn't that big a deal.”
“I dunno, Cas, seems pretty heroic to me.” Dean tipped his glass towards Castiel.
“He's a great guy to have in a pinch, wouldn't you agree?” Baz was smiling in Dean's direction but the whole table nodded.
Everyone had mostly finished eating by then, and Dean rose to clear the plates. Aaron glanced up from his phone but didn’t move, turning his attention back to his screen. Without thinking, Castiel stood to help, grabbing his and Balthazar's plates.
“Cas no, it's ok.” Dean's eyes met his across the table, his expression soft. “I got this.”
Castiel blinked and nodded, sitting down quickly. Baz looked between the two of them and stood up, pulling Castiel back out of his chair.
“I think it's time for shots, don't you?”
“Oh, yes. I want you to meet Ash anyways.” Castiel turned towards the bar with Baz in tow. He introduced him to Ash, who was blown away by Balthazar's accent.
“You sound like a spy, dude!”
Baz waggled his eyebrows. “Maybe I am.”
Ash laughed as he got a round of shots together for the table.
Balthazar turned to Castiel, shaking his head. “How have the two of you not fallen in bed together yet? Jesus Cassie, the sexual tension between you is fucking intense. Have you always been this way?”
Castiel had his face in his hands as he shook his head. He groaned when Ash chimed in, laughing. “Yes!”
Balthazar laughed loudly. “God, I like these people. I feel good leaving you in their hands. Except we really need to get the ball rolling, darling. You two not being together is a crime, I don't know how people stand to witness this ridiculous act you two are putting on as friends.”
Castiel was mortified and about to give Baz an earful when Ash brought over the tray of shots.
“We've been telling Dean the same thing, bro.” He pushed the tray towards Cas. “I don't know much about a lot of things, but I do know a profound bond when I see one.” He pointed at the chalkboard with the list of beers. Balthazar's eyes widened as he read the names.
“Castiel James Novak. Enough is enough, wouldn't you say?”
“I'm going back to the table. Please, can we talk about this later?” He hurried back, handing out everyone's shots before sitting down. Balthazar sat next to him, the look in his eyes making Castiel very nervous.
There were multiple conversations going on around them; Dean still in the kitchen, Aaron still on his phone and looking bored. They were listening to Benny tell a story about the restaurant, and when the opportunity arose, Baz chimed in. “Oh, you're the owners of the Cajun restaurant? Cassie told me your gumbo is incredible!”
Aaron looked up at Castiel. “You've been over to Guidry’s? When?”
Castiel felt like a deer caught in headlights. He only had the food because Dean brought it to him, and he had a feeling that Aaron had no idea.
Sam jumped in. “Uh, I brought him some. I had to stop by the college for a consult and I dropped it off.”
“Yes, Sam was very generous, and the food was delicious.” Castiel held his breath.
Aarons eyes narrowed as he regarded Sam. He nodded slowly, seeming to accept the answer.
Castiel relaxed, shooting Sam a grateful look.
Andrea was beaming at the compliment. She turned her attention to Baz. “How long are you in town, Balthazar? You should come by before you leave, have some dinner.”
“That would be lovely, Andrea, don't you agree Cassie?”
Castiel nodded, relaxing. “Yes, thank you for the invitation.”
Andrea smiled again. “So, Balthazar, where are you from? That isn't a New York accent you have.”
“No, I grew up in Europe, a few places here and there. My family moved to New York when I was a teenager and I never went back. New York has been good to me. I have a great job and I got to meet Cassie here. I have no complaints.” He nudged Castiel with his shoulder.
Benny leaned forward to catch Castiel's eye. “Cassie? Aren't you glad that didn't get picked up in school?”
“Yes, I much prefer Cas but Baz tends to do what he wants, most of the time.”
“To be fair darling, you never asked me to call you that. Asked me not to, if I remember correctly.” Balthazar's eyes twinkled. “Besides, anything is better than that mouthful of a name you have.”
Castiel heard Aaron snort quietly. He saw Baz tense beside him; apparently he heard it too. Balthazar turned a steely gaze on Aaron but continued to speak to Castiel.
“I can't believe you landed that name when your brothers got off so easy. Who decides to name their kids after angels, only to stick one of them with the name Castiel? Like the Angel of Thursday was so impressive. Your brothers got named after archangels!”
Everyone froze. Castiel whipped his head towards Baz, shock taking over his face. Balthazar sat back in his chair, arms crossed over his chest, staring smugly at Aaron.
“What did you just say?” Aaron's tone was deadly.
Castiel thought he was going to throw up. “Baz, what did you do?” His voice was barely a whisper.
“Sorry, could you not hear me? I was talking about Castiel being named after the Angel of Thursday. Did you not know that?”
Aaron looked like he wanted to throw himself across the table, and his glare bounced back and forth between Castiel and Balthazar, like he was making his mind up about who he wanted to hit more. His eyes settled on Sam, who was looking at him defiantly.
“Did you know about this?” Aaron had puffed out his chest, trying to look foreboding.
Sam looked at him, unimpressed, one eyebrow raised. “Yeah, I did actually.”
Aaron looked like a lion in a cage with rage on his face. He scanned the bar. “Where the fuck is Dean?”
“I'm right here.” Dean was standing behind Aaron, another round of beers in hand. Sam jumped up to grab the tray before it ended up on the floor.
Aaron whirled around, his hands clenched into fists. “The Angel of Thursday, Dean? Would that have anything to do with the Blue Thursday? The IPA too? Jesus fucking Christ, Dean, are you fucking serious?” Aaron's chest was heaving. Sam moved closer but was stopped by Dean’s outstretched hand.
“Please watch your language in front of my family.”
“Save it, I've heard much worse from Jo alone.”
“Hey!” Jo protested and started to get up, Charlie holding her down. Everyone was on edge, Benny and Bobby both out of their seats. Castiel couldn't take his eyes off of Dean. He was impressed by how calm he seemed.
“Can we take this to the back, please? This isn't the place for us to have this conversation.”
“No, no I think this is the perfect place. Because all these people, they knew, didn't they Dean?” He looked around at the table to find everyone looking uncomfortable. Aaron’s eyes stopped on Castiel and if looks could kill, he'd be a goner. Castiel refused to look away.
Recognition crossed Aaron's face as he turned back to Dean. “Your wings.” Dean's eyes flickered to Castiel’s. “They—everything—all of this, it's always been for him, hasn't it?” Aaron started laughing, a bitter, ugly sound. It made Castiel feel uncomfortable and based on the reactions around the table, he wasn't alone.
“Ok, enough. Can we please step outside?” Dean looked desperate to get out of there.
“No. I want you to tell me the truth. We're not going to hide so you can make more excuses for the way you've been acting since he showed up here. I'm fucking sick of hearing them.” Aaron was stepping slowly into Dean's space, Dean not budging in the slightest. “You weren't just friends in college, were you?”
“No.” Dean's jaw was set and his eyes kept going back to Castiel's, always darting quickly back to Aaron.
“Stop fucking looking at him, Dean. You haven't stopped staring at each other since he walked in the door a month ago. Do you think I don’t notice? Do you think I'm some kind of fucking idiot?”
“No.” Castiel watched the muscles in Dean's jaw jump.
“He shows up and all of a sudden, you’re always on your phone and you’ve stopped staying over. Were you always with him then? Were you in his bed instead of mine?”
“No.”
Aaron scoffed. “As if I believe anything you're saying. Everything's been a lie, this whole time. So what now, Dean? Because if you think you're going to keep fucking both of us, you're wrong.“ Dean flinched and looked at Castiel again. Aaron looked back at him too, rage in his eyes. “I just don't see what's so special, Dean.” Aaron turned back towards Dean, only to find his eyes glued to Castiel's. “Why him and not me?”
The question seemed to startle Dean at first, until peace flooded his features. He looked at Aaron, calm as ever.
“I’m sorry, but—he's everything.” Dean looked back at Castiel, green eyes locked on him. “Always has been.”
Warmth flooded Castiel's chest, trickling down his entire body. Before he could even register the enormous weight of Dean's words, he noticed that Aaron had gotten close enough to shove Dean, making him almost stumble into the booth behind him.
Castiel and Balthazar stood up so fast their chairs clattered back. Sam had Aaron's hands behind his back before anyone knew what happened. Bobby rushed forward, grabbing Dean by the arm. Charlie was holding Jo back while Garth wrestled away the knife she had procured. Andrea was holding Benny's arm while he was trying to pull out of her grip.
Dean's booming voice stopped everyone in their tracks. “ENOUGH!” The whole bar fell silent. Dean looked around, meeting his family's eyes one by one, settling on watching Aaron struggle against Sam's hold.
“Get him out of here, Sammy. I'll be out in a second.”
Sam hauled Aaron out the side door, Bobby following.
Dean turned to Benny. “It's almost eight. Can you get Open Mic going for me please? Oh, and tell Ash to comp a round on the house for everyone.”
Benny nodded.
“Jo, stay here.” Jo protested. “No, I can't have this escalating further. Please, stay with Charlie. Sing a song, I dunno. Keep the attention away from the back, ok?” Jo gripped Charlie's hand and gave Dean a sharp nod.
“Baz, I'm sorry this had to go down when you were here. I hope it didn't ruin your trip.”
“No worries, mate. You got some business to wrap up, don't worry about me.”
He finally turned to Castiel. “Can you stay? I won't be long.”
“Dean, I don't think—“
“Please Cas. Just—stay ok?”
Their gazes locked, Dean's eyes making it clear he needed Castiel to stay.
“I'll just wait here then.”
Dean turned towards the side door, propped open where Sam and Bobby had dragged Aaron out. Ellen went to Dean, putting a hand on his arm. She leaned in and spoke to him privately. Whatever was said had him squaring his shoulders and walking out the door.
Once the door closed behind Dean, it felt like the whole bar took a collective sigh of relief. Castiel and Balthazar picked up their fallen chairs and sat while the rest of the table collected themselves. Ellen pulled up a chair between Jo and Charlie, and they talked softly. Benny, Andrea, and Garth retreated to the bar to speak to Ash. Castiel rounded on Balthazar.
“What the hell were you thinking, Baz? That was so out of line, I cannot believe you would do that to me, to Dean, after he welcomed you here.” Castiel could feel himself becoming agitated, the adrenaline of the confrontation working its way through his system.
Baz looked at him, his face cool and collected. “You’re welcome, Castiel.”
“Oh, you want me to thank you for that? There’s no way. You saw what happened!”
“I did see what happened but apparently, you did not. Didn’t you hear him? He said you were everything to him. Don’t you see? You two were dancing around the elephant in the room and I just… eliminated the elephant.” Baz looked smug. “So again, you’re welcome.”
“You’re unbelievable, Balthazar. Truly. What was happening between Dean and I was not something you should have meddled with. I asked you not to do this, and you went and did it anyways.”
“No Castiel, you asked me to behave. And I did, I could have been a lot more obvious. I just made mention of something and let him put the pieces together. He would have figured it out sooner or later. Besides, you know my policy: I’d rather beg for your forgiveness than ask for your permission. So, Cassie, do you forgive me?”
“You didn’t even apologize, you ass.” Castiel sighed.
Benny interrupted by setting two beers down in front of them. “We gave Ash the scoop, and he said your drinks are on him forever, bud.” He clasped Balthazar on the shoulder. They all looked up at Ash who was shooting the table a double thumbs up. Balthazar cracked up.
“Please do not encourage him. I’m going to drive him back to the airport right now.” Castiel dropped his head onto the table.
Charlie switched chairs so she was sitting in front of Cas. She grabbed Baz’s beer and drank half of it, ignoring his protests. She patted Cas on the head. “This is a good thing, Cas. Trust me. I may never have known the two of you as a couple but I know this much: Aaron was not good for him. Dean hasn't been happy for awhile, hell, the most he ever smiles is when you're in the room.”
Charlie’s words comforted him but Castiel was still nervous. “Still, Charlie. This could have been handled so much better. By all of us.” He cast an irritated glance in Baz’s direction.
Castiel felt a warm hand slide over his shoulders and he lifted his eyes to see Ellen standing beside him. Castiel sat up quickly, his shoulders dropping under the weight of her gaze.
“Ellen, I’m so sorry. I never meant for—“
“Castiel, stop.” Ellen ran her hand through his wild hair. “There are no apologies necessary tonight. This has been a long time coming and Charlie is right. When he’s around you, or talking about you, Dean’s the happiest I’ve seen him in, well, too long to be honest. I told Dean he was putting off the inevitable but you know him, stubborn as a mule.” She looked at Benny and motioned towards the back door that was still closed. “Benny, can you do me a favor and go get my husband? I’d like to go home now.”
“Yes ma’am.”
Castiel watched Benny walk out the door, hearing raised voices come through before it shut again. He was about to drop his head back down to the table when the door opened, Bobby and Benny stalking through it. Bobby was scowling even more so than usual. Castiel felt wary, ready to hear it from him.
“Dunno why Dean is out there listening to that jackass.” Bobby dragged a hand down his face. He looked at Castiel. “You’re at the finish line boy. Don’t screw up. You, friend!” He pointed at Balthazar. “Glad to meet you. We’ll call you if we need you to stir shit up and put things in order again.”
Balthazar grinned. “I’m available twenty-four-seven for such things. Good night then.”
All Castiel could do was wave weakly as Ellen and Bobby left. He leaned against Baz, exhaustion hitting him. Baz wrapped an arm around his shoulders and gave him a quick hug. “It’s going to be fine, Castiel. It’s going to be fine.” He reassured him softly and Castiel was most grateful for him in that moment.
They sprung apart when the back door opened again, this time Sam coming through. He sat down murmuring, “Incoming.” Castiel looked past him and watched as Aaron came back inside, his face set in stone, pushing his way into the kitchen without a glance to the room. Dean followed, a look of defeat on his face. Seeing him this way made Castiel’s heart ache in his chest.
Dean approached the table, affording a small smile for everyone still sitting there. “I’m sorry y’all, really. I gotta—“ He rubbed the back of his neck, “—take care of this. Please, stay if you want, keep drinking. Ash will take care of you.” He was having trouble meeting Castiel’s eyes.
Balthazar shifted in his seat and cleared his throat. Castiel braced himself for any possible thing that might come out of his mouth.
“I think it’s time we go, don’t you, Castiel? Doesn’t seem to be anything to wait around for.” He stood, placing a hand on Castiel’s shoulder.
“Dean?” Castiel looked up at the man standing in front of him, hoping with everything he had that he’d ask him to stay.
“I’m sorry, Cas.” Dean’s voice came out broken. “I’m not going to be back out for awhile, I think. I don’t want to keep you waiting.” He cleared his throat. “You’re both welcome to stay as long as you want.”
Castiel looked around, taking in the faces around him, traces of sympathy around their edges. It was the last thing he wanted. He stood quickly.
“No, I think we’ll head out. It’s been a long night already.” He looked to Baz, who was standing, ready to go. They said their goodbyes, Baz exchanging numbers with Sam and Ash before he left. While he did that, Dean leaned in closer to Castiel.
“Can I walk you out, Cas, please?” Dean was close enough he could feel Dean’s breath on his ear. The feeling was so familiar, it made Castiel shiver, his resolve melting away with each puff of breath. Castiel nodded slightly and Dean pulled back. He felt empty, robbed of all the warmth in his body.
The three of them walked awkwardly to the truck, Castiel handing Baz the keys as he walked around to the passenger side door, Dean following. Baz climbed up, standing on the step and looking at them both. “I’ll be in here. Need to call Meg and give her the postmortem.” Balthazar shut the door, and Castiel was thankful for the privacy. He leaned back against the side of the truck, crossing his arms across his chest.
“For the record,” Castiel gestured towards the bar. “I really like the beer names.”
Dean laughed weakly. “Yeah, I guess I was being pretty obvious there. Honestly, I didn’t think he would ever find out. Does that sound stupid?” Dean tugged on his beard, and Castiel wanted to grab his hand and hold it, keep him still and calm. “I worked hard not to think about you for a really long time, Cas. When I was close to perfecting my recipes, Sam said I needed to think of some names, and I couldn’t focus on anything other than you.”
Dean took a step closer to him, and Castiel’s heart sped up. He swallowed and forced himself to stay calm.
“I couldn’t figure out why and I tried to fight it but eventually, I just gave in. Sam laughed at me and called me a sap.” Dean shrugged and took another step. “He’s right though. Always was when it came to you.”
Dean crowded in Castiel’s personal space. He tipped Castiel’s chin up and met his eyes. “Dean… What can I do? Please, tell me.” He was nervous, agitated, wanting to grab Dean by the lapels and kiss him. He was too close to the edge, and he struggled not to fall over and take Dean with him. “I can’t—we can’t—“ Castiel refused to give in until he knew it was over for sure.
“Cas, can you just—just give me a couple of days? I need to end this properly, I need to tell him the truth about everything, us most importantly. He deserves to know, at least.”
“And what’s the truth?” Castiel was afraid of the answer but he had to know.
“That we—that you— helped me become the man I am today.” Dean had almost closed the distance between them. He brought his hand up hesitantly to Castiel’s face, pushing back a lock of hair, his finger trailing lightly down the side of Castiel’s cheek. Castiel sucked in a sharp breath at Dean’s searing touch.
Dean dropped his hand and stepped back. “Is it ok if I text you in a few days? Maybe once Baz leaves? You’re going to Kansas City tomorrow for a few days, right?”
Castiel blinked, trying to leave the moment that consumed him just as easily as Dean had. “Um, yes. We’re actually meeting up with Garth in the afternoon tomorrow. Baz flies back to New York on Monday morning. Maybe we can have lunch when I get back?”
Dean relaxed. “Yeah, that sounds good. But I’ll confirm with you in a few days, ok?” He looked back towards The Roadhouse, the lights on the second story burning bright.
Castiel’s chest tightened as Dean reached past him and opened the door for him. Castiel climbed in silently, aching at the thought that this was how they were going to leave things.
“Baz, great to meet you. Get the both of you back to Cas’ place safe, ok?” He held Balthazar’s gaze until Balthazar nodded in agreement.
“Take care of your shit, Dean. We both know it will be worth it.”
Castiel shut his eyes and pressed himself back into the seat, willing it to swallow him whole. He opened his eyes again at Dean’s soft touch on his knee. “Let me know when you get home?”
“Of course, Dean.”
Dean shut the door, tapping on the window to give Balthazar the ok to go. He held onto Castiel’s gaze as they drove out, and Castiel turned to maintain their contact until Dean fell out of sight.
Chapter Text
The stars were bright as they walked across campus towards Fraternity Row. Benny had invited them to poker night, as he usually did. Cas seemed distracted lately, and Dean wasn’t sure if it was because of finals or graduation right around the corner. He needed Cas to relax and figured getting out of their room and having some fun would help with whatever was bothering him, and an endless supply of alcohol didn’t hurt either.
Dean laced their fingers together as they walked through the quiet campus. It was a warm night, typical for an early summer in Kansas. They were both in shorts and sandals, Dean with a black tank top and one of his baseball hats, and Cas in a t-shirt, surprisingly casual from his usual style. He was chewing on his lower lip when Dean glanced over at him. Dean stopped them and pulled his boyfriend into his arms.
“Babe, what’s going on? Talk to me.” He nuzzled into Cas’ neck, pressing soft kisses into his skin. Cas relaxed in his arms.
“It’s ok Dean, we can talk about it later. I don’t want to ruin our night.”
Dean pulled back to study Cas’ face. “You have something important enough you think it’s gonna ruin our night? Maybe we should go back.”
Cas’ brow furrowed and he shook his head. “No, let’s go. It’s fine, it can keep.” He kissed him then, and Dean decided they’d make the best of their night, as planned. Cas would talk to him when he was ready, and Dean didn’t want to push him. He tightened his arms around Cas, held him close, and kissed him in the moonlight. It wasn’t until someone wolf whistled at them from across the way that they broke apart, smiling at each other. Dean slung his arm around Cas as they walked, leaning in occasionally to press a kiss to his temple.
They reached the house and Dean held the door open for Cas as they entered. Benny greeted them and dragged them into the kitchen, shoving beers in their hands immediately. There were a few other guys from the team sitting around the dining table, cards and chips already set up for everyone. Two empty seats sat waiting for them. Before they could sit, Victor popped out of his chair to pour a round of tequila shots. Dean was glad they already ate dinner, considering it was looking to be one of those nights.
Shots taken, they all sat and played a couple hands of poker. The beer was flowing and everyone was having a good time. Benny dealt the latest hand and chose Texas Hold’em as the game. Dean folded early, knowing his cards were crap, and replenished everyone's beer while the game continued. Cas seemed like he was in it to win it, going all in on the cards he was holding. Benny threw down the river card and Cas groaned.
“Fuck you Benny, I thought for sure my Queen would beat you.” Cas sighed as Benny pulled all the chips towards himself, gloating over his win. Beating Cas was a big deal around the table; anytime they could beat the math genius was a good night.
Cas frowned, his arms crossed in front of him as he realized he had no more chips to play. Dean felt bad and passed him some of his, along with another shot. It seemed to do the trick. The scowl melted off his face as he leaned in to kiss Dean thank you. Popcorn and chips pelted their faces, boo ’s breaking out around the table at their very public display of affection. Dean raised his middle finger in response and grabbed Cas by the back of the head, kissing him deeper as Cas laughed.
“Don’t make me drag the hose in here, guys. Get a damn room already!” Victor rolled his eyes as he dealt the next hand, seven card stud this round.
Dean looked at Cas and grinned, pushed their cards back towards Victor, and stood up. “Don’t mind if we do! We both fold.” He grabbed Cas’ hand and pulled him out of his chair and out of the room, cat calls and whistles following them.
“Dean, what are you doing?” Cas laughed as Dean tugged him into the guest bathroom, the only bathroom in the entire house that was kept clean by the freshmen in case an actual visitor needed it.
“They told us to get a room so, I got us a room.” He pushed the door closed, pressed Cas against it and locked their lips together. Pushing a hand up Cas’ shirt, he squeezed his hip before sliding up, brushing lightly over a nipple. Cas’ breath hitched in his throat.
Dean slid his hand to the small of Cas’ back and rested it there for a moment before pushing it down the back of his shorts. Cas moaned into his mouth, and Dean gripped him tighter and ground their hips together. Dean could feel Cas’ growing erection and he was sure Cas could feel his.
Dean broke the kiss to work his way down Cas’ neck, licking and sucking at his skin, savoring the faint taste of salt and Cas . Cas breathed heavy, small whimpers escaped his lips on every exhale, and each noise shot straight to Dean's aching dick. The brim of his hat scraped against Cas’ jaw, and he let out a breathy laugh.
Dean stood straight and pulled the hat off his head, putting it on Cas. “Hold this for me will you, angel?”
He tilted his head back, nodding at the sight of his game hat on Cas’ head. He tipped Cas’ face to the right and admired the number 67 stitched into the side of the hat. Something about Cas in his hat with his number on it screamed mine in his head, and he couldn't stop himself from tucking his head and latching on to Cas’ neck. He bit and sucked a mark into his skin. Cas was making those breathy noises again, driving him crazy.
“Fuck, Cas. Look so sexy wearing my number. Are you mine? Tell me you're mine.”
Cas moaned, louder now that it wasn't muffled by Dean's mouth. “Yours, Dean, all yours. Forever.”
Dean smiled against Cas' neck and sank to his knees, running his hands down Cas' body as he went. He lifted Cas’ shirt a bit, kissing his stomach, leaving small bites as he worked his way to the dip of Cas’ hips. Dean unbuckled Cas’ belt and pulled down the zipper, then popped open the button of his shorts. He kissed the exposed skin, running his tongue over the fine hair trailing under Cas’ boxers. He peeked up at Cas’ face, seeing his head tipped back as his chest heaved.
Dean pulled Cas’ shorts down, running his hands up his thighs, feeling the muscle shift under his palms. He nosed at the hard line of Cas’ cock covered by the thin fabric of his boxers, hooked a finger into the waistband, and snapped it lightly. Cas gasped and gave Dean a look.
Dean pulled Cas’ underwear down slowly, letting his dick spring free. He tucked the boxers down and took Cas in his hand. Dean could hear Cas catch his breath as he watched him. He looked up and held Cas’ gaze as he kissed the tip of Cas’ cock and flicked his tongue out to dip into the slit.
Cas groaned long and loud, Dean's name falling from his lips at the end. Dean palmed a hand on his own dick, and heat pooled in his belly. Cas sucked in a breath as he watched, fidgeting against the door.
“Touch yourself, Dean. Please. I want to watch you.”
Dean was happy to comply, using both hands to open his own pants and pull his aching cock out. He kept one hand stroking himself while the other guided Cas’ cock back to his mouth. He looked up at Cas through his lashes, loving the hungry look in Cas’ eyes as he watched Dean on his knees.
He swallowed Cas down, and Cas gripped his hair and rolled his hips a little. Dean groaned and took him deeper, wrapping his free hand around the top of Cas’ thigh. He pulled Cas towards him, and Cas took his cue. He rolled his hips more, slowly fucking into Dean's mouth. Dean stroked himself faster. He was floating, giving over to the sensations coursing through him. Letting Cas use his mouth like this felt good, felt right. It made him feel like he belonged to Cas, just like Cas belonged to him.
Cas’ hands tightened around a fistful of his hair and Dean groaned, knowing what the vibrations did to Cas.
“Dean, come. I want to see you come for me.”
Cas ordering him to come was all Dean needed before he tipped over, feeling his own heat slick his hand. He moaned around Cas’ dick, and Cas stilled his hips before he came down Dean's throat. Dean took every drop, pulling back as Cas released his hair, and his head thumped back against the door.
Dean licked him clean before standing up and reaching for the small towel hanging by the sink. He wiped his hand clean and threw the towel by their feet, pulling up his shorts and closing them before pressing himself against Cas again. Cas pulled his own shorts in place and dropped his head onto Dean's shoulder as they caught their breath together. Dean kissed the spot behind Cas’ ear, and Cas lifted his head and pulled Dean in for a deep kiss. They stayed this way, tasting each other, enjoying the slide of their tongues together.
Dean didn't think he'd ever get tired of kissing Cas for the rest of his life. He broke off first, intent on telling Cas exactly what he was thinking when a thump on the door interrupted his thoughts, followed by a recognizable melody.
Now I've… Had… The time of my life… No I never felt like this before…
Dean groaned as Cas started laughing again. His asshole teammates were cracking up right outside. Music blared through the door and finally, Dean laughed at the absurdity.
He wrapped Cas in his arms, swung their hips together, kissed Cas’ ear, and sang.
I've been waiting for so long and now I finally found someone to stand by me…
Cas grinned and picked up right where he should.
We saw the writing on the wall as we felt this magical fantasy.
Dean ripped the door open and twirled Cas around, both of them laughing at the shocked faces of the team.
“You guys are dicks. Don't make us perform the whole fucking song, we'll do it.”
Benny groaned. “No please, spare us! How the hell do you know all the words anyways?”
Dean pointed a finger at him. “Dirty Dancing is a classic.” Cas nodded at his side.
Benny raised an eyebrow.
“Swayze always gets a pass.” Dean and Cas said it in unison before cracking up.
When Dean remembered that night, he thought it was the last time they were really happy together.
***
It was Graduation Day.
In the days leading up, Cas had become increasingly quiet, and while it bothered him, Dean gave him the space he thought Cas needed. They were both swamped, wrapping up their final classes. Cas’ work schedule didn’t allow for much freedom, with all his students trying to get their final grades up. Since Cas was graduating, he helped each of them find a new tutor, and saying goodbye to his students had been rough on him. He had tutored many of them for years.
Dean was relieved that graduation had finally arrived. He looked forward to what was in store for them next, and the first thing on their agenda was putting a down payment on the apartment they had found together. Once Cas got back from Europe, they would move all their things out of the dorm they had shared for four years and into their new place. But first, they had to get through the day.
Cas’ father and his older brother Michael arrived the day before to attend the ceremony. Cas was disappointed Gabriel couldn't make it, but they had plans to spend a whole week together in Ibiza, and Dean was almost jealous when Cas told him all the things they had planned. Dean suggested they all have dinner together, wanting to finally meet Cas’ father and one of his brothers, and introduce them to his own family. Cas tried to set it up, but told Dean that his father had already made plans with some colleagues of his in Kansas City and he wasn't comfortable with breaking them. He also expected Cas to join them.
It pissed Dean off, knowing Cas didn't want to go but went anyways, returning to their room even more withdrawn. He fell asleep that night spooned around Cas and thought at one point he could feel Cas shuddering in his arms. But his sleepy brain ignored it, and he fell back into a dreamless sleep.
The next morning they woke a tangled mess and Dean kissed Cas slowly, lazily, trying to hold on to the soft sleepy noises Cas made in the mornings.
“Come on sweetheart, time to hit the ground running. You're going to be late for breakfast with your dad.”
“I don't want to go, Dean. Can we just stay here?”
“Why don't you want to go? It's just breakfast and you never get to see Michael. Don't you want to enjoy your time together?”
Cas burrowed deeper into their blankets and tucked himself into Dean's arms. Dean tightened his hold. “I don't really care about that right now. Please, Dean. I want to stay here with you, in our bed, until you have to go ok?”
“OK sweetheart, whatever you want.” Dean pressed soft kisses to Cas’ hair. It smelled like cinnamon. “We'll grab some coffee, and I'll drop you off at the hotel before I go to The Roadhouse, ok?”
Dean could feel Cas nod and relax in his arms. They stayed wrapped around each other, eventually moving together, making sweet love. As he held Cas after, Dean was surprised to feel tears drip on his chest.
“Cas, please talk to me. What did your father say?”
Cas just shook his head and tucked his face into Dean's shoulder.
“You're scaring me sweetheart, please.”
“I’m sorry Dean, I just—“
They were interrupted by Dean's cell ringing on the bedside table. It was Ellen, asking him to bring some things for their dinner that night and wondering when he would be there. She had planned a dinner for them both and extended the invitation to Cas’ father and brother as well. They didn't want a party, asking for this instead. Dean let Ellen know he'd be there within the hour.
“We're going to finish this conversation tonight, Cas. Ok? I've got some plans for us once dinner is over.” Cas sat up and looked down at his hands as he listened to Dean on the phone. He nodded but wouldn't look up. Dean tipped Cas’ chin up, kissing him softly and wiping his face. “You're just stressed over graduation. It's going to be fine. Come on.”
As Cas showered, Dean made sure their caps and gowns were in their garment bags, all of Cas’ tassels in his bag. He was graduating with honors, and Dean couldn’t be more proud.
Dean double checked that the shower was still running before opening his drawer on their bedside table, reaching under everything to pull out the small leather box that had been sitting there for a month now. He turned it over in his hands and glancing at the bathroom door, then opened the box, admiring the ring inside.
It was black tungsten with a line of blue metal running through the middle. Dean knew it would look beautiful on Cas’ finger, and he couldn't wait to put it on him later that night. He heard the shower turn off and quickly snapped the box shut and shoved it in his pocket.
He dropped Cas off at the hotel and promised they'd catch up with each other before the ceremony. A slow panic crept down Dean's spine; Cas had refused to meet his eyes the whole drive over to the hotel. He tried to shake it off, kissing Cas as he got out of the Impala.
The morning passed quickly, and before Dean knew it, he was back at the school. He was nervous and excited, wearing his black cap and gown. Dean found his friends as they lined up and he was wistful, reminiscing about the last four years. He needed Cas by his side, and when he finally found him with the other honor students, he had a far off look in his eye. Dean wrapped an arm around him and pressed a kiss to his cheek.
“You look handsome in your cap and gown.”
That afforded him a small smile. “Thank you Dean, you as well.”
“Didn't get lectured too hard for missing breakfast?”
The smile disappeared, replaced by a hard set around Cas’ eyes. “No, it was fine.”
Dean tugged on Cas’ hand as they called the graduates to be in their seats. “Love you, Cas. We did it.”
Cas grabbed him then to pull him into a tight hug. “I love you too, Dean. I couldn't have done this without you.”
Cas let him go and turned on his heel, not looking back. Dean watched him, and panic shot down his spine again.
The ceremony was short and sweet, much to everyone's relief. The field was mobbed with graduates and families. Dean texted Cas to remind him they were meeting by the goalposts, but he didn’t receive a response. They were just about to leave for The Roadhouse when Cas appeared, alone.
“Where's your dad, Cas? Michael? I'm beginning to think they don't wanna meet me.” Dean laughed nervously.
Cas moved past him to hug Ellen and Jo, and to shake hands with Bobby and Sam. Sam had other plans, hugging Cas tight and giving him congratulations. Ellen insisted on a few more pictures now that Cas had arrived, and it was another thirty minutes before they left.
Cas held his hand tightly as they walked back to the Impala. Jo and Sam insisted on riding with them, and they shoved each other around in the backseat, making noise and being annoying. Dean kept glancing at Cas, but he stared blankly out the window.
He stayed that way through dinner, making excuses for his family's absence. Ellen didn't seem too fazed. She told him they'd be eating leftovers for a few days, but it was no big deal. Once they were done, Sam and Jo started a pool game and picked teams.
Dean cocked his head towards the door when Sam was about to pick him, and he took the cue and skipped over Dean.
He came up behind Cas, who was chatting with Bobby, and asked him to come outside. Dean had stashed a blanket and a bottle of whiskey in the Impala earlier because he planned on taking them to their spot. Cas’ shoulders tensed but he went with Dean, dragging his feet. Dean's anxiety ratcheted up. Did Cas know he was about to propose? Did he know and was going to say no and that's why he'd been acting so weird? Dean started to question his decision in the worst way.
Dean waited until the door closed behind him before he rounded on Cas. “I don't know what's with you but we need to talk about whatever it is. Come on.” He made a move to open Cas’ car door.
“Dean, stop.” Dean froze, hand on the door handle.
“What, why? Let's go, Cas. We can talk once we get to our spot.”
Cas swallowed and closed his eyes before he spoke. “I can't go with you, Dean. My father is on his way here now to pick me up.”
“What? I don't understand. Your flight isn't until tomorrow. I'm taking you to the airport, remember?”
“My father changed our flights, we leave in two hours.”
Dean was confused. “Why would he do that? Is that what's been bothering you all day? Because it's fine. If you had just told me—“
“That isn't what's been bothering me.”
“OK, what the hell is going on? Please, start talking.”
“My father has taken it upon himself to get me a research fellowship. It starts two days after we return from Europe.”
Dean felt relieved. “Cas, that's great! You can do that and I'll keep working at The Roadhouse. These things usually have regular hours right? We're used to working around each other's schedules anyways. I can pack up our room while you're gone and get the apartment, if you think that will be easier. No use waiting until you get back.” Their plans were easy to adjust and Dean figured he could crash upstairs with Sam until he could move all their stuff.
“No, Dean. I'm sorry, we can't do that.” Cas looked up at him then, his eyes full of anguish. “My Fellowship is in New York, at NYU. I'm not coming back to Lawrence.”
A low buzz started in Dean's ears. He shook his head to clear it but it just got louder. “I'm sorry, what did you say?”
“I'm leaving, Dean. I'm sorry.”
“You can't just leave, Cas. We had plans, the apartment? I—“
“I don't have a choice.”
Dean’s blood boiled. “You don't have a choice? All you have are choices, Cas! We just graduated! We can do whatever we want, we can live however we want!”
Cas shook his head. “It's not that easy, Dean. It's not. To you, maybe. You've got The Roadhouse, you've got a family that loves you for who you are.” He gestured towards the building. “You know every single step from here. I don't have that luxury.”
“Are you fucking kidding me right now? Seriously? That's the lamest excuse I've ever heard. You're smart, you can do better.” Dean's chest heaved. “I get that your dad hates me, ok, but you don't have to jump just because he says so. We can make our own way Cas, we don't need him!”
“My father doesn't hate you, he doesn't even know you. He wants what's best for me. And I want what's best for us. Me taking this Fellowship will be good for us.”
“Bullshit. Because moving a thousand miles away sounds great.” Dean glared at Cas, crossing his arms over his chest. “How long have you known?”
Cas looked stricken.
“You've known about this for a while, haven't you? Is this what you didn't want to talk about the night of the poker game?” More fury built in his chest. How could this be happening right now? “You've known about this and you didn't tell me. Was this your plan all along? Just leave and never look back?”
“No. Don't be stupid, ok? My father has expectations of me, of what I do with my life. I've always managed to disappoint him and every time I see him, he reminds me. Doing this, he may finally see me as someone worthy. I have to go.”
“You don't—you don't have to do anything you don't want to. But that's just it, isn't it Cas? All of this”—he pointed at the bar—“this life isn't for you, is it? You don't want to be stuck working in a bar forever. Bigger and better things for Castiel Novak, right? Well, great. I'm glad I could help you pass the time before getting them.”
“God damn it, Dean! That's not what's happening here ok? We can make this work, I know we can.”
“Why, Cas? You'll never have your father's approval, not when it comes to me, to us. And you know what's going to happen over there in New York? You're gonna figure that out on your own and you're going to realize that you're better off. So why fight the inevitable?”
A sleek, black town car pulled into the lot, gravel crunching under its wheels. Dean thought his heart was going to stop as they locked eyes.
“Dean.”
He felt all the fight leave him. “You can choose, Cas. You can.” All Dean wanted, all he ever wanted, was for Cas to choose him. Choose them.
“I'm sorry, Dean. I'm so sorry.”
Cas turned and walked to the car. Before he climbed in, he looked back at Dean, his eyes drifting over him, the Impala, and The Roadhouse, finally settling on Dean's face. It was hard to read his expression but Dean tried, attempted to memorize it before Cas left him. Dean had a horrible feeling he was doing it for the last time. He took one step towards Cas in a feeble attempt to try and make him stay.
It didn't work.
He shoved his hands in his pockets and watched the town car drive away, his fingers closing over the jewelry box that he thought had held his future. Dean dropped to his knees then, and cried.
***
Being without Cas was like a dull ache in Dean's chest. It had been a month since he left, and Dean was starting to accept that he might always feel this way.
Sam had found him in the parking lot, just staring at the empty road. Dean had taken the bottle of whiskey out of the Impala and was more than halfway through it by the time Sam dragged him inside.
He didn't go back to their dorm for a week, and when he got there, half the room was stripped, half the clothes gone, Cas’ computer and keyboard missing. The stack of his composition books were still sitting on their bookshelf, and Dean had to leave once he noticed before he took them all and burned them behind the Roadhouse. Sam and Jo packed the room up for him, putting everything in the storage shed behind the bar.
Dean had forgotten he had to pick up their diplomas and a call from the school had him driving to the campus despite his plan to never go back. The registrar's office had both their diplomas ready, but he refused Cas’, telling them to mail it to his forwarding address on file. He prayed it wasn't still The Roadhouse.
As he was leaving, he bumped into Charlie, an awesome chick from the women's film class he had taken. They hung out a few times when he was waiting for Cas to finish work and he enjoyed her company.
“Winchester! Holy crow, you look like crap! You ok?”
Dean shook his head and gave her a polite smile. He could feel his lower lip quivering and clamped down on it, hoping she didn’t notice.
“Whoa dude, come on, let's get some coffee, ok?” She took him by the arm and dragged him to the coffee shop, grabbing drinks for both of them before dragging him back to his car.
Dean let her, numb and indifferent to most things, if he was being honest.
“Drink, Dean. You need it.” She looked at him critically over the rim of her cup. “Talk to me, what happened?”
Something in her eyes made him crack. Maybe it was the fact she didn't really know him, didn't really know Cas. Maybe it was the fact she was there and asking when everyone had avoided him, telling him he needed space. Whatever it was, Dean found himself telling her everything.
He told her how they met, how Cas kissed him for the first time, how he knew he loved Cas, how he knew Cas loved him back. How Cas left. About the ring he carried with him every day. By the time he finally stopped talking, his cheeks were wet and so were hers. She was holding his hand and stroking it softly, pulling napkins from her pockets and wiping his face.
He laughed, embarrassed. “I'm sorry, that was a lot. It's just, everyone knows us, they know our story, and now I don't know how to talk to them about it. God.” The back of his head hit the top of the seat. “I'm a fucking mess.”
He glanced at Charlie, who looked like she was thinking hard. “This is dumb, Dean. You talk about him and it's clear you loved each other. Hell, you have a ring in your pocket!” She looked at him, waiting for him to pick up what she was putting down. “Let's go get him! Go to New York and bring him home! Come on, do the grand gesture thing!”
Charlie's excitement made his skin buzz. He never thought about just going and getting him, but maybe Charlie was right. Maybe he needed to show Cas that Dean chose him no matter what. Even if he couldn't bring him home, he could at least ask if they could still do the long distance thing. If anyone could make it work, it was them. He nodded slowly, Charlie immediately shrieking with excitement. “When should we leave?”
Dean cleared his throat. “Uh, now? I need to see him as soon as possible.”
“Don't you want to go home and grab some clothes?”
Dean was quiet. What Charlie didn't know, what no one knew, was Dean had a duffle full of clothes and toiletries in the trunk already. It has been there for the last month, and every day since he put it there, he dreamed of leaving and not looking back. And every day something drew him back, be it Sam or knowing he didn't want to live without the memory of Cas at every turn.
“Nah, I'm good.” He stared straight ahead.
“Well, I'm not. Take me by my room and I'll grab a few things.”
Dean drove them to Charlie's dorm, taking the long way to avoid the one he just moved out of. He wasn't ready to face it yet.
Charlie was quick and they were on the road in less than an hour. He shot a quick text to Sam, letting him know he was going out of town but would check in along the way. He ignored the follow up calls he knew were full of questions and eventually they stopped.
Dean drove all night, stopping outside of Indianapolis to catch a few hours of sleep. Charlie was a good co-pilot, talking to him about a dozen different things and always knowing when to stop talking. She didn't even complain about the tapes he had in the car, his collection sadly much smaller after Sam took out all the mixtapes from Cas before Dean could run them over.
The next day, Dean drove the rest of the way, and it wasn't until they were going through the Lincoln Tunnel did Dean realize he had no idea how to find Cas. Dean had only tried calling him once. He was drunk off his ass—consecutive day four—and had worked himself up enough to call him. The sound of the disconnected tone hurt just as much as watching Cas drive away from him. Cas was truly gone in that moment.
Even remembering was painful.
“Um, full disclosure? I have no idea where Cas actually is.” He braced himself for the yelling.
“Oh, no problem dude. What do you know? I'm sure I can find him regardless, but a little head start wouldn't hurt.” Charlie pulled her laptop out of her bag and set up some kind of contraption she explained was the wifi.
Dean blinked, finally snapping out of it at the 'come on’ motion Charlie was making with her hands. “Uh, NYU. Research fellowship? He's a mathematics major with a minor in physics.”
“Oh sweet, ok this shouldn't be too hard.” Charlie was pounding away at her keyboard while Dean's gaze whipped back and forth between her and the road.
“Got it!” She grinned at Dean and his heart soared. “Take the next left!”
She guided them into the heart of Manhattan. The campus at NYU was spread out over many blocks, and the address Charlie found was smack in the middle. Mid-town traffic was slowing them down but Dean didn't care. He was going to see Cas, explain he wanted them to fix this, kiss him and get down on one knee for him. He was ready.
They were stuck at a red light about two blocks from their destination when Dean happened to look over at a group of people leaving a restaurant. He did a double take, realizing he was looking at Cas, standing on the corner of 4th and Broadway.
The breath left his body as he watched Cas laughing, head thrown back, arm around another guy who was grinning back at him. Time slowed down as he watched Cas turn the corner and walk away, not a care in the world.
Blaring car horns and incoherent yelling shook Dean from his trance, and he let his foot off the brake, crawling across the intersection, not really seeing anything. He had enough sense to pull over the first chance he got. He threw his door open and stumbled to the curb, dry heaves wracking his body.
Charlie flew out of the car, clutching his shoulder. “Dean! What the fuck?! Oh my god!”
He shook off her hand, shaking his head. “Please, Charlie. Get me the fuck out of this city.” She put her hand back, guiding him to the passenger side of the car. He was too far gone to even care that she was going to drive his Baby.
Their trip back to Lawrence was hazy. They stopped for the night in Harrisburg where Dean polished off half a bottle of whiskey before Charlie took it and dumped the rest down the sink. He spent the night with his head in her lap, big silent tears rolling down his face. Charlie soothed him as best she could, whispering apologies over and over again.
Dean dropped her off at her dorm two days later. “I'm sorry I was terrible company.”
She leaned over and kissed his cheek before climbing out of the Impala. “You're going to survive this. You are. I'll do whatever I can to help, if you'll let me.”
Dean nodded and told her he would call her. Once back at The Roadhouse, he shot down any questions and asked Ellen when he could start taking shifts downstairs.
She put him to work the next day.
He was closing the bar up later that week when the door flew open, a hurricane of red hair and sass barrelling through the door.
“What's up, bitches!”
Sam looked up from the table he was wiping, startled by the intrusion. “What the fuck!”
“Language, Sammy!”
“Dean, I'm 18!”
He shook his head at his little brother. “Sam, this is Charlie. Charlie, this is my annoying little brother Sam. He's starting KU in the fall. Pre-law.” If Dean could feel anything still, it was pride in his brother's achievements.
“Fucking awesome, little brother! Nice to meet you! Maybe I'll see you around campus.”
“What are you doing here so late, Charlie? We were just about to close up.”
“I know,” She smiled wickedly. “That's why I'm here.” She wiggled her eyebrows and pulled out her iPod and some portable speakers. “Operation Get Over Your Ex is about to commence!”
He groaned. “Charlie, no come on. I don't want to think about him.”
“Exactly the point!” She slapped a twenty dollar bill onto the bar. “How many shots will that buy us? I'm getting you drunk tonight, princess!”
Dean rolled his eyes and poured them shots, even passing one over to Sam who looked at him in surprise. “What? You're 18 now .” He mimicked Sam with a wink. His smile felt foreign but he shrugged and knocked back two shots as Charlie set up her sound system.
She hit play and the bass of All American Rejects “Give You Hell ” started playing. Dean laughed for the first time in what felt like forever. Sam and Charlie both lit up at the sound and held their shots up to toast.
“To moving on!” Charlie clinked their shot glasses together.
“I'll drink to that.” Dean threw the shot back, the warmth settling in his chest.
When you see my face, hope it gives you hell!
When you walk away, hope it gives you hell!
Charlie played air guitar while Sam stood by, headbanging.
Dean shook his head, chuckling as he took another shot. The other two were singing at the top of their lungs as Charlie danced around the bar to pull Dean out from behind it. He let her, the bourbon making his body warm and his muscles loose. Their enthusiasm was contagious, and Dean decided to let go, throwing an arm over each of them as he sang.
Truth be told I miss you
Truth be told I'm LYING
The three of them kept at it, singing cheesy break up songs as the night wore on. Sam slipped upstairs around two in the morning, but Charlie and Dean stayed up, arguing over who shot first and whether or not Hermione should have ended up with Harry instead of Ron. They were out on the porch as Dean realized the sky was getting lighter, the sun rising on another day without Cas.
Dean hated mornings the most then.
He sighed and pulled Charlie into a hug. He pressed a kiss to the top of her head.
“Thanks, Red. Needed this.”
“One day you're going to wake up and it's not going to hurt, Dean. I swear.”
Dean sighed. “I'll let you know if it ever happens.”
He really, really wanted to believe her. But Dean knew better, and that dull ache never left his chest until the day he walked out of his kitchen to see Castiel Novak sitting at his bar once again.
Chapter Text
That week had felt like the longest week of Castiel’s life. He dropped Balthazar off at the airport, promising his friend he would try to protect his heart in case things didn't go as he hoped. The truth was, he didn’t know what would happen and all he could do was hope his trust in Dean wasn't unfounded. He sent Dean a text to see if he still wanted to get lunch but it went unanswered. It worried him, but Castiel wouldn’t let it overwhelm him.
Castiel tried to keep busy. He decided he would go to the bar if he hadn’t heard from Dean by the end of the week, but he woke to a text from Dean on Friday morning. Castiel was nervous all day, and he drove to The Roadhouse filled with trepidation.
Part of him assumed Dean called him there to ask him to just be friends, and Castiel told himself he'd be satisfied with that, happy to have Dean in his life in any capacity. He'd be lucky to call Dean his friend after what he had put Dean through. But that small, persistent part of his heart disagreed, knowing he would never truly be happy unless he could be with Dean, call Dean his again, maybe even live happily ever after.
It was cold when Castiel climbed out of his truck, the smell of rain in the air. A picture flashed briefly in his mind of him and Dean wrapped around each other as rain fell against the roof of his bedroom. He shook his head, not allowing himself the indulgence.
He pushed his way into The Roadhouse, finding Sam behind the bar. Castiel was surprised before he remembered Dean's last bartender had quit unexpectedly. He hurried over, smiling at Sam who returned his grin.
“How are ya, Cas?”
“Not sure yet, actually. Dean asked me to come.” Castiel looked around the bar but didn't see Dean. “Do you know, um—“ Castiel felt uncomfortable asking Sam about what had happened between Dean and Aaron so he stopped himself.
Sam smirked. “All I know is, he walked out of here with a box and shooting death glares at all of us. Dean didn't say much after that. Haven't seen the guy since.”
Castiel took a minute to digest this information. If Aaron left that same night, why hadn't Dean contacted him until Friday? He frowned and realized that must mean Dean only wanted to be friends. Castiel felt the air leave him. He took a long drink of the beer Sam put in front of him, his nerves jumping.
Sam’s eyes lit up and Cas heard a familiar noise. Castiel turned around to find Dean on the stage. He was afraid to see Dean, afraid Dean wouldn't be looking at him, that Dean was done with him.
It was a habit that Cas let his eyes roam up Dean's body, taking in his black boots, his bowlegs wrapped in dark denim, a white button up under a black waistcoat, buttons going up the middle. His hair was perfectly tossed, his beard trimmed down and almost reddish under the stage lights. Castiel’s mouth went dry as his eyes met Dean's. They were shining.
Castiel didn't hear a word of Dean's opening speech. He didn't snap out of his reverie until Dean sat down at the piano and started playing.
The notes of Keane’s “Somewhere Only We Know” poured from the piano. Castiel was still in awe of how well Dean played and made a note to ask Dean if he had been taking lessons all these years. Like always, Dean’s voice took Castiel’s breath away. Castiel smiled, hearing the familiar lyrics of Keane's "Somewhere Only We Know" and watching Dean’s expressions as he sang. Dean stopped looking at the keys and turned his gaze on Castiel, a shy look on his face.
I'm getting old and I need something to rely on. So tell me when, you're gonna let me in.
Is this the place we used to love?
Is this the place that I’ve been dreaming of?
Dean's eyes went back to his hands drifting across the keys. Castiel followed his gaze, his breath catching in his throat. He hadn't noticed the way Dean played, his strong hands looking almost delicate as they danced over the ivory. Dean always did amaze him.
The music swelled and Dean lifted his head to look at Castiel again as if he was the only other person in the room, as if the song was meant only for him.
And if you have a minute why don't we go,
Talk about it somewhere only we know
This could be the end of everything
So why don't we go, somewhere only we know.
Castiel felt his chest tighten. The end of everything? He couldn’t imagine after all of this, after all the years that had passed, his return, and the way they had started to come back to each other that Dean could want this to be the end. Castiel felt his heart breaking because he knew he didn’t deserve Dean, his wonderful family, or this bar that felt like a part of him. He feared Dean had spent the last week finally figuring that out.
Dean finished playing and jumped off the stage, walking towards him and Sam at the bar. Castiel swallowed thickly and prepared for Dean to ask him to leave. He only hoped that Dean would let him down quietly so he could leave without making a scene.
“Hey, Cas.” Dean reached past him to grab his pint glass. He tipped the rest of the beer back. “This is pretty good, if I do say so myself.” He gave Castiel a cheeky grin. “Do you think we could go for a ride? There’s something I want to show you.”
Castiel studied his face but saw nothing malicious there. He nodded and stood up. “Of course, Dean.”
“Sammy, you got this?”
“Yeah, don’t worry about the bar.” Sam smiled, a satisfied look on his face.
Castiel followed Dean to the back door, feeling light headed as they exited. Dean opened the passenger side of the Impala, an eyebrow raised and a small smile on his face. Castiel slid inside, and the smell of leather and a hint of cedar hit his senses. He took a deep breath, breathing in the familiar scent. His eyes followed Dean as he made his way around the car, climbing in behind the wheel as if it were a regular day, as if everything wasn’t hanging in the balance.
He stayed quiet as Dean drove, glancing occasionally at his profile, appreciating the man he had become. Castiel knew where they were going. Their spot; a place they had spent countless hours together, the only place they ever went that was just for them. Castiel looked for the familiar turn out but instead, noticed a driveway marked by a brick column with a mailbox built in, the numbers 776 carved in the tile under the box. A small light post came out of the top, lighting the entrance way with a warm glow.
Dean turned down the driveway, that same smile on his face. Small lights lit the way, the trees opening at the end to reveal a two story cabin with a wrap around porch. Light shone through the windows, making the house look welcoming. A large garage sat to the left and Dean parked the Impala right outside of it.
“Dean? What’s going on? Someone built a house here?”
Dean stayed silent as he climbed out of the car, coming around to let Castiel out. “I did, Cas. This is my house.” Dean gestured to the house and the yard next to it, lined by the beach. The old dock had been rebuilt, bigger now with a small gazebo at the end.
Castiel turned wide eyes on him. “How? I thought this was abandoned all the years we would come here.”
“It was. Remember when I told you about the unclaimed land behind The Roadhouse? When I bought it, I found out this was available too.” Dean slid his hands into his pockets. “It’s about ten acres total, stretching a mile down the beach in each direction. It wasn’t until about two years ago that I got serious about building here. Can I give you the tour?”
Dean’s eyes reflected the lights from the house, and Castiel could see the pride in them. He nodded eagerly.
They walked around the property, Dean explaining how he completed the dock first and graded the beach as well. Castiel followed Dean to the front door and hesitated, feeling like he shouldn’t be welcomed so easily into Dean’s home after all this time.
“Dean, I don’t know—“
Dean stopped, turning back to him. “It’s really ok, please. We’ll grab a few beers and go to the back, ok? I know we have a lot to talk about.” He held his hand out and Castiel stared for a moment before taking it. Dean’s hand was warm, and Castiel couldn’t stop himself from gripping it tightly, afraid of the moment when Dean would let go.
The inside of the house took Castiel’s breath away. From the hardwood floors to the natural wood siding, the open floor plan was warm and inviting. A large stone fireplace was to the left, facing an open living room with a large, cushy, dark gray sectional sofa. Opposite that was a spacious kitchen with a long island lined with barstools. More natural rock accented the oven and sink along the wall. Past the kitchen was a large dining table, big enough to seat eight.
Beyond the floor to ceiling windows was the back porch and a clear view of Lake Clinton, and the room opened up to a large conservatory in the back left corner of the house. Photos lined the wall behind the wooden staircase facing the living area. A bookcase was built into the outer side of the stairwell, crammed with books, more photos, and knick knacks.
Dean still held his hand as Castiel took in the room. “This is beautiful. It’s just so—you.”
He beamed and pulled Castiel through the room and into the kitchen. “I had a great architect out in OP. We worked for six months on the plans and he took every idea I had and made it work. Found an awesome contractor and he worked with us every step of the way.”
“Wait, us? You built this?” Castiel watched Dean blush and let go of his hand to pull two pint glasses out of the freezer.
He cleared his throat. “Yeah with Bobby and Sammy’s help. It was slow going but we got there. Had to hire out for the electrical and plumbing but otherwise, what you see is pretty much all us. I’m planning on using the same people for the hard stuff when the brewery is being built. The same architect helped me with those plans too.” Dean motioned for Castiel to follow as they approached the back deck. “I’ve been slowly moving in the last month, and I moved the last of it from The Roadhouse this week. It’s why I was so scarce. I meant to text you so many times but I really wanted to finish this before I saw you again.”
Dean opened the sliding door to the back deck, and Castiel thought this might be his favorite part of the house. It was almost the length of the house, the left side up against a pair of French doors that lead to the conservatory. It was fully enclosed, large square windows taking up the walls. A screen door led outside of the house and Castiel could see a trail to the beach from where he stood. There were built in couches under the windows, and on the side of the house, a mounted flat screen with a small counter, a sink, and a kegerator underneath. A low table sat in the middle with a small vintage basket filled with old baseballs sitting in the center.
“Take a seat, I’ve got the stout on tap. That still your favorite?”
Castiel nodded, sitting down on the comfortable sofa. Dean walked around the deck, turning on a few heaters that Castiel didn’t notice and pouring them beers. He sat down next to Castiel and turned towards him as he handed him a glass.
“The house is amazing, you should be very proud.”
Dean looked around and nodded. “Yeah. You know, when we would come here together, I imagined what a house might look like here. When we were building it, I thought it would finally be enough, that things would finally feel right. I put everything I had into this house, but I still felt like something was missing.” His eyes found Castiel’s.
Dean's words hit him hard and he took a drink, trying to compose himself. “Dean, have you looked around? You did it, all of it. Everything you always talked about doing, every plan, you saw it through.”
Dean shook his head. “Fuck.” He ran his hand down his face, tugging slightly on his beard. “No, I didn’t, Cas. Because all I ever wanted when I dreamed of these things was you by my side. Without that, I had nothing. All of this?” He gestured to the house. “All of this is just me going through the motions. Without you.” He sat back and took a long drink of his beer.
Castiel felt a tear slide down his face. He dropped his chin to his chest; he couldn’t look at Dean and the pain in his eyes. “I can never make up for what I did, Dean. Getting in that car and driving away from you was the worst moment of my entire life. And every single day after, I thought about you and our life here and what it was supposed to be.”
“Then why, Cas? Why did you leave me? I was going to—” Castiel looked up to find Dean’s eyes shining with tears. “All you had to do was stay.”
“I wanted to, I did. I honestly thought I would have been strong enough to say no to my father until it came time to actually do it. And I tried, Dean. I tried so damn hard. When he brought Michael with him to our graduation, it was to show me that if I chose you, all of my family would turn their backs on me.” He felt more tears glide down his cheeks. Talking about that day brought back the pain. He didn’t bother wiping the tears away. “Being with you, feeling like a part of your family, I realized how badly I wanted that with my own brothers, how I just wanted my father to be proud to call me his son. So I went with him. And I took every opportunity he gave me and hated every single moment.”
He looked out over the water, trying to gather his thoughts. Dean sat silently next to him. “My father died two years ago. He died and I don’t even know if he was ever really proud of me. He certainly never told me he was. And everything I did, everything I gave up for him was never enough. As for that perfect family I chased? I don’t even talk to my brother’s anymore, Gabe being the only exception. My sister lives in Washington and we don’t speak either.” He turned towards Dean then. “It was all for nothing, Dean. I left you and it was all for nothing.” He watched as the tears finally spilled down Dean’s cheeks. He squeezed his eyes shut at the sight, more of his own tears falling.
“I’m so sorry, Dean. I wish I could take it all back, and I would respect your wishes if you decided that you couldn’t have me in your life.”
Dean shook his head and cleared his throat, reaching out to wipe the tears from Castiel’s face, his thumb tracing lightly over his cheek. He used the back of his sleeve to wipe his own away. “I went to New York.”
Castiel looked at him, confused. “What?”
“About a month after you left. I figured that even if you didn’t want to come back, maybe you’d consider trying to do the long distance thing.” He finished his beer and set his glass on the table. “Charlie encouraged me. We drove all night and all through the next day. She used her powers for good and found your address. We were blocks away and I saw you, leaving a restaurant.”
Castiel racked his brain trying to think back to that time.
“You were leaving this restaurant and you had your arm around some guy. You were both laughing. You were laughing, Cas. I’d been drinking myself stupid for a month, shutting everyone out, and I was there to beg you to come home and you were happy. You were fine. Being without me looked good on you.” Dean fidgeted, twisting the hem of his vest in his hands. “Charlie had to drive us halfway home before I sobered up enough to drive the rest of the way. I decided then and there that I had to let you go.
Something clicked in Castiel’s mind. He knew exactly where he was and who he was with. “Dean. That was Gabriel.”
“What? Gabriel, lives-in-France Gabriel?”
“He flew back with us. When we were in Ibiza, I spent the week a lot like you did, intoxicated and trying to forget what I did. Gabriel came back with me. He really wanted to bring me back here but my father wouldn’t allow it. Gabe stayed with me for six months, helped me get set up in my own place. He moved out once I found a roommate. Oh my god, I can’t believe this. You were there, you were right there!” Castiel’s hands were shaking. “If I had seen you Dean, god. I can’t believe this.”
Dean got up to refill their glasses. “Would you have come with me though, really? What makes you think it would have been any different?” He looked sad when he sat back down, this time even closer to Castiel.
“I’d like to think I would have. I already knew I had made a mistake but I didn’t know how to fix it. I wish you could have just come with me.”
“I would have.” Dean’s voice was soft. “I would have followed you anywhere, if you had just asked.”
“And take you away from Sam? From your family? I couldn’t have asked you to do that, Dean. They mean too much to you and I knew that. I couldn’t rip apart your family. And at the time, I wasn’t sure you would have come.”
“Are you kidding me?” A fierceness took over Dean’s face. “ You were my family, too! When you left, you took my heart with you. I felt empty for ten years and then one day, you were back, sitting in my bar and all of a sudden I could breathe again.” Dean grabbed Castiel’s hand and pressed it to his own heart, covering it with his hands. “I got so used to the dull ache in my chest I didn’t even know it was there until it was gone. God damn it, Cas. I love you, I never stopped loving you.”
Castiel felt his heart swell, the words he’d been longing to hear for years coming from the only man he’d ever loved. He did the only thing he could do in that moment and closed the distance between them with a bruising kiss. His hand wrapped around Dean's neck to hold him closer. Dean's arm slid around his waist and pulled Castiel until there was no space between them. They kissed, gasping for breath as their lips reunited, neither easing up. Castiel couldn't think, his only coherent thought being Dean, Dean, Dean.
He pulled back for a moment, a sob escaping his lips as he swung a leg over Dean's lap, straddling him. He kissed him again, his mouth remembering every inch of Dean's lips, but something was different. Dean’s beard was soft, the hair tickling his chin. Their mouths still fit together perfectly, like they were made for each other. He was beginning to believe they were.
Castiel stopped, pulling away to bury his face in the curve of Dean's neck, breathing him in deeply. Dean let go of his hand to wrap his other arm around Cas, squeezing him tightly.
He pressed kisses to Dean's neck, making his way up. Dean moaned into the side of his neck, hands sliding up Castiel's back.
Between every kiss, Castiel whispered the words he had been wanting to say since he saw Dean again.
I love you.
I’m sorry.
I love you.
I will never stop loving you.
I'm yours.
I love you.
Dean pulled them apart, taking Castiel’s face in his hands and resting their foreheads together. His eyes were shut tight as he caught his breath.
“Dean.”
He opened his eyes slowly and looked at Castiel so intently he thought he would never be the same.
“I love you.”
Castiel watched as Dean's expression crumbled. He panicked, thinking he had somehow said the wrong thing, pushed Dean too far.
“Cas, I—” Dean took a shuddering breath that Castiel could feel travel down his body. “I need to know for sure that you're going to be in this with me. If we're going to do this again, you can't—I won't—”
Castiel locked their eyes together. “I'm not going anywhere, Dean. Never again.”
“Am I an idiot for trusting you? I mean, is this crazy? I waited for you and I thought about what I would say to you if you came back. I had a speech prepared and everything. I was so angry for so long, and then I woke up one day and I wasn’t mad anymore. It just hurt and I missed you.” He tugged on his beard and this time, Castiel pulled his hand away and laced their fingers together. “You were my first and last thought of every single day, no matter what I did. And then you were here and all I wanted to do was be close to you.” Dean leaned in and kissed Castiel softly. “I don’t want to be wrong about us, Cas.”
“Dean, I know this isn’t easy and I know that you can’t just forgive me, that this could take time, but I want you to know I will do everything in my power to prove that your faith in me, in us, is not misplaced. I’ll do whatever you wish of me, Dean, because you’re my home. When I’m with you, I’m home.” Castiel pulled Dean closer, wrapping his arms around him.
He could feel the tension bleeding out of Dean's body as he buried his face into Castiel’s chest. He threaded his hands through Dean's hair, pulling gently and rubbing his scalp softly. Dean hummed and hugged Castiel tighter.
A clap of thunder startled them both and Castiel tried to stifle a laugh. He felt Dean shaking in his embrace and he knew he was laughing too. Castiel threw his head back and let out a chuckle, his arms sliding down to Dean's shoulders. It felt like relief.
“Oh my God, that scared the shit out of me.” Dean was laughing so hard, he had to wipe a tear from his eye.
Castiel stared at Dean fondly as their laughter faded, watching him shake his head in disbelief. They both looked up as the sound of heavy rain fell on the roof, a steady drum. Dean pulled them back together then, kissing Castiel softly, slowly, like they had all the time in the world.
Castiel lost track of time, only hearing the rain and feeling the brush of Dean's lips against his. He had dreamt of this moment for so long, he couldn't bare to stop it. Dean pulled back first, nibbling and pulling at Castiel’s lower lip. He slid his hands down, fingers fitting perfectly to the curve of Castiel’s hips. He rubbed lightly over Castiel's shirt and the warmth of Dean’s hands made him weak.
“Cas?” Dean pressed his lips to Castiel's jaw. He hummed in response.
“Can you stay? We don't have to—I just really don't think I want to let you go tonight.” Dean looked at him as if he expected the answer to be no. As if Castiel could ever deny him anything.
“I'd love to stay.” Castiel pressed a soft kiss to the side of Dean's mouth. “My only concern is I left my truck back at the bar.”
“I'll text Sam, don't worry about that. He'll take care of it. Here, give me your key.” Dean untangled them, maneuvering Castiel back onto the couch. “Did you know you can open the door without pushing this little button? Did you seriously not read your manual?”
“I was a bit preoccupied when I got back to town. Also, I recall a handsome man promising to show me how it worked so, I haven’t bothered.” Castiel smirked.
Dean threw his head back and laughed. “Oh, well played sir. Maybe we can take her for a spin tomorrow.” He picked up their untouched glasses. “Do you want to finish these inside? I can make you something to eat if you’re hungry?”
“I had something quick before I left the house but I could eat. You don’t have to cook though, maybe just a snack?” He stood to follow Dean inside and watched as Dean flipped off the heaters and made sure the windows were secure. There was something about watching him care for his home that warmed Castiel deeply.
Dean held the door open as they made their way inside. “Make yourself comfortable, I’m going to make us some popcorn and get the fire going.” He followed Dean’s lead as he pulled off his boots, lining them up by the back door. He thought his brown boots looked good next to Dean’s black one’s, like they belonged together.
“Bee socks, huh?” Dean grinned. “Guess some things never change.” He gave Castiel a wink as he headed for the kitchen.
Castiel watched him walk away, appreciating the view. He turned to look around the open room, admiring the craftsmanship even more. He wandered over to the conservatory, appreciating the large glass windows and the open space. “I bet the acoustics in here are amazing.”
“Yeah, I wanted to get a piano for that room, but you know how expensive they are. Maybe one day.”
“That reminds me, have you been taking lessons all these years? You’re very good.”
Dean threw a look at him over his shoulder as he stood at the stove. “Actually, I’ve only ever played on that piano at the bar. Sometimes after I was done cleaning up, I’d give it a go before heading up to bed, but I only ever went off what you taught me.”
Castiel was impressed. “You have a natural talent, Dean. Seriously.” He wandered around the room, finding himself in front of the built-in bookcase. “It'd be nice to play together again.” He hoped he sounded as casual as he was trying to be.
He let his eyes wander over the shelves, and he heard Dean set the popcorn down on the table. Castiel felt his breath catch in his throat as strong arms wrapped around his waist, Dean's chin hooking over his shoulder.
“I'd like that, Cas.”
Castiel looked at the photos Dean had framed on the shelves. He recognized a few, the photo of Dean and Sam on Dean's first day at KU, a picture of Dean and the team their senior year. Cas remembered taking that one. There was a picture of the brothers with Jo, Ellen, and Bobby all wearing ugly Christmas sweaters. Bobby and Jo were scowling, Ellen beaming, and Dean holding Sam in a headlock. The picture couldn't have been more than a few years old. He brushed his fingers over the frame, smiling.
“Bobby and Jo lost a bet. They didn't think the Royals would go all the way that year.” Dean's warm breath on his neck made Castiel’s knees weak.
“I made Baz watch every game with me when they were in the World Series. I was ecstatic and I couldn't help imagining how happy you were too.”
Dean tightened his hold and sighed, pressing a soft kiss to Castiel’s neck. “Missed going to games with you, Cas.”
Castiel nodded. “I'm going to make up for that.” His eyes continued to roam across the shelves, freezing as they reached a stack of familiar notebooks. He gripped one of Dean's arms and reached out with the other to touch, in case what he was seeing wasn't real.
“Dean? Are these—I thought they got thrown out. I tore every box apart looking for these and you had them all along?” His entire collection of composition books were on Dean's shelf, as if they were always there. A miniature grand piano sat on top of them.
Castiel turned quickly in Dean's arms. “You kept them. Why? Why not just throw them away?”
“At first, they were going to be kindling.” Castiel flinched but Dean shook his head. “Sam and Jo had to uh, pack the room for me. I couldn't go back there. Sam packed them in a box that had a bunch of our stuff and shoved it in a dark corner of the shed.”
Dean let go of Cas to grab a piece of paper that was wedged between two notebooks. “I found the box awhile back when I was getting ready to move. I couldn't throw it away; we were in that box .” He held up the faded sign that used to hang on their door. “Look what else was in there.”
Most of the glitter was gone, and it was a bit faded, but the sentiment remained. Castiel looked at it in disbelief. Dean kept all of this, their history, and it was here for anyone to see. Castiel was in Dean's home in ways he never imagined. He cupped Dean's cheek in his hand, dragging his thumb across his plush lips. He tugged at the bottom lip, Dean's mouth falling open slightly, his breath hitching. Dean's eyes were burning, and he flicked his tongue out quickly to taste the tip of Castiel’s thumb.
The moment he laid his hands on Dean, Castiel was lost. They crashed together, chests heaving, hands frantically pulling at clothes, lips locked. Castiel fumbled with the buttons on Dean's waistcoat before pushing it off his shoulders. Dean pulled them towards the stairs, hands never leaving Castiel’s hips, sliding under his shirt, gripping and guiding them up the steps.
As he walked backwards he stumbled, landing halfway up the stairs, and Dean seized the opportunity, pushing himself between Cas’ open legs. He had Castiel’s shirt halfway open by then and pressed his mouth to Castiel’s collarbone, licking and sucking. A moan escaped Dean’s lips. Castiel hooked a leg around Dean's thighs, holding him in place. He bucked his hips, eliciting another groan from Dean.
“Cas… Oh my God, still taste so good.” Dean panted into his skin. “Upstairs—bed. Fuck, Cas.”
Castiel untangled from Dean, pushing Dean back to stand and turn to continue up the staircase. He felt Dean hook his fingers into his waistband and grip the back of his pants and Castiel couldn't breathe. They reached the top of the stairs, the hallway dark. He laughed and pulled Dean around in front of him. “I have no idea where I'm going.”
Dean snickered and wrapped his arms around him. “Don't worry, you'll know your way around soon enough.” He pushed Cas against the wall and licked into his mouth, and Cas felt like he was sealing the promise. Dean pulled back and grabbed Castiel’s hand, walking towards the open door at the end of the hall.
He turned on the light and Castiel gasped as he entered Dean's room. It seemed to take up half of the top floor, the ceiling vaulted with natural wood beams running across. He watched Dean walk across the room, sliding open a large set of glass doors to reveal a balcony, overlooking the lake. A large bed sat to the left, facing the open doors. In the corner of the room was another stone fireplace, and next to it a built-in nook with cushioned seats facing east. On his right was an open set of French doors, revealing the bathroom and a large walk in closet.
“Dean, this room! It's amazing.”
Dean was at the fireplace, lighting the prepared kindling. Fire bathed the room in a warm glow. The open doors invited the sound of the rain into the room, the scent of it mixing with the smell of burning cedar. Castiel wanted to spend the rest of his life in this room.
“Cas.” Dean's soft voice broke him out of his daydream. “C’mere.” He had moved to the foot of his bed, slowly unbuttoning his shirt.
As Castiel approached him, Dean reached out and pulled him close. He kissed him softly before pulling back.
“I built this room for you.” He unbuttoned Castiel’s shirt the rest of the way. Castiel couldn't breathe. “For us.” He slowly slid off Castiel’s belt. The sound of leather hitting the floor made Cas shiver.
“I thought of you, reading your books by the window.” Dean pulled open the button of his jeans. “I imagined us drinking our morning coffee on the balcony.” He slid the zipper of Cas’ pants down slowly.
“I dreamed about waking up with you in this bed. I never thought it would all come true.” He leaned in and kissed Cas’ tattoo, moving up to whisper in his ear. “I've only slept in it once since I finished it.” Dean pulled Cas’ earlobe into his mouth, biting gently. “And I couldn't help but touch myself when I thought of all the things I wanted to do to you in it.”
A moan escaped Castiel’s throat and he thought he might die then and there, and he’d be happy about it. He grabbed Dean's hips, intent on pushing him down on the bed.
Dean grabbed his wrists. “Ah, patience, Cas.” He pushed Castiel's hands down to his sides, keeping his burning gaze on him. He watched as Dean unrolled his sleeves slowly, pulled his shirt off, and finally dropped it on the floor.
Castiel was not expecting what he saw.
Long, black feathers were tattooed into Dean's skin, coming up over his shoulders and down both arms, almost to his elbows. The detail was exquisite, each feather shaded perfectly, almost as if they were fluttering. They took Castiel breath away. He placed a hand on Dean's shoulder, stroking slowly down each long line with his fingertips. Castiel nudged Dean and he turned, revealing where the feathers met in the middle, the rest of the wings cascading down his back. He slid his fingers over the art, feeling Dean's muscles jump at his touch. He pushed Dean's arms up, creating a perfect wingspan.
Castiel wanted to taste every single inch of skin. He was almost too captivated to notice, but as his eyes drifted over the planes of Dean's back, another tattoo caught his eye.
Down the length of Dean's left side was a gorgeous set of piano keys, drawn in wispy lines of black. He couldn't help but touch, his fingers playing notes into Dean's skin. Dean jumped at his touch.
“That one is a little sensitive still, it's only a few weeks old.” Dean turned back towards him.
“You—this is new?” Castiel couldn't believe it.
“Got it that day I saw you running on the highway.” Dean slid his hands across Castiel’s chest, kissing his jaw.
Castiel felt unworthy of everything. The thought soon faded as Dean worked his mouth across his chest. He gripped his hands as Dean started to push his shirt off. “I have something to show you, too.”
He pulled off his own shirt and held his arm open, the inside of his wrist turned up. He watched as Dean read what he had inked into his skin barely a week ago.
I carry your heart with me. I carry it in my heart.
Dean lifted his head to meet Cas’ gaze. “My poem. You did this for me.” Dean gripped Cas’ wrist and pulled it to his mouth, kissing the thin skin softly. “I love it.”
“Dean.” Castiel’s voice broke. “Your wings. I—I don't—” It was too much and not enough, all at the same time.
“No, Cas.” He pressed a kiss to the side of Castiel’s mouth. “They're your wings. I needed you wrapped around me, forever. Not having you in my life… this was closest I could get.”
Castiel kissed him deeply, using his hands to guide Dean down onto the bed, pushing his knees open and sliding into the space between them. He hovered over Dean, pressing soft kisses onto the tip of each feather, leaving a trail from one arm, across his throat, to his shoulders, and ending on the opposite side. While he worked, he could feel Dean squirming under him, his head tipped back into the sheets, one hand gripping Castiel's shoulder and the other clenching the sheets.
“I love you and I'm going to make sure you never regret loving me back, Dean. Never again.”
Dean's eyes snapped open and he grabbed Castiel’s shoulders. “Not one day has gone by I've regretted loving you, Cas. Never. I meant it when I said you were everything.” He pulled Castiel down to press along his body. Castiel could feel Dean's chest heaving as he wrapped his legs around him. He nosed at the place below Castiel ear and kissed his neck softly. “You're everything.”
Dean lifted his hips to grind against Castiel and he could feel his hardness through their pants. The room spun and his mind blanked out at the once familiar feeling. He groaned and pulled back; they were both still wearing too many clothes. Dean let him take the lead, watching Castiel push himself off the bed.
The light of the fire reflected off Dean’s skin, and shadows flickered over Dean's body. Castiel licked his lips and felt his cock twitch as he watched Dean squirm under his gaze. He wanted to take him apart. Castiel pulled Dean's pants down his legs, dropping them on the floor. Then he kicked his own pants off before he climbed back on the bed.
Dean was spread out, his eyes locked on Castiel, and Castiel couldn’t decide where to start.
“You're thinking too loud, Cas.” Dean sat up and pulled Castiel towards him, guiding his legs to straddle Dean’s hips again. He pushed Castiel’s hair off his forehead and kissed him softly. “Are you okay with this?”
Castiel pressed his forehead to Dean's. “Are you? I don't want to rush you.”
Dean chuckled and gripped Cas’ hand. “What do you think?” He slid his hands around to Castiel’s back and scratched softly up Castiel’s spine as his mouth latched onto Castiel’s shoulder, sucking lightly.
Castiel rubbed his hand over Dean's hard length, slipping two fingers down the waistband of Dean’s boxer briefs, sliding and dipping his hand deeper and deeper.
“Touch me, please. I've waited so long for you to touch me again. Need you so bad, Cas.”
Castiel didn't need to be told twice. He pushed Dean down and rocked up to his knees. Dean's hands slid around and gripped his hips, digging his thumbs into the dips, dragging them along the hard lines of Castiel’s stomach. He grabbed one of Dean's hands and pulled it to his mouth, kissing the open palm and sucking Dean’s thumb into his mouth. Dean moaned, a deep, guttural sound that hit Castiel in all the right places.
He let go of Dean’s hand and shuffled back, pulling Dean's underwear off as he went. Not giving Dean any time to think, he dropped down, biting his hip and and licking long stripes along Dean's skin. Another tattoo caught his eye, it was on Dean's right hip and down his thigh. It was too dark to read the words, so Castiel just used his mouth to worship the art, kissing and licking down the tattoo.
The sounds Dean made had him aching, and he dragged his mouth to the inside of Dean's thighs, nipping lightly at the skin. Dean panted as he took a fistful of Cas’ hair and tugged lightly. Castiel moaned, his mouth open against the base of Dean's cock, and he licked a long, wide stripe up Dean’s length and took the head into his mouth in one sinful motion. He still remembered how Dean tasted, how the weight of his cock felt on his tongue.
Castiel slid his mouth down, humming lightly. Dean gasped, and it lit a fire in Castiel’s belly. He slid his mouth up and down faster, obscene noises coming from both of them. Dean's legs were spread wide, and he thrust lightly into Castiel’s mouth. Castiel felt a tug on his hair and he looked up through his eyelashes to see Dean shaking his head. He pulled off of Dean's dick, grabbing it and licking the tip, swirling his tongue around the head. Castiel kissed down the length, pressing his tongue to the base and lower, working his mouth around Dean's balls, sucking them into his mouth.
Dean squirmed, and it urged Castiel to slow down even more, taking his time as he took Dean apart. He pushed Dean's thighs up and spread his legs open wider, his heels resting on Castiel’s shoulders. He slid the tip of his tongue down further still until he found Dean's hole, licking it lightly and swirling around the ring of muscle.
Dean had one hand clenching Castiel’s hair and was chanting his name, spurring Castiel to flatten his tongue and lick long stripes against him. He slid his mouth over, kissing and sucking marks into his cheeks.
Dean whined, and it only made Cas want to make him scream louder. He slid up Dean’s body and silenced him with his mouth, letting Dean taste himself. Dean kissed him greedily and smiled.
“You taste so good, Dean.”
Dean hooked one leg over Cas’s thighs and nodded, pulling him back to lick deep into Castiel’s mouth. He broke their kiss to bite Castiel’s shoulder, gasping into his skin. “Fuck me, Cas. Oh God, I need you to fuck me.”
“Anything you want.” Castiel dipped down to kiss Dean’s chest, licking and sucking at his nipples, pinching one as he pulled the other in his mouth. Dean moaned, and Castiel stopped his onslaught to trace Dean's lips with his finger, pulling his bottom lip down with his thumb and slipping two fingers into Dean’s mouth. Dean grabbed his wrist and sucked Castiel’s fingers, wetting them as much as he could. Castiel pulled his hand free and slid it between Dean's legs, sliding down to open him up.
“This would be better with lube,” Castiel murmured his request into Dean's neck.
He panted out an answer. “Top drawer, my side of the bed. Fuck, Cas, hurry baby.”
Castiel smirked and stretched over to the top drawer on the left, finding a new bottle of lube and a strip of condoms. He pulled them all out and left the condoms next to Dean's head, sitting back on his haunches as he flipped open the bottle of lube. He coated his fingers and dripped some right onto Dean's hole and spread the slick around Dean's rim. Castiel’s breath hitched as one finger slid in.
Dean was flushed and squirming against the white sheets, and Castiel thought he'd never get tired of looking at Dean like this. He leaned down to kiss Dean as he worked another finger into him.
“You're so fucking beautiful. I wish you could see what I see.” Dean moaned and fucked himself onto Castiel’s fingers as he added another. He twisted his fingers, wanting to pull as many beautiful noises out of Dean as he could. Castiel leaned down and kissed him, smoothing his hair back. “Are you ready, Dean? You feel so good.”
Dean arched up, gasping into Castiel’s mouth. “Yes! God yes!” Castiel slipped his fingers out of Dean as he pulled his boxers off. Dean whined at the loss and twisted in the sheets, reaching for Castiel.
“Shhh, patience, Dean.” He smiled coyly as Dean cracked an eye open and glared at him. He grabbed Dean’s hand and pulled it to his dick as he reached for a condom. He cried out as Dean wrapped his hand around him, gripping tight and stroking him. His pulled Dean’s hand off him to roll the condom on, then slicked himself up with more lube. Castiel ran his fingers over Dean’s hole again, dipping inside before spreading Dean’s thighs wide and lining himself up. He lifted Dean’s hips, hooking his arms around Dean’s legs as he pushed into him. A long, low moan fell from Dean’s lips. Castiel sank all the way into Dean, his hips resting against his thighs, letting Dean adjust before he moved.
Pulling Dean’s legs around him, he sank down, caging Dean’s head with his arms. Castiel ran both hands through Dean’s hair and pressed kisses to his forehead, his cheeks, his lips. Dean looked up at him, green eyes shining, and it took Castiel’s breath away. All the lost time, the pain he caused, every selfish thing he did to the man under him and there they were, wrapped around each other, Dean’s forgiveness and his love filling Castiel’s heart.
“I love you, Dean.” He cupped Dean’s cheek, kissing him again and again. “I don’t deserve you.”
Dean shook his head. “I’m yours, Cas. I’ve always been yours.” Castiel shut his eyes, feeling Dean’s legs tighten around his hips. He started moving, sliding in and out of Dean, locking his lips onto the curve of Dean’s neck as Dean wrapped his arms around Castiel’s shoulders, gripping him tightly. Their voices filled the room, the warmth of Dean’s breath on his skin, and Castiel burnt from the inside out.
Dean’s grip tightened around him and Castiel knew he was getting close. He leaned in to run his tongue over the shell of Dean’s ear. “Turn over, Dean, I want to see those beautiful wings.” He eased up, swinging Dean’s leg over to flip him onto his stomach in one smooth motion. Dean groaned as Castiel gripped his hips, pulling him close to sink into him as deeply as Castiel could. Dean pressed his chest to the bed and lifted his hips, the curve of his back catching the firelight, allowing Cas to press into him deeper.
Castiel leaned down, pushing Dean’s arms above his head, and the wings spread open as if Dean was in flight. The sight was breathtaking, and Castiel wanted to make sure Dean understood how much he appreciated and adored the magnificent art Dean had chosen to carry with him forever in honor of Castiel.
He ran both hands over Dean's back, sliding his palms over both shoulders and down the firm lines of his back. “These are mine, you are mine.” Dean's response was a muffled groan, and it filled Castiel with yearning.
He draped himself over Dean’s back, kissing and running his tongue along each feather, moving slowly until Dean writhed and begged beneath him. He slid his hands until they locked around Dean’s wrists. Dean turned his head to capture Castiel’s mouth in a bruising kiss.
“Cas…” Dean’s breathing sped up. “I’m so close baby, please. I want to see you.” Castiel grinned against his mouth, lifting himself up to turn Dean over again. He wove their hands together and their eyes locked. Dean’s legs wrapped around Castiel again as Castiel thrust into him.
“Come, Dean.” He didn’t take his eyes off Dean’s face as Dean fell apart. Watching him, hearing his name falling from Dean’s lips had him letting go, and Castiel filled Dean with everything he had. Castiel buried his face into Dean’s neck, kissing softly, and caught his breath. He had thought about Dean, about feeling him, loving him, and being accepted by him so much he was in a daze that it was all real.
Castiel was overwhelmed as he slipped out of Dean and rolled to his side. Dean distracted him by leaning over and kissing his shoulder. “There’s wet wipes in the top drawer, your side. You’re on cleanup duty.” He could feel Dean’s smile against his skin; it calmed him. “Trash can’s over there too.”
Castiel leaned over and opened the drawer. He found the container of wipes and cleaned them both up, throwing away the condom and making sure Dean’s skin was free of any mess. Hearing Dean laugh as he tickled his fingers over his stomach was the sweetest sound in the world.
“Ok, sweetheart, lift that fine ass up and get under these blankets with me.” Dean pinched his thigh and Castiel laughed as he slipped under the sheets, letting Dean pull him into his arms and wrap the blankets around them. Castiel felt light, lighter than he could remember feeling in far too long. Dean wrapped his arms around Castiel as he settled his head on Dean’s chest, hooking one leg over Dean’s.
He ran his fingers up and down the trees inked into Dean’s arm. “When I first saw this tattoo, I thought it was so sexy.” Dean hummed. “It reminded me of being here with you.”
Dean’s arm tightened around him. “That’s because it is here. We had to remove a few of the trees to clear the land for the house, but I found this really cool company that relocates them instead of just tearing them down. Had them all moved over to The Roadhouse. They’re going to shade the patio area of the brewery.”
Castiel propped himself up to look at Dean. “That’s amazing. I didn’t even know you could do that.”
Dean shrugged and ran his fingertips along Castiel bare shoulders. “You always talked about how important it was to take care of our planet and stuff. I always loved listening to you be passionate about things. Some of it must have stuck. Turned me into a tree hugger, Cas.” He winked and Castiel kissed him. “Anyways, I took some photos of the trees to Garth and he did his magic.”
“Did he do the wings as well?”
“He did. They took almost a year, what with all the sessions and the healing in between.”
“Did it hurt terribly?” Castiel chewed on his bottom lip knowing all that work had to be painful.
Dean shook his head and used his thumb to pull Castiel’s lip free. He stroked Cas’ cheek lightly. “It was worth it, every second. You were always with me, Cas. And now that you’re here, I’m not letting you go.”
Castiel closed his eyes and kissed Dean again, thanking the stars for allowing him back into Dean’s arms. Dean held him tightly, and the sound of the rain on the roof lulled them into sweet dreams.
Chapter Text
It wasn’t the muted light of the gray morning sky that woke Dean up, but a warm hand drifting over the bare skin of his stomach and a heavy leg sliding between his own. He slid his hand down the arm and wove his fingers with Castiel’s, breathing in his scent of cinnamon and vanilla. Dean kept his eyes closed, afraid if he opened them, he could wake up to find it had all been a dream. He wasn’t ready to face that.
He snuggled deeper into the nest of blankets around them, and it wasn’t until he felt Cas’ warm breath ghosting over his shoulders that he decided it was safe to open his eyes. Even though the room looked the same, Dean knew everything had changed. He pulled Cas’ hand up to his lips and kissed each knuckle softly. Castiel let out a breathy sigh and nuzzled into his back. Dean decided to lay there for a few more minutes, enjoying their warmth.
Dean eventually slipped out of bed. It was cold outside the blankets. He tucked them around Cas, grabbed his robe from the closet, and adjusted the thermostat from his phone. He built the fire back up and slipped downstairs to start the coffee and make breakfast. As he waited for the coffee to brew, he thought back to earlier in the week when his family was there, helping him unpack.
Bobby worked in in the wood shop. Sam set up the bookshelf, and Jo hung the pictures in the stairwell. Ellen was with Dean in the kitchen, and they unwrapped the kitchenware and put it away.
“How you doin’ baby? You've been quiet all morning.” Ellen closed the cabinet she had just filled with mugs.
“I'm fine, mama. Really.” Dean flattened the box that held his plates and bowls. “Just ready to be done here.”
“Have you talked to Cas?”
Dean glanced towards the living room and noticed Sam and Jo pretending to not listen. He rolled his eyes and looked back towards Ellen's expectant face.
“No. Not since Friday.”
“Dean! That was five days ago!”
“I know, I just—I didn't want to bother him while Balthazar was still in town.” Dean rubbed the back of his neck.
“Baz left on Monday!” Sam was always quick to call him on his shit.
“Yes, thank you, Sam. You're so helpful!” Dean glared at his little brother who was smirking as he unpacked more books.
Ellen pulled a few pint glasses from their new place in the cabinet to pour them all some sweet tea. Dean would rather have some whiskey, knowing where this conversation was headed, but he knew Ellen hated it when he drank before noon. He accepted the glass of tea and leaned against the counter. Jo and Sam wandered over to sit at the kitchen island, grateful for the break.
“What are you going to do, Dean?” Ellen’s eyes were filled with concern.
“I think you should tell him to fuck off.” Jo crossed her arms and stared Dean down. Dean clenched his jaw and stared right back.
Ellen slammed her glass down on the counter. “Joanna Beth!”
“No, mom! He’s being ridiculous even considering taking Castiel back, ok? Sure, he was family once but he screwed up, big time. Dean deserves the best! So that wasn’t Aaron, but that doesn’t mean there isn’t someone better out there!” Sam put a hand on her arm and she shrugged it off. “I just don’t want to see you get hurt again, Dean.”
Dean leveled his gaze and looked at Jo. “You love Charlie, right?”
She startled, not expecting that reaction. “Yes…” She was hesitant with her answer.
“Well, I love Cas. I’ve known Cas was the one for me since I was 19 years old. Him leaving didn’t change that.” Dean’s voice was steady. “I asked you if you loved Charlie and you said yes, and there’s no question about whether that is the truth or not. I’m just asking for the same.”
Sam cleared his throat. “I think what Jo is trying to say is we just want you to be careful. We loved Cas too, you know? But we were the ones who had to clean up his mess, Dean.”
Dean made a disgusted noise in the back of his throat. “Mess? Nice, Sammy.”
“I’m sorry Dean, but you were a mess. When he left, I lost my brother for a while. Watching you destroy yourself with booze every night was horrible.”
Dean flinched, feeling his heart break a little. “I don’t know if I ever told you all how much I—“
“Stop.” Sam held out his hand. “That isn’t why I mentioned it, ok? We know, Dean. And we want you to be happy, but you understand our apprehension?”
Dean nodded. “I appreciate you guys wanting to protect me, I do. But please, trust me. I didn’t exactly shout it from the rooftops, but we’ve spent some time together these last few weeks and I forgot how easy it was just to be near him.” Dean shook his head. “He just—He gets me. He always has. I don’t have to pretend or watch what I say or do, or worry if he is going to judge me or criticize something I enjoy.” He smiled. “Cas always makes me feel like the best version of myself. Isn’t that important?”
Sam and Jo looked at each other and at least had the decency to look a little ashamed. Ellen gathered Dean up in a hug, only letting him go to pour everyone refills.
“You kids know Bobby and I were both married before. When I lost Jo’s daddy, I felt like I’d never be right again.” She pressed a kiss to Jo’s head. Dean knew Jo’s dad passed away when she was a baby, but Ellen rarely talked about her first husband. “I miss him and I see so much of him in Jo. But I never imagined I’d fall in love again, let alone with a man who was such a good friend to us both.”
They hadn’t noticed the door opening and were startled when Bobby started speaking. “It was cancer that took my Karen.” Dean blinked in amazement. Bobby never spoke of his first wife, and it was a general rule that no one ever asked about her. “I think about her every single day. I know she’d be glad that I’m happy, that Ellen kicks my ass the way she does.” Ellen and Bobby exchanged a secret smile and Dean’s face grew warm, feeling like he was intruding on something private.
“Now I’m gonna tell you exactly what I told that other idjit when he came back: not everyone gets a second chance. There’s so much damn misery in this world, you should hang on to any happiness that comes your way.” Ellen moved next to Bobby as he spoke, and he wound an arm around her waist. “Whatever you decide, Dean, you have our support.”
Bobby turned and pointed at Sam and Jo, shock painted on their faces. “And you two, trust your brother. He’s a grown man and he can make his own decisions. Your only job is to back him up.” He looked around the kitchen. “If we’re done here, I’d like to take your mama home now, that all right with you three?”
Dean nodded, still blown away by the admission of feelings from Bobby. It was something that happened so infrequently Dean could count the number of times on one hand. He watched his parents leave and was reminded of how lucky he was to have them. He turned to the cabinet next to the fridge and pulled down a bottle of Jameson and filled three tumblers. Two drinks neat for him and Jo, and he added a splash of ginger ale to Sam’s.
He held up his glass. “I’d really appreciate your blessing. I don’t think I can do this without it.” He dug into his pocket and put the black leather box in front of them. Jo choked on her drink. Sam slapped her on the back. Dean sipped his whiskey, staring at them with amusement.
“You’ve gotta be shitting me.” Jo snatched up the box and opened it, gasping at the ring inside. “When the fuck did you get this, Dean?”
“Senior year. I was going to ask him the night of graduation.” He looked at Sam who was studying his face. “You’re not surprised.”
“I found the ring in your pocket one night when you had too much to drink and passed out in my bed.” Sam raised an eyebrow at him. “When did you start carrying it around again?”
Dean shook his head and smiled. He never could get anything past Sam. “Since the day I saw him at The Roadhouse.”
“Sap.” Sam smirked, shook his head fondly and Dean grinned.
Jo chugged the rest of her whiskey and looked at Dean. “So, you’re really going to do this then? You’re sure?”
Dean nodded. “I am.” He shrugged. “I love him. I’m not going to lose anymore time with him.”
She refilled her glass. “He fucks up again and they won’t be able to find the body.”
Dean threw his head back and laughed. He kissed Jo on the cheek and messed up Sam’s hair. “Thank you, both of you.”
***
Dean loaded the breakfast tray: a carafe of coffee and two mugs, along with two toasted bagels, smeared with cream cheese and drizzled with honey. He grabbed the newspaper off the front porch and noticed Sam had brought Cas’ truck back and parked it next to the Impala in the driveway. Dean looked at the two cars, parked side by side, and hoped he’d see them there together for a long time. He stared at the tray, rearranging it more than once, indecision and the need to move forward warring inside of him. He finally put the newspaper down in the middle of the tray and made his way back upstairs.
Cas was still sleeping when he got back to the bedroom. Dean took a moment to appreciate the man in his bed. Cas had one leg sticking out of the blankets, his skin golden against the white sheets. His back was facing Dean, and his dark hair peeked out of the top of the blankets, sticking up in tufts, wild from sleep and their activities from the night before. He licked his lips before dropping his robe and climbing back into bed, pressing his body into Cas.
He couldn’t help but press kisses to Castiel’s broad shoulders. Cas stirred, a small moan falling from his lips. Dean snaked an arm around Cas’ waist and stroked his soft skin. Cas turned in his arms, a smile on his face. Dean slid one hand into his hair and laid the other flat against Cas’ back.
“Oh good, it wasn’t a dream.” Cas scooted closer, kissing Dean as he pushed one leg between Dean’s, winding them together.
Dean smiled against his lips. “Definitely not a dream. I went down and made some breakfast. Brought us some coffee. Grabbed the paper for you, too.” Dean untangled from Cas and sat up, leaning over to grab the tray.
Cas sat up and leaned back against the headboard, humming appreciatively as Dean poured two cups of coffee. “Breakfast in bed? A guy could get used to this.” Castiel’s smile was soft when Dean looked up at him.
“I was kinda hoping you would.” Dean slid the tray between them and Cas picked up a mug to take a sip. Dean took a deep breath, swallowing down his nerves. He picked up the newspaper to reveal the ring box. “I really want to wake up next to you, for the rest of our lives.”
Castiel’s mug froze midway to his lips, and he stared unblinkingly at the box. “Dean?”
Dean picked it up and opened it, holding it open for him. “Marry me, Cas.”
He pulled out the ring—the same simple black tungsten band inlaid with a thin strip of metallic blue—and watched as Cas’ eyes filled with tears. Both their hands shook as Dean reached for Cas’ left hand. “I know that people are going to think it's too fast but I don't care. We might have ten years of blanks to fill, but you're still the man I fell in love with, and not a damn thing is gonna change that.”
Tears spilled down Cas’ cheeks and Dean leaned in to kiss them away. “I don't deserve you, Dean. All the mistakes I made, and you're still sitting here with this beautiful ring…” Castiel looked into Dean's eyes. “I don't want you to regret any of this.”
Dean stared into Cas’ scared eyes. Ten years of loneliness and this man in front of him was all he ever saw. Yes, mistakes were made, but this was Cas, his Cas, and after their talk last night, knowing Cas left because he felt like he had no other choice, knowing he never stopped loving him, Dean knew he was making the right choice.
“Ten years ago, I watched you drive away from me. This ring was in my pocket. I was going to bring you here and ask you to marry me. I wanted to wait for the perfect moment and I thought graduation night was it.” Dean chuckled. “What I should have done was ask you while we were walking around campus and the sun made your eyes glow in a way that made me feel warm, or when you would stretch your legs over my lap when we studied in bed, or at The Roadhouse while you helped me do the dishes.” He squeezed Cas’ hand tighter. “Maybe if I'd seen that every single moment with you was the perfect moment, things might have been different. But it didn't work that way for us, Cas.”
Dean kissed him, Cas’ lips salty from the tears. “We've got ten years to make up for. My biggest regret would be if we wasted anymore time apart. One mistake will not define us. I want to be your husband. And I want you to be mine. Please?” Dean held the ring up and Cas nodded vigorously. His heart felt like it was going to burst.
“Yes, Dean. Of course, yes. I’d be proud to be your husband.” A sob escaped his mouth as Dean slipped the ring on his finger. It was the perfect fit.
Dean grinned as Cas threw his arms around his neck, kissing him long and deep. He slid his arms around Cas’ waist and held on, not breaking their kiss for what felt like ages. Dean finally pulled back, laying kisses across Castiel’s cheeks, the tip of his nose, and his chin. “Your coffee's getting cold, angel.” He couldn’t stop smiling as he watched Cas reach for his mug again, the blue stripe of tungsten running through the middle of the ring glinted in the light.
“This ring is perfect, Dean. I love it.” Cas held his hand out to admire it as they ate their bagels. “I can’t believe you’ve had it all this time.” Castiel turned a serious face towards him. “Is your family going to be okay with this?”
“Sam’s on board, of course. Jo has upped her game to death threats but you could probably outrun her. Ellen and Bobby just want us to be happy. They’re big believers in second chances.” Dean set the tray back on the bedside table after topping off their mugs. They settled back into the blankets, his arm around Cas who had reached up to lace their fingers together. Dean could feel the warmth of the ring against his skin and he pulled Castiel tighter to his chest.
“What is Baz gonna say?” Dean buried his face into Cas’ hair.
Castiel groaned. “He’s going to be insufferable, I’m warning you now. He will insist on planning everything.” Castiel put a hand over his eyes. “It’s not too late to back out, you know.”
Dean laughed. “Bring it, baby.” Dean grabbed his phone from the nightstand. “Come on, let’s send him a picture. Might as well give him my number now, right?”
Cas shook his head. “You’re going to regret this. You’re subjecting yourself to texts and calls at all hours of the day and night. He has no filter, Dean.”
Dean laughed so hard he could barely catch his breath. “Oh, we’re definitely sending the picture now.” Cas covered his face partially with his left hand and Dean leaned in to kiss his cheek and took the picture. He let Cas compose the text and save Baz’s number to his phone. It was less than a minute before the messages came in.
Baz: ARE YOU TWO NAKED?
Baz: IS THAT A RING?!
Dean’s phone rang, and Cas shook his head. “I told you, Dean. You’ve opened the floodgates.”
Dean slid his finger across the screen to answer the phone and pushed it towards Cas. “Have at it, sweetheart.” He laughed again as he heard Baz yelling through the phone. Cas told him to shut up so he could explain the last twenty-four hours.
Dean didn't give him much time to catch Baz up, sliding down Cas’ body, lips practically glued to him. He worked his mouth down Cas’ collarbone, biting gently. Castiel squirmed under him.
He stuttered over his words as Dean slid lower, capturing a dark, hard nipple in his mouth. Dean licked and sucked around the sensitive skin, and he kissed the dark freckle over Cas’ right nipple.
Castiel groaned and Dean could still hear Baz yelling through the phone. He laughed against Castiel’s stomach, earning himself a glare. Cas pulled the phone from his ear and jabbed the screen with his finger, turning on the speakerphone.
“—have got to be kidding me, Cassie, what is going on over there? While it is admittedly hot to listen to you two get it on, it's entirely ridiculous!”
Dean giggled and Castiel stuffed his fist in his mouth to keep his own laughter from being heard.
“Are you two wankers laughing? He's turned you into a monster. Ok, I'm hanging up. Congratulations, you assholes.”
Castiel laughed while answering Baz. “Thank you. Dean would thank you but his mouth is full.”
Dean shook his head, laughing as he licked Castiel hipbone.
“Ugh, enjoy your blowjob. I hate you a little right now.” The call disconnected and Dean watched Cas toss the phone to his side and look down at him. He grinned and sucked a mark into Cas’ hip.
Dean found Castiel hard and dripping when he made his way to Cas’ cock. He dipped his tongue in the slit, savoring the salty taste, then took the head in his mouth and swirled his tongue as Castiel stroked his cheek.
“You're so beautiful, wrapped around me.” Castiel thumbed at Dean's lip, rolling his hips slowly as Dean sucked him down deeper. He hummed, feeling Cas grip his hair a little tighter, and slid his mouth up and down Cas’ cock, loving the feeling of it hitting the back of his throat.
It didn't take long for Cas to groan and grip Dean's hair with both hands. Dean looked up at him through his eyelashes. Castiel’s head was thrown back into the pillows, the long column of his throat exposed.
“Dean—Dean, I'm going to come, oh God.” Dean squeezed Cas’ thighs, sliding a hand up his belly and flattening his palm against the smooth skin. He moaned as Cas’ release hit the back of his throat, filling his senses. Dean swallowed it down, licking and sucking up every drop. He pulled off of Cas, sliding himself back up to gather Cas in his arms.
Dean nosed at Castiel’s throat, nibbling at the strong cut of his jaw. He was catching his breath before turning his head to capture Dean's mouth with his. “I'd almost forgotten how dangerous your mouth is.” His head dropped back into the pillows.
“Guess I'll have to spend the weekend making sure you never forget again.” He had his face buried in Castiel’s neck, breathing him in.
“How about the rest of our lives?”
Dean smiled, thinking about how much better that sounded.
***
They broke the news to their families; Dean called Ellen and Bobby first, and both of them were thrilled at the news.
He held Cas as he called Gabe, soothing his nerves and grinning when Gabe’s excited shouts echoed through the phone. Dean and Gabe spoke for almost an hour. Gabe made it very clear he would end Dean if he hurt his little brother. Dean made him promise to come visit them soon.
They called Sam next. Dean asked him to be his best man and Sam accepted, the happiness in his voice was palpable. They conferenced in Jo and Charlie, and Charlie cut Jo off before she could get her entire promise of bodily harm out, should Castiel mess up. Cas gave Dean a long side glance, and Dean couldn't help but laugh.
They spent the rest of the weekend wrapped around each other, occasionally coming up for air and food. Aside from a quick trip to Castiel’s house for clothes, they stayed in and got reacquainted with each other's bodies.
Dean was reluctant to let Cas go when Monday rolled around. He woke up extra early to pack Cas lunch, knowing Cas wouldn’t have time to stop and eat. He also wrapped up a bagel and filled a thermos full of coffee to take on the road. Cas blushed when Dean held his little care package out to him as they walked to their cars.
“Dean, you didn’t have to do this.” Cas accepted the lunch bag with a shy smile.
“Well, I can’t make it over to your office today so this was the best I could do. But we are having dinner later, right?”
“Of course.”
He kissed Cas before he drove away, back to reality after their amazing weekend. Part of him wondered if they could maintain the giddy feeling of being together again, and another realized maybe it wouldn’t always feel like this, but between him and Cas, it would always feel special.
They spent every night together. Dean was thrilled to cook dinner for them, feeling content when Cas arrived at his house after work. He was happy to sit in the kitchen, drinking beer while Dean cooked, talking about each other’s days. Cas would help him clean up after, and then they would end up on the couch, his fiance working on his laptop, Dean’s head in Cas’ lap as he read a book or went over plans for the brewery. On the nights he worked late giving guitar lessons at The Y, Cas would be waiting at his house with pizza—sausage and pepperoni—and a smile so wide Dean had to kiss it off his face.
The pizza tasted good re-heated anyways.
Dean invited everyone back for Open Mic. He definitely owed them drinks and dinner after the last time. Thinking about what happened with Aaron in front of his family, in front of Cas, and knowing he could have prevented it all just by having a single conversation made him feel like an idiot. Regardless, the only thing he could do is move forward and hope his friends could see past all the recent drama.
His fears were settled when everyone accepted his invitation. Dean was sure the free food and drinks didn’t hurt either.
Friday morning found him at Charlie’s, prepping dinner for later that night. She had offered to help him when he suggested cooking a few lasagnas to serve to everyone. She was grating a mountain of cheese while Dean made the tomato sauce from scratch.
“You haven’t stopped smiling since you got here, Winchester.” Charlie grinned.
He felt his face heat up and he shrugged. “I’m happy, Char. I still can’t believe he’s here and—” Dean shook his head, feeling himself get choked up. “This is dumb, I’m sorry, ignore me.”
Charlie put the grater down and came to stand at his side. “Do you know how thrilled I am for you? I’ve only ever known you without Cas, and there’s only been a handful of times where I’ve seen you this happy. It’s a good look on you, Dean.” She hugged him, pressing her cheek to his chest.
“So you don’t think we’re moving too fast?” Dean kept telling himself he didn’t care what anyone thought but this was Charlie. Her approval meant the world to him.
She pulled back, shaking her head. “No way. I hate when people assume they know what’s best for someone else. If you’re confident with your decision, I’ll back your play.” She went back to her cheese. “You’re a grown up, you can make grown up decisions. And if it goes to hell, I’ll bring the tequila.”
Dean laughed and knocked on the wooden countertop. “Here’s hoping we can just drink tequila for future celebrations.”
Charlie had a mischievous glint in her eye as she pulled open the freezer. “How about now?”
She poured them both a shot of Patron and held up her glass. “To the future Mr. and Mr. Winchester!” She paused. “Winchester-Novak? Novak-Winchester?”
Dean blushed and cleared his throat. “He wants to take Winchester. Who am I to argue?” He tipped his glass and raised an eyebrow. “Cheers!”
***
After he dropped off the lasagna at The Roadhouse, Dean swung by Cas’ to grab him a change of clothes for later that night. There were still boxes to be unpacked, and it made Dean a little sad to think Cas hadn’t felt comfortable enough yet to make his house feel like home. Then again, this might just make it easier for Cas to move his stuff over to Dean’s. He grinned as he packed a few more sets of clothing for the weekend.
Dean was in the shower when Cas got to his house from work, and he laughed when Castiel—naked as the day he was born—joined him, cranking the shower even hotter. “Why do you insist on making the water hot enough to melt our skin off?”
“The heat relaxes me.”
“Oh yeah?” Dean crowded Cas up against the stone wall of the shower, kissing and licking drops of water from his skin. “I can think of a better way to relax you.”
Cas hummed. “Like what?”
Dean dropped his head lower, sucking little marks into Cas’ collarbone, making his way down until he was on his knees, his mouth wrapping around Cas’ beautiful cock. Cas was like a drug, and every time he slid his hands into Dean’s hair, it was like getting another fix.
After their rather enjoyable shower, they got ready. Cas smiled as he pulled on the clothes Dean brought him. Dean appreciated them as well, admiring the way the navy blue sweater brought out Cas’ eyes. He pulled on his own dark grey cardigan and laughed when he caught Cas eyeing him.
“Like something you see, sweetheart?”
“You know, we could just stay in. Call in sick?”
“To our own party? I don’t think so.” Dean pulled him close, breathing in his sweet scent. “Plus, I made you lasagna for dinner.”
Cas licked his lips. “Ok, I’m ready. Let’s go.”
Dean laughed, a full body rumble, and gently shoved Cas towards the door. He let his hands rest on his shoulders as they went down the stairs. “I made an extra and put it in the freezer for us.”
Cas stopped at the bottom of the stairs and turned to take Dean in his arms. “You’re the best, and I love you so much.”
Dean grabbed his ass, grinning. “Gotta keep my man fed.”
He laughed as Cas rolled his eyes. “And I’m going to have to add a few miles to my runs.”
They held hands all the way to The Roadhouse, Dean parking in his spot and going around the car to open Cas’ door. They were holding hands and smiling as they entered the side door. Dean intended to head right to the kitchen to throw the lasagnas in the oven. He was expecting everyone by seven for dinner before Open Mic started at eight.
Dean froze in his tracks as he took in the sight in front of them. Tables had been pushed together and a big banner hung over the bar, “Congratulations” spelled out, each letter on an individual flag.
Their family and friends all stood by and started clapping and cheering when they entered. They were pulled into hugs, receiving handshakes and slaps on the back. They were equally surprised to see Balthazar standing behind everyone, grinning wide as he stepped forward to greet them.
“Baz?! What are you doing here? How did you—“ Cas looked bewildered as he hugged his friend tightly.
“You can thank your future brother-in-law here. He told me about the party and insisted I come.” Baz looked at Sam and winked. “I can only stay until Sunday though, a man still has to work.”
“Good to have you back, Baz.” Dean leaned in to shake Baz’s hand. “If you haven’t made arrangements, you’re welcome to stay at the house.”
“And be subjected to the two of you going at it all hours of the night? I’ll pass, thank you.” He glanced over at Ash. “He offered me the spare room upstairs.” Dean raised an eyebrow. “Quicker access to the booze, you understand.”
Cas just stood there, gaping.
“What darling, close your mouth. I’ll behave.” Balthazar grinned wickedly. “Maybe.”
Cas just shook his head as Baz took a seat next to Charlie.
Dean quickly found himself in a bear hug, Benny’s arms closing around him. “Good to see you smiling again, cher.”
Dean hugged his friend back. “Thanks, Benny. Appreciate it.”
Benny turned quickly to Cas, shaking his hand and clasping him on the shoulder. “I don’t need to give you another warning, right brother?” Cas shook his head. “Just take care of him.”
Cas nodded. “I will.”
Ellen clearing her throat got everyone’s attention, and they all quieted down.
“We just wanted to thank y’all for coming tonight to celebrate our boys. They did a lot of growing up here and when Cas joined our family, we knew he was always meant to be a part of it. We may have lost him for a time, but he’s home now and we’re pleased that he’s going to officially become a Winchester.” Ellen raised her glass in a toast. “To Dean and Cas.”
Everyone raised their glass and Dean wrapped an arm around Cas, wiping tears from Cas’ face as he pressed a kiss to his cheek. He stood to address everyone.
“Ellen’s right. We did grow up here. I know that Sam and I are better people because Ellen and Bobby stepped in to be our parents. All of you here today, well, you’re family and I appreciate each of you more than I’ll ever be able to say.” Dean cleared his throat and reached for Cas’ hand, pulling him out of his seat and wrapping his arm around his waist. “Call him crazy but Cas has agreed to marry me, and I couldn’t be happier about it. We might have grown up within these walls, but Cas has always been home to me.” He kissed Cas softly. “Thank you guys, for your support. It means the world to us.” He raised his glass and everyone lifted theirs in response, drinking to the couple.
Everyone enjoyed the lasagna, complementing Dean’s skills in the kitchen. Charlie was quick to let everyone know she helped. Eight o’clock approached quickly, and Cas followed Dean up to the front, telling him he wanted to sit at the bar so he could watch Dean play.
Dean was a little nervous but he kissed Cas, hoping to calm himself. He had been practicing the song he planned to play all week, and he really wanted Cas to like it.
He took the stage and gave his speech to the gathered crowd. Dean was distracted by Cas sitting at the bar with Sam standing there, leaning in to talk into Cas’ ear, one hand on his shoulder. They were smiling, Cas blushing a little as Sam talked. He finally looked up at Sam with serious eyes and nodded before turning his attention back to Dean.
Dean gave them both a curious look as he sat at the piano, but Cas just smiled and shook his head. Dean took a deep breath and started playing Aqualung's "Brighter Than Sunshine."
I never understood before, I never knew what love was for. My heart was broke, my head was sore what a feeling.
Tied up in ancient history, I didn't believe in destiny. I look up you're standing next to me, what a feeling.
Dean looked over to the bar to find Cas’ gaze locked on him.
I never saw it happening, I'd given up and given in, I just couldn't take the hurt again, what a feeling.
I didn't have the strength to fight but suddenly the years seemed so right.
Me and you, what a feeling.
The words caught in his throat as he sang, his fingers stumbling over the keys. Dean looked back down at the piano and tried to focus.
He struggled through the chorus and suddenly, he felt a warm hand on his shoulder. Dean knew that touch and he looked up into Cas’ adoring face. The weight of Cas’ hand grounded him, and he swallowed back his emotion as Cas sat down to his left, picking up the low notes without missing a beat.
Love will remain a mystery, but give me your hand and you will see, your heart is keeping time with me.
Dean couldn't take his eyes off Cas’ long fingers dancing across the keys. They played in perfect harmony, the perfect duet.
What a feeling in my soul, love burns brighter than sunshine.
Let the rain fall, I don't care. I'm yours, and suddenly you're mine.
And it's brighter than sunshine.
***
It was closing time, last call being an hour ago with Dean yelling out his usual. “You don't have to go home but you can't stay here!”
They said goodnight to everyone, exchanged a few last hugs and congratulations, and watched Ash and Baz slip upstairs, laughing together.
“Well, that's unexpected.” Dean laughed at Cas’ surprised face.
“I never would have put them together. I should have known, Baz has an appreciation for people who take the law as a suggestion rather than a rule.”
Dean shook his head and smiled. “I guess love is in the air.”
“Must be.” Cas leaned over the bar to kiss Dean. “Did Baz show you his wedding binder? He made a binder, Dean.” He shook his head. “I warned you. He wants us to go through it together tomorrow.”
“I know, he's coming over around lunch time.”
Cas groaned. “Please make sure we have plenty of alcohol handy.”
“I've got us covered babe, it's kinda my thing.” Dean winked and came around the bar to take Cas in his arms. “So when I went by your house today, I noticed you hadn't totally unpacked.” He felt Cas pull away a bit and tightened his grip. “I was thinking, to save you time of course, why don't you just bring the boxes to my house.”
“Dean, what are you saying?”
“I'm saying move in with me, Cas. Hell, you're wearing my ring. Makes sense that we live together.” He kissed the bolt of Cas’ jaw. “Plus it's not like it would be the first time.”
Cas threw his head back and laughed. “Yes Dean, I'd love to move in with you.”
“Good, we'll make Baz help us pack since he's here.” Dean wagged his eyebrows, making Cas laugh harder.
“Good luck with that one. He'll be on the first flight back to New York once he figures it out.”
“Come on, sweetheart.” Dean laced their hands together, pulling Cas to him. He pressed a soft kiss to his lips.
“Let's go home.”