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If I Can Dream Of A Warmer Sun

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Loki used to have dreams, just like everyone else. After graduation, he planned to go to New York and become an Actor. He found a great acting school and thought he was gonna grace down red carpets, smiling at cameras flashing, begging to get a shot of him.

He dreamed he would have adoring fans, be somebody, and life would be great. After his high school graduation, he was gone. He went to New York, studied for almost three years, performed on stage, and even had gotten a roles in a few small projects. Nothing on the lines of Blockbusters, but he was happy nonetheless.

He was worried his acting was horrible, or that he was too boring for it. But his fellow cast members and some others, seemed to like his work. That gave him enough confidence to head out to LA, and try to further pursue his career. Anywhere you go, if you're not from there, you will most likely be treated like dirt. Depending on where you go, that is.

He got that treatment in New York, but most others were nice to him. But once he moved to LA, things got much worse. He went to dozens of auditions, hoping this would help him make it big, but those didn't end very well.

Then came the time where he went to one audition for a small Indie project done by Brock Rumlow. Brock isn't known throughout the Indie film world, but his projects are nothing short of wonderful, and his career is rising fast.

It was a little strange because it was held at the directors house, but on the phone, he said he would be holding more auditions later in the day. He decided to just brush it off, no big deal, so he went. He'll never forget that day.

 

##

 

About halfway through reading, Brock said "Okay, hold up, stop."

Loki looked up at him, afraid he had done something wrong. He asked "O-Oh, did you want me to read a different-"

"Oh no, no, no, no, you're doing great. Fantastic, actually. It's just..." He stopped and looked up at Loki through his lashes, studying him. And by studying, he means he leaned in and was examining him. "There's just somethin' about you...Can't put my finger on it...But it's good, it's really good. I could tell from the moment you walked in here, that you'd be just what I need for this project."

The younger man sighed in relief and smiled. "Thank you, Sir." Before taking a sip of water from the glass sitting in front of him. He drank a little of it earlier, but wasn't that thirsty.

The older man smiled back and shook his head. He said "Man...You are beautiful."

Loki felt himself blush and he let out a nervous chuckle. Brock said "Sorry, I don't mean to sound forward, but it's true...As soon as I saw that pretty face...I knew you were the one." That's when Loki felt strange.

He was slowly feeling a little dizzy, and closed his eyes, thinking he was just nervous. But after a few seconds and taking a few deep breaths, he opened them, and saw everything start to get blurry. He looked up at the older man, who kept going in and out of focus, but Loki could see him grinning. "You okay, man? You look a little rough. Why don't you take another drink, might make you feel better."

The water. Brock must have done something to the water. Brock suddenly sighed and asked "You wanna know somethin'?" The older man then stepped behind him and Loki felt hands on his shoulders.

Brock slowly started massaging them, occasionally moving up and down his arms before he leaned in to the younger mans ear. He whispered "I lied...There aren't any auditions left, I got all the people I needed...I just wanted you to come, so we could have some fun.."

Though he kept getting dizzier and dizzier, the world spinning, his eyes getting heavier, his brain screamed for him to get up and run and as soon as he tried to stand up, Brock pushed down on his shoulders, forcing him back into his seat. But Loki wasn't going down without a fight. He started squirming, yelling at him to stop touching him, but his current state was giving the older man the upper hand.

Loki continued to fight, and Brock just grinned at seeing him squirm. He gripped Loki's wrists tight and said "Come on now, don't make this hard for yourself, Baby. Just sit back, lemme take care of you."

The drugs and his struggling were wearing him out, but then he remembered the glass. And he was thankful it was actually glass, because he finally spotted it through the blurriness, and grabbed it.

He knew he was close to blacking out, but he just needed this one chance to escape. Not knowing exactly where he was aiming, he aimed at what he was sure was the creeps face, and quickly shot his hand up, glass shattering on something solid. He heard yelling, Brock cussing him out, and Loki's felt something hit his head, and everything went black.

 

##

 

When Loki woke up, everything was still blurry. He could hear the sounds of panting, before he realized it was him who was doing it. He groaned, slowly rolling onto his back, and realized he was on a floor. His head felt like someone took a baseball bat to it, and when his vision finally cleared, he blinked and saw he was still at Brock's house.

He looked down at himself and saw he was naked from the waist down, and felt his eyes tear up. He felt something warm and sticky between his thighs and when he brought his hand down to examine, he pulled it back and saw blood, and what appeared to be semen. He heard yelling down the hall and when he looked up, he saw a couple police officers rushing towards him.

He hardly answered any questions they gave him, but he simply told him he came here to audition for the project, he was drugged, and he couldn't remember anything after that. They told him someone walking a dog nearby heard screaming, called the cops, and they were arresting Brock for assault and rape.

They kept staring at Loki's face and he wondered if Brock had done something to it. He kept asking for them to let him see his face, but they simply told him that he was going to have to be taken to the hospital. Even the EMT's were staring at his face and he demanded they show him his face, but told him to relax. It wasn't until he had photographs of the wounds he sustained from the attack, when he finally saw his face.

He screamed like a Banshee when he saw what Brock did. When Brock was interrogated after being brought in, he said Loki had smashed a glass on the side of his head and after Loki passed out and he raped him, took one of the shards, and decided to cut his face. So no one else would want him after that. His face was also bruised on the other side, which wasn't scarred. 

Brock could've blinded Loki in his left eye when he was making the scar on his eyebrow. But Loki guesses something made Brock not do just that, and stuck to scarring his face. After everything, the short trial, pressing charges, Brock is sitting in jail. He hopes he rots and dies in there, and Loki's moved on. Or at least, has tried to.

 

##

 

Brock had done some damage to Loki's anus during the assault, but the doctor said it wasn't too serious. Though he should refrain from having sex there for a while, and it'll hurt during bowel movements, but he dealt with it. After that, he hadn't had anal sex or any other sex, for a few years.

The cuts definitely scarred, and he tries to cover them the best he can, but it eats at him. After Brock destroyed his dreams of becoming a more serious actor, Loki stayed in LA for awhile, but ended up moving back to his home state, a couple hours away from his home town, hoping it could help him move on.

All the moving had cost him everything. He now works part time as a bartender, and sells himself to help make ends meet. It's not that he enjoys it, he's just doing what he has to, to survive. 

 

##

 

After finishing his shift at the bar, he started walking home. He didn't live very far from the bar, so he didn't mind. Saves him money on gas, that's for sure. Tonight he really didn't feel like getting any extra money from his other job, but sometimes, he just doesn't care.

It was a little cold, and his jacket wasn't very thick, but he continued walking. He heard a car pulling up next to him, and someone honking the horn. Loki rolled his eyes, and then turned to face whoever was there. He saw a guy, around his late twenties, pretty cute. He smiled at Loki and said "Hi."

Loki put on a smile and walked over towards him. He rested his hand on the side of the car, before leaning down. He asked "Hey there. You lost?"

The guy shook his head and said "Nope. How much?"

"You looking for a date, Baby?"

"Sure am. How much, Beautiful?"

Loki chuckled and said "Depends on what you want."

He nodded and said "Okay, how much to fuck that pretty mouth?" 

Loki smirked and said "A hundred twenty-five. Anything else, is extra. That sound good, Baby?"

"Sounds perfect. Hop in." 

Loki smiled and walked over to the passengers seat and got in. He prayed this guy wasn't an undercover cop, he's never been arrested before. He shut the door behind him, put his seatbelt on, and asked "You have a place in mind where we can go?"

The man nodded and said "Yeah, I think I know a place. What's your name, Gorgeous?"

Loki smiled and said "Loki."

The man nodded again and said "It suits you, you look like a devious little Fox, it's pretty sexy. I'm Craig." 

Loki shook Craig's hand and said "It's nice to meet you, Craig." Before they took off.

 

##

 

They ended up in an abandoned parking lot, and Loki asked if he was clean before getting to work. The man was a decent size, Loki's dealt with men of all shapes in sizes, in body and in other things, a thousand times. He's amazed he hasn't been caught or accidentally climbed into an under covers car, before.

Craig was right about Loki being a devious little fox. He should've opted for being a lawyer, he's a world class liar. He's lied his way out of a lot of situations, even before his attack in LA. He was a good kid in school, but he was a good kid who knew how to lie. 

After they were finished, Craig gave him a peck on the cheek and said "Fuck, I hope I see you again...You got a mouth like a Hoover."

Loki genuinely laughed and Craig asked if he needed to be dropped off somewhere. Loki thought for a second and said "Yeah, I got a place in mind." And told him where ago. Craig dropped him off a block away from his apartment, and honked as Loki walked away.

 

##

 

Loki's apartment is nothing flashy, but it isn't a shit hole either. The rent is decent, and he may or may not have let his landlord fuck him a couple of times to make sure it stayed that way, and to give Loki extra time to make up the rent, in case he's ever late. He hasn't been late yet, but has had some close calls.

He closed the door behind him, and groaned. He kicked his shoes off and stripped down to his underwear as he walked down the hallway to the bathroom. He brushed his teeth a couple of times before using makeup remover wipes to gently take off the coverup he uses almost every day, off of his scars.

He hates looking at himself in the mirror. He usually never looks unless he has to, but sometimes, he'll just state at himself. He would stare at his scars, fingers would sometimes trace along the lines, reminding him every day, of what happened. 

Ever since he moved for the last time, he started drinking. He only drinks at home, but he'll never admit that he's an alcoholic. He drinks almost nothing but alcohol and some water, almost every chance he gets when he's at home. He just drinks at home, he doesn't drink and drive, he's not that stupid. He hasn't been arrested yet, and he'd like it to stay that way.

When he's not drunk, he'll hardly eat anything. He'd eat maybe one meal every couple days, and sometimes a snack, but not always. He drinks, he starves himself, as punishment for being so stupid and not realizing the signs when he was at Brock's house that day. And he's got more scars than the ones on his face.

He's got long scars that run vertically along both wrists. You'd have to be blind to miss them. He did it once while taking a bath. There was a lot of blood and he hoped he would've died then, but he didn't. He's thought about trying harder every waking moment he has, but is too scared to try it again.

After he snapped out of his trance, he walked to the small kitchen, and pulled out a new bottle of Jack Daniels and drank until he passed out on his bed, on top of the sheets.