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Hyperventilating Diva

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Hyperventilating Diva

Klaus Schilling

The story is rated PG-13.

The story depends on a variety of subsequently specified works of art by other parties, especially Nickelodeon’s live action shows.

Hollywood starlet Ashley Blake breaks down on stage due to hyperventilation.

Her friend Megan Parker ponders the causes and looks for a remedy.




Science Fiction, Horror


The story occurs in the identified universe of a huge variety of current or past live action shows produced for Nickelodeon channel, including, but not restricted to Zoey 101, The iCarly Show, Drake & Josh, Victorious, Unfabulous, Neds Declassified School Survival Guide.


Knowledge of as many Nickelodeon live action fandoms as possible, especially Zoey 101, is truly appreciated, but, by design, rudimentary knowledge of the main characters and plot lines, as taught by the corresponding Wikipedia pages, is sufficient.


The story is exclusively based on my interpretation of the used characters and my conspiracy theories concerning of what is said between the lines.

This is not necesssarily in agreement — probably even in stark contrast — with the intentions of the producers and authors of the originals it is based on.

Readers sticking like glue to a literalist and realistic comprehension of canon material will not be able to make any sense of this author’s stories.


IMDB and Wikipedia have been used massively for retrieving informations about actors and their parts in various productions.

The story is for Livejournal community Tamingthemuse: Hyperventilate.

Chapter 1  Collapsed On Stage

1:1  Begin Of A new Production

Malcolm Reese,1:1 the most influential of all producers of Hollywood, the world’s most comprehensive factory of dreams, was already looking forward for the start of the production of a new movie promising several awards from the movie academy, known to the wider public as Oscars.

His young director Dale Gregory Squires1:2 had, unlike hios producer, not yet enjoyed such an honour, and he was thus a trifle more ambitious in this situation than most renowned Malcom. As a consequence, he really yelled the actors and actresses all over the place, and the same was valid for the technical team: Illumination, accoustics, cameras, and similar devices needed to be fine tuned and adjusted upon whim, in order to allow for the perfect production.

The technical side of the production had been planned carefully by Quinn Pensky,1:3 the imminent — or so she was expected by many insiders of the rumour-laden Hollywood scene — daughter in law of Malcolm. The college girl from Seattle had been a total scientific genius during her middle and high school time, but now she was about wasting away her talent on her fiancé’s family business instead of driving scientific progress in various areas of natural science and medicine. Needless to say, she was more or less a mere shadow of her good old self since she had fallen for the wrong boy, videlicet Logan Reese,1:4 the most appalling jerk and brat of his generation.

Most of the equipment had been developed by Pear,1:5 avendor for electronics applying the most deprecable business methods. In particular, Quinn Pensky was not able to patch the source code of the needed programs without an extensive prior consent, and Malcolm Reese was not willing to pay for everything, given that vast amounts of his resources were already bound for other aspects of the production. The good old Quinn of her middle school days would have insisted in hacking the system on her own, but her mind had been dulled increasingly by her absolutely inappropriate fiancé.

Of course, actors were the most visible human part of the production of a movie, and many quite a few high-level stars were involved, such as Jenna Lotrell1:6 and Edgar Begly.1:7

Among the younger generation of actors, there was especially one Ashley Blake,1:8, a high school senior from Pacific Coast Academy1:9, the most elitarian boarding school for boys and girls in the larger area of Los Angeles. She had been on the big screen for over ten years already, harvesting quite a few awards for movies targetting a younger audience. This time around, it was her first part in a show also suited for a more general audience. While she was accustomed to the spotlights, this shift had been a lot harder for her than for many other stars that had started their career the hard way, in actors’ schools and amateur performances before making to the professional stage or studio.

1:2  Excessive Stress

Down to the rushed and brash instructions by Dale Squires, who, completely unlike anyone else, appeared to be relaxed in his director’s chair while using the mehaphone in order to distribute his instructions, the technical production team and the actors were steadily stressed beyond any hitherto beknownst boundary.

Even Chase Matthews,1:10, a bushy dork and author of the movie’s script, was disgusted by the brash demeanour of Dale Squires. He did not really get along with little dsiva Ashley Blake, for personal reasons lying years back, but he was by no means content with the way Dale treated her and the other actors.

All actors suffered from the mayhem caused by Malcol and multiplied by Dale, but Ashley was particularly affected, although she tried hard to hied it, in a way not unusual for actors.

Chase Matthews already regretted having written so many lines of texts for the actors, as Dales really tried to rush them through it. But his influence did not reach far enough to stop it. He would have preferred writing cheesy comedies at the Broadway, but, as a long term friend of Logan Reese, he had somewhat been predestined to use his talent for the sake of the big screen of Hollywood, where repeated shootings were the way to go.

The frustration among the production team grew more and more, but Dlae Squires ddid not care in any reasonable manner, and Malcolm Reese did not do anything to stop him.

All of a sudden, Ashley Blake felt dizzy. She started staggering forth and back, unlike prescribed by her script.

Instead of granting a due break, Dale just growled at the young diva, and urged everyone else to keep on sticking to the script.

And then Ashley Blake could not handle it any more, and she keeled over, slumping ungracefully onto the hard floor of the studio.

Only now did Malcolm Reese intervene and rebuke Dale Squire severely for rushing it a teensy little bit too rush. At the same time, he wondered whether there was any medic in the audience.

The first among the more or less consternated onlookers was not a medic, but a family member, videlicet Vincent Blake,1:11 the elder brother and bodyguard of the collapsed teenage diva. He pushed his way rudely through a bunch of helplessly gazing members of the production team, and he glared menacingly at Chase Matthews, telling him that he would make him responsible for having tried to kill his little sister with an impossible scipt. Really, the conflict between Vimce and Chase was much older, and this accusation was based, rather thanon hard facts, on former personal conflicts to be recapitulated later down the road. Now he bowed over his younger sister’s seemingly lifeless body, unable to revive her.

While there was no medic in the audience, Quinn Pensky had got a license as a deputy of Dr. Glazer,1:12 a medic from San Diego County. Unfortunately, her formerly brilliant skills had suffered a lot since she had started prostituting herself with Logan Reese, and so she was not of too much help, but she was still able to inform her mentor and order him to the production site.

1:3  Paging Dr. Glazer

The medic arrived pretty fast, as he had been at nearby St. Schneider’s Hospital,1:13 where he was applying for a position as a chief resident. He was grabbed by Vince and urged to treat his lifeless sister. Armed with a stethoscope, he started inspecting the diva, coming to the conclusion that she had collapsed from the consequences of exorbitant hyperventilation. Of course she needed to be taken to hospital, but thius had to be done very careful.

Malcolm Reese growled, because he already oversaw the additional costs for his movie label caused by the unwelcome delay that was now due to the accident.

Of course there had been something like a second choice, and Dale Squires was going through the list in order to check it. Number two on the list was Lola Martinez,1:14 an extremely attractive young Latina, albeit four years older than Ashley. Chase knew her very well, as they had graduated together from Pacific Coast Academy, about four years ago. Alas, he would have been forced to adapt the stpry of the movie a bit in order to accomodate for the change of the actress. The third choice would have been sophomore girl Amber Tate,1:15 who was currently not even in town.

Vince Blake insisted in carrying his sister to the medic van, and he would stay with her during the transport to St. Schneider’s. He also needed to inform their parents, although they would probably also be alerted by the mass media.

the start of the production had lured so many paparazzi and a few more hard-working journalists to the site, especially Jessica Warner,1:16 moderator of a popular show spreading background informations about the Hollywood scene. There was no way to avoid that the message would now spread like wildfire across Los Angeles — and even way beyond — within a few hours.

Vince had been forced to push a few of the insane paparazzi aside and into the dust in order to reach his sister and to carry her to her destination.

from Zoey 101: Spring Breakup et alibi
patched from from Victorious: A Film By Dale Squires and Zoey 101: Michael Loves Lisa
from Zoey 101
from Zoey 101
from The iCarly Show,Zoey 101, and Victorious
from True Jackson VP: The Green Carpet
from Big Time Rush: Big Time Live
from Drake & Josh: Little Diva
from Zoey 101
from Zoey 101
from Zoey 101: The Great Vince Blake, Vince Is Back, et alibi
from Drake & Josh: The Bet,Little Diva, et alibi
cf. e.g. Drake & Josh: Paging Dr. Drake!
from Zoey 101
from The iCarly Show: iCarly Saves TV
from The iCarly Show: iFix A Popstar et alibi

Chapter 2  Looking For Clues

2:1  Megan Parker

Warner’s Hollywood newscast had now reached gazillions of people, amon them Megan Parker,2:1 room mate of Ashley at Pacific Coast Academy. The former had been a friend of the little drama queen since the latter had appeared for a première party in her hometown. Her brother Drake Parker,2:2 nowadays a rock idol and extremely promiscuous jerk fillng the concert halls all over the United States of America and far beyond, making them burst like a load of dynamite, and her step-brother Joshuah Nichols,ibidem an uncomely dweeb that long since ended up wasting his life on organising knitting clubs and canasta evenings for the elderly instead of pursuing a scientific career he would have been predestined for if he had not started trying to pass himself off as cool, following his shallow-minded step-brother, had been responsible for Ashley during her hours leading up to said party, and they had messed it up badly. They had trued to fdeed Ashley with some dairy product, her creeping lactose intolerance notwithstanding. When they had been tired by the diva, they had locked her into a waste bin without even considering her claustrophobia. And that was not nearly all.

Megan immediately figured a connection: Ashley was claustrophobic, so the boobs — or so she called Drake and Josh — had ruined her, and she was sure that they had done so on purpose. Claustrophobia was known as one factor for panic attacks leading to hyperventilation and subsequent collapse. Upon reading Warner’s report, she knoew that she needed to go to the mass media and denounce her excruciatingly useless kinsmen of attempted murder.

The two of them had been room mates for almost four years, and during this time, Megan had observed scary physical changes, especially at night time, such as eyes glowing in the dark like a pit of hellfire, and supersonic voices in her sleep. Yet by day, Ashley had always stayed the same annoying yet harmless spoiled little brat she had always been, and would always be. The metamorphosis — and so reasoned Megan — was solely due to having been perversely abused and mistreated by Drake and Josh.

2:2  Stalking And Serious Journalists

Stalking journalists were very common in the Hollywood business, and Vince Blake had got a history of brute intervention in order to keep them off his little sister.

The most recent uncomely incident had been just a few weeks ago, when teenage paparazzo Robert Shapiro,2:3 the chief reporter of the school newspaper of nearby Hollywood School For The professional Performance Arts,2:4 an academy dedicated to the training of future stars and backstage staff of the modern entertainment industry, was found with his hands in the starlet’s tank top, and thereupon got his hand broken by the overprotective bodyguard. The young paparazzo was now locked away in the forensic department of St. Schneider’s, because he had made his handheld puppet, called Rex Powers,2:5 responsible for the perverse incident.

But was Rex really just a pure and innocent little doll, and nothing more, nothing more?

Some of the journalists had been consternated when hearing the news about Robert Shapiro’s deprecable misdeed. This was especially the case for Kelly Peckingpaw,2:6 anothe rteenage journalist, but one of the serious sort that was not up to spread sensations at any cost and to harass renowned persons in order to promote their own career. She was particularly upset because the existence of paparazzi made it harder for the average journalist to be admitted to an interview with the stars. Kelly preferred the official way, videlicet asking the responsible agencies for a permission — a really tedious procedure, after all, requiring a thorough breath. Now she was interested in researching the Hollywood scene as a whole, because she had heard of collapsing starlets before, especially in the Pacifc regions which were close to her heart, given that she was partly a girl of Philippinian ancestry. Unfortunately, trying to study the Hollywood scene for some objective scrutiny was worse than sticking a pole into a huge wasp nest, as the thoroughly immoral lobby of this smelly business was very influential indeed ...

It would have been much harder, had Kelly been the only journalist that was not a paparazzo. Fortunately, Nolan Byrd from Cedar Valley,2:7 was a very dedicated truthseeker who had already covered a blazing environmental scandal of his home town in the rural regions of central California, near dreamy Yosemite Park. He was somewhat bolder in the choice of his methods, though, when compared to Kelly Peckingpaw, and less afraid of the perverse lobby inevitably opposing him. He used pseudonyms in order to research undercover, like his example to live up to: Shadowwolf alias Mr. Monroe,2:8 a teacher for life science at James K. Polk Middle school2:9 in Santa Clarita near Los Angeles.

But there were also those journalists who were just trying to downb the stars in order to make themselves and their purse feel substantially better, and one of them was certainly Kitty Monroe,2:10 moderator of a popular show in New York City’s greatest broadcasting network. Well, she was majorly occupied with the scene of the Broadway, as suggested by her geographical location, but she picked up from the backstage scene in Hollywould whatever she could, and whenever she found an occasion for doing so. She was also the ex-wife of aforementioned middle school teacher. Kitty Monroe had already downed the stars of Malcolm’s movies upon several opportunities, including back then barely pubescent Ashley Blake. Her class mates in Malibu, and this included but was by no means restricted to Megan Parker, remembered when the little diva had to go through this humiliation, although Ashley had always stayed — at daylight — as abrasive as sanpaper and as cold as the ternal ice of the Antarctic winters. Needless to say, Kitty was not showing any remorses even this time.

2:3  Consternated Colleagues

Among all immediate witnesses, Jenna Lotrell had been closest to Ashley during her collapse. She had somewhat seen it coming, and not because this was a fairly logical thing to expect, given her own disastrous experiences with Kitty Monroe, but even more because she was able to read the aura of the peopl around herself, including her fellow actors and actresses. Thus, Ashley’s ice-cold facial expression notwithstanding, the fair starlet’s aura had started to glow in a threatening mix of colours which had alerted Jenna, but the latter had deemed herself unable to stop the scene. She still did not understand why she had not simply stood up to reckless Dales Squires, and now she was going depressed. She was way too sensitive to just start taking perverted medications against this trend.

Likewise, said Edgar Begly had supposed something bad to happen, because he was really not a fan of Dale’s methods. He was the canditate of the environmentalist party for the current elections for the county council of Los Angeles, and even predicted as a potential postulant for a future office of a president of the United States of America. He was aware of the socioeconomic pressure that ruled over Hollywood’s nefarious business, though.

Lola Martinez had heard from Warner’s report about her colleague;s mishap, and she was immediately ready to jump in for her, without a sign of mercy. She had not just been a colleague, but she would almost have become her sister in law, unless ...

So, according to a report published by Kitty Monroe, who — of course — was trying to rub salt in the wounds of Malcolm Reese and his gang in order to increase the rating of her own show, the hostility between Chase and Vince went back to theior sophomore year.

As Kitty’s statements were full of obnoxious half-lies, Kelly Peckingpaw and Nolan Byrd had to do their own undercover research in order to figure the complete.

Vince Blake had once been the promising quarterback of the football team of Pacific Coast Academy, until he had been caught cheating in a test. The only witness had been Chase Matthews.termCarl Rivers,2:11 the headmaster of that most illustrious educational institution, had been forced to suspend Blake, just before an important football match, as otherwise rivaling schools would have threatened to sue the management of Pacific Coast Academy. Indeed the teachers had used to tolerate this kind of cheating tacitly for years, as a successful football team was necessary in order to keep the sponsors happy, including Malcolm Reese and other wealthy investors from the omnipotent Hollywood business. As an act of revenge, Vince had beaten up Chase and his pals Logan Reese, Michael Barret, and Mark Del Figgalo,2:12, getting himself thereupomn even expelled. But a bit later, he got readmitted to the same school, as he had been able to convince Rivers of not being a violent bully any longer. Indeed, Vince had just been able to fool the school’s administration, using a scheme devised by no other than his little sister Ashley. This was part of a plan to get back at traitor Chase Matthews. The idea was from a play by successful Broadway author Sofia Michelle,2:13 Chase’s great example to live up to, expressed in a drama Chase had loved to watch, and that he would even more have loved writing — a fact that infested the bleeding wounds of Chase’s heart even more.

The latter had been on an exchange year in London, but Vincent, guided by Ashley, used his absence anyways for some onslaught on the bushy dork’s sanity: He had seduced Lola Martinez, hitherto a friend of Chase Matthews, in the most perverse and decadent manner. What was worse: This way, he had also beguiled blond Mary Sue Zoë Brooks,2:14 who had hitherto been the — falsely so-called — best friend of Lola Martinez and love interest of Chase Matthews. Upon the latter’s return. Chase was so consternated about his friends’ treason, and most of all about the shameless treason committed by Zoë, that he had started avoiding those at any cost. Being forced to cooperate with them on a professional base had ever since been worse than a life in hell.

Lola had broken her engagement with Vince after knowing that their relationship had just been planned by the latter and his sister, but this had not done anything in order to improve her relations with the script author. Really, she had been by absolutely no means an innocent young lady. A year before the fatal incident of Chase and Vince, she had tried to seduce Chase playfully yet shamelessly,2:15 abusing him just as an object for learning how to flirt successfully with an extremely uncomely dweeb, which would have been necessary in order to get the very female lead part in a high school soap by Malcolm Reese. Having been aware of Chase’s crush, she had cancelled that practice, and helped Chase, who had hitherto been unable to confess his feelings for Zoë, inspite of the blond Mary Sue’s fledgling jealousy when seeing Chase and Lola on their dates, to force the latter to do the first step, by making her even more jealous. They had hired Lola’s busty elder half-sister Trinidad Rebecca de la Vega y Martinez2:16 as a fake girlfriend for Chase. The plan had not really worked out back then, but Zoë only noticed years later what had been really going on, adding even more disharmnony to the already broken high school friendships.

More than that, it shows that Lola really wanted to rush her career as fast as possible, and she did about anything in order to be seen public. Yeas, of course she was somewhat addicted to the prospects of wealth and fame, but even more, she wanted to achieve this by demonstrating her real talent, and that weas that of an actress portraying the part of the yung lady in love. This would naturally be impossible after a certain age, and thus Lola was forced to market her talent as soon as possible. She had done everything in order to harvest an Oscar even before turning twenty years old, and she had indeed been really close.

2:4  Clueless Medics

A day after the accidents, Ashley Blake was still stuck in her comatose state. Dr. Carlsen,2:17 the responsible medic of the assigned department of St. Schneider’s, was still as clueless as Glazer. They were now facing the problem of not only telling Ashley’s family, but also her fans and Malcolm Reese’s agents about the prospects, and those were still floating in the everlasting darkness.

Alas, things were even worse: According to a report by Mrs. Hunsucker,2:18 the responsible station nurse that had also performed her regular night patrol towards the end of that dark and stormy night, Ashley had turned into some kind of monster during the night. The nurse had not wanted trusting her eyes, but then she felt a slight stinging pain in her neck, and Ashley’s eyes had started glowing like a light bulb, which Hunsucker had noticed upon turning around. The consternated nurse had screamed like a fury and hid successfully in a closet, where she had been found the morning after by Herb,2:19 the responsible janitor. At the same time, Ashley was found resting peacufully in her station bed.

Of course, Carlsen refused to believe Hunsucker’s record, and he ordered getting her examined for traces of drugs. He even commanded Dr. Lowe,2:20 the responsible expert for mental health, to perform a thorough check on the thoroughly alienated nurse. But not had Hunsucker been under the influence of alcohol or any other comparable drug causing a vicious degeneration of the immediate senses and the faculty of judgment and common sense, nor had she been overworked or subject to any other uncommon burden. LIkewise, her family’s medical records had shown no such thing as a trace of insanity.

But not much longer did it take for Carlsen himself to become the witness of a similar temporary metamorphosis of Ashley Blake, turning into a monstrous existence over night, while being found upon the next dawn in the same comatose situation as until the previous dusk.

2:5  Megan And Jenna Check The Situation

Not until now had Jenna Lotrell been allowed to visit her unfortunate colleague in her hospital room. So, while the liveless diva appeared reacefully asleep in the eyes of about everyone untrained in sensing the non-sensible, the actress with some abilities of a medium of the paranormal was confronted with a thoroughly different picture.

The innocent-looking — at least in her comatose situation — little diva was by no means a harmless little girl, but rather on her way of turning into a creature of monstrous qualities, and not only — as reported by certain confused and not really believed witnesses — somewhere between dusk and dawn, but all day long, and all night through.

And Megan Parker, still worried about her unconscious friend, met the paranormally gifted actress in the visitor’s lounge of the renowned hospital, asking for latest information about the diva’s state. She appeared a bit consternated by the star’s report, although she was not really surprised. For some reason or the other, she had always seen such a thing coming, given how Ashley had been treated by Drake and Josh. Megan herself was not without paranormal expertise on he rown right: She had already helped Henry Doheny,2:21 an artist f illusions that had charmed the whole world just a generation ago, to recover from a temporary crisis by making him feign his own death and return from the tomb.

Granted, Doheny’s ephemeral tomb had been of a different kind that Ashley’s bed, but the parallels were not deniable for anyone with a keen understanding of the scene, such as Megan Parker. Both Ashley and Henry had been stuck in some kind of crisis: Doheny had suffered from standing at the brink of senescence, not quite unlike Ashley’s pressure imposed upon her by her pubescence. Their previous creativity as a man of performance had no longer been an option for their respective next phase of their career, yet the public expectations had been as high as ever before, and neither Henry nor Ashley had been able to withstand the tension.

Jenna Lotrell was fortunately not only paranormally gifted, but also familiar with the scene, and thus nobody was better able to understand the situation that this woman of the stage and woman of the crystal ball. She understood that Ashley’s metamorphosis was fairly critical, and if she awoke from her comatose state, she would be likely to turn into a permanent werebeast of som sort. Yet the actress gifted in paranormal faculties was not with a glue concerning a potential way out: The affection of a soul mate would reverse her fledgling metamorphosis, albeit reduce her hitherto outstanding capacities as an actress to those of a good amateur.

Both Megan and Jenna were of course aware of the fact that soulmates were not found in the soulmate corner of the next mall, but with their sensitivity with respect to matters not touchable by the ordinary human senses, there was one way or another for them to find out.

2:6  Ashley’s Soul Mate

Tatot cards, crystal balls, and the pendulum had served their purpose, and finally the two women had found out the truth:

For the better or worse, they did not even have to look far, as Ashley’s soul mate was no other than Drake Parker.

This revelation was of course consternating for Megan, as she had deemed her brother — at least not too long ago — one of the main culprits of Ashley’s current misery. She remembered that Drake had deemed Ashley the root of all evil, and, although this had occurred years ago, she knew very well that Drake was impossibly willing to believe in their soul companionship.

But not only were their eclatant parallels between Adhley Blake and Henry Doheny, but also between said little diva and Megan’s elder brother, the rock legend.

The latter’s way up to his current stage of the career had not always been a smooth one, and he had profited from the bad luck of his own idol. Devin Malone,2:22 In the wake of the latter’s concert, Josh Nichols had fractured accidentally — or so he claimed — one of the rock legend’s hands, making if impossible for Malone to perform, and suggesting Drake as a substitute. Unfortunately, it had not yet been proven that the incident had been one of purpose: Josh Nichols had deliberately destroyed the hand of Malone in order to launch Drake’s career. Megan parker had always suspected that, but she had not yet found a proof. In any case, malone’s hand had not seemed at first glance beyond repair, but after a few years, the consequences turned out as fatal. Malone had disregarded any warnings of some of the medics and kept on playing, just in order to maintain his fame, hsi wealth, and his girls.

The fate of Malone, as brute and tragic it had been, should have served as a due warning for Drake Parker, whose pursuit of the same goals as Malone’s was no less reckless, and it was definitely not different from that of Ashley Blake, who had not minded one intrigue or the other in order to outdo her close competitors, such as Lola Martinez or Amber Tate, although she also duly worshipped those. She had also used her own family members in a very arrogant manner in order to achieve her goals, amd she had somehow always beenm getting away with it.

Yet the much closer parallel had been a medical one: Both Drake and Ashley suffered from a set of different yet more or less equally weird metabolic disorders.

Ashley’s case has already been stated, whereas Drake’s metabolism depended thorough;y on the addition of xantheose, a substance found prevalently in chocolate. This abnormality had been discovered a few years ago when Drake had trieds to get rid of his addiction to snacks.2:23

Jenna Lotrell had got her own quirky intolerances, allergies, and dependencies, whose description would lead beyond the scope of this work. But she was secure in the knowledge that all great idols of the public had got one or the other feeble spot related to metabolism or hormonal balance, evenm if many of them had gone by unrecognised and undiagnosed. But the cases of Drake and Ashley were not only particularly powerful, but also eclatantly evident at a rather early stage. Jenna hated to admit that there was somehow like a secret pakt that had to estabvlished between Hollywood stars and evil demons, if not individually, then at least one between the unholy branch of entertainment business and the demons of uttermost darkness.

As said, the fact that Ashley and Drake were soul mates was not an easy one to swallow for Megan parker, but she was able to force herself into not only accepting it, but also into working actively on a scheme for bringing her problematic friend and her even more problematic elder partner closer and closer, their mutual apparent dislike notwithstanding.

from Drake & Josh
from Victorious
from Bucket & Skinners Epic Adventures
cf. Shredderman Rules!!
from Neds Declassified School Survival Guide, esp. School Newspapers
from True Jackson VP: The Green Carpet
from Zoey 101
all of them Zoey 101
from Victorious: Tori The Zombie
from Zoey 101
cf. Zoey 101: Lola Likes Chase!
from Zoey 101: Chase’s Girlfriend et al, and from Victorious
from Drake & Josh: Paging Dr. Drake
from Neds Declassified School Survival Guide
from Zoey 101: Defending Dustin
from Neds Declassified School Survival Guide
from Drake & Josh: The Great Doheny
from Drake & Josh: The Guitar!
cf. Drake & Josh: The Bet!

Chapter 3  Drake And Ashley

3:1  Melissa Lavender

It had nopt been easy for Megan to think of Ashley as a sister-in-law. The age gap between Drake and the young diva was about six years, and Drake, inspite of being country-wide well-known for switching girls faster than his smelly underwear, had never been interested in anything younger than himself by more than two years.

Of course there had been fangirls of the reckless rake that were not older than Megan, and the latter remembered at least one excessively tenacious example: Melissa Lavender Gellar,3:1 one of Megan’s best friends. The girl’s stubborn obsession with the fledgling rock idol had turned pretty fast into an attitude of stalking, being too much for even Megan to bear. Drake had definitely not been pleased by Wendy’s demeanour.

By the way, Wendy was the composer of many of the songs performed by Drake Parker, as Megan had snuck those works into Drake’s head without the boob’s knowledge. The same had been the case for another long-term friend of Megan Parker: Adelaide Singer,3:2 the author of the lyrics of most of Drake’s texts, once again without the idol’s knowledge by means of the agency of that cunning little sister.

Wendy had finally grudgingly receded from her stalking demeanour, but she had done so only because she had understood that Drake was only into older girls. And now Megan was about to establish a relationship between Drake and a girl of Wendy’s age, which — in the latter’s eyes — must have sounded like a case of treason and injustice.

3:2  Organising The Prom

Megan’s plot was centred around the imminent senior prom at PCA, where here brother was supposed to perform. This had been the location of one of the superstar’s first public concerts outside San Diego,3:3 shortly after Josh had mutilated Devin Malone in order to give his step-brother an unfair opportunity to get his career launched.

Blond Mary Sue Zo e Brooks3:4 had organised the star’s visit, and paid for it by designing his band’s outfit. She had already graduated a few years ago, but her little brother Dustin Brooks3:5 was a class pal of Megan, and the two of them had been socialising a lot together. Summing it up, a new outfit was due for Drake — in turn for yet another performance on the campus.

The tide was high, for Ashley Blake’s phases of nocturnal change of shape had started to become longer and longer sincer her recovery from her comatose state.

Wendy Gellar was really consternated by the prospects of her room mate being a cursed creature, and this way, she finally conceded, and she offered to cooperate with Megan. More than everything else, Wendy feared turning into a foul creature of the darkness on her own right. She preferred to accept the role of an unknown muse for her superidol Drake to being acknowledged partner. According to Megan’s insinuations, the spotlights and the paparazzi would have forced Wendy to go through some similar metamorphosis. And Drake’s cunning little sister was probably not wrong, after all.

3:3  The Encounter Of The Spoilt Superstars

Drake had accepted the call to the senior prom, although he had not expected that his litle sister had explicitly wanted him there.

Megan was convinced of the fact that Drake’s rock music was only suited for dumb jocks and jerks. She preferred Italian, French, and German operas, whose tunes she was able to perform on her own oboe. Inddeed, she would need earcuffs in order to be able to survive a concert by her elder brother.

Josh Nichols was nowadays Drake’s manager, and he had accepted the contract with PCA, secure in the — false — knowledge that megan had changed her mind.

Ashley Blake, however, did not dislike Drake’s music, as much as she was disgusted by what the rake and his nerdy step-brother had done unto to her upon aformentioned première party in San Diego, the event that had fuelled her developing claustrophobia even more.

Drake and his band were now on the stage, and his most ugly tunes filled the air, enjoyed by the vulkgar mass of seniors of PCA and their chosen prom partners alike.

Megan intervened in order to suggest something: The occasion was great for a music video involving the two greatest stars present in the room: Drake Parker and Ashley Blake. Of course she was prepared for the resistence of those idols, but she made it clear that both Drake and Ashley needed such a publicity in order to recover from a current crisis. And the sponsors of PCA were known to either of them as very influential in the scene, as best seen in the case of aforementioned Malcolm Reese.

While in Ashley’s case, talking about a preceding crisis, the collapse on the stage and the subsequent comatose phase of which she was only recovering slowly, made pretty much sense, Drake’s situation appeared different — but only only the surface.

The reckless womaniser was really suffering from his medical conditions which he had kept secret from the masses. But he was often powerless during recording sessions due to the irregular consumption of chocolate. Thus after all, Drake agreed with the deal suggested by Megan. After yet another chocolate fatshake,3:6 a softdrink produced by Blix, one of the most important sponsors of Pacific Coast Academy, the recording of the video clip could start.

The immediate reactions of the onlookers was so favourable that Drake and Ashley had to hug each other for the perfect video. Of course thios was only meant as a casual hug, but once they touched, the situation seemed to have changed. Was it because of the moonlight that has started penetrating the hall of celebrations just in this moment? Jenna Lotrell had suggested such a connection, and advised Megan to use it for the sake of her mission.

But Drake had already developed an understanding for Ashley’s situation — due to his own problems with his metabolism and his unstable hormonal levels. Yet he had always failed to admitting to it, especially because Josh would not have approved of that.

But now Josh Nichols could not trust his eyes when seeing the lingering embrace of the litle diva and the reckless superidol. He had hated Ashley all the time, and he had not been willing to let Drake perform anything side by side with the baby devil. When Drake and Ashley even started dancing along closely and slowly, he went totally insane, and he broke into a frenzy, crying: “I did it! I did it! I locked Ashley into a trashbin in order to make Drake the only superstar, and I would have loved to see the little diva break down for good. I broke the hand of Malone in order to provide Drake with an excellent opportunity for demonstrating his skills to the puiblic.” Summing it up: Josh had done everything in order to promote Drake’s career, just in oprder to impress his nstep-brother. As a dweeb, Josh had not been the greatest womaniser of all, and he had always seen desperately to prove unto Drake how cool he was, after all, although he lacked his step-brother’s talent for entertaining the greater public. Thus Josh had ended up as an insane criminal, and he was now disposed with by the security team of Pacific Coast Academy.

3:4  Across The Clubs

Inspite of the successful video clip, Drake Parker and Ashley Blake had said goobye to Hollywood as they had learned the lessons of their past. They were thereupon travelling the clubs in the flyover states for concerts as a duet, far away from the screen that meant lots of fame and wealth for the lucky ones. They would impossible become rich this way, but they got along with what they had, and they were among the few ones lucky to break free from the bonds of the real culprit of their former misery: The corrupt and diabolic wreathing of big business and entertainment.

Unfortunately, they are just an exception, favoured by the crazy efforts of Megan Parker at the right time and in the right place, while the merciless wheels powering the ferociously grinding mills of Hollywood keep on turning forevermore, forevermore, turning more and more young people dreamimg of a fame-laden career into zombies, demons, and other unhuman creatures.


Wendy from Drake & Josh: Number One Fan, with a surname from same actress’s part in third-party owned Camp Rocque
from Unfabulous, also Drake & Josh: Honor Council
cf. same actor’s appearance in Zoey 101: Spring Fling!
from Zoey 101
from The iCarly Show: iStart A Fanwar