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The List

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It all started and finished with Effy Stonem in the end (of course) thought Naomi. Although it was hardly fair to blame her for the train wreck that her life had become. In fact it started with that stupid threesome fantasy of hers. Without that, nothing that came after would have happened. So Effy couldn't be blamed for the spark. But she fanned the flames...and in the end, doused the bonfire. She couldn't help the scorpion said..."it’s in my nature". She’s just one of life's twisted fire starters...

Katie helped it along. Never one to keep a good story to herself, she'd spoken to Effy a few weeks after the drunken episode with the ice bucket.

"They're getting...experimental, believe it or not" she told her old college nemesis. "Mrs and Mrs Campbell have at last decided endless vanilla is a bit bland. Group shagging, even with a twin sister is apparently OK now…?"

Effy, being Effy was never going to let that lie. Getting (most) of the gory details from Katie, she set things in motion. First, an invitation to Naomi and Emily. A long weekend in Praia de Rocha. Accepted. Life between the two had been strained lately, and Emily thought a short break would do them good. They'd been tiptoeing around each other for weeks, never mentioning the 'Katie thing' as it was now filed away as. Emily was embarrassed, remorseful and uncommunicative. Naomi was afraid to mention it in case her girlfriend broke down completely. So it sat there, like an uninvited dinner guest unwilling to leave. A guest list that was growing after Jessica and Paulo’s star turns began it all.

Sex was now infrequent brief and purely functional between them. They still shagged, but only when one or the other was desperate for release. It was as if proper emotion had been put away into a box marked 'then'. But this was now and untreated, wounds fester...

So a month after Katie leaked their secret to Effy, they were getting off a plane in Faro, bound for Cook and Effy's villa on the coast.

It wasn't apparent what Cook actually did for a living out there. But being Cook, it obviously involved illegal white powder. When his uncle Keith died, Cook had inherited the freehold of the Fishponds Tavern. Effy had known instinctively that left to his own devices, Cook would have rapidly turned into a clone of his departed uncle. Within a few years, he would have ended up overweight, alcoholic and stuck in Bristol forever. So she used her charms to persuade him to sell up and move out to the Algarve. Sure, the temptations of the booze and endless female flesh were just as tempting there. But she could control it better.

So they’d bought a modest villa.

Cook had integrated easily into the expat life. Effy was as always, endlessly receptive to new ideas both in bed and out, and within two years, they’d pretty much gone native. Thats not to say Cook spoke any more than a few words of Portuguese, but he didn't really need to. Their villa was surrounded by others occupied by British expats. They quickly became close to an older British couple, Bob and Helen. In their early 40's, with two children, Robbie, 15 and Alicia, 14, they initially seemed just your average UK expats, living on savings and enjoying the sunshine.

One boozy evening 6 months after Cook and Effy had moved in, they found out it wasn't quite that prosaic.

Bob had narrowly escaped a 14 year sentence for cocaine importation a few years earlier, and his stay in Portugal was more to do with necessity than choice. He had befriended the local Policia chief, and was living 'incognito' whilst avoiding extradition to the UK.

Helen’s past was equally colourful. She’d run an upmarket escort service in London for years, and most of the purchase price of their palatial villa was paid for by her ex employees activities.

But now they settled for a bit of minor league drug importation from North Africa, which brought in a good sized wedge every month, enhanced by Helen's monthly 'parties'

Parties that were very popular with other expats. For obvious reasons.

Not only did a fairly modest 'entrance fee' entitle you to free booze and as many lines of cocaine as your septum could stand, but several of Helen's old employees flew over every month to help the party go with a err ….swing?

Effy, always the hedonist, adored Helen for her outrageous past and Cook being Cook, was never likely to turn down a random shag, especially if it came with free drugs. They’d been together long enough to not be consumed by jealousy when one or the other of them disappeared into a bedroom with either of the hosts...and sometimes (OK mostly) an extra or two.

Within a year, Cook and Effy were comfortably involved in the sort of swingers parties the Daily Mail rages incoherently about on its front pages. Cook was now doing courier runs and distribution deals with other resorts, and after Katie and her musician boyfriend came over for a week, the older Fitch enjoyed a memorable pool party.

Katie had long got over Gobblers End, and having experimented quite a lot with her new boyfriend and various nubile groupies, didn't protest too much when Effy joined them on the rubber mat by the pool. Cook joined in too eventually, finally realising one of his college fantasies by nailing a naked Katie Fitch, while his girlfriend....assisted... and the two visitors left at the end of the week promising to come back soon.

So this weekend was supposed to lower the temperature for Emily and Naomi.

Instead it turned it into a raging fever.

It began innocently enough. Effy had also invited Pandora, fresh from another breakup with her boyfriend, Freddies sister Karen, who had stayed close to both Cook and her after her brothers death, and a slim, blonde girl called Sara, who’d lived in Bristol, but who's parents had a villa down the coast.

The first night was full of school memories, laughter and Portuguese red wine. Naomi looked at Emily affectionately a few times as they sat on the veranda, round a big square table, swapping anecdotes. She looked happy. Happier than she had for weeks. The frown lines in her forehead were gone and those hypnotic brown eyes were shining with happiness, not unshed tears. She found herself relaxing into the evening, allowing herself to think maybe this was exactly what they both needed.

The evening ended with Cook (of course) throwing Naomi fully clothed into the pool. They all followed, laughing drunkenly, and after lots of ducking and splashing, they retired to their room, Naomi and Emily held hands on the way up, almost shyly. It was the first time Emily had responded to a simple gesture of affection since...that night. Naomi glowed with happiness.

They made love to each other, slowly and gently, after drying off with the big rough beach towels Effy had put on their bed. Emily cried a little after Naomi had made her come with sensitive tongue and searching fingers. She returned the favour equally softly. When Naomi came, she had Emily's name on her lips. They slept entwined despite the heat, breathing softly against each other.

When Naomi woke in the morning, it was to Emily's smiling face. All was right with the world again she thought. Lets just enjoy this weekend, go back home and forget the ugliness of before.

That was until Effy told them over breakfast about the party they were invited to that night…


They dressed in their best, thinking it was going to be a formal event. Effy had smirked a bit when Emily asked her innocently if their hosts were wealthy or aristocratic.

"Not at all babe" she laughed "Wealthy, yes, but VERY down to earth. After a few hours, you'll get to know them very well"

Cooks stifled ironic laughter should have warned them, but it didn't.

An hour after they'd been greeted at the door by Helen in a white dress which plunged alarmingly down the front and back revealing her ample cleavage, both girls were starting to relax. There were no formalities. Dinner was a buffet one, lots of meat and local vegetable dishes cooked by a hired chef and served by white uniformed waiters. The wine was strong and plentiful and the company pleasant.

Apart from Effy, Cook, Pandora, Sara and Karen, there were a couple of women who looked like catwalk models. Tall, willowy and dressed to kill in revealing slashed dresses, they seemed to know everyone there. There were also two local guys. Naomi whispered sarcastically to Emily that it was like a Christiano Ronaldo lookalike competition, which made Emily snigger for a full minute. They circulated among guests known and unknown until the dinner plates were cleared away and everyone was invited upstairs to a large room with a single table in the middle and a small stage to one end.

"Looks like we get a cabaret too" Emily breathed into Naomi's ear

"Please God let it not be fucking Karaoke..."

"Oh, I dunno Ems" Naomi chuckled "I seem to remember you trying to do a Ga Ga impression last time we went to the pub"

She got a sharp nudge for that crack, but it wasn't malicious, so Naomi laughed too.

Everyone gravitated towards the table, and Naomi could soon see why. Neat lines of white powder and small yellow pills marked with little bird impressions.

"Fucking ace E's, you two" Cook said over their shoulders "Better than any of that shit you get in the of those and you'll just about fuck each other to death tonight.."

He grinned salaciously and took one of the tabs, balancing it on his tongue, pushing his face towards Naomi.

"Fuck off Cook" Naomi said, horrified "We had this discussion at Roundview, remember? Me muff muncher?...cement mixers and staples, yeah?"

Cook laughed uproariously "Fucking right Naoms...never did get to bone either of you did I...mind you..Ems nearly gave in to me once...that time in the club when you were totally wasted Emilio? Mint pair of little tits never stopped my hands wandering that night...copped a right handful"

Naomi looked at Emily, truly shocked at the revelation.

"W...what?...fuck off, she wouldn't..not with you Cookie"

Emily looked at her shoes and coloured.

" did?" Naomi spat, ready to start what would have been a stinging argument, but Effy interrupted.

"Long time ago Naoms...water under the bridge and all that..anyway, didn't you go further than just a bit of boob rubbing in that classroom with my dickhead of a boyfriend that year too?"

That stopped Naomi's mouth in mid insult. She'd confessed to Emily that she'd kissed Cook after the election, but omitted the full on groping that accompanied it. They'd been seconds from stripping off and getting down to it when she called it off. Suddenly she didn't feel the moral high ground under her feet any more.

"Yeah, well, fuck it" she said finally, as Emily's wounded eyes held hers "It was a long time ago...and at least both of us came to our senses before we went through with meeting your technicolor todger in person Cook"

Which made Cook roar again and Effy smile indulgently.

"The night is still young.. and the Cookie monster is very patient" Cook boomed then spun away, still winking at them

Effy shrugged as he put his arms over the shoulders of the two model types and started his usual spiel.

"Never changes, that one" she grinned "Anyway...he was right about one thing. The coke's pure as it gets and these E's..." she paused to take one and swallow it "...are about the best you'll ever try...?"

She took another yellow pill and put it on her tongue, moving closer to Emily.

Emily looked at Naomi, who went to shake her head, but before she could say anything, the petite brunette moved into an open mouthed kiss with Effy. Passing the pill took a second, but Naomi watched, cold inside, as Effy held the back of Emily's head in one elegant hand as their mouths moved against each other for a while. It didn't look like Emily was struggling too much.

A vague memory stirred inside Naomi's mind...something Emily had said years ago about Effy propositioning her after they'd had one of their innumerable fights in the early days. She didn't like the way Emily was settling so comfortably into the 'friendly' embrace.

Finally, when they broke for air, Naomi reached over and took two pills herself from the dish.

"Fuck it" she grated, jealousy flaring inside her " for a penny..."


Turned out to be the most expensive penny either of them had ever spent...

The evening really got under way when the drugs kicked in. Emily matched Naomi by swallowing another tab, washing it down with a full glass of classy port. Then they competed with each other to see who could could get the most fucked up quickest.

Effy watched them closely, initially amused, but then a little puzzled as they stood toe to toe, drinking steadily and waiting impatiently for the rush from the MDMA. What they didn't know was that the pills also contained a larger dose of pure amphetamine than usual. The normal warm rush of Ecstasy is refined by its libido enhancing qualities. Added speed makes it much harder, more aggressive in its euphoric effect.

Couples started kissing around them, more people seemed to have arrived now the serious business was starting. The two model types stepped up onto the low stage, as people snorted lines and swallowed more of the industrial strength E's with the vintage port and champagne. They moved together, under a soft pink light that was thrown down from behind thick curtains and began to kiss languorously.

Emily's eyes widened as the kisses turned to open caresses. Ever since she’d watched that sex show in Paris during her middle year summer break at Roundview, she’d used the memories of the two French girls making love in front of her as masturbatory fantasies. Too timid by far to join in at 17, she still remembered it as one of the most erotic sights she’d ever been witness to. Now the two women stripped each other, licking exposed skin and cupping small breasts. This was a show, but unlike any porno show she had seen on her laptop. These two were actually properly into each was intoxicating.

Moving closer to the stage, her arousal vividly enhanced by the chemicals racing through her nervous system, Emily left Naomi standing open mouthed at the table. Others were watching the girls make out, but most people seemed to use it as a trigger to begin their own show. A girl right next to Naomi dropped to her knees and fumbled with Cooks trouser buttons. She watched as the girl...Sara wasn't it... fished out Cook's over sized cock which was already distended and quivering. Cook winked at Naomi extravagantly as the girl began to slowly suck him.

"Go with it Blondie" he said casually "Everything and anyone you like a bit, yeah?"

Naomi gulped down a mouthful of vintage port, trying to stop the rush overpower her, but it was all too late. As she turned back to the mini stage, she could see Emily was now right between the two naked girls, urgently kissing one as the other stripped her naked. Hands slipped round her own waist as she stared, fascinated despite the acute stab of jealousy. It was Effy, already naked to the waist.

"Just feel it Naoms...its just sex, right?"

Naomi's reluctance was quickly buried under another intense rush of MDMA. Suddenly, it felt like the most natural thing in the world. Effy was beautiful, half naked and available. As she looked back at the stage one last time, she saw Emily being pulled to the carpeted floor by one girl as the other buried a head between her girlfriends wide open legs. The submissive moan Emily gave out as she was licked sent a bolt of pure lust through Naomi. She opened her mouth and accepted Effy's tongue, this time with no reluctance.


Neither Emily or Naomi would have been able to describe accurately most of the night that followed. After making out heavily with Effy for what seemed hours on a handy mattress, Naomi found herself surrounded by naked limbs. Other mattresses had appeared around the room and she laid on her back wantonly, legs open and accepting with Effy by her side, kissing her nipples in turn and using slim fingers to penetrate and arouse her. She opened her eyes in time to to see Cook sliding a condom onto his prodigious erection, then kneeling between her open legs.

"Waited way too fookin’ long for this blondie” he grinned wolfishly. “..this is something we should have finished properly at Roundview" he grinned down at her again, before pushing himself carefully into her super wet cunt with one practised movement. Effy smirked at her boyfriends eagerness then began to use her skilful fingers again on Naomi's clit. The blonde moaned and bucked up, eager for more from both her tormentors.

"I"ll leave you to it babe" Effy grinned after a few minutes more sucking on Naomi’s ultra sensitive nipples. "He's a great fuck Naoms...don't wear him out too much...I want some of that monster dick later too?"

"W...where are you going Eff?" Naomi gasped, unable to stop herself gripping Cook's forearms with her fingernails and pushing back as he ground in and out of her deliberately slowly. Despite her initial reluctance, he was definitely pressing all the right buttons now.

"Just going to get me some of that gorgeous little Fitch of yours, before Ella and Bobbie fuck her unconscious" the other girl replied. Naomi would have protested, but Cook used the opportunity then to increase his pace. He was big...bigger even than that Brazilian kid had been. Her supercharged libido took control. She surrendered. He was going to fuck her, and she was going to eagerly let him.

"Come on then you horny fucker Cook " she hissed as he changed the angle of his thrusts, pressing his pistoning cock against her sensitive clit on every down stroke, She raked his sides with long nails "I heard the reputation...lets have the reality..screw me you bastard"

Cook grinned down at her as his movements got longer and deeper. He could feel her muscles gripping him.

"Always wanted to fuck your brains out Naomikins” he panted...”and today's the day...hang on blondie, this is a shag you won't forget."


She had no idea of time or location over the next half hour. Cook got her off explosively after teasing her for a long while, finally pounding rapidly into her as she arched and cried out again and again, then he grinned at her triumphantly as she panted for air while he slid out of her, still glistening and erect.

"Knew you'd be a fucking ace shag Naomikins" he crowed, pulling off the condom with a snap. “Time to share the love with another lucky lady I think....”

He wandered off, his swaying erection already gaining admiring glances from boys and girls alike.

The drugs were still surging through Naomi strongly but getting up to her feet shakily, she pressed another yellow pill onto her tongue anyway. She felt herself swallowing it even as her mind tried to protest it was all getting too much. All around her, bodies young and old were writhing and moaning. One of the many Ronaldo lookalikes was pounding away at a groaning Karen McClair, her tanned legs wrapped tightly round his waist. Over in the corner, one of the models was hungrily going down on the host Helen, while her husband banged away at the same girl from behind. Other unknown bodies thrashed and cried out in passion in every direction. Girls with girls, boys with boys, threesomes, foursomes... Orgasmic cries and muttered expletives filled the warm, sultry night.

But her mind soon turned again to her little brown eyed beauty. Before Cook had screwed her so skilfully she'd seen Effy walk over to where Emily was hungrily kissing the taller model girl on the stage, but now that space was occupied by a couple of guys, boys really, probably 15 at most. Naked and darkly tanned…. boys that she hadn't even seen arrive at the party. They were sitting on the edge of the stage, watching the orgy going on around them and slowly fisting each others sturdy erections. As she continued to watch in fascination, one of them came abruptly in long white jets over the other boys hand and arm. The other boy smirked at his friends ecstatic face then quickly bent forward, licking the streaks of white off the still jerking thigh and his own hand. Then as he straightened and swallowed with satisfaction, the other kid bent forward in turn and started sucking off his friend. As she stared in wide eyed disbelief, the second cock jerked and twitched too, the owner clutching his friends head and emptying himself into his willing mouth. The boy...close up as she was now...she recognised as the son of Helen and her husband... openly ogled her swaying tits as his friend carried on sucking the sturdy erection. The invitation was clear...if she’d wanted to...even younger flesh was freely available tonight. Even as she shook her head and passed him, she noticed the boys sister, looking younger by another year at least, sandwiched between a thick set, dark haired guy and what looked like his twenty something curvy wife. Naomi had time to register the teenagers delighted moans as the man fucked her steadily from behind, his wife licking every inch of the girl’s body she could reach with her tongue.

"Fucking hell" Naomi whispered to herself "Every possible taste accommodated"

She staggered to her feet again, then saw Pandora over by the door. The girl who said whizzer and bonkers a lot when she was 16 certainly didn't look that childish now. She was on her knees, an older woman beside her fondling Pandas impressively naked tits as her old school friend sucked eagerly on a black guys engorged dick .

Through the haze of her own intoxication, Naomi realised it probably wasn't the best time to interrupt, but she needed to find Emily. She padded over to them, avoiding a few grabbing hands from people eager to add another body to their menage.

"Panda babes...have you seen Emily" she croaked, her voice scratchy from all the moaning Cook had forced her to do. The guys cock plopped free of Pandora's mouth as her friend turned her head.

"Bit busy here Naoms" she said, licking her lips and running her eyes up and down Naomi's nakedness "but fuck, you're gorgeous naked hun...try and find me after I’ve finished here?” she nodded at the quivering erection in front of her face “... we never got together back then, did we....Effy's taught me an awful lot about pleasing pussy?"

Naomi looked blankly at Panda for a second before nodding absently.

Jesus, was NO one normal any more?

"Sure...I mean yeah, OK Panda...maybe a bit later?" she lied. Screwing Pandora wasn't exactly on her to do list...even THAT one.

Naomi turned away from the trio who immediately resumed what they were doing. She searched the ground floor without success. In her stoned state it didn't seem at all odd that she was walking about completely naked in a strangers house, looking for her long term girlfriend, who was no doubt getting off with more than one person somewhere else.

She found Emily eventually. Opening the fifth door she came to upstairs, she peered into a semi dark room with a huge Queen sized bed in the middle. On it were three people. Effy was on her back, head raised up on pillows between a kneeling Emily's thighs. Naomi recognised her girlfriends red hair and husky moans immediately.

It was the classic 69 position.... well, almost. What made it slightly more unusual was the sight of a Ronaldo Mark Two clone kneeling behind Emily, slowly thrusting his obviously unsheathed hard on in and out of her sighing girlfriend. Their combined moans reached a crescendo even as Naomi watched. The guy inside Emily pushed in as far as he could go, legs trembling as he climaxed. At the same time, Effy's efforts between her girlfriends legs produced what sounded like a pretty spectacular orgasm for Emily. The redhead cried out several times hoarsely before finally collapsing onto the still lapping girl underneath her.

Emily eventually looked up, panting as she noticed for the first time the bright light from the hallway illuminating the trio.

"Naoms, babe" she slurred dreamily, mouth still wet from Effy's own recent orgasm "Effy just made me come again...isn't she a cunning little linguist...?"

She giggled stupidly, as if she had just delivered the worlds best punchline.

"Effys pretty fucking good in the sack’ll have to try her...oh no, you already have...and so is..." she looked over her shoulder at the young Portuguese guy, who was stroking his hard on, no doubt preparing to go again " whats your name again?" She giggled at his puzzled expression. He shrugged amiably.

"You should always at least get a name before sucking a guys cock, isn't that right Naomi babe?" Emily said slyly, winking slowly at her girlfriend. “I bet you wish you hadn't introduced me to fellatio with that Paulo fella babes....I think I've gone and acquired a taste for it...or so this lovely guy says...and a good girl always swallows, right??...just as well he was up for it again straight away...Effy helped me get rid of the taste with her sweet pussy?”

The guy smirked, obviously relishing the recent memory of coming in Emily’s mouth. Naomi threw her hand over her own, Jesus..Emily not only sucking cock willingly, but swallowing too? What had happened to them both?

Emily was still smiling, but her eyes had taken on a hard, glittering look, now that she'd come off her immediate sexual high.

"How good was Cook, by the way?...I saw him banging the shit out of you when we came upstairs" her voice went an octave higher "Oh Jesus Cook...fuck me...harder" she mimicked Naomi's pre orgasmic cries.

Naomi stared at Emily dully as the other two people on the bed disentangled themselves. Effy got up quickly and grabbed the bemused guy's hand "Come on Eduardo...lots of nice willing tourists to fuck downstairs. I think Ems and Naomi may need to have a little clear the air chat...."

The door closed firmly behind them, leaving Emily and Naomi staring at each other.

"I'm not the only villain here, Emily..." Naomi whispered, only to be immediately interrupted.

"Yes you fucking are!" the little redhead spat back, suddenly serious, folding her arms across her bare breasts " You and your fucking 'I wanna threesome Ems.....please"

"Oh great" Naomi said icily "This is surreal, you know that? I'm standing here bare arsed naked, at a fucking ORGY...being bollocked by my girlfriend for something that happened months ago, when two MINUTES ago you were tongue deep inside Effy fucking Stonem...who I only find out tonight has been itching to jump your bones since 6th form college...oh, and by the way, thanks for telling me about you and Cook having a little heavy petting session in some scummy club...another fucking secret revealed?"

Emily growled deep in her throat. Naomi knew that sound...she'd only heard it once, after the... Sophia...incident. She braced herself for the blast.

"You're fucking UNBELIEVABLE Naomi" Emily yelled.

"Is this the same Cook who's just been balls deep inside your fanny...hun?"

"Fucked you good and proper, did he? Always wanted to shag you...and I bet you just loved it, didn't you. Always go back to the cock in the end, don't you? 'maybe I only like boys, apart from you' Remember that line sweetie?"

Both were now standing toe to toe, faces pale with anger. The air around them was electric.

A head popped round the door. One of Helen’s younger girls. Fuck she looked about 16.

"Everything alright in here?" she smiled sweetly.

"FUCK OFF!" they screamed at the same time. The head disappeared quickly and the door closed.

"So" Naomi said sarcastically "Its all my fault a simple threesome turned into fucking Dantes Inferno, is it? Who's idea was the whole list thing anyway? You wanted to see me with a guys dick in my wanted the twin thing Emily..."

Emily opened her mouth to argue that point, but Naomi just shouted over her.

"NO! Its never even argued about it. Katie says go, and sweet Emily gets down on her knees and licks her big sisters always....such a good girl...Twins huh?...Incest is such a turn on for all of us?"

She knew at the moment the words left her mouth she’d said something she couldn't take back...ever. Something in Emily's face changed. Then she seemed to crumple in front of her. Naomi took one step forward, as if to support her.

"Don't you fucking DARE touch me" the redhead said icily, eyes flashing fire.

"Ems...I'm sorry...that was really awful...I didn't mean're not..."

Emily drew herself upright, despite the tears running down her cheeks.

"We've fucked it up Naomi...actually its all fucked up. I want to go home in the some thinking...I think...I think we're and me"

NO!" Naomi shouted, reaching out for Emily, who took a quick step back out of arms reach "Don't say that. This is so stupid. Its just the drugs, this crazy place.....I love you, always have. Lets just go home....please?"

Emily shook her head, wiping the tears away from her face with the back of her hand.

"No" she said bleakly "I meant what I said. We've fucked it up with our silly games. Its over, whatever we had...I'm sorry, I just can't do this any more...its killing me"

She left the room, leaving Naomi standing there stunned at her words. It couldn't be over...could it?


The next few hours were pure torture for Naomi.

They left in the morning, while everyone else was sleeping off last nights excesses. The taxi ride to the airport was made in silence. An inevitable two hour delayed flight, including the wait for standby seats was icily silent too.

Several times Naomi tried to talk to her, but Emily either turned away or sat mutely, her headphones set to loud, ignoring her.

When they boarded, Emily made a point of sitting two rows up from her, even arranging for the seat change with an accommodating stewardess. Naomi noted sourly that the woman virtually drooled over Emily's arse as she 'helped' her get settled. Once the interminable flight was over, they stood side by side at the luggage carousel, waiting for their bags. Finally, Naomi couldn't hold back any longer.

"Ems...please" she begged, pulling the fucking annoying headphones from her girlfriends head. Emily glared at her.

"I was fucking listening to you mind?" she hissed coldly.

"Please don't do this...I fucking love you Emily Fitch" Naomi said brokenly "Can we just go home and talk about it?"

"Nothing to talk about" Emily said flatly "Its all been said...just being with me wasn't enough, was it? Now I feel dirty and used and you must feel like that too...I can't even look at you without seeing you with someone else...Jessica...Cook, Effy...even my fucking sister. You disgust me, and I disgust myself even more"

She took a deep breath as Naomi stared at her, wide eyed with shock.

"I phoned Katie, while you were in the toilet" she said flatly "I'm going to stay with my Mum and Dad in Bristol for a while. So I'm getting off the tube at Paddington...going straight there"

"No!" Naomi gasped.

"No...don't do this this. You're angry and upset...I get that. So am I. This was all a very bad idea, I know that now. I'm sorry I ever suggested it in the first place...please Ems...don't just leave me...I can't be without you...please?"

But her girlfriends face was impassive.

"No..I need to do this Naomi. Things are so fucked up I don't think they'll ever be OK again. But I need to be on my own for a while at least. Two weeks, maybe a month. Let me go...I'll call you from Bristol?"

Despite Naomi's continued protests, when the train got to Paddington, Emily picked up her suitcase and stood by the door. Naomi had one last try. She took Emily's hand gently and cupped her face with her other hand, ignoring the curious looks from the other passengers.

"I love you more than anything in the world, Emily Fitch" she breathed, standing so close Emily couldn't do anything but look back " And I'll do anything...anything at all to make this right. If you need some space..OK...go to Bristol. But never doubt my love for you. We belong together...we always have"

Emily nodded stiffly and didn't protest when Naomi kissed her gently on the lips.

Then the doors opened with a swish, she blinked a couple of times as Naomi started crying again.

"I'm sorry too Naomi" she said, voice cracking with emotion "I'll never stop loving you either...but I need to...."

Naomi stopped her by putting a finger across her lips.

"I know...I know" she said quietly, through the tears which continued to fall "I'm going to miss you so much baby... I'm going to be so lonely without you"

This time it was Emily holding back sobs as she stepped onto the bustling platform. She gave one last sad look at her crying girlfriend before turning away and being swallowed up by the busy commuters.

She was gone.


Three weeks later...

Naomi was sitting by the window, staring at the pouring rain outside when the doorbell rang. Listlessly, she buzzed whoever the fuck it was in. She knew for certain who it wouldn't be.

She'd almost lost her mind in the past few weeks. The first couple of days, she did nothing but cry. Mainly into Emily's pillow, night after night, soaking it so much she was forced to wash it....which removed the 'Emily smell' she craved. That made her cry even more. She had to go on long term sick from work in the end. After two disastrous days attempting to do her job, her boss had hauled her in and insisted she see a company doctor. That prompted a sick note for two weeks with a diagnosis of clinical depression. Surprisingly enough, the quack spotted the fact that this was no ordinary romantic break up. Naomi hardly spoke unless she had to, washed and changed her clothes only when forced. Just sat for long periods staring into space, interrupted only by epic crying jags that lasted for hours. She thought that she might actually die from the grief. She wondered if it might almost have been easier to bear if Emily had died. But then that thought too set her off again weeping uncontrollably.

But Emily didn't die and neither did Naomi. The two week certificate became a month long one, with an open ended extension. Drugs were prescribed, lots of nice shiny white pills in even shinier pop out packets. She took them all, hungry for relief, but nothing lifted her mood. Everything in the apartment reminded her of Emily. In the end, she took to sleeping (or laying awake looking at the ceiling) on the couch, moving it against another wall in the lounge, just to make the place look a little different.

The second week after that, she tried calling Emily (many times). The phone either went to voice-mail, which she learned not to bother with, or was cut off on the second ring. Finally, it gave her a message saying the phone was disconnected. That night she cried for three hours straight...

So next day, she tried Katie's number. After three rings, it was picked up.

"Katie...its Naomi" she sniffled.

"No shit" Katie answered "What do you want Naomi?"

"I...I want Emily back" she sobbed, hating herself for crying yet again.

"That might be a bit difficult" Katie replied, a bit less bitchily.

"Please Katie...I'm fucking dying here..I miss her so much...can you ask her to call me...please...I'm begging you"

There was a long pause, then a sigh.

"Look really should be her saying this, and I'm gonna bitch slap her for ducking this conversation for so long...but you need to fucking prepare yourself"

"W...what?" Naomi choked "Prepare for what?"

Katie sighed again.

"Fucks sake...." she rasped.

"Emily's not coming back, like ever. She's just been accepted on an Manchester. I was gonna get her to call you this week anyway. I've got to come down to your place to collect her clothes and stuff. Its over Naomi...She doesn't want to see you ever again"

"B..but I love her Katie...she can't just...she said she just wanted time...some space"

"Jesus wasn't just you who got your heart broken with all these silly games you two have played. She's hurting too. Lets face it, it was pretty fucking stupid, wasn't it? You're not me, and Emily isn't Effy. It was never just sex with you two soppy cunts. And if thats what true love does to you, I'll stick to mindless shagging thanks. Look....I'm pretty busy, but I do actually have a heart believe it or not, so I'll just say this so you're clear. I don't think you can do anything at the moment which wouldn't just make things worse. She's made her mind up to move on. Do the same never know, you might find someone else dozy enough to fall in love with you out there. But as far as you and her are concerned..its done...over"

There was a long silence when Naomi seemed to have lost the ability to speak. She opened her mouth to say something, but just unintelligible noises came out. Finally, Katie filled the silence.

"Actually, I think she's just doing anything but face you right now...but she's my twin sister, so I'll always have her back, not yours. I'm sorry Naomi, there's nothing more I can say to sweeten it. You're dumped babe. Now...when can I come down to pick up her stuff?"

Naomi was too shocked to argue. They made a loose arrangement for the next Friday.

And so, as the inner door creaked on this wet Friday, Naomi carried on looking out of the window as the love of her life's twin sister came into the room. On the floor, neatly packed into stripy laundry bags and boxes, was the sum total of her previous life with Emily.

Six alcohol fueled weeks later, she had a 'proper' breakdown. Her mum flew in from Cork and supervised her semi compulsory stay in the clean white building with nice smiley people in even nicer whiter coats.

Six months after THAT, she was discharged back into her mothers care.

And three months after that, she got another job. Not as prestigious and definitely not as pressured as her old one. Just a bit of stringer work for Metro. She worked mainly from home (a different home...she had to vacate the flat for lots of reasons) but home anyway. It was a third floor apartment in Wandsworth. Miles, and light years away from her old life.

She went out occasionally...very occasionally...even got shagged twice. Once by a very earnest bespectacled fellow journalist who got her drunk and took her unresponsive body clumsily with his pencil dick on her battered couch, (she let him come inside her into a condom, but she was a million miles away from satisfaction herself)....And once by a young female student after a night out at a local bar. Naomi had rescued the girl from a very persistent bull dyke and the pretty blonde had repaid her by fucking her in the alleyway out back. At least the girl made her come, with nimble fingers, but Naomi refused a repeat or an offered phone number.

Neither encounter was satisfying really. Pity, because masturbation was apparently out of the question as well. Too many treacherous images of....her...intruded on that solitary pastime to make it pleasant or satisfying.

A year and a half after Emily had left, she was called into the editors office.

"Naomi babe" he boomed, which reminded her far too accurately of a certain James Cook. "Fucking Arts editor sick, his dep on paternity leave. I know Westminster's your brief, but fuck it...its just a poxy photography exhibition in Hackney. Take you ten minutes tops. Pop down there, make some notes and give me 500 words on it by close of play. Usual of people in war wound makeup laying in alleys. No one takes a normal picture any more. Fucking new artists my arse. Ten minutes, promise. Here's their press release. Two birds, by the look of it...Karen and Emily Woods"

Fifteen minutes later, press release unread, Naomi was pushing open the door of Hackney Community Arts Centre, looking for the signs for the show.

She was stubbing out a cigarette on her heel under the unamused eyes of the crusty caretaker, otherwise she might have noticed the poster on the wall above his head......

Stepping into the room, she sighed in resignation. The walls were covered in black and white images of homeless people, drunks and vagrants. All made up to look battered. Bruises and fake blood covered their faces. It really wasn't her thing, although she appreciated the charitable side of it. Trouble was, the world was so absolutely fucked, you wouldn't have to go far out of the UK to find actual pictures of suffering people. But she did her job, made factual notes and added her own acerbic comments to one or two particularly gruesome images, then looked around for the table with the two photographers she had been told about. There was a small crowd of students around the table, so she waited for them to disperse, idly checking her phone for messages. She had stupidly promised that shy girl in accounts with big tits that she would have a drink with her tonight. But her feet already ached and she racked her brains for an excuse she could text her with that wouldn't sound too brutally like the brush off.

Failing to think of one, she sighed again before noticing the crowd had thinned out. She pushed past a couple of Chinese girls who were busy photographing anything and everything (no sense of irony, these tourists, photographing a photography exhibition) and put on her best fake smile.

And felt it drop off her face like hot wax.

Sitting behind the table was a very familiar figure. Shorter hair, Red again, but when those startling brown eyes met hers, it was like the rest of the world had disappeared, all the same...

"E...Emily?" she stuttered "But it said Woods?..." she stopped talking as the pretty blonde haired girl with the glittering nose stud next to her ex broke in brightly

"Thats right...Emily Woods...I'm Karen Woods...her life partner...nice to meet you....?"


"Naomi...Naomi Campbell" she said hoarsely, wanting nothing more than the world to end that instant.

Karen looked at Emily quizzically for a long moment as the two ex’s stared at each other, then the other shoe dropped. Emily was still staring at Naomi intently. Karen might have been doing the talking, but a whole conversation was going on between ice blue and chocolate brown eyes.....