At night Shun would come to him and sleep on top of him.
With his head on his shoulder and his arm draped over his chest, he would sleep.
But when Shugo tried to embrace him he would moumble a "Don't touch me."
'But I'm already touching you...' Shugo thought. Though it didn't count
It was warm and Shuns familiar weight on top of him... it was so tempting and unfair how he wasn't allowed to hug him.
He shouldn't think about things he didn't understand. It felt like he was being restrained. He wanted to wrap his arms around him, roll onto his side and nuzzle into his soft hair and he wanted Shun to sigh into his caress as he return it.
But he was afraid Shun would more away if he did, like an underlying threat looming over him.
So he just lay there until he fell asleep with Shuns rythmical breathing ghosting over his neck. It was warm, with them lying together so closely but he still had the urge to cover Shun with the blankets. He liked watching Shun sleep, he always looked so peaceful, but he still liked that sarcastic, slighly cinical smile of his when he was awake more.
He wanted to touch him. Not sexually, just affectionatly, to feel the closenes to him. Affirmation that he was really there and that Shugo was there, too. It was mean that he wasn't allowed to to cuddle and pull Shun close. He probably wouldn't be able to stop smiling the entire time if he ever got the chance.
Shun never let Shugo touch him when he was awake, always slapping his hand away even though he let his own linger. He was always so cranky when he was awake but Shugo didn't mind it all that much. Just a little affection would be nice now and then.
Why wouldn't Shun look at him more often?
His eyes on him were such a familiar feeling, like a supportive hand always pushing his back.
When Shun watched him Shugo felt like he could do anything.
Shugo took a deep breath and sighed. Shuns head rose and fell with the movemend of his chest. In the morning he was always gone, having returned to the spot he remembered him falling asleep the night before, and Shugo wondered if it was just a dream but was alway proven wrong the next time it happened again. And why would he dream about the same thing so many times?
Most people would probably see it as weird to have someone else climb into bed with them at night but not Shugo. It was Shun, after all, so he didn't see anything strange about it. A little surreal, maybe, those moments where he lay awake just starring up at the ceiling. And mean.
He starred at his hand, a shape barely visible in the dark. Sighing, Shugo let it sink onto the soft mattress again. Sun stirred on his chest and settle into a more comfortable position again by rolling onto his side and using his nely outstreched arm as a pillow. Shugo allowed himself to brush a few strands of hair out of his face.
He wanted to touch him someday.