Work Header

Teal'c and Mamma Voorhees

Work Text:

“I can’t see how any of this is going to go wrong in any conceivable way.”


Tony looked at Jack half amused and half disgruntled. “It’ll be great!”


Jack looked at his partner doubtful. “You want Teal’c’s first foray into movies to be Friday the 13th.”


“What else would we watch today?” Tony asked frowning and Sam popped in when she came in.


“The epic tale of mamma Voorhees and her baby boy is just what this day needs.”


“I don't know how epic it is,” Jack tried but was shot down by Daniel when he came into the house with Teal’c following close behind.


“I don’t even have anything scientific to justify it. I just want to see a bunch of stupid people get killed. Anyone who breaks the basic rules of a horror movie deserves to die.”


“Who is this Jason Voorhees?” The Jaffa asked. “Daniel advised that he killed many people. Was he a warrior?”


“Not so much” Jack drawled.


“More like a great villain,” Daniel continued getting a beer for himself and the Jaffa before taking a seat in one of the recliners. “Just remember there’s nothing sociologically redeeming about this movie, Teal’c, and you’ll be fine.”


“I do not understand,” the Jaffa admitted as he took a seat and Jack snorted from his spot next to his partner on the sofa.


“That makes two of us,” Jack quipped and was quickly elbowed by Tony. “Says the man who thinks the Simpsons are the greatest thing since man discovered fire.”


95 Minutes later, Teal’c repeated his earlier statement. “I do not understand.”


Jack almost shot beer out his nose he snorted so hard. “If I was a lesser man I’d say I told you so.”


Tony glared at his partner before looking to Teal’c. “It’s just fun. It’s scary and campy and awesome.”


“Humans love scary movies Teal’c,” Daniel explained happily.


The Jaffa frowned at Daniel. “You enjoy being afraid?”


“No,” Daniel corrected, “just when it’s a movie.”


Teal’c just blinked at him. So, Tony thought he’d try. “A movie is make believe. Well, normally anyway. It’s fun to sit in the dark with your friends and watch some monster or crazy guy chase bunch of people who are too stupid to even have any basic survival instincts.”


“But, do you not deal with this every day?” Teal’c asked Tony as serious as always, and Jack’s shoulders shook as he tried to hold in his laugh.


“O’Neill, do you not like these movies?” Teal’c asked and the Colonel turned his gaze to his friend.


“Oh, I love ‘em,” Jack corrected smiling. “Like Tony said they’re scary and campy and awesome. It relieves the stress that we deal with every day knowing that the situations aren’t even close to realistic. It’s better in the theater with a lot of other people. If you’re really lucky you can get a spot in the back and neck with your date now and then or hold hands in the popcorn bucket. They get you out of your head and the bullshit that we deal with every day. As weird as some of the shit we see is, nothing can compare to Mamma Voorhees and her baby boy as Sam said.”


Teal’c cocked his head to one side as he considered this. “Does this Mama Voorhees not have a right to her vengeance? Seeking retribution against the people that allowed her son to die?”


“But those people didn’t kill him or have anything to do with his death,” Sam offered, but then shrugged. “But I can see that logic kinda. I mean, you’re right. She lost her son, and that led to her seeing vengeance. Now days people would say his death was her stressor. But that’s another genre.”


“Tell you what, Teal’c,” Tony offered smiling. “Next time we’ll try humor. I have Airplane in my collection.


“Oh yeah, this isn’t going to go wrong at all,” Jack repeated from earlier and laughed when he got smacked by Tony.


The End