Chapter 1: most popular girls in ravka
nikolai, out of boredom created a group chat. zoya is not a fan of mpgis.
nikkie landlord: nikolai
jenna sapphire: genya
aleenuh starkohv: alina
dmitri dumkin: mal
The Darkling: aleks
dAVID kOSTYK: david
(See the end of the chapter for more notes.)
nikkie landlord created a new group.
nikkie landlord invited, jenna sapphire, nazyalenSKY, dmitri dumkin, aleenuh starkohv, The Darkling, and dAVID kOSTYK to the group.
nikkie landlord renamed the group to “most popular girls in ravka”.
nikkie landlord: hey popular people
nikkie landlord: its me your king
nazyalenSKY: did you just named this group after that dumb barbie doll show
nikkie landlord: a) it's not dumb
nikkie landlord: it's a masterpiece
nikkie landlord: b) why are you texting in class
nazyalenSKY: uhhh i could ask you the same thing
nikkie landlord: actually,,,, i ditched school so i'm texting from my room
nazyalenSKY: you WHAT
nikkie landlord: that's right soya sauce
nikkie landlord: i skipped school
nikkie landlord sent a picture
nazyalenSKY: saints i hate you
nikkie landlord: love you too <<<333
whoops that's all for now. pray that i could update this regularly.
aleenuh starkohv: hey i just opened my phone what's this
nazyalenSKY: nikolai lost his impulse control probably
nikkie landlord: umm,,,, rude
The Darkling: Hello.
nikkie landlord: oh hey the edgelord's here
nikkie landlord: hEy leksyy how are ya
The Darkling: Nikolai, I told you. Do not call me Leksy.
nikkie landlord: mhmm
nikkie landlord: aight leksay
The Darkling: I give up.
jenna sapphire: hey who's dmitri
aleenuh starkohv: oh its mal !!
jenna sapphire: ohHH
jenna sapphire: isn't he your boyfriend
aleenuh starkohv: hWAT
aleenuh starkohv: WE'RE NOT DATING
nazyalenSKY: that mustve hurt
dmitri dumkin: but we're not dating?
dmitri dumkin: we're the bestest of friends right alina
aleenuh starkohv: !!! exactly !!!
nazyalenSKY: you guys,,,, are as sensitive as a rock
jenna sapphire: umm yeah i agree with zoya but
jenna sapphire: mal
jenna sapphire: why is your screen name dmitri
jenna sapphire: who's dmitri
The Darkling: Misha dared Mal to change his screen name to “Dmitri Dumkin” for a year.
The Darkling: Who Dmitri is, I do not know.
nikkie landlord: how do you know this
The Darkling: It is not one of your concerns.
would malina be romantic? would malina be platonic? decide.
[ any negativity towards mal would be blocked (malyen oretsev does not deserve this bullshit) ]
Chapter 3: the forgotten twins
nikolai is a terrible friend
dmitri dumkin: nikolai
dmitri dumkin: i cant believe you didn’t put tolya and tamar here
dmitri dumkin: i mean they’re like your sidekicks
nikkie landlord: oh sHit
nikkie landlord: i forgOt
aleenuh starkohv: goddamnit nikolai
aleenuh starkohv: i’m going to invite them now
nikkie landlord: ok bUt !! please dont tell them i forgot abt them
aleenuh starkohv invited toolya and tammie to the group.
toolya: what the hell is this
tammie: why is it named after mpgis
nazyalenSKY: nikolai made this group a couple hours ago and forgot to invite you two
nikkie landlord: zoyA
nikkie landlord: п р е д а л а
nazyalenSKY: lmao fuck you
tammie: wow nikolai
tammie: we’re not friends anymore bye
nikkie landlord: this aLL yR fAUlT zOya
nazyalenSKY: ha love you too
dAVID kOSTYK: WHOS TAMAR AND TOLYA
jenna sapphire: they’re the rly smart red robes i told you a while ago
nikkie landlord: whoa,,,,, c/a/l/m down david
dAVID kOSTYK: I DONT KNOW HOW TO TURN OFF THE CAPSLOCK
dAVID kOSTYK: OH THANKS GENYA
nikkie landlord: bUT CAPSLOCK ARE AUTOMATICALLY TURNED OFF WHEN YOURE NOT USING THE KEYBOARD ???
dAVID kOSTYK: WE HAVE DIFFERENT COMPUTERS I GUESS
nikkie landlord: wait whAt
nikkie landlord: I THOUGHT WERE TALKING ABT PHONES HERE WHAT HAPPENED TO YR PHONE
jenna sapphire: mr botkin confiscated his phone for six months bc sergei and marie kept spamming his phone lmao
dAVID kOSTYK: YEAH
aleenuh starkohv: whoa really?? that fucking sucks :/
dAVID kOSTYK: I KNOW ;9999
The Darkling: David, you do know that you could just press the ‘capslock’ button next to the ‘A’ button, right?
The Darkling: And as for the ‘;9999’ thing, did you mean to write a frowny face? Don’t forget to press the ‘shift’ button for the alternative keys, such as ‘1’ and ‘!’.
dAVID kOSTYK: WHAT REALLY
dAVID kOSTYK: oh wow this makes so much sense now thank you darkling!
nikkie landlord: #lifehackswithleksy
The Darkling: Nikolai, please stop.
ok so like since i want the grisha orders to still exist in this au so i used my country’s high school system where you have to choose a major in high school so–
otkazat’sya– social studies
they also use uniform with color based on their major, thus the slang ‘red robes’, ‘blue robes’, ‘purple robes’, and ‘green robes’
Chapter 4: intruder
the crew feat. y’all’s fave heartrender :)
nikkie landlord: ｂｅｅｆ ｂａｂｙ ｉｓ ｏｕｔ ｆｏｒ ｂｌｏｏｄ
aleenuh starkohv: ,,, what
nikkie landlord: nOthing
dmitri dumkin: nikolai r u ok
nikkie landlord: thE finest i’ve ever been
nazyalenSKY: hEy bitjES its-a me yR queen
tammie: zoya what happened
nazyalenSKY: umMm,, zoya’s in the bathroom
nazyalenSKY: this is neens
nikkie landlord: nina
nikkie landlord: zenik?
nazyalenSKY: the one and only
jenna sapphire: nina !! what are you doing @ zoya’s how come you didn’t tell me ur visiting :(((
nazyalenSKY: sorRy genZ i wanted 2 surprise zoya and i couldn’t risk any leaks
aleenuh starkohv: isn’t nina zenik the girl that nikolai said moved to kerch high bc she got a guy from fjerda high expelled ??
dmitri dumkin: yeah !! i think nina’s face and name was also put in that honor wall or smthng for students that passed away or moved frm ravka
nazyalenSKY: IS THIS WHAT THE LEADER OF STUDENT BODY DOES NOWADAYS
nazyalenSKY: GOSSIPING ABT EX STUDENTS OF RAVKA
nazyalenSKY: NIKOLAI,,,, IM,,, HURT
tammie: correction, former. only juniors are allowed to be leaders
nazyalenSKY added neens zenski to the group
King of Scars: I JSUT CHANGED MY SCREEN NAME AND HONESTLY I FEEL SO ATTACKED RN
King of Scars: ALINA MAL HOW COULD YOU
neens zenski: OK HOLD ON BACKTRACK WHOS MAL N ALINA
aleenuh starkohv: we’re new students !!
The Darkling: They’re from Keramzin and are part of Ravka’s scholarship program to show people that they do care about the lower caste.
neens zenski: i only hv a slight clue abt tht but ok
The Darkling: That’s good to know.
King of Scars: ok can the spotlight return 2 me now
King of Scars: i c h a n g e d my screen name is anything sacred to y’all anymore
tammie: king of scars
toolya: literally the only time i saw you with scars was when u wanted to pet oncat and she doesn’t consent
King of Scars: THE PAST IS IN THE PAST
neens zenski: WAIT ONCAT’S STILL ALIVE
toolya: yes she is ninA
nazyalenSKY: fuck you nina i never allowed you to use my phone
yAll i honestly cant wait fr king of scars hbu
jenna sapphire: wait hold on king of scars
jenna sapphire: nikolai didn’t you said?
jenna sapphire: abOut the screen name?
jenna sapphire: you, did it?
King of Scars: YES
dmitri dumkin: did what
King of Scars: I DID GENYA R U PROUD
King of Scars removed neens zenski from the group.
dmitri dumkin: i might b the best in geo but im so lost rn
jenna sapphire: AHLSLSJSJEJWBW
jenna sapphire: OTP
nazyalenSKY: what’s going on
King of Scars: I ASKED HIM N HE BLUSHED IT WAS SO CUTEI C A N T
jenna sapphire: aaAAAHHH
dmitri dumkin: WHAT IS GOING ON
The Darkling: Why am I starting to regret saying ‘Yes’.
aleenuh starkohv: wAit wHAT
aleenuh starkohv: IS THIS WHAT I THINK IT IS
nazyalenSKY: im fucking
King of Scars: if that what i think it is includes me asking out aleks then yEs
tammie: never thought i’d see the day nikolai finally ask aleks out
aleenuh starkohv: IM
aleenuh starkohv: WHAT THE FUCK
nazyalenSKY: alina (2)
The Darkling: Jealous, Alina?
aleenuh starkohv: iM NOT JEALOUS
aleenuh starkohv: JUST?? SH00K
dmitri dumkin: this seems so out of the blue?
dmitri dumkin: i mean they? don’t interact much?
tammie: well mal if you didn’t spend the whole time staring at alina like you’ve never seen a girl then u would’ve realized
toolya: t h e c h e m i s t r y
jenna sapphire: y’all can say whatever the hell u want abt nikolai w/ aleks
jenna sapphire: but nikolai must fulfill his promise now
aleenuh starkohv: that sounds so,,, ominous??
The Darkling: Did he promised his unborn baby to you?
jenna sapphire: thinking back t it maybe i shoulda asked that
King of Scars: nah,,, i just promised 2 buy her shit ton of froyos
dave: froyo ???
jenna sapphire: yes froyo
im not dead i swear,,, my parents just confiscated my phone fr a while n i sorta forgot my password haha ??
Chapter 6: revival
nikolai and genya revives the group ™ by Sharing Too Much
King of Scars: i just had sex
the tracker ™: u what
King of Scars: and it felt so good
the tracker ™: uh tmi
King of Scars: a man let me put my penis inside him
King of Scars sent a picture
the tracker ™: ur mom gay lol
toolya: ur dad lesbian
gayna safir: im your dad ???
david: we are? dating?
King of Scars: no u
the tracker ™: oh shit bro
light of ur life: yall im crying zoya SNORES in her sleep
toolya: no vid hoax
gayna safir: right ??
gayna safir: thts why i always leave after were done
light of ur life sent a video
gayna safir: well i used to stay fr sm pillow talk
gayna safir: but then bye bye
King of Scars: genya i love u but What The Fuck
gayna safir: babe
gayna safir: u were the one who revived the chat by announcing ur sex life
toolya: oh shit she snApPed
gayna safir: hypocrite smh
nazyalenSKY: alina u fckin traitor im breaking up w u
in character ??? who she