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The Magnificent 7 Idiots

Chapter Text


 Taehyung: soulmate #1

Jungkook: golden boy

Jimin: soulmate #2

Yoongi: eat sleep repeat

Hoseok: the only hope

Jin: mom of the year

Namjoon: daddy long legs


 

 The Magnificent 7 Idiots 

soulmate #1: who misses me

soulmate #1: which one of you fuckers left me on read

soulmate #1: its been 10 minutes i honestly feel heartbroken nobody misses me

soulmate #2: I MISS YOU TAE SORRY I WAS PRACTICING

soulmate #1: MY SOULMATE I MISS YOU TOO FUJK

the only hope: yoons and i miss you too taebae

soulmate #1: i miss you guys too but why didn't yoongi hyung text it himself

daddy long legs: he, along with jin, had too much to drink last night and they both passed out in hoseoks bed and almost 12 hours later neither have woken up or moved

daddy long legs: miss you tho tae when are you coming back

soulmate #1: oh mygod rip yoongi hyung and jin hyung they had a good life

soulmate #1: i come back tmr i just wanted to make sure you all missed me terribly

soulmate #1: i got a tan you'll all be pleased to hear

golden boy: pics or it didn't happen

soulmate #2: isn't it funny how kookie speaks up now when we're talking about tae :))

soulmate #1: jimin sweetie stfu :))))

soulmate #1: but here ya go kook

soulmate #1:

mom of the year: LOOK AT MY GORGEOUS TANNED SON WOW

the only hope: how are you awake wtf

mom of the year: i wake up for the good shit obviously hoseok jesus

mom of the year: let me love my son in peace

soulmate #1: thanks mom <333

mom of the year: anytime honey but momma's gotta go rest the killer headache that's about to hit

mom of the year: also, hoseok id change your sheets when you get home after showing the freshmans around uni, yoongi woke up and threw up everywhere

golden boy: so that's why you showed up in the chat not to see taes selfie

golden boy: which looks great btw hyung you look good with the tan!

soulmate #2: WOW ARE MY EYES REALLY WITNESSING THIS

soulmate #2: i love taekook

mom of the year: you're not the only one

soulmate #1: jimin, my sweet beloved soulmate, light of my life, if you don't stop this right now i stg wait till i come back tmr :))))))

soulmate #1: thanks tho kookie i appreciate it a lot (((':

soulmate #2: coughsTAEKOOKcoughs

soulmate #1: JIMIN

the only hope: ok but does nobody care that yoons literally puked on my bed

eat sleep repeat: ill buy you new sheets don't worry

eat sleep repeat: also whens the taekook ship gonna officially sail cause im ready to tag along on the honeymoon

soulmate #2: ahahaHAHAHAHAHAHA

soulmate #1 has left the chat


 

The Magnificent 7 Idiots

 

daddy long legs added soulmate #1 to the chat

daddy long legs made soulmate #1 an admin

soulmate #1: fuk namjoonie hyung have i ever said how much i love you

soulmate #1: you always look out for me

soulmate #1: i feel so lobed rn i could alskodt crylu

the only hope: is taehyung ok he usually isn't this loving to anybody but jimin

soulmate #2: and jungkook

soulmate #2: but yeah he's fine we were facetiming earlier and he's just missing us a lot and is already stressed for missing the first two days of this semester

eat sleep repeat: still doesn't explain why hes typing like that

soulmate #2: well i told him not to worry about it and to have a drink or two and apparently he had more than two

mom of the year: aw tae honey don't stress, your parents and you are having a wonderful vacation together so don't worry about school we'll all get through it together <3

soulmate #1: FUCK JIN HYUNNF I LOVE YOU SO MUCH ABD EVERYBODY ELSD I LOVWS YOU TOO

golden boy: we love you too hyung go to bed and rest

golden boy: text me when you arrive tmr ill come to the airport to pick you up

soulmate #1: ok kookie ;)

soulmate #2: did tae just wink at jungkook woWOWOW

golden boy: he's drunk jimin don't make fun of him

golden boy: it was probably meant to be a smiley

soulmate #2:  [screenshot captured]

golden boy: srsly

soulmate #2: yes srsly it still happened and ill be damned if i don't have proof

the only hope: jiminie send that screenshot to me i want to add it into my taekook folder

mom of the year: me too i want to add it to my receipts of this chat

soulmate #2: i got you guys dont worry

daddy long legs: you all are terrible

mom of the year: dont act innocent namjoon im onto you

daddy long legs: wtf hyung

eat sleep repeat: i showed jin your search history on your laptop last week

daddy long legs: you what

soulmate #2: whats happening oh my god

the only hope: SPILL THE TEA YOONGI

eat sleep repeat: last week, when students were still moving back to the dorms and namjoon was staying with hoseok and i while jin hyung was still at home

eat sleep repeat: well i woke up in the middle of the night and walked into the living room and namjoons asleep on the couch with his laptop and headphones sitting on his lap

eat sleep repeat: and the laptop was open

eat sleep repeat: and me being the nosy bitch i am, i looked at what he'd been doing

eat sleep repeat: and oh boy

the only hope: FUCK YOONS WHY AM I JUST HEARING ABOUT THIS NOW

eat sleep repeat: namjoonie here was looking on some... interesting sites

golden boy: porn sites

soulmate #2: you come back at the strangest times kook

daddy long legs: guys lets not do this pls

eat sleep repeat: namjoon here was looking up 'daddy treats his baby boy after a long day'

eat sleep repeat: so i took a picture of it and sent it to jin

mom of the year: why do you guys think i came back to the dorms two days early

soulmate #2: HOLY FUCKING SHIT

soulmate #2: NAMJOON HYUNG

golden boy: IM FUCKING SCREAMING 

the only hope: DADDY KINK DADDY KINK DADDY KINK

daddy long legs: i truly hate you all

 


 

The Magnificent 7 Idiots

 

soulmate #1: i just landed kookie where are you my bags are heavy af

soulmate #1: oh wrong chat

soulmate #1: wait

soulmate #1: NAMJOON

soulmate #1: oh myofos im yrlling in the airport

soulmate #1: shit hyung i didn't think you had it in you to have a kink like that

soulmate #1: i knew i gave you the best name in the chat hyung

soulmate #1 renamed the chat 'the exposure of namjoon'

daddy long legs: taehyung please

Chapter Text


 

 Taehyung: soulmate #1

Jungkook: golden boy

Jimin: soulmate #2

Yoongi: eat sleep repeat

Hoseok: the only hope

Jin: mom of the year

Namjoon: daddy long legs


 

 

 the exposure of namjoon

soulmate #2: its been two days since taes been back and i haven't seen him once

soulmate #2: WE LIVE TOGETHER

soulmate #2: HE HASN'T BEEN HOME ONCE

daddy long legs: why is this still the chat name

soulmate #2: hyung shut up there's more pressing matters

soulmate #2: like how my soulmate hasn't been home once in two days but texted me at 2am this morning saying "with jungkookie dont worry"

soulmate #2: we all know what that means

the only hope: hECK YEAH WE DO

golden boy: what does it mean lmao

golden boy: cause if u bothered to ask me i could've told u that tae and i have been catching up

mom of the year: awww do they call anal 'catching up' these days? thats so sweet isn't joonie

daddy long legs: it is kinda sweet

soulmate #2: i love you guys so much oh my god

golden boy: WTF

golden boy: NO

golden boy: we dropped taes bags off at my dorm and went out for supper then came back and played video games ok

golden boy: we lost track of time and he spent the night

eat sleep repeat: where'd he sleep

golden boy: what do u mean where did he sleep he slept in my bed

soulmate #2: IM BEEN FED TODAY BOYS

golden boy: wth jimin

mom of the year: jungkook you literally live alone, have a couch bigger couch than namjoon and i and we have the most expensive dorm room you could have, and you and tae shared your bed

golden boy: yes?

the only hope: [screenshot captured]

the only hope:  [screenshot captured]

the only hope: god is good

soulmate #1: why is jungkookie hitting me telling me to read the msgs

soulmate #2: :))

soulmate #1: guys.

soulmate #1: hobi hyung im gonna slide into yo dms real quick mkay:))

 


 

Private Chat with: im your hope im your angel

taebae: delete those screenshots right now hoseok im not kidding

im your hope im your angel: why

taebae: its embarrassing ok jimin already harasses jungkook 24/7 about me i dont want you to as well

taebae: please hyung

im your hope im your angel: shit tae im sorry ill delete them

taebae: and about this 'taekook' folder you have

taebae: next time we hang out just us

taebae: youll show me it

im your hope im your angel: LMAO ok tae 


 

 

the exposure of namjoon

 

mom of the year: you guys ever realize how much yoongi n jiminie hang out

mom of the year: /alone/

mom of the year: /together/

eat sleep repeat: im literally in this chat

soulmate #2: me too omg

daddy long legs: jin we talked about this

mom of the year: shut up daddy;)

soulmate #1: FUCK

the only hope: jin is the best mom ever

mom of the year: youre damn right i am

mom of the year: anyways so about yoonmin

soulmate #2: shvitiejvjrjcjrkadk

golden boy: YOONMIN LMAO LAME

soulmate #2: itS NOT LAME U AWKWARD FUCK

eat sleep repeat: hey jungkook want me to tell taehyung what you DID and SAID when you discovered your guys ship name?:)

golden boy: yogngi hyunf fuck pld im befging yoh DO NOF

mom of the year: damn ive never seen kook type so frantic

soulmate #2: @jungkook hows it feel bitch

daddy long legs: jimin omg

soulmate #1: what did he say hyung

golden boy: tae it's nothing

eat sleep repeat: can i have admin rights first?

soulmate #1 made eat sleep repeat an admin

eat sleep repeat renamed 'golden boy' to 'lil bitch boy'

lil bitch boy: u gotta be kidding

soulmate #2: hyung !! can i have a new name? im tired of this one

soulmate #1: RUDE WTF MINNIE

eat sleep repeat renamed 'soulmate #2' to 'jimin the sunshine'

jimin the sunshine: thanks yoongi hyung <3

eat sleep repeat: welcomes jiminie:))

mom of the year: im crying #yoonminforever

soulmate #1 changed the chat name to 'i hate you all'

soulmate #1 changed their name to 'taehung'

the only hope: TAE OMG

jimin the sunshine: im yelling in the dorm hallway oh my gkd

taehung: NO NO NO OMG IT WAS A TYPO I STG IM GONNA CHANGW IT

eat sleep repeat kicked 'taehung' out of the chat

eat sleep repeat added 'taehung' to the chat

eat sleep repeat: not today you wont

taehung: WHAT THE HELL IM THE ONE WHO MADE THIS CHAT IN THE FIRST PLACE WHEN WE ALL BECAME FRIENDS

taehung: namjoonie hyung make me an admin again

daddy long legs: im in music theory with yoongi rn and he threatened to expose more of my kinks srry tae i can't

taehung: i cant believe you ppl

the only hope: i think its a lit name dont worry

taehung: sigh

lil bitch boy: we'll have shitty names together tae lmao

taehung: okay kookie :')

jimin the sunshine: i love when ships sail

 


 

@jimmieminnie 

movie night w/ my busan boy


Liked by dancemanhobi, sugamin, and 836 others


 

Private chat with: my sweet star

the tea spiller: JIMIN

the tea spiller: HOKYT SHOT

my sweet star: you saw my new instagram post didn't you

my sweet star: i took that for you

my sweet star: it took me 20 mins to try n get him to take it youre fucking welcome

the tea spiller: IM THABKFUL FOR YOU

the tea spiller: I DOBT SAY IT ENOUGH

the tea spiller: GOD LOOK AT HIM

my sweet star: idk why you try to say you dont like him youre so into him

the tea spiller: ok but youre the only one who thinks that and it has to stay that way

my sweet star: you think im the only one? oh taehyung my lil baby ur so obvious its sad sometimes

 


 

i hate you all

lil bitch boy: a girl asked me out on a date today

taehung: she what

jimin the sunshine: lmao

daddy long legs: what did u say

lil bitch boy: i politely said no thank you

the only hope: YOU LIAR

the only hope: I WAS WITH YPU WHAT A LIAR

mom of the year: spill the tea hoseok

jimin the sunshine: wait for yoongi hyung he just got out of class

taehung: how do you know

jimin the sunshine: bc he texted me obvs

mom of the year: 

eat sleep repeat: im here drag his ass hobi

daddy long legs renamed 'lil bitch boy' to 'boy meets the truth'

the only hope: aw joons is that a take after my song from theory ily

boy meets the truth: ive never disliked you all more

the only hope: anyways after dance class jimin and i were talking to jongin and taemin about the upcoming showcase and i saw kook going to the changing room cause the dude sweats bullets dancing i stg

boy meets the truth: HOSEOK HYUNG

the only hope: so he comes out of the changing room and im about to go make fun of him yanno but then boom theres this girl standing there, clearly waiting for him, and he says "oh why are you here"

mom of the year: my son, a true gentleman

the only hope: the girls like "i was wondering if youre free sometime we could grab lunch?" and jungkook, this fucking stud of a boy, literally looks her dead in the eye saying "sorry im really gay"

daddy long legs: SORRY IM REALLY GAY

taehung: oh my fucknif gos

jimin the sunshine: I THINK I JUST SHIT MYSELF LAUGHING SO HARD

the only hope: THE GIRL WAS SO STUNNED BY HIS ANSWER SHE BLUSHED AND EVERYTHING BUT SHE SAYS "oh okay"

the only hope: HES SO FU KING SOCIALLY AWKWARD THAT AFTER THIS HE SAID "yeah sorry if i wasn't gay we could maybe but im totally gay" AND GAVE HER THIS AWKWARD ASS SMILE AND SAID "anyways bye" AND TOOK OFF OUT OF THE STUDIO JOGGING

mom of the year: im fucknig screamibg

taehung: KOOKIE WHY ARE YOU SO RUDE OMG

boy meets the truth: ok but in my defense at least i was honest with her

jimin the sunshine: this is absolutely iconic

daddy long legs: i love how he thought he could lie to us first then hoseok just exposes his ass

eat sleep repeat: youre one to talk kinky boy

 


 

 i hate you all

the only hope: i have to rant can someone change my name

daddy long legs renamed 'the only hope' to 'stress ball hobi'

stress ball hobi: ty joons

stress ball hobi: now whos here to listen to me vent

mom of the year: im driving w joonie so he'll tell me whats happening

boy meets the truth: im here

eat sleep repeat: i just saw u 2 hrs ago whats wrong

jimin the sunshine: tae and i are getting smoothies but we're here!

taehung: tell us your troubles

stress ball hobi: ok so im the head tour guide for the uni we all know this

stress ball hobi: and usually i enjoy it yanno cause the freshmans are so innocent and lost they almost depend on me so i feel like their older brother

stress ball hobi: BUT TODAY

stress ball hobi: it was a bunch of high school students whos class trip was to see our dance studio right

stress ball hobi: so suddenly im not only the head tour guide but now i gotta explain all this shit about being a main dancer

stress ball hobi: and it was all going smoothly until this one lil shit head says "what makes you so special to be the main dancer you dont look like you have that much skill"

taehung: omf jimin just choked on his drink

boy meets the truth: jesus whatd you say to them

stress ball hobi: well the tour guide in me would have tried to simply explain that i was able to learn routines fast and people liked me helping them

stress ball hobi: but the dancer in me decided to come out

eat sleep repeat: oh christ

daddy long legs: "he destroyed the poor high schooler didn't he?" - jin

stress ball hobi: you fuckin right i destroyed him

stress ball hobi: i asked him if he was a dancer and he said no so i said "well what gives you the right to ask me that when your noodle ass looking body can't even dance?"

jimin the sunshine: NOODLE ASS LOOKING BODY WRITE THAT ON MY FUCKING GRAVE

taehung: IM WHEEZIBG

stress ball hobi: so now im suspended from my tour guiding days for 2 weeks now

stress ball hobi: and it pays so well im distraught

eat sleep repeat: im at the store do you want me to buy you anything

stress ball hobi: anything but noodles pls they bring me flashbacks

boy meets the truth: LMAO

jimin the sunshine: actually yoongi hyung do you think you pick me up some ramen? tae ate our last FIVE packs with kook last week

taehung: :)))

boy meets the truth: #sorrynotsorry

eat sleep repeat: of course minnie! anything else??

jimin the sunshine: no, thank you!!

daddy long legs: jin almost crashed the car yelling "YOONMIN FOREVER" after i told him all this

Chapter Text


 

Taehyung: taehung

Jungkook: lil bitch boy

Jimin: jimin the sunshine

Yoongi: eat sleep repeat

Hoseok: stress ball hobi

Jin: mom of the year

Namjoon: daddy long legs


 

 

Private chat with: daegu boy #1

daegu boy #2: hey hyung can i ask you a question

daegu boy #1: yeah tae whats up

daegu boy #2: the other day in the group chat when you were teasing jungkookie about what he thought about our ship name when jimin first made it up

daegu boy #2: what'd he say??

daegu boy #1: you say 'the other day' like it was yesterday omg it was 2 weeks ago why do u wanna know

daegu boy #2: um

daegu boy #2: to know if he hates it as much as it seemed in the chat

daegu boy #2: cause i dont wanna piss him off using a name he's not comfortable with

daegu boy #1: yeah ok whatever you say but trust me he doesn't hate it

daegu boy #1: but ill tell you idc id gladly expose his ass any day of the week

daegu boy #1: so it was last year kook and i were shopping for hobi's bday presents

daegu boy #1: and in the chat you and jin were joking about "namjin being canon now" and jimin was like "ok but will my taekook ever be canon"

daegu boy #1: kook looked at me and said "wtf is a taekook"

daegu boy #1: im like "its yours and taehyungs ship name" and he literally looked at the fucking floor and said 'taekook' i stg 5 times with the biggest smile on his face

daegu boy #1: then he tried saying "oh that's cool" as if his freshman ass wasn't blushing

daegu boy #2: oh my god

daegu boy #2: are u shitting me bc if u are hyung its not funny

daegu boy #1: i took a picture of him putting the cart away that day hold on ill find it

daegu boy #2: why would you-

daegu boy #1: taehyung dont question me idk why im like this ok

daegu boy #1:

daegu boy #1: ur welcome :)

 


 

i hate you all

taehung: JIMINIE HOLY SHIT YOU WOULD NOT BELIEVE WHAT I JUST FOUND OUT

daddy long legs: taehyung look at the chat

eat sleep repeat: oh no pls do continue n tell us ;))

taehung: SHITSHITSHITSHIT

lil bitch boy: am i missing something here

eat sleep repeat: dont worry bout it kook

eat sleep repeat:

mom of the year: hjejxibie did yoongi just use jimin as a meme

 


 

Private chat with: my little star

the tea spiller: JIMIN HOLY SHIT

the tea spiller: YOU GOTTA COME HOME NOW OK NOW NOW NOW

the tea spiller: I CAN'T SCREENSHOT SHIT TO SHOW YOU CAUSE YOONGI HYUNG WOULD SEE AND I CANT JUST EXPOSE MYSELF

my little star: im in class what do you want

my little star: are the walls on fire

the tea spiller: no

my little star: then stop blowing up my phone

the tea spiller: ITS A MATTER OF LIFE AND DEATH THO

my little star: is it really

the tea spiller: no but its about jungkook and i

my little star: BITCH SEE MY ASS RUNNING OUT OF MY LECTURE

my little star: ill be home in 5

 


 

i hate you all

daddy long legs: hobi can you and yoongi stop by the dorm later i wanna review our song for theory

jimin the sunshine: you are so invested in that class namjoon hyung its gonna kill you one day

mom of the year: its all he talks about

mom of the year: he was dreaming about a lecture last night

mom of the year: i almost packed my things and left i was that disgusted

daddy long legs: ok sorry i care about my education unlike someone who skip class running across campus like a mad man

jimin the sunshine: I SAID I WAS SORRY LET IT GO

stress ball hobi: yeah we'll stop by joons

stress ball hobi: but wtf did i just walk into

taehung: i had an emergency this afternoon and needed jimin so he bolted out of his class and knocked namjoonie hyung over

lil bitch boy: what happened tae !!

eat sleep repeat: yeah tae tell us what happened :)

taehung: its nothing kookie !

taehung: minnie tell yoongi to stop attacking me wtf

jimin the sunshine: yoongi hyung can you be a little nicer to tae pls? it'd help me deal with his shit way easier <33

taehung: exfuckingcuse me

eat sleep repeat: yeah !! sorry ill stop no worries <3

mom of the year: my god my ache is gone my depression is cured the sun is shining so bright today

daddy long legs: you've never had depression and you don't have ache ???

lil bitch boy: its literally raining hyung

stress ball hobi: LMFAOO

 


 

Private chat with: call me HYUNG

kook book: have you noticed anything off about tae

call me HYUNG: good morning to you too jungkook! how was my sleep you ask? splendid!! how was yours? :)

kook book: jimin pls not rn im worfied about him

call me HYUNG: i too am 'worfied' about him

kook book: hyung srsly

call me HYUNG: omg u called me hyung hoylrfjfkf wow u really are worried

call me HYUNG: hes fine why r u asking me hes always with you???

kook book: he's been weird lately like hes usually so clingy i have to push him away only to have him come back

kook book: and hes not doing that anymore

kook book: we haven't hung out in almost a week

kook book: and i miss it

call me HYUNG: so you miss taehyung

kook book: i mean yeah hes my best friend lol

call me HYUNG: omg i feel friend-zoned and i wasn't even the topic

call me HYUNG: maybe thats the reason why hes not around you anymore kook

kook book: wtf do you mean that's the reason

call me HYUNG: you dumbass maybe hes tired of being friend-zoned? jungkook have you never stopped and thought about his feelings?

kook book: what did u just say

call me HYUNG: oh shit

call me HYUNG: gtg bye

kook book: wtf no explain

kook book: JIMIN HYUNG

call me HYUNG read at 8:26am

 


 

i hate you all

mom of the year: wanna hear a joke

eat sleep repeat: no

stress ball hobi: not really no

daddy long legs: maybe another time

taehung: fuck you guys tell the joke momma !

mom of the year: my fav son i knew as soon as i saw your pretty face youd be my #1 supporter forever

mom of the year: anyways time for my joke

mom of the year: how do you make holy water?

eat sleep repeat: oh gee i cant possibly know

stress ball hobi: LMAO @ YOONS

taehung: how !!!

mom of the year: you boil the hell out of it

mom of the year:

jimin the sunshine: why am i used as a meme constantly

daddy long legs: yanno the joke is so bad i did kinda laugh

eat sleep repeat: i only laughed bc of the jimin meme

mom of the year: 

 


 

i hate you all

jimin the sunshine: so im texting taemin in the middle of class right

stress ball hobi: right

jimin the sunshine: and we're having the weirdest conversion about kinks we share

mom of the year: yoongi when he hears about jimin having kinks:

mom of the year:

lil bitch boy: LMAO

eat sleep repeat: NO im not shut up

eat sleep repeat: anyway continue minnie

mom of the year: do you see this shit im just-

jimin the sunshine: suddenly he texts me back

jimin the sunshine: and the topic has completely changed

jimin the sunshine: now remember im sitting in the last row in my class

jimin the sunshine: so he texts me this

jimin the sunshine:

jimin the sunshine: AND I FUCKIN SNORTED SO LOUD THE WHOLE CLASS TURNS AROUND AND STARES AT ME

taehung: IM YODELING

lil bitch boy: hoseok hyung just fell into a bush on our way to dance practice he was laughing so hard

jimin the sunshine: THE PROFESSOR GOES "MR PARK DO YOU HAVE ANYTHING YOU'D LIKE TO SHARE WITH US?"

mom of the year: AHAHAHAHAHAHA

jimin the sunshine: I turned so red guys its not funny im still embarrassed and it was over an hour ago

taehung: you should be embarrassed

taehung: tho frankly so should taemin bc that poor child probably thinks the weirdest shit when someone says "are you emo?"

stress ball hobi: do you guys remember when namjoons mom told us he went through a screamo stage in his last yr of high school

eat sleep repeat: good memories

mom of the year: my stupid boyfriend dont you just love him

daddy long legs: why is it when we're all having a nice convo someone has to turn against me

taehung: yoongi hyUNG MAKE ME ADMIN I WANNA CHANGE THE CHAT NAME

eat sleep repeat has made 'taehung' an admin

taehung has renamed the chat 'EMO MEANS EAT ME OUT'

stress ball hobi: lmao nice one tae

eat sleep repeat renamed 'daddy long legs' to 'daddy screamo'

daddy screamo: what the flying fuck

 


 

@__taethebae__

s/o to my soulmate for helping with my photography project! love you min! <3

Liked by jimmieminnie, rapgodjoon, jeonjk, and 1,021 others

@jimmieminnie love you too taetae!!

 


 

tongue technology

suga: guys ive been blessed by the holy heavens

rap monster: youre not even religious yoongi

j-hope: lol he saw taes pic w/ jimin

suga: i will suddenly pray every day for my eyes to be blessed with that beauty

rap monster: omg

j-hope: i agree jimin looks like a god

j-hope: 10/10 would bang again

suga: AGAIN?!

j-hope: IM KIDDING LMAO

j-hope: if i swung that way he'd be #2 on my list right after jay park

rap monster: hoseok i hate to out you but you literally fucked our student teacher in english last year

rap monster: who was a boy

j-hope: doesn't change the fact that im pan

j-hope: the student teacher had a gr8 personality ok he was so funny and nice and just a genuine guy who wasnt a fuckboy for ONCE

j-hope: i forget his name now but what a great guy

suga: ok but that photo WOW

 


 

@jeonjk


shot of my solo dance from the showcase last weekend! photo cred to @kyugyeom_ for the sick pic

Liked by kyugyeom_, worldwidejin, and 2,092 others

 


 

EMO MEANS EAT ME OUT

taehung: CHRIST ON A FUCKING CRACKER MINNIE DID YOU SEE THE PIC

taehung: MY LIFE JUST FLASHED BEFORE MY EYES

taehung: HE CAN FUCBHNG CUT ME EITH HIS JAWLINE

daddy screamo: taehyung... wrong chat again?

jimin the sunshine: HOLY SHIT TAE

taehung: ive never craved death more than this moment

taehung: jimin im hyperventilating in the hallway

lil bitch boy: tae?

taehung: oh god junfkiok jiMIN WHERE ARE YOU IM GOING TO STSET FUCKINF CRYIBF

jimin the sunshine: im with jin hyung we'll be there asap !!

taehung: this cabt be hapoenjbg right now oh my gos

taehung: yoongi htung r u here i need someone

taehung: *hyung srry my hands sre shaknif

eat sleep repeat: im calling you right now

 


 

 

Private chat with: Dad™

sonnykook: namjoon hyung?

Dad™: yeah?

sonnykook: who's the guy tae was talking about?

sonnykook: not that it bothers me or anything

sonnykook:  i just wanna know cause ive never seen him act like that about someone before

Dad™: oh jungkook

Dad™:  wow

Dad™:  i think you should talk with taehyung as soon as possible

Dad™: you both have stuff you should get off your chests

sonnykook: lmao he won't talk to him anymore its as if i dont mean shit to him

sonnykook: like i miss him so much i text him and call him and he doesnt even read them but i know he sees the notifications hes always on his fucking phone

sonnykook: idk what to do anymore hyung

sonnykook: omg srry i just unloaded all my shit on you over a stupid friend issue

Dad™: kook its fine

Dad™: but is taehyung really just a friend in your eyes??

Dad™: do you not remember last yr when you came out to us and got really drunk afterwards cause you were so nervous about it

sonnykook:  i mean yeah kinda why

Dad™: at one point you were dancing with tae then came over to me, fell onto my lap, looked up at me and said "i love taehyung so much and not in a friend way i wanna marry his thick ass one day"

Dad™:  at first i thought you were joking cause you were so fucking drunk but the look in your eye was so dead serious and you never call him 'taehyung' its always 'tae'

sonnykook: namjoon hyung i can't do this

Dad™: its fine kook take your time understanding yourself

Dad™: but i think its pretty obvious how tae feels

sonnykook: yeah he wants nothing to do with me !:(

Dad™: lord spare me please

Chapter Text


Taehyung: taehung

Jungkook: lil bitch boy

Jimin: jimin the sunshine

Yoongi: eat sleep repeat

Hoseok: stress ball hobi

Jin: mom of the year

Namjoon: daddy screamo


 

 

 

 

EMO MEANS EAT ME OUT

 

 

 

mom of the year:

mom of the year: insta worthy or no?

taehung: FUCK YES

taehung: WHY DIDNT YOU TELL ME YOU DYED YOUR HAIR

taehung: ITS SO BEAUTIFUL

jimin the sunshine: for real if you were single and not my mother i would totally super like your ass

taehung has renamed 'mom of the year' to 'this gorgeous human'

taehung has changed the chat to '#AppericateJin2k17'

this gorgeous human: im crying i love my kids so much

daddy screamo: it's your best look hands down and im not even saying that bc i dyed it

this gorgeous human: GOD I LOVE YOU

daddy screamo: <333

eat sleep repeat: this is so gay

eat sleep repeat: but otp™

stress ball hobi: i love when yoongi is a soft fluff ball of love

jimin the sunshine: me too!!

eat sleep repeat: thanks guys xoxo

stress ball hobi: gossip girl

this gorgeous human: don't ruin my yoonmin moment hoseok i gotta take a screenshot

this gorgeous human: [screenshot captured]

this gorgeous human: thats going in the yoonmin folder

eat sleep repeat: seriously jin a folder

this gorgeous human: yes! hoseok has a taekook folder that he shares with jimin why can't i support my ship too

taehung: JIMIN SHARES IT?

jimin the sunshine: MOM WTF YOY JUST EXPOSED ME OH MY.GOD

stress ball hobi: yeah i got a shit ton of you and jungkook sleeping together all creds to jimin

stress ball hobi: wanna see my personal faves

jimin the sunshine: NO

eat sleep repeat: heck yeah

stress ball hobi:

stress ball hobi:

stress ball hobi: and finally the best one

stress ball hobi:

stress ball hobi: i will cherish this one forever its so cute

jimin the sunshine: yanno im not even pissed about being exposed now cause look at this great shit i took

daddy screamo: omg

stress ball hobi: loOK AT TAES HAND IN THE LAST PIC FUCK LIKE IM SOFT AF

this gorgeous human: ok but why am i literally saving the first pic and making it my lockscreen

this gorgeous human: who's a yoonmin? i only know a taekook.

taehung: guys stop

eat sleep repeat: honestly i like the 2nd pic the best you'd swear jk wanted to snuggle but he fell asleep before he could

lil bitch boy: i was really cold that day ok tae said i could rest on him

stress ball hobi: JUNGKOOKIE YOUR FINALLY HERE TO JOIN IN ON THE PARTY

lil bitch boy: *you're

lil bitch boy: nd yeah im here

lil bitch boy: but you guys dont even have the best pic

lil bitch boy:

jimin the sunshine:  [screenshot captured]

stress ball hobi: [screenshot captured]

jimin the sunshine: who took the pic

lil bitch boy: yugyeom 

stress ball hobi: when did this happen

lil bitch boy: last yr when i was training for the track team w yugyeom

lil bitch boy: tae came to watch me but after practice we both fell asleep n gyeom found us like tht n took a pic

eat sleep repeat: did jungkook just expose himself or taehyung or both of them omg

daddy screamo: im stunned

taehung: i

taehung: omg

taehung: ok wow

taehung: so that just happened

 


 

Private chat with: TAETAE

kookie: tae

kookie: im sorry

kookie: should i not have showed that to the group

kookie: i fucked up again didn't i im so sorry

TAETAE: wdym again

kookie: what did i do wrong i stg ill fix it tae

TAETAE: wtf are you talking about

kookie: jimin said something about your feelings so i assume i hurt them somehow??

TAETAE: you didn't do anything wrong

kookie: why didn't you answer me for 3 weeks ...

kookie: you wouldn't even read my msgs i stared at the word 'delivered' so many times i never wanna see the word again

TAETAE: i

TAETAE: im sorry ive been really fucking weird lately idk what's happening rn

TAETAE: i never wanted to ghost you i swear i just didnt wanna talk to anybody for a while

kookie: except everybody in the group chat other than me

kookie: if you didn't wanna hang out anymore you could have just told me instead of not answering and now lying to me taehyung

TAETAE: did you just call me taehyung ??

kookie: i couldve handled the truth yanno

kookie: im not a fucking baby

TAETAE: when did i call you a baby im??

TAETAE: and im not lying if youd get your head out of your ass for two fucking seconds youd realise that

kookie: lmao ok

kookie: sorry again i showed them the picture i just thought it was a really cute pic of us

TAETAE: im not mad about that

kookie: whatever idk why i bothered texting you its not you give a shit anymore

TAETAE: fuck you jungkook

Delivered to 'kookie' at 7:21pm

 


 

Private chat with: my little star

the tea spiller: when are you coming home

my little star: idk i was gonna go out with namjoon hyung and jin hyung

the tea spiller: oh

my little star: why

the tea spiller: kook texted me and i figured i should finally answer him but we ended up fighting

my little star: you fought?!

the tea spiller: jimin you dont understand it was so fucking bad

the tea spiller: we blew up at each other

my little star: ill get jin hyung to drop me off before they go out

my little star: ill be there in 30 will you be alright until then?

the tea spiller: i think so

the tea spiller: oh and one more thing

my little star: yeah ?

the tea spiller: we're out of tissues

 


 

@sugamin

new year new me?

Liked by jimmieminnie, rapgodjoon, and 3,035 others

@worldwidejin yoongi it's not january wtf do you mean 'new year'?

@sugamin its for the aesthetic @worldwidejin

 


 

#AppreciateJin2k17

taehung changed their name to 'taehyung'

eat sleep repeat: jimin text me

jimin the sunshine: kk

jimin the sunshine: but tae...

taehyung: idc

lil bitch boy: thats nothing new is it

taehyung: no i guess its not :)

jimin the sunshine: KIM TAEHYUNG

this gorgeous human: oh my god

stress ball hobi: is this a bad time to ask who wants to dye their hair with me tmr...

daddy screamo: probably not the best time hobi

taehyung: no no its fine, jiminie and i will come with you what time is your appointment

stress ball hobi: 9am

taehyung: we'll be there !

 


 

Private chat with: minnie:)

yoongi hyung:): what the fuck is happening between tae & jungkook

minnie:): tae ignored kook for 3 weeks and a few hours ago kook texted tae apologizing for sending that pic of them sleeping in the gc and tae finally answered him

yoongi hyung:): so whats the problem??

minnie:): well long story short tae tried explaining why he ghosted kook (he did a terrible job trust me i saw the texts) and kook said he was lying and he fucking called him taehyung instead of tae which hes never done since they became friends so

minnie:): tension rose between them and they started swearing and kook said tae doesn't care anymore and tae responded with a big ol' "fuck you jungkook"

yoongi hyung:): jesus christ

minnie:): oh ik so now taes done being sad about it and hes blankly being petty to piss kook off

yoongi hyung:): should i talk to him ?? or even jungkook?

minnie:): no i think we have to let this die down on its own between them

yoongi hyung:): do you seriously think it will?

minnie:): i can only but hope

 


 

#AppreciateJin2k17

stress ball hobi: GUESS WHO GOT ORANGE HAIR BITCHES

stress ball hobi:

lil bitch boy: it looks great hobi hyung !!!

daddy screamo: honestly slay me

jimin the sunshine:

jimin the sunshine: hes not the only one ;)

this gorgeous human: MY SON GONNA BREAK ALL THE HEARTS ON CAMPUS

eat sleep repeat: 12/10 minnie!

stress ball hobi: i love my fans <3

jimin the sunshine: thanks guys :')

daddy screamo: did tae dye his hair too?

stress ball hobi: idk his friend baekhyun showed up and tae said he was gonna catch up w them

lil bitch boy: baekhyun?

lil bitch boy: as in byun baekhyun who kissed taehyung on new years last year

lil bitch boy: that baekhyun??

stress ball hobi: LOL yeah they were drunk af that night and baekhyun got a boyfriend now whos super protective its cute af

stress ball hobi: jimin what was his name chan something??

jimin the sunshine: chanyeol

stress ball hobi: ohhh thats it anyways why do you care kook lol

lil bitch boy: i was just asking a question

 


 

@__taethebae__

hung out w/ @bbh92 & @_pcy all day & i was somehow convinced to dye my hair ??

Liked by _pcy, bbh92, and 1,617 others

@bbh92 chanyeol is so happy you guys have matching hair colours lol

 


 

#AppreciateJin2k17

stress ball hobi: RED?!?! TAE YOU FUCKING KING

eat sleep repeat: this is legendary tbh

taehyung: lol well yanno what they say #fuckthehaters

taehyung: namjoonie hyung when you dyeing your hair youre the last one in the group who has to :))))

this gorgeous human: OMG JOONIE PLEASE

daddy screamo: guys i just dyed my hair back to brown two months ago

jimin the sunshine: i miss your purple hair it was sick af

this gorgeous human: i gave the good succ for the purple

stress ball hobi: FUCK JJIN OMDF

eat sleep repeat: joon dye your hair blonde like me

daddy screamo: ive done blonde tho why

eat sleep repeat: so we can match dude wtf

this gorgeous human: dont be a bully yoongi ur just jealous of hobi for matchin with jimin

eat sleep repeat: IM NOT JEALOUS

jimin the sunshine: dont worry hyung we can do pastel colours together like we promised soon !!

eat sleep repeat: ok minnie:')

this gorgeous human: i see a whipped bitch right there

 


 

Private chat with: baby tae

baby jiminie: are we not going to talk about you purposely leaving jungkook out when talking about namjoon hyung being the /last/ one who has to dye his hair

baby tae: nope

baby jiminie: okay

 


 

Private chat with: yoongi hyung:)

minnie:): its not dying down between them

minnie:): in fact it may just be getting worse

yoongi hyung:): im not surprised tbh

 


 

@rapgodjoon

s/o to @__taethebae__ for taking this "bomb ass pic" as per the words of my bf @worldwidejin

Liked by jeonjk, sugamin, and 981 others

@sugamin BLONDE BROS 4EVER

 


 

#AppreciateJin2k17

eat sleep repeat has renamed the chat 'bald by 30 '

stress ball hobi: ok but why is this so true ???

taehyung: ikr

daddy screamo: yoongi change your name you need a new one

eat sleep repeat has changed their name to 'tony montana'

stress ball hobi: AN ICONIC SONG ! LEGENDARY ! WHEN WILL AGUST D COME BACK !

taehyung: when he plays at the campus music festival for new years obvs

tony montana: i did a mixtape last yr and you think im gonna do it again? hell no

this gorgeous human: is it bc jimin wont be able to rap with you this time cause hes staying with his family longer this xmas

tony montana: ...no

jimin the sunshine: im sorry yoongi hyung :(( you should still preform tho and tae can facetime me so i can watch the whole thing!!

tony montana: maybe

this gorgeous human: this boy went from a hell no to a maybe so fast

lil bitch boy: the power of park jimin

stress ball hobi: kook youre alive!

stress ball hobi: whats shakin bacon ;)

lil bitch boy: ew pls dont ever do that again hyung

taehyung: yeah sorry hoseok, jungkook isn't a fan of humour or jokes anymore

lilbitchboy: r u srs

tony montana: taehyung stop trying to pick a fight with him 

taehyung: im not doing anything

lil bitch boy:

daddy screamo: i

taehyung: lmao love how you keep calling me a liar thanks

lil bitch boy: do u admin it

taehyung: ok fine i did lie about not wanting to talk to anybody when i was talking to the hyungs but excuse me for needing my friends when im having panic attacks every damn day

jimin the sunshine: guys thats enough

taehyung: no im fucking tired of feeling like shit bc of his petty ass like what the hell do you want from me jungkook

lil bitch boy: the truth

taehyung: YOU CONFUSE THE FUCK OUT OF ME OKAY

taehyung: i never asked to feel like this

taehyung: but lmao feelings are gone now dont have to worry about that

taehyung: any other questions :))

lil bitch boy: who was that dude you were talking about with the jawline that you sent to the gc instead of jimin that one time

taehyung: it was you

taehyung: you stupid asshole

taehyung has left the chat

daddy screamo has added 'taehyung' to the chat

taehyung: no fuck this dont add me back into the chat

lil bitch boy: im done

lil bitch boy has left the chat

taehyung has left the chat

stress ball hobi: holy fucking shit...

this gorgeous human: what actually just happened-

 


 

@jeonjk

pink highlights bc yanno what they say #fuckthehaters ;)

Liked by kyugyeom_, and 1,104 others

 


 

Private chat with: yoongi hyung:)

minnie:): it got worse.

Chapter Text


Taehyung: taehyung

Jungkook: lil bitch boy

Jimin: jimin the sunshine

Yoongi: tony montana

Hoseok: stress ball hobi

Jin: this gorgeous human

Namjoon: daddy screamo


 

 

Private chat with: #1 son

best mom ever: are you ok??

#1 son: yep

best mom ever: are you sure because im here to talk if you need to talk

best mom ever: we all are

#1 son: thanks jin hyung i appreciate i really do but im on my way to out so i can't really talk rn

best mom ever: ok, text me later??

#1 son: k

 


 

Private chat with: joonie<3

jinnnn<3: i texted tae and since when does he go out past 7pm unless its with one of us or jimin

jinnnn<3: and jimin isnt answering his phone so idk if tae was lying or not

jinnnn<3: anything news on jk

joonie<3: i called him and he tried to change the convo every time id say something remotely close to tae

joonie<3: i said "so ive been meaning to talk to you about the other day"

joonie<3: and i heard him drop something in his room so i asked if he was good and he says "haha yeah hyung im fine i gotta go to practice bye" and hung up

joonie<3: its currently 9:30

joonie<3: on a Sunday night

joonie<3: and i called him an hour ago

joonie<3: there was no practice i even double checked with hoseok

jinnnn<3: im worried about them:'((

joonie<3: me too:(

joonie<3: btw jimins out with yoongi

jinnnn<3: hes what

joonie<3: yeah yoongi was telling me today that tae will randomly explode at jimin over the stupidest shit now so yoongi wanted to take him out for the evening to take his mind off things

jinnnn<3: one ship sinks another one sails

jinnnn<3: when will you be home im sad i need cuddles

joonie<3: im almost finished this song ill be home in probs 25 mins

jinnnn<3: okay i love you joonie xo

joonie<3: love you too jinnie <33

 


 

Private chat with: minnie mouse

extra large please: JIMIN >:(

minnie mouse: lol yes hyung??

extra large please: when did you change my name to this

minnie mouse: when you were glaring at the waiter for giving me a small when you wanted an extra large

extra large please: ok but it was cheaper for us to share the large then get two different drinks

minnie mouse: lol it was sweet yoongi hyung dont worry

minnie mouse: do you treat all your dates to the cheapest meal possible

extra large please: damn hit me where it hurts minnie im a broke uni student

extra large please: wait did you say date?

minnie mouse: omg did i

minnie mouse: oh christ i did

minnie mouse: sorry hyung i dont even remember typing it lmao

extra large please: no no it's fine don't sweat it!

extra large please: im gonna go to bed im tired af

minnie mouse: from all the glaring you did tonight? ;)

extra large please: god help me please

minnie mouse: lol anyways thank you for tonight yoongi i really appreciate you making time for me you didn't have to

extra large please: id drop all my plans for you jimin honestly

minnie mouse: fucbkejsk wnvk

minnie mouse: sorry lol dropped my phone

minnie mouse: night hyung <3

extra large please: night minnie

 


 

bald by 30

stress ball hobi: ok i know we're kinda not talking in this chat a lot now since tae & kook are gone but im having a serious issue guys

daddy screamo: jin and i dropped you off at the dance studio an hour ago what could have possibly happened

this gorgeous human: lmao whats up hobi

stress ball hobi: i think im actually going bald

jimin the sunshine: im literally sitting right beside you and your hair is perfectly fine omg

stress ball hobi: no jiminie shush

stress ball hobi: like ive started to feel something weird with my hair ever since yoons changed the chat name

stress ball hobi: i say its witchcraft

daddy screamo: u didnt just say witchcraft did u

tony montana: are you trying to blame me for your fake hair loss ??

stress ball hobi: ITS NOT FAKE ):

stress ball hobi: i live with you yoongi i know ur into all that demonic shidkhkr

this gorgeous human: whats shidkhkr is this hip lingo i should be learning

tony montana renamed 'stress ball hobi' to 'pain in the ass'

pain in the ass: sorry im back yoongi pushed me off the couch

pain in the ass: he may be small but wow does he have a lot of muscle

jimin the sunshine: LMAO

 


 

Private chat with: twinkle toes

twinkle toes: hey hyung

dance master: hey kook whats up

twinkle toes: could u tell the dance teacher i wont be coming to classes this week

dance master: why would you not be coming? we're starting the new choreo tmr..

twinkle toes: im gonna take a trip to see my parents

dance master: thats almost 3 hours away by train how long are you gonna stay

twinkle toes: idk im leaving tonight so i figure ill come back monday night maybe

dance master: kook thats a lot of school to miss

dance master: are you ok??

dance master: i know we dont really talk about this kinda stuff but if you ever wanna vent about ANYTHING im always here for you

twinkle toes: i know it means a lot hyung but yeah im ok

twinkle toes: and i already finished most of the work in my all classes so ill only have to catch up on a few things when i come back

twinkle toes: i just need to get away from here for a while yanno?

twinkle toes: i gotta head to the station now b4 i miss my train

dance master: alright have a safe trip ily loser

twinkle toes: lol love you too hobi hyung

 


 

bald by 30

pain in the ass: jungkook is not ok like at all

this gorgeous human: well no shit sherlock

this gorgeous human: care to explain more??

pain in the ass: he left to go see his parents for the week

pain in the ass: aka miss a week of projects and lectures

pain in the ass: when has he ever done this? never.

pain in the ass: thats not normal.

jimin the sunshine: tae isn't doing good either

jimin the sunshine: hes literally never home anymore and refuses to tell me where he goes

daddy screamo: this isn't good

 


 

 

Private chat with: sonnykook

Dad™: i know you're on the train and probably blasting music in your headphones or just asleep

Dad™: but jungkook listen

Dad™: missing school over something like this isn't worth it

Dad™: running away seems like its the best thing to do right now bc you dont know how to deal with this but its not

Dad™: i know you probably feel guilty for upsetting tae but dont let your emotions drive you bc he said some shit he definitely shouldnt have said too

Dad™: you dont have to answer my messages if you dont want to but i want you to be happy and if going home for a few days makes you feel better then thats ok

Dad™: just come back when youre ready and we'll be here for you i promise kook

sonnykook read at 11:15pm

 


 

bald by 30

tony montana  made 'jimin the sunshine' an admin

jimin the sunshine: ty hyung

jimin the sunshine added 'taehyung' to the chat

taehyung: jiminie...

jimin the sunshine: no dont 'jiminie' me

jimin the sunshine: we're soulmates ok i need my other half here so dont you dare think about leaving this time

pain in the ass: damn jimin didnt come to mess around

jimin the sunshine: i take my admin rights seriously

taehyung: omg okay i wont leave

jimin the sunshine: do you promise

taehyung: yes i promise but at least change my name to something difference with your new admin rights pls

jimin the sunshine renamed 'taehyung' to 'slay the tae'

slay the tae: ty minnie<3

this gorgeous human: hi my fav son hru

pain in the ass: yeah how are things taebae?

slay the tae: tbfh

slay the tae: not good lol

daddy screamo: talk to us tae a lot of shit has happened recently

slay the tae: idk where to start i really fucked up guys

tony montana: yeah you did

this gorgeous human: yoongi-

slay the tae: no jin hyung its fine i need to be put in my place for once

slay the tae: i said a lot of mean shit to jungkook instead of telling him the truth bc im scared like i literally ignored him for a month!

slay the tae: i ignored my best fucking friend for a month straight.

jimin the sunshine: mistakes were made on both yours and kooks parts but we just gotta figure out a solution

slay the tae: should i go to his dorm and try to talk it over calmly??

slay the tae: idk how well thatd work tho we're both so hot headed

pain in the ass: tae...

tony montana: who's gonna tell him

jimin the sunshine: not me

this gorgeous human: this is breaking my heart

slay the tae: tell me what-

daddy screamo: jungkook left for busan last night

slay the tae: oh.

 


 

Private chat with: daegu boy #2

daegu boy #1: have you finally come to your senses

daegu boy #2: what?

daegu boy #1: like you realize how badly you fucked up and you're ready to put your pride aside for a second and fix this mess?

daegu boy #1: like i hate having to scold you like a child tae but jimin would never say anything bc hes too sweet but when shit hits the fan and you get pissy you can't take it out on him

daegu boy #2: what do you mean

daegu boy #1: do you not get how shitty youve been to him ever since jungkook and you stopped talking?

daegu boy #1: you can't take your problems out on other people taehyung especially jimin hes done so much for you he doesn't deserve that

daegu boy #2: i know im sorry idk what to do anymore

daegu boy #2: but im working on it so ty for telling me all this i needed to hear it

daegu boy #2: i love you sm yoongi:(

daegu boy #1: i love you tae but fix your shit pls


 

Private chat with: baby jiminie

baby tae: JIMINJE I LOVE YOUNSO MUCH IM SO DORRY

baby jiminie: tae omg are you ok i can hear you in your room do you want me to come in

baby tae: no im afraid id start crying in front of u and ive done that enough so stay in your room and just let me text you all this ok

baby jiminie: okay?

baby tae: i shouldn't have brought you or any of the others into all this drama between kookie and i

baby tae: and fuck i should have never EVER yelled at you when you were just trying to be here for me

baby tae: i was too busy being a petty bitch to think of your feelings and i know that's no excuse for what i did

baby tae: but god jimin im so sorry i don't know what id do without u i love you my one n only soulmate )):

baby jiminie: omg im gonna cry i love u too tae

baby jiminie: but can i ask you a question

baby tae: yes of course ask me anything im done hiding shit

baby jiminie: where did you go every night? like you just walked out and didn't come back till god knows what hour in the morning

baby tae: i went to a bunch of clubs hooking up with different guys

baby jiminie: tae why)):

baby tae: dunno i guess i was tryin to run away from my problems ?

baby tae: but let me tell you it doesn't work

baby tae: im never going out alone again like ew you shouldve seen these losers tryna get with me you wouldve laughed so hard at their attempts at flirting

baby jiminie: LMAO

baby jiminie: but ok since we're good again i think this is a great time to tell you that i accidentally called the night i hung out with yoongi alone "a date"

baby tae: omg who did you tell that to

baby jiminie: him

baby jiminie: are you banging on my door-

baby tae: YES OPEN THE DAMN DOOR I NEED TO KNOE MORE DETAILS

 


 

bald by 30

slay the tae: so yoongi hyung on a scale of 1 to 10 how good would you rate your yoonmin date ??

slay the tae: 1 being horrible wouldn't do it again and 10 being you'd take him against the wall if you had the chance to

pain in the ass: TAKE HIM AGAINDT THE WALL IM FUCKING CRYIBG

jimin the sunshine: TAEHYUNG IM GOING TO ACTUALLY KILL YOU

tony montana: im

jimin the sunshine: hyung dont answer him idk why he's like this

slay the tae: how did you feel when the waiter winked at jimin when he put the bill on the table i bet you wanted to skin him alive

tony montana: no i didnt want to skin him alive why would i even..

this gorgeous human: YOOMIN WENT ON A DATE THIS IS THE MOMENT IVE BEEN WAITING FOR

this gorgeous human: YOONGI I THOUGHT WE WERE FRIENDS HOW DARE YOU NOT TELL ME YOU TOOK MY SON OUT ON A DATE

this gorgeous human: SOMEBODY FILL ME IN ON ALL THE HOT GOSSIP I MUST KNOW

slay the tae: slide into my dms momma ill fill you in ;))

daddy screamo: well its good to see taehyung found his humor again

slay the tae: you bet i did it im back in business

slay the tae: now yoongi hyung i gotta ask you one last thing

slay the tae: did you bust a fat nut every time jiminie giggled? (͡° ͜ʖ ͡°)

jimin the sunshine: STOP STOP STOP OH MY GOD

 


 

Private chat with: kookie

tae: hey

tae: tbh i didnt think that msg would send i thought u may have blocked me

tae: its currently 2am and im not exactly sure why i texted you

tae: im sorry

tae: if i continued going on and on about all the shit i did and how badly i fucked up over text it wouldn't sound as sincere and real as i want it to be so im gonna wait till you get back so we can talk in person

tae: that is if you want to

tae: i hope ur having a nice time at your parents

tae: i miss you kookie.

kookie read at 2:09am

 


 

bald by 30

this gorgeous human: so im sitting there bbq sauce on my titties

pain in the ass: i just howled in the middle of a lecture omfg

this gorgeous human: this dude comes over to me and says "can i buy you a drink tonight or can i buy you for the night?"

slay the tae: oh hell no

this gorgeous human: and im ready to get up and tell him off when namjoon comes out of no where and punches the dude square in the jaw and says "hes not for sale you fat fuck"

daddy screamo: idk if i said those exactly words

this gorgeous human: you did

this gorgeous human: and so that is the story of how your father and i met as we ran out of a bar together in freshman year

slay the tae: DAMN JOON HYUNG

jimin the sunshine: thats actually so cute tho like he saved you and two years later you started dating

jimin the sunshine: NAMJOON HYUNG IS YOUR PRINCE CHARMING ((':

tony montana: that was it a great day when it finally happened they were pining after each other so hard

pain in the ass: ur one to talk yoons

slay the tae: SHOTS FIRED

tony montana: @hoseok turn on your location you little bitch :))

pain in the ass: its on come at me big boy ;))

daddy screamo: you guys are insane i stg

 


 

bald by 30

pain in the ass: apparently those high school students are coming back tmr for another tour

pain in the ass: they asked for me to do the tour

pain in the ass: so we all know what that means

this gorgeous human: AHAHAHA

jimin the sunshine: ur fucked

pain in the ass: i can slowly see the numbers in my bank account dropping when i lose my job for attacking that stupid shit kid

pain in the ass: i couldnt pay last months rent bc of those weeks i didn't have this job! yoongi hyung almost killed me when he had to pay it all himself!

slay the tae: KILL EM WITH KINDNESS

tony montana: selena gomez srsly

slay the tae: the world can be a nasty place

slay the tae: you know it i know it yeahhh

tony montana: minnie pls take taehyungs phone away from him

jimin the sunshine: LOL ALREADY ON IT

pain in the ass: thanks guys i could lose my job and here you are singing about kindness

pain in the ass: the audacity !

daddy screamo: lol you should be used to this by now hobi

 


 

Private chat with: tae

kookie: i miss you too tae

tae read at 10:38pm

Chapter Text


Taehyung: slay the tae

Jungkook: lil bitch boy

Jimin: jimin the sunshine

Yoongi: tony montana

Hoseok: pain in the ass

Jin: this gorgeous human

Namjoon: daddy screamo


 

 

@jeonjk 

 

 

i was forced to take this pic bc i apparently have a theme now

 Liked by dabbam, _kyugyeom, and 984 others

@_kyugyeom ur such a liar i said "pose" and u immediately did tht 

@dabbam ^^ EXPOSED 

  


  

Private chat with: the one soulmate

 

the only soulmate: hes back how do u feel

the one soulmate: me 10 minutes ago: "yeah i don't have feelings for him anymore"

the one soulmate: me after seeing his update:

the one soulmate:

the only soulmate: [screenshot captured]

the only soulmate: i only screenshotted that so i could crop the meme i promise

the one soulmate: LMAO

the one soulmate: if i wasnt still kinda fighting with kookie id tell you about how badly i want him to rim me till i fucking crY

the one soulmate: but ill refrain for now

the only soulmate: tae you literally just-

the only soulmate: wow

 


  

bald by 30 

 

daddy screamo: i asked jk if he wanted to be back in the chat and he said "sure if im wanted there"

this gorgeous human: yES i miss my youngest son

tony montana: yeah do it

daddy screamo: tae?

slay the tae: add him back

daddy screamo added 'lil bitch boy' to the chat

daddy screamo renamed 'lil bitch boy' to 'strawberry boy'

strawberry boy: i dont even have a chance to say hi to every1 and im attacked

daddy screamo: take it as a compliment your hair looks great and im sure the pink will wash out soon so i wanna cherish it

jimin the sunshine: #dadmodenamjoon

pain in the ass: AHAHAHA welcome back kook we missed you <333

strawberry boy: missed u guys 2

jimin the sunshine: how's my beautiful busan doin 

strawberry boy: as beautiful as ever 

jimin the sunshine: fuck i miss it :'(

jimin the sunshine: next time you decide to fuck off take me w you u piece of shit <3

strawberry boy: LOL ok jiminie

strawberry boy: anything exciting happen while i was gone?

this gorgeous human: jimin and yoongi went on a date

strawberry boy: whAt 

tony montana: JIN 

jimin the sunshine: IT WASBY A DATW OMDV

pain in the ass: it was totally a date

slay the tae: dont listen to their bullshit it was 100% a date

slay the tae: also hi 

strawberry boy: hi 

strawberry boy: but shit who took who out??

this gorgeous human: do you even have to ask?

this gorgeous human: like srsly you think jimin's twink ass took big daddy yoongi out? No.

pain in the ass: HOLY SHI

jimin the sunshine: im not a twink):

slay the tae: im screaming in the middle of my photography class omg 

tony montana: what the actual hell jin

this gorgeous human: ive gotten drunk with yoongi enough times to know all his secrets

this gorgeous human: like lmao yall think namjoons the only one with a daddy kink?

this gorgeous human: think again honey ;)

daddy screamo: i suddenly don't feel alone in this gc anymore

strawberry boy: i missed this shit FUCK

pain in the ass: i live with him and i didn't even know this omfg

slay the tae: lol got anything to say jiminie??? 

jimin the sunshine:

  


  

tongue technology

 

suga: it was nice knowing you boys time for me to kms

suga: actually no i take that back it wasnt nice knowing u 

suga: fuck u both for joining in on that

rap monster: lololololol

j-hope: oh stop its fine im sure jiminie doesnt care 

suga: ok but what if he does and he thinks its weird

j-hope: he seemed perfectly fine with it when you told everybody about joons daddy kink lol 

rap monster: yeah dont think too hard about it, if anything he probs loves knowing ur kink now

j-hope: lol yeah daddy yoongi ;)

suga: why im friends w you 2

 


 

Private chat with: the one soulmate

 

the only soulmate: tAE HOYLF FUGKDUT

the one soulmate: how you holding up minnie

the only soulmate: NOT FUXKBIF GLOD

the one soulmate: LOL 

the only soulmate: ITS BOT FUBBY TAE HE  HAS THE SSME KINK AS I DO

the one soulmate: okok ur right it isnt "fubby"

the one soulmate: its amazing bc now when he fucks you nd you call him daddy youll know he'll like it;)

the only soulmate: TAEGUYNG 

 


 

 Private chat with: tae

 

kookie: hey

tae: hi

kookie: that was quite something in the gc wasnt it

tae: lol yeah i wonder what other shit jin hyung has on yoongs

kookie: its probs some hilarious stuff

tae: yeah ahaha 

kookie: am i the only one tht finds this is awkward af

tae: no its really awkward lmao

kookie: ok lol

kookie: so like do u wanna meet up and idk talk?

tae: to talk bout all the shit we said to each other? 

kookie: yea do u want to?

tae: not really but we gotta talk about it at some point 

tae: i have to stay after class so meet at our spot at 7?

kookie: ok sounds good

tae: ok

tae: oh and

kookie: yeah ?

tae: im really glad youre back kookie 

kookie: thanks tae im glad im back too

 


 

 Taekook Forever

 

mochi: GIYS GYS GUYS

hoesok: what

cup of sugar: what jiminie??

jin bin: ^^ whipped

namjam: i thought we only used this chat for emergencies what's wrong

mochi: TAEKOOK ARE MEETING UP TONIGHT TO TALK

hoesok: HOY SHIT WHERE 

mochi: IDK BUT WE GOTTA FIND OUT 

hoesok: YOU BET WE DO 

jin bin: spy on them

cup of sugar: thats actually a good idea

mochi: OMG LETS

namjam: are you serious

mochi: namjoon hyung this is my ultimate ship ok im sorry but if i can spy on them and see them make up and fall in love then you bet your ass i will

hoesok: RE FUCKING TWEET JIMINIE

mochi: the only problem is idk where they'll be

mochi: all tae said was he'd be meeting kook in "their spot"

cup of sugar: its the park beside the campus library

cup of sugar: theyll probably be by the big oak tree that has the 'do not feed the ducks' sign on it

hoesok: how do you know all this yoons omg

cup of sugar: when tae was a freshman he'd sneak out at night when he was stressed and go sit by the tree looking at the ducks swim around in the pond

cup of sugar: he said it was "relaxing and peaceful" 

jin bin: doesn't explain why its his and jks spot tho

cup of sugar: shortly after we all became friends tae went over to jungkooks dorm and kook was crying cause freshman year was hitting him hard and tae took him to the tree saying it helped him when he was stressed so he hoped itd help jungkook

cup of sugar: so after that when one of them was stressed theyd go to the tree together

mochi: how do you know all this wth

cup of sugar: taehyung has very low tolerance for alcohol

cup of sugar: get him shit faced drunk on a rooftop in daegu nd he'll tell you anything

cup of sugar: dont tell him or jungkook i know tho he forgets everything he told that night last summer and he told me a lot lol

hoesok: so jins got dirt on you and youve got dirt on tae?  

hoesok: damn why are we all such snakes

  


  

Private chat with: the only soulmate

 

the one soulmate: im going to meet kookie ill text you when im on my way home

the only soulmate: good luck!!

  


 

Taekook Forever

 

mochi: tae just texted me hes on his way to meet kook

jin bin: ill be right there to pick you up son

mochi: kk

namjam: so you guys are seriously planning to spy on them?

mochi: yes 

cup of sugar: lol keep us updated

mochi: are you not coming?:(

cup of sugar: no sorry minnie, joon and i gotta work on our theory project thats due tmr

hoesok: i can't believe i have to be at a stupid meeting with all the dumb tour guides 

hoesok: i wanna spy on my otp!

mochi: don't worry guys we'll give you all the updates jin hyung and i are almost there

namjam: wow

mochi: lol kooks leaning against the tree waiting for tae to come

jin bin: my youngest son is looking amazing tonight im so proud he got my good looks gene

hoesok: lolol 

mochi: TAE SHOWED UP

mochi: omg theyre so fucking awkward

mochi: "hello"

mochi: "hi" 

mochi: "nice weather tonight"

mochi: "it is indeed"

mochi: im smothering myself so i don't laugh omfg

hoesok: NICE WEATHER LMAO

cup of sugar: where are you guys hiding??

mochi: by the pond behind the rose bushes

jin bin: "the pink highlights look good on you kookie"

jin bin: MY SONS JAW DROPPED ON THE FUCKING GROUND HES SO STUNNED BY THE COMPLIMENT

jin bin: "thanks the red hair really suits you it makes your lips stand out more" why are my children so cute god i love love

mochi: taes blushing like a mad man 

mochi: THEYRE SITTING AGAINST THE TREE TOGRTHER FUCM 

namjam: have they started talking about their fight?

hoesok: lol joons is interested in the spying now

jin bin: i knew you'd want the updates too joonie xx

jin bin: but im not sure they started whispering i think they're nervous :(

jin bin: jimin stop breathing beside me so heavily wtf

mochi: srry im nervous too i just want them to solve their shit

cup of sugar: itll be ok minnie theyll figure it out!

mochi: ty for the support yoongi hyung:'))

hoesok: dont u mean daddy yoongi 

jin bin: LOL good one hoseok

cup of sugar: fuck off hobi

mochi: oh no taekook nnonnonononon 

jin bin: OH SHIT SHIT SHITSHIT

namjam: whats happening???

mochi: "why did you ignore me?"

mochi: "is this really what you wanna start off with?" 

mochi: "well you were the one who started all this" 

mochi: "are you actually blaming me?" 

mochi: "did i say that? no so dont put words in my mouth taehyung"

jin bin: jk said taes name with such attitude im stunned

jin bin: they're sitting in silence now

cup of sugar: jesus christ

namjam: why can't they just sort it out ://

jin bin: "i was the reason why you left wasn't i?"

jin bin: "honestly? yeah you were"

jin bin: "you know id never purposely make you feel that shitty to the point where you leave the university, right?"

jin bin: "its fine i was just overreacting" 

jin bin: "im really fucking sorry kookie i fucked up so bad"

jin bin: "its my fault too tae i shouldve given you more time" 

jin bin: MY SONS IM SOFT AF

mochi: tae looked away from kook and says "no you dont understand i shouldnt have shut you out like that" and kook nudged him so theyd look at each other again and goes "are you crying? wtf tae im gonna start crying if you do, you know im weak for u"

hoesok: IM CRYING IN THE CLUB 

namjam: youre at the university's office hobi not a club

namjam: but im lowkey so proud of jungkook like ?? my actual son?

cup of sugar: i knew they'd work it out if they put aside their egos for 2 secs

mochi: they're so shy now its sweet af my heart is melting 

mochi: i need a jungkook to my taehyung

hoesok: i bet yoons could help with tht

jin bin: JIMIN CHOKED ANS ALMOST FELL IN THE POND TAE N JK LOOKED OVER TO WHERE WE ARE AND GOT UP TO SEE ABORT MISSION ABORT ABORT 

jin bin: WERE RUBNING TO THE CAR BOW IF THEY SEE US WERE DEAD JUST KBOW I LOBE YOU NSMJOONIE

namjam: lobe u too lmao

  


  

Private chat with: your bestest roommate ever

 

yoons: you bastard wait till we're both home later youre fucking dead

your bestest roommate ever: ♡♡♡

  


 

bald by 30

 

slay the tae: GUYS KOOKIE AND I HAVE GREAT NEWS 

jimin the sunshine: THANK FUCK

tony montana: finally 

daddy screamo: we support you guys 

this gorgeous human: yeah we'll support you nonstop<3

strawberry boy: support us?

strawberry boy: lmao we were already best friends before we just had a fight

slay the tae: yeah wtf are you guys going on about 

this gorgeous human: wait what were you two gonna tell us?

strawberry boy: that we fixed our shit and we're fine again??

slay the tae: that we're #bestfriendsforlife again??

daddy screamo: seriously?

pain in the ass: youre kidding me

jimin the sunshine: Jesus CHRIST

strawberry boy: what did you expect us to say lol ??

  


  

Private chat with: the one soulmate 

 

the only soulmate: are you kidding me

the only soulmate: i didn't almost fall in a fucking pond filled with bird shit for you and jungkook to only be 'friends'

the one soulmate: wydm by almost falling in a pond??

the one soulmate: PARK JIMIN WERE YOU FUCKING SPYING ON US 

 


 

bald by 30

 

daddy screamo: i spent two months on that song.. 

daddy screamo: and this bitch gives me a 78% and tells me the chorus didn't go nicely with the rest of the song

daddy screamo: i shouldve told her that her gross shit stained pants didnt go nicely with her clogs from 1885 

pain in the ass: holy shit joon

jimin the sunshine: HER CLOGS FROM 1885

strawberry boy: SLAY HER DAD

slay the tae: shit namjoon hyung im surprised you didn't kill her 

tony montana: if looks could kill she would've been dead from the death glare he was giving her

tony montana: i had to call jin to come and pick us up after class to calm him down

this gorgeous human: ive never seen him look so mad since he saved me from that creep at the bar two years ago

strawberry boy: creep at the bar??

jimin the sunshine: namjoonie hyung saved jin hyung from some old wannabe sugar daddy who wanted jin 

strawberry boy: aw thats cute

strawberry boy: i remember when i had a sugar daddy lol

pain in the ass: YOU HAD A WHAT?

tony montana: i must be seeing things i couldve sworn i just read that jeon "im socially awkward" jungkook had a sugar daddy??

daddy screamo: i can honestly say ive never been this shocked in my life as i am right now

this gorgeous human: tell me more my son omg

strawberry boy: it was freshman year nd i met some dude online 

jimin the sunshine: the beginning of every internet stalker movie ever

strawberry boy: nah it wasnt like that he was actually a nice guy

strawberry boy: id just send him some booty pics and odd vid of me jacking off and he'd buy me stuff and send me money 

tony montana: i can't believe you had a sugar daddy and didn't tell us 

daddy screamo: why'd you do it kook??

strawberry boy: i needed money lmao 

strawberry boy: i dont have a job guys how do you think i pay rent or how i bought you all those expensive ass christmas presents last year

strawberry boy: i saved up a lot of money ;)

this gorgeous human: YOU GAVE ME A WATCH WITH YOUR SUGAR DADDY MONEY?? 

this gorgeous human: im disgusted yet slightly proud tbh 

pain in the ass: when did u stop ?? 

jimin the sunshine: yeah don't tell us you still talk to him-

strawberry boy: oh god no thats water under the bridge now

strawberry boy: we stopped talking in the summer when he tried to call me babyboy and all that twinky shit i was like "idc about sending you stuff but dont call me babyboy bc trust me im not a bottom"

daddy screamo: im speechless

this gorgeous human: oh thank god for a second there i thought you were a bottom i was so disappointed that all my sons were bottoms 

this gorgeous human: at least somebody takes after joonie

jimin the sunshine: JIN HYUNG:(

this gorgeous human: do you happen to be into the daddy kink jungkookie??

strawberry boy: not really i mean back in high school some girl tried to call me daddy and my dick got soft so that's when i figured out i was gay af

pain in the ass: AHAHAHAHAHAHA

jimin the sunshine: i just snorted in the library this is insane

tony montana: wheres taehyung hes missing all this

slay the tae: no no im here

pain in the ass: whats your opinion on all this tae?? ;))

slay the tae: shut up hobi hyung thanks:))

slay the tae: but hey you gotta do what ya gotta do kookie at least you made some serious money

strawberry boy: lol thanks tae

 


 

Private chat with: the one soulmate

 

the only soulmate: how do you actually feel after finding all this out 

the one soulmate: i want to send a fruit basket to that girl who called him daddy with a note saying "thx u for making him gay i truly appreciate it more than you will ever know xo"

the only soulmate: AHAHAHAHAHAH

  


 

bald by 30

 

pain in the ass: I WASN'T FIRED TODAY I CALMLY SHOWED THE HIGH SCHOOLERS AROUND WITHOUT ANYTHING GOING WRONG

pain in the ass: i deserve a damn medal

daddy screamo: congrats on not getting fired 

pain in the ass: i wanna party tonight we haven't hung out all together in so long lets all get drunk and celebrate

jimin the sunshine: im in!!

tony montana: lets do it

slay the tae: ^^ alcoholics but yeah count me if kookies coming

strawberry boy: i am

pain in the ass: ok good so where we going??

daddy screamo: i can go to the store for beer after my lecture and we can all hang at mine and jins ??

this gorgeous human: omg yes that way we can all have fun without worrying about driving home you all can just stay over

jimin the sunshine: like a sleepover !

slay the tae: only involving a lot of alcohol

strawberry boy: namjoon hyung can i come with u to the store im out of food 

daddy screamo: yeah ill text you when im at your dorm to pick you up

this gorgeous human: no! our youngest son is too sweet and pure to go with you to get alcohol !

jimin the sunshine: he literally confessed to having a sugar daddy how is that pure

this gorgeous human: hes a baby in my eyes 

strawberry boy: im 20 years old jin hyung

this gorgeous human: STILL A BABY

  

 


 

@__taethebae__

good to have my bff back♡ this was taken about 20 minutes before @jeonjk and i got drunk af lol 

Liked by jeonjk, and 2,558 others

@dancemanhobi photo creds to me

@jimmieminnie FUCKING OTP

@sugamin thats a ship sailing right there

Chapter Text


Taehyung: slay the tae

Jungkook: strawberry boy

Jimin: jimin the sunshine

Yoongi: tony montana

Hoseok: pain in the ass

Jin: this gorgeous human

Namjoon: daddy screamo


 

@sugamin

pretending im not suffering with a migraine from last night

Liked by dancemanhobi, jimmieminnie, and 1,086 others

 


 

bald by 30

jimin the sunshine has renamed the chat to 'hungover hoes'

tony montana: how ya holding up minnie

jimin the sunshine: im fucking dying

slay the tae: lmao his hangovers hit him hard he gets so bitchy

jimin the sunshine: go choke on jungkooks dick and die

pain in the ass: im

this gorgeous human: oh wow

strawberry boy: how about you leave tae alone and go hop on yoongi hyungs dick mk :)

daddy screamo: dear god

jimin the sunshine: EXCUSE ME?

this gorgeous humans: my children pls stop the fighting

slay the tae: aw kookie ty for backing me up xoxo

strawberry boy: anytime tae xo

pain in the ass: how are these two not together ??

daddy screamo: ikr

tony montana: minnie do u want me to bring you over some ibuprofen???

jimin the sunshine: please:( tae took the last few we had when he was crying over jungkook all the time

strawberry boy: he what

 


 

Private chat with: TAETAE

KOOKIE: you cried bc of me?

TAETAE: shh it really wasnt a big deal

KOOKIE: if you had to take ibuprofen bc you were crying so much you gave yourself headaches..

KOOKIE: that seems like a pretty big deal to me tae

TAETAE: kookie pls id really prefer not to talk about it

KOOKIE: okay

 


 

Private chat with: hoebi

hoebi: why wont you talk to kook about your feelings for him

hoebi: and before you ask, yes he told me about you not wanting to talk about why you were crying

taebae: why would he tell you

hoebi: he was moody and kept messing up in the studio so i asked him wtf was wrong and he kinda spilled the beans

hoebi: we all know you like him so why dont you just confess !

taebae: telling him really isnt a good idea

taebae: "oh hey kookie! i know we're best friends and everything but i just wanted to let you know that im practically in love with you and have been since i met you!!"

taebae: yeah no i cant handle the rejection

hoebi: its so obvious he likes you too though !!

taebae: thats not funny hobi dont joke about that

hoebi: UGH TAE IM SERIOUS

 


 

tongue technology

j-hope: youve been gone 4 hours did you and jimin run off and get married

rap monster: or did you pound him into the mattress

j-hope: AHAHAHAHAHAHA

suga: SHUT UP NAMJOON

suga: i gave him some pills and some water and told him to lay down and rest

rap monster: thats it? how boring.

suga: well he refused to lay down if i wasnt with him so i laid down with him

j-hope: YOU CUDDLED??

suga: it wasnt cuddling i just let him rest his head on my chest and we both fell asleep

rap monster: that's literally cuddling

rap monster: jin will love hearing about this

j-hope: cuddling=done

j-hope: when yall gonna kiss

suga: hoseok you can shut up too

 


 

hungover hoes

this gorgeous human: me finding out yoonmin cuddled but still aren't dating:

this gorgeous human:

pain in the ass: LOLOL

slay the tae: you fucking cuddled with yoongi hyung and didnt tell me? what kind of a soulmate are you!

slay the tae: im now accepting applications for a new soulmate

jimin the sunshine: he was just with me while i slept through my hangover thats it!

jimin the sunshine: and how dare you try to get a new soulmate theres nobody better than me not even kook

strawberry boy: um ?? im his best friend ???

jimin the sunshine: oh my little jungkookie youre so much more to him then you realize:)

slay the tae: OK THAT'S ENOUGH OF THAT HAHA LETS CHANGE THE CONVERSATION

tony montana: hoseoks crushing on a boy in his dance class

this gorgeous human: hes whAT

pain in the ass: im so nice to you yoons why do you stab me in the back like this

tony montana: paybacks a bitch<3

daddy screamo: who is it??

strawberry boy: lol namjin come to the chat for the tea

this gorgeous human: obviously

this gorgeous human: now hoseok who is it

pain in the ass: nobody!! just a guy who transfered to our uni a few weeks ago

pain in the ass: he was walking around looking lost af so my inner tour guide kicked in and we ended up spending a saturday exploring the uni together

pain in the ass: hes dorky af

pain in the ass: hes also really shy and awkward but actually super funny after you get him talking for a while

slay the tae: omg

jimin the sunshine: this is so sweet aW

pain in the ass: why omg

daddy screamo: hobi weve known each other for almost 3 years and youve never talked that much about someone before

slay the tae: whats his name

tony montana: he doesn't shut up about this guy yet he won't tell me his name

pain in the ass: ok but as if you dont talk about jimimbfjvkh

strawberry boy: you ok hyung?

tony montana: hoseok cant come to the phone right now hes busy xx

this gorgeous human: 

strawberry boy: 

jimin the sunshine: omf he used jin hyung as a meme-

this gorgeous human:

this gorgeous human: don't start a war you can't finish son

strawberry boy:

strawberry boy: try me

this gorgeous human: boy i stg ill expose you

 


 

@worldwidejin

randomly found this old video of @jeonjk from the time he got drunk & dressed up as a cop so i thought id share it xx

Liked by rapgodjoon, jimmieminnie, __taethebae__, and 3,847 others

@sugamin 'randomly' lmao

@jeonjk DELETE THIS NOW

 


 

hungover hoes

daddy screamo has renamed the chat to 'Snake7'

tony montana: this is the best one yet

slay the tae: amazing

strawberry boy: i love this tbh and i just got exposed

pain in the ass: we all have shit on each other its almost scary

this gorgeous human: ok who has it on who

this gorgeous human: i wanna know who i gotta go to when i want dirty secrets on one of you

pain in the ass: LMAO

jimin the sunshine: i got shit on taekook and hobi hyung

daddy screamo: 'taekook'

slay the tae: I GOT TONS ON JIMINIE

tony montana: they call each other soulmates yet they throw each other under the bus in 0.3 seconds

slay the tae: its a special relationship

jimin the sunshine: the only relationship he can get lol

slay the tae: JIMIN>:(

pain in the ass: i got shit on yoons, kook, and tae

tony montana: i got joons and jin

daddy screamo: yoongi & jk

slay the tae: i also have some tea about yoongi hyung and jin hyung

daddy screamo: wtf do you have on jin??

slay the tae: lol im his fav son for a reason ;)

strawberry boy: i got some on jiminie, tae, yoongi hyung, jin hyung, and namjoon hyung

pain in the ass: why do you have so much omfg

strawberry boy: tae tells me all the secrets he finds out

tony montana: he what

strawberry boy: lol yeah like i know about a certain wet dream you had last summer in daegu

strawberry boy: and your nickname name in elementary 'yoongles'

pain in the ass: JUNGKOOK JUST EXPOSED YOONGI HOLY SHIT

tony montana: kim fucking taehyung

slay the tae: HYUNG I SWEAE IVDIDNT TELL HIM

tony montana: youre gonna wish that were true

 


 

@sugamin

this doesnt match my aesthetic but its worth it, right @__taethebae__ ?

Liked by jeonjk, dancemanhobi, worldwidejin, and 2,739 others

 


 

Snake7

slay the tae: MIN YOONGI

slay the tae: WE SWORE WE WOULD KEEP THAT BETWEEN US

this gorgeous human: ok but why were you wearing heels in the first place

slay the tae: freshman year was a really dark time for me ok

slay the tae: BUT LITTLE YOONGLES HERE HAD TO SHOW YOU THE VIDEO I SENT HIM WHEN I WAS HIGH:(

tony montana: YOU SWORE YOU WOULDNT TELL ANYBODY ABOUT THAT DREAM AND THAT STUPID NICKNAME

tony montana renamed 'slay the tae' to 'high heels'

high heels: oh you wanna go there do you?

high heels: hey jiminie my sweet and beautiful soulmate i got something to tell you

jimin the sunshine: what ??

tony montana: taehyung i swear to god

high heels: kiss my ass yoongles ;)

high heels: that wet dream yoongi hyung had? yeah it was of you

high heels: ever wanted to be tied to a bed minnie? cause apparently yoongi wishes you were tied up underneath him

high heels: at least thats what his dream was about :)

daddy screamo: oh my

daddy screamo: good god

this gorgeous: holyl hxirist km yodelibf

strawberry boy: ^^ lol that was me when tae told me too jin hyung

pain in the ass:

 


 

Private chat with: minnie mouse

yoongi hyung: jimin im so sorry

yoongi hyung: i never thought taehyung would ever tell anybody about that

yoongi hyung: youre mad arent you? thats why my name is changed?

yoongi hyung: shit minnie please answer me im sorry

minnie mouse: im not mad im just a little embarrassed

yoongi hyung: im so sorry..

minnie: stop saying sorry its not your fault we cant help what we dream

minnie: plus we all know tae has a big mouth lol

minnie mouse: now if youd excuse me im gonna go break down taes door with my fist:))

yoongi hyung: punch him for me pls

minnie mouse: oh i will dont worry

 


 

Snake7

jimin the sunshine has changed their name to 'king park'

king park renamed 'high heels' to 'parks lil bitch'

king park: :)) hello again guys

strawberry boy: oh my

daddy screamo: that escalated quickly

this gorgeous human: my fav son are u ok?

parks lil bitch: ...

parks lil bitch: well other than jimin punching me i stg 300 times im fine

king park: jimin?

parks lil bitch: sorry **king park jimin the greatest punched me 300 times but im fine

king park: thats better:)

pain in the ass: isnt jimin more of a little prince than a king?

king park: excuse me what was that?

king park: i found out who your little boy toy is hoseok and i will not hesitate to tell

pain in the ass: PRINCE JIMIN KING JIMIN THE MIGHTY GOD JIMIN ILL DO ANYTHING I SWEAR

king park renamed 'pain in the ass' to 'parks bitch #2'

king park has changed their name to 'mighty god jimin'

mighty god jimin: good to hear:)

daddy screamo: damn you shut hobi down so fast

mighty god jimin: what can i say, i take after my mom ;)

this gorgeous human: MY NEW FAV SON YES YOU DO WOW

parks lil bitch: ok you had ur fun can you change my name now

mighty god jimin: im not done with you just yet

 


 

@jimmieminnie

found a pic from last year of my soulmate @__taethebae__ isnt he the cutest? ill never forget the day he texted me telling me how much he wanted @jeonjk to rim him till he cried lol

Liked by sugamin, and 1,946 others

 


 

Snake7

mighty god jimin: now im done

this gorgeous human: i just got kicked out of the store i was legit yelling at my phone

strawberry boy: taehyung call me.

Chapter Text


Taehyung: parks lil bitch

Jungkook: strawberry boy

Jimin: mighty god jimin

Yoongi: tony montana

Hoseok: parks bitch #2

Jin: this gorgeous human

Namjoon: daddy screamo


 

 

Private chat with: kookie

taetae: im not going to answer stop calling me

call denied from kookie (6)

kookie: dont be stupid just answer the damn phone

taetae: no

kookie: TAE

taetae: NO THAT WAS SO EMBARRASSING OKAY IM NOT TALKING ABOUT IT

kookie: because its true right

taetae: excuse me? lmao when did you get so cocky

kookie: dont try to change the subject pls

kookie: jimin can get pissy and act out but he'd never make up something like that and post it for everyone to see

kookie: so just answer this one fucking question

taetae: fine hurry up i have to work on my photography project soon

kookie: what jimin posted about on insta, is it true?

taetae: yes ok it was i gtg bye

kookie read at 10:23am

 


 

Private chat with: Dad™

sonnykook: what jimin said was true

Dad™: Okay??

sonnykook: what does that mean

Dad™: jungkook you're not actually serious are you

Dad™: that week in busan did you not think about your feelings for tae at all? bc you can deny having feelings for him but itd be better if you would be honest with yourself

sonnykook: ofc i thought about it

sonnykook: i think about him everyday

sonnykook: im scared of messing up hyung wtf am i supposed to do

Dad™: well jimin made it quite clear how tae feels about you and you said you know its true, how?

sonnykook: i asked tae and he told me it was

Dad™: ok well what else did he say

sonnykook: nothing i was lucky enough to get him to tell me jimins post was true

Dad™: idk if i should tell you this but i feel like it would better for you & tae if i did

sonnykook: what??

Dad™: hobi told yoongi and i that he was texting tae after you talked to him in the dance studio and he told tae that literally the whole group knows he likes you in more than a friendly way

Dad™: other than you apparently bc for some foolish reason you havent figured it out but thats not the point

Dad™: the point is its obvious taehyung likes you and whether you feel the same way or not is up to you but you have to tell him something

sonnykook: i know what i feel but im afraid of messing up hyung

sonnykook: tae and i have always been flirty its just how our friendship works and for a few months i was fine with that bc it was funny to see him get jealous of ppl trying to talk to me

sonnykook: but idk something happened changed after new years when he and baekhyun kissed

Dad™: you know that was just a 'we're drunk and its new years' kiss right? theyve only ever been friends even when they were freshmans

sonnykook: yeah yeah ik but i was just so jealous ???

sonnykook: if i wasnt so awkward i probs wouldve kissed him that night and i doubt id be in this position now

sonnykook: or maybe i would bc im so scared of losing him if i fuck up like its so easy for him and i to fight over the tiniest things

sonnykook: what if we dated and one of us said something and we broke up? Idk what i would do

Dad™: kook don't think that far ahead like god taehyung still thinks you only like him as a friend

sonnykook: i like him a lot more than that :(

Dad™: then only think about your feelings for tae right now and what you wanna do about them ok?

sonnykook: okay

sonnykook: tysm namjoonie hyung idk what id do without you

Dad™: lol idk what you'd do either kook

 


 

Taekook Forever

namjam: so i don't want to get anybody's hopes up but im pretty sure jungkook is going to confess his feelings for tae

hoesok: FUCK REALLY?

cup of sugar: seriously? god bless it took him long enough

jin bin: why did he finally decide this?

namjam: well i think jimins post was a big eye opener for him and how taes been acting is a give away

hoesok: lol jiminies post was savage af

mochi: i didn't do it to be to savage even if i was upset with tae

mochi: i only did it so they'd finally get their asses together like how more obvious can you get when tae wants kook to fuck him and kook wants to kill anybody who even LOOKS at tae in a suggestive way??

cup of sugar: true ^

cup of sugar: they're both so whipped for each other its unbelievable

jin bin: wow yoongi you just described not only tae and jungkookie but you and jimin !

hoesok: 

 


 

 Private chat with: taetae

kookie: howd working on ur project go 

taetae: good i only have 1 more concept to create

kookie: oh thats cool

taetae: ty

kookie: i dont have any classes this afternoon can i come over

kookie: we gotta talk

taetae: can't we just talk like this

kookie: tae..

taetae: lol please it'd be a lot easier for me to handle rejection over text than see disgust when you look at me

kookie: what the fuck

taetae: dont play dumb kookie we both know what im talking about

kookie: is that your way of saying you like me? id expect a more flirty confession from you lol

taetae: oh fuck off you make me nervous you stupid ass coconut

taetae: but if you literally need to see the words to believe it then here

taetae: i, kim taehyung, really really like you, jeon jungkook.

taetae: there so just reject me now so i can cry before jiminie gets home in a few hours

kookie: were we always such idiots like this? i stg idk how i didn't realize sooner

taetae: youve lost me wtf are you going on about can u just tell me you dont feel like same already

kookie: I FEEL THE SAME WAY YOU DUMBASS

taetae: what

kookie: jesus christ

kookie: you were the only one who was there and helped me when i wanted to drop out last year when the pressure got to me and you took me to our spot and after that i think i latched onto you as a source of happiness which i told myself was just a best friend thing to do right?

kookie: but i was wrong so fucking wrong last new years when i saw you with baekhyun all night then you kissed him at midnight i stg i couldve attacked him i was so jealous i wanted to be the one kissing you not him he didn't deserve you

kookie: so what im trying to say is ive been crushing on your stupid ass for over a year bc i really fucking like you tae

taetae: lmao i knew you were jealous :')

kookie: seriously tae i just poured my heart out and that's the only thing you picked up on

taetae: no like i knew you were jealous that i was hanging out with baekhyun thats why i kissed him

kookie: excuse me

taetae: i wasnt drunk like i told everybody i mean i was tipsy but i knew exactly what i was doing so i could to piss you off

kookie: wtf why

taetae: i wanted you to kiss me at midnight you fucktard but youre so damn stupid i knew you wouldn't have the balls to

kookie: open your door

taetae: what?

kookie: im outside your dorm apartment

kookie: open the door so i can kiss you like i should have months ago

taetae read at 1:49pm

 


 

Snake7

mighty god jimin: GUYD HOY FUCK GEY ON THE CHST RIGHT NOE

mighty god jimin: I GOT SOME IMPORTSNT ASS DHIT TO TELL YOU

this gorgeous human: what??

tony montana: whats happening

daddy screamo: ??

parks bitch #2: can someone change my name first

daddy screamo: yeah

daddy screamo renamed 'parks bitch #2' to 'h0bi'

mighty god jimin: LISTEN

mighty god jimin: im calming walking home after my 3pm politics lecture and im tired af so im not really paying attention to anything when i walk into the dorm right?

this gorgeous human: okay??

tony montana: i dont see where ur going with this tbh minnie

mighty god jimin: i took my coat and was going to taes room to say hi and see if he'd tell me any new development w/ kook

mighty god jimin: but i walked into his room only to fiND JUNGKOOK FUCKING STRADDLING TAEHYUNG ON HIS BED AND THEY ARE FULL ON MAKING OUT

h0bi: IM YELLING IN 15 DIFFERENT LANGUAGES

this gorgeous human: IM CRYING 82 DIFFERENT WAYS

tony montana: 82?

tony montana: but shit wow

daddy screamo: damn i wasn't expecting kook to move so fast

h0bi: did you get a picture

daddy screamo: hobi honestly wtf ??

mighty god jimin: FUCK I SHOULD HAVE

mighty god jimin: but like tae was pulling his hair and jungkooks hands were everywhere on tae like wow i felt like i was watching a porno but thankfully they had clothes on

mighty god jimin: i was so shook i dropped my keys on the floor and they looked at the door and within a second i saw horror flash across their faces it was so fucking funny i ran to my room before they could come at me

mighty god jimin: i can't wait to make fun of them in the group chat

tony montana: minnie... look at the chat you're in rn

mighty god jimin: oh dear god

parks lil bitch: hey jimin.. open your door:)

strawberry boy: yeah we just wanna have a little chat jiminie hyung:)

h0bi: LMAO RIP JIMIN

 


 

Private chat with: namjoonie hyung

lil tae: hyung can u make an admin in the gc pls i wanna change mine & kookies names

namjoonie hyung: yeah ofc

 


 

Snake7

daddy screamo made 'parks lil bitch' an admin

parks lil bitch changed their name to 'bae tae'

bae tae renamed 'strawberry boy' to 'thicc thigh$'

this gorgeous human: i-

daddy screamo: when you asked me to make you an admin i wasn't expecting this

h0bi: how do you even come up with a name like that??

bae tae: when kookie straddled me earlier i almost came in my pants bc his thighs are so thick

bae tae: like i don't even like him guys i was lying i only like kookie for his thighs

tony montana: so needless to say taehyung has a thigh kink

thicc thigh$: lol its great

daddy screamo: so are you guys officially together now?

thicc thigh$: officially like boyfriends? no

thicc thigh$: but our tongues met and they seem to like each other so the future looks bright

tony montana: that's so gross wtf

this gorgeous human: has jk suddenly gotten cocky af im 

this gorgeous human: 

thicc thigh$: can you blame me hyung? Like i got tae to finally admit he likes me how can i not be cocky

bae tae: ok firstly fuck off you couldve confessed last year and we wouldnt have wasted so many months alone

bae tae: secondly ur hot af when ur cocky so keep doin u kookie

bae tae: or better yet just do me

h0bi: tae is ??? so smooth ??

tony montana: ok this is all great and all like #taekookforthewin but where's jimin

this gorgeous human: ^^ a concerned whipped bitch

tony montana: jin stop

tony montana: but srsly where is he

thicc thigh$: tae attacked him for telling you guys about walking in on us

thicc thigh$: so they ended up wrestling and jimins phone ended up getting shattered during it

tae bae: serves him right:))

 


 

@jimmieminnie

figured if i was gonna be Officially Broke™ from buying a new phone i would treat myself to one last box of hair dye too lol

Liked by sugamin, rapgodjoon, 2,031 others

@worldwidejin wow what a coincidence @sugamin has blonde hair too!

@__taethebae__ LMAO @worldwidejin

 


 

Snake7

mighty god jimin: sup bitches im back did you guys miss me

bae tae: not at all

thicc thigh$: no

h0bi: im still mad at you for almost exposing me so no

mighty god jimin: dont test me hobi ill expose you in a heartbeat just like i did with tae on insta:)

h0bi: ilysm jiminie im so happy ur back

daddy screamo: lmao glad to have to back jiminie

this gorgeous human: it was a sad 15 hours for min yoongi he almost died without being able to tell jimin how he felt

tony montana: jin this is your last warning stop

tony montana: but at least i missed him

mighty god jimin: aw i missed you too hyung!!

this gorgeous human: 

thicc thigh$: why is it always me you use for your memes

bae tae: jin hyung send me that

 


 

Snake7

h0bi: ok its been a week and a half since taekook confessed where are the couple pics for my folder

bae tae: we're not a couple yet omg 

h0bi: see this is my issue why not

thicc thigh$: we wanna make sure we know what we're doing so we're figuring out some stuff before its 'couple pics official'

this gorgeous human: and by /some stuff/ you actually mean ur too busy sneaking off together and making out 

tony montana: i have photo proof of jins statement

mighty god jimin: SHOW THEM 

bae tae: do you wanna start this shit again yoongles??:)) 

tony montana: nvm i dont have proof anymore sorry minnie 

daddy screamo: i do

daddy screamo: not of them making out but last week when we all hung out taekook were so invested in each other jimin got completely ignored and tbh i found it hilarious so i took pics

h0bi: OMG i remember that show me the pics joons

daddy screamo:

daddy screamo:

daddy screamo:

daddy screamo: also tae your hair looks rlly good

bae tae: FUCK

bae tae: but ty :')

thicc thigh$: i cannot believe my own dad just exposed me

thicc thigh$: @mom help me

this gorgeous human: nah sorry son this is great content

mighty god jimin: [screenshot captured]

mighty god jimin: i love gays

h0bi: [screenshot captured]

h0bi: [screenshot captured]

h0bi: [screenshot captured]

bae tae: idk why im surprised by this 

thicc thigh$: you guys are absolutely unbelievable

Chapter Text


Taehyung: bae tae

Jungkook: thicc thigh$

Jimin: mighty god jimin

Yoongi: tony montana

Hoseok: h0bi

Jin: this gorgeous human

Namjoon: daddy screamo


 

 

Snake7

h0bi: can you believe jin had the audacity to get me sick

h0bi: and let me tell you folks

h0bi: it was on purpose

this gorgeous human: bitch where are your facts all im seeing is lies

h0bi: ur sick af, live with joons, share a bed, suck & fuck, yet he's perfectly fine

h0bi: we study together one evening and the next morning i cant breath out my nose and my throat is sand paper

h0bi: theres the facts

h0bi: wheres joons i gotta curse him out

this gorgeous human: hes being an amazing boyfriend and went to the store to buy me meds

bae tae: SUCK & FUCK

mighty god jimin: namjins version of In N Out

thicc thigh$: ew

tony montana: do you even have the right to say ew when you sexted me last night instead of taehyung

thicc thigh$: HYUNG WTF YOU PROMISED NOT TO SAY ANYTHING OMDKDKCHKTNS

bae tae: DID YOU AXTUALLY KOOKIE OIM CRYIBG

this gorgeous human: its been two weeks when will my children finally date

bae tae: if it makes you feel better momma we're going out on an actual /date/ tmr

mighty god jimin: HOLY

this gorgeous human: what are you guys doing

bae tae: bowling

thicc thigh$: yeah tae said if i took him out to a cheesy romantic dinner he'd break up with me the minute after we got together

h0bi: gotta love a person who knows what they want and dont want

 


 

Taekook Forever

mochi: so you guys know what this means right

hoesok: no

jin bin: i have a vague idea yes

cup of sugar: you wanna spy on them don't you 

mochi: you bet your ass i do :D

mochi: ill find out the details from tae about when and where so who's gonna come w me

jin bin: i wish i could my sweet son but your mothers gotta take care of himself

jin bin: joonie cant go either bc he has to take care of me

hoesok: FUCK WHY CAN I NEVER SPY ON MY OTP

mochi: guys)):

hoesok: sorry jiminie blame jin for my lack of presence this time i legit feel like im dying

mochi: its ok

cup of sugar: ill go

jin bin: you will what

mochi: REALLY??

cup of sugar: yeah! just text me and stuff nd ill come pick you up tmr

mochi: tysm yoongi hyung :')

jin bin: COUGHSwhippedCOUGHS

 


 

Private chat with: your WORST roommate

yoons: why did i say id go

your WORST roommate: isn't that obvious lol

yoons: fuck off im not talking about my crush

yoons: maybe

yoons: but seriously i was supposed to write my music composition essay tmr bc i haven't started it and its due in 3 days

your WORST roommate: then why'd you say u would go with jimin omg

yoons: he seemed so sad no one could go with him i panicked hobi i didn't want him to be sad!

your WORST roommate: ♡´・ᴗ・`♡

yoons: wtf is that

your WORST roommate: me expressing how sweet i think you are to jiminie

your WORST roommate: you care a lot about his feelings yoons its really cute

your WORST roommate: or you care cause you really wanna fuck him

your WORST roommate: still so sweet.

yoons: yanno i thought we were about it have our first real serious conversation

yoons: then you went and said that

yoons: ur the absolute worse smfh

your WORST roommate: my contact name tells no lies

 


 

@worldwidejin

ty @rapgodjoon for taking care of me when im sick♡

Liked by dancemanhobi, rapgodjoon, jeonjk, and 2,028 others

@jimmieminnie i love how this was a group pic and jin hyung cropped us all out lol

 


 

Snake7

bae tae: couple goals when their hair almost matches #namjinordeath

daddy screamo: you dyed your hair one shade lighter than jungkooks ??

this gorgeous human: and you two arent even dating ??

bae tae: jesus attack my soon-to-be relationship why dont you

bae tae: can't you just take a compliment

daddy screamo: no bc you usually suck up to people if you want something from them

tony montana: tru taes a dick

bae tae: thx hyung xo

h0bi: speaking of dicks do you ever accidentally see your crushes dick and you're like

h0bi: idk at a loss for words bc you almost busted a fat nut

bae tae: me every time kookie pops a boner

tony montana: tmi

thicc thigh$: lol tae

thicc thigh$: how do u accidentally see a dick hobi hyung ???

h0bi: well you see

h0bi: i can't really say without exposing who it is

mighty god jimin: even tho i already know

h0bi: die

h0bi: anyways lets just say i saw him changing and i got hard

daddy screamo: yet somehow he still says he isn't gay

h0bi: stop trying to force your sexuality on me joons

h0bi: just cause you saw a gay threesome when you were 18 and thought "fuck id gang bang any day" doesn't mean i want to

h0bi: maybe one day but that day is not today nor in the seeable future

bae tae: text me if u ever wanna hyung i know ppl

h0bi: ill remember that ty

h0bi: anyways i just wanna date him

h0bi: but also bang tae yanno?

thicc thigh$: FUCKING EXCUSE ME !?

this gorgeous human: omfg

tony montana: im

daddy screamo: what did i just read

mighty god jimin: lol kook gets jealous so fast 

h0bi: what

h0bi: OH MYNGOS NO

h0bi: NO NO IT WAS A TYPO I DO NOT WANNA BANG TAEHYUNG

h0bi: I MEANT BANG 'HIM' AS IN MY CRUSH

h0bi: sorry bout that guys omfg

bae tae: AHAHAHAHA its fine hobi hyung every1 makes mistakes

bae tae: but if i hadn't been tryin to get w kookie for over a year and we weren't friends

bae tae: honestly id fuck you hyung

h0bi: tbh id fuck you too

thicc thigh$: brb gotta make an eye appointment bc i cannot believe i just read that

mighty god jimin: dont take it personal kook we all know taes a fuckin hoe

bae tae: JIMIN

this gorgeous human: remember bogum in tae nd yours freshman year lol

mighty god jimin: LOL FUCK I DO

mighty god jimin: REMEMBER WHEN WE FIRST MET AND TAE WAS SNEAKING AROUND WITH MINHO AND WE BOTH WALKED IN ON THEM?

this gorgeous human: AHAHAHAHAHA YES

 


 

Private chat with: kookie

kookie: im not that special am i

taetae: kookie-

kookie: theres been other guys

taetae: well yeah ofc there has been i mean neither of us are anywhere near pure lol

kookie: no i know but like am i just another guy like minho who you tried to sneak around with for 3 months?

kookie: i knew the whole time yanno

kookie: i saw the hickeys

taetae: nonononnononononononon kookie no shut up n let me try to explain

taetae: minho was 

taetae: well idk but he wasnt good for me im thankful he moved

taetae: our relationship wasn't healthy thats why i didnt tell you guys we were together bc him and i both knew we were only in it for the sexual tension and idk hate sex

taetae: like id make sure he was watching when someone was touching me and he'd stare at me as he kissed girls and guys

kookie: whyd you never tell me about him

taetae: looking back at last year i hate myself for trying to push my feelings for you aside while i got caught up in whatever minho and i had

taetae: but you are not minho ok youre not like anybody ive ever dated or even liked kookie ur so different

kookie: why tho?

taetae: parce que je suis en amour avec toi

kookie: is that french? wtf does it mean i can't it look up i ran out of data nd im in class

kookie: i knew i should've paid attention in french class in high school

taetae: lol if you play your cards right maybe ill tell you tonight ;)

kookie: why do i like u ur such a fuckin loser

taetae: you act as if you didn't just get super jealous when hobi said he'd fuck me 

taetae: 

kookie: oh my god stop im putting my phone away now see u later loser

taetae: lol bye kookie

 


 

Snake7 

h0bi: so im going through my taekook folder right?

daddy screamo: right.

this gorgeous human: totally relatable, i do it all the time with my yoonmin folder

tony montana: unbelievable jin you are unfuckingbelievable

h0bi: LOLOL but yeah im looking through my taekook shit and suddenly i see a picture that shouldnt be in there

h0bi: and its of jin and joons in their freshman year

daddy screamo: hoseok no

bae tae: HOSEOK YES

mighty god jimin: give me that photo i need a nice picture of my parents

h0bi: theyre so cute i stg i almost ship them more than taekook

h0bi: 

bae tae: AWHHHH

mighty god jimin: THATS THE CUTEST PIC EVER

this gorgeous human: [screenshot captured]

daddy screamo: jin!

this gorgeous human: what? just bc i got a yoonmim folder doesn't mean i don't have one of us babe

daddy screamo: oh-

daddy screamo: can i see it after class

this gorgeous human: yeah later

this gorgeous human: ditch your theory class i wanna ride your dick like i did in freshman year daddy;)

daddy screamo: omw

bae tae: OH MY GOD DID THEY JUST-

bae tae: IN THE GC??!

tony montana: joon just got up and booked it out of class saying "fuck im already hard"

tony montana: where's the bleach

tony montana: i wanna pour it in my ears and over my eyes so i can pretend i never witnessed any of this

h0bi: ok daddy yoongi lmao

tony montana kicked 'h0bi' out of Snake7

 


 

Snake7

mighty god jimin: hyung i got the details!!

tony montana: minnie. chat name.

mighty god jimin: FUCKGJD

mighty god jimin: WHY DO I DO THIS ???

thicc thigh$: ooo what details

mighty god jimin: NOTHINF FUCK OFF YOU COCONUT

tae bae: park jimin the fuck do you mean by details

mighty god jimin: GTG IM HANGING EIYB YOONGI HYUBG BYE

 


 

Private chat with: minnie:)

yoongi hyung:): i dont wanna say that was a fail

yoongi hyung:): but lol it was a total fail minnie

minnie:): hYUNG

minnie:): i feel like tae when he would expose himself about kook in the gc

yoongi hyung: true now you said you got the details??

minnie:): yeah theyre going to the bowling alley 20 mins away from campus around 7 tonight

minnie:): tae said they were gonna walk cause quote on quote "we both cant drive for shit and id rather sweat walking then getting in a car crash"

yoongi hyung:): wow

yoongi hyung:): so i guess ill come by your dorm after 7 and we can follow them?

minnie:): i love how invested ur slowly getting into this hyung (':

minnie:): but see i kinda ran out of my dorm when tae came into the gc so he wouldn't come home n corner me and i ran so fast i forgot my keys

minnie:): so im locked out lol

yoongi hyung:): jesus

yoongi hyung:): where are you now ill come get you and you can come to the studio w me

minnie:): seriously??? i thought you guys didnt allow in there other than you, hobi hyung, and namjoonie hyung?

minnie: jin hyung hasnt even been in there and namjins been dating 4ever

yoongi hyung:): well itll just be me today so you can be an exception

yoongi hyung:): like only if you want to ! you don't have to it could be boring lol

minnie: are you kidding me?! it'll be so fun! meet me by the main office and we'll go:))

minnie: im super excited hyung omg

yoongi hyung:): lol im excited too minnie

 


 

Private chat with: Gucci

Supreme: do you ever think ur over a crush then you see them doing what they love to do and you fall for them even more??

Gucci: jimin that was literally me every time i saw kookie sing and dance lol

Gucci: where are you anyways i came home and you werent there

Supreme: yoongi hyung took me to his studio

Gucci: /HIS/ studio?! As in the studio where him, namjoon and hobi make their music? the one no one can go in but them?

Supreme: yeah!

Supreme: BUT DONT TELL ANYBODY bc i don't want jin hyung to get upset that namjoonie hyung still hasnt taken him in

Gucci: so yoongles took you to his recording studio...

Gucci: wow

 


 

tongue technology

suga: have you ever fallen in love with someone after watching them sing their heart out?

suga: bc holy shit i just did

rap monster: as if you already werent in love with jimin

j-hope: LMAO

rap monster: but wow jimin doesnt usually sing for people to hear him cause hes insecure about his voice

j-hope: yeah he only ever hums to the radio so you gotta be special to hear him sing yoons;))

suga: he should never be insecure about that angelic voice

suga: it could end all war

suga: i showed him a new piece im working on and he just started singing it ?? and his voice fit it perfectly ??

suga: i told him he had a beautiful voice and fUCK you shouldve seen him blush

j-hope: im gonna start crying in law my big angry yoons has finally gone soft

suga: would it be wrong if i tried to make our spying trip tonight a lowkey date?

rap monster: nah id do it if i were you, jimins already excited youre going with him anyways so anything you did would thrill him

suga: i just wanna make him happy yanno?

j-hope: fUCk im actually crying now

rap monster: lol jinnie was right ur so whipped for him yoons

Chapter Text


Taehyung: bae tae

Jungkook: thicc thigh$

Jimin: mighty god jimin

Yoongi: tony montana

Hoseok: h0bi

Jin: this gorgeous human

Namjoon: daddy screamo


 

 

Private chat with: joon boon

dopi hobi: jin isnt answering his phone

joon boon: hes asleep

dopi hobi: well tell him to wake the fuck up bc yoons & jiminie walking together

joon boon: im not waking him up for that

dopi hobi: namjoon theyre fucking holding hands

joon boon: HOSEOK MY BOY MY MAN WHATS THE YOONMIN UPDATE

dopi hobi: lol hi jin bin

dopi hobi: but yes so im just texting my crush right just minding my business and i look out out the window and what do i see?

dopi hobi: i see jimin about to cross the street but a car was coming so yoongi grabs his hand and yanks him back on the sidewalk and jimin was so embarrassed i swear i saw his tomato looking face from here

dopi hobi: so i guess yoons probably told him to be careful cause jimin looked upset but then

dopi hobi: ok sorry wait this is my fav part im squealing just typing this i gotta get myself together

joon boon: pls hurry joonie wants his phone back but im standing on the kitchen counter

dopi hobi: the counter? wow

dopi hobi: BUT OKOK HERE I GO

dopi hobi: so yoons saw that he upset jiminie so he intertwines their fingers together and gives jimin the shYEST FUCKING SMILE IVE EVER SEEN AND JIMIN GIGGLED SO LOUDLY I HEARD IT ACROSS THE DAMN STREET

dopi hobi: THEY CONTINUED WALKIN AWAY HANDS INTERTWINED AND THEY WERE SO CLOSE TOGETHER OK IT WAS ADORABLE JIN I WISH YOU WOULDVE SEEN IT

joon boon: hobi what did you tell jin he threw the phone to me and ran to our room yelling "the yoonmin wedding is coming!"

joon boon: oh i just read right above damn so i guess i gotta buy a suit for the wedding huh?

dopi hobi: RELATABLE

 


 

Private chat with: Supreme

Supreme: hows your date going

Gucci: kookie is kicking my ass in bowling but other than that its great

Supreme: weren't the scores tied earlier?

Gucci: early on yeah but how would you know??

Supreme: lol nvm i just thought you wouldn't be so shit at bowling that youd let kook beat you

Supreme: you wanna get dicked down that badly ur willing to lose??

Gucci: HOW DARE YOU

Gucci: im gonna win now and ill send you a picture of the final score

Supreme: lmao good luck

 


 

Private chat with: strong yoongi

lil minnie: where are you

strong yoongi: im getting out food you know this

strong yoongi: i literally just turned around and saw you

strong yoongi: stop waving youll bring attention to yourself you dork

lil minnie: ok fine

lil minnie: but hurry up bc what if tae or kook decide theyre hungry and they see you!

strong yoongi: minnie

strong yoongi: taehyung is literally pouting in his chair bc he lost for the third time and jungkook is standing in front of him kissing his pouty ass lips

strong yoongi: ill be fine

lil minnie: ok u may be right 

lil minnie: btw ty for buying me food hyung its really sweet

strong yoongi: ofc minnie, anything for u

lil minnie: fuzkvhorkajvjtob

lil minnie: lol sorry dropped my phone i do that a lot

strong yoongi: i didnt see u drop ur phone

lil minnie: hand spasm?

strong yoongi: lol sure minnie

 


 

Taekook Forever

jin bin: how are my children doing

hoesok: are they banging yet

cup of sugar: they're at a bowling alley hobi why would you even say that

namjam: he's high off seeing you hold hands with jimin

mochi: WHAT

cup of sugar: excuse me

hoesok: you guys were very cute i approve treat my best friend right ok jiminie xox

mochi: hyung omg

cup of sugar: pls thats enough hobi

jin bin: this is the sweetest thing ive ever witnessed since a few hours ago when hobi told me yoongi grabbed jimins hand

cup of sugar: when i get home we're gonna have a nice long talk hobi see you then xxx

mochi: mom do u want an update on taekook

jin bin: please

mochi: well tae lost every game they played so he was really sad when they were leaving and said "i wanted to at least win one"

mochi: and kook being the big loser he is goes "it was close at one point tho i thought you were gonna win!"

mochi: and tae glared at him and kook goes "baby please dont be upset"

hoesok: HE CALLED HIM BABY

jin bin: my heart hurts

mochi: I FUCKING KNOW

mochi: and u couldve sworn tae was never upset in the first place bc he got so giggly and grabbed kook n kissed him right in the doorway like some cheesy romance movie

cup of sugar: it was pretty cute tbh

hoesok: wow

jin bin: are u guys still following them?

mochi: no we're gonna stay n hang out

namjam: awe

jin bin: awe? No joonie thats better than 'awe' that's a step away from marriage

cup of sugar: no its not

hoesok: whose idea was it to stay

mochi: yoongi hyung's

jin bin: (͡° ͜ʖ ͡°)

hoesok: (͡° ͜ʖ ͡°)

namjam: (͡° ͜ʖ ͡°)

cup of sugar: stop

 


 

Snake7

bae tae: LADIES AND GENTLEMEN BOYS AND GIRLS I HAVE AN ANNOUNCEMENT TO MAKE

daddy screamo: theres no girls in this 

h0bi: its 8am

tony montana: what do you want

bae tae: youll never guess what happened

this gorgeous human: you got fucked didn't you

bae tae: i got fucked lol

thicc thigh$: tae

mighty god jimin: MY SOULMATE IM SO PROUD

bae tae: THANK YOU MY LOVE

daddy screamo: are you guys dating now

bae tae: yeah kookie asked me as i came

h0bi: what omfg

bae tae: like he kissed me as he was fucking destroying my ass right

bae tae: n he goes "just be my fucking boyfriend already"

bae tae: and he said it was so aggressively and hot like omg

bae tae: so lets just say i came with a loud yes ok

h0bi: ACTUAL GOALS ???

this gorgeous human: this is amazing joonie why didn't you ask me out this way

daddy screamo: ill work on stepping up my game

mighty god jimin: im fucking crying my otp is finally canon

bae tae: ikr i only waited 50 fucking years

bae tae: but it was the best fuck of my life so it worth the wait

thicc thigh$: TAE

bae tae: be proud you got some bomb dick game kookie

thicc thigh$: lol ur right

bae tae renamed 'thicc thigh$' to 'dick game strong'

tony montana: i hate this group

 


 

Snake7

dick game strong: jimin did you take my phone yesterday in practice

mighty god jimin: lol idk what are u talking bout

dick game strong: you lying piece of shit

bae tae: omg what's wrong kookie

dick game strong: i was getting lunch w/ my 97 squad today and we were all chilling

dick game strong: and im acting all cocky right cause im like "lol fuck you guys i got a hot af boyfriend"

bae tae: i love how you boost my ego kookie

dick game strong: anytime tae

dick game strong: but anyways suddenly my phone lights up with this

dick game strong: 

bae tae: well i can't say i was expecting that

dick game strong: DO YOU KNOW HOW MUCH THEY MADE FUN OF ME??

dick game strong: THEY EVEN RENAMED OUR GC TO SPRINKLE OF JESUS

mighty god jimin: that worked better than i thought it would damn im good

dick game strong: you did it didnt you

mighty god jimin: you bet i did ;)

bae tae: JIMIN!

mighty god jimin: oops

dick game strong: minghao was like "explain what exactly a transmitted demon is"

dick game strong: and then jaehyun was like "ahahah yeah please do we all wanna know"

daddy screamo: iconic

this gorgeous human: i love this

dick game strong: they were all laughing i was so embarrassed this isn't funny

dick game strong: how do i uninstall this stupid thing

mighty god jimin: you cant i have it set as a locked app and i only know the pw to it

bae tae: jiminie why are you torturing my boyfriend

mighty god jimin: im just looking out for you tae i gotta make sure kook treats you right!

this gorgeous human: safe sex is the best sex

tony montana: namjoon told me you guys have never used a condom

this gorgeous human: Oh, did he? joonie lets talk after class, yeah? :)) xx

h0bi: lol that sentence structure tho

daddy screamo: thanks for that yoongi

dick game strong: IT SENT ME ANOTHER NOTIFICATION

dick game strong: "dont wanna have dick disease from demons do you? so pull out."

daddy screamo: 'dick disease'

bae tae: omfkgkwjcjf

dick game strong: MAKE IT STOP

h0bi: jimin pls install this app on my phone this is hilarious

mighty god jimin: lol ofc ill stop by later hyung

 


 

tongue technology

rap monster: so how was your date w jimin

j-hope: yeah wtf its been 3 days yoons you havent told us anything

suga: i mean whats there to say really

suga: i bought him food and we hid in a back booth spying on kook n tae and after they left we fucked around a lil bit

j-hope: YOU FUCKED AROUND?!

suga: that was the wrong choice of words

suga: he decided to start throwing fries at me so i threw jelly beans back at him

rap monster: thats ??? so soft??

suga: so we had a mini food fight before leaving and talked the whole way as i walked him to his dorm

suga: that's about it

j-hope: WOWOWOWOWOWOWOWOW

j-hope: [screenshot captured]

j-hope: jin will love this

suga: i regret ever making this group chat

 


 

Private chat with: pussy boy

agustd: hey can i call u

pussy boy: yeah i get out at 6

pussy boy: whats up?

agustd: its happening again

pussy boy: jesus im calling you now

 


 

Snake7

daddy screamo added 'h0bi' to Snake7

daddy screamo changed their name to 'just dad'

just dad renamed 'this gorgeous human' to 'mom'

bae tae: when your parents make their titles official

bae tae: 

mighty god jimin: AHAHAHA

h0bi: TAG YOURSELF IM YOONS IN THE BACK

tony montana: hobi stfu

dick game strong: how do u even have that picture im

just dad: he has a folder called "kookie memes" he showed me last month when he got drunk

mighty god jimin: momma jin can you finish my adoption papers now i wanna be a Kim

mom: no im sorry my sweet jiminie you can't bc youll be a Min once yoongi finally gets his act together

mom: 

tony montana: 

bae tae: is that taeyong from my art class omg why do have a meme of him

tony montana: hes in my advanced english

h0bi: when yoons whips out his memes he means business

mom: i had a meme war with jungkookie and we all know how that ended do you really wanna continue this yoongi?

mom: you know i know your dirty lil secrets

tony montana: ur just saying that bc we get drunk together every weekend lol

bae tae: has anyone ever thought about how we all love alcohol a little too much

mighty god jimin: especially you

bae tae: first of all how dare you

h0bi: its university everyone becomes an alcoholic

mom: me when yoongi thinks i wont expose him:

mom: 

dick game strong: [screenshot captured]

bae tae: KOOKIE!

dick game strong: lol i had the biggest crush on you for over a year you think ur the only one with a secret folder?

dick game strong: plus ill take any photo that has you w your red hair that was amazing

bae tae: im crying tears of pure happiness ??

dad: jinnie let yoongi have a little bit of a break today was a bit..interesting

mom: interesting? no dont tell me its started again has it yoongi?

tony montana: i dont wanna talk about it

mighty god jimin: are you sure hyung??

mighty god jimin: sometimes talking to people makes things better!

tony montana: i just said i dont want to talk about it jimin stop

mighty god jimin: oh ok..

mighty god jimin: srry

h0bi: o shit

 


 

Private chat with: Supreme

Gucci: unlock ur door i can hear you crying

Supreme read at 7:21pm

 




Private chat with: daegu boy #1

daegu boy #2: idk what the hell is wrong rn but how you reacted to jimin was not okay

daegu boy #1: i didnt mean to snap like that

daegu boy #1: tell him im sorry

daegu boy #2: no tell him yourself im not solving your problems

daegu boy #2: wait awhile though bc hes fucking crying and i need to calm him down

 


 

Private chat with: taetae♡

kookie♡: why did yoongi hyung just text me asking if jimin got a new phone?

taetae♡: he probs tried calling and didnt get an answer

kookie♡: but jimin didnt get a new phone?

taetae♡: no he did not

kookie♡: i feel like im missing something here... why cant yoongi hyung get ahold of jimin?

taetae♡: ur cute kookie never change

taetae♡: but jimin blocked his number

kookie♡: oh christ

kookie♡: do you want me to come over?

taetae♡: please.

Chapter Text


Taehyung: bae tae

Jungkook: dick game strong

Yoongi: tony montana

Hoseok: h0bi

Jin: mom

Namjoon: just dad


 

 

da maknaes

bottom boy: do u want us to come back

top boy: yeah we can be back in 15 if you need us

Queen™: guys this is your first afternoon in a week you both have no classes go enjoy yourselves !!

Queen™: ill be ok lol it doesn't even matter

bottom boy: jiminie u wouldn't have blocked him if it didn't matter

Queen™: im dramatic we all know this

Queen™: but like its fine its truly 100% fine clearly he didnt wanna talk ! its fine :))

top boy: jimin u just said 'its fine' three times in one sentence

Queen™: ANYWAYS

Queen™: i gotta study ttyl xox

 


 

Yoonmin Support Squad

lol jk: me and tae just left jimin

tAYEE: hes acting really off like hes not telling us something

jung ho: yoons has been in the studio all day

jung ho: he didnt eat and he skipped his morning class

#1 shipper: oh dear its really happening again

lol jk: can u tell us what's wrong with him??

#1 shipper: joonie?

joonie: i mean it would be better if yoongi explained it but i doubt he's in the mood for talking

joonie: tbh idek where to start

#1 shipper: how we met him ig?

joonie: ok yeah so it was in freshman year about 2 months after jin nd i became friends and we were walking around campus one evening

#1 shipper: we were crushing on one another hardcore

joonie: we really were

joonie: i saw some dude looking as high as the sky could take him and jin was really freaked out bc the guy suddenly got up and asking us if we had a cigarette

joonie: and we're like "sorry we dont, are u alright?" and he laughed saying "yeah man, just freshman year fucking with me"

joonie: and jinnies mom™ mood kicked in and he started asking the guy a bunch of questions like if he needed help going to his classes or shit but he was so pale and small he looked sick af

joonie: and we mustve stayed with him for 2 hrs just talking about the most random stuff until he said he had to get back before his roommate got worried so we asked for his name and he said min yoongi

joonie: you were the roommate right hobi?

jung ho: yeah

#1 shipper: after that day we hung out more and more and yoongi slowly started opening up more and we found out he'd get these deep depression episodes where he would smoke nonstop to calm down or just get drunk beyond control

joonie: he thought he had it all figured out as to how he could fix his depression 

tAYEE: did he ever get help like from a therapist or something??

joonie: no he never wanted professional help

#1 shipper: thats why we became drinking buddies bc i thought i could watch him to make sure he wasnt alone yanno?

joonie: and it was a long haul of months we got him back from his episodes and after we all met he got better and we thought he was finally gonna be alright

lol jk: he got better after meeting us?

#1 shipper: yeah, especially jimin bc they got close bonding over yoongis depression and jimins anxiety so it was like he finally found someone who could understand him in a way i guess

tAYEE: wait jiminie knows about all this??

#1 shipper: yeah, dont feel upset that he didnt tell you tho

#1 shipper: yoongi never wanted anybody but joonie and i to know but he walked in on jimin having a panic attack one day nd the only way he knew how to calm jimin down was to talk to him about his own struggles

tAYEE: im almost crying

lol jk: i can confirm this ^^ he has tears in his eyes

tAYEE: so we all know jiminies way of dealing with his anxiety is through dance but what is yoongi hyungs?? composing music?

#1 shipper: yeah but theres a bigger one

#1 shipper: jimin

#1 shipper: but idk why yoongi acted so bitchy to him

joonie: ill try and figure out whats wrong and update you guys later

 


 

Private chat with: sunshine hyung

taebae: are u ok you were really quiet right now

sunshine hyung: i cant believe i didnt even know my own best friend struggled with mental illness

sunshine hyung: jiminie was always open with all of us about his anxiety but i never thought yoons could struggle and not tell me yanno? like we met the first day of freshman yr bc we were set roommates and i knew absolutely none of this

sunshine hyung: i didnt even meet jin and joons until you guys did cause yoons never said he hung out w anybody else

sunshine hyung: and like i get he didnt want to tell anybody but im his best friend i just wish he would've felt comfortable telling me

taebae: aw hyung

taebae: kookie and i are coming over i wanna give you a big hug

sunshine hyung: ily guys ty

 


 

Private chat with: agustd

pussy boy: hey

agustd: hi

pussy boy: i heard you won't leave the studio

agustd: yeah i figure if i lock myself in here n try to write itll keep me from doing stuff ill regret lol

pussy boy: yoongi what happened you were doing so good? there hasnt been an episode since last year

agustd: i know what brought it on but i dont wanna believe it so thats really fucking me up

pussy boy: what was it??

agustd: its like

agustd: joons idk how to explain it 

agustd: i know minnie and i are friends who can confide in each other sometimes but we know i like him and i just

agustd: i need him namjoon its almost unhealthy the amount of my mental sanity he controls and he doesn't even know it

agustd: now i can't even text him bc im pretty sure he blocked me which is just making me go insane

pussy boy: do you mind if i screenshot this for jin?

pussy boy: hes in class

agustd: that's fine

pussy boy: ill come over later okay?

agustd: no come pick me up i dont want hobi to worry

pussy boy: okay

pussy boy: [screenshot captured]

pussy boy: [screenshot captured]

 


 

Yoonmin Support Squad

joonie: [image attached]

joonie: [image attached]

joonie: i feel terrible for lying to him but it was easier to show you guys than explain it

jung ho: im already worried

lol jk: this is the saddest thing ive ever read

tAYEE: jin hyung where are you

joonie: i told him what yoongi said and he started crying

lol jk: jin hyung don't cry we'll get jiminie & yoongi hyung happy again

tAYEE: ill come up with a plan ! :))

#1 shipper: god i love my kids and you too hoseok ♡♡

jung ho: ilyt jin♡

tAYEE: ♡♡♡

 


 

Yoonmin Support Squad

joonie: are we sure this is a good idea?

jung ho: yoons came home smelling like weed and he hasn't made any sound in his room so im pretty sure hes sleeping off his high

#1 shipper: as much as i want yoonmin to be ok again, how are we supposed to get jimin there? if joonie and i tell him we're taking him to your guys dorm he'll demand us to take him back home

tAYEE: tell him kookie and i are hanging with hobi hyung and yoongi hyung isnt here

joonie: but really he is and jin and i suddenly get a call saying we gotta leave?

tAYEE: yeah and kookie and i will hang around for a lil while before dipping out as well and hobi hyung will say he has to pee but really he'll go get yoongi hyung and then boom! yoonmin talks out their issues

jung ho: where am i supposed to go when they're talking

tAYEE: idk hide somewhere near them bc you gotta tell us everything theyre saying

jung ho: what if i get caught!

lol jk: hobi hyung do you really think youll get caught

jung ho: lol no ive hid from the police enough at crashed parties i got this dont worry guys

joonie: ok jin and i will be picking jimin up in an hour

#1 shipper: lets all pray this goes smoothly

 


 

Yoonmin Support Squad

#1 shipper: we're in the car parked down the street, tae n kook just come when you guys leave

tAYEE: kk we'll be leaving soon bc i started touching kookie and i think jimin thinks im horny lmao so ill use the excuse of "gotta go netflix and chill with my boyfriend see ya"

lol jk: stop touching my thighs 

tAYEE: sorry;)

jung ho: as sweet as this is to witness can you guys stop texting jimin looks confused af

#1 shipper: yeah stop texting until you leave

lol jk: ok we will but jin hyung please tell tae to stop fucking grABBING my thighs pls im gonna pop a boner

#1 shipper: TAEHYUNG THIS WAS YOUR PLAN STOP RUINING BY TOUCHING YOUR BOYFRIEND

tAYEE: IM DONE NOW I SWEAR

tAYEE: but i will not apologize for touching him tho we all been knowing i got a thigh kink this is not new info

#1 shipper: GET OFF YOUR PHONE

 


 

Yoonmin Support Squad

tAYEE: ok we left we'll be by the car soon

joonie: howd it go? did jimin suspect anything

jung ho: he suspects taes about to be fucking rimmed forever thats about it lmao

lol jk: is it normal to want to kill your boyfriend after being together for only a few weeks?

#1 shipper: kim taehyung what did you do

tAYEE: nothing!

lol jk: BULLSHIT

tAYEE: kookie just pushed me off the sidewalk i could have just died yet ur all upset that i made him moan out loud in front of jimin and hobi hyung smh

#1 shipper: WE HAD A PLAN !

tAYEE: dont come @ me ok both our parts of the plan worked perfectly fine

tAYEE: jiminie totally believes our excuse for leaving thanks to my HANDy work ;))

lol jk: im about to walk in front of a car if you don't stop

joonie: jesus christ

joonie: hobi hows the final part working ?

jung ho: good im about to go get yoongi

#1 shipper: good. we're all in the car now so hit us up with updates as they happen

#1 shipper: taehyung if you look at your boyfriend one more time in the backseat in a suggestive way i stg ill start the car and crash

tAYEE: wtf dont text me lets all just talk omg

#1 shipper: i fear if i speak to you rn ill yell at u for almost messing with jungkookie instead of focusing on our yoonmin plans

#1 shipper: so no we will text

lol jk: ty jin hyung

tAYEE: dont act like you didnt like it kookie ;)

lol jk: I DIDNT

tAYEE: YOU FUCKING MOANED!

jung ho: you guys are perfect for each other please never break up

jung ho: i woke up yoons (which did not go over well) and told him someone was waiting for him in the living room so now im hiding under our stairs

jung ho: i never thought id be in this position in my life but here i am

joonie: lol

#1 shipper: are they talking ?

jung ho: well yoons just saw jimin sitting on the couch but jimin hasn't seen him yet bc hes staring at his phone

jung ho: omfg jimin just looked up and literally went "oh shit its you"

tAYEE: my soulmate, he was never good with his words

jung ho: yoons said "hobi said someone was waiting for me but i wouldnt think that'd be you"

jung ho: "waiting for you? no he said he was going to piss"

jung ho: "well he didnt he woke me up and im sure hes hiding somewhere so here we are"

jung ho: "so they set us up to talk?"

jung ho: "apparently"

jung ho: they're silent now but yoons moved and they're sitting at opposite ends of the couch

lol jk: i can almost feel the awkwardness of that through your texts

jung ho: lol true its so awkward

jung ho: OMGOKGOKGOKGIFJCJFJDJCJFJ

#1 shipper: HOSEOK WHATS HAPPENING

jung ho: "did you block my number?"

jung ho: "yeah but i unblocked it an hour later tho in case you called again"

jung ho: "oh ok"

jung ho: "i was being a brat sorry i overreacted"

jung ho: "dont sweat it"

jung ho: "i calm you down dont i"

jung ho: "what"

jung ho: FUCM JIMIJ SHIFTED CLOSER TO HIM ND SAID "hyung im not blind you looked scared af when you saw me sitting here but your body language has gotten more relaxed just by me talking and being near you"

jung ho: im biting my hand so i dont squeal with excitement

#1 shipper: hoseok dont you dare make a sound if you mess this up i will make sure you never dance again

tAYEE: fuck jin hyung didnt come to play games omg

joonie: hobi what are they doing now

jung ho: well yoons just told him why he snapped at him in our gc and jimin looks like he just got hit with a stack of bricks

jung ho: "i thought you were better now?"

jung ho: "yeah my emotions decided to fuck that up"

jung ho: "emotions about what?"

jung ho: "you"

lol jk: HOLYNSHIT

tAYEE: IS HE ABOUT TO XONFESS I STG IK GONBS RUN OUT OF THIS CAR 

jung ho: jimin looks so confused lmao

#1 shipper: ugh i gave birth to a bunch of dumbasses

#1 shipper: they clearly get that from you joonie

joonie: excuse me

jung ho: GUYS IM GONNA LAUGH STOP

jung ho: yoons looks shy af its really sweet he wont look at jimin

jung ho: "the night we went to spy on taehyung and jungkookie i treated it like i was on a date with you"

jung ho: "a date? why would you?"

jung ho: HES ABOUT TO CONFESS HES LOOKING AT JIMIN WITH //THE// LOOK

jung ho: "idk how this happened but you were the only one who really understood what i was going and you just make me happier all the time whether thats just me in general or not idk but you also really help my mental state too and i hate relying on you for that"

jung ho: yoons got closer to jimin their knees are touching

jung ho: "but what i dont hate is liking you because fuck i really like you minnie"

#1 shipper: here come my tears

jung ho: FUCK JIMIN GRABBED YOONS HAND AND SAID "you can rely on me for whatever you need yoongi im always here for you"

joonie: omg he dropped the hyung part

jung ho: "also, im glad you thought of our spy trip as a date cause i really like you too"

jung ho: YOONS IS SHOOK AS FUCK HES SO TAKEN BACK BY WHAT JIMIN JUST SAID HES SPEECHLESS

jung ho: "your hand is trembling hyung im supposed to make you calm"

jung ho: "sorry im nervigiwivjjf

#1 shipper: hoseok?

jung ho: JIMIN JUST GOT UP AND SAT ON YOONS LAP IDK WHST TO DO SNYMORE

jung ho: "should i stay like this to make you calm or do this?"

joonie: do what omg

jung ho: OH MYMGOD HE KISSED HIM I REPEAT PARK JIMIN JUST KISSED MIN YOONGI

jung ho: yoons looked him dead in the eye and said "my heart may have a damn stroke but do that again"

jung ho: omfg theyre making out i need to leave i cant see this

#1 shipper: YES THANK FUCK

joonie: im so proud

jung ho: where are taekook they havent said a word

tAYEE: im beyond pleased with this outcome of yoonmin truly but what id like to talk about is why the fuck they were spying on us

lol jk: yeah yanno i thought i saw someone who looked exactly like yoongi hyung by the food area when we were bowling!

joonie: how did you manage to set up one couple and expose them to tae & kook all at the same time hobi

jung ho: lmao oops

 


 

Snake7

bae tae: lol ok can i just ask where jimin found the balls to kiss yoongi hyung first

mighty god jimin: TAEHYUNG!

mom: listen

mom: i dont want to rush you guys but

mom: 

mom: 

mom: which venue suits both your tastes

tony montana: i regret ever becoming friends with you 

Chapter Text


Taehyung: bae tae

Jungkook: dick game strong

Jimin: mighty god jimin

Yoongi: tony montana

Hoseok: h0bi

Jin: mom

Namjoon: just dad


 

 

@minsuga

there's no such thing as perfection, but if there was..it'd look a little something like you.

Liked by jimmieminnie, rapgodjoon, and 2,683 others

@worldwidejin THIS IS SO ADORABLE

@__taethebae__ I LOVE LOVE

 


 

Private chat with: MY BOYFRIEND WOW

YOUR BOYFRIEND WOAH: if i knew you were gonna post sweet things like that on insta i wouldve kissed you a long time ago

MY BOYFRIEND WOW: lol there will be plenty of time for cute pics w sweet sayings & kisses now

YOUR BOYFRIEND WOAH: you promise?

MY BOYFRIEND WOW: i promise minnie ♡

 


 


Snake7

mom: im updating my meme folder can you guys send your fav yoongi meme please xx

dick game strong: 

just dad: 

bae tae: 

h0bi: 

tony montana: wow you all fucking suck

mighty god jimin: 

tony montana: why minnie why

mighty god jimin: you looked hot af that day what can i say

tony montana: suddenly i love memes of myself

mom: wow i love boyfriends

h0bi: ikr they didnt wait forever like taekook did

bae tae: excuse me im sorry for taking my time to get to know kookie

just dad: you mean what's in kookies pants

h0bi: DESTROYED

mighty god jimin: THAT CAME OUT OF NO WHERE NAMJOONIE HYUNG FUCK

bae tae: i came out to have a good time and im honestly feeling so attacked right now

dick game strong: i mean is he wrong tho lol

bae tae: UR SUPPOSED TO BE ON MY SIDE WTF KOOKIE

mom: i love our little family :')

 


 

Snake7

bae tae renamed the chat 'Suck7'

just dad: wow

bae tae: i was on tumblr w baekhyun earlier

dick game strong: baekhyun

mighty god jimin: cue jealous jeon

bae tae: and i found some great posts so we made some memes

bae tae: of all of you

tony montana: you did what

bae tae: 

h0bi: LMAO i love you tae u understand me so well

bae tae:

mom:  [screenshot captured]

mom: iconic

bae tae:

just dad: [screenshot captured]

mom: excuse me

just dad: paybacks a bitch

bae tae: 

mighty god jimin: tae!

bae tae: i love you jiminie xoxo

bae tae: heres one of yoongles

tony montana: taehyung

bae tae: 

tony montana: taehyung.

mighty god jimin: hyung dont get mad at him you look amazing in the pic

tony montana: thanks tae i appreciate you taking the time to make a meme of me :)

h0bi: AHAHAHAHAHAHA

just dad: whipped

 


  

@jimmieminnie

happiness looks good on you♡

Liked by sugamin, __taethebae__, 2,025 others

@sugamin i love how you posted the vid of the day we ran from the cops

 


  

Suck7

bae tae: hey demons

bae tae: its me

bae tae: ya boy

tony montana: delete yourself

dick game strong: i just cringed so hard

just dad: im tempted to kick you out of the gc tbh

bae tae: love the support guys 

bae tae: anyways im back with more memes

bae tae: kookie r u ready

dick game strong: you didnt

bae tae: i did

bae tae: but theyre funny trust me baek thought they were hilarious

dick game strong: oh good ol baekhyun haha

mighty god jimin: KOOK JUST SNAPPED HIS PENCIL BESIDE ME LMAO

bae tae: 

h0bi: creds to me for getting this pic on our dance trip lol

bae tae: 

just dad: lol he cried when he realized what he did

bae tae: ikr what a cute loser

bae tae: NOW HERES MY FAV OK

bae tae:

dick game strong: TAE!

h0bi: i absolutely love this

tony montana: did we just find out a kink of jungkooks

dick game strong: NO

bae tae: nah hes not as kinky as youd think tbh he just likes control

bae tae: which im perfectly fine with lmao

mighty god jimin: BOTTOM BROS

bae tae: 4 LYFE YO

mom: jungkookie id like to take this time to thank you again for being a top ok you make me proud son

dick game strong: oh my fuck how do i go back to not knowing any of you

 


 

@rapgodjoon

#tbt to freshman year when i was pretending i wasnt madly in love with @worldwidejin

Liked by dancemanhobi, sugamin, and 1,954 others

@worldwidejin i love you so much

@jeonjk its tuesday hyung

 


 

Suck7

mom: i have very important news

mom: its life changing tbh

h0bi: what

bae tae: what is it momma!!

mom: are yoonmin here cause it has to do with them

dick game strong: jimin & i were studying and yoongi hyung came and now theyre cuddling on my couch

dick game strong: send help

mighty god jimin: shut up juancock

mighty god jimin: we're here jin hyung:))

bae tae: JUANCOCK IM CHANGING HIS CONTACT NAME TO THT OMG

mom: jesus christ

mom: but my big news....

mom: i made a meme

h0bi: rise meme king kim seokjin

just dad: is why you texted me 15 mins ago yelling about memes

mom: yes 

bae tae: so show us omg

mom:

mom: i call it

mom: 'whipped'

bae tae: LMFAOO

h0bi: ALL HAIL THE NEW MEME KING

just dad renamed 'mom' to 'meme king'

dick game strong: yoongi hyung just banged his against the wall asking jimin "why do our friends suck so much minnie"

dick game strong: jimin goes "i dunno babe theyre just jealous of how we're better than them"

dick game strong: like theyre in front of me

dick game strong: i can hear them !

tony montana: yoonmin forever

meme king: DID HE JUST

meme king: HOLY SHIT

 


 

@__taethebae__

every1 is posting pics of their bfs so here's my hot man @jeonjk what a 10/10

Liked by jimmieminnie, dancemanhobi, rapgodjoon, and 3,012 others

@jeonjk u said u were takin a pic not a video :(

@__taethebae__ i love you ;) @jeonjk

 


 

Private chat with: kookie♡

kookie♡: did you just say you loved me

taetae♡: oh my god

taetae♡: that wasnt supposed to come out for a while im-

taetae♡: i never thought id expose myself again but wow ok

taetae♡: please ignore that !! :))

kookie♡: tae baby calm down

kookie♡: i finally learned what the french text you sent me was

taetae♡: oh god you did?

kookie♡: yeah , do u know what this means

kookie♡: je suis en amour avec toi aussi

taetae♡: im going to cry get the fuck over to my dorm right now i need to kiss you

 


 

@dancemanhobi

when u realize ur forever alone ft @rapgodjoon

Liked by rapgodjoon, worldwidejin, and 2,723 others

@sugamin stfu ur stuck w me 

@__taethebae__ OT7 FOREVER

Chapter Text

 


Taehyung: bae tae

Jungkook: dick game strong

Jimin: mighty god jimin

Yoongi: tony montana

Hoseok: h0bi

Jin: meme king

Namjoon: just dad


 

 

@__taethebae__

we partied a lil too hard lol

Liked by jeonjk, rapgodjoon, and 1,834 others

@jimmieminnie do we always look this good??

@__taethebae__ always @jimmieminnie

 


 

Suck7

meme king: so let me get this straight

h0bi: ur gay

meme king: stfu u pancake

bae tae: om cryinf

meme king: u and tae had a celebration for finally getting boyfriends

meme king: and you even bought a cake

mighty god jimin: yes we did

bae tae: its quite an exciting time for us ok

bae tae: like we're still gonna marry each other but for now we got some bomb ass boyfriends

mighty god jimin: exactly!

just dad: u guys are so confusing

bae tae: its called being soulmates daddy namjoonie;)

mighty god jimin: isnt that the wrong daddy tae ?? ;)

bae tae: bitch i will block u do not start that shit

h0bi: when jiminie hits a nerve

 


 

Suck7

tony montana renamed 'mighty god jimin' to 'cuddles'

cuddles renamed 'tony montana' to 'big spoon'

meme king: i hope the honeymoon phase never ends between you two

dick game strong: did it for u n namjoon hyung

meme king: ahaha

just dad: great question jungkookie maybe another time

bae tae: are my parents fighting

h0bi: oh shit

cuddles: NO PLEASE

meme king: calm down omg we're not fighting

just dad: it just went away like we're not always over each other cause after we moved in together this year we realized theres a lot of shit u gotta get used to

just dad: honeymoon phases are great but they always end

meme king: hes still the love of my life tho so

bae tae: oh thank god

cuddles: i was genuinely scared of a moment

cuddles: who else would be my mom and dad if namjin ever split

dick game strong: yoongi hyung can be your daddy

bae tae: AHAHAHAHA

cuddles renamed 'dick game strong' to 'cockface'

cuddles: talk shit get hit wait for practice today kook ;)

cockface: tae ur coming w me to practice tonight he wont do shit if ur there

bae tae: lmao okay

 


 

@jimmieminnie

my soulmate @__taethebae__ & i ft @jeonjk whos pretending he isnt jealous af lol

Liked by worldwidejin, dancemanhobi, and 2,486 others

@__taethebae__ damn we lookin cute af jiminie

@jimmieminnie a true otp @__taethebae__

 


 

Private chat with: Dad™

sonnykook: is it normal to be jealous

Dad™: yes

sonnykook: but like i dont mean like basic jealous stuff i mean is it normal to wish baekhyun never existed and jimin wasn't so close with tae

Dad™: i mean we all know youve never been a fan of baekhyun lol

Dad™: but why are you jealous of jimin?

sonnykook: theyre so close hyung

sonnykook: yugyeom was on my insta feed earlier and was like "dude are you dating taehyung or is this jimin dude?"

sonnykook: i get the whole platonic soulmate shit idc about that im just so jealous of everything else ???

Dad™: have you talked to tae about this

sonnykook: no i could never he would think im being weird

sonnykook: have you ever been jealous hyung?

Dad™: yeah everybody gets jealous ofc its a natural thing when you like someone

Dad™: when jin and i first got together i used to get jealous of how many people that he'd flirt with but it wasnt his fault he didnt even realize he did it until i asked him if he was trying to purposely make me jealous

sonnykook: ohh

sonnykook: tae did that last year at the new years party

Dad™: purposely make you jealous?

sonnykook: yeah he kissed baekhyun to piss me off bc he saw me watching him

Dad™: oh damn i didnt know that

Dad™: anyways the best advice i can give you is to talk to tae or try and not be jealous i mean we all know he only has eyes for you

sonnykook: ty namjoonie hyung

Dad™: anytime kook

 


 

Suck7

big spoon has made 'h0bi' an admin

h0bi has changed their name to 'hope on the street'

bae tae: why did he make you an admin

hope on the street: he didnt i took his phone while he's in the shower lol

cockface: are we still hanging out tonight hobi hyung

hope on the street: yeah ill be in the studio @ 9 probs

cockface: kk

 


 

Private chat with: sunshine hyung

taebae: is kookie acting strange or is it just me

sunshine hyung: just you?? idk he seems fine to me

sunshine hyung: is something wrong

taebae: no no i must be thinking too hard

taebae: thanks for asking tho <3

sunshine hyung: anytime ??

 


 

@dancemanhobi

my little protege @jeonjk

Liked by sugamin, jeonjk and 4,013 others

 


 

Private chat with: my boyfriend

property of min yoongi: can i ask your opinion on something

my boyfriend: yes

property of min yoongi: you may think its stupid tho i dont wanna bother u while ur in the studio

my boyfriend: id run out of the studio in the pouring rain with a thunder storm surrounding me if it was only to tie your shoe

property of min yoongi: im-

my boyfriend: so, ill repeat my first answer, yes

property of min yoongi: ok well ive been practicing this new solo dance for next month's performance and its been causing me some trouble

property of min yoongi: but i think i finally got a part i was struggling with so i was wondering if you could tell me if you think its good??

my boyfriend: of course minnie

property of min yoongi:

poperty of min yoongi: hyung??

property of min yoongi: its been 5 mins

property of min yoongi: did i bother u at a bad time? sorry

my boyfriend: no no no im here

my boyfriend: i was just replaying the video a million times bc your body is gorgeous

property of min yoongi: omg stop that and just tell me if the move is ok?? ik its a pretty simple move but still i want everything to be correct

my boyfriend: its better than ok

my boyfriend: its amazing

my boyfriend: (like you)

property of min yoongi: i dont deserve you

my boyfriend: its the other way around trust me minnie

my boyfriend: come to the studio im the only one here hobi left a half an hour ago

property of min yoongi: how about you come to the dance studio and i can show you some more new moves ive learned :)

my boyfriend: ill be there in 15

 


 

Suck7

hope on the street: what do you do if your crush flirts with you in public

meme king: you flirt back obviously

hope on the street: but is it actual flirting or just him making fun of me bc i blushed when people heard him

bae tae: ooo are things getting spicy w your mystery man ??

hope on the street: not spicy but things are happening

cuddles: oh really?? tell me more hyung:))

hope on the street: 

hope on the street: @yoons can you tell your snake of a boyfriend to stop pls

big spoon: no hes showing me his new dance so i will not be telling him to stop anytime soon

bae tae: the one with the slut drop?

big spoon: the one with the what

bae tae: when yoongi finds out jimin slut drops:

bae tae: 

cuddles: LOL get off your phone & ill show you hyung

big spoon: ttyl guys bye

meme king: what a beautiful day for a ship to sail

hope on the street: LMAO

 


 

Suck7

hope on the street: joons flirted with & got checked out by a freshman today lmao

meme king: what.

big spoon: we were walking out of theory and some girls were passing us and said hi but this one girl was like "hey i really like your glasses!" and joonie boy was like "oh thanks your hair is really pretty!" and the girl blushed and straight up checked him out

bae tae: damn yoongi hyung brought the tea

just dad: i was just being nice by returning a compliment not flirting

hope on the street: she had blonde hair that went down to the ground i stg

big spoon: it was pretty impressive tbh

meme king: oh ahaha

meme king: joonie likes blondes now does he?

meme king: ill be a little late to help you study jiminie i gotta make a trip to the store xx

cuddles: omg 

 


 

@worldewidejin

new look xx :)

Liked by __taethebae__, dancemanhobi, and 2,386 others

 


 

Suck7

meme king: i know its late now but do u want me to come over to help u study my eldest son

cockface: when jin hyung slays us all and pretends nothing happened at all

bae tae: momma jin you are absolute iconic

cuddles: my heart actually stopped when i saw the pic

meme king: i did nothing my children !

meme king: i just simply thought it was time for a change up, the pink was fading anyways:)

big spoon: i told namjoon to go on insta to see the pic

big spoon: LOL HIS VOICE CRACKED N GOES "holy shiT"

hope on the street: this boy fell on our carpet saying "hes blonde, my boyfriend is blonde"

hope on the street: jin you broke him

meme king: whoopies

meme king: sorry joonie;)

just dad: i

just dad: wow.

just dad: it looks good jinnie!

big spoon: this guy tryna play it off as if he isnt laying on our floor staring at jins picture

meme king: lol do you want another one

meme king:

cuddles: a legend

hope on the street: JOONS LITERALLY GASPED "BLONDE" IM WEAK AF

meme king: hey jiminie do you mind if we study tmr i think ill be busy soon

cuddles: no its ok mom

meme king: <33

meme king: hey joonie wanna come home and eat supper??

just dad: i will be right there.

cockface: its 3 in the afternoon-

hope on the street: lol he doesnt mean an actual meal

big spoon: jins ass is supper

cockface: oh lol namjoon hyung will eat good then

bae tae: im screaming omg

meme king: you bet he will be jungkookie ;)

 


 

Suck7

hope on the street: i have a question for jin, tae, and jimin

bae tae: im here !

meme king: im making milkshakes what

cuddles: whats up hyung

hope on the street: how did you know you were a bottom

cuddles: i like to be dominated thats about it

bae tae: yeah its a lifestyle really

meme king: i just choke on my drink omfg are you a bottom hoseok

hope on the street: well

just dad: i thought u were a top

hope on the street: im not too sure anymore

big spoon: shit hobi for real?

just dad: i mean im not surprised one of the three of us is a bottom

cockface: why am i not included !

meme king: bc one look at you has people screaming "he a daddy"

cockface: i

bae tae: omg

meme king: now hush this is about hoseok now

meme king: so my sweet hoseok, do share how you've discovered how ur now a bottom

hope on the street: its hard to explain ig cause i mean its not like ive never bottomed before i just usually top like with the girls ive dated

just dad: and our teacher last year

hope on the street: yeah him too

hope on the street: but like ive never really been this interested in someone before like i am w this guy rn right

hope on the street: and i cant figure out if i wanna suck his dick till he comes on my face or have him choke me while he fucks me raw

hope on the street: see my issue?

cuddles: im in shock

cockface: jesus wow

meme king: 

cuddles: jin hyung!:(

big spoon: lol yall are just learning hobi is a kinky bitch now? damn

hope on the street: oh lol yeah i forgot to tell you guys surprise !

cuddles: how does yoongi hyung know how kinky you are ?

big spoon: he used to tell me about his 'sexual experiences' when he was still 'figuring himself out'

hope on the street: LMAO yeah freshman year man fuck it was wild

cuddles: ohhhh

 


 

Private chat with: property of min yoongi

my boyfriend: you know thats it right?

property of min yoongi: what??

my boyfriend: like i only know about hobi's stuff cause he told me cause we're best friends thats all i promise

property of min yoongi: i know hyung i was just wondering

property of min yoongi: i trust you yoongi <3

my boyfriend: okay good <3

 


 

Private chat with: juancock♡

tae♡: how do you feel

juancock♡: about what

tae♡: about what jin hyung said

tae♡: 'he a daddy'

juancock♡: i mean

juancock♡: you were the one to be embarrassed when you said it first not me lmao

tae♡: oh my god

tae♡: i was in the moment and it just slipped out fuck offff :(

juancock♡: im kidding i love youuu

tae♡: you better or else ill expose your ass faster than jiminie can slut drop

juancock♡: firstly, ew

juancock♡: secondly, u know i dont want the guys to find out, its our secret

juancock♡: thirdly, you wouldnt dare

tae♡: im pretty damn tempted now

juancock♡: im 3 minutes away from ur dorm dont do you dare try shit

tae♡: oh why wouldnt i kookie?? 

juancock♡: what do u want me to say

juancock♡: that if you tell them ill fuck you against the wall till i make you fucking cry?

juancock♡: ur innocent act doesnt work with me baby k lets make that crystal clear

 


 

Suck7

bae tae: JEON JUNGKOOK HAS A DADDY KINK

bae tae: I CALLED HIM DADDY THE SECOND TIME WE FUCKED AND HE GROWLED IN MY EAR AND SAID "FUCK BABY THAT'S SO HOT"

cuddles: [screenshot captured]

 


 

Private chat with: juancock♡

tae♡: oops my fingers slipped ahaha

juancock♡: ur fucking dead

tae♡: love u daddy ~(^з^)-♡

juancock♡ read at 5:17pm

 


 

Suck7

cuddles: GUYS HOLY FUCK

big spoon: what??

cuddles: jungkook bursted into our dorm with fire fucking pouring out of his ears and he asked where tae was JUST as tae came into the living room and the look in kooks eyes when he saw tae was oh my god

cuddles: ive never seen him angrier

cuddles: he was like "your room. now."

cuddles: then kook told me to get out of the dorm for the rest of the night and tae looked as if he had just won the fucking lottery

cuddles: before i could even say anything kook grabbed tae and they went to taes room and kook slammed the door shut so hard i thought the door was going to break off

just dad: christ

hope on the street: I KNEW IT! I KNEW HE WAS A KINKY BASTARD

cuddles: oh my god someone come get me im standing outside of our apartment door and i just heard tae yell "daddy" im scarred for life

cuddles: like theyre my otp but i dont want to hear this omfg

meme king: LOL ill be just there

Chapter Text


Taehyung: bae tae

Jungkook: cockface

Jimin: cuddles

Yoongi: big spoon

Hoseok: hope on the street

Jin: meme king

Namjoon: just dad


 

 

@rapgodjoon

never lose a bet to @dancemanhobi bc he'll dye your hair the stupidest colours

Liked by __taethebae__, worldewidejin, and 2,935 others

@jeonjk what was the bet?

@dancemanhobi if u had a daddy kink or not lol @jeonjk

 


 

Suck7

meme king: so

meme king: are we gonna talk about what happened last night

meme king: cause jimin is scarred for life lol

hope on the street: id love to find out how truly kinky lil jungkookie is

just dad: our 'lil jungkookie' the daddy

hope on the street: taebae exposed him without a care in the world

big spoon renamed 'cockface' to 'daddy jeon'

daddy jeon has left the chat

bae tae added 'daddy jeon' to the chat

bae tae: guys

bae tae: we all know kookie is shy sometimes

bae tae: i didnt just casually decide to expose

bae tae: we all know im a snake i had a reason

bae tae: i did it to get the best dick of my life

bae tae: and hot damn let me tell you boys it was something!

bae tae: you should see kookie's back lmao

meme king: OMG

daddy jeon has left the chat

cuddles added 'daddy jeon' to the chat

cuddles: stop leaving you kinky fuck

daddy jeon: how am i the kinky one when namjoon hyung and yoongi hyung also have the same kink

big spoon: tae is older than you and he calls you daddy lol

daddy jeon: jin hyung is older than namjoon hyung wtf !

meme king: we didnt just graduate high school two years ago and are getting our boyfriend whos almost two years older than us to call him daddy

just king: plus i skipped a grade so im in the same year as jinnie

meme king: exactly

bae tae: i will admit i said it first

bae tae: but how could i not lol have you seen him

daddy jeon: tae stop talking

bae tae: sorry

bae tae: /daddy/

daddy jeon: TAE

cuddles: [screenshot captuted]

hope on the street: jiminie can you send me any new pics u got on taekook pls

cuddles: ofc ill include the screenshots of daddy kook in action that tae sent me too

hope on the street: it feels like christmas wow

daddy jeon: i hate u guys

 


 

Suck7

daddy jeon: who told the rest of the 97s about what happened

daddy jeon: @jimin ready to die

cuddles: it wasnt me this time !

daddy jeon: you swear?

cuddles: lol no it was me

bae tae: LMFAOO

bae tae: what happened this time kookie

daddy jeon: bambam came into english screaming "AYE WE GOT A DADDY IN THE HOUSE"

daddy jeon: seokmin followed him saying "BIG DADDY JUNGKOOK WHERE ARE YA"

daddy jeon: ive never turned red so fast in my life

cuddles: LOL I TOLD THEM TO SAY THAT

big spoon: good one minnie ^

meme king: suck up ^^

hope on the street: you can take my spot as a top dog in this group jungkookie i give u permission to join yoons and joons

daddy jeon: thanks?

bae tae: he says thanks but he actually said "wow i finally made top status" out loud beside me

cuddles: LOL expose your man tae

bae tae: isn't it about time we find out some more shit on yoongi hyung?? any kinky fun facts you wanna expose jiminie?;)

big spoon: taehyung

 


 

Private chat with: slut drop

slut drop: KIM TAEHYUNG

slut drop: DO NOT GO BSCK INTO THST GROUPCHAT DO YOU HEAR MW

baby tae: omfg stop yelling at me and type properly

slut drop: dont ask anymore questions about yoongi and sex ok

baby tae: why

baby tae: wait 

baby tae: HAVE YOU NOT FUCKED

slut drop: TAEHYOBOFJE

slut drop: we're just taking it slow we both got our issues and we're helping each other rn

baby tae: u two have been 'helping each other' since last year what more is there to help

slut drop: oh ok sorry we dont fuck like rabbits like you and kook did trying to make up for lost time

baby tae: im offended omg

baby tae: but i think its sweet tbh dont be ashamed of it

slut drop: im not i just dont like people talking about it

slut drop: so pls dont tell ok

baby tae: well im laying against kookies chest so hes been reading our conversation over my shoulder

slut drop: tae!):

baby tae: your secret is safe with us jiminie i promise!

baby tae: actually kook said if u tell his friends anything else about him he'll expose u nd yoongi hyung to everybody

slut drop: is he still reading the convo

baby tae: yeah

slut drop: hey jungkook die:)

baby tae: LOL

 


 

Suck7

just dad: hey jacks im still picking u up at 9 right?

just dad: oh wrong chat srry guys

bae tae: who is jacks

meme king: jackson?

just dad: yeah jackson wang

meme king: 

meme king: 

meme king: that jackson wang?

just dad: why do u have memes of my best friend

big spoon: jin has memes on everybody hes ever talked to before

meme king: true

meme king: but joonie i thought we were going to have a movie night why are you seeing jackson?

just dad: hes thinking of switching to the uni so i was gonna show him around the town

meme king: at night? its nighttime what can you see in the dark.

cuddles: @tae are our parents about to fight

bae tae: im scared omg

meme king: we're not fighting

meme king: i'd just like to know why my boyfriend is ditching me for a guy who had a crush on him for 2 years thats all :)

just dad: jinnie i told you earlier i may not be able to have movie night tonight dont be upset

meme king: i know i just didn't think it was going to be bc of jackson

just dad: ill drop by your next class and we'll sort this out okay?

meme king: ok.

 


 

Save My Parents

jiminie: WHAT THE FUCK IS HAPPENING

boyfriend: jackson liked namjoon in high school but joonie boy was too stupid to realize

the bright sun: jackson finally told him in their last year of high school nd they kissed

soulmate: they kissed?!

boyfriend: yeah nd they tried dating for a while but broke up before school ended

boyfriend: but jin doesnt know they dated so dont any of you dare tell him

soulmates kinky bf: i have a few questions

soulmates kinky bf: but first fuck u jimin for making my name this

jiminie: :*

soulmates kinky bf: why did they break up

soulmates kinky bf: and why doesn't jin hyung know any of this

the bright sun: they were going to different unis and they were better as friends so it was a mutual breakup

boyfriend: joons didnt want jin to think there was still something between him and jackson so he didnt want us to tell him

soulmate: how do u guys know

the bright sun: jackson sent a bunch of drunk texts to joons one night when we were in the studio so we asked him who tf was that and he told us

the bright sun: but for real tho nobody can tell jin okay? he gets jealous easily

jiminie: sounds like kook

soulmates kinky bf: 

 


 

Suck7

cuddles: i would just like to announce that yoongi n i saw jung hoseok kissing his crush today

meme king: OMF

bae tae: HE WAS WHAT !

big spoon: this may be the gayest im ever going to say but

big spoon: they were the most innocent kisses ive ever seen like just lil pecks

big spoon: it was adorable

daddy jeon: youve said gayer hyung

hope on the street: lol hes said gayer about jimin

cuddles: omg

meme king: hosEOK WHAT IS THIS IM HEARING ABOUT U KISSING A BOY

hope on the street: you say im not ur kid yet you treat me like im jungkookie or jimin

hope on the street: not tae cause hes ur fav ofc

bae tae: ofc

meme king: ur like my son who isnt my son

meme king: i didnt give birth to u but i love i like u were my own but i dont call u my son

daddy jeon: thats what me, tae, and jimin are to u jin hyung

meme king: shut up you dumb coconut headed daddy kink lover

cuddles: LMFAO

big spoon: that was the best insult

meme king: so hoseok care to talk?

daddy jeon: were u for real kissing ur crush hyung

hope on the street: 

bae tae: FUCK HE WAS

meme king: wowowowowowow

 


 

Private chat with: yoons

hoBYE: so u saw

yoons: i did

hoBYE: with jiminie?

yoons: yep

yoons: i picked him up from dance practice and we walked outside nd there u were locking lips

hoBYE: oh wow

hoBYE: so

hoBYE: do u approve

yoons: i do

hoBYE: really-

yoons: yes, hobi if ur happy w this guy then thats all thats important to me

yoons: are u dating yet

hoBYE: no but we went out yesterday nd we both know we like each other

yoons: ok just let him know that if he hurts u i will personally make sure that he never spends another full day on this wonderful earth xx

hoBYE: u always make your death threats sound poetic yoons lmao

yoons: i try

yoons: i got a question tho

hoBYE: yeah?

yoons: is he really a top?

hoBYE: he doesnt always seem it but trust me he is lol

yoons: wtf is 'trust me' supposed to mean??

hoBYE: we may have hooked up in his car last night

hoBYE: and by hooked up i mean i rode his dick like it was the last thing id ever do

yoons: ok so next time i ask u what something means please refrain from telling me

yoons: i beg of u

hoBYE: lol sorry yoons <33

 


 

Suck7

bae tae: me trying to figure out who hobi's crush is from all the clues

bae tae: 

meme king: ME FUCKING TOO

just dad: yoongi just inhaled his coffee from snorting at that

cuddles: omg! yoongi hyung r u ok

big spoon: yeah don't worry minnie its just a little coffee in the lungs

daddy jeon: normal couples when one laughs at a funny picture of the other and chokes:

daddy jeon: "see that's what u get! don't laugh at that!! thats so mean!! ur supposed to love me!"

daddy jeon: yoonmin:

daddy jeon: "oh my GOD are you okay?! do u need me to come save you? turn on your location ill track ur phone!!!1!1!11!"

hope on the street: IM DYING AAHAHA

just dad: that was amazing

bae tae: omg kookie im impressed u fuckin came for them wow

daddy jeon: thx guys im here all week

cuddles: oh stick me in the eye with a fork pls

cuddles: it wasnt even that good

big spoon: yeah sorry we care about each others well beings??

meme king: taekook vs yoonmin round 1 complete

meme king: winners: yoonmin

bae tae: excuse me?? why did we not win

meme king: reasoning: yoonmin care so much about it other it swells my heart

bae tae: thats not fair u ship them more than me and kookie !

cuddles: kookie and i*

bae tae: i will choke u

cuddles: oh u mean like jungkook did to you?

bae tae: somebodys gotta have fun, its not ur getting any action from yoongi:)

big spoon: ...

cuddles: U PROMISED U WOULDNT SAY ANYTHING

hope on the street: shit the cats have claws today

just dad: id say round 2 just went to taekook

just dad: what do u think jinnie

meme king: i would have to agree joonie

daddy jeon: @namjin r u guys ok now

big spoon: yea werent u like borderline fighting

meme king: we talked n jackson has a boyfriend from america or something so its fine! joonie is mine thats all that matters:)

 


 

@worldewidejin

@rapgodjoon teaching me how to be a rapper, how am i doing?

Liked by jeonjk, rapgodjoon, and 3,224 others

@sugamin not good

 


 

Private chat with: baby tae

baby tae: SHIT THAT JUST CAME OUT I DIDNT EVEN REALIZE OMG

slut drop: :(

baby tae: nobody even noticed or cared!! its fine i promise jiminie<3

slut drop: they noticed they just dont wanna say anything

slut drop: plus yoongi noticed it

baby tae: im sorry

slut drop: shh its fine

baby tae: u promise?

slut drop: yes i could never be mad at my soulmate <3

baby tae: ok good i love u

slut drop: i love u 2

 


 

Suck7

meme king: i have a question for hoseok and nobody is leaving this chat till i have an answer

just dad: except me bc i gotta redo the chorus for my song

meme king: true ok everybody but joonie is staying

daddy jeon: tae is taking a test

big spoon: jimin is napping before his next class

meme king: jesus christ the one time i need everybody

meme king: HOSEOK GET ONLINE

hope on the street: im at work omg what do u want

meme king: what is the name of ur crush im getting sick of not knowing who ur banging

hope on the street: i dont wanna tell u

daddy jeon: hes banging the guy already?

meme king: they hooked up, yoongi told me

hope on the street: YOONS WTF

big spoon: xoxo

meme king: first name, last name, age, date of birth, do we know him already like give me something idc i need to know a fact or two !

hope on the street: um hes the same age as me?

hope on the street: other than yoonmin already knowing who it is, jungkookie probably knows him

daddy jeon: i would?

hope on the street: yeah hes on our dance team

daddy jeon: our dance team?

big spoon: think jungkook its not that hard

daddy jeon: i am!

daddy jeon: ok whos on the team

daddy jeon: theres u, jimin, me, taemin, minghao, jaehyun, yugyeom, wonho, and

daddy jeon: OH MY GOD

daddy jeon: OKDFJEJCJ

daddy jeon: I KNOW WHO ITNID OJFG

daddy jeon: AND HE TOPS YOU? HOLY FUCK

daddy jeon: I GOTTA GO TELL TAE HE JUST GOT OUT OF CLASS TTYL HYUNGS

big spoon: i knew the kid wasn't a dumbass after all

Chapter Text


Taehyung: bae tae

Jungkook: daddy jeon

Jimin: cuddles

Yoongi: big spoon

Hoseok: hope on the street

Jin: meme king

Namjoon: just dad


 

 

Suck7

hope on the street: i think ive found the person of my dreams

hope on the street: ive never been so happy in my life i swear to god

cuddles: this is so cute

big spoon: im guessing ur dating now?

hope on the street: we are indeed

meme king: i dont understand why joonie and i can't be told who it is

hope on the street: u gossip too much

hope on the street: i dont want u knowing about my love life so u can make it into a drama

big spoon: ur a bit of a drama queen jin

meme king: excusE ME??

meme king: tae is the biggest drama queen there is he would get drunk and cry about jungkook saying "oh momma jin do you ever think kookie will love me? i dont think so but id be ok with that if he crushed me with his thighs just once"

meme king: so dont tell me im a drama queen or even dramatic when i listened to that for 4 hours last year

meme king: last time i ever invited taehyung over alone

daddy jeon: crush me with his thighs-

bae tae: HYUNG OFJSJDJBKG

bae tae: kookie thats not exactly what i said i swear

cuddles: fucking liar

cuddles: jin hyung took a video of u and sent it to me that night

cuddles: gimme a sec ill find it

cuddles: [video attached]

just dad renamed 'bae tae' to 'drama queen'

drama queen: my own parents and soulmate just turned against me

hope on the street: this is exactly what im trying to avoid

drama queen: god what a bunch of snakes

cuddles: got anything to say kook

daddy jeon: i mean just say when and ill crush u with my thighs tae

drama queen: i think i just got hard in my photography class

 


 

Suck7

hope on the street renamed the chat 'the struggles of hoseok'

just dad: whats wrong hobi

hope on the street: how someone could think taking an art course could help them get their math degree

hope on the street: i genuinely dont understand people anymore

big spoon: bad day ?

hope on the street: yes.

hope on the street: i prefer dealing w shitty people giving them tours around campus not working at the info desk where you get the stupidest questions ever

hope on the street: how does art help math ! what the fuck !

drama queen: well art can help calm people

drama queen: unless ur me who stresses about everything little thing about their work lmao

drama queen: speaking of work who wants to be my next muse

cuddles: can i!!

drama queen: my sweet jiminie you were my last one i can't do u twice

drama queen: but i can in other ways ;)

cuddles: oh really ;))

cuddles: 

drama queen: LMFAO

 


 

Private chat with: Dad™

sonnykook: im doing it again

Dad™: doing what?

sonnykook: getting jealous

sonnykook: like really fucking jealous of jimin

Dad™: jungkook.. theyve been like this ever since they met idk what to tell you

sonnykook: i know i just wish tae would realize how it pisses me off

Dad™: maybe do it to him?

sonnykook: what?

Dad™: i wouldn't normally say this is something you should do but maybe make taehyung jealous so he can see how you feel when he acts the way he does with jimin

sonnykook: yanno what i may just do that ty hyung you always know what to say

Dad™: i try

 


 

the struggles of hoseok

hope on the street: WHY IS MY BOYFRIEND A TRIPLE THREAT ???

hope on the street: HOW COULD I NOT NOTICE THIS BEFORE HOLY FUCK

cuddles: cause u were too stunned to pay attention to the other dance units to realize how great your man is

hope on the street: well im now stunned by him

hope on the street: he can dance and sing

hope on the street: and i just found out he can rap

hope on the street: ive never been more blessed in my life

meme king: WHO IS THIS ?!

cuddles: i wish i could tell you jin hyung but ive decided to not expose hobi hyung

cuddles: he's too sweet

hope on the street: tysm jiminie i love u <333

meme king: i hate this group

 


 

the struggles of hoseok

drama queen: so im chilling with baekhyun and his squad after theater 

drama queen: and one of their phones lights up

drama queen: and who do i see as YOU KNOW WHOS lockscreen??

drama queen:

drama queen: it was so cute i almost cried at the sight of it

hope on the street: omg stop

cuddles: YOU LOOK SO BOYFRIEND HYUNG THAT'S ADORABLE

daddy jeon: is he ur lockscreen hobi hyung??

hope on the street: no but hes my wallpaper

meme king: oh is he?

meme king: @yoongi what is his password

big spoon: 011494

big spoon: why

meme king: get ready for class tmr hoseok:)

hope on the street: thanks yoons now i gotta change my password and delete photos

big spoon: xoxo

 


 

Private chat with: tae♡

tae♡: what was that

juancock♡: what was what

tae♡: i walked past you and you didnt even acknowledge me ??

juancock♡: you were with baekhyun i didnt want to bother you

tae♡: bc u had ur arms around some guy

juancock♡: junhui? its almost winter ?? its cold ??

tae♡: who is junhui

juancock♡: hes minghaos bf visiting from china

tae♡: why weren't his arms around his boyfriend then

juancock♡: why does it matter? it doesnt stop you and im supposed to be ur boyfriend

tae♡: doesnt stop me? what the hell does that mean?

juancock♡: nothing

juancock♡: i cant come over later ill be busy w the 97ers

tae♡: thats fine im going out with baekhyun anyways

juancock♡: okay

tae♡: okay

 


 

@__taethebae__

night out w @bbh92 ❤

Liked by jimmieminmie, bbh92, and 1,834 others

@bbh92 ❤❤

 


 

Private chat with: Dad™

sonnykook: he's doing it on purpose again

sonnykook: just like last year at that damn party

sonnykook: why does he think its okay to fuck w my emotions like this

sonnykook: yet if im seen with another guy i get shit on?

Dad™: he probably doesnt even realize hes hurting u like this kook

Dad™: im sorry

sonnykook read at 11:34pm

 


 

the struggles of hoseok

meme king: GUYS QUICK I TOOK HOSEOKS PHONE HE HAS THE SECRET CALCULATOR APP WHERE YOU KEEP LOCKED PICTURES ON

meme king: @ANYBODY WHAT WOULD THE PASSWORD BE??

big spoon: oh damn i didnt even know he had that app

just dad: something to do with his bf??

meme king: oh thats so helpful joonie if only we knew who that was:)

meme king: FUCK HES BACK I GOTTA GO

meme king: PRETEND NONE OF THIS HAPPENED

big spoon: he's just gonna scroll up and read what you said lol

hope on the street: why was our chat open i just went to piss

just dad: ^^^^

hope on the street: kim seokjin where are you u sneaky bitch

big spoon: lolol

 


 

Private chat with: this maknae shit

jiminie HYUNG: what happened with tae

jiminie HYUNG: did u guys fight

this maknae shit: no

jiminie HYUNG: ok so why was i just shown texts by u and tae that could be classified as a fight

this maknae shit: it wasnt a fight he just got upset idk

jiminie HYUNG: jealous, he got jealous kook

this maknae shit: okay ?? every1 gets jealous i told him it wasnt a big deal

jiminie HYUNG: hes sensitive kook you know this

this maknae shit: yeah im aware

this maknae shit: im sensitive too if anybody fucking cared enough to know

jiminie HYUNG: jungkook

jiminie HYUNG: you know thats not what i meant

this maknae shit read at 2:58pm

 


 

the struggles of hoseok

meme king: i saw yoongis lockscreen im so close to tears right now its insane

just dad: its true i had to drive home bc jinnie was too emotional

drama queen: omg what is it

meme king: 

meme king: THE TEARS HAVE FALLEN

big spoon: jin 

cuddles: aw !!! i didnt realize u kept the pictures from our group trip last year hyung (':

big spoon: of course i did you looked amazing

big spoon: though frankly when do you not

meme king: IM SOBBING?!

 


 

Private chat with: tae♡

tae♡: we havent talked in 2 days hi

juancock♡: hi

juancock♡: there we just did so i gtg to class

tae♡: its 10pm there's no class

juancock♡: oh is that the time? damn i gotta get to bed ttyl

tae♡: what did i do kookie

juancock♡: what?

tae♡: something happened between us

juancock♡: its nothing

tae♡: just tell me what i did please i cant handle us being like this it reminds me of when we fought before we confessed

juancock♡: im jealous

tae♡: jealous of what

juancock♡: oh idk tae maybe how you and baekhyun are together nonstop even though you both have boyfriends you should spend time with

juancock♡: or maybe im jealous of jimin bc sometimes i swear to fuck you act like youre into him more than me

tae♡: baekhyun is my friend sorry that upsets you i know you don't like him

juancock♡: i never said i didnt like him

tae♡: oh please its obvious, it was last year and its just gotten worse

tae♡: but how could you even bring jimin into this ?

tae♡: i get we can act a little lovely dovely sometimes but hes been my best friend for almost 3 yrs

juancock♡: i thought i was supposed to be your best friend since we met

tae♡: i thought you were also supposed to be my boyfriend

juancock♡: yeah i thought that too.

 


 

the struggles of hoseok

cuddles: guys help i need your opinions

just dad: on what

cuddles: if i should post this selca on insta

cuddles: 

meme king: 15/10 you look hot post it

drama queen: FUCK ME YES

hope on the street: why would i suddenly leave my boyfriend to date jimin ??

cuddles: lmao thanks guys i can always count on u to boost my ego

drama queen: wheres yoongi hyung he never misses an opportunity to stare at pics of jiminie

big spoon: what do u think ive been doing since he sent it

big spoon: i can honestly say that is the best picture of you minnie that ive ever laid my eyes on and trust me i have looked at a lot ok

big spoon: i just dont understand how one person can be so beautiful

cuddles: 

cuddles: gotta blast before i start crying wow i was not expecting that

cuddles: is this a bad time to say i think im in love you

big spoon: no bc im in love you too duh

drama queen: IS THIS REALLY HAPPENING RIGHT NOW BEFORE MY EYES OMG

just dad: this is really sweet wow

hope on the street: 

meme king: im about to have a heart attack fucking shit dick ass bitch mother fuck

daddy jeon: are you okay hyung you never swear this much

meme king: 

 


 

 the struggles of hoseok

just dad changed their name to 'lyric master'

meme king: babe is that not a little self centered

lyric master: probably but idc

lyric master: bc i just finished my bomb ass song for my mid term exam and im thinking about entering it in this years festival

hope on the street: the music festival?

lyric master: yeah, all i need is somebody to sing it and i have an idea who

lyric master: @taekook ^

drama queen: oh-

daddy jeon: you want us to sing your song?

lyric master: if you want to

lyric master: anytime we've all done karaoke together i think your voices are amazing together and this song has a lot of emotions being expressed in it so i think if you guys did a duet it would be killer

drama master: whats the song called?

lyric master: love is not over

daddy jeon: ohkfkvkg

meme king: you okay jungkookie?

hope on the street: he read joons text and i think he mustve gasped cause he started coughing and now hes having a full blown cough attack ??

lyric master: omf

daddy jeon: sorry about that im back now

daddy jeon: nice title hyung

lyric master: thanks kook!

lyric master: so what do you guys say? will you do it?

daddy jeon: um

 


 

Private chat with: tae

tae: i dont want to disappoint namjoon hyung so just say yes

kookie: what about whats happening between us rn

tae: we'll figure it out

kookie: k

 


 

the struggles of hoseok

daddy jeon: sure hyung!

drama queen: we'd love to

drama queen: cant wait till everybody is quacking in their seats when kookie and i sing ;)

lyric master: LOL okay thanks guys!

drama queen: not a problem joonie hyung

daddy jeon: our pleasure hyung..

 


 

the struggles of hoseok

meme king: I WAS STUDYING W YOONGI & HOSEOK WHO WAS ON SNAPCHAT AND I SAW HIM SNAPPING A BLONDE HAIRED BOY WHO THE FUCK IS IT

hope on the street: oh fml u saw?

lyric master: you may as well tell us now hobi, its only the two of us who dont know

cuddles: ive known for weeks now its honestly disappointing that you haven't caved yet

daddy jeon: just tell them hyung

drama queen: yeah tell them so we can all officially congratulate you

hope on the street: yoons?

big spoon: we all approve hobi its okay

meme king: i have the final say of approval thank you very much

meme king: now who is it

hope on the street: oh fuck it fine

hope on the street: heres a cute vid i took last night when i was hanging with his friends

hope on the street: 

lyric master: jongin? awe thats great hobi im happy af for you

hope on the street: thanks joons :'))

meme king: kim jongin? as in the guy jonghyun calls 'thicc dick kim'? ur banging him?

cuddles: thicc dick kim omf im texting him and taemin that right now

hope on the street: uh yeah i guess i am??

meme king: ur bANGING A DADDY OF A MAN FUCK HOSEOK I APPROVE X1000 WHY DIDNT YOU TELL ME EARLIER OMFNGJEIV

meme king: I GOTTA PLAN ANOTHER WEDDING SHIT

hope on the street: oh dear

Chapter Text


Taehyung: drama queen

Jungkook: daddy jeon

Jimin: cuddles

Yoongi: big spoon

Hoseok: hope on the street

Jin: meme king

Namjoon: lyric master


 

 

tongue technology

suga: remember when jimin sang for me

rap monster: yeah

j-hope: you bring it up almost every day how could i forget

rap monster: lmao ^

suga: stfu hobi

suga: i convinced him to record the song

rap monster: damn really??

j-hope: sorry im too excited this has to be shared in the gc

 


 

the struggles of hoseok

hope on the street: @JIMIN MY BOY I HEAR YOURE SINGING FOR MY BFF??

big spoon: jesus could you have made this any more weird

lyric master: lol wait till jin sees this

cuddles: omg yeah i guess i am

meme king: YOU ARE WHAT

meme king: MY SON IS SINGING A SONG WRITTEN BY HIS BOYFRIEND ??

meme king: 

drama queen: why is jin hyung me 24/7

big spoon: stop being weird guys its a song

daddy jeon: whats it called

cuddles: serendipity

big spoon: i was thinking we could do a mini video that i could use for my film class, what do u say minnie?

drama queen: i can bring my camera and help !

cuddles: well im already recording the song so may as well do a music video too

cuddles: i swear to god if you dont pass film production with a 100 im burning the university down

meme king: this is the best moment of my life

daddy jeon: better than when you and namjoon hyung got together?

meme king: yes

lyric master: thanks babe smh

 


 

love is not over

namjoon: will u guys be able to come over tonight to do a quick run through of the song?

jungkook: yeah

taehyung: i actually cant ! sorry hyung:( i gotta go over ideas for yoongi hyungs vid w him nd jiminie tonight

namjoon: oh cool! let me know when can tae

namjoon: kook come over anytime after 5 okay?

jungkook: yep

 


 

Private chat with: tae

kookie: on a scale of 1 to 10 how much of a lie was what you just told namjoon hyung

tae: a solid 8.5

tae: yoonmin are going out for a date night

kookie: you were the one who said we should do this why are you dipping out

tae: im not !

tae: i am going to think of ideas for yoongi hyungs film just myself not with them lol

tae: let me know how the practice goes?

kookie: sure

 


 

the struggles of hoseok

meme king: have i ever expressed how much i love my youngest son jeon jungkook he is truly an angel

hope on the street: LOL what did he do

meme king: he made joonie and i the best meal i have ever had

meme king: i was about to make some ramen when this angel from above comes into the room saying "hyung let me cook i havent made a proper meal in ages and i wanna treat you and namjoonie hyung"

meme king: it was the sweetest thing ever

meme king: and you should have heard him singing joonie's song!

meme king: perfect

lyric master: it was exactly what i had hoped for it was amazing

lyric master: kook even rewrote a few lyrics to make the song even better

daddy jeon: hyungs omg

hope on the street: son goals af

 


 

Private chat with: kookie

tae: im guessing it went well then?

kookie: yeah hyung really wrote a beautiful song

tae: thats good

kookie: yea

kookie: howd your thinking go

tae: good i got a lot of ideas i think yoongi hyung will like

kookie: nicee

tae: yep

kookie: well im gonna go to bed so

kookie: night

tae: goodnight

 


 

@sugamin

a sneak peek of the serendipity mv

Liked by jimmieminmie, __taethebae__, and 2,586 others

@worldwidejin im screaming to the high heavens

 


 

the struggles of hoseok

drama queen: I HAVE SHOCKING NEWS BOYS LISTEN UP

lyric master: ??

hope on the street: im on a date with my man what

meme king: young love ^

drama queen: yoongles is my new muse

lyric master: woah

hope on the street: I ALMOST SPIT MY DRINK IN JONGINS FACE OMF HE'S YOUR FUCKING WHAT

drama queen: lol hes really thankful im helping him andjiminie so he asked "what can i do to repay you?"

big spoon: this was my first mistake

drama queen: so i said "be my muse" and he agreed

big spoon: my second mistake

cuddles: you'll be fine babe! you saw how cool my pics came out when i was taes

big spoon: oh ur damn right i saw the photos

big spoon: i just dont get why jungkook cant be the muse

drama queen: oh

daddy jeon: he asked but i said no

hope on the street: why ?

daddy jeon: i didnt think id fit the concept good enough

daddy jeon: u will fit it really well tho yoongi hyung !

 


 

Private chat with: kookie

tae: i never asked you

kookie: i know i was saving your ass from getting in a weird situation

tae: oh, thank you

kookie: no problem

kookie: why didnt you ever ask me

tae: i didnt think youd wanna do it

tae: you cringed every time id bring out my camera lol

kookie: you tried to take pictures of me when i was asleep & drooling !

kookie: then when i had just came out of the shower !

tae: if only that towel had been a little lower ;)

kookie: tae-

tae: oh shit sorry i just typed it without thinking

kookie: its cool, force of habit i guess

tae: yeah

 


 

the struggles of hoseok

big spoon renamed the chat to 'the struggles of min yoongi'

big spoon changed their name to 'i hate kim tae'

daddy jeon: whats wrong hyung

i hate kim tae: your boyfriend made me dye my hair for his damn concept

cuddles: YOU DYED YOUR HAIR?

hope on the street: dont bust a nut jiminie lmao

lyric master: lol at least wait till you know the colour

cuddles: what colour is it?

i hate kim tae: blue

cuddles: blue as in like the sky?

lyric master: well the sky isnt green jimin

drama queen: LMAO

drama queen: ill post one my preview pics on insta

 


 

@__taethebae__

you heard it here first folks @sugamin was a professional model in another life.

Liked by dancemanhobi, jimmieminnie, and 1,246 others

@jimmieminnie holy shit

 


 

the struggles of min yoongi

hope on the street: SHIT YOU LOOK HOT YOONS

i hate kim tae: ty hobi

drama queen: lol what do you think of your bfs new hair jiminie

cuddles: 

hope on the street: tag yourself i cry blood

lyric master: LOLOL

meme king: honestly me af

i hate kim tae: is it that bad-

cuddles: NO

cuddles: i mean

cuddles: it looks so good hyung !

i hate kim tae: oh

i hate kim tae: ty minnie

 


 

Private chat with: tae

kookie: why are yoonmin af awkward sometimes

tae: cause they havent fucked duh

kookie: ok true you think they wouldve already its been almost 2 weeks

tae: lol theyre slow af

kookie: lol we werent

kookie: sorry idk why i said that

tae: its fine !! its the truth anyways

 


 

the struggles of min yoongi

i hate kim tae: final copy of the serendipity song & video

i hate kim tae: [video attached]

lyric master: jesus thats amazing

hope on the street: im LIVIN for the aesthetic

daddy jeon: this is awesome

daddy jeon: and thats coming from me, a jimin anti

drama queen: your voice has improved so much jiminie im so proud of you <33

cuddles: I LOVE YOU GUYS OMG

meme king: okay but let's talk about jimin singing "touch me now"

drama queen: its so sensual

meme king: my son used to be so shy about his voice now hes singing shit like this im stunned

lyric master: howd u get him to sing with such emotion yoons

i hate kim tae: i didnt do anything tbh it was all him

cuddles: i wanted to sing it how i thought it was written

cuddles: and if it happened to be happy lyrics or sad or sensual idk i just expressed it as best as i could

i hate kim tae: you did amazing minnie❤

cuddles: ty yoongi❤

drama queen: 

drama queen: can you two please bang already

meme king: what-

cuddles: taehyung!

drama queen: no this is crazy ok you two are so in love its the sweetest thing ever but ur constantly lusting over each other

drama queen: like srsly yoongi hyung you dont think hobi tells me what you say in your rap gc?

i hate kim tae: hey hoseok wanna ever see your boyfriend again?

hope on the street: i only show the really funny stuff i promise !

drama queen: and jiminie talks nonstop about "god i hope hyung calls me babyboy one day i would bust a nut so fucking fast"

drama queen: so @yoongi call your boy what he wants and he'll call you daddy

meme king: oh my god

meme king: [screenshot captured]

meme king: i love a good exposure

lyric master: keeps this chat alive tbh

 


 

Private chat with: the best boyfriend

the best boyfriend: jimin

property of min yoongi: IM SO SORRY HYUNG OMG TAE SAID ALL THOSE THINGS

property of min yoongi: YOU WERE NEVER SUPPOSED TO FIND THAT OUT OH MY FUCKING GOD

the best boyfriend: stop calling me hyung

property of min yoongi: what-

the best boyfriend: i prefer hearing you say my name

the best boyfriend: or you could say something else

property of min yoongi: oh

property of min yoongi: wait-

property of min yoongi: OH!

the best boyfriend: lmao

property of min yoongi: come over

the best boyfriend: its 11pm isnt taehyung home

property of min yoongi: i kicked him out he can go to kooks or something idc youre coming over tonight

property of min yoongi: please

property of min yoongi: ...daddy

the best boyfriend: on my way babyboy

 


 

Private chat with: kookie

tae: can i come over

tae: ill sleep on the couch i swear you won't even know im there

kookie: its almost midnight ??

tae: jimin kicked me out

tae: im 99% sure yoongi hyung is coming over to fuck

kookie: holy shit

kookie: yoonmin's evening:

kookie: 

tae: AHAHAHAHA

tae: all thanks to me ofc

kookie: true you exposed them hardcore

kookie: but yeah you can come over if you want i guess

tae: if you dont want me to thats ok i just dont want to go to one of the others bc theyll ask why im not with you

tae: actually ill just go to baekhyuns its fine

kookie: NO dont go there jesus

tae: your jealous side is showing kookie

kookie: omg shut up

kookie: where are you ill come get you

tae: lol

tae: i just left our spot im almost on your side of campus

kookie: you went there?

tae: yeah we havent been in a while i missed it

tae: a lot of memories there

kookie: oh.

tae: sorry i shouldn't have brought that up im outside ur dorm open up

kookie read at 11:56pm

 


 

@dancemanhobi

"are you recording me? babe i look like i just escaped from jail stop!" my criminal of a boyfriend everybody

Liked by __taethebae_, worldwidejin, and 4,259 others

@kimjongin_ i hate you and love you at the same time

@dancemanhobi ❤❤ @kimjongin_

 


 

the struggles of min yoongi

hope on the street changed their name to 'IN LOVE'

lyric master: congrats hobi

daddy jeon: yeah you deserve it hyung

meme king: OTP OTP

IN LOVE: ty boys ive never been this happy in my life and it feels pretty damn good i gotta say

drama queen: my heart legit hurts this is SO sweet

IN LOVE: wheres yoons hes not answering my texts i gotta tell him about my happiness

daddy jeon: him and jimin probs still fucking from last night

lyric master: way to tell it how it is jungkook omg

drama queen: hes right tho ^^

IN LOVE: wow 

IN LOVE: this is awesome guys we've all found somebody we love im proud

meme king: <33

daddy jeon: yep

drama queen: ahaha yeah

lyric master: you want to come over and try your part in the song tae??

lyric master: i wanna try your solos like i did with kook the other night before we start your duet parts

drama queen: sure ill be over in a few:)

 


 

Private chat with: tae

tae: why the hell didn't you tell me the lyrics were literally describing us

kookie: what do you mean

tae: "why are you getting farther away?"

tae: "every lie that has been said ended in tears"

tae: "love is so painful"

tae: seriously you cant tell me you didnt make a connection to that

kookie: i did

kookie: so love is painful for you ?

tae: well it's not exactly treating me that great right now is it?:)

kookie: i already told you my issue

tae: i dont know how to fix your issue

kookie: maybe stop treating me like im minho and using other people to get my attention

tae: im not treating you like minho

kookie: how aren't you? you use baekhyun to get my attention and make me jealous all while knowing it pisses me off

kookie: im not your fucking play toy taehyung don't treat me like one

tae: im sorry

kookie: a sorry doesnt cut it anymore

kookie: "but i still have everlasting love which i give to you"

kookie: i added that in the song, namjoon hyung asked if i was basing it off my feelings for you

kookie: i said yes

kookie: remember that next time you want to fuck with my feelings bc im done

kookie: we'll do the song for hyung and perform it in a few months but after that im done

tae: dont say that please

tae: jungkook answer me

kookie read at 4:19pm

Chapter Text


Taehyung: drama queen

Jungkook: daddy jeon

Jimin: cuddles

Yoongi: big spoon

Hoseok: IN LOVE

Jin: meme king

Namjoon: lyric master


 

 

the struggles of min yoongi

cuddles renamed the chat 'min yoongi has no more struggles'

drama queen: is it because he got the jibooty

big spoon: ur damn right thats why

IN LOVE: DAMN THATS MY BEST FRIEND GET THAT ASS BOY

lyric master: good job yoons i knew you could one day

big spoon: thanks guys i appreciate your support for this big accomplishment of mine

cuddles: oh my god all of you can stop talking now

drama queen: you changed the chat name what did you expect from us lol

meme king: i wouldve said no sex before marriage but im just too happy to give a fuck honestly

IN LOVE: AHAHAHAHAHA

meme king: expect for you hoseok i dont wanna hear anything about you banging jongin before you both are happily married

big spoon: hobi rode his dick like a bike

meme king: oh my god

meme king: my eyes

IN LOVE: ur not married to joons yet whats your excuse jin

meme king: 

 


 

 @_kimyugyeom

Why does @jeonjk always turn our practice stages into his own personal karate class

Liked by jeonjk, dambam, and 2,846 others

@jeonjk when in doubt kick it out

 


 

Private chat with: jiminie my love

jiminie my love: its been an hour wheres the spam

tae my love: spam? we have no food in the apartment im literally at the grocery store rn

jiminie my love: omfg not spam the food you dummy

jiminie my love: the spam of you freaking out about kook and his thighs

jiminie my love: bc even ill admit he looks good in that post

tae my love: what post

jiminie my love: yugyeom's

tae my love: ohhh i didnt see it i havent been online in a couple of days tbh

jiminie my love: oh

tae my love: im sure he looks good tho hes a walking sex icon

jiminie my love: are you okay tae?? you havent really left the dorm other than to go to class and get food

jiminie my love: do you want me to come home??

tae my love: no no stay with your man im fine!

jiminie my love: you'd tell me if something is wrong right

tae my love: yes my bby jiminie never worry about me<3

 


 

min yoongi has no more struggles

IN LOVE: 

IN LOVE: when ur still jungshook but u have a glow up

daddy jeon: kckggktkgkvj

daddy jeon: how do you delete someone elses message

cuddles: [screenshot captured]

cuddles: AHAHAHA

cuddles: loser

daddy jeon: 

daddy jeon: u wanna go u fuckin monkey

cuddles: JUNGKOOK

daddy jeon: wanna catch these hands boi

cuddles: cash me outside with this bullshit

lyric master: what is this

meme king: this is why taehyung is my favourite

 


 

min yoongi has no more struggles

meme king: remember last year when you guys used air drop all these weird ass pics and vids to my phone

drama queen: duh

cuddles: iconic selfies

daddy jeon: best way to waste time tbh

meme king: yes well @jimin&hoseok you wanna see something iconic to do with taekook?

drama queen: hyung

cuddles: FUCK YES

IN LOVE: IM HERE FOR TAEKOOK WHAT

meme king: 

cuddles: i am just-

cuddles: 

IN LOVE: ^^ RE FUCKING TWEET

cuddles: look at taes smile im shitting my pants

lyric master: that's cutee

big spoon: @minnie pls dont ur on my lap

meme king: where was this even taken

drama queen: the airport?

daddy jeon: last yr spring break when tae nd i got back from jeju island and we were waitin for u guys to pick us up at the airport

daddy jeon: when u guys got close ur drop box was there so i sent it

meme king: slay me with bible length of an explanation omfg

drama queen: you remember that?

daddy jeon: how could i forget

daddy jeon: u only let me lay on u if i promised we would cuddle when we got to my dorm to sleep off the jet lag

drama queen: oh

 


 

Private chat with: jiminie my love

tae my love: i lied im not okay kookie and i are kind of broken up and i know its my fault i treated him just like minho even though i promised myself i wasnt going to ruin this relationship but idk how to be in a proper one. the gc was the first time we've had any communication in 4 days and i thought id be ok but he brought up jeju and thats when i knew i was in love with him when we were there so im fucking crying on the bathroom floor like the little bitch i am i hate myself jimin i love him so much but i threw it all away bc i liked to mess with his feelings what kind of person am i

tae my love: please come home

jiminie my love: im running across campus ill be right there.

 


 

Taekook Forever

mochi: so taekook are broken up

hoesok: WHAT

namjam: holy shit

cup of sugar: is that why things got super awkward in the gc and you took off running out of the dorm

mochi: yeah

jin bin: when the fuck did that happen

mochi: 4 days ago

mochi: theyre not /officially/ broken up but kook said he was done so ??

hoesok: my heart is breaking omg

mochi: tae fell asleep from crying so hard so i took his phone and read all their messages

mochi: dont say anything to them yet bc they didnt wanna start shit in the gc or upset namjoon hyung bc of the song theyre doing for him

mochi: theyre both so problematic idk whos more to blame for this

namjam: honestly jungkook has been coming to me for a while venting about how jealous he is about baekhyun and then u and tae

mochi: even ill admit i get jealous of tae and baekhyun sometimes but baekhyun is such a sweetheart

mochi: what are tae and i doing wtf

cup of sugar: minnie..

cup of sugar: you guys act as if ur married w 7 children

mochi: o

namjam: kook gets jealous bc tae can act like he likes u more than him which is not true we know this but you cant really blame him

cup of sugar: true like u guys close af and it doesnt make me jealous bc idc ur just friends but jungkook doesnt express his feelings that much so im not surprised hes feeling like this

hoesok: did tae try to apologize ??

mochi: well

mochi: hes put kook through hell and back so a simple "hey sorry i treated you like my fuck buddy from last year " really wont due it at this point

mochi: tae has to fix this mess but idk how hes gonna do it

hoesok: i have an idea ??

namjam: should we really be sticking our noses in this

jin bin: shut up joonie i want my kids back together asap

jin bin: whats ur idea hoseok

hoesok: ok so.

 


 

 

Private chat with: daegu boy #1

daegu boy #1: hey

daegu boy #2: hi?

daegu boy #1: wanna hang later

daegu boy #2: since when do u ever ask me to hang out

daegu boy #1: stfu we havent had a daegu boys night in forever

daegu boy #2: is this ur way of saying u miss me ?? ;))

daegu boy #1: shut up and say you'll hang out with me night

daegu boy #2: maybe another time im swamped with homework rn and i still have to edit the rest of your pics for my project

daegu boy #1: heavy sigh i knew hobi's way wouldn't work with u

daegu boy #1: we're getting u and jungkook back together tonight i will pick you up at 7pm got it?

daegu boy #2: fkgiwkxkb what

daegu boy #1: see you then

 


 

Private chat with: this maknae shit

jiminie HYUNG: hey loser wyd

this maknae shit: studying why

jiminie HYUNG: cant i ask my favourite maknae what hes doing

this maknae shit: ok?

jiminie HYUNG: lets hang out we havent had a movie night in months

jiminie HYUNG: or we could just walk around campus !

this maknae shit: no thanks

jiminie HYUNG: let me rephrase that

jiminie HYUNG: get your head out of your fucking ass and meet me later or ill burn your apartment dorm room to the ground:)

this maknae shit: jesus christ why do you want to hang so badly

jiminie HYUNG: it has to due w tae

this maknae shit: jimin-

jiminie HYUNG: you're gonna wanna hear this ok see u at 7 xox

this maknae shit: okay

 


 

Taekook Forever

cup of sugar: taehyungs on board

cup of sugar: well actually hes pretty stunned but ill explain the plan when i pick him up

jin bin: jiminie howd it go with jungkookie??

mochi: well i lowkey threatened to burn his dorm down but

namjam: you 'lowkey' threatened jungkook

mochi: ok so maybe highkey?

namjam: good god

mochi: THE IMPORTANT THING is that kook will be with me and tae will be yoongi so now its just up to you and jinnie hyung and hobi hyung to set up the spot;)

jin bin: im so excited omG

hoesok: lol we all are, right joons?

namjam: yeah woo

cup of sugar: lmao the excitement is pouring from you joons

 


 

 

@__taethebae__

dyed my hair & bought a polaroid camera all in one day instead of doing homework #proactiveadult

Liked by bbh92, dancemanhobi, and 1,858 others

 


 

 

Taekook Forever

hoesok: yanno this wouldnt be a bad place to hook up w jongin

jin bin: we are literally and physically sitting in a bush

cup of sugar: he a kinky bitch

mochi: guys shut up omg

mochi: is everyone ready cause kook's getting impatient w me thinking i got stuff to say about tae

mochi: poor boy boutta be SHOOK

hoesok: yeah yoons is w tae setting up the little picnic and rest of us are sitting by the bushes

jin bin: he says 'by' but what he means is that we're in the middle of a bush all squeezed together

namjam: normally id be ok with jinnies ass in my face but not exactly like this

jin bin: aw babe :')

hoesok: gay

jin bin: your boyfriend is gay stfu pancake

hoesok: stop calling me that omfg

cup of sugar: stop making noises in the bush tae looks concerned

mochi: jfc

mochi: yoongi get out of there kook and i are almost there and i gotta take off before tae sees me

cup of sugar: kk

jin bin: "wait hyung where are you going i can't do this by myself"

jin bin: "youll be fine bye"

jin bin: tae looks mortified i love him so much omg

hoesok: jin my man can you get your knee away from my cock pls now is not the time to get physical w me

namjam: dude wtf

hoesok: im just saying !

jin bin: JOONIE DONT HIT HOSEOK ! TAE WILL HEAR US 

namjam: srry

hoesok: (^ω^)

cup of sugar: i leave for 2 minutes and come back to this

cup of sugar: @minnie im in the car across the pond come here when ur away from jungkook

mochi: okay omw

cup of sugar: that fast?

mochi: yeah i pushed kook in taes direction and ran lol

hoesok: ^^ we saw

mochi: did they see each other yet

jin bin: jk just saw tae and he looks like a deer caught in the headlights its hilarious

namjam: first words out of his mouth were

namjam: "holy fuck ur blonde"

hoesok: KOOK IS ICONIC IM PISSING MYSELF

namjam: not in the bush pls

mochi: omg i see them now im w yoongi

jin bin: no car sex until taekook are back together

mochi: HYUNG

cup of sugar: fuck off and focus on them and leave us alone jin smfh

hoesok: tae grabbed kooks hand so theyre sitting on the blanket krkfkejckh

namjam: dont get excited yet hobi we know how they can be

mochi: theyre a difficult but great otp

jin bin: "why am i here tae"

jin bin: "you said a sorry wasnt good enough so this is my next option"

jin bin: "why"

jin bin: "bc im in love with u you idiot shut up and listen"

mochi: SHUT UP & LISTEN LMAO

jin bin: jk looks uncomfortable but hes still holding taes hand so thats a good sign

jin bin: he also blushed when tae said he was in love with him

cup of sugar: how can u see his blush ur in a bush

jin bin: i have great eye sight okay fuck off

namjam: "when we werent talking i really thought about all the stuff u said and ur right i treated u exactly like minho and i guess its bc i was scared of committing so much of myself to you bc i was scared of getting fucked over again"

namjam: "i told u minho liked to make me jealous to see how id react seeing him w somebody else and i dont know why i did that to you with baekhyun bc you only wanted me"

hoesok: kook just shook his head saying "ive only ever wanted you tae"

mochi: wow otp :'))

jin bin: "i know and i acted so out of hand i dont know what to say to explain myself other than im sorry but you want more"

jin bin: jk pulled away from tae and is now sitting with his head resting on his knees

cup of sugar: and here i thought we were about to make some progress

namjam: "can u answer me one thing?"

namjam: "anything kookie"

namjam: "why were u purposely making me jealous"

hoesok: tae looks ashamed af my little bae :'((

namjam: "i wanted to see how far i could push you before u tipped bc that's what minho used to do but we weren't in a proper relationship like you and i are, or were i guess. i never wanted to make you jealous to upset you i just got sucked back into my past of fucking with emotions and then i couldnt stop bc u were started to make me jealous with ur friends"

namjam: kooks looking at the water not saying anything so tae asked if what he said made any sense

jin bin: jk just nodded and tae said "oh ok"

jin bin: "we're kinda toxic yanno"

hoesok: tae lookin as if hes could cry at what jungkook just said omg

mochi: dear god no

jin bin: "but we were always picking fights when we were just friends so its not surprising we still fight now that we're dating but no relationship is perfect"

jin bin: "i thought u said we werent together?"

jin bin: jk looked back to tae and goes "i only said im done not that i wanted to break up"

jin bin: "isn't that the same thing?"

jin bin: "i just need time to think tae, namjoon hyung's song isnt called love is not over for nothing is it?"

jin bin: tae's blushing 12/10 i love this

namjam: i knew the song fit them perfectly

hoesok: tae grabbed the basket and said "well if you want to use some of that thinking time up while having something to eat i brought food"

hoesok: "thats a big basket wtf is in there"

hoesok: "10 cups of instant ramen i put in the microwave before i came here obviously im just a poor uni student kookie do you know much this dye cost?"

hoesok: JUNGKOOKIE LAUGHED AND TAE IS LOOKING AT HIM AS IF HES HIS WHOLE WORLD MY HEART IS POUNDING

hoesok: "sure  let's eat while i think a bit"

hoesok: theyre now eating lol

hoesok: "oh btw tae?"

hoesok: "yeah?"

hoesok: "i know jimin is your soulmate and all but im gonna kill him for not telling me id see you tonight i look horrible"

namjam: taehyung just snorted so loud omg

hoesok: "to be honest id yell out 'fuck me daddy' with no regret whatsoever if you fucked me in those sweats"

jin bin: JUNGKOOK CHOKED ON HIS RAMEN LMAO

hoesok: they're just shyly joking around now its cute

hoseok: @yoons @jiminie where'd u go

cup of sugar: minnie started crying sayin "they'll be able to overcome this, they were made for each other"

hoesok: fuck ur right jiminie i feel like crying now too

jin bin: hoseok please do not

namjam: fkwoshuckkgorkd

cup of sugar: what was that

namjam: hobi started sniffling and tae was like "do you hear crying or is it just me?" and jinnie pushed hobi out of the bush telling him to run before he killed him so they took off

namjam: ive been left behind in a bush and i can't move bc kook got up to look around

cup of sugar: lol u got ditched man

namjam: this isn't funny yoongi

namjam: IM STUCK IN A DAMN BUSH

cup of sugar: AHAHAHAHAHAHA

Chapter Text


Taehyung: drama queen

Jungkook: daddy jeon

Jimin: cuddles

Yoongi: big spoon

Hoseok: IN LOVE

Jin: meme king

Namjoon: lyric master


 

 

min yoongi has no more struggles

cuddles: so i had a breakdown in business finance today

meme king: what

drama queen: scale of 1-10 how bad

cuddles: 19

drama queen: jiminie:(

meme king: what happened sweetie tell your mother

cuddles: after class i asked the prof if i could do anything to get my mark up since i did SO BAD on the last test

cuddles: and he hates me right, has since i told him one lesson he did had false info in it

cuddles: so he fucking yells "oh like what mr park? a blowjob?"

cuddles: i was so embarrassed like everybody heard him and i didnt even get to say i meant extra credit bc some asshole goes "JIMIN BLOWS UNI TEACHERS" and i couldnt breathe and started crying so i ran out of the class

cuddles: they were all laughing and its spreading around campus im never leaving the apartment again my body wont let me move its shut down

cuddles: who needs education ?? not me!

drama queen: I WILL END YOUR PROFESSOR WTF

daddy jeon: does yoongi hyung know

cuddles: no

lyric master: jin and i are picking him and hobi up from the studio

meme king: he just picked up his phone get ready

drama queen: oh dear

big spoon: so.

big spoon: i see ill have to make a trip to the corner store later

big spoon: what do you think i should get?

big spoon: firecrackers or matches to shove up this dudes asshole?

daddy jeon: go with the firecrackers

big spoon: i like how you think jungkook

IN LOVE: omfg

cuddles: stop its fine

big spoon: its far from fine

cuddles: Yoongi. It is fine.

IN LOVE: omg he used capital letters and periods

 


 

Private chat with: babyboy

boy toy yoongi: why are you being like this

boy toy yoongi: its not even close to being remotely okay jimin

babyboy: i dont want to make a big deal out of it ok

babyboy: enough people already think im fucking my business professor i dont need them to see my boyfriend ragging through campus with firecrackers

boy toy yoongi: minnie

boy toy yoongi: you had a breakdown how could you think im just gonna sit and do nothing

boy toy yoongi: like i will get kicked out of this shit hole defending you if thats what it takes to make sure ur okay

babyboy: the last thing that will make me okay is you leaving the uni

babyboy: i just want you please come over you always calm me down

boy toy yoongi: okay ill get jin to drop me off

boy toy yoongi: i love you minnie

babyboy: i love you too you big fool

 


 

min yoongi has no more struggles

IN LOVE: so im confused

IN LOVE: kook and tae are "working" on their relationship bc kook needs to /think/ right

meme king: we all know this hoseok

IN LOVE: yeah ok but why is he doing this shit when he thinks nobody is looking

IN LOVE: 

IN LOVE: like surprise bitch i was looking

cuddles: AHH

IN LOVE renamed 'daddy jeon' to 'liar liar'

drama queen: HYUNG

meme king: tbh i get what youre saying

meme king: @JK hi son:)

liar liar: omg hi

IN LOVE: dearest jungkookie whats it like to be a fat ass liar:))

cuddles: kook when he looks in the mirror every morning:

cuddles: 

IN LOVE: LMAO

drama queen: guys omg

liar liar: i wasnt lying im still thinkin

liar liar: but that doesnt mean i cant touch him

liar liar: just bc my mind is confused rn doesnt mean my dick is

drama queen: i

cuddles: AHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA

meme king: so lets just throw it out there that jk really likes taehyungs neck

liar liar: well yanno what they say

liar liar: if the shoe fits

IN LOVE: IM FICKNIG CRYIBF

cuddles: i love when cocky!jungkook comes into the chat its the best omg

 


 

Private chat with: taetae

taetae: were u actually telling the truth or

kookie: at what point

taetae: like idk the whole thing

kookie: yeah i wasnt lying

taetae: i

taetae: okay

taetae: good to know:)

kookie: tae

taetae: yes??:)

kookie: wtf are you up to

taetae: o nothin much:)

kookie: stop using smileys u pervert

taetae: sorry does it deflate your neck kink needs?

kookie: tae!

taetae: at least i know why you liked to leave the biggest hickeys on my neck

kookie: TAE !!

taetae: oopsies

kookie: i hate you

taetae: mhmm hate you too♡

 


 

@jeonjk

dont have a witty caption but i just thought this was a gr8 pic from the showcase

Liked by jimmieminnie, __taethebae__, rapgodjoon, and 3,058 others

@dancemanhobi thx for cropping me out you piece of shit ❤

@jeonjk anytime hyung ❤❤

 


 

Taekook Forever

mochi: im gonna prank tae in the gc u guys ready

jin bin: please

namjam: oh dear

hoesok: IM READY

mochi: make sure jungkook is on his phone

cup of sugar: this should be interesting

 


 

min yoongi has no more struggles

cuddles: so my beautiful soulmate

cuddles: got anything you wanna say about that pic

drama queen: JIMINIEBSHFJVK FUCK

drama queen: 

drama queen: REMEMBER WHEN I THOUGHT I COULD GET OVER HIS THIGHS

drama queen: WELL NEWS FLASH I DIDNT!

drama queen: HES SO FUCKING THICK I WANT THOSE THIGHS TO BE THE LAST THING I SEE BEFORE I DIE

drama queen: AND HIS HANDS ??

drama queen: C H O K E M E D A D D Y

liar liar: hey tae

drama queen: hi kookie

drama queen: wait

drama queen: KOOKIE?

drama queen: oh my god

drama queen: park mother fucking jimin.

lyric master: i love tae's choice in memes

IN LOVE: ive never laughed harder in my life wOW

meme king: [screenshot captured]

meme king: im living for the choke me daddy part thats a masterpiece of words

big spoon: "i want those thighs to be the thing i see before i die"

cuddles: this is the best thing ive ever accomplished in my life

drama queen: idk what im gonna do first, kill myself or kill jiminie

IN LOVE renamed 'drama queen' to 'choke me daddy'

choke me daddy: hobi hyung please you were my favourite

IN LOVE: sorry taebae xoxo

cuddles: isnt it great that kook shows up when tae pulls out the daddy card?

big spoon: lol

meme king: my oldest son, the exposer

meme king: my youngest son, the proud daddy

meme king: and my middle son, the thigh kink enthusiast

meme king: i love my children :'))

cuddles: ♡♡

lyric master renamed the chat 'thigh kink enthusiast'

choke me daddy: im gonna kms bye

liar liar: i wont be able to choke u if u kill yourself

choke my daddy: suddenly ive found my will to live !

IN LOVE: AHAHAHAHAHA

 


 

thigh kink enthusiast

cuddles has changed their name to 'burnin bitches'

choke me daddy: omg why

burnin bitches: remember that guy who said i blow the teachers?

lyric master: yes

IN LOVE: the guy yoons almost murdered when we walked past him on sunday? yeah we remember lol

burnin bitches: well i was dropping off a paper for law an hour ago

burnin bitches: and i walked in on the guy fucking the TA

burnin bitches: so i took a video and showed it to the admin office

burnin bitches: i also made sure to show everyone i saw on my way there and back :)

liar liar: holy shit

meme king: SLAY MY ELDEST S L A Y

choke me daddy: THATS MY SOULMATE FUCK

burnin bitches: dont mess with park jimin boys ;)

 


 

Private chat with: boy toy yoongi

boy toy yoongi: im so proud of you

babyboy: ty <3

babyboy: tbh my hands were shaking the whole way there lol

boy toy yoongi: it takes a lot to be able to stand up for yourself and put people in their place

boy toy yoongi: and im fucking beyond proud of you for doing that minnie

babyboy: i was so scared but im so sick of people thinking they can walk over me bc im small and a nervous mess

babyboy: im proud of myself too :')

boy toy yoongi: god you are amazing

boy toy yoongi: do u want me to calm u down now?

babyboy: how

boy toy yoongi: come over and find out

 


 

thigh kink enthusiast

burnin bitches: im going to be sticking up for myself all the time now even if it my anxiety goes through the roof

lyric master: thats not good for ur health tho

burnin bitches: ur right it isn't but yoongi said he'd calm me down every time

burnin bitches: and this time he ate me out SO good

burnin bitches: so ill put myself in any stressful situation if THAT is the outcome fuck

lyric master: what omfg

choke me daddy: WHAT DID I JUST READ

liar liar: 

IN LOVE: i second jungkook's meme omg

meme king: oh my GOD MIN YOONGI YOU FUCKING BOSS I HAVE NEVER LOVED YOU MORE THAN I DO IN THIS EXACT MOMENT YOU EAT MY SON'S ASS OUT AS IF THIS WAS JESUS' LAST SUPPER GOT IT?

burnin bitches: please

big spoon: i wont let you down jin

liar liar: 

choke me daddy: @jiminie what happened to you not wanting anybody to know about your sex life

burnin bitches: what can i say

burnin bitches: my boyfriend's dick was life changing the first time i got it and ive been hooked ever since

liar liar: 

meme king: shut the fuck up thick thighs this is yoonmin's moment

IN LOVE: 'shut the fuck up thick thighs' i want that tattooed on my body omf

 


 

thigh kink enthusiast

choke me daddy: it: "hey i can make all your stress go away"

choke me daddy: me:

choke me daddy: 

IN LOVE: akdkgkgwivojlw ME

lyric master: thats quite relatable

burnin bitches: IF THAT AIN'T ME FUCK

 


 

Private chat with: kookie

kookie: are you ok

kookie: how much work do you have

kookie: i can help if u want

taetae: omg its just a few backed up assignments thats all

kookie: are you sure

taetae: well i mean 96% yes

kookie: whats the other 4%

taetae: me stressing about the state of our relationship

kookie: oh

taetae: but its completely fine dont worry ok i wanna give you all the time you need to think !

kookie: i dont need to think anymore time

taetae: oh okay

kookie: listen to me

kookie: you know i love you right?

taetae: yeah..

kookie: and that you were the only person who stopped me from dropping uni when i first got here and literally picked me up from my near depressive state

kookie: and i dont know what i wouldve done without you right?

taetae: idk if i wanna hear what ur gonna say next-

kookie: oh you do

kookie: we both made some pretty fucked up mistakes in our relationship but i'd really like to move past them and continue to date

kookie: im not going to let other people or jealousy or whatever come between us anymore

kookie: cause fuck tae im seriously in love with you

taetae: I THOUGHT YOU WERE ABOUT TO BREAK UP WITH ME YOU ASSHOLE MY HEART IS POUNDING SO HARD

taetae: god damn you jeon jungkook why did you have to make me fall for you the minute i saw you

kookie: sorry baby

taetae: 'i dont think a sorry will cut it'

kookie: kim taehyung, my sweet little baby, light of my life, lolly to my pop, what ever can i do to make it up to you

taetae: that was amazing

taetae: but it depends on how fast you can come pick me up to take me to your dorm, im sick of watching yoongi hyung and jimin be in love

taetae: ive suddenly lost interest in walking and im a pretty impatience boy kookie :)

kookie: yugyeom and bambam are here studying bc their dorm is too loud i-

taetae: oh that's too bad isnt it?

kookie: im calling jin hyung im borrowing his car ill be at your dorm in 5

taetae: thats music to my ears

taetae: dont crash the car daddy xx

 


 

thigh kink enthusiast

meme king: @jungkook YOU LITTLE BASTARD

meme king: IM YOUR MOTHER HOW COULD YOU DO THIS TO ME !

lyric master: babe what happened

IN LOVE: whats this

burnin bitches: whatd that little shit do now

big spoon: ???

meme king: he asked borrowed my car this afternoon

meme king: and you all know joonie is the only one who's allowed to drive my car other than me

meme king: but jungkook said he had to go see taehyung asap and i figured "oh they're going to talk more and work stuff out!" so i let him borrow the car

meme king: they dropped the car off 15 mins ago before walking back to taes dorm so i went out to clean my angel aka my gorgeous car

meme king: and so i look around

meme king: and what do i see??

meme king: CUM STAINS IN THE BACKSEAT OF MY FUCKING CAR

meme king: THERES HAND PRINTS ALL OVER THE WINDOWS

big spoon: sounds like they did a lot more than just talk

choke me daddy: you have no idea ;)

meme king: oh but i think i have a pretty damn good idea

meme king: seeings as there's dirty footprints on the console which leads to the backseat where the stains are

choke me daddy: i told kookie he shouldn't have wore his timberlands

choke me daddy: we both knew id be getting a dick in my ass at some point

liar liar: sorry jin hyung i was in a rush

IN LOVE: to bust a nut

liar liar: that too

burnin bitches: WOW

burnin bitches: congrats tae i know car sex was on your sex bucket list

choke me daddy: ty jiminie :'))

liar liar: you have a sex bucket list-

choke me daddy: well this isnt exactly how i planned to tell you but yes i do

burnin bitches: youll never believe whats #1 on his list

liar liar: its got something to do with my thighs doesnt it

choke me daddy: ding ding ding we have a winner!

IN LOVE:

IN LOVE: i feel like i just learned a lot more about tae and jungkookie damn

lyric master: so are we all to assume you two are okay again?

choke me daddy: oh namjoonie hyung

choke me daddy: we are sO okay

liar liar: lmao we're definitely better than okay

meme king: my brain tells me to destroy taekook for turning my car into a cum stained mess

meme king: but my heart tells me to squeal bc they're back together

meme king: im at a crossroads 

choke me daddy: we're sorry momma :*

liar liar: yeah next time we fuck i'll bring a condom

choke me daddy: or dont

liar liar: oh i wasnt planning to baby

burnin bitches: COCKY KOOK RISE

meme king: 

Chapter Text


Taehyung: choke me daddy

Jungkook: liar liar

Jimin: burnin bitches

Yoongi: big spoon

Hoseok: IN LOVE

Jin: meme king

Namjoon: lyric master


 

 

 

thigh kink enthusiast

burnin bitches: so kook is a piece of shit but whats new there

lyric master: cant we ever just all get along in this group

big spoon: no

choke me daddy: jesus what happened now

burnin bitches: OH LET ME TELL YOU

liar liar: ur so overdramatic its honestly outrageous

burnin bitches: just like your use of big words you college graduate wannabe

IN LOVE: sometimes im scared to open this chat

IN LOVE: this is one of those times

choke me daddy: @momma jin come save me

meme king: the hell is going on now

burnin bitches: JUNGKOOK THINKS HE'S THIS TOUGH SHIT AROUND THE DANCE CREW BC HE TALKS IN HIS BUSAN DIALECT

burnin bitches: LIKE ??? I HAVE A BETTER ACCENT I WAS BORN THERE FIRST !

liar liar: ur old nobody cares

burnin bitches: oh my god

burnin bitches: im the same age as your boyfriend !

liar liar: taes cute ur not

big spoon: jungkook

liar liar: ***jimin is cute but tae is way cuter

choke me daddy: LMAO

burnin bitches: im stunned

burnin bitches: he copies everything i do and tries to do it better its driving me insane

burnin bitches: im born in busan, he waits two years then he SADLY comes into the world from busan

liar liar: *blessed the world by being born

burnin bitches: i go to seoul for school, HE GOES TO SEOUL FOR SCHOOL

burnin bitches: im on the dance team, he joins and becomes co captains with hobi hyung

burnin bitches: i love tae and then he just HAD to go and love tae more didn't he

liar liar: whos jealous now short ass

burnin bitches: @tae im gonna set your boyfriend on fire

choke me daddy: aw jiminie dont be jealous i have enough love to go around for everyone

choke me daddy: especially u and kookie ❤

burnin bitches: ❤❤ can we go out tonight yoongi is gonna be at the studio we havent partied together in SO LONG

choke me daddy: i cant tonight bb im going out w kookie after we record namjoonie hyungs song

burnin bitches: uGHH

liar liar: 

burnin bitches:

meme king: i wonder why i bothered having kids sometimes

lyric master: i wonder that all the time

 


 

thigh kink enthusiast

meme king: i caught taekook eye fucking last night

IN LOVE: im choking omg you what

meme king: they were waiting for joonie to finish up the song before going out

meme king: if i havent come in the room asking them if they wanted anything to eat i think they would've fucked on our new carpet

meme king: ill show ya hold up

choke me daddy: momma jin please dont

IN LOVE: please do jin

meme king: 

IN LOVE: u looked hot af taebae omg

choke me daddy: thanks hobi hyung :'))

choke me daddy: but kookie in thaT CHOKER THO

liar liar: its his kink

big spoon: exposed

IN LOVE: remember when we all thought joons was wild for having a daddy kink now we know too many kinks about each other

meme king: i like to think that my children are little angels the majority of the time

burnin bitches: im a saint jin hyung never doubt it:)

liar liar: u call ur boyfriend daddy nd he calls u babyboy

burnin bitches: at least i didnt fuck my boyfriend in my mom's car

big spoon: 

IN LOVE: AHAHAHAHA

 


 

@__taethebae__

saw a boy so hot today i had to ask for his number wish me luck guys xx

Liked by sugamin, jeonjk, and 2,028 others

@jeonjk u have had my number for almost 2 yrs & we're dating

@__taethebae__ shh keep the people wonderin @jeonjk

 


 

thigh kink enthusiast

big spoon: has anybody noticed that jungkook has never posted a pic of tae on his insta yet tae fills his with pics of him

lyric master: that's a good point even u post pics of jimin which is wild

IN LOVE: true omg @kook boy why you playin

liar liar: oh idk ive never gotten around to it ig

choke me daddy: ah i see !

liar liar: see what

big spoon: oh kook u poor guy

 


 

Private chat with: the scary hyung

the scary hyung: you suck at dating yanno that right

maknae: i mean ur right

maknae: but what did i do 

the scary hyung: "ive never gotten around to it"

the scary hyung: wrong choice of words dude

the scary hyung: im sitting across from taehyung and jimin and they both let out the heaviest sighs ever when they read that

maknae: but its true!

the scary hyung: i know but you should've been like "oh really! i cant believe that! ill do that right now" and post a picture with a cute ass caption

the scary hyung: gets ya major brownie points kook trust me

the scary hyung: how do u think i get minnie to put up with my depressed ass

maknae: he'd been crushing on u since u met

the scary hyung: thank god for that

the scary hyung: but you suck up to them

maknae: how do i do that

maknae: teach me ur wise ways yoongi hyung

the scary hyung: lol sure

the scary hyung: first thing first tho change my damn contact name how the hell am i scary !

maknae: ur right hyung wow idk how someone could mistake you as being scary

 


 

@jimmieminnie

FINALLY got my soulmate all to myself for a day, it's been so long i missed you @__taethebae__

Liked by __taethebae__, worldwidejin, sugamin, and 1,893 others

@__taethebae__ FUCK I MISSED U TOO

@rapgodjoon you guys live together you see each other every day

@jimmieminnie way to kill the mood hyung smh @rapgodjoon

 


 

Private chat with: maknae

best hyung ever: text tae telling him how good you think he looks

maknae: but ive never done that before wouldn't it be weird

best hyung ever: are you srsly too shy to text your own boyfriend rn

maknae: NO

maknae: im just not usually this forward hyung its weird for me

maknae: ill text him tho pray for me

best hyung ever: ill pray long and hard

 


 

Private chat with: taetae♡

kookie♡: i know ur out with jimin rn but

kookie♡: i just wanted to tell you that you look really great in his post

taetae♡: omg thank you kookie :'))

kookie♡: anytime tae ❤

taetae♡: youre so sweet lately its strange

taetae♡: i love it dont get me wrong but youre not usually so forward with //feelings//

kookie♡: ahahaha

 


 

Private chat with: best hyung ever

maknae: FUCK HES ONTO ME

maknae: I AM DYING IN MY OWN AWKWARDNESS HELP HYUNG OMDJEJWIVIH

maknae: i can only ask the lord to make sure i never wake up tmr morning

best hyung ever: honestly what is wrong you

best hyung ever: i have my work cut out for me

 


 

thigh kink enthusiast

IN LOVE: hosein or jongok

choke me daddy: what

IN LOVE: sehun just asked what mine and jongins ship name is and i have no idea

IN LOVE: @everyone get on this is a big issue

IN LOVE: what am i supposed to put on our christmas cards !

lyric master: ...christmas cards

meme king: let him be joonie hes in love it's sweet

meme king: but neither of those names they're boring

big spoon: 'namjin' is as plain as you can get

meme king: EXCUSE ME

meme king renamed 'big spoon' to 'plain ass'

burnin bitches: what about hobin !

liar liar: reminds me of the hobbit

burnin bitches: exactly

IN LOVE: yanno that's unique it could work

IN LOVE: anyone got any other ideas

choke me daddy: jongho!!!!

meme king: kim taehyung

IN LOVE: AHAHAHAHAHA JONGHO

IN LOVE: fuck thats funny tae im sending that to jongin

choke me daddy: (⌒▽⌒)

liar liar: what about just joseok

liar liar: not hard to remember and its basic

IN LOVE: ohhh i like it !

IN LOVE: @joons&yoons what about u guys got any ideas

plain ass: jonseok?

lyric master: hosegin ??

meme king: thats gross ew

meme king: i like jiminies and jk's the best

IN LOVE: ok you guys all vote bc i can't decide

burnin bitches: mine obvs

plain ass: minnie's

lyric master: i like jungkook's

liar liar: thx hyung so do i

IN LOVE: jin what about u?

meme king: oh i dont vote in ship names, i just sail them

IN LOVE: lmao ok

IN LOVE: tae ur the tie breaker whos should i go with

choke me daddy: why do i have to break it fjsfgjejxje

burnin bitches: hi my bb soulmate who i would die for in a HEARTBEAT :)) xoxo

choke me daddy: hi jiminie omg

liar liar: tae baby..

choke me daddy: pls dont do this to me aH

IN LOVE: taebae hurryyyy i wanna have name before jongin comes to practice soon

IN LOVE: hobin or joseok

choke me daddy: i pick

choke me daddy: um

choke me daddy: hobin

burnin bitches: YESSSSS BUSAN'S FIRST BORN TAKES THE WIN FUCK YES

 


 

Private chat with: best hyung ever

maknae: yoongi hyung

best hyung ever: dont kill my boyfriend in practice

best hyung ever: i got an idea

best hyung ever: we'll get you looking real hot later and ill send a pic into the gc that'll get tae all flustered for u then u can cockblock him as payback for not agreeing w/ you ok?

maknae: fuck i love that idea

maknae: (♥ó㉨ò)ノ♡ tysm

best hyung ever: kk meet me at 2

best hyung ever: and jungkook?

maknae: yeah

best hyung ever: never send that emoticon to me again that was the grossest thing ive ever seen in my life

maknae: LOL

 


 

thigh kink enthusiast

IN LOVE: yoons where are you im locked out

plain ass: dont tell me you lost your keys again

IN LOVE: i lost my keys again

plain ass: jesus christ

plain ass: im out so you'll have to wait till i come home

plain ass: go to jongins ill pick u up

IN LOVE: kk

burnin bitches: @my bf where are you

plain ass: drivin around with kook

choke me daddy: kook? as in jungkook? my boyfriend?

plain ass: yes

burnin bitches: since when did you hang out with him

plain ass: you guys want proof or what

plain ass: 

choke me daddy: [screenshot captured]

plain ass: why

choke me daddy: 

choke me daddy: 

choke me daddy: 

burnin bitches: actually me @ any pic of yoongi

choke me daddy: like good god kookie

plain ass: lmao

 


 

thigh kink enthusiast

choke me daddy: OKAY KOOKIE WHAT THE FUCK WAS THAT

choke me daddy: oh wrong chat

choke me daddy: honestly i dont even care

choke me daddy: boy prepare your fucking grave

liar liar: 

meme king: whats happening to my youngest son

choke me daddy: YOUR YOUNGEST SON FUCKING BLUE BALLS ME TO "GO STUDY WITH JAEHYUN"

choke me daddy: THE FLYING FUCK IS THAT !

choke me daddy: HE DOESN'T EVEN HAVE A CLASS WITH JAEHYUN

plain ass: youve learned well my kook son

liar liar: thanks dad #2

IN LOVE: #2??

liar liar: namjoon hyung will always be my first dad but yoongi hyung is now my second

lyric master: aw thanks jungkookie

burnin bitches: ew my boyfriend is not your father

choke me daddy: can we get back on track please

choke me daddy: @kookie WTF !

liar liar: i was running late !

choke me daddy: you were not running late you took your sweet time eating out my ass in the damn storage room closet

IN LOVE: my eyes

IN LOVE: the pureness is fading

plain ass: hobi do you want me to tell them what i walked in on this morning in our kitchen

plain ass: bc that wasnt pure

plain ass: last fuckin time joingin spends the night

IN LOVE: ahahahahahahsha oh yoons ur so funny ! ahah idk what ur talking about !!

choke me daddy: honestly get that dick hobi hyung u deserve it

choke me daddy: BUT MY BOYFRIEND ON THE OTHER HAND

choke me daddy: 

liar liar: maybe if u wouldve said joseok was better

liar liar: 

choke me daddy: omg

choke me daddy: im going to kill u

liar liar: is that before or after you deal with ur boner

choke me daddy: jeon jungkook

liar liar: gtg study now bye !:)

choke me daddy: oh my fucking god.

burnin bitches: lol rip kim taehyung 2k17

 


 

Private chat with: taetae♡

taetae♡: you suck

kookie♡: you wish

taetae♡: i do

taetae♡: yet here i am sitting on a pile of boxes in a closet in the damn arts department bc im a mess

kookie♡: boo hoo isnt that just the saddest thing ever :)

taetae♡: kookie please

kookie♡: im halfway across campus begging will get you no where

kookie♡: get yourself off if youre that desperate

taetae♡: ur better tho

taetae♡: i wanna ride your fingers

taetae♡: [video attached]

kookie♡: KIM TAEHYUNG

kookie♡: an old lady walked past me n saw me watching a video of you fingering yourself

taetae♡: hope you had the volume up

kookie♡: u just had to say daddy didnt you

kookie♡: why are you like this

taetae♡: come back and fuck me maybe you'll find out

kookie♡: christ almighty

kookie♡: omw

 


 

Private chat with: best #2 dad

the kook son: i failed

the kook son: im disappointed in myself

best #2 dad: not surprised at all

best #2 dad: you held your ground for what 35 minutes ? thats a new record

the kook son: there was no record before

best #2 dad: my point exactly

best #2 dad: be happy there is one now

best #2 dad: ur too whipped for taehyung to deny him of anything

the kook son: you are the same with jimin !

best #2 dad: sex? no, everything else? yes

best #2 dad: i can leave him hanging for hours you should see how many screenshots i got of just begging msgs saved

the kook son: wow

the kook son: i wanna achieve your greatness one day

best #2 dad: many people try,

best #2 dad: very few succeed.

 


 

@jeonjk

#tbt pic of me & the best thing that ever blessed my life @__taethebae__, shouldve posted this a long time ago bc it's been my background for months. i love you.

Liked by sugamin, __taethebae__, and 4,037 others

@__taethebae__ i want to cry but all im doing is staring at your thighs

 


 

thigh kink enthusiast

IN LOVE changed their name to 'broke'

broke: who has $60 they can lend me

lyric master: if you pay me back by the weekend

broke: 2 days? yikes

broke: ok who ELSE has money they could lend me and doesnt mind not being paid back till the end of the month

broke: @jungkook wheres the old sugar daddy money at boy

liar liar: being spent on tae 

choke me daddy: kookie's my sugar daddy now sorry hobi hyung

broke: im heartbroken wow

burnin bitches: give me a really good reason to lend it to you and i will

broke: i need to buy a storage update for my phone

broke: i may or may not have ran out bc i have too many pics nd vids of my bf on my phone

burnin bitches: seriously hyung

broke: as if you don't relate with yoons

broke: LIKE LOOK

broke: 

broke: hes so hot when hes preforming

broke: i still cant believe that living GOD likes me

burnin bitches: he talks about u nonstop in our gc w taemin trust me he likes you a whole lot

burnin bitches: but fine ill let u borrow money ONLY bc im a big supporter of #hobin

broke: thank you so much jiminie you are an angel

burnin bitches: i know its my charm from being born in busan first

liar liar: u were praying for an opportunity to say that werent you

burnin bitches: ;)

Chapter Text


Taehyung: choke me daddy

Jungkook: liar liar

Jimin: burnin bitches

Yoongi: plain ass

Hoseok: broke

Jin: meme king

Namjoon: lyric master


 

 

thigh kink enthusiast

meme king changed their name to 'beloved mother'

beloved mother renamed 'lyric master' to 'darling dad'

beloved mother renamed the chat 'farewell my sweet children'

plain ass: you guys are just going away for the weekend not forever

beloved mother: shut up ill miss my kids

choke me daddy: IM GONNA MISS YOU MOMMA JIN ODJFKH

burnin bitches: CAN'T WE COME WITH YOU:(

darling dad: no you cannot

choke me daddy: PLEASE !

beloved mother: as much as i will miss you boys

beloved mother: you cant come

beloved mother: mommas gonna get some well deserved dick xx

broke: i always pick the worst times to come on

liar liar: lol same hobi hyung

choke me daddy: ok but jiminie and i can still come and leave u two alone when ur gonna get all wild and kinky !

broke: 'wild and kinky'

burnin bitches: EXACTLY

darling dad: no

choke me daddy: wow ok namjoon hyung isnt my dad anymore

choke me daddy: @yoongles i hear ur a good dad sup boii

plain ass: oh that is not happening

plain ass: i got jungkook up my ass constantly now and i definitely don't want you there too

beloved mother: is this some weird threesome shit going on

beloved mother: you are in jimins ass and jungkookie is in yours? or is tae ?? 

beloved mother: wow. i never thought id see the day

plain ass: NO WTF

liar liar: i regret reading the notification to come onto this chat

burnin bitches: you all act as if a threesome with me is the worst thing ever

choke me daddy: it isnt

broke: WHAT

 


 

tongue technology

suga: joons come by the studio before u leave w jin i got one final piece to run by u bc hobi says its good and i dont believe him

j-hope: IT IS GOOD UR A BOMB COMPOSER

rap monster: lol okay

 


 

farewell my sweet children

broke: its been 2 hours are we really not gonna talk about that bomb that was dropped

beloved mother: the bomb that two of my sons had a threesome?

broke: yes

broke: and dont say it like that omg thats borderline incest

broke: we're not here to promote that gross shit

beloved mother: i see what you mean there

beloved mother: ill choose my words better next time

beloved mother: but im waiting for joonie in the car while hes busy w/ yoongi so i have the time for some tea

beloved mother: whats with the threesome @jimin&tae

burnin bitches: i mean whats there to say

burnin bitches: we were partying too hard

choke me daddy: some dude suggested it & we were like "why not its freshman year!"

broke: you blame a lot of ur problems on your freshman year

choke me daddy: bc im very proud of the glow up i had jesus sue me hyung

beloved mother: so you two fucked

burnin bitches: noooo no no nothing like that

choke me daddy: i rode the dude while he was sucking jiminies dick thats all

beloved mother: "thats all"

broke: im fucking wheezing omfg

beloved mother: joonies done we're leaving now

beloved mother: someone send me updates on what goes down drama wise while we're gone

beloved mother: love u all see u monday xxx

choke me daddy: BYE I LOVE YOU

burnin bitches: WE'LL MISS YOU XOXOXO

 


 

Private chat with: kookie♡

taetae♡: that was a lot i know

taetae♡: i saw you reading the msgs and not saying anything

taetae♡: honestly i didnt think there was any reason to tell you and i may have been wrong in that so im sorry

kookie♡: its okay

taetae♡: are you sure

kookie♡: yeah i told you i wasnt gonna let anything else ever get between us again

kookie♡: but you sure do like to shake things up sometimes tae

taetae♡: i know i do im sorry

taetae♡: but if it makes you feel any better there the dudes dick was small af

taetae♡: like a peanut

taetae♡: and i didnt look at jimin once !

taetae♡: i much prefer you and your load kookie :)

kookie♡: 'my load' ill take it as a compliment but ew lol

taetae♡: i made you laugh does that mean ur not mad

kookie♡: im not mad, just really shocked and technically i only wrote 'lol' you didnt see me laugh

taetae♡: technically i dont give a fuck as long as you still love me:)

kookie♡: i still love you, you absolute loser oml

 


 

farewell my sweet children

plain ass: um

plain ass: yoongi are you on

liar liar: why is yoongi hyung asking if hes on his own phone

plain ass: it isnt yoongi

broke: hey joons

plain ass: hi hobi

choke me daddy: what is this omg

plain ass: i think yoons and i switched phones by mistake at the studio earlier

plain ass: well actually i dont think, i know bc here i am texting you all from his phone

burnin bitches: is that why he wasnt answering me im-

plain ass: yes

plain ass: thanks for the spam of calls btw jimin

plain ass: i do love yoongi's ringtone of 'smells like teenage spirit' every time the phone rings !

liar liar: i felt the sarcasm in that sentence through my phone

burnin bitches: im SO sorry omfg

broke: joons whats your password me and yoons cant figure it out

plain ass: just a bunch of zeros

broke: ARE YOU SERIOUS

broke: we were trying so many diff numbers bc we were like "its namjoon he probs has this scientific password"

beloved mother: hes a klutz hoseok do you really think he'd have something like that when he drops his phone at least 15 times a day

choke me daddy: namjoon hyung how'd you get on yoongi hyungs phone

plain ass: he doesnt have a password

choke me daddy: wtf why

darling dad: because i have more things to worry about in my life than a password on my phone

darling dad: like crippling depression

burnin bitches: lol hi babe

darling dad: hi minnie

darling dad: nice wallpaper of you and jin btw joons cant say ive ever wanted to see you guys sticking your tongues down each others throats

darling dad: but here i am

broke: i think its adorable dont worry joons

plain ass: thanks

plain ass: and you're one to talk yoons

plain ass: especially since you dont have a password and the first thing you see when you unlock it is jimin looking like

plain ass: well how do i put this..

burnin bitches: min yoongi do not tell me you have your background as /the/ picture

darling dad: i do

burnin bitches: oh my god

beloved mother: i never knew i could ship yoonmin more

beloved mother: but after seeing that picture

beloved mother: you bet your fine asses i do

liar liar: what is the picture ??

choke me daddy: spill the tea namjoonie hyung !

plain ass: ill try to explain it the best i can

plain ass: it's a picture of jimin laying on a bed looking red af, like he's about to bust a nut, staring at the camera desperately while holding yoongi's hand to his throat

plain ass: looks as if it was a 'before pic' of him before he came

plain ass: i don't dare go into yoongi's camera roll to find the after shot

liar liar: HOLY FUCKING SHIT

choke me daddy: I JUST LEFT MY CLASS BECAUSE IM SO FUCKING SHOCKED

broke: damn yoons

broke: where'd you go ima give you a high five

darling dad: im in the bathroom debating whether to drown myself in the toilet or not after joon just said that

burnin bitches: dont drown yet

burnin bitches: im gonna come over teach you how to put a fucking lock on an iphone

burnin bitches: then ill personally drown you myself babe:)

choke me daddy: lmao get fucked yoongles

liar liar: rip dad #2 hope you had a good life lol

 


 

farewell my sweet children

broke: @jungkook come get your man he's drunk

liar liar: srsly

broke: yes

broke: 

burnin bitches: hes screaming the lyrics to "livin' on a prayer" at the top of his lungs

burnin bitches: i dont normally say this but he's driving hobi hyung AND ME insane

liar liar: jfc drop him off at my dorm ill wait outside

broke: kk we're 10 mins away

choke me daddy: gUYS I'mfinE!

choke me daddy: it was just the whiskeh ok it was SO strobf lol

liar liar: how much did he drink

burnin bitches: he had 5 shots of whiskey before getting a beer i think

liar liar: you let my boyfriend have whiskey shots knowing he likes to drink too much

liar liar: thEN LET HIM HAVE A BEER??!

burnin bitches: dont YELL at me i was dancing !

liar liar: who was watching tae

broke: well i was until jongin walked in

broke: then jiminie was still dancing and i may have gotten a little distracted

broke: but we both came back to tae as soon as some guy tried to touch him!!

liar liar: oh you have got to be joking right now

choke me daddy: shhhhhh kookie it was okay i tihi k the guy wsbted to fuck but ur the onlt obe for ne!

choke me daddy: i love yoj do kuvh

liar liar: yeah okay tae i love you too

liar liar: jimin, hobi hyung get him to my dorm. now.

burnin bitches: we're almost there!

liar liar: hurry the fuck up.

broke: JIMIN PUT YOUR PHONE DOWN AND DRIVE KOOK IS PISSED

 


 

farewell my sweet children

choke me daddy made 'liar liar' an admin

liar liar renamed the chat 'taekook & the idiots'

liar liar changed their name to 'king kook'

burnin bitches: i read king cock

king kook: shut the fuck up im dealing with a hungover taehyung thanks to you dumbasses

broke: so jungkookie is still pissed good to know !

 


 

taekook & the idiots

darling dad: hey namjoon you here

plain ass: yeah

darling dad: why do you have texts from 2015 in your messages

plain ass: are you going through my stuff

broke: we both are lmao

darling dad: yeah we're bored af

plain ass: get off my phone!

plain ass: actually yanno what idc go through it i have nothing to hide

plain ass: ill go through your camera roll

darling dad: honestly joons i dont recommend it

burnin bitches: PLEASE DONT HYUNG OMG

beloved mother: oh we totally are now joonie !

king kook: @namjoon hyung expose jimin please

plain ass: kk i shall

burnin bitches: 

burnin bitches: ur just pissy bc taes a lightweight and gets bad hangovers

choke me daddy: i hope u choke jiminie xo

plain ass: here this'll cheer you up kook

plain ass: 

broke: WHAT THE FUCK IS THAT AHAHAHAHA

king kook:  [screenshot captured]

king kook: sending that to the dance gc

burnin bitches: i was very drunk ok

darling dad: he really was

plain ass: oh heres one from the same day

plain ass: 

choke me daddy: MY OLD PHONE CASE :')

burnin bitches: i want to die

plain ass: he has a yoonmin folder

beloved mother: GIVE ME THE PHONE JOONIE

plain ass: hi kids its ur mom now

plain ass: ill be your yoonmin exposer this evening

plain ass: anything you'd like to order?

choke me daddy: gimme some soft yoonmin

plain ass: comin right up

plain ass: 

choke me daddy: IM SWUESLING THAYS DO CUTE

king kook: gay

burnin bitches: 

broke: LMAO SAVAGE JIMIN

choke me daddy: got any hard stuff momma jin

plain ass: so much

plain ass: there's also over 2000 photos of just jimin in a folder called "happiness"

burnin bitches: yoongi omg

darling dad: when i said you were the only thing that made me happy when im depressed i wasnt lying

burnin bitches: my heart

plain ass: ok yoongi but did this make you happy

plain ass: 

plain ass: or horny :)

darling dad: no comment on that

king kook: LOLOLOL

plain ass: he has so many sneak pics of jimin im yelling

plain ass: 

plain ass: explain the reasoning for this pic

darling dad: his hands looked great with the rings so i took a pic

darling dad: and his hair nd outfit made me horny tho

choke me daddy: im chomikg oddmf

broke: he wrote that with the most serious expression oml

plain ass: hey guys its namjoon again jinnie started crying looking at a video of yoonmin

broke: SHOW IT

choke me daddy: I MUST SEE IT

plain ass: its from our group trip last year

plain ass: 

choke me daddy: IDK WHETHER IT HAS TO DO WITH ME BEING HUNGOVER AF BUT IM CRYING TOO

broke: THATS SO CUTE FUCK FUCK UFCKFUCKFFUCK

king kook: honestly how'd you guys not realize you liked each other

king kook: you'd hang off each other nonstop it was so obvious

burnin bitches: oh you're one to talk jungkook

darling dad: how ya doing jin

beloved mother:

 


 

taekook & the idiots

darling dad: hey joons why do you got a pic of minnie holding a pair of scissors

burnin bitches: im holding a pair of what

plain ass: whats the pic

darling dad: 

beloved mother: we invited tae and jimin out for lunch one day not knowing they were high

plain ass: we found out very quickly tho thanks to jimin

choke me daddy: we had edibles w baekhyun lol

burnin bitches: WHY DON'T I REMEMBER THAT OMG

choke me daddy: you were beyond high at least i look somewhat alive in the pic

king kook: i think you look great tbh

choke me daddy: thank you kookie <333

burnin bitches: "gay"

darling dad: ok but back to the point

darling dad: why is he holding scissors...

darling dad: while hes high...

beloved mother: you know what some questions just dont have answers yoongi

 


 

taekook & the idiots

beloved mother: we're on our way home children are you happy

choke me daddy: YES

burnin bitches: i just want you to come back to give yoongi his phone back so i can stop being exposed

burnin bitches: a boy can only handle so much !

king kook: ^ my longest eye roll ever

king kook: but yeah im pumped for you guys to come back:))

broke: jungkooks so two faced i love him

king kook: im not two faced i just cant stand jimins bullshit

darling dad: jungkook.

king kook: only sometimes tho! i love jiminie hyung the rest of the time !!:)

broke: IM LSUGIHNOG

choke me daddy: my little two faced boyfriend ive never loved him more❤

choke me daddy: and my cold hearted yoongles who hates the world other than his jiminie❤

plain ass: i found a pic that'll change your opinion on that

plain ass: remember when we use to drive around together and we'd all talk forever

burnin bitches: yeah we did it when we first all became a group

plain ass: well yoongi has the first pic we ever took as a group the first time we all went out driving

plain ass: it was 1 week after we all became friends

plain ass: 

broke: AWEEEE

king kook: omg look at us

burnin bitches: this is so adorable

choke me daddy: ur such a softie for the 6 of us yoongi hyung

beloved mother: wow there's my family :'))

choke me daddy: i love you guys so much

burnin bitches: idk what id do without the 6 of you tbh

king kook: same id be lost af

plain ass: we're such a great group i love us

beloved mother: cmon yoongi say you love us :*

king kook: yeah we all know you wanna hyung

darling dad: yeah yeah okay..

darling dad: love you guys too

choke me daddy: AW

broke: OT7 FOREVER !

 


 

taekook & the idiots

plain ass: i found the 'after shot' of jimin busting a nut 

plain ass: jin almost swerved us into a ditch when i showed him

beloved mother: ive never seen someone looking so pornographic in my life !

beloved mother: my eldest son a kinky little fuck ;)

burnin bitches: jesus christ

Chapter Text


 Taehyung: choke me daddy

Jungkook: king kook

Jimin: burnin bitches

Yoongi: plain ass

Hoseok: broke

Jin: beloved mother

Namjoon: darling dad


 

 

@jeonjk

yall pray for @dambam, he ain't dead yet but he flooded my apartment so he may be soon.

Liked by kyugyeom_, __taethebae__, and 2,275 others

@dambam I SAID SORRY !!

 


 

taekook and the idiots

king kook: my whole entire apartment flooring & carpet is soaked with water

 king kook: who the hell forgets a sink tap is on and leaves the dorm

king kook: fuckin bambam does

king kook: so like i dont want to ask this

king kook: but who can i move in with for a few weeks while my dorm gets fixed

choke me daddy: MOVE IN WITH US !!

burnin bitches: gimme an N gimme an O

burnin bitches: whats that spell?

burnin bitches: NO.

broke: LMFAOO

choke me daddy: why nOT

burnin bitches: i love taekook dont get me wrong, #1 shipper here

burnin bitches: but like fuck im dealing with their horny asses 24/7

choke me daddy: 

darling dad: do you want to stay with us kook

king kook: is this namjoon hyung or yoongi hyung

darling dad: joon, we switched phones back

plain ass: jimin made a password on my phone now

burnin bitches: ur damn right i did

king kook: okay then sure that'd be great ty hyung

king kook: is jin hyung ok with it?

beloved mother: id do anything for my youngest son

beloved mother: i have a few conditions though

king kook: ok what are they?

king kook: ...jin hyung its been 5 mins what are you typing

broke: he says a few but really he typing out the bible

darling dad: lol

beloved mother: i made a little list xo

beloved mother: 

king kook: i need my weekend sleep ins tho please omg

burnin bitches: i love how bambam isnt allowed near

choke me daddy: WHY THE FUCK CAN'T I COME OVER

beloved mother: you can come over any time you want

beloved mother: as long as during those times, me or joonie are home!

choke me daddy: WHY !

beloved mother: break it to him pls joonie

darling dad: he doesn't want you and jungkook to fuck on the furniture and ruin it like you did to the backseat of his car

beloved mother: thanks joonie ily

beloved mother: but exactly:)

burnin bitches: AHAHAHAHAH AHAHAAHAHHA

broke: fucking iconic

choke me daddy: its not my fault !

king kook: actually it is ur the one who suggested we have car sex

king kook: dont worry hyungs tae wont come over unless you want him to !

choke me daddy: wow thanks kookie

 


 

taekook & the idiots

plain ass: remember the song and mini video i did with jimin

choke me daddy: the one i helped with?

plain ass: yeah, serendipity

plain ass: i got a 94

broke: congrats yoons !!

burnin bitches: what

burnin bitches: only a 94 ?!

burnin bitches: well promise is a promise so looks like the uni is being burnt down

king kook: has nobody noticed jimins obsession with fire

beloved mother: aw my little pyro :')

plain ass: my boyfriend is not a pyro

king kook: whats a pyro

darling dad: pyromaniac

darling dad: aka pyromania which is 'an obsessive desire to set fire to things'

broke: kim namjoon: the living dictionary

king kook: oh lol yeah jimins a pyro

burnin bitches: I AM NOT !

king kook: look at your name

burnin bitches: i

burnin bitches: ok fuck you i dont have a desire to set shit on fire

burnin bitches: im just upset bc yoongi's song deserved 100 !

plain ass: its okay minnie im happy with a 94

burnin bitches: are you sure bc i have matches in my book bag

plain ass: no need for that my little pyro

broke: MY LITTLE PYRO

burnin bitches: babe !

plain ass: couldnt help it sorry

beloved mother renamed 'burnin bitches' to 'pyro'

pyro: this is what i get for speaking up

 


 

taekook & the idiots

beloved mother: BOYS LOOK HOW CUTE MY BEST FRIEND IS

beloved mother: 

broke: don't steal my best friend wtf

choke me daddy: im distraught the blue dye washed out of your hair so fast

plain ass: im not

pyro: i thought it was cute

plain ass: i too miss the blue

beloved mother: whipped

pyro: why are u guys out together

plain ass: we're spending the whole day together to "regrow our deep friendship that is 3 years strong and growing"

plain ass: he called me 18 times at 6am this morning begging we hang out

plain ass: i almost blocked his number

beloved mother: he loves me he just doesn't show it

darling dad: jinnie guess what

beloved mother: hm

darling dad: jungkook came home with a stray dog today

beloved mother: jungkook what-

king kook: it was so cute it was like a mini dog version of tae!

choke me daddy: how am i dog

king kook: its cuddly and likes to lick me

choke me daddy: u got me there

darling dad: we're at the park behind the building now

darling dad: 

broke: theres another dog behind him lmao

king kook: im a dog magnet what can i say ;)

pyro: why does tae like you ur so fucking weird

beloved mother: jeon jungfuckingkook if those dogs arent gone by the time i get home tonight

beloved mother: you best believe ill be throwing your iron man shorts out the minute i walk in the door

choke me daddy: HE HAS IRON MAN SHORTS WHAT

king kook: JIN HYUNG STOP OK I PROMISE ILL WALK THE DOG BACK TO WHERE HE WAS !

beloved mother: you better

beloved mother: bringing a damn dog in the house and then finding more at a park

beloved mother: jesus fucking christ above

broke: i feel like i just watched jin transform into an actual angry mother yelling at her teenage son

plain ass: oh he's pissed u should see him lol

choke me daddy: are we really not gonna talk about the iron man shorts bc i really want to

king kook: ahahahaha look at the time we should find these dogs something to eat shouldn't we namjoon hyung !!

king kook: gtg tae ily ttyl !

choke me daddy: wow

pyro: #CONFIRMED JUNGKOOK HAS IRON MAN SHORTS

 


 

taekook & the idiots

 

beloved mother: update on my date with yoongi

plain ass: its not a date

beloved mother: shut up sweetie

broke: lmao

beloved mother: hes opening up and being silly which is crazy i usually have to get him drunk to be like this !

pyro: SHOW ME SILLY YOONGI

beloved mother: 

beloved mother: isn't he cute

choke me daddy: my daegu boy lookin good

plain ass: thanks tae

broke: 10/10 would bang if we weren't bros

plain ass: good to know hobi, good to know

pyro: can you all hop off his dick pls

pyro: thats my throne not yours

beloved mother: YOONGI JUST GAGGED ON HIS NOODLES READING THAT

choke me daddy: im gonna shit myself omfg

broke: this just in: min yoongi's dick is a throne

broke renamed 'plain ass' to 'my dick a throne'

my dick a throne: this is why i want to kill myself

 


 

@worldwidejin

@sugamin learn to be nicer to your elders xx

Liked by rapgodjoon, jimmieminnie, and 2,583 others

@sugamin get this off the internet now

 


 

taekook & the idiots

darling dad: so yoongi

darling dad: when did you become a girl

king kook: should we all call him noona now

my dick a throne: you will not

my dick a throne: jin how the hell did you get that video

choke me daddy: (͡° ͜ʖ ͡°)

my dick a throne: taehyung.

choke me daddy: oopsies srry hyung

king kook: **noona

choke me daddy: you were so good that day the kids loved you i had to take a video to remember it !!

beloved mother: i love it

my dick a throne: i dont

darling dad: whats it from

my dick a throne: last summer tae and i went to volunteer at a daycare and they were playing dress up and i was forced to dress up too

choke me daddy: NO YOU LYING FUCKER OMFVJSKXKBKE

choke me daddy: JISOO ASKED IF YOU WANTED TO DRESS UP TOO AND YOU SAID "SURE LOVE, WHAT SHOULD I DRESS UP AS?" AND YOU LET HER GIVE U A WIG AND MAKE UP

broke: damn go taebae expose his lying ass

choke me daddy: thx hyung

choke me daddy: so suck on them apples yoongi hyung :)

my dick a throne: i hate you so much

choke me daddy: ❤❤❤

choke me daddy: @jiminie where are you bby

pyro: can i just ask

pyro: why jin hyung posted that

beloved mother: your boyfriend said i was ugly

darling dad: what

my dick a throne: liar

my dick a throne: you tripped and asked if your hair was okay and i said it was a mess

my dick a throne: then you said "thats a personal attack you'll regret saying those words yoongi"

my dick a throne: which explains why we're all here rn

broke: we're such a bunch of liars

pyro: wow jin hyung

pyro: honestly tho

pyro: if i was straight and not gay af like tae

choke me daddy: thanks for that jiminie

pyro: id like this yoongi noona

my dick a throne: so ur saying if i was a girl you'd still wanna date

pyro: exactly

my dick a throne: interesting

pyro: maybe then my dick would be the throne

my dick a throne: thats a good point

beloved mother: how did my outing of yoongi become a yoonmin moment

king kook: theyre talking about dick riding make them stop dad @namjoon hyung

darling dad: are you serious

darling dad: you had phone sex with taehyung in the bathroom earlier

darling dad: i literally walked past the door and heard you moan his name ok you have no right to complain

pyro: how do you know he wasnt just jacking off omg

darling dad: he dropped the phone in the shower when he nutted

king kook: HYUBFJEK

broke: sometimes i wish i shut my notifications for this chat off

 


 

taekook & the idiots

choke me daddy: guess who got a job boyzzzz

pyro: THATS MY FUCKING SOULMATE

beloved mother: CONGRATS MY SON IM PROUD

my dick a throne: who would want to hire you

pyro: be nice yoongi omg ur just jealous

king kook: literally when did you get the job wtf

choke me daddy: after we got off the phone i got a call

choke me daddy: imagine how awkward that was for me

choke me daddy: accepting a job offer over the phone with my boss while theres jizz all over my stomach

choke me daddy: honestly one of the strangest positions ive been in in a while

king kook: oh my god

my dick a throne: im so disgusted i almost walked into the road

beloved mother: true he almost did i had to grab him

broke: where are you gonna be working tae!

choke me daddy: library down the street from uni

broke: damn congrats wait till you get your first paycheck youll nut

choke me daddy: ill be spending it all on gucci lmao

broke renamed 'choke me daddy' to 'kim taegucci'

king kook: at least try to save your money tae

kim taegucci: oh hush what i do with my money is my business

kim taegucci: at least my money is coming from hard work and not a sugar daddy ;))

king kook: ill remember that next time you want me to buy you a gucci bag you poor ass bitch :)

kim taegucci: damn fuck me

broke: i blew my first paycheck too taebae its ok everybody does

kim taegucci: see god bless you hobi hyung you're the only one to understands my shopping needs

kim taegucci: speaking of

kim taegucci: HAVE I SHOWN YOU THE GUCCI NECKLACE I WANT

broke: FUCK NO SHOW ME

kim taegucci: slidin in your dms now

broke: please do

darling dad: why are we all like this

darling dad: it really puzzles me some times

pyro: better to just accept and not question it hyung

pyro: how do you think i became friends with tae

darling dad: LOL

 


 

taekook & the idiots

beloved mother changed their name to 'min jin'

darling dad: why

min jin: bc yoongi and i got married

pyro: what

my dick a throne: we didnt apparently he just claims my last name now

min jin: it suits me !

darling dad: i still dont understand why

min jin: bc he bought me a sweater now hes being shy about it

min jin: 

my dick a throne: i only smiled bc he said jimin's name

min jin: what a fake fuck i thought we had something special

pyro: you look hot as fuck babe

my dick a throne: thanks minnie

my dick a throne: and would you like me to make it up to you jin by buying you a drink

min jin: yes

min jin: what a perfect end to a perfect day

pyro: id ship yoonjin if i wasnt a bitter bitch about you stealing him

min jin: well you cant always have him jiminie

min jin: today was solely a yoonjin date <3

my dick a throne: STOP CALLING IT A DATE

min jin: okay honeybuns xo

 


 

taekook & the idiots

king kook: uh guys

king kook: please come on im freaking out

broke: its 2am i need my beauty sleep

kim taegucci: what the fuck kookie

my dick a throne: this better be something good

pyro: what the hell do you want you coconut asshole

king kook: you complain yet you all came on

king kook: so jin hyung and namjoon hyung are asleep and i was messing around cause im bored right

pyro: shouldnt you have been, oh i dont fucking know, sleeping!

kim taegucci: please excuse jimin's behavior he isnt a fan of being woken up

king kook: i can't sleep easily in unfamiliar places it freaks me out

kim taegucci: aw kookie):

pyro: cry me a fucking river

broke: jimin omfg

my dick a throne: can we get to the point if there is one please im tired af and wanna go back to sleep

king kook: YES ok

king kook: so i was lowkey having a dance marathon in my room, aka the guest room, with my headphones on

king kook: and i kicked the nightstand by mistake and the drawer fell out

king kook: and this book fell out and im like ew reading fuck that

broke: tag yourself im "ew reading"

king kook: but it turns out it was a journal and it said KSJ on it so im like oh gossip! sign me up to spill tea

kim taegucci: tag yourself im "sign me up to spill tea"

pyro: im "oh gossip!"

king kook: guys shut up this is where it gets crazy

king kook: yanno those journals where people write down their dreams??

my dick a throne: yes dream journals

king kook: well jin hyung has one but its not normal dreams

king kook: its like

king kook: a sex dream journal??

king kook: and its so fucking graphic its worse than some 50 shades of grey shit

kim taegucci: i just choked omg

broke: whats it about

king kook: bunch of shit namjoon hyung has done?? to jin hyung in his dreams??

my dick a throne: so jin has a wet dream journal

my dick a throne: i didnt want to know that

my dick a throne: goodnight

pyro: same peace

king kook: NO HELP I DONT KNOW WHAT TO DO WITH THIS INFORMATION NOW

broke: well id pack up my bags if i were you since jins gonna wake up and know you found out

kim taegucci: yeah big mistake messaging the groupchat

kim taegucci: im gonna go to sleep now night good luck with that journal kookie

broke: lol me too, i cant wait to tease joons tmr about this

beloved mother: joonie doesnt know

beloved mother: jungkook

beloved mother: what have you done.

king kook: HYUBFS HELO I HESR JIN  HYUBG BANGING ON MYNDOOR IDK WHST TK DO IM PANICKINF

king kook: HE TRYIBF TK UNLOCKEF THR DOOR HELP ME

king kook: HYUNGS SOMEOBE PLEAEE GET BSCK ON

king kook: TAE IF I DIE JUST KNOW ILL ALWAYS LOVE YOU

king kook: SHIT SHIT HES IN IM JUMOINH OUT THE WINDOW

Chapter Text


 Taehyung: kim taegucci

Jungkook: rotten ass kid

Jimin: pyro

Yoongi: honeybunz

Hoseok: broke

Jin: queenie

Namjoon: McDick Me Down


 

jin's bitches

honeybunz: what the fuck is this

queenie: our new groupchat ! the other had to be deleted :)) 

honeybunz: why are half the names changed and the others not

queenie: bc tae, jiminie, and hoseok are fine

queenie: you and i needed better ones

queenie: and joonie got a special one <3

pyro: what about kook whats his name

kim taegucci: speaking of kookie

kim taegucci: wheres is my boyfriend

queenie: a darn shame what happened to him really, i wish him a speedy recovery xx :)

kim taegucci: WHAT

honeybunz: who knew jin could drop his love for a kid so fast

 


 

the sons + JH & MY

mother hen: listen up you fake fucks

middle son: oh my god

mother hen: joonie is about to check the new chat so nobody say shit about last night, got it?

eldest son: got it !

hoseok: okok

yoongi: idc anyways so sure

middle son: u should just tell him jin hyung!

mother hen: kim taehyung

mother hen: say that again and ill break into your dorm in the middle of the night and destroy all your gucci

mother hen: joonie cannot and will not find out, do i make myself clear?

middle son: omg yes very

 


 

jin's bitches

McDick Me Down: im so confused

McDick Me Down: the one day i have no classes and sleep in later i see we have a new gc and idk whos who

honeybunz: its yoons

pyro: im still fire boy apparently

kim taegucci: its obvious who i am

broke: im still poor af lol

queenie: do you like your name joonie? <3

McDick Me Down: it's interesting that's for sure

McDick Me Down: where's jungkook

queenie: who's jungkook

McDick Me Down: what does that mean

queenie: nothing joonie dont worry

 


 

jin's bitches

kim taegucci: how's my favourite couple doing

pyro: me and yoongi are great

kim taegucci: i didnt mean you but okay

kim taegucci: good to know

pyro: oh my god

kim taegucci: hows hobin

broke: is this my time can i talk about the loml

honeybunz: go for it hobi

broke: here i go

broke: hes sO AMAZING OK HE'S LIKE A DAMN STAR HE SHINES SO BRIGHT AND IS ALWAYS HAPPY AF sometimes hes mellow af like hes high even tho he's never done drugs once AND MAKES ME SMILE NONSTOP

broke: HONESTLY THE BEST PERSON IVE EVER MET IN MY WHOLE GODDAMN LIFE OKAY

kim taegucci: 

kim taegucci: my heart is swelling

broke: thanks taebae i appreciate it

broke: but omg i got a funny story it happened last week

pyro: is this about the personalities? jongin briefly told me about it

pyro: you're such a nut hobi hyung

broke: lol ty

broke: so i saw jongin talking to a few girls about two weeks ago and im like ok idc he can talk to ppl

broke: but there was this one girl that had been constantly around him

broke: wtf was her name

pyro: krystal, she's his lab partner in chem

broke: see i didnt know that at the time

broke: so last week jongin and krystal were around hanging out EVERY DAY and i wouldn't consider myself the jealous type but this girl man idk there was just something shifty about her

McDick Me Down: 'shifty'

broke: so i texted jongin i was like "i know we just started dating a couple weeks ago so if you wanna jump ship you can i totally get it"

kim taegucci: hyung omg

broke: no i know, he was like "wtf are you talking about" and im like "idk you just seem to be hanging with that girl a lot"

broke: and he goes "she's my partner in chemistry there's nothing to worry about okay? you know i love you"

broke: and then im like "ok i wont worry about it anymore i love you too"

pyro: get to the good part

broke: ok i got screenshots for it

broke: 

kim taegucci: I LOVE JONGIN HIS COMEBACK WAS AMAZING

honeybunz: i like hobi's comment of "i know im better"

queenie: i love a confident man

broke: ;DD

broke: so in conclusion jongin and i are doing quite well

kim taegucci:

 


 

jin's bitches

rotten ass kid: hey guys

kim taegucci: KOOKIE HOYLF DUCKING SHIT ARE YOU OKAY WTF HAPOEBED ITS ALMOST BEEN 3 DAYS

kim taegucci: CABT YOU OICK UP A FUCKING PHONE DO YOH KNOW HOW WORRIED I WAS?

pyro: its true he hasn't shut up

rotten ass kid: sorry baby

kim taegucci: are you okay like wtf send me a selfie i need to know ur okay

rotten ass kid: tae im fine i swear

kim taegucci: selfie now.

rotten ass kid:

rotten ass kid: see i said i was fine

kim taegucci: so you look magnificent

kim taegucci: but where are you

rotten ass kid: hospital

kim taegucci: YOU'RE IN THE FUCKING HOSPITAL?

rotten ass kid: i had to go bc i fucked my knee out of place and lowkey cant walk

rotten ass kid: my phone screen is smashed so i can barely read shit on here

rotten ass kid: also half my apps apparently dont work now so guess whos probs gonna need a new phone

kim taegucci: i dont understand why you couldn't call me the minute you got to the hospital

kim taegucci: even borrow someone else's phone

rotten ass kid: im shy! i wasn't gonna ask strangers !

kim taegucci: god all fucking mighty

kim taegucci: im dating a dumbass

honeybunz: we been knowin' this

rotten ass kid: okay rude i jump out of a window thats 3 levels off the ground and you all insult me

McDick Me Down: wtf were you doing jumping out of a window??

queenie: lets not worry about that shall we?

queenie: dumb kids these days doing even dumber stuff smh

kim taegucci: MY BOYFRIEND ALMOST DIED LIKE HELL IT /DOESNT MATTER/

rotten ass kid: i didnt almost die tae

rotten ass kid: i cant dance for a month tho which is a big piss off

rotten ass kid: i wont be able to go to the next showcase im sorry hobi hyung

broke: dont even worry about it kook omg

broke: who took you to the hospital?

rotten ass kid: jin hyung

McDick Me Down: jinnie

McDick Me Down: why was i not aware of this

queenie: oh well-

pyro: 

queenie: youve been working so hard lately in the studio and in school that i just wanted you to take a break for a while so i didnt wanna concern you with jungkook cause i know you worry about him

McDick Me Down: seriously?

broke: listen joons

McDick Me Down: thats gotta be the sweetest thing you've ever done for me jinnie jesus im damn near getting emotional in class

queenie: of course joonie i love you :*

broke: 

kim taegucci: what a turn of events

 


 

jin's bitches

kim taegucci: GUESS WHO GOT THEIR PAYCHECK AND WENT ON A LITTLE SHOPPING SPREE

kim taegucci: 

kim taegucci: THIS GUCCI WEARING BITCH

pyro: YOU ARE STUNNING

queenie: DAMN SON

McDick Me Down: you didnt just make that pun did you

queenie: i did :)

honeybunz: did jungkook have a heart attack where is he

rotten ass kid: 

pyro: omg

rotten ass kid: god damn tae

rotten ass kid: you look good

kim taegucci: thank you kookie<3

kim taegucci: best $200 ive ever spent

honeybunz: you spent $200 on charms?

kim taegucci: yes and you would do the same if jimin asked you to

honeybunz: you right

broke: how do u feel @jungkookie

rotten ass kid: he looks hot af have you seen his lips what the hell

rotten ass kid: like jesus look at that beautiful creation

broke: alright true his lips are cute

broke: but what about the gucci bag that he drained his bank account over

kim taegucci: hyung!

rotten ass kid: how much was it

broke: $3000

rotten ass kid: did you just say three THOUSAND dollars

rotten ass kid: he works at a fucking library he doesn't have that kind of money

rotten ass kid: do you know how long it took me to make $3000?

rotten ass kid: i did a video of me fucking a dildo for that kinda money

pyro: kook just went off

kim taegucci: it wasn't $3000 !

kim taegucci: it was just close to it

McDick Me Down: taehyung you have a gucci problem don't you

McDick Me Down: and jungkook... wow

rotten ass kid: hyung lets not talk about what i said lets talk about tae for now okay

kim taegucci: how about we talk about hobi hyung just EXPOSED ME WTF

broke: oopsies :)

pyro: i love this chat

 


 

jin's bitches

rotten ass kid: whos picking me up from the hospital

kim taegucci: me

rotten ass kid: with what car

kim taegucci: ok so not me

McDick Me Down: ill be there in 2 hrs to get you

rotten ass kid: ty❤

 


 

Private chat with: my mom?

my mom?: jungkook

JK: yeah

my mom?: if joonie asks you what happened what are you going to say

JK: that i was messing around at yugyeoms door drunk and jumped out of his window

my mom?: good boy xx

 


 

jin's bitches

broke: so lets all just take some time to remember that dating jongin was the best decision ive ever made

kim taegucci: obviously

rotten ass kid: you tell us all the time

queenie: literally ^

McDick Me Down: why

broke: have you seen him lately

McDick Me Down: no

broke: kay wait ill take a video

broke: 

pyro: DID HE DYE HIS HAIR PINK AND NOT TELL ME

kim taegucci: it looks AMAZING

broke: ikr i busted a fatty when i saw it

honeybunz: "a fatty"

kim taegucci: waIT IS BAEKHYUN THERE TOO

broke: yeah we're hanging with him and chanyeol

kim taegucci: omg baek:( tell him i said hi and that i miss him so much

broke: he said he loves you lots

kim taegucci: <33

rotten ass kid: namjoon hyung

McDick Me Down: yeah kook

rotten ass kid: you dont need to pick me up anymore

rotten ass kid: wait till tomorrow

McDick Me Down: why

rotten ass kid: i just punched a wall and split my knuckle open so theyre keeping me another night

McDick Me Down: oh my god

pyro: jealous jeon at his prime

 


 

Private chat with: kookie♡

taetae♡: you did not

kookie♡: its just badly bruised but

kookie♡: 

kookie♡: i did

taetae♡: jesus christ

taetae♡: i thought we were okay

kookie♡: we are !!

kookie♡: its not my fault i just cant stand the guy

kookie♡: "he says he loves you lots"

kookie♡: like spare me please i think im gonna vomit

taetae♡: i shouldn't be laughing but i am omfg

taetae♡: ur gonna get into a serious fight one day and hurt yourself all over jealousy kookie

kookie♡: as long as ur mine ill gladly take a black eye

taetae♡: thats not at all what i meant you fool

taetae♡: the nurses must think you're insane

kookie♡: oh they do, they suggested i go on antipsychotics but i shot that idea right down

kookie♡: told them i have jealousy issues B)

taetae♡: my boyfriend is a complete loon wow

kookie♡: a loon for your love ;)

taetae♡: what kind of drugs are they giving you at the hospital omg

taetae♡: get off your phone and ice your knuckles

kookie♡: fine

 


 

@jeonjk

thanks to mr bucket hat for picking me up today @rapgodjoon ❤

Liked by __taethebae__, worldwidejin, and 1,649 others

@dancemanhobi MR BUCKET HAT

@rapgodjoon after all I've done for you, this is how you repay me

 


 

Private chat with: big dick supreme

fat ass gucci: whenever i think he can't get hotter

fat ass gucci: fuck jiminie he just does

fat ass gucci: im genuinely amazed by effortlessly handsome he looks

big dick supreme: how does all this make you feel tae

fat ass gucci: 

big dick supreme: LMAO

 


 

jin's bitches

pyro: GUYS

pyro: I WAS ON TWITTER EARLIER AND I FOUND A MEME THAT /LITERALLY/ EXPRESSES MY LIFE

pyro: 

honeybunz: ive never related to something more

honeybunz: except its depression and life ruining sadness instead

pyro: LOL exactly babe<3

McDick Me Down: has no one noticed how those two make jokes about their own mental health with each other

kim taegucci: they bond over it they're weird

honeybunz: we can't all be perfect joons

broke: speaking of memes

broke: i made a yoons one

pyro: please show me

broke: yoongi when jimin tells him he cant come over and get dicked down:

broke: 

queenie: I LOVE IT

kim taegucci: AHAHAHAHA

honeybunz: honestly

honeybunz: ur not completely wrong

broke: well ofc im not

broke: im the one who listens to you mop around the apartment saying "ugh hobi i was so horny earlier and minnie said hes busy studying tonight the hell am i supposed to do?"

broke: like bro idk dont tell me just go jack off in the shower like jungkook does

rotten ass kid: i come online and this is the first thing i see

rotten ass kid: why does everybody attack me

pyro: WAS HE REALLY COMPLAINING OMG

honeybunz: hobi dude i thought we were bffs the fuck you doing exposing me

kim taegucci: hobi hyung saw an opportunity and he took it

McDick Me Down: hobi's on an exposing spree damn

queenie: first tae, now yoongi

queenie: nobody is safe from hoseok anymore

broke: :))

 


 

jin's bitches

pyro: so its officially been a full week and a half of living with jungkook

pyro: how's it been @namjoon&jin

McDick Me Down: pretty good actually!

queenie: absolute hell.

queenie: he disobeys half the rules i made like

queenie: he sleeps in late almost every morning so IM the one waking HIM up for HIS classes

rotteb ass kid: um excuse me what about the breakfasts !

queenie: alright true he does make breakfast for us all the time so i do appreciate that a lot BUT

queenie: he plays his emo ass shit music at the unholiest hours like what the hell is he doing? the idiot should be asleep

pyro: AHAHAHA

queenie: if im woken up by the words "the poor groom's bride is a whore" one more time

queenie: im gonna lose my fucking mind

rotten ass kid: ITS A GOOD SONG STOP HATING ON IT

honeybunz: its a song used for memes that's all its good for kook

kim taegucci: he has a big crush on brendon urie

pyro: does he actually oh my fucking god

kim taegucci: he does

kim taegucci: first time i went over to his dorm last year i saw a brendon urie poster hidden under his bed

rotten ass kid: TAE!

kim taegucci: bet it wouldn't have taken us a year to get together if i looked like brendon urie

kim taegucci: kookie @ me if my name was brendon:

kim taegucci: 

pyro: IM SCREAMING

honeybunz: hows it feel to be exposed by your boyfriend jungkook

rotten ass kid: im so embarrassed i dont know what to say

rotten ass kid: tae ur lucky i cant walk right now or else id break your dorm door down

kim taegucci: :*

pyro: you break it

pyro: you buy it

 


 

jin's bitches

McDick Me Down: uhm

McDick Me Down: jin?

queenie: yes joonie?

McDick Me Down: why did i just get a text message asking if i wanted to permanently delete the old groupchat?

McDick Me Down: it also sent me the last conversation that happened in it..

McDick Me Down: about jungkook finding a certain journal you have?

kim taegucci: DO I SMELL AN EXPOSURE ABOUT TO HAPPEN

honeybunz: its about to happen

queenie: 

queenie: shit

McDick Me Down: taehyung come pick up jungkook

McDick Me Down: jinnie and i have to have a nice little chat alone xx

kim taegucci: oh my god

honeybunz: a nice little chat

queenie: what the hell kind of text did you get you're not supposed to get those

McDick Me Down: its from an unknown number detailing the last few messages of the gc and asking if i want to delete it

queenie: i deleted it though !

McDick Me Down: well idk what to tell you

broke: jongin's phone is great for many things

kim taegucci: HOLY FUCK

pyro: 

honeyunz: plot twist

rotten ass kid: 

queenie: jung hoseok

queenie: did you do what i think you did

broke: 

McDick Me Down: i think its time for that chat now jinnie

McDick Me Down: bring the journal:)

broke: have fun jin xx

queenie: HOW DARE YOU

broke: like you said before

broke: nobody is safe ;)

Chapter Text


Taehyung: kim taegucci

Jungkook: rotten ass kid

Jimin: pyro

Yoongi: honeybunz

Hoseok: broke

Jin: queenie

Namjoon: McDick Me Down


 

jin's bitches

rotten ass kid: can you believe the economy we live in these days

rotten ass kid: its absolutely insane

broke: whats today's issue in the life of jungkook

pyro: yeah tell us we'll pretend we care

rotten ass kid: tae and i went to get me a new phone

rotten ass kid: and the prices ! what the hell !

honeybunz: how much was it

rotten ass kid: $1300

kim taegucci: you didn't need to get the iphone 8+ with all the fancy ass expensive add ons

kim taegucci: but did you? Yes you did.

rotten ass kid: they were calling to me

rotten ass kid: but that fucking price tag wasn't

honeybunz: dont act like you're pinching pennies jungkook

honeybunz: we all know your bank account is in the high digits from all that baby boy shit you did last year

kim taegucci: THAT BABY BOY SHIT IM FUCKING YELLING

pyro: YES 12/10 THAT'S MY BOYFRIEND DRAG KOOK'S ASS

rotten ass kid: "branch out in uni jungkook" my mom said

rotten ass kid: "it'll be fun to make new friends" she said

rotten ass kid: oh how she was wrong

 


 

jin's bitches

queenie: hello boys

queenie: is everybody having a good day?

queenie: i hope so, we should appreciate the life we live more

kim taegucci: is jin hyung asking bc he cares or bc hes fucked out

pyro: fucked out

pyro: i mean its been three days since we heard from him or namjoon hyung

broke: how was your weekend joons?:)

McDick Me Down: oh hoseok

McDick Me Down: my dear dear friend

McDick Me Down: i dont tell you enough but i really love you

rotten ass kid: im snorting ??

honeybunz: you liked what you read didn't you joons

McDick Me Down: i did

queenie: we both did

kim taegucci: im stunned

queenie: i thought you did what you did to expose me hoseok

broke: oh i did

broke: with good intentions of course

queenie: honestly

queenie: i dont even care !

queenie: why i ever kept that journal from joonie 

queenie: i have no idea

broke: im glad my man's phone served a good cause

broke: i'd save jongin's number joons

broke: never know when im gonna expose next;)

rotten ass kid: tae just laughed so hard the milk he was drinking went up his nose

 


 

jin's bitches

honeybunz: park jimin

honeybunz: what did you do

pyro: i do a lot of things what do you mean

honeybunz: oh idk maybe this will jog your memory ?

honeybunz: 

rotten ass kid: ITS THAT HATEFUL APP

honeybunz: yes it is

honeybunz: i'd like to know why it's on my phone when im not even religious

broke: you do thank god a lot though

honeybunz: for the jibooty that's it

kim taegucci: DID YOU JUST SAY THE JIBOOTY

queenie: 

honeybunz: how do i get it off my phone

rotten ass kid: good luck trying

rotten ass kid: i still have it

rotten ass kid: every night at 11 i get a notification that says

rotten ass kid: "what you rather do? come home in one piece or cum in the middle of a car crash?"

kim taegucci: its a real mood killer when you're trying to get fucked

honeybunz: oh my god

honeybunz: jimin tell me how to uninstall it now

pyro: ┐( ̄ヮ ̄)┌

pyro: gotta blast !

 


 

jin's bitches

McDick Me Down: someone remember me to never take hobi and jimin out ever again

quuenie: what did they do

McDick Me Down: drink

McDick Me Down: a lot

kim taegucci: why wasnt i invited !

rotten ass kid: bc you have the beginning stages of a drinking problem

kim taegucci: 

McDick Me Down: anyways

McDick Me Down: im pretty sure jimin thinks he's a "Straight Up G" now, per his words of course

honeybunz: he thinks hes a what

McDick Me Down: 

McDick Me Down: a straight up g

honeybunz: oh wow.. just wow

McDick Me Down: hobi at least is in somewhat his right state of mind

McDick Me Down: but still quite tipsy

McDick Me Down: 

queenie: he dressed so well im impressed

kim taegucci: why would i actually leave my boyfriend for hobi hyung

rotten ass kid: hobi hyung is great

rotten ass kid: wait

rotten ass kid: tae wtf

rotten ass kid: im your boyfriend !

 


 

Private chat with: daegu boy #1

daegu boy #2: wheres jimin

daegu boy #1: at namjoon & jin's

daegu boy #1: him and hobi passed out there last night

daegu boy #2: see wtf i was so worried why the hell wasn't he answering my texts

daegu boy #1: hes still drunk he makes no sense rn

daegu boy #1: 

daegu boy #2: wow

daegu boy #2: so he can say he slept in space while still being drunk the next morning

daegu boy #2: but im still called the alcoholic in the group

daegu boy #1: because you are

daegu boy #2: IM NOT !

 


 

jin's bitches

McDick Me Down: i dont usually say these kind of things

McDick Me Down: especially to you idiots

kim taegucci: thanks namjoonie hyung

rotten ass kid: <3333

McDick Me Down: but jinnie has such an amazing imagination

McDick Me Down: it leads to such magical things

honeybunz: are you guys gonna keep beating around the bush like this or are you just gonna say that jin's dirty journal let you guys have some great sex

pyro: babe omg

honeybunz: no like seriously its not like we're all virgins of god we know we're all fucking people

broke: literally you're all fucking one of the others in this group but me lol

honeybunz: exactly

queenie: well if you really want to know

queenie: joonie really liked my whipped cream dream also the dream about ribbons 

McDick Me Down: i definitely liked that one

queenie: ill go to the store later and pick some stuff up xx

broke: what jin actually means by stuff:

broke: 

pyro: did you just photoshop my boyfriend with condoms in his hands

broke: yes

pyro: [screenshot captured]

pyro: i love you hobi

pyro: never change

broke: LOL ill try not to jiminie

 


 

jin's bitches

queenie made 'kim taegucci' an admin

kim taegucci: ty momma

kim taegucci renamed 'broke' to 'jung hobo'

jung hobo: first of all

jung hobo: how dare you

kim taegucci: ;))

kim taegucci: DID YOU JUST KICK ME

jung hobo: yes

jung hobo: DONT KICK ME BACK YOU PIECE OF SHIT

kim taegucci: NO CAN DO HOBO

queenie: what is this

kim taegucci: we were getting coffee and the girl said "name?" and hobi said his name and he gets his cup 2 mins later and it says 'jung hobo' on it

kim taegucci: i laughed so fucking hard some old women asked if i was having a seizure

jung hobo: what the hell is a jung hobo i swear the girl was deaf

jung hobo: like its hoSEOK not hoBO

kim taegucci: thats why i just say tae everytime i go and they write 'tay'

pyro: i think hobo fits you hyung

honeybunz: yeah im changing your contact name to that

honeybunz: maybe ill even tell the admin office to change your name tag for your job

jung hobo: you wouldn't dare

honeybunz: lol watch me

 


 

@dancemanhobi

coffee date with @__taethebae__ xx

Liked by __taethebae__, jeonjk, worldwidejin, and 2,572 others

@jeonjk i just saw what heaven looks like

 


 

jin's bitches

jung hobo: @yoons get your bubble gum dumb dumb mother fucking ass online right now

queenie: i love everything about that sentence

honeybunz: whats up hobi

jung hobo: never did i think i would see the day you turn on me

jung hobo: but it looks like that day has come

honeybunz: paybacks a bitch isn't it sweetie pie

kim taegucci: SWEETIE PIE

kim taegucci renamed 'honeybunz' to 'sweetz'

jung hobo: do you know the weird looks i got from the other tour guides when they saw my name tag today

jung hobo: I DIDN'T EVEN REALIZE UNTIL THE END OF MY SHIFT WHEN JONGIN PICKED ME UP AND SAID "SO YOU'RE A HOBO NOW?"

jung hobo: I WAS SO EMBARRASSED !

sweetz: damn sounds rough

sweetz: too bad i just dont care

jung hobo: oh my god

 


 

jin's bitches

pyro: i need love can someone love me

rotten ass kid: dont you have a boyfriend for that

pyro: hes busy at the studio with namjoon hyung and hobi hyung

pyro: but excuse you ?? i listened to you for months in your freshman year when you were like "omg tae's so nice" and "wow jimin did you see tae's outfit today he looked good" and when you'd whine your ass off about him

pyro: fucking love sick fool at 19 you were

queenie: why am i just finding out about this now

kim taegucci: i think the real question here is why the fuck am i

kim taegucci: what exactly about being soulmates dont you get jiminie you're supposed to tell me everything

kim taegucci: especially if its about kookie !

pyro: well now you know:)

kim taegucci: hey kookie

rotten ass kid: suddenly i can't read whats this

pyro: LMAO

queenie: settle down kids your mother will fix this

queenie: jiminie, i love you ur the best person ever

queenie: tae, your boyfriend has been obsessed with you since he was a horny little boy right out of high school

queenie: jk, ur so lame its sad but so so cute

rotten ass kid: why dont i ever get proper compliments

queenie renamed 'rotten ass kid' to 'cutest maknae'

queenie: theres your compliment

cutest maknae: this makes me sound like a bottom

pyro: some day i wouldn't be surprised if you switched

pyro: just not with tae bc hes a real bottom

kim taegucci: the hell are you then you bottomless ass bitch

pyro: bottomless? my thick ass? think again you flat fuck

queenie: you're all hopeless oh my god

 


 

@__taethebae__

never again will i go to the gym with @dancemanhobi , ive never came so close to death in my life

Liked by jeonjk, jimmieminnie, and 1,485 others

@dancemanhobi  OH SHUT UP YOURE FINE !

 


 

jin's bitches

cutest maknae: yugyeom dude shit

cutest maknae: did you get the pic i sent you on insta

cutest maknae: like did you see his fucking collarbones

cutest maknae: can you believe i fuck a hyung that looks like that

cutest maknae: christ i wanna make him cry in the hottest ways possible

cutest maknae: but i also want him to fucking ruin me lmao

McDick Me Down: if you're going to be ruined by your boyfriend and/or make him cry i'd suggest it be in person not over text

pyro: lmao do you tell all your younger friends how you're banging an older guy

jung hobo: i love discovering jungkook has a crying kink

sweetz: i gotta say i didnt see that one coming

queenie: i know yugyeom is your close friend but wow jungkookie do you talk to your whole 97ers squad about tae like that

cutest maknae has left the chat

kim taegucci added 'cutest maknae' to the chat

kim taegucci: hi jungkook

cutest maknae: ...hi

kim taegucci: fancy seeing you here on this nice sunny day

cutest maknae: its cloudy

kim taegucci: is it?

kim taegucci: i couldnt tell from all the crying im apparently doing in some mighty fine hot ways

cutest maknae: tae

kim taegucci: yes?

cutest maknae: you weren't meant to see that

kim taegucci: yet i did

kim taegucci: im a bit hurt honestly

kim taegucci: i didnt know you had a hyung kink

kim taegucci: im coming over

kim taegucci: dont worry about the furniture jin hyung

kim taegucci: kookie and i just have to try something out

cutest maknae: hoyksbjti okay

jung hobo: WHAT DID I JUST WATCH UNFOLD BEFORE MY EYES

McDick Me Down: you just saw the beginning of a brand new era for taekook

sweetz: or just how fucking whipped jungkook is for taehyung

 


 

Private chat with: flat fuck

bottomless ass bitch: did you check another thing off your sex bucket list

flat fuck: oh my sweet baby jiminie

flat fuck: i checked two things off

 


 

jin's bitches

sweetz: can someone tell me why im just finding out now that my boyfriend wanted to be loved the other day

sweetz: and why exactly you didnt shower him in the love he deserves ??

pyro: yoongi sh

sweetz: oh no, not now minnie

sweetz: @everyone you fake ass friends send him your love now

kim taegucci: QUICK EVERYBODY SEND THEIR FAV PICS OF JIMINIE

queenie: 

queenie: my son's happiness brings a smile to my face everyday

jung hobo: 

jung hobo: he looked amazing this day

McDick Me Down: 

McDick Me Down: low quality photos are always the best

cutest maknae: 

cutest maknae: im pretty jealous of how his eye makeup looks here tbh

kim taegucci: 

kim taegucci: the best performance he's ever fucking done ?? look at his gorgeous thighs ??

pyro: im gonna cry omg

kim taegucci: yoongi hyung whats your fav pic of your boyfriend

sweetz: every picture that's taken of him

sweetz: but its this one

sweetz: 

queenie: thats when you two performed your song :'))

sweetz: best day of my life

sweetz: other than the day we started dating & the day he said he loved me

jung hobo: IM SOFT THATS SO FUCKING CUTE

kim taegucci: today has officially been renamed "jimin appreciation day"

pyro: but why the sudden big fuss its not even my birthday lmao

McDick Me Down: that doesn't mean we can't still love and appreciate you

cutest maknae: yeah i mean we butt heads a lot but you're a really great person jimin hyung

queenie: you're always there for us even if you have backed up homework

jung hobo: yeah jiminie you drop all your stuff for us in a heartbeat its so sweet

pyro: i dont know whats better, all your compliments or the fact that kook called me 'jimin hyung'

pyro: either way im walking across campus sobbing i love you guys

sweetz: come to mine and hobi's dorm the rest of us are all here

pyro: on my way

kim taegucci: GROUP HUG FOR JIMINIE AS SOON AS HE COMES IN THE DOOR !

pyro: 

Chapter Text


Taehyung: kim taegucci

Jungkook: cutest maknae

Jimin: pyro

Yoongi: sweetz

Hoseok: jung hobo

Jin: queenie

Namjoon: McDick Me Down


 

 

jin's bitches

jung hobo: so i was thinking

sweetz: you shouldnt

pyro: LMAO

jung hobo: wow thanks for the support im just trying to help you out yoons

jung hobo: ive been thinking about how that sprinkle of jesus shit got on your phone (obviously from jiminie)

pyro: innocent until proven guilty

cutest maknae: why are you such a liar

jung hobo: but then i thought of something really weird ok hear me out

jung hobo: so yanno how jungkookie still has it on his phone even though he got a new one phone and hasnt seen jimin since that right

sweetz: im half following what ur saying

jung hobo: uGH LISTEN

jung hobo: i think its not a matter of uninstalling it i think it has to do with the account of the person

jung hobo: like jimin got on jungkook's account and got the app there

kim taegucci has kicked 'jung hobo' out of the chat

cutest maknae: tae wtf

pyro: hes asleep i stole his phone

pyro: but ahahahahaa isnt hobi hyung the funniest lolololol

sweetz: minnie

pyro: christ look at the time i gotta go to practice bye babe <3

sweetz: its 9am on a sunday

 


 

Private chat with: jiminie

jiminie: please dont

hobi hyung: dont what

jiminie: expose me !

hobi hyung: lol why not its what we do

jiminie: ik but theres more to this for me than that and id prefer the guys not know

hobi hyung: oh ?? i didnt know

jiminie: ill show you but you HAVE to keep it a secret hyung im not kidding you can't tell anybody

jiminie: just like i didnt tell anybody about jongin when you guys first got together

hobi hyung: okok do you wanna come over? yoons went back to bed and wont be up until like 2pm

jiminie: lol okay

 


 

jin's bitches

kim taegucci added 'jung hobo' to the chat

jung hobo: ❤❤❤

kim taegucci: boys i need some help

McDick Me Down: whats up tae

queenie: how can we be of assistance?

pyro: im all ears

kim taegucci: kookie always takes me out on really amazing dates so i figured its my turn but i dont know how to be like 'hey im taking you out' in a fun way

pyro: roses are red, violets are blue. guess what, my bed has room for two

kim taegucci: JIMIN!

McDick Me Down: twinkle twinkle little star, we can do it in my car.

queenie: aw you said that to me on our third date joonie 

kim taegucci: i cannot believe

jung hobo: how about you say this one

jung hobo: row row row your boat gently down the stream, merrily merrily merrily merrily i can make you scream

pyro: im yodeling

kim taegucci: the one time i need help and this is what you give me jfc

cutest maknae: i recommend saying the last one

cutest maknae: that'll definitely get you somewhere

jung hobo: ;))))

kim taegucci: oh my god

 


 

jin's bitches

McDick Me Down: why is park jimin so heartless

cutest maknae: i ask myself that every day

pyro: im not!

kim taegucci: what did he do now

McDick Me Down: i was explaining his law notes to him as a nice friend would

sweetz: i thought jin helped him with that

queenie: i did but jimin's frustrating some days

queenie: today was one of those days

McDick Me Down: so im looking up everything online right IN CLASS cause like hell if i know law terms and im texting him what i believe are the answers and he sends me this

McDick Me Down: 

McDick Me Down: not even a 'thank you hyung i appreciate it!'

 


 

Private chat with: babyboy minnie

loml yoongi: whats wrong

babyboy minnie: nothing's wrong

loml yoongi: don't lie

babyboy minnie: im not lying

loml yoongi: are you upset for any reason?

loml yoongi: feeling anxious?

loml yoongi: if you need anything im in theory rn but ill book it out for here if you need me

babyboy minnie: omg no no im okay yoongi dont worry

babyboy minnie: its just idk a lowkey day for my mood today

babyboy minnie: can we meet up after your class?

loml yoongi: ofc

babyboy minnie: okay bring namjoon hyung i need to apologize to him

loml yoongi: alright i will

loml yoongi: i love you

babyboy minnie: i love you too<3

 


 

jin's bitches

jung hobo: so since kook can't dance for a month this is what our practises look like now

jung hobo: 

pyro: literally all he does is lay on the floor for 2 hours

kim taegucci: FUCK LOOK HOW THIN HIS WAIST IS

kim taegucci: 

cutest maknae: lol

queenie: i love a sailing ship

queenie: i made something for taekook

kim taegucci: REALLY

cutest maknae: show us

queenie: 

McDick Me Down: is jungkook's hand on taehyung's ass in that bottom middle pic lol

cutest maknae: yeah

pyro: suddenly all my anger is gone

pyro: my skin is clear and my anxiety is no more wow

kim taegucci: [screenshot captured]

kim taegucci: im making that my lockscreen

queenie: its just a fun little collage of all the times tae's been jk's bb

kim taegucci: may not be many more times now

cutest maknae: time to shut up tae

jung hobo: what does that mean

queenie: im confused what

pyro: TAEHTUNG OH MTIFOS

pyro: IS THAT WHAT YOU CHECKED OFF THE LIST?

pyro: IM FUCKING SCREAMING

kim taegucci: :'))

jung hobo: what is going on

 


 

jin's bitches

pyro: have you all ever wondered what the best concept in the world was

cutest maknae: no

McDick Me Down: sometimes

pyro: well wonder no more my friends

pyro: bc i now present to you

pyro: min yoongi with dogs:

pyro: 

pyro:

pyro: 

pyro: this is my fav

pyro:

pyro: also this bc blonde yoongi is nut worthy

kim taegucci: nut worthy

McDick Me Down: this wasn't the concept i was expecting though i can't say im disappointed

cutest maknae: are you ok jin hyung

queenie: 

 


 

jin's bitches

queenie renamed the chat 'taekook vs yoonmin'

McDick Me Down: oh dear why

queenie: its just question i mean no harm by it

queenie: i just want to know who thinks which ship is better

jung hobo: can i vote for mine

queenie: no jongin isnt part of ot7 im sorry hoseok

McDick Me Down: why aren't we an option

queenie: bc we're practically married we dont count

McDick Me Down: lmao okay

jung hobo: well then its obvious who's the #1 ship

jung hobo: taekook

sweetz: hobi dude wtf im your best friend why can't you pick mine

jung hobo: im sorry but

jung hobo: 

jung hobo: they're so cute

kim taegucci: i love you hobi hyung tysm <3

kim taegucci: like yoonmin is okay but lets get real

kim taegucci: kookie and i are superior

pyro: YOONMIN IS OKAY??

pyro: YOONMIN IS BETTER THAN OKAY THANK YOU VERY MUCH

pyro: we're better couple goals

cutest maknae: no you're not

pyro: 

pyro: bitch where do you see anything but otp perfection ??

pyro: he wouldnt let go of my hand !

kim taegucci: okay congrats for you kookie and i were couple goals before we were even dating

kim taegucci: remember the day i surprised him at his showcase and went on stage?

jung hobo: I HAVE THE VIDEO

jung hobo: 

kin taegucci: coughsGOALScoughs

queenie: if i could just butt in for one quick sec here

queenie:

queenie: yoongi did that before they were dating

cutest maknae: tag yourself im hobi hyung's disgusted face

jung hobo: lmao

jung hobo: okay but lets throw it back to when tae had red hair and jungkook looked like he wanted to destroy him

jung hobo:

jung hobo: 

jung hobo: 

jung hobo: 

jung hobo: LOOK HOW FAST JUNGKOOK'S EXPRESSION CHANGES

kim taegucci: thats hot

pyro: thats bc kook is horny all the fucking time

pyro: yoongi babe help me out here

sweetz: 

sweetz: yoonmin is better end of story

cutest maknae: taekook is better

cutest maknae: 

cutest maknae: eat shit yoongi hyung

sweetz: do you actually want to die ???

cutest maknae: 

McDick Me Down: jinnie i think this was a mistake

queenie: you're probably right

 


 

@jeonjk

since i can't dance for a month ive taken up doing makeup 

Liked by __taethebae__, dancemanhobi, and 2,386 others

 


 

taekook vs yoonmin

jung hobo: LMAO KOOK WTF ARE YOU WEARING FOR SHOES

cutest maknae: fuck off bambam bought them for my bday

McDick Me Down: i think they're nice

sweetz: i wouldnt wear them but on you theyre half decent

cutest maknae: thanks dads

pyro: that sounds so fucking weird

queenie: @taehyung where are you why havent you said anything about your man

kim taegucci: i think he looks very nice

queenie: thats it?

pyro: he sent me this 35 seconds after kook posted the pic

pyro: 

kim taegucci: why do you always have to ruin my peaceful image

pyro: ❤❤

jung hobo: ok first thats cute af

jung hobo: but are we not gonna talk about how tae called him baby

McDick Me Down: i was thinking the same thing tbh

McDick Me Down: didn't taehyung say jungkook had a kink or something i forget what it was

kim taegucci: we all have our secrets

cutest maknae: tae

cutest maknae: row your boat gently down the stream and merrily come make me scream

kim taegucci: arent you missing something in that sentence

cutest maknae: im not saying it in the gc

 


 

Private chat with: kookie♡

kookie♡: tae

kookie♡: the fuck are you trying to start in the gc

taetae♡: blame jimin not me i didnt want him to send my text to the gc

taetae♡: anyways weren't you gonna say something??:)

kookie♡: shut up and come over

kookie♡: namjoon hyung took jin hyung out for a drive

taetae♡: idk if i wanna:)

kookie♡: please

kookie♡: hyung.

taetae♡ read at 5:28pm

 


 

taekook vs yoonmin

queenie: i was looking through my yoonmin folder right

queenie: and i found a sweet sweet video before they were dating

sweetz: can you not show it pls

queenie: jimin is absolutely adorable

sweetz: show me now.

queenie: LMAO

queenie: 

jung hobo: suddenly ive jumped off the taekook ship

McDick Me Down: when jimin makes the hug count

queenie: its the softest thing ive ever seen

pyro: THATS SO EMBARRASSING OMG

jung hobo: where did yoons go

sweetz: 

queenie: IF THAT AIN'T ME

 


 

taekook vs yoonmin

kim taegucci: can i just say its the best feeling in the world

kim taegucci: when you think you've seen everything from your boyfriend but he surprises you last minute

kim taegucci: and you have the best cum of your life

kim taegucci changed their name to 'thirst quenched'

sweetz: i could've done without knowing that last part

McDick Me Down: that name change tho

cutest maknae: YOU AGREED NOT TO TELL ANYBODY

thirst quenched: i also agreed not to tell anybody about your daddy kink but we all know how that played out

thirst quenched: frankly is that even a kink anymore?

cutest maknae: TAE!

pyro: ive had enough of this shady shit

pyro: i think i know what this is about but can you just tell me for sure

thirst quenched: im glad you asked jiminie !

cutest maknae: kim taehyung i swear to fucking god

jung hobo: idk if i should be worried that he just said taes full name

thirst quenched: oh be worried hyung

thirst quenched: im boutta spill the tea of the century

queenie: omg

thirst quenched: we all recently learned that kookie has a hyung kink correct?

McDick Me Down: thats what it was ! i forgot earlier

McDick Me Down: oh my god it all makes sense now

McDick Me Down: HOLY- wow.

thirst quenched: i knew youd figure it out joonie hyung

thirst quenched: anyways so i decided to put this new kink to work and boy was i shocked by the results !

cutest maknae has left the chat

thirst quenched added 'cutest maknae' to the chat

thirst quenched renamed 'cutest maknae' to 'submissive'

sweetz: i genuinely just choked

pyro: does this mean what i think it means

thirst quenched: big bad jeon jungkook turns into the most submissive little fuck when you say you're the hyung

thirst quenched: especially if you call him baby

thirst quenched: isn't that right kookie??

submissive: i cant believe you

submissive: if my ass wasnt sore af rn id run across campus to kill you

thirst quenched: sure and who else would let you ride them while you whine "hyung"

thirst quenched: you should see his thighs when he rides dick GOD its a blessing

submissive: you did not right say that

jung hobo: HPLY FUCKIBD GOD

jung hobo: AREYOU SAYIBF YOU FUCMING TOPPED JUNGKOOK?

pyro: i fuxking kbew it okdf what is life right noe in shakinkgg omfg

queenie: this is one of the best things ive ever witnessed

submissive: can you guys not make this weird please

pyro: LOL NOPE

pyro: YOU'RE A DADDY TOP WHO SECRETLY LIKES TO BE A BOTTOM WOW

thirst quenched: he prefers power bottom

submissive has left the chat

sweetz: this was some serious shit that just went down

thirst quenched: i hope you all enjoyed tae's tea time :*

queenie: 

pyro: 

 


 

taekook vs yoonmin

thirst quenched added 'submissive' to the chat

jung hobo: hi

pyro: jungkook

queenie: how's

McDick Me Down: your

sweetz: ass

submissive: 

thirst quenched: he's still bitter at me clearly

pyro: his ass must still hurt a day later

thirst quenched: AHAHAHAAHAHA

submissive: 

 


 

taekook vs yoonmin

McDick Me Down: are you all going to be at practice show today

thirst quenched: since kookie and i are the ones performing yeah we will be

pyro: kook gonna be limpin' all over that stage

submissive: oh my gOD

submissive: so what im versatile okay big whoop leave me alone

pyro: love you jungkookie<333

pyro: but i cant make it tonight sorry namjoon hyung

sweetz: i thought i was picking you up?

pyro: gotta redo a thing for business finance

McDick Me Down: that's fine!

McDick Me Down: hobi you comin?

pyro: actually hobi hyung has to help me with my assignment

sweetz: he does?

jung hobo: i do?

jung hobo: oHH WAIT YEAH I DO

jung hobo: sorry joons but i promise ill be come watch the actual show for your song <3

McDick Me Down: hey no worries !

 


 

Private chat with: daegu boy #2

daegu boy #1: is jimin alright

daegu boy #2: as far as i know yes, why?

daegu boy #1: he never misses stuff the group does tho ?? especially with hobi?

daegu boy #1: are you sure nothing's wrong

daegu boy #2: yeah, he ran out of the dorm a few minutes ago saying he was meeting up with hobi hyung at yours

daegu boy #1: he what

daegu boy #1: hobi just did the same thing but he said he was going to your dorm

daegu boy #2: they're probably meeting to go eat first ??

daegu boy #2: they gotta come back here at some point since jiminie left without his books

daegu boy #1: he didnt take his books?!

daegu boy #2: why are you overreacting so much hyung lol

daegu boy #1: ur right im just overreacting

daegu boy #1: right?

Chapter Text


Taehyung: thirst quenched

Jungkook: submissive

Jimin: pyro

Yoongi: sweetz

Hoseok: jung hobo

Jin: queenie

Namjoon: McDick Me Down


 

taekook vs yoonmin

McDick Me Down: is jungkook still mad at you tae

thirst quenched: no i let him fuck me he's fine again

McDick Me Down: honestly was just looking for a "yeah we're good!"

McDick Me Down: but congrats

queenie: you always get more than ask for with taehyung

thirst quenched: wow i didnt know i was going to be attacked by my own parents jesus

queenie: you're still our favourite bb

thirst quenched: 

McDick Me Down: actually jungkook is my favourite

thirst quenched:

 


 

taekook vs yoonmin

jung hobo: chim we going out after ?

submissive: wtf is a chim

jung hobo: jimin

sweetz: when did you start calling him that

jung hobo: idk just a new nickname lol

pyro: ahah yeah

pyro: taemin said he'd drive us after he gets off work at 3

sweetz: i can drive you wherever after class at 12

pyro: no its okay!

jung hobo: yeah no worries yoons we got it

sweetz: k

thirst quenched: i smell tea brewing

queenie: someone turn the kettle off bc we dont need any tea right now

queenie: our little group has had enough for a while

McDick Me Down: what are we without tea

thirst quenched: flops

 


 

@jimmieminnie

practice makes perfect <3

Liked by rapgodjoon, jeonjk, and 1,258 others

@dancemanhobi S L A Y M E

 


 

Private chat with: the kook son

best #2 dad: i highkey think im gonna go down again

best #2 dad: shit sorry i meant to text namjoon

the kook son: its ok!

the kook son: what do you mean by go down??

best #2 dad: its nothing really

the kook son: oh is it about your depression?

the kook son: i feel like i said too forward sorry

best #2 dad: no no its cool but yeah it is

best #2 dad: something's off me with lately and im not sure what it is so im worried i may dip down into another low point

the kook son: im sorry

the kook son: i wish i was better at talking about this kinda stuff but you ever wanna vent im here !

best #2 dad: thanks jungkook i honestly appreciate it

the kook son: anytime hyung

 


 

taekook vs yoonmin

submissive: can someone tell me why tae isn't answering my texts

McDick Me Down: he's been trying to call jimin for the past 20 minutes

McDick Me Down: 

submissive: its 8 at night why tf are you all out

jung hobo: not everybody has a 6:30pm bedtime like you do jungkookie

jung hobo: anyways hes with me

jung hobo: 

pyro: hi pals

thirst quenched: whY DID YOU LOCK THE DOOR WHEN I SPECIFICALLY TOLD YOU TO LEAVE IT UNLOCKED

thirst quenched: I AM LOCKED OUT OF MY OWN FUCKING ROOM BECAUSE OF YOU

pyro: I DIDNT WANT SOMEONE STEALING OUR SHIT!

thirst quenched: stop YELLING at me

pyro: don't yell at me if you dont wanna get yelled back at huNTY

submissive: shit jimin isnt fucking around is he

thirst quenched: am i really going to have to spend the evening walking around with namjoon hyung

McDick Me Down: try to hold back that excitement

thirst quenched: no omg ily<3 but i got assignments building up and i really didnt think i was going to be LOCKED OUT tonight

pyro: uGH ill leave in 15 can you survive namjoon hyung until then

thirst quenched: ill try:(

McDick Me Down: wow

 


 

taekook vs yoonmin

thirst quenched: so im just laying here thinking about the group

sweetz: its 5am

thirst quenched: shut up

thirst quenched: so as i was saying ive been thinking

thirst quenched: and ive come to a conclusion that we dont know enough about each other

pyro: literally how is that possible

McDick Me Down: if anything we know too much about each other

queenie: i dont know if i could handle finding out anything else

jung hobo: i went to jail once

submissive: im choking what

thirst quenched: seriously wtf

jung hobo: yeah it was really sad

jung hobo: i lost the game too god i almost cried

queenie: i-

queenie: hoseok please don't tell me you are talking about the board game jail

queenie: in monopoly

jung hobo: i am

thirst quenched: 

pyro: omg hyungwon my bb in law :'))

submissive: i cant believe i woke up for this

sweetz: why am i still awake goodnight

McDick Me Down: its 5:15am

sweetz: night!!

 


 

taekook vs yoonmin

jung hobo: y'all gonna miss the dance line next week

sweetz: why

pyro: we're all going on a field trip

submissive: you make it sound like we're 13

submissive: we're going to a dance academy in Daejeon

thirst quenched: you can't dance for another three weeks

submissive: our instructor said i could still go cause im a co-captain

McDick Me Down: thats so exciting !

thirst quenched: no its not wtf im going to be all alone at the dorm without my soulmate

thirst quenched: and i may die without my boyfriend !

sweetz: im in the same boat at taehyung

queenie: OMG I GOT THE BEST IDEA

queenie: move in with us for a week!

queenie: i trust yoongi to respect and obey my rules

thirst quenched: what about me!):

queenie: without jungkook i have no doubt youll do whatever i say

thirst quenched: shit you right

thirst quenched: but yanno whats not fair is that yoongi hyung and i are getting separated from our mans when hobi hyung gets to go on a trip with his

jung hobo: you went to jeju with jungkook last year during spring break without us

thirst quenched: i wanted him all to myself what can i say, i was in love with him

submissive: 

 


 

Private chat with: taetae♡

taetae♡: if you don't come back ill teleport myself to hell to see you

kookie♡: i love how you think if i die im going to hell as if you wouldn't too

taetae♡: well ,,

taetae♡: we can be the hell couple !

kookie♡: me: im not gonna miss tae he says so much stupid shit

kookie♡: me reading your stupid shit as i pack for tomorrow:

kookie♡: 

taetae♡: awe kookie 

taetae♡: ill probably just cry at namjoon hyung and jin hyung's all week

kookie♡: when are you coming over bc like..

kookie♡: they're not home-

taetae♡: wow my boyfriend rebelling against his parents that's hot

taetae♡: ill be right there

 


 

Private chat with: loml yoongi

loml yoongi: are you able to hang tonight

bb minnie: i have to pack then make sure everybody on the team is ready for tmr

bb minnie: then hobi hyung and i gotta go out

bb minnie: but i really wish i could )):

loml yoongi: yeah

bb minnie: I'll text you before i get on the train tmr morning

loml yoongi: ok

 


 

taekook vs yoonmin

queenie: :) kim taehyung :)

queenie: :) jeon jungkook :)

queenie: why did i just walk into the kitchen and see lube all over the floor

thirst quenched: KOOKIE YOU SAID YOU WOULD CLEAN IT UP!

submissive: i was tired af do you realize how many times we fucked last night

thirst quenched: idk i lost count after 4

queenie: oh my god

queenie: what did i say about letting taehyung come over while joonie and i aren't home

submissive: technically he now lives in my room so he can come and go as he pleases

submissive: plus i had to say goodbye to him somehow

sweetz: bc a verbal goodbye isn't good enough

pyro: wheres the condom @ tho is the real question

thirst quenched: lmao try to find one there isn't gonna be one

McDick Me Down: #barebacking

sweetz: thanks for that namjoon

queenie: YOU HAD UNPROTECTED SEX IN MY KITCHEN?!

thirst quenched: ok so i see why ur mad but why would we need condoms when we're only fucking each other

submissive: the closer the better

jung hobo: the one time jongin wants to see what we talk about in our groupchat

jung hobo: this is what you talk about

thirst quenched: LMAO

jung hobo: thanks guys

 


 

Private chat with: loml yoongi

bb minnie: I'm getting on the train now

loml yoongi: alright

bb minnie: whats wrong you seem distant af lately

loml yoongi: lol me ?? being distant? thats funny

bb minnie: im so confused what

bb minnie: did i do something 

loml yoongi: no go enjoy your trip ily

bb minnie: i love you too

 


 

taekook vs yoonmin

thirst quenched: im thirsty

McDick Me Down: that contradicts your name

pyro: jungkook is asleep on the train he can't fix your thirsty ass issue rn

McDick Me Down: you need to be purified

thirst quenched: omg-

thirst quenched: i just meant that i wanted you or jin hyung to bring some starbucks home

thirst quenched: instead i get this fucking slander wow

thirst quenched renamed the chat 'the audacity!'

 


 

the audacity!

queenie: yoongi are you coming over soon we pushed the couches together for your makeshift bed

sweetz: i can honestly just sleep at the dorm im fine

thirst quenched: NO WE'RE ALL HAVING A SLEEPOVER FOR THE WEEK

sweetz: jesus okay ill bring my shit over tonight

McDick Me Down: this week should be pretty entertaining tbh

 


 

the audacity!

jung hobo: DAY 1 WITHOUT THE DANCE LINE HOW ARE YOU ALL DOING

queenie: im fine

McDick Me Down: im just not bothered at all

jung hobo: okay so wow fuck you both

jung hobo: i just woke up jiminie he's a crabby paddy

jung hobo: 

McDick Me Down: did he dye his hair black again

jung hobo: yeah i dyed it for him a couple nights ago

jung hobo: so since chim isnt really a morning person he decided to bang jungkook's shoes together to wake him up

jung hobo: 

jung hobo: he goes "what the fuck hyungs its 8am on a saturday"

thirst quenched: he's adorable i love him

jung hobo: morning tae how are u

thirst quenched: im pretty good !

queenie: you're just not

thirst quenched: can u get tf out of my room pls

queenie: first of all you're in my apartment

queenie: 

queenie: his eyes are swollen from crying about "my kookie is gone for a week wtf am i gonna do"

jung hobo: thats so sad omg taebae :'((

jung hobo: ill get jungkookie to call you whenever he /officially/ wakes up

thirst quenched: ty<3

pyro: how's yoongi

McDick Me Down: he didn't like the couch bed we made him so he laid all his blankets down on the floor against the wall and slept like that all night

pyro: omg

McDick Me Down: 

McDick Me Down: other than that he's okay

pyro: wow

 


 

Private chat with: kookie♡

kookie♡: so i heard you cried bc you missed me so much

taetae♡: i mean we both knew i was going to at one point

taetae♡: i just did it sooner than i thought

kookie♡: you're so cute

taetae♡: oh yes my swollen eyes are the cutest

kookie♡: no im serious

kookie♡: like when i think about it, confessing to you that day was the best thing i ever did

kookie♡: bc even though im in another city rn all i think about is you and its great tbh

taetae♡: IM GONNS CRY AGAIN STOP OKDG WHERE ARE THESE SUDDEN EMOTIONS COMINF GROM

kookie♡: i miss you a lot and its barely been a day

taetae♡: gimme 5 mins to look presentable then ill facetime you

kookie♡: no ft right now ur hot 24/7

taetae♡: god i love you so much

kookie♡: i love you so much more trust me

 


 

@kimjongin_

first trip w/ @dancemanhobi ♡ (even if its for uni it still counts)

Liked by dancemanhobi, jimmieminnie, and 2,937 others

 


 

the audacity!

queenie: can i just point out

queenie: how cute hobin are

jung hobo: thanks i love him to death

thirst quenched: my #1 ship

jung hobo: jongin says thank you its also his #1 ship

thirst quenched: give him your phone i wanna say hi

jung hobo: ooo good idea

jung hobo: hiiii it's Jongin

thirst quenched: HI OMG

jung hobo: lol hi Taehyung

jung hobo: also hi Jin-hyung!

queenie: hellooo

queenie: i would just like to thank you for making my sweet hoseok happy

thirst quenched: yeah me too ive never seem him so happy before

jung hobo: awh I'm glad I make him happy, he makes me very happy too ❤

thirst quenched: look at this wow my otp is so cute

jung hobo: thanks haha

jung hobo: also you and Jungkook are super adorable ! Hoseok has shown me his album of you guys

jung hobo: definitely my #2 ship!

thirst quenched: IM SOBBING FUCK THANK YOU

jung hobo: anytime!! I have to practice my solo dance but it was nice talking to you guys!

jung hobo: let's all hang out next week!

thirst quenched: we totally will!

jung hobo: its hobi again did you enjoy my boyfriend

thirst quenched: i love him more than i did before

queenie: his texting grammar is so good im stunned

jung hobo: lol ikr

 


 

the audacity!

queenie renamed 'McDick Me Down' to 'cutie pie joonie'

pyro: wow my parents are so in love

cutie pie joonie: we're on a date rn 

pyro: PICS PICS PICS

queenie: 

pyro: DAMN NAMJOON HYUNG YOU LOOK GOOD

cutie pie joonie: thank you omg

 


 

the audacity!

jung hobo: day 2 how is everybody making out

sweetz: taehyung is driving me crazy

thirst quenched: god forbid i try to bond with my daegu brother

sweetz: he wont stop trying to hug me

submissive: he likes hugs

thirst quenched: KOOKIE!

submissive: 

thirst quenched: excuse me

submissive: THAT WAS THE WRONG PIC

submissive: it was supposed to be this

submissive: 

thirst quenched: aw thats cute

thirst quenched: but im not over the fact that you basically just called me cabbage

thirst quenched: and the fact that you have screenshots of tweets on your phone is just wow

queenie renamed 'thirst quenched' to 'cabbage'

cabbage: seriously jin hyung you come on for that

queenie: :))

 


 

Private chat with: bb minnie

bb minnie: hiii

loml yoongi: hey

bb minnie: whats up!

loml yoongi: studying

bb minnie: studying at 11pm?

loml yoongi: yep

loml yoongi: what you doing?

bb minnie: i just got back from exploring

loml yoongi: by yourself at night?

bb minnie: no with hobi hyung

loml yoongi: with hobi

loml yoongi: how nice

bb minnie: it was!! im sleepy so I think im gonna head to bed

bb minnie: good luck with studying babe goodnight

loml yoongi: night

bb minnie: I love you

loml yoongi read at 11:14pm

 


 

Private chat with: bottomless ass bitch

bottomless ass bitch: do you ever wonder what your boyfriend does when he's not texting you

flat fuck: all the time

bottomless ass bitch: 

flat fuck: what the fuck

flat fuck: so he can't dance for a month but he can do that

flat fuck: how does that not hurt his knee

bottomless ass bitch: he's really fucking weird

flat fuck: you're not wrong

bottomless ass bitch: lmao

bottomless ass bitch: btw i gotta show you this text i woke up to this morning from yoongi im so ??

flat fuck: omg what is it

bottomless ass bitch: 

bottomless ass bitch: what the hell does that mean!

flat fuck: wtf

bottomless ass bitch: if you could talk to him or find something out that'd be great

bottomless ass bitch: like idk what i couldve done for him to say that

flat fuck: ill try my best

bottomless ass bitch: thank you❤

 


 

the audacity!

jung hobo: 

jung hobo: send your kind words to chim he's nervous about his practice stage in 45 mins

cabbage: PARK JIMIN YOU ARE AN AMAZING DANCER YOU WILL ACE IT

cutie pie joonie: rock that stage jiminie !

queenie: my gorgeous sweet kind beautiful funny eldest son

queenie: you go on that stage and fucking kill it

pyro: ill try

queenie: 

cabbage: PANINI HEAD FUCK

cutie pie joonie: did you just use yourself as a meme

queenie: out of pure love for my child

queenie: yes i did

 


 

Private chat with: d-boy yoongi

d-boy taehyung: so... :)

d-boy yoongi: im at the studio ill be at the apartment later what do you want

d-boy taehyung: first wow okay calm down

d-boy taehyung: where were you in the gc

d-boy yoongi: i just told u im at the studio im busy

d-boy taehyung: yet it took you less than a minute to answer my text

d-boy taehyung: what's wrong

d-boy yoongi: nothing is wrong

d-boy taehyung: im pretty sure something is wrong

d-boy yoongi: drop it taehyung

 


 

the audacity!

cutie pie joonie: grocery shopping with yoongi is one of the weirdest things ive done in my life

cabbage: you sure? #throwback to jin hyung's journal

queenie: hey tae sweetie

queenie: shut up

cabbage: LOL

submissive: why is it weird

cutie pie joonie: 

cutie pie joonie: "should i get the regular colgate or should i try a whitening?"

cutie pie joonie: like we're having the biggest discussion about toothpaste

submissive: go for the whitening!

cabbage: ew no stick with the reg

cabbage: whitening tastes bad

submissive: how would you know? do you eat toothpaste regularly cabbage ass?

cabbage: what if i did whitening ass?

pyro: i see kook snort at his phone, come on, and see this

pyro: why is my otp like this


 

Private chat with: flat fuck

flat fuck: so i found out some shit

bottomless ass bitch: TELL ME

flat fuck: kay so namjoon could tell yoongi was "a little bit off today"

flat fuck: so i got him to sit down with yoongi bc we all know if your man was to spill the beans to somebody it'd be to namjoon

bottomless ass bitch: true ok continue

flat fuck: how often do you talk to him jiminie?

bottomless ass bitch: i try to text him every couple hours

flat fuck: just text? bc namjoon told me that yoongi said you only text him in the evenings bc thats all the time you have

flat fuck: and when i said the dance team has more time off than that bc kookie facetimes me every chance he gets namjoon was shook

bottomless ass bitch: oh-

bottomless ass bitch: idk i guess ive been a little busier with hobi hyung lately

flat fuck: but why ?

bottomless ass bitch: its complicated tae

flat fuck: okay i get that, i of all people understand complicated shit but

flat fuck: you gotta talk with yoongi okay? and more than just a few texts

bottomless ass bitch: okok ill call him tonight

flat fuck: no jimin you don't get it

flat fuck: yoongi deadass said he's scared he's gonna relapse

Chapter Text


Taehyung: cabbage

Jungkook: submissive

Jimin: pyro

Yoongi: sweetz

Hoseok: jung hobo

Jin: queenie

Namjoon: cutie pie joonie


 

 Private chat with: flat fuck

bottomless ass bitch: what the hell do you mean he said he's afraid to relapse

flat fuck: i dont know how i could make it more clear

bottomless ass bitch: i work my ass off and try every damn day to keep him happy this isnt fair

flat fuck: wait what are you talking about

bottomless ass bitch: nothing nothing its fine

flat fuck: don't pretend its fine when the situation is far from okay jimin

bottomless ass bitch: oh like you did with jungkook

flat fuck: how actually fucking dare you ??

bottomless ass bitch: i didn't mean for that to sound bitchy im sorry

flat fuck: i gotta go jin hyung is teaching me how to cook

bottomless ass bitch: tae im sorry

flat fuck: its fine

 


 

the audacity!

jung hobo: what am i in this family

queenie: what

jung hobo: well i was telling jongin about us all being a little family group with sons and he goes "what are you"

queenie: we all know im the mom since i gave birth to my children

sweetz: you just didn't but okay

sweetz: namjoon is obviously the father

cutie pie joonie: jimin tae and kook are the kids i guess

submissive: im the best son

cabbage: lol

submissive: i am!

cabbage: keep telling yourself that kookie :*

pyro: doesn't the oldest son have the most power over everybody else

cutie pie joonie: if you want go ahead

pyro: aw kook can be my slave since im his older brother :')

submissive: see there's reasons why i dont call you hyung

jung hobo: whats yoons

queenie: my other man

sweetz: never say that again

sweetz: im the grandfather

queenie: i like my men old ;)

sweetz: namjoon make him stop

cutie pie joonie: babe

queenie: :((

jung hobo: alright so what am i then

submissive: the uncle?

jung hobo: thATS SO BORING

jung hobo: at least yoons gets love bc he's grandpa !

jung hobo: what does an uncle get

jung hobo: nothing!

pyro: you can have my love hyung

jung hobo: fucK tysm

pyro: :'))

 


 

the audacity!

cabbage: HOW WAS THE SHOW DID YOU GUYS ACE IT !

sweetz: is the correct word really ace ?

cabbage: could you shut up or ill come cuddle you

sweetz: here's me about to shut up now

cabbage: :)))

jung hobo: lol yeah the show went really well !

jung hobo: chim just finished his dance rn

jung hobo: 

queenie: FUCK

queenie: 

queenie: ISNT HE GORGEOUS

pyro: thank you jin hyung :')

jung hobo: since jungkookie couldnt preform, yugyeom found a real sick pic of him from the last showcase we did at uni wanna see it tae

cabbage: you shouldn't even have to ask that

jung hobo: 

cabbage: i- holy fuck his thighs

cabbage: 

submissive: tae omg

jung hobo: LMAO

cabbage: i just about fell out the window

cutie pie joonie: i dont recommend pulling a jungkook

cutie pie joonie: i still dont get why he jumped out the window

submissive: your boyfriend is one scary guy when he's angry hyung

 


 

Private chat with: bottomless ass bitch

bottomless ass bitch: tae im sorry

bottomless ass bitch: i shouldn't have compared my issues with you and kook

flat fuck: no you shouldn't have

flat fuck: you know the shit i went through

flat fuck: but i forgive you

bottomless ass bitch: really?

flat fuck: yes obviously, i tortured you when kookie and i were fighting so the least i can do is forgive you rn

bottomless ass bitch: thank you my one and only soulmate:(

flat fuck: anytime

flat fuck: do you wanna talk fr now about whats going on?

bottomless ass bitch: idk where to start

flat fuck: start off wherever you want min

bottomless ass bitch: okay ill try

bottomless ass bitch: so after i met yoongi, he was the only one who could ever stop me from having complete breakdowns, we all know this

bottomless ass bitch: and i just looked to him to stop my anxiety from destroying me after that and sometimes i believe thats when i started to really like him

flat fuck: based off him helping you?

bottomless ass bitch: yes and no like its not that i started to like him /because/ of that since i was already gone for him the second i saw him but it did help a lot in making my feelings stronger for him cause we both had issues that we could depend on each other for help with

bottomless ass bitch: but ive been thinking for a while and its like im only happy bc of him so i wanted to try to see if i could be happy in ways that didn't focus on him and i did with hobi

flat fuck: oh well that seems alright though?

bottomless ass bitch: no tae the problem is i feel great around hobi and can tell him secrets that nobody knows, not even yoongi

flat fuck: im not sure if i totally understand

bottomless ass bitch: like imagine having someone you can tell everything to and have no fears or worries about it

flat fuck: thats kookie for me bc i know he won't judge me

bottomless ass bitch: exactly thats how i feel with hobi, not that yoongi would ever judge me but

bottomless ass bitch: i feel like its my job to keep yoongi happy and if hes not i feel like ive failed and i fucking hate that i feel this way

flat fuck: oh shit

flat fuck: im so sorry i never even realized jiminie

bottomless ass bitch: no its cool really i hate pushing my shit in someone elses face cause i don't like talking about this kinda thing

bottomless ass bitch: and hearing that yoongi thinks he's gonna relapse makes me go insane bc i know, i fucking know its my fault bc i havent talked to him

bottomless ass bitch: im so fucking scared tae i dont know what to do

flat fuck: you come back tomorrow right?

bottomless ass bitch: tomorrow afternoon yeah

flat fuck: ill be home by the time you get home and we'll figure this out together okay?

bottomless ass bitch: okay

bottomless ass bitch: thank you ilysm

flat fuck: one and only soulmate forever <3

 


 

@jeonjk

definitely coming back to daejeon soon, place is amazing :)

Liked by __taethebae__, sugamin and 2,683 others

 


 

the audacity!

cabbage: i know we were just talking about some serious shit between you and yoongi but jIMIN I WANT KOOKIE TO FUCKING NAIL ME AGAINST THE WALL

cabbage: or fuck me against the wall ill take that too

cutie pie joonie: my actual eyes ??

cutie pie joonie: are burning ??

cabbage: so this is the wrong chat

cabbage: i did it again didnt i

pyro: that you did

cabbage: jesus christ

submissive: hey tae baby

submissive: im gonna call you

submissive: we gotta make some plans

cabbage: 

 


 

Private chat with: yoongi

yoongi: what was taehyung talking about when he said 'some serious shit between you and yoongi'

minnie: i think its better if we talk about that later

yoongi: can we just talk for once

minnie: every time i try you leave me on read yoongi

yoongi: thats because all you talk about is hobi! i dont want to hear "oh hobi hyung did this" or "me and hobi hyung went here" i dont want to spend my time talking about someone else when i just want to talk to you

minnie: well im so fucking sorry he makes me happy

yoongi: i

yoongi: so ur saying i don't make you happy

minnie: that's not what i said

yoongi: you implied it

minnie: can we not talk about this right now i gotta go out

yoongi: sure whatever

yoongi: gotta go out with hobi right?

minnie: not that its any of your concern but the whole dance team is going out for dinner

 


 

the audacity!

queenie: whenever i go to see taehyung hes always on that damn phone of his

queenie: 

queenie: like what is he doing !

cabbage: 

cabbage: what i do on my phone is my business

sweetz: he's sexting jungkook

cutie pie joonie: how do you know??

sweetz: im beside him i saw the notification

jung hobo: KOOK WTF WE'RE AT DINNER AND YOURE SEXTING?!

submissive: the heart wants what it wants

queenie: or the dick wants to be sucked

cutie pie joonie: lol that was a good one jinnie

queenie: ty joonie :')

cabbage: 

 


 

Private chat with: flat fuck

bottomless ass bitch: im almost at the dorm

flat fuck: im here unpacking my stuff

flat fuck: are you okay? we don't have to talk about yoongi if you dont want to

bottomless ass bitch: no we can i want your advice

bottomless ass bitch: i might start crying though

flat fuck: that's fine bc i already plan to cry as soon as i see you

 


 

@kimjongin_

ty @oohsehun for being my person photographer during the dance trip

Liked by oohsehun, bbh92, and 1,683 others

@dancemanhobi stunning amazing perfect gorgeous beautiful fantastic phenomenal hot sexy wow

@kimjongin_ you are crazy @dancemanhobi

@dancemanhobi crazy for you @kimjongin_

 


 

Private chat with: kookie♡

kookie♡: do you wanna come over tonight? jin hyung said you could

taetae♡: i love a man who gets his parents permission for his boyfriend to come over

kookie♡: tae!

taetae♡: im kiddinnng but i can't tonight im dealing with a situation rn

taetae♡: im sorry

kookie♡: no its ok!!

taetae♡: i really miss you though ill kick jimin out of dorms tmr and we can get reacquainted ;)

kookie♡: wow what a use of such a big word that literally means sex

taetae♡: i mean do you miss me or not

kookie♡: i do ! i didnt say no to reacquainting jesus i wanted to tonight tbh

kookie♡: but i will patiently await tmr

kookie♡: everything okay though?

taetae♡: with me, yes

taetae♡: with jimin and his shaky relationship, no

kookie♡: oh fuck good luck

taetae♡: thank you i need it

 


 

the audacity!

queenie: i got some jokes wanna hear them

sweetz: no

cutie pie joonie: sure jinnie lets hear them

queenie: okay they are some bomb ass knock knock jokes get your ears ready

jung hobo: oh my ears are ready

submissive: "bomb ass"

queenie: knock knock

jung hobo: whos there

queenie: t-rex

jung hobo: trex who

queenie: there's a t-rex at your door and you want to know his name?!

jung hobo: 

queenie: its funny!

jung hobo: sure jin!

queenie: fine i got one you ready @jk

submissive: oh i cant wait

queenie: knock knock

submissive: who's there

queenie: howard

submissive: howard who

queenie: howard you like a big kiss!

queenie: LOLOL

submissive: 

sweetz: this is your cue to stop jin

queenie: nO I GOT ONE MORE ITS FOR YOU YOONGI

sweetz: christ

queenie: knock knock

sweetz: i cant wait to find out whos there

cutie pie joonie: i love the sarcasm that pours off yoongi

queenie: tank

sweetz: tank who

queenie: you're welcome!

queenie: you gotta admit that was pretty funny

sweetz: 

queenie: oh cmon! Joonie what did you think?

cutie pie joonie: 

queenie: UGH you are all no fun

 


 

the audacity!

cabbage: so what do you do if someone from your past tries to reconnect with you

cutie pie joonie: depends if you want to reconnect as well

cabbage: um i dont believe i do

cutie pie joonie: dont believe?

cabbage: yeah its minho

submissive: what did you just say

submissive: you did not just say that minho is trying to talk to you

cabbage: shhh dont start kookie

cabbage: i got this completely under control!

cabbage: namjoon hyung help me get this under control

cutie pie joonie: lmao

cutie pie joonie: just dont answer him

cabbage: okay maybe ill block him too

queenie: no let me tell you what you're gonna do

queenie: you text him and you tell him to fuck right off and never contact you again bc you are in a happy ass relationship with a hot boy who treats you better than that dickward ever did

submissive: i second what jin hyung said

cabbage: holy

cabbage: 

cutie pie joonie: ur obsessed with memes of chanyeol lately

cabbage: baekhyun sent me tons i cant help it

cabbage: the boy was made to be a meme

 


 

Private chat with: yoongi

minnie: hi

yoongi: hey

minnie: so like i stayed up till 3am talking with tae about stuff

yoongi: what stuff

minnie: me and you

yoongi: ah

minnie: i dont know if im the best person for you right now

yoongi: whats that supposed to mean

yoongi: are you saying we should break up?

minnie: no no

minnie: i just mean i think we should take a little break

yoongi: a break

minnie: do you want to

yoongi: are you asking me if we should or telling me we're going to

minnie: asking, i want your opinion i dont know what im doing anymore yoongi im scared shitless

yoongi: im scared too

yoongi: like we barely talk properly for almost two weeks do you know how fucked my mind is right now?

yoongi: im doing everything i can to not feel like im hanging on by a damn thread

minnie: thats the problem

minnie: i can't handle this pressure of you relying on me to keep you sane anymore

minnie: its killing me yoongi

yoongi: i never wanted to latch onto you okay its not my fault my mental sanity is fucked

minnie: its too much for me right now

yoongi: what changed? you said i could depend on you and i thought you would do the same and depend on me that way we're balanced

yoongi: you said it the day we got together

yoongi: actually no

yoongi: you promised.

minnie: sometimes promises are meant to broken

yoongi: out of everybody ive ever met in my life i never thought you'd be the one to fuck me over park jimin

minnie: dont use my whole name and do not get dramatic please

minnie: how was i supposed to know that this was going to feel like a fucking job

yoongi: nice so loving me is a job for you now sweet thats fucking great

minnie: you know damn well thats not what i mean

minnie: my love for you and this situation are two very different things

yoongi: but are they really?

minnie: yes! how could you ever think that

yoongi: if you love me why do you want to take a break

minnie: i need it

yoongi: its not like you havent had one for weeks now basically spending all your time with hobi

minnie: don't bring him into this

minnie: i just need time so i can get back to a normal state of mind okay? we're not breaking up

minnie: i need you to promise me something

yoongi: what?

minnie: that you're going to be okay without me for a while

yoongi: i can't

minnie: yoongi please

yoongi: do you want me to lie to you? jesus jimin i fucking can't promise you something like that when i can't even guarantee im going to be safe from my own mind

minnie: im sorry i dont know what else to do

yoongi: its alright

yoongi: can you just do one last thing for me?

minnie: anything

yoongi: come over please? once more before we're on a "break"?

minnie: ill be over in 20

 


 

Private chat with: flat fuck

bottomless ass bitch: i fucked up more

flat fuck: what do you mean

bottomless ass bitch: yanno how you thought if yoongi and i took a break and didnt see each other for a few days we could clear our heads and we'd get stronger for the other?

flat fuck: yeah

bottomless ass bitch: well that idea went right out the window when i went to yoongi and hobi's dorm

flat fuck: what did you do

bottomless ass bitch: yoongi asked me to come over to just say goodbye in person i guess before we took our break but i

bottomless ass bitch: god i fucked up tae

bottomless ass bitch: i asked if hobi was home and yoongi said he was at jongin's for the night and i just launched myself at him

flat fuck: jimin please tell me you didn't

bottomless ass bitch: i dont know why i did it i just had to kiss him and of course it led to more than a kiss and here i am two hours later walking across campus like i just had a fucking one night stand

flat fuck: jesus christ

bottomless ass bitch: i feel disgusting what is wrong with me

flat fuck: nothing its your feelings for yoongi they clouded your judgment

bottomless ass bitch: i feel like ive lost myself taehyung i dont know who i am anymore

bottomless ass bitch: you should've seen his face when i was leaving it was the most heartbreaking thing ive seen in my life and i caused it

flat fuck: where are you ill come get you

bottomless ass bitch: idk by the tech lab i think? i started crying and im on the verge of a panic attack so i can't really tell rn

flat fuck: im coming stay calm okay

 


 

Save Our Yoonmin

KTH: hello my friends

JJK: what is this

KNJ: was is it just us 4?

KSJ: im confused??

KTH: i cant add hobi hyung bc hes caught in the middle of this shit

JJK: what shit?

KTH: jimin is asleep so ill read you some of highlights from yoongi hyung and his convo

KTH: [voice message attached]

KTH: [voice message attached]

KSJ: so im just not okay right now

KTH: whats worse is that jimin went to his dorm and they hooked up

KNJ: oh god

JJK: wait why?

JJK: was he just using yoongi hyung for sex one more time?

KTH: nononononono

KTH: jimin is so confused rn bc he doesn't know how to deal with the fact that he isnt giving yoongi what he needs to be healthy but in reality their whole situation is so unhealthy and they're both realizing this now

KTH: but bc jimin is so confused he's mixing forgiveness with regret so he thinks if he gave yoongi idk sex i guess? that it'll make this okay but it just doesnt

KTH: and dont quote yoonmin on this, this was just my take on the situation

KNJ: it makes sense tae dont worry

KSJ: who knew tae would be the wisest of all of us

KTH: im not just a pretty face guys

KTH: im watching jimin so can one of you maybe text hobi hyung and see if he'll go home? i want someone watching yoongi hyung bc im scared he may do something

JJK: ill do it

KTH: ty kookie

KSJ: god this is so unfair that they have to go through this

KSJ: they love each other so much its horrible to have their relationship become like this

KNJ: so i guess their honeymoon phase is over?

KSJ: yeah no shit honey

Chapter Text


Taehyung: cabbage

Jungkook: submissive

Jimin: pyro

Yoongi: sweetz

Hoseok: jung hobo

Jin: queenie

Namjoon: cutie pie joonie


 

the audacity!

jung hobo: its almost been a day without us talking in the gc

jung hobo: where is everybody

cabbage: jimin has a cold im taking care of him

jung hobo: really? he seemed okay to me !

submissive: a cold can kick in within 24 hours it probably hit him really fast

jung hobo: ohhh true you're right

jung hobo: tell chim i said i hope he feels better soon !!

cabbage: i will:)

 


 

Private chat with: taetae♡

taetae♡: i feel terrible for lying

kookie♡: i know tae we all do but you said yourself that hobi hyung shouldn't be involved in this

taetae♡: ikik it is for the best

taetae♡: how is yoongi hyung?

kookie♡: it took him almost 2hrs to answer me last night but i got him to agree to go out for lunch with me today

taetae♡: good, try to be there for him but not in an overbearing way

kookie♡: okay mom

taetae♡: when we have kids one day ill be the mom and youll be the dad

taetae♡: we should make sure the kids don't call you 'daddy' as it'll be triggering for you

kookie♡: oH my god im leaving now

taetae♡: love you my versatile daddy:*

kookie♡: gOODBYE

 


 

Save Our Yoonmin

KNJ: hows jimin doing

KTH: yanno those celebration stars people make on tumblr?

KSJ: yes

KTH: i came out of the shower this morning and saw jimin making one with paper based off this picture

KTH: 

KTH: he said "isn't it cute tae? i saw it on tumblr and wanted one for myself"

KTH: i said "yeah jiminie its cute"

KTH: he's in so much pain right now i dont know what to do

KSJ: my heart couldn't hurt anymore than it does right now

KNJ: jimin and yoongi have to figure out how to be their own people and be happy before they can get together again cause if they go back too soon then they're just gonna fall back into how it was before

KNJ: speaking of yoongi how is he

JJK: i think he may be faking it but he seems /okay/

JJK: like his eyes are bloodshot but i can tell he's trying to make it seem like he's not a mess in front of me rn

JJK: i asked him if he wanted to talk about it and he said "i have to go to the doctors tmr to pick up more meds the last thing i want to talk about right now is my failed relationship"

JJK: then he went back to eating

KTH: lord):

KSJ: 

 


 

the audacity!

queenie: hey snakes im updating the blackmail i have on hoseok pls send your best memes

jung hobo: oh my god

cutie pie joonie: 

queenie: FUKH

jung hobo: oh that's great joons bring up my halloween costume from last year

cutie pie joonie: i think its very memeable

submissive: when jimin tries to steal tae from me:

submissive: 

jung hobo: that's pretty funny tbh

queenie: THAT IS WONDERFUL

pyro: uM JUST BC UR DATING TAE DOESN'T MEAN HE ISNT MINE

submissive: sure jiminie

pyro: me bc jungkook actually thinks tae is his:

pyro: 

submissive: do you wanna fight

submissive: fucking short ass

pyro: oh you did not just go there

submissive: 

submissive: i did

pyro: just remember who tae met first cause it wasn't your gross high school ass:)

submissive: omg !! wait i gotta go find the last fuck i give !

submissive: 

submissive: sorry it flew right by what a shame!

pyro: 

submissive: 

cutie pie joonie: suddenly this has turned into a jikook fight using hobi memes

jung hobo: jikook?

cutie pie joonie: jinnie and i were coming up with ship names for everyone last night

jung hobo: aw!

jung hobo: but honestly im kinda living for seeing myself as a meme

jung hobo: have i achieved that level

cutie pie joonie: of being a meme?

jung hobo: yeah!

cutie pie joonie: dude you've always been one

queenie: @jikook stop fighting ok you've filled my hoseok folder and for that, i thank you

submissive: oh anytime jin hyung, any excuse for me to piss off jiminie ill take it!!

pyro: 

queenie: [screenshot captured]

queenie renamed 'pyro' to 'problem 1'

queenie renamed 'submissive' to 'problem 2'

problem 2: why cant i be first

problem 1: bc i was born first

problem 2: OH MY GOD NOT THAT AGAIN

problem 1: 


 

Private chat with: taetae♡

kookie♡: was i too hard on him

kookie♡: i just wanted to distract him so i figured if i fucked with him it would

taetae♡: oh baby it did

taetae♡: i just received a 10 minute lecture on "kim taehyung how the hell can you date this piece of utter trash! look what he's saying to me!!"

kookie♡: i am not trash!

taetae♡: you can be my piece of trash :')

kookie♡: taeeee

kookie♡: omw to fight jimin┏(`ー´)┛

taetae♡: im snorting omg

taetae♡: you did distract him tho he was so invested in it that he even laughed a few times

kookie♡: okay well good thats what i wanted to happen

taetae♡: im proud of you kookie for helping your hyungs its cute

kookie♡: cute enough that we can reacquaint soon?:))

taetae♡: lmao i think so

 


 

the audacity!

cabbage made 'problem 2' an admin

queenie: what have you started

cabbage: lol sorry in advance

problem 2 renamed the chat to 'FREEDOM IS MINE'

queenie: oh christ its already started

problem 2: IM FINALLY FREE BOYS

problem 2: MY DORM DOOR IS NOW OFFICIALLY READY TO MOVE BACK INTO

problem 2: ive never been more thrilled in my life

cabbage: he called me on the phone screaming

queenie: seriously

cabbage: yeah i hung up on him 4 times before he finally calmed down

problem 2: im sorry but is nobody as happy for me as i am

jung hobo: WOOOOOP WOOOP CONGRATS JUNGKOOKIE

cutie pie joonie: ill miss you here kook but i am quite excited to see your revamped dorm

problem 2: fuck im crying thanks guys

problem 1: there was no reason to cry

cabbage: hes so overdramatic

problem 1: for real tho

problem 2: my haters are my motivators!

problem 1: taehyung i cant handle your boyfriend

cabbage: sometimes i question why i love him

problem 2: 

 


 

Save Our Yoonmin

KSJ: hows my otp

KTH: jimin and i were walking across campus today and we saw yoongi hyung leaving his class and jimin ran and dove into a fucking bush

KSJ: oh my god

KSJ: did yoongi see

KTH: idk i was so shook by jimin i ran after him and didn't look back

KTH: he skipped his english lecture yesterday bc yoongi hyung has a class in the same building tho

JJK: thats not good

KNJ: no its not

KNJ: i understand they aren't seeing each other rn but jimin shouldn't avoid his classes in fear that he'll see yoons

KTH: see i told him that and he ignored me and went to bed

KSJ: good god

KSJ: hows yoongi ?? he hasn't been in the gc in almost 4 days

JJK: well

JJK: where do i start

JJK: first off we're in the uni's band room together

JJK: 

KTH: how's his mood

JJK: he's a bit down

JJK: i believe he saw jimin and tae run tbh

KNJ: he told you?

JJK: well when i met him earlier all he said was "he saw me and ran" then he went right to the piano without another word

JJK: so i took that as he saw jimin

KTH: sigh

KSJ: i mean at least he's playing the piano?? in freshman year that seemed to keep him semi calm

JJK: yeah i think so

JJK: i can tell hes fighting it so im trying my best to stay with him whenever i can

KNJ: has hobi asked anything about it?

JJK: yoongi hyung hasn't mentioned it so idk

KTH: i just walked into jimin's therapy class to pick him up and he looks dead inside

KTH: 

JJK: yeah he looks like shit

KNJ: since when did he start to attend therapy

KTH: he said taemin recommended him to this class cause they talk about anxiety and everything jimin struggles with

KTH: thats all i know tho i didnt push the subject bc i knew he didnt want to talk about it

KNJ: damn

 


 

FREEDOM IS MINE

cutie pie joonie: is everybody ready

jung hobo: yes joons for the 15th time we're all leaving our dorms in exactly 3.71 minutes to watch taekook perform your song

problem 1: LOL

cabbage: im stressed the hell out

cabbage: is it too late to back out now

cutie pie joonie: yes

cabbage: FUCK

problem 2: tae dont worry we're gonna ace it

cabbage: of course you'll ace it you minor in dance and singing shit ok this is different i only sing for fun

cabbage: namjoonie hyung how about you get jimin to sing with kookie instead of me

problem 2: kim taehyung

problem 2: you are an amazing singer okay

problem 2: and im not just saying that lightly bc i love you (even tho i really really love you)

problem 2: i dont know why you dont sing more cause you got such talent and im so happy that everybody on campus gets to hear your voice tonight

queenie: this is so cute

problem 1: my taekook heart just nutted

cutie pie joonie: have faith in your voice tae i wouldn't have asked you to sing if i didnt believe in you

cabbage: shit kookie

cabbage: i just did my eyes okay can we not make me cry rn i don't want to redo the eyeliner

problem 2: lets go rock the stage yeah?

cabbage: okay lets do this

 


 

@jeonjk

one of the best nights of my life, finally singing with you on stage to a song that means so much to us @__taethebae__ ♡

Liked by sugamin, __taethebae__, and 4,194 others

@__taethebae__ i love you

 


 

FREEDOM IS MINE

cabbage: i was nervous for nothing

cabbage: as soon as kookie sang after my verse all my nerves were gone

cabbage: i also creamed my pants when he rapped

jung hobo: u were on stage with him though

cabbage: what's ur point

jung hobo: omf-

sweetz: ew are you seriously saying you performed with jizz in your pants

problem 2: hey yoongi hyung 

problem 2: but yes he did i saw when we fucked in the storage closet 

cutie pie joonie: is that why you guys took forever to join us after the song was done

cabbage: you know it

problem #1: ew tae

cabbage: we were getting reacquainted!

queenie renamed 'cabbage' to 'creamy'

cutie pie joonie: wow

creamy: but guys you dont get it his thighs were

creamy: 

creamy: i couldn't help myself

problem 1: AHAHAHAHAHA

queenie: i mean youre not wrong

jung hobo: true jungkookie is loaded with meat

sweetz: hobi you do realize what you just implied right

jung hobo: what?

jung hobo: OH MYMGOD NO NOTWHAT I MEANT NO NO

creamy: but where the lie tho

problem 2: lol really tho

queenie: im disgusted yet amused at the same time

queenie: anyways lets get down to business and conGRATULATE JOONIE FOR PRODUCING SUCH AN AMAZING SONG

jung hobo: 19/10 joons im proud of ya

problem 1: its a beautiful song hyung

sweetz: best one you've written since we're known each other

cutie pie joonie: ty guys

cutie pie joonie: especially you yoons that means a lot

sweetz: of course 

creamy: ty for choosing me and kookie to do your song namjoonie hyung even if there were a few bumps in the road

problem 2: yeah i hope we lived up to your expectations

cutie pie joonie: you took my expectations and blew them out of the water

cutie pie joonie: this song only turned out so well bc the chemistry between you guys is electric

creamy: me @ namjoon hyung right now:

creamy: 

problem 2: SAME

cutie pie joonie: lol thanks guys same to you both

 


 

Private chat with: the kook son

the kook son: hey hyung

best #2 dad: hey kook whats up

the kook son: nothing i just wanted to say im happy you finally came back into the groupchat

best #2 dad: oh, yeah

best #2 dad: i just didnt feel comfortable for a while in there

best #2 dad: but im trying my best i guess

the kook son: you know you dont have to?

best #2 dad: what?

the kook son: like ur allowed to be upset and sad you dont have to pretend your shitting rainbows of happiness when youre the complete opposite

the kook son: nobody is gonna be upset like its a natural reaction when something like this happens when ur in a relationship

the kook son: like fuck i took off to busan for a week cause i was so upset and tae and i hadn't even confessed

best #2 dad: shit jungkook who taught you to give good advice

the kook son: tae's been helping me express myself more

best #2 dad: well he's doing a damn good job i really appreciate the advice kook thank you

the kook son: of course hyung i wanna be here for you if you need it

best #2 dad: ❤

 


 

FREEDOM IS MINE

jung hobo: jungkookie came over to hang with me and yoons and they're acting so cute together im SHOOK

creamy: lemme seeeee

jung hobo: 

jung hobo: LOOK HOW CUTE!

creamy: 

queenie: aw yoonkook is cute true

queenie: but yanno who's really cute

jung hobo: who

queenie: taejin

queenie: 

creamy: mother & son goals

cutie pie joonie: 

jung hobo: omg joons why

cutie pie joonie: seeing jin in pink really does things to me

queenie: thanks joonie <3

queenie: boost my ego some more and we'll see where it gets you tonight xx

creamy: OMG

jung hobo: WTF

queenie: i havent gotten dicked down since jungkook moved in then there was a WEEK with yoongi and taehyung living with us so pardon me if im pleased we have the house to ourselves again

cutie pie joonie: what would happen if i said you always look gorgeous no matter what

queenie: you'd definitely be in my ass

cutie pie joonie: im skipping my class be home in 8

queenie: ( ˘ ³˘)❤

jung hobo: WOW

 


 

Private chat with: lil min

lil min: tae

tol tae: yea my bb

lil min: is yoongi happier without me?

tol tae: oh my gosh jimin how could you even ask that

lil min: like he was smiley af in that vid with jungkook that hobi sent

lil min: he seems to be doing idk??

tol tae: better than you expected?

lil min: yeah?

tol tae: i dont believe that for one second

tol tae: i think hes just very good at hiding his true feelings because he doesnt want people worrying about him

tol tae: especially cause kookie is going out of his way to support him, yoongi wouldn't wanna make it seem like kookie is doing it all for nothing

lil min: i guess you're right

lil min: i just-

lil min: i dunno i thought it was gonna be easier than this

lil min: like sometimes im happy but then im by myself and i start thinking and my mind's like "ur fucking stupid lolol everything in ur life is a mess bc you can't handle conflict"

tol tae: you gotta stop being hard on yourself jiminie

tol tae: you need time, yoongi needs times. its as simple as that

lil min: not really

tol tae: okay kind of but just relax k? Is therapy helping?

lil min: i feel out of place there most times

tol tae: why

lil min: when we share our stories of how we were diagnosed i always feel like my life isn't worth talking about cause its foolish

tol tae: jimin babe its not foolish you have a serious health issue and thats not something you should try to pretend isnt serious okay?

lil min: im trying tae i told you im so lost right now

tol tae: i know and im sorry im not here for you as much as i should be

lil min: what are u talking about !!! Ur always with me

tol tae: not enough

lil min: i dont need a babysitter tae bb

tol tae: i know but i wanna protect you:(

lil min: im gonna be okay i promise

lil min: how about after this afternoon's class we meet at the burger place by campus

lil min: hobi is gonna be there too

tol tae: okay ill come pick u up

lil min: tae

tol tae: fine ill meet you there >:(

Iil min: <33

lil min: youve matured a lot since freshman year when we met its crazy to see but im also super proud cause im like "thats my fuckin best friend being a thoughtful sweetheart"

tol tae: ilysm

lil min: tysm for sticking with me tae

tol tae: always jiminie its just us against the world you know that

 


 

@jimmieminnie

idk what i'd do without you 2 ❤ @__taethebae__ & @dancemanhobi ❤

Liked by jeonjk, worldwidejin, and 2,683 others

@__taethebae__ THIS IS THE WORST PHOTO OF ME EVER

@dancemanhobi i look great!

@__taethebae__ no you dont @dancemanhobi

 


 

Save Our Yoonmin

KTH: the way jimin acts with hobi hyung concerns me

KNJ: why??

KTH: i feel like hes trying to make him a yoongi 2.0

KSJ: he cant

KTH: i know but i just spent 3 hrs with them and i felt like i was third wheeling the whole fucking time

KNJ: jesus christ

JJK: you're not saying jimin likes him right?

KTH: im not gonna lie, the thought crossed my mind

KTH: but he wouldn't do that bc hobi hyung is with jongin

KSJ: would that really stop jimin though? we know how he gets when he wants something

KTH: yeah but i dont think he wants hobi hyung in /that/ way because i could never see jimin liking anybody like he does with yoongi hyung

JJK: true jimin had a crush on hyung from the start and not once has he ever went back on it

KSJ: so why the sudden attachment to hoseok?

KTH: idk jimin can be so fucking flip floppy sometimes it drives me insane even tho i love him to death

KNJ: have we thought about the possibility of jimin thinking his way of finding happiness that isn't directed from yoongi by using hobi?

KSJ: so he really is becoming yoongi 2.0

KTH: im not letting that happen thats dragging hobi hyung into this dramatic mess and he doesn't need that

JJK: none of us do

KNJ: u right

 


 

Private chat with: taetae

taetae♡: hi do you remember me im your boyfriend you haven't seen in 5 days

kookie♡: i know im dying

taetae♡: can we meet up later? i can come over maybe??

kookie♡: im supposed to be going out to a bar with yoongi hyung at 9

taetae♡: a bar on a thursday night?

kookie♡: idk it was his idea like he actually texted me asking if i wanted to hang out tonight so i couldn't say no

taetae♡: oh

taetae♡: well thats good then

kookie♡: try to hide your enthusiasm tae

taetae♡: im sorry i am happy yoongi hyung wants to go out its just really hard for me like we're always with yoongi and jimin lately and we barely see each other

kookie♡: ik its hard on me too baby

kookie♡: how about sometime next week we plan a whole night thats just us

taetae♡: i like the sound of that

taetae♡: until then you gotta promise me one tiny thing

kookie♡: alright?

taetae♡: youre not allowed to forget about me:(

kookie♡: oh my lord tae trust me

kookie♡: i could never

Chapter Text


Taehyung: creamy

Jungkook: problem 2

Jimin: problem 1

Yoongi: sweetz

Hoseok: jung hobo

Jin: queenie

Namjoon: cutie pie joonie


 

FREEDOM IS MINE

queenie: this has to be my best idea yet

sweetz: should i even ask what it is

queenie: yoongi! ur here!

sweetz: my new meds have different side affects so im shaky and dazed af rn

sweetz: but yes i am here, continue

queenie: i- omg okay

queenie: well ive downloaded this new program where you can zoom in on really small objects and crop them to make them HD pics

queenie: and joonie is my first victim

queenie: i mean example

cutie pie joonie: suddenly i regret waking up this morning

creamy: why is that me every day i have an 8am class

jung hobo: why is that me every day i have to work

queenie: 

queenie: see that?

queenie: thats what heaven looks like kids

problem 1: i dont think my heaven is namjoon hyung's veiny hands

problem 2: lol

queenie: well fuck you both i now only have one son and thats taehyung

queenie: guess who gets all the christmas presents now

creamy: fuck YES

problem 2: fuck nO WTF ??? I DIDNT DO ANYTHING ALL I SAID WAS LOL

queenie: you joined in that makes you part of it

problem 2: this is a hate crime

creamy: dont hate the player kookie, hate the game

queenie: love my fav son <3

queenie: joonie do you like ur picture

cutie pie joonie: i mean yeah i guess they are my hands

queenie: wonderful hands

queenie: fjwisiviFKWIXIBKW

jung hobo: you good jin?

queenie: THERE'S AN OPTION TO CROP VIDEOS

queenie: OH HOLD THE FUCK ON THIS IS GONNA BE GOOD

creamy: ive never seen jin hyung get so pumped for something

cutie pie joonie: lol ikr its been a while he hasnt been this hype since

cutie pie joonie: yanno what for the sake of the peace in this gc right now im not gonna finish that sentence

problem 2: o my

queenie: boyz u ready

jung hobo: i love how jin slowly starts to crack when it comes to joons

queenie: 

queenie: theres the loml & his hands spitting fire into a mic

problem 2: SPITTING FIRE

cutie pie joonie: omg jinnie

queenie renamed 'cutie pie joonie' to 'veiny'

veiny: i-

veiny: well this is one of the better nicknames ive received

creamy: remember 'daddy long legs'?

jung hobo: or when namjoon went through a screamo phase

jung hobo: 'daddy screamo'

veiny: lets not dive into the past shall we

problem 2: namjoon hyung thinking about his past exposures like:

problem 2: 

veiny: i regret being born

 


 

Private chat with: best #2 dad

the kook son: you okay?

best #2 dad: you dont have to check up on me every time i go silent in the gc kook really

the kook son: i know but jimin went radio dead in there too so i got worried

best #2 dad: you don't need to worry its okay

best #2 dad: and im pretty sure he stopped talking bc joons was gonna say jin hasn't been hype af since jimin and i had gotten together

the kook son: you caught onto that?

best #2 dad: i dont have a 94 average in university for nothing jungkook i pick up on things

the kook son: a 94? mines 71 lmao

best #2 dad: thats because you drop everything if tae breathes the wrong way and he does the same for you

the kook son: you do the same for jimin!

the kook son: did*

the kook son: shit no that sounds mean i didnt mean to

best #2 dad: its fine jungkook dont worry so much

best #2 dad: but, yeah you're right and im slowly realizing how fucked up we are/were

the kook son: thats good right? that you're understanding?

best #2 dad: i believe so

the kook son: good then! did you say you had new meds?

best #2 dad: mhm they make me shaky for 15 mins then i calm right down like im high as hell

the kook son: isn't that bad

best #2 dad: doctor said the side affects will go away within a week cause my body's just getting used to the medication

best #2 dad: he raised the dosage for me so id stop feeling like im in a suicidal state

the kook son: fuck hyung im sorry

best #2 dad: im getting better kook what did i tell you before, stop worrying so much

the kook son: i can't help it you're like my favourite hyung

best #2 dad: taehyung's made you soft, you never used to say these kinda things before

the kook son: changing for the better i call it

the kook son: i love you yoongi hyung

best #2 dad: love you too kook

 


 

FREEDOM IS MINE

queenie: sup brothaz

problem 2: wtf

queenie: swiggy swag peace dolla dolla bills aye?

problem 2: what the fuck is happening to jin hyung

veiny: too much coffee this morning, he spent all night on this program he downloaded last night

queenie: its so lit!

problem 2: ew jin hyung dont say lit that saying is dead

queenie: lit

creamy: im seriously debating whether to kick you out of the chat

queenie: ITS LITTTTTT

creamy: @namjoon please control your man

veiny: if only i could

queenie: tae do you want a gift from me i made it last night

creamy: i love gifts

queenie: 

problem 2: omh its me

creamy: FUCK WHAT IS HAPPENING

creamy: me 5 mins ago:

creamy: 

creamy: me right now:

creamy: 

queenie: i think you might enjoy this as well, it's when jk came home from the hospital with his bruised knuckles

queenie: 

creamy: OH MTNFOS

creamy: BEST GIFT EVER WTF ??!? LOOK AT HIS VEINS

creamy: ND HIS GUCKNIG LIPS KVIEJBJEJV FUCJ

creamy: 

veiny: im honestly yelling with laughter right now

 


 

Private chat with: tol tae

tol tae: where are u

lil min: omw to therapy

tol tae: ok ill come get u when ur done

lil min: no its ok hobi is

tol tae: jimin stop this

lil min: what?

tol tae: ur using hobi to get over yoongi and hobi has no fucking idea what's going on he doesnt even know you and yoongi are on a break

lil min: im not trying to get over yoongi

lil min: hobi asked to hang later cause jongin has an evening class and i said i had to go somewhere and he could find me afterwards

lil min: jesus christ tae

tol tae: this isnt right jimin you know it isn't

lil min: i cant help it!

tol tae: yes you fucking can youre smarter than this stop using him!

lil min: i can't! is this what you want me say tae? i fucking cant ok i need someone and if its not yoongi then it has to be hobi

tol tae: why can't it be me

lil min: you have jungkook!

tol tae: do you not understand that hobi is dating one of your best friends?

lil min: can we not do this right now i have to go therapy is about to start

tol tae: sure whatever

tol tae: ill be home late tonight

lil min: why

lil min: i overreacted again i know ur just trying to help me

lil min: im sorry

tol tae read at 3:21pm

 


 

FREEDOM IS MINE

problem 2: you fake ass mothefuckers i trusted you

veiny: oh ?

sweetz: huh

problem 2: tae dyed his hair

sweetz: so?

problem 2: instead of one of you telling me, i found out from jaehyun who saw him and jin hyung at a restaurant

queenie: oh yeah lol tae called me earlier wanting to unwind so we dyed each other's hair before going out

veiny: you dyed your hair

creamy: MOM POSE ILL SEND A PIC

queenie: OKAY

creamy: 

creamy: he dyed his hair indeed

veiny: oh

veiny: oh wow

queenie: :')) tae's is better tho

queenie: 

problem 2: h-hes blonde again-

sweetz: congrats on using your eyes kook

problem 2: im- i jsut wodjgjeixvkskdjg

sweetz: @taehyung i think you broke jungkook

creamy: lol do you like it kookie?

problem 2: 

queenie: LMAO

veiny: which do you prefer jungkookie

veiny: 

veiny: red tae?

veiny: or

veiny: 

veiny: blonde tae?

problem 2: holy fUCK

problem 2: i think i may have a heart attack why haven't i seen that picture of him with red hair

problem 2: i dont know what to do with myself i-

problem 2: 

sweetz: i think that's your answer joons

veiny: lol i think so

creamy: maybe ill dye my hair red again in a month or two, you like the sound of that kookie?

problem 2: 

queenie: AHAHAHA

problem 2: coughs ahem

problem 2: i mean, sure if you wanna

creamy: what a piece of work

 


 

Private chat with: scalp issues son

scalp issues son: namjoon hyung

smart hyung: yeah tae?

scalp issues son: can you talk to jiminie?

smart hyung: sure, what about?

scalp issues son: i kinda confronted him about using hobi hyung earlier and told him he has to stop bc its not right

smart hyung: oh i imagine he got upset didn't he

scalp issues son: "i can't okay! is this what you want me say tae? i fucking cant ok i need someone and if its not yoongi then it has to be hobi"

scalp issues son: ya think.

scalp issues son: i try my best but i just can't handle him sometimes he won't listen to me

smart hyung: ah jesus okay ill try to talk to him

scalp issues son: thank you hyung<33

 


 

Private chat with: jiminie

joonie hyung: heyy

jiminie: hi hyung how are u

joonie hyung: im pretty good, hbu jiminie?

jiminie: ive been better lol

joonie hyung: yeah tae told me about your conversation from earlier

jiminie: oh great

jiminie: i appreciate you texting me namjoon hyung, really i do, but if you're just gonna give me a big speech about how you feel about how fucked my actions are then id really prefer to not hear it right now

joonie hyung: im not

joonie hyung: i want you to give me a big speech about how YOU feel about your actions

jiminie: what-

joonie hyung: taehyung keeps trying to give you his take on the situation but i want to hear yours

jiminie: oh well um

jiminie: its not that i dont know what im doing cause trust me i definitely fucking do and i know its hurting not only me but you guys and especially yoongi but

jiminie: i think i have a dependence issue

joonie hyung: what do you mean?

jiminie: i wanted a break with yoongi bc we both needed to have space right? like thats what would be the best but now that i see hes slowly starting to be okay im like "holy fuck its me who has the issues in space not him"

jiminie: like sure, he probably is a little too attached to me for his own health to be fine but look what happened to me after i left?

jiminie: im a fucking mess so i grabbed onto hobi hyung and can't seem let go now and it scares me hyung i just dont like being alone

joonie hyung: can i ask you something? you dont have to answer it if it makes you uncomfortable

jiminie: ill answer anything tbh

joonie hyung: do you like hobi ?

jiminie: yeah?? be more specific

joonie hyung: do you like him the way you like yoongi?

joonie hyung: i completely understand if you do jimin, there are relationships out there that are like that

jiminie: oh god no no no

jiminie: sure i like hobi hyung but just as one of my best friends, like im so in love with yoongi there's nobody that could ever replace him or even match him in any way, shape, or form

jiminie: i just cant be with him rn until i fix myself bc i wanna be the best for him he deserves it

joonie hyung: thats really sweet

jiminie: ty but wheres this coming from? like the poly question?

joonie hyung: i just wanted to see if you were depending on hobi cause you like him but im glad youre not

joonie hyung: i know you don't want advice but i think it'd be really good for you to talk to yoongi

joonie hyung: it would be great for him too, he may seem okay but hes just as shook up as you are

jiminie: really?

joonie hyung: all he writes is sad songs in the studio

jiminie: ill talk to him

jiminie: idk when but at some point this i will

joonie hyung: i wish you luck whenever you decide to jiminie

 


 

FREEDOM IS MINE

queenie: im back at it again boys

jung hobo: id stop while youre ahead

queenie: this time i call it "taehyung vs yoongi"

sweetz has left the chat

creamy added 'sweetz' to the chat

creamy: if i have to go through this so do you

sweetz: jesus christ

queenie: no no, i think you're both gonna like this

queenie: so i want the group to decide who's looks the best

queenie: taehyung:

queenie: 

queenie: or yoongi:

queenie: 

sweetz: mine?

creamy: no me !

jung hobo: i gotta disagree with you there tae, i think yoons' veins really sticking out look cool af

problem 2: well we all know where i stand on this

veiny: having cool veins as well, ill vote for yoongi

queenie: okay damn 3-3 we got a tie now what bc i vote for tae

problem 1: i will say yoongi's..

sweetz: really?

problem 1: yeah, you always liked my hands but you had no idea how obsessed i was with yours

sweetz: oh, wow

sweetz: thanks

problem 1: yeah of course

problem 1: are your meds still effecting you negatively? i read you got new ones

sweetz: no im better actually, im able to stay calm and maintain a level of basic happiness when im feeling good

problem 1: im really glad yoongi, seriously you deserve it

sweetz: you do too minnie

queenie: oh my god im going to cry fuck the vote this is so ??

 


 

Private chat with: yoongi

minnie: i mean it

minnie: every word

minnie: you have no idea how fucking proud i am of you

yoongi: thank you honestly

yoongi: i didn't know i was going to be able to do this but fuck i did and i am

yoongi: how are you? doing okay?

minnie: yeah

yoongi: you lying?

minnie: definitely

yoongi: i love you

minnie: lying?

yoongi: definitely not

minnie: i love you too

yoongi read at 11:06pm

 


 

Private chat with: best #2 dad

the kook son: i need help

best #2 dad: its almost midnight and i just had a private conversation with jimin for the first time in days

the kook son: holy shit really?

best #2 dad: yeah

the kook soon: did it go well?

best #2 dad: well he said he loves me

the kook son: WOO what else?

best #2 dad: i dont wanna talk about it right now kook

best #2 dad: what did you need help with

the kook son: im planning a special evening with tae and idk what to do

best #2 dad: when is it?

the kook son: friday

best #2 dad: jungkook that's in 2 days

the kook son: i know thats why i need help !!

best #2 dad: why not go somewhere special just the two of you?

the kook son: like a restaurant?

best #2 dad: lord you are a dumb boy sometimes

best #2 dad: no not a restaurant

the kook son: oh thank god! cause im broke af

best #2 dad: we both know that's not true sweaty

the kook son: omgfggje /sweaty/

best #2 dad: anyways, somewhere that has meaning to only you guys, pack a picnic idk

the kook son: i know exactly where ill take him

the kook son: ty hyung and i hope you and jiminie will work it out soon

best #2 dad: you and me both kook

 


 

Help Thy Maknae

maknae: hi pals

maknae: you're probably wondering why ive called you all here today

mom: its 3 in the morning

mom: i wouldn't be up right now if it wasn't for my new addiction to my computer program

dad #1: im up bc of jin so

dad #1: what is this

dad #2: why do you people make so many chats wtf

maknae: bc i need ur help w something

uncle: at 3 in the morning?

maknae: yes hobi hyung

jimin: why does everybody have cool names but me

maknae: cause you're nothing

maknae: im kidding idk im lazy

jimin: WOW

dad #1: why are we all up at 3

uncle: and wheres tae

maknae: hes not here

maknae: this is why i need help bc its about him

dad #1: can you get to the point pls jungkookie

maknae: yeah yeah okay

maknae: so like i wanted to do something special for tae bc we haven't seen each other in a while and so im gonna surprise him with a date night on friday

uncle: aweee

dad #2: you decide what exactly you're doing?

maknae: im gonna take him to our spot, get some fun ass food and give him a gift

dad #1: "fun ass food"

jimin: is the gift your dick

maknae: NO WTF

maknae: i mean later on probably

mom: AHAHAHA

maknae: but i was looking online and found something i think he'd really like, cause we all know how much he likes jewelry right?

dad #1: yeah

maknae: so i bought us these online, ill get them in the mail on friday morning

maknae: paid 10 bucks extra for one day shipping lol

maknae: 

maknae: mines obviously the black one and tae's is the one with the gems

uncle: HOLY FUCK ARE YOU PROPOSING TO TAEHYUNG

dad #1: the proposal: the squeal starring jeon jungkook & kim taehyung

jimin: id watch that

mom: JUNGKOOK YOU ARE TOO FUCKING YOUNG FOR THAT WTF UR BARELY 20 YEARS OLD

maknae: NO OH MY GOD STOP STOP STOP ITS JUST CUTE COUPLE RINGS

maknae: not that i wouldn't marry tae

maknae: but jesus hyungs

jimin: im disappointed tbh imagine me as taes best man

uncle: ikr

dad #1: lol they're nice af kook

maknae: they get better

maknae: if you put the bottoms together they make one big crown

maknae: 

dad #2: damn! you did good

jimin: taehyung's gonna cry a fucking ocean when he sees that

jimin: good job kook i knew you weren't hopeless after all

maknae: lol thanks hyungs

maknae: but in regards to your guys help

maknae: i want him to have no idea im doing any of this so, jiminie i need you to make sure tae dresses cute on friday like he's going somewhere but make sure you dont tell where

jimin: got it

maknae: since i got a class late on friday i need a few of you to set up the area

dad #1: i can help with that, the studio is only a few minutes away

uncle: count me in for decorating too

dad #2: same, we'll do it with joons

maknae: perfect

mom: what can i do!

maknae: idk other than that theres nothing really i dont think

maknae: you could come over on friday and help me look hot

mom: oh sweetie thats something i can definitely do

maknae: okay good thank you guys so much

 


 

@dancemanhobi

are we moving or on a top secret mission?

Liked by jeonjk, jimmieminnie, sugamin, and 2,185 others

 


 

FREEDOM IS MINE

problem #1: did you guys get everything

jung hobo: yeah, we're ready to blow the socks off tae lol

creamy: what

queenie: NOTHING SMFH RIGHT HOSEOK?

jimin: oh oops wrong chat

jung hobo: LOL YEAH OF COURSE

problem 2: 

problem #2: i should've went to the 97ers

creamy: im so confused what is going on

problem #2: dont worry about it tae the hyungs are talking out of their asses

problem 1: weRE JUST SWIMMIN ROUND IN OUR GLASSES

queenie: AND TALKING OUT OF OUR ASSES

problem #2: seriously ?? one direction ??

problem #1: we got barely any sleep bc of you last night shut up

problem #1: and how dare you come for 1d like that what have they done to you

queenie: really tho just because you're a die hard emo and bieber stan doesn't mean you can attack us directioners

queenie renamed the chat 'the directioners vs jungkook'

jimin: YEAH!

problem 2: thats just stupid

queenie: we'll blow this whole thing up right now if you dont stay in your lane jungkookie

problem #2: DO NOT RUIN THIS

queenie: we wontttt

problem #1: or will we

queenie: lol

problem #2: 

creamy: oh my god??

 


 

Help Thy Maknae

maknae: is everything going well bc im going to pick up tae in an hour

dad #2: 

dad #2: is that good enough for you

maknae: HOLY SHIT

maknae: THAT'S PERFECT

uncle: if tae doesn't cry when he sees this set up i may strangle him

dad #1: you're just bitter that you fell out of a tree putting lights in it

jimin: speaking of taehyung

jimin: he's antsy

maknae: oh shit why

jimin: idk he won't say anything but "jiminie im really uncomfortable just sitting here looking like this"

jimin: i feel like something else is bugging him though bc he wont stop looking at his phone

jimin: also can you hurry up and pick him up earlier cause i gotta go out

maknae: seriously i asked you to do one thing aka watch him until i arrive

jimin: oh im so sorry that i have to go to therapy

uncle: therapy? wait chim what?

jimin: nothing nvm

mom: on another note!!

mom: what does tae look like i want to make sure jk doesn't look too casual

jimin: whats he wearing

mom: 

mom: i still gotta do his hair and do some hot makeup

mom: i feel like an actual mother :'))

jimin: i think theyll match tbh

jimin: 

maknae: WHAT THE FUCK I SAID TO MAKE HIM DRESS CUTE NOT LIKE A FUCKING PRINCE HOLY SHIT

maknae: jin hyung i look like a hobo compared to him 

mom: you look fine we all know tae loves you in baggy shirts plus your jeans are ripped so he'll bust a nut when he sees your thighs

maknae: okay you're right

jimin: lmao

jimin: i gotta leave in 10 mins you gonna be ready by then

maknae: no but ill leave as soon as i can

jimin: kk good luck kook

maknae: thank you

uncle: we'll take off as soon as we see you & taebae here

dad #2: i wish u luck jungkook

dad #1: same here

maknae: thanks :) !

 


 

Private chat with: joon joon

jin jin: jk just left his dorm, hes heading to get tae so you guys should probably leave now

joon joon: okay thanks for letting me know babe

jin jin: <333

 


 

Help Thy Maknae

uncle: did you pick him up yet kook!

maknae: im about to knock now

maknae: im sweating with nerves

mom: stop sweating you'll make your makeup run

mom: i spent good money on that shit for you

dad #2: dont attack him jin he's nervous

mom: i mean well of course !

dad #1: smh @ you both

dad #1: hows it going kook?

uncle: did he jump your bones when he saw how hot you look

maknae: lmao neverfuckingmind i left

mom: wtf why

maknae: there was no answer when i knocked but the door was unlocked so i walked in and there tae was standing in the middle of the room

maknae: hugging minho

uncle: oh my dear christ above

maknae: also can one of you tell jimin when he gets out of therapy that im sorry in advance that i may have broken their door

dad #1: why

maknae: cause i fucking slammed it shut when i left

Chapter Text


Taehyung: creamy

Jungkook: problem 2

Jimin: problem 1

Yoongi: sweetz

Hoseok: jung hobo

Jin: queenie

Namjoon: veiny


 

 

Private chat with: yoongi

minnie: have you heard from jungkook

yoongi: no

minnie: fuck

minnie: none of us have heard anything from him in an hour and tae's already called me three times freaking out

yoongi: hes probably by the tree where their date was supposed to be

minnie: you think? wouldn't that be the last place he'd wanna be?

yoongi: if i were him and i just saw my boyfriend with someone else, i would go to the date spot, sit, and think about all the shitty things ive done in my life that ive i would have to walk in and see that

yoongi: so yeah, he's probably there

minnie: ejgitosifjcjf okay

minnie: im sorry

yoongi: it wasn't an indirect to you minnie its fine

yoongi: get tae to go find him asap

minnie: okay thank you

yoongi: anytime

 


 

Private chat with: tol tae

lil min: hes at your guys spot go now

tol tae: is that really a god idea

lil min: are you serious right now

tol tae: who wants to see their bf with their ex

tol tae: he ran out before i could even explain !

tol tae: min he probably hates me

lil min: taehyung for the love of god GO FIND HIM AND EXPLAIN NOW

tol tae read at 8:52pm

 


 

Taekook Forever

mochi: WHO'S GOING TO SEE TAEKOOK REUNITE BC I CAN'T AND I NEED TO KNOW WHATS HAPPENING

hoesok: its been a while since we've used this chat damn

cup of sugar: i can?

namjam: same yoons and i hung around for a while

jin bin: perfect ! tell us as soon as you see one of them

mochi: preferably both, together

cup of sugar: we're across the street rn and kook is resting against the tree

namjam: he looks destroyed

jin bin: probably bc he just got his heart ripped out of his chest

hoesok: exactly

mochi: updates updates updates 

namjam: he's just sitting there thats literally it, yoons and i are trying to creep our way closer

cup of sugar: taehyung showed up

mochi: FUCK ITS HAPPENING

jin bin: JOONIE UPDATE !

namjam: tae looks starstruck he looked around now he's staring at jungkook

cup of sugar: "holy shit what is this"

cup of sugar: "was supposed to be a real special date night"

cup of sugar: taehyung sat down and goes "it looked pretty bad didn't it?"

namjam: jungkook's just staring at him unimpressed

namjam: "you with your arms around your ex? yeah looked pretty bad"

cup of sugar: "can i explain myself"

cup of sugar: kook did a motion with his hands and said "go ahead im not gonna stop you"

jin bin: im gonna cry

namjam: "you walked in at possibly the worst time bc there was no context to our hug but"

namjam: tae stopped hes playing with his hands

mochi: nerves, he's nervous

cup of sugar: "i didn't block minho the day he started texting me again, i should have but i didn't, idk why but we ended up talking here and there and yesterday he said he had really good news to tell me and couldn't wait to tell me the news. he said he'd come see me but i was so scared what would happen so i kept texting him that he shouldn't but he never read my texts"

cup of sugar: "he got into his top medical school of choice. thats why he moved away last year to try and study harder to get accepted and hes finally getting into the school hes always wanted to get into, thats why i hugged him, just a congratulations hug, nothing more kookie i have no feelings for minho at all, i only care about you"

mochi: what is jungkook doing

namjam: watching taehyung fumble with his hands

namjam: "why did he have to come here and tell you? his phone not work for calling?"

namjam: "one of the only things minho and i could civically talk about when we were together was helping people, i always found it interesting when he'd show me what medicines were curing what and i always told him to never give up on his dream of med school cause he was smart enough to get in"

cup of sugar: kook clearly isnt liking the compliments being sent minhos way cause hes looking at the ground now

cup of sugar: tae noticed

namjam: "he asked if you were that freshman that i hung around with last year and i said you were my boyfriend"

cup of sugar: jungkook's looking at him again

namjam: "what did minho have to say to that?"

namjam: "he said he's happy we're together bc he always saw the connection between us"

cup of sugar: jungkook snorted

mochi: omfg

cup of sugar: "isnt that a little messed up that he saw what we were trying to deny yet you two fucked around for months?"

cup of sugar: "he wasnt a complete shitty person kookie, we didnt have the best relationship, if you could even call it that, but it was obvious to almost everybody but you how in love i was with you"

namjam: jungkook's blushing

hoesok: FUCK

namjam: "is he gone?"

namjam: "yeah hes gone kookie"

namjam: "i don't wanna see him again, no offense"

cup of sugar: tae laughed and said "his med school is in california so i dont think we'll be seeing him for quite a while"

cup of sugar: "thank fucking god"

cup of sugar: they're laughing together

hoesok: its been three mins whats happening now

namjam: tae's teasing jungkook saying he has a jealousy issue

cup of sugar: "my issue is that i love you so much im scared one day i wont be good enough and youll leave"

cup of sugar: "kookie that's never going to happen, we both know how long i pinned after you"

cup of sugar: "i know but fuck you have no idea how i felt when i opened that door and saw you hugging him, i felt like my whole world was just falling apart"

cup of sugar: "thats dramatic"

cup of sugar: "im serious tho tae you mean too much to me"

cup of sugar: "why did you storm out? you couldve just said 'oh hey what the fuck is this' and i would've told you"

cup of sugar: "i had to leave bc i was afraid if i walked in i was going to punch minho, even if you would've told me why you hugged him i still think i may have nailed him in the face"

namjam: he made tae laugh, theyre both smiling

cup of sugar: "well then im glad you left. besides im happy i found you here cause this is so" hes looking around at all the lights

cup of sugar: "its borderline magical"

namjam: "yeah the hyungs helped me out"

hoesok: ayeee he gave credit where its due

jin bin: they saying anything else?

cup of sugar: can't really hear them now, they're sitting beside each other all close

cup of sugar: i do believe jungkook just said taehyung looks like a prince and tae's face turned beat red

mochi: 

jin bin: ME

namjam: hes taking out of rings

hoesok: what

namjam: HES TAKING OUT THE COUPLE RINGS YOU SHOULD SEE TAE'S FACE

cup of sugar: "jungkook what the fuck is that in your hand"

hoesok: tag yourself

cup of sugar: "this isnt at all how i thought this evening would go but i wanted to give this to you just to show you how much you mean to me, and i know gifts are a lame way to show it but im still bad with expressing my feelings..plus i want people to know you're mine"

cup of sugar: taehyung started crying

namjam: i- omg he just said, with tears in his eyes,

namjam: "its so fucking beautiful did you buy it with your sugar daddy money"

hoesok: leave it to taehyung to say something like that 

namjam: jungkook be grinning so wide as hes putting the ring on tae's finger than his own

namjam: he showed him what the rings look like together

cup of sugar: taehyung's crying harder

cup of sugar: kook got some watery eyes too tho

jin bin: 

cup of sugar: "we're gonna get through anything right?"

cup of sugar: "obviously we're soulmates"

cup of sugar: "i thought jimin was your soulmate"

cup of sugar: "platonically but you're my actual one kookie im not in love with anybody but you"

namjam: "i love you tae"

namjam: "i love you too you angry and jealous little kookie"

namjam: we looked away they started kissing

mochi: FUCK IM SOFT NUTTING

jin bin: WOW ONE BIG SOFT NUT

hoesok:

mochi: anything else happen?

cup of sugar: well tae climbed into kook's lap and i think they started to make out but i can't be too sure since joons and i left as soon as we heard taehyung moan

cup of sugar: i'd say they're gonna be just fine tho

mochi: omg

hoesok: kinky

namjam: ew hobi, ew.

 


 

the directioners vs jungkook

creamy: do i even have to tell you that kookie bought us couple rings or do you all already know

problem 1: (͡° ͜ʖ ͡°)

veiny: is anything really a secret between this group

creamy: oml

jung hobo: should we act surprised?

jung hobo: 

sweetz: thanks for that meme use hobi

queenie: you like the rings tae?

creamy: like them?

creamy: i fucking love them

queenie: one step closer to marriage

problem 2: hyung please

problem 2: you were the one who said i was too young to get married

queenie: i know but i changed my mind

queenie: as long as you marry tae, then i approve

jung hobo: LOL

creamy: thanks momma jin

queenie: of course ;)

problem 1: I HAVE A QUESTION!

creamy: WHAT!

problem 1: since you didnt come home last night im assuming you went to kooks

creamy: yea

problem 1: @jungkook did he like your second gift

problem 2: jimin

creamy: what second gift

problem 1: his dick

creamy: oh!

problem 2: JIMIN!

creamy: honestly

creamy: it was better than the first gift

creamy: hes just so hot when he gets aggressive oh my god im gonna pop a boner just sitting here thinking about it again

jung hobo: jungkook bc of his good dick game:

jung hobo: 

problem 2: omg goodbye to you all other than tae

veiny: favouritism

creamy: true but i legit got a boner so guess who's getting some hot morning sex :)

sweetz: i really hate this groupchat sometimes

problem 2: 

jung hobo: LMAO

 


 

@__taethebae__

i love you more than i will ever be able to express

Liked by jeonjk, rapgodjoon, and 3,073 others

 


 

Private chat with: chim chim

sunshine: hey

chim chim: hey hobi hyung

sunshine: you busy? i was wondering if i could ask you something

chim chim: no i should be studying but im watching netflix lol

sunshine: ahaha

chim chim: whats up?

sunshine: why didnt you tell me you were going to therapy?

chim chim: oh

sunshine: if you really dont wanna tell me you dont have to but i asked yoongi if he knew and it was pretty obvious i was the only one who didn't know

chim chim: he told you?

sunshine: no all he said was "talk to jimin its not my place"

sunshine: so i texted jin and he left me on read so i put two and two together

chim chim: oh

sunshine: is that all you're gonna say?

chim chim: no im sorry i just

chim chim: a lot has been going on lately i didn't want you to worry

sunshine: but jimin its not your place to decide whether im allowed to worry about you or not. you're one of my best friends and i can't stand it when any of us are upset

sunshine: i was left in the dark for months not knowing that yoons had depression and that nearly killed me

sunshine: i dont want to go through that with you too

chim chim: yoongi and i are on a break

sunshine: like i want you to be able to come to me and tell me anything

sunshine: wait

sunshine: what did you just say

chim chim: me and yoongi

chim chim: are on a break

sunshine: jesus is there anything else i should know?

chim chim: um lets see i asked him for a break bc we were too dependant on each other but ive found out that im the one with the real issue bc i can't be alone so i latched onto you way too much and im trying to figure out how exactly i can be happy with myself

chim chim: oh andnamjoonhyungaskedifihadacrushonyou

sunshine: what did you just say? joon asked you what?

chim chim: if i had a crush on you

sunshine: AHAHAHAHAHAHAAH

chim chim: UR NOT MAD?

sunshine: no! i mean im sad i didn't know any of this and im definitely bummed that you two are on a break but the part about you crushing on me? that's hilarious

chim chim: exactly!! i was stunned when he asked!

sunshine: do they know why we even started hanging out so much?

chim chim: nah i figure ill tell them at some point

sunshine: damn i can't wait for that 

 


 

the directioners vs jungkook

jung hobo: you ever seen an angel cause fuck i have

veiny: what

problem 1: what did jongin do

jung hobo: hes at his parents for the weekend and he just sent me a selfie

jung hobo: i had an actual heart attack and died

queenie: how are you talking to us then

jung hobo: im not this is the spirit of hoseok telling ya

sweetz: okay, spirit of my best friend, whats the selfie that killed him

jung hobo: 

creamy: why is jongin such a legend

problem 2: damn

jung hobo: fuck guys

jung hobo: ive never been so amazed by someone's beauty in my life

veiny: thought you were dead

jung hobo: ***i was so amazed it killed me

queenie: lmao

problem 1: [screenshot captured]

problem 1: i can't wait to tease you to jongin

jung hobo: NO JIMIN PLEASE I ACTED COOL AF WHEN HE SENT IT TO ME AS IF I DIDNT POP A BONER PLS DON'T

problem 1: [screenshot captured]

problem 2: never trust jimin hes evil

creamy: jiminie getting all the receipts like

creamy: 

problem 1: oh totally

problem 1: btw hobi, jongin said hes gonna text you later to see if he can make you flustered 

problem 1: and we all know what flustered means

creamy: someone's getting a hot pic

jung hobo:

 


 

the directioners vs jungkook

queenie: yoongi and i are getting married and making a band

creamy: i just inhaled my soda omf what

veiny: i tutor a kid for two hours and miss so much apparently

queenie: yep sorry joonie but yoongi and i are hitting the road

veiny: i dont know if i even want to ask how this started

jung hobo: well see they were cooking together

jung hobo: 

jung hobo: then we all decided to chill on the couch which is when jin said "hey yoongi lets get married"

jung hobo: and for some fucking reason yoons goes "alright"

jung hobo: so theyre legit looking at wedding cakes online rn

jung hobo: 

creamy: im screaming ??

veiny: i got a cake for jin

veiny: 

problem 2: me @ tae

creamy: i love you omg 

veiny: how'd this band idea start tho

sweetz: jin started singing and i said "sing that to me at the wedding" and he goes "holy shit lets make a band"

sweetz: and here we are

sweetz: getting married and making a band

creamy: so what does this make namjoon hyung? a side lover?

queenie: technically yoongi is the side lover since joonie and i are lowkey already married

veiny: true

problem 1: i cant believe im witnessing this

queenie: lets sing our cover song yoongi!

sweetz: take it away

queenie: ahEM AHEM AHEM

jung hobo: he literally cleared his throat irl omg

queenie: anD I-IIIIIIIII-

sweetz: hOLy sHiT

queenie: WILL ALWAYS LOVE-

sweetz: i cANT BELIEVE YOU DID THIS TO ME gOd DaMn iT HOW COULD YOU DO THIS TO ME?!

queenie: YOUUUUUUUU

problem 2: i- i cant believe they just sang a meme

queenie: what did you think joonie?:)

veiny: i dont even know what to say

jung hobo: believe it or not they sang it out loud too

jung hobo: i left the house

creamy: okay no for real what joint did yoongi hyung smoke and share with jin hyung

queenie: he happy i happy we happy man

creamy: oh my lord

queenie: but no fr we're celebrating his happiness instead of dwelling on the past

problem 2: that sounds good!!

creamy: maybe skip the marriage and band part

queenie: you can be my best man

creamy: nvm get married i look amazing in suits

problem 2: yes you do

 


 

Private chat with: minnie

minnie: um hey

yoongi: hey

minnie: congrats

yoongi: on what? wait its not about the thing w/ jin is it? you know that was just a joke right

minnie: no lol i know, nothing could ever make jin hyung leave namjoonie hyung

yoongi: you right

minnie: i was saying congrats on like feeling great, that's a really big thing for you from all your struggles you've had

yoongi: yeah and i only have you to thank for this happiness

minnie: huh?

yoongi: like, because we took time apart i could really think about everything and what makes me myself and how to deal with shit on my own and become a happier person

yoongi: i learned to love myself i guess

yoongi: and i wouldn't have been able to do that if you hadn't suggested a break so thank you jimin, honestly

minnie: oh yeah of course!! im happy you fr

yoongi: did hobi talk to you?

minnie: yeah i told him all the stuff thats been happening and he called me earlier we talked and shit

minnie: hes gonna give me some time to myself so i can find myself again

yoongi: thats good

yoongi: i really hope find what you're looking for minnie

yoongi: you deserve the best

minnie: so do you

yoongi: lol thanks

minnie: no seriously i even told taehyung that

minnie: thats why i finally told hobi on the phone earlier that it'd be good if i try to be alone so i can figure myself out so i can be the best version of myself for you

minnie: i think my therapy class is slowly helping with that

yoongi: im beyond happy youve chosen to go to therapy but

yoongi: no fuck no jimin I don't want the "best" version of you, i just want you. flaws and all

yoongi: that's why i fell for you cause you're a real person, not some person who puts on some mask with others and becomes a totally different person

yoongi: you should take some time to yourself but during that time, dont try to change yourself, just learn to love the things around you and yourself

minnie: is it bad i started crying reading that?

yoongi: not at all

yoongi: wanna see something funny to make you feel better?

minnie: please

yoongi: heres me and jin shitting our pants when hobi scared us earlier when we were wondering around the city and found an abandoned building

yoongi: 

minnie: FUCK

minnie: you look like you're able to cry

yoongi: honestly i was pretty close lol

minnie: thats so cute

minnie: or um-

yoongi: thanks minnie

minnie: i love you

minnie: so fucking much

minnie: please wait for me i promise im coming back soon i just need a little more time

yoongi: id wait forever regardless if you were to come back or not

yoongi: but i love you too

 


 

Private chat with: kookie♡

kookie♡: i didnt wanna text our yoonmin groupchat in case things weren't good

kookie♡: but how are things between them??

taetae♡: they text sometimes and its always positive things, usually its jiminie texting yoongi hyung about what he was told at therapy and some wild stories that make yoongi laugh

kookie♡: didnt jimin start going to more classes?

taetae♡: yeah he used to go twice a week but for about two weeks now hes been going to extra ones on thursdays with taemin that specifically talks about "learning to overcome your illness and loving yourself"

taetae♡: it's really paying off and that makes me so happy

kookie♡: fuck thats awesome

taetae♡: ikr? when he came home yesterday he looked so genuinely happy with himself i started crying tears of fucking joy

kookie♡: aw tae baby

taetae♡: i know he was shook he said "holy shit why are you crying what did jungkook do now"

kookie♡: i hate him omfg

taetae♡: lmAO

taetae♡: i told him you did nothing and that i was crying bc i love seeing him so happy instead of sad and shit

taetae♡: then he started crying bc he was so thankful i never left his side even tho he'd given me so many reasons to go bc he can be a real pain

taetae♡: so i cried harder after that saying even as much as he drives me insane i love him no matter what and will always be here for him

kookie♡: let me guess, he cried more too?

taetae♡: we both did

kookie♡: LOL

taetae♡: lots of tears were shed last night all out of pure happiness and love

kookie♡: im glad hes getting better

taetae♡: me too kookie, hes come a long way from a few weeks ago

kookie♡: does that mean hes well enough that you could kick him out of the dorm?

taetae♡: you literally have your own room

kookie♡: i know but i like your mattress more

taetae♡: jeon jungkook you have a $900 mattress how is that worse than my shitty dorm one

kookie♡: i like fucking you on your own bed

taetae♡: wow

taetae♡: could you have held back at all with your words lmao

kookie♡: tae:((

taetae♡: jimin's studying so ill kick him out in an hour then you can come fuck my cute ass as much as you want on my tiny mattress

kookie♡: yanno what isn't tiny though

taetae♡: what

kookie♡: your ass

taetae♡: 

kookie♡: TAE DONT BRING MEMBERS OF MY DANCE TEAM INTO OUR CONVO WHEN IM TRYNA BE SMOOTH

taetae♡: sorry sorry lol

taetae♡: i was just showing you what ill do when you get here

kookie♡: fuck tae i dont wanna wait an hour let me come over now

taetae♡: no too bad, i gotta find my booty shorts in the meantime

taetae♡: ill put on a nice little show for you kookie ;)

taetae♡: oh i found them!!

taetae♡: jiminie said my thighs look great too what do you think

taetae♡: [image attached]

kookie♡: FUCKING FUCK ME

 


 

the directioners vs jungkook

problem 1: i got kicked out bc taekook boutta fuck

problem 1: i couldn't even grab my textbook jungkook kicked me out so fast

problem 1: me rn

problem 1: 

jung hobo: AHAHAHAHA

veiny: damn thats tragic

queenie: is this a bad time to change the conversation into something serious

problem 1: nah go ahead hyung

queenie: i just wanna know how you're going

queenie: like physically, mentally, idc, anything

veiny: i wanna know too!

jung hobo: yeah how ya doing chim its been a few days since we've hung out

problem 1: well i was really struggling at first, theres no need to sugar coat it

problem 1: like i was a full blown fucking mess

problem 1: but thats bc it took me so long to be able to be comfortable with myself and say "yanno what jimin, you're gonna have a good day today, be happy, and not let your anxiety control you"

problem 1: so it took longer than i would've liked it too but i can now say, and really mean it

problem 1: im happy with being me:)

jung hobo: WOOOOOOOO THATS MY CHIM CHIM

veiny: thats awesome jiminie im proud of you <3

problem 1: thank you :')

jung hobo: jin where'd you go i thought youd would've spammed the gc by now with happiness

queenie: 

problem 2: lol ill take that as a compliment jin hyung ty

 


 

 

Private chat with: yoongi

yoongi: i read everything in the chat

yoongi: you are so fucking amazing

yoongi: i was so doubtful when you said we should take a break bc i thought "this is going to destroy us both but mostly me bc I can't live without you"

yoongi: but we can

yoongi: we're able to be happy without being worried the other is suffering from the dependence of the other on them

yoongi: which by the way im so fucking sorry i ever put you through that i can't believe i ever put my health in your hands like that as if i expecting you to solve my issues

minnie: no fuck that, it doesn't matter anymore yoongi we made mistakes sure but we're better now, both individually and together we can be stronger for the other if there are rough times

yoongi: does that mean what i think it means?

minnie: that im halfway across campus about to kick your door down and hug you forever? yeah.

yoongo: door's open

minnie: thank you for this

yoongi: for what

minnie: for giving me time when you didn't have to and always believing in me

minnie: thank you for loving me for who I am

yoongi: thank you for letting me love you

 


 

@jimmieminnie

together again & stronger than ever @sugamin <3

Liked by sugamin, and 4,837 others

@__taethebae__ HOLY SHIT

@jeonjk THE OT-FUCKING-P

 


 

the directioners vs jungkook

queenie changed their name to 'captain jin'

veiny: why

captain jin: i think we all know why

captain jin:

 

Chapter Text


Taehyung: creamy

Jungkook: problem 2

Jimin: problem 1

Yoongi: sweetz

Hoseok: jung hobo

Jin: captain jin

Namjoon: veiny


 

the directioners vs jungkook

captain jin: the grass is green the flowers are blooming the sun is shining

captain jin: hello world it is i, kim seokjin

veiny: its freezing outside

creamy: there was actual frost on our doorstep this morning, jiminie almost slipped

creamy: i laughed

sweetz: wtf taehyung he could've really hurt himself and ended up like jungkook not being able to dance

problem 2: hey i can dance in a week so !!

jung hobo: @jin why you so happy

problem 1: cause yoongi and i are otp again duh

sweetz: my boyfriend states the truth

captain jin: okay true but

captain jin: its actually bc i walked into the bedroom this morning and found a god sitting there

captain jin: 

veiny: babe

creamy: AWHH

captain jin: he goes "get dressed im taking you out today you deserve a stress free day"

captain jin: i love him ??? so much

problem 2: parent goals

problem 1: yoongi can we do that

sweetz: already got something planned in a few weeks

problem 1: wow :'))

 


 

@rapgodjoon

nothing like you <3

Liked by worldwidejin, __taethebae_, and 1,968 others

@jimmieminnie WHY IS JIN HYUNG IN BLACK THE BEST THING IVE EVER SEEN?!

@__taethebae__ HE'S STUNNING

 


 

the directioners vs jungkook

problem 1: hyung teach me how to make any clothing my bitch like you do

captain jin: lol i can't bb it's a special gift

captain jin: also joonie just bought me that coat and i love it

veiny: it was worth $250 you look great

veiny: i mean you always do but still

creamy: me @ namjoon hyung rn

creamy: 

creamy: how about you send some of dem dolla bills my way hyung

veiny: LOL

problem 1: honestly what are you talking about tae

sweetz: you literally live off jungkook and his money

problem 1: lol exactly

creamy: i do NOT

creamy: i will have you know i have a shift at the library tonight and payday in next friday so HA

sweetz: smh

problem 2: lol dont worry tae idc either way

 


 

Private chat with: kookie♡

taetae♡: do i live off your money

kookie♡: how did i know u would text me this

taetae♡: no im serious i dont wanna have people thinking im with you cause you're loaded with money

kookie♡: well are you?

taetae♡: NO jesus you could be poor af and id still wanna be with you, idc about your money i just love you

kookie♡: exactly, and i feel the same way, so it's fine tae

kookie♡: plus im not even loaded rn

kookie♡: i got the real big bucks saved for after uni ;)

taetae♡: omfg why am i dating an actual playboy

kookie♡: *international playboy

taetae♡: ID LIKE TO SEE YOUR SHY ASS TRY

kookie♡: 

taetae♡: im kidding!!!!

taetae♡: you could never be a playboy, you blush when you see a girl for christ sakes

kookie♡: brb im gonna go dig a grave for some dude named kim taehyung he about to get his ass beat

taetae♡: i cant tell if you mean that sexually or in a serious way but honestly im up for either

kookie♡: FKWOXKBKEKZJV

kookie♡: BLOCKED AND REPORTED

 


 

the directioners vs jungkook

sweetz: ahem

captain jin: wtf was that

sweetz: idk

sweetz: how does one announce they got tea to spill

creamy: HOLY SHIT IVE WAITED FOR THIS MOMENT

problem 2: when yoongi hyung joins the exposing club

problem 2: im combusting ??

jung hobo: YOONS WHAT DO I HAVE TO DO FOR YOU NOT TO DO THIS

veiny: is it about hobi? holy fuck lemme get some popcorn

sweetz: take your time joons, i got all day with the tea i have

jung hobo: MIN YOONGI IM GENUINELY BEGGING YOU

captain jin: ok yoongi, joonie and i got our popcorn cooked, expose away

creamy: im gonna piss my pants in excitement

sweetz: oh taehyung honey, hold it in bc i got all the tea

problem 1: why is my boyfriend suddenly the best man to ever walk the earth?

sweetz: babyboy i already was but ty for that

problem 2: HIS EGO WENT FROM A 3 TO A 100 REAL QUICK

sweetz: i got hobi trying to unlock my door so i dont expose his ass, how could i not get cocky?

sweetz: anyways

sweetz: i guess hobi is preparing for valentines day waaayy ahead of time

sweetz: since i found a bunch of tumblr valentines day memes saved on his phone

sweetz: which sounds all fine and dandy right?

problem 2: yeah?

sweetz: well his are dirty disney cards

captain jin: i just inhaled a popcorn kernel omfg

jung hobo: NO YOU DONT GET IT OMGJWICITIV

sweetz: nows not the time hobi, you'll get your shameful moment later

problem 1: babe omg let me see these cards

sweetz: don't worry minnie i got the

sweetz: 

creamy: oh my gOd

sweetz: we'll start off easy yeah?

sweetz: 

veiny: im choking omg

sweetz: thats about the "purest", and i use that word very lightly, card i found of his phone

sweetz: for example there's this interesting one

sweetz: 

creamy: AND SO ARE MY LEGS

jung hobo: im gonna kms omfg

sweetz: this one is a personal fav of mine as it is a gif

sweetz: 

problem 2: i cant tell if he means pussy or ass

problem 2: but i love it

captain jin: he's a pancake you know he'd take both caves

jung hobo: that's bisexuality not pan!!!

captain jin: okay my sweet pancake bb

veiny: AHAHAHAHA

jung hobo: oh my god !

sweetz: are we ready for the grand finale

creamy: pleaSe

sweetz: 

sweetz: he sent this one to jongin actually i saw it in their messages

sweetz: i didn't know hobi and jongin switched

sweetz: but boy do i now

problem 1: 

creamy: JIMIN I FUCKING LOVE YOU GJEJXFG

captain jin: thats some A1 meme usage right there

problem 1: thanks guys ive had that saved for a while

veiny: hobi damn man wow

sweetz: speaking of hobi i think its about time we hear from you

jung hobo: i just

jung hobo: sighs

jung hobo: idk

jung hobo: 

problem 2: HAHAHAHAH

 


 

the directioners vs jungkook

problem 2 renamed the chat 'tea time'

veiny: oh god not again

problem 2: id just like to get someone to remove tae from my dorm room

sweetz: why

problem 2: he wont stop playing his kpop albums

problem 2: but theres this one new album he will NOT take off repeat

veiny: whats it called??

problem 2: the code or some shit

sweetz: wow i love 'the code or some shit'

problem 2: no its driving me insane hes played it nonstop and will not change it

creamy: says the one who has been playing "Oi" ever since i showed you their past albums

sweetz: who is this

creamy: its a kpop group called monsta x

creamy: lemme tell ya some shit ok theres five members: shownu, minhyuk, changkyun, kihyun, and my fuCKING BOY JOOHEON

veiny: jooheon?

creamy: yeah he owns this ass

creamy: 

creamy: can you believe jooheon invented eating?

sweetz: can you believe i don't care?

jung hobo: who does jungkook stan

problem 1: omg monsta x !! thats my ult group i fucking love shownu

creamy: i still remember the day you showed me them and i fell for jooheon in 0.001 seconds

problem 1: who's kooks bias

problem 2: nobody !

creamy: he wanna fuck minhyuk

problem 1: good choice dAMN

creamy: kookie's been watching his fancams all afternoon saying "wow this is porn"

veiny: kook & porn

sweetz: the never ending saga

problem 2: wtf i dont even watch porn!

jung hobo: true jan

queenie: lemme see this shit

creamy: 

problem 2: fUK

problem 2: i dont know what i want more

problem 2: to fuck him or wrap him in a blanket and cuddle him

problem 1: im howling ???

creamy: ikr i find this hilarious

jung hobo: wtf i wanna get into this group they sound lit af

problem 1: stan talent, stan legends, stan monsta x.

creamy: party @ kookie's for anybody who wanna listen and love monsta x

problem 1: ON MY WAY !!

jung hobo: im coming !!

sweetz: since im with minnie & hobi rn i guess im coming too

veiny: hell i guess i could come too

creamy: WOOHOO

problem 2: oh dear

 


 

Private chat with: hobi

hobi: hey joons you busy?

joons: no jin's at work and im just sitting around the apartment

hobi: oh okay so you got a minute to talk?

joons: yeah definitely, whats up

hobi: i was just wondering if you've ever noticed how blinded jungkook can be sometimes?

joons: blinded??

hobi: like he cares for tae so much he just kinda sees a problem, addresses it for a while, then pretends it never happened?

joons: do you have an example? i get what youre saying but idk if i totally understand

hobi: well any disagreement or fight they've had just seems to go away without another thought

hobi: especially when that whole shit storm with tae not talking to kook for weeks started

hobi: like they got over it eventually and stuff but sometimes i feel like they pretend none of their fights have happened and just have this "we're perfectly happy and love each other" act

hobi: did any of that make sense ? im just worried and stress texting

joons: yeah i get it! tbh it kinda reminds me of jin and i

hobi: what??

joons: most weekends i drive him to work but we got into a bit of an argument last night and he didn't react well so he took off this morning with the car so i wouldnt drive him or pick him up

hobi: shit you guys okay?? what was the argument?

joons: ah it's all good, we dont like talking about issues with you guys, especially jimin and the younger two cause we dont wanna worry them

hobi: #dadmode

joons: lol true

joons: anyways howd you start worrying about jungkook and tae?

hobi: well when we were hanging out with them yesterday i just got a feeling things aren't exactly what they seem

hobi: but its not my place to say anything yanno?

joons: yeah, especially cause they're quite hot headed sometimes

hobi: trueeeeee

hobi: btw i hope you and jin are okay like shit dude whats the point in believing in love if you two can't work out a tiny issue lmao

joons: aha yeah

 


 

tea time

creamy: i would just like to say, me and jiminie have successful made yoongi a hard stan of changkyun in monsta x

sweetz: i wouldn't say im a hard stan i just appreciate his talent

problem 1: babe you literally told me you want him to spit on you the way he sips fire into his raps

jung hobo: id call that a hard stan tbh

problem 2: same

sweetz: okay but the guy is good!

creamy: and his visuals are out of this world

jung hobo: hows jungkook doing? still pretending not to stan minkyuk?

problem 2: i dont, monsta x is cool and i just think minhyuk is a nice dude whos underappreciated

creamy: i love when my boyfriend's a liar

creamy: boy texted me this at 12 last night

creamy: 

problem 1: MEMEMEMEMEME ME AF

problem 2: tAE

creamy: <3333

 


 

@jimmieminnie

my little hard stan @minsuga

Liked by jeonjk, dancemanhobi, and 2,286 others

@minsuga *soft stan who goes a little hard sometimes

@dancemanhobi **gets hard sometimes @sugamin

 


 

tea time

captain jin: jimin you little punk ass im never gonna help you again, you wanna fail your business course? :)

problem 1: maybe i do :)

captain jin: oh my god

captain jin renamed 'problem 1' to 'disowned'

captain jin: see ya never ex-son :)

creamy: 

problem 2: i take offense to that meme

captain jin: i spent 2 hours with him earlier helping him study and i get back home, texting joonie who's at the studio and this is what my phone tries to do

captain jin: 

captain jin: i know his bitch ass did it and my phone wont let me change it??

disowned: hehe (⌒▽⌒)

captain jin: jimin! what did you disable on my shortcuts that i can't change this

disowned: i didn't disable shit

captain jin: wtf then

jung hobo: sup jin you wanna know some shit on chim? i think it'll clear a bunch of stuff up actually

jung hobo: @jungkook & yoons, you should pay attention it involves you too

sweetz: what do you mean

problem 2: why am i involved

disowned: HOBI WTF ARE YOU DOING

jung hobo: payback for yoons exposing me earlier

disowned: he did it not me!

jung hobo: true, but i dont have enough dirt on him like i do on you

jung hobo: so what better then expose yoongi's boyfriend?

disowned: hyung i stg

creamy: im intrigued please keep going hobi hyung

disowned: yoongi baby babe love of my life make him stop

sweetz: actually i wanna know how this involves me

sweetz: so go for it

sweetz: expose him

jung hobo: okay!

disowned: 

problem 2: you know you've hit a low point in your life when you use yourself as a death joke meme

jung hobo: it all started a long while ago when chim and i started hanging out a lot more

jung hobo: cause i found out a little secret of his :)

captain jin: im frightened

creamy: don't keep me waiting hobi hyung just cut to the chase

jung hobo: jiminie's a little baby hacker

creamy: 

problem 2: okay literally ^

creamy: this is a joke right? like i think id know if my roommate was a hacker

jung hobo: hes not a major 'take down the government' type but he likes to hack our phones a lot

captain jin: HE HACKED MY PHONE?

problem 2: hOLY FUCK IS THAT HOW THE SPRINKLE OF JESUS SHIT IS STILL ON MY PHONE?

sweetz: and now mine?

jung hobo: yes boys it is

captain jin: oh my fuck

problem 2: jimin

disowned: 

creamy: i can't even be mad since he hasnt done shit to me lol

jung hobo: thats what you think taebae

creamy: are you kidding

creamy: bb jiminie hru lets talk:))

disowned: 

sweetz: we're all in korea and you're not going anywhere babe

jung hobo: he even has a separate laptop for it too that he keeps in his and tae's storage unit

creamy: OH MY GOD YOU DO YOUR CRIME AROUND MY THINGS?

disowned: nO OFJWKCIGI ITS NOT CRIME OMG

disowned: its just on you guys !!

disowned: mostly

problem 2: the fuck does mostly mean

jung hobo: hes in an online club

sweetz: jimin's in a hacking club.. online.

jung hobo: yes i saw a few meetings before

sweetz: hm, damn

disowned: im going to shoot myself ojfjajqoetibjx

jung hobo: and with that, i will leave you with my spilled tea while i go out with my boyfriend

disowned: just wait till dance practice tonight you're literally going to die

jung hobo: jongin's gonna be there he'll protect me

jung hobo: plus idc your exposure was worth it lol

captain jin: 

captain jin: we've learned a lot today thank you hoseok

jung hobo: anytime boys! ttyl:)

creamy: fucking wow

problem 2: this was something

problem 2: jimin you're getting this damn app off my phone tonight

disowned: okay

disowned: but you realize i can just install again whenever i want bc i got all the info to access anything i want on your phone right

problem 2: dont you dare

disowned: lol or i could leak all those pictures of tae you got on your phone that nobody knows about into the groupchat

disowned: yanno the real kinky ones? ;)

creamy: WHEN JIMIN TURNS INTO SAVAGE HACKER MODE

captain jin: IM STUNNED

captain jin: but so impressed that i wanna readopt him?

disowned: readopt me and ill fix your phone

captain jin: done & done welcome back to the family my eldest son

disowned: ty :')

disowned: oh and ill leave your phone alone too yoongi babe

disowned: you mad?

sweetz: thanks baby and no im actually pretty interested i wanna learn more

disowned: you can meet me after practice tonight and ill show you all my talents with a laptop :)

sweetz: lol perfect

creamy: okay but what have you done to my shit

disowned: oh nothing too bad tae bb don't worry ill change everything tonight for everybody

disowned: everyone other than jungkook bc he deserves it

disowned: why the flip flap patty wack give a dog a bone do I deserve it

creamy: omfg

disowned: bc of that entire sentence you just typed fucking loser lmao

disowned renamed 'problem 2' to 'patty wack'

 patty wack:

Chapter Text


Taehyung: creamy

Jungkook: patty wack

Jimin: disowned

Yoongi: sweetz

Hoseok: jung hobo

Jin: captain jin

Namjoon: veiny


 


tea time

sweetz: in case anybody was wondering minnie truly is a wiz with a computer

sweetz: i never knew he could get hotter

sweetz: but shit damn fuck dudes he did

patty wack: SHIT DAMN FUCK DUDES

jung hobo: iconic words by the one and only min yoongi

jung hobo: but ikr isnt chim cool af

disowned: thank you boys <3

creamy: min bb you gotta show me your skills one day ok im curious

disowned: ofc my soulmate any time

creamy: :'))

creamy: now @everybody listen up

jung hobo: what

creamy: yOU READY TO GET YOUR FUCKING SOCKS BLOWN OFF?!

sweetz: when tae starts texting in capitals while swearing i feel some of my brain cells die

disowned: im fuckbig wheezinf oefgdj

creamy: im actually offended oh my god

creamy: BUT PAY ATTENTION

creamy: bc kookie is my new model for photography

captain jin: hi im here he's what

veiny: my son, a model, i always knew this day would come

creamy: oh my sweet parents you dont even have a clue

creamy: should i post my pics here or insta?

captain jin: post it here for now bc i may have a stroke

patty wack: omfg

jung hobo: true tho

jung hobo: jungkookie got some damn good looks

patty wack: thanks hyung (':

creamy: dont toot his ego too much i already did it enough for one day

patty wack: rUdE

creamy: 

creamy: i may say this a lot but i truly mean it when i say this is the best day of my life

captain jin: 

disowned: ME ME ME

disowned: suddenly im jungkook's #1 fan

disowned: i feel like a changed person

patty wack: thanks guys you should see the other pics they're just as great

veiny: cocky

patty wack: oh most definitely

patty wack: tae said he got a boner while taking my picture so im totally living it up rn

creamy: THAT WAS ONLY BC YOU WERE LOOKING AT THE CAMERA LIKE YOU WANTED TO BE FUCKED

creamy: AND I WAS BEHIND THE CAMERA SO OBVS IM GONNA GET TURNED ON

patty wack: why do you think i did it lol

creamy: oh mymfodckwkckr

sweetz: why are taekook that one couple that expose too much of their kinky shit

jung hobo: i heard you and jiminie last night boi dont even start /daddy yoongi/

disowned: OK ANYWAYS !!!

veiny: i do love when someone's daddy kink gets brought up again

veiny: makes me feel better about myself

patty wack: lol why bc jin hyung calls you it too

jung hobo: AHAHAHAHA

jung hobo: when was the last time he called you it joons?

creamy: yeah tell us for scientific purposes

captain jin: two nights ago

disowned: i feel slightly mortified that my parents be banging like that

jung hobo: yeah ok you fuckin /babyboy/ i hear yoons tell you "you better behave baby or else" last night dont even try comin for #namjin right now

patty wack: i love hobi hyung omfg

creamy: im printing #namjin on shirts 

jung hobo: but ayeeee im glad you guys worked out your stuff joons!

captain jin: what stuff

captain jin: wtf are you talking about

jung hobo: sorry is it still a rough subject?

jung hobo: probs shouldn't have brought it up in the gc

veiny: yeah not really

 


 

tongue technology

rap monster changed his name to 'RM'

RM: he knows about jackson and i

j-hope: holy fuck

j-hope: shit shit SHIT this is my fault isn't it? joon im so sorry

RM: no no, i let it slip, its on me

RM: i also told you jin and i had a little issue

RM: which btw has not ended

suga: im lost af what is happening

j-hope: i texted joons a few days ago and was talking to him about taekook seeming off and he mentioned it reminded him of him and jin bc they were having, quote on quote, "a bit of an argument last night and he (jin) didn't react well"

j-hope: end quote

RM: hobi

j-hope: sorry just trying to get him up to date

RM: honestly here just read our convo a few mins ago i copied the messages between us

RM:

jinnie: so you told them about our fight

joonie: can we not call it a fight

joonie: and no i didnt tell "them" i just mentioned something small to hobi

jinnie: would you prefer the word 'disagreement'? or maybe we just bickered' a little?

joonie: please dont be like this

jinnie: oh sorry if I'm still a bit upset that you were lying to me the whole time we've been dating lmao

joonie: i wasnt lying i just never told you

joonie: plus you lied in the group chat about us having sex

jinnie: I was trying to keep this issue between us

jinnie: but almost 3 years is a damn long to keep something like that from me

jinnie: I'm sure jackson knows of course

joonie: oh my christ jin i dated him years ago that was nothing

jinnie: you actually dated? wow! what else haven't you been telling me ?

joonie: i-

jinnie: I swear to god if you say you are sorry I'm not coming home tonight at all

suga: joons man why didn't you come to us before? i could've talked to jin or something

suga: you know he listens to me

RM: i know but i wanted to solve this between him and i

RM: hes also pissed off that everybody in the groupchat knows now

suga: knows what? that you two arent the symbol of a perfect couple? who cares, everybody has shit they go through

suga: look at what jimin and i went through for example

suga: even kook and tae like ??? underneath their love for each other they're a fucking mess

j-hope: thats what im saying !

suga: what started this shit between you and jin?

RM: is it alright if i dont tell you two right now? its just something im not a big fan of talking about tbh

RM: thats why when jin found out i acted as if he should've/already known bc i thought i made it clear but i guess i never did

j-hope: damn what a cliff hanger

j-hope: but yeah take all the time you need

suga: we're here for you okay?

RM: thanks guys

RM: also i love how soft you've become yoons

suga: oh fuck off i am not soft i just care

RM: nah im proud of how much youve changed since freshman year

RM: it was rough we all know it

suga: yeah

suga: yeah it was.

suga: thank you joons, for sticking by me

RM: oh of course i would never leave

j-hope: fuck guys!!! im gonna cry this is so cuTE

j-hope: we're literally the softest rappers out there lmao

 


 

@dancemanhobi

some soft best friends @rapgodjoon & @sugamin

Liked by rapgodjoon, jeonjk, and 2,957 others

@jeonjk my dads !!!

 


 

tea time

patty wack: hey folks i got the best dads in the world just throwing that out there

disowned: for once im not gonna argue with you there

disowned: even if you calling my boyfriend your dad is so odd to me its unbelievable

disowned: because there's more pressing matters, tae, take it away

creamy: !!! KIM NAMJOON HAS DYED HIS HAIR THE ICONIC PURPLE AGAIN !!!

jung hobo: me @ jongin when his hair was pink

disowned: im at a loss for words its so gr8

creamy: 

creamy: thats me and my squad hyping namjoon hyung up

creamy: im drake ofc

patty wack: are we the squad in the back

creamy: ye

creamy: u ma side chick tho ;)

patty wack: i want a new boyfriend

patty wack: anybody got any suggestions ill gladly take them

creamy: 

jung hobo: LMFAOOOO 

creamy: when ur boyfriend does you dirty

disowned: that can be taken in two very different ways and i dont want to talk about either

disowned: BC @NAMJOON HYUNG BOY WHERE ARE YOU

veiny: im here omg

patty wack: what made you bleach your hair hyung

sweetz: he said he wanted to look like "a hot ass rebel again"

sweetz: so we drove to the store, bought some purple, and i bleached nd dyed his hair for him

sweetz: then we had a photoshoot

sweetz: as per hobi's insta pic

jung hobo: :*

creamy: legends only (other than kookie)

disowned: why

creamy: oh he did a naked shoot it was, for lack of a better word, legendary

veiny: oh my god

jung hobo: WHERE'S HACKER JIMIN I WANNA SEE OMG

sweetz: dude ur such a perv sometimes

patty wack: tAE WHY EOULD YOU TWLL THEM OMDGJWJSKV

creamy: oops :')

patty wack: 

disowned: my tiny hands can choke you so fast you wont know what the fuck happened

patty wack: if you can even reach my neck

disowned: listen here you exhibitionist fuck

disowned: i can ruin you in seconds and if you think i cant

disowned: oh honey, you got a big storm coming

patty wack: as if

disowned: i got so much shit on you ok do you think tae doesn't tell me some of the shit you say and do?

disowned: cause youd be so fuckin mistaken

veiny: well this took a violent turn

creamy: IM CRYING

sweetz: when minnie rips jungkook out of no where

jung hobo: nah jungkookie had it coming, he beat chim out for the last solo slot and lead part in our new routine

disowned: kook was the first one to show our teacher his solo and after that i knew i had no fucking chance

disowned: i practiced so hard :(

sweetz: hey hey how about i come over and we can watch some netflix and cuddle ?

disowned: please

jung hobo: ^ the softest version of netflix and chill

 


 

Private chat with: kookie♡

taetae♡: did you purposely beat jiminie

kookie♡: no

kookie♡: its not my fault our teacher liked my dance style more than jimins

taetae♡: no i know but jimin had been telling me about how badly he wanted the part

taetae♡: didn't you get the last few leads?

kookie♡: yes

kookie♡: im getting a feeling that youre blaming me for this and its just not my fault

taetae♡: im not blaming you

taetae♡: but you couldn't give it to jiminie this one time?

kookie♡: i wanted the part too tae theres gonna be scouts at our next showcase and i really want a chance at a scholarship for a lit ass dance academy

taetae♡: oh

kookie♡: oh what?

taetae♡: nothing, im gonna go third wheel with yoonmin since yoongi hyung is here

taetae♡: goodnight

kookie♡: okay, night ily

 


 

Private chat with: lil min

tol tae: hi

lil min: ur on the other side of the couch yet u decide to text me?

tol tae: yoongi is half asleep on your shoulder i dont wanna be a bother

tol tae: i think kookie wants to move away

lil min: why are you two the most problematic couple ive ever shipped

lil min: why do you think this

tol tae: he told me he wanted the lead dance part like you did bc thered be scouts or some shit at the next showcase and he wanted a scholarship

lil min: tae

tol tae: stop looking at me like that

lil min: smh just bc kook said that, that doesnt mean he wants to move away

lil min: he just wants an offer from them, it'd be amazing if any one on our team got a scholarship

tol tae: yeah but if he gets one wtf is he gonna do? decline? no, he'd go to the school and leave me

lil min: you dont control his life or his decisions

lil min: if he wants to go to a different uni or school or whatever, you gotta let him

tol tae: i just dont wanna lose him

lil min: tae babe the showcase isn't happening for like two weeks dont stress about it

tol tae: okay

lil min: you gonna be alright when yoongi and i go away tmr?

tol tae: yeah ill be fine dont worry jiminie

tol tae: go enjoy yourself and your man

 


 

@sugamin

i think somebody's ready for his mini vacation @jimmieminnie

Liked by __taethebae__, worldwidejin, and 1,972 others

 


 

tea time

jung hobo: so lets talk about just how jealous i am of yoonmin

creamy: same omg

creamy: @kookie when we going away

patty wack: when your gucci loving ass stops spending money and can pay for it

sweetz: get em kook

jung hobo: LMAO

jung hobo: but fr why do yoonmin get to go away without us

jung hobo: on a plane too !

sweetz: cause we've been through hell these past few weeks so we're getting away

jung hobo: ok but why now before exams

sweetz: early christmas gift to each other

patty wack: its not christmas tho omg

disowned: merry ho ho mother fuckers

creamy: im-

creamy: @yoonmin dont get too drunk ok

sweetz: we're literally gonna be on a plane for two hours

creamy: 

jung hobo: OMG SAME TAE

jung hobo: JOIN THE MILE HIGH CLUB

creamy: PLEASE

disowned: tAEHYUNG HOBI NO OMFG

disowned: unless you want to babe

disowned: then lets

sweetz: we'll see

creamy: that means a yes

jung hobo: i love kinky couples

sweetz: 

 


 

tea time

patty wack: im wearing dress pants i want to Die™

veiny: why

patty wack: theyre uncomfortabLE

jung hobo: why you being a pussy about it its not like this is your first time wearing them

patty wack: i know but these ones are itchy and bifigigivuej i hate

creamy: long story short, kookie is a sensitive boy

veiny: why're you even wearing dress pants? on a thursday afternoon ?

patty wack: practicing for my lead & solo dances for the showcase

veiny: when is that anyways? i gotta write it down so i dont forget

patty wack: friday night in two weeks time

jung hobo: jungkookie dude im so hype for it aren't you? like we could get scouteddddd

patty wack: i kNOW FUCK

patty wack: like i like my science major im doing and shit but god i wanna do dance professionally

jung hobo: you're definitely gonna get some offers, your skills are amazing

patty wack: thank you hobi hyung :'))

patty wack: tbh its like been my dream since jr high

veiny: aw i didn't know that, thats really cool kook i hope it all works out, id love to see you train at a professional studio

veiny: just like your dad B)

jung hobo: lol way to ruin the moment with the emoji joons

patty wack: ty for that namjoonie hyung <3

creamy: [screenshot captured]

jung hobo: ??

creamy: sorry! hit the wrong button, meant to turn the volume up in my ear buds

jung hobo: i do that all the time i get that

 


 

tongue technology

j-hope: so tae's full of shit

RM: you got that vibe too?

suga: i wasnt even paying attention to half the notifications in the gc but tae is sending some shady vibes

j-hope: taekook problems?

RM: im not even gonna try to think of what could be wrong now

RM: i got too much on my plate

suga: does something on that plate have to do with jin being on radio silence in the gc?

RM: you know it

RM: who knew there could be so many places to hide and avoid someone in a house

RM: apparently jin knows

j-hope: what can we do to help!

RM: nothing. nothing at all, i dont want anybody involved

suga: if you need us at any time for anything we're here joons remember that

RM: thanks guys

RM: how's the trip going

suga: well ,,

suga: dont tell the others but

suga: minnie and i have officially joined the mile high club

j-hope: IM QUAKING ??

RM: dUUUUUDE

suga: I KNOW

suga: it was wild

j-hope: shit i gotta get jongin on a plane fast

suga: you really do

 


 

Private chat with: lil min

tol tae: [image attached]

tol tae: its his dream jimin

tol tae: im upset about him trying to achieve a dream he's had since he was like fourteen fucking years old

tol tae: why am i such a terrible person

lil min: tae, my wonderful, sweet, caring, cutie pie of a best friend and soulmate,

lil min: you are not a terrible person

lil min: ur just nervous about the possibility of kook leaving uni

lil min: there's so many studios around here tho like who cares if he moves like 10 mins away?

tol tae: those are all basic boring ones min, you know how talented kookie is he'll probably get offers from zimbabwe

lil min: did you really just say zimbabwe

lil min: taehyung thats in the southern part of africa

tol tae: i knoW BUT WHAT IF HE MOVES THERE!

tol tae: THEN HE'LL BE GONE FOREVER AND ILL NEVER SEE HIM AGAIN

tol tae: its not like i can just hop on a plane to zimbabwe every time i wanna suck his dick !

lil min: oh my good fucking god

lil min: kim taehyung, shut up, stop whining and listen to me

tol tae: yes sir

lil min: i dont wanna hear or read one more complaint about jungkook and this damn upcoming showcase until it's over

lil min: you keep being so dramatic over absolutely nothing except some dumb thought you got in your head about jungkook moving away

lil min: but guess fucking what tae? hes not going away right now or anytime soon so how about you go over to your boyfriend's dorm and go cuddle or fuck or whatever you do yeah?

tol tae: ur the greatest soulmate ive ever had

lil min: im the only soulmate you've ever had cause im the only one who can handle your craziness

tol tae: <3333333333 i love you im sorry i interrupted your sex week with yoongi

lil min: its not a sex week omfg

lil min: but you can officially write my name under the list of "members of the mile high club"

tol tae: IM GONNA SCREAM WHAT

lil min: DON'T TELL THE OTHERS !

lil min: ill tell you all about it when i get home in a few days

tol tae: okok your secret is safe with me jiminie

 


 

tea time

jung hobo: i think jongin blocked my number

sweetz: did he finally realize you're insane

jung hobo: first of all, i was just joking, secondly thats so rude omg

patty wack: he ain't wrong though

jung hobo: okay true but still fuck ya both

veiny: why do you think he blocked you 'jokingly'

jung hobo: well i was trying to send him this

jung hobo: 

jung hobo: and it just will not send lol

disowned: suddenly im questioning my entire friendship with you

veiny: plants with pants

veiny: I'd block you too if you sent me that

creamy: thats not half as bad as the texts i get from kookie

creamy: 

sweetz: wow

veiny: well at least he's quick and to the point i guess

patty wack: exactly, i make my intentions clear

disowned: oh my GOD

disowned: im quickly changing this conversation to the topic of my boyfriend

disowned:

disowned: isn't he the cutest

jung hobo: 

creamy: I WAS GOING TO BUY MY LUNCH WITH THIS BUT WHATEVER

creamy: M E A S F U C K

jung hobo: im shook by how sweet and fluffy my bff looks

sweetz: lol thanks hobi

patty wack: what's hyung's shirt saying though

disowned: are you really one to judge kookachu

jung hobo: kookachu? lmao thats jungkooks new contact name in my phone now

disowned: 

creamy: wHY HAVE I EVER SEEN THIS BEFORE OH MY DGKYECBJHS

disowned: last christmas in busan guys, a wild time for baby kook

disowned changed the chat name to 'kookachu fan club'

patty wack: 

patty wack: i hate you

disowned: i told you i could ruin you

 


 

@__taethebae__

a god ? a legend ? a blessing from the sky ? nah, it's just my lame boyfriend @jeonjk

Liked by sugamin, jimmieminnie, and 2,275 others

@jeonjk what an ass oml

@__taethebae__ ❤❤ @jeonjk

 


 

kookachu fan club

patty wack: so when was yoonmin gonna come out and say they joined the mile high club ?

captain jin: THEY WHAT

sweetz: hi jin long time no see

sweetz: how the fuck did you find out jungkook

disowned: taEHYunG

creamy: my bad:)

patty wack: lol

veiny: if it makes you feel better jimin, yoons told us a few days ago

disowned: us?

jung hobo: yeah he told joon & i lol

disowned: wOw

disowned: i cant believe you did me dirty like this babe

sweetz: you told tae

disowned: i know but i didn't think he'd tell kook

sweetz: taehyung has the biggest mouth in this friend group

sweetz: maybe even the world

disowned: true

creamy: 

patty wack: [screenshot captured]

patty wack: i love that

captain jin: ahahah this is all cute and funny and all that

captain jin: but lets get back on track

captain jin: how was your experience

sweetz: of banging in the airplane?

captain jin: mhm

disowned: amazing

sweetz: strange at first, but once you get into it,

sweetz: life changing

jung hobo: kinky yoonmin stops me from ending it all

captain jin: i second that ^

patty wack: wouldn't you be scared to get caught? like wouldn't other ppl need to piss and wanna go in the bathroom?

disowned: oh sweet jungkookie try it one day you'll love the rush of it all

disowned: maybe when you fly to zimbabwe

patty wack: huh

creamy: jIMIN LETS HALT THIS CONVERSATION RIGHT HERE YEAH?

creamy: I THINK WE SHOULD

disowned: 

patty wack: im confused

sweetz: when aren't you confused

disowned: LMAO

patty wack: wtf hyung you're supposed to be my father

sweetz: technically im your second dad so namjoon, as your first, teaches you the ways of life and what to do and not to do

sweetz: so im the dad that can make fun of you & everything you do wrong

sweetz: but also be there when you need me

patty wack: wow

jung hobo: that was so much i don't even know what to say except for i wanna be adopted by joon and yoons

veiny: applications can be sent to me and yoongi via email

sweetz: and will be reviewed as soon as they are received

disowned: what the fuck did i just read

creamy: min yoongi & kim namjoon?

creamy: did you mean: iconic.

Chapter Text


Taehyung: creamy

Jungkook: patty wack

Jimin: disowned

Yoongi: sweetz

Hoseok: jung hobo

Jin: captain jin

Namjoon: veiny


 

kookachu fan club

disowned: the boys are back

disowned: thE bOYS aRE bACk

disowned: the boys are back

disowned: gonna do it again

disowned: gonna wake up the neighborhood

captain jin: I didnt know we became the high school musical fan club

creamy: suddenly i love troy bolton

patty wack: a cinematic masterpiece

jung hobo: you're fuckin right

sweetz: my boyfriend sings to you losers about us arriving at the airport and you dont even acknowledge it

jung hobo: YOU TWO ARE BACK YAAAYAYAYAY

creamy: HOW WAS THE SEX WEEKEND

patty wack: did ya get em good yoongi hyung

captain jin: you would hope yoonmin both got each other good

disowned: 

creamy: omg

disowned: you want to hear what happened?

disowned: ill tell ya what happened

disowned: we chilled at a nice ass resort, we walked around the trails, made fun of people together, and had some great hot tub sex at night

creamy: 

captain jin: i need an inhaler

captain jin: holy fuck i need an inhaler

captain jin: WHERE IS MY INHALER

jung hobo: "made fun of people together" i love couples who roast others

patty wack: you guys had a hot tub in your room? damn thats lit

sweetz: no it was the public one outside

patty wack: WHAT THE FUCK

patty wack: AND JIMIN HAS THE AUDACITY TO CALL ME THE EXHIBITIONIST?!

patty wack: WHEN HE FUCKS IN A PLANE AND A PUBLIC HOT TUB!

disowned: i like the thrill of it sue me

patty wack: of all places why a hot tub

disowned: daddy likes it when i take control (◍•ᴗ•◍)❤

sweetz: you're damn right i do babyboy

creamy: im CHOKING

jung hobo: WHOS A TAEKOOK?? WHO DF A NAMJIN? I ONLY KNOW THE ONE TRUE ICONIC YOONMIN

patty wack: jin hyung are you still here please tell jimin he is gross

captain jin: 

captain jin: im afraid i cannot do that

 


 

@jimmieminnie

do i have a boyfriend or my own photographer? @sugamin , you decide

Liked by __taethebae__, dancemanhobi, and 2,184 others

@sugamin why not both ? ❤

 


 

kookachu fan club

jung hobo: i got one thing to say to yoons and chim

jung hobo: 

patty wack: HAHAHAHAAHAHAH

sweetz: weren't you our #1 shipper like 3 hours ago

jung hobo: yes but your love is so cute it makes me want to cry

jung hobo: and i dont like crying

jung hobo: so stop being cute

disowned renamed 'jung hobo' to 'cry baby'

cry baby: i

cry baby: feel betrayed

veiny: aye welcome back guys, you arrive back to uni yet?

disowned: hyung! hi c:

veiny: hey jiminie

disowned: how are u !!

veiny: im alright hru??

disowned: great c:

sweetz: hi joons, we got back about an hour ago, im unpacking rn and tae stole minnie away as soon as we got back

veiny: oh perfect, i got a few lyrics i want you run by you tonight or tomorrow if you're up for it?

sweetz: yeah definitely. been writing ?

veiny: more like expressing emotions through a song

disowned: oooh that sounds cool ! im sure the lyrics are really amazing namjoonie hyung!

veiny: oh, thanks jimin i appreciate that

 


 

Private chat with: minnie baby

yoongi<3: baby

minnie baby: yeah?

yoongi<3: stop making yourself so obvious

yoongi<3: namjoon and the rest can't know i told you okay? he didn't want to involve anybody

minnie baby: but :(( i feel bad and wanna help

yoongi<3: ik minnie, hobi and i wanna help too but we can only help by being there for joons if he needs us

yoongi<3: not by you treating him like he's a flower who needs compliments to grow

minnie baby: fineee):

yoongi<3: i can feel your pout through my phone screen

minnie baby: well why dont you come kiss it away

yoongi<3: we parted ways not even an hour ago

minnie baby: so?

yoongi<3: alright text me where you are and ill come

minnie baby: yay c:

 


 

kookachu fan club

creamy: fucking hello boys

creamy: how are we all tonight !

cry baby: good! hbu taebae

creamy: amazinggggg hobi hyung i am so fan fucking fantastic its out of this world

captain jin: its 10pm on a sunday night what are you doing

creamy: drinking lol

disowned: christ tae

disowned: i go to yoongi n hobi hyungs for an evening and you get drunk in our dorm room the night i come back into town

sweetz: are you even allowed to have alcohol in there?

creamy: too bad if im not cause i fuckin sneaked it in lolololol

veiny: jesus where is jungkook

patty wack: im here i was studying

creamy: KOOKIE!

creamy: mon cheri bonjour <33

veiny: did taehyung just go french on us

creamy: oui oui croissant croissant

patty wack: tae baby

creamy: oui

patty wack: what are you doing

patty wack: and do not answer in french please

creamy: drinking away my problems

creamy: [image attacked]

disowned: when you said 'it' i thought you meant one bottle not 3 fucking bottles of vodka, taehyung imagine if you got caught !

creamy: too bad so sad

patty wack: tae:( what problems do u suddenly have ??

creamy: oh my sweet kookie theres so much shit you don't know im so sorry

creamy: if i was sober i wouldn't be so forth coming with this but lol im a bottle and a half in so idrc

creamy: frankly if i was sober i wouldn't have told you i even have a problem

creamy: just keep ya in the dark and pretend,,, its like a lil act !

captain jin: jimin leave your boyfriends house and go get tae now before he starts texting more shit

disowned: already halfway there

disowned: jfc tae of all times you pick to get hammered and talk about your actual issues its in the groupchat when nobody knows

creamy: yeah but you do cause u <3 me right jiminie

patty wack: tae i think you should stop texting

creamy: but kookiiiee we're all talking !

patty wack: you should stop taehyung

creamy: fine jiminie is home now hes more fun anyways au revoir mes amis xo

sweetz: good freaking god

cry baby: you really there chim?

disowned: yes im gonna handle his drunk ass and pour the bottles out

disowned: talk to you guys tmr

veiny: good luck

 


 

Private chat with: not first born

not a hyung: dont take anything tae said seriously

not first born: the fact that you have to tell me that just confirms that what he was saying wasn't just some drunken texting

not first born: but lol okay jimin ill just completely disregard my boyfriend telling me he doesn't tell me anything real bc its all act

not a hyung: he was drunk off his ass jungkook he doesnt even realize what he sent!

not first born: that doesn't change anything though

not first born: why am i never the one he goes to? its always somebody else

not first born: its never me and im the one that cares for him the most

not a hyung: i dont know! taehyung's weird okay we all know this

not a hyung: talk to him tomorrow after his hangover is gone, maybe he'll tell you idk kook i really dont know

not first born: yeah.

 


 

Private chat with: joonie

jinnie: did you see what happened

joonie: yeah i figured it was best if i stayed out of it

jinnie: why?

joonie: i didnt want to add fuel to the fire, even if tae was drunk af he isnt wrong for it if hes feeling like that

joonie: its unfortunate that jungkook will probably be upset

jinnie: he didnt know namjoon so of course he'll probably be pissed off

joonie: i know, oh i do. but tae seems to be really distraught about something and clearly doesn't want to discuss it with jungkook to upset him so really ?? hes justified in some ways ??

jinnie: I can't actually believe you're siding with taehyung, you of all people who I thought was the most logical one of the whole group

joonie: im not siding with anybody, its not my business what theyre having troubles on

jinnie: like it was yoongi and hoseok's business about us?

joonie: jesus jin lets not make this about us

joonie: i didnt know what else to do okay i had to talk to somebody about it so i decided my two best friends were a good option

joonie: seeings as you're never at home anymore and you won't let me say sorry

jinnie: because you don't need to say sorry. this isn't a situation where an apologize is acceptable cause there's no reason for it. it's just you and i on complete opposite sides and i'm just trying to figure out how im supposed to feel about that

joonie: i always thought you knew somehow

jinnie: i wish i wouldve

jinnie: its sad that i didn't

 


 

Private chat with: kookie♡

taetae♡: im so sorry

taetae♡: i was so drunk it was unbelievable

taetae♡: im surprised i could actually type properly

taetae♡: i shouldn't have said what i said about me acting around you

taetae♡: it's not an act nothing is okay? everything i feel for you and do with you, its all real i swear to god jungkook it isn't an act

taetae♡: i love you so much please know that

Sent to kookie♡ at 8:31am

 


 

Taekook Forever

mochi renamed the chat 'Problematic Taekook'

hoesok: youve never been more right in your entire life

mochi: kook's gone MIA again

mochi: tae tried texting him earlier and the texts won't even deliver

namjam: so his wifi isn't on or no service?

mochi: yeah i was gonna try hacking his phone but it's off so i cant

cup of sugar: wow minnie

jin bin: i saw jungkook this morning around 6

hoesok: in the morning?

jin bin: i wouldn't have said this morning if i meant 6pm would i

hoesok: oh right sorry

mochi: jin hyung where'd you see him?

jin bin: he was off campus wondering around the streets

hoesok: 

jin bin: i took a picture

cup of sugar: why

jin bin: 

jin bin: he looked so sad

hoesok: 

mochi: well tae's in the same boat

mochi: 

mochi: he's barely talking and has decided to skip all his classes for the day

hoesok: 

namjam: thank you hobi for describing how we all feel

hoesok: no problem just trying to lighten the mood

cup of sugar: jungkook texted me from yugyeom's phone

mochi: WHAT

cup of sugar: "tell jimin to stop trying to hack my phone i have antivirus apps that are detecting an issue and i know its him"

hoesok: gotta give to jungkookie, hes smart

mochi: is that all he said

cup of sugar: he also said dont worry he'll be at practice tonight

cup of sugar: that's it

mochi: we're not worried about him missing a dance practice we're worried about him in general !

namjam: at least you know his phone is on now and that hes with somebody

mochi: yeah i just checked taes phone and the texts are delivered now

hoesok: i doubt he'll check them though, especially if he texted yoons off yugyeom's phone

namjam: we gotta let them figure it out guys i think its the best approach we could have on this

namjam: not getting involved unless we need to yanno?

jin bin: 

 


 

@dancemanhobi

countdown to the most important showcase of my life? 3 days

Liked by kimjongin_, jeonjk, and 3,169 others

 


 

Private chat with: kookie♡

kookie♡: im not going to say im overreacting about this

kookie♡: cause im not and we both know that

kookie♡: im just really tired of you hiding shit from me tae like i dont understand what i have to do for you to actually be honest with me about everything

taetae♡: you dont have to do anything. theyre all my own problems and i dont wanna make you upset by telling you them

taetae♡: id rather you just be happy

kookie♡: do i seem happy right now?

kookie♡: sorry if im giving off that vibe bc i am most definitely not happy

taetae♡: im sorry

kookie♡: i just wanna know whats wrong like let me help

taetae♡: i can't tell you

kookie♡: babe pls

taetae♡: i promise its nothing too bad but itll hurt you if you know so i just can't

kookie♡: how can you say its nothing but then say it'll hurt my feelings?

taetae♡: can you just trust me please? i have it handled

kookie♡: sighs

kookie♡: okay

taetae♡: i love you

kookie♡: i love you too

kookie♡: probably too much for my own good

 


 

kookachu fan club

cry baby: is it safe to text the gc

creamy: yes hyung oml

cry baby: are we sure

sweetz: you were literally walking with tae and jungkook earlier you should know theyre fine

disowned: coughsfornowcoughs

sweetz: 

veiny: @jimin why do you look dead

disowned: bc i am dead

disowned: the showcase is in a few days and ive been practicing nonstop

veiny: you gotta take an easy and relax jiminie

disowned: in 3 days, after i dance my heart out and hopefully get some offers, then ill relax

veiny: @yoongi ...

sweetz: trust me ive tried to tell him but he wont listen so im just watching over him

cry baby: is that why you came to our practice tonight

sweetz: yeah

cry baby: 

disowned: aw babe :'))

cry baby: 

 


 

@dancemanhobi

hacked by the boiisss. showcase countdown; 2 days

Liked by sugamin and 2,036 others

 


 

kookachu fan club

cry baby: HOW DID YOU GET MY PASSWORD TO INSTAGRAM WTF

creamy: it's as if you forget jimin's literally a hacker sometimes

cry baby: 

creamy: WHEN WAS THAT PHOTO TAKEN OMFG IM SNORTING

patty wack: 911 ive been attacked by a man who's making me into a meme n trying to ruin my relationship

cry baby: you two dont need any help in that department

cry baby: ur a mess as it is

disowned: i just inhaled my fucking jolly rancher oh my god hobi

patty wack: what flavour

disowned: blue raspberry

patty wack: 

patty wack: 

patty wack: 

disowned: I FUCKING KNOW RIGHT

disowned changed their name to 'jolly'

jolly renamed 'patty wack' to 'rancher'

rancher: DIS SOME A1 SHIT

sweetz: i wake up from a nap to see this

sweetz: what is this

creamy: the only time jiminie and kookie truly get along is when they talk about candy

rancher: also im trying to joke around as a way to hide how stressed out i am about tmr

jolly: saMEEEE

rancher: AYEEE STRESS TWINS

jolly: WOOOOO

rancher: you got some more candies?

jolly: yeah im omw to the dance studio meet me there

rancher: 

sweetz: im going to put my phone down now

sweetz: and casually go back to bed

sweetz: and pretend i read none of this

creamy: omg me

cry baby: does nobody care that jimin and jungkook hacked my insta!

cry baby: apparently not

 


 

@dancemanhobi

TODAY IS THE DAY !!! good luck tonight @kimjongin_ ❤

Liked by __taethebae__, jimmieminnie, and 3,385 others

@kimjongin_ see you in a few hours <33

 


 

Private chat with: tol tae

lil min: you gonna be okay tonight if jungkook gets really good news?

tol tae: it doesn't matter if i am or not jiminie i gotta let him do what he wants

lil min: i didnt ask if you were going to let him or not, im asking if YOU are going to be okay

tol tae: if it happens im gonna be beyond happy for him bc i love him

tol tae: but i love him so much i just want him for myself and thats not right

tol tae: but to answer your question

tol tae: no, i probably won't be okay but im going to try

tol tae: its his life i can't force him to stay with me

 


 

kookachu fan club

jolly: 

jolly: MY ANXIETY IS GOING INSANE IM SO NERVOUS FUCK

sweetz: im coming to pick you in 20 mins to take you to the showcase you're gonna be fine

jolly: i need a hug hurry

jolly: where are my parents are they coming

captain jin: yeah ill be there with tae after i pick him up from his art class dont worry

veiny: all 4 of us have seats in the front row we'll be cheering you on

creamy: can i bring a big sign that says 'fuck it up hobi jimin and kookie'

rancher: no baby you'll block the scouts from seeing us

creamy: oh right the scouts

creamy: well lol i guess i shouldn't then

cry baby: jaehyun's been taking pictures of the team since we've been arriving to "cherish the team before we all get scouted" wanna see kook's pic he sent in the gc?

cry baby: actually ill just send it lol

cry baby: 

creamy: ahaha okie dokie i want him to artichoke me

cry baby: LMFAO

 


 

Private chat with: taetae♡

kookie♡: my solo is the next one after minghao

kookie♡: i think im gonna piss my pants from being so nervous

taetae♡: dont do that bc you'll have to change the suit i saw you wearing and its hot af

taetae♡: you've never let your nerves bother you before, dont let them now

taetae♡: plus ill cheer really loud of you the whole time

kookie♡: oh god dont be that embarrassing boyfriend i beg of you

kookie♡: but you're right

kookie♡: say something sweet and romantic to encourage me

taetae♡: i wanna bang you

kookie♡: thats nots not even remotely romantic

taetae♡: i want you to crush me with your thighs so hard that i see stars that shine as bright as your eyes

kookie♡: good grief

kookie♡: but honestly ill accept it

kookie♡: and if you're serious, ill take you up on that tonight

taetae♡: lmao good luck out there loser

 


 

@jeonjk

'jeon jungkook', a name coming to a prof dance studio near you.

Liked by _kyugyeom, dancemanhobi, and 4,018 others

@jimmieminnie YEAH BOY CATCH ME AND @dancemanhobi WITH YA !!!

 


 

Private chat with: taetae♡

kookie♡: TAE!!!!!!

kookie♡: HOLY FUCKIBF SHIT I JUST GOT 9 DIFFEREBT OFFERS

kookie♡: IM SHAKIBG I SNT EVEN TYPE

kookie♡: ILL VE OUT INA FE WMINS I JUST GOTTA CHANGE WAIT FOR ME

kookie♡: im coming now!!

kookie♡: i just met up with the others where'd you go ?

kookie♡: tae

kookie♡: did you turn your read receipts off i cant tell if ur getting my texts

kookie♡: jin hyung said you felt sick and needed to go to the bathroom but its been 10 mins

kookie♡: i just checked the bathrooms where are you

kookie♡: hobi and jimin wanna celebrate so we're gonna walk to the dessert bar a block off campus so just meet us there when you feel better

kookie♡: okay..??

kookie♡: tae?

Chapter Text


Taehyung: creamy

Jungkook: rancher

Jimin: jolly

Yoongi: sweetz

Hoseok: cry baby

Jin: captain jin

Namjoon: veiny


 

Private chat with: daegu boy #2

daegu boy #1: you're ruining jungkook's celebration

daegu boy #1: we're all out having the time of our lives and there's jungkook sitting in the corner of a the booth, trying to be hyped like the rest but he keeps checking his phone every 5 seconds for you

daegu boy #1: you think you're the only one who feels this way ?

daegu boy #1: my boyfriend got offers too and some aren't in seoul and yeah its fucking scary to think that jimin could leave but im not going to sit around sulking about it because that's time wasted that i could've spent with him

daegu boy #1: we're gonna be here for another hour since hobi just ordered 15 different flavours it sundaes

daegu boy #1: so just come

daegu boy #1: you'll regret it if you don't taehyung

daegu boy #2 read at 8:07pm

 


 

@rapgodjoon

proud is an understatement

Liked by jimmieminnie, jeonjk, and 2,683 others

@dancemanhobi where the hell am i

@sugamin spending my money @dancemanhobi

@rapgodjoon exactly ^^ @sugamin @dancemanhobi

 


 

Private chat with: kookie♡

kookie♡: idk why you haven't answered me all night

kookie♡: yoongi hyung said he texted you and you read his texts but my texts to you say nothing so im not really sure what that means

kookie♡: if something urgent came up or family stuff then it's fine like dont sweat it

kookie♡: but i was really looking forward to spending the night celebrating with you

kookie♡: namjoon hyung and jin hyung said we should all go out shopping before the stores close

kookie♡: so we did and still are

kookie♡: it'd be great if you came

kookie♡: or even answered me so i know whats going on

kookie♡: nd so i can stop looking like a loser texting paragraphs not know if they're even sending

 


 

@worldwidejin

I wanted a group picture but got a baby sitting on lap instead. Congrats @jeonjk , @jimmieminnie , @dancemanhobi you boys are amazing and I've never been more proud.

Liked by sugamin, dancemanhobi, jeonjk, and 3,195 others

@jimmieminnie even tho im the one who took the pic id like to state that my man is looking like a full course meal

@dancemabhobi WHY AM I NEVER INCLUDED 

 


 

Private chat with: tol tae

lil min: you can be such a fool sometimes

lil min: i dont like getting upset with you bc i know youre sensitive with this shit but

lil min: just put your own issues aside for two seconds and be happy for kook like you damn well said you would please

lil min: ive never seen him be so attached to his phone before than tonight

lil min: you're be overdramatic tae and i know we joke about you being the drama queen in the group but this is a whole new level

lil min: think about jungkook's feelings. please.

tol tae read at 9:52pm

 


 

@jeonjk

we're grateful.. thank you.

Liked by worldwidejin, dancemanhobi, and 2,486 others

@dancemanhobi finally a bomb pic of me

@rapgodjoon u r insane @dancemanhobi

 


 

Private chat with: kookie♡

taetae♡: its 4 in the morning and im sitting in our spot waiting for the birds wake up soon

taetae♡: the sunrise is really pretty i forgot about it

taetae♡: i dont even know if i should say sorry cause it wouldn't do anything

taetae♡: words are meaningless most of the time if you don't mean them

taetae♡: i turned your notifications and receipts off bc i didn't want to see your texts

taetae♡: but sometimes i would just watch you type and not answer

taetae♡: and for that part im sorry

taetae♡: i thought i could handle it i really did but fuck as soon as i saw those guys in the suits go backstage after you took your final bow i fell apart

taetae♡: i hope you had fun

taetae♡: honestly it's really great news to get so many offers, you're an amazing dancer..

taetae♡: congratulations jungkook

 


 

kookachu fan club

cry baby: alright so

cry baby: what are we thinking for offers

jolly: there's one in ulsan that sounds really cool

cry baby: ikr jongin and i are thinking of driving up there to check out the studio

captain jin: did he also get an offer to go there?

cry baby: yeah he wanted one from ulsan or the company in busan cause they're huge

rancher: i got one from the studio in busan

jolly: hOLY FUCK REALLY?

veiny: thats awesome af kook

sweetz: you should've told us last night we would've celebrated harder lol

cry baby: jungkookieee my dude my bro

rancher: yes hyung

cry baby: you gotta go check it out !

cry baby: that'd be the best place yanno since your family's there n everything

rancher: yeah

rancher: i got 8 others so im just looking them all over rn

rancher: how many did u guys get

cry baby: jongin and i both got 5

jolly: i got 4 but 2 of them have contemporary dances which makes me :')) so im probably gonna chose one between them

cry baby: i know the ulsan one has a contemp unit, which other one does

jolly: daejeon

sweetz: the place you guys went on that dance trip?

jolly: yeah

rancher: damn that place is nice

jolly: hobi let me know if you and jongin decide to go drive to ulsan cause i may join in if that's okay

cry baby: of course!

 


 

Private chat with: yoongi<3

minnie baby: wanna do a road trip with me

yoongi<3: what

minnie baby: to daejeon

yoongi<3: i thought you were going with hobi to ulsan

minnie baby: i may go another time

minnie baby: i wanna go back to the academy in daejeon, specifically with you

yoongi<3: wouldn't i just get in the way ? i know music babe not dance i would be lost af there

minnie baby: the city is so beautiful though

minnie baby: i wanna experience it with you

minnie baby: see if you like it there

yoongi<3: why?

minnie baby: min yoongi you can be so clueless sometimes oml

minnie baby: this is a two way decision you know that right? im not going to accept a dance scholarship somewhere without making sure you think it's a good idea

minnie baby: i wanna move wherever i go with you

yoongi<3: jimin thats really sweet but uni- you know i can't just leave

minnie baby: im not taking about right now you fool, you graduate at the end of this year anyway

yoongi<3: you dont though, you have another year

minnie baby: any academy i go to will provide me with classes dont worry

minnie baby: plus do you really see me in the lawyer business?

yoongi<3: depends, judge park does have a nice ring to it

minnie baby: contemporary dance teacher park jimin has a better ring dont you think

yoongi<3: lmao you're right

minnie baby: i figured you'd say that ;')

yoongi<3: smh

yoongi<3: so you want to go to on a road trip to daejeon tmr?

minnie baby: tomorrow? its only thursday tho

yoongi<3: i have no classes tomorrow, lecture got cancelled and my studio hours are already more than i originally wrote in for

yoongi<3: plus i read over your offers, you have a week to get back to the contemporary ones

yoongi<3: so lets do it minnie

yoongi<3: unless judge park has something to say?

minnie baby: god i love you

minnie baby: lets fucking go on a road trip yoongi ❤

 


 

Private chat with: joonie

jinnie: last night was really fun

joonie: true it was nice to forget about everything and just be happy for hobi, jimin and kook

jinnie: yeah exactly

jinnie: i haven't seen you take back that much cream pie since our one year anniversary

joonie: oh jesus you still remember that?

jinnie: lol how could I forget something like that?

joonie: i was stress eating! i was super nervous that night!

jinnie: I still idk what for, we'd been dating for a year and I was so in love with you it was silly

joonie: i was self conscious though

joonie: i always had this mindset of you realizing im just a clumsy mess and you would wake up one day and be like "holy god what am i dating?"

jinnie: you are a clumsy mess that's true

jinnie: can i be really serious for a second?

joonie: course

jinnie: sometimes i think you and jackson would be better for each other

joonie: jin that was years ago why bring that up, again

jinnie: im being serious, you two are very similar and are able to connect on deeper stuff like music whereas we're very different from each other and that worries me sometimes, especially now that we're in an awkward place

joonie: jackson and i were together for a few months, it didn't work and it was weird. we're friends cause we like the same things and have grown up together but baby we've been dating for almost 3 years

joonie: do you know how rare that is now?

joonie: and have you never heard of the saying 'opposites attract'?

joonie: you and i are different sure but look at taehyung and jungkook, jesus they're polar opposites

joonie: could you imagine if jungkook dated somebody who was as shy and quiet as he was?

joonie: christ almighty they'd never speak to each other

jinnie: lol yeah you do have a point

jinnie: I just

jinnie: why did you never tell me you dont believe in it joonie?

joonie: i thought you knew

jinnie: you said that before

jinnie: i didn't know, had no idea, we all make jokes about it in the group chat

jinnie: even you

joonie: yeah but i carried it on as a joke

joonie: i never meant it seriously

joonie: i swear i really thought you caught onto that jin i never meant to keep it as this big secret from you

jinnie: i forgive you

joonie: you what

jinnie: i thought about it for a while and not everybody believes in the same thing, i understand that and that's what makes the world a beautiful place

jinnie: I didn't know if i was ready to move past it but last night made me realize how much i've missed you and need your presence in my life joonie

jinnie: even if i thought i knew everything we were gonna do with our lives, i know now that i can't control everything and I'm alright with that

jinnie: so if you want to meet me after class we can talk more?

joonie: ifcoukekcj

jinnie: ?

joonie: sorry i choked on my coffee and hit send by mistake

joonie: but yes shit ill meet you of course

jinnie: see you then goof ball

 


 

tongue technology

RM: i have something planned for jin can you guys help?

j-hope: help an otp get back together again? hECK yeah

suga: im checking out a dance school with minnie tmr for a couple days but after that yeah definitely

suga: what are you thinking?

RM: its gonna be for our 3 yr anniversary

RM: i got the idea from something jungkook did but im putting my own spin on it

RM: i think jin will really like it

j-hope: 

 


 

@jimmieminnie

here's hoping i don't get lost on my way to daejeon with @sugamin driving.

Liked by worldwidejin, rapgodjoon, and 2,586 others

@sugamin heres hoping you aren't a pain in my ass the whole trip xo

@jeonjk ROOOAASSTED FUCK @sugamin

@jimmieminnie shut up nobody invited you @jeonjk

 


 

kookachu fan club

captain jin: i haven't cried over my ship in so long so hi here i am,

captain jin: sobbing over yoonmin

cry baby: OK ME THO WTF

cry baby: LIKE JONGIN AND I ARE JUST LIKE "hey wanna go to ulsan with me?" "sure babe" "okay perfect" BUT YOONMIN GOING HARD

sweetz: how are we going hard when we're just making a nice trip out of it

jolly: its cause we are just that awesome babe

sweetz: true

captain jin: 

cry baby: i relate so much

 


 

Private chat with: taetae♡

kookie♡: it took me 24 hours to text you back bc im just so fucking stunned by what you said

kookie♡: im still trying to wrap my head around it.

kookie♡: from what ive been able to understand, you purposely left the showcase and ignored me all night bc you "couldn't handle it" whatever that means

kookie♡: i called my parents earlier, told them the news and yanno what my mom said?

kookie♡: "oh jungkookie that's so exciting! did you and taehyung celebrate? im sure he's beyond thrilled for you!"

kookie♡: half the time she just talked about how pumped you probably are for me and all i could say was "yeah"

kookie♡: bc what else am i supposed to say? "oh no mom we didn't celebrate bc tae left before the show even finished and refuses to talk to me properly"

kookie♡: jimin said you locked yourself in your room and won't come out but i slipped something under your apartment door

kookie♡: use it tomorrow. please tae

kookie♡: i need you

taetae♡ read at 4:03am

 


 

tongue technology

RM: [image attached]

RM: do you guys think you can find these for me?

suga: what is there? 35 things on the list?

j-hope: are we planning a ball or a party?

RM: neither

RM: i fucked up before guys i just really have to make jin feel special

RM: if it's too much, especially cause you're both out of seoul rn its okay dont worry

j-hope: nah, jongin and i will hit the store later and check for some stuff

suga: yeah same with me n minnie

RM: thank you so much

 


 

Private chat with: sunshine

chimchim: since yoongi doesnt know, ill ask you

sunshine: huh

chimchim: whats wrong w/ jin hyung and namjoon hyung

sunshine: how'd you find out?

chimchim: yoongi and i dont keep secrets

sunshine: ok hacker

chimchim: fuck off

chimchim: plus he's driving so i was on his phone and saw namjoonie hyung text ur guys gc so i asked if i could pretend to be him and he said yes

sunshine: what a sketchy ass couple omg

sunshine: well you know about as much as we do, joon hasn't said a word of what the problem is/was

sunshine: tho they seem to be better i think

chimchim: well that's good

chimchim: let yoongi or me know if you find anything out yeah?

sunshine: yeah! how's the road trip?

chimchim: just confirms everything i already knew

sunshine: like what?

chimchim: that what yoongi and i have is real. we're not just caught up in this 'college fling' we're serious and i know whatever happens

chimchim: we're in it together

sunshine: 

chimchim: what is that

sunshine: that's me taking in all this yoonmin content and storing it in a safe place

chimchim: your mouth and stomach?

sunshine: duh

sunshine: you ever watch game of thrones?

sunshine: winter is coming and you bet your ass ima be prepared boi

chimchim: okay jon snow

 


 

Private chat with: kookie♡

taetae♡: hi..

taetae♡: i printed some of the photos i took of you for my project out into polaroids earlier just to keep

taetae♡: is that ok?

kookie♡: why wouldn't that be okay

taetae♡: i just wanted to um

taetae♡: make sure i guess?

taetae♡: in case you found it weird

kookie♡: just because im almost 400km away and we currently have no idea where we stand doesnt change the fact im brutally in love with you

kookie♡: and nothing is ever going to change that whether i want it to or not

kookie♡: so yeah, print pictures off

kookie♡: its fine

taetae♡: i-oh okay 

kookie♡: yeah 

kookie♡: gtg im out with my parents

taetae♡: have fun

kookie♡: does it really matter to you if i do or not anymore

taetae♡: yes i wouldn't have said it if i didnt mean it

taetae♡: why would i lie about wanting you to have a good time with your parents

kookie♡: im surprised since lying to me has always been a common thing for you 

taetae♡: fuck kookie please let me explain

kookie♡: i dont want to hear it right now

kookie♡: im turning my phone off the rest of the day. bye

 


 

Private chat with: lil min

lil min: why did chanyeol just text me saying he saw you run out of your lecture holding your mouth like you were crying

tol tae: i think having an emotional breakdown would be a better way to describe it actually

lil min: let me guess

lil min: you finally texted jungkook and he answered you and you two didn't exactly see eye to eye

tol tae: its pathetic isn't it?

tol tae: that i cause the problems but do nothing to fix them

tol tae: no wonder he took off for busan

lil min: dont you dare say that

lil min: he did not take off. he wanted you go to with him, left you a plane ticket under the door to go spend a week in busan with him and his family while he checks out the dance academy

lil min: but you were too much of a stick in the mud to leave your fucking room so he got fed up and left

lil min: he even took the latest plane he could bc he saw you read his messages so he thought you would change your mind and come

tol tae: how do you know all this

lil min: cause he fucking called me crying as soon as he landed in busan you idiot

tol tae: oh

lil min: smarten up taehyung, youre damaging yourself, your relationship with kook and his future all at the same time

lil min: hes so stressed out about you guys when this should be the happiest week of his life with his family and you in busan

lil min: either do something or break up with him. stop doing this shit

tol tae: i dont want to break up with him

lil min: what do you want

tol tae: idk

lil min: god fml you can be a pain sometimes

lil min: let me ask you this

lil min: do you love him? like actually love him, not sexual attraction or infatuation. are you in love with jungkook?

tol tae: so much

tol tae: i have been since i met him and got to know him

lil min: 

 


 

@__taethebae__

seoul  busan.

Liked by jimmieminnie and 2,962 others

Chapter Text


Taehyung: creamy

Jungkook: rancher

Jimin: jolly

Yoongi: sweetz

Hoseok: cry baby

Jin: captain jin

Namjoon: veiny


 

As soon as Taehyung got off the train in Busan, he debated getting right back on it to go back to his bed where he didn't have to worry. But here he is now, standing on the step in front of the Jeon's house. He almost hopes Jungkook's mother opens the door saying something like "Taehyung! I was worried as to why you didn't come with Jungkookie but I'm so happy you're here now!" but then he figures he'd probably have to explain the reason why he wasn't here in the first place, and as much as Taehyung finds Jungkook's mother a sweetheart, he needs to speak to one person in particular and that isn't her. So yeah, he knocks that thought out of his head, he just wants Jungkook to open the door.

"What are you doing here?"

Taehyung shoots his head up from where he was staring at his shoes to be met with Jungkook's eyes staring back at him. He was off in his own world and didn't even hear Jungkook open the door.

Taehyung fumbles with his bag that's swung around his shoulder and pulls out a plane ticket, holding it awkwardly in front of Jungkook. "I didn't use the ticket, but I came. Just took me a while, you wouldn't believe the traffic on the tracks this time of year!"

Jungkook's lips turn upwards at Taehyung's attempt to make a joke but it's gone in the next second. "Seriously, why're you here Tae?"

"I–we need to talk. If you want."

"I don't want my parents to see you until we...talk some stuff out, I don't want them pressuring either of us to talk out our relationship. Let me get my coat, it's cold." Jungkook looks down at Taehyung rubbing his hands together. "Do you want some gloves?"

Taehyung shakes his head and crosses his arms over his chest so his hands are tucked in, "no, I'm fine."

Jungkook nods, "I'll just be a second."


About three minutes later, Jungkook returns with a hood over his head and a jacket zipped up almost all the way so his mouth is barely seen and he and Taehyung start walking around the neighbourhood.

"What'd you tell your parents?"

"That I had to clear my head and a walk would really help."

Taehyung nods, kicking a rock with his shoe, not replying. He has so much to say he had no idea where to start. "I'm scared," he blurts and their walking pace slows down now that Jungkook's eyes are on him.

"What are you scared of?"

Looking back at Jungkook, he takes an unsteady breath and begins, "I told you before that I didn't know how to make a relationship work. I've seen many and what you do in one and obviously been in a few here and there, of course, but I don't know how to properly make it work without feeling weird."

"Define what you mean by weird." Jungkook takes a turn and the two are walking down a path to a school's playground and it gives Taehyung a thought and he quickly picks up where he left off, answering Jungkook's question.

"In high school, I had this friend Hyerin, we lost touch when I moved to Seoul, she used to tell me that I could have this thing people called 'commitment phobia'," Taehyung says, making air quotations with his fingers which he catches Jungkook smile at. "I thought she was crazy for claiming I had such a phobia but she would say "you date some dude for a few weeks then break up with him saying it just wasn't working or you found him dumb yet you crushed on the guy for months before hand, why do you think that is?" And she would go on explaining what this phobia and I never believed her but I think it finally makes sense now.

"Before you, I never cared to be, let's say, emotionally...available, but now all I want is to be with you and my feelings are so fucking intense it scares me because I don't know how to handle it." Taehyung sits down on a swing and Jungkook sits on the other beside him and Taehyung can practically see his mind spinning, trying to process this information.

Jungkook opens his mouth after a few minutes later, sighing. "So you want a relationship with me but this...phobia is kind of like preventing you in a way?"

"In a way, yeah." Taehyung nods, pushing his feet on the ground to rock in his swing lightly, "basically I want a relationship so bad that it makes my feelings to be at an extreme level compared to how someone would normally feel about another. And it's rough, I'm having this internal breakdown for wanting something so much but mentally telling myself I shouldn't do it because I'll go in too deep and one day want to suddenly run away from it.

"That's the best way I can describe it honesty, sorry if I made like next to none sense there." Taehyung finishes with a stiffen laugh.

It's quiet for a few moments and Taehyung panics briefly that Jungkook thinks he's completely insane but just as he thinks this, Jungkook gets up and pulls Taehyung out of his swing, wrapping his arms around him in a tight hug, mumbling into his neck some incoherent words that Taehyung doesn't catch but he still feels like he might pass out from gratefulness that, no Jungkook isn't going to take off running for the high hills, he grips onto his boyfriend in their hug in the middle of a playground at night.

"Why have you never told me any of this before?" Jungkook asks when they pull apart from each other. "I would've tried doing things slower and we wouldn't have jumped into our relationship head first."

"I um, I thought you would think I'm crazy or something." Taehyung shrugs simply, "it's embarrassing and I'm not proud of being like this. Incapable of being in a relationship? It's stupid."

Jungkook gives him a frown, "I don't think you're crazy and it's not stupid. I may not be able to fully understood what you're going through but Tae, I'll be damned if I don't try to help you somehow."

"Just–I don't want to slow things down between us, that's not the issue. I just want to change and I need help fixing this. I need your help fixing this. I wanna be able to look at you with adoration instead of feeling like my throat is going to close cause I'm so anxious." Taehyung's cheeks are freezing from the night chill in the air but from confessing all of this for the first time, especially to the person who matters most to him, is making him sweat with anxiousness.

Jungkook steps forward, cupping Taehyung's rosy cheeks in his hands and thumbs at his cheekbones softly. "I'm gonna help Tae, I promise. We'll figure this out together."

Taehyung leans his forehead against Jungkook's and smiles softly. "I hope so, Kookie. I really do."

 


 

Private chat with: kookie♡

kookie♡: did you know that conversion at the school was probably the //deepest// convo we've ever had

taetae♡: literally what are you doing texting me we're sitting across from each other

kookie♡: yes but we're with my parents im not gonna bring up stuff like this in front of them

taetae♡: oh my man ain't he the sweetest caring lil jellybean you ever seen

kookie♡: stop omg

kookie♡: but for real did you realize that

taetae♡: yeah i did

taetae♡: i feel like we're gonna be having a lot more nowadays

kookie♡: and you're okay with that?

taetae♡: i want that.

kookie♡: 

taetae♡: YOUR DAD JUST GAVE ME THE WEIRDEST LOOK STOP

kookie♡: its not my fault you snorted so damn loud

taetae♡: i hate you

taetae♡: anyway are we sure that convo was the deepest we've had? like remember that time i tried to tell you steve rogers was better than tony stark?

taetae♡: that set you off on a twenty minute speech of how wrong i was

kookie♡: BECAUSE YOU WERE !

kookie♡: how can, in someone's right mind, believe that IRON MAN isn't superior to all? it astonishes me

kookie♡: blows my fucking mind really

taetae♡: 

kookie♡: see the funny thing is you think im kidding but i can assure you i am not

taetae♡: do you think if i sucked your dick under the table your parents would notice

kookie♡: we'll watch the avengers movies later and ill show you why iron man is better

kookie♡: WAITBEHAT

kookie♡: TAE I JUST INHALED MY WATER

taetae♡: sorry lol had to get you to stop talking about iron man somehow

taetae♡: i think your dad knows something's up lmao

kookie♡: i could have DIED

taetae♡: its water

taetae♡: can i choke on your dick tonight

taetae♡: aw look at your beat red tomato ass face cute

taetae♡: did i embarrass you in front of momma and daddy? :)

taetae♡: imagine if i called you daddy at the table

kookie♡: tae

taetae♡: i must admit its tempting

taetae♡: since my phone does recognize your number as kookie AND daddy..

kookie♡: do not.

taetae♡: lets see if siri knows who my daddy is

kookie♡: TAEHUBT I SWRAT TO GOD

 


 

kookachu fan club

creamy: hi guys kookie reached a new level of embarrassment tonight

jolly: i can only assume this means everything is okay between you two

creamy: ye

cry baby: why'd he get embarrassed

creamy: well we were having a nice dinner with his parents in a cute restaurant and i asked siri to call my daddy

sweetz: oh my god no

creamy: oh my god yes hyung

jolly: OH MY GOD !

creamy: siri said "okay, calling kookie"

creamy: and as if that wasn't bad enough

creamy: kookie's phone wasnt on vibrate so it rang playing the special ringtone i made for him

cry baby: what is it

rancher: you don't want to know

creamy: its me whimpering kookie's name while he hits it from the back

creamy: duh

jolly: OH MY FUCK

cry baby: HJWICIBIRI MY EYES

rancher: i want to die™

sweetz: how'd kook's parents react

creamy: his mom looked a little horrified for a second but kookie's dad never looked prouder of him lol

creamy: he said "hey jungkook, let's have a chat outside"

cry baby: whatd he say

rancher: he told me he was proud of me for not being shy anymore and that im finally getting what i want

jolly: what does that mean omg

rancher: i asked him that and he said "well you clearly got taehyung right where you want him, in many ways apparently. need i explain more?"

sweetz: AHAHAHAHAHAH

cry baby: IN MANY WAYS FUCK

creamy: meanwhile i was having a nice chat with his mom about kookie treating me very sweetly despite her just hearing her own son destroying my ass

jolly: 

rancher: i want to die™ pt 532

 


 

Private chat with: not first born

not a hyung: thank you

not first born: for what

not a hyung: well first for giving yoongi and i such a good laugh, fuck we had to pull over to the side of the road we laughed so hard at the groupchat messages

not first born: oh jesus christ

not a hyung: im kidding

not a hyung: (im not)

not a hyung: but thank you for being good to tae

not a hyung: he hasn't told me what you guys may/may not have talked about and im not gonna ask bc its not my business at this point

not a hyung: we all know how wrong taehyung can be with his decisions sometimes and be a head ass about fixing his shit but if there's one person he'd go to the end of the world for, it would be you kook

not a hyung: even if he may have some issues that try to stop him

not a hyung: and before you ask, no he's never told me he has something wrong but i know what it's like to be caught between what your heart wants and what you can physically take

not first born: have you ever told tae you know?

not a hyung: no, i dont wanna make him feel like he has to tell me. i, of all people understand what its like of course

not first born: wow

not a hyung: his heart beats for you, remember that even when you feel like throwing him off a cliff

not first born: i will. thank you hyung.

not a hyung: anytime kook

not a hyung: id say it's time to change my name dont ya think

not first born: lol ill think about it

 


 

Private chat with: jung sunshine

jung sunshine: i debated texting you for about forty minutes before jongin convinced me

kim taebae: oh what's up hobi hyung??

jung sunshine: i was just wondering if everything's alright between you and jungkookie

kim taebae: how much of the situation do you know of?

jung sunshine: ive heard a few things here and there

kim taebae: we're taking it one step at a time now

kim taebae: i have some things i gotta figure out and he's gonna help me

kim taebae: kookie's always been able to break down my walls so we're just trying to see what needs repairing between us and go from there

jung sunshine: im glad tae, really glad

jung sunshine: i dont like whenever any of us fight :(

jung sunshine: you and jungkookie got something special like yoons and jiminie are cute and a Solid™ otp as are jin and joon

jung sunshine: but you two

jung sunshine: idk how to explain it you guys just fit together, always have

kim taebae: damn when did you get so sweet n wise hobi hyung

jung sunshine: i know isn't it gross

jung sunshine: you should've seen me when i told jongin i loved him for the first time face to face

jung sunshine: someone could've looked at me and thought i was the biggest fucking twink on the planet stuttering like a damn fool

kim taebae: HAHAHAHA

kim taebae: im gonna facetime you i wanna know all the details of this twinky event of yours

jung sunshine: i refuse to answer!

kim taebae: honey answer my calls cause i dont plan to stop

jung sunshine: THE STORY IS SO EMBARRASSING THOUGH

kim taebae: ur fault for telling me<3

 


 

Private chat with: dad #1

dad #1: hey kook i just read the messages in the gc

sonnykook: hyung its almost 11pm

dad #1: sorry i would've texted you sooner but jin and i were out and we were busy

sonnykook: 'busy' yeah ok and im a virgin

dad #1: oh my god jungkook!

sonnykook: lol sorry saw the opportunity and had to take it

dad #1: jesus taehyung's wearing off on you so much

dad #1: hes actually why i wanted to text you

sonnykook: yeah?

dad #1: yeah i just wanted to make sure everything's okay? like on your end of things

sonnykook: oh yes, no need to worry namjoonie hyung, im fine

dad #1: you positive? cause i know you may not want my opinion on this and i didnt want to get involved but i just wanna make sure you're taking care of yourself

dad #1: are you sure you dont forgive tae too fast for stuff? he tends to put you through a lot

sonnykook: no no always gimme ur opinion i need guidance from time to time

sonnykook: but there's a reason why i always tend to forgive him and give him whatever he needs

dad #1: is there?

sonnykook: yeah like i would give tae all the time in the world if he needed it, and that's not me being a lovesick fool or obsessive about him or anything

sonnykook: it's because i genuinely believe in him, thats the reason.

sonnykook: sure we fight probably way too much cause our egos get in the way and we can be dramatic and problematic but that doesn't stop me from losing hope in us you know?

sonnykook: when i first became friends with tae i knew he had his own issues but everybody does whether that's health related or not. i think we've both come to realize that we're still learning about each other despite us being best friends before boyfriends and that's fine, in my opinion at least

dad #1: you worded that very nicely kook i get what you're saying

dad #1: as long as you are happy then i have nothing to worry about

sonnykook: aw you worry about me? ヽ(*≧ω≦)ノ

dad #1: despite our ages i consider you the son ill probably never have so yeah i worry

sonnykook: i worry about you too yanno namjoon hyung

dad #1: i know

sonnykook: okay good

sonnykook: just so you know, you're still my fav dad even if i call yoongi hyung the best dad

dad #1: lol okay jungkookie

 


 

tongue technology

j-hope: hey joons

RM: yeah?

j-hope: were you texting jungkook earlier?

RM: i was

j-hope: thought so, i was facetiming with tae and he mentioned kook saying how you were his fav dad cause ur so caring and shit and i was like aw soft kim namjoon how cute

j-hope: were you talking about what i think?

RM: yeah i asked kook a few things and he vented a bit and i listened

j-hope: aYE I DID WITH TAE TOO

j-hope: we should've been therapists instead of you being a double music major and me with my dance major with a minor in music yanno

RM: oh definitely, imagine the money we would have made just from the sessions with those two

j-hope: FUCK i can almost smell the expensive penthouse id live in

RM: i think id buy myself a limo

j-hope: shit me too

suga: its 12:30

suga: in the morning

suga: what the fuck are you doing awake

j-hope: the better question is, what are YOU doing awake

suga: jimin threw my phone at me cause i didnt turn it on silent before we went to sleep and it kept dinging in his ear

suga: so again i ask my question

suga: why are you two awake

j-hope: we're discussing taekook and the missed job opportunities we had

suga: seriously at this hour ? in our groupchat?

suga: and what the hell is this about you being jungkook's favourite?

RM: just fax no printer

j-hope: AHAHAHA

suga: its too early for this

j-hope: you're just upset cause joons jammed your paper in his machine

RM: that sounds borderline sexual hobi

j-hope: printer puns aren't my strong suit clearly

suga: 

 


 

kookachu fan club

jolly: @someone i need your help

veiny: what do you need

jolly: preferably taehyung's help

captain jin: lol he came for you joonie

veiny: smh i dont know why i try

jolly: tae i need your assistance

creamy: sorry can't

jolly: oh i didn't even look at the time are you and jungkook busy ?

creamy: not busy no

jolly: why can't you help me then

creamy: i just genuinely can't be bothered

jolly: what the fuck !

captain jin: 

rancher: AHAHAAH me af jin hyung

creamy: im tired i had a long day jiminie can my help be used tomorrow

jolly: fine >:(

jolly: why are you so tired ? you do nothing

creamy: wow coming in right for the kill aren't you

rancher: tae and i went to the academy and there was other people and tae was being flirty

rancher: so i just had to quickly remind him who's the best

rancher: which is why he's so tired

sweetz: i always come on this chat at the worst times possible what the bloody fuck

creamy: sorry yoongi hyung lol

creamy: im so tired it physically pains me to type rn so all i have to say is kookie and his thighs are LETHAL

creamy: goodnight text me tomorrow jiminie i love you all

jolly: night you sex freak

veiny: why is kook not tired at all

cry baby: really tho shouldn't he be like dying if tae's that tired

rancher: nah im fine

rancher: i wasnt the one getting choked

jolly: okay but yoongi's choked me before and it's not that tiring

cry baby: YOONS DUDE YOU GOTTA TELL ME THIS SHIT

sweetz: it happened like last week fuck off hobi im SHY sometimes

sweetz: but minnie babyboy, jungkook isn't talking about choking tae with his hand

jolly: What

veiny: lol why do you think taehyung said jungkook's thighs are lethal

jolly: i

jolly: WHAT THE FUCK

jolly: KIM TAEHYUNG IM CALLING YOU AT 7AM YOUR ASS BETTER PICK UP THE DAMN PHONE

jolly: checking things off his bucket list without telling me

jolly: how dARE he

rancher: ur slow jimin

sweetz: he tries his best

rancher: LOL

jolly: hey yoongi, want a repeat of what happened last night?

sweetz: ...no

jolly: then shut up babe:)

sweetz: night guys!

cry baby: 

cry baby: this group never fails to amaze me

 


 

Private chat with: daegu boy #1

daegu boy #2: i know we dont do these type of convos but im really thankful for you always looking out for me

daegu boy #2: and kookie cause he's the youngest

daegu boy #2: i should've answered you the night of the showcase cause you were right i feel horrible that i didn't celebrate with you guys especially kookie

daegu boy #2: so thanks

daegu boy #1: its no problem tae

daegu boy #1: i thought you were too tired to type

daegu boy #2: i am but im feeling emotional so i gotta get this out

daegu boy #2: thank you for being so good to jiminie. he needed someone like you to come into his life and make him a flustered love sick mess like you did last year

daegu boy #2: i know you guys may have went about your health situations the wrong way together but the growth jimin has went through because of you is unbelievable and i will never be able to thank you enough

daegu boy #2: you saved him yoongi hyung thank you

daegu boy #1: he saved me too

daegu boy #1: we're at a point now that we're not relying on each other but we can encourage one another by doing the littlest of things

daegu boy #1: minnie looked at me earlier when i was driving and i almost swerved the fucking car cause he looked at me with such love in his eyes it caught me off guard for a minute

daegu boy #2: fuck you gotta stop telling me about this before i worry kookie with my tears of joy

daegu boy #1: lol i have to put my phone away anyways, minnie wants to play the boardgames we found in the motel we're staying at

daegu boy #2: he's so soft :') but okay night

daegu boy #2: and hyung?

daegu boy #1: yeah?

daegu boy #2: thank you again, for watching out for me

daegu boy #1: we say we're like brothers cause we're both from daegu and the place means a lot to us

daegu boy #1: but i seriously count you as my little brother so im gonna watch out for you regardless just like a big brother would

daegu boy #1: lol it's been 5 mins so im guessing you fell asleep or started crying

daegu boy #1: night tae.

 


 

Taehyung read Yoongi's message over again for the sixth time and dabs the tears in his eyes with his sweater, smiling. He remembers the times when Yoongi liked to say he was tough and emotionless but really, he was just a big softie for the people he loved and that's really beautiful, Taehyung thinks.

He places his phone on the bedside table and turns around, looking at Jungkook who was laying beside him with his hair in front of his eyes, mouth parted slightly as puffs of air come out. Taehyung brushes the hair out of his boyfriend's face, causing his eyes to open.

"Tae?" Jungkook blinks a few times before steadily looking at Taehyung who feels his heart pounding in his chest. "You okay?"

"I'm scared to fall asleep." He whispers back and sees Jungkook's eyes fill with worry.

"Why?"

Taehyung slips his hand into Jungkook's lightly and tugs it close to his chest, breaking eye contact for brief moments before locking eyes again. "I'm scared I'm going to wake up one day and want to give up."

The worry in Jungkook's eyes dissolve as he squeezes his hand around Taehyung's and leans his forehead against Taehyung's, closing his eyes, "if that day comes, then we'll be friends."

"Would you be okay with that? If I woke up, say one month from now, and decided that I can't handle our relationship because it scares me. You'll let me walk out on you?" Taehyung asks and watches Jungkook open his eyes again.

Jungkook smiles a bit as he answers, "before any feelings were involved, we were two dumb boys who happened to find each in University and became best friends. If things go south and we end up going back to that, then I'm alright with it."

"I'm not." Taehyung feels the tears in his eyes again and he blinks them away. "I appreciate you saying that like really I do, it means a whole fucking lot but I'm too invested in you to just 'be friends' if something happens, I wouldn't be able to look at you the same way if I ended up breaking your heart and leaving you."

Jungkook, forever the charmer in Taehyung's eyes, runs the hand that's not holding Taehyung's through his hair, letting his hand rest against Taehyung's cheek. "Stop worrying so much, we're gonna figure everything out okay."

"But I could–"

"I won't give up on you Taehyung. I'm not letting you break my heart, got that?" Jungkook asks and Taehyung can only nod as a tear runs down his cheek and he closes his eyes, feeling Jungkook's thumb wipe it away gently.

"I love you," he mumbles as he tucks his face in Jungkook's neck. "I love you so much, I'm so sorry."

Jungkook wraps his arms around his boyfriend and rubs Taehyung's back. The two intertwine their legs and Jungkook feels wetness against his neck and hears Taehyung sniffling. He smiles with a hint of sadness, "I love you too, you idiot."

Chapter Text


Taehyung: creamy

Jungkook: rancher

Jimin: jolly

Yoongi: sweetz

Hoseok: cry baby

Jin: captain jin

Namjoon: veiny


 

kookachu fan club

captain jin renamed 'veiny' to 'kim xD'

captain jin changed their name to 'Jin™'

creamy: what a beautiful thing to wake up to

kim xD: taehyung please

kim xD: and jinnie babe we talked about this

Jin™: you're right we did

Jin™: but its just too funny not to share

kim xD: it was a typo!

sweetz: there's no need to lie joons

kim xD: no i stg

kim xD: i was telling him i was finishing up at the studio and id be home soon and i thought i put "xx" at the end of the text

kim xD: apparently that was not the case

jolly: LOLOL

jolly: you're lame hyung

kim xD: thanks jiminie

kim xD: your love and support keeps me going every day

Jin™: @jimin hold your horses son

Jin™: i got some tea on you and yoongi

creamy: hey guys im back what's the tea

rancher: i need to witness a good exposure

cry baby: omg @taekook you savages

rancher: you came on too though didn't you hobi hyung

cry baby: ya got me there

jolly: what do you mean tea df we're hours away

Jin™: next time you and yoongi decide to get drunk, i would recommend making sure yoongi's phone is nowhere near him

jolly: ???

sweetz: oh shit

creamy: jin hyung spill this tea im bouncing with excitement

rancher: yeah please hurry hyung cause tae really is bouncing and we were cuddling so you can imagine the predicament im in now

kim xD: its too early for boner talk jungkook stop

rancher: tell that to tae!

creamy: im innocent until proven guilty

rancher: ok so my dick against your ass isnt enough of a hint for you

jolly: i legit just snorted omg

jolly: but what the hell do you mean jin hyung

Jin™: yoongi sent me some fun drunk vids of you and him last night

Jin™: JAMMING out to monsta x

jolly: wait

jolly: what

jolly: HE FUCKING WHAT

cry baby: 

sweetz: I DIDNT KNOW I WAS SENDING THEM

jolly: WHY WOULD YOU RECORD US

sweetz: i don't know, i was DRUNK

jolly: SO!

sweetz: SO WERE YOU!

rancher: 

rancher: me rn bc of this content

jolly: 

jolly: fuck off i hope taehyung blue balls you

creamy: oh my god

cry baby: ive never laughed harder

kim xD: you all have no filter in the morning

kim xD: though i must say, your videos were very entertaining yoons

jolly: JIN HYUNG YOU SHOWED HIM?

Jin™: duh

kim xD: we were watching a movie then jinnie's phone kept going off so we shut off the movie and watched your videos for half an hour

sweetz: ...half an hour

creamy: HOW MANY VIDEOS WAS THERE OMG

Jin™: so many

rancher: show us

Jin™: ill send you my top 3 favs

Jin™: since i saved them ofc

jolly: hyung why

Jin™: because yoonmin duh

cry baby: you literally just described my life

creamy: lmfao

Jin™: [video attached]

Jin™: [video attached]

Jin™: [video attached]

rancher: LOOK AT THEM

cry baby: IS CHIM UPSIDE DOWN IN THE SECOND VID OFMG

creamy: CAN WE PLEASE TALK ABOUT YOONGI HYUNG GOING OFF WHEN THE BEAT DROPPED

sweetz: well

sweetz: what is there to say

jolly: that you're a hoe for changkyun

sweetz: ok "shownu oopaaa fuck me UP"

rancher: coughs koreaboo coughs

creamy: when your best friend turns out to be a kboo

jolly: I AM NOT

jolly: I WAS DRUNK IVE NEVER SAID THAT IN MY LIFE BEFORE

Jin™: until last night

jolly: well yes until last night

jolly: the motel had really cheap beer okay what was i supposed to do!

sweetz: not drink

sweetz: and not let me get drunk so i wouldnt have sent jin that stuff

cry baby: how did you even end up texting jin lol

sweetz: most recent person i had texted before we got drunk

rancher: for real?

Jin™: this may surprise you boys but yoongi and i have daily private conversations

creamy: do i smell more tea

sweetz: no he literally tells me jokes and i tell him he isnt funny then he asks me for a "yoonmin update"

Jin™: yoongi types paragraphs about his love for jiminie and how happy he is now

creamy: HE DID THAT WITH ME TOO !

sweetz: SHUT UP BOTH OF YOU

jolly: seriously babe?

sweetz: i

jolly: suddenly this free breakfast bar doesn't interest me at all

jolly: where the fuck are you

sweetz: in the car

sweetz: why-

jolly: you're about to get the best car sex of your life min yoongi

Jin™: you're welcome

sweetz: thank you so much

sweetz: im so happy you showed the videos to the chat

sweetz: i will never be able to repay you for my gratitude

sweetz: god thank you

rancher: WOWOWOWOWO

cry baby: DOES IT EVER DRIVE YOU CRAZY JUST HOW FAST THE NIGHT CHANGES

 


 

kookachu fan club

jolly renamed 'sweetz' to 'salty'

jolly: :)

jolly: :)))))))

jolly: :)))))))))))

rancher: i dont get it

Jin™: seriously? how could you not

creamy: sighs my poor kookie

Jin™: for someone who had a sugar daddy and is a versatile boy you think he would understand

creamy: im teaching him dont worry

jolly: we rented this car, gotta make sure it returns clean as it was

jolly: no stains yanno:))

Jin™: oh my god

Jin™: @jk tell me you understand

rancher: i dont

creamy: THEY FUCKED AND SWALLOWED SO THERE'D BE NO MESS

creamy: THE TASTE OF CUM IS SALTY

creamy: jesus kookie you think you would've clued in. how many times have you literally licked me clean

Jin™: when taehyung goes OFF

rancher: OH

rancher: oh wow that makes a lot more sense

rancher: isn't it more a bitter taste than salty?

rancher: actually nah its both

rancher: a bitter salty taste

jolly: either way yoongi was into it

salty: thanks again jin

Jin™: oh anytime !

kim xD: why do none of you have any shame whatsoever

 


 

kookachu fan club

creamy: kookie is stress eating

kim xD: why

creamy: he just got a call that the academy has its owner coming by tmr to welcome some possible future students and they asked if kookie would like to do his solo dance he did for the showcase

Jin™: why is he stressed out though that's amazing

cry baby: exactly id be pumped af

rancher: ITS IN FRONT OF THE WHOLE ACADEMY

rancher: THE TEACHERS, THE STUDENTS CURRENTLY ATTENDING, THE POSSIBLE ONES, AND THE FUCKING OWNER OF THE ENTIRE SCHOOL

salty: jungkook calm down

salty: you completely crushed your solo at the showcase, this'll be a walk in the park for you

kim xD: exactly, just look at taehyung the whole time

rancher: i plan to probjsjflg

cry baby: wtf

creamy: sorry i had to attack him he was going for his 7th cup of noodles

salty: 7th?

creamy: well see this is how he started the afternoon after getting the call

creamy: 

Jin™: why were all the lids pulled back

rancher: i like to smell it before i eat

salty: they're noodles

creamy: hes fucking weird just go with it

creamy: and this is how his afternoon has ended

creamy: 

creamy: kookie's face is swollen

kim xD: oh my god

rancher: i think i have a stomach ache

rancher: 

Jin™: jungkook!

Jin™: you can't stress over tiny things like this okay?

Jin™: you got tae with you and we all know how you two can go from being near tears to calm as ever just from a quick pep talk from the other

Jin™: so just do what joonie said and pretend you're dancing for tae

rancher: okay

rancher: so that means i can eat more ramen right if im not stressed anymore?

kim xD: NO

Jin™: NO

salty: throw the cups of ramen away kook

rancher: sighs fine

creamy: i feel like i just witnessed a child being scolded by his three parents

creamy: wow

 


 

kookachu fan club

cry baby: so jongin asked me something earlier and it got me thinking

jolly: oh no

cry baby: what's the word for horny but not in a sexual way? like im horny for christmas but i dont wany to fuck santa

salty: the word, i believe you are looking for, is excited.

cry baby: yes!

cry baby: thanks yoons! idk what id do without you and your logic

cry baby: ima go tell jongin now <3

salty: sure hobi, no problem..

jolly: im???

jolly: 

jolly: does anybody else have anything to add to this conversation bc i regret having eyes right now

creamy: my question is what did jongin ask him that made him ask the groupchat omg

 


 

@__taethebae__

my baby's all ready for his big performance ♡

Liked by sugamin, worldwidejin, and 3,275 others

@worldwidejin he looks like a toddler on their first day of kindergarten

 


 

 

kookachu fan club

rancher: i am not your baby

rancher: oh wrong chat but still

rancher: not a baby

creamy: 

rancher: tae!

jolly: that is a damn lie cause tae texted jin hyung who told namjoon hyung who texted his groupchat with hobi and yoongi who told me that you let tae top

rancher: WHAT

creamy: oh thats just great

creamy: the one time i come to you and tell you a secret, everybody finds out

creamy: nice going jin hyung

Jin™: oopsies

cry baby: lol how was it tae

creamy: honestly

creamy: i definitely prefer to be a bottom

creamy: but i knew he was nervous so i wanted to do something special

creamy: and the sOUNDS HE MAKES fUCK mE

rancher: stfu

jolly: i bet this was jungkook when tae asked to top

jolly: 

cry baby: I BET IT WAS TOO

rancher: it wasnt

creamy: it was

rancher: tae!

jolly: face it kook

jolly: you're a baby

rancher: !!!! versatile !!!!

cry baby: he sounds like me when i had to keep telling joon that i was pansexual and not gay

Jin™: thats as believable as me saying im bisexual

cry baby: woah are you?

Jin™: 

 


 

kookachu fan club

rancher: hyungs!! i think i did really good during my solo :')

rancher: i changed up a few things and the outfit i wore and i think it was a big hit

creamy: you "think"? no lets state the facts

creamy: 

creamy: he made the stage his bitch

cry baby: THATS MY CO CAPTAIN !

jolly: YAAASS KOOK SLAY 'EM

kim xD: were you nervous?

rancher: i was a bit but tae was in the front row watching me the whole time so it calmed me down

creamy: dont get it twisted tho

creamy: i was staring at his thighs about 97% of the time

Jin™: omfg

rancher: okay well either it helped me

jolly: catch me screaming taekook as i jump off a roof

salty: i don't recommend jumping off a roof before you perform tomorrow

jolly: ok but i already did one dance

cry baby: omg what

rancher: why didn't you tell us !

jolly: well today's was more of a contemporary dance for anybody who wanted to

salty: i took a video

creamy: SHOW ME MY BEST FRIEND

salty:

creamy: holy shit

salty: i stg i turned blue i held my breath the whole time

creamy: 

creamy: absolutely amazing

jolly: thank you tae bb <3

jolly: im more nervous for tmr bc ill be wearing a blindfold

rancher: i just choked youll be what

jolly: wearing a blindfold

cry baby: for your dance ?

jolly: yes

cry baby: yoons make sure you take tons of videos

salty: oh i will

 


 

@jimmieminnie

• BOY MEETS WHAT •

Liked by jeonjk, sugamin, __taethebae__, and 5,058 others

 


 

kookachu fan club

salty: [video attached]

salty: theres his full performance

creamy renamed the chat to 'PARK JIMIN FAN CLUB'

creamy renamed 'jolly' to 'AN ICON'

creamy changed their name to 'jimins biggest fan'

AN ICON: taehyung.

Jin™: oh no he's right you are a damn icon

Jin™: that was the best thing any of us have ever seen

kim xD: i second that

salty: i third that and i even took the video

jimins biggest fan: where are the fanboys of jiminie

cry baby: heRE

rancher: WE ARE HERE

cry baby: CHIM YOU ARE SO FUCKING COOL

cry baby: 

AN ICON: thank you omg

rancher: WHEN YOU FLIPPED FROM ONE HAND TO THE OTHER

rancher: HOLY SHIT

rancher: honesty hyung

rancher: 

AN ICON: guys omfg

AN ICON: you're too much stoppp

cry baby: we'll stop when you make international news for being the best dancer in the world

rancher: fucking exactLY

AN ICON: i-

kim xD: they make some good points ya gotta give em that

jimins biggest fan: ill call the uni's newspaper to get jiminie on the front page

Jin™: and they'll just do that bc you asked?

jimins biggest fan: please jin hyung

jimins biggest fan: all i have to do is bat my eyelashes at the main editor and he'll do whatever i need

jimins biggest fan: ill visit him when kookie and i get back in a few days

rancher: im coming too

AN ICON: #JealousJeon

Jin™ renamed 'rancher' to '#JealousJeon'

#JealousJeon: 

 


 

tongue technology

RM: i want to surprise jin a few days after we're all back as a group

j-hope: jongin and i are coming back tmr

suga: minnie and i have a full two more days cause he wants to show me music studios nearby

j-hope: otp

RM: okay thats perfect, i think tae and jungkook get back the same day as you

suga: yeah minnie was on the phone with him for like 2 hrs earlier and they're taking the train after ours

j-hope: this is gonna be adorable

j-hope: one big happy family we all are

 


 

@__taethebae__

@jeonjk enjoyed himself a little too much tonight at the day6 concert

Liked by sugamin, worldwidejin, and 2,967 others

@dancemanhobi he looks insane

@jeonjk i am @dancemanhobi

 


 

PARK JIMIN FAN CLUB

kim xD: ...

kim xD: taehyung

kim xD: jungkook

#JealousJeon: yeah?

jimins biggest fan: hm

kim xD: why the fuck did you not tell me you were going to see day6 livE IN CONCERT

kim xD: did you suddenly forget they are my fav band n you could've taken a video or two for me

kim xD: or did ya not care:)

cry baby: oh shit joon be pissed

#JealousJeon: um

#JealousJeon: coughs tae help

jimins biggest fan: we didn't plan it i bought the tickets as a surprise for kookie as a stress reliever gift

#JealousJeon: i- i didnt know that i just thought you wanted to see them

jimins biggest fan: i did but i know namjoon hyung got you into the band when we all met and we've been through a whole truck load of shit together so i wanted to give you something to say thanks

jimins biggest fan: i make good money at my little library job ok

#JealousJeon: tae baby wtf im gonna cry

jimins biggest fan: :')) <33

kim xD: well see now i just feel bad for getting upset

kim xD: i apologize for that

#JealousJeon: hyung its okay!!

jimins biggest fan: you barely got upset namjoonie hyung really its cool

cry baby: joon's version of being mad is maybe one or two swear words lol

cry baby: whereas jimin's is making 17 normal words into swear words while steam blows out his ears

AN ICON: i resent that you asshole

cry baby: ily chimchim xoxo

AN ICON: smfh

AN ICON: how was the concert @taekook

kim xD: how was sungjin

salty: wasn't he your idol crush even before day6 debuted

kim xD: ...no

Jin™: he was, joonie had him as his lockscreen when we first met

salty: i knew it

jimins biggest fan: im sure kookie got some gr8 pics of sungjin

#JealousJeon: well idk maybe the earlier songs but near the end we got distracted

salty: r u srs

salty: y'all sucked face in the middle of a concert

AN ICON: 'sucked face' i love a man with no filter

#JealousJeon: they played 'i like you'!!! thats like my fav song they've ever done, namjoon hyung understands!

kim xD: true it is a very nice song

jimins biggest fan: see when youngk hit his high note in the chorus i was most likely going to start crying so i did what had to be done

jimins biggest fan: kiss my boyfriend.

#JealousJeon: i had no complaints

AN ICON: no kidding kook you got something out of it

#JealousJeon: no, no. some creepy fuck had been eyeing tae for the past hour so when tae looked at me i saw the dude watching so i made a move

#JealousJeon: needless to say, when we were done, the guy was gone:)

cry baby: why is jungkook iconic

kim xD: heavy sigh

kim xD: im not even surprised

 


 

Oh shit fuck

tae: guys 911 i have an emergency

yoongles: the name of this groupchat speaks a thousand words

yoongles: also my name, fuck you

hobi: lmao

tae: hyungs now is just NOT the time

jiminie: whats wrong tae

namjoonie: did something happen

tae: okay so you know how kookie and i have couple rings right?

jin: obviously

tae: well we just got to kookie's apartment

tae: and i look down at my finger and then i see it

tae: or lack there of

hobi: taebae-

tae: i lost the ring

jin: you fucking what

yoongles: what the hell is this? the hobbit?

jiminie: tae bb how did this happen

tae: i dont know ! i never take it off, literally it hasn't came off my finger once since kookie put it on

namjoonie: are you sure?

tae: okay well no thats a lie, we take our rings off every now and then to match them together cause they make such a nice crown its so pretty fuck :'))

jin: focus taehyung

tae: ok right sorry

tae: i know i was wearing it when we got back to seoul

tae: so its somewhere here i just dont know where

jiminie: have you been to our room?

tae: yeah

jiminie: do you think you lost it there?

tae: i dunno

jiminie: jesus christ

tae: IM SORRY!

tae: i cant tell kookie he'll somehow blame himself and i cant have that

jiminie: someone help me its so hard being taekook's #1 stan

jin: 

jiminie: i swam out too far ok im fucking drowning

hobi: LOL

tae: love you min <3

tae: ill figure this out don't worry, have faith in me!:)

namjoonie: im worried

jin: same

yoongles: same

hobi: same

jiminie: same

tae: fuck you guys

 


 

 

@jeonjk

reunited & back at work

Liked by jimmieminnie, rapgodjoon, and 3,855 others

 


 

PARK JIMIN FAN CLUB

jimins biggest fan: wow,,,

jimins biggest fan: just want you all to know

jimins biggest fan: im (Mg,Fe2+)2(Mg,Fe2+)5Si8O22(OH)2

salty: what

kim xD: 

salty: forget i asked

cry baby: IS THAT REAL WHAT THE FUCK

AN ICON: [screenshot captured]

Jin™: its real, i just looked it up too

cry baby: who knew tae was a lowkey science whiz

jimins biggest fan: i'd make a hot scientist lets face it

#JealousJeon: well fuck

#JealousJeon: i do love a good lab coat

jimins biggest fan: damn mr jeon i need some help with my physics homework, could you tutor me?:)

#JealousJeon: omw

#JealousJeon: jimin leave ur dorm

AN ICON: 

AN ICON: what the fuck

cry baby: ur being tossed out so they can fuck

AN ICON: i know im just stunned that im always getting mistreated by MY ship

Jin™: that's how i feel bc of you and yoongi, everyday

AN ICON: oh jin hyung that reminds me, i took this pic of him when we were coming home yesterday

AN ICON: 

salty: babe why would you show him?

AN ICON: cause he asked beforehand lol

salty: seriously jin

Jin™: 

 


 

Oh shit fuck

yoongles: what do you do when the whole campus thinks you and your boyfriend are engaged

jin: what kind of a question is that

jin: are you trying to give me an actual heart attack

jiminie: no i promise we are not engaged it was just a misunderstanding

jiminie: you see, we found tae's promise ring

namjoonie: perfect!

hobi: ayeee way to go you two!

yoongles: no here's the thing

yoongles: i guess the ring must've fell in minnie's backpack cause we were in a rush earlier and somehow the ring ended up in my jeans pocket

hobi: huh

jin: what rush and how did it get in your pants

namjoonie: weren't you in the studio this evening yoons?

jiminie: lol funny story really

jiminie: i was there too

jiminie: and yoongi and me may have...had relations in there as well

hobi: YOU WERE WHAT

namjoonie: YOU HAD WHAT

yoongles: sorry guys

hobi: min yoongi you got a lot of explaining to do when you come home tonight

jiminie: shush no stfu now is not the time to be upset

namjoonie: yes it is

jiminie: no, hobi texted yoongi saying he'd pop by the studio later bc he wanted to work too so we had to take the fuck off outta there and sat on one of picnic tables in front of the uni nd yoongi reaches into his pocket and holds this ring up and i started freaking out cause im like hOLY FUCK ITS TAEHYUNGS RING!

jiminie: but next thing i know i hear clapping and there's a group of people watching us and saying congrats!! and im like oh fuck

yoongles: really not our best moment

jin: wow just wow

hobi: when you try to be mad at your yoons bc he broke the studio rule but you can't cause you ship him and jimin so hard

namjoonie: that is true af hobi

yoongles: thanks

jiminie: apparently you can ship us a lot more now since the campus thinks we're engaged

jin: i am BLESSED

yoongles: good god

yoongles: in other news, at least we found the ring

 


 

Oh shit fuck

tae renamed the chat 'Oh shit fuck indeed'

hobi: what

tae: hey pals

jin: im lost

tae: its jungkook, tae's alseep and his phone kept vibrating

tae: so here i am

jiminie: oh no

tae: i understand tae not wanting to tell me about his ring, but you guys? cmon now

tae: im disappointed in you hyungs

tae: now listen, this is what you're all going to do

tae: reply so i know you're paying attention

yoongles: hi jungkook

namjoonie: hey kook

tae: hi dads

jin: im-

hobi: why do i feel like im about to be threatened by the youngest one in the group

jiminie: kook the maknae: gone rogue

tae: true.

hobi:

tae: im gonna delete this gc and nobody's gonna tell tae i know cause it'll upset him and we're finally making progress so i dont need him feeling bad about shit

tae: ill calmly say somethin like "hey i didn't see you wearing your ring the other day?" so that'll make him squirm and he'll have to tell me, in his own words and not by knowing it's bc yoonmin fucked and found it

jiminie: excuse me

tae: ill take tae out for breakfast tmr and you and yoongi hyung can come over and put the ring somewhere where tae will find it

tae: he'll tell me he found it in his room, and all will be well. got it?

jin: got it.

hobi: 

Chapter Text


Taehyung: jimins biggest fan

Jungkook: #JealousJeon

Jimin: AN ICON

Yoongi: salty

Hoseok: cry baby

Jin: Jin™

Namjoon: kim xD


 

da maknaes

tea: who'd you guys get last night

juan: for secret santa?

tea: ye

slim jim: i cant say

juan: which means it's either me or tae

slim jim: i CANT say

tea: lmao

slim jim: way to ruin christmas jungkook smfh

juan: :DDD

juan: i got hobi hyung

tea: i got jin hyung

slim jim: wtf you guys got easy ones

tea: ok well if you got me im easy af bc i like everything

tea: kookie likes everything too hes just bad at words

juan: oh ur one to talk

tea: gASPS

slim jim: AHAHAHAHAHAHA

slim jim: fuck that was great kook

slim jim: what are you guys thinking of getting hobi nd jin hyung

juan: probs some new sneakers cause hyung NEEDS to give it up on his old ones

tea: true they're so gross and dirty

tea: i already placed an order online for jin hyung's gift last month for xmas so it was a blessing that i got him for secret santa

slim jim: shit really?

tea: yeah i got him a kitchen aid mixer, i just gotta decide the colour i wanna get for him

juan: WITH WHAT MONEY?! AREN'T THOSE LIKE $300 MIXERS?

tea: actually fyi i got it on sale for $205

tea: jin hyung has been wanting a new mixer since like foREVER

slim jim: thats sweet af aweee

slim jim: frankly it does blow the $100 limit we all set

tea: it was a while ago tho

juan: i repeat, with what money

tea: mine omg you all think im this crazy spender but let to tell you that i am not

tea: i got money OK?

juan: ok smh

 


 

PARK JIMIN FAN CLUB

cry baby: so are none of us going to discuss the fact that jiminie dyed his hair blonde while he and yoons were gone?

salty: oh please let us discuss

kim xD: you only want to talk about it because he's your boyfriend

salty: 

#JealousJeon: damn dad burned dad

Jin™: wow

jimins biggest fan: jiminie's gonna be on the front page tmr

jimins biggest fan: i got the final print of the cover

Jin™: lETS SEE IT

AN ICON: omg

jimins biggest fan: 

cry baby: holy fuck

cry baby: suddenly im single and ready to date chim

AN ICON: LOL ty hobi

AN ICON: its such a bad pic tho i look like im high

salty: ...

salty: high on achievement maybe

salty: you look sinfully amazing, you took that stage and owned it and everybody in the room was completely hypnotized by you from the minute you started dancing to when we left the building hours later bc everybody was still so shook by you

salty: so yeah no its not a bad picture, its a very nice one

salty: and that concludes my ted talk

salty: thanks for coming

kim xD: i feel like a changed person

Jin™: how i felt coming into this conversation

Jin™: 

Jin™: HOW I FUCKING FEEL RIGHT NOW

Jin™: 

#JealousJeon: yoongi hyung came in ready and prepared for this topic

jimins biggest fan: its about jimin are we really surprised

cry baby: speaking of jimin

cry baby: where did he go

kim xD: @jimin ??

AN ICON: i-

AN ICON: well in all honesty i started crying in law

AN ICON: but im fine now i got a tissue from hyungwon lol

AN ICON: love u yoongi

salty: love you too babyboy

AN ICON: ⊂(ο・㉨・ο)⊃

Jin™: 

Jin™: @yoonmin ^^

kim xD: LOL

jimins biggest fan: i love soft gays

 


 

tongue technology

j-hope: who got me for secret santa

RM: not me

suga: me neither i got taehyung

j-hope: FUCK i figured you'd get him

RM: who'd you get

j-hope: its a state secret

RM: seriously?

j-hope: yes, who did you get

RM: state secret

j-hope: "seriously?"

RM: oh fuck off

suga: you two are crazy

suga: joon, did jin get jimin?

RM: yeah did he tell you?

suga: no but hes been texting me shit like "hey does jimin work out a lot?" And "what is jimin's favourite type of alcohol?"

j-hope: when jin's making a midnight stop at the store for booze

RM: lmao probably

 


 

Private chat with: kookie♡

taetae♡: hey

kookie♡: hey to you too, aren't you in class right now?

taetae♡: i am yeah

taetae♡: but im just-

taetae♡: im not doing too good rn and idk what i should do

kookie♡: we talking about school or you?

taetae♡: me

taetae♡: my mind's just kinda mess for some reason ever since last night

kookie♡: why? you seemed okay this morning?

taetae♡: thats cause i was with you and you make me feel at ease

taetae♡: but jimin told me him and yoongi decided they're moving to daejeon next year

taetae♡: and i dont know how to exactly process the idea of losing two of my closest friends

kookie♡: you're not losing them though baby, they'll just be a little over an hour away

taetae♡: i know but dosjfktjeixjvjr

taetae♡: sorry that was me typing out my feelings

kookie♡: its okay tae

taetae♡: are you going to busan

kookie♡: what?

taetae♡: next year. are you moving?

kookie♡: i havent really thought about it yet

taetae♡: oh okay

taetae♡: i mean aha thats fine

kookie♡: hey hey hey dont shy away from me now and get unresponsive

kookie♡: you came to me for like the first time and told me how you're feeling and im not gonna let you curl back into your no emotion shell

taetae♡: my no emotion shell lol

kookie♡: yeah thats what ive decided to call it, that ok?

taetae♡: its cute

taetae♡: i love you

taetae♡: im trying to yanno.. work on my issues even if just texting you rn is making my mind go 'abort!!!!!!'

taetae♡: i really am trying

kookie♡: i know you are and im proud of you

kookie♡: ok bambam said if i dont stop texting you and put my phone away he's gonna yell to everybody in our lecture rn saying im dating an older guy and i like being called daddy

kookie♡: so i gotta go

taetae♡: lmao okay kookie ill come find you after your class

kookie♡: please do

kookie♡: and i love you too tae, a lot i always want you to know that

taetae♡: i know, i really do

 


 

tongue technology

RM: im sweating

RM: like a lot

suga: thank you for telling us joon

RM: do you guys have everything set up?

j-hope: yes yoons and i just gotta put up lights

RM: okay

RM: im still sweating

suga: joon you're fine, it's just the old recording room next to our studio that you and jin are going to have a nice 3 year anniversary night in

RM: i know but idk if he's gonna like it

j-hope: jin wont care dude he just wants to spend the night with you. the room isn't even recognizable from looking like we stored old equipment in there

j-hope: it'll all be fine joons dont worry at all

RM: that makes me feel the urge to worry

suga: oh jesus stop, ill text you when hobi and i are done so you can bring jin ok?

RM: ok

RM: deep breaths you got this namjoon you got THIS

j-hope: what am i watching

suga: he's hyping himself up just let him be

 


 

@sugamin

@rapgodjoon preparing for his big night

Liked by jimmieminnie, jeonjk, and 3,158 others

@rapgodjoon i was literally just fixing my shoe why would you take a picture of that

@jimmieminnie cause you're cute hyung! @rapgodjoon

@__taethebae__ (and u got nice thighs & a thicc ass) ^^ @jimmieminnie @rapgodjoon

 


 

PARK JIMIN FAN CLUB

AN ICON: which one of you fucking shits got me sick again

jimins biggest fan: you probably got a cold in daejeon and its just hitting you now

AN ICON: oh thats just great, that means yoongi may get sick too smfh

cry baby: ill take care of you and yoons dont worry chim

AN ICON renamed 'cry baby' to 'seokshine'

seokshine: you are an angel

AN ICON: i been knowin

jimins biggest fan: LMAO FUCK

AN ICON: but ty hobi :')

#JealousJeon: shouldn't it be jin hyung to have that name cause seok is first in his name?

AN ICON: nah cause then hobi's would be shineseok and thats weird

AN ICON: so this is fine

jimins biggest fan: i think its cute

seokshine: ty taebae 

seokshine: so there boom shut up jungkook im the sunshine of this group anyways

jimins biggest fan: //SO THERE BOOM SHUT UP//

#JealousJeon: idk why i even try 

 


 

PARK JIMIN FAN CLUB

seokshine: you guys ready for a fucking show

AN ICON: its 5pm and im making myself dinner no

jimins biggest fan: im sleeping on kookie im not moving

#JealousJeon: i, by default apparently, will not be going anywhere

seokshine: no you dumbos

seokshine: i mean are you ready for the namjin anniversary special

seokshine: cause bitch, its here

seokshine: and presenting this special to you tonight is the sun himself; jung hoseok

seokshine: and his very best friend; min yoongi

AN ICON: i just inhaled my soup and choked on a carrot whaT

salty: i was dragged into this

seokshine: hes lying, we both mutually agreed to stay and spy

jimins biggest fan: damn hobi hyung slay me

#JealousJeon: shouldn't you give them privacy? it is their anniversary after all

seokshine: listen jungkook, do you think you and taehyung would be together cuddling at your dorm right now if it wasn't for the lack of privacy we, as a group, gave you?

seokshine: i think the fuck not

AN ICON: FUCK UR COMING FOR KOOK AND IM L I V I N G FOR IT

salty: shit hobi drag my son across the floor why dont ya

#JealousJeon: see!! yoongi hyung tell him to stop

salty: oh no, hobi dont stop its hilarious

#JealousJeon: hyung!

seokshine: 

jimins biggest fan: he is right tho kookie we'd probs still be pining

#JealousJeon: ok yeah he's right

jimins biggest fan: LOL, what are namjin doing hobi hyung

seokshine: well rn they're eating the takeout we got them

AN ICON: you got them takeout... for their 3 year anniversary... of dating...

salty: it was from jin's favourite diner, don't worry minnie it wasn't cheap shit

seokshine: really tho, i gotta pick up some extra tour guide shifts next month to pay off the debt that meal put me in

salty: hobi, namjoon is paying us back tomorrow

seokshine: oh!

seokshine: well ill still pick up the shifts since im poor

AN ICON: im snorting

jimins biggest fan: as much as i love you guys, if i dont get some namjin content soon im shutting mine and kookie's phones off

#JealousJeon: actually, if you're spying on them why are we all talking in the groupchat?

salty: they didn't bring their phones, left them at home so they wouldn't be distracted tonight

AN ICON: aka get distracted from us

#JealousJeon: what if something goes wrong?

salty: there's a spare phone in the studio for emergencies but other than that, they got no contact with us

salty: but i mean if something were to go wrong, hobi and i are spying on the other side of wall watching through the window

jimins biggest fan: wtf omg thats creepy

seokshine: who cares? joons doesn't know we're here and jin doesn't even know the wall in front of him has a one sided window that lets us see and hear them

salty: exactly, if you're going to spy you might as well do it right

AN ICON: the hacker in me is shaking at spy!yoongi

#JealousJeon: ew

seokshine: FUCK JIN JUST MOVED CLOSER TO JOONS SAYING "THIS IS REALLY SWEET OF YOU TO DO JOONIE"

seokshine: joons blushing like a freak

AN ICON: how have those two been dating for three years

seokshine: jin just gave him different albums of all his fav singers

seokshine: "sing to me more joonie, you know i like your voice" im soft

jimins biggest fan: im in love with their love

salty: i know joon got him a gift too, he mentioned it this morning

AN ICON: oh true i remember you saying something about that when i called you earlier

seokshine: its a bunch of small boxes

seokshine: wait what

salty: um what is happening

salty: WHAT THE FUCK

#JealousJeon: hyungs tell us wth

salty: fuck so joon pushes these boxes towards jin and goes "i know we had a hard time these past few weeks at nobody's fault but mine as i should have told you a long time that i never saw it in our future"

jimins biggest fan: excuse me what is 'it'

salty: jin goes "no its fine i overreacted"

AN ICON: to what!

seokshine: joons looked jin dead in the eye and said "no it isn't okay, i know its a big deal in your family, and how much it means to you, that i should have told you i dont believe in marriage and that it was never going to happen between us"

seokshine: 

seokshine: IM FUCKING STUNNED

salty: namjoon rn is like "so many people claim to be in love with one another and want to have a big wedding to show everyone their love but they all just end up getting divorced"

salty: jin tried to interrupt him but joon asked to let him finish

salty: "even though i know you changed your mind about wanting to probably go to america and do that after we graduate this year, that doesn't mean i dont believe in commitment"

jimins biggest fan: 

salty: "i dont believe in marriage, i dont like it nor am i a big fan of hearing about it, but i believe in long lasting commitment to another person that doesn't have to have a special 'marriage' title to it and you are that person to me"

salty: jin has tears in his eyes

seokshine: "cause jinnie, i believe in you and me and what we have. we can make anything work and last. so instead of a ring, i got you these"

seokshine: FUCK OK HE OPENED THE BOXES AND JIN LET OUT A SOB

salty: ok this is actually really sweet damn

AN ICON: what is it !!

salty: joon got jin a bunch of stones

#JealousJeon: stones?? like rocks?

seokshine: he goT HIM A ROSE QUARTZ CATCH ME SOBBING ALONG WITH JIN

salty: hes explaining all the meanings of the stones to jin but idk if jin really hears him cause hes crying and joon has a tear runnin down his face

#JealousJeon: im confused what are these rocks

AN ICON: hold on ill get a pic

AN ICON: 

jimins biggest fan: 'unconditional love' my heart is screaming

AN ICON: what other stones did he get jin hyung?

salty: there's about 10 but all hobi and i can see and make out are the rose quartz stones and an amethyst

AN ICON: you know what an amethyst is kook?

#JealousJeon: is it bad that i dont

AN ICON: 

seokshine: joons just opened a box with a rhodonite

jimins biggest fan: god thats my fav one

#JealousJeon: can i see

AN ICON: 

#JealousJeon: ohhh its pretty

seokshine: jin hit joon in the arm and goes "i hate crying and look what you've turned me into kim namjoon, im a damn mess"

seokshine: joon wiping his eyes and says "happy anniversary jinnie, and im sorry i messed up your future"

salty: jin's like "oh fuck whatever future i thought i had planned out, as long as we're together i could care less what happens"

seokshine: theyre kissing now we're gonna leave soon

AN ICON: 

jimins biggest fan: IM CRYING SO HARD OMFG

#JealousJeon: he really is, my shirt is soaked with tae tears

jimins biggest fan: @jimin why are our parents so amazing

AN ICON: idk tae but they sure do know how to make bitches cry

AN ICON: and we're the bitches

jimins biggest fan: yEAH

salty: oh no

salty: oh shit 

#JealousJeon: what-

seokshine: I ACCIDENTALLY HIT THE SPEAKER BUTTON WHEN YOONS AND I WERE PUTTING ON OUR COATS AND JOON & JIN MAY HAVE HEARD ME

jimins biggest fan: oh hyung no

AN ICON: tell me you didn't say anything bad

salty: oh jimin baby

salty: he did, he really did

salty: which is why we're currently locked in the studio with livid namjin banging on the door

#JealousJeon: hobi hyung what did you say..

seokshine: oh yanno just something about their private time together

salty: he asked me if i thought namjoon would "fuck jin on every wall or if he'd just eat him out on the table like he's dessert"

jimins biggest fan: oh my god

seokshine: yeah mistakes were made kids, learn from your hyungs

salty: hyungs? No, learn from your one hyung hobi not me, im not the one who called jin a dessert dont bring me into your idiotic shit

salty: oh and minnie

AN ICON: yea?

salty: ill come over with some more soup

salty: i just may be a little while

seokshine: or not since jin sounds like hes about to karate kick the door in half

#JealousJeon: omg

AN ICON: lol okay babe, stay safe and hobi?

seokshine: yeah chim

AN ICON: you better hope jin hyung karate kicks your ass bc if not i will for putting yoongi in this situation with you:)

salty: <33333

seokshine: oMfG

jimins biggest fan: dont mess with park jimin when he has a cold boys

AN ICON:

 


 

@rapgodjoon

been the best 3 years ever, lets go for many more, love you @worldwidejin

Liked by sugamin, jeonjk, and 4,028 others

 


 

@worldwidejin

happy anniversary to me and @rapgodjoon , my heart is his forever.

Liked by __taethebae__, jimmieminnie, dancemanhobi, and 4,105 others

 


 

PARK JIMIN FAN CLUB

seokshine: guys !! merry christmas !!

AN ICON: merry christmasssss

jimins biggest fan: are we not gonna talk about what happened two nights ago?

seokshine: me and yoongi spying on namjin and telling you guys in the gc? nope!

Jin™: good choice hoseok

kim xD: true

seokshine: what did santa bring you guys for christmas !!

jimins biggest fan: nothing, i was on the naughty list ;)

AN ICON: gross

#JealousJeon: thats hot

salty: ew jungkook

#JealousJeon: jimin were you my secret santa

AN ICON: yes, youre welcome:)

#JealousJeon: jesus christ

#JealousJeon: thank you tho i do like it

#JealousJeon: but only you would buy me something like that

jimins biggest fan: like what?

AN ICON: lol i bought him a custom shirt that says "i love my dads" on it then i put yoongi and namjoon hyung's dates of birth of it

jimins biggest fan: oh my goD AHAHAHA

jimins biggest fan: also yoongi hyung, thank you so much for the snow globe of daegu its so pretty<3

salty: no problem tae im glad you like it

salty: also how'd you know it was me?

jimins biggest fan: ur a softie who doesnt buy gag gifts (like your boyfriend) so i know a thoughtful gift like this would definitely be from you

salty: well damn

salty: thanks for that lil daegu brother

jimins biggest fan: 

salty: lol i love you too taehyung

Jin™: why do i suddenly ship taegi

Jin™: yoonmin who?

AN ICON: lololol back off my boyfriend taehyung lolol

#JealousJeon: oHHH WHOS JEALOUS NOW JIMIN EAT SHIT

kim xD: stop guys its christmas

salty: omg all of you stop

salty: who got me the speaker set bc theyre fucking awesome

kim xD: casually raises hand

salty: joon dude thank you x1000

kim xD: welcomes yoons!:)

seokshine: my turn now !!!

seokshine: jungkookie you sweet precious boy rolling in that sugar daddy money i love you

#JealousJeon: ilyt hyung did you like your shoes

seokshine: theyre so great wtf

seokshine: i didnt know i was missing out on the blessings that are converse shoes

seokshine: theyre so comFY!!

#JealousJeon: lol thats good im glad they fit nicely

seokshine: they do, ty again<3

kim xD: aye my turn bc i know youre my secret santa hobi you little turd

jimins biggest fan: DID YOU JUST CALL HIM A TURD LMFAO

kim xD: yes its christmas! i dont swear on christmas

AN ICON: shit isnt a swear word hyung

kim xD: hush idc

kim xD: hobi you told me two weeks ago you were "poorer than poor" how the hellORANGESKWIZJ

kim xD: almost swore sorry!

#JealousJeon: im fucking howling omg

kim xD: howd you afford a to buy me a year subscription to Spotify AND SoundCloud?

seokshine: well namjoonie joon, you see what it is called is giving the gift of happiness for others bc i enjoy seeing you happy

salty: he had codes for discounts for every month, jongin told me

seokshine: you should be happy i didnt pick your name for secret santa cause i would've given your ass a piece of bark off a tree

salty: id set it on fire in your room

seokshine: you are one evil man

kim xD: oml

kim xD: ok well either way, im very grateful so thank you hobi :)

seokshine: of course joons <3

Jin™: SPEAKING OF BEING GRATEFUL

Jin™: KIM TAEHYUNG MY FAVOURITE PERSON ON THIS EARTH

Jin™: THE BEST SON ILL EVER HAVE

Jin™: YOU ARE SO SWEET

jimins best friend: im sqUEALING does this mean you like your mixer?

Jin™: OH YES

Jin™: YES IT DOES

kim xD: hes baking a cake for christmas dinner tonight as we speak

Jin™: AND THE COLOUR YOU PICKED ME

Jin™: its so beautiful :'((

#JealousJeon: what colour did he end up getting ? he was on the phone with me freaking out about it a while ago

Jin™: pastel blue :'((

Jin™: 

Jin™: isnt he a cutie

Jin™: i call him hyungsik

salty: ur joking right

salty: hyungsik as in Park Hyung-sik?

Jin™: yes my favourite actor

salty: omfg

jimins biggest fan: AW JIN HYUNG !!! it makes me so happy that you like it !

Jin™: ❤❤❤❤❤

Jin™: jimin

AN ICON: yeah?

Jin™: how'd you like your gifts

AN ICON: the gifts? oH you mean the scrapbook of yoongi and i over the past year from the day we met up until last week? and the bottle of champagne?

Jin™: yes

AN ICON: i love it

Jin™: REALLY?!

AN ICON: um duh? i can look at the progression of my relationship from friends to boyfriends while crying and drinking champagne

Jin™: thATS EXACTLY WHY I ADDED THE CHAMPAGNE OMFG

salty: why am i just finding out about this scrapbook now

AN ICON: its really cute ill take a pic some of the things he added

AN ICON: he even titled the pages too like this one of yoongi looking at me is titled "Min Yoongi: How To Pine 101"

AN ICON: 

AN ICON: i didnt know you stared at me when i wasnt looking baby

salty: that was last year idk i- i was just looking around and you were like.. there i guess and my eyes saw you ?

jimins biggest fan: IS YOONGI HYUNG FLUSTERED!

seokshine: yeah he is, hes red like a lovesick loser beside me

salty: shut UP

AN ICON: its okay yoongi, i stared at you just as much :*

AN ICON: anyways look at this its my favourite photo to ever be taken

AN ICON: 

salty: what the hell

salty: thats fucking amazing

Jin™: im a whiz with a camera what can i say

salty: no jin seriously that is such a good picture

salty: do you think you could email me a copy? i want to get it blown up to put in a frame

Jin™: yeah ofc!

salty: [screenshot captured]

salty: for now it'll be my lockscreen

AN ICON: babeee :'))

salty: im coming over later, have the scrapbook out i wanna look through it with you

AN ICON: okay!!

Jin™: 

Jin™: my heart is about to explode

 


 

@jimmieminnie

merry christmas loser ♡

Liked by sugamin, jeonjk, and 3,937 others

 


 

 

Private chat with: kookie♡

taetae♡: you almost ready?

kookie♡: im just finishing the last paragraph and conclusion for my essay paper

kookie♡: you can go with jimin and yoongi hyung if you want and ill meet you guys at the party

taetae♡: nah id rather wait for my academic scholar of a boyfriend to pick me up

kookie♡: lol okay

taetae♡: can you wear those leather pants? they make your legs look really long so you look super tall

kookie♡: just my legs?

taetae♡: ok and your thighs look hella thick as FUCK in them as well but i was trying to keep things PG-13

kookie♡: nothing about you is PG babe

taetae♡: ill take that as a compliment <3

kookie♡: i meant it as one. also ill wear the leather pants if you wear that tight black tshirt of urs

taetae♡: the one that's like a size too small ?

kookie♡: yea

taetae♡: why

kookie♡: cause it makes your collarbones stick out and its attractive

taetae♡: uh huh..

kookie♡: ...and youll probably pull at the neck bc its so tight which will expose the hickey that i left there last night and i want to show people you're mine..

taetae♡: thats what i like to hear

taetae♡: boost my ego baby i love it and you

kookie♡: omg stop im never gonna get this essay done if you keep texting me, do you want jin hyung to freak out if we miss the new years eve party?

taetae♡: no fine, do your work speedy and text me when ur ready

taetae♡: or actually just take your time im in no rush to go, as long as we're there by 2 mins to 12am thats all i care about

kookie♡: why?

taetae♡: oh its funny really, its something i wanna find out

kookie♡: which is what exactly

taetae♡: if you finally got the balls to kiss me on new years in front of everybody

taetae♡: you think you can do it?:) or will ya pussy out like you did last year jeon?

kookie♡: just fucking wait and see

 


 

@jimmieminnie

happy new years to my otp, heres @__taethebae__ being too scared to kiss @jeonjk

Liked by worldwidejin dancemanhobi, and 4,002 others

@__taethebae__ i was not scared, just nervous!

@jeonjk you should've took a video of when i had tae against the wall at midnight

@dancemanhobi YOU TWO WENT AT EACH OTHER LIKE CRAZY!! @jeonjk @__taethebae__

@__taethebae__ making up for lost time during the holidays :) @dancemanhobi @jeonjk

 


 

@__taethebae__

this was our attempt at a family pic but @jimmieminnie & @dancemanhobi were already drunk. merry christmas and happy new year everyone!:)

Liked by jeonjk, sugamin, and 5,827 others

@jimmieminnie MERRY HOHO!

@dancemanhobi HAPPY HOLIDAYS AYE

Chapter Text


Taehyung: jimins biggest fan

Jungkook: #JealousJeon

Jimin: AN ICON

Yoongi: salty

Hoseok: seokshine

Jin: Jin™

Namjoon: kim xD


 

@__taethebae__

2018 here we come. ( @rapgodjoon is so hungover lmao)

Liked by worldwidejin, dancemanhobi, and 3,968 others

@rapgodjoon im hungover because you were the one making the drinks.

 


 

PARK JIMIN FAN CLUB

Jin™ renamed the chat 'the hangover pt. 7'

seokshine: fuck u right

salty: i think i lost my liver last night

Jin™: i think we all did

kim xD: whoever let taehyung pour the drinks im very mad at you

jimins biggest fan: youre just pissy cause you can't handle a hangover

jimins biggest fan: @yoongi hyung come upstairs your boyfriend has officially woken up

jimins biggest fan: i think hes still half drunk

salty: oh god

salty: why

jimins biggest fan: he keeps giggling but looking like hes about to pass out

jimins biggest fan: 

Jin™: i love that he slept in all his earrings and necklaces lmao

kim xD: thats like jungkook it look me a solid 10 mins last night to get him to change into a spare pair of pjs

jimins biggest fan: hes being a pain to try and wake up too

jimins biggest fan: i sit him up and he falls asleep sitting up! what the fuck !

seokshine: LMAO

jimins biggest fan: 

jimins biggest fan: i said "baby are you awake?" and he damn near fell asleep again

jimins biggest fan: why am i alone with these two

kim xD: cause jin said "taekook and yoonmin upstairs, i dont want to hear any sex shit from down here" but yoons passed out on the stairs last night

salty: damn is that why my ass hurts so much

salty: also ill come wake jiminie up properly gimme a sec tae

jimins biggest fan: okay bless

jimins biggest fan: and for the record, kookie and i did not fuck upstairs we were too tired

seokshine: why is tae holding up the best out of all of us he seems perfectly fine

jimins biggest fan: im so used to hangovers they rarely bother me nowadays lol

kim xD: alcoholic

jimins biggest fan: NO

jimins biggest fan: okay ew im coming downstairs, yoongi hyung came up here and kissed all over jimin's face saying "wake up beautiful"

Jin™: 

seokshine: bringing jungkookie?

jimins biggest fan: no that fool fell on the floor and grabbed a blanket and went back asleep

seokshine: omg

jimins biggest fan: has someone made coffee yet

Jin™: on it

 


 

the hangover pt. 7

#JealousJeon: ok.. how much did i drink last night

kim xD: well you had about 2 beers before you started doing shots off tae's stomach

kim xD: without the shot glasses

#JealousJeon: why do i not remember that

salty: probably cause after you were finished ..sucking taehyung's belly you two went off to the bathroom and god knows what happened in there

#JealousJeon: i vaguely remember sucking his belly but everything after that is a blur

AN ICON renamed '#JealousJeon' to 'stomach sucker'

AN ICON renamed 'jimins biggest fan' to 'baby belly'

stomach sucker: i wish you would fall off a cliff

AN ICON: love you too <3

AN ICON: so i guess me, jongin and taemin were drunk texting each other last night in our gc

seokshine: oh i gotta see this

AN ICON: 

AN ICON: taemin is first, im blue, then jongin is the last grey bubble

seokshine: DAMN WHAT Y'ALL TALKING ABOUT

seokshine: //Y'ALL//

seokshine: oh i cant wait to tease the shit out of him later

stomach sucker: omfg

salty: am i the "some1" you are talking to babe

AN ICON: Yes :')

salty: oml

 


 

@worldwidejin

when you're hungover & you can't remember which is the laundry detergent #jungshook

Liked by __taethebae__, sugamin, and 4,063 others

@jeonjk oh this is just great smfh

 


 

the hangover pt. 7

baby belly: ready for our date babe

stomach sucker: what

seokshine: yeah pickin' you up in 20 babes

stomach sucker: WHAT

AN ICON: hi im here for some jealous jungkook

Jin™: aren't we all

stomach sucker: im not jealous i just dont get it

stomach sucker: and ok maybe im a bit jealous

baby belly: kookie, the love of my life, the thighs of my kink, my king, my light

Jin™: THE THIGHS OF MY KINK

baby belly: its mine and hobi hyung's monthly date its fine

seokshine: yeah! monthly bonding time for us

stomach sucker: ok but >:((

baby belly: do you wanna come with us??

seokshine: you could if you wanted to jungkookie!

stomach sucker: no its okay, you guys go bond

stomach sucker: just return him to me the way he left ok.

seokshine: lmao okay ill make sure that everyone we pass today knows for certain the hickeys all over taehyung's neck are not from me

stomach sucker: thank you hyung :) <3

AN ICON: #throwback to when tae and hobi actually kissed last year

baby belly: i mean it was truth or dare and im a very competitive person soooo

Jin™: oh thats right! like out of all of us, who aren't together, theyre the only ones who have kissed

seokshine: actually ive kissed someone else in this group lol

Jin™: WTF WHO

salty: 

baby belly: holy SHIT

kim xD: well didnt i just come online at a perfect time

AN ICON: excuse me.. yoongi:))

salty: we didnt know each other when it happened dont worry!

salty: it was in freshman year, i hadnt met jin or joon yet so all i had was hobi who was "finding himself" and wanted to know if he was gay

baby belly: so u kissed him lol

salty: it was just a light peck

seokshine: nah we made out

AN ICON: oh my god

AN ICON: and you had the audacity to ask me if i had a CRUSH on hobi when you two nearly FUCKED !

salty: we did not fuck!

AN ICON: 

seokshine: we didnt fuck don't worry chim

seokshine: he did sit on my lap for a solid 5 mins though

baby belly: holy SHIT part two

AN ICON: we're gonna have a nice conversation about telling your boyfriend things later, okay yoongi? :)

salty: 

kim xD: this group never loses its fun ways

 


 

@dancemanhobi

date day ?? date night ?? either way, spending the day with my bae @__taethebae__

Liked by jimmieminnie, rapgodjoon, and 2,682 others

 


 

Private chat with: kookie♡

taetae♡: hey are you alright?

kookie♡: yeah.. should i not be??

taetae♡: no but like you acted a bit strange earlier in the gc

kookie♡: strange?

taetae♡: like strangely possessive over me

kookie♡: oh, maybe i was idk i didnt even realize

taetae♡: really? maybe if it was with someone else but me? i find that a bit hard to believe that you aren't aware of ur behavior

kookie♡: okay fuck

kookie♡: you can really tell when im lying can't you

taetae♡: sometimes, i just know how you act bc we spend so much time together so even if you're //slightly// off from normal i pick up on it

kookie♡: wow

taetae♡: i know im pretty amazing 

taetae♡: but what was bugging you earlier?

kookie♡: its dumb really, the reason that is

taetae♡: kookie you could say its bc you saw a dead bee on the ground and id still understand

kookie♡: okay but seeing a dead bee is really fucking sad you know that for a fact

kookie♡: but its like with jimin, when you guys used to be like EXTREMELY couply with each other and it would piss me off

kookie♡: so now when you and hobi were calling each other "babe" and calling your day trip "a date"..

kookie♡: idk it just rubs me the wrong way

kookie♡: even though i know theres nothing but platonic love between you guys and you hang out all the time i just can't help but feel a bit jealous ??

kookie♡: its a really stupid reason i know its just ur mine and sometimes i worry im sorry

taetae♡: AW KOOKIE ❣❣❣

taetae♡: i love when you get like this tbh

kookie♡: jealous? jesus tae keep it in your pants you're out with hobi hyung

taetae♡: NO, well i mean yes but SHUSH no

taetae♡: like when you get a little fearful or something, it drops this brick wall of emotionlessness you have up sometimes and its nice to know im not the only one who's a little off some days

kookie♡: oh well yeah i guess when you think about it that way

kookie♡: we're something else aren't we?

taetae♡: oh yeah, two totally crazy guys who love each other just a little too much

kookie♡: i wouldn't want it any other way though

taetae♡: neither would i <3

taetae♡: im going into a store with hobi rn so ill text u after kookie ily

kookie♡: i love you too tae

 


 

@__taethebae__

when the music's in your soul & you lose control

Liked by jeonjk, sugamin, and 3,027 others

 


 

the hangover pt. 7

AN ICON: i want to be a therapist

kim xD: do your classes help you that much you wanna hold them yourself?

AN ICON: oh god no

Jin™: omg

AN ICON: like my classes are great and all, they really help me and i haven't had a panic attack in almost two months but thats not why

kim xD: ok??

AN ICON: alright so jongin's been really stressed out lately and i wanted to cheer him up and i think i did!

Jin™: well thats good jiminie! How'd you do it?

AN ICON: 

kim xD: oh jesus christ

Jin™: ***oh adam and eve

AN ICON: lol that's funny

AN ICON: but yes i have officially decided to be a therapist

kim xD: aren't you going to do contemporary dance next year while completing your business degree

AN ICON: yeah but think of all people i could help with my jokes!

AN ICON: jin hyung, you're funny, wanna open a therapy business with me?

Jin™: omg I would love to!

AN ICON: REALLY!!! oh this is just perfect, wait till i tell yoongi

kim xD: my mind is just fucking blown

 


 

the hangover pt. 7


baby belly: uh jungkook?

Jin™: why are you calling him his full name??

Jin™: are you & jungkook fighting again cause im telling you right now taehyung, this group can't handle another problem between you two

baby belly: jin, its hoseok

Jin™: its who-

baby belly: hoseok, hobi, jung hoseok, the light of this damn group??

baby belly: tae has my phone and idk where he went

Jin™: shouldn't you be with him?

baby belly: no when we got back on campus he said he was gonna go surprise jungkook

baby belly: and i have no idea where that may be

salty: hey hobi

baby belly: hi yoons :')

salty: how did you get on tae's phone?

baby belly: well his lockscreen is the picture jin took of them on new years when jungkook was on the couch and tae was straggling him and kook was like gripping his thighs

baby belly: so i typed in the numbers that spelt 'thighs'

baby belly: and here i am

salty: wow

Jin™: leave it to tae smh

baby belly: he should really have a better password like the shit on his phone.. oh my god

Jin™: so do you tho

baby belly: yeah but im not worried, its not like he knows my password

salty: he doesnt know it, but i do

baby belly: 

baby belly: i have one (1) fear.

Jin™: LOL

 


 

the hangover pt. 7

baby belly: okay its been two hours where the fuck are taekook

AN ICON: well tae hasnt answered my texts so i think their phones must be off

salty: what he means by that is he just tried tracking them and he can't bc the phones are off

kim xD: jimin and his spy ways never seize to amaze me

AN ICON: babe stop exposing me wth

baby belly: okay speaking of exposing, im gonna start posting some of tae's pics if he doesn't get on soon

Jin™: when hoseok loses all any fucks to give

baby belly: no like i gotta get my phone back dudes i got some important shit on there that i would prefer nobody see

baby belly: so someone tell taehyung or jungkook to text me cause for every 30 mins they dont, something gets posted:)

baby belly: and let me tell you, some of these are pictures taekook dont want released

kim xD: are you threatening them omg

baby belly: yes:)

 


 

@__taethebae__

idk why tae has never posted this cute vid of him and jungkookie when they were still in that "im in love with you but you cant know" phase cause its adorable. ~ hobi xx

Liked by jimmieminnie, sugamin, and 3,968 others

 


 

the hangover pt. 7

AN ICON: you know how to give me the content i want hobi thank you

baby belly: oh of course chim:)

kim xD: its cute to see how they used to be when they were scared of their feelings for each other

salty: why

kim xD: cause now all they do is fuck and leave gross marks all over each other

Jin™: remember when they fucked in my car

kim xD: yeah if i listen closely i can still hear your scream when you first saw the saints

AN ICON: omg

kim xD: take me back to the days of pure innocent taekook please

baby belly: oh joon man, the innocent days are over

 


 

@__taethebae__

this was in a folder labeled "" so im sure we can all assume what taehyung uses this picture of jungkook for lol. ~ hobi xx

Liked by jimmieminnie, worldwidejin and 5,982 others

 


 

the hangover pt. 7

salty: 

Jin™: HOSEOK IM STUNNED

AN ICON: DIHIRIWICJBR LOOK AT THE LIKES ON THE POST

AN ICON: HAS TAE EVER HIT 5K LIKES ?!

kim xD: on some of his artistic photography posts he reached 5k before but never this many wow

AN ICON: the taekook shipper part of me is quaking like this is me rn

AN ICON: 

salty: oh my god jimin

AN ICON: but the normal part of me is grossed out bc i live with taehyung and i didnt need to know he jacks off to that in his room

salty: i think its pretty funny tbh

Jin™: im loving the drama, do keep up the great work hoseok

baby belly: thanks jin ill try to, i have lots of content to choose from

 


 

@__taethebae__

can you believe taehyung has a post-blowjob video of jungkook on his phone where he's saying "daddy did i tire you out?" because i didn't, so here's the video. ~ hobi xx

Liked by rapgodjoon, sugamin, jimmieminnie, and 6,286 others

 


 

the hangover pt. 7

Jin™: HOSEOK WILL YOU FUCKING MARRY ME YOU ARE ABSOLUTELY AMAZING OH MY GOD

kim xD: honestly at this point im ready to ask hobi to marry me cause hes that legendary

baby belly: as long as the rings are bomb af ill marry ya both

AN ICON: i think this is the best night of my life

salty: minnie

AN ICON: im sorry i love you but like,,

AN ICON: taekook.

kim xD: someone mark this day as the day jimin fucked off on yoongi because of a ship

salty: im surprised this day hasn't came sooner honesty

Jin™: LMAO

baby belly: i hate to interrupt this yoonmin moment guys but i just found taehyung's snapchat

Jin™: um since when did he have a snapchat

AN ICON: for real, only jin hyung, yoongi and me have snaps

AN ICON: we even got a group called the yoonmin musketeers

baby belly: i fucking love that ?? oh my god ??

baby belly: but like i was going through all his app folders right cause everyone knows people like to hide shit

baby belly: and i stumbled across the snapchat app in tae's "Health & Fitness" folder

baby belly: and he was logged in

baby belly: ohhhh buddy did i hit the jackpot

kim xD: oh no

baby belly: oh yes

baby belly: if taehyung's going to have his snapchat logged in for the world to see, he really shouldn't have SO many videos of him n jungkook saved in the memories

baby belly: which who by the way, is the only person he has on snapchat so lol jungkook has one too

AN ICON: i feel betrayed

salty: so im guessing, since its taehyung, the videos on in his memories are not for public viewing

baby belly: unless you count about 10 vids of him blowing jungkook and 1 of jungkook riding tae like there's no tomorrow as appropriate for the public, i would say no

kim xD: OH MYNGKD

Jin™: 

salty: please tell me you didn't watch our friends fuck

baby belly: oh fucking god, lord no

salty: how do you know kook was going that wild on tae then

baby belly: yanno how snap gives you little brief glances of videos you've saved? yeah, i had the misfortune of seeing those glimpses

AN ICON: im yelling to the high heavens

salty: wow

baby belly: i think im done looking around taehyung's phone now, ill let you guys know if i see anything else worth your time tho

kim xD: lol okay hobi

Jin™: i dont know what to do with all this new information on taekook but i love it

 


 

the hangover pt. 7

stomach sucker: oh my

stomach sucker: good fucking god

baby belly: hi jungkookie, took you two long enough. what were you and taebae doing, filming another video?

stomach sucker: STOP STOP STOP STOP

kim xD: uh kook, have you or tae seen his last few new insta pics?

stomach sucker: the new what..?

Jin™: oh this is gonna be good

stomach sucker: JUNG FUCKING HOSEOK I SWEAR TO GOD IM GOING TO BREAK INTO YOUR DORM TONIGHT AND STRANGLE YOU IN YOUR SLEEP

stomach sucker: oh and this is taehyung, kookie is in complete shock

AN ICON: i was going to say, jungkook is too pure to say those things to hobi

salty: pure? are we sure about that minnie? i mean we've learned a lot within these last few hours

AN ICON: ah yes that's right, i can't really call him pure now that i know what his post-sex face looks like

stomach sucker: JIMIN SHUTBTH eFUCK UP

stomach sucker: i genuinely want to die

stomach sucker: btw it's jk again, tae is screaming into a pillow

baby belly: make sure to film it!

stomach sucker: HYUBG DJAICJGJS WHY ARE YOU DOING THIS TO US

baby belly: i needed my phone, you two weren't here, i took matters of payback into my own hands

kim xD: How'd all this start anyways?

baby belly: we went to the new dance club near campus and i wanted to go show off for a song or two so i got tae to hold my phone and when we were leaving, he apparently gave me the wrong one

baby belly: so really, all of this is his fault lol

stomach sucker: KFWOSOVITN IT IS NOT MY FAULT

stomach sucker: WE BOTH HAVE THE COLOURED IPHONE WITH NO CASE ON IT

stomach sucker: HOW THE FUCK IS THAT MY FAULT IT WAS AN ACCIDENT

stomach sucker: MY FREAKING MOTHER FOLLOWS ME ON INSTAGRAM SHE'S GOING TO SEE ALL OF THIS

baby belly: listen taehyung, next time you accidentally switch our phones, make sure you dont have your kinkiest pics n vids of jungkook as your 'favourite' photos in the camera roll

baby belly: you're just asking to be exposed

baby belly: 

stomach sucker: this is unbelievable. k bye its kim taehyung logging off forever in hopes he'll get eaten alive by his embarrassment

baby belly: ill need my phone back before you get eaten alive please

stomach sucker: no fuck your phone i hope it 'accidentally' falls out of my pocket and smashes on the ground

baby belly: 

baby belly: its all you and jungkookie

stomach sucker: you wouldn't

baby belly: you wanna bet on that taebae??

stomach sucker: im coming to drop off your phone right now, get the fuck off mine

baby belly: i will once i get mine back:)

kim xD: well now that that's over, how do you feel jungkookie

stomach sucker: 

Jin™: i think this was your biggest exposure yet hoseok

salty: true at least we know something that never stops with taekook now

AN ICON: what do you mean babe?

salty:

AN ICON: AHAHAHAHAAHA

stomach sucker: i hope you both die

salty: <3

baby belly: i never let an opportunity to expose pass me by, let that be known

baby belly: but i really learnt a lot on tae's phone

kim xD: how

baby belly: i never knew people could nut as much as taekook do

baby belly: it's truly interesting seeing so much white in pictures and brief videos

baby belly: wild, really

stomach sucker: FUXKINF EISIVIGJSJV IM GOING TO JUMP OFF A BRIDGE

stomach sucker: 

Jin™: i love this group

baby belly: oh look tae's knocking at the door, looks like its time to return his phone

stomach sucker: Thank You JESUS

 


 

@dancemanhobi

all is good & well after a fine night of exposing.

Liked by rapgodjoon, worldwidejin, and 3,848 others

@jimmieminnie a legend

@sugamin an icon of our time

Chapter Text


Taehyung: baby belly

Jungkook: stomach sucker

Jimin: AN ICON

Yoongi: salty

Hoseok: seokshine

Jin: Jin™

Namjoon: kim xD


 

the hangover pt. 7

baby belly: so my mom called me this morning

baby belly: and oh boy

AN ICON: FUCK why does all the good shit happen when i stay over at yoongi and hobi's

Jin™: I've never been more ready for a conversation in my life before like I am for this one

salty: tell me something good taehyung its 8am on a saturday morning and i was cuddling with minnie

baby belly: yeah yeah we get it hyung you're lazy and in love congratulations

kim xD: aren't you the same way ?

baby belly: im not lazy!

stomach sucker: yes you are?

baby belly: yes i am.

Jin™: I just snorted omg

baby belly: ANYWAYS

baby belly: she calls and im like freaking the fuck out bc she clearly saw pictures of my boyfriend that she was NEVER supposed to see

AN ICON: especially the post-blowjob video?

baby belly: especially the post-blowjob video.

baby belly: which btw i forgot i had and fuck kookie looks SO good 

stomach sucker: thanks baby B)

kim xD: gross

salty: taehyung, please.. focus.

baby belly: riGHT SORRY

baby belly: so i pick up the phone and before i can even say hello my mom goes "tell me it's safe sex"

Jin™: //TELL ME IT'S SAFE SEX//

baby belly: and i had no idea what the fuck to say cause i was so nervous so i said the stupidest thing ever aka "technically as long as he doesn't kill me while we have sex, it's safe"

stomach sucker: you did not tell your mom that

baby belly: i did

AN ICON: i-

Jin™: ....

salty: you're right tae, that is the stupidest thing you could ever say

baby belly: listen hyung

baby belly: 

salty: you aren't wrong

kim xD: fuck i love the show friends!

baby belly: same kookie got me into it :')

kim xD: whos ur fav character?

Jin™: oh jesus no no no shut up both of you dont answer him taehyung

stomach sucker: omg

baby belly: wtf why

Jin™: because everytime joonie gets talking about that show he does NOT stop

Jin™: "oh this episode was so funny jinnie you should watch it with me!"

Jin™: "my english is so good cause of this show isn't it jinnie?"

Jin™: "AHAHAHA DID YOU HEAR WHAT JOEY JUST SAID JINNIE? AHAHAHA"

Jin™: ive heard it so many times i refuse to listen to anymore

kim xD: yet we've been together for 3 years

Jin™: thats because, despite your weirdness and terrible taste in television, i love you

kim xD: aw i love you too jinnie

stomach sucker: idk if ive ever laughed so hard before lmAO

kim xD: waIT DID YOU SAY FRIENDS WAS TERRIBLE?! IM COMING DOWNSTAIRS WE'RE GONNA HAVE A LONG TALK ABOUT THIS

Jin™: oh god end my life now

salty: alrighty then

salty: now that jin and joon are gone to talk about...that

salty: finish your story tae

baby belly: i mean there isnt much left to tell,

baby belly: i basically made a fool out of myself and now my mom knows her son has literal porn vids & photos of his boyfriend on his phone and has a major daddy kink

AN ICON: was she upset?

baby belly: no but i think she may call kookie later

stomach sucker: SHES GONNA WHAT?

stomach sucker: like HELL thats happening 

salty: smh

salty: well good luck with that

salty: im going to go back to cuddling the loml now

AN ICON: thats me in case you guys didnt know c;

baby belly: i think it was pretty obvious but thanks for the reminder jiminie

AN ICON: (^ω^)

baby belly: oh yoongi hyung one last thing

baby belly: wheres hobi hyung? i thought he'd be the first one to get online

salty: idk he stayed late in the studio last night and came home around 1am when minnie and i were binge watching movies and mumbled a "hello" before going straight to his room

salty: and he hasn't came out since

AN ICON: he seemed really tired last night

salty: hes probably overworking himself again

salty: ill talk to him if he gets up

 


 

@jeonjk

☆ let's get drunk on our tears ☆

Liked by __taethebae__, rapgodjoon, and 4,583 others

@sugamin damn son

 


 

the hangover pt. 7

baby belly: I KNOW YOURE WITH YOONGI RIGHT NOW BUT

baby belly: jIMIN FUCCCKK

baby belly: WHY DOES HE HAVE TO POST THE PICS I TOOK FROM OUR PHOTOSHOOT LIKE DOES HE KNOW HOW BAD THAT FUCKS ME UP?!

baby belly: HE MUST LOVE TORTURING ME

baby belly: LIKE THIS IS ME @ HIM RN

baby belly: 

AN ICON: honestly ive lost count of the amount of times you've texted this chat instead of me

kim xD: my eyes see words and memes they wish they didn't

stomach sucker: hi tae

stomach sucker: you have a real issue with this stuff dont you?

stomach sucker: or do you do it on purpose for attention?

baby belly: oh i-

stomach sucker: cause lemme tell ya tae, you got my full attention

baby belly: 

AN ICON: i, a taekook shipper till i die, cannot believe i just witnessed taehyung submit to jungkookie

kim xD: sighs

kim xD: my poor eyes

 


 

Private chat with: j-roomie

j-roomie: jimin can come over tonight if he wants to

gimme suga: huh? why??

j-roomie: im gonna be out

gimme suga: wait hold up

gimme suga: its wednesday right?

j-roomie: yes

gimme suga: then why are you going out

gimme suga: isnt it sope night..?

gimme suga: yanno the one night of the week that its just US hanging out together, watching movies and fooling around with music..

gimme suga: the idea that YOU came up with in freshman year that we've stuck to every week..

gimme suga: or am i just insane and none of that happened

j-roomie: ur not insane yoons

j-roomie: but we'll have to cancel 

gimme suga: why?

j-roomie: im not feeling it tonight

j-roomie: ill make it up to you next week though

gimme suga: alright

gimme suga: where even are you i didn't hear you leave the dorm this morning

j-roomie: just out and about

j-roomie: i didnt want to wake you

j-roomie: gtg yoons night!

gimme suga: wait ur not even coming home?

gimme suga: hobi??

gimme suga: hoseok.

gimme suga: ok nice my messages aren't even being delivered alrighty you turned your phone off

gimme suga: goodnight to you too then

 


 

hi

Min Yoongi: something's wrong with hoseok

Kim Namjoon: what

Kim Namjoon: also thats some true creativity for the groupchat name

Min Yoongi: fuck off im worried

Jeon Jungkook: what's happening hyung

Min Yoongi: hobi canceled sope night

Park Jimin♥: he what

Kim Taehyung: sope??

Min Yoongi: suga + j-hope = sope. its our names we use in the studio

Min Yoongi: anyways thats not important, what is though is that somethings happening w/ him

Kim Seokjin: are you sure though?? maybe hes busy with jongin or just not feeling like it?

Jeon Jungkook: yeah like its just a night who cares if he cancels on you, you two live together lol

Min Yoongi: no you guys dont get it, jimin help me out please you understand

Park Jimin♥: hobi and yoongi have had this pack between them for years that no matter what, as long as both of them are in the same city and can physically get together, they will hang all wednesday nights together

Park Jimin♥: you wanna know how many times ive been cockblocked because of this pack they have?

Park Jimin♥: a lot.

Park Jimin♥: someone could die and they'd paused their video game and be like "rest in peace" and continue

Min Yoongi: okay thats a bit extreme

Min Yoongi: but the thing is we NEVER cancel, i never make plans on wednesdays and of course he wouldn't since he was the one who said we should do this "in order to become better friends" in freshman year

Min Yoongi: that was 4 years ago

Min Yoongi: we've never missed one wednesday unless we haven't been in the same city

Kim Seokjin: that does explain when joonie and I were trying to befriend you in freshman year, you'd never want to hang out wednesdays

Min Yoongi: yeah cause i was with hobi

Min Yoongi: now he's canceled on me for the first time

Min Yoongi: and im freaking the fuck out

Park Jimin♥: i wanna say everything will be fine but like idk why he'd cancel

Min Yoongi: said he "wasn't feeling it tonight"

Kim Taehyung: when isn't hobi hyung in a mood to be with yoongi hyung

Jeon Jungkook: right! they're inseparable sometimes

Kim Namjoon: did you ask him for a better explanation?

Min Yoongi: no he said goodnight and shut his phone off

Kim Namjoon: damn.

Min Yoongi: im gonna stay up and wait for him to come home

Park Jimin♥: thats not healthy you need sleep

Min Yoongi: i can sleep when im dead, my best friend is more important

Kim Seokjin: oh my

Kim Seokjin: alright well im going to try and lighten the mood here by commenting on how all our names are basic except jimimie has a heart by his :')

Jeon Jungkook: yeah wtf where's my heart hyung im your son

Jeon Jungkook: why does jimin have one

Min Yoongi:

 


 

Private chat with: min softie

park cutie: min yoongi dont you fucking dare do what i think youre going to do

min softie: what do you expect me to do???

park cutie: don't play dumb me. we've went through so much together for you to pretend you have no idea what im saying

min softie: this is about hobi isnt it

min softie: my mental health is not going to suffer because im worried about him i promise

park cutie: yeah we said the same thing when we first started dating

park cutie: and look what happened there

min softie: we're fine now though aren't we? 'stronger than ever' wasn't that what you called it?

park cutie: dont change the subject yoongi please

park cutie: im worried about hobi too but im not going to lose hours of sleep over him until i know if something is actual wrong

min softie: but minnie

park cutie: im coming over tonight, we'll get you out of the dorm and then come back and ill make sure you fall asleep

min softie: okay

park cutie: damn my first wednesday night over at my boyfriend's place im so excited :DD

min softie: omg stop you loser

 


 

@jimmieminnie

take care of yourself more, i love you.

Liked by worldwidejin, __taethebae__, and 3,078 others

@rapgodjoon what happened to his mint hair??

@sugamin christmas is over bitch @rapgodjoon

 


 

the hangover pt. 7

Jin™: hey guys lets play a game

stomach sucker: why would we ever

Jin™: shut up you ungrateful son

Jin™: just play the game with me, i saw it on tumblr

stomach sucker: chOKES

stomach sucker: im sorry did you just say you saw it on "tumblr"?

Jin™: yes, taehyung showed me his app and jimin installed it for me

stomach sucker: oh my christ

AN ICON: lmao sorry not sorry

Jin™: alright so imagine im a kidnapper ok

stomach sucker: JIMIN WTF DID YOU DO

AN ICON: IDK WHAT HES TALKING ABOUT NEITHER TAEHYUNG OR I EVER SHOWED HIM ANYTHING LIKE THIS OMG

Jin™: so i drive up beside you on the sidewalk

Jin™: and im telling u that if you want to save your friend, you have to get in my van right now

stomach sucker: which friend

Jin™: jimin

stomach sucker: oh okay nevermind

stomach sucker: is there an option to continue walking?

AN ICON: 

AN ICON: you're seriously a piece of shit

stomach sucker: lol no im kidding id get in the van to save jiminie

AN ICON: :'))

stomach sucker: 

AN ICON: i hate you so much omfg

AN ICON: im telling taehyung to break up with you

stomach sucker: yeah ok try it

AN ICON: oh i will and let me tell you jungkookie, theres a reason why i wanted to be a lawyer

AN ICON: i make a damn good argument until i win

stomach sucker: jiMIN DJSJVI FUCK YOU DONT PLEADRHDE

AN ICON: oh sorry do i hear a little bitch whining?

stomach sucker: JIMINIE HYUNG I LOVE YOU !! HYUUNG:))) <33 BUSAN LOVES YOU SO MUCH CAUSE YOU WERE BORN FIRST

AN ICON: and what are you? Busan's what?

stomach sucker: im buSANS NOTHING I AINT SHIT TO NOBODY BUT TAE SO PLEASE FUCK

AN ICON: thats what i thought kook

AN ICON: you ain't shit:)

AN ICON: im gonna go back to hanging with my boyfriend now

AN ICON: you should go find yours

AN ICON: yanno before you don't have one anymore

stomach sucker: fUck tAE KIM TAehYUnG ANSWER YOUR PHONE IM COMING OVER I LOVE YOU WITH ALL MY BEING

stomach sucker: hes not answering

stomach sucker: looks like im running around campus !! Bye jin hyung !! and bYE JIMINIE HYUNG ILYSM <33

Jin™: i

Jin™: cannot believe i just caused this

salty: imagine my surprise i was ghost reading the whole time

salty: jimin was typing so calmly beside me i was stunned

Jin™: i do love when jimin gets feisty though

salty: dont we all?

salty: and when jungkook turns into a 9 yr old boy afraid of their big brother who's gonna tell their parents what he did? amazing

Jin™: oh 150%

 




@__taethebae__

when the lecture will not end & you just wanna go show off the nice af clothes you spent your entire paycheck on...

Liked by jimmieminnie, jeonjk, and 4,968 others

@jimmieminnie my soulmate posting the most relatable shit since '95

 


 

the hangover pt. 7

stomach sucker: fuck dudes

stomach sucker: 

stomach sucker: thats how i feel about taehyung right now

stomach sucker: actually scratch that i feel that every fucking day

stomach sucker: i know bambam was making fun of my kinks last week in class but like

stomach sucker: taehyung is literally going to kill me

stomach sucker: jaehyun, yugyeom man you gotta come save me out of my class im gonna die

stomach sucker: tell my prof your pet snail died or some shit and you need my help asap cause if i NEED to leave.. im on fucking fire

kim xD: sorry i didn't know my name was jaehyun now

AN ICON: yeah like i know i dance as well as yugyeom but i didn't know i suddenly became him

AN ICON: oh and speaking of bambam, he has a message for you kook

AN ICON: 

Jin™: and when you say on fire what exactly does that mean?

salty: i'd assume he means he's so turned on he needs to leave class before he nuts in his pants

stomach sucker: 

stomach sucker: please dont tell tae

stomach sucker: i will do anything for each of you just please one of you delete this group and make another that looks exactly like this one and never tell tae

baby belly: awe, your plan is so cute kookie

baby belly: should i let you guys go through with it and pretend i didn't see anything??

baby belly: i do have one question though, before you all go through with the plan, how often am i the topic of discussion in your little friend group kookie?:))

baby belly: because idk how i feel about you telling other people how i make you feel when you could easily tell me and we would go from there:)

stomach sucker: 

baby belly: do you do it to brag about me?

baby belly: or sorry what was it you said to me.. 'do you do it on purpose for attention?'

baby belly: and then you added something about your attention being mine

baby belly: well kookie baby

baby belly: you always have my attention, more so than ever now:)

stomach sucker: i-

stomach sucker: holy fucK I NEED TO LEAVE CLASS

stomach sucker: 

Jin™: joonie i wanna be like taekook can we please?

kim xD: you just think you wanna be like them, you don't actually

Jin™: yeah you're right i don't

Jin™: everything they say to each other has this deep underlying sexual message behind it it's crazy

kim xD: they're crazy

salty: borderline insane actually.

 


 

hi

Min Yoongi changed the chat name to 'save jung hoseok pls'

Min Yoongi: something is seriously wrong with hobi

Kim Namjoon: what's happened now

Min Yoongi: so ive barely seen him in a week and whenever i do he shuts any conversation down so fast saying hes tired and going to bed for half the day

Min Yoongi: but that's not even the problem

Min Yoongi: he just randomly texted me this

Min Yoongi: 

Min Yoongi: you wanna tell me there's nothing wrong with him and i dont need to worry now guys? be my fucking guest.

Park Jimin♥: he impulsively bought a baby goat...

Jeon Jungkook: hyung's a funny guy and stuff but he would never make a crazy decision like that out of the blue

Kim Taehyung: im worried af now wtf is happening to our sunshine

Min Yoongi: i dont know. i really dont know anymore.

 


 

Private chat with: gimme suga

gimme suga: hoseok i love you, you know that right? like ur my best friend till the day i die, even afterwards too if theres an after life

gimme suga: you can tell me if anything is bugging you and we can talk about it, or ill just listen if you need to vent

gimme suga: im your best friend i want you to come to me with stuff, dont hide shit from me

j-roomie: like you hid the fact that you were depressed and suicidal for three years from me and i had to find out from someone else?

gimme suga: do you not realize how scared of who i was back then ? i was petrified to tell anybody my issues

j-roomie: oh okay sure so would you like me to just spill all my feelings out on a plate for you without a care in the world then?

gimme suga: stop.

gimme suga: dont try to shut me hobi i want to help you through whatever you're dealing with

gimme suga: please let me

j-roomie: im fine yoongi

gimme suga: are you trying to convince me or yourself that?

gimme suga: im able to tell when people are struggling hoseok, i have a fucking mental illness so i can tell you right fucking now you are not okay.

j-roomie: im sorry

j-roomie: fuck im so sorry yoons

j-roomie: im being such an ass to you and youre just trying to be supportive

gimme suga: just talk to me hobi

j-roomie: it hurts so much

j-roomie: why does it feel like my heart's actually been ripped out of my chest?

j-roomie: ive never felt pain like this before idk how to handle it

j-roomie: its been a week since we properly talked.. and its wednesday night would you want to hang at home?

gimme suga: sope night?

j-roomie: please?

gimme suga: ill be home in 2 mins hobi stay strong for me

j-roomie: i love u

 


 

the hangover pt. 7

stomach sucker: so tae's mother called me

stomach sucker: and i answered it

kim xD: did it go well?

stomach sucker: to quote hamlet scene III act iii line 92, "no".

baby belly: LMFAO

Jin™: did she tear you apart?

AN ICON: slice you in half and make ya into a jungkookie sandwich?

stomach sucker: just about

baby belly: how badly did you fuck up

baby belly: because i literally confirmed to her that i call my younger boyfriend "daddy" and i haven't been disowned

stomach sucker: im just so embarrassed by it id prefer if we not talk about it

stomach sucker: im sure she'll call you later and fill you in later tho

stomach sucker: but let's just say, i may have mentioned to your mother that your voice was made for whimpering

kim xD: AHAHAHAHAHAHA

Jin™: JUNGKOOK OH MY GOD

baby belly: you fuCKING SAID WHAT!

baby belly: TO MY MOTHER?!

stomach sucker: BYE GOTTA BLAST SEE YA

stomach sucker: 

AN ICON: i know i say i hate kook a lot but omfg after that

AN ICON: 

baby belly: good god

baby belly: MY MOM IS CALLING ME AGAIN FUCK FUCKFUCK FUCK

baby belly: JEON JUNGKOOK IM GONNA KILL YOU OMFG

 


 

the hangover pt. 7

baby belly changed the chat name to 'jungkooks funeral'

baby belly renamed 'stomach sucker' to 'the deceased'

AN ICON: i just choked

the deceased: tae

baby belly: hi guys how are you tonight!

the deceased: tae

baby belly: oh btw namjoon hyung, i have a song i want you to look over

kim xD: oh sure! id love to

the deceased: taehyung

baby belly: its called "i killed my boyfriend because he told my mother about us having sex in detail"

baby belly: i think the title needs a little work tho

Jin™: dont change it its perfect

the deceased: OMFG

baby belly: do you guys see someone typing ?? they're called the deceased but idk anybody by that name :)

the deceased: 

 


 

jungkooks funeral

salty: hey guys

salty: i talked with hobi

Jin™: wrong chat?

salty: no its fine, he's resting his head on my shoulder as i type this, hes ready for everyone to know

the deceased: is he ok??

salty: well there are a lot of tears drying on my shirt right now

baby belly: my sweet sunshine no):

AN ICON: tell hobi i love him pls

kim xD: something really has him shaken up then

salty: he said he loves u 2 minnie

salty: but yeah so he told me everything

salty: and there was a lot we didn't know that was happening for like.. almost 2 weeks??

Jin™: jesus 

baby belly: what happened??

salty: hobi and jongin broke up.

Chapter Text


Taehyung: baby belly

Jungkook: the deceased

Jimin: AN ICON

Yoongi: salty

Hoseok: seokshine

Jin: Jin™

Namjoon: kim xD


 

jungkooks funeral

salty: hobi and jongin broke up.

the deceased: WHAT THE FUCK

baby belly: MY SWEET HOBIN

Jin™: FJWICIGK YOU BROKE UP?!

AN ICON: yanno that explains why jongin's been a off lately

salty: hold on hobi's getting his phone

seokshine: yeah ur right chim we've kinda been idk "off" in general lately

seokshine: thats why i kinda freaked out when tae had my phone bc i was afraid he'd see jongin texting me

seokshine: so im sorry i exposed you and jungkook that much taebae i was dealing with some shit

seokshine: we just kept arguing and i was taking it out on you guys im really sorry

seokshine: even tho thats no excuse

baby belly: nooo hyung it's fine!

the deceased: yeah hobi hyung we dont care anymore, sure we were shocked at first but we've been laughing at how many likes the posts are getting!

seokshine: alright im glad then

kim xD: did jongin text you at all during the time you and tae had each others phones?

seokshine: ahaha no it turns out, ironically, he waited until i had my phone back to text me "we should break up"

seokshine: but anyway haha how is everybody's day going??

baby belly: hyung :(

seokshine: it's okay guys, seriously im fine!

salty: hoseok

seokshine: ..ok ye so maybe im not fine

seokshine: maybe this is the worst pain ive ever felt in my life

seokshine: and yeah maybe i haven't been able to stop crying for a week

seokshine: but i dont want to bring your guys spirits down just cause im going through a breakup

Jin™: no wtf hoseok are you insane?

Jin™: we're like a family okay we all take care of each other and all 6 of us are going to be with you through this

the deceased: exactly, you shouldn't have to put us before yourself hyung

baby belly: worry about yourself first

seokshine: fuck guys im gonna cry again and ive already ruined yoons' shirt

kim xD: we love you hobi we're all here

seokshine: thank you ❤

AN ICON: my heart is just breaking as i read these texts im coming over

seokshine: no no you don't have to its okay ! i got yoons to cuddle lol

AN ICON: well three is always better than two so im omw

AN ICON: you both love my cuddles anyways so :)

salty: ok true

salty: ill go unlock the door so you can just walk in when you get here

salty: if hobi would ever get off me

seokshine: <3333

kim xD: would you like to talk about anything about the situation hobi?? sometimes it helps talking these out

baby belly: or in this case texting

seokshine: yeah that'd be good maybe to finally let other people know other than yoons

seokshine: but idek where to start

Jin™: you said you two had been arguing for a while?

the deceased: yeah and didn't you say you were gonna tease jongin about his drunk texts with jimin on new years?

seokshine: oh new years ahaha yeah there was a whole shit show of texts that night

seokshine: so like alright i guess ill just go on a rant to give you guys some insight

the deceased: take your time hyung

seokshine: so jongin and i are, or were i guess.. the couple that can have these play fights out of no where and laugh about it two seconds later and i think that helped us talk more of the time

seokshine: and we really hadn't had a problem that caused an actual 'fight' in the time we were together

seokshine: but idk we started to change after the trip we took to ulsan together because i decided i think im gonna stay here after i graduate and hes moving to ulsan to dance there

seokshine: and it should've been alright because yanno most college and uni relationships dont last long and they rarely make it past graduation together but fuck guys.

seokshine: we both kinda knew what the eventually outcome of our relationship would be (aka breaking up) cause long distance doesn't work for either of us

seokshine: so after we came to that conclusion we just kinda starting getting pissy at the littlest of things

kim xD: that's understandable though because you'd both always be thinking now "we're just waiting for a breakup"

seokshine: yeah but like it hurts so much

baby belly: was he your first boyfriend?

seokshine: yea

baby belly: do you think thats why you hurt this bad?? first time dating a guy and it was an exciting experience so you fell hard?

seokshine: well before him i had only dated girls but no i dont think so cause ive slept with guys and it was no different for me

seokshine: i think the biggest reason is that he was the first person i dated and actually said "i love you" to

Jin™: my heart just snapped into two pieces

the deceased: shit really?

seokshine: yeah, imagine that lol. jung hoseok, the pansexual sunshine who had never been in love before, fell so hard for a dorky boy who was lost on campus 

baby belly: holy shit im crying

salty: yeah hobi's crying again

kim xD: hobi:(

salty: its cause jimin came running in the room with tears in his eyes and stood in front of me and hobi and his voice cracked as he said "hobi" and hobi got up and ran into his arms so theyre both a mess

salty: i mean i am too but id like to think i have a rep to uphold

Jin™: oh shut up and go hug your crying boyfriend and best friend you big teddy bear

salty: oh thank god cause im close to breaking down watching them cry

salty: talk to you guys later

the deceased: peace hyung

baby belly: send hobi hyung our love

 


 

jungkooks funeral

AN ICON: tae im spending the night over here

baby belly: i figured as much, its cool i gotta study for my exams anyways

AN ICON: okay

Jin™: how's hoseok?

AN ICON: well we moved yoongi's bed into hobi's room so we can all chill together

AN ICON: 

AN ICON: he's still really sad tho, as expected when you're going through heartbreak

AN ICON: "tell them not to worry about me, the sunshine will be back soon, he's just being blocked by a bit of a rain cloud right now" - hobi right now

baby belly: awe :'((

Jin™: that's so sad but cute at the same time i dont know what to do with myself

 


 

@sugamin

you'll be okay, @dancemanhobi i promise :)

Liked by dancemanhobi, jimmieminnie, and 3,683 others

 


 

save jung hoseok pls

Kim Namjoon: did you get hobi out of the dorm?

Min Yoongi: yeah minnie wanted to do something that'd make hobi smile so he said "pick any colour in the world and ill dye my hair whatever it is as long as you come with me"

Min Yoongi: so hobi chose a colour and here we are hours later roaming the streets

Kim Taehyung: what colour is jiminie's hair

Jeon Jungkook: please tell me hyung chose a crazy colour like green

Min Yoongi: lmao no he didn't ill take a video of them cause they're messin around rn

Min Yoongi: 

Kim Taehyung: omfg he bleached it pink

Kim Seokjin: does hoseok have pink in his as well?

Min Yoongi: yeah he got highlights because he felt bad to put minnie through that

Min Yoongi: even if he laughed the whole time

Kim Namjoon: im just happy hobi is doing better

Min Yoongi: yeah like the three of us had a big talk and hobi's still so in love with jongin but as long as he doesn't think about it that hard then he's okay

Min Yoongi: the crying spells have stopped which is a great sign

Kim Taehyung: thank god

 


 

@jimmieminnie

i went through pain to see your smile @dancemanhobi , i want to see you smiling nonstop now

Liked by sugamin, dancemanhobi, and 2,968 others

@dancemanhobi you will! <3 it looks so cute!

@sugamin i second that ^ @dancemanhobi

 


 

jungkooks funeral

baby belly: my mot