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An Utter Cat-Astrophe

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The aftermath of that dreadful storm gave him a horrendous headache. For a brief moment, Hatty contemplated the possibility of even getting one with that square head of his.

Let's see..the best thing to do was backtrack. He had been sailing the seas with his hundreds of friends until they came face-to-face with that ugly storm! It nearly knocked half of his dear friends off the ship and then they just Oh, god. That's right. They're shipwrecked!

Hatty's black eyes opened drowsily and he observed the scene around him.  He felt his stomach churn at the sight. All of his friends were either laying on rocks or on the beach that they fell on. Each and every one of them lay motionless and Hatty panicked at the possibility that they passed away. He even saw his friend, Humphrey, laying in a pile of blood.

He glanced down at himself and found that his clothes were still intact. They've surely seen better days but what else could he do? Judging by the many naked friends around him, theirs were either torn off or lost in the endless sea around them. Hatty wobbled a bit as he used his arm to support himself and stood where the water met the shore.

When he turned around...his jaw dropped. Their ship, that was once massive and joyful, now lay on its side still inevitably sinking. Their sails were torn and he saw many holes and scratches that came from that dreadful storm. Some of his friends were still on the ship and he saw about six of them hanging off the side morbidly. It was clear to him that escaping nautically was completely out of the question.

Hatty ran among the piles of bodies on the beach. He recognized them all. Octopeyes, Rigel, Sebastian, Casserole....good god! They all looked like they died upon impact. If that were the case, then why didn't he, too? He surely deserved death for not being careful today. If it weren't for him, they wouldn't have stumbled upon that Bermuda Triangle and came to this!

He found something move in the distance and quickly ran over to it. One of his friends was struggling to move. He heard a feminine groan come from them and he gasped. Was that...Mom? Hurriedly, he ran over and found that she was laying face-first onto the sand. Some more inescapable groans came and he found that she had a gash on her side.

"M-Mom!" He struggled to find words. He ran over and tried to support her upwards. She still wasn't moving but he recognized the groggy look in her dim eyes.

"It's okay! I'll get us out of here!" He gently set her down. "I just...gotta' find some help..."

As if it were there the whole time, a large building towered over their shipwreck scene. Hatty craned his non-existing neck up to see it properly. It was a gray building that looked like a gigantic castle. Lights illuminated the sign on top and Hatty saw a couple of statues of...cats beside it. In bright letters read: Battleblock Theater.

"Perfect!" He exclaimed triumphantly to no one in particular. "Some help!"

Ignoring the nagging feeling in the pit of his stomach telling him that this would lead to his death, Hatty continued onward. He looked back at the sight of friends and silently promised to himself that he'd be back for them. He would never abandon the ones he platonically loved! He was just going to get some help from these theater nerds and continue on their way through the sea.

However, the feeling of rescue diminished when he came to the entrance. He noticed the many sharp gates and wires encircling around the perimeter. He can walk through them, yes, but...were they trying to keep something out? It certainly wouldn't be friendly of them if they were!

Still. He kept his best judgement at hand and walked through the gates with ease. He stumbled upon a pair of oversized, orange cats. They wore clothing and he couldn't help but notice the tazers and flashlights on their belts. They also wore shiny badges that Hatty assumed gave them some sense of authority. Maybe they could do more than help!

He approached the two of them and bowed politely. "Hello! My name is Hatty Hattington, and I'm looking for help! You see, my friends and I have crashed-"

"...Hat?" One of the cats repeated. Hatty nodded.

"-Yes! Although, it's Hatty. But if you prefer to call me hat, I won't object-"

"...Hattington..." The other cat repeated. The two of them looked over at each other and shared some sort of knowing glance. Hatty felt a bit left out for being excluded in some inside joke or something.

"....Yes...Ah, I don't mean to be rude, but I really need some help! Do you think you can-"


Without invitation, one of the cats threw themselves at him and held him down on the ground. Hatty struggled in his grip but stopped once he felt something in his back pop. Almighty God, that HURT! What on Earth did they do to him? He couldn't feel his legs and all of his muscles relaxed at the same time. The cat got off of him and watched as Hatty lay there on the ground.

"New leader?" The cat turned to his companion. The other nodded.

"New leader."

Hatty looked up and held up a hand in objection. "NO! I'm already the leader of the S.S. Friendship! I just need some-"

He was blatantly interrupted for the fourth time. They ignored his cries of pain as the two cats suddenly held him up in the air. They held one arm each and started dragging him across the beach. The feeling of the rocky sand underneath his feet didn't feel good one bit. Hatty went to kick and rebut against them but stopped when he felt the pain. Is this how his friends felt back at the ship?

The two cats dragged him inside the Theater and he smelt the scent of both popcorn and pee. He looked around and noticed all of the cats dressed up around him. The interior looked nowhere near as good as the outside. The wallpapers were ripped and he spotted graffiti everywhere. The cats here looked lifeless and utterly bored. Didn't this Theater have any shows? What were they waiting around for?


The cats around him only stared in awe. Hatty gave up trying verbally and went to kicking. He had to groan in pain every time he did so but the cats only held on tighter. He stopped because he'd certainly lose circulation continuing this charade. Why were these kittens so strong, anyway? The ones back at home were jerks, yes, but not this mean!

Suddenly, he was pinned down again. Hatty struggled when he saw one of the cats start walking away. The other still held him firmly and Hatty was doing his best to play nice. When he saw the other cat come with a hat held in his hands, something in him caused him to panic.



The cats around him gasped. In unison, they repeated, "Others!?"

Threatening grins and mischievous smiles was not the response he was expecting. Slowly but surely, the cats started piling out of the room and he could only watch silently as they ran for whatever reason. When he saw one of them grab an axe, things started to click. Hatty went violent and punched the cat holding him. He tried to make a run for the exit.

He was quickly pushed down and pinned on his back. The cat dragged him back to the other and Hatty was screaming his lungs off at this point.


These cats were crazy! Why on Earth would they want to hurt his friends? He felt immediate guilt for even coming here in the first place. He should have guessed they weren't friendly. The cat statues said it all but nooo, he just HAD to give people the best judgement. He was starting to think these fellows didn't deserve it!


A familiar voice rang through the empty theater. Hatty looked and found Mom herself staring at him wordlessly. The cats noticed his friend and held Hatty down even harder. The man fought against their grip when he saw the hat slowly come down to his head level. He leaned forward as best as he could and gave one of his best friends a warning.


His last few words did not come out, for the hat was placed on his head. Mom watched in fear from afar and saw the glowing red aura encircle the cloth. Hatty fell limp in their grips and the cats decided to let go. He fell onto the floor harshly and things went silent. A faint sound of sobbing now came from the figure on the floor.

The felines around him waited patiently for a response. They looked eager and happy at this sudden turn of events. Mom, on other hand, was worried. What happened to her friend? Why wasn't Hatty getting up and giving her a hug? Something must be wrong about that hat. And a nagging feeling was telling her it had something to do with the graffiti she'd seen on her way here.

Mom was about to take a step forward until Hatty suddenly stood. He pointed a finger straight at her. In a voice that was not his, in a posture that was firm, and in words he would never say, he spoke.

"Get them."