Terrorists were always annoying. Sometimes they were competent and managed to actually take a long time to stop. Usually they were just a nuisance. Particularly when they outlined their plans in a monologue that started as soon as the team got there. If the mission started with a monologue they would keep Bruce in the van and tell Thor to take his time.
“The bomb is in the thrift shop next door.” Steve said with a sigh.
“I think everyone in a twelve mile radius heard that guy announce it.” Bruce said tiredly.
“I’m down. They’ve got EMP bullets that dropped my suit and they’re trying to crack me open like a coconut. Sadly, that wasn't included in their speech.”
“Roger that. On my way Ironman.” Natasha said.
“I got the bomb.” Clint called as he swung through a broken window and into the shop.
“You sure, Hawkeye?” Bruce asked from his secure spot in the van.
“Yup, I got it big green.”
“If you need help disarming let me know.” Bruce said.
“I’ve done bomb disarming. I got this.” After a moment of silence Clint laughed. “Hey Tony. Can we go thrift shopping?”
Tony laughed and both ignored Sitwell’s call for radio silence.
“I’m gonna pop some tags. Only got twenty dollars in my pocket.” Clint sung as he sauntered up to the bomb that was shoved under a low counter.
Clint shook his head and pulled out the bomb. “I-I-I’m hunting, looking for a come-up. This is fucking awesome.”
“Radio silence please!” Sitwell begged.
He kept humming to the song only he could hear as he pried open the top to reveal the wires. “What amateurs. They apparently thought that knocking out Ironman with the EMP’s would stop us from disarming this unimpressive and basic bomb. Like no one else on the team can disarm a bomb.”
“So you can disarm it?” Jasper asked.
Clint scoffed and pulled out his wire cutters. “I think a blind, one armed monkey could disarm this. I feel insulted. Fifty dollars for a t-shirt? That’s just some ignorant bitch shit!” He said as clipped the tell tale red wires.
“Shouldn’t you be concentrating?” Jasper said.
“I work better with background noise.” Clint said as he finished disabling the bomb and dropping it into a garbage can. “All secure.”
“Targets neutralized and already begging for mercy.” Natasha said.
“Let’s get this cleaned up. No damage and no casualties. Great job team!” Steve said, his smile so wide it was audible.
A few moments later Clint stepped out of the store wearing an over sized winter coat with some ratty faux fur, an old moth eaten bowler hat, and a pair of flood length, elastic topped plaid pants. He dropped the garbage can into the bomb disposal units hands and turned to Jasper who had come out of the van looking nervous.
“I wear your granddad’s clothes. I look incredible.”
Tony began to laugh so hard he could barely stand. Natasha shook her head and muttered in Russian.
“Is that a song?” Steve asked.
“Don’t worry Cap. I’ll get you caught up on the latest music.” Clint said with a smile as he slung his arm around Bruce.
“You probably should have washed that it smells like R. Kelly’s sheets.” Bruce said quietly a grin on his face.
Clint smelled the coat and Tony finally had to sit down he was laughing so hard.
Mutated monsters had become the teams least favorite alliteration. Whether they oozed acid or candy, none of the team really liked dealing with the clean up or damage afterwards. This week the things looked like some terrifying mix of octopus, bird, and some reptile no one could identify. All Clint knew was that they oozed something that smelled like burning tires if you punctured their skin.
“I’ve got the eye of the tiger. A fighter. Dancing through the fire. ” Clint said softly to himself as he freed an arrow into one of the thing’s eyes.
The sickening squelching noise it made as it fell cause Clint to shudder and gag a bit at the smell that followed.
“These things are gross. Clean up is going to be a bitch.”
“Really? Mr. Badass Archer who has been singing Katy Perry for the last fifteen minutes is squeamish over killing some ?” Tony asked as he hovered in front of the building Clint was perched on.
A group (herd, pack, whatever) of the flying stink balls suddenly converged on Tony. Each latched on with their tiny razor sharp teeth and suction cup appendages and began to tear into the suit.
Clint pulled out a frag arrow and fired it at Tony. Most of the things were hit and fell off of the suit.
“Cause I am a champion and you’re gonna hear me roar.” Clint sung as Tony pulled the last one off with a popping noise.
“Never mind these things ARE gross! I do have to ask though why Katy Perry?”
“Tasha and I sometimes get really drunk and spar to this song. She secretly loves it.”
“The key word being secret Clint.” The russian said dangerously. “I think we may need to go over that definition after this is taken care of.”
“You’ll hear me roar!” Clint sung in a very poor impersonation of a woman’s voice.
“Radio silence!” Sitwell sighed over the coms.
It was another day of fighting HYDRA agents. Not exactly their favorite task, but leveling the base after SHIELD cleared it was almost a reward. Seeing Thor and Bruce barreling through building and taking out vehicles was an absolute treat.
“I came in like a wrecking ball!” Clint catcalled as Hulk smashed through a nearby building a great grin on his face.
Tony started laughing over the coms.
“Radio silence.” Sitwell said in an exasperated tone.
“Don’t you ever say I just walked away I will always want you.” Tony continued, completely ignoring their temporary handler and cut through a metal barricade with repulsor a few well placed blasts.
“Aw, Tony you care...” Clint quipped as he took out an enemy communication tower.
“Radio Silence!” Jasper said in a more insistent voice.
For a brief moment nothing was said.
“I never meant to start a war. I just wanted you to let me in.” Steve deadpanned as he kicked in a door causing his teammates to break out into laughter.
“Oh for the love of-” Jasper’s com made the tell tale noise of being thrown.
“Hey Tony you think we could convince the Hulk to ride on a wrecking ball in a wife beater?”
“But where would we find one big enough?”
Aliens had become a regular thing to fight. It was a sad reality indeed when Clint had to legitimately fear being abducted and probed. Especially when it wasn’t his boyfriend doing it. Clint found he was a bit bitter that he fought aliens more often than he saw his lover and that was a damn shame.
“What the hell are these things?” Tony asked, as he broke off one of the aliens “arms” and using it as a weapon against it.
“SHIELD is calling them humanoid beings with malicious intent.” Jasper said over the comms. “How is Thor coming on a translation as to what they are saying?”
“Humanoid?! These things are iridescent blue/ green/ purple! They might be made of some kind of metal or stone and the only thing human about them is that they have something that might be a head with a hole that makes rather angry sounding noises.” Tony snarled.
“If it’s the alternative maybe they are just hear for some antacids? Maybe something to settle their stomachs?” Clint said.
“Gross.” Came Natasha’s soft reply.
“Any word on a translation from Thor?” Sitwell asked again.
“Aye.” Came Thor’s voice soft at first until the comm was in his ear again. “They say they are here for war.”
There was a pregnant pause from the Avengers as Jasper relayed the message.
“This is it guys, this is war.” Steve said looking down at the alien he had beheaded with his shield.
“What are we waiting for?” Tony said in a singsong voice as he began to cut open the side of the alien ship with a repulsor.
“Why don’t we break the rules already?” Clint sang as he picked off the aliens that were rushing to get to Tony.
“Radio silence.” Jasper said.
“I was never one to believe the hype.” Clint kept going.
“Barton, I swear to what ever deity will listen, if you don’t stop singing-”
“Cap started it!”
“Then I kinda helped.” Tony said as the alien ship fell. “BUt this was all clearly Cap’s fault.”
“I only kinda knew that was a song. They weren’t even the right lyrics-” Steve tried to defend himself as he brained an alien.
“Doesn’t matter.” Clint and Tony said in unison.
“I didn’t sing at all!”
“Still doesn’t matter.”
“Radio-” Jasper began
“Is this the song with the fun?” Thor asked his booming voice cut off the handler harshly.
“It’s sung by the band Fun.” Natasha said.
“Lady Jane and I danced to this on my last repast. I greatly enjoy it!”
With that Thor launched into his own ballad version of the song. It was a good thing the battle was almost over, no one could hear anything but Thor’s off key serenade. Clint thought he may have heard Jasper threaten to kill himself with his side arm, but that could have just been feed back white noise.
“I can’t do this anymore Phil.” Jasper said, his head buried in his hands. “If they aren’t cracking jokes, they are singing. I ask for radio silence and they just get louder. I know you are getting back to full health, but you need to do it quicker. ”
“I’m healing as fast as I can Jasper, but getting stabbed in the chest makes Fury wary about sending me into the field right away.”
Sitwell sighed. “I am so happy Fury took them on an international peace mission. It gives me some quiet.”
“Clint said they’d be back soon.”
“Last I heard the jet was an hour out. Not bad for a flight back from Japan.”
“They went to Japan?” Phil asked his eyebrow raised in a concerned manner and looked at his clock.
Clint kicked in Phil’s door and bounded up onto the desk. “I’m alive. I’m alive. Oh yeah! Between the good and bad is where you’ll find me, reaching for heaven. ” Clint sung reeking of sake. “I will fight and I’ll sleep when I die. I’ll live my life. I’m ALIVE!”
Jasper’s eyes widened and he looked between Phil and the drunken agent.
“That’s a new song.” Phil deadpanned after sighing deeply.
“It’s some artist in Japan named Becca.” Clint nodded, slinking into a sitting position on Phil’s desk.
“I see. Who gave you sake?”
“Tony. He’s got it on his plane. We went to a club and I got Steve to dance with Thor. Tony spent the whole time being kinda jealous and kinda drooly.”
Phil nodded slightly. “I assume you have pictures you want to show me?”
“Pshh, yeah. We all got kimono things.” Clint dug in his pocket for a his phone, but Phil set a hand on his arm.
“Jasper was telling me how you all have been getting along.”
“Yeah! We’re getting along great! Steve has loosened up and Bruce’s going to show me how to meditate and shit.”
“I am glad to hear that you are all getting along. I do have a favor to ask though.”
“Of course! Anything!” Clint said shifting so his feet hung off the desk on either side of Coulson’s office chair.
“When you are on mission without me, do you think you could refrain from a bit of the chatter on the comms?”
“Aww, we are just trying to keep things light hearted.”
“I know, but sometimes it makes it hard for agents to update you on what’s going on on the ground.”
“Oh.” Clint looked put out for a minute then gave a bright smile. “Yeah, I guess we could do that.”
“Good.” Phil said with a smile. “I will make sure to remind you when you’re not filled with sake.”
“Kay, awesome.” Clint said slowly sliding off the desk and onto Phil’s lap. “Missed you.”
Phil looked over Clint’s shoulder at a rather dumbfounded Sitwell. “Anything else?”
“No. Not at all.” Jasper said as he hurried to stand and hustle out of the room. “I’ll ah...Talk to you later Cheese.”
Phil had however gone back to talking quietly with his asset who had began to press kisses to Phil’s neck.
Explosions were common in Clint’s line of work. So common that Clint knew all protocol for them by heart. He also knew that because the aftershock knocked out his hearing aids he would be no use until they were fixed. Luckily after the explosion took out the enemy base, there was nothing to do but clean up and Clint could go report to medical.
He pulled out is longterm wear hearing aids and setting them on the medical tray as soon as the curtain was closed.
“The explosion killed them. I told R&D they were crackling the past week, but they said they should be fine.”
The doctor nodded and gave him a once over check. After a moment the doctor handed Clint a note.
Keep the broken hearing aids. I called R&D and they had started on another set for you when you complained. They should be ready within the week. You are cleared to go home but on stand by until further notice.
By the time Clint got back to the tower he was nervous but happy the team was out. He had Jarvis turn the base on his usual play list up so he could feel it and asked him to alert him when the team arrived.
He changed out of his uniform and danced his way to the kitchen feeling the base beneath his feet. He sung with the song, loud and off key as he made himself a snack.
Clint leaned into the fridge to get the milk but suddenly felt a hand on his arm. He whirled and grabbed his would be attacker ready to throw them when he came face to face with Natasha. Thanks for alerting me Jarvis. He though harshly.
She set a calming hand on his shoulder and began to talk to him. Clint frowned as he tried to follow her lips, suddenly sad he wasn’t very good at lip reading.
Her brow furrowed for a second and she pulled out her phone and typed into the text box.
The music is really loud. You disappeared after the explosion. We were worried.
“Yeah. That damn explosion burst the microphones in my hearing aids” He said, his speech slightly slurred.
Natasha froze and looked behind him and he turned to see the rest of the team.
“Oh....Sorry guys my hearing aids got damaged in the fight. I am waiting for SHIELD to send a replacement set. Jarvis, could you turn the bass down. I thought I was the only one here so I turned it up so I could feel it.”
He abruptly turned away and busied himself in the fridge once more. He couldn’t handle seeing their shocked or disappointed faces. He didn’t want to hear that he couldn’t hang out with his new friends. He saw Natasha turn to face the others and explain how he was disabled. How he hated that word.
He could handle being the only overly normal Avenger with only his amazing eye sight to set him apart from the common man. He couldn’t handle being the “disabled” Avenger that the others were constantly worried about. Just because he couldn’t hear didn’t mean he was stupid or that he should be treated differently.
It was just as his mental tirade about his slight difference was starting to snowball that he felt someone gently punch his shoulder and he came face to face (well, face to mid pectoral) with Steve Rogers. The man held a sign written on a dry erase board.
You should have told us.
“I know. Sorry I added a liability to the team.”
Steve’s brow furrowed and he turned around the board and hastily wrote on it.
No. There’s no liability. Tony wants to see what modifications he can do to improve your hearing aids. He also would have put a vibrate feature in your floor so your alarms and Jarvis could wake you up.
Clint’s eyebrows shot up. “My aids stay in all the time they are built so no one can see them or take them out. I’ve never had one blow out on me before. The Docs are kinda pissy about it. You don’t care that I’m deaf?”
Tony appeared beside Steve and grabbed the board. He scribbled for a moment then turned it around.
I have a heart condition, Steve is still learning how to record things on TV, Bruce can’t have his heart rate raise past a certain point or he Hulks out, Thor is an alien, and Natasha is a girl. You think we are worried you can’t hear?
Clint watched Tony get punched by Natasha and Tony try to explain why it was a valid concern. He didn’t get very far and a motion towards her hips earned him a rather forceful punch to his stomach.
While still bent over, Tony scribbled something on the board.
Come to the lab and bring your broken hearing aids. Let me see if I can fix them and make it so this won’t happen again.
Steve grabbed the dry erase board from Tony and wrote.
You still need to play me Bohemian Rhapsody.
That night Clint slid into bed next to Phil and pressed a kiss to the older man’s lips.
“They didn’t care.”
“ I knew they wouldn’t.” Phil said setting the book he was reading aside and taking off his reading glasses.
“I showed Cap Bohemian Rhapsody. He loved it.”
“It’s a great song.” Phil said pressing a kiss to Clint’s neck. “Far better than that pop music you keep listening to.”
“Hey, it’s not all bad.”
“I liked your rock phase better.” Phil mouthed at the crook of his lovers throat.
“”Is this the real life? Is this just fantasy?” Clint said softly with a gasp.
“Caught in a landslide, no escape from reality.” Phil said softly rolling over and pinning Clint beneath him.
The archer laughed as Phil tickled his ribs.
“Open your eyes, look up to the skies and see.” Phil breathed as he sunk lower on Clint’s body.
Anyway the wind blows doesn’t really matter to me.... to me.