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J'ai oublié

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The birds were singing loudly outside. Sky sprinkled with light touches of pink and orange.

Minseok could feel the warmth of thoses shy fews first blushes of sunshine on his skin. Soft, warm. A calm morning spring. 

The shy movments on his right woke him up a little more. Lazily opening an eye, he saw his boyfriend, head turned toward him. A small, gentle and cozy smile on his face making his bright chocolate eyes sparkles.

The alarm behind lover's head indicate exactly 6:17 a.m, definitely too early by his standards to be up a Sunday morning.

“Hello you!” Minseok said, voice soft and still hoarse from sleep. Baekhyun’s smile gows bigger, his eyes disappearing in two little crescents semblable of the moon.

“Did you sleep well?” He still whispered, not wanting to break this peaceful and dreamlike atmosphere that somehow enveloped them. The younger man nodded a slight pout taking place on his face, his pale and light pink lips calling for the temptation of a kiss.

Minseok loves morning like this. Spent lazily in bed, just the two of them. Kissing, cuddling, talking in low voice, and simply enjoying the other's presence.

 

They softly stared into each other eyes, trying to memorise the most of the other's face. To absorbed into each other, they missed the little ball of fur preparing an attaque at the foot of their bed.

The little kitten who was certainly feeling left out of all that attention. Purring and rubbing his head against theirs like there would be no tomorrow. Minseok giggled a little at their cat antics.

"What do you want, Tan?" Giggled Minseok, still rubbing the cat's head. "Are you angry?" He continued, rubbing his own head against Tan.

Preparing his best puppy eyes he could perform, he looked up to his boyfriend who had a huge grinning orning his face. “Could you please feed him?” He purred. Purred!?! 

"I'm too warm and comfy to move."

Baekhyun’s grin grew wider if possible, almost from ear to ear. His eyes screaming love, bright and sparkling. He continued to look down at him softly like he was the best thing he ever saw.

Minseok felt precious, loved and warm.

But then Baekhyun launched a sudden attack of tickle. Minseok's weakness. Tan flee the bedroom and his cozy spot between them. His abrupt nap ruined at the first loud burst of Minseok's laugh. Baekhyun kissed him in between his ticklish attacks. And when Minseok got too red he stopped, making them both collapse into a loud pile of laughter.

Their laughs died as quick as its started and they were left once again looking in each other’s eyes. A rush of love taking over Minseok's body and heart at starring in the warm brown eyes of Baekhyun. A few black locks falling in his eyes. He looked younger like that, softer and happier.

“I love you.” Whispered Minseok at the same time as Baekhyun. Actually, Baekhyun spoke so quietly that he didn’t even heard him.

Baekhyun continued to talk even though no sound could be heard. A frown took place on Minseok's face, confusion taking over has he eyed his boyfriend waiting for him to stop playing around.

Baekhyun paused, his expression sad. He spoke once more, and even though his lips still moved, not a single noise was uttered.

“Stop playing, Baekhyun.” Wobbly murmured Minseok.

This wasn't funny at all. His boyfriend looked down at him, eyes filled with sorrow and yet still with the same affection that shone whenever he looked at Minseok. His heart started to beat a bit faster, fear slowly creeping, wrapping around his heart.

The sensation was painful, like if someone was cruelly playing with his heart, squeezing it, again and again. His breath increasing a little bit more at each passing second, soon he was panting. Fear having completly taking over.

Baekhyun still looked at him with those sad eyes, still talked as if Minseok could heard what he said. Baekhyun looked like he was trying to tell him something, mouthing words after words that Minseok couldn't heard. His smile, still soft and sad on his face, eyes teary,making Minseok's own eyes shine with unshed tears.

 

 

Abruptly, Minseok jolted awake, in a completely dark room, covered in sweat.

His room.

The alarm is flashing 3:00 a.m in bright red. He looked at the space to his right.

The bed was empty. Cold.

That horrible feeling cames back by waves of pain. The tears that were alredy blurring his vision ran down his cheeks. A hand clutched over his painful heart, he burst into tears, his sobs growing louder and louder by the minute to finally turning into loud cry for help as the time passed.

Was it really him that was screaming so hard?

He was suffocating.

Drowning in the darkness and sorrow. 

Too hot, pearls of sweat made their way from his temples to his chin. Mixing with his tears and snot.

Minseok kicked off the blanket, and got up on wobbly legs toward the living room.

He couldn’t bear the sight of his empty bed. He lets himself fall on his sofa, glassy eyes void of all emotion, dry path of tears on his rosy cheeks. His breathing was slowly coming back to normal.

Head in his trembling hands, a litany of hushed words were mumbled in a low voice.

“I forgot, I forgot, I forgot, I forgot, I for-”

A sob broke his mantra. Lying down on the couch, Minseok shivered at the cold temperature of the room without a blanket.

“I’m so sorry Baekhyun.” He mouthed voice too broken to speak out loud.

"I miss you so much it hurt every single day, Baek."

He forgot.

How could Minseok forgot that his lover wasn’t here anymore.

That he would never again see his face lit up with a smile, could never ever again hear his loud and sometimes annoying laugh. Minseok would never ever again see the love in his boyfriend’s eyes, warm, welcoming, and sometimes sparkling with mischief dark honey eyes.

Baekhyun was gone.

Two years ago, in a stupid cars accident. That day, his sun stopped shining, and his life became dull, he had yet to overcome his grief. Little by little he was coming to terms with it, but some nights like now, he just couldn’t make the difference between dream and reality.

 

Minseok loved him. He still loves him. And would never stop loving him.