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Bucky Barnes is Mean without Coffee

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Steve made his way to the main kitchen, hoping that Darcy honored her tradition of making a huge batch of waffles, pancakes, and stuffed French toast on Wednesdays. He had asked her why once and she said it was because Wednesday was a terrible day of the week to be a pessimist, which she was. He turned the corner to find Darcy chatting amicably with Pepper, who was chopping up strawberries and bananas. Soft music played in the background.
“Hey Steve-o! What’s the word?” asked Darcy, passing him a large mug of tea as he came up next to them.
He took a sip and smiled at his best friend’s girl, shrugging his shoulders. “Thanks, doll. You seen Clint and Nat this morning?” The duo had gotten up early to go and train, and he hadn’t seen either of them since. He usually went with them, but he was still achy from shattering half his ribs on Monday and Natasha and Clint had made him promise to rest. He had fought them on it, of course, but they had made some interesting promises that he was looking forward to.
“They should be here soon, considering breakfast is going to be done in about thirty seconds,” Darcy replied, pulling the last few pancakes from the pan. She looked up at the ceiling and said, “Hey, FRIDAY? Can you send out the breakfast call?”
“Of course, Darcy,” replied the cheerful AI. The song changed and Darcy started singing along as she pulled a pan of bacon and sausage from the oven and dumped a large pan of eggs into a big bowl.
Darcy grinned and waved her spatula at Steve and Pepper, “Help yourselves. And make sure there’s enough food for everyone before you go grabbing seconds, Steven.” Steve stuck his tongue out at Darcy as he filled his plate. Bruce, Tony, Jane, and Thor all filed in and Darcy began pouring cups of coffee like a professional waitress. Steve took his large plate and moved to settle on the couch in the living area, pausing to receive a kiss on the cheek from Natasha as she and Clint walked past. Clint pinched his ass and Darcy giggled as he jumped.
“Thanks for breakfast, Darce,” said Clint, already talking around food in his mouth. Darcy swatted him fondly on the back with a towel as she moved to sit near Steve. Bucky padded into the room a moment later, scratching his chest.
“утро,” he said, running hands through his hair. He walked into the kitchen after pecking a fondly exasperated Darcy on the forehead. There was a pitiful sound from inside the kitchen before the ex-assassin walked back out into the living area, his eyes wide and confused. “Почему нет ли больше кофе?”
“Потому как,” began Natasha, “ты слишком громко, когда вы занимаетесь сексом, и она держала меня допоздна.” Bucky’s mouth opened and closed in disbelief before he stormed back into the kitchen.
“What is happening?” asked Bruce, looking around at all the confused faces.
Darcy shook her head fondly, cheeks tinted very red. “He doesn’t always remember to speak English before he’s had coffee. And sorry, Nat. I fully acknowledge that I am the louder one, and am sorry for keeping you awake.” Steve raised a brow at his girlfriend, who was smirking fondly at Darcy.
“I mostly just want to fuck with him,” replied Nat. “But, in the future, I’m a light sleeper, and fucking against the wall in Bucky’s kitchen adjacent to my kitchen is not your best choice if you want to be sneaky.” Steve began to gape like a fish before looking over at Darcy, who was appropriately blushing.
“His idea, not mine,” she said, holding her hands up. “We were also drunk, in my defense.”
“Darcy?” came Bucky’s pitiful-sounding voice from the other room. “Coffee?”
“I believe we are out, Sergeant Barnes,” replied FRIDAY before Darcy got the chance. A high-pitched whining noise and a loud crash came from the kitchen, and Darcy and Steve looked at each other before getting up to see what happened. Darcy pushed Steve behind her before poking her head around the corner.
“What the hell are you doing, James?” she just about screeched. Steve looked around the corner and burst out laughing. Bucky was currently on top of the fridge, all of Darcy’s baking pans, mixing bowls, and measuring cups and spoons piled behind him. He was holding a slingshot and had a bag of dried pinto beans next to him. There was suddenly a smattering of small stinging patches on Steve’s face, and he ducked behind Darcy. Darcy was swearing at him in Russian and Polish as Natasha laughed in the background.
“What the hell, Buck?” he called, daring to poke his head out from behind Darcy and whip the pinto beans back at him. Bucky caught all of them and glowered at Steve and Darcy.
“What’s happening?” called Pepper, and Darcy moved from in front of Steve to go look at Pepper.
“He’s on top of the fridge again,” she said. “I thought he had grown out of this phase, but apparently not.”
Steve ducked down behind a counter as Bucky decided to start launching bags of frozen vegetables he was pulling out of the freezer below him. “What the hell!? That hurt, jerk!”
“Get me coffee, punk,” growled Bucky. He produced knives from somewhere in his pajama pants and began to systematically carve things into the wood of the cabinets next to him. In Russian.
“JAMES BUCHANNAN BARNES, STOP CARVING THINGS INTO MY CABINETS THIS FUCKING INSTANT!” yelled Darcy, walking back into the kitchen with everyone in tow.
“Barnes, you’re paying for that,” said Tony, flinching as he got hit with a well-aimed pinto bean.
Clint rolled his eyes and started doing the dishes, “You Russians are fucking weird as hell without your coffee.” Natasha just smirked as she read over what Bucky was carving.
“The kitchen is technically a family room, Barnes. Keep it PG,” she said, helping Steve up and leaning into his side.
“What’s he carving?” whispered Steve as Darcy continued to yell and Pepper, Bruce, and Sam tried to get Bucky to come down.
“They’re insults. Against all of us. My personal favorite is, ‘Steve Rogers is fucking whipped for Nat’s strap on,’” she said, grinning. Steve paled at that, pressing his face into Nat’s hair.
“Well shit,” he mumbled.

“Почему нет ли больше кофе?”-“Why is there no more coffee?”
“Потому как…ты слишком громко, когда вы занимаетесь сексом, и она держала меня допоздна.” – “Because…you’re too loud when you have sex, and you kept me up late.”