“Hey honey.” Tony ran his fingers through his hair tiredly. “Aren't you looking pretty? Clean up nice, don't you?” His words were nearly slurring, but not because he was drunk.
No, Tony just hadn't slept in pushing thirty six-- oh scratch that-- forty two hours.
So he was way past exhausted and edging quickly into so -tired -I'm- just- wide- awake- and- hallucinating-things territory.
Which was a very plausible excuse for the fact that he was not only chatting up, but almost coming on to Mjolnir as she sat on the table where Thor had left her earlier. Of course Tony knew he was talking to Mjolnir, but hey, if he could talk to his bots like they understood him, he was damn sure gonna talk to a hammer that had some sort of life energy or force of it's own. Sorry, of her own.
So sure. Tony was chatting up the hammer.
“You wanna go to bed?” Tony asked and then giggled to himself. “No not with me. I better take you back to Thor, he will probably get all sorts of jealous if you end up in my room. Is that weird? Do you like.. Do you have anything going on in there?” Tony blinked at the hammer for a minute.
“Alright. I need to sleep. Standing here waiting for a hammer to talk back to me. Alright. Upsie-Daisy let’s get going.”
Tony picked up Mjolnir carefully, cradling her close to his chest. “Not as heavy as you look.” he said in vague surprise. “Which I suppose is what every girl wants to hear, right? Lets go find your daddy. Is Thor your daddy? Keeper? Handler?”
Tony kept talking quietly as he walked up the stairs, headed for the common area, asking Mjolnir about her adventures with Thor, wanting to know if it was Mjolnir that flew or could Thunder Muscles actually fly? How did Thor really feel about Loki? Because if Tony were being honest it was sort of a toss between preferring a blonde or brunette god, but it didn't matter because Loki was crazy and Thor wasn't interested.
“Which honestly--” Tony was saying as he walked into the common room. “--is a damn shame, because I would let that guy just about wreck me. Say Thor--” he raised his voice a little and Thor turned around to look at him, as did Clint and Natasha and Sam. “You left Mjolnir in the lab just sitting on the edge of the table. I mean, seriously, she could have fallen. What if she had broken? I don't understand why you’re so careless. Here.” Tony handed Thor the hammer and turned right back around, heading for the kitchen. “I need coffee then sleep. Nobody talk to me for like a week, alright?”
No one answered, because no one had managed to close their mouths yet, and Tony sent them all a weird look before filling his cup and shuffling off to his bedroom.
“Are we gonna-- are we gonna talk about--” Sam made a vague motion with his hands. “We gonna talk about-- um-- what--”
“What the hell just happened?” Clint looked up at Natasha, who had frozen in the middle of what had been a killer shoulder massage. “Did you see--”
“Did I see Tony, who was barely coherent and basically dead on his feet just walk in here and scold Thor for leaving Mjolnir dumb places, and then hand Thor the hammer. That he had apparently carried all the way up from the lab. Without even noticing. He didn't even notice.”
“Well regardless--” Clint nodded towards Thor. “I think it broke the big guy.”
Thor was staring, completely speechless, alternating between the hammer in his hand and the door that Tony had walked through.
“I think it broke him too.” Natasha said with a giggle.
“This is a big deal though, right?” Sam asked, coming closer. “I mean, nobody but Thor can lift Mjolnir.”
“Actually, anyone who is worthy can lift Mjolnir. Thor just happens to be the only one who is worthy.”
“And my bride.” Thor finally spoke. “Myself and my bride are worthy to lift Mjolnir.” He rubbed his palm over the runes and symbols that decorated the seemingly unassuming hammer. “I have been trying to court Anthony for months, trying to determine if he is even open to being wooed, or if his affections lie elsewhere. And then I started doubting myself, wondering if I was simply wasting time with Anthony when I should be searching for my bride. But now…” Thor's deep voice trailed off, and the other three avengers shared wide eyed looks.
“Sorry-- that was… you have…” Sam folded his arms. “You have been courting Tony? Like, gifts and flowers and stealing kisses under the moonlight?”
“We have not progressed to exchanging physical affection, no.” Thor said slowly. “But in light of this new development, perhaps I should attempt to engage Anthony more often.”
“Uh perhaps…” Clint offered and he and Sam stared wide eyed at each other.
“Well I think it's wonderful.” Natasha patted Clints shoulder and moved to lay a kiss on Thor's head. “Of course Tony is worthy, god knows the rest of us aren't. Go get him, honey.”
“Tell me something--” Sam gave a quick check to make sure Natasha was out of the room. “When did she turn from scary and you know...Spidery to this soft, compliment giving, kissing people’s heads lady?”
“Probably right around the I started giving her the good lovin’” Clint bragged. “My bedroom talent is second to none.”
Thor actually burst out laughing, startling them both.
The demi-god stood to his full height and flexed his arms, the seams of his grey t shirt straining and then splitting.
“I am not only the God of Thunder, Hawkeye.” He said, sounding amused. “I am also the God of Fertility. Believe this-- all of you humans bedroom prowess is second to mine .” Then he grabbed Mjolnir and hefted it over his shoulder. “I have a genius to court. Good day, friends.”
He stomped away, leaving a pouting Clint and a trying-but-failing-to-stop-laughing Sam in teh kitchen.
“Schooled by the God of Fertility!” Sam cackled. “How did that feel?”
“Shut up Sam.” Clint griped. “At least I have a girlfriend.”
Well Thor's courting style was decidedly less low key after he discovered Tony could wield Mjolnir.
Instead of just saying nice things to Tony, Thor decided to simply recite poems, bringing Tony onto his lap and weaving their fingers together, while murmuring love poems of Asgard, spoken in languages no one else understood.
They didn't need a translator to understand the look in Thor's eyes, though, or the way Tony would blush and try to wiggle away at first before just giving in and snuggling close, letting Thor press their foreheads together and whisper sweet things to him.
And instead of trying to find trinkets on earth that Tony would appreciate, that would make his dark eyes spark the way they did when he was very happy-- Thor just disappeared for a few days, traveling to Asgard and returning with boxes full of pretty things.
Tony spent hours in Thor's room after that, letting Thor hand him one thing after another, calling on JARVIS to help him analyse them, taking careful photos and storing them for later. His favorite was the ornately decorated and jeweled daggers, and after several hours exclaiming over them Tony set out to make a leather sheath to hold one of them. Thor rolled his eyes and gave Tony one of the holders from his own armor.
Tony now wore a ridiculous knife on his belt everywhere, pulling it out every chance he got, even if it was just to trim a candle wick.
Then came the kisses, ranging from soft smooches on Tony's forehead as Thor passed, to the ones that involved Tony straddling Thor's lap, moaning loudly into his mouth as Thor moved his big hands over and then under Tony's clothes, usually shredding them before rolling Tony to the floor.
The team learned to just leave the room when Thor kissed Tony. It was just safer for everyone that way.
And of course eventually, all this sudden attention had to go somewhere, had to resolve itself somehow, so one night as Tony sat in Thor's room and took scans of the intricate symbols on a sword scabbard, he glanced up at the blue eyed demigod and cleared his throat.
“What's going on? Between us, I mean. Are we just---”
“Are we just what, Anthony?” Thor asked, raising an eyebrow from where he was reclined on the bed, all golden muscles and thick arms and big thighs and bare chest and big--big-- Tony's eyes glazed over a little looking at so much demi god wearing only a pair of briefs, a blanket tossed casually over his lap.
That had been a new development as well-- Thor taking to basically stripping whenever they were in his room. He stayed fully dressed in the common areas, even if his shirts were ridiculously tight and it was nearly illegal how well his jeans fit, but as soon as they made it to his room for another night of Tony geeking out over Asgardian relics and tech and weapons--- the clothes started coming off.
First it had been his shirt, just casually striped off and tossed away. Tony had seen Thor shirtless before so it wasn't that big of a deal. But when the pants came off as Thor lounged on his recliner or even on his bed, Tony hadn't talked for a full five minutes, just staring and Thor had smiled to himself then.
“Anyway.” Tony dragged his gaze away. “What's going on? I mean youve always been nice to me, but now you’re reciting poetry and bringing me sparkly things and kissing---” his mouth dropped. “Are we dating? Are you courting me? Is this like some sort of Asgardian thing?”
“It is.” Thor replied with a twinkle in his eyes as Tony blushed bright red.
“But um-- why? Why all this and why all the sudden and why-- why me?”
“Because you are my Queen.” Thor said matter of factly. “Why wouldn't I be showering you with gifts and reading you sonnets and trying to be as physically affectionate with you as possible?”
“Your Queen.” Tony repeated. “Is that because I let Tasha put lipstick on me that one time? Because she swore Dusky Dawn was a great color on me and---”
“No, Anthony.” Thor laughed. “Even though Natasha was correct. That particular shade of red was beautiful on your lips. Queen is simply a term to designate my partner, my life mate. The one who belongs on the throne next to me.”
“Oh.” Tony blushed again and cleared his throat. “But why...me?”
“I wanted you always.” Thor said, lifting one shoulder in an offhanded shrug. “But then you lifted Mjolnir and--”
“When did I lift Mjolnir?” Tony interrupted and Thor motioned towards the hammer.
“Well you could lift her now. But several weeks ago when you emerged from your laboratory, nearly delirious from lack of rest, you carried her up the stairs and talked to her the entire time, and then scolded me for leaving her in your lab. Then you wandered off and fell asleep for a day and a half.”
“I--did?” Tony's mouth fell open. “Really?”
“And that's when I knew you were my Queen.” Thor finished. “Even though, if you accept me as your King, we will not have to use that term. You may be called whatever you wish, so long as the name tells all who hear it that you are mine and mine alone.”
“If I accept you?” Tony squeaked and something wicked lit in Thor's eyes.
“Yes, Anthony. If you will accept me as yours, then--”
“I don't bottom.” Tony blurted. “I don't. I need to be the one doing the-- doing the---” he made an awkward motion and Thor chuckled.
“Butidbottomforyou.” Tony said in a rush. “I mean um, I'd love for you to-- if you wanted-- youcanhavemeifyouwant.”
“Again.” Thor instructed, his already deep voice dropping even lower. “Slower this time.”
Tony dropped whatever he was holding and climbed onto the bed, waiting for an encouraging nod from Thor before moving up to straddle the demi-gods waist.
“You can have me if you want.” he repeated, softer, slower.
“You will accept me?” Thor asked gravely and Tony was nodding before he even finished speaking.
“I-- I would accept you, yes. If you--if you want me.”
“Anthony.” Thor rumbled and cupped his jaw tenderly, bringing Tony in for a long slow kiss. “Oh you have no idea how much I want you.”
Tony didn't walk into the kitchen the next morning for breakfast. Instead, Thor carried him carefully, holding him close to his chest. Tony was wrapped in one of the silk sheets from Thor's bed, his hair a disaster, his eyes still closed, looking incredibly blissed out.
“Um. Good morning.” Clint raised his coffee cup in greeting. “How was your night?”
“I think we all know how Tony's night was.” Sam said dryly, and in Thor's arms, Tony flushed a dark red and snuggled closer into his lovers chest, refusing to even look at them.
“Yes.” Natasha tilted her head. “Yes, I think we all do. And Thor? Your night was equally as loud-- I mean, nice, wasn't it?”
“Aye.” Thor said softly and sat down carefully, keeping Tony as close as possible. “My night was wonderful. With such a uninhibited, responsive lover in my bed how coudl it---”
“Thor!” Tony cried, and pulled the sheet over his head entirely.
“There is no shame in your reactions, my love.” Thor assured him. “How else would I have known how to please you--”
“--over and over and over.” Clint finished. “Who knew Tony was such a---”
Thunder crashed outside-- maybe inside?-- the building and Clint jumped.
“You will watch the words you use to describe my love!” Thor boomed and Clint snapped his mouth shut.
“Yeah Clint.” Came Tony's muffled voice from beneath the sheet. “Shut up.”
Thor laughed quietly and squeezed Tony lightly. “Did you decide---”
“Queen is fine.” Tony said, barely a whisper.
“Excellent my love.”