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Breaking Inside

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Breaking Inside

By CarolelaineD

I don't want to live

To waste another day

Underneath the shadow of mistakes, I made

Cause I feel like I'm breaking inside

I don't want to fall and say I lost it all

Cause baby there's a part of me that hit the wall

Leaving pieces of me behind

Leaving pieces of me behind

And I feel like I'm breaking inside

I won't be the last one in line,

I finally figured out what's mine.

Breaking Inside Lyrics from Shinedown.



I was in a foul mood today as everything was going wrong, I'm a Scot and brought up in Ireland so I have an excuse to yell at times like this.

"Get the fuck in there Juicy now or else..."

"What the hell’s going on Chibs, what's the lad done?"

"Stay out of this Bobby."

"Go easy on him will you, for fucks sake Chibs he's just a kid."

" If sae why's he a fully patched member then? ah dinnae see him sportin' a prospect patch anymair dae ye..."

I practically slammed the door shut as soon as Bobby walked out, he was my brother, but I had to deal with Juice myself to accept this. I looked across at the brother in question, he was just stood there with his head facing the floor.

"So Juice how are we gonnae dae this lad?"

"I don't know, shit Chibs it's just all going to hell."

"Aye that it has lad."

"Look just hit me if that's what you want, if that's what it'll take to make it right with you."

"Juicy lad, shite if ah stairt a wullnae be able tae halt myself."

I didn't miss the look of fear that appeared upon the lads face, maybe I should just take a step back and walk away from him. However, within a split second the look had changed, Juice now stood there with a look of sheer hate on his face.

"You're not my fuckin father Chibs, don't even try to talk down to me like I'm stupid or something."

"Shite Juice Ah dinnae say that..."

I never got to say another word after that, within seconds Juice was upon me and fully pissed now. His fists rained down on me until I grabbed hold of his wrists, I then spun him around and held him really tight.

"You Cannae win Juicy, I'm not gonna stand here and just take shit fae ye lad."

"You have never taken it Chibs, you've just always been good at dishing it out."

"Fuck you Juicy, mibbie ye’v finally grown a set of balls."

Suddenly the lad behaved like a wild animal, yet I was left with no choice but to let go as his teeth sank into my hand. Fuck this, I grabbed him and shoved him to the floor before I was upon him.

"Ya really don wane mess with me laddie, it'll be the biggest mistake of yer fuckin life I promise."

"Get the fuck off me right now Chibs."

"I'll move when you calm the fuck down lad."

Well that was when he turned towards me and spat in my face, I never even had to think twice as I backhanded him.

"Fuck is that all you've got Chibby, hell and you say I'm the one that needs to grow a set of balls."

I felt my hand turn into a tight fist, I then punched him in his smart arsed mouth over and over again. His eyes glazed over as he just took it without fighting back, it was like he was past caring now.

It was sometime later that the lad finally passed out, it was then and only then I stopped to catch my breath. Fuck then I looked down at his once perfect face, which was now covered in blood and already starting to swell up. Shit, I couldn't stand to look at what I'd done to him, I pulled myself up from the floor and just stood there shaking.

"Shit...shit...shit, what the hell did ye make me dae Juice?"

I had to get the hell out of here and fast, without even looking back I just walked out of the room and away from him. It appeared that everyone was outside the room just waiting, it was only then the reality of what I'd just done sank in.

"Hey Jackie lad tis over, however he might need a doctor or something though.".

"Shit Chibs what have you done to him?"

"Only what had tae be done, look I'm going home tae clean myself up a wee bit."

With that I walked out on Jax and the whole club, all I wanted was some space and time to think.


Fuck when I woke my head hurt worse than anything, also I realized that I was still laid on the clubhouse floor too. The only good thing was that there was no sign of Chibs, I looked around and noticed Bobby and Jax here with me though.

Great so Chibs fucks off and I'm left to deal with it all myself, shit it was only then that I realized Jax was actually talking to me.

"Juice look at me, come on we need to get you moved and cleaned up somewhat."

"Where's Chibs gone?"

"He's gone home, look sorry but this will sting a bit Juice."

I sat there in total silence as Jax cleaned me up the best he could, I felt like shit and just wanted to get away from all the accusing looks.

"Right Juice I need to look at your hand now."

"Why? There's nothing wrong with it Jax."

"Your hand's covered in blood."

"Look, Jax, it's okay I swear, the blood isn't mine anyway..."

"What you actually hit Chibs?"

"Look I just wiped the blood from my mouth after I bit him."

"I think it's high time we had that talk, shit Juice what the hell went on with the two of you anyway?"

"He didn't like the way I did a few things, he pissed me off and started acting just like my father had."

"Hey, I'm sure he was only looking out for you."

"Look, Jax, all I want to do is go home."

"I understand that you feel like that Juice, I just don't understand how it all went this far?"

"Ask Chibs, hell he was the one who started all of this."

"Right Juice I'll get someone to take you home, however in the morning we will all sit down and talk this out."

"Yeah fine, whatever you say."

Jax arranged to have my bike put in the van, soon I was sat beside Bobby and finally on my way home. I was glad when the journey started out in silence, however it wasn't long before Bobby had other ideas.

"You are aware I take it that you've pissed Jax off big time, I guess I'd just never expected Chibs to behave like that."

"So what, are you blaming me for it all?"

"Look Juice I've known Chibs for years, he can take a hell of a lot before he loses it like that."

"How the fuck should I know, maybe someone else had already pissed him off today."

"Believe me Juice he's the best friend you could have, but he can also be your worst enemy too."

"Look just drop it Bobby, it's bad enough that I have to explain myself to Jax."

I looked out of the window and just ignored Bobby, at least it was just another ten minutes and I'd be home again. My bike was unloaded for me outside my house, after that Bobby drove away with just a simple goodbye.

I went inside and the first thing I did was grab a beer, shit of course they'd all take Chibs side over mine. Part of me just felt like saying fuck them all, yet I knew I couldn't as they were the only real family that I had. Would I be able to go back to having no one again, well I guess that I'd had my father in the past?

Shit at that thought I suddenly felt really sick; I knew I couldn't compare what I had now with my father. He was someone that I really didn't want in my life at all, yet I didn't want a brother that acted like Chibs either.

I drank a few more beers and threw the cans on the table, I must have finally just fallen asleep right where I sat. When I opened my eyes, I realized that it was morning already, time for me to go and face the music including Jax and Chibs.


I went straight indoors and grabbed the bottle of whisky; with any luck I’d sleep in and avoid the meeting with Jackie. Aye well I cannae been the only one to notice him lately, shit Juice and never spoke to me like that before and not when we were at the club.

The fuckin kid was really starting to freak me out now too, hell I just couldn’t understand myself and why I was letting him get under my skin like that. I tried to stop thinking about the lad for now if possible, I had to admit the whisky helped until I awoke with a severe hangover.

I noticed that I’d drank over three quarters of the bottle last night alone, maybe I could just call Jax and tell him I cannae make it today. Fuck it the whisky looked too tempting, I finished off the rest of the bottle and just fell back asleep.

I woke and my head was literally fuckin pounding in ma skull, shite that was when I realized that the banging was someone at the door.

“Aye hold yer horses, for fucks sake I’m bloody coming.”

I opened the door to a rather angry looking Jax, well so much for me just hiding from the world then. I just left the door open for the lad, I then returned to my chair and covered my eyes from the sun.

“Chibs you were supposed to come and see me first thing this morning.”

“Sorry Jackie lad, look I was far tae drunk tae ride mah bike.”

“Oh well not to worry about it Chibby, I’ve come in the van and will take you back with me.”

“Can’t you just go and talk to Juice, that kid seems to have plenty to say for himself lately.”

“Yeah well he never showed up either.”

“Aye, see it’s not just me lad that doesn’t wantae talk to ye.”

“Sorry but you don’t have a choice and neither does he, hell you messed him up really bad Chibby.”

“Come on Jackie boy, the lad only got what he deserved.”

“We’ll see soon enough, Opie’s gone over there to collect him and take him to the club.”

“Fuckin great, shite why cannae ye just drop it Jax?”

“You’re supposed to be brothers, hell even you know Chibs that I can’t just overlook something like that.”

“Aye and suppose I dinnae wantae see the lad today, what would happen then Jackie lad?”

“Look Chibs you will see him, and we will talk, also you can try and reign in that temper of yours too.”

“Aye whatever…”

“Right come on then let’s get this over with.”

I stood and grabbed my cut, shite then I had to start searching everywhere fore mah sunglasses.

“Chibs stalling won’t put off the inevitable.”

“Hey Jackie lad I cannae go out there without mah sunglasses.”

“I take it your hangover’s really bad then.”

“Aye something like that lad.”

Finally, I managed to find them on the kitchen table where I’d left them, well at least I’d now be able tae hide behind them.

“Right I’m as ready as I’m ever gaun tae be lad.”

We were finally in the van and driving towards the clubhouse, in some ways I was hoping Juice wouldn’t show up. I was miles away just thinking about yesterday, hell I was trying to justify to myself why I hit the kid so hard. If it was hard justifying it to myself, how the hell would I convince my brothers that I had reason to beat Juicy unconscious.

“Well the tow truck’s still out, looks like Opie’s not back with Juice yet then.”

“Good maybe the kid has some sense after all.”

“Chibs I’m warning you…”

“Aye I get it Jackie lad; I swear that I’ll behave myself.”

“You better, I don’t want any more violence between brothers.”

I kept my mouth shut as I entered the club, I noticed for the time of day it appeared rather empty too. Well I guess it was now or never, I behaved and just followed Jax as he led me into church.


They could all wait as I wanted a shower before anything else, it was then that I saw my own reflection in the mirror. Shit Chibs had really done a number on me, my eye was swollen and hardly opened also my lip wasn’t much better.

Fuck it, did I really need them and all this shit in my life. Yeah, I knew deep down that I did need them, at the end of the day they were my family and the only one I had.

I ran my fingers along my swollen lip that still hurt, it was then something inside snapped and I just lost it. I raised my fist and punched the mirror full on, I then had to watch my face as glass flew everywhere.

I just stood there transfixed as the blood flowed, soon the sink was covered in glass and too much of my blood. Fuck it was then that I heard Opie calling me, I hadn’t even heard anyone enter my apartment.

“Hey Juice the door was… oh shit what the hell happened?”

“I smashed the mirror that’s all, shit it’s no big deal Opie.”

“Just sit the hell down Juice, I’m going to have to bandage this up until we can get you to Tara or the hospital.”

Surprisingly Opie was really gentle as he dealt with my injured hand, it wasn’t long before he had it fully bandaged up.

“Jax sent me to get you Juice, he wants you and Chibs at the clubhouse.”

“Has he already spoken to Chibby, please Opie I really need to know?”

“Chibs never turned up this morning either, I guess you both have something in common after all. I came to get you and Jax went to get Chibs, either way Jax said you both would be at that meeting today.”

“Fine I’ll go; look I just need a quick shower first though.”

“No chance Juice, look I’ve just bandaged your hand all up plus, Jax would kill me if I don’t arrive there soon with you.”

“Fine I won’t bother then.”

“Juice don’t sulk like that.”

Great so much for trying to stall a bit longer, I guess I was going no matter what.

“Fine, look can I at least put some clean clothes on?”

“You’ve got five minutes Juice.”

“Thanks’ Opie.”

“Yeah whatever, look I’ll be outside waiting when you’re ready.”

I managed to pull some clothes on, it was then that I just needed my boots and cut to be ready. Okay laces where a pain in the ass with only one hand, ha maybe I had a way of stalling after all.

“For fucks sake Juice I haven’t got all day.”

I watched as Opie knelt down in front of me and grabbed my laces, he had both of my boots fully fastened within minutes.

“Hell, I’m not a fuckin baby Opie.”

“You could have fooled me and everyone else, the pair of you acted like a pair of kids in a fuckin playground.”

“It was just a difference of opinion that’s all.”

“Hey, it’s your funeral Juice, believe me you’re playing with fire getting on the wrong side of Chibs.”

“Look can we just go?”

“Yeah come on Juice let’s get this over with shall we.”

We arrived back in no time at all, yet now I was starting to feel really nervous about all of this.

“Did Jax go on his bike for Chibs?”

“No, he took the black van in case Chibs was drunk, why do you want to know anyway?”

“I was just wondering Opie that’s all.”

I couldn’t help but notice the van in question, great that meant that Chibs and Jax were already here and inside. Deep down I was scared I’d lose my patch over it all, then I was also worried Chibs might use me as his personal punch bag once more.


I’d spent the last twenty minutes just waiting for Juice to show, I just sat there with my head in my hands resting on the table in front of me. So far it was just myself and Jax, so I guess in reality it could have been far worse.

“Chibs you’re quiet; are you okay?”

“Aye Jackie lad I’ll be right; dinnae suppose I can grab a drink while we wait?”

“That would depend on what you’ve got in mind Chibs…”

“A whisky would go down good right now.”

“A coffee’s the best offer you’ll get for now I’m afraid.”

“Fine just forget I asked then.”

Suddenly someone knocked gently on the door and opened it. We both looked up to see Opie enter the room, however Jax was the first one to speak to him.

“Hey Opie you made it, so where’s Juice then?”

“He’s outside; I just wanted a word first Jax if that’s okay.”

I had to just sit there like a fuckin spare part, it was hard to believe I was part of this club. Opie lent forward and whispered something to Jax, I also noticed that he looked over at me a couple of times too.

“Thanks Opie just send Juice in then, I’m sure I’ll be fine with both of them.”

“Hey Jackie boy I’d never hit you!”

“I’m sure you once also said that about Juice.”

“Aye so I did lad.”

I avoided looking up as Juice entered the room, I guess I thought it might be a bit easier this way.

“Right Juice take a seat.”

“Where do you want me to sit Jax?”

“The opposite side of the table from Chibs would be good, both of you can remember that I’m here in the room with you.”

Juice pulled out a chair and sat in silence, first we’d have to listen to Jackie have his say before we’d get a chance to explain.

“Right you’ll both remain seated until this is over, also I tried to think what would be the best way to do this. You’ll both have to accept the decision that I made, as I couldn’t see any other way around it.

“Aye lad that’s fine with me.”

“Juice what about you?”

“Yeah I’m okay with it too Jax.”

“Right only one of you will be able to talk at a time, I decided that I’d let you talk first Chibs. It’s not personal Juice believe me, Chibs has been a member the longest and he’s also the oldest here.”

“Yeah okay and thanks Jax.”

“No problem Juice, right Chibs let’s hear what you’ve got to say for yourself.”

“So, where do you want me tae begin then?”

“You’re supposed to be brothers, start by explaining why you beat Juice unconscious yesterday.”

“Aye I’ll do the best I can then Jax, look the fuckin lads a liability okay. He put his own life in danger and also the lives of his brothers, also it’s not the first time he’s done it either. Not the first and it won’t be the last, I’m not going tae stand there and watch himself destruct or kill others.”

“If you thought that way why wasn’t it brought to the table, what had to be done should have been a club decision.”

“Hey, you know me Jackie lad…”

“Yeah well things have got to change around here Chibs, that or you’ll both be out of the club.”

“Shite Jackie lad you’d throw me out over this?”

“Yeah Chibs, hell you just can’t be a loose cannon.”

I put my hands in the air; hell, what was the bloody point. Shite if I was the loose cannon what the hell did it make Juice?


I was feeling rather nervous as Jax and Chibs spoke to each other, I’d also taken note of the fact we could both end up kicked out over this. The club was my whole life and my family, I knew without them I’d be nothing at all.

“Hey Juice are you still with us?”

“Yeah Jax I’m good.”

“Right I want to hear your side of the story; I want to know how you managed to piss off Chibs to that extent.”

I looked across the table and swallowed nervously, Chibs was sat there just staring straight at me. I knew that he was doing it on purpose and also why he was doing it, Chibs wanted me to just deny it all.

“Things just got out of hand somewhat, look I’ll admit that I should have been more careful. However, saying that I’d still do it all again, you’re my brothers and I’d risk my life for all of you.”

“I can understand that Juice, the thing is with back up you wouldn’t have had to risk your own life either.”

“Look Jax I can’t change what I’ve done, I guess all I can do is learn from it all.”

I looked up and noticed that I was still been watched, Chibs just kept on staring at my mouth all the time. In all honesty I was starting to feel really paranoid, this was the main person that I’d have trusted with my life once. I knew he was still doing it on purpose, I’d looked up to him, yet he could still creep the hell out of me.

“Well I’m glad realized it was a mistake, personally I love you both and don’t want to see either one of you go. I have to be able to trust the pair of you together though, there will be times when you both have to be alone together.”

“Yeah I know that, Chibs is still my brother though and I trust him with my life.”

“I’m glad you still feel that way, especially after the beating you took over this.”

“Yeah like I said; I really am good Jax.”

“Good because I meant everything I said, I won’t tolerate shit like that between brothers.”

“I swear it won’t happen again Jax.”

“Look you’ll both be on three months’ probation now, if anything comes up, we’ll just take it from there. You will work together or I’ll have no choice other than to act, I love you both and want the pair of you to remain here.”

“Like I said; this is my life Jax and without the club I’m nothing.”

“Yeah, I know Juice, what about you Chibs; are you okay with all that was said?”

“Aye Jackie lad I’m fine with all of it.”

“Right I want the pair of you to give each other a hug, let’s just put this disagreement to rest shall we.”

I watched as Chibs stood and came around the table, he then stood there and held his arms out towards me.

“Come on gies us a hug Juicy boy, look for what it’s worth I’m sorry I hit ye like that.”

I knew I’d have to respond as Jax was watching us, I finally just stood up and let Chibs hug me. He was after all my brother; a brother that I loved far more than I’d thought.

“Right I have a job that you can both do together, just so that you can both prove you mean it.”

“Aye so what’s the job Jackie lad?”

“Take Juice to the hospital, I want him to get his hand x-rayed before doing anything else.”

“Why what the hell happened Juicy boy?”

“I punched a mirror that’s all.”

Suddenly it was like I was a little kid all over again, stupid Juice never manages to get anything right.


We drove to the hospital in near silence, now I was starting to wonder if earlier Juice had said it all just to impress Jax.

“Ye okay Juicy boy, it’suist ye'v gaen really quiet since we left the club?”

“I’m fine, I guess you must all think I’m just really fuckin stupid.”

“I just don’t wantae lose you Juicy that’s all, you may be daft at times but ye are far from stupid lad.”

“Yeah right…”

“Ye have brains lad; ye just need to start putting’ yerself first though.”

“Are you staying here while I go inside?”

Great so Juice had spent five minutes with me and that was it, shit was he already trying to dump me?

“Jesus Christ Juicy boy…”

“What, shit I only asked you a question Chibs.”

“It’s like yer expecting me to hit you or something lad.”

Juice remained silent; however I noticed his hand move to his bruised lips.

“Oh shit I’m sae sorry Juice.”

I couldn’t help myself as I reached out my hand and touched his lip, that was when Juice withdrew away from me fast.

“You dinnae trust me any more do ye Juicy?”

“Look I’ll get over it sooner or later, I guess I’d never expected you to ever hurt me like that.”

“Shite I dinnae even know what to say, things just got out of hand way tae fast.”

God the lad was so predictable, I watched as he turned away towards the window. He always withdrew into himself when he was upset, I’d learnt over the years just how to read juice.

“We’re here so it’s up tae ye Juicy.”

“Come with me Chibs, shit I really don’t want to be alone right now.”

“See that wasn’t hard was it and of course I’ll come wi’ you.”

We both got out and I locked the van, now all we could do was sit and wait in the waiting room. Deep down I knew that Juice had issues, hell every single one of us did for that matter. I believed the tipping point had been the death of Miles, even though Juice had killed him in self-defense.

Normally I didn’t give a fuck about him, shit in all honesty I’d never even really liked him at first. Juice had always come across as touchy and easily upset, that alone made me think he had a few hidden issues too.

Fuck though; the kid goes and grows on you, also I thought he looked up to me at times and I liked that. Then there was the comment about me not been his father, maybe I was wrong, and he didn’t see me as a father figure after all.

I decided that I’d try talking to him again later today, it was then that someone called out his name as the next patient.

“Hey Chibs, I won’t be long okay.”

“Aye lad; dinnae worry I’ll be right here waiting for ye.”

Shit lack of sleep was really starting to catch up on me now, that and I still had a hangover too. I put my feet up on the magazine table and got comfortable, I couldn’t help but notice the looks that I was receiving from the other people in the room. Well fuck them all, I just lay my head back on the chair and closed my eyes for a bit.

Soon I could feel my eyes grow heavy, hell I couldn’t have even opened them if my life depended on it. I knew no one would bother me if I fell asleep, I wasn’t stupid and knew people saw me as intimidating with the cut and all. Also there were the scars too, most people tried to avoid looking at me at all.

Well fuck them all and fuck this, all I’d need was ten minutes sleep and I’d be good to go. Well I must have got my wish, next thing I knew Juice was waking me up.


 I sat there while they x rayed my hand, well at least I’d been lucky and there were no broken bones. God, I hated hospitals with a passion and just wanted to leave here, not that I knew what Jax had planned for us next.

Well trust Chibs to still manage and make me smile, I entered the waiting room to see he’d made himself at home. It’s funny how people judge just by outward appearances, clothing and looks apparently could define you as good or bad.

Chibs had managed to make a huge divide in the room, I guess they didn’t see beyond the badass biker image; however lucky for me I knew he was more than that.

I knelt down beside the chair where he slept, he looked so peaceful asleep with his feet up on the table. I touched him ever so gently on his arm, fuck I nearly ended up on my ass as he jumped out of the chair.

“Shit Juicy lad, fuck are ye trying tae git yersel' killed?”

“Sorry I wasn’t thinking.”

“Aye you clearly weren’t.”

“Come on I think your scaring all the other patients.”

“Aye I guess with this ugly mug I must be.”

“Come on old man let’s get out of here.”

“Dinnae ye be pushing yer luck Juicy boy; anyway did they say that ye could leave?”

“Yeah nothing’s broken; I just have to have a couple of days without really using it that’s all.”

“So, what is it that ye want tae do now lad?”

“All I want more than anything is a strong drink.”

“Aye let’s go back tae the clubhouse then, maybe have the odd one or two.”

I followed Chibs outside and back to the van, I was also tired and realized I would need more sleep too. Maybe as I was so exhausted I’d just pass out, that and I also knew the drink would help too.

Chibs pulled into the traffic and drove us back, when we arrived, he went straight to the bar and got us both a drink.

“I take it beers okay lad?”

“You could have just got me a whisky too Chibby…”

“Are ye sure about that Juice? it’s strong stuff ye know lad.”

“Yeah then I’m off to bed.”

I had to admit that the drink was helping me relax, also I never kept my word and stopped after just the one.


“Aye what is it lad?”

“Why don’t you really like me; I mean I know you pretend to but…”

“Stop right there lad, shit that had better just be the drink talking.”

“I just wanted to know that was all.”

“Ye never listen dae ye I love ye so much Juice and yer mah brother.”

“So why did you have to hit me so hard then?”

“Because I love ye, also ye scare the hell out of me at times lad.”


“Aye lad, I know there’s no more drink for ye tonight though.”

I got the pills out of my pocket and took two with the whisky, at least that would help with the pain in my face and hand somewhat. It didn’t matter that the tablets said to take only one, oh and to totally avoid alcohol.

Suddenly I felt really light headed, it must then have only been seconds before I hit the floor hard.

“Fuck Juicy just how many pills have ye popped today?”


“Pills, how many have ye taken?”

“Too many I think…”

Fuck the next thing I felt were Chibs hands as he tried to choke me, it took me a minute to realize he was trying to make me sick in an effort to get rid of the pills.


Great so now I was here with my fingers down the lad’s throat, Shite all I wanted was for him to throw the pills back up. Then suddenly I felt his chest heave a couple of times, fuck that was when I pulled my fingers back out real fast.

I cannae say it was in any way a pleasant experience, Juice decided to throw up all over himself and the clubhouse floor too.

“Yer a fuckin’ idiot Juicy boy and I’m tae old for all this crap.”

I couldn’t help but slap the lad hard across his face, all I wanted was to make sure he was fully awake and still breathing. I called one of the prospects to come straight over as I would need help, well there was no way I planned to clean up after the lad.

It was easy to lie and just say the lad had drunk far too much, however I was now left with the job of moving him into a room.

“Come on Juicy lad, can ye at least try and walk a bit for me?”

“I don’t know, shit my head hurts.”

“Well I have no sympathy sae at least try tae move lad.”

I finally pulled him up and put his arm around my shoulder, I’d never felt so relieved as when we made it into one of the rooms. Juice was dead weight in this state and it was hard, finally I just dropped him down upon the bed.

Okay maybe that wasn’t one of my brightest ideas, shite now Juice had gone and thrown up all over himself a second time. I knew I’d have to start the slow process of undressing the lad, it appeared that Juice wasn’t going to help in any way whatsoever.

“God, I hope ye hae the worst hangover possible lad, so help me ye will bloody deserve it.”

“I just want to go to sleep Chibby…”

Finally, after one hell of a struggle I removed his jeans, soon I had the lad just sprawled out on the bed in his underwear.

“Right just sleep it off now lad.”

“Chibbie where are you going? thanks’ for putting up with me as I love you brother.”

“Hey yer still an idiot Juicy lad, also believe me we’ll be having some strong words tomorrow.”

“I can’t wait.”

I went straight back out to the bar, hell now I would need a drink more than ever and a shower too. Well it looked like I wasn’t the only one drinking out here tonight, however Jax looked really pissed off and far from happy.

“You still here Jackie lad…”

“Yeah how’s Juice doing Chibs?”

“Very drunk at the moment, but he seems to be doing okay though.”

“Look Chibs I really need you to keep an eye on him, just make sure he stays on the rails.”

“Aye will do, why what’s up anyway?”

“Look Clay comes back in the morning, any shit from Juice and he’ll kick him straight out and have the ink removed.”

“Yeah okay, cheers for the heads up brother.”

“No worries, I sometimes wonder if this is the right place for Juice?”

“I’m sure it’ll all work out good in the long run.”

“Yeah he’s just been so out of it lately that’s all.”

“Aye tell me something I don’t know.”

“Just watch him, all I want is a heads up if there’s a problem.”

“Aye I can manage that lad.”

“Juice has always looked up to you Chibs, yet now he seems to also be pushing you away too.”

“Well I’ll go and check on him again before I call it a night, I don’t think I can ride home now anyway.”

I had a couple more drinks and then went to check on the lad, then at least I’d finally be able to call it a night myself and get some sleep.


I woke to find the room was spinning way too fast, my head ached really bad, yet I also needed a piss. When I finally managed to sit up I found myself alone, I guess that Chibs really had gone out there to get drunk after all. Fuck the sheer thought of alcohol and my stomach heaved, it wasn’t long before I was throwing up all over the floor.

Well now it was a case of move or piss the bed, only thing was I was far too old to get away with something like that. It took time but I finally got up and staggered towards the bathroom, I knew that I smelt like puke and in all honesty needed a shower too.

Soon after relieving myself I turned on the shower, the warm water felt so relaxing and all I wanted to do was go back to sleep. I slowly slid down the tiled wall towards the floor and sat there, the next thing I knew someone was shaking me rather hard.

“Hey Juicy wake the hell up lad.”

“I’m too tired just go away and leave me alone.”

“You’re meant tae kip in the bloody bed, hell the water’s stane cauld Juice.”

“Yeah well I forgot to get a towel.”

I sat and watched as Chibs went and grabbed a towel, he then held it out for me and turned the shower off.

“Just get dried lad as I need tae sort the room out, well that’s if ye’v finished throwing up.”

“Yeah I just need to get some sleep.”

I couldn’t even be bothered to move at all, instead I just wrapped the towel around myself and fell back asleep.

“For fucks sake Juice, hell I can’t even leave ye alone for a minute can I.”

“Shit Chibs don’t keep shouting like that.”

“What’s the matter lad dae ye hae a headache something?”

“That’s it I’m moving and going back to bed.”

“Well at least ah won’t hae tae carry ye laddie, also remember you brought all of this on yourself too.”

“Yeah whatever.”

One I stood I just dropped the towel, it was far too wet to even keep around me now. Finally, I managed to just lay back down on the bed, my head didn’t hurt as much in this position either.

“Juicy are ye still awake?”

“No, I’m asleep.”

Fuck suddenly he slapped me hard across my thigh, far harder than he really had to do it.

“Fuck Chibbie what was that for?”

“Don’t ignore me then when I’m asking ye a question or talking tae you.”

“Fine say what you have to Chibbie, just make it fast so I can actually go to sleep.”

“You’re worrying me Juicy, ye said that everything was okay with you…”

“It is.”

“Don’t ye dare lie tae me laddie, I know that you’re hiding something too.”

“No, I’m not, maybe your just getting old and senile.”

“Watch that mouth Juicy boy.”

“Or what?”

“You look out of it, hae you taken something while I was gone?”

“I only took a couple of sleeping pills that’s all.”

“Great noo ah can’t lea ye 'ere alone, hell you might throw up in yer sleep and choke.”

“I’ll be okay Chibs so stop worrying.”

“Like hell you will be, look lad I’m going tae sleep here in the chair.”

“If you must.”

“Aye I must, look just get some sleep Juicy.”

“I love you brother.”

“I know.”

I wanted Chibs friendship as my brother, but deep down I truly believed I wasn’t good enough for any of them.


Well I knew I wouldn’t be sleeping much tonight; I’d only been in the chair for five minutes and my back was in agony. Hell, maybe Juice had been right about me earlier and that I was old, because that was exactly as I felt right now.

I’d left the lamp on low as a precaution, even though I could still hear the lad breathing normally and regular. I was fascinated by the way his chest just rose and fell in and out, shit that was when I realized that wasn’t the only thing rising.

Now I was sat here wondering what Juicy boy was dreaming about, well whatever it was his body seemed to be reacting to it. Shit I’d never realized before just how fit and toned the lad was either, it wasn’t like he exercised all the time or anything.

Fuck this, now I was having severe immoral thoughts about a brother, maybe I should just sneak out of here for a while. I guess I could always go and find a croweater, I’d get laid and be back before Juice even woke or realized I was gone.

Aye knowing my luck he’d choke in the time I was away, I settled for turning my head away and thinking about other things. At some point I guess I’d finally drifted off into an uncomfortable sleep, yet I woke to the sounds Juice was making on the bed. It was then that I realized just how cold it was, oh and also the fact that the lad was laid there naked.

“Come on Juicy let’s get some covers on ye shall we, at this rate you’ll freeze tae death lad.”

I received no response from the lad at all, hell maybe I’d need to get myself some of the sleeping pills he’s on. Shit suddenly he started moaning again and grabbed hold of my hand, that was when I realized that he was actually crying.

“Hey Juicy boy, come on lad things cannae be that bad.”

“Chibs I’m really scared,”

“Jesus Christ lad, god ye can’t expect me tae be here with ye like this!”

“Please Chibbie just lay with me for a few minutes.”

“Aye but you’d better nae tell anyone lad, I do have a reputation to keep around here.”

I lay down on the bed beside Juice, fuck was I so glad that I was fully dressed right now. I could hardly even move as he pressed up against my body, yet within a couple of minutes the lad was back fast asleep. I waited a few minutes and then tried moving him, shit I froze as my hand suddenly touched his cock. Worse was when I realized that he was rock hard, shit this kid really had to be doing some other drugs or something.

“Hey Juicy boy come on lad.”

I realized that he was well and truly out of it and fast asleep, I received no reply and had to decide what to do. Fuck this really couldn’t be happening to me, apparently it appeared that Juice wasn’t the only one that was hard right now.

This was just so wrong on every single level, I was a fuckin man for fucks sake, Then I suddenly started to wonder what he really felt like, then I was suddenly gone and couldn’t hold back any longer. I gently ran my fingers along his erection a couple of times, fuck I was getting so turned on as it started to twitch beneath my hand.

The last time I’d fucked around with a man I was still a teenager; I’d still lived in Ireland at the time and my life had been so fucked up back then. I’d been about seventeen and it had just happened, I guess you’d have just put it down to been part of growing up.

Yet here I was years later suddenly wanting Juice, his skin felt so soft and was also really warm too. It was then that I suddenly remembered all the times I’d hugged him; I’d always believed it had just been brotherly love. Deep down I knew it couldn’t be any further from the truth, I knew now that I wanted him in a sexual way too.

I had to get the hell out of this room and away from him, that or I’d just end up molesting him. I was far from gentle as I shoved him away from me, within minutes I’d fled the room and was back at the bar once more.


Well Chibs was right and my head hurt like hell, I lay there trying not to move because of the pain it caused. I vaguely remembered getting drunk, shit then I remembered taking the sleeping pills too. I was nothing but a pathetic fuckin loser and deserved everything I got, I started crying and just wanted it all to end.

Chibs only knew some of the things I’d suffered, how the hell did I tell him that I was also a fuckin traitor too. I started to think about just doing a runner, yet I knew I was fucked no matter what I decided.

Before I could think I had to get rid of this fuckin headache, I finally stood and managed to wrap the sheet around myself. I guess in a way I was lucky that it was still early and no one would be here, I’d just grab some meds and go back to bed. I opened the room door and was met with silence, as long as I was quick, I’d be okay.

When I entered there was only one person in the room, Chibs was propped up at the bar and fast asleep. I gathered he’d drank a lot by the empty bottle in front of him, I was just really quiet as not to wake him and grabbed the meds. Everything seemed to be going really well, then I fucked up and dropped the glass onto the floor.

Jesus Chibs was drunk but hell he could still move; within seconds he had his gun pointed at my head.

“Shit Juice what the fuck are ye daein?”

“Sorry I was just getting some water and pain meds.”

“Move away from the broken glass and I’ll do it.”

“Thanks Chibs.”

“Shit lad where the fuck are ye clothes?”

“I already said that I was going back to bed, I didn’t think there was much point dressing at this time of morning.”

“Juice ye flaunt yourself around, ye don’t have a fuckin care in the world do ye?”

“What’ve I done now Chibs, everything I fuckin do is wrong according to you.”

“Just forget it and go back tae bed Juice.”

“Like fuck will I just go without a reason.”

Whatever I’d done must be bad, that or Chibs had found out I was a lousy traitor. Yet a big part of me wasn’t willing to just walk away from it, so like a stubborn bastard I refused to leave.

“I said just go Juice.”

“Fuck you Chibs, shit I thought we were good and had sorted everything out?”

“Yeah well maybe we didn’t, look somethings going on in that head of yers lad.”

“Yeah and all you do is just keep on treating me like a worthless bastard.”

“Aye maybe I do lad, also maybe yer right and it’s just me that has a problem.”

“Yeah well maybe you should sort yourself out then, maybe just practice what you preach old man.”

“You little bastard…”

With that Chibs suddenly grabbed me by the throat, I had to let go of the sheet as I tried to prize his fingers away.

“Please Chibs, shit you’re fuckin choking me.”

“Yeah well it might make ye see some sense lad.”

I stood there naked with tears pouring down my face, then suddenly Chibs let go and I fell to the floor.

“Look just stay the fuck away from me Juicy okay.”

With that Chibs just turned and left, as for me I just sat there for ages and cried like a fuckin baby. I’d started thinking about my future and the thought of been alone, had I really gone and lost the one true friend I’d had.


Jesus suddenly I couldn’t cope been around the lad anymore, anger was the only way that I’d ever been able to deal with my own emotions in life. I always just figured that I could just hurt him or scare him a bit, then that way he’d just tell me everything. Yet here the kid was just blocking it all away, even so I knew the lad wouldn’t last long once Clay returned.

Finally, I made it back home and could think once more, I also realized that I had to get some sleep and leave the whisky alone. In all honesty I’d hardly slept for days, also I believed that food was something else I was also lacking. Well the easiest thing I managed to find was a frozen pizza, at least I’d be able to let it cook while I took a shower.

Within a couple of hours, I finally made it to bed not that it was a peaceful sleep by any means. I dreamt mostly about Juice, but the dreams were far from happy fluffy bunny ones. I even dreamt that I really hurt the kid, also that I did hideous things to him. I found myself stood there with a gun pointed towards his head, it was then I woke covered in a sheen of sweat and couldn’t stop shaking.

I’d woke up at the time I’d pulled the trigger, at least I’d woke before I’d see the end results as I didn’t want that image in my head. It was then that I realized that my phone was ringing, I reached for it and flipped it open to see who was calling.


“Chibs it’s Jax.”

“Aye what’s up lad?”

“Clay wants you at the clubhouse right now.”

“Why’s something up Jackie lad?”

“That drug deal goes down later on today, shit Chibs we’re still one fuckin kilo short…”

“Great so the shit might hit the fan then lad?”

“Yeah so Clay wants everyone here.”

“Right I’ll be there soon lad.”

I pulled myself out of bed and quickly dressed, it wasn’t long at all before I’d reached the clubhouse. I then went straight to my seat at the table and sat down, I soon noticed that there was only one person missing and one empty seat.

“So, I take it Juicy boy’s not coming to this meeting Clay?”

“He went out on a pick up job, someone will have to fill him in on everything later.”

Clay talked and I hardly paid any attention, I already knew what the problem was and what recoil could come from it. Clay informed us that the meeting would take place at eight tonight, we literally only had a few hours to find out who stole the drugs.

One of the prospects knocked and entered, apparently, he had a message for Clay. We all sat and waited to see what the hell was up now; it had been just one thing after another around here for days on end now. Even so I couldn’t help but notice the look on the Presidents face change, great I was starting to wish this day would just bloody end.

“It would appear that Juice never reached the pickup location, also no one’s heard anything from him since he left earlier on.”

My heart beat faster and suddenly I felt really sick; shit I couldn’t just sit around here while Juice was out there god knows where.

“Clay has anyone called the lad’s burner?”

“Yeah Chibs, it appears that Juice hasn’t answered a single call while he’s been gone. How about you take a ride around and look for him Chibs, it’s just I have a lot on before that meeting tonight.”

“Aye I’ll go and take a look for the lad, maybe I might just spot the pickup somewhere while I’m out.”

What a day this was turning out to be, also now I had to look for Juice and deal with the drug meet later.


I’d sat on the floor and just cried for ages, yet deep down I knew it was only a matter of time before everyone arrived. I had a quick shower and dressed myself, then I popped a few pills and just wanted to go home and get away from this place. Everything was getting worse and I was barely holding it all together, not that anyone had noticed other than Chibs anyway.

At the moment it was far too painful to think about him, out of them all Chibs had always been there and was a true friend, He was my brother and I loved him with all my heart, I just couldn’t understand why he hated me so much.

I finally cleaned the room I’d used and grabbed my cut, however I managed to bump into Gemma on my way out.

“I’ve got a pick up I need you to do Juice.”

“Can’t someone else do it Gemma, I was just leaving and going home.”

“Does it look like anyone else is here to do it?”

“Fine I’ll do it; it’s not like I have a choice in the matter is it.”

I took the details and went to get the tow truck, deep down I was still worried about the kilo of drugs I’d stolen. I was only half way there when my phone started ringing, however as I was driving I just let it ring and go to voicemail. After the third time I decided to pull over as it might be urgent, I would listen to the voicemail and only planned to reply if I really had too.

When I listened to the message all I wanted was to die, by the end of today my life would be over anyway.

(Juice it’s Clay, we need everyone back here to discuss this drug meet tonight. We still haven’t managed to find out where the drugs are yet, look just do the pickup and return straight away.)

I sat there just thinking about what to do, this was my whole life and I had nothing else. I was losing the club and Chibs, I knew the game was over and I was left with no choice as to what must be done. I drove a bit further on and pulled off the main road, I knew that time was against me and I’d soon be missed.

A quick look around and I found the perfect place, now all I had to do was go through with it before anyone came and found me. I pulled the huge chain from the tow truck and got to work; it didn’t take me that long to get it wrapped around one of the tree branches.

I was a fuckin coward and could do fuck all right, so all I had to get right was this one last thing and it’d be over for good. It took a lot to finally get that chain around my neck, I tried to block out all the feelings I had so that I could just do it.

I soon realized that way wasn’t going to work, I decided to open my heart and think about what I’d done to the club and Chibs. That was all it took to push me right over the edge, I finally just closed my eyes and dropped from the tree.

I thought it would be instant and I’d choke or snap my neck, yet here I was hung here and clawing at the chain before I hit the ground. I gasped and realized I was well and truly still alive, the tree branch could only snap on me of all people.

I lay there trying to figure out what the hell I should do, fuck it was then that I heard a motorbike somewhere in the distance. I panicked and started removing the chain from my neck, I knew I had to get rid of the evidence before anyone found me.

It took a few minutes to get the chain moved, shit it was then that I realized my neck would be marked and show. I was just so thankful that I’d been wearing a hoody at the time, I pulled it right up and then just waited for what was to come.

It was only a minute or so before a lone bike pulled up, then I heard the engine cut out. Well I guess the tow truck was proof that I was somewhere around here, shit it was then that I heard his voice shouting.

“Juicy lad where are ye, Juicy come on lad.”

Out of everyone who could have come looking for me, shit it had to be Chibs that had come searching for me.


Well finding the tow truck out here was a good start, however of Juice there was no sign at all. The most I could do was keep looking and calling for the lad, finally I turned a corner and saw him just stood there. He had this strange lost look on his face, shit he was either up to something or on something.

“What are you up to Juicy boy?”

“I just stopped for a piss, other than that everything’s okay.”

“Bullshit… you’ve been missing for hours’ lad.”

“It’s nothing, look just leave me alone Chibs.”

“What the fuck’s that Juice?”

I’d noticed that the lad had his hood pulled right up, yet there was no way that he could hide that huge mark around his neck.

“It’s nothing so just fuck off.”

I grabbed him and yanked the hood down, shit that was when it hit me just what the lad had done.

“What the fuck did ye do lad?”

I looked around and that was when I noticed something else, lying on the ground was a branch with a chain wrapped around it.

“You fuckin idiot.”

Juice just stood staring at the ground, however that was when I saw red and grabbed him. Hell, it wasn’t like the lad even fought back, then it hit me exactly what his game was and what he was trying to do.

I rolled away from the lad and sat against a tree; I was the one now just sat here with my head in my hands.

“You tried to fuckin off yourself lad, shite and then you’d have just let me beat ye.”

“It’s over for me Chibs.”

I really couldn’t handle any of this shit, at this rate the lad would be the death of me.

“Talk to me Juicy boy, I cannae help ye if ye don’t talk to me.”

I watched as he pulled something from the waistband of his pants, when he threw it at me my whole world just fell apart. I loved Juicy and would have done anything to help him, yet he was the one who’d gone and betrayed us all. I sat there and just looked down at the drugs, every single one of us could have died because of the boys’ actions.

“Why Juice, shit why would you steal from your brothers and the club?”

“I had no choice, shit ATF forced me to do it Chibbie. They had information on me, shit Chibs it would have got me kicked out of the club.”

“What information Juice?”

“He knew my father was black, I had to do it or he’d have told Clay.”

“So ye risked the lives of all your brothers, hell Juicy no one would have given a shite about that.”

I watched him as he just stood there sobbing, fuck I couldn’t stand it any longer and went to him. I hugged the lad in my arms, and it felt so good, I then bent forward and kissed him gently on his head.

That was when my world turned even further upside down, something inside me just snapped and I knew I had to do something, I truly loved the lad, I’d only just now realized how much he really meant to me. In some twisted way I also realized that he was now mine, there was no way at all that I’d let him go now.

“Look I’ll drop you off at home and then I’ll sort this, ye have to stay there no matter what too.”

“Then what?”

“Lock the door, just stay there and I’ll call ye as soon as I can. When I call ye I want ye tae just do what I say, oh I’ll also get one of the prospects to return your bike.”

“Thank you Chibs, I love you brother.”

“Your mistaken lad if you think I’ll go easy on ye.”

I had plans to make, on top of that I also had to return the drugs to Clay.


Chibs was good to his word and took me home, only thing was I was more afraid to be alone than ever before

“Juice just remember what I told ye okay…”

“Yeah but what do I do when the prospect comes?”

“I’ll just tell him to post the keys, look I promise ye’ll be okay lad.”

“How long do I have to wait?”

“Fuck you Juicy, hell you should be thankful that I’m even bothering to help ye.”

“Just don’t leave me alone Chibbie please.”

I couldn’t help myself, shit I was just so scared I’d try and end it again if I was alone. I grabbed hold of Chibs and wouldn’t let him go, however I hadn’t bargained on the punch I received to my stomach.

“Go inside now Juice, also ye will stay there no matter how long this takes, Juice listen tae me lad, do you understand what I’m saying tae ye?”

“Yeah I get it loud and clear.”

I had to watch as Chibs just walked away, now I was left to wait, and I hated waiting more than anything. First thing I did was look in the mirror, fuck there was no way I could hide the state of my neck now. See I couldn’t even manage to fuckin top myself, it seemed that I was totally useless at every single thing I did.

I knew that Chibs planned to kick the shit out of me once more, I just didn’t understand why he hadn’t already done it. To a certain degree I knew that I’d never really fitted in, most of them thought I was a big joke.

It was then that I heard my phone receive a text, I looked at it apprehensively and saw it was from Chibs.

“Wait until later tonight when it’s dark, I want ye to go out to the cabin and stay there until I contact ye.”

Great so was that to be my punishment, I would have to spend a period of time alone in that fuckin cabin. I just sat there staring at the message, shit at this rate I knew I’d end up having a full blown panic attack. I got my breathing back under control and rang his number, on the second ring he picked up.

“Chibs it’s me, please I can’t do this. Fuck I’m so scared and don’t want to be out there alone…”

“Aye I bet ye are scared shitless lad.”

“So, you won’t make me go?”

“Juice be there okay, that or I’ll hunt you down and kill ye myself.”

With that the phone went dead as he hung up on me, I knew that Chibs had a nasty temper if he was pissed off too much. Soon I heard the prospect returning my bike, also it was then that my key dropped through the mailbox.

Another twenty minutes and I received another text, this one just said to go now. I grabbed my keys and phone, it was time to go and be in solitude for god only knew how long. Part of me wanted to text Chibs, I had to know if everything had gone okay with the drug deal. I also had to wonder if I was now wanted by the club too, Clay wouldn’t let it go when he learnt that it was me who’d stole it. Knowing Chibs I wouldn’t even get a reply, that or I ‘d get one threatening to kill me again.

I started my bike and didn’t even look back; chances are I wouldn’t be coming back here anytime soon; if at all. It was a quiet night so I took a leisurely ride, it wasn’t like I had a reason to hurry or be there anytime soon.

When I arrived, the cabin was in darkness, I looked around and noticed no other vehicles at all. Finally, I looked under a rock and retrieved a key, the door was locked so chances are the place was empty.

I opened the door real slow and entered, shit it was then that someone grabbed me from behind. The last thought I had was Chibs, how he must have just set me up all along. Suddenly there was a blinding pain at the side of my head, then all that followed was darkness.


I was gentle as I lay Juice down on the couch, I then grabbed a couple of cable ties and secured his wrists and ankles. While the lad was out, I had a few things that would need doing, mainly to empty all of his pockets and hide his bike. Last thing I wanted was him pulling out his gun or knife on me, I had to be prepared for everything and for him to want to kill me.

Juice was no longer just a risk from himself anymore, hell I’d never seen Clay that pissed off with a brother before. In a way though I could understand it, shit the actions of Juice alone could have got us all killed today.

Clay had decided that they’d take a vote over Juice, at present he was unsure if they’d even want him back. Clay had a plan for now and for me to carry it out, I was to take Juice away from Charming for a while to start with. Basically, I was given the job to babysit the lad, Clay also wanted me to teach the kid a few lessons regarding the club and its rules.

To be honest I was actually looking forward to it, also Clay had told me I could do whatever I wanted to Juice. Yet I was sure he knew I had a soft spot for him, if not for me the lad would have been gone a long time ago.

Juice always saw the club as his life, yet he was willing to end his own life to protect the very same club. If the lad didn’t care about his life why the hell should I, the plan was to really scare the lad and teach him a lesson at the same time.

It would be hard because I wanted Juice in so many ways, believe me not all of them where pleasant either. Something had just clicked earlier on and all rational thought had gone, I planned on making Juice mine one way or another. I ran my finger down the side of his cheek, then I ran it against those gorgeous lips, I knew all that I had to do was be patient for now.

I sat down with a bottle of whisky, hell I couldn’t even be bothered to get a glass as there was only myself. I had a few mouthfuls and started to feel somewhat relaxed, that was when I heard some moaning coming from the couch.

“Shit what the fuck happened?”


One word and the lad soon came alert; it didn’t take him long at all to focus his gaze in my direction either.

“It was you all along… shit I thought you were my friend Chibs?”

“Aye so did I Juicy boy, then ye chose to go and betray the entire club.”

“Ha so what happens now, is this where I end up six foot under out there in the woods?”

“What happens will depend on you Juice, but this will be your home at least for the foreseeable future.”

“Just tell me what you want Chibs and I’ll do it? Then that way I can just get the hell out of here.”

“It doesn’t work like that Juicy boy; ye’ll be staying here no matter what so just git used tae it lad.”

“Shit what tied up like this?”

“Like I said before; that will all depend on ye lad and how ye listen to orders.”

“I said I’d do anything Chibbie.”

“Right strip then lad.”

“Like fuck…”

“Dae it Juice as that’s not a very good start, oh also the cut goes tae lad.”

“Go to hell Chibs.”

“You dae it Juice or I will and that’s a promise.”

“Fuckin typical that is.”

“What’s typical lad?”

“Go on then Chibs make me do it, first though untie me and let’s make this a fair fight.”

“You really think that ye can take me on lad, hell ye’v proved that Bobby was right and you’re just a kid.”

“If that’s the case you’ll do it then.”

“Aye okay Juice come on then.”

To be honest I actually thought that this might be fun, also I’d get to mess with the lads’ head and his body too.


Shit I really couldn’t believe what was going on, Chibs was the last person I’d ever expect to treat me like this. He kept his word and cut me free, once he pulled me to my feet he just stood there staring at me.

“Come on then Chibs hit me, you know that’s what you really want!”

“I dinnae have anything to prove Juice, ye were the one who claimed ye could take me on.”

I just saw red; I guess the way he was grinning at me didn’t help either.

“Fuck you Chibs.”

I flew straight at him and punched him in the stomach, yet the bastard still just carried on grinning at me.

“Is that all ye’v got Juicy?”

“I fuckin hate you so much right now.”

“Dae you really? Believe me ye haven’t seen anything yet lad.”

I went to grab Chibs once more, yet the bastard was fast and held me tight. Within seconds he spun me around to face away from him, soon I found myself pinned over the table. His hand pressed down hard upon my back holding me in place, however it was when he spoke that my blood ran cold.

“Dinnae fight me Juicy, ye know that this is what ye’v wanted from me all along.”

“Fuck! What the hell Chibs?”

“Ye’v always just been a clingy little bitch lad, shite Juice you’re always touching me and wanting me.”

“Chibs, shit what the hell are you talking about?”

“Ye will see soon enough Juicy lad, but believe me when I say things are going tae change around here.”

I forced myself back and tried to push him off me, fuck then suddenly his hand slapped my ass really hard.

“Get the fuck off me right now Chibs, I swear I’m going to kill you…”

Then suddenly I felt him lick the side of my face, he then licked along my ear and nipped it with his teeth.

“Just shut up Juicy.”

“I bet Clay put you up to this, please Chibs you know that you’re far better than he is.”

“They’re my brothers Juice, just like ye were supposed tae be too.”

“So I fucked up and I’m really sorry, please Chibs just let me go and we can forget this happened.”

“No chance so dinnae get any ideas lad.”

I couldn’t help myself as the tears slowly dropped upon the table, great now all I was doing was proving that Chibs was right and I was a fuckin baby.

“So, what’s it going tae be then? Are ye going tae do it, or am I?”

“Fuck you Chibs, like hell am I doing anything that you want.”

Fuck suddenly he bent my arm right behind my back, then within seconds he’d removed my cut. I then started to panic as he started ripping my tee shirt too, I knew that I couldn’t just remain still and accept this.

I threw my head back and it connected with his nose, no way was I going to willingly let him get away with this.

“Ye little fuckin bastard.”

Chibs spun me around and shoved me back on the couch, he was then on me within seconds and used the cable ties once more.

“Sit there lad while I clean this mess up, believe me you’re going tae pay big time for that Juice.”

“Please Chibs, shit you can’t just expect me to behave and accept all of this…”

“Believe me I can expect ye tae accept it as your fate, and ye will behave yourself too.”

I soon found myself in the room alone, not that I could escape even if I wanted too. Soon Chibs returned and had removed all the blood from his face, yet the look he gave me was starting to make me feel really nervous now.

“Ye’v had your chance Juicy boy, now it’s my turn tae have a go.”

I could only watch as Chibs pulled out one of his knives, shit had things really got to this point already.

“Please Chibs, shit I don’t want to die. I’m so sorry I head-butted you, just don’t kill me…”

“Shit Juice just calm down and breathe lad, it’s tae cut yer clothes that’s all so come on get with it.”

I felt like my chest was been crushed in a vice, shit it was like all the air had been forced from my body.


Jesus this was not going as planned at all, I knew I really had to show him who was in charge without him having a panic attack on me.

“Juice come on lad look at me and focus, come on you have tae breathe in and out. Juice are ye even listening tae a word I say? Please lad come on.”

“Chibs… oh god please let me go as I can’t do this!”

“Aye you can lad so get with it.”

“Why didn’t you just let me die?”

“Sons dinnae kill themselves Juicy boy.”

“Yeah well maybe I don’t deserve to be a son after all.”

“Aye well you see that’s where I come in tae it, I get tae make ye or break ye lad.”

“Fuck Chibs what the hell are you planning to do with me?”

“You’ll have tae wait and see lad, now come on just finish undressing, look I’ll even remove the ties for ye.”

I watched his gorgeous face and the conflict from within, I had to make him move and get him with it all. I would have to force him to do things, the lad had his chance and was still just sat there doing nothing.

“Look Juice just stand up and I’ll take them off myself.”

“No please, god no Chibs I can’t let you do this.”

“Ye don’t have a choice anymore lad and I’m just going tae cut them off, fight me and I might accidently cut ye too.”

The lad just sat there in the same spot unmoving, yet the minute I started cutting his jeans his eyes fell shut. I couldn’t help but see the tears as they flowed, also hear the whimpers that came from his mouth. He sounded like some wounded animal at deaths door, hell maybe the lad really did think this was the end for him.

I worked efficiently as I could with the knife as not to cut the lad, I then removed what was left of his jeans. Now Juice was just sat there in a pair of boxer shorts, I also had noticed that he was now starting to tremble too.

“Hey Juicy look at me lad.”

Juice totally refused to lift his head or look at me, yet I knew he’d have to look to believe me. I was far from gentle as I grabbed his chin and pulled his head upwards, I knew that by tomorrow he’d be sporting a few bruises.

“Juice, I told ye tae look at me.”

Well I guessed the lad wasn’t as broken as I’d thought, he sat there and defiantly kept his eyes closed. His head jerked fast to the right as I slapped him hard, it was only then that he finally opened his eyes slowly.

“Fuck you Chibs…”

I took my hand and slapped him even harder, this time I actually caused physical damage as I split his lip open.

“Why fight me lad?”

I couldn’t help myself as my hand slid down towards his throat, just like I couldn’t help myself as I started to press tight. His eyes rolled upwards towards the top of his head; fuck I think I was turning myself on more than him.

The lad was fuckin’ gorgeous in every way possible and I wanted him so bad, maybe later I might find him a bit more willing than he was at present.  Even though I had this feeling I might have to take what I wanted, I knew there was no way I could pass this up now that I had him here with me.

“Do ye like that Juicy boy, does it turn ye on?”

I released his throat and watched his eyes return to normal, that was when he looked back up at me with just sheer hate.

“Fuckin touch me again and I’ll kill you Chibs.”

“Ye don’t scare me one-bit lad, also believe me I have big plans for ye later on tonight. Right ye should get some sleep while ye still can, come on lad stand up.”

“Why where are we going?”

“I thought that’d be obvious.”

I watched as Juice swallowed nervously, he then finally stood up and did as he was told for once.


I really couldn’t believe that Chibs would do this to me, yet I knew he’d hurt me far more if I kept on fighting him. I prayed he’d just let me go to bed and sleep, tomorrow I knew I’d have to find a way out of here and away from them all. Yet here I was without even any clothes to wear, hell I didn’t even know if my bike was even still outside.

Chibs let me towards the bedroom, it was then that I froze once more at the reality of it all. I was close to naked and also been lead towards a bedroom by Chibs, who I’d never even known could be like this or even fancied men. Maybe it was all just a head game, fuck me up so I could no longer think straight about anything.

“Look for tonight just get some sleep lad, I promise that I won’t hurt ye at all Juicy.”

“Yeah right like I can trust you now.”

“Juice I lo…, I care for ye lad.”

“Ha really!”

I lay down on the bed afraid to even move, my eyes never left Chibs movements at all as he had me really on edge right now.

“Look we can talk later lad after ye rest.”

With that Chibs turned and left the room, normally I’d hate to be alone yet this time I felt somewhat safe. I always knew that Chibs could pack a punch if he so chose, yet I’d never believed that he’d ever do anything worse than that to me.

My fuckin brain is always so conflicted about everything in my life, all I’d ever wanted was to be a good brother and do what was right by the club. I closed my eyes but couldn’t sleep knowing that Chibs was just beyond the door, also he’d re used the cable tie and it was cutting into my wrist once more.

Suddenly I had an idea, maybe if I tried hard it would break and I’d have my hands free and could escape. Trouble was; the harder I tried the harder it cut into me. Then I just lost it and was beyond everything, I was losing all grasp on reality as I became a wild animal, the rage built up and I no longer cared how much my wrists bled.

I hadn’t realized that I was also making strange noises too, I was starting to think I’d really lost the plot this time. It was just then that the bedroom door flew open and in strode Chibs, the man looked even more pissed off now if that was possible.

“God I leave ye alone for just five minutes, what the hell is wrong with ye lad?”

“I want to die, please just let me die Chibs…”

“Come on baby let’s just get ye fixed back up shall we…”

“What did you just call me?”

“I dinnae mean anything Juice; ye really need tae calm down lad.”

“How the fuck can I do that Chibs? Shit you’re keeping me here against my will.”

“Aye well maybe I love ye too much lad, shit Juice ye’d be dead now if that branch hadn’t broke and I couldn’t live with that.”

You don’t get it do you? Shit Chibs I deserve to die, and you should just let me.”

“Juice you’re just a bit mixed up lad and need some help.”

Chibs came over and kissed me on the top of my head, I then watched as he used the knife to cut the cable tie.

“Please dinnae fight me lad, then that way I won’t have tae use the ties on ye.”

Jesus and he claims that I’m the fucked up one in all of this, yet deep down I knew I should let him punish me as I deserved it and much more too. If Chibs scared me I was already dead and that caused me to shiver, if they all voted for mayhem it would be far worse than this and I knew it.

“Ye cold lad?”

“Just a bit.”

“Hold your hands out and I’ll get em cleaned up, then we can soon have ye back under the covers and warm again.”

I knew I was falling apart by the second here, I loved Chibs and he was so gentle as he bandaged my wrists and put me back in bed.

“Lay down Juicy boy and get some sleep, fuck in some ways I’ve got to wonder why Clay chose me for this job?”

“He knows I like you Chibs and he hates that.”

“Why does it bother Clay?”

“It doesn’t matter, just forget I said anything Chibs.”

I lay down as Chibs had asked because it was easier, however it was then that I noticed Chibs was also removing his own clothes. Soon he stood there in just his underwear, shit that was when I realized that he planned on sharing the bed with me.

This could not be happening, and I had to put a stop to it, we’d shared so much in the past and he was my brother and friend.


I was getting undressed when Juice spoke in a really quiet voice, I even had to get him to repeat what he said so I could actually hear him.

“I asked what you’re doing Chibs?”

I could see the look of panic in those gorgeous brown eyes, great I had to wonder just how much Juice feared me now and if it was what I’d wanted. I was an idiot, to me him fearing me was far better than him loving me. I guess I always found the fear easier to deal with, I’d only ever truly loved once and look what happened there.

“What does it look like I’m doing lad?”

“You can’t sleep here with me Chibs.”

I just ignored the lad and got into the bed, I then reached over and pulled a very reluctant Juice towards me.

“Go tae sleep lad, I swear hear and now that I won’t hurt ye.”

I could hear him crying softly into the pillow, it broke my heart that I’d reduced him to this and was no better than the rest.

“Relax Juicy.”

“How do you know I won’t kill you in your sleep Chibs?”

“Aye I guess I should be worried, however that’s not ye Juice or how ye do things.”

“You don’t know me Chibs.”

“Is that what ye think lad?”

“Yeah, none of you know the real me or what I’ve been through either.”

I held him even closer to me and whispered in his ear, I also couldn’t help but notice him shiver every time I spoke.

“Well I’d say judging by the way ye are right now, hell let’s just say I believe ye’v never slept with a man before!”

“Nothing serious no, but it’s not just any man I’m with is it?”

“Juicy lad…”

“No Chibs I don’t want to know; you’re supposed to be my brother and best friend.”

“Aye lad I know, and I fucked it up, Juice have ye ever been loved by anyone at all?”

“Not for a long time, that’s why the clubs the only family I have.”

“Where’s your real family lad?”

“My parents died a long time ago, I then had to live with my Aunt and she hated me.”

“How could anyone hate ye lad, one look at that face and they’d cave in.”

“Chibs don’t…”

“I mean it Juice as I’ve tried tae hate ye and just can’t do it, please Juicy lad let me show ye love and how it feels to be loved.”

“Chibs I can’t do…”

“Don’t talk lad just open up and feel.”

I kissed down his neck and nipped it gently, I then ran my fingers down his chest until I found his nipple. Suddenly I was rewarded with some heavy breathing from the lad, it appeared he liked it when I played with his nipples.

“Do ye like that Juicy boy? See ye need someone to love ye and be there for ye.”

“Chibs everything scares me.”

“Talk to me lad, come on Juicy boy out with it.”

I didn’t push him and just waited, I knew the lad was struggling to come up with the right words.

“I’m fucked up; hell, I can’t do anything at all right Chibs. I regret what I do, shit and then I regret the things I don’t do too.”

“Ye just need to get your shit sorted out lad, I can help ye if you’d let me?”

“Why help me Chibs, we both know that I’m already here on borrowed time.”

“You’re still safe for now Juicy lad, however Clay won’t put up with any of this shit for much longer.”

“Yeah I know; I just don’t understand why you’d want to help me when you hate me?”

“I never hated ye lad and that was the problem, I guess I thought it would be easier that way, but my feelings are far tae deep. I love ye Juice and just think you need a bit of guidance that’s all.”

“So, you bring me out here and then what? You fuck me and I’m magically all better!”

“No Juice as it’s not just about sex, I want ye to let me show ye that you’re worthy of been loved.”

“This is just so fucked up Chibs…”

“Right no more talking for now Juicy boy, let me show ye and then we can talk afterwards.”

Juice became quiet and never spoke, yet I noticed that he never stopped my hand as it wandered lower down. The boy had the most amazing toned and muscled body, yet it was covered up most of the time with baggy pants. Soon my hand reached the waistband of his boxers, I knew I’d have to take it real slow or the lad would freak out on me.


Shit I was going to hyperventilate at this rate, his fingers where a bit rough on my skin but it felt amazing. Hell this was just so fucked up though, Chibs was supposed to be my brother and friend and nothing more.

Here I was though unable to tell him to stop, but I wanted answers and had to know just what was happening here. After a few minutes I plucked up the courage to speak, not that Chibs seemed fazed by my question.

“Chibs have you ever had sex with another man, shit I really shouldn’t have asked you that.”

“Aye but not full on sex lad, I dinnae know what it is with ye or when I truly started wanting ye. As for been curious that’s natural and I don’t mind, I won’t hurt ye Juice and we can just take it slow.”

“So why do you think it’s different with me Chibs?”

“Because I love ye so much Juicy and it hurts trying tae fight it.”

“I love you too brother.”

“Aye I know ye do lad, however I meant it in far more than a brotherly way Juice.”

God I couldn’t manage to wrap my head around all of this shit, suddenly I wanted to get away from it all and away from Chibs. I suddenly moved and pulled out of his arms; well I guess the element of surprise was at least on my side.

“Juice what’s wrong?”

“This; you and everything, shit where do I even fuckin start?”

“Come lay back down lad and we can talk.”

“Fuck you Chibs, to you I’m just a piece of fuckin meat for your entertainment.”

“Shite lad is that what ye really think?”

“Yeah I bet you and the club are having a right good laugh over this, fuck me over and then just dispose of me.”

“Juicy ye really need help lad.”

I turned and just ran from the room, not that I could go far just in some underwear. I located the bathroom and hid in there; the lock wasn’t brilliant but would hold for a short time at least.

“Juicy come out lad and talk.”

“Go away Chibs.”

“You know I cannae do that lad; also how far do ye think you’ll get love without any clothes?”

“Don’t fuckin dare call me love, also I’ll only come out if you swear to let me go Chibs.”

“I cannae do that either, shite lad you’d be dead within hours out there.”

“Fuck you then.”

 I started searching inside the medicine cabinet for something, however all I found was the basic generic useless shit. I knew I didn’t have time to mess around either, what I would need is something that would work fast.

“Juicy what are ye doing lad?”

“Trying to think, just shut the fuck up Chibs and leave me alone.”

“Ye’v got two minutes Juice, you’re far too reckless tae be left alone right now lad.”

“Thanks’ for the confidence boost.”

“Juice ye know that I’m telling ye the truth, please come out lad.”

“What truth, how you just want to play happy families with me and then fuck me over!”

“That’s not true lad, come on your family so just open the door.”

“Go to hell Chibs.”

I finally slammed the medicine cabinet shut in defeat and then noticed the mirror, my brain always struggled to work when I was stressed or overthinking. The obvious had been staring me in the face all along and I’d wasted precious time, now I’d have to work fast and make up for the lost time.

I took my fist and smashed the mirror, within seconds I held a piece of glass against my wrist and was ready.


The lad seemed determined to fight me every single way that he could, it looked like things were going to have to be done the hard way after all.

“Come on Juicy boy; ye’v had your two minutes and it’s time tae open the door.”

I received no answer and knew I’d have to act fast, after all I’d given the kid plenty of warning regarding my intentions. That was when I suddenly heard a crash from inside, I wasted no time at all and kicked the door open.

The first thing I saw was the glass in his hand, also in that split second, I realized what he was going to use it for.

“Juice drop the glass now lad…”

“I can’t Chibs and I’m so sorry.”

“Come on lad nothing’s that bad.”

Shite I watched as he trailed the glass along his arm, hell the lad was even starting to draw blood.

“I’m so sorry Chibbie…”

“Aye I know ye are lad.”

“I do love you brother.”

I knew as soon as he said that it was now or never, I knew that it was his way of saying his final goodbye to me. I lunged forward and shoved him to the floor, however I hadn’t expected the sheer extent of the rage he’d been hiding.

The lad refused to let go of the fuckin glass, he then started screaming at me and trying to shove me away.

“I’ll kill you Chibs, just get the fuck off me right now.”

“Come on then Juicy do it, because killing me will be the only way you’ll manage tae hurt yourself.”

“It’s not your choice to make Chibs, believe me this is your last warning.”

“Or what Juice? Come on just what is it ye think that ye can do to me?”

Fuck I wasn’t prepared at all for his next move, pain exploded in my shoulder as the glass sank in.

“Fuck Juice…”

I never thought twice as I raised my fist, I guess it was just a natural survival instinct to fight back. I punched the lad full on in the side of his head knocking him out, shit it was only then that I dare move away from him.

I knew that my shoulder was bad and had to be my priority, however I knew I couldn’t just leave the lad here on his own. It was hard work moving him while he was unconscious and with my shoulder, however I finally managed to get him to the bedroom. Once there I just dropped him on the bed, his pulse was okay so all I could do was tie his hands back up for now.

I went back into the bathroom and grabbed the medical stuff, however I decided to have a couple of shots of whiskey first. Fuck I had to grit my teeth as I started to pull out the glass real slow, shit that was when the blood started to flow even faster.

I grabbed the whisky and knocked back a few more mouthfuls, not a good idea though when alcohol thins the blood. It took some time one handed to clean it, eventually I even managed to stich it up by myself.

Part of me wanted to tell Clay that the lad was a lost cause, but that would mean effectively I’d be the one pulling the trigger. I knew that I loved him far too much to do that, I guess I’d just have to man up and deal with him by myself.

First I’d need to limit the access Juice had to dangerous objects, especially the ones that could also do harm to myself or Juice. I cleaned the bathroom up and left it, once I returned to the bedroom I finished the whisky before anything else.


I opened my eyes and had to think for a minute, then it all came back to me and what I’d done. I noticed that Chibs was fast asleep in the chair, then I noticed the medical patch on his shoulder, and it was all my fault that I’d hurt a brother.

My head hurt really bad and I felt sick, also in that heartbeat I’d realized that he’d managed to tie my hands to the bed. Now my chances of an escape where pretty much zero, I knew I’d have to work on Chibs and get him to remove the cable ties.

“Chibs wake up…”

“Just go tae sleep Juicy lad it’s late, also I’m drunk and cannae be dealing with ye right now.”

“Chibs please, shit I never meant to hurt you like that.”

“Ye dinnae get it do ye lad.”


“You hurt me in a far worse way than the shoulder lad, shit Juice just what the hell is wrong with ye lad?”

“I can’t explain, I just hurt all the time and can’t handle it at all. God it’s like there’s a voice inside my head trying to keep me together, then every so often I lose it and fall apart.”

“Maybe ye should seek some proper help Juice, someone that can help ye sort through your feelings.?”

“All I need is for you to let me go, I’ll even go and get some help if that’s what you really want?”

“See you’re doing it again Juicy, hell ye never seem to learn do ye?”

“Shit what the fuck am I supposed to have done now Chibs?”

“Juice ye have to want to do it for yourself, I’m not stupid and have no intention of letting ye go.”

Suddenly Chibs got up out of the chair and came over to the bed, he then just stood there watching me. After a few minutes the silence was creeping me out, my whole fuckin life was in his hands.

“Chibs what do you want? Shit I can’t pretend to be someone I’m not!”

“Let me just take the pain away from ye Juice, let me show ye how much I truly love ye.”

“Nobody can take the pain away Chibbie.”

“Is that what ye believe, just let me try then and ye can see if I’m wrong.”

Shit I looked away from Chibs and the tears fell, I was literally breaking inside as he revealed his emotions to me.

“Juicy please lad all I’m asking for is a chance to show ye…”

I couldn’t even manage to say a single word as I was far too emotional, also I loved him and was scared Chibs was still just using me.

“Juicy at least look at me.”

I turned towards Chibs and did as he asked, however the tears became a dam as the flood gates opened.

“God lad just give me a nod and I’ll help ye, I cannae or won’t do it without your permission.”

I lay there and closed my eyes once more, then all I could manage was a simple nod of the head.

“You won’t regret it lad I promise.”

I felt the mattress go down as Chibs moved onto the bed, within seconds he held me tight in his arms.

“Come on baby just cry and let it all out, I’m here for ye and always will be lad.”

“You shouldn’t be wasting your time on me Chibs, believe me I don’t deserve it and I’m not worth it.”

“Ye really have to stop bringing yourself down all the time lad, for tonight just accept things for what they are and get some sleep.”

Chibs kissed me on the head and kept me close to his warm body, within no time I’d fallen asleep and had actually felt wanted for once.


I looked down at Juice as he lay in my arms and my heart broke, I loved him but here he was all broken inside. I had to wonder if the lad could even be saved, also I believed it was more than the drug theft that had pushed him over the edge.

I’d watched him over the years and how he behaved, the lad had always been the nervous type and really easy to read. I’d also noticed that his emotions could change pace fast too, tomorrow I’d perhaps have to go through all of this again with him.

To be honest I was glad that he slept, if I kept tight hold of him, I might also be able to get some sleep.

Well I guess that I’d fallen asleep at some point in time, however I woke believing that I was still just dreaming. Right now, my cock felt like it was in heaven, shite it was also the best blow job I’d ever received.

I forced my eyes open and looked down, Juice was there in a world of his own between my legs. Any other time maybe, however I knew the lad wasn’t mentally or physically ready for this.

“Juicy lad what are ye doing darling?”

I had to ask him twice before he even looked up, fuck he had the most gorgeous brown eyes I’d ever seen and a smile to die for.

“Juice talk tae me lad…”

“Why? I thought it’d be obvious what I was doing Chibs!”

“Not now darling, just come up here for now and talk tae me.”

“Why when this is what you really want from me?”

“I want ye Juicy lad, hell I want far more than just sex!”

“Yeah right, hell that’s what they all try and say.”

“Juice get the hell up here now as I won’t tell ye again, also you can stop the bloody pouting.”

I waited patiently as Juice moved and lay down beside me, I couldn’t but help notice it was his back that was facing me.

“Please turn around Juice.”

“Why what’s the point?”

“Because I’m asking ye, shite lad I’m not talking tae your fuckin back.”

Finally, he turned over onto his back, he then just lay there unmoving and staring at the ceiling.

“Juice do you really believe that’s all I want. Hey, it was hard for me too having tae make ye stop.”

Great still the silent treatment then, I suddenly bent over and found that gorgeous mouth of his. He had no time to stop me or even protest, I kissed him with everything that I had until I was in need of air.

“Do ye want me tae be totally honest with ye lad, because I believe it’s time that ye heard the truth Juice?”

“Yeah I want honesty more than anything Chibs, however everyone’s just used me and I’m okay with that.”

“Well I fuckin aren’t alright with it, shit Juice yer worth far more than that and deserve better.”

“What a fuckin joke.”

“Right well yer getting the god damn honest truth now lad, ye might not like it but tough.”

“Yeah, the truth according to you Chibs, does that make you right and what I say wrong?”

“Ye only see what ye want tae see Juice, beyond that ye don’t care and can be reckless too.”

“Why the hell should I care about anyone?”

“Because we’re not all the same Juice, hell I won’t pretend I’m perfect as I’m far from it. Ye have it all lad, a gorgeous body and looks that could get ye anyone you want.”

“Yeah well it helps me get what I want at times.”

“What would that be darling?”

“It doesn’t matter, look just forget I said anything.”

“Yeah ye see that’s yer problem lad.”


“The problems ye have are all mental and not physical.”

“Why the fuck are you here Chibs, hell especially if you think I’m a fuckin nutcase?”


“Fuck off.”

Well I could see this was going to be hard work, however I truly believed that Juice was worth it.


I closed my eyes and just wished that Chibs would go away, hell I felt so small and humiliated right now. Shit this was Chibs that I was with after all, I couldn’t just suck his dick and he’d go.

“What are ye thinking about lad?”

“You Chibs, I’m wondering why your still here and why you’re so fuckin stubborn?”

“Ha me stubborn, shite at least I can still manage tae look at ye lad.”

Great I guess he had a point, I opened my eyes and turned to glare at him.

“Shite dinnae look at me like that lad, do ye even realize what this is doing tae me too?”

“You can leave; does it look like I’m stopping you?”

“Ye fuckin idiot, shite of course I cannae just leave.”

“Why the hell not?”

Shit I was taken by surprise as Chibs rolled over, it was then that he had me pinned to the bed with his body. Within seconds his mouth was fiercely upon my own, I knew that he was reacting out of anger rather than passion though. Suddenly I felt really scared by the strength of his emotions that showed right now, I only dare breath again when he broke the kiss.

“I cannae just leave Juice because I love ye lad.”

“You can’t, shit Chibs don’t do this to me right now.”

“I cannae help how I feel about ye Juice; shit I’ve never even felt this way before about another man.”

“So why the hell now?”

“Hell, I dinnae know darling; all I know is that I cannae just turn it off again.”

I froze once more as Chibs kissed me again, fuck my breathing started to become erratic and my cock became hard.

“Relax Juicy as I won’t hurt ye.”

I tried so hard to put the bad thoughts out of my head, everyone in the past had always told me they wouldn’t hurt me. Then I felt as he forced his tongue into my mouth and I was gone, I opened my mouth and let Chibs have his own way.

Fuck I was responding to him and part of me hated myself for it, however right now I’d have done anything the man asked of me. Suddenly his mouth had moved over to my cheek, I hadn’t even realized that I was crying, until he licked the tears away.

“Juicy please dinnae cry, I promise that I’ll make everything good for ye and take care of ye lad.”

Suddenly Chibs moved lower and started biting my neck, then he moved again and went towards my nipple. Shit I nearly jumped of the bed as his mouth suddenly engulfed it, my nipple started to become hard as he sucked and bit at it.

“Ye are perfect Juice, I wantae make love to you and always be there for ye.”

“Please Chibs don’t…”

“I’ll make ye believe me lad if it’s the last thing I do.”

I was losing it as he licked further down my chest and stomach, it was then as his tongue flicked across my erection that I jumped.

“Just relax darling.”

Fuck I’d never felt so turned on and desperate before, maybe I should just let him have his way and fuck the consequences.

“Ye like that Juicy boy?”

“Fuck yes!”

Within seconds he deep throated me, the heat and his mouth were amazing, and I knew I wouldn’t last long. Chibs also took time to lick and suck my balls too, he made sure that he gave every part of my body plenty of attention. Then his warm mouth returned back to my cock, I couldn’t help but moan and make noises out loud.

I suddenly grabbed hold of his hair and wouldn’t let go, shit I knew that I was about to come in a second or two. I tried to get his attention and warn him in advance, hell didn’t know if Chibs would want me to come in his mouth.

“Chibbie please you have to stop, oh fuck I’m gonna…”

That was the last thing I remembered saying, then within seconds all I saw was stars.


I couldn’t believe just how responsive the kid could be, especially as he was taken right over the edge into oblivion. I soon worked up a pace and felt him shudder beneath me, I then held his hips as the lad came in my mouth. God, he looked so fuckin gorgeous, I couldn’t help but kiss him once more upon his lips.

“Ye still with me Juicy?”

“Shit yeah, I’m sorry for fuckin you around Chibs over all this.”

“We can talk about all that later lad, for now I just wantae make you feel good and relaxed.”

That smile. God I’d give anything to see him smile like that more often, however I had my own needs to take care of and a painful erection. I had no idea just how far to take things right now, or even if this was what the kid wanted.

“Juicy lad?”


“How far have ye ever gone with a man? It’s just I really want to fuck yer ass so hard lad.”

“Shit never that far, I’ve thought about it in the past, but it just never happened because… never mind.”

“Tell me please Juice, why dinnae you ever go that far?”

“Fuck I was scared it’d hurt okay.”

“Let me make love tae ye darling!”

I couldn’t miss the flicker of doubt in those gorgeous brown eyes, I knew that he was conflicted with fear and a need to do this.

“Shit what if it hurts Chibs?”

“Juice, I swear that if it hurts ye I’ll stop; look I promise that I won’t do anything ye dinnae like.”

I watched as he tried to decide just what he wanted to do, then after what felt like forever, he just nodded his head. Now I knew I’d have to use every ounce of control that I possessed, otherwise I’d end up scaring the kid before anything even happened.

“Lay there Juicy and I’ll be back in a minute.”

“Chibs where are you going?”

“Bathroom lad.”

I went through the cupboards in search of some cream or something, all I wanted was something that would make it a bit easier on the lad. Finally, I returned to the bedroom with some hand lotion, well I guess it was better than using nothing at all.

Juice was still exactly where I’d left him, I guess I’d thought that he might have changed his mind after all.

“I’ll make this so good for ye Juicy, thank ye for allowing me and trusting me tae do this.”

“I just hope I don’t regret it, god I never meant that how it sounded Chibs.”

“Come on, no worries darling, ye worth it and ye cannae know how much I love ye lad.”

“I love it when you talk like that Chibbie.”

“Like what?”

“The accent, shit it’s just a big turn on and so sexy.”

“Well let’s see if something else can also get ye turned on, roll over babe.”

Suddenly I was faced with the lad’s gorgeous ass, the lad had one hell of a fit body and it was now all mine.

“Juice there’s something I think ye should know…”

“Great that sounds a little worrying Chibbie.”

“If this goes any further… oh shit I dinnae want tae put ye off lad.”

“Just spit it out then.”

“I wullnae be able tae let ye go lad, I guess I’m trying tae tell ye that I can be really possessive.”

It was then the lad gave me one of those amazing smiles, the type that made me want him more than I thought possible.

“I like the idea of been yours Chibbie, if I’m honest I’ve always been yours since day one.”

Maybe all those years of caring for the lad would help me now, make him accept that he was well and truly mine now.


I hadn’t lied to Chibs; hell he was the one who’d always been there for me no matter what. Fucked up little Juan Carlos, I can’t even hold myself together never mind anything else. Now I was making myself feel sad once more, well that was until Chibs inserted a finger into my ass.

“Holy fuck…”

“Just breathe Juice and relax.”

I lay there trying my damn hardest to get my breathing under control, while on the other hand Chibs wasted no time inserting another finger inside me.

“Yer so fuckin tight Juicy boy, shite at this rate I’ll come before I even get inside ye lad.”

I could feel him stretching his fingers deep within me, it hurt in a way, yet it also felt so fuckin good. If it felt this good and tight with his fingers, well hell I couldn’t imagine him fitting his cock up there.

“Ye still with me darling?”

Shit suddenly Chibs removed his fingers and I felt so empty inside, then I started to think about what he’d be replacing them with. It was then that I felt the tip of his erection against my ass, I started to wonder if I could just change my mind and say no. Yet I knew deep down this was what I wanted more than anything, all I had to do was will my body to relax.

“Do you want me tae stop Juice, hey talk tae me lad as I dinnae want to hurt ye?”

“God yes, no, shit I mean no just fuck me Chibbie.”

“I’m going tae make love tae ye babe.”

“Yeah that too.”

I heard Chibs laugh at my last remark, then I felt as he slowly started pushing his way inside my ass.

I felt like such a big baby as I hardly dare move at all, I decided to just get it over with and pushed my ass upwards. Holy fuck I nearly blacked out from the pain that shot through my body, I never thought it would be that bad but Chibs was far from small.

“Jesus lad what the fuck are ye trying tae dae?”

“I was just speeding things up that’s all, please Chibs don’t stop now.”

“Hell, I dinnae know if I could even stop myself now lad, shit yer so fuckin tight and this wullnae last long.”

“I don’t care just get on with it.”

After a few minutes the pain started to recede somewhat, also I realized that the pleasure outweighed the pain. I even realized that I was hard once more too, maybe I could use the mattress to my advantage and get myself off again.

“Behave yourself lad, I’ll sort ye out soon enough so dinnae worry.”

Chibs soon worked up a rhythm and I was now becoming desperate, then within seconds I felt as he came deep inside me. I was surprised that he’d remembered the condition I was still in, I had to admit that he wasted no time and I came for a second time that night.

I felt Chibs slip out of me and roll over, when I looked, I saw him with his eyes closed and his hand over his face. My heart sank and suddenly I felt so dirty once more, I’d thought everything was perfect and now this. I sat up on the bed and placed my feet on the floor, all I wanted was to be out of this room and away from the guilt I now felt.

“I’m so sorry Chibbie.”

“What the hell are ye sorry for now lad?”

“All of this, I guess for the regrets that you’re having now.”

“I have no regrets Juicy boy, actually far from it.”

“Funny it doesn’t look that way to me.”

Within seconds I was pulled back down onto the bed, Chibs held me tight and there was nowhere to hide now.

“What dae ye mean by that lad? Come on out with it, I wantae know where the hell ye get that idea from.?”

“You Chibs, hell you turned away from me like I was nothing at all.”

Now I’d said it I regretted it, it came out sounding so pathetic and whiny.

“Look Juice I’m really sorry, shite I dinnae know if you’re the type that likes to cuddle and…”

“And what?”

“I thought ye might be the one with regrets Juice, hell I dinnae want to overwhelm ye and come on too strong.”

“Believe me I’ve no regrets.”

“Dae ye like tae be held lad?”

“Yeah I guess it makes me feel safe and wanted.”

With that Chibs hugged me even tighter to him, now that I was safe and wanted, I never wanted to leave his arms again.


It felt good to lay here with Juice in my arms, yet I knew that it would soon be time that we’d have to move. Part of me really worried about the lad though and his mental state, also would he just go back to his reckless ways.

“Juice darlin’ come on we need tae get moving, I think it’s time ye had some food before ye waste away on me!”

“Yeah okay, can I get dressed too?”

I grabbed him some clean underwear from a bag, I then threw them upon the bed for him.

“Is that all I get? Shit Chibs I thought that you trusted me?”

“Juice we’ve made a temporary truce love; beyond that you’ll have tae prove yourself tae me lad.”

“Gee thanks for nothing.”

“Stick yer lip back in lad, believe me the less clothes ye have on the better it is.”

I bent down and kissed him passionately, great now I knew I’d have to move before things got out of control.

“Get dressed darlin, I’ll go and put the kettle on.”

“Thanks Chibbie.”

“Dinnae mention it lad.”

Soon Juice joined me at the kitchen table, I knew by his looks and actions that he had something on his mind. I left him alone and let him get his coffee, in all honesty I wanted to see if he’d talk without me asking. He sat there staring at the table and just fidgeting, in the end I had to say something as he started chewing his bottom lip.

“Juice stop that darlin.”

“Stop what?”

“Savaging yer lip as I like it how it is, also if ye’v got something on your mind just tell me.”

“It’s just me, hell don’t worry I’ll get over it Chibs.”

“Talk lad now; that’s an order too.”

I watched the fear flicker in his gorgeous eyes, shite was the lad really that scared of me now, even after what we’d done.

“My life means nothing anymore; I just can’t see a way out of anything Chibbie!”

“Sae I dinnae mean anything tae ye laddie, nor the MC?”

“God yes, but I won’t have either of them soon.”

“Why lad? Hell, I’m not going anywhere.”

“Clay and Jax, they won’t want me back in the club now after this.”

“Ye dinnae that Juicy, look it’s just the two of us so let’s make the most of it.”

“Yeah but they’ll come, especially Clay.”

“We can cross that bridge when we come tae it then.”

“Yeah okay Chibbie.”

“I mean it Juice, now come on just drink up will ye?”

I made the lad some toast for now, in all honesty I had no idea when Juice last ate anything at all. I waited until he’d finished and then I moved, I held out my hand and led him over to the couch.

“Juice ye need to be able to relax around me first, do that then we can deal with the rest. It was a mistake taking the drugs and ye were scared, I’m sure Clay will see that too.”

I got him to talk for a bit, but it was all just casual talk and Juice hid his secrets well. I tried so hard to be careful what I said and to keep him calm, yet every so often he would get worked up over nothing. As for me, well I had to be careful how I answered his questions, he would fly off the handle if he didn’t like the answer.

“Chibs what happens if the club won’t take me back, whose side would you be on then mine or theirs?”

Shite I knew I’d have to tell the lad the truth, there was no way I could lie over something like that. Fuck I didn’t want to answer, yet the lad sat there watching my every move.


I knew the answer before Chibs even spoke, his hesitation alone spoke volumes.

“My loyalty lies with the club Juice and always will.”

“Yeah well thanks for nothing, fuck you Chibbie.”

“Juice just what was you expecting from me?”

“Maybe I was hoping that someone might just put me first for a change, look just forget it Chibs.”

“Juice please love…”

“Don’t you fuckin dare call me that.”

“Juice look at me.”

Chibs knelt down on the floor in front of me, he then grabbed both of my hands and held them in his. I did as he asked and looked at him, despite it felt like my heart was breaking inside.

I knew just what Clay would rule, I also knew that I’d end up on my own one way or another as I always did. I also knew that I couldn’t just sit here and wait for it to happen, the most important thing would be to get away from here and Chibs.

“Juice talk to me, tell me what yer thinkin’ about?”

“It doesn’t matter, like you said we’ll just take each day as it comes.”

“Thanks Juicy for that, right now that’s all I’m asking from ye.”

Chibs leant forward and kissed both of my hands, he then ran his hand down the side of my face and all I wanted to do was cry. I knew I’d have to hold myself together and just wait, finally Chibs left the room and went to take a piss.

After searching the room, I was starting to despair, there was no sign of my clothes or any of my belongings. When Chibs returned I was sat back where he’d left me, now all I could do was wait and hope a chance would arise.

I knew that one way or another I’d be leaving here tonight, that was once I figured out how to get past Chibs. The rest of the day was spent either talking or in silence, at least the silence gave me time to think and plan.

Chibs made some food for us both, I just sat there at the kitchen table watching him cook. I’d loved the man for a long time and respected him, it was everything about him including his voice and how he moved. Yet here I sat just planning to throw it all away, I refused to just sit here and wait to die. I had some history with Clay that was private, he would use this as an excuse to put me six foot under.

“Yer miles away lad…”

“I was just thinking that’s all.”

“What were ye thinkin about lad?”

“You actually.”

“Shite that must be rather boring Juice.”

“Why must it, Chibs can I ask you something?”

“Of course ye can, hell ye can ask me anything ye want Juicy.”

“When we go to bed will you… never mind it doesn’t matter.”

“It matters tae me Juice.”

“Will you make love to me, or even just sex if that’s what you’d prefer?”

“I’d be honored to make love tae ye darlin, come on ye have tae eat all this first though.”

We ate in silence, afterwards I washed all the pots while Chibs dried them.

“Come tae bed with me Juicy…”

“God how can I refuse when you ask like that!”

“Strip for me Juice and lay down on the bed.”

I did as Chibs asked, now I was laid here naked and waiting in anticipation.

“I’ll make it good for ye Juicy lad I promise ye.”

“Yeah, I know you will Chibbie, thanks for this and at least trying to understand me.”

“It’s my pleasure lad, hell I should be the one that’s thanking you.”

“What for?”

“This, you and me…”

I was lost and wondered why Chibs felt that way, I was the one that owed him so much and without him I’d have been gone a long time ago.


Juice looked at me with such a blank expression, it was then I realized he hadn’t a clue what I’d meant.

“Juice look in the mirror lad, ye are gorgeous lad and I’m just old and grey.”

“Yeah but that’s part of who you are Chibs, as for the hair it really suits you and your personality.”

“You’d tell me anything lad.”

I went and lay beside Juice on the bed, the man had the most amazingly soft skin and I wanted to touch him.

“Are ye always so clean shaven down there darlin?”

“Yeah why does it bother you?”

“Fuck no far from it, it’s hot and such a turn on lad.”

I moved down the bed and started kissing his hairless groin, I couldn’t help but nip his balls too.

“Oh shit Chibbie…”

“Ye like that darlin?”

“Fuck yes don’t stop!”

I’d known without even asking, I kissed the tip of his cock that had now doubled in size. I then moved again looking for that special place, it didn’t take me long to get my tongue inside his tight ass. Juice grabbed my hair and jumped up; shit he was that fast I’d nearly fallen off the bed.

“Yer so tight lad, shite just the thought of been inside that hot tight ass.”

“Shit Chibs just fuck me already…”

I raised my hand and slapped that gorgeous backside of his, the handprint looked really good on him and showed that he was mine.

“I’m going tae be making love tae you Juice, not just sex despite ye can be a demanding little slut.”

“Come on less talk old man.”

“Cheeky sod, I’ll show you that I’m not that old yet.”

With that I shoved a finger deep inside of him, within seconds I pulled it out and replaced it roughly with two. The moans he made were making me desperate myself, great so much for just teasing the lad.

“Not so talkative now are ye darlin?”

“Jesus Chibs I need you inside me now. Fuck please I’m really desperate here Chibbie!”

“Patience Juicy lad.”

“Fuck patience.”

I started moving my fingers and stretching his ass, it never took me long to find his prostate. I stroked it gently with the very tip of my finger, I had the lad begging now and it was so damn sexy.

“Fuck we should have done this sooner darlin!”

“Jesus yeah, shit Chibs I’m going to come if you keep that up…”

“Come for me darlin, then afterwards I’ll fuck that tight ass of yours.”

I bent forward and took his erection deep within my mouth, the boy just tasted so fuckin exotic. I deep throated him a couple of times and the lad was coming, I made sure I greedily swallowed every single drop.

“Fuck Chibs I’m too exhausted to even move now.”

“Yeah well I haven’t finished with ye yet lad, believe me I’m only just getting started darlin.”

“Fuck and I’d said that you were the one that was old.”

“Aye ye need to watch that mouth lad.”

I repositioned my cock between his thighs, he was unbelievably tight, but I didn’t let that stop me.

Shit it was like been inside a vacuum, just sucking every bit of life out of me, I’d never met anyone that had felt this good, or anyone that looked as hot as him for that matter.

Just thinking about what I was doing and who with did it, I literally lasted five minutes before I came inside his tight sexy body.

“God I love ye so much Juice…”

“I love you too Chibbie.”

“Ye belong tae me now darlin.”

“If you say so Chibbie…”

“Believe me I’m not letting ye go now Juice, I already warned ye that I can be demanding and possessive.”

Juice would eventually see it my way sooner or later, I loved the lad and didn’t want to be without him now.


I knew what I had with Chibs wasn’t love, well not on his part anyway. To him I just served one purpose and I should have known that, I knew though that was why I couldn’t stay now.

I’d planned on leaving tonight once Chibs was fast asleep, yet here I was with no fuckin clothes or transport. Yet staying here wasn’t an option, I knew now that Chibs would never let me go freely; also, there was still the club too.

After a while I heard Chibs snoring quietly, well I knew I’d have to move anyway as I needed the bathroom. I made my way there in total silence, once inside I closed the door and breathed again. If Chibs remained asleep I’d go tonight, I started looking through the cupboards for anything I could wear.

All I found were towels and more towels, great and a couple of pairs of boxers. Well at least I’d be able to leave here with clean underwear, my eye also caught the shirt that Chibs had hung on the door.

The shirt was way too big for me, even the sleeves were way too long for me. Well beggars can’t be choosers I guess; I suppose I should be thankful that I wasn’t totally naked.

I hugged my arms around myself and stood there, shit it was then that I realized the shirt smelt of Chibs. Great we had sex less than an hour ago, yet here I was getting turned on by his smell alone.

I knew that this was likely a suicide mission, we were in the middle of nowhere and I was leaving here half-dressed and on foot. At least the days were still warm and the nights cool, maybe I’d be okay, and it wasn’t like I had a choice anyway.

I knew deep down I was just putting it off, fuck I knew that I really didn’t want to leave Chibs. If he’d really wanted me, I’d stay, yet he clearly stated that the club was his first priority in life. I slowly opened the door and listened, well at least he was still snoring and fast asleep. I found myself just standing there and staring at him, more than anything I just wanted to get back in bed with him and hug him. I wanted Chibs to realize just how much I truly loved him, yet I knew that I’d be wasting his time along with my own.

I knew that it was time to move and I was stalling, I guess having no clothes or transport wasn’t helping matters right now. Chibs had taken my clothes and my wallet, shit now he’d also taken my heart too. I bent down and kissed him on the lips, I then whispered to him without waking him.

“I love you so much Chibbie.”

With that I walked out and closed the door quietly, I knew that once again I’d be on my own as usual. I found a torch near the back door, however once outside it hardly made a dent in the darkness. Shit part of me just wanted to go back inside, yet I just kept on walking away.

I knew that I’d only have a few hours at most if I were lucky, for all I knew he might even wake before daylight. The idea was to get as far away from here as possible, rest was something I could do when I was safe.

I had to admit that it had grown cold out here now, yet the day had started off so warm. Worse was my feet, I couldn’t even find any shoes before I’d had to leave. I knew the further out I got the ground would change; I also knew that meant I’d be even slower going.

Well if all else failed I’m sure I’d be okay, there were plenty of trees out here and all I would need was a rope.


I’d spent most of the night having some fantastic dreams, every one that I remembered included Juicy boy. I thought back to last night and what we’d shared together, I also realized that I truly loved the lad more than anything and he had my heart.

Then I rolled over to find myself in bed alone, maybe Juice had finally got sick of been in bed and got up. Well I guess that I couldn’t spend all day here either, plus I’d rather be with Juice than here alone.

I found the bathroom to be empty, so while I was here, I took a quick piss and cleaned up. I knew though that I had to get a coffee and fully wake up, for some reason I just felt so tired and old.

I was surprised to find that the kitchen was also empty, hell even the kettle was stone cold too. Now I was starting to wonder where the hell Juice had got to, hell maybe the lad had found all his stuff after all.

I rushed straight back into the bedroom, there in a lock box under the bed were all the lads’ things. Shit there was also the fact that we’re in the middle of nowhere, surely Juice wouldn’t be that stupid, would he?

Hell, now I was wondering just what I’d done to make him flee, why would he risk his life when I’d been willing to help him. Fuck the lad didn’t even have any fuckin clothes, hell he didn’t even have any food or water either.

I pulled on some jeans and a shirt, once I’d laced my boots, I took a breather and tried to think about the situation. I knew I couldn’t be as reckless as Juice had been, however I knew that I’d have to go out prepared and take some food with me. Part of me wanted to just stay here, maybe open a bottle of whisky and drink until I pass out.

Well it looked like I’d have to make do with the cigarettes and cell phone, also I made sure I had my gun and it was loaded too. However once outside I realized the cell was totally useless, the joy of been in the middle of nowhere, I guess.

Shit I realized I hadn’t even a clue where to start, great I guessed that I’d have to think the same way as Juice would. Knowing him he’d most likely want to get as far away as possible, also the lad would know I’d be looking for him sooner or later. Now I was wondering just how long ago he’d left; he could already have one hell of a head start on me.

Well he’d need to find some food and shelter before too long, I understood there was a small stream not too far away from here. Maybe I should head towards there as he might go there himself, I knew that I was clutching at straws, but it was all I had right now.

All I wanted to do was find Juice and help him, also now I would keep on searching if that’s what it took to find him. I had to admit that it was lovely and peaceful out here, well apart from me yelling out Juice every couple of minutes.

The water was cool and refreshing, not that I could see where the hell he’d find food out here.


I walked along for a couple of hours just calling his name, yet so far, I’d found nothing at all that was helpful. Hell, for all I knew he could already be miles away, that or he might have even just gone the other way.

It was warm so I decided to stop and take a break, I’d have a rest and a smoke before resuming my search. Fuck then I’d have to hope no one turned up at the cabin while I was gone, Clay would want to know where the hell Juice was.


I walked for what I believed was a few hours, well it felt like that to me anyway. It had been dark when I’d started out, yet here I was now making the most of the warm glorious sunshine.

At least I’d now warmed up somewhat, the only thing that bothered me were my feet and how sore they’d become. However, I knew that it was still way too soon to stop, I would push it until night time and then get some rest.

Now my stomach started rumbling and I was becoming hungry, the stream had provided water but nothing more. I knew that I’d have to find some way of getting food soon or I’d become weak, after looking around all I managed to find were some berries.

Fuck I was no boy scout and never had been, how the hell was I supposed to know what was edible. I knew that my body was starting to slow down somewhat now, also I still had to find somewhere to sleep.

It felt good just sitting here though in the sun, eventually though hunger got the better of me and I moved. I gave in and just ate some of the berries at random, in the end I had to force them down as the taste was so vile.

I knew I’d have to suffer them or starve; I ate until I felt full and couldn’t eat any more. Finally, I washed it all down with the water from the stream, at least that should keep me going until tomorrow.

I knew that night would be here soon though, the sun was already starting to go down and set for the day. My next goal was to find somewhere for the night, I felt like I’d been walking forever and just wanted some sleep.

Eventually I found a small clearing, there in the middle was some trees that had been chopped down, I figured if I slept under the branches I’d manage to keep warm, also there would be less chance of Chibs finding me if I were hidden.

Shit I really knew that I shouldn’t have thought about him right now, all I could remember was the previous night. How it had felt to be held and wanted by him, especially as I’d fancied the man for ages.

I realized that Chibs had a low opinion of himself too, I teased him, but he wasn’t old or past it at all. Fuck I knew it was time to get to work and stop thinking, I made a bed out of the branches and got enough to cover myself with.

I lay there and felt like I was burning up from all the work, I decided to get another drink before I settled for the night. At the stream, I decided to just pour the water over myself, it felt like I was in heaven as my body finally cooled down.

I’d have to hope that the temperature didn’t change dramatically during the night, otherwise I’d end up freezing out here with no clothes.

Finally, I made my way back to the clearing, I knew deep down that I was an idiot if I thought I’d get out of this alive. Even if I reached civilization where would I go, Clay would make sure the club hunted me down and killed me.

I was fucked out here with no money or transport, I was pretty much a dead man regardless of what I did now. I knew that I was just making myself even more depressed, which with my state of head really wasn’t a good idea.

I soon realized that I was unable to get cold no matter what, I even removed all the branches I’d used to cover myself. I lay there just burning up and felt sick, in the end I guess exhaustion finally overtook any other problems that I had.


In all I’d just spent over eight hours out here searching, all I ‘d achieved was making myself really tired and pissed off. The sun was long gone, and the weather had changed now, it was always far colder out here on a night.

Where the fuck had Juice managed to go, we had the cabin out here because it was really secluded and far out. There was no way I could see Juice making it to the main road, even then you’d be lucky to see more than a couple of vehicles a day.

Could Juice have really been that lucky and made it away from here, also I had to wonder just how he’d explain his lack of clothes to anyone he met. Well all I could do now was return to the cabin, once it was daylight, I’d resume my search for the lad.

Shit I also had to wonder how long I could stay at the cabin, eventually I’d have to give up on Juice and return to Charming. I spent the walk back just thinking and now it was fully dark, yet I knew I’d forgo any food as I was exhausted now.

I decided to grab a bottle of whisky and collapse on the couch, shit it was right then that the phone started to ring.

“Chibs here…”

“Chibs it’s Jax, I just wanted to check that everything there’s okay?”

“Aye Jackie lad I’m good.”

“Clay also wanted an update on Juice too.”

“He’s asleep, I can go wake him up if ye want Jackie lad?”

“No don’t worry about it Chibs, I’ll tell Clay that I spoke to him and he’s fine.”

“Thanks’, has Clay said anything else regarding Juice?”

“Yeah he’s having second thoughts about having Juice in the club.”

“Aye I guess that I cannae blame him.”

“I know that Juice means a lot to you Chibs, it’s just the fact that he could have got us all killed.”

“Aye Jackie I’m aware of that, oh and what did ye mean by he means a lot tae me?”

“Everyone can see it Chibs.”

“Well of course the lad means a lot tae me, he’s one of my brothers at the end of the day Jax.”

“You keep telling yourself that’s the only reason Chibs, anyway I’ll call back again tomorrow and maybe catch Juice awake.

“Aye lad I’ll catch ye later then.”

Now I wondered who’d noticed that I had strong feelings for Juice, hell I myself had only just realized that I had feelings like that for the lad. I drank from the bottle without even thinking about it, getting drunk was perhaps the only way I’d sleep tonight anyway.

At the end of the day I knew that Jax was right, there was no way that Clay would sit on this for long. I knew that I’d have to come clean tomorrow when Jax phones, God only knows what I’d do if Juice doesn’t show up.

I finally fell asleep on the couch; I’d opened my eyes to bright warm sunshine and a pounding headache. I knew that I was in no fit state to go straight back out, first I would need a strong coffee and some food.

At least afterwards I even felt up to getting a shower as I needed one badly, after the shower and food my head cleared, and I felt somewhat human again. I made my way back out once I was ready, however this time I thought I’d try the opposite direction.

My plan was to spend the entire day out here searching, if I was unsuccessful, I knew I’d have to tell Clay the truth and that Juice was gone. The question now was how I’d personally cope without Juice, well I’d been the idiot that said the club came first so it was my own fault.

The thought of not finding Juice scared the hell out of me so bad, yet I was starting to feel like this was a total lost cause. It was over two hours later that I heard something, shit I thought it could be a wild animal out here and pulled my gun.


The night had been rough out here all alone in the dark, I suppose at least I was warm and didn’t freeze to death as I expected. Yet the minute I sat up I emptied what was left in my stomach, I guess that my body wasn’t accustomed to surviving off berries alone.

The vomiting had left me feeling rather lethargic amongst other things, I decided a trip to the stream would be a good idea, the first thing on my agenda was to get myself cleaned up.

I had to admit that the cold water felt good on my skin, I then drank some of it and went in search of breakfast. Great I guess that I’d be living off fuckin berries yet again, I knew they’d give me stomachache, but I felt starved right now.

Once I was clean and full, I lay on the grass as my skin was already clammy again, it was peaceful out here and the sun felt so good upon me too. I’d lost all concept of time out here, the only clock that I had was the sun going down or coming back up.

I wondered just what Chibs would be doing right now, if he was still here or had just gone after I disappeared on him. Why was it that everything I ever did went wrong, my whole life was just so fucked up right now? No that was a lie and I fuckin knew it, practically my whole life had been fucked up from day one.

Shit suddenly I started throwing up again, yet this time was far worse, and my stomach felt like it was in a vice. Great just to make it worse I started burning up too, all I could do was strip out of the shirt and abandon it.

I crawled back towards the stream and cleaned my face once more, hell maybe it was just the heat that was starting to get to me. I had no idea what happened to me after that, I’d remained by the stream and must have just passed out.

When I finally woke, it was dark once more, I just lay there on the grass in my underwear. I had a vague memory of removing the shirt at some point, however it was now far too dark to find it.

I’d have to use the light from the stars to try and find my way back, maybe then I could just sleep this off and feel somewhat better. This time though I knew that something was seriously wrong with me, I was burning up once more and could barely stand. All I wanted was to get back to the safe haven I’d made for myself, yet here I was having to sit down after every few steps I took.

I had no idea how long it had taken me to get back there, all I did was just collapse back down on the bed of branches I’d made earlier. After I lay down the pain gripped me once more, I hugged my stomach and curled up in a fetal position and started to cry.

I suddenly felt so alone out here, at least last night I’d slept with the scent of Chibs to keep me company. However now I’d lost the shirt and had nothing left of him, maybe I was just getting a taste of what I truly deserved for what I’d done.

Deep down I knew that I was just feeling sorry for myself, not that it was helping with my state of mind right now though. Sleep was a rather restless affair, well what with the constant dreams and the throwing up. In all honesty I’d say they were nightmares, as they were far too distressing to be dreams.

Every time I woke, I’d throw up, also I was running a temperature now and was burning up worse than before. Once more I’d fallen back asleep, yet this time the nightmare was far different from before. I’d dreamt that Chibs had found me out here, he’d even brought his gun along so that he could finish me off once and for all.

I woke up and was shivering and making strange whimpering noises, for some reason all I wanted was for this to end one way or another.


I shone the light around and upon the ground, right now I’d pretty much shoot anything that moved. It was in the torch light that I saw something familiar lying on the ground, I bent down and picked up the shirt that was one of my own.

I guessed that Juice must have come along this path and I was going in the right direction, fuck there was that noise again and it shit me up once more. It was then that I heard what sounded like words, hell it even sounded like someone was saying my own name.

I went over to where there was a big pile of tree branches all stacked in a big pile, it was only as I pulled them back that I noticed Juice. Shite the lad was moaning out loud in his sleep, I put my hand on his forehead and the lad was literally burning up.

I knew that I’d have to get him out of here, I’d need Juice back at the cabin so I could call Tara for some advice. The biggest question was, how I’d get him there, I’d just have to pray that he could walk some of the way back.

“Juicy lad, come on wake up for me!”


“Aye lad it’s me, shit Juice what the hell was ye thinking?”

Before the lad spoke, he started throwing up, he couldn’t have much in his stomach as he was just dry heaving.

“Shite lad ye need to see a doctor.”

“All I want is to die…”

“Aye well that won’t be happening on my watch laddie.”

I put my arms around him and pulled him up onto his feet, in the end I pretty much just had to support him myself. After five minutes the lad could barely manage to stand at all, I was left with no choice but to scoop him up in my arms and carry him.

“I’ve got ye Juicy lad.”

It was slow going and I had to put him down a few times, I estimated that it’d taken a good couple of hours to get back to the cabin. Once there I placed Juice upon the bed, I also knew that I’d now have to phone Jax or Clay.

Well I decided that Jax would be my best bet and safest option, also the lad could bring Tara if need be.

“Hey Jax it’s Chibs.”

“Shit Chibs it’s the middle of the night…”

“It’s Juicy, shite he’s really ill Jax.”

“Why what’s wrong with him now?”

“He sorta got away Jackie lad, now he’s throwing up and has a temperature tae.”

“Look it’s out of my hands, hell Chibs I’m not even going to ask how he managed to get away. As for anything else… well let’s just say that Clay no longer cares about him.”

“Great, so I’m on my own then lad?”

“Look I’m sorry Chibs, call if you really need me but I’ll have to help without the club knowing.”

“Aye thanks Jackie lad, nice to know I have someone watching my back.”

“Look I’ll also get Tara to call you later, it’s just she’s working nights now.”

“Aye I appreciate that.”

I hung up on Jax and went to check up on Juice, been the person that I was I would want answers as soon as he was up to it. I wanted to know what had made him run away like that, also there was the fact that I still loved him too.

At the moment the lad was fast asleep, I decided the best thing that I could do right now was leave him to rest as he needed it. Also, I wanted him to be wide awake and alert, that way I might get some proper answers to my questions.

The main thing to worry me right now was his temperature, hell the lad was still burning up. I went into the bathroom and returned with a cold wet cloth, I then pulled the chair towards the bed and washed him down.


I started to slowly wake up and knew straight away that something was different, it was then that I realized just where I was once more. I had a vague memory of Chibs carrying me, also I remembered that he kept talking to me a lot too.

I had to wonder just where he was now, it was then that I realized I could hear him talking to someone. I could only hear one side of the conversation, that was good as it meant he was on the phone.

I truly believed that he planned to hand me over to the club, I couldn’t understand why he hadn’t just left me out there to die. It was then that I heard him mention my name, I knew that this was bad and I’d have to get out of here right now.

I tried so hard to move but it made me sick, now my stomach was in crippling pain due to the lack of food. That was when I heard Chibs say goodbye to Tara, well I guess I was lucky and at least it wasn’t Clay.

It was then that Chibs walked into the bedroom and came over to the bed, I noticed the pissed off look as he stared down at me too.

“I want some answers lad and they’d better be good, however first I need to clean you up and deal with your temperature.”

Suddenly Chibs grabbed hold of me and pulled me to my feet, shit I couldn’t help but moan out loud in pain.

“Shite sorry lad, I guess I dinnae know my own strength at times.”

“Chibs where are you taking me? Please tell me.”

“Calm down Juicy lad, hell I’m only taking ye for a cool shower.”


“Because yer far too hot and it’s dangerous, come on just remove yer underwear lad.”

“No chance.”

“Shite lad I’ve seen ye naked before!”

“That was different.”

“Fine I’m not fuckin arguing with ye lad, just get the hell in the shower now with or without them.”

I just glared at him as I knew he was getting pissed off, holy fuck the water was freezing, and I wanted to get back out.

“Juice dinnae even think about getting out, Tara says it might be some sort of poisoning. Look I need tae know what ye did while ye were gone, also what ye ate tae.”

“Berries, hell there was nothing else out there.”

“Shite lad did I really hurt ye that bad.”

“Leave me alone, I don’t want to talk about any of that.”

“Well ye won’t have a choice soon lad.”

I knew that he was right but fuck them all and fuck Chibs too. Why the hell should I care when they all wanted me dead, the club and Chibs despite his lies.

I stood under the shower with my eyes closed, that way the tears could wash away and hopefully Chibs wouldn’t notice them.

“Hey Juice, are ye even listening tae me?”

“Sorry what?”

“I said it’s time tae get out.”

“About time as it’s fuckin freezing.”

“There’s a towel and some clean underwear, get yourself sorted while I wait in the doorway for ye.”

“Shit I can manage without you fuckin hanging around.”

“Well sorry but I dinnae trust ye lad right now.”

“Thanks for nothing Chibs.”

“Why do ye do it lad, ye need some help and tae stop pushing people away all the time.”

“Why the hell should I bother? Shit Clay will want me dead soon anyway.”

Also, I had to keep reminding myself that I could no longer trust Chibs either, all he wanted was what was best for the club and nothing more. My body ached and it was slow going, eventually I managed to dry myself and dress in the clean underwear.

I had to wonder just when the questioning would start, I kept my mouth shut as Chibs told me to go and get back into the bed.

“Come on lad I’ll get ye some water and food, ye need tae get something inside of ye and keep it down. Then afterwards I’ll help sort out those sore feet for ye, once your fully sorted out we can sit down and have that overdue talk lad.”

Great I couldn’t wait, I also knew Chibs would get pissed off with my answers if he didn’t like them.


I could tell that the lad wasn’t too happy with all of this, however I wanted some honest answers and the sooner the better. After an hour I’d fed him and he was looking tired, not that his stomach seemed too keen on the idea of food though.

“You ready for that talk now lad?”

“Why it’s not like I actually get a choice do I?”

“No sorry Juicy, however I want some honest answers from ye lad.”

“Fine if it means you’ll leave me alone.”

“Juice why did ye run away from me, shite Juicy did I really treat ye that bad?”

“It wasn’t that…”

“Tell me what it was then, come on lad I’m willing tae listen to ye.”

“You Chibs, shit I can’t mean that much to you despite all that bull shit you fed me.”

“Whatever makes ye think that lad?”

“Chibs you even said yourself that the club came first, the same club that will want me dead soon too. Shit I should come first if you felt anything for me, but hell I have to take second place as usual.”

“Is this what it was all about, is that why ye risked yer life and ran away Juicy?”

“How could I stay and just wait for the one person I l… shit it doesn’t matter anymore.”

“It matters tae me lad, the one person ye what Juice?”

“The one person I love Chibs okay, there are you happy now you’ve made me say it…”

“Shite lad I wasn’t expecting that, ye really love me Juice?”

“Of course I do, however I then found out that it was just all one sided.”

“But it isn’t just one sided lad.”

“Chibs you even said yourself that the club came first.”

“Please Juice ye must believe me, shite when ye went missing I realized that it had been a lie. The club means nothing tae me without ye, hell the club means nothing to me compared to ye.”

“How do I know that you mean it, it could be just another lie to keep me here and fuck with my head.”

“Hell lad, why the hell do ye think I searched for ye, I knew that I couldn’t survive without ye here with me.”

“All I wanted was to die, shit Chibs the one person I trusted didn’t want me.”

“Shite Juice I cannae change what happened, ye just have tae believe that I love ye so much lad.”

I received no reply from the lad; however I noticed the shuddering as the tears fell upon the bed. Jesus I’d done this to him all that trust we’d had together over the years and I’d blown it.

“Juice please baby dinnae cry.”

“Chibs will you just hold me?”

“God of course I will lad.”

I moved over towards the bed and lay down, it wasn’t long before I had the lad in my arms where he belonged. I held him to me tight and never wanted to let go of him again, then it suddenly hit me that I could have lost him for good today.

All I wanted was to be strong for the lad, yet deep down I knew that I was slowly falling apart myself. I rubbed his back and then kissed the top of his head; he was mine and I wanted to keep him here and protect him forever.

Eventually everything became too much for me, the damn broke as I could no longer hold back my own tears. Hell, so much for me been the strong one, now all I felt was really small and pathetic.

“Chibs please don’t cry.”

“Shite I’m sorry lad, I dinnae realize how much I truly love ye until now.”

“You’ve always been special to me Chibs, hell you were the only one that ever treat me like a real person.”

Great now the tears came even faster, I knew I’d always felt something for Juice on way or another.

“Please forgive me Juice…”

“Jesus Chibs of course I forgive you, I was the one who ran without even talking to you.”

The past was just that, all that mattered was that Juice was here with me now and he wasn’t going anywhere again.


I really didn’t want Chibs to be upset, especially when it was over someone like me.

“Chibs let me show you how much I love you, I’ll make it really good for you I promise.”

“Juice don’t, believe me I don’t want this to be just about sex.”

Great what a fuckin idiot I was yet again, I’d gone and made Chibs feel like this was nothing and I only wanted sex. I pulled out of his arms and sat up in the bed, I then got up as I cried like a fuckin baby knowing I’d fucked up yet again.

“Juice where are you going?”


“Please just stay for a minute, don’t run away from me again Juicy.”

“Why all I do is fuck everything up, all I wanted was to make you happy the only way I knew how.”

“Aye I know lad, ye just have tae get it out of yer head that there’s no other way than sex.”

“Yeah well I couldn’t even manage that, could I?”

“Juice just do me a favor will ye?”

Great now I had to wonder just what it was that Chibs wanted, also if I could do it for him.

“What do you want Chibs? I’ll do it if I can…”

“Juice just shut the fuck up lad and kiss me.”

“You mean it!”

“Aye of course I do lad.”

I lay back down on the bed and relaxed, it didn’t take me long at all to find that gorgeous mouth of his. Within seconds I had my tongue down his throat, fuck I loved the man more than anything in life and always had. I also couldn’t help it as my cock started to become hard, all I wanted was to feel Chibs inside me and fucking me.

“Remove the underwear Juicy.”

I never had to be told twice, I pulled away long enough to remove the one item of clothing that I wore. Chibs kissed me once more and then his mouth was gone, within seconds he’d moved lower down the bed.

It appeared that Chibs wanted to have his mouth and tongue somewhere else, it wasn’t long before I felt his warm mouth around my erection. Jesus at this rate I wouldn’t last long at all, Chibs finally deep throated me while I behaved like some wanton slut.

It was then that he started doing something different once again, he started sucking on my balls one at a time. I couldn’t help but pull his hair hard, I then lost all rational thought when I felt his tongue enter my ass.

“Come for me Juicy baby…”

“Shit keep that up Chibs and I won’t have a choice…”

Chibs removed his tongue and used a finger instead, not that it was long before he replaced the finger with a couple more.

“Come Juicy, for me.”

“Oh fuck…”

I couldn’t say another word as Chibs hit my prostate, then he had my cock deep inside his mouth once more. Chibs swallowed down every single drop then let go, it wasn’t long before he was passionately kissing me once more.

I felt so turned on right now as I tasted myself upon him, fuck now all I wanted was the man deep inside my ass.

“Chibs will you fuck me?”

“No, I’ll make love to you baby…”

“Yeah that too.”

“Turn over for me baby.”

I did as Chibs asked and waited, within seconds I had him deep in my ass just where I wanted him.

“You’re so hot Juicy lad, god and so fuckin tight too.”

“Come for me Chibs.”

“Oh, I plan to Juicy so don’t worry, I’m just going to make sure I take my time that’s all.”

I knew that Chibs would keep his word and make me wait, however at the moment I was happy for him to stay right where he was.


It felt so good where I was right now and I had no intention of ending it, hell I had no intention of letting Juice go at all. I had to admit that I loved everything about the lad, well almost everything anyway.

The lad had some really weird ideas running through that head of his at times, yet deep down I knew he’d refuse any form of help I suggested. I tried to just think about the here and now, think about the warm body below me that I was buried in.

“You’re fuckin gorgeous Juicy…”

“Shit and you’re all talk Chibs, hell I’m sure you’d say that to anyone in this position!”

“No Juicy lad, ye and ye only.”

I pounded his ass hard and knew I wouldn’t last long, yet Juice was trying to get off by rubbing himself against the mattress. I worked up a rhythm and came hard inside him, I felt so weak right now and collapsed on top of him.


“Aye lad.”

“Can you move?”

“Ye okay there lad, hell ye sound a bit strained that’s all?”

“Yeah I just need to take care of myself.”

I rolled off him and lay on the bed beside him, Juice then also rolled over onto his back too.

“Shite lad are ye hard again already!”

“Hey, it’s not my fault that you are one hell of a sexy man, shit Chibs it’s your fault that you turn me on so much.”

“Now who’s the smooth talker lad.”

“Well it’s true.”

“Lay there and just relax, I’ll take care of it for ye baby.”

“Shit Chibs I thought you were never going to ask.”

I slapped the lad hard across his ass, it was then that I noticed the large red handprint I’d left.

“Shit what was that for Chibbie?”

“Ye lad, we need tae do something with that mouth of yours.”

“I’m sure that you would be able to think of something to put in it…”

“Hey, dinnae temp me lad, right come on spread em.”

“Such a romantic…”

I ignored the lad’s comment and positioned myself where I wanted to be, it was hard to believe that he was so gorgeous and all mine too.

“Hey Chibs, are you still with me?”

“Aye sorry lad, I guess I got carried away ogling your sexy body.”

“I could think of something else I’d rather have you do; however, it means you’ll have to stop talking though.”

“Aye, god yer such a slut Juicy lad.”

“Yeah but only with you.”

“Aye well make sure ye keep it that way lad.”

I deep throated him as he played with my hair once more, the man was insatiable as he lay there all wanton and moaning.

“I’ll always be yours Chibbie.”

I’d heard what Juice had said, hell that one sentiment alone meant so much to me right now. I sucked the lad hard and took him to the limit, I then swallowed every drop as he came in my mouth. I was so engrossed in his body, hell he had to call me twice just to get my attention.

“Chibs is that your phone that’s ringing?”

“Aye I can hear it now lad, just stay there and I’ll be back in a minute…”

I got up and found my phone on the floor under some of my clothes, I flipped it open and read the caller identification.

“Chibs here, what’s up Jackie boy?”

“Heads up that’s all Chibs, Clay ‘s planning on coming out there tomorrow.”

Fuck how the hell could I tell Juice the news, especially as everything had finally been going perfect.


I watched as Chibs spoke to Jax, I knew by the look on his face that something was bothering him. I also knew that he could also be a stubborn bastard at times too, getting him to talk was like getting blood out of a stone.

All I could do was sit here and watch as Chibs paced up and down, another sure sign that something was wrong. Finally, he said goodbye to Jax and hung up, I then waited to see if he’d offer to tell me anything.

“Well what is it Chibs?”

“Not now Juicy lad okay…”

“Chibs don’t you fuckin dare shut me out.”

“I said not now, hell don’t ye ever fuckin listen lad?”

Fuck this was the story of my life, just behave Juice and shut up. That was all everyone had ever said as I grew up, shit it was then that I couldn’t control the sudden rush of tears. I got up and rushed into the bathroom, I even slammed and locked the door behind me.

“Juice open the god damn door right now…”

“Go to hell Chibs, and don’t dare tell me what to fuckin do all the time.”

“Juice open the door right now, ye open it or I will.”

“Just go away, I’m sick of you and everything. All everyone does is tell me what to do or make me do things, well it all ends right now.”

“Juicy what do ye mean lad?”

“You all treat me like I’m nothing, why the hell did you even bring me back here Chibs?”

“I brought ye back because I love ye lad…”

“What a load of fuckin shit, if you love me, you’d at least talk to me and tell me what he said.”

“I cannae lad.”

“Why Chibs? Come on I want a good reason.”

I knew I wouldn’t have long to stop Chibs from coming in, he wouldn’t think twice about kicking the door down if it came to it.

“Juice this is hard enough lad, hell I cannae tell you because I dinnae want tae hurt ye.”

“What and all this right now’s not hurting me?”

I was pissed off with all of this and my past combined, I grabbed the glass near the sink and threw it at the wall. Within seconds there was glass everywhere, also there was one angry scot stood in the doorway.

“What the fuck are ye doing Juice?”

Shit with that Chibs had me pinned against the wall; he then had his arm pressed against my tender throat.

“Chibs get the fuck off me.”

“What so ye can go and fuckin cut yourself again, god ye really need some psychiatric help lad.”

“Thanks for the trust, hell I threw a glass because I was pissed off and you think I’m suicidal.”

I’m sorry Juice but what should I think when you talk like that, I love ye and ye drive me mad at times lad.”

“I love you too Chibs, well apart from when you behave like my fuckin father. That or you go all bossy on me, hell then it’s like you are my master or something.”

“You sure about that lad, certain times you seem to like a bit of S and M.”

“Chibs don’t you dare change the subject, just let me go and we can talk okay…”

“Aye okay lad.”

“I mean it Chibbie, you tell me what Jax said or I’ll disappear again.”

“Please Juice dinnae say that, I cannae live without ye now lad.”

“Then all you have to do is talk.”

“Look he phoned to let me know that Clay will be coming out here tomorrow.”

“Shit, what the hell does he want?”

“To see ye Juicy, apparently to decide your fate.”

“I gave the drugs back to the club, so what’s his problem now?”

“The club will be taking a vote tomorrow night Juice, Clay also says that the vote will be final.”

“What vote?”


“Just fuckin tell me Chibbie. Please I need to know.”

“Shit lad the votes to see if you should meet Mr. Mayhem or not.”

“Oh shit…”

Now I wished I’d never asked, also I could understand why Chibs didn’t want to tell me. I now realized that some things were better not knowing.


“Come on lad we can deal with it when the time comes.”

“Yeah it’s easy for you to say Chibs, hell it’s not like it even affects you is it?”

Shit I had to grab hold of Juice and force him to look at me, not that the lad was happy about it.

“Shite Juice of course it fuckin affects me, I’ve already told ye that I’ll stand by ye no matter what.”

“Why when they’ll just kick you out too Chibs?”

“Because I love ye lad and maybe one day you might actually believe me.”

I took hold of his hand and returned to the bedroom, I then pushed him down onto the bed.

“Lay down lad and just get some sleep.”

“Where are you going Chibbie?”

“Nowhere lad, well apart from that bed with ye.”

“Good, so how long have I got then?”

I lay in bed beside him and held him close, shite I knew the lad was petrified of what was to come his way.

“Look Clay will only be coming here tomorrow to see ye, also he wants a proxy vote from me tae lad.”

“Shit I forgot that you still have to vote Chibs!”

“Aye but ye know what my vote will be, Jackie reckons after the vote we’ll still be notified first Juice.”

“Thanks’ for helping me Chibs, also for putting up with all the shit I give you too.”

I loved the way that Juice could behave like an exited child at times, he was also very energetic and trying to please everyone. I kissed him on the forehead and pulled him close, I was exhausted myself now but at least I had Juice and he was all mine.

“Go to sleep Juicy lad and I’ll be here for ye.”

I had to admit that it felt really good here in bed beside the lad, it also felt good to have someone special too. Now I would have to hope that the vote went in the lads’ favor, either way I knew I would stand by him no matter what.

I thought that sleep would come easy due to the exhaustion, however I soon realized that wasn’t going to be the case. Juice was rather restless for the best part of the night; he also talked a lot in his sleep too. He also kept repeating the same things over and over, he was really sorry to whoever he thought he was talking to.

When morning arrived, I was still extremely tired and just wanted the visit with Clay to be over with. It was then that I noticed Juice staring at me, shite the lad had the most amazing smile I’d ever seen.

“Ye sleep okay Juicy lad?”

“Yeah, I guess so, how about you Chibbie?”

“I’m fine lad, we need to get ourselves sorted out though before the M.C arrive.”

“Yeah I don’t think any of this would go down too well, especially the pair of us naked and in bed together.”

“That wasn’t what I meant Juice, hell I dinnae care if they all know I’m sleeping with ye. I just meant that I’d like to be up and dressed, that way I’ll feel more prepared for anything.”

“Yeah true, you don’t think he’ll do anything today do you Chibbie?”

“No as Clay will have to take it to the table first, the rest of the club will all want to have their say too I’m afraid.”

“Maybe I should just leave…”

“Juice you’re not going anywhere, if they vote for mayhem then maybe so. However, ye won’t be running alone lad, if you leave I’ll be leaving with ye.”

“Thanks, god Chibs I love you so much.”

“Aye I love ye too lad, but you need to get that sexy ass out of bed as we both need a shower.”

In all honesty I wanted a cig, also I wanted a strong whisky or two before Clay arrived.


I had to admit that the shower felt really good, originally I’d wanted Chibs to join me in the shower, and for us to be together. Chibs had other ideas though, hell maybe how horny I felt that was a good idea.

Deep down I just wanted to remain occupied until after Clay had gone, okay I’d rather just run away before he even came. At the end of the day though I owed it to Chibs as I loved him so much, I guess in a way I also owed him my life too.

I thought about just jerking off to pass time, my cock was getting hard just thinking about him. I knew that I’d loved Chibs for a long time, it had started out as brotherly love and had grown into so much more.

The love had come as Chibs had always been there for me. He’d always been quick to hug me and make everything better. Yet I’d also loved the club and look how that turned out, I had to wonder just when everything had started to go wrong.

I knew that most of the members now hated me, I guess they also just saw me as a weak link in their club. They were my brothers and I wanted that life back, yet why the hell would they want me when I put their lives at risk!

I had to face up to the fact that there was no going back, the club part of my life was now well and truly over. Fuck suddenly the tears fell once more, why the hell did I have to be so fucked up and cry over anything.

Soon I fell to my knees and just sat there in the shower crying, I didn’t even know when it turned to deep sobs and I could hardly breathe. I didn’t want to be here anymore, if I truly loved Chibs I’d let him go and be free. Yet I was too stupid and pathetic to make a move, far too pathetic to even cope on my own.

It was then that I was pulled up from the tiled shower floor, within seconds I was been held in strong arms.

“Shit lad I leave ye for just a few minutes…”

“I know that I’m pathetic, god I’m so sorry Chibbie.”

“Don’t be sorry lad, hey all it proves is that you’re human and have feelings.”

“So how the hell am I supposed to prove I’m strong, shit Clay would eat me for breakfast if he were here now.”

“You’ll be fine Juice, hell ye just panicked that’s all.”

“Yeah and look at last time, shit I tried to fuckin hang myself.”

“Juice I’ve been there myself, hell I was going to sell you all out to protect Fiona and…”

“Yeah but you didn’t, you took it to the table and told them all.”

“Aye and ye told them too Juice, maybe ye left it a bit late but ye came clean before anyone got hurt.”

“Yeah but I’m not strong like you Chibs, hell I was just a joke to them right from the beginning.”

“Don’t sell yourself short lad, you’ve done plenty to try and protect the club.”

I was just about to reply and then I froze, I could hear the Harleys off in the distance and knew who it was.

“Hey Juice, look at me, come on lad.”

Fuck I’d just zoned out and was somewhere else, right now anywhere was preferable to here.

“Juice get dressed, shite lad are ye even listening?”

It was then that I felt the hard slap across my face, shit it was only at that point I realized Chibs was speaking to me.

“God I’m sorry Chibs…”

“Get dressed Juice, I’ll go out there and let them in.”

“What about me?”

“Wait a few minutes and then come out, I just want to be sure of the situation that’s all.”

“Yeah okay, Chibs…”

“What lad?”

“I love you so be careful.”

“Aye lad you tae.”

I did as I was told and got dressed, then all I could do was pray that everything would turn out alright in the end.


Shite I knew that the lad was slowly falling apart in there, I just had to hope he kept it hidden around Clay and the club. Especially as Clay had already stated that Juice was a liability, ha would I also become a liability too if I put the lad first.

I prepared myself the best I could and opened the door, well it looked like it would just be Clay and Jax and I’d known it could have been far worse.

“Chibs we need to have that talk now.”

“Aye I gathered as much Clay, Jax said that you wanted my vote on Juice?”

“Yeah as we need to deal with this problem Chibs, I also want Jax to go and have a word with Juice while we talk.”

“Fine but make sure he goes easy on the lad.”

“Why is he still somewhat unstable, or is there something else?”

“Don’t go there Clay, hell the lad needs support and a push in the right direction that’s all.”

“I’ll be the judge of that.”

“Look are ye coming in Clay or what?”

“No Jax can deal with Juice, I’d rather just stay out here and say what I have to say.”

“Look I’ve already made up my mind, nor you Clay or Jax will change my vote either.”

“Like I even have to ask.”

“Aye I doubt that ye do, but just so ye understand I’m a neigh for Mr. Mayhem.”

“Fine I’ll take that back to the table then.”

“Have you any idea how the rest plan to vote Clay?”

“Sorry Chibs but my votes a yay, the lad has fucked up way too many times and I’ve had enough of him.”

“He tried to put it right, shite Clay we’ve all done fucked up things in the past.”

“Believe me Chibs and consider yourself warned; the worst thing you can do is stand in the way of this vote.”

“Is that a threat I hear there Clay, as believe me I’m not scared of ye.”

“You can take it any way you want, however remember that I’m the president of this club for a reason!”

“How could I ever forget that, you’d also do well to remember that I’m not a push over either Clay.”

“I’m well aware of that, but it looks like you might have another weakness though.”

“What the hell would that be?”


Shit my blood turned to ice as he spoke that one word, would he really hurt Juice just to teach me a lesson in respect.

“You cannae blame me for been human Clay.”

“Yeah well that boy will be the death of you, shit Chibs when the hell will you realize that?”

“Maybe, maybe not. Either way I’m not going tae just desert the lad now.”

“Fine that’s up to you.”

“Whatever, was there anything else you wanted Clay?”

“No, just tell Jax I’ll be over by the bikes.”

“Yeah I’ll do that.”

With that said Clay turned and walked away, all I wanted to do now was go and check up on Juice and Jax. In my honest opinion Jax could be a bad influence, Juice would do anything at all to keep Jax and the club happy.

I knew I’d feel better when Jax left and took Clay with him, I just hoped that there wouldn’t be any damage to deal with afterwards. Everything was quiet inside and maybe that was a good thing, however I did have to wonder where the hell they both were.

It was then that I heard voices coming from inside the bathroom, I presumed that Jax hadn’t managed to get the lad to come out. All I could do now was wait to see what happens, also wait and hope everything turns out alright.


I’d heard Jax call me from the other room, however I wasn’t even capable of finding my voice to answer him. Soon though he opened the bathroom door, I knew that I’d have no choice other than to face Jax now.

“Juice, can I have a word with you?”

“Yeah Jax sure…”

“Do you want to come into the kitchen then, that way we can have a drink while we talk?”

I knew that Jax was trying to make it easier on me, yet I just felt rooted to the spot and unable to move.

“Juice are you even listening to me?”

I never even answered him, shit I just sank to the floor and sat there.

“You’re not doing yourself any favors Juice, Clay sent me in here to see how well you’re coping with all of this.”

“Yeah well, I guess you can go and tell him how fucked up I really am.”

“Is that what you really want Juice, do you really want to meet mayhem?”

“Maybe it’s all I deserve Jax.”

“I don’t know Juice, but I can’t decide either way if you refuse to talk to me.”

“What the fuck do you want me to say?”

“The truth, that’s all any of us want Juice.”

“You know about Roosevelt always pushing me more and more, he kept threatening me and wouldn’t give up. Fuck I couldn’t take it anymore Jax, my life in the club would have been over.”

“Shit not that again, all that because your father was black. You never even tried to come to us Juice, we can’t work together if you don’t communicate.”

“I was scared Jax, you knew that the club was my family and my life.”

“So, you stole a fuckin kilo of heroin from us, worse was that you were going to give it to the fuckin police!”

“I’m so fuckin sorry…”

“Sorry doesn’t cut it Juice, hell we could have all ended up dead out there because of you.”

“I tried to make everything right again, Chibs even helped me to get it all out in the open.”

“Yeah Chibs has been good to you Juice, he really likes you a lot brother.”

“You called me brother…”

“Yeah well right now you still are.”

“I love you all Jax, I also love Chibs in a different way too.”

“What way would that be?”

“He just means a lot to me, hell he’s always been there no matter what.”

“You do know that this is all tearing him apart… hell Juice he won’t cope if we vote for mayhem.”

“Yeah well I don’t want to think about that right now.”

“Why? Believe me it’s a possibility Juice.”

“Yeah, I bet it is, I bet that’s what you all fuckin want anyway!”

“Juice just try and calm down, look Chibs can stay until we decide and then he returns to Charming.”

“You can’t take him away from me Jax!”

“Juice, I know that he’s your friend…”

“Fuck he’s far more than that to me.”

“What do you mean?”

“He’s my lover Jax.”

“Holy shit… fuck your not joking are you?”

“No, I’m not.”

“Your telling me that you’re both queer, shit and I’d thought Chibs was all man!”

“Fuck you Jax, he’s more of a man than you’ll ever be.”

I loved Chibs and no one was allowed to slag him off, I couldn’t help myself as I flew towards Jax with my fist. Jax though was bigger and stronger than me, within a minute I was on the floor and underneath him.

The bastard had me pinned to the floor using his weight, shit I was then unable to move as he raised his fist.

“You’ve just signed your own death warrant Juice.”

I just lay there and closed my eyes; I was willing to take whatever he gave me as I deserved it.


I’d heard the commotion and raised voices; great I knew that it was a signal that everything was going to hell again. However right now I knew that Juice wasn’t working at full capacity, physically or mentally.

I charged into the bathroom without even thinking about it, it was then that I saw Jax with his fist raised. I never thought twice as I grabbed him from behind, I pulled him off and away from Juice.

“Shite Jackie lad, what the hell are ye doing?”

“What’s up with you Chibs, are you scared I hurt your boyfriend?”

“Shite how do you know?”

“Juice has just filled me in on a few things including your relationship.”

“Aye so what’s the problem lad?”

“With him, shit Chibs you can do far better than Juice…”

“I fuckin love him Jax, I’ll also do anything to protect the lad.”

“Yeah well if we all vote mayhem it will be all over, you won’t even have a choice Chibs.”

“Really! Just get the hell out of here Jax.”

“Fine Chibs have it your way, however I’ll be in touch after the vote.”

“You do that lad.”

“We all know how the vote will go anyway.”

“Aye I bet you do lad; you’d vote mayhem now just to piss me off.”

“Despite what you think your still my brother, I care about you Chibs.”

“Juice is still your brother too lad.”

“Yeah well, it’s whether we can get past this or not.”

“We’ve all done things Jax, not one of us is clean on that score.”

“Still he’s…”

“Jax just go, before you say something we’ll all regret.”

Jax never spoke another word, he finally just turned around and walked out. I rushed over to Juice who was still on the floor, the lad looked physically sick.

“Juice talk to me lad, just what the hell happened?”

“It’s all my fuckin fault, shit I’m so sorry Chibs.”

“Just tell me what happened Juicy lad.”

“Jax said they’d take you away from me, they’d make you leave me here all alone.”

“I’m not going anywhere lad.”

“Jax was right though Chibs…”

“What about lad?”

“You won’t even get a say in it, now Jax also blames me for trying to destroy you too.”

“Come on Juice lad let’s get a drink, also I know I don’t need anyone’s help to destroy my life.”

“Chibbie did you mean it… you know about loving me?”

I made Juice sit down on the couch, I then went and poured him a drink before answering.

“Aye Juicy lad I meant it; in such a short time you’ve become my life.”

“Yeah but what if they vote for mayhem Chibs, or for me to be exiled? I’ll either be dead or allowed nowhere near you.”

“I don’t think they’ll vote that way, maybe a couple of them but that’s all.”

I pulled the lad towards me and kissed him, he was mine now and I’d fight anyone who tried taking him from me.

“Yeah well I guess I’ll find out soon enough Chibs, either way I do love you.”

I knew that my life would be over if they all voted for mayhem, that or I’d find a way to keep the kid safe somewhere.


It felt good to have Chibs hold me, maybe I could try hard and pretend everything was alright. Imagine that there was no club, also no fuckin vote looming over me.

I knew they’d all blame me for Chibs too, how I’d tainted him because I was in love with him. I knocked back the drink in one go, at least for now it was just the two of us here and I was safe. I was sick of everything including this cabin, I had to get out of here as the walls were closing in on me.

“Chibs can I ask you something…”

“You can ask me anything at all Juicy lad.”

“Can we go for a walk; don’t worry I’ll understand if you think it’s too risky.”

“No, it’ll be okay and I think it’s a good idea, it’s not like ye plan tae run off or anything is it Juicy?”

“No of course not, I just want to clear my head that’s all.”

“Come on then lad let’s go.”

Chibs pulled me up and kissed me, he then held me tight against his warm body.

“Chibs I’m sorry for all of this…”

“You’ve nothing to be sorry for lad, come on I’ll find ye a jacket.”

Once outside Chibs grabbed me by the hand, at least I now felt loved and wanted. Also, it meant he wasn’t using his hand to hit me, maybe love was something that we could both benefit from.

We must have walked for over an hour, but it had got to the point where my feet were starting to hurt once more. I couldn’t help it and started to slow down, however that was when Chibs noticed and stopped me.

“Ye getting tired Juicy?”

“Yeah I guess, also my feet still hurt a bit too.”

“Aye I forgot about that lad.”

“Hey, it was my idea to go for a walk, believe me I don’t regret it one bit either Chibbie.”

“We can stop for a while if you want, or we can just sit and talk?”

“Yeah I’d like that.”

We found a clearing under a large tree and sat down, within seconds Chibs had me held tight in his arms once more.

“I love ye Juice, hell in my own way I guess that I always have.”

“Yeah I know, I think that’s why you always used to hit me too.”

“God I’m sorry for that lad.”

“Don’t be, I guess you just thought it’d knock some sense into me.”

“Aye true, then I realized that it wasn’t tough love ye really wanted was it?”

“No, I guess not.”

“All you wanted was someone to love ye lad, yet even then I still managed to fail ye.”

“Without you I’d have been dead ages ago, it was you Chibs that gave me a reason to want to live.”

“Aye but it dinnae give me the right tae hit ye lad…”

“It’s all in the past, we just need to deal with the future now and move on.”

“Aye that we do lad.”

“Well I’ll need to see if I even have a future first though.”

“Juice just remember that I’m here for ye now and always.”

With that said Chibs was kissing me, then I felt his tongue as he pushed it deep within my mouth. God all I wanted was to stay here forever, I had to admit that Chibs was really talented with that mouth of his.

Soon we had no choice other than to stop, we were both panting and seriously lacking air right now. Also, the pair of us were extremely turned on, shit we were both hornier than a pair of teenagers. Who knows what the future would bring for us, maybe I could just convince Chibs to run away with me?


Shite the lad was as addictive as any drug out there, that was when I realized that I couldn’t give him up for anyone. Now all that I could do was wait for the vote and then decide, I could always hope that we were both panicking over nothing.

That was when the reality of it all fully hit me, I was ready to give up everything for this one kid alone. Shite all I wanted was to strip him naked, then I wanted to be deep inside his tight hot body. Great now my own pants were starting to feel rather uncomfortable, it was that bad that I couldn’t refrain from moaning out loud.

“You okay there Chibbie? You sound a bit desperate that’s all…”

“Aye well I’ll show ye just how desperate I am lad.”

With that I grabbed Juice and kissed him hard on the lips, now though I was turned on far more than I ever thought possible.

“I wantae fuck ye senseless lad, strip ye and then bend ye over the bed. I’m going to pound into that ass of yours so hard, hell you won’t even be able to sit for days!”

“Chibs you can’t expect me to wait that long now…”

“Come on then Juicy let’s get back.”

“Shit that’s still way too long Chibbie, just fuck me right here and now lover!”

“Is that what ye really want Juicy lad, because dinnae put ideas like that into ma head if it’s not what ye really want?”

“Jesus Chibs of course I fuckin mean it…”

Hell, before I could even answer the lad he was undressing; well believe me he wouldn’t have to ask me twice. I wanted this right now more than anything else, hell I wanted him more than anything too.

“Get on yer hands and knees lad.”

“Fuck yes Chibbie.”

“Shite we’ve no lube or anything lad…”

“I don’t fuckin care, don’t you dare stop now or I’ll be pissed big time.”

“Don’t worry lad as I wullnae leave ye like that, but hell chances are it’ll hurt a bit.”

“Fuck I want it rough Chibbie, I want to be able to feel it for days.”

Well how the hell could I not oblige the lad, I had to wonder if it was what he wanted; that or what he thought he deserved. I knew the day would come that we’d have to deal with his emotional issues, however I knew that it wasn’t the right time to do it now.

I positioned my erection against his tight ass and pushed, shite I felt like I wanted to come from the vice like grip alone. The lad was definitely tight, shite then I slowed down as he moaned out loud in pain.

“Shite Juicy lad, if it hurts ye that bad I’ll stop.”

“You even think about stopping and I’ll fuckin kill you Chibbie…”

“Aren’t you the demanding little slut lad.”

“I’m only a slut around you Chibbie, I guess that should tell you how much you turn me on.”

Suddenly I felt extremely possessive and jealous, the lad was mine and mine only.

“Make sure ye keep it that way lad, otherwise I’ll be the one having tae deal with ye.”

I felt the lad shudder beneath me and knew it wasn’t from the cold, Juice knew that I kept my word about anything or anyone important.



Jesus, I hadn’t even been joking, I’d only ever been this bad while with Chibs. I welcomed the pain as it also made me feel somewhat alive, I also knew that I’d suffer far worse pain if I were to ever cross Chibs.

Right now though I wanted to forget about everything else, just live for the here and now. I rammed my ass fully back so that I had Chibs right where I wanted him, or maybe it was the other way around as he grabbed my hips hard.

“Fuck lad you’ll be the death of me!”

“You’re not that old yet Chibbie, fuck and you can’t blame it all on me.”

“What do ye mean lad?”

“Shit that voice, hell that alone could turn anyone on!”

“God ye make me so fuckin hard lad, who’d have thought it all that time ago?”

“Yeah well now we have to make up for lost time…”

With that said Chibs rammed in and out of me hard, at this rate I knew I wouldn’t last long myself. Shit that was when I felt his hand come around and grab my cock, holy shit then I nearly came as he whispered in my ear.

“Come for me Juicy baby, come for Chibbie.”

“Oh fuck…”

The feeling was like electric as I came full force, my cum was below me on the ground and I was literally wiped out now.

“Come on Chibbie it’s your turn to come for me, I want to feel it as you fill my ass full of your cum.”

“Shite I wullnae last long with ye talking like that lad…”

It was literally just a few more seconds and Chibs came, he then proceeded to just collapse on top of me. Now I was exhausted, and we still had to make the return walk, I’d be in bed the minute we returned to the cabin.

“Come on lad get dressed, it’ll be getting cold soon and we need tae move.”

“Yeah I guess so.”

“Hey dinnae sound so down, we can get something tae eat and then finish that whisky off.”

“That sounds like a good idea Chibbie.”

Chibs pulled me up and we both dressed, once back he kept his word and started cooking a pizza for us both. I guess over the years I’d forgot just what normal was, it felt good to sit together on the couch and have a few drinks.

Chibs kept the drinks coming and I kept on knocking them back, in the back of my mind I knew the club would be voting around about now with regards to my future.

“Loosen up Juicy, I’m sure Clay or Jax will ring when it’s all over!”

“Chibbie will you run away with me?”

“Why lad? Hell, we dinnae even know the answer yet do we…”

“No but would you run, well if say they voted for mayhem?”

“Yeah lad I’d run away with ye, especially if I get tae keep ye.”

Suddenly I felt a lot better about life and everything else, at least I knew that I still had Chibs no matter which way the vote played out.


I wasn’t lying to the lad, he was my main concern and I’d run if it came to it. Knowing Clay, he’d make us wait until morning to find out the result, that was one of the reasons I kept plying Juice with whisky.

I was hoping that he would just sleep until morning without nightmares, also I had to admit the lad was amusing when drunk. I sat here just channel surfing, I had Juice sprawled across my lap in a very drunk state.

“Juicy lad…”

“What Chibs?”

“Let me up will ye…”

“Why where are you going, you’re not leaving me are you?”

“Juice I just wantae take my boots off and get comfy, maybe ye should think about doing the same.”

“Yeah sounds good.”

I had to remove Juice myself so I could get my boots off, I then decided to use the bathroom while I had the chance. When I returned Juice was back on the couch naked, well I had to admit that the lad was one hell of a gorgeous sight.

“Was ye a bit warm Juicy lad?”

“Yeah, Chibs will you strip for me. I really want to feel you naked against me, well amongst other things that is.”

“Aye how can I refuse ye lad?”

I removed all of my clothes so I was also naked as the lad, even though he could barely even manage to stand.

“Move that cute ass lad so an old man can sit down…”

“You’re not old Chibbie, I love you just as you are anyway.”

“Aye I love ye tae lad.”

Juice finally managed to make room so I could sit, the minute I sat down the lad was upon me once more.

“Ye drunk now lad.”

“Hey, you gave me it, I’m not that drunk and still know what I want Chibbie…”

“Aye and just what would that be Juicy lad?”

“Fuck I want you Chibs…”

“Just relax lad and take everything as it comes.”

“Shit why? Where the fuck are you going Chibs?”


“No just tell me, for fucks sake I want to know…”

“Juice yer drunk and becoming paranoid lad. Look I’m not leaving ye or going anywhere without ye.”

“You mean it?”

“Aye lad so just settle down will ye, that or I’ll have to put you over ma knee and slap that cute backside.”

“Ha promises old man; you haven’t even got it in you…”

“Juice don’t push yer luck lad.”

Suddenly he was licking along my leg, fuck then I felt the lads’ teeth as they sank into my thigh.

“Fuck lad what the hell was that for?”

“I want you to punish me Chibbie, mark me and make me yours.”

“Fuck Juicy this is making me really hard babe.”

Shit suddenly Juice had my cock between those same teeth that had bit me, the tension mounted and just made me even harder as he deep throated me. Juice worked up a rhythm and then the little shite fuckin bit me again, it had been an instant reaction to bring my hand down hard on his backside.

I was far from gentle as I slapped him a second time, however I could tell by the lads breathing that he was really turned on. It would appear that Juice was somewhat kinky, that and also, he seemed to get off on pain.


Chibs slapped my bare ass really hard, yet all it did was turn me on even more.

“Is that all you’ve got old man?”

“Keep it up with that mouth lad and ye won’t sit for a week…”

Chibs brought his hand down hard yet again, this time though it was a lot harder and stung.

“Fuck yes Chibbie.”

He then massaged my sore ass with his rough hands and it felt good, then suddenly he was running his fingers between my ass cheeks. It felt amazing and I was so fuckin turned on right now, holy fuck that was when his finger suddenly pressed against my tight hole.

“Not so mouthy now are ye lad!”

I couldn’t help myself as I rubbed my erection against his leg, I also couldn’t help myself when I bit him once more.

Holy shit without any warning Chibs forced his finger deep inside me, he then started moving it around and my cock was like stone.

“Is this what ye want lad, ye like it rough do ye Juicy?”

“Fuck yes, oh shit Chibs I really need to come…”

“Not yet lad, believe me I’ll be inside ye when that happens.”

“Hurry the fuck up then Chibbie.”

“Yer an impatient little fucker lad.”

Suddenly Chibs pushed me off his knee, he then turned me around and pushed me over the couch. Within no time at all he had his cock buried deep in my ass, now all I wanted was to come more than ever.

“Please Chibbie, shit don’t make me wait any longer…”

I reached between my legs and grabbed my erection, fuck this as I’d just get myself off rather than wait. Jesus suddenly Chibs had my wrist in a vice like grip, he then pulled my hand away from my erection and let go.

“Not until I say so Juicy, ye behave or I’ll stop right now…”

“Please god no don’t stop.”

“Keep both yer hands above your head then.”

“Fuck yes I promise, please I’ll do anything Chibbie!”

Chibs started getting faster and faster, within seconds he came deep within me. I felt my own cock throb and knew I was about to come, fuck that was when Chibs grabbed my erection at the base.

“Fuck Chibs what the hell are you doing? Please you can’t do this to me now…”

“Not just yet lad, hey in just a minute I promise.”

“Chibbie please…”

“Juicy shut up then turn around and face me, I want you tae come in my mouth babe.”

“Oh fuck yes.”

Within seconds Chibs was knelt on the floor, he then wasted no time as he deep throated my throbbing erection. I was so fuckin desperate and knew that I wouldn’t last long, it was literally only seconds before I saw stars.

“Ye good lad?”

“Fuck yeah Chibbie, shit I’m too tired to even move now.”

Within seconds my eyes were starting to close, I knew I was going to fall asleep back over Chibs knee.


The lad was a picture of pure innocence when he was asleep, in all honesty the lad was pretty innocent when awake too. Juice had never had the stomach for anything more than mischief, yet here he was failing the only family he really had.

The lads’ hair was starting to grow back now, it suited him but I think he hid behind the tattoos. On most occasions people would just avoid him, I guess it was his way of not having to deal with everyone. Juice had a lot of secrets and was good at hiding them, yet he had to get everything out in the open for this to work.

The lad had started to snore ever so quietly, and I hadn’t the heart to move him, I decided that for now he could just stay asleep. I managed to grab a blanket from the back of the couch and covered him, personally I’d liked the view of him naked, but it was getting cold now.

My mind kept drifting back to Clay and Jax, it appeared that neither of them wanted the lad to come out of this whole. I’d have to hope that the rest voted against mayhem. Well I’d be ready to handle it either way, not that I had a clue where the hell we could run too.

I must have sat here for a good couple of hours, I was afraid to sleep in case the lad disappeared on me again. It was hard to trust him at all when he was scared, Juice could be very irrational and paranoid when he was upset. As for myself, shite I wasn’t the same man that I used to be as life had made me so angry and bitter.

It was then that I realized that Juice was different, you could say that the lad brought out the good in me. Well it had got to the point when I’d have to move, I could barely even feel my legs anymore.

“Juicy boy wake up, come on lad I need ye to move.”

“Fuck what the hell’s the matter, have they voted already?”

“No Juice ye were asleep babe, shite I’ve got cramp and really need tae move.”

“God I’m sorry Chibs…”

“Hey dinnae apologize lad as I’m not sorry, I could have kept ye there all night if I weren’t so fuckin old.”

“You’re not old Chibbie, far from it.”

“Are ye after something lad?”

“No, what makes you think that?”

“You dinnae need to try and charm me lad.”

“Chibs I don’t want anything, hell why would I. Everything that I’ve ever wanted is right here with me, you meant it when you said you were mine didn’t you Chibbie?”

I noticed the look of panic in those gorgeous brown eyes, all I really wanted was to see the lad smile a lot more than he did.

“Aye I’m yours lad, but believe me you’d better be mine…”

“Always Chibbie.”

“Come on lad we’d better get tae bed.”


I managed to pull myself up off Chibs and the couch, I then held out a hand to pull Chibbie up too.

“Come on Chibbie we’d better get some sleep.”

“Aye sleep lad and no funny stuff, I swear I’ll be asleep the minute my head touches the pillow.”

“I promise not to molest you then, even though saying that the idea’s very appealing.”

“You want me tae take ye over my knee again lad?”

“Any time Chibbie.”

Chibs slapped me hard on the backside, it wasn’t a good idea as my cock started to re awaken.

“Keep that up Chibs and I’ll have to go back on what I said.”

“Aye dinnae seem tae take much does it lad, ye must have one hell of a high sex drive?”

“Hey that’s not fair as normally I can go weeks at a time, I’ve already told you that you’re the one that makes me horny.”

“Just get into that bed lad.”

I did as Chibs asked, I’d have to remember that he’d hardly had any sleep for the past few days. I guess in my own way I was just trying to distract myself, maybe just pretend the club wasn’t having that vote tonight.

My biggest problem was having Chibs this close to me, I was so turned on as I ran my fingers down towards his groin. I was so close and just about to grab his cock, fuck suddenly he held my wrist to the point it was painful.

“Juice, I meant what I said.”

Great I was just a paranoid idiot, for some reason I suddenly felt so insecure and unwanted. Maybe I’d just pushed him too far, that or Chibs really was just using me. The tears fell as I yanked my hand away from Chibs, shit then I felt him licking the warm tears from my face.

“I’m so sorry for hurting ye lad and in more ways than one, any other time I’d have let ye carry on but…”

“But you don’t want me, do you?”

“Shite lad ye couldn’t be any more wrong, I need to get some sleep because I love and want ye lad.”

“Yeah sure as hell looks that way.”

“Juice, I need to be wide awake and on full alert, I cannae get us out of here if I’m falling asleep all the time. Until that vote I must be prepared, believe me lad I’ve no intention of losing ye now!”

“Great so I fucked up yet again…”

Suddenly I felt like I was ten all over again, getting everything wrong was the story of my fuckin life.

“Juicy lad come on ye never fucked up, I should have explained myself better to ye that’s all. I love ye Juice and had no right grabbing hold of ye like that, I’m sorry that I hurt ye lad.”

“Hey, I’m sorry that I over reacted, normally when I’m happy it never lasts Chibs.”

“Believe me lad I’m not going anywhere without ye.”

Chibs held me in his arms and I felt safe once more, I also woke up in the exact same spot in the morning.


The lad had some serious issues that would need to be dealt with, also I’d meant what I’d said about not leaving him. I had to admit it felt good waking up with the lad in my arms too, he looked up at me with those gorgeous eyes and that huge smile.

“Morning Chibbie.”

“Aye morning’ lad, did ye finally sleep well after everything?”

“Yeah fine, I really am sorry though Chibs.”

“Just forget about it lad, hell it’s good tae see ye with a smile on ye face Juicy.”

“Hey, I’m good because I have you, shit I’d be nothing without you Chibbie and I mean that!”

“Hey, we’re in this together lad so just…”

Shit I was interrupted by my phone, I picked it up and noticed that it was Clay calling and that meant one thing.

“I have to answer this Juicy lad…”

“Yeah I know, please Chibbie don’t do it here as I’ll know by your face what they voted.”

“Aye okay lad.”

I went into the small kitchen, once out of the lads’ earshot I answered it.

“Chibs here.”

“Hey Chibs you doing okay?”

“I dinnae know Clay, I guess that all depends on what ye have tae say?”

“The vote went in his favor.”

“Are ye shittin me Clay?”

“No most of the club must have thought he was worth saving.”

“Most, so not all then?”

“Does that really matter now Chibs?”

“It might tae the lad, he’ll want tae know where he stands within the club.”

“You know as well as I do that I can’t answer that, look Chibs you should be thankful after what he did.”

“Aye I guess, so what will happen now then?”

“Just sort yourself out and Juice, then you can both just come back tomorrow.”

“Aye okay, I guess I should go and let Juicy know.”

“Yeah you do that, tell him that he’s as safe as you are.”

“What the hell’s that supposed to mean Clay?”

“Had the vote gone the other way you’d have had to make a choice.”

“Aye and ye know what I’d have chosen!”

“Yeah I do, that’s why you were a worry too Chibs.”

I said goodbye and just hung up on Clay, I was glad it worked out right and just wanted to tell Juice the news. When I entered the bedroom, I found it empty, shite my heart beat so fast I thought it’d explode on me. It was then that I heard a noise coming from inside the bathroom, Juice was there bent over the toilet.

“Hey Juicy lad are ye okay?”

“I just panicked, you took a while and I just presumed the worst as usual.”

“That’s a really bad trait lad.”

Well the vote had gone in the lads’ favor, yet there were still plenty of things that still had to change around here.


“So, are you going to put me out of my misery Chibs?”

My breathing was becoming really strained now, I knew all too well the symptoms of a full-blown panic attack. Over the years I’d suffered many due to the life I had, yet I’d never suffered a bad one since joining the club.

“Ye can breathe Juicy lad, yer safe and still patched in.”

“Really I…”

I had no memory of what had happened, all I knew was that I was back in the bedroom and in bed. It scared me most when I realized that I was alone, maybe Chibs had decided I wasn’t worth the hassle after all.

As I got out of bed the tears came once more, I knew I’d rather die now than be without Chibs. I finally found him sat down on the couch, I knew that I was pathetic and couldn’t help it as I collapsed at his feet.

“Hey Juicy are ye doing okay lad?”

“I’m sorry Chibbie, I guess I thought you’d gone and left me all alone.”

“Ye had a panic attack and passed out, I sat with ye for a while and then I moved tae get a drink that’s all.”

“Chibbie did you mean what you said about the club vote earlier?”

“Aye lad yer in the clear, hell we both are.”

Shit I hadn’t even thought about Chibs, I’d just presumed that they’d take him back no matter what. At one time I’d thought he’d choose the club, I guess time would tell if I really did come first.

“So, what happens now Chibbie?”

“We will stay here tonight lad, then tomorrow we’ll head back to Charming and the club.”

“What about us Chibs?”

“I dinnae know lad, hell I guess everything has just happened so fast.”

“Great I take it that’s your way of saying you don’t want me…”

“Aye of course I still want ye lad… Hell I guess I’m scared that I’ve pushed ye into this by keeping ye here, I’m wondering if this is what ye really want Juice?”

“Shit Chibbie it’s what I want more than anything, Chibs you mean everything to me and more. I guess I thought you’d be the one that wanted out and couldn’t cope with me, hell I guess that I’m unstable most of the time.”

“Well I do want ye lad, ye can always go back in there and I’ll prove it to ye.”

“Yeah, I guess you proving it might put my mind at rest, maybe my body too.”

I turned and went back into the bedroom; I then lay naked in the middle of the bed. Shit I could see the love in Chibs eyes alone, the man also looked so fuckin sexy too.

“Take me Chibbie and prove to me that I’m yours.”

“Anytime lad.”

Chibs took me fast and hard just as I’d wanted, I could hear some motorbikes in the distance, but they just carried on. I knew that I was safe here with Chibs, I was now also safe within the club too.


I’d had butterflies in my stomach as I heard the bikes in the distance, thankfully they’d just moved on. I guess I’d worried as I knew that they were Harleys from the sound alone, yet at least I felt like I could breathe once more.

Everything was sorted out and I had no reason to worry at all, yet in all honesty something had just felt off. I guess that I shouldn’t expect anything else really, shit a lot had gone down in the past few days alone.

My eyes then focused on the gorgeous naked body below me, I could see the look of fear on his face as he watched me.

“Sorry Juice, guess I was just miles away lad.”

“Yeah, I guess we both might be like that for a while, Chibbie just fuck me so we can forget about everything else.”

“Aye lad that sounds good.”

I did as Juice asked and made love to him, not that it took me long to come buried in his tight ass. Within seconds Juice also came, now the lad looked like he was about to fall back asleep.

“Ye still with me Juicy lad?”

“Yeah just tired that’s all.”

“We need to make the most of today lad, tomorrow we have to leave here and go back.”

“Yeah shame, I like it when it’s just you and me Chibbie.”

“Aye me too lad.”

I finally talked Juice into getting out of bed, it was a great day and we could go outside. The sun was shining and we both could do with some fresh air, neither of us were used to just sitting on our backside all day.

We walked and walked, we also talked and seemed to have a lot in common. My main goal today was to tire the lad out, I knew that come tonight he wouldn’t sleep because of the worry about going back.

Aye going back would be hard on the lad at first, but hell they’d all done wrong over the years. Tig had even caused the death of an old lady, not to mention all the other strange shite he was into.

“Chibs you’ve gone really quiet.”

“Aye I was just thinking lad.”

“What about?”

“We need to get back soon, I want tonight to be special Juicy lad.”

“Every night would be special with you Chibbie!”

“Flattery will get ye everywhere lad, however less of the looks or ye will be going over my knee again.”

“I can’t wait…”

“Yer playing with fire lad, I have hardly any restraint when I’m around ye.”

“Maybe I like playing with fire, it’s just a shame that you’re too old to keep up with me.”

With that Juice took off towards the cabin, I was in no rush as I’d get there eventually. Plus at least this way I’d still have plenty of energy left, I’d let Juice just tire himself out.

“Ye cannae run forever lad, believe me you’ll be going over my knee when I do catch ye.”

“Oh promises, promises Chibbie…”

I made it back to find Juice already back in bed, hell the lad was even already naked too.


Chibs wasted no time as he entered the room, within seconds he’d removed his clothes and joined me on the bed.

“Oh, hold on lad as I still owe ye something…”

Shit I watched as Chibs grabbed his jeans from the floor, he then pulled out and freed his leather belt. I was kinky to a certain degree, but hell I’d never have expected that of Chibs.

“Turn over lad, be good and it won’t hurt ye tae much I promise.”

I decided to just do as he wanted, fuck I nearly jumped off the bed as the leather came down hard on my tender flesh.

“Ye okay lad, just one more and then I’ll make it up to ye.”

“Yeah I’m okay.”

I’d swear that the second time it broke my skin, however I soon had Chibs soothing it with his tongue. Shit I then felt him insert a finger deep inside my ass, I was so turned on and impatient that I just pushed back harder.

“I take it ye dinnae want tae wait laddie?”

“Fuck no, shit just give it to me Chibbie…”

Within seconds his finger was gone, however it was then that he fully entered me, and I was gone. Shit I’d been totally lost in the moment, it was then that I heard voices in the room and suddenly Chibs was pulled away from me.

“Chibs what the fuck…”

I turned over to see Chibs on his knees, he was being held there by Tig and Opie. I myself had the eyes of Clay and Jax upon me and I felt so vulnerable, it was then that Clay decided to speak.

“We lied Juicy!”

“What do you mean? Shit Clay what’s going on?”

“I lied when I said that we voted no to mayhem Juice, you’ve had this coming for a long time too.”

The reality of his words suddenly sank in, they were here to get revenge for what I’d done.

“Please Clay don’t do this, I’m so fuckin sorry about all of this and Stockton.”

“Shut up Juice as it’s way too late now, Jax call Happy and tell him to come in here.”

I watched as Jax opened the door and called Happy, shit I knew exactly just what Hap is capable of doing. Happy entered the room and pointed his gun at me, I’d rather die fighting than making it easy for him.

“Come on Juice outside now.”

“Fuck you Happy, fuck every single one of you too.”

“Outside now, do it Juice or I’ll put a bullet in Chibs.”

“You fuckin bastard, look I’ll come if you just let Chibs go?”

“Don’t worry we won’t harm him, Chibs is one of our own Juice.”

“Juicy lad I love ye, please don’t listen to Hap or any of them.”

“I’m so sorry Chibbie.”

With that I stood and stepped in front of Happy, I no longer cared how they looked at my body either. I guess I’d be going out the same way I came into this world, naked and alone.

Once outside Hap made me kneel on the ground, he then pointed the gun at my head. I closed my eyes and was far too scared to look at Hap, then I heard him tell Jax to deal with Chibs and go inside.

I knew that my life was now over, and I no longer had a family anyway, I just prayed they wouldn’t make Chibs suffer because of me.


I couldn’t believe what was happening, one minute I’d been happy with Juice and now this.

“Clay just let the lad go, hell he came clean and explained everything tae ye.”

“It’s too late Chibs, look I’m sorry.”

“Like hell ye are, I swear I’ll kill all of ye if you fuckin touch him…”

“Big words Chibs for a man in your position, we gave you a choice and it was your decision.  Where are his things anyway, bike clothes and stuff?”


“They’ll be going with Juice, well apart from the bike as we’ll strip that down.”

“What yer not letting Juice take it with him? I take it that ye plan to excommunicate him…”

“No, he won’t need the bike, I’m sorry Chibs but the vote was for more than excommunication.”


“What the fuck? Dinnae ye fuckin dare hurt him Clay.”

“I’m not going to touch him, Happy is capable of handing out the punishment.”

“Ye fuckin bastard.”

I knew happy meant only two things, pain and then execution. I knew there was no going back once the executioner was given an order, not that I was able to help the lad anyway.

“Opie, Tig hold him tight, I’ve got a feeling Chibs won’t like what happens next.”

I watched as Clay flipped his cell phone open, he pressed one button and waited before he spoke and that was only two words.

“Now Happy.”

Shit that was when I heard two shots ring out, part of me wanted to believe it was a joke and just to teach me a lesson.

“Take Chibs over to the window, let him see what happens to someone when they piss off me or my club.”

Opie pulled me up and onto my feet, I was then led towards the only window in the room.

“Fuck no please, oh god Juicy what have they done!”

I couldn’t help but scream, there on the ground lay the lads’ dead naked body. I then had to watch as Happy scooped him up, he then just threw his body into the back of the van.

I tried so hard to get Opie and Tig off me, however after seeing that I no longer had any fight left within me. My life was over now without Juice, Clay could put a bullet in my head for what little I cared now.

The fuckin bastard, I could even tell that Happy was singing while he worked like Juice was nothing. His clothes and everything went into the van with him, it was then that Hap disappeared out of my sight.

Maybe the bastard was coming for me now, I loved Hap but couldn’t trust him after this and Juice, I just waited and expected the worst, however that was when he came back into my line of sight.

This time Hap was pushing Juice’s bike along with him, he then wasted no time and pulled a ramp out of the van. Once he was sorted out, he wheeled the bike into the van, he worked really fast and soon had it secured and the ramp removed.

After all that he got a plastic sheet and covered Juice, he worked as if Juice was just a piece of meat and not a brother. That was my last look at the man I loved, Happy got back out and slammed the van door shut. That was when I collapsed to the floor, my life was over, and nothing mattered to me anymore.


Everything was so dark, and it felt like I was floating, at first it just felt so peaceful and relaxing. Then it changed and I was overtaken with fear, I knew I had no choice other than to force my eyes open. I know longer liked the darkness as something felt wrong, shit then I remembered that they’d taken Chibs from me.

It took a lot of willpower to force my eyes open, when I finally managed it, I wished that I’d kept them closed after all.

It would appear that I was in a bathtub and someone was washing me, then they came into my line of view and I saw Happy. Suddenly everything came flooding back to me, fuck Hap had shot me, and I was meant to be dead now.

I tried my damn hardest to hide the fear that now overcame me, yet Hap had always been good at picking up on fear.

“Hey Juice just breathe for me, come on your safe and everything’s okay now.”

I was fuckin terrified of him right now; I could also tell by his smile that Hap was pleased with the fear I showed.

“Come on Juice, just get with it…”

All I wanted was to move, yet it felt like some invisible hands were holding me here in this bath. Maybe it was worth trying to talk instead, it was hard but I had nothing else left that I could try.

“Hap please let me go!”

“Take it easy Juice, if it wasn’t for me, you’d be dead now.”

“So how come I’m still alive then?”

“Hey there’s still time if you piss me off, so just behave.”

“Fuck you Hap…”

Shit suddenly I couldn’t breathe anymore; my head was under the water and my lungs were on fire right now. Worse was the fact that I couldn’t even move, I couldn’t even manage to save my own fuckin life if I tried. Suddenly I was pulled free out of the water, Hap then laid me on the bathroom floor as I coughed up the water from my lungs.

“I could end it any time that I choose, behave yourself and I might go easy on you.”

Fuck I was still coughing up water everywhere, however I knew I’d have to get myself under control if I wanted to get out alive.

“Please Hap just tell me what you want from me, it’s just that I need to get out of here and go find Chibs.”

“Juice Chibs thinks that you’re dead, hell everyone else believes it too. So now you’ll have to stay here with me as you owe me bigtime, if the club find out I saved you I’ll be dead myself.”

“So why the hell didn’t you just kill me then?”

“Because I couldn’t okay.”

“Hap I want to know the real reason!”

“Because you’re my brother Juice, also I’ve always liked you and wanted you.”

“Happy what the fuck are you saying?”

“You belong to me now Juice.”

“Fuck that as I’d rather be dead, you should have killed me as I’ll find a way back to Chibs eventually.”

“That’s why you’ll remain drugged for now, maybe one day I might be able to trust you without using them.”

“What the hell did you give me?”

“Ketamine so you can’t move.”

“Shit, you really can’t be serious Hap?”

“Yeah very serious.”

I noticed the way that Hap was looking at me, worse was when he touched me, and I could do nothing to stop him. I couldn’t even defend myself and knew this was bad, shit his eyes were just filled with lust as he watched me.

He ran his finger along my spine a couple of times, then he stopped as he reached my ass. I could do nothing as he forced one then two fingers deep inside me, this was Hap after all and he was far from gentle.

“Let’s get you to bed and dry that gorgeous body of yours.”

Hell, I no longer had control over my own emotions either, the tears slowly rolled down my face and I couldn’t stop them.


Once Happy had drove away Opie let me go, Tig also followed suit and I was free once more.

“I’ll kill every last one of ye before I’m finished.”

It was Tig who came and put a hand on my shoulder, however all it did was make me want to throw up.

“Dinnae ye fuckin dare touch me Tig…”

“Hey, I’m only trying to help!”

“Ye fuckin bastard, ye held me while they killed Juice…”

“It had to be that way brother, believe me I’m sorry Chibs.”

“It had tae be that way why? Because ye all decided that the lad was a rat and a traitor?”

“Chibs he’s done a lot and you can’t deny that.”

“What and ye haven’t Tig?”

With that I turned around and punched him hard, he then stood there holding his bloody lip.

“Ye can all just fuck off and leave me alone, none of ye are family or mean anything tae me anymore.”

I grabbed a lamp as it was the nearest thing at hand, within seconds I started smashing up everything in the bedroom. I heard Clay talking over the commotion, apparently, he was sending everyone to go wait outside.

“Chibs I think we need to have a talk, come on just sit down and calm down too.”

“Shit Clay I’ve got nothing tae say tae ye, ye were the one that pushed for mayhem.”

“That’s not true Chibs, believe me that was a club decision.”

“Ye were never fair with the lad or trusted him Clay. Hell it was obvious that ye wanted him gone from the club.”

“That’s not true.”

“Fuck ye Clay…”

With that I used my strength and lunged at Clay, I took him down on the floor and punched him full on. I knew that I was far too unstable to even stop myself, not that it mattered as he deserved this and more.

No matter how many times I hit him he wouldn’t fight back, all that did though was piss me off even more.

“Be a fuckin man and fight back.”

“Chibs this won’t end well at all, shit I’m the fuckin president and Jax will kill you!”

“Yeah well ye see I have nothing tae lose thanks tae ye.”

“You have us and the club.”

“Fuck ye Clay.”

I was just about to strike him once more, then someone entered the room and I had my hands restrained behind my back. My body just slumped forward as enough was enough, they could just kill me now for all it mattered, or I could do it myself.

“Let go of me Jax.”

“Calm down Chibs and I might…”

“I’ve had enough Jackie lad, I dinnae wantae carry on anymore.”

With that I just blocked all of them out, I would ignore them all and stay in my own head until I could end it all.


Happy carried me into the bedroom and lay me down on the bed, once on the bed he proceeded to dry my unprotected body. I would cry if I hadn’t already been crying, suddenly Hap lent forward and started licking the tears away. That scared me more as I’d never seen him behave like this, to be honest this felt far worse.

“Don’t cry Juice, come on I need to dry you before you get cold.”

“Happy please, I have to go…”

“Jesus Juice, I’ve already explained the situation, you can’t go back ever again, that part of your life is well and truly over.”

“Fuck you Hap as it won’t be over while I’m alive, just kill me or let me go see Chibs…”

Suddenly his fist came down and impacted with my stomach, shit I soon realized that he had one hell of a punch on him. I started coughing and then threw up, Hap had to move me onto my side, just so I didn’t choke.

“You never learn do you Juice, piss me off and I’ll hurt you worse than ever before.”

“Fuck you.”

“No fuck you Juice, also just remember that you asked for this.”

Suddenly Happy rolled me over onto my stomach without any warning, then he just got up and disappeared from the room. To be honest I was hoping he’d gone for good, however I knew that I was never lucky like that. When he returned, he brought a cloth to clean up the vomit, once done he disappeared once more.

Hap returned sometime later and just stood there, however I couldn’t miss the fact that he was now naked too. With that he parted my legs and sat between them, he then stroked my ass and squeezed it hard.

“Please Hap don’t…”

“Shut the fuck up Juice.”

“Hap please, shit what the hell are you going to do?”

“I’m going to have some fun and play with you for a bit, then Juice I’m going to fuck that tight ass of yours.”

“Hap you don’t want to do this…”

“Oh, but I do Juice.”

Without any warning he rammed two of his fingers deep inside me, fuck I wanted to scream from the pain as he used no lube or anything.

“Hap please just stop, fuck it hurts too much…”

“I’ve only just started, believe me this is going to hurt real bad before I finish.”

“I’m so sorry… please stop.”

“Juice I’m going to fuck that tight ass hard; I’m going to make sure you fully understand the situation here.”

“I swear I understand.”

“By the time I finish you won’t even think about leaving, I’ll make sure you’re too scared to be anything other than my bitch.”

“I said that I understand, please Hap I love Chibs.”

“See there’s that name again…”

I lost track of what Hap was saying, suddenly I realized that I could feel my arms and legs again. Maybe I could work this to my advantage, I’d just bide my time and wait until he least expected it.


God no matter how hard I tried; shit I could still hear them all in the background. However, I knew that I’d be safe for now if I ignored them all, maybe eventually they might all just fuck off and go.

“Chibs talk to me, come on you can’t just ignore us forever.”

Jax just kept on talking to me, yet I’d noticed that Clay had now left the room.

“Chibs I’m going to call Tara if you don’t answer me, shit I don’t know how the hell to deal with all this…”

I heard Jax carry out his threat and make that call, yet I knew that it would take Tara ages to get here anyway.

“Shit Tara I can’t do that as I think he’s mentally Ill, oh and he’s still my brother too.”

Fuck Jackie, fuck them all as I was no longer a brother or a son. I wasn’t even a member anymore and they sure as hell wasn’t my family.

“Fine Tara hold on and I’ll do it now.”

Jax knelt in front of me and kissed me, he then took his hand and slapped my face hard. The pain never bothered me at all, any pain was better than the one that I felt in my chest.

“Shit nothing at all Tara, he never even so much as flinched when I hit him. Fine okay I’ll go and try that then.”

“I’m so sorry for this Chibs…”

Jax took out his knife and even death didn’t bother me anymore, however he just took the knife and cut my hand open. I just sat there transfixed and watched the blood flow, to be honest it was rather calming and fascinating in a way.

“Tara what the fuck am I supposed to do with him, he doesn’t respond to anything I do at all? Jesus, are you serious… Fine I’ll do it now and talk to you later then?”

Jax was back on his phone and talking about hospitals, then he went on to talk about having me committed. Maybe I could do something before they came, I’d just need to find my feet once more.

Sons don’t take their own lives; however, I was no longer a son so what did it matter. I’d just sit here and bide my time, however that was when Clay called Jax.

I forced myself to move, they could put a bullet in my back before I’d stay here. I’d only just made it to the door when Jax re appeared, he then grabbed hold of me and took me outside.

“Jax let me go, that or I wullnae be responsible for my actions lad.”

“Chibs just shut up and get into the van.”

“Fuck ye, I just wantae know where we’re going first?”

“Back to Charming brother.”

I felt sick as I climbed into the van, I waited and then Jax got into the driver’s seat.

“Look I’ll take you back to the club Chibs, Rat can ride my bike back. Just behave and we’ll be back before you know it.”

“So, what no little detours to the nearest loony bin Jackie lad?”

“No, we’ll go back and then it’s up to Clay.”

I waited until we were out on the main road, I knew it was only a matter of time before the lad would pick up speed. I remained silent and just sat there, then within seconds I opened the door and jumped out.

Fuck my arm hurt along with my head, I rolled down an embankment and finally came to a stop. I knew that I was close to blacking out from all the pain, however it was then that I heard Jax shouting me.

“Chibs for fucks sake just give it a rest and come back with me.”

“Just put a bullet in me Jax, that or I’ll do it myself.”

I went to get up and my fuckin leg gave way, I couldn’t stop myself from hitting the ground hard either. Jax was talking to me, yet for some reason his mouth moved but I couldn’t hear what he was saying.

Finally, everything started to fade out and go black, if this was hell I no longer cared as I had nothing to live for.


At first the feeling was awful, my whole body cramped up and I had to resist the urge to scream.

“Juice I’m talking to you, I said Chibs doesn’t exist anymore. In your life he’s dead and gone and you belong to me.”


Fuck my head rattled from side to side as he hit me, Hap was far stronger than me and it had fuckin hurt. I watched as Hap leant forward and opened a draw, I knew it was a case of strike now or never. I took my fist and punched Hap in the head hard; he unbalanced out of surprise and fell to the floor.

Oh shit, the man was fast and back up in seconds, he grabbed me by the throat and started to squeeze tight.

“You’ll pay for that Juice, that was the biggest mistake you’ve made so far.”

All I could see was stars and started to lose focus, I truly thought that he’d had enough and would kill me.

“I take it that the drug wore off, make the most of it Juice as I have plenty more where that came from.”

Suddenly Hap released his grip and I fell back onto the bed, shit I could hardly even swallow now and I was still alive.

“You fuckin move Juice and I’ll kill you.”

I lay there far too scared to move a muscle, deep down I knew that Hap would make me pay for that little stunt of mine. He pulled out some cable ties and fastened my hands to the bed, he then put some tape over my mouth too.

I knew that I was starting to panic and could hardly breathe with it on, yet I knew that Hap meant business. Once I was fully secure Hap sat back and looked at me, shit then one of his sick smiles appeared.

“Don’t worry Juice as the tape’s only temporary, believe me I want to hear you when you scream.”

Hap left the room without saying another word, not that I could escape him now I could barely move. I just lay here wanting Chibs more than ever, I also knew that my life would be over once Hap grew bored of me.

I closed my eyes as everything was too much and I was exhausted, to top it off my body also felt sore from the beating I took. My eyes soon shot open when I heard the door open, there stood Hap looking rather pleased with himself.

“It’s time to have some fun Juice.”

I screamed inside my head when I saw what he had in his hand, he was stood there with a sharp looking knife and a whip. He must have seen the fear upon my face, he just stood there and started laughing at me.

“You scared yet Juice, don’t worry you’ll still be alive when I’ve finished.”

Fuck I wanted to die rather than have Hap torture me, I had to wonder just how far he’d go and how much I’d suffer in the process. Even the bravest of people cower when Hap’s around, more so if you’re the one on the receiving end.

He came and sat down beside me on the bed, suddenly I felt the cold steel on my chest and then against my nipple. He made a point of running the tip of the knife over the sensitive nub, fuck then suddenly he pressed down and I couldn’t even fuckin scream.

“See I can do what I want to you Juice and you can’t go anywhere, I think the tape can go as I want to hear you, I can tell that you want to scream, scream for me Juice as no one will hear you.”

Hap leant forward and ripped the tape away, I knew that he was only just getting started and soon I’d be in agony too.

“I only live with my ma juice; however she can hardly hear a thing so let’s have some fun.”

Now I was really scared, no in all honesty I was fuckin terrified of Happy Lowman.


My eyes felt so heavy, but I had to force them open, it was hard but at least I finally managed it. Well I knew I was still alive and just wanted to know where I was, what had happened to me?

After they fully opened, I knew within seconds just where I was, I guess after I jumped out of the van Jax brought me here. I had no idea the full extent of my injuries, however I knew my whole body was in severe pain.

Next I went and did the worst thing possible, I started to think about Juice and the last time I saw him alive. Firstly, I wanted to know how long I’d been here, also when I’d be able to leave so I could find the lad and give him a proper burial.

I ran my hand along the bed until I found the call button. Well at least the nurse responded within seconds of me pressing it.

“Good afternoon fillip, it’s good to finally have you awake and here with us.”

“Just how long have I been here, oh and when do I get tae leave?”

“I think we need to just take one thing at a time to start with Fillip.”

“It’s Chibs.”


“Everyone that I know calls me Chibs, hardly anyone at all uses my real name.”

“Fine Chibs it is then, you have been here for the last couple of days and your body has been resting. However, leaving’s a totally different matter, I’m sorry but the Dr plans on keeping you here for the foreseeable future.”

“I’m fine, I dinnae see why you’d want to even waste a bed on me!”

“You still need time to heal as it takes time in cases like this.”

“Fine, so roughly when do ye think I can leave?”

“I don’t think you quite realize where you are, or what it entails to make you well enough to leave!”

“Well I gather that it’s a fuckin hospital…”

“Please just calm down and I’ll explain it to you.”

“Ye do that; however, I’ll be leaving here one way or another. Ye cannae keep me here and I’ll just discharge myself, I know my rights and where I stand.”

“Do you actually realize where you are Fillip, just what sort of hospital do you think this is?”

“I said that my name’s Chibs, also I’m guessing it’s a hospital for sick people.”

“Okay Chibs I’m sorry I called you Fillip. You were admitted to Saint Thomas hospital after you jumped from a moving vehicle, you were treated and then sent here.”

“So, it’s not a hospital then?”

“Chibs it’s a psychiatric hospital.”

“What the fuck, shite ye mean that I’m in the fuckin loony bin?”

“It’s a hospital to treat mentally ill people, you tried to take your own life Chibs.”

“Aye well I’m no fuckin loony.”

“You were ranting about a hitman and someone getting shot, apparently you then tried to kill yourself.”

“Aye well my partner was shot, and the bastard killed him, I dinnae want to go where they were taking me so I jumped.”

“So, are you trying to say that you didn’t plan on killing yourself? Also, we have it on good authority that your partner’s still alive and hiding from you.”

“Why the fuck would he want tae hide from me?”

“Apparently you are an abusive partner and beat him on a regular basis…”

“Aye well that’s a fuckin lie right there, so if he’s alive where the hell is he?”

“I’ve been informed that he has to be kept away from you, we will review your case in a few months’ time and then decide when you can leave.”

“Like hell am I staying here for that long…”

“Chibs you don’t get a say in the matter I’m afraid, you’ve been committed here for your own safety.”

“I need to speak with Jax or someone from the club, I have tae know what they did with his body?”

“Then I’ll have to arrange an official visit for you, that can be done while we treat you here.”

“Aye if that’s what ye think, however I dinnae think so.”

I grabbed the jug from beside the bed, I then smashed it upon the metal bed frame. I then picked up a large shard of the glass, within seconds I sliced my wrist open.


I lay here too afraid to even move, I guess I was scared that Hap cut me too deep if I moved. I felt the tip as he trailed it down my abdomen, I just wanted to scream and for it all to end.

“Are you having fun yet Juice? God, I know that you’re such a fuckin turn on and a cock tease.”

Great I guess the sight of my blood was really turning Happy on, shit then he slapped me across the face hard.

“Juice, I asked you a question…”

“Shit Hap how can you expect me to answer that, I’m fuckin scared and just want to see Chibs.”

Fuck Hap pressed the tip of the knife into my stomach, worse he then licked the knife clean and I wanted to throw up.

“Juice, I warned you about mentioning his name and especially when I have a knife, you need to understand that pissing me off will result in pain for you.”

“God Hap I’m sorry and didn’t mean to say it…”

I lay there and saw the grin that spread across his face, yeah, the man was definitely getting his kicks out of this.

“Too late to be sorry now Juice.”

Hap then started running the knife along my flaccid cock, worse was when my own fuckin body started betraying me. I lay here petrified yet my cock was getting hard, I closed my eyes and tried to will it to go away.

“Is that for me Juice, believe me I’m going to have fun with you.”

“Please Hap don’t, you’re my brother and I love you…”

“You’re not my brother anymore Juice, however I love you and intend to show you how much.”

“Hap I don’t love you in a sexual way!”

Oh fuck, suddenly he pressed the tip into the slit of my erection, I knew that I’d pass out soon or have a severe panic attack.

“Breath Juice, I’d concentrate really hard if I were you.”

Suddenly the knife was gone, I then watched as Hap put his leather gloves on.

“Hap what are you doing?”

“Be quiet Juice and I’ll make it good for you too.”

“Hap please…”

Suddenly his hand was around my throat once more and held me there, is other hand started to part my ass cheeks. He was far from gentle as he forced his finger inside me, shit did he get off on asphyxiation or something.

Just when I thought I’d figured him out his hands were gone, I couldn’t help myself as I moaned out loud.

“Keep that up babe as it turns me on even more.”

I was too far out of it to even reply, then I suddenly felt his mouth around my erection as he sucked me off. I wanted to come so bad, yet I also felt dirty and ashamed by what he was doing to me. I also felt like I was betraying Chibs, then all that did was make want to die even more.

Suddenly I felt something near my ass once more, I could also sense that it was cold and metal. Not that I had more than a few seconds to proses the information, everything was literally over within a few seconds.

It took me a few minutes to get my breathing under control, I’d never felt anything like that before during sex.

“You still with me Juice? be thankful it was only the handle I fucked you with.”

“Yeah just about…”

Hap preceded to jerk himself off, soon he had also come over my tired aching body.

“I have some things to do Juice, I’m going to take you back into the bathroom and clean you up first.”

“Then what?”

“I have to go out.”

“Hap you can’t just fuckin leave me here…”

“Don’t worry I won’t be gone long, then when I get back, I plan to take your body and fuck it hard Juice.”

Now part of me hoped that Hap never came back, even though I’d perhaps die here alone without him.


Why was it so fuckin hard to kill myself? Once again, I woke to find myself in this hell hole of a hospital. I had this deep-down feeling that something wasn’t right, well apart from the obvious that was.

My wrist was bandaged up and it hurt like hell, shite it was then I noticed my other wrist was strapped to the bed.

“What the fuck… why cannae ye bastards just let me fuckin go?”

“Hey Chibs, calm down.”

My head turned fast to the voice I knew so well, there sat Hap as calm as hell just watching me.

“What the fuck do ye want Hap, also I want tae know where the hell Juice is?”

“I just came to check on you that’s all.”

“Well ye can fuck off after what ye did, if I ever get free, I’m going to kill you…”

“Chibs you don’t scare me at all.”

“Yeah well likewise Hap, Jesus why the fuck did ye have tae kill him?”

“I was just following orders; it was nothing personal Chibs.”

“Well believe me I’ve taken it personally; he was fuckin innocent.”

“Chibs he went on and betrayed us all, we could have all wound up dead because of what he did.”

“But he came clean, did ye vote for mayhem too Hap?”

“He’s dead so just accept it Chibs and move on.”


“Look I came as I had to see you, you’re still a brother and we all want you to get well.”

“Like fuck am I a brother tae ye murdering bastards, just fuck off and go Hap.”

“Do you want me to get anyone for you, someone to come and visit you?”

“Can ye get me Juice?”

“You know I can’t.”

“Well just fuck off then.”

“Fine if there’s nothing else…”

“Actually, there is just one other thing.”

“What would that be.?”

“Where’s his body? I want tae give the lad a proper burial.”

“It’s too late Chibs.”

“Why the fuck is it too late, if you buried him just go and dig him up.”

“His body went to the crematorium, there’s no body for you to bury Chibs and I’m sorry.”

“Get the fuck out now and dinnae ever come back.”

I reached for the call button, I then refused to remove my finger until someone entered the room. The nurse rushed into the room looking rather worried, that was when she noticed Hap sat in the chair.

“Get him the fuck out of here now...”

“Chibs please calm down, is this man bothering you?”

“Aye, shite I dinnae want him here.”

The nurse turned to Hap and asked him to leave, the bastard still came over to the bed before he left. He bent down and kissed me on the forehead, he then whispered something to me, and I lost it big time.

“What the fuck do ye mean he’s yours, is he alive or dead Hap?”

“You’ll never truly know without a body…”

The nurse could see that I was struggling to breathe, she led Hap into the corridor and returned to my room.

“Try and calm down, look he’s gone and it’s all over now.”

“It’ll never be over while I’m still breathing.”

I started pulling on my restrained wrist and started screaming, the problem was I no longer remembered how to stop.

“Look I’m going to have to sedate you, it’s for your own good and will stop you damaging that wrist.”

“Don’t ye fuckin dare…”


I couldn’t do a damn thing as she prepared the injection, I had to watch as I felt the needle sink into my arm.


I’d been surprised at first when Hap left me unrestrained, he’d just put me back in the bedroom and told me to stay put. Well he did warn me that he’d hunt me down and kill me, or maybe even Chibs if I tried to leave.

If it had been just my life at stake, well then maybe I might have risked getting the hell out of here. I knew though that I couldn’t put Chibs life on the line too, I loved him far too much to even consider it.

The bastard knew that he had me where he wanted me, even so, out of boredom I checked the bedroom out. It appeared that the room was rather empty, also rather boring too.

In one of the draws I noticed a few sex toys amongst other things, also there were some condoms and lube. Well at least Hap must be into safe sex, however I had to admit that some of the toys looked a little medieval. I guess that I should remember who this was that kept me here, Hap got his kicks out of torturing people after all.

I placed everything back in the draw, it was then that I noticed the syringes and glass vials along with the pills. It turned out that it was ketamine, so Hap hadn’t been lying when he said he had plenty more. As for the pills, well it turned out they were just your average sleeping pills.

I took one of the vials and a syringe, I then filled it and placed it at the side of the bed out of sight. All I wanted was to keep it hidden until Hap was in bed, maybe then I could drug Hap and escape somehow.  However, I knew that I’d never be truly free, Hap would keep his word and hunt me down.

I guess I could always drug him and make a temporary escape, steal his bike and go check on Chibs. I knew that it would be risky going anywhere near Charming, however I had to know.

Finally, I just lay down on the bed, there was nothing to do and I was as bored as hell stuck here. Really, I should count myself lucky and be thankful, the boredom was perhaps better than what Hap had planned for me.

I woke to the sound of Hap moving around, finally he entered the bedroom to check up on me.

“You hungry Juice?”

“Yeah and thirsty.”

“Knock yourself out.”

Hap threw a bag onto the bed, it turned out to be a burger and some fries and he even gave me some coffee. I was so hungry that I’d have ate anything, also I knew I’d need my strength to pull my plan off.

Happy disappeared from the room, not that I cared as I preferred it without him here watching me all the time. Trouble was he returned not long after, he then stripped out of his clothes and stood there naked.

“Hurry up and eat Juice as I need some sleep.”

“Long day?”

“Yeah, I paid Chibs a visit, not that I know why I bothered…”

“Hap please at least let me know if he’s okay.”

“I’ve no idea Juice, all I know is that their keeping him in the loony bin for a while.”

Shit my blood ran cold, how the hell had Chibs ended up in a place like that. I lay down on the bed as I felt too sick to eat now, also having Hap naked next to me wasn’t helping either.

“Sorry Juice but I’m too tired tonight, we can make up for it tomorrow though.”

“Great I can’t wait…”

Hap was too tired to pick up on my sarcasm, hey I was happy that he was far too tired to touch me.

I waited until he was snoring before I moved, at least the syringe was still exactly where I’d left it earlier on. I fully checked that it had no air bubbles as I hadn’t planned on killing him, once done I stuck the needle into him and pressed the plunger down. The man just stirred and then fell back asleep, I’d wait five more minutes and then I’d move.

Shit I didn’t even have any clothes to wear, I had to grab some of Haps that were far too big on me. I then searched his jacket for his keys, soon it paid off and I had the keys to his home and bike.

I made one last check on Hap and he was still sleeping, I then went in search of his bike so I could leave. The sun was just coming up, I had plenty of time to reach my destination before visiting time.


I couldn’t believe they’d gone ahead and sedated me; I knew that I would have to work hard and find a way out of this shit hole. I opened my eyes and then closed them fast, maybe it was just the drugs that were making me hallucinate. Well it was that or I were seeing a ghost instead, I knew Juice was dead as I’d seen Hap kill him.

“Juicy lad, shite why are ye here?”

“I had to see you Chibs and know that you’re okay.”

“Aye I guess then you’ll be at peace and move on, shite this is breaking my heart tae see ye lad.”

“I thought you’d want to see me, you said you love me Chibs and I need to know if it’s still true?”

“juice I love ye so much and that’s why this hurts, I never wanted tae see ye as a fuckin ghost lad!”

“Shit I forgot all about that, Chibs I’m whole and still alive.”

“You cannae be alive, I saw Hap kill ye and then take yer body away.”

“He kept me prisoner after he faked my death, Hap plans to keep me for himself.”

“What are ye saying Juice? Hell, Hap had better not be touching ye at all?”

I knew it had been a stupid question by the look on the lads’ face, at least he was finally away from him and safe.

“It’s not my choice Chibs and you have to believe me, shit I didn’t ask to be raped and abused.”

“Aye Juicy I believe ye, come here lad so I can hold ye close.”

Juice came over to the bed and hugged me tightly, now the tears came thick and fast and there was no way of stopping them.

“Shite lad I still cannae believe yer here, so was it really only Hap that took ye?”

“Yeah, all the rest believe I’m dead too.”

“I need to get out of here, Juicy we really need to come up with some sort of plan!”

“Chibs you don’t get it, do you?”

“Get what lad?”

“I have to go back.”

“What the hell do ye mean, ye cannae go back there willingly Juice!”

“I drugged him Chibs, hell he doesn’t even know I’ve left.”

“So why the hell go back then?”

“Because if I don’t, he’ll kill you Chibs, I love you far too much to stand around and wait for him to do that.”

“Shite lad are ye fuckin stupid?”

Fuck I knew that was the wrong choice of words, especially with someone as unstable as Juice.

“Sorry lad I dinnae mean it, but hell you cannae go back just tae save me. You know as well as I do that he’ll end up killing ye.”


“No Juice I mean it, ye dinnae go back no matter what.”

“I have to, all I wanted was to see you one last time and know you’re okay.”

“You should have just stayed the fuck away lad.”

“Chibs please how can you say that?”

“Juice I ended up here because I thought ye were dead, now I find out that yer alive and that…”

I couldn’t finish the sentence, I was literally sobbing now and struggling to even breathe.

“Please Chibs don’t cry, please talk to me.”

It took me a couple of minutes to get myself back under control, not that I had any idea how long it would last.

“I have to go through it all again now lad, ye were dead and now ye are back and I cannae lose ye again.”

“I’m sorry but I have to go…”

“Ye go Juice and I never want tae see ye again.”

Juice kissed me on the lips and then stood up, hell I noticed that the lad was also crying.

“I’m sorry Chibs, please just try and remember that I’m doing it for you.”

I screamed his name when he walked out of the door, I also shouted how much I loved him and that I never meant what I said. I couldn’t cope alone knowing he was out there, I’d have to get my head together, also I had to get out of here before I could do anything.

There had to be a way that I could save the lad, I loved him more than life itself and I was nothing without him. I vowed I’d get out of this place one way or another, oh and that I’d kill Happy Lowman too.


Walking out was the hardest thing I’ve ever done; I knew deep down that I’d never get to see Chibs again. It hurt because he was my life now and I loved him, also I knew that I was returning to man that would in all honesty end up killing me.

I couldn’t do it at first, right now all I wanted was some time to myself so I could think. Outside the hospital I soon found an empty bench and sat down, I knew that I didn’t have long, as time wore on.

I now pulled my knees up and hugged myself, then the tears and the pain took over. I cried for the man I lost, I also cried for the life I’d now be forced to live. I’d have to be careful returning too, Hap could be very volatile and unstable at the best of times.

I had no idea how long I’d sat on that bench; at some point I’d closed my eyes and fallen into a troubled sleep. I dreamt that I was back with Chibs, he still loved me so much and wanted me. Then everything suddenly changed, and Hap was there, he walked over towards Chibs and put a bullet in his head.

I woke up screaming and realized that I was stupid after all, Chibs could die because I’d been selfish and weak. Hap would never have to know that I came here tonight, I’d also have to hope that Chibs kept silent too or we’d both be dead.

I knew the time had arrived to return; I was just praying that Hap was still fast asleep where I’d left him. I went back to where I’d parked the Harley, I knew I was stalling but I had to think of Chibs.

It was just so fuckin hard going back, I was well aware that Hap could end it all within seconds too. Most victims would give anything to flee their attacker, as for me I just return. That was when I realized just how fucked up I really was, in all honesty I’d been fucked up, or literally fucked my entire life.

I’d been treated like dirt for as far back as I could remember, my father had always made a point of showing me how much he hated me. I started laughing hysterically at what I was about to do, pretty much returning for my own death.

After so long though anger took over and it hurt, I raised my fist and punched the nearest brick wall. I then screamed once more as the pain tore through my hand, well at least I gave me some way of keeping my mind occupied.

I realized it was a mistake though, how the hell would I handle a bike with only one hand. Well one way or another it was time to go and get this over with, time that I went back and faced the music.

I started the bike, and drove away from the man I loved with all my heart, back to my sad secret little life. The ride proved hard and I was forced to use my bad hand, finally though I made it back and pulled onto the driveway.

I parked the bike back where I’d found it, I then entered the house as quietly as possible to total silence. There in the bed lay Hap, he was still fast asleep and where I’d left him. Now all I wanted to so was undress and slip back into the bed, first I put the clothes and other stuff of Haps back.

Once I was sure everything was in place I moved, I lay back down on the bed and re-joined my captor. I lay there and tried to control my breathing, shit out of nowhere a hand grabbed me by the wrist.

“Where the hell have you been Juice?”


“Don’t you fuckin dare lie to me lad.!”

Suddenly the pressure increased on my wrist, within seconds Hap had my arm twisted up behind my back.

“The truth Juice, that or I’ll break your arm just for starters.”

By the pressure on my arm I knew he meant it, also it had to be the one with the damaged hand too.

“I just went for a ride I swear; please Hap at least I came back.”

“All you did Juice was put us both at risk, you do know that I’ll have to severely punish you for that and it will hurt…”

My brain had to accept this, however my body was having a far harder time adjusting to the pain.


The weeks went by and so did my life, I’d kept my word and worked my hardest to get out of this hospital. At least they no longer restrained me, I also figured I’d get out far faster if I were the model patient.

Now I no longer knew if Juice was still alive or dead somewhere, I’d only ever had two visitors other than Juice in all my time here.

Jax had visited me a few times, yet I’d totally refused to even speak to the man. As for Hap, well he’d been here twice now over the last few weeks, yet he refused to even tell me if Juice was alive.

I think Hap just liked to torture me somewhat, he knew about Juice while I knew nothing. Today was going to be a Hap visit, yet this time Hap was in a foul mood and really pissed off. Someone had shown him into my room, up to that point I’d just been watching television.

“Hap why the hell do ye still keep coming here?”

“Originally, I just came to say goodbye, look Chibs what happened wasn’t personal.”

“Aye well ye could have fooled me lad, why the goodbye anyway Hap?”

“Yeah I’ve decided to move on.”

“And what about Juice?”

“He’s still alive, I’m not sure if I’m going to kill him or take him with me. It will depend on how I feel after this little visit with you, you see it’s amazing the things’ you can learn about people.”

“Aye I’m sure it is, not that I have a clue as to what yer talking about?”

“You’ve had visitors, personally I’d thought they’d all abandoned you.”

“So, what’s it tae ye Hap, I can have visitors in here ye know.”

“Juice came a few weeks ago, didn’t he?”

“That has nothing tae do with ye…”

“Chibs lie and I’ll kill him slow and painfully, you could at least give the lad a chance.”

“So, he only came once and then that was the last I saw of him.”

“Yeah well it means that Juice has been lying to me for weeks, believe me I don’t like it when people lie to me either. Juice put my life at risk by coming here, along with his own.”

“Hap please dinnae hurt him, he only wanted tae let me know that he was alive…”

“I can’t promise you that Chibs, it will depend on what he has to say.”

“Hap cannae ye just do this one thing as we were brothers once, look I swear it was only the one time.”

“What the hell do you want Chibs?”

“Please dinnae kill him Hap.”

“Fine I’ll let him live, but I can’t guarantee that he’ll be as pretty when I’ve finished with him.”

“For fucks’ sake Hap just go easy on him, is he even happy with ye?”

“He’s learnt to accept that he’s not wanted anywhere else, he knows he’d be dead without me and that I’m his family now.”

“That’s not true, I love him and want him more than anything.”

“With you he’d be dead, you know Clay would never agree to let him live.”

“So cannae he just go away somewhere then without ye?”

“He won’t leave me Chibs, Juice fears me, but he’s even more scared to be alone.”

“So, ye just use that tae your advantage?”

“Yeah well, he’s proved that he can still lie to me, especially when it comes to you. I could kill you if I chose Chibs, yet I always liked and respected you.”

“Aye lucky me.”

“I didn’t want to be alone either, just forget it Chibs as you wouldn’t understand anyway. Look just take care of yourself will you, also move on as you’ll never see me or Juice again.”

I never even answered Hap as he left, the doctor would be around soon, and I had to leave as soon as possible. All I had to do was be on my best behavior, even though Clay would most likely put a bullet in me.


After I’d lied to Hap, I’d suffered so much pain, that day he beat the crap out of me and abused me. To top it off he then made me realize how stupid I’d been, I’d put so many lives at risk because of my actions.

In all honesty, I believed I was suffering from Stockholm syndrome, I couldn’t just walk out on Hap and be alone. I was the one who let him treat me so bad, to a certain degree though I could understand why he did it.

Hap never even had to keep me locked up or drugged anymore, I stayed because I had no one else. Yet I soon realized after this trip things had changed between us, I also knew that chances are I’d be dead real soon.

I heard his bike pull up as he returned, I went into the bedroom and waited like he expected me to do. I heard him unlock the door and enter, I also knew by the tone of his voice that things were bad.

“Juice where the hell are you?”


Hap stormed straight into the bedroom and grabbed me, within seconds he slammed me against the wall and held me there.

“How many times have you left here Juice?”

“Just the one time, why Hap what’s wrong?”

“Where did you go Juice? Also, I want the fuckin truth too.”

“I’ve already told you; I went for a ride so I could wrap my head around everything.”

Hap took his fist and punched me full on in the stomach, I was now literally just hung there as he gripped my throat.

“Do you think I’m fuckin stupid Juice?”

“No Hap, I swear I don’t think that at all.”

“Maybe I should have just shot you, you’re nothing but a fuckin lying little bastard.”

The next minute Hap had the gun pressed against the side of my head, I started to hyperventilate and thought this was the end.

“Please Hap at least tell me what I’ve done?”

Hap raised the gun and hit me on the side of my head, I collapsed onto the floor in a heap. Hell, I couldn’t get up even if I wanted to, my body was totally refusing to cooperate with my brain.

Suddenly Hap manhandled me and dropped me on the bed, my head hurt, and I just wanted to throw up.

“It looks like I might have to keep you restrained after all, I can’t trust you anymore now Juice.”

“Hap please talk to me; I just need to know what I did wrong!”

“Just shut the fuck up or I’ll hurt you even more.”

Hap rolled me over onto my stomach, that was when I saw him grab the cable ties.

“Oh fuck Hap please don’t do this, shit I’m so sorry…”

Fuck it hurt as Hap suddenly hit me around the head again, he then yanked one of my hands towards the bed post.

“You’ve left me no choice Juice, does Chibs know that your still alive and did you visit him?”

Fuck Hap couldn’t know and must be just guessing, yet I’d never seen him this bad before. I’d been so careful, and no one had seen me when I visited Chibs, also I doubted that Chibs would talk.

“Hap please I swear I’ve not seen him, so how would he even know if I were alive or not?”

Hap grabbed my other arm, this time I he bent it back before restraining me.

“I know that you went to the hospital that night, I’m also aware that you actually visited Chibs and talked.”

“Shit you can’t…”

“Apparently you were good for Chibs, the nurse thought maybe you could help him recover faster.”

“Hap I don’t understand.”

“She asked me today if the cute kid was coming back, the one with the mohawk and head tattoos.”

“Oh shit…”

“Yeah you could say that Juice.”

It didn’t take Hap long to get my legs restrained too, now I knew that I was at his mercy and going nowhere. I turned my head and saw him looming over me, fuck then I noticed the whip in his hand.


The next couple of days were rough on me right now, I couldn’t stop thinking about Juice and what Hap might do to him. Also, at the same time I had to control my temper, If I revealed my true feelings they’d never let me out of here.

I did well and kept myself under control, then a nurse came and said that the doctor wanted to see me later today. Apparently if all went well, I’d be able to leave here, well within a day or so at least.

I kept myself out of trouble until the nurse arrived, she then led me towards the doctors’ office and told me to enter. I felt like a naughty little school kid right now, I knew though that my future would depend on this man sat in front of me and maybe Juices’ life too.

“Please have a seat fillip.”

“Thanks doc.”

“I’ve read all the reports and your file Fillip; in all honesty you’ve made great progress in your time here.”

“Aye I must admit that I feel a lot better.”

” I’m aware that a while ago you cut your wrist, all you’d wanted that day was to end your life.”

“Aye I was a mess back then.”

“Well I must say that I’m pleased you never tried it again, do you ever feel that way inclined Fillip?”

“No not since that day, I think I’d just bottled everything up and lost it.”

“Yes, you had a nervous breakdown, but at least you responded well and in a short time. I can’t really see that there’d be any benefit in keeping you here, well unless you Fillip have any concerns?”

“What ye mean I can leave?”

“Like I said that depends on you, is there anything that you want to ask me at all?”

“Nothing that I can think of, tae be honest I just want to get on with my life again.”

“What will you do with yourself Fillip, also will you be returning to your last known address?”

“I guess I’ll find a job somewhere, at least I’m a fully qualified mechanic and should be okay. Aye I’ll also be returning to my home, I own it so there’s no worries there either.”

“Very well, oh and what about the motorbike club you were part of?”

“That’s all in my past now.”

“So, you have no plans to return then?”

“No, I just want tae get my own life sorted out, the club just caused more problems than it was worth.”

“Wise idea. I also think that the change will do you some good.”

“So, is that all then doc?”

“Yes, I’ll write up the discharge papers later on today for you.”

“Aye so when can I leave then?”

“One more night and you’ll be on your way, there is just one small other matter that I nearly forgot about.”

“Aye I thought there might be.”

“Nothing major Fillip, you’ll have to agree to some outpatient visits before we can let you leave.”

“Aye that’s not a problem, how long will I have tae do it for?”

“Once a week for four weeks, if everything goes okay, you’ll be fully discharged then.”

“Aye I guess that I can do that.”

“Right I’ll let you go and pack your things, that way you can leave first thing tomorrow.”

“Aye and thanks for everything doc.”

The nurse took me back to my room, I then literally had my stuff packed within minutes. I came here with nothing at all, the only stuff I now had was what Jax had brought in for me.

Tomorrow I’d finally get to return home, first off, I just wanted to change and spend a night in my own bed. I was aware what would happen the day after I’d slept, I would be going to face Clay and the whole club.

I could be walking into my demise for all I knew, they might still all want me dead. First, I had to deal with just one more night here, after that I’d finally be free again.


Chapter Text

It was totally pointless protesting; I was well aware that Hap was well beyond reasoning with. Yet I was unable to remain quiet or stop the sobs, Hap must have used all he had on that first hit. This was Hap though and I knew he wouldn’t stop anytime soon; it wouldn’t matter how much I screamed either.

“Does it hurt lad?”

“Shit yes it fuckin hurts…”

This time Hap brought the whip down twice more, this time I knew the skin had to be ripped open.

“Tell me the fuckin truth then lad.”

“Shit yes, I went to visit Chibs, I had to see him one more time…”

“Yet you lied to my face when I out right asked, you then put our lives in danger, and I don’t understand why?”

“I did it because I love him…”

Shit the whip came down even harder if that were possible, this time though it was my thighs that suffered. To be honest I didn’t think I could hold on much longer, Hap seemed to have totally lost control now.

“That’s not a good enough reason Juice.”

“I’m sorry… shit what do you want me to say?”

“Give me a reason why I shouldn’t just kill you right now? I don’t even know why I bother wasting my time on you.”

“Please Hap I don’t want to die.”

“Maybe I should just leave you all alone somewhere, you wouldn’t survive would you Juice…”

“Hap, oh shit please don’t leave me.”

“You need to man up Juice, stop relying on others to always be there for you.”

“I’d rather be dead than all alone.”

Hap never even answered me, he just raised the whip once more and carried on. The pain became so bad that my brain just switched off, the whip came down on my ass and I finally blacked out from the pain.

I had no idea how long I’d lay there in that state, I tried to force my eyes open, but they refused and darkness was better. It was sometime later when I forced them open, now my whole body was in agony and I couldn’t even move.

I realized that I was still tied to the bed, yet I could see no sign of Hap at all. Great now my mind started to work overtime, maybe he really had gone and left me all alone. I turned my head towards the door, it then took everything that I had to call his name.


The door flew open and there stood Hap, he looked pissed off but at least he was still here.

“What do you want Juice, just get some rest as you’re going to need it.”

“I thought you’d gone and left me all alone.”

“You had to be punished lad, believe me I haven’t finished yet either.”

“So, are you going to kill me Hap?”

“No Juice, I’m not going to kill you or leave I promise.”

“Why not?”

“Because I made a promise to Chibs, a promise to a brother means a lot to me Juice.”

“Why though if you hate me?”

“Juice, I don’t hate you lad, hell you were my brother once too. I had to punish you; make you realize out there someone would kill you.”

I knew that I was pathetic without a shadow of doubt, I was also willing to suffer and beg to keep what I had.

“Please Hap just do what you want to me, I’ll be good and won’t ever do anything again if you stay…”

“Juice your babbling now lad, get some rest and then I can finish your punishment.”

I realized that might be a good idea, not that I knew how I’d sleep tied to the bed and bleeding.


The next morning, I couldn’t leave fast enough, even though I realized I’d have to call a cab to take me home. It had suddenly hit me that I had no idea where my bike was, the last time I’d used it was to ride to the cabin.

My home felt so alien to me now, I guess been here alone wasn’t helping either. I’d only ever really used this place to crash when the club was full, that or it was just somewhere to get pissed.

In the kitchen I found my stash of whisky, maybe tonight I’d just get drunk and enjoy the freedom while it lasted. Tomorrow I’d have to go and pay Clay a visit at the club, then after that I had to find Juice.

At least I had enough money to get by for a while, eventually though I’d have to go out and find another job. I had to admit that it felt good to get drunk again, it just scared the hell out of me how I felt about life and Juice.

Part of me wanted the club life back, then another part of me wanted to forget all about it. The fact that I now had no one to talk to hit me hard, without the club I had no one at all to even listen. I was a sad lonely old bastard, that and a useless fuckin drunk.

Once morning came, I regret the fact I’d drank so much, my head was pounding and now I had to go out. Facing Clay with a hangover wasn’t the brightest of ideas, a few painkillers and I’d be good to go.

Once again, I had to call a cab, hell it wasn’t like I had enough money to get another bike like the one I had. At the garage I spoke to no one, I even just walked straight past Tig and Opie. Once in the clubhouse I soon found Jax, well at least he’d know where Clay is.

“Hey Chibs, it’s good to see you back here brother.”

“Aye you too Jackie lad, I was actually looking for Clay though.”

“Chibs can I have a word with you in private, we can go in the church as it’s empty.”

“Aye Jackie lad that sounds good, I’ve not really had anyone to talk to for a while now.”

“Come on then.”

I followed Jax into the room, he then motioned for me to take a seat.

“Chibs, shit I don’t even know where the hell to start.”

“Jackie lad just tell me where Clay is?”

“Chibs he’s dead, it’s a long story but he deserved it so don’t feel bad for him.”

“Why the hell would I feel bad for him, Clay never gave a shit about anyone but himself.”

“Yeah true, look Chibs I’m sorry about all the shit that went down before.”

“Aye it’s the past Jackie lad, I just couldn’t understand why you all voted for mayhem on Juice though?”

“We had no choice Chibs, Clay wanted him dead for some reason and blackmailed us all.”

“What about Hap, where’s he nowadays?”

“I realize that you perhaps want revenge, but he’s gone, Hap fell apart after having to kill Juice. Maybe it was because he was a brother, all I know is that he went Nomad when he left here.”

“He’s full of shit lad,”

“What the hell are you talking about Chibs?”

“Happy never killed Juice, he faked his death and has him prisoner somewhere.”

“I think we’d know if that were true!”

“I’m not mad Jax, Happy made sure than none of you ever found out and especially Clay.”

“So how do you know Chibs if it’s top secret?”

“Juice came to see me, he escaped and turned up at the hospital.”

“So how can Hap have Juice if he escaped?”

“Like an idiot the lad went back, he knew if he ran Hap would kill me.”

“So, he went back to protect you?”

“Aye lad…”

“So how do you know he’s still alive then?”

“I don’t, but hell Jackie lad I have to at least try and find him.”

“I’ll call an emergency meeting, I’m sure everyone will want to help you and Juice after what Clay did.”

“Yeah, we need to find out why Clay wanted the lad dead in the first place?”

“Yeah maybe Juice can answer that if we find him.”

Now all I had to do was wait, I had to see if the rest of the club would help me or not.


I drifted in and out of sleep, my body hurt so much, and I was now unable to block it out. I wished Hap would just get the punishment over with, shit I knew it would hurt no matter what he did.

Later Hap entered the room and sat down on the bed, my stomach clenched, and I just wanted to throw up.

“You ready Juice?”

“How can I answer that, shit it’s not like I even know what you’re going to do to me.”

“First, I’m going to put some cooling gel on your ass, I don’t want you to get an infection or become sick now.”

“Thanks’ for the concern Hap.”

“You have to suffer so that you understand, this time it will be physically and mentally Juice.”

“Oh fuck that hurts…”

I hadn’t expected Hap to start massaging the gel into my sore ass, I tried to just block everything out, but it was near impossible.

“How’s that feel now Juice?”

“I’m fine, hell I’d be even better if you just untied me.”

“Not just yet Juice, you won’t like what I have planned for you next. I can’t have you fighting me or trying to escape, as it would ruin the moment.”

“I didn’t fuckin escape, I came back so shut the fuck up.”

I had no idea why I’d suddenly started yelling at him, however I wanted to kill him when he slapped me hard.

“You fuckin sadistic bastard.”

“Watch your mouth lad or I’ll gag you, believe me you asked for that and far more.”

“So why bother putting the fuckin cream on then?”

“To stop infection and nothing more.”

“Poor Hap, are you scared that your little toy gets sick?”

“Juice, it won’t work, I can take far more shit than you could ever dish out.”

“Fuck you.”

I turned my head away from Hap, I believed that I was now past caring what he did to me. My ass still hurt and to top it off he was still massaging it, then Hap started to apply even more gel.

Fuck I jumped as he suddenly pushed a finger inside my ass, then my cock had to betray me as Hap rubbed my prostate.


“Do you like that Juice; you’ll want to come soon lad I promise.”

“I fuckin hate you…”

“No you don’t, you just hate the fact that I can make you feel good.”

“I hate you and wish that you were dead.”

“You’re a slut Juice, you’d give your ass to anyone that’d have it.”

“That’s not fuckin true, there has only ever been Chibs and I love him.”

The slap to my ass was agonizing, but not just once as he slapped me three times.

“Do you want me to do it again Juice?”

“No, please Hap I’m so sorry…”

“Yeah I bet you are.”

Once more though the bastard hit me, I knew at this rate I’d be sobbing soon.

“Shit I said I’m sorry, please I can’t take anymore Hap.”

“Okay time to move on with the rest of your punishment then.”

“I thought you’d just done it?”

“No, I’ve something very special for you Juice.”

Hap got up off the bed, he then went and started searching for something in the draw. Within seconds he put a condom on and applied some lube, he then came over towards the bed and me. Soon Hap was applying some of the lube to my backside, I was surprised as Hap wasn’t normally so considerate.

“Hap what are you doing, I thought this was a punishment?

“I’m going to make love to you Juice.”

Now I did start sobbing, Hap knew this was one way that would destroy me.


I’d decided to go out for a ride on my bike, it felt like years rather than months since I last rode it. All this time it had been kept at the club and unused, I was just glad that it was still whole and worked.

I returned to the club later for the meeting Jax had planned, however everyone appeared to be just sitting around the bar. People kept patting me on the back and welcoming me back, Tig gave me a big hug and kissed me on the cheek.

“Are you good Chibs?”

“Aye just tired, where’s Jax as I’m supposed tae be here for a meeting?”

“In the chapel, we’ve already had the meeting though Chibs.”

“I thought that I was meant tae be present…”

“Everyone was here so Jax just started.”

It was then that the door opened and Jax shouted me, I was so fuckin nervous it was unreal.

“Glad you came Chibs, I guess that Tig has told you that we’ve all talked?”

“Aye Jackie lad, however, he never said how it went though.”

“Don’t worry as it went really well.”

“Ye care to share then lad?”

“Take a seat Chibs.”

I sat down and then Jax also sat, he then smiled at me before he started talking.

“Everyone knows that you’ve been under a lot of stress, also that coming back here was also hard for you. Most also know about the relationship you shared with Juice…”

“Aye I bet that never went down well.”

“Chibs they really don’t give a shit, to them you’re still the same person you’ve always been. Look basically I’m trying to say that they want you back, so I guess the ball’s in your court now.”

“What about Juice, are they willing tae help me find him?”

“Yeah Chibs we’ll all help you.”

“Thanks lad, also what will happen tae Juice if we do find him?”

“He’s still one of us if it’s what he wants, it was Clay that wanted him gone and not us. I’m president now though and things will be different, it was all just getting out of hand.”

“So have ye any idea at all why Clay wanted the lad dead?”

“No idea at all Chibs, we thought the drugs thing was just an excuse, We noticed that things had changed between them, Juice had become far more distant after Stockholm.”

“Aye and suicidal, he was starting tae come around and then Clay pulled all this shite.”

“Chibs even if we find him, well he might not be the same anymore…”

“Aye I know he might be fucked up and beyond help, shit Jax I just love him so much.”

“Yeah, I’d say that’s obvious, so just where does Hap fit in then. I never even knew he liked Juice, or was it all just a game to him?”

“I have no idea lad; I’d have thought Hap would have gladly put a bullet in him.”

“Yeah so why spare him, then go and fuck him over in the worst way possible?”

“Maybe Hap had a soft spot for the lad, at the end of the day Hap only knows how to inflict pain onto others.”

“Hold on Chibs.”

I watched as Jax took an incoming call, I couldn’t help but overhear him mention Happy.

“It appears that Hap has been seen around, you have to remember it might not lead us to Juice though.”

I’d follow any lead I had, especially if there was a slight chance it might lead to Juice.


Hap had made love to me that night and now planned to do it again, I guess he got off on how much it affected me.

“Juice breathe lad.”

“Hap please don’t do it again.”

I felt as his cock pressed against my ass, then he started to slowly push it inside.


“Calm down lad as I’m doing this no matter what, it’s just even with lube you’re so fuckin tight.”

Before I knew it, he was fully inside my ass, he then remained still until I’d adjusted to the intrusion. I cried like a fuckin baby as Hap fucked me, I’d got to the point where I just wanted it to end. Then Hap went and worked his hand underneath me, before I even knew what was happening, he’d made me come.

“Such a slut Juicy…”

“Please Hap you already did this last night, I swear that I can’t take it anymore.”

“Yeah and I also told you then that sorry doesn’t cut it, you fucked up bigtime Juice.”

He grabbed my hips hard and I knew he’d come soon; I also knew I’d be covered in even more bruises at this rate. Suddenly I felt my ass fill with his come, however Hap never even attempted to move.

When he finally pulled out, I thought it was all over, then Hap appeared to have other ideas. I felt as he ran his tongue along my spine, he then worked his way up to my neck. Within seconds he was biting and sucking it, then he worked his mouth towards my own.

I had to suffer as he kissed me, he then pushed his tongue inside and I wanted to throw up. Suddenly I couldn’t take any more of this, hell this felt way too personal compared to the other times.

I knew that Hap was doing it on purpose, yet I couldn’t just lie here and let him violate me like this. He released my mouth and started kissing my neck again, I knew that I’d have to time it right if I wanted him off me.

When he lifted his head, I threw mine back hard, I made sure that my head fully impacted with his nose.

“You little bastard, Fuck I think you’ve broken my nose!”

Hap grabbed me by the throat and squeezed, everything was slowly starting to turn black.

“I should just fuckin kill you…”

I couldn’t answer him; in some way I was hoping that he’d just put me out of my misery. I must have fully blacked out at some point as I woke alone, not that it was long before Hap returned.

It didn’t take me long to realize he was carrying the whip once more; he then went and used every bit of strength he had on me. God it was like Hap had finally snapped, I screamed as the whip came down repeatedly over my back and ass.

The screaming became such a strain upon my abused throat, worse though was Hap who just carried on laughing hysterically.

Now my ears were also ringing and hurt, it took me a minute to realize that it was a phone ringing. Hap never spoke at all to me; he just dropped the whip and left the room.

My whole body was on fire, yet all I could do was lay here and suffer alone. When Hap returned, he was cursing to himself, as he started to remove all the cable ties. He then threw a blanket over me and picked me up, now I was far more scared than ever before.

“Hap what are you doing…”

“This is where you stop asking questions and shut the fuck up.”

I knew better and kept my mouth shut, Hap then carried me outside and put me in the van. We drove and drove, maybe Hap had planned to bury me somewhere out in the woods.


After Jax had finished on the phone he left me alone, he’ returned with Tig and told us both to take a seat.

“So, what exactly do you know Jackie lad?”

“We have a location of where Haps been seen, shit I can’t believe we didn’t even think of that before though…”

“Thought of what, shite lad just spit it out will ye!”

“What’s the most important thing, or should I say person in Hap’s life?”

“Shite his mom, how the fuck did we all miss that. Happy would never leave her alone for tae long, he’d also kill anyone who went near her.”

“Well it appears that he’s been back home for a few months now, we’ve no idea if Juice is there or was ever there!”

“Aye he might have kept the lad somewhere else, so Jackie lad when do we leave?”

“First we need to discuss club business.”

“Are ye taking the piss lad.”

“Chibs just hear me out.”

“Aye but make it quick then.”

“When Clay passed away and I became president, look I’m trying to say that a position became available. You might not have noticed but we have no V.P, I want you Chibs to fill the position.”

“Shite why the hell me? There’s plenty of people that could do it.”

“Yeah well no one wanted it, also this way they’d all have to listen to you Chibs…”

“I cannae believe ye just dropped this on me, shite Jackie I dinnae know.”

I looked over towards Tig, who for once was actually quiet.

“So Tiggie, I’d have thought you’d have jumped at the chance tae be V.P.”

“No, I’m not cut out for that man as I always act before I think…”

“Aye true, can ye honestly say you’d be happy if I took the position?”

“Chibs you went off the rails a bit with Juice, but we’ve all made mistakes so yeah I’m okay.”

“Aye but can ye live with what Juice did too?”

“We never really knew why Clay ordered his death to start with, look we’ll be fine as long as he gets the help he needs.”

“Aye we need to ask the lad what went on between him and Clay, what was so bad that he wanted Juice dead!”


“Aye Jackie lad.”

“Do you accept the position; will you be Vice President for Samcro?”

“Aye lad if it’s what ye all want.”

“Yeah Chibs it is, however for now I’ll be leaving Tig here in charge.”

“Aye and what about Juice?”

“We’ll go in low key to start with, just myself and you Chibs. I want no heroics, also keep that temper of yours under control too.”

“Aye I’ll be on my best behavior, so how are we getting there then Jax?”

“We will take the van, then that way if he’s there we can bring him back with us.”

“Aye good idea.”

We walked out into the bar, Jax then went and announced my new position to everyone in the club. Everyone cheered and seemed happy enough with it all, some hugged me while others slapped me on the back.

“Ye ready Jackie lad?”

“Just a minute, right Tig will be in charge so make sure you behave while we’re gone. Also, make sure your all available if needed, there’s no saying how Hap will react when he sees us.”

They all agreed to do as Jax had asked, he also told Bobby to phone Tara just in case we found Juice in a bad way. I swear I’d kill Hap if Juice isn’t alive and well, maybe I’d just kill him regardless.


Finally, Hap stopped the van and opened the rear door, as for me well I could hardly even open my eyes now and was in a lot of pain.

“Final destination Juice!”

“Hap where are we?”

“It doesn’t matter anymore, but this is where we say goodbye Juice.”

“Hap I’ll die out here, shit you can’t leave me out here alone.”

Hap ignored me and lifted me from the van, he then just lay me on the ground, and I started to panic. I was a total mess and couldn’t even stand up alone, how the fuck would I be able to walk away from this. If he left me here, I’d die no matter what, I cried like a fuckin baby as he turned away and left me.

“Hap please don’t leave, oh fuck I’m so sorry and I’ll do anything at all…”

“It’s too late Juice.”

Hap climbed back in the van and drove away; it was like I was nothing and didn’t even exist to him. I had no idea where the hell I was, all I knew was that it was dark. No lights indicated no houses or people, so I was fucked even if I could move.

At least the time I’d walked out on Chibs I’d been healthy, this time I couldn’t even move to find food. I was cut up bad from the whip, also my throat sill hurt from where he grabbed me. Just to top it all off I was naked, well apart from the blanket Hap let me keep that is.

I guessed that sooner or later someone would find me. Well find my body at least, most probably some poor innocent out walking his dog or something. Shit then I realized some other animal might find me first, also I might even still be alive.

I knew that I’d bring on a panic attack at this rate, not that anyone could blame me after all the shit I’ve suffered. Maybe if my suicide plan had worked It would have been over ages ago, but no the fuckin branch had snapped on me and then Chibs came.

It felt like ages ago that I last saw Chibs, I had no idea how long I’d even been with Hap as I had no sense of time anymore. Chibs had ended up inside that hospital because of me, another of the many times I’ve fucked up.

To Top it off even Hap had abandoned me now, I had no idea what had got him so spooked like that as normally he was calm. Maybe it had been the phone call he received, or maybe he’d just got bored with me.

Hap had promised Chibs he wouldn’t kill me; he’d also promised that he wouldn’t leave me alone. He was my brother and friend; I couldn’t see Hap abandoning me without a very good reason…

Hap might even return in a few hours to get me, maybe this was his way of teaching me a lesson. Well if it was the later it was working, shit I’d promise to behave if he’d just come back and get me.

Now I felt like I was going mad, I wanted the man that abused me to come and save me! I knew deep down that I was deluding myself too, I’d spent my whole life with everyone leaving me sooner or later.

My father had been the same, here one day and gone the next. Hell, not that I should have given a shit after he beat me, I’d only been eleven and was trying to protect my mother.

After that night I was to become his target, not that he ever needed a reason to hit me all the time. My father liked the power that he had over me as he watched me cower and beg, I guess a lot hasn’t changed since then either.

My father would get his kicks as I pleaded and begged, yet he still made me do all the bad things that I didn’t want to do. Shit I knew that I really shouldn’t be going down that road tonight, I closed my eyes and prayed that I’d just fall asleep, and forget everything.


The drive over to Haps was rather quiet, I guess that we were both just lost in our own thoughts. In the end, it took us just over two hours to get there, I guess it was good that there was hardly any traffic.

“You okay Chibs?”

“Aye Jackie lad, I’ll just be glad when this is all over with.”

“Yeah me too, well his bikes parked up so he might be here.”

“Come on then lad, we might as well get this show on the road.”

We decided to park just past his house, we then got out and both checked our weapons.

“How do ye wantae do this lad?”

“It’s Hap so we’d better just play it safe, we’ll just knock on the door and act natural as we can.”

“Aye lad, it’s yer call.”

I watched as Jax knocked upon the door, literally within seconds Hap had answered it.

“Hap we need to talk to you, look it’s only me and Chibs…”

“Fine but make it quick, I’ll need to go and check on my mom soon that’s all.”

I wasn’t going to stand here anymore like a puppet, or a sidekick to Jax.

“Hap where’s Juice and don’t lie to me either?”

“He’s gone.”

“Aye but where and when?”

“I let him go Chibs, I told you that I wouldn’t kill him.”

“So, when did you let him go?”

“He left weeks ago.”

For some reason I didn’t believe a word that Hap said, I never even gave it a second thought as I put my gun to his head.

“Jax go and check inside the house.”

“Shit Chibs it wasn’t meant to go down like this…”

“Just go and do it Jackie boy.”

I kept my gun trained on Hap, however within a few minutes Jax returned.

“Is he in there Jax?”

“No but you might want to check out the bedroom.”

“Keep yer gun on Hap then lad.”

I went in search of the bedroom, holy fuck the sheets were covered in fresh blood. I also noticed a few lose cable ties, there was also a whip on the floor that was bloody too.

I lost it big time; however I knew I couldn’t fall apart just yet. I searched every room until I found what I wanted, only then did I make my way back to Jax and Hap. Jax had to threaten Hap, he’d started to get really worked up when he saw me return.

“Touch my mom and I’ll kill you both…”

“It’s simple Hap, tell me where Juice is, and I’ll let her go.”

“He’s not here, shit I got word that you were coming and panicked.”

“So where the hell is the lad? Last chance Hap.”

“It’s too hard to explain, but I could take you there and show you…”

“Jax stay here with his mom, ye Hap are coming with me. Ye can drive and take me tae Juice, one wrong move though and I’ll kill ye.”

“Yeah I understand.”

“How far did ye take him Hap?”

“It’s about an hour away.”

“Right Jax give me three hours, if I haven’t returned by then shoot his mom.”

“Chibs, fuck just don’t do this as it had nothing to do with my mom.”

“How many times did you make Juice beg, you deserve everything you get so deal with it.”

“Don’t fuckin hurt her please, shit she’s all I have…”

“I get Juice back and she’ll be okay.”

I never told Hap that he would be safe though, I planned on making what was left of his life hell.


I woke up in total agony, I was also still in the same spot where Hap had left me. It was that bad that I couldn’t even sit up, all I knew was that it was still dark and there was no chance of help.

I was so scared and lonely out here and started screaming, I didn’t want to die alone as I’d lived most of my life that way. I knew I was wasting my time screaming, however eventually my throat became too sore to even do that.

Somewhere in the distance I could hear a noise, it didn’t take me long to realize that it was a vehicle. I waited a few minutes and then I saw a set of headlights, within no time the vehicle pulled up right beside me. Two people got out; I couldn’t help but notice one of them carried a gun.

“Shit Juicy lad, what the fuck did ye do to him Hap?”

Hap rushed over and knelt beside Chibs.

“God I’m so sorry Juice, Chibs is right and this went way beyond normal.”

“Hey, you came back Hap, I knew you wouldn’t leave me forever alone out here.”

“Juicy boy look at me, we need tae move ye lad and get ye medical help.”

I watched as Chibs pointed the gun at Hap, he then ordered him to stand up. Chibs removed the safety on the gun and I had to get his attention, the only emotion on his face was one of hate.

“Chibbie what are you doing?”

“It’s okay Juicy, I’m just dealing with the problem.”

“Chibs please don’t kill him…”

“Juicy look at what he’s done tae ye lad!”

“Please Chibs, oh god no you can’t kill him.”

“Juice why would ye want him alive?”

“Chibs it’s who I am, two wrongs don’t make a right.”

“Aye yer daft lad, yer too soft for yer own good that’s yer problem.”

“Chibs if you love me you won’t kill him, he let me live and he kept me company.”

“Juice, he beat ye and raped ye!”

“He made love to me Chibs, he was so soft and gentle.”

“Juice, I think that ye need some help lad, fine for now he can live.”

“No not just for now, I need you to promise me that he’s safe.”

“Aye okay, I won’t kill Hap because I love ye tae much lad.”

“Thank you Chibbie.”

“Can ye even stand lad?”

“No, I can hardly move at all.”

Suddenly Chibs held me in his arms, then I was overwhelmed at how safe I now felt. He lowered me onto some blankets in the rear of the van, then he ordered Hap to get inside too.

“Right Hap you get tae live, ye can thank Juice and yer mom for that one. We drive back and then we go our separate ways, this all ends now understood?”

“Yeah, I understand, thanks’ for this as my mom wouldn’t cope alone.”

I was far too tired to even listen, to be honest I no longer cared either. I was finally safe, also just to top it off I was finally on my way home.

“Ye okay back there Juicy?”

“Yeah I’m just tired Chibs.”

“When we drop Hap off, we can get ye some help.”

“Why where’s Hap going?”

“Back to his home, me and Jax will be taking ye back to Charming.”

“Why can’t Hap come with us?”

“Juicy lad, shite I really dinnae know where yer heads at right now…”

“He helped me Chibs.”

“Shut the fuck up Juicy, he fuckin raped and beat ye.”

“Please Chibs you have to understand…”

“Understand what Juicy? Shite there’s nothing tae understand other than him been dead.”

“Please Chibs just listen to me.”

Chibs drove without even answering me anymore, I guess I’d have to find a way to make him understand it all.


I couldn’t even bring myself to look at the lad, shite I’d finally found him, and he was more interested in Happy fuckin Lowman. Maybe I could just kill Hap when Juice was asleep, he’d never even find out if I were careful.

“Chibs, hey man are you okay?”

“Shite Hap how can ye even ask me that, this is all yer fuckin fault.”

“Hey if it wasn’t for me, he’d be dead anyway, Clay gave me a direct order and I disobeyed it.”

“Aye true, but this is all just so fucked up. When the time comes, you’ll have tae talk tae him and explain a few things, let him know that he has tae get on with his life without ye.”

“Yeah I can do that, hell I owe you my life Chibs.”

“No, ye owe Juice your life, I’d have happily put a fuckin bullet in ye.”

We drove for a long time in silence, at least Juice was gently snoring in the rear of the van. I knew that he needed the sleep and it’d do him good; it was all of this with Hap that worried me the most.

There was also the matter of Clay too, as to why he’d wanted Juice dead in the first place. I’d phoned Jax and told him that I was returning and had Juice, I’d also explained the situation to Hap too.

I was suddenly brought out of my thoughts, hell at first it had sounded like a baby crying somewhere. It took me a few seconds to realize that Juice was making the noise, even in his sleep he was crying.

“Hap I’m going to have to pull over…”

“I can get in the back if you want Chibs, that way we won’t have to stop and waste time.”

“Aye okay go for it.”

Hap climbed over the seat and took Juice in his arms; he then just held the sleeping man close. I physically wanted to throw up, I loved Juice and he belonged to me. The man had suffered so much at Haps hands, yet he became quiet and less restless now.

It was like Juice felt safe with Hap holding him, then I felt even worse when I realized Juice was now awake. He smiled up at Hap and looked so happy, I had to say his name before he even acknowledged that I was there.

“Juicy are ye listening tae me?”

“Yeah sorry, what is it Chibs?”

“When ye got out of prison things changed, Clay became different tae ye somehow.”

“Yeah and what about it?”

“Shite lad, I’m trying to ask ye why he wanted ye dead?”

“I don’t know…”

“Bullshit, you must know something lad!”

“Chibs just leave me alone, I don’t want to talk about it anymore.”

“Juice, you need to talk about it though.”

“Chibbie just shut the fuck up.”

“I’m not dropping it Juicy boy.”

Shite that was when the lad started screaming, however it was a high-pitched deafening scream. There was no way I could drive while he made that noise, I had no choice but to pull over.

“God cannae ye calm him the hell down Hap?”

“He won’t respond to anything I do, maybe you pushed him too soon Chibs.”

I got out of the van and went to the rear, I then pulled open the door and climbed inside with Juice.

Hap got out of the van and went to drive, once the van was moving, I tried talking to the lad again.

“Juicy I only wanted tae know about Clay so I could help.”

Juice tried fighting me and pushing me away, yet he was far too weak to get rid of me that easily. However not thinking I reacted and slapped him hard, I’d thought at the time it might calm him down a bit. Yet he then started muttering away about all sorts, half of what he said I couldn’t even understand.

“Clays bitch, just bait that was all, oh god he wanted me to…”

“Tae what Juice, what did he want ye tae do?”

“He gave me to Ron Tully, god please no I don’t want to do it…”

Shit now my blood ran cold in my veins, I’d need to know exactly what happened in Stockton prison.


Chibs was holding me and talking to me, he just felt way too close and I was too weak to even push him away. Just to make it worse I kept talking about my past, things that I never wanted Chibs to know. Just what the fuck was wrong with me, some things were secrets and meant to stay buried.

“Chibs please just let me go…”

“I cannae do that Juicy boy, just explain tae me slowly what happened tae ye.”

“It wasn’t my fault; shit I swear it wasn’t!”

“Juice tell me…”

“Fuck that and fuck you, I don’t want to bring up my fuckin past Chibs.”

“Maybe I can help ye lad…”

“No one can help me, especially you.”

“Shite lad why not me of all people? I thought ye claimed tae love me, I love ye far more than anything Juicy!”

I hadn’t a clue how to explain it to Chibs, also I couldn’t explain why I didn’t want him to know either.

“I do love you Chibs, that’s why it has to be this way too. I’m tired and everything’s just so fucked up, all I want is for it all to end.”

I could see the tears and knew I was hurting Chibs, however I was now in self-destruct mode and couldn’t stop myself. My life no longer mattered or was worth living, I knew that Chibs would get over me eventually.

As Chibs hugged me I grabbed his knife, within seconds I shoved it deep into my leg.

“Fuck… shit that fuckin hurt.”

“Jesus… what the fuck are ye doing lad?”

“Please Chibbie just let me go.”

Chibs started ripping some blankets up, he then tied a tourniquet tight around my leg to slow down the bleeding.

“You daft fuckin lad, look I’m not letting ye go so just get used to it.”


“Juicy I ended up in a fuckin mental hospital, that was because I thought ye were dead and gone.”

“I’m sorry.”

“Yeah well sorry doesn’t cut it anymore lad.”

I decided to just keep my mouth shut, hell it didn’t seem to matter what I said anymore. Before Chibs could say anything else the van came to a stop, then Hap was opening the rear door.

“How’s the lad doing Chibs?”

“Not good since he decided tae stick my knife in his leg, I really need tae get him some help.”

“I’ll go and get Jax, then the three of you can be on your way?”

“Yeah okay, thanks for at least keeping the lad alive.”

“Yeah well I still owe the lad.”

“Aye that you do Hap.”

I remained silent, however Jax appeared and looked rather pissed off. Suddenly my heart literally sank, I realized that Jax was alone and Hap was nowhere in sight.

“Chibs where’s Hap?”

“Jax just start driving the fuckin van will ye?”

“I need Hap, please Chibs you don’t understand at all.”

“Damn right I dinnae fuckin understand, look just lay still lad or you’ll bleed out.”

“Like I give a shit, look I need Hap to come with us.”

“Look Juice it’s not happening, Hap will be staying here so just fuckin accept it!”

“Never, just get out of my way Chibs.”

Suddenly he grabbed me and held me tight, Chibs refused to let go and I was far too tired to fight him anymore. Eventually I became too tired to even think, that was when sleep finally claimed my tired body and mind.


I held on to the lad and refused to let go, I was starting to wonder if he might be beyond help now.

“God Juice please dinnae cry, just talk tae me and I promise that I’ll listen tae ye.”

I knew that he’d fallen asleep now, yet part of me refused to just leave him alone. Now also appeared to be the only time that I could hold him close, also get a good look at how much he’d suffered.


Hell, even in his sleep the lad looked so gaunt and haunted, I couldn’t help myself as I kissed him upon his lips. The lad actually remained asleep until we reached Charming, I then carried Juicy into the club and laid him on a bed in one of the rooms.

Tara was in the room within seconds, she then pulled the blanket back and looked Juice over.

“How is he doc?”

“Chibs I’ll need to fully examine him before I’ll fully know, you should get a shower and some food while he’s asleep.”

“Will he be okay though?”

“I’ll deal with the physical side first, go now Chibs or I’ll have you removed.”

“Aye I’m going.”

I knew that Tara was right, how the hell could she examine him with me hovering in the background. I’d also noticed that I had some blood on my hands too, I guess that was from when Juice stabbed himself.

I did as Tara asked, well almost anyway. I took a long hot shower and it felt good to be clean again, however I was far from hungry. Instead I went and grabbed a full bottle of whisky, all I wanted to do was block out the rejection I felt right now.

Soon Tara re appeared though, she called me over and led me back inside the room. The first thing I did was check Juice out, he looked really tired but was actually awake now.

“Chibs I’ve spoken to Juice about getting help, I thought maybe a clinic, but he refuses to go.”

“What sort of clinic Tara?”

“A mental institute, that or he’ll have to be watched around the clock.”

“Shit I cannae do that on my own.”

“Look I’ll leave the two of you alone and you can have a word with him, maybe you can talk some sense into him…”

“Aye thanks Tara, I gather ye want him tae be treat for depression.”

“It sounds like he might be suffering from Stockholm syndrome, that’s why he just keeps asking for Hap all the time.”

“God, is he still going on about him?”

“Yes and without help he won’t get over it either Chibs, look just talk to him and we’ll take it from there.”

Soon it was just myself and Juicy boy, I grabbed a chair and pulled it over towards the bed.

“So, Juicy what am I gonna do with ye lad?”

“Can you go and get Hap for me?”

“For fucks sake Juice, I love ye and dinnae know how ye can even ask me that!”

“I love you too brother…”

“Juicy just knock it off will ye, that or I’ll knock yer fuckin head off lad.”

“I’m sorry, you don’t hate me do you Chibbie?”

“Maybe ye should go tae that clinic Juicy boy…”

“So, you do fuckin hate me then?”

“No, I just want the old Juice back, the one that I fell in love with. I love ye Juice as a person and in a sexual way, not just as a fuckin brother okay.”

“Well I’m not going in a fuckin clinic Chibs.”

“Shite lad I’ll just take ye there myself if I have tae.”

“Fuck that as I’d rather kill myself first.”

What the hell had I just done; all I could do was watch as the lad broke down in front of me.

“Juice, ye might try killing yourself again even if yer here, ye dinnae have tae be in a clinic tae do it.”

Juice was really starting to worry me now, yet I knew there was no way I could possibly watch the lad around the clock and alone.


I couldn’t take any more of this shit. and I was pathetic and wouldn’t survive in a fuckin clinic, even life having to deal with Hap was easier than this. Everyone around here must think I’m a big cry baby, it was at that point I started slamming my head backwards against the headboard.

“Shite lad, see this is my point.”

Within seconds Chibs was on the bed to stop me, he held me tight in his arms and wouldn’t let go.

“Fine you win and I won’t send you to a clinic, but I’m so lost Juicy and dinnae what tae do for ye…”

“Please just don’t leave me or send me away, I’m barely holding it together now Chibs.”

“What happens lad when I cannae be here, hell or what when I myself need to get some sleep?”

“Tie me to the fuckin bed, shit I don’t care as long as I’m here with you.”

“Shite lad you make that sound so kinky.”

“It can be whatever you want it to be Chibbie…”

I looked up at Chibs and gave him a kiss, then as my tongue entered his mouth something just clicked into place.

“Jesus Juice what are ye trying tae do, please dinnae do it just to get yer own way lad.”


“I love you Chibs.”

I watched as Chibs just closed his eyes, worse though was when the tears rolled down his cheeks.

“What the fuck have I done to you, I love you but feel like I’m betraying Hap.”

I kissed the tears away and wanted Chibs to be happy, at that thought my own tears fell once more.

“It’s not yer fault Juicy lad…”

“How can you even say that? Shit most of the time you can’t even look at me Chibs.”

“It hurts Juicy so much, but it’s not all yer fault as you need help. Tara says it’s most likely Stockholm syndrome, ye will need a specialist tae help ye move on.”

“So everyone thinks that’s why I want Hap despite what he did, so why the hell can’t I just tell myself it’s wrong and I don’t want him?”

“It’s not that simple lad. I guess yer minds working different after all ye’v been through.”

“Yeah but will you ever be able to forgive me Chibs?”

“Hell lad, forgive ye for what exactly?”

“For wanting Hap, also for returning to him that night.”


“Juicy I dinnae need tae forgive ye, hell I dinnae blame ye for any of this.”

“Do you really mean that?”

“Aye lad sometimes I just get angry and say things I dinnae mean, with help hopefully you’ll get over Hap and wanting him.”

“Yeah maybe, but you must have been pissed when I left you at that hospital?”

“Juicy I knew you left because ye love me, ye were only trying tae protect me from the club.”

“God I still do love you, Chibby let me show you just how much I love you.”

I leant forward and kissed Chibs once more upon the lips, however this time I didn’t want it to end.

“Shite lad I only have so much control, right now yer living dangerously and playing with fire.”

“Maybe I like playing with fire.”

“Juicy yer sick and need tae get some rest.”

I just ignored Chibs and moved my hand lower down, soon I’d found just what I was looking for too.

“I’ll make it good for you Chibby…”

“Ye wullnae take no for an answer will ye lad?”

“No so just lay back and accept it, look me giving you a simple hand job won’t kill me.”

“God, I just want tae see ye smile more Juicy and be happy.”

“Then lay there and just enjoy it.”

“Shite how could I not enjoy it, fuck it’s been so long lad.”

I had to admit that Chibs erection felt good in my hand, all I wanted was to make him come, and still be happy with me. I loved him so much and just wanted him to know it, I’d deal with all the other fuck ups in my life later.


Fuck the lads hand felt amazing, especially as he started rubbing his thumb over the end of my weeping erection. I knew that I wouldn’t last too long though, without Juice sex had been the last thing on my mind.

I’d not even jerked off once while I was in the loony bin, shite to be honest it had never even felt right anyway. Then when I got out, I had things to do, or I’d be too drunk to even get it hard and now I was far more than desperate.

“Jesus lad, hell I cannae last much longer…”

“God, you look so fuckin hot and sexy Chibby, I love it when you’re about to come.”

“Yeah well ye been all hot and sexy lad can do that, fuck Juice…”

I couldn’t hold back any longer, the relief was immense as I came all over his hand.

“You taste so good Chibby!”

I slowly forced my tired eyes to open; I was met with the lad staring straight at me. However, it was what he was doing that got to me the most, the lad was there licking his hand clean of my cum.

“Fuck Juicy, keep that up and I’ll be getting hard again.”

“Hey, does it look like I’m stopping you?”

I couldn’t help but notice the lads’ own erection, hell I could feel it as it pressed hard against my thigh. I had no idea what the lad wanted though, Juice had been abused and I was afraid to stir up memories for him.

“Juicy talk tae me and tell me what ye want in return?”

“Chibs that wasn’t the reason I did it, you don’t have to give me anything in return.”

Great the lad was fragile enough, yet I felt like I’d just made it all far worse for him.

“Juicy I dinnae mean it how it sounded, hey I love ye and just want tae make ye feel good too.”

“Yeah okay I understand.”

“I’m scared lad, I dinnae wantae hurt ye after everything you’ve been through.”

“Chibs don’t please not right now, just leave the past where it belongs.”

“Aye sorry Juicy.”

“Just use your hand Chibs, all I want is for it to be you who makes me come and gives me pleasure. I need this, I need to feel like I belong to you again.”

“You’ll always be mine lad no matter what.”

It broke my heart; despite everything Juice had suffered he still wanted me. I ran my hand down his toned body, I tried so hard to ignore the fact that he’d lost some weight too. Juice had been right, leave the past where it belongs and now wasn’t the time to deal with all that anyway.

The lad was like a rock, also he seemed rather eager for me to step it up a bit, Juice reached for my hand and moved it over his groin, he then started rubbing himself with it.

“Yer a wee bit eager there lad…”

“Chibs shut the fuck up and make me come.”

“Pushy too I see.”

“You’ve seen nothing yet Chibby, wait until I’m fully healed and then I’ll show you…”

“Shite should I be worried lad?”

“No Chibby so relax, there’s only a few things that you’ll have to deal with.”

“Aye such as…”

“I can be really pushy and demanding when I’m horny, oh and by the way I get horny a lot of the time. Also, there’s just one other thing, I like to be restrained and spanked sometimes.”

“So, ye are a kinky little bastard after all then!”

“Does that bother you Chibby?”

“No Juicy I’m good with it all.”

“Oh also there’s just one other little thing I forgot…”

“Aye and just what would that be?”

“I won’t always be on the bottom.”

“Shite I’d never thought that far lad.”

“Does it scare you Chibby?”

“Hell, yeah I guess it does, I’ve never had anyone fuck me before.”

“Well I’ll be making love to you.”

“We can deal with that when the time arises lad.”

After that Juice became far too turned on to even talk, as for me I was in love with him more than ever.


I was pleased to hear that Chibby was open to suggestions, even though right now I was happy to just lay here. It didn’t take me long to go over the edge and come, I guess I’d missed Chibby as much as he’d missed me. In all honesty I had been surprised that he still wanted me, especially as I kept fucking everything up all the time.

“God, I love you so much Chibby!”

“Aye I love ye tae lad, come on though as we both could do with some sleep.”

“Yeah true, I think you’ve exhausted me Chibby.”

“Aye well it works two ways Juicy boy.”

It felt so good as Chibs held me in his arms, I was totally wiped out and knew I’d be asleep in no time at all. However, with sleep came dreams and nightmares, I dreamt that I was back with Hap and I had to suffer so that Chibs could remain alive.

I cried and begged Hap not to hurt him, yet Hap just wanted Chibs dead and out of the way. I tried to reason with him, but nothing would work, Hap could be real stubborn at times too.

My eyes suddenly opened, and I realized where I was, it was just a dream and I was safe as I snuggled Chibs. I closed my eyes as I was still tired, yet every time they closed, I saw Hap once more.

It was all driving me mad, this time though Hap was stood there holding his knife. My mind flashed back to the last time he’d used it; Shit Hap had cut me and forced me to come with it.

I forced my eyes open once more, however this time I was still in the bed but it was with Hap. I knew that I had to get out of here and away from him, I had to find Chibs and warn him that Hap was here.

I moved slowly out of the bed, then I opened a draw quietly and found some underwear. Anything would do as I knew Chibby would be here somewhere. Plus, I’d left clothes at the club in the past.

Shit then it hit me, why the hell was I here with Hap and where was Chibs. I had to know why Chibs hadn’t tried to save me, that would have to wait as my only concern was Chibs and his safety.

I opened the door as slowly as possible without making noise, I’d been way too busy thinking to even notice anything else. Suddenly a hand came up in front of me and reached for the door, within seconds the bedroom door had been slammed shut.

“Juicy where the hell are ye going lad?”

“Please Hap just let me go, I need to go and see Chibs one more time…”

“Juicy lad I’m right here, look it’s me Chibs!”

“Go to hell Happy…”

“Shite lad, I really dinnae want tae restrain ye.”

“Fuck you.”

Within seconds I turned and punched the man hard, I then just stood and watched as his nose poured blood.

“Right that’s it Juicy lad.”

Suddenly I was grabbed and shoved onto the bed, I couldn’t help it as my whole body cried out in pain.

“Shit Juicy I’m sorry.”

“I hate you, just let me fuckin go.”

“Yer not going anywhere lad, not until I can make you realize that it’s me.”

“I said fuck you.”

I kicked out and managed to kick him right between the legs, he howled in pain and I knew I’d suffer for my actions. I looked up towards his face, all I wanted was to find out what mood he was now in. Not that I even managed to reach that far, my eyes got as far as his chest and I froze.

I saw his tattoo, and something just clicked, I knew that the tattoo only belonged to one man. I curled up into a tight ball and cried, I could feel his hand on my back, and I knew I didn’t deserve his sympathy.

“Just cry lad and let it all out.”

That was exactly what I did, I couldn’t even bring myself to look Chibs in the face.


To say he was ill the lad had some strength, he could still manage a full-on punch. Now I had a nose that was bleeding everywhere and balls that hurt beyond belief, how could I retaliate when clearly the lad wasn’t all there right now.

“Shite Juicy, look I really dinnae know what tae do with ye right now?”

“Please Chibs don’t send me away, I really didn’t mean to hurt you…”

“Calm down lad, I’m well aware that you dinnae mean it. I just don’t know what ye expect me tae do? I’m exhausted Juicy and need some sleep myself.”

Fuck now all I could do was watch as he cried once more, I just knew that I was too scared to sleep. Deep down I was scared that he’d be gone when I woke up, and there was no way I was willing to lose him now.

“Juicy talk tae me lad, look I’m scared I’ll lose ye again.”

“Just lock me in the room or tie me to the bed, I don’t care as long as you don’t give up on me Chibby.”

“Jesus Juice I cannae do that tae ye…”

“Fuckin do it, is poor Chibs too scared to tie me up…”

“Juicy dinnae push me.”

“Fuck you Chibs, you’re nothing but a fuckin pussy.”

I knew that the lad was pushing me on purpose, he wanted a reaction and for me to deal with him. I just didn’t want to hurt the lad anymore, yet deep down I knew at this rate I’d have to restrain him sooner or later.

“Shite ye asked for this lad.”

I yanked open the nearest draw and pulled out a belt, I then grabbed hold of his wrist, I knew that Hap had kept him restrained and this would hurt, hell the lad still had the marks from the cable ties.

“Juicy please dinnae make me do this, I really dinnae want tae hurt ye anymore.”

“Just fuckin do it Chibs, hell I don’t want to lose you.”

“Juicy ye won’t lose me.”

“I will if I keep this up, do it Chibs or I’ll just try leaving again.”


“Maybe I should go and see Hap, hell I’m sure he’d gladly restrain me.”

“You bastard…”

I squeezed his wrist hard; I then used the belt to tie his wrist to the headboard, and then I moved on to the other one.

“There are ye happy now lad?”

“I’m sorry, shit Chibs I really didn’t mean what I said about going to Hap.”

Fuck how the hell could I be mad with him, I watched Juice as he started crying once again.

“I just dinnae what tae do in a situation like this Juicy!”

“Please don’t ever let me go, I have so many nightmares and I get scared. Everything just feels so real, I feel like I should go back to Happy, so you’ll stay alive.”

“Tough because I won’t give ye up lad.”

“Chibbie promise me that even if I beg you’ll keep me here, even if I say hateful things to you.”

“I promise lad, no matter what I’ll keep ye here with me.”

“Thank you Chibby.”

“Ye will still need tae get professional help though lad, ye need tae see someone so ye can get over this and move on.”

“You mean a shrink?”

“Aye lad, I’m going tae be in the shite come morning as it is.”

“How come, why what have you done?”

“Tara will do her nut, especially when she sees that I restrained a sick man tae a bed. Tae top it off it’s not going tae help yer infected wrists at all, she might even try putting ye in care again.”

“Yeah well you made me a promise to keep me here, and I know that you’ll keep your word Chibby.”

“I’ll try Juicy lad I promise.”

Fuck I knew that this would be a hard promise to keep, also now I’d have to deal with Tara and possibly even Jax.


I awoke the next morning to bright sunshine, I heart sped up when I realized Chibs was still here with me.

“Chibby can you untie me, I just thought it might be better to do it before Tara comes.”

“Aye good idea Juicy, move yer arms a wee bit and the circulation will return.”

“Hap beat me Chibby, believe me I’ve suffered far worse than this.”

“Aye I know, ye shouldn’t have had tae suffer as much as ye have.”

“Look I’ll be okay as long as I have you here with me.”

“Aye well I’m not going anywhere lad.”

We were disturbed by the knock on the door, Chibs went and opened the door to find Tara stood there.

“I just popped in to check on you Juice, also to let you know that a physiatrist will be here soon too.”

“I’m okay Tara, but thanks for coming.”

Part of me suddenly felt nervous, I just wanted her to go so I could be left alone with Chibs.

“Juice maybe I should take a look at your wrists, they look rather sore and red?”

“I said that I’m fine and nothing’s wrong with them.”

Shit I really didn’t want to have to tell her, I knew she’d perhaps just go off and run back to Jax. Also, I didn’t want to get Chibs into any trouble, however I could tell that she was becoming impatient.

“Juice talk to me, believe me I’m a doctor and won’t judge you.”

“Chibs tied me to the bed…”

“He did what!”

“Tara please believe me when I say he had no choice; I became rather violent and punched him.”

“What and he couldn’t defend himself, that doesn’t sound like Chibs at all.”

“Look it wasn’t his fault Tara.”

“So where has he gone now, maybe I should just ask him myself.”

“He went for a shower so that we could talk, look I told Chibs that I’d call Hap and to go back to him

“Why would you want to do that Juice?”

“I have nightmares okay, hell at first I thought he was Hap and that’s why I hit him. It’s so hard to explain as everything feels so mixed up, Chibs was even afraid to go to sleep.”

“Okay just calm down Juice, it’s okay I understand it wasn’t his fault.”

“He was so scared he’d wake up alone, that or next to a dead body.”

“Now I know I can help you; I’ll drop off a sedative to use at nighttime.”

“Great that will help a lot.”

“Well hopefully you’ll both be able to get some sleep.”

“Yeah hopefully, all I want is to move on and get my life sorted out.”

“I take it that you’re aware Jax is now the president, you don’t have to worry about Clay anymore Juice.”

“Yeah Chibs mentioned it.”

“Why did Clay even want you dead Juice?”

“It doesn’t matter, hell it’s all in the past now anyway.”

“You need to deal with the past so you can move forward, I know it might be hard, but it has to be done.”

“I’ll try I promise.”

“Good as the physiatrist will be able to help more if you talk about it.”

“Can Chibs stay with me when she comes?”

“If that’s what you want, then yes I’m sure that will be okay.”

“Thanks’ Tara for everything you’ve done.”

“Your welcome Juice, all we want is to see that smile again.”

We said our goodbyes and Tara left, I then pulled back the bed covers and waited. I couldn’t hear the shower anymore, at least now I knew I’d soon have Chibs back here in the room with me. I was naked and horny right now, I decided that I’d amuse myself while I waited for him to return.


I walked out of the shower and grabbed a clean towel, when I entered the room, I noticed Juice on the bed straightaway. He had his eyes shut and wasn’t even aware of my presence, fuck the lad looked so hot and sexy.

Juice lay there stroking his own erection, I could also hear him as he moaned to himself too. The man was so fuckin tempting, that was when I decided to slowly make my way over to the bed.

I remained as quiet as possible as I bent over him, I was fast and within seconds I deep throated him. Hell, the poor kid nearly jumped off the bed, not that it took him long to settle back down though.

“Fuck Chibs… oh shit don’t fuckin stop now.”

I worked up a rhythm and was determined to make the lad come, I was also hard but Juicy was my main concern right now. Soon he was arching up into my mouth and moaning, I knew that the lad was real close and wouldn’t last long.

I really didn’t want to end this, yet I knew that I would have no choice. I knew it would only be a matter of time before we’d have company, also Juicy would need to get a shower too.

I had him moaning in pleasure as he finally came, I couldn’t help but make sure I swallowed every single drop.

“Jesus Chibs, fuck I’m far too tired to move now.”

“Shower lad, come on get that ass moving.”

“Great, I guess I don’t even get a choice.”

“No lad ye don’t as the physiatrist will be here soon, also Jax said he’d clear out the club house too.”

“What for?”

“So ye can talk in private Juice lad, I thought ye’d prefer it that way?”

“Yeah as long as you stay.”

“Aye of Course I’ll stay.”

“Fine I’ll go and get a shower then…”

I couldn’t help but slap his bare ass when he passed me, the lad was just so fuckin tempting.

“What was that for, do you want something Chibby?”

“Aye I do, you lad later on when everyone’s gone.”

“Hey, I can give you a blow job right now, come on Chibby you know you want it!”

“Aye I want it, we just dinnae have time right now.”

I slapped him once more, Juice didn’t seem to be taking the rejection too well right now.

“Fine I’m going then.”

“Juicy stop pouting.”

“Why Chibby?”

“Because it fuckin turns me on lad.”

“Hey I offered…”

“Aye ye did lad, look just go for a shower as I need a stiff drink now.”

Finally, the lad moved himself, meanwhile I searched all the draws for some clothes. I knew that he’d stayed here more times than his home, one day I’d have to ask him why he preferred it here.

After a few minutes I found some combat trousers and a white tee shirt, I knew straight away that they belonged to Juice. I put the clothes on the bed, I then decided it was time tae get myself that drink.

“Bit Early to be drinking Chibs, is everything okay…”

I looked up and saw Jax stood beside me, the lad seemed to have a right concerned look on his face.

“Aye all’s fine Jackie lad, Dutch courage I guess.”

“How come?”

“I guess I’m worried what the physiatrist might say, or more tae the point what Juice might say tae her.”

“Well I hate to stress you even more… Tara called the physiatrist will be here in ten minutes.”

I knocked the drink back and grabbed another straight away, I then knew it was time to go and be with Juice.


I had to admit that the shower felt really good, I knew after that I’d have to go and search for some clothes. I didn’t want to face the physiatrist with no clothes on, also I didn’t think she’d appreciate it either.

I walked out and noticed the bed, I was surprised to see a full set of my clothes there waiting for me. I was dressing as fast as my aching body would allow when Chibs walked in, I managed to rush over to him and give him a big kiss.

“Thanks for the clothes Chibby.”

“Aye not a problem Juicy boy.”

“Chibby you smell of whisky…”

“Aye I had a small one that’s all.”

“I thought you were joking about getting a drink!”

“No, I’m nervous.”

“Chibs why the hell are you nervous, I’d have thought that’d be me?”

“I dinnae honestly know, maybe it’s because I love ye and ye scare me so much at times.”

“Does that mean you won’t stay with me?”

“Juicy I’m staying so get that idea out of yer head right now.”

“Good because I’m scared too, I’m scared you won’t want me anymore.”

Before Chibs could answer I heard the knock, shit I knew it was the psychiatrist and bottled it big time. Within seconds I’d moved across the room and was back on the bed, I sat there with my arms hugging my knees close. I started to shake and couldn’t even control it, Chibs came over to the bed and held his hand out towards me.

“I can’t do it Chibs…”

“Come on Juicy please…”

“No I’m staying here, please Chibby don’t make me.”

Chibs went and opened the door, however first he told the woman that he wanted a word with her. Chibs pulled the door closed behind him and I was alone, it was a couple of minutes later he returned.


“Shit what?”

“Ye were miles away lad, the doc said she would talk in here if it made you feel more comfortable?”

“Yeah thanks Chibs.”

The shrink entered the room and smiled over at me, Chibs then went and offered her a chair close to the bed.

“Good morning Mr. Ortiz, I’ve already met your partner Fillip.”

“Just call me Juice, that way I might not feel as nervous.”

“Very well Juice it is, Tara has told me the basics with regard to recent events. We will need to also go back and deal with any past issues first, how does that sound to you Juice?”

“Okay I guess, it’s just going to be hard as I’ve never talked about it to anyone before.”

“Okay not a problem as we can take it slow, if at any time you want me to stop just say so.”

“Yeah okay, however I need to be honest to myself about my past and deal with it. I also need to be honest with Chibs too, I love him and don’t want any secrets in this relationship.”

“Well you appear to be looking at this the right way and that’s a good start, I’m glad that you want to deal with it all, and get it off your chest.”

“Yeah I just want it all over with.”

“After the talk we’ll work out ways that will help and benefit you, it’ll be far easier than suffering the pain all alone.”

“Yeah fair enough, well I’m as ready as I’ll ever be.”

“So, Juice where would you like to start?”

“I guess back when I was a kid and still lived at home, I suppose that’s when my problem really started.”

“Very well then Juice start in your own time.”

I must have sat there a good five minutes without even talking, however I had to admit that they were patient with me.

“Well here goes… my father was a drunk and he drank every single day. My mother had been the loving caring type; however, she had died back when I was just ten years old. That was when my farther started to drink even more, then he would beat me and keep me locked in a room. I thought that I could cope with it all, however things became worse and I fell apart.”

Never mind then, suddenly I felt like I was falling apart right now and couldn’t go on.  Then suddenly Chibs was right there beside me, he found my hand and held it tight to let me know I wasn’t alone anymore.


I knew that the lad was struggling and finding it all hard, I thought if I held his hand it would give him support.

“Juice take yer time babe and breathe.”

“I’m sorry Chibby.”

“Dinnae be sorry lad, I’m here with ye no matter what.”

I was hoping by my actions and words he’d feel safe, it must have helped because he had the courage to start talking once more.

“My father had even told the school I’d moved away, gone to live with some aunt or other after my mother died. I pretty much became a prisoner in my own home, well it wasn’t like he’d ever want anyone to see me. I spent most days covered in cuts and bruises, he seemed to get a real kick out of hitting me all the time.”

“Did your father sexually abuse you at all Juice?”

Shite I looked up at the doc and prayed he hadn’t suffered in that way, especially with his own father. Then it hit me just where this was leading, also why Juice thought I might not want him anymore.

“My father started gambling nearly every night, he’d have friends over so they could play poker and get drunk. One night I’d gone to use the bathroom, that was the first night I’d ever bumped into one of his so call friends.

He grabbed me by the wrist and just stared at me, however after a minute or so he let me go. I was twelve now and had suffered two years of my father and his many beatings, I guess I’d just grown to be a nervous timid child.”

Juice became silent once more, I had to admit the doc had the patience of a saint to deal with all this. Me I was just an impatient bastard; I wanted to grab hold of Juice and make him tell me everything. It was killing me him telling us at this pace as I had to know, finally the lad found his voice once more.

“Later on that night I heard my bedroom door open, my father entered and was with the man who’d grabbed me earlier. At first, I thought he’d brag how he beat me and kept me here, yet it was the other man who suddenly grabbed hold of me. He pushed me face down on the bed, he managed to hold me there while he ripped my clothes off.”

“Oh shit Juicy, no lad please dinnae say he… fuck.”

I felt physically sick at the thought of it, I knew without a shadow of a doubt where this was going now. It was the father’s reason that was what also shocked me, even so hitting the kid had been bad enough.

“I’d never felt pain like that before and I couldn’t help but scream, he was brutal as he raped me in my own bed. He had to make it even more degrading by making me hard, he then forced me to come like it was what I wanted. That night was when I realized that I was nothing anymore, even my own father had just used me as leverage.

My father had no money left and gambled my ass on his next bet, if he lost, he’d let the man use me in any way he wanted including rape.”

“Please don’t cry Chibby, I’m sorry that I never told you sooner how dirty I am.”

“Shite Juicy I dinnae think yer dirty at all lad, hell ye were a fuckin kid and dinnae deserve any of it.”

“Yeah well I let him abuse me for another two years, at fourteen I just snapped and ran away.”

“Shite lad where did ye go?”

“I ended up in a foster home after juvie, I got sent away when I was caught stealing some food as I was starving. I guess my life was fucked up yet again for a few years, but I guess I was still alive and somewhat safe. After care I somehow ended up in Charming, I then fixed computers and did odd jobs until I became a prospect.”

The doc was just sat there writing it all down, then finally she turned to Juice and spoke to him gently.

“You’ve done well Juice, I must say I’m really pleased with your progress for the first day. We can end it for today or carry on a bit more, the choice is entirely yours.”

“I guess I’m holding up, I just wanted to know if Chibs wanted to ask me anything specific before we end it?”

I noticed how he spoke to the doc, yet I was sat right next to him and he could have asked me. Well I guess the time had come for my own answers, I had to know what he’d done to make Clay want him dead. Juice was damaged long before the club or Clay, hell did we just add to his many problems…

“Juice, I need to know what happened with Clay, did he hurt ye in any way at all? Please Juice ye must tell me the whole truth, especially if ye want us tae stay together and move on.”

I knew that this would make or break the relationship, Juice had to be honest with me or the relationship wouldn’t work and would be over.


I knew straight away exactly what Chibbie was implying, I had to talk or what we had between us was over. I curled up on the bed and hid my face in my hands, to keep Chibs I’d have to deal with both Clay and Happy.

“Juicy please sweetheart look at me, hey I’m not going to hurt ye so just relax.”

“Ha like hell you won’t hurt me, I always end up hurting one way or another.”

It was then that the physiatrist decided to join in once more, apparently she was telling Chibs that I’d perhaps done enough for one day. She would be in touch to arrange another session, well that was if I wanted to see her again.

I was afraid of her leaving more than anything else, I had this feeling that Chibs would push me harder without her here to stop him. I wasn’t wrong either, well at least he managed to stay silent until he’d closed the door behind her.

“Juice look at me, why do you think I’ll hurt you?”

“Because everyone always does sooner or later.”

I jumped up and ran into the bathroom, I then slammed the door hard and locked Chibs out. Not that it was long before he started banging on the door, I was well aware that he could be a stubborn bastard and wouldn’t give in easy.

“Juicy open this fuckin door.”

“Please Chibs I just want to be alone.”

“Open it or I will lad.”

“Chibby I’m not letting you in so go away.”

He never even bothered replying to me, within seconds Chibs kicked the door open and walked in.

“Juicy I’m staying, you’d better get used to it and talk to me.”

“Hey cozy man…”

“I’m sure you’ve said that tae me once before.”

“Well we seem to have a habit of talking in bathrooms.”

“Aye well maybe if ye talked and stopped locking yourself in them.”

“Fuck you Chibbie.”

“Juice please come out and we can talk, I love ye so much lad and promise that I’ll listen tae ye.”

“What so you can judge me, you’ll realize just how dirty I really am and then you won’t want me…”

“Juice calm down and breathe.”

Fuck suddenly Chibs slapped me hard across the face, it was then that I realized I was panicking and took a deep breath.

“Sorry Juice I dinnae mean to hit ye that hard, look I love ye and all I want is tae help ye.”

“Fine I’ll try, but I’m not promising you anything Chibs.”

“Fine that’s all I ask; lets’ not do it in the bathroom though.”

“Yeah okay.”

I followed Chibby back into the room, I then took up the same position on the bed and waited. I guess somehow, I felt safe on the bed, maybe like some little kid who could hide under the covers and be invisible to monsters.

“Juicy do ye want a drink or anything first?”

“Yeah something really strong.”

Chibs returned with a whisky for me, not that it would have been my first choice any other time. Right now, I’d have drunk anything to numb the pain, I knocked it straight back and soon felt all warm inside.

“How the fuck do you drink that stuff all the time?”

“It’s a man’s drink lad, I guess ye just get used tae it after a while.”

“Whatever, I seriously doubt I would.”

“Yer stalling Juicy!”

“Fuck I’m sorry Chibby…”

“Hey, we can talk all ye want about shite whiskey, or we can get some of this other stuff dealt with.”

“I guess I just don’t know where to start.”

“Aye well I already know now what ye did as a kid, start when things between ye and Clay turned sour.”

“Most likely right at the beginning then, it wasn’t like he ever really took me serious.”

“He thought ye were daft at times, but over time ye proved yourself tae him and everyone else. Then suddenly out of the blue the man wants ye dead, shit lad you must have dinnae something tae piss him off.”

I knew I was now out of choices; it was time to tell Chibs everything or lose him for good.


I took a long good look at the lad and could see his pain, it was then I realized that I couldn’t leave him no matter what he told me. Not that I was about to let him know that, maybe if he thought I’d leave he’d talk to me.

“I think Clay thought I was useless at most things; well I guess there were a few times I did fuck up over the years. There was the time I forgot to load the clips because I’d taken the sleeping pills, then I don’t think Tig ever forgave me for the bite on his ass.”

“Aye I guess they got ye good for the sleeping pills, wasn’t that the time they dressed ye in a diaper and left you on the street?”

“Yeah but I accepted that, I guess it was fun back then and we were good together.”

“Aye then I guess a lot of shite got out of hand.”

“Yeah and then we got caught with the guns, sent to Stockton for fourteen months inside.”

I watched as Juice just sat there playing with his hands, I knew that the lad was struggling to even look me in the face.

“Juice carry on babe, I know it’s hard but I’m proud of how well yer doing.”

“I’d never done time in a prison Chibs, a juvenile detention center and that was about it. I really thought I’d be okay, especially as I had to share a cell with Clay. I woke up one night and he was touching me.”

“What do ye mean Juicy?”

“Well I couldn’t just brush it off as brotherly protection, especially as he had hold of my cock.”

“Shite lad I never knew…”

“No one knew except for myself and Clay, I flipped out and started screaming at him to get off me. Finally, a guard came because of the noise, Clay said I’d had a nightmare and the guard just turned and walked away. As soon as he’d gone Clay backhanded me hard across the face, he then told me to do exactly what he wanted…”

“Juice, are ye okay?”

“He was supposed to be our president and protect us, make sure we were as safe as possible while in there!”

“Aye lad we all thought that, I just dinnae understand why ye never came tae me lad?”

I guess I’d always believed that Juice and I were close, yet the lad lived with so much and was too afraid to tell anyone.

“He never gave up either, day after day he kept trying to push me. Every single day he hit me at least once, yet I stood my ground and refused to give him what he wanted.”

“So ye never actually did anything with him then?”

“No, I thought he’d eventually get bored and move on to someone else, he did in the end, but he made sure I was aware of his displeasure. Clay told me that he’d kill me at the first chance he got, that or he’d get the club to do it.”

“Jesus Juicy and ye just lived with all that…”

“No one would have believed me over Clay, I was left with no choice but to keep my mouth shut and he knew it.”

Deep down I also knew the real reason Juice kept things bottled up, the lad was scared he get kicked out of the club and be alone.

“Aye well I’d have believed ye Juicy.”

“Chibs it didn’t just end that easy…”

Shite I’d finally thought that was it all, that the lad had finally managed to tell me his horrid past.

“Why what else is there Juicy, might as well tell me everything now.”

“Everything changed after he threatened me, I went back to my cell and found him gone.”

“Hey, wasn’t that a good thing Juicy?”

“Yeah well, I thought that too at the time, I asked the guard and he said that Clay had put in a request to be moved. The bastard had said that it was me, apparently my nightmares and mental state were keeping him awake.”

“Yeah sounds about right, I bet the bastard got some cushy cell in the end.”

“Yeah, I guess so, not that I saw that much of him until we got out.”

“So, who was yer new cell mate Juice?”

“Nobody would say much at all, the guard just said they were a better match and would be able to deal with me. I spent the rest of the day nervous and not knowing anything, it was only after evening meal when we returned to our cell. My new cell mate Ron Tully was sat there waiting for me, he also made it damned clear that I wouldn’t say no to him.”

I knew exactly who Tully was and it made my skin crawl, how the fuck would Juice cope with someone like him.


I knew that the hardest part still wasn’t over, would Chibs even want me after what happened with Tully…

“Juicy talk to me lad, what did he do tae ye?”

“That first day he never even touched me, he climbed on his own bunk and I felt immediate relief that he’d left alone. Then that was when I noticed he’d left me something on my bed, shit he’d left me some coke and a book of fuckin love poems.”

“Aye I’d heard that Tully was somewhat strange.”

“He gave me a time for the following day and told me I’d better be ready; how could you ever be ready for someone to brutally rape you!”

“I dinnae know lad, hell I really couldn’t even imagine it.”

“He only gave me the drugs the first time, in all honesty I couldn’t remember that much as I was so high. It felt like I was floating high in the sky, just moving away from all the bad shit.”

“Maybe that was for the best Juicy.”

“I never had that luxury the following night, he lay on my bed and read his love poems to me. A fuckin Aryan brother, yet here he was trying to seduce me.”

“Calm down Juicy, hey I’m still here for ye.”

I hadn’t even realized that I’d raised my voice, I guess that I was so pissed off having to relive it all over again.

“Sorry I didn’t mean to shout at you Chibby, I guess I just feel like I’m always the fuckin victim no matter what.”

“Aye I’m not surprised lad after what ye suffered.”

“He shoved my head into the pillow and brutally forced his way deep inside me. Tully said he’d kill me if I screamed or made a noise, yet he was far from small and all I wanted to do was scream.”

I wiped the tears from my face, I’d never felt so fuckin small in my entire life as right now. Ron Tully and Happy, hell even my own father had made me feel small and worthless.”

” Juice…”


“Ye were miles away again lad.”

“Just thinking that’s all, how the hell I coped with Tully for over a fuckin year I don’t know. However, after a while he became more gentle with me, it was like he was making love to me and not raping me.”

“Shite lad…”

“Yeah believe me that was even worse, I knew no matter what though, that I was afraid to say no to him. There’d been a couple of times that I’d tried, but I guess in the end I was the only one who suffered for it. The first time he put me in the infirmary, he beat me so hard just to prove a point. I guess he must have missed me, after that he hurt me but never enough to get me out of that fuckin cell.”

“Juice, can I just hug ye, all I want right now is tae hold ye close…”

“What… I thought you wouldn’t even want to come near me never mind touch me.”

“I love ye so much lad, shite you have to realize that if nothing else.”

Chibs came over and held me in his arms, he then started kissing all the tears from my wet face. I knew that deep down I was falling apart, however I had to tell him the rest of it before that happened.

“Tully eventually found out that I was due for release, that was when he really turned on me. He’d arranged for many people to start on me and hit me, all he wanted was for me to fight them back. Tully knew I’d lose my parole if I fought back and he wanted me to stay in there, yet I took many beatings without fighting back.

“That must have pissed Tully off though?”


“Yeah, my final night there was the worst of all, Tully beat me and raped me over and over again. When he finally let up, I was black and blue, I even had to have a few stiches too. My last few hours were spent back in that infirmary, not that Tully cared anymore as he knew I wouldn’t be going back to him.”

“Ye are stronger than me lad tae survive all that.”

I was only doing what came naturally and that was to survive, every day I got up it was a case of do or die.


Shit the lad was so fuckin broken inside and had suffered beyond belief, how the hell could I even start putting him back together…

“Chibby I need to get over this, I want you to know everything so we can put it all behind us.”


“Do ye really think ye can do it that easily?”

“I’m trying the best I can, I just want you to be aware of how fucked up I am. I guess that way you can’t use it against me later, if you know now, you can walk if it’s what you want!”

“Juicy I’m not leaving ye lad.”

“Would you do me a favor Chibby?”

“Aye if I can lad.”

“Please just believe that I’m fine and it’s not a brush off, I just want you to get us a couple of drinks while I have a shave.”

“What the fuck…”

“Please Chibby.”

“What you need a shave right now in the middle of talking, hell there’s hardly anything there lad.”

“Please Chibby just trust me a little.”

“Aye as long as ye dinnae try out stupid lad!”

“I promise, why the hell would I try something stupid when I have you?”

“Yer hard work Juicy, but hell yer so worth it lad. Look I’ll give ye ten minutes’ lad and that’s it, after that I’ll be coming back in here.”

“Fine that’s all I need.”

I kissed the lad and let him go, deep down I was shit scared Juice would try something stupid. Okay in all honesty I was fuckin terrified at the thought, however I knew that I’d have to learn to trust him more too.

I went to the bar and grabbed a full bottle of whisky and a couple of glasses; I then sat there and gave him five minutes. I couldn’t wait any longer and hoped we could deal with this today; it would be easier once I fully knew what I was up against.

I entered the room and was met with silence; it was then that I realized the water was running in the bathroom. I sat back down on the bed and would wait another five minutes, I decided I’d pour us both a strong drink while I waited.

By the time Juice returned I was on my third glass, he was only gone the time he said and I knew I was drinking way too fast.

“Ye okay now lad?”

Fuck the lad was so fuckin hot and sexy, his skin was still wet and all he wore was a towel.

“Chibby I need to tell you something…”

“That sounds a bit ominous lad.”

“My face wasn’t the only place that I shaved, I haven’t shaved in weeks because of all this shit with the club.”

“I’m not with ye lad.”

“Normally I don’t like excessive body hair, shit Chibby I’m trying to tell you that I shaved my groin again!”

Shite suddenly my own cock started filling with blood, what the hell was the lad trying tae do Tae me? The thought of that soft shaved skin, now I’d be able to fully kiss and lick him down there.

“Earth to Chibby…”


“You were miles away, yet you had this big smile on your face.”

“Jesus lad, dae ye know how hot that is?”

“Yeah well I need to show you something first so don’t get carried away, after that I might let you have some fun.”

“Dinnae make promises ye cannae keep lad…”

“Oh, I won’t Chibby, please just let me show you something first then.”

I tried so hard to get my head out of the gutter, I knew that the lad was worried and that it must be important to him. I could see why Ron Tully had wanted the lad and been attracted to him, even Hap too.

The man was so fuckin gorgeous and had a contagious smile, he could turn anyone on without even having to try. Shite then the lad went and dropped the towel at his feet, I suddenly found it impossible to string a sentence together no matter how hard I tried.


Jesus I’d never seen Chibs look at me like that before, he had this very needy look upon his face right now.

“God lad all I want tae do is fuck you into next week, look I only have so much restraint lad so just show me whatever it is.”

I went and sat down on the bed beside Chibs, I then lay down on my back and looked up at him. I was so fuckin nervous right now; anyone would think that Chibs had never seen me naked before.

“Chibby do you really love me?”

” Aye lad I do.”

“Would you still say that if I were sat here fully clothed?”

“Jesus lad of course I would, you’re gorgeous and I love ye with all my heart.”

I grabbed hold of my fast-growing erection, I then proceeded to make it even harder.

“Ye planning tae put on a show for me Juicy boy!”

“Maybe, please Chibby just look closely.”

“Juice, I have no idea what I’m looking for here.”

Well I knew that it was going to be now or never, I reached out and grabbed one of his fingers. At least Chibby never refused and even let me direct his finger, very soon I had his finger right where I wanted it.

I slowly moved his finger over my skin, I then ran it on the scars that where hidden beneath my balls. First the one on the right side, then I moved to the one on the left and when he tensed, I knew he felt them.

“Scars Juicy… Shite lad how the hell did ye manage tae get them there?”

“Chances are you wouldn’t have noticed them if I hadn’t shaved, I can grow the hair back if you really want me to…”

“Juicy yer not making any sense at all lad, but fuck yer gorgeous without the hair there and I like it.”

“Chibby get your head on straight, look at the scars and then tell me if you want me to keep it shaved.”

“Juice, I love ye as ye are lad, but hell I’ll look if it’s what ye really want.”

I felt Chibs hands as he moved my erection and balls out of the way, one way then the other and traced the scars. He became quiet and I knew his brain was trying to work it out, then he let go and sat up once more.

“Shite lad.”

“Chibby please talk to me, fuck I should never have told you.”

“Did he fuckin do that to you Juice?”

” Chibby…”

“Answer the fuckin question lad.”

“Yeah, god I’m so sorry Chibby.”

“What the fuck are ye sorry for lad, hell this was Tully and not ye.”

“It was the last night that I was inside, the night I told you that I had to have stitches.”

“Aye lad I remember.”

“Tully carved the letter R and T, he said he’d make sure that I’d never forgot what he did.”

“I’m sorry Juicy you had to suffer like that.”

“He also did it so any partner I had would also see it and not…”

“Shite lad and ye thought I wouldn’t want ye!”

“I’m marked now Chibby.”

“For fucks sake Juice, it’s just a couple of letters and it could mean anything at all.”

“Yeah right, such as…”

“I dinnae know lad, maybe right twat. Believe me that’s what you must think of me if you thought I’d leave ye.”

“I’m sorry that I thought that way Chibby, I love you so much and I’m just scared you’ll leave me.”

“Look believe me I wullnae stop loving ye that easy. In a way it makes ye special Juice. Ye went through it all and ye survived.”

I was hard and wanted Chibs so much, I couldn’t help but move my hand back over my erection and tease Chibs a bit. I was so turned on and wanted him inside me more than anything else, I just felt so much love for him.

“I’ve got it Juicy lad!”

“Got what?”

“What the letters can stand for.”

“Yeah and what would that be?”

“A right tease, because belie me that’s what you are lad.”

I liked the idea better than it standing for Ron Tully, especially if it was Chibs that I got to tease.


I’d never truly seen this side of the lad but he was such a tease, I could understand why the scars bothered him though. Maybe I’d have to arrange some payback for Tully, revenge for what he did to my boy.

“Chibby what are you thinking about, are you having second thoughts about me?”

I could see the unshed tears and knew this would be hard for a long time to come, the lad would never truly be free of his past now.

“Never lad, I was thinking about what I’d like tae do tae Tully.”

“Chibby please don’t…”

“I cannae help it lad.”

“Wouldn’t you rather be thinking about me and what you could do to me?”

“Hey that’s low lad, now all I can think about is ye and what I could do tae that sexy body!”

“Feel free Chibby, believe me I won’t stop you.”

“Is that so laddie?”

I ran my hand along the inside of his leg, Juicy couldn’t help but shiver when I reached his erection.

“Jesus Chibby now who’s the fuckin tease!”

“Shite lad how can ye even say that, you’re the one that’s laid out like some fuckin god.”

“Make love to me Chibby…”

“I think it’s too soon Juicy, ye need to deal with all of your demons first lad.”

“Shit Chibby, hell I thought that was what I’d just done?”

“What about Happy…”

“Chibby just let it go will you, he’s a brother and it’s in the past.”

“He still fuckin raped ye Juicy lad.”

“Great thanks’ for that, what a fuckin turn off Chibby.”

“Oh shite I never meant it Juicy…”

I’d been sat on the bed and Juice pushed me off, he then ran into the bathroom once more. I got up and made my way over towards the door, I wasn’t impressed with the fact it was locked and Juice was ignoring me.

“Juicy please open the door so we can talk.”

“Fuck off.”

“I didn’t mean it the way it sounded, all I wanted was for ye tae deal with everything.”

“Well I’m trying the best I fuckin can.”

“Aye I know ye are lad, I shouldn’t have pushed ye so hard.”

“Whatever I just want to be on my own for now, I can’t deal with all this shit right now.”

Great I didn’t like that idea one single bit; Juice locked in a bathroom and alone didn’t sit well with me at all.


“Juicy open this door right now, that or I’ll open it and put ye over my knee.”

“Ha when you’re man enough Chibs.”

Shite why did the lad have such a reckless streak, I knew that he was pushing my buttons on purpose too. The trouble was the lad knew which ones to push, I wasn’t known for my patience at the best of times.

I waited a couple more minutes and that was enough, I kicked the door open and entered.

“Chibby what the fuck!”

“Hey ye said I wasn’t man enough, well guess what Juicy…”

“Anyone can kick a fuckin door open.”

“Aye they can, however that’s just the start lad.”

I grabbed hold of the lad tight and pulled him back towards the bed, he looked totally surprised and shocked by my actions. However, I decided the couch would be far better, I sat down and pulled the lad across my knee.

“Chibby what the fuck…”

“Ye asked for this lad so remember that, I’m going tae put ye over my knee and teach ye a lesson.”

“Bring it on old man.”

“Ye get off on this dinnae ye lad, I swear though I’m telling Jax not tae fix the lock on that door.”

I could tell by his face that he was well and truly turned on, however I made the first slap count just to show him his behavior wasn’t acceptable.


“Ah fuck Chibby that hurt.”

“It was meant too lad, you’d do well tae remember I’m not too old to put ye over me knee.”

“Yeah fine I get the point.”

The next slap was just as hard as the first, I couldn’t help it as my eyes started watering too.

“Dinnae play games ye cannae win lad.”

“Who says I won’t win…”

Fuck then Chibby hit me a third time and I was nearly crying, my backside felt like it was on fire now.

“Because I know what ye want Juicy, tae ye winning is getting your own way. You need to learn how far you can go, also when to stop pushing people or this happens.”

“Fuck are you implying that I ask for all I get, you think that I asked to be raped and abused?”

“Shit I dinnae mean it like that, you don’t realize just how you come across to other people.”

“I don’t come across as anything, nor do I do anything.”

I felt Chibs run his hand along my overheated ass, that was when my cock started to painfully throb.

“Ye are gorgeous Juice, fuck I bet ye could turn a straight man gay. All I want is to bend you right over the couch, fuck that tight little ass of yours so fuckin hard…”

“So why don’t you then?”

“I won’t take advantage of ye lad, all I want is for ye tae deal with this and get well.”

I was hornier right now than a fuckin teenager, yet there was Chibs with all his fuckin morals.

“Chibby it’s not taking advantage if it’s what I want.”

“Ye need to be thinking straight Juicy, you’ve suffered enough lately.”

“I bet your just too old to get it up Chibby…”

“Juice yer pushing your luck again!”

“Maybe I should just go and see Hap…”

Fuck I screamed as his hand hit my backside even harder, shit it had already been tender from the other three times.

“Dinnae ye fuckin dare say his name lad, believe me I hope that last slap really hurt too.”

I knew what I was doing was wrong, yet I was unable to stop myself until I got what I wanted. Chibs was just so predictable, wind him up and eventually he’d cave and give me what I wanted.

“Ye fuckin bastard, ye can be a really selfish prick at times Juice.”

Suddenly Chibs pulled me off his knee, he then shoved me hard over the arm of the couch. I then felt his hand near my ass as he did something, shit it was then that I felt his lubed finger slip inside me.

I soon realized that he’d hardly used any lube, especially when he forced his erection inside me. I realized that Chibby was doing it on purpose, he wasn’t planning to show me any mercy at all.

Chibs then leant forward and whispered into my ear, all he achieved was turning me on even more.

“Remember ye asked for this Juicy…”

“Fuck I know.”

It was so intense as he fucked me hard, all I wanted now was just to come. I used my own hand and found my own erection; it wasn’t long before I was jerking myself off. I was so carried away and worked up, however Chibs decided to stop and whisper in my ear once more.


“Dinnae ye fuckin dare even think about it lad, only I get tae make ye come so remember that.”

“I promise.”

“Also, remember that yer mine Juice and mine only, ye dinnae belong to Hap or anyone else at all.”

“I’m so sorry for what I said, god I love you and only you Chibby.”

I noticed as I spoke that Chibs suddenly froze, within seconds he came deep inside me. I had this feeling he’d want payback, knowing Chibs he’d make me wait before letting me come.


Fuck the lad was so tight and hot, I came as soon as he told me that he loved me. However, it was now time for payback, also time for me to have a wee bit more fun with the lad. I pulled out of his gorgeous ass and slapped him hard, Juice didn’t half jump up.

“Fuck Chibby what was that for? Shit all I want is to come now.”

“You’ll come when I say so lad and not a second before.”

“Chibby please…”

“God yer so cute lad when yer sulking.”

“Chibby don’t do this, please I’ll do anything you want if you just let me come.”

“Too late for that now lad, ye have tae learn that ye cannae always have yer own way. One day it might end up causing ye serious harm, your health has to come first lad.”

“Look Chibby, I swear that I’m okay and healing really fast.”

“Aye lad but what if you weren’t healing mentally, then you push, and push and I end up hurting ye.”

“Shit I never even thought about how you felt.”

“It dinnae matter how I feel Juice.”

“Of course, it fuckin matters as I love you so much Chibby.”

Shite I had to watch as the lad started crying again, all I could do was hold him close and wait it out.

“Hey Juicy talk tae me, tell me what’s wrong?”

“I hurt you so bad Chibby, shit I was just trying to pretend it never happened.”

“What lad?”

“I tried to make a joke about my time with Hap, I didn’t even consider your feelings or what it might do to you.”

“Aye I cannae say I was thrilled about the reminder, but I can understand why ye did it Juicy.”

Juice turned around and threw his arms around me, he then hugged me close and wouldn’t let me go.

“That’s why ye must think first Juice as actions have consequences, I do love the fact that ye can be so happy and immature at times too though.”

“Great thanks’ Chibby.”

“I meant it in a good way Juicy, however it wullnae get ye what ye want right now.”

“What do you mean by that?”

“Ye think I’ll feel sorry for ye now, that I’ll just roll over and let ye come.”

The look on his face was priceless. I guess I’d just hit the nail on the head.

“Fuck Chibby, you don’t mean it do you?”

“I’m more serious than ever lad.”

“Fuck that…”

“It’s a punishment Juice, do as I say and I’ll ley ye come soon enough lad.”

“Yeah but not now.”

“No not yet.”

“So, what is it that I have to do?”

“Go and lay on the bed Juicy, lay on your back and stop asking all the questions.”

“Fine then, whatever!”

I watched as he moved rather slowly towards the bed, hell I knew that the lad was hard and desperate. While he lay there, I retrieved a couple of belts, I just wanted his hands where I could see them.

I took each of his hands in turn, it didn’t take long at all to have the lad restrained on the bed.

“So what is it Chibby, you must be kinky or you just don’t trust me?”

“Hey, I know how desperate ye are lad, I just want ye tae lay there and think about what ye did.”

“What that’s it?”

“Not exactly, I’m going to make you so hard and desperate that you’ll beg for relief.”

“Fuck I’ll just beg now if that’s what it takes…”

“I can wait lad, unlike you.”

I looked at his gorgeous face the lad had the most amazing eyes and smile when he was desperate.


Great I knew this would take forever, Chibs was determined to make sure I’d learnt my lesson.

“I love ye so much Juicy.”

Chibs started kissing me, I even opened my mouth and welcomed his tongue as it entered. I could have just stayed like this forever. Yet we were finally forced apart due to the lack of oxygen. Soon Chibs moved even further down my body, I jumped as he bit and licked my nipple.

“Ye like that Juicy…”

“Fuck yes Chibby don’t stop.”

Shit then he was moving even lower and licking my body as he went, he only stopped when he reached my groin. I had to use every ounce of restraint not to come, however I knew I was losing what little control I had really fast.

As Chibs moved I realized that he was hard again already, well at least that meant he’d need to come soon too. I was hoping it might make him speed it up, yet Chibs seemed to be coping and taking everything in his stride.

Chibs then pushed my legs apart and felt around, shit it didn’t take him long before he had his finger inside me. Fuck this was over stimulating and I was so turned on, then Chibs went and pulled his finger out.

“Shit please Chibby don’t stop now…”

“Calm down baby, real soon I promise.”

“Oh fuck…”

I realized that Chibs had exchanged his finger for something else, it felt like I was high as he entered my ass with his tongue this time. I withered around like some wanton slut, not that I could even help myself anymore. I had his tongue up my ass, while at the same time his beard was tickling my balls.

“Please, god Chibby I’m going to come.”

“Just a couple more minutes Juicy.”

It was then that I realized he was grabbing my erection tight; the bastard was making sure that I never came.

“Oh, god no, fuck no, please Chibby you can’t do this…”

“Only one more minute I promise.”

Within seconds Chibs was coming once more, fuck I couldn’t help it as I screamed in desperation.

“Juicy are ye still with me lad?”

“Yeah just.”

“Come for me babe…”

With that Chibs moved his hand and I was free, literally within seconds I came hard and fast. I had hardly any memory of much after that, I woke in Chibs arms and was no longer restrained.  I looked up and saw the huge grin on his face, he well and truly had punished me for what I did.

“You bastard…”

“Come on lad admit that it was worth the wait…”

“Fuck yes it was worth the wait, that’s the first time I’ve ever passed out after sex.”

“Aye at first I thought I’d maybe gone too far, but ye were breathing so… ye know.”

“Yeah, I’m still alive but just totally exhausted now though.”

“Well it’s not night yet lad, I think we need tae get some food in ye first before ye waste away.”

“Sounds good, I just need to clean up first.”

“Aye ye do that then Juicy.”

I walked into the bathroom and took a quick shower, now all I had to do wait for Chibs to do the same.


After we were both showered we redressed, I then took Juice into the club in the search of some food.


“Aye lad.”

“Can we go somewhere else?”

“Like where Juicy?”

“I don’t want to stay at the club, can’t we just go to your place?”

“Wadena ye rather go home Juice?”

“No, I’d feel safer at your place Chibby.”

“Aye okay, but I’ll have tae let Tara know.”

“Why, I’m okay and don’t need her approval.”

“Just so she can let the physiatrist know.”

“I’m not going to be seeing her anymore.”

“Look Juice we can go to my home and talk, also we can order some food.”

“Yeah that’s okay then.”

I walked outside and looked around, it was then that I noticed the van and tow truck gone.

“Shite lad I only have my bike as everyone’s out, I’m afraid you’ll have to ride with me or stay here!”

“Chibbie where’s my bike?”

“Not now lad, we can discuss it later.”

“I’ll ride with you, all I wanted was to see my bike.”

“Fuck Juicy I said not now, just let it drop until later will ye!”

“Is it here Chibby?”

“Shite lad, are ye even listening tae me at all?”

“It’s here isn’t it?”

The lad was starting to get to me, I also knew the lad could be a stubborn bastard at times.

“Fuck this and fuck you Chibby, I’ll just go and look myself…”

I stood there as the lad stormed into the garage, trouble was I knew he’d find it sooner or later. Fuck it I knew I’d have to go and follow the lad; it wasn’t like he could blame the others for what he’d find.

“Juicy hold up lad.”

The lad just carried on walking, hell he never even bothered looking back once.

There in the garage was Opie and Lowell, they both spoke to Juice but he just ignored them.


“What’s up Chibs?”

“Will ye just keep an eye on the lad in here, he’s pissed and there’s a lot of dangerous stuff in here.”

“What’s he doing here? Hell, he’s not well enough to be back at work yet.”

“He’s not here to work Opie, he’s looking for his bike.”

“Shit, I take it he still doesn’t know?”

Fuck that was when I turned and saw Juice, he’d just heard my entire conversation with Opie.

“I don’t know what Chibs?”

“Juice, it dinnae matter…”

“Tell me Chibbie or Ill tear this place apart, believe me I’ll find it if it’s here.”

“Aye I have no doubt that ye will lad, Juice you have to understand that it wasn’t our fault!”

“What was not your fault?”

“Come over here Juicy, I think it would be best if ye looked yourself.”

I led Juice over towards the corner, it was then that I pulled the tarp back and exposed his bike.

“Oh shit, what did you do to it Chibby?”

“Hey, it wasn’t me lad, Juice ye cannae blame anyone here for this.”

“Why the fuck can’t I…”

“Juice, they all thought that ye were dead lad, look we can rebuilt it at some point darlin.”

I knew that the lad was real close to losing it big time, that or he’d have a total breakdown.


Shit I no longer even had my own bike anymore, it was just a pile of scrap.


“I can’t rebuild that, shit it’s well beyond that and fuckin destroyed.”

“We can work on it while ye get well, I’m sure we could manage tae sort it out somehow lad.”

“Like hell. Fuck to be totally honest it’s ruined now. Who took it apart Chibby, I just want to know that’s all?”

“Juicy please just let it drop, cannae ye do it for me.”

“It was my bike Chibby, shit it meant more to me than anything.”

“Knowing won’t change anything lad, what’s done is done.”

“I have to know, if you love me Chibby tell me now.”

“Shite, that’s blackmail lad.”

“I don’t care just fuckin tell me now!”

“I cannae tell ye lad, look I’m sorry.”

“Fuck you Chibby.”

I went and stormed back into the club house, I then started shoving everything that was mine into a bag. Great it didn’t take Chibs long to follow me inside, he then stopped dead in the doorway when he saw me packing.

“Shite lad where the hell are ye going?”

“As far away from you as possible.”

“Shite lad all this because I wullnae tell ye the name?”

“Maybe it was you Chibby, hell maybe it was you all and that’s why you won’t tell me!”

Within seconds Chibs was across the room, he then grabbed me tight in his arms.

“Chibby get the fuck off me.”

“I swear it wasn’t me Juicy, shite I couldn’t have done that even if ye were dead.”

I used what strength I had and pushed Chibs away from me, I then went and phoned a cab to pick me up.

“Juicy where are ye going lad?”


“I thought that ye wanted tae go tae my place?”

“I’m going home Chibs, also I’m going on my own too.”

“Juicy why are ye doing this?”

“We’re finished once and for all Chibs.”

“What just like that, shite I love ye Juicy.”

“Ha love, yet you can lie to me and cover up what happened!”

“It was a fuckin bike lad and nothing more.”

“Fuck you Chibs.”

“Shit I never meant that, I know what that bike meant to ye lad.”

“Look the cab’s here.”

“Juice please don’t leave like this.”

“Goodbye Chibs.”

“Juice, dinnae ye fuckin dare walk out of that door!”

“You know where I’ll be. Well that’s if you ever feel like telling me the truth.”

I threw my bag onto the back seat of the cab, I then got in and sat beside it. Once I’d closed the door, I wound the window down, I was breaking inside but I had to do this. What sort of future would I have here with Chibs, especially when he could lie to me so easily?

“I love you Chibby.”

“I and I love ye tae lad.”

I watched as the tears rolled down his cheeks, shit I knew that I’d really upset him if he was crying. I told the cab driver I was ready to go, once out of the lot I glanced back and saw Chibs one last time. It was like he was just frozen on the spot, he just remained there watching as the cab left.


Fuck I was such an idiot, I’d just stood here and watched the lad leave me. He had my heart, but I still hadn’t stopped him, but could I have really told him who’d destroyed his bike.

I knew that Juice was still suffering at the moment, I also knew that it wouldn’t take much to push him over the edge either. I’d let him go and now he was out there with his own thoughts, Juice would brood by himself and then get upset over the smallest of things.

I had to admit that it scared me at that thought, hell I was petrified that the lad became depressed again. Maybe I should follow him home, that or I should have just answered his fuckin question.

I’d had him here with me, I’d thought that he was mine and back for good. Now in such a short time I was alone again, maybe I should just go inside and drown my sorrows with a drink or two.

I walked back inside and felt so lost, not that it took me long to find a full bottle of whisky. Fuck it all as I’d had enough, a few drinks and I’d soon forget about everyone and everything.

Not that it worked out that way though, I just became more depressed with every drink that I knocked back. It was then that Jackie boy returned, maybe I wouldn’t be as depressed if I had someone to drink with.

“Jackie boy join me for a drink.”

“Don’t you think that you’ve had enough?”

“Come on lad, just the one glass.”

“Fine but only one Chibs, I have things that I’m meant to be getting on with.”

“Aye it appears that everyone has but me.”

“I thought that you were looking after Juice, you can’t do that if you’re drunk Chibs!”

“He’s not here Jackie boy.”

“What do you mean by not here?”

“He left me and went home; shite Jackie he found his bike and he hates me now.”

“Oh shit, so Juice is on his own right now?”

“Aye I guess so.”

“Did you tell him who did it Chibs?”

“No Jackie boy, I thought it best he not know.”

“Call him Chibs and see if he’s okay, I’ll be in the garage if you need me.”

“Aye lad and thanks’”

I flipped my phone open and noticed I’d had no missed calls or anything, now I started to panic and wonder if the lad had done something stupid. Well I knew now that I’d have to make the call, the phone rang four or five times before Juice finally answered it.

“Juicy lad it’s me.”

“You sound drunk Chibby.”

“Aye maybe I am, I had to call ye Juicy.”

“Why we had already ended it?”

“I had tae know that ye was okay lad.”

“Yeah, I’m just a bit busy at the moment that’s all, I’m in the middle of packing and kinda want to get on.”

“Shite lad where the hell are ye going?”

“Somewhere far from Charming, I need to get my head sorted out and I can’t do that here.”

“Aye but is all this because of me and that I wouldn’t tell ye, please Juice dinnae say it’s all because of your bike?”

“No it’s about trust and honesty Chibs, I can’t have a relationship without either of them.”

“Would ye stay Juice if I told ye?”

“I don’t know as it’s not the same now, hell maybe I just don’t know anymore.”

“It was Hap, please understand why I dinnae want tae tell ye.”

Suddenly the line went dead, it was then that I threw up most of the alcohol and felt like I’d lost Juice for good.


I threw my phone against the wall in frustration, of all the fuckin people it had to be Happy I pulled on some clothes and got ready, I then made sure that I had my gun and knife with me.

Fuck it was then that I realized I had no transport, it would be a bit awkward to call a cab where I was going. I thought about all my options and then thought fuck them all, I was left with no other choice than to call a cab.

I was an idiot and now had no mobile, I’d have to use the landline and make the call. I’d only just hung up when the phone started ringing, fuck I knew I’d have to answer it in case it was the cab company.


“Juicy please talk tae me…”

“Chibs just leave me the hell alone.”

“Juicy boy, hell at least tell me ye wullnae do anything stupid.”

“I’m okay Chibs, look just don’t call me again.”

I made sure I unplugged the phone before he tried calling again, now all I had to do was wait for my ride. The ride was made in silence, it was late now, and I just wanted this over with. As soon as I reached my destination, I paid the cab off, then I realized I had no phone to call a return one.


Well I was the one who rushed into this without thinking, however there was no going back on it now. I decided to go around to the back of the house, hopefully then I could slip in without been seen or heard.

First sound I heard came from within the kitchen, I pulled out my gun and slowly made my way there. Hap was sat at the table with a mug of coffee, I slowly crept up behind him and placed the gun against his temple.

“Juice what the fuck are you doing here?”

“How the hell did you know it was me?”

“I heard the cab; I also heard the door open and had a feeling it was you.”

“Where’s your gun Hap? I also want the key for your bike too.”

“Over there on the counter, so just what are you hoping to achieve Juice?”

“You destroyed my fuckin life Hap!”

“Hey Juice calm down, I explained why I had to do it.”

“Explain why you took my fuckin bike apart, that was the only thing I had that was truly mine in this shit life.”

“I had to make them all believe that you were dead, it was my life at risk too Juice.”

“Fuck you and fuck your life, you don’t even deserve to live anymore Hap.”

“Juice put the gun down and we can talk, you have far more in life than just the bike.”

“Ha like what? I have nothing left and everything’s just so fucked up.”

“You have Chibs, he loves you Juice and would do anything for you.”

“Yeah well there is no me and Chibs anymore.”

“I love you brother and I couldn’t kill you, surely you can’t blame me for that Juice?”

“No Hap I guess you saved my life, even if you did have a strange way of showing how much I meant to you. It’s me isn’t it, hell it’s always me.”

“Juice, you just need some help that’s all.”

“I’m way beyond help now Hap, I’m going to leave now so don’t try anything or stop me.”

“Juice please don’t go, not like this.”

“Hap, try to stop me and I’ll kill you.”

“Juice please, if you won’t talk to me at least talk to Chibs!”

“I’m done talking with everyone, goodbye Hap.”

I turned and walked out leaving him sat there, I also made a point of taking his bike so I could get away.


I’d thrown up most of the whisky, yet I was still hungover, and my head felt like a sledgehammer had hit it. Great I also knew I was far too hung over to ride my bike, well if no one was about I’d just take the van.

I found the set of keys and left the clubhouse; it was late and dark so I might not get pulled over. I knew that it’d be a prison sentence if I were to be stopped, I’d been pulled a few times in the past for driving under the influence.

At the end of the day I knew I’d risk it, Juice was worth any risk if it kept him alive as I wouldn’t put anything past him.

I kept the speed slow as I drove, at least I’d actually made it there without even seeing any police. His house was in total darkness as I pulled up, well if he was in bed I’d sure as hell be waking the lad up.

I wasn’t surprised to find the door locked, however Juice was highly predictable as usual. I moved a small rock and retrieved his spare key, first thing I had to find a light so I could see.

I finally managed to get some light on the scene, the first thing I noticed was his broken cell phone on the floor. I also found his land line unplugged; I went towards the bedroom praying that he’d just fallen asleep.


I entered the room and it was in darkness too, when I turned the light on, I saw the empty bed and my heart sank. How the fuck could he have just left; hell the lad didn’t even have a bike. So, it was either on foot, that or Juice was using public transport.

I went back and plugged his house phone back in, I re dialed the last number called and reached a cab company. I knew exactly where Juice would go, however I knew that Hap one hell of a short fuse.

The question was whether Juice would kill Hap, shite maybe Hap might have killed Juice. My head hurt from all the thinking I was doing, yet now I’d have to go and drive to Haps house. I’d even had to swerve to miss a couple of cars, I was slowing down and my body was becoming tired.

Haps house turned up to be the total opposite of Juices, nearly every light in the place was burning bright. I went and knocked on the door and waited, at no point did I want to freak Hap out.

The door opened slowly, and I saw the gun, at least when Hap saw me he lowered the weapon.

“Hey Hap, are ye okay? Has Juice been here at all?”

“Yeah, he came by and I think his plan was to kill me.”

“Aye well yer alive, so where’s Juice now?”

“He put a gun to my head and demanded my bike key, he left with my bike and went fuck knows where!”

“How did he seem tae ye Hap?”

“What, you mean other than wanting to be the new hitman?”

“Aye, so how come he never killed ye anyway?”

“I explained to him why I did what I did, also why I had to take his bike apart.”

“Shite and how did he take that?”

“He said that he was pathetic and had no one, I tried to get him to call you, but he refused.”

“Shite so was depressed and not thinking straight!”

“Yeah pretty much sums him up, shit Chibs you stink of whisky.”

“Aye well I had a few, shite I know where Juice will be.”

“Chibs you can’t drive in that state.”

“I got here didn’t I?”

“Tough just give me the keys and I’ll drive, that way you’ll have some help if we find him.”

“Aye well this is Juice, it wouldn’t be the first time he’s done something stupid.”

“Keys then, come on let’s stop wasting time and get moving.”

“Thanks’ for this Hap.”

We both got in the van and Hap drove, I had this gut feeling where the lad might be and hoped I was right. I thought he might go back to Oswald’s field, back to where it went wrong before and where he tried to hang himself.


I no longer cared anymore about anything, yet I always seemed to end up back at this fuckin tree. The same tree I’d tried to swing from once, well those were Chibs words anyway. Great so now I was back to thinking about Chibs again, all the good memories and the times together we’d shared.

My whole life I’d been used and abused, nothing ever seemed to really change in my life. Hell, maybe Hap was right, people tried to help but I always pushed them away.

I knew that Hap went too far when he punished me, yet had I in the end even managed to push him away too. I guess I’d used Chibs as my scapegoat, had I stayed just to protect him or for myself. Thinking back, I’d never really put up a fight with Tully either, I’d let him just use and abuse me.

I’d clung to everyone in one way or another, too scared to be without them and alone. Anyone in their right mind would have left the club too, especially after Clay gave me up to Tully.

I came back every single time, yet I wasn’t really even cut out for it all. Deep down I knew that Chibs would be better off without me, maybe Hap should have just ended it that day.

I liked it out here as it was so peaceful, I could think about my own life and what I’d done. Well apart from the bit about killing Miles here, I knew I’d have faced mayhem had he turned me in.

I tried so hard to justify everything I’d done, yet all I was in life was a fucked-up mess. I’d come so close to dying on many occasions, yet so far nothing had worked.

I remember it so clearly, shit why couldn’t the tree have just supported my weight. Then I’d heard as Chibs shouted my name in the distance, it had taken me some time to hide that huge chain.

I knew that Chibs really did love me, yet he’d struggled to tell me the truth about Hap. Yet deep down maybe Chibs had been right not wanting to tell me, the minute I knew I tried to kill Hap and now myself.

I took my cut off and laid it upon the ground, I then sat there and pulled out my knife, I ran the blade ever so gently along my thumb a couple of times, well at least the blade was still sharp as a razor.

Now all I’d need was the guts to do it, well that or as some would say the coward’s way out of this life. Chibs had ended up in a mental hospital because of me, he loved me, and I was about to destroy my life for good this time.

The hardest part was working myself up to do it, easiest way was to just think of all the shit I’d done in the past. I’d wasted no time stealing the drugs to protect myself, I would have stooped to any level just to remain a brother.

Now I wasn’t even fit to be called a brother or a lover, I knew why Jax had accepted me back too. Everything should have been dealt with after Stockton, but I was too much of a coward to tell them about Clay.

Deep down I believed I was just a worthless piece of shit, useless too as this should have been easy after what I’d done. All I could see though was Chibs, I tried to ignore the image and kept telling myself the same thing. Chibs would be better off if I were dead, also he’d eventually get over me and move on.

After a while I even managed to convince myself, I was right to do this and I was also sparing Chibs from this life too. I fingered my knife once more and gripped it by the handle, surely, I could manage to do this one last thing right.

The point was now facing my stomach, with both hands I forced the blade in with ease. I could hardly breathe let alone think, then darkness finally came and claimed me.


I think Hap was getting sick of my yelling now, it wasn’t my fault that I wanted him to just drive faster.

“Chibs we won’t be of any use to him if we wind up dead, I can’t go any faster in this piece of shit anyway.”

“Aye I’m sorry, shite my head still fuckin aches and I want tae throw up too.”

“We’ll be there in a few minutes anyway, just try and keep it together Chibs for Juice.”

“Aye I’m trying.”

“Hey I might need you if he’s as reckless as you say, hell Chibs you were the medic and not me.”

“Fuck I doubt I’ll be any good, especially in this state.”

“Just calm down, take deep breaths and try not to over think.”

“Aye and there I was thinking you just killed people Hap!”

“I don’t say much but I see a lot, believe me I’m far from stupid.”

“Hey I never said ye were stupid.”

“A lot of people think hitmen are all brawn, no brains at all.”

“Hap can I ask ye a personal question?”

“Yeah, can’t guarantee I’ll answer though.”

“Did it bother you when Clay gave you the order, you know to kill one of your own brothers?”

“Yeah Chibs, shit that’s why the kids still alive. If he’d been some mass murderer maybe not, however Juice just got in way over his head and never deserved mayhem.”

“Aye and tae think Clay just wanted him dead and gone.”

“Yeah, hold on it might start to get bumpy from here on, I’ve no idea how far I can go in this van and we might have to walk.”

Shit it was then that I saw Haps bike, yet there was no sign of Juice at all.

“Hap pull over and turn the lights on full towards yer bike.”

Hap stopped and did as I asked, I got out and then that was when I saw Juice. He was propped up against that same fuckin tree, some insane part of me wanted to cut the fuckin thing down. Even in this light I could see the blood covering the lad, I had this deep fear that I might already be too late.

“Shite Juicy lad, Hap I need some help over here…”

As I rushed over to Juice I saw the knife sticking out of him, the lad just looked so deathly pale and still. I couldn’t help myself as I started throwing up, he looked like he was already dead.

“Chibs snap out of it, fuck I can’t do this on my own.”

I suddenly realized that Hap was talking to me, I had to move and see if Juice was still alive or not. I guess I was scared of what I might find, or lack of too like a pulse. I knelt beside him and felt his wrist, he had a pulse but it was really weak.

“Hap he’s alive, we need tae call for an ambulance.”

“It wouldn’t get here in time, Chibs just help me get him in the van.”

Soon we moved his limp body and had him in the van, I then climbed in and held him.

“Hold on to him tight Chibs, this time I’ll be going as fast as this thing will move.”

“Aye just get him to St Thomas before he dies.”

“I’ll do my best Chibs.”

“That’s all I ask.”

I had to admit that Hap drove like a maniac, not that I was complaining though. He could break every law in the book for all I cared, especially if it meant Juice might live.

Once we arrived Hap pulled up right outside, he then literally picked Juice up and rushed inside with him. This was the second-time Hap had tried to save Juice, I knew that I was more thankful than ever and could never hate him.


I was young again once more, just some pathetic adolescent kid with no mother. I was in that shit life once again; my father was there with his many friends who only wanted me for one thing.

As usual my father was calling me hateful names, while his friends were there trying to pin me down and rip my clothes off. In the distance I could hear another voice too, I knew straight away who that Scottish voice belonged to. The man that I loved and adored, also the same man that didn’t deserve to be saddled with me.

I tried to talk but it came out all wrong no matter how hard I tried, then I heard Chibs worried voice as he spoke once more.

“Juicy lad please dinnae talk, just take it easy until we get ye tae the hospital.”


“Aye I’m here for ye lad, yer a daft fuckin idiot though.”

“Yeah I know, thought you’d be… oh shit.”

“Juice, ye really have tae stop talking now love, yer using up way too much energy and oxygen lad.”

I could sense that I was laid down, also that we were in a moving vehicle. Chibs bent forward and kissed my forehead and held me close, he also stroked the side of my face.

“I love ye so much lad and I need ye in my life, shite how could ye have done something like this…”

“I’m so sorry.”

“Dinnae talk, I’m just talking out loud ye dinnae need tae answer me.”

It was then that the violent pain racked my body, it was excruciating and I thought I’d pass out from the pain.

“Juicy, hey lad are ye okay? Fuck Hap ye might need to drive even faster now.”

“Haps here too?”

“Juicy it dinnae matter right now, look just lay still as the knife is still lodged inside ye.”

“Fuck it can’t be!”

“Fuck lad I said lay still.”

I feebly grabbed hold of the knife the best I could, I then used all my strength to pull it back out. Fuck now I knew just what real pain was, yet I didn’t even have the energy to scream.

“Shite Juicy, what the fuck have ye gone and done now?”

I watched as Chibs removed his cut and then his tee shirt, I had a sudden jolt of pain while he was moving and I wanted to cry.

“Ye idiot, shite Juice now I’ll have tae slow the bleeding down.”

Chibs screwed his tee shirt up and lent over me, within seconds he had it pressed against my wound and held there.

“Ye should have left it alone lad.”

“Most attackers take the knife Chibby, they don’t leave it behind with the body.”

“Juicy babe ye wasn’t attacked, ye did this to yer self lad.”

“Chibby I know that, but the hospital can’t know.”

“Why the hell not?”

“Because they’ll stick me in a looney bin.”

“Maybe that’s what ye need lad.”

“Fuck that, I’d rather be dead than that. Please Chibby don’t tell them what really happened, I’m begging you.”

“Aye I’ll leave it be for now, but only until we get through all of this shite.”

“Okay, I think I need to sleep now Chibby.”

“Stay with me Juicy, come on we’ll be there in a couple of minutes.”

“I’m trying…”

Next thing I knew Hap was carrying me, there were also so many bright lights and my head hurt. Hap lay me down and I was moving somewhere, in the distance I could hear Chibby.

“I love ye Juicy, please lad fight for me and yer self.”

I knew that I’d be on my own now besides the doctors that is, Chibby wouldn’t be allowed to go any further.


Great now all I could do was sit out in the waiting room with Hap, I hated waiting far more than I hated anything else. I knew my own state of mind wasn’t great right now either, I was glad that Hap was with me, yet I also blamed him at the same time.

I looked over to see him sat there with his head in his hands, I knew that he was also hurting and blaming himself too.

“Hap let’s go outside and have a smoke; chances are it’ll be a while before we find out anything.”

“Yeah okay.”

We went outside into the dark night, at least now there was hardly anyone around at all.

“Come on out with it Chibs as I know you want to say something…”

“Aye that I do, I need to know how he got tae the point of killing himself. I thought he was over all that last time, yet this time he stabbed a fuckin knife into himself.

“He’s lost and confused Chibs, he seems to want to blame himself for everything that’s gone wrong in his life. Hell, he thought I destroyed his bike because I hate him, I had to explain that I did it so they’d believe he was dead.

“So ye wanted tae save him and I can understand that, but hell why did you have tae rape him?”

“I can’t ever take back what I did, I know that it was wrong, and it just got way out of hand. I’ll have to discuss it at some point with Juice, try and sort out this fucked up mess.”

I raised my fist and punched Hap full on in the stomach, I then went and punched him in the face too.

“Come on Hap hit me, or are ye just going tae take it like a fuckin coward.”

“Chibs please don’t do this, I love you all as my brothers. I won’t hit you back because I deserved that, also I’m sick of all the fighting between us.”

I looked at Hap and it suddenly sank in, we were brothers, yet we fought most of the time. I knew that we had enough problems within the club, there was no reason to be fighting with the only family we had.

“Hap I love ye tae as a brother and family, I’m just a fuckin idiot that’s all.”

“I love you too brother, however you will need all your energy to deal with Juice.”

I leant forward and gave Hap a big hug, I knew that he was right and things would have to change.

“Why dinnae ye go home Hap, go get some rest and yourself cleaned up.”

“What about you, how will you get home Chibs?”

“I wullnae be leaving anytime soon, then I can always call a cab if need be.”

“Look I’ll go and collect my bike and clean up, after that I’ll have a sleep and come back.”

“Ye dinnae have tae Hap, I’ll be fine calling a cab.”

“Chibs I want to do it, I want to be here for both of you.”

“Aye okay Hap, I really dinnae like the idea of been alone anyway.”

Hap left and I returned to the waiting room and lay on the couch, my whole body was exhausted and I felt so depressed and hung over. Suddenly Hap was there waking me up, at first, I just thought he’d forgot something.

“So, what did ye forget Hap, I thought ye were going home?”

“I did and I’ve been gone over eight hours now.”

“Shite you cannae be serious, look I need tae find a doctor and see how Juice is doing!”

“Just sit there Chibs, I’ll go and do it and then I can grab a coffee too.”

Hap was gone over half an hour and I started to think he’d got lost, I was just about to go and find him when the door opened and Hap strolled in.

“Shite I thought ye weren’t coming back lad.”

“It just took a while to find the right doctor, oh here’s your coffee too.”

“Thanks, so how’s the lad doing?”

“He’s still rather weak and he’s asleep right now, but they say he’s no longer in critical condition.”

I knew that Juice was lucky, well he might not think so as he’d seemed determined to end it all this time.


I opened my eyes and tried to sit up, it was then that a sudden pain ripped through my stomach. It was also then that it all came back to me, fuck by rights I knew that I should be dead now.

I looked around the room to find myself alone, it was then that I suddenly felt even more depressed than before. I felt around the bed for a button, it didn’t take me long at all to summon a nurse.

“Good afternoon Mr. Ortiz, how are you feeling now?”

“I feel like I’ve been through a shredder!”

“You were very lucky Mr. Ortiz, apparently the knife missed all your vital organs. I’ll go and get the doctor so he can take a proper look at you, we might need to up your pain medication.”

“Thank you that would be great, can I just ask you one more question before you leave?”

“Of course you can.”

“Was anyone with me, or did I even have any visitors while I was asleep?”

“You were brought in by two men, they’ve both been sitting patiently in the waiting room and are still there.”

“Can I see them?”

“Fine I’ll send them in, maybe you should just see one at a time to start with…”

“No please, I need to see them both together.”

“Fine but they’ll have to leave if you get too worked up, right I’ll go and tell them now.”


I just sat here and waited, yet I felt so fuckin nervous right now. Part of me wondered if I should have Chibs and Hap together in the same room, maybe I was pushing my luck a bit too far.

The door opened and in walked Chibs, he then turned and shut the door behind him.

“Juicy lad what the hell was ye thinking?”

“Please Chibby I’m so sorry for what I did, also for not listening to you.”

“That was the reason I never told you it was Hap, I knew you’d just go off on one.”

I shut my eyes tight and fought back the tears, I didn’t want Chibs to see just how pathetic I was.

“Shite lad, hell I dinnae mean tae make ye cry Juicy.”

“I just thought you’d be better off without me, I presumed you’d get over me and just move on.”

“Jesus Juicy I love ye with all my heart, I would have died without ye lad!”

“I guess I never really thought that far.”

“No, ye never do that’s the problem, how the hell do I know ye won’t try it again lad as it’s not the first time.”

“I promise Chibs…”

“Aye ye said that before tae.”

“What can I do or say then? How can I make any of this right again?”

“Do ye love me lad?”

“God of course I do Chibby, I love you more than anything else in life.”

“Would ye like it if I hurt myself, or if I took my knife and stabbed myself?”

“You know that I wouldn’t, I don’t understand how you can even ask me that!”

“Because I dinnae want tae find ye dead one day lad, I dinnae want to be without ye Juicy.”

“Maybe I’m not worth it Chibby…”

“See there ye go again lad, ye are worth everything tae me and others lad.”

“But what if I slip and fuck up?”

“Ye find me no matter what and we talk, none of this running away on yer own lad.”

“Okay I promise, god I love you so much Chibby.”

“Aye I love ye tae lad, but I’m afraid there will be some conditions tae.”

“Dare I even ask!”

“If ye hurt yourself I’ll hurt myself far worse, if ye try to kill yer self I’ll end my life. Yet unlike ye I’ll damn well make sure it works tae.”

“Please no Chibby…”

“That’s the rules lad, take it or leave it.”

“Fuck you know that I’ll take it.”

“Aye and together we’ll make it work lad.”

Now I knew that I’d have to make sure Chibs came to no harm, also I’d have to learn to talk to him more and listen too.


Finally, I might actually be getting somewhere with the lad, I knew he’d do anything so that I didn’t get hurt. He just looked so tired right now and scared, I’d been so engrossed with him I hadn’t heard what the lad had to say.

“Chibby are you even listening to me, I have to know what you told them…”

“Sorry lad I was miles away, what was it ye said?”

“Did you tell the doctors that I stabbed myself?”

“No, I told them that I found ye, also said I never noticed a weapon at the scene either.”

“Thanks’ for that, I have no intention of going in the loony bin.”

“Aye and that’s why ye have tae stop the behavior, ye can act like a right little shit at times lad.”

“Jeez thanks Chibs, just lay it on thick why not.”

“I tell it as it is lad and we’ve had enough shit tae last a life time. I guess all I want is for it all to end, that and for ye tae grow up lad.”

“Why stay if you think I act like a fuckin kid?”

Great maybe I’d gone too far too soon, the lad had just recovered from a suicide attempt and rape.                                                                 

“Juicy I love ye and I love how ye are believe me. Hey ye can act as childish as ye want babe, just not when it can affect your life though.”

“Fine’ I admit that I can be an ass at times.”

“Aye but a cute ass lad.”

“Chibby where’s Hap? I think we need to talk.”

“I’ll get him in a few minutes, I just wanted to know how you felt towards him?”

“In what way Chibby?”

“Juice, he kept ye prisoner and raped you, I know in his own way he thought he was saving ye.”

“Yeah, I know, I don’t know if it’s right but I still love him as a brother. Also, I didn’t even really fight him off, only main time was when I drugged him so I could see you.”

“Aye ye could have stayed lad, I’m sure we’d have sorted something out.”

“Because deep down I knew Hap was right, everyone had to believe I was dead and gone. That meant my life as Juice had to be over, all that would leave me was Happy.”

“So basically, ye accepted whatever he gave ye as it was better than having no one at all.”

“I think part of me was glad I was still alive, also I knew that you were safe from them all. Then I got it into my head that I couldn’t trust you at all, that was when I tried to kill myself again.”

“Aye and that’s why we must talk, ye cannae try offing yourself every time we argue or have a problem. Do ye hear me Juicy, hell maybe I should put ye over my knee more often.”

“Hey I’d like that.”

“Aye I’m sure ye would lad, however you need to heal first Juice.”

“Chibby when can I leave here?”

“They won’t let ye go for a few days Juicy, you’ll need to be far healthier than this lad.”

Juice was lucky I hadn’t told them the truth, as he’d have been in here for a long time if I had. I also knew he’d struggle if he had to live alone, maybe I should move the lad in with me for now.

“Juice ye cannae live at the club house like last time, you’ll need some proper rest and care.”

“I’ll be fine Chibby, I do have a home of my own you know.”

“A home, hell is that what it is. I guess I’d always presumed ye lived at the club house.”

“Only because it felt more like a home than my place, that’s just a place to sleep.”

“Aye well things will be changing Juice I promise.”

There was no way I’d be allowing the lad to live alone, nor would I allow him to live at Teller Morrow.


I knew that Chibs was looking out for me, I had to admit that I liked the feeling of been loved and wanted by him too. The thought though of a few more days in here depressed me, I hated hospitals at the best of times and as a patient was even worse.

“Ye okay Juicy?”

“Yeah, I just don’t like the thought of staying here.”

“Aye I can understand that feeling lad, I’ll take it that ye dinnae lie hospitals either.”

“No, they depress me Chibby.”

“Shite lad are ye going tae do something stupid, do I have tae tell them tae keep an eye on ye?”

“No Chibby, I’m sure I’ll survive a few days here.”

I could see the doubt written all over his face, I knew that I’d have to convince Chibby I wasn’t suicidal. I’d give it a few days in here and then I might be though, who knows?

“Chibby I’m really okay, sometimes I get thoughts in my head and I don’t think things through.”

“Aye I’ll agree there lad, I’d say that’s one of the worst problems ye have.”

“Sometimes in my head they don’t make sense, that or I’ll get totally lost and sidetracked while trying to think.”

“Shite Juice, now yer worrying me even more. Just a thought lad, hell maybe you should re consider about seeing the physiatrist?”

“Chibs don’t even go there, you think like that and I’ll be long gone.”

“Juicy I’m only trying tae help ye lad!”

“Yeah well you can help me by keeping your mouth shut, just don’t say anything to anyone.”

“Aye I’ll keep my mouth shut, but I’ll warn ye lad I’ll only do it once.”

“What’s that supposed to mean Chibby?”

“Ye try and off yourself again lad and I’ll have ye locked up, that’s a promise tae Juice.”

“Yeah okay Chibby, I just need to get a few things sorted out and I’ll be fine.”

“God, I want ye home lad, I just want ye to be well and whole again. It hurt so much tae see ye upset like that Juicy, I cannae even hold you now either.”

“I won’t break, it’s tender but they upped the meds for me.”

“Aye that’s good then lad.”

“Shit Chibs it’s my way of saying that I’m okay, also my way of saying that I want you to come and hold me!”

“Are ye sure lad?”

“Yeah, all I ask is that you be gentle with me.”

Chibs stood up and came over to the bed, I was surprised when he lay down beside me on the bed. Then in good old fashioned Juice style it happened, as he held me the tears flowed like I was a baby.

“I love you so much Chibby, please promise me that you won’t ever let me go!”

“Aye I promise ye lad, yer mine Juicy and I’m never going tae let ye go again.”

I kissed Chibby on the lips, then I realized just what a big mistake that had been. Now I could feel myself getting hard, shit then Chibs noticed too as my breathing changed.

“Sorry lad but don’t even think it…”

“Think what?”

“I’m not stupid lad, but there won’t be any of that until yer fully healed.”

“Great, I guess I don’t even get a say in the matter?”

“No lad ye don’t, do ye want me to go and find Hap now so ye can talk?”

“Yeah you might as well.”

“Do ye want me tae stay here with ye lad, I can stay if it’s what ye want?”

“No, you need to go and get some sleep, just make sure you come back later.”

Now I’d have to face Hap on my own, it was hard as I still loved him as a brother.


I kissed Juice and left to find Hap, it turned out he was still in the waiting room where I’d left him.

“How’s he doing Chibs?”

“He’s holding up okay, he wants tae talk tae ye now Hap.”

“Okay, are you coming in with me?”

“No, I’m off home for a few hours’ sleep, just go easy with him as he’s been through a lot lately.”

“Yeah I guess I caused a lot of that too!”

“Hap ye contributed but he doesn’t hate ye, believe me the lad has had problems most of his life.”

“Thanks’ for the heads up then.”

“Not a problem brother.”

“Thanks for been here Chibs, it means a hell of a lot to me.”

“Hap how can I not forgive ye, especially if Juice can. Also, that’s twice now you’ve saved his life, without ye he wouldn’t even be here.”

“Yeah well what Clay did was some serious shit, Juice didn’t deserve the mayhem vote.”

“Aye well it’s thanks tae ye that it never got carried out, for that I’ll always owe ye Hap.”

“God, I love you Chibs.”

“Aye I love ye tae brother, just watch what you say, and it’ll all be okay.”

“Yeah okay, I’ll catch up with you later if you want?”

“Aye ye do that, I have a few things I want tae run by ye anyway.”

“Do you want me to call at your place in a few hours?”

“Aye Hap that would be good, I’ll call ye when I wake up.”

“No problem.”

I said goodbye to Hap, I couldn’t wait to get home and say hello to my bed either. I called a cab to take me home, I knew after a few hours’ sleep I’d be back on my bike again.

Once home I made myself a quick sandwich, I was tired and just ate it as I undressed. Once I was finished I went and had a shower, I had to admit the water felt amazing as it ran down my body.

After a while I became too tired to even enjoy it anymore, I knew that sleep was the only thing my body really needed now. I never even bothered with any clothes; I was past caring about anything other than some sleep.

Fuck as soon as I lay down my thoughts turned to Juice, I started to think about how much he’d suffered in life. Then I started to think about how good he’d felt in my arms, especially as he pressed his body against mine. On top of that I’d soon realized that the lad had been hard, great I knew that I really shouldn’t be having thoughts like this.

Sleep was the only thing I was in need of, even though my cock seemed to have ideas of its own. Now thinking about the lad had made me hard, I had to wonder how the hell I’d manage to fall asleep now.

It was then that my hand slowly went under the sheet, it then found its way to my throbbing erection. I couldn’t hold back and within seconds I was jerking myself off, just thinking about Juice and the times we’d made love in the past.

It had literally only taken a few minutes, within no time my weeping cock erupted all over my hand. I was far too tired to even move now; I grabbed the towel from the floor and used that to clean myself up.

I knew at some point I’d have to clean this shit hole up, however I knew that wouldn’t be any time soon. Even so I knew I’d have to do it for Juice, it was then that my mind started wandering and thinking about the lad once more.

I ran my hand along my own chest and stomach, it was then that I realized age was catching up with me. I was getting old and could no longer hide it even from myself, I had to wonder just what the hell Juice saw in me.

At some point I’d ended up falling asleep, however that was when the nightmares came and made me restless. I’d dreamt that Juice no longer wanted to be with me, in my dream he’d decided that he wanted to be with Hap!”


Now that I was alone I suddenly felt nervous, maybe I should have asked Chibs to be here and stay with me after all. Deep down though I knew that Chibs would need some decent sleep, also he’d be back within a few hours anyway.

I watched as the door opened, Hap smiled at me and I nearly fell apart. Worse was when he came over and hugged me, then he went and kissed me on the cheek.

“Hap please…”

“Hey, are you okay Juice, I didn’t squeeze too tight did I?”

“No, it’s just too soon, please Hap I can’t do this right now!”

“Do you want me to leave Juice?”

“No Hap as we really need to talk, it’s just too soon to have you hug me like that.”

“Sorry Juice, guess I wasn’t really thinking!”

“Hap it’s okay and I just need some time.”

“Hell, I don’t even know what to say to you, apart from I’m sorry that is.”

“I know Hap, at the end of the day you saved my life and I owe you for that.”

“You owe me nothing, shit Juice I beat you and fucking raped you!”

“Was I any better though, shit I was the one that came back Hap.”

“Yeah but you only did that to protect Chibs.”

“Look it’s all fucked up Hap, also I can’t change who you are or what you did.”

“No neither can I, fuck I wish that I could.”

“Look Clay was the one that started it all, he only ordered mayhem because he couldn’t have me for himself.”

“I just couldn’t let you die Juice; I don’t have feelings for many people but you were different. You always were so genuine and innocent, you also got upset way too easy. I had no right to abuse you though, then I went and abandoned you in the middle of nowhere.”

“Hap you saved my life twice, Chibs told me what you did and how you carried me in here. Look we need to move forward now, your still my brother and I love you Hap. I also know that Chibs still loves you too, oh and that you love us both.”

“Yeah apart from my mom your all I’ve got left, the club’s the only family I’ve got without her.”

“The club are my family too; believe me Hap I know how it feels to be rejected by them.”


“Do you really think that we can move on Juice, do we even have a future as friends and brothers?”

“We have to Hap, I’ve lost way too many people in my life and don’t want to lose anymore. All I need is some time to accept what happened, also my wound makes it hard to have people too close anyway.”

“I’d like it if we could at least try Juice, I just can’t thank you enough for giving me a second chance like this.”

“Don’t mention it Hap, look we can just take it one day at a time.”

“Is there anything you need Juice, or anything you want me to do for you?”

“Yeah Hap, can you keep an eye on Chibs for me?”

“I’ll watch him, but he’ll be fine as long as he has you.”

“There might be times when I’m not there, also I don’t know what will happen when I leave here. Chibs doesn’t want me to be alone, also he doesn’t want me staying at the clubhouse either.”

“I’m guessing he won’t let you out of his sight anytime soon, he seems to be overly protective when it comes to you Juice.”

“Yeah well, I guess I’ve done some stupid things, I’ll have given him far more reason to worry now.”

“Yeah none of us could understand why he beat you that day in the garage, I’ve never seen Chibs behave like that before with a brother.”

“I’ve learnt how he works Hap, Chibs is just old school. He thought that he could just knock some sense into me, if he was hard enough, I’d learn sooner or later.”

“Yeah, it’s part of who Chibs is, I doubt he’ll have meant you any real harm Juice.”

We finally said our goodbyes and I instantly felt alone again, all I could do now was lay here and wait for Chibs.


Shite I woke feeling far worse than before, I guess the sleep had done me no good at all. My plan today was to return to Juice, however I wanted a word with Hap first to see what happened.

I grabbed a really quick shower and dressed, once sorted I gave Jax a quick call and then I phoned Hap.

By the time coffee was made Hap had arrived, hell he looked far worse than I did.

“You look like shit Chibs…”

“Aye so do you brother, dae ye want a coffee Hap?”

“Yeah that sounds good.”

Hap sat down while I made the drinks, once the coffee was done I joined him at the small table.

“So Hap, what happened with Juicy boy then?”

“It went better than I expected, the lad can forgive way too easy though Chibs.”

“Aye but that’s his nature Hap, I guess it’s one of the things I love about him.”

“Well he seems to be holding up okay, he seems to be more worried about you.”

“Shite I want him well, I dinnae want the lad worrying about me.”

“Chibs when did this become… hell when did you take this relationship to the next level? We all knew you were close to Juice, I guess none of us really thought about it,”

“After the lad tried tae off himself, something changed and I realized how much he meant tae me.”

“So, what happens when he gets out?”

“That’s where I want yer help Hap, I asked Jax what happened tae all of the lads’ stuff.”

“Did Jax tell you it’s all at the club, they were Clays orders and I’m sorry.”

“Hey Hap, ye had tae take the bike apart, also Clay wouldn’t have wanted him buried in any Sons stuff.”

“So, what is it that you actually want then?”

“His cut and keys, that’s it.”

“Does Jax know he’s back in hospital?”

“Aye I had tae tell him, Jax said Juice would have two choices if he returned tae the club.”

“Personally, I thought Jax might refuse to have him back!”

“Aye so did I, he’ll either be on probation or be a prospect once more.”

“How do you think Juice will take that?”

“I’ve no fuckin idea, for now I just need tae get the lad well and back home where he belongs.”

“Yeah true, do you want me to go pick his stuff up from the club?”

“Aye Hap, I then need ye tae help me later too.”

“No problem, I’ll help if I can Chibs.”

“I want ye to meet me over at Juice’s place, he might not like it but he’s moving in with me.”

“Chances are it’ll be best all around, Juice needs someone to look after him.”

“Aye that he does.”

“Just call me later on then brother.”

“Aye Hap and thanks.”

“Hey, I owe you both.”

“No this will be a fresh start brother, how’s things going with Jax anyway?”

“He understands most of what I did was on Clays orders, also he was president at the time, so I had to follow them. Jax has had some shit too, but he’s coping far better than I expected.”

“Aye well I’m glad, hopefully we can all get back tae the table soon!”

When Happy left I grabbed my keys, the ride to the hospital felt really good and calming. I loved riding the bike on an open road, now all I’d need was Juice to ride with me.

I parked at the hospital, once there it didn’t take me long to reach the appropriate floor. I hated the place; however, it was either here or the mental hospital for the lad.

Though I soon realized that Juice was Juice, he could cause a storm in a teacup. I could hear his raised voice; I could also hear a female voice too and it sounded like the nurse.


I was glad that I had the talk with Hap, at least I could now look him in the face without hating him. At first, I’d felt guilty for pushing him away, however it had just brought back far too many painful memories.

Now I had to wait for the doctor to do his rounds, all I wanted was to know when I could leave here. Finally, he showed up to talk, it appeared that everything was healing rather well and as expected.

The doctor said I’d suffered a severe attack and was to remain bed ridden for now, he wanted me to stay here for at least another two weeks. I saw red and lost it big time, I knew at this rate they’d end up locking me in a padded cell somewhere.

“I’m not staying, there’s no way that you’ll keep me here for that long.”

“It might be less if you get plenty of rest, maybe only one week to ten days.”

“I don’t think you understand me, I’m not fuckin staying here any longer…”

“Please Mr. Ortiz calm down, you’ll end up rupturing your stitches!”

“Agree that I can leave, and I’ll calm down.”

“I’ll get the nurse to come in and have a word with you.”

“There’s nothing to explain…”

He went ahead and called the nurse regardless; I had this strong feeling no one was listening to me at all.

“This is nurse Kelly; she will explain what can happen if you leave too soon.”

“Fine just say what you have to say, but I guarantee it won’t change anything.”

“The doctor’s right Mr. Ortiz, if the wound doesn’t heal fully it can become infected, Then there’s the risk of septicemia, even amputation and death.”

“That’s only if I got an infection, I’ll be careful, that way I’ll be okay.”

“Where would you go if you left Mr. Ortiz?”

“That has nothing to do with you, just fuck off so I can discharge myself.”

“It’s not that easy.”.”

I started pulling out the drip from my arm, maybe I was a bit rough as blood went everywhere. It was then that the nurse went to stop me, for some reason I was back in that cell with Ron Tully again.

“Get the fuck off me now or I’ll kill you…”

Shit that was when the door opened, I couldn’t help but notice the look on Chibs face.

“What the hell is going on in here?”

“Chibs please, they won’t let me leave here.”

“Calm down lad, what’s all this about leaving here?”

“I’ll discharge myself if I have to, please I can’t stand it here any longer Chibs. It’s like when Tully cut me open, I can’t stand it here anymore.”

“Look stay for a few hours, calm down and then we can talk lad.”

“I’m leaving now Chibby, with or without your help.”

“Aye I hear ye lad, but you really need tae calm down lad. Look I cannae help ye if ye split the stitches open, please Juice calm down for me!”

“Fine but I’m only talking to you, get them out of the room Chibby.”

“Aye okay if it means ye will calm down.”

I sat down on the bed as Chibs led them out, he then disappeared into the corridor with them. I knew that I was an idiot and had behaved like a baby, my stomach was already starting to hurt again too.

Chibby finally returned and sat beside me, he then held out his arms to me.

“Shite Juicy lad I’m way tae old for this, yer not doing yourself any favors here either.”

“I’m sorry Chibby, please will you just hold me?”

“I’m sorry tae Juicy boy, god I love ye so much.”

“You have no reason to be sorry, you haven’t done anything wrong…”

“I wish that were true lad.”

I had to wonder what he was going on about, I was the only one who needed to apologize for my behavior.


I held Juice as tight as possible and kissed him on the head, his hair was growing fast an ye wouldn’t even know the tattoos were there.

“Just sleep Juicy and I’ll be here for ye lad.”

“Chibby I don’t want any sleep, please I just want to go home.”

I noticed the door open and buried the lads face against my chest, it was then that the nurse slipped quietly into the room. As she approached the bed my grip on Juice tightened, I knew it was too tight, but I had little choice.

In one swift movement, the nurse acted, and she managed it before Juice even registered the injection.

“I’m so sorry babe, please forgive me Juice!”

“You fuckin bastard…”

“It’s only a mild sedative Juicy, just rest and get the sleep ye body needs. I swear that I’ll stay here with ye and keep ye safe, when ye wake we can talk lad.”

I watched the tears roll down his cheeks as I lay him down, I noticed that the sedative was already having an effect on his muscles. He managed to give me the most hurt look possible, then the lad muttered just one single word.


“Shite, because I fuckin love ye far more than I can put into words. Ye need tae get better lad, be well and come back home where ye belong.”

“Please don’t make me stay here Chibby…”

“Just sleep for now Juice.”

Finally, his eyes slowly closed as his body gave in, however I knew the lad would start again the minute he woke up. I also knew they couldn’t keep him sedated for two weeks; I’d have to think of a way to help him.

“Is there anything you need before I leave?”

Shite I’d totally forgot that the nurse was still here, I guess I’d just presumed she’d left when he passed out.

“I’m okay for now, ye are aware that he won’t stay and will fight ye all the way. I need tae come up with a way tae help him, that or he’ll really end up hurting himself.

“We can’t just let him go without any proper care, the risk of infection or rupture is too great.”

“Aye I get that, I was a medic in the army a few years ago and know about infections and such.”

“So, you know some first aid?”

“Aye, I learnt quite a bit, cleaning wounds amongst other things.”

“That could prove to be rather usual. I’ll have a word with the doctor.”

“Aye I’d really appreciate that.”

“Fine we can talk later when he wakes up.”

“Do ye know how long the sedative will last?”

“Six hours at least, but I’d say no more than ten.”

“Aye thanks for that.”

Soon I was left alone in the room with Juice, I lay down beside him on the bed and held him in my arms. The lad felt so warm; he also had such soft skin too. At least he looked peaceful while he slept, I was just hoping the sleep would help him relax somewhat when he woke.

My heart broke to have tae go behind his back, so I just kept on telling myself that I had to do it for his own sake and his health. It then hit me hard just how tired I was myself, maybe for now I’d stay here and be close to Juice while he couldn’t complain.

I’d need to get some rest to be able to deal with him, also I’d have to do a lot of thinking and planning too. I was so tired and yet sleep refused to come, I’d never seen Juice this aggressive towards other people. Maybe it really was all scaring the hell out of the lad, it wasn’t like he’d any good experience while with Tully or hospitals.

I couldn’t blame the lad or hold it against him, Juice had suffered so much in the last few months alone. The question was whether he’d now blame me for it all, I was just hoping when he woke, he’d understand why I did it.

I kissed him once more and thought about what the lad meant to me; I then fell into a deep sleep with Juice in my arms.


I woke and started to panic; I hated the thought of waking up restrained in the dark ever since Tully. I ran my hand gently over the face in front of me, I recognized it straight away and breathed once more.

Suddenly all the events of earlier popped back into my head, the fact that Chibs had deceived me by letting the nurse inject me with the sedative. I pressed the button that would work the small night light, it was then that I realized he was still fast asleep.

I loved the man so much that it hurt, yet suddenly I saw red and became pissed off. How could he just sleep after what he’d done to me, or even stay for that matter?

“Chibby wake the fuck up…”

“Shite what time is it?”

“I’ve no idea but it’s dark.”

Chibs managed to flip his phone open, then he sat straight up and nearly knocked me off the bed.

“Jesus Chibs.”

“Sorry lad but it’s nearly eleven, I’ve been asleep for the last eight hours!”

“Yeah well you obviously needed it.”

“Aye but I was meant tae call Hap, shite I’d better go and do it now.”

“Fuck that, you’re not going anywhere Chibby until we talk.”

“Juice it’s important that I call him.”

I knew that I was been childish, yet a part of me felt totally rejected.

“If Haps more important you better get running then, as it appears you’d prefer his company over mine.”

“Juicy not now lad, ye can also stop sulking like a spoilt fuckin kid. I said we’d talk, I just had tae let Hap know what was happening!”

“So now I’m nothing more than a spoilt fuckin kid, go on then Chibby just fuck off and go.”

Chibs walked towards the door, however he turned and spoke to me once more first.

“Be careful what you say lad, especially if ye dinnae mean it.”

“What the fuck’s that supposed to mean Chibby?”

With that he was gone, and the door closed behind him, now I felt totally lost and alone once more. I just lay back down on the bed and cried, what the fuck was wrong with me? I seemed determined to push him away all the time.

I loved Chibby and knew he was right, one day I might push him to the limit, and he’ll be gone for good. I also prayed that today wasn’t the day. I didn’t even hear the door open, suddenly I looked up to see Chibs stood beside the bed.

“Shite, I shouldn’t have said that tae ye lad.”

“Why? I deserved it; shit I’m so scared of what I’m becoming Chibby…”

“What is that ye think yer becoming Juicy?”

“Look at me Chibby, hell all I am is a walking fuckin disaster. I even started to think you’d rather have Hap than me, maybe I’m just useless and broken!”

“Juicy it’s ye I love lad, it’s also ye and only ye that I want. Hell, I was having nightmares that ye wanted Hap, I dreamt of the two of you together.”

“God I’m so sorry Chibby…”

“Juice stop apologizing, none of this is yer fault.”

“I’m still not staying here Chibby, I’ll just leave on my own if I have to!”

“Shite Juicy, I wullnae let you be alone so get that idea right out of yer head.”

“So why was talking to Hap more important then?”

“Because he was helping me Juicy, it was just some stuff for when ye got out of here.”

Great now I felt like a complete bastard, everything Chibs did was for me.


“Look Juicy they’ll be coming tae kick me out soon, ye have to stay here for tonight at least lad. Juice please, would you do it for me?”

I could see his lip tremble; Juice had honestly just thought I’d take him home tonight.

“Juicy look at me, I swear I’ll do my best tae get ye out of here.”

“Do you really mean that Chibby?”

“Aye lad I do, but ye have tae give me tonight tae deal with it all.”

“Fine one night, after that I’ll leave on my own if I have to.”

“Give me a kiss then Juicy. The sooner I leave and sort it out the better.”

I kissed the lad and dinnae want tae let go, he looked so broken and hurt as I turned to leave him.

“Yer gorgeous Juicy lad, believe me now I have ye I’m letting ye go.”


“When will you come back Chibby?”

“I’ll try and get here by lunch time. Just dinnae go getting all upset if I’m a bit late.”

“Chibby what if you decide I’m not worth it? What if you decide not to come back?”

“Juicy lad just calm down, I swear that I’m coming back for ye lad.”

“Fine just go Chibby, otherwise I won’t let you go.”

I kissed the lad one more time and walked out, I knew that he’d become depressed the minute he was alone. I rang Hap on the way back to my bike, he arranged to meet me over at Juices place in the morning.

I’d be going home to try and clean my place up, Juice couldn’t live like that or he’d be tripping up all day. I buckled down and got to work on the place, you’d think that Juice had never been or stayed at my place before.

Once the cleaning was done, I grabbed a bottle of whisky, I planned to drink myself into oblivion for a few hours. I woke sometime later to the shrill noise of my phone, I realized I’d fallen asleep on the couch and I also had a fuckin hangover. I grabbed the phone and flipped it open, all I wanted to do was silence it.

“Chibs here…”

“Chibs it’s Hap, I just called to see where you’d got to.”

“Shite what time is it?”

“It’s noon Chibs, you told me we’d meet at eight this morning.”

“Sorry Hap, look I’m on my way now.”

I hung up and grabbed my keys, I’d just have to pray no one wanted to breathalyze me today. I knew that I was taking a big risk riding the bike, yet I’d told Juice I’d be there by lunchtime.

Well I finally reached Juices place in one piece, I had only just missed a couple of parked cars and a pedestrian.

“Morning Hap.”

“Chibs its gone twelve, also you look like shit man!”

“Aye I know, I had a drink or two last night that’s all.”

“Are you sure it was just one or two?”

“Shut it Hap, come on let’s just get this done as quick as possible.”

“I came in the van and have already packed a lot of it, see some of us actually turned up on time.”

“Aye thanks’ Hap, I will need tae hand his keys in after and then head to the hospital.”

“Well it’s mainly just the bedroom left to do, Juice seems to like it simple and organized.”

“Aye he can be a bit of a neat freak, god knows what he’ll make of my place?”

“He’ll be fine Chibs, come on more work and less worrying.”

By three we finally had everything packed up, Hap was taking it over to my place and unpacking it. As for me I had the lads’ keys to return to the landlord. I finally made it to the hospital five hours late.


I promised Chibs I’d stay one more night, so I was good and stayed put despite how I felt. Come morning the depression was starting to set in once more, at least I knew I had Chibs returning and I was looking forward to it.

I slept on and off all morning and felt somewhat better, they told me that it was normal to still ache and I should try moving around. I got out of the bed and paced somewhat; it was then that I noticed the clock.

Shit it was already two so I started to panic, maybe Chibs wasn’t going to show up at all. I thought back to how I behaved last night, maybe Chibs had finally got sick of my behavior.

By three o’clock I’d had enough, then I realized the only clothes I had were the ones I came into the hospital with. Well it wasn’t like I could be choosy or anything, blood stained clothes were better than leaving here naked.

Chibs had put what money I had beside the bed, now I’d have to hope it was enough to get me a cab home. It was times like this that I was thankful of the little things, at least I’d always kept my rent paid a few months in advance.

I’d have to hope that the spare key was still there, otherwise I’d have to piss around by going to see the landlord.

The hospital staff tried so hard to stop me, they made sure I knew about every little thing that could go wrong and why this was a bad idea. By four they realized I was serious and I signed the discharge papers, they even called a cab to come and get me.

A nurse turned up with a wheelchair for me, I’d protested but she wouldn’t take no for an answer. She told me that I should save what strength I had, also that I’d need it to be able to get out of the cab.

I thought that it was kind of her, I was even more grateful when she helped me get into the rear of the cab. The ride was a rather slow one due to traffic, not that I had anywhere to be or anyone waiting for me.

Finally, we arrived outside my place, even the cab driver showed some sympathy and helped me out. At first though all I could do was sit on the doorstep for a while, I was in far too much pain to even move. As luck would have it one of my keys was there, I was surprised that no one ever found the ones I left hidden.

I unlocked the door apprehensively, for some reason it felt strange and I had no idea why. I advanced forward slowly and with caution, it wasn’t like I even had a gun or weapon to protect myself.

Shit then it suddenly hit me what was wrong with the place, it was fuckin bare, and everything had gone. I’d literally only been here a few days ago, granted I wasn’t here long before I went to search for Hap.

Only a few days ago, all my stuff had been here, I decided that I’d go and check the bedroom out while I was at it. Fuck every single draw was empty, I no longer even had a single change of fuckin clothes.

It was then that I realized I had nothing, hell maybe it was just what I deserved. Even the gun I’d kept hidden was gone too along with my money, I realized that I was trapped here and couldn’t leave even if I wanted to.

I sat down on the floor with my back against the wall, this time I was totally fucked and couldn’t control the tears. The more I thought about the situation I was in, the worse the tears became.

After a while I was full on sobbing, I’d lost everything I had including Chibby. My head started to ache along with my stomach, I guess all the exertion wasn’t helping whatsoever.

Finally, I lay on the floor and curled into a fetal position, I no longer had the reason or will to carry on.


I’d said it before and I’ll say it again, juice was hard work and would be the death of me one day. I’d handed his keys back to his landlord, also Hap had taken the lads’ personal stuff back to my place.

There had been times I’d wondered if I’d cope but I loved him, he could be demanding but I was the stronger willed one. I’d have to work on getting the lad to loosen up a bit, the lad had a serious problem with things been in order. As for me I was the total opposite and couldn’t find things at the best of times.

I arrived at the hospital and parked my bike; I’d go home with Juice and then Hap would collect my bike later for me. I walked down the corridor towards the lads’ room, it was then that I opened the door to find the room empty.

Shit this was Juice, so it made me panic a bit, I knew that I’d get no answers though unless I calmed down. Maybe they just took him for some tests or something, even though my mind was screaming otherwise right now.

I panicked even more when I saw the empty chart hung on the bed, that should have had all his medical information on it. I decided it might be a good idea to check the rest of the room, draw after draw contained fuck all.

I left the room and went in search of a nurse or doctor, it didn’t take me long to find the nurse who’d looked after Juice.

“Where’s Juice gone?”

“Sorry, please calm down a bit.”

“Juan Carlos Ortiz, his rooms empty and I cannae find him.”

“He discharged himself about an hour or so ago, it was also totally against all medical advice too.”

“Do ye know if he left with anyone or where he went?”

“I ordered a cab for Mr. Ortiz, I also made sure that he was safely inside it.”

“Aye thanks lass, did ye give the cab company his destination?”

“No Mr. Ortiz refused to tell me, he said that he’d inform the cab driver himself.”

“Aye okay, I guess I’ll have tae go and look for the lad…”

I knew the chances are it’d be one of two places; it wasn’t like he really had many places that he could go. I knew he wouldn’t go to my place; this was Juice after all, and he’d think I’d rejected him.

I knew that he saw the club as his second home, however he wouldn’t want his brothers or Jax to see him this way. I knew Juice only too well; he’d feel like a failure and go somewhere to be alone.

I figured that only left one safe place for the lad, my guess was that Juice had gone back home. Shite then reality hit me full on, it wasn’t the lads’ home anymore. If Juice went there, he’d fall apart, he’d feel like we were trying to get rid of him.

I got on my bike and high tailed it over there, I knew that he’d have been alone for a couple of hours now. I pulled up outside and got off my bike, however suddenly I felt nervous about entering. Fuck the lad did have a reckless streak a mile long, I guess deep down I was scared what I might find in there.

I knew that it had to be done though, I’d do no one any favors if I were a coward. I opened the door and found the first two rooms totally empty; I then made my way towards the bedroom door.

The bed was still stripped as I’d left it, every single room looked just as I’d left it which was worrying. I was just about to leave when I noticed something on the floor beyond the bed, there was Juice curled up in a ball on the floor.

I felt sick as I rushed over to him, the first thing I did was feel for a pulse to see if he was alive.


I’d wanted to die and cried myself to sleep, next thing I knew someone was holding me in their arms and kissing me. I forced my eyes open, there staring down at me was Chibby.

My first instinct was to pull away from him, yet that just made him hold me even tighter.

“Dinnae move Juicy lad, ye dinnae want tae damage the stiches.”

“Why are you here? You abandoned me at that hospital Chibby…”

“Aye that I did lad, but it wasn’t on purpose Juicy!”

“Yeah right, you never even came to tell me to my face.”

“Tell ye what Juice?”

“That you don’t want me any more…”

It hurt so much to hear those words; it also broke my heart having him this close to me.

“Shite lad, what the hell makes ye think that?”

“Maybe because you never fuckin came back, then I come here to find I’ve got no home either.”

“Do I even get a chance to explain myself lad, or are ye going tae write me off because I fucked up again?”

“Fine, you have five minutes and then I want you gone.”

“Is that how little ye think of me lad?”

“Fuck you Chibby if that’s what you think, I just can’t handle all of this right now.”

Suddenly Chibby put me back down on the floor, he then stood up and stretched. Was this where he was going to just walk out and leave me, leave me on the floor like I was dirt. I lay there and curled back into a ball; I even pushed his hand away from me.

“Come on Juicy lad.”

“Just leave me here if your leaving…”

“Shite lad, I’m getting old and cannae sit on the floor for too long.”

Chibby helped me stand and move, he then made me lay down on the empty bed.

“For the record, I’m not leaving ye Juicy. I love ye far tae much tae be without ye lad.”

He must have seen the look of despair upon my face, I’d just suddenly felt nervous as he lay down beside me.

“Dinnae look so worried lad, I only want tae talk and won’t hurt ye.”

“God I’m sorry, I guess that I think people only ever want to hurt me or…”

“Not everyone wants tae hurt and abuse ye lad, all I want to do is keep you safe.”

“Why did you leave me then?”

“I couldn’t sleep lad, I guess I was just so worried about leaving ye in the hospital alone. So, I decided tae have a small nightcap so I’d sleep, I guess one glass led tae another and another. I drank half the bottle or more, Hap woke me the next day at lunch time tae see where I was.”

“You mean you were drunk, honestly that was all it was?”

“Aye lad, I guess everything finally caught up with me.”

I knew Chibby had hardly slept because of me, so I knew that I couldn’t blame him for what he did.

“So why did Hap ring you Chibs?”

“We had some stuff tae do.”

“So, you spent a few hours with him, why didn’t you come to the hospital at lunch time then when he woke you?”

“I told ye lad, I had some stuff tae sort out with Hap first.”

“Fuck you Chibs…”

I tried to pull myself up. Obviously Chibs had wanted to be with Hap more than me. He knew how much I hated the hospital, yet he left me so he could go and have fun with Happy.


I was still hung over and the lad was really testing what patience I had, maybe it was time to let him know the reason I was with Hap today.

“Dinnae ye fuckin move lad.”

“You can’t keep me here Chibs…”

“Yer not moving until I’ve had my say, ye behave like a spoilt brat at times lad!”

“Fuck you.”

“Aye maybe one day lad when yer better, but that won’t be anytime soon I promise.”

“Just say what you must and then let me fucking go…”

“Fine lad, I went tae meet Hap so I could get yer keys and stuff from the club. Hap had arranged tae help me pack up all yer stuff that’s all.”

“Why? Was you and Hap just planning to get rid of me or something?”

“Jesus Juice, ye make it sound like I was going tae just off ye lad!”

“How do I know you wasn’t, maybe you got sick of putting up with me…”

“Never in a million years’ lad, if ye came back who’d look after ye?”

“I can look after myself.”

The lad was one stubborn little bastard at times, but I guess that was part of what I loved about him.

“Juicy ye can hardly look after ye self at the best of times, ye fuckin stabbed yourself last time ye were left alone!”

“I’d have managed, I’m used to been alone.”

“Shite Juice I love ye, I also wanted ye tae come and live with me.”

“Yeah right, I bet you’re just saying that.”

“God no lad but it was meant tae have been a surprise, we moved all of yer stuff into my place earlier on. That’s why I arranged to meet Hap so he could help, it’s also the reason I arrived at the hospital late.”

I think it had finally sank in as the lad cried, my heart felt like it was breaking inside as I watched him.

“Maybe I’m just old and sentimental lad, however I want ye tae be my everything. Juice yer my life now, I need you as much as I need air tae breathe.”

“Then I went and fucked it all up, I jumped to conclusions just like I always do.”

“Right I’ll try again then, maybe this time you’ll realize how much ye mean tae me.”

“Fine go on then.”

“Juice, will ye move in with me permanently, also will ye be my partner for life?”

His face literally changed; he had the most gorgeous smile I’d ever seen in my life.

“Is that a yes then lad?”

“Hell of course it’s a yes, next time though just phone me if you can’t make it.”

“Aye I promise lad, I should have called but everything has been so fucked up.”

“Yeah I know, so Chibby when do I get to move in with you? It can be a new start for us both, just me and you together Chibby.”

“Aye lad, I’ll give Hap a quick call as he has the van. Hap can take ye tae mine, it’s just I have my bike outside.”

Fuck that look was back on the lads face once more, I guess it was tae soon for him to feel secure alone with Hap right now.

“Ye okay lad?”

“Chibby can I ask you a favor?”

“Juice, ye can ask me anything.”

“Would you take me in the van, Hap could ride your bike back to your place?”

“Aye I’m sure he’ll be okay with that…”

“Thanks, god I love you so much Chibby.”

I leant forward and kissed him upon the lips, the lad was such a fuckin temptation at times. It didn’t help when he started breathing really heavy, I finally had to let him go once more.

I pulled out my phone and called Hap, my hardest problem would be resisting the lad until he was well again.


It wasn’t just the idea of going with Hap that bothered me, it was more the fact that I didn’t want to let Chibs out of my sight. It felt like every time I turned around, he was gone, well not anymore as he was mine now.

The drive over to his place was in silence, I was mainly wondering how it’d work out the two of us living together. I wanted Chibs more than ever, yet I knew he wouldn’t take me until I was well. Chibs would want to make sure I was physically over it, also mentally stable too.

Chibs had to realize that I’d accepted what had happened to me, hell it was the story of my fuckin life. Yeah right who was I trying to kid, Chibs would never see me as mentally stable anymore.

It didn’t help that I hadn’t behaved rationally today either, hell he shows up a few hours late and I run away unable to cope. I’d been so busy thinking about how I’d fucked up, I hadn’t even realized that we’d reached his place.

“Juicy boy come on shake a leg lad. Do ye need a hand tae get out of the van?”

“No, I’m fine Chibby, I just want to get inside as I’m really tired.”

“Aye come on then lad.”

Chibby led me into his house and I sat on the couch, it just felt strange been here now. This was to be my home, yet in the past it was just somewhere to get drunk with Chibs. There had been many times that I’d passed out on this very couch, afterwards I’d wake up stiff with a hangover.

Well I guess Chibby wasn’t just my brother or friend anymore, he was now my lover and I’d be sharing the bed with him.

“Juice everything okay as yer quiet lad?”

“Just thinking that’s all, it just feels a bit strange been here.”

“Aye but hopefully in a good way?”

“Yeah, can I go to bed Chibby as I’m so tired and need some sleep?”

“Aye come on then, will ye make it upstairs Juicy?”

“Yeah, the hospital said I need to be moving around a bit more, apparently it will help with the healing.”

“Come on then lets’ move.”

I followed Chibs to the bedroom and sat on the bed, it would be strange waking here instead of that uncomfortable couch of his. I couldn’t help but notice as Chibby started to strip, he’d shed his clothes in no time and climbed into bed.

“Ye gonna sit there all night lad?”

“Chibby can I put the light off first?”

“Juicy I’ve seen ye naked before lad, you’ve got a gorgeous body and no reason tae hide it.”

“Please Chibby…”

“Aye if that’s what ye want lad.”

I stood up and made my way over to the light switch, I felt like I could breathe once more as the room was plunged into darkness.

I had to admit that it wasn’t easy to undress, my body ached beyond belief and I wanted some sleep.

“Ye need any help there lad?”

“No, I’m okay Chibby.”

Finally, I pulled the cover back and got into bed, I then just lay on my side of the bed like a statue.

“Juicy what’s wrong lad? Oh, and dinnae ye dare say nothing either.”

“Just tired Chibby, go to sleep and don’t worry about me.”

“Aye any chance of a cuddle lad, or are ye tae tired for that as well?”

“You won’t let it drop will you Chibby!”

“No lad, I’m not daft and know yer hiding something.”

Well I knew that I was left with no choice, I moved over towards Chibs and into his arms.


I had no idea why the lad was trying to avoid me, I guess I was just thankful that he’d agreed to move closer to me. I pressed myself against his gorgeous body, it was then that I realized the lad was hard.

“Juicy is this why ye wouldn’t get undressed, hey I’m flattered if this is for me lad!”

“It was when you undressed, I’m sorry Chibby and it just happened.”

“Shite lad, what the hell are ye sorry for?”

“You said nothing would happen sexually for a while, I guess I thought you’d be pissed off with me.”

“Jesus Juicy, no I’m not pissed off with ye. Believe me that I want ye more than anything, I just dinnae want tae hurt ye yet.”

“Yet, does that mean you plan to hurt me in the future?”

“Dinnae worry lad as it will be a good hurt, god help ye when ye heal up a bit.”

“You sound like you’ve got it all planned Chibby! So just what is it that you plan to do?”

“I’m going tae fuck ye through the mattress lad, then I’m not going to let ye come until I’ve teased you for a bit.”

“Thanks Chibby as now I’m really fuckin hard, I bet you’re having a right good laugh about it too.”

“No Juicy I’m not.”

I ran my hand gently down his lean body, I then parted his legs and sat between them.

“I cannae fuck you yet lad, but I can make it good for ye.”

I soon moved forward and deep throated his erection, the lad was totally rock hard now and weeping. I sucked hard wanting to encourage him, I then ran my tongue along the slit of his erection.

Jesus I was hard just from the sounds the lad made, I knew he wouldn’t last long with me doing this to him either. I knew that the lad would need some sleep soon though, yet he moaned even louder when I pulled my mouth away.

“Chibby don’t you fuckin dare stop!”

“Ye like that do ye laddie?”

“Oh fuck yes…”

I pushed his legs wider apart, I then ran my tongue between his ass cheeks. Okay I couldn’t resist poking my tongue in there, Jesus the lad didn’t half jump.

“Jesus Christ, oh fuck Chibby…”

I had the lad right where I wanted him now, I’d play with him a few minutes before letting him come. I pulled my tongue out and inserted a finger instead, the lad was so wet that it just slipped straight inside his ass.

“Fuck yer so hot lad…”

“Just shut the fuck up Chibby, shit I really need to come…”

“Demanding wee thing aren’t ye, right little slut underneath that cute face.”

“Please Chibby…”

I knew I’d be pushing him too far if I didn’t let him come, so I pulled out my finger and slipped in three instead.

“Fuck…. Fuck Chibby oh god….”

I inserted them all the way in and searched for what I wanted, it was then that I found his prostate.

“Ye ready Juicy lad?”

“Fuck yes I’m ready Chibby.”

I pushed my fingers in even further, I then started stroking his prostate. I grabbed my own erection and started to jerk off, I knew I’d come in no time with Juice beneath me.

I had his sexy body withering around on the bed, the next time I rubbed his prostate he came hard. It wasn’t long before I joined him and came myself, I shot my load all over the lads groin.

“Fuck Chibby, I swear I’m going to sleep for a week now.”

“Not till I’ve cleaned ye up lad, we dinnae want to risk any infections.”

Once we were both clean, I climbed back in bed, I then fell into a deep sleep with Juice in my arms.


It turned out to be far better than I expected, I loved Chibs and I loved living with him too. I healed well and was soon back to my old self, okay maybe not totally!

Chibs had talked to me repeatedly, he made me realize that I was a person and very much loved. I wasn’t someone that was here just to be used by everyone, for that I couldn’t ever thank him enough.

I finally became a real person for once, there were only two things I missed from my old life. I missed my bike for one, I’d loved that more than anything else at the time. Now though Chibs was the love of my life, while I had to ride around on some old bike no one wanted anymore.

Also, there was the club and my position there, I was once more just a prospect but couldn’t blame Jax for that. In most respects, I couldn’t complain about my life and it was just the times when we had to be apart.

Jax wouldn’t let me do a lot until I proved myself to the club, that meant Chibs went away while I stayed here alone. Okay I was sulking like a big baby since Chibs came home, he’d just told me that he had to go away for a few days.

I really didn’t want to be alone, also it would be my birthday in a few days too. I lay on the bed and put my hands over my face, maybe I could just try and pretend he wasn’t really going.

“Juicy lad!”

“Chibs go away, I just want to be on my own for a while.”

“What, so ye can just sulk like a big baby again lad?”

“Fuck you…”

“Maybe one day lad.”

“Yeah right, I’m sure you made that promise months ago Chibby!”

“Maybe I want a man tae fuck me, not some sniveling little brat.”

“You fuckin bastard.”

I got up and just wanted to leave the room right away, suddenly though I was pushed back down onto the bed.

“No chance lad, yer not leaving until ye understand that I’m coming back.”

“I’m not fuckin stupid, of course I know you’re coming back.”

“So, what’s the problem then lad? Yer carrying on like I’m dumping ye or summit…”

“You know that I don’t like being alone Chibby, knowing you I bet you won’t even be back for my birthday…”

“Aye I know lad, but I’ll ring you every single day I promise. I also promise that I love ye and wullnae forget yer birthday lad.”


“That’s it? That’s all ye have tae say Juicy…”

“What the hell do you want me to say, I just said it was okay.”

"We spent months working on this and yer behavior, do I have tae punish ye again lad?”

“What? No I’m fine so just leave me alone.”

“Strip lad right now.”


“Ye heard me lad, dinnae make it any harder on yerself.”

Fuck I knew what Chibby had in mind when it came to punishment, he’d start easy and I’d just get spanked a few times. Then he would purposely get me so hot and turned on, then finally he’d make me wait before he’d let me come.

“Chibby don’t…”

“Come on, ye know ye want me Juicy.”

“Yeah Chibby I fuckin want you! But I’m pissed off right now and you’re not helping at all.”

“Aye lad I guess I’m not, but ye know ye will give in soon baby.”

Shit the best thing was I knew he was right; I always gave in to Chibby and this would be no exception either.


I could see the kids brain working overtime, he wanted me yet he also wanted to be stubborn about it.

“Ye strip Juicy, that or I’ll strip ye lad…”

“In your dreams old man.”

I undid his trousers and started pulling them off, no surprise that Juicy wasn’t wearing any underwear as usual.

“See, you’ve even made it easier for me lad.”

I knew that he was still trying to ignore me, that was when I rolled him over onto his stomach. Fuck the lad had one hell of a sexy ass, it would look even better though with my mark on it.

I waited until Juice wasn’t expecting it, I then brought my hand down hard on his backside.

“Fuck Chibby! What the hell was that for?”

“For not doing as ye were told, what’s the matter wasn’t one good enough for ye.”

“Whatever old man.”

I knew Juice only called me that to push his luck, also because he knew I’d react to it.

“Juicy ye get all ye ask for lad.”

I brought my hand down fast once more, now his ass was hot and extremely red.

“Shit just fuck me Chibby.”

“I thought ye were ignoring me lad?”

“I am, but that doesn’t stop you from fucking me.”

“Aye okay lad, let’s see how long you can ignore me for shall we?”

“Do you want me to turn over?”

“No lad ye can stay where ye are, I know what’ll happen if ye roll over.”

“Such as?”

“You’ll use those hands on yer self, also I won’t be able tae touch that bare ass of yours.”

“Hey, I wouldn’t do that!”

“Hold yer arms up darlin, towards the headboard.”


“Do it now.”

I grabbed my belt and restrained his hands to the bed, I then licked right down his spine as he shivered.

“Yer mine Juicy boy…”

“Jesus, please don’t make me wait Chibby.”

I grabbed the lube from beneath the bed, once my fingers were lubed I pushed two straight into his ass.

“Ye still ignoring me lad?”

I received no reply and knew his game, the lad wanted this hard to ease his state of mind. I pulled my fingers out and then wiped them, well that would be all the lubrication he’d get tonight.

I didn’t even bother stretching him anymore, in one swift movement I buried my erection deep in his ass. I could hear him moaning but totally ignored the lad, I was far from gentle as I plunged in and out of his tight body.

“Chibby I really need to come.”

“I thought ye were ignoring me lad…”

“No I’m not, please Chibby…”

“Tough luck lad, because now it’s my turn to ignore ye.”

I soon worked up a fast rhythm, also I was far from gentle as I forced my erection deep inside him.

“Take it all Juicy boy, I’m gonna fuck ye senseless lad.”

“Fuck yeah Chibby…”

With that I couldn’t hold back any longer, I came deep inside him before collapsing. I knew the lad was hard, but hey I could be a bastard if I wanted.


“Fuck Chibby move your ass.”

“What’s up, am I tae heavy for ye lad?”

“Fuck, don’t you dare leave me like this. You do and I swear I’ll never talk to you again.”

“Ye not talking tae me is what got you in this situation tae start with.”


“Sticks and stones lad… Hey I feel so good and could just fall asleep about now.”

“I’m warning you Chibby!”

“Warning me, why what are ye goin tae do lad?”

“You wait until my hands are free…”

“Maybe I’ll just leave ye like that then.”

“Chibby you wouldn’t…”

“Juicy if I wasn’t away tomorrow I would, I’d leave ye there like that tied tae the bed. Just think you’d be my sex slave; I’d be able to fuck that tight ass over and over again.”

“Yeah I bet you would too.”

I was becoming seriously frustrated now, also I knew I couldn’t fall asleep in this condition either. My hands had fallen asleep a long time ago and my ass was sore too. Chibby finally reached up and removed the belt, he then started rubbing my hands for me.

“Fuck that Chibby, come on I need your hands rubbing something else right now…”

“Aye I bet ye do lad.”

Suddenly Chibby went down on me, no joke as I literally came the minute he touched me. Chibs swallowed every single bit, he then even licked me clean as I was too exhausted to move.

“Shite, ye wasted no time Juicy.”

“Hell, I’m not surprised, I could sleep for a whole week now…”

“That was the idea lad.”

“Will you hold me Chibby, at least until I fall asleep?”

“I’ll hold ye all night lad if it’s what ye want.”

I lay in his arms and tried not to think about morning, I knew it would arrive soon enough as it was. Before I fell asleep, I made a plan for morning, tomorrow I’d pay Chibby back before he left. I just wanted to make sure he remembered me, also I wanted to see him on the receiving end for a change.

I drifted into a deep sleep for once, I guess that’s what been truly loved can do to you. Also, when said lover fucks you through the mattress, Hell I was exhausted before I even came.

When morning came I felt truly refreshed, it was then when I remembered the plan I’d made for Chibby. As soon as I opened my eyes, I realized I was alone, Chibs side of the bed was empty and cold.

I lay there listening for the kettle, or even the shower. After five minutes I’d heard nothing at all, it appeared the place silent which wasn’t like Chibs. I pulled myself out of the warm bed, however first I’d need to take a piss before looking for him.

Well the bathroom was empty, I then entered the kitchen and found that empty too. It was then that I saw the note on the table, I knew straight away that I’d be alone for the next few days.

I flicked the note open to see what Chibs had to say, as I just wished he’d stayed to say goodbye.

I love ye Juicy, I just dinnae want ye tae be upset when I said goodbye.

Love Chibby. Also, I promise I’ll be back for yer birthday lad xx

Well at least he’d been thinking about me as he left, now I had to just face the idea of been here alone for a few days.


I woke that morning earlier than Juice, god the man looks so fuckin gorgeous as he slept. Well he was also just as gorgeous awake too, that was the reason why I’d pushed him so hard last night.

I knew the lad would be out like a light, the whole idea had been to slip out quietly without him knowing. I loved the lad so much, yet he was far too sentimental when it came to saying goodbyes.

It was like the lad thought you weren’t coming back at all, shite maybe that was what the lad really did truly believe. I tried to not think too hard as I rode to my destination, there stood Hap already there waiting for me.

“Morning Hap, jeez ye shit the bed or something?”

“I like to be punctual Chibs, if not I could wind up dead myself.”

“Aye true, how’s yer ma doing?”

“Fine, I’ve got a neighbor watching her for a few days.”

“Thanks Hap, I owe ye big for this one.”

“Hey, we're in this together Chibby, I’m as much to blame for all this shit too.”

“Aye well for now we just have tae keep it quiet, ye know how Juice gets worked up over everything!”

“You mean like if he knew you were spending a couple of days with me…”

“Aye Hap, Juice can have an over imaginative mind at times.”

“Right let's roll Chibs, places to be and things to do!”

We rode side by side to the small cabin, it was pretty much a secure location and perfect for us. Between the two of us we got a lot done, we’d made a difference as a team and I was really pleased. I noticed Hap finish for the night and then sit down, as for me I knew I’d struggle to sleep.

“How do ye fancy a drink lad?”

“What you got Chibs, please tell me it isn’t the usual shit you drink!”

“Aye, ye know me so well Hap.”

“I guess whisky it is then…”

Sometime later we were both rather drunk, Hap even had to tell me that my mobile was ringing.

“Chibs here at yer service.”

“Chibby you said that you’d ring me, shit are you drunk? Who’s there with you, I swear I can hear someone else there too?”

“Shite lad take a fuckin breather, yes I’m with someone and yes I’m drunk.”

“So that’s why you didn’t ring me, also who are you with Chibby?”

“Aye I never realized the time, or I’d have called.”

“I also asked who’s there with you…”

“Hap why?”

“Is he drunk too?”


“Fuck you Chibby, how come you couldn’t take me with you?”

“Jax gives the orders Juice.”

“He’s always let me stay before; I’m just not allowed to go on the job with you.”

“Aye well it’s not up tae me.”

“No, well to me it sounds like you're happy without me there.”

I never even got to answer as Juice hung up on me, shite now I knew that I had a problem.


I couldn’t believe he hadn’t made Jax let me go this time, well fuck him as I’d go and see Jax myself. I rode to the club on my shit heap of a bike, I knew at this rate it’d stop working soon too. Inside the clubhouse was Tig and Bobby, they both looked up as I entered.

“Well Bobby look who’s here.”

“Shut up Tig, I just want to know where Jax is?”

“He’s at the table.”

“How come you and Bobby are here anyway?”

“Why were we meant to be somewhere else Juice?”

“You were meant to be on a job with Chibs.”

“News to me lad, maybe Jax can help you.”

As I opened the door Jax was sat at the table alone, he was reading some old manuscript or something.

“What’s up Juice?”

“Where’s Chibs?”

“How should I know, what’s up have you lost him?”

“He’s on a job somewhere with Hap.”

“He’s not on a job for me Juice, I’ve noticed that they’ve been spending a lot of time together. Fuck how am I supposed to know, maybe it’s just a few drinks as brothers."

“No, it’s way more than that as I heard them laughing, Chibs also forgot to even ring me.”

“Well I don’t know what to say Juice, nothing that will help anyway.”

“So, you didn’t stop me from going with him?”

“No Juice, I swear I have no idea where either of them are.”

“Thanks Jax.”

With that I just turned and walked out, however I decided to stop at the bar and grab a drink first. After a while I just thought fuck them, if Chibby could get drunk so could I.

“Juice slow down a bit…”

“Fuck you Tig, I don’t answer to you or Chibs.”

“So, what has Chibs done now?”

“I think he’s having an affair with Hap…”

I had to slap Tig on the back as he nearly choked, after that he just started to laugh instead.

“What’s so funny Tig?”

“He loves you Juice, hell he never shuts up about you.”

“Yeah well we all know you’d stick up for Chibs.”

I’d had a few drinks by then, all that meant was that my mind would go into overdrive along with my mouth.

“For all I know he could be sleeping with you too Tig, yeah I bet he lets you even fuck him too. I always wondered why he never wanted me to do it, it’s you isn’t it Tig?”

Shit I never saw the fist coming, well not until it impacted with my face anyway.

“Juice you are drunk, just go home before you say something else.”

“Fuck you. I wouldn’t want to stay here with you anyway.”

I stood up and my head swam, fuck the whole room was spinning around so fast. Next thing I knew I was on the floor, then someone was pulling me up and dragging me away. I was then thrown down against something hard and struggled to breathe, maybe Tig wanted rid of me as I knew too much.

“Juice you’re in the van that’s all, I’m taking you home before you say something you’ll regret. Well that or I do something I might regret, look just breathe as you’re safe.”

I drifted in and out of a troubled sleep, I only vaguely remembered Tig putting me to bed.


I woke the next morning with a pounding headache, fuck I knew I was stupid and had drank far too much. First job would be to call Juice back, explain to him that I was far too drunk to ride.

I picked my phone up and noticed the messages, most seemed to be from Tig for some reason. I tried reading them but my head hurt worse, I then decided ringing Tig would be easier.

“What’s up Tiggie?”

“Didn’t you read my messages?”

“Aye maybe one or two, shite Tig my head hurts too much tae read.”

“Yeah well you have some shit here to put up with Chibs.”

“Aye true, I think I pissed Juicy off as he hung up on me.”

“He came here looking for you.”

“Shite did anyone say anything?”

“Jax told him he hadn’t sent you on a job, that and he had no idea where you were.”

“Great this is all I need right now.”

“It gets worse Chibs.”

“How the fuck can it get worse Tig, as he’ll be pissed now?”

“He thinks you’re having an affair with Hap, I also gave him a black eye too.”

“What, shit are ye fuckin serious Tig?”

“He drank a lot and accused me of sleeping with you, I tried telling him that you love him more than anything.”

“Aye let me guess, he wouldn’t listen tae anything ye said?”

“No, he really believes that you and Hap are away on a dirty weekend, shit he’s a loose cannon right now Chibs.”

“So where is he now then?”

“I had to put him to bed, so I guess he’s still there.”

“Thanks Tig I owe you one.”

“Yeah you do, so when are you coming back Chibs?”

“I can’t until tonight, I still have a few things that need doing here first.”

“Chibs is that really a wise idea?”

“I love him so much Tig, but hell the lad had me wrapped around his little finger. I need him tae trust me and get over this paranoia, it appears that hasn’t happened yet.”

“Yeah, I can see where you’re coming from, do you want me to keep an eye on him for you?”

“Aye I’d appreciate that, just try and keep him out of trouble until I get home.”

“Will do, I need to apologize for hitting him anyway.”

“That’s yer choice, by the sounds of it he asked for it!”

“Yeah but he’s still a brother.”

“Aye okay, thanks again Tig.”

I flipped the phone shut, I then just closed my eyes and thought about all that was happening. So, we’d been through so much together, shite and Juicy still refused to trust me when we’re apart.

Well I knew I’d have my work cut out convincing Juice, especially as he knew I’d lied about going away and Hap. The lad had one hell of an overactive mind; Juice was my first relationship since Fiona. I didn’t want anyone else either, if it was just sex, I’d have made do with the crow eaters.

Juice was the one that I fell in love with, also the one that I wanted to have a real relationship with. I decided to take some pain meds, after that I went back to bed for a few hours’ sleep. I’d have to be sober to ride back anyway, also headache free to deal with a hot-headed Juice.

When I woke it was dark but at least I was headache free, I had to explain everything regarding Juice to Hap. Well at least he saw the funny side of it, as for me I wasn’t laughing at all.

The whole ride back I felt so anxious, Juice could be a stubborn bastard and this could be hard.


I woke late in the afternoon and was in need of caffeine, I nearly jumped out of my skin as I entered the kitchen. There at the table sat Tig, great now I wondered what the fuck he wanted.

“How did you get in Tig?”

“Juice who do you think put you to bed last night, also had to bring your sorry ass home?”

Suddenly it all came flooding back to me including Chibs, or should I say Chibs and Happy.

“Maybe the same person that gave me the black eye!”

“You asked for that Juice, shit you accused me of fucking Chibs.”

“Hey man this is you Tig, you’d even fuck the dead if it got you off.”

“Juice, do you want another black eye?”

“Fuck you Tig, well you can leave now as I don’t want you here.”

“Well I promised Chibs I’d stay.”

“Go to hell Tig…”

I lunged forward and went to grab him, however I was hungover, and he was faster. It wasn’t long before I was face down on the floor, I also had Tig pinning my arms behind my back.

“Just relax Juice or it’ll hurt more.”

“Yeah I bet you’d like that.”

“Juice you can be an immature prick at times, fuck knows how Chibs even puts up with you?”

“Obviously he doesn’t, he’s not here is he Tig… Fuck no he’s somewhere with Hap, to top it off he fuckin lied to me.”

“You’ll have to take that up with him Juice, however I promised him that I’d keep you safe.”

” So, you’re still doing his dirty work for him, well fuck you as I’m not staying here.”

“Juice please don’t do this!”

I fought to get my hands free, I then crawled as far away from Tig as possible.

“I’m off to get dressed then I’m leaving Tig, I just want a few strong drinks so I can forget about everything.”

I made my way towards the bedroom and slammed the door shut, however I decided to just lay down until my head cleared. At some point I must have fallen asleep, I decided on a quick shower and then I’d dress. It was I reached the door my mood changed, now I was fuckin furious.

“Tig get the fuck here right now…”

“What do you want Juice?”

“Tig open this fuckin door right now, where the hell is the handle?”

“Sorry Juice but you’re staying put.”

“You’re dead Tig…”

“I’m so scared Juice.”

“Fuck you.”

I pulled out one draw after another, however I found nothing that would open the door. The only thing I found of any use was a joint, well at least that could be a substitute for the alcohol.

I smoked the joint and soon felt relaxed and chilled out, I just lay there on the bed thinking to myself. What a great birthday I’d have tomorrow, Chibs with Hap and us just arguing.

The minute that door opens I planned to leave, I’d pack a few things and go away for a while. Hell, then again maybe I might never even come back, it’s not like any of them would even miss me.

Finally, I became so relaxed that I slept once more, I never woke until I heard someone open the bedroom door.


I rode back home as soon as I was sober enough, the first person to greet me as I entered was Tiggie.

“You okay Chibs?”

“Aye as well as can be expected, so where is he Tiggie?”

“Bedroom, I think he’s fallen asleep though.”

“I’d better go and have a word with him.”

“Hold on Chibs, I need to fix the handle first…”

“Shite Tig what did ye do?”

“You told me to keep him here, he spat his dummy out so it wasn’t my fault.”

“Talk now Tiggie.”

“He was going to leave, he said he wanted to go before you came home.”

“Aye well I’m grateful ye kept him here Tig, even if it meant moving the handle I guess.”

I made my way to the bedroom, and patiently waited, however I entered the minute Tig replaced the handle. As I walked in Juice suddenly sat up, great I knew that he was far beyond just been pissed.

“What do you want Chibby?”

“Well I thought that I lived here Juice, or are ye kicking me out?”

“Hey, I tried to leave believe me, it was Tig who wouldn’t just let me go.”

“Aye and I’m glad he kept ye here tae, so you’d have just gone without a word?”

“Has Hap got boring or something Chibby, why don’t you just fuck off back to him?”

“Juicy he’s outside, Hap can come in and we’ll talk when ye calm down lad.”

With that Juice moved faster than I’d expected, he was off the bed and at the door in seconds. I was left with no choice other than to just grab him, I then shoved him back down onto the bed.

“Let me go Chibs, I swear I’m going to kill you and Happy fuckin Lowman.”

“Juice calm down lad.”

“Let me fuckin go and I might.”

Shite I hadn’t expected Juice to spit in my face, also it was the sheer look of hate upon his gorgeous face.

“Ye won’t even let me explain will ye.”

“No so fuck off…”

I was still knelt over Juice, the next minute he kneed me hard in the balls and I fell to the floor. With that Juice fled the room, hell the lad never even looked back once.

I knew that I’d fucked up bigtime, I’d hurt the lad so bad with a simple little lie. Suddenly the door flew open and Tig walked in, he rushed straight over to check on me.

“You okay Chibs?”

“Aye I’ll be okay in a minute, the lad kicked me in the fuckin balls.”

Tig held out his hand and pulled me up, he then just started grinning to himself.

“Okay what’s so funny Tig?”

“The lad has more balls than I thought, hell he’s just proved himself in the last day alone.”

“Aye sure, well it’s not helping me that he’s grown some.”

“Calm down Chibs.”

“Where is he anyway.”

“Grabbed his keys and ran out, just took off on his bike.”

“Great, so I dinnae even know where he’s gone now…”

“He won’t get far as Hap went after him.”

That was all I needed, I knew Juice would be pissed big time if Hap caught up with him.


I rode my bike as fast as it would go, not that this old crappy thing would go fast at all. Finally, I’d have to accept that I couldn’t outrun Hap, so I decided to ride out of Charming before giving him the satisfaction.

At least out here it was rather remote, less chance of anyone seeing me finish Hap off. Fuck that was when I realized I hadn’t grabbed my gun, well it looked like Hap would get to end my sad pathetic life.

Hap wasted no time as he pulled in behind me, he was also then off his bike within seconds.

“Juice I only want to talk.”

“I’ve got nothing to say Hap so fuck off.”

“Juice, I swear it’s not what you think, please just let me explain.”

I never even gave Hap a chance to explain, I used all my force and charged at him. He just calmly grabbed me as I punched his chest over and over again, I knew he was stronger than me and it pissed me off even more.

“I hate you Hap, you and Chibs both fuckin deserve each other.”

Suddenly he slapped me hard across the face, hell I thought he’d broke my jaw at first.

“Fuck you Hap…”

I tried to do the same to him as I’d done to Chibs, I brought my knee up to kick him where it hurts. Hap moved fast and shoved me backwards, suddenly the most gruesome pain bloomed in my head.

“Shit just lay still Juice.”

Suddenly Hap was knelt beside me, he then started to feel my head. I just stared transfixed as he pulled his hand away, especially as it was covered in my blood.

“Juice talk to me, come on man get with it.”

I opened my mouth but nothing would come out, suddenly I felt extremely sick. Hap rolled me over onto my side, he then pressed and held something against my head.

“Shit I think you need an ambulance Juice.”

“Please Hap no ambulance.”

I watched as he pulled out his phone, I thought he was calling an ambulance regardless of what I said. However, when he spoke, I realized otherwise, well I guess his way was somewhat better than a hospital. I rolled back over and listened to what was said, I got the general idea from his side of the conversation.

“Tig it’s me Hap, yeah I need a favor. Meet me at Oswald’s with the van, oh and can you bring the first aid kit too. No not too bad, he just can’t ride the bike that’s all.”

Hap hung up, he then sat down on the ground beside me.

“Hap he’s not bringing Chibs is he?”

“No idea Juice, I think he’d gone to the clubhouse so I doubt it.”

“I don’t want to see him.”

“Juice, you get fixed up and then we talk, I also guarantee that this time you will listen.”

“Yeah well it looks like I don’t even have a choice.”

“You’re learning kid.”

Finally, Tig showed up with the van, he then came over towards us both.

“Tig can you help me to get Juice into the van?”

“Yeah no problem.”

They both helped me get into the passenger seat, then Hap made sure I was fastened in.

“I’ll just load your bike Juice and then Tig will take you back, I’ll follow on my bike.”

I was so tired and just wanted to sleep. I also just wanted this fuckin nightmare to end.


I was sat right in the corner of the van as Hap loaded the bike, I just remained quiet so Juice wouldn’t know I was here. Hap knew that I was here, however I swore I’d let him talk to Juice first. Once we were on the move Juice started talking, Tig answered him while I just listened from the shadows.

“Tig is Chibby okay, when did you last see him?”

“Juice why the hell do you care, you’re the one who didn’t want him!”

“I do still love him Tig, I just can’t live with the lies from him and Hap.”

“Maybe you just need to learn how to listen Juice, hell you never even gave him a chance to explain.”

“He was out there with Hap as I heard him, even Jax had no idea what they were up to.”

“You still could have at least heard him out, at least that way you’d know why he did it.”

“I don’t care anymore as it’s over, yet now I have to listen to bullshit from Hap too.”

“You get yourself into some predicaments Juice, Chibs told me how you took him to the floor. Then to top it off you try it with Hap too, of all the people he was a big mistake.”

“Maybe I’m sick of everyone forcing me to stay, forcing me to listen and do as they say all the time.”

“Maybe standing up for yourself was a good idea then.”

“Ha I don’t think Chibby or Hap would agree with you.”

“Most likely not, however I have respect for this new you.”

“Thanks, maybe me and you should get together some time Tig.”

I remained quiet, yet I had all on not to say something to Juice. He says he loves me but hits on Tig, thankfully Tig was my friend.

“Juice Chibs and Hap would kill me, also they are brothers.”

“Yeah true I just want the pain to end. At least you still have family Tig.”

“So do you Juice, you just need to let them in and help you.”

I could tell that Juice was on the verge of tears, when I went away he’d thought his life was perfect. I’d done this to him and it broke my heart, the lad had no one that could hug him better.

It was then that I realized we were slowing down, I then heard Haps bike stop behind us.

“Come on Juice let’s get you inside.”

“I’m fine Tig, I can manage on my own now.”

“You took a knock to the head Juice, at least humor me and let me help you.”

“Fine if you must.”

I knew that Juice could be a stubborn bastard, I had all on not to laugh as Tig helped him out. Juice moaned about everything, it was obvious that he didn’t want Tig here or helping him.

I waited a few minutes until they’d gone inside, it was only then that I slipped out of the van unseen. I entered the cabin and listened, all three of them were sat down in silence. After a few minutes Hap stood, he then turned to talk to Juice.

I remained where I was and just listened for now, I knew Juice was pissed as Hap was giving the orders.

“Juice I can’t say much as it’s up to Chibs to do that, he needs to explain the reason why he lied to you.”

“I don’t want to see him Hap.”

“Juice you’ll listen to me, that or I’ll tie you to the fuckin chair.”

Now I could hear Juice moaning like hell, he even tried to stand and leave the room.


Fuck Hap was good at giving orders, I stood because I didn’t see why I should just sit here and take it.

“Sit the fuck down Juice, how many times do I have to tell you to listen?”

“Fine just get it over with then.”

“Firstly, I want you to know that Chibs loves you more than anything, which God alone knows why he puts up with you.”

“What the hell does that mean Hap?”

“You behave like a big baby at times Juice, that or you go off at the deep end. I’ve noticed with you it’s one or the other, there’s no normal in-between.”

“So, you’re saying that I’m not normal, hell I was good enough when you fucked me.”

“You little fuckin bastard, without me you’d be dead Juice.”

“Fuck you Hap, I wish you’d just fuckin killed me.”

“It’s not too late believe me.”

“Come on then big bad assassin, just fuckin do it.”

Shit within seconds Hap had his gun out with the safety off, he also had it pointed at my head. I closed my eyes and waited, maybe this was it and this was how I was meant to die.

“You anything to say now Juice?”

“Just fuckin do it…”

It was then that I heard the safety go back on, I opened my eyes to see the gun had gone.

“I thought you were going to kill me; shit you’re all talk Hap!”

“Keep it up with the mouth and I’ll do it regardless, Chibs is the only reason you’re still breathing right now.”

“No, you couldn’t possibly hurt Chibs could you.”

“Juice don’t…”

Fuck he wouldn’t let me leave, yet he also wouldn’t kill me. No matter what I did he wouldn’t end it, it was then that I suddenly had a thought.

I waited until Hap was talking and occupied, I then lunged at him and grabbed his gun. My time was up, and I was ready to die, I wasn’t going to kill Tig or Hap only myself.

“Juice put the gun down.”

“Hap just stay away, and I won’t shoot you.”

It was then that I noticed movement out of the corner of my eye, then I heard the voice that I loved so much.

“Put it down Juicy.”

“Give me a reason Chibby, just one fuckin reason as I’ve had enough of the pain.”

“Because I love ye so much Juice, end your life and mine will be over too.”

“You don’t mean that Chibby.”

“Dinnae ye remember the promise I made ye lad, hurt yourself and I’ll do the same tae myself.”

I started at him trying to weigh up what he said, was it words or did he really mean it? However, I was so focused on Chibby and forgot about Tig. Suddenly I was slammed against the wall, it was then I lost grip on the gun and it fell to the floor.

I saw Hap grab the gun and then Tig let me fall to the floor. Within seconds Chibby was on the floor with me, he started stroking my face and whispering things to me.

I clung to him as he tried to stand up, I ended up next to him on the couch as the tears flowed.

“I love ye so much Juice, all I want is a chance tae explain it all tae ye. Afterwards if ye want tae leave I won’t stop ye, please just hear me out first…”

I just nodded my head; at the moment I was far too emotional to even speak.


I realized that now was the perfect time to talk, Juice was far too tired and stressed out to fight back.

“Juicy what day is it in a couple of hours?”

“My birthday, why?”

“I promise ye I’d be with ye to celebrate it didn’t I?”


“There was no job lad, Jax was telling ye the truth about that.”

I could feel Juice tense up, however this time he remained quiet and listened.

“Hap was helping me with your birthday present Juice, it would be your first birthday with me and I wanted it tae be special.”

“What do you mean Chibby…”

“Hap came away with me to help make it all perfect, I love ye so much lad despite ye can be daft at times. I only told a little white lie to keep it a surprise, next minute I’m sleeping with half of the club.”

I watched as he closed those gorgeous eyes, he then laid his head against my chest.

“You mean it don’t you Chibby…”

“Aye lad that I do, maybe I fucked up and went the wrong way about it.”

“Maybe I shouldn’t have jumped to conclusions, oh shit I made Haps life hell too.”

“Hap understands lad, he just wanted tae help with your present too. I guess it was his way of making things up tae you.”

“Yeah and I fucked it all up as usual.”

“Juice I should have realized how it’d look tae ye, especially after the past few months and all.”

“I was still a jerk Chibby…”

“Aye that ye were lad.”

“Chibby will you kiss me?”

“Jesus lad ye dinnae have tae ask me that twice, I feel like I’ve waited days tae kiss ye again.”

I kissed his gorgeous mouth and didn’t want to let go, then Juice started using his tongue and I was getting hard.

“Juicy I think we’re giving Hap and Tig a show…”

It was then that Tig got my attention, apparently, he’d wanted to ask me something.

“Chibby are you two good now, it’s just Jax wanted the van back for morning?”

“Yeah Tig we’re good and thanks for all this, you too Hap thanks for everything.”

“No problem, I’m going back with Tig as I’m too tired to ride my bike.”

Hap and Tig were soon gone, now it was just me and Juice and I’d missed him so much.

“Chibby where are we anyway, who owns this place?”

“Me lad, well at least for the next week anyway.”


“It was for yer birthday Juicy, a week here together away from everyone.”

“Oh shit and I fucked it up.”

“Hey, we’re good now, Hap helped me clean the place up and stock up on food and stuff.”

“I’ll thank him later Chibby.”

“Aye we need to pop to the club tomorrow so ye can do it then.”

“Thank you Chibby for all of this, also for putting up with me too.”

“I do it cos I love ye lad.”

“Prove it, make love to me Chibby!”

“Ye sure lad as you’ve just had a bang to the head?”

“I’m sure. Also, I know that you want it too Chibby. Shit I can feel how hard you are against my leg, come on I want you inside me.”

The lad was making me so hot and turned on, I grabbed his hand and pulled him towards the bedroom.


Chibby picked me up and placed me on the bed, he then started to undress me ever so slowly.

“Fuck Chibby, I could do it faster myself.”

“The whole point is to make ye wait lad.”

“Chibby please! Come on I need you now…”

“Juicy boy…”


“You do realize it’s yer birthday in a few minutes.”

“Yeah so what?”

“I’d made plans, you can have yer main present tomorrow though. It was actually something else, no never mind just forget about it…”

“Chibby just say it, anyway I thought been here with you was my present?”

“No lad, but you’ll have to wait until later tomorrow.”

“So, what was it you were going to ask then Chibby?”

“Shite lad, ye kept asking if we could do it the other way around.”

“What are you talking about Chibby?”

“Make love, sex or whatever…”

“I believe you’re a little flustered Chibby.”

“Dinnae be a smart-ass lad.”

“Do you really mean it?”

“Juicy I mean it if you’re on about us… You know what I mean.”

“Chibby you actually want me to fuck you?”

“Aye lad, I guess it’s time I let ye.”

“You sound a bit nervous Chibby.”

“Fuck yeah I’m nervous, I’ve never done this before with anyone.”

“This sounds like fun then.”

“Juicy I’m not laughing.”

“Sorry Chibby, I swear I’ll be gentle and make it feel real good.”

“Aye ye had better do.”

“I promise, have you got any supplies here?”

“Top draw Juicy boy.”

I reached into the draw and searched for what I wanted, within seconds I advanced on Chibby.

“I love you so much Chibby, and I love that you trust me enough to let me do this.”

“Shite lad you’re the first person I’ve loved this much, that was why I wanted it to be special.”

I gave Chibby a passionate kiss, and only then did I stand up.

“Fuck Juicy where are ye going?”

“Chibby I think we both still have too many clothes on, well if you want anything to happen that is!”

“Aye lad yer right.”

I watched as Chibby stripped within no time at all, I also couldn’t help but notice how hard he was too.

“Juicy move it lad.”

“Sorry I was too busy watching you.”

“Strip Juicy for me.”

It didn’t take me long, especially with Chibs looking hungrily at me.

“Chibby shut up and lay down on the bed.”

“Now who’s the impatient one lad?”

“I told you we’d take it slow. Hell, I don’t want to put you off for life.”

I remembered my first time, I guess I was lucky it hadn’t put me off men.


I lay on the bed as the lad had wanted, within seconds he was also on the bed with me as I was as nervous as hell.

“Relax for me Chibby…”

“Aye I’m trying Juicy.”


It was easy at the start, Mary mother of Jesus it was an overload of stimulation. The lad had that talented tongue of his everywhere, he bit both my nipples and then moved even lower down.

Fuck I nearly came as he suddenly deep throated me, the feeling of wanting to come already was great. Then I felt something press against my ass and I jumped, fuck that just made me tense up even more.

“Chibby please baby, hey it’s only one finger and it’s lubed!”

I tried to relax as Juice had another go, his finger slipped straight in this time and it felt really strange to begin with.

“Chibby make sure you stay relaxed, this time I’m going to use two.”

“Shite lad…”

This time there was a bit more strain as he entered me, however this time he decided to move his fingers around inside me. Suddenly the lad brushed lightly against my prostate, my whole body felt like it was on fire now.

“Do you like that Chibby?”

“Fuck yes! Do it again Juicy.”

“No chance Chibby, now you’ll have to wait until my cocks buried deep inside you.”

“Just fuck me now then lad!”

“Chibby you have to be ready first.”

“Shite I’m fuckin ready, hell I’m not going to get any readier than this either!”

“Fine have it your own way then, turn over for me Chibby.”

“Ye dinnae want me facing ye Juicy?”

“Maybe next time, shit Chibby I’ll stop if I see I’m hurting you at all.”

“Thought ye said it dinnae hurt lad?”

“A small bit at first, but then it’s worth it for the pleasure that’ll follow.”

“Aye okay just get on with it then.”

I rolled over onto my stomach and then that I felt something large pressing against my ass, I nearly screamed as Juice worked his cock inside my body.

“Relax Chibby and it won’t be as bad.”

“Fuck this, I was supposed to be a man for crying out loud. Hell, if Juicy could take it so could I, in one fast movement I pushed my ass against him.


“Chibby I said to go slow.”

“Just give me a minute and I’ll be alright, how the fuck do ye do this Juicy?”

“Hold on babe.”

Juice worked a miracle and started moving, he soon worked up a rhythm plunging in and out of me. I had to admit that the pain soon turned to pleasure, also I knew that I’d be coming soon.

“Fuck Juicy I need tae come…”

“Hold on.”

Suddenly Juice moved slightly and hit my prostate hard, the next minute I was seeing stars as I came all over the bed. I just turned into a boneless heap beneath Juice, who soon followed and came deep inside my ass.

“You okay Chibby?”

“Fuck, yeah it was amazing…”

“I told you it would be.”

The lad rolled off me, then he slapped me on the backside before laying down beside me.


In the morning I woke to see Chibby already awake, however he was just laid there staring at me.

“Morning love ye sleep well?”

“Yeah far better after last night Chibby.”

“Aye well happy birthday Juicy lad.”

“Thanks, also thanks for all of this too Chibby.”

“How about we shower and then go see what Jax wants? Also, I need tae give ye yer present too.”

“Chibby I’m just happy that I still have you!”

“Go shower lad, I’ll go and make us both some coffee.”

“You not going to wash my back then?”

“No chance, hell we’d never get out of there lad.”

“Yeah good point.”

I got out of bed and made my way to the bathroom; I enjoyed the warm water upon my body as I was lost in thought. I had to wonder what Jax wanted me for, also just what Chibby would give me for my birthday.

I was finally dressed and went to grab my coffee, meanwhile Chibby went to take a shower on his own. I had to admit that it was peaceful here, I also liked the idea of the pair of us here alone for a week.

Chibby had promised me we wouldn’t be at the club for long, I was glad as I always worried about what they really thought of me.

“Ye ready Juicy?”

“You do know that my bike’s fucked Chibby, I think I burnt it out totally trying to outrun Hap.”

“Juice it’s a death trap anyway.”

“Yeah well it’s all I have.”

“I guess ye get tae ride bitch then babe.”

“What joy, believe me I’d only do it with you though.”

“Aye lad, I’d better show ye your present before we leave.”

“What it’s here?”

“Aye lad.”

“So, what is it Chibby?”

I really hoped that I’d like his present, Chibs could read my emotions and I didn’t want to let him down again. He’d already put up with so much from me in the past, so I smiled as he led me outside.

“Oh fuck Chibby…”

I turned around and hugged him tight as I cried, I couldn’t believe he’d done all of this for me.

“Juicy lad come on, talk tae me babe.”

“I made your life hell and you did this…”

“Aye cos I love ye lad, it’s also from Hap too as without his help I’d have never done it.”

“I’m such a jerk Chibby!”

“Go look at it Juicy.”

I walked over towards my present, the last time I’d seen my bike it was in pieces. As far as I was concerned it was the best present ever, I knew I’d have to make sure I thanked Hap too.

“So ye like it then babe?”

“God of course I do, it just looks so new and perfect.”

“We replaced some of the chrome with new, I think that Hap did a good job on it tae lad.”

“Yeah I’ll have to thank him and apologize for all the shit.”

“Aye that ye will lad.”

“So when can I ride it?”

“Now, ye can ride it tae the club Juicy.”

As I rode to Teller Morrow I felt like a god, my present was perfect and so was my life.


The look on the lad's’ face was worth it all, at least now he knew the reason I’d lied to him in the first place. We arrived at T.M in good time, at least his bike was faster than that other heap of shite.

When we got off our bikes Juice came straight over to me, he then threw his arms around me and hugged me.

“I love you so much Chibby.”

“Aye I know lad, I love ye tae.”

Suddenly his lips were upon mine, Juicy gave me the most passionate kiss I’d had in my life. However, I knew now wasn’t a good time, Jax had accepted what we had together. This however was a place of work, it also had customers that might not like two men together.

“I think we need tae get inside lad.”

“You’re not ashamed of me are you Chibby?”

I kissed him upon those perfect lips, I then knew I had no choice other than to pull away.

“Far from it lad, however Jax might not like us doing it here.”

“Yeah I guess he won’t.”

“Last thing ye need is tae get on his wrong side, hell at least he’s still letting ye prospect.”

“I know and I’m truly grateful.”

“Aye well move that cute ass lad.”

We walked into the club and it was nearly empty, so far I could only see Tig sat at the bar.

“Morning Tig, so where’s everyone?”

“Garage, that or out on a job.”

“What about Hap and Jax?”

“I’ve no idea Chibs, I’m sure they’ll turn up sooner or later.”

“Aye I guess yer right Tig.”

“What are you doing here anyway, I thought you two were sorted and spending the week together?”

“Jax asked us tae call by, also Juicy wants to see Hap about the bike.”

“I’ll go and ask if anyone’s seen them, suppose I should get something done anyway.”

“Aye okay, I’ll catch you later Tiggie.”

I turned back to see Juice getting a drink, well I suppose it was his birthday after all.

“Pour me a whisky lad will ye.”

“Yeah will do, just don’t drink too much lover.”

“Ye scared I cannae handle my drink lad?”

“Hey, you promised that we could go back to bed…”

“Aye but I never said what for! maybe I want a wee bit more sleep.”

“Really, if that’s the case I might have to stay here then.”

“Aye, and why would ye want tae do that lad?”

“I’ll be bored if you go to sleep, also I shouldn’t have to be bored on my birthday.”

“Aye okay, I promise ye that I’ll stay awake then.”

“Chibby I want you to make love to me!”

“Aye I get it Juicy.”

“Yeah well don’t drink too much or, you know…”

“What ye think I won’t be capable of getting it up? Ye wait lad and I’ll show ye.”

“I can’t wait lover.”

It was then that the door opened and Hap walked in, I’d never seen Juice move that fast before. It was good that he could go to Hap, maybe it meant I wouldn’t have to worry about him as much.


I ran towards Hap and hugged him, I even kissed him on the cheek.

“What’s got into you lad?”

“You went out of your way to help Chibby, what with the bike and everything else. All I did was make your life hell, yours and Chibs!”

“Yeah well I fucked up too lad, you just have to realizes how much we all love you and listen to us.”

“I love all of you too and you’re my family, the only one that I really have.”

“Be good then and Jax might let you back in, I take it that’s what you want?”

“More than anything Hap, well apart from Chibby that is.”

“Make sure you look after him Juice, Chibs loves you more than anything else in his life.”

“Yeah I think I’ve finally realized that.”

“Oh I forgot to say Jax is in the garage, Tig said that you wanted to see him.”

“Yeah Hap, well actually it was Jax that wanted to see me and Chibs.”

“Right I’ve got a collection to make so I’ll tell him you’re here.”

“Thanks Hap.”

I went over and sat beside Chibby, I then leant against his shoulder.

“Jax will be here soon.”

“Aye are ye okay Juicy?”

“Yeah why?”

“Ye seem a bit more confident around Hap, he does love ye lad in his own way.”

“Yeah he honestly believed he was doing right by saving me.”

“Aye well Clay had no right giving him the order in the first place.”

“Yeah I think I was just there, and Hap loved me a bit too much, you know he struggles with his emotions.”

“Aye lad well I’m glad ye have made yer peace Juicy, I’m also glad that we’re good again.”

I remained resting against Chibs and closed my eyes, for some reason I was suddenly feeling tired. I guess that all the excitement was finally catching up with me, well until I heard Jax shout.

“Happy birthday Juice.”

I opened my eyes to see Jax stood there, he has this shit ass grin on his face too.

“Thanks Jax.”

“Can you and Chibby come to the table as it’s quiet there.”

“Aye lad no problem.”

I felt really nervous, I guess I was scared he’d kick me out because of everything that had happened. Jax shoved a box across the table at me, at first I just sat there looking at it.

“Open it Juice as it won’t bite.”

I lifted the lid off the box to find my cut inside, I ran my hand along the soft leather remembering the past.

“I thought that I’d get it cleaned, that way it’ll look good with that shiny bike of yours.”

“Thank you Jax, I think it’s the cleanest it’s looked in a long time.”

“Put it on then Juice.”

I pulled the cut out of the box, shit it was then I noticed what had changed about it.

“Shit Jax really, I’m no longer a prospect anymore?”

“No Juice, you’re a fully patched member once more.”

“Hell, I don’t know what to say, hey is everyone else alright with this?”

“Yeah Juice as we took a vote this morning and everyone voted except Chibs, however we knew what he’d vote so that was okay. Everyone wants you back, so do you accept Juice?”

“Hell yeah I accept, thanks Jax this means so much to me.”

We had one more drink, then we set off to spend the week together. This though had turned out to be my best birthday ever, I had my bike back and my patch.

I also had the man that I loved so much, also as a birthday bonus he planned to make love to me all night. What more could I ask for, I finally felt so loved and had found my place in life.

Breaking Inside

By CarolelaineD