Work Header

Breaking Inside

Chapter Text

It was totally pointless protesting; I was well aware that Hap was well beyond reasoning with. Yet I was unable to remain quiet or stop the sobs, Hap must have used all he had on that first hit. This was Hap though and I knew he wouldn’t stop anytime soon; it wouldn’t matter how much I screamed either.

“Does it hurt lad?”

“Shit yes it fuckin hurts…”

This time Hap brought the whip down twice more, this time I knew the skin had to be ripped open.

“Tell me the fuckin truth then lad.”

“Shit yes, I went to visit Chibs, I had to see him one more time…”

“Yet you lied to my face when I out right asked, you then put our lives in danger, and I don’t understand why?”

“I did it because I love him…”

Shit the whip came down even harder if that were possible, this time though it was my thighs that suffered. To be honest I didn’t think I could hold on much longer, Hap seemed to have totally lost control now.

“That’s not a good enough reason Juice.”

“I’m sorry… shit what do you want me to say?”

“Give me a reason why I shouldn’t just kill you right now? I don’t even know why I bother wasting my time on you.”

“Please Hap I don’t want to die.”

“Maybe I should just leave you all alone somewhere, you wouldn’t survive would you Juice…”

“Hap, oh shit please don’t leave me.”

“You need to man up Juice, stop relying on others to always be there for you.”

“I’d rather be dead than all alone.”

Hap never even answered me, he just raised the whip once more and carried on. The pain became so bad that my brain just switched off, the whip came down on my ass and I finally blacked out from the pain.

I had no idea how long I’d lay there in that state, I tried to force my eyes open, but they refused and darkness was better. It was sometime later when I forced them open, now my whole body was in agony and I couldn’t even move.

I realized that I was still tied to the bed, yet I could see no sign of Hap at all. Great now my mind started to work overtime, maybe he really had gone and left me all alone. I turned my head towards the door, it then took everything that I had to call his name.


The door flew open and there stood Hap, he looked pissed off but at least he was still here.

“What do you want Juice, just get some rest as you’re going to need it.”

“I thought you’d gone and left me all alone.”

“You had to be punished lad, believe me I haven’t finished yet either.”

“So, are you going to kill me Hap?”

“No Juice, I’m not going to kill you or leave I promise.”

“Why not?”

“Because I made a promise to Chibs, a promise to a brother means a lot to me Juice.”

“Why though if you hate me?”

“Juice, I don’t hate you lad, hell you were my brother once too. I had to punish you; make you realize out there someone would kill you.”

I knew that I was pathetic without a shadow of doubt, I was also willing to suffer and beg to keep what I had.

“Please Hap just do what you want to me, I’ll be good and won’t ever do anything again if you stay…”

“Juice your babbling now lad, get some rest and then I can finish your punishment.”

I realized that might be a good idea, not that I knew how I’d sleep tied to the bed and bleeding.


The next morning, I couldn’t leave fast enough, even though I realized I’d have to call a cab to take me home. It had suddenly hit me that I had no idea where my bike was, the last time I’d used it was to ride to the cabin.

My home felt so alien to me now, I guess been here alone wasn’t helping either. I’d only ever really used this place to crash when the club was full, that or it was just somewhere to get pissed.

In the kitchen I found my stash of whisky, maybe tonight I’d just get drunk and enjoy the freedom while it lasted. Tomorrow I’d have to go and pay Clay a visit at the club, then after that I had to find Juice.

At least I had enough money to get by for a while, eventually though I’d have to go out and find another job. I had to admit that it felt good to get drunk again, it just scared the hell out of me how I felt about life and Juice.

Part of me wanted the club life back, then another part of me wanted to forget all about it. The fact that I now had no one to talk to hit me hard, without the club I had no one at all to even listen. I was a sad lonely old bastard, that and a useless fuckin drunk.

Once morning came, I regret the fact I’d drank so much, my head was pounding and now I had to go out. Facing Clay with a hangover wasn’t the brightest of ideas, a few painkillers and I’d be good to go.

Once again, I had to call a cab, hell it wasn’t like I had enough money to get another bike like the one I had. At the garage I spoke to no one, I even just walked straight past Tig and Opie. Once in the clubhouse I soon found Jax, well at least he’d know where Clay is.

“Hey Chibs, it’s good to see you back here brother.”

“Aye you too Jackie lad, I was actually looking for Clay though.”

“Chibs can I have a word with you in private, we can go in the church as it’s empty.”

“Aye Jackie lad that sounds good, I’ve not really had anyone to talk to for a while now.”

“Come on then.”

I followed Jax into the room, he then motioned for me to take a seat.

“Chibs, shit I don’t even know where the hell to start.”

“Jackie lad just tell me where Clay is?”

“Chibs he’s dead, it’s a long story but he deserved it so don’t feel bad for him.”

“Why the hell would I feel bad for him, Clay never gave a shit about anyone but himself.”

“Yeah true, look Chibs I’m sorry about all the shit that went down before.”

“Aye it’s the past Jackie lad, I just couldn’t understand why you all voted for mayhem on Juice though?”

“We had no choice Chibs, Clay wanted him dead for some reason and blackmailed us all.”

“What about Hap, where’s he nowadays?”

“I realize that you perhaps want revenge, but he’s gone, Hap fell apart after having to kill Juice. Maybe it was because he was a brother, all I know is that he went Nomad when he left here.”

“He’s full of shit lad,”

“What the hell are you talking about Chibs?”

“Happy never killed Juice, he faked his death and has him prisoner somewhere.”

“I think we’d know if that were true!”

“I’m not mad Jax, Happy made sure than none of you ever found out and especially Clay.”

“So how do you know Chibs if it’s top secret?”

“Juice came to see me, he escaped and turned up at the hospital.”

“So how can Hap have Juice if he escaped?”

“Like an idiot the lad went back, he knew if he ran Hap would kill me.”

“So, he went back to protect you?”

“Aye lad…”

“So how do you know he’s still alive then?”

“I don’t, but hell Jackie lad I have to at least try and find him.”

“I’ll call an emergency meeting, I’m sure everyone will want to help you and Juice after what Clay did.”

“Yeah, we need to find out why Clay wanted the lad dead in the first place?”

“Yeah maybe Juice can answer that if we find him.”

Now all I had to do was wait, I had to see if the rest of the club would help me or not.


I drifted in and out of sleep, my body hurt so much, and I was now unable to block it out. I wished Hap would just get the punishment over with, shit I knew it would hurt no matter what he did.

Later Hap entered the room and sat down on the bed, my stomach clenched, and I just wanted to throw up.

“You ready Juice?”

“How can I answer that, shit it’s not like I even know what you’re going to do to me.”

“First, I’m going to put some cooling gel on your ass, I don’t want you to get an infection or become sick now.”

“Thanks’ for the concern Hap.”

“You have to suffer so that you understand, this time it will be physically and mentally Juice.”

“Oh fuck that hurts…”

I hadn’t expected Hap to start massaging the gel into my sore ass, I tried to just block everything out, but it was near impossible.

“How’s that feel now Juice?”

“I’m fine, hell I’d be even better if you just untied me.”

“Not just yet Juice, you won’t like what I have planned for you next. I can’t have you fighting me or trying to escape, as it would ruin the moment.”

“I didn’t fuckin escape, I came back so shut the fuck up.”

I had no idea why I’d suddenly started yelling at him, however I wanted to kill him when he slapped me hard.

“You fuckin sadistic bastard.”

“Watch your mouth lad or I’ll gag you, believe me you asked for that and far more.”

“So why bother putting the fuckin cream on then?”

“To stop infection and nothing more.”

“Poor Hap, are you scared that your little toy gets sick?”

“Juice, it won’t work, I can take far more shit than you could ever dish out.”

“Fuck you.”

I turned my head away from Hap, I believed that I was now past caring what he did to me. My ass still hurt and to top it off he was still massaging it, then Hap started to apply even more gel.

Fuck I jumped as he suddenly pushed a finger inside my ass, then my cock had to betray me as Hap rubbed my prostate.


“Do you like that Juice; you’ll want to come soon lad I promise.”

“I fuckin hate you…”

“No you don’t, you just hate the fact that I can make you feel good.”

“I hate you and wish that you were dead.”

“You’re a slut Juice, you’d give your ass to anyone that’d have it.”

“That’s not fuckin true, there has only ever been Chibs and I love him.”

The slap to my ass was agonizing, but not just once as he slapped me three times.

“Do you want me to do it again Juice?”

“No, please Hap I’m so sorry…”

“Yeah I bet you are.”

Once more though the bastard hit me, I knew at this rate I’d be sobbing soon.

“Shit I said I’m sorry, please I can’t take anymore Hap.”

“Okay time to move on with the rest of your punishment then.”

“I thought you’d just done it?”

“No, I’ve something very special for you Juice.”

Hap got up off the bed, he then went and started searching for something in the draw. Within seconds he put a condom on and applied some lube, he then came over towards the bed and me. Soon Hap was applying some of the lube to my backside, I was surprised as Hap wasn’t normally so considerate.

“Hap what are you doing, I thought this was a punishment?

“I’m going to make love to you Juice.”

Now I did start sobbing, Hap knew this was one way that would destroy me.


I’d decided to go out for a ride on my bike, it felt like years rather than months since I last rode it. All this time it had been kept at the club and unused, I was just glad that it was still whole and worked.

I returned to the club later for the meeting Jax had planned, however everyone appeared to be just sitting around the bar. People kept patting me on the back and welcoming me back, Tig gave me a big hug and kissed me on the cheek.

“Are you good Chibs?”

“Aye just tired, where’s Jax as I’m supposed tae be here for a meeting?”

“In the chapel, we’ve already had the meeting though Chibs.”

“I thought that I was meant tae be present…”

“Everyone was here so Jax just started.”

It was then that the door opened and Jax shouted me, I was so fuckin nervous it was unreal.

“Glad you came Chibs, I guess that Tig has told you that we’ve all talked?”

“Aye Jackie lad, however, he never said how it went though.”

“Don’t worry as it went really well.”

“Ye care to share then lad?”

“Take a seat Chibs.”

I sat down and then Jax also sat, he then smiled at me before he started talking.

“Everyone knows that you’ve been under a lot of stress, also that coming back here was also hard for you. Most also know about the relationship you shared with Juice…”

“Aye I bet that never went down well.”

“Chibs they really don’t give a shit, to them you’re still the same person you’ve always been. Look basically I’m trying to say that they want you back, so I guess the ball’s in your court now.”

“What about Juice, are they willing tae help me find him?”

“Yeah Chibs we’ll all help you.”

“Thanks lad, also what will happen tae Juice if we do find him?”

“He’s still one of us if it’s what he wants, it was Clay that wanted him gone and not us. I’m president now though and things will be different, it was all just getting out of hand.”

“So have ye any idea at all why Clay wanted the lad dead?”

“No idea at all Chibs, we thought the drugs thing was just an excuse, We noticed that things had changed between them, Juice had become far more distant after Stockholm.”

“Aye and suicidal, he was starting tae come around and then Clay pulled all this shite.”

“Chibs even if we find him, well he might not be the same anymore…”

“Aye I know he might be fucked up and beyond help, shit Jax I just love him so much.”

“Yeah, I’d say that’s obvious, so just where does Hap fit in then. I never even knew he liked Juice, or was it all just a game to him?”

“I have no idea lad; I’d have thought Hap would have gladly put a bullet in him.”

“Yeah so why spare him, then go and fuck him over in the worst way possible?”

“Maybe Hap had a soft spot for the lad, at the end of the day Hap only knows how to inflict pain onto others.”

“Hold on Chibs.”

I watched as Jax took an incoming call, I couldn’t help but overhear him mention Happy.

“It appears that Hap has been seen around, you have to remember it might not lead us to Juice though.”

I’d follow any lead I had, especially if there was a slight chance it might lead to Juice.


Hap had made love to me that night and now planned to do it again, I guess he got off on how much it affected me.

“Juice breathe lad.”

“Hap please don’t do it again.”

I felt as his cock pressed against my ass, then he started to slowly push it inside.


“Calm down lad as I’m doing this no matter what, it’s just even with lube you’re so fuckin tight.”

Before I knew it, he was fully inside my ass, he then remained still until I’d adjusted to the intrusion. I cried like a fuckin baby as Hap fucked me, I’d got to the point where I just wanted it to end. Then Hap went and worked his hand underneath me, before I even knew what was happening, he’d made me come.

“Such a slut Juicy…”

“Please Hap you already did this last night, I swear that I can’t take it anymore.”

“Yeah and I also told you then that sorry doesn’t cut it, you fucked up bigtime Juice.”

He grabbed my hips hard and I knew he’d come soon; I also knew I’d be covered in even more bruises at this rate. Suddenly I felt my ass fill with his come, however Hap never even attempted to move.

When he finally pulled out, I thought it was all over, then Hap appeared to have other ideas. I felt as he ran his tongue along my spine, he then worked his way up to my neck. Within seconds he was biting and sucking it, then he worked his mouth towards my own.

I had to suffer as he kissed me, he then pushed his tongue inside and I wanted to throw up. Suddenly I couldn’t take any more of this, hell this felt way too personal compared to the other times.

I knew that Hap was doing it on purpose, yet I couldn’t just lie here and let him violate me like this. He released my mouth and started kissing my neck again, I knew that I’d have to time it right if I wanted him off me.

When he lifted his head, I threw mine back hard, I made sure that my head fully impacted with his nose.

“You little bastard, Fuck I think you’ve broken my nose!”

Hap grabbed me by the throat and squeezed, everything was slowly starting to turn black.

“I should just fuckin kill you…”

I couldn’t answer him; in some way I was hoping that he’d just put me out of my misery. I must have fully blacked out at some point as I woke alone, not that it was long before Hap returned.

It didn’t take me long to realize he was carrying the whip once more; he then went and used every bit of strength he had on me. God it was like Hap had finally snapped, I screamed as the whip came down repeatedly over my back and ass.

The screaming became such a strain upon my abused throat, worse though was Hap who just carried on laughing hysterically.

Now my ears were also ringing and hurt, it took me a minute to realize that it was a phone ringing. Hap never spoke at all to me; he just dropped the whip and left the room.

My whole body was on fire, yet all I could do was lay here and suffer alone. When Hap returned, he was cursing to himself, as he started to remove all the cable ties. He then threw a blanket over me and picked me up, now I was far more scared than ever before.

“Hap what are you doing…”

“This is where you stop asking questions and shut the fuck up.”

I knew better and kept my mouth shut, Hap then carried me outside and put me in the van. We drove and drove, maybe Hap had planned to bury me somewhere out in the woods.


After Jax had finished on the phone he left me alone, he’ returned with Tig and told us both to take a seat.

“So, what exactly do you know Jackie lad?”

“We have a location of where Haps been seen, shit I can’t believe we didn’t even think of that before though…”

“Thought of what, shite lad just spit it out will ye!”

“What’s the most important thing, or should I say person in Hap’s life?”

“Shite his mom, how the fuck did we all miss that. Happy would never leave her alone for tae long, he’d also kill anyone who went near her.”

“Well it appears that he’s been back home for a few months now, we’ve no idea if Juice is there or was ever there!”

“Aye he might have kept the lad somewhere else, so Jackie lad when do we leave?”

“First we need to discuss club business.”

“Are ye taking the piss lad.”

“Chibs just hear me out.”

“Aye but make it quick then.”

“When Clay passed away and I became president, look I’m trying to say that a position became available. You might not have noticed but we have no V.P, I want you Chibs to fill the position.”

“Shite why the hell me? There’s plenty of people that could do it.”

“Yeah well no one wanted it, also this way they’d all have to listen to you Chibs…”

“I cannae believe ye just dropped this on me, shite Jackie I dinnae know.”

I looked over towards Tig, who for once was actually quiet.

“So Tiggie, I’d have thought you’d have jumped at the chance tae be V.P.”

“No, I’m not cut out for that man as I always act before I think…”

“Aye true, can ye honestly say you’d be happy if I took the position?”

“Chibs you went off the rails a bit with Juice, but we’ve all made mistakes so yeah I’m okay.”

“Aye but can ye live with what Juice did too?”

“We never really knew why Clay ordered his death to start with, look we’ll be fine as long as he gets the help he needs.”

“Aye we need to ask the lad what went on between him and Clay, what was so bad that he wanted Juice dead!”


“Aye Jackie lad.”

“Do you accept the position; will you be Vice President for Samcro?”

“Aye lad if it’s what ye all want.”

“Yeah Chibs it is, however for now I’ll be leaving Tig here in charge.”

“Aye and what about Juice?”

“We’ll go in low key to start with, just myself and you Chibs. I want no heroics, also keep that temper of yours under control too.”

“Aye I’ll be on my best behavior, so how are we getting there then Jax?”

“We will take the van, then that way if he’s there we can bring him back with us.”

“Aye good idea.”

We walked out into the bar, Jax then went and announced my new position to everyone in the club. Everyone cheered and seemed happy enough with it all, some hugged me while others slapped me on the back.

“Ye ready Jackie lad?”

“Just a minute, right Tig will be in charge so make sure you behave while we’re gone. Also, make sure your all available if needed, there’s no saying how Hap will react when he sees us.”

They all agreed to do as Jax had asked, he also told Bobby to phone Tara just in case we found Juice in a bad way. I swear I’d kill Hap if Juice isn’t alive and well, maybe I’d just kill him regardless.


Finally, Hap stopped the van and opened the rear door, as for me well I could hardly even open my eyes now and was in a lot of pain.

“Final destination Juice!”

“Hap where are we?”

“It doesn’t matter anymore, but this is where we say goodbye Juice.”

“Hap I’ll die out here, shit you can’t leave me out here alone.”

Hap ignored me and lifted me from the van, he then just lay me on the ground, and I started to panic. I was a total mess and couldn’t even stand up alone, how the fuck would I be able to walk away from this. If he left me here, I’d die no matter what, I cried like a fuckin baby as he turned away and left me.

“Hap please don’t leave, oh fuck I’m so sorry and I’ll do anything at all…”

“It’s too late Juice.”

Hap climbed back in the van and drove away; it was like I was nothing and didn’t even exist to him. I had no idea where the hell I was, all I knew was that it was dark. No lights indicated no houses or people, so I was fucked even if I could move.

At least the time I’d walked out on Chibs I’d been healthy, this time I couldn’t even move to find food. I was cut up bad from the whip, also my throat sill hurt from where he grabbed me. Just to top it all off I was naked, well apart from the blanket Hap let me keep that is.

I guessed that sooner or later someone would find me. Well find my body at least, most probably some poor innocent out walking his dog or something. Shit then I realized some other animal might find me first, also I might even still be alive.

I knew that I’d bring on a panic attack at this rate, not that anyone could blame me after all the shit I’ve suffered. Maybe if my suicide plan had worked It would have been over ages ago, but no the fuckin branch had snapped on me and then Chibs came.

It felt like ages ago that I last saw Chibs, I had no idea how long I’d even been with Hap as I had no sense of time anymore. Chibs had ended up inside that hospital because of me, another of the many times I’ve fucked up.

To Top it off even Hap had abandoned me now, I had no idea what had got him so spooked like that as normally he was calm. Maybe it had been the phone call he received, or maybe he’d just got bored with me.

Hap had promised Chibs he wouldn’t kill me; he’d also promised that he wouldn’t leave me alone. He was my brother and friend; I couldn’t see Hap abandoning me without a very good reason…

Hap might even return in a few hours to get me, maybe this was his way of teaching me a lesson. Well if it was the later it was working, shit I’d promise to behave if he’d just come back and get me.

Now I felt like I was going mad, I wanted the man that abused me to come and save me! I knew deep down that I was deluding myself too, I’d spent my whole life with everyone leaving me sooner or later.

My father had been the same, here one day and gone the next. Hell, not that I should have given a shit after he beat me, I’d only been eleven and was trying to protect my mother.

After that night I was to become his target, not that he ever needed a reason to hit me all the time. My father liked the power that he had over me as he watched me cower and beg, I guess a lot hasn’t changed since then either.

My father would get his kicks as I pleaded and begged, yet he still made me do all the bad things that I didn’t want to do. Shit I knew that I really shouldn’t be going down that road tonight, I closed my eyes and prayed that I’d just fall asleep, and forget everything.


The drive over to Haps was rather quiet, I guess that we were both just lost in our own thoughts. In the end, it took us just over two hours to get there, I guess it was good that there was hardly any traffic.

“You okay Chibs?”

“Aye Jackie lad, I’ll just be glad when this is all over with.”

“Yeah me too, well his bikes parked up so he might be here.”

“Come on then lad, we might as well get this show on the road.”

We decided to park just past his house, we then got out and both checked our weapons.

“How do ye wantae do this lad?”

“It’s Hap so we’d better just play it safe, we’ll just knock on the door and act natural as we can.”

“Aye lad, it’s yer call.”

I watched as Jax knocked upon the door, literally within seconds Hap had answered it.

“Hap we need to talk to you, look it’s only me and Chibs…”

“Fine but make it quick, I’ll need to go and check on my mom soon that’s all.”

I wasn’t going to stand here anymore like a puppet, or a sidekick to Jax.

“Hap where’s Juice and don’t lie to me either?”

“He’s gone.”

“Aye but where and when?”

“I let him go Chibs, I told you that I wouldn’t kill him.”

“So, when did you let him go?”

“He left weeks ago.”

For some reason I didn’t believe a word that Hap said, I never even gave it a second thought as I put my gun to his head.

“Jax go and check inside the house.”

“Shit Chibs it wasn’t meant to go down like this…”

“Just go and do it Jackie boy.”

I kept my gun trained on Hap, however within a few minutes Jax returned.

“Is he in there Jax?”

“No but you might want to check out the bedroom.”

“Keep yer gun on Hap then lad.”

I went in search of the bedroom, holy fuck the sheets were covered in fresh blood. I also noticed a few lose cable ties, there was also a whip on the floor that was bloody too.

I lost it big time; however I knew I couldn’t fall apart just yet. I searched every room until I found what I wanted, only then did I make my way back to Jax and Hap. Jax had to threaten Hap, he’d started to get really worked up when he saw me return.

“Touch my mom and I’ll kill you both…”

“It’s simple Hap, tell me where Juice is, and I’ll let her go.”

“He’s not here, shit I got word that you were coming and panicked.”

“So where the hell is the lad? Last chance Hap.”

“It’s too hard to explain, but I could take you there and show you…”

“Jax stay here with his mom, ye Hap are coming with me. Ye can drive and take me tae Juice, one wrong move though and I’ll kill ye.”

“Yeah I understand.”

“How far did ye take him Hap?”

“It’s about an hour away.”

“Right Jax give me three hours, if I haven’t returned by then shoot his mom.”

“Chibs, fuck just don’t do this as it had nothing to do with my mom.”

“How many times did you make Juice beg, you deserve everything you get so deal with it.”

“Don’t fuckin hurt her please, shit she’s all I have…”

“I get Juice back and she’ll be okay.”

I never told Hap that he would be safe though, I planned on making what was left of his life hell.


I woke up in total agony, I was also still in the same spot where Hap had left me. It was that bad that I couldn’t even sit up, all I knew was that it was still dark and there was no chance of help.

I was so scared and lonely out here and started screaming, I didn’t want to die alone as I’d lived most of my life that way. I knew I was wasting my time screaming, however eventually my throat became too sore to even do that.

Somewhere in the distance I could hear a noise, it didn’t take me long to realize that it was a vehicle. I waited a few minutes and then I saw a set of headlights, within no time the vehicle pulled up right beside me. Two people got out; I couldn’t help but notice one of them carried a gun.

“Shit Juicy lad, what the fuck did ye do to him Hap?”

Hap rushed over and knelt beside Chibs.

“God I’m so sorry Juice, Chibs is right and this went way beyond normal.”

“Hey, you came back Hap, I knew you wouldn’t leave me forever alone out here.”

“Juicy boy look at me, we need tae move ye lad and get ye medical help.”

I watched as Chibs pointed the gun at Hap, he then ordered him to stand up. Chibs removed the safety on the gun and I had to get his attention, the only emotion on his face was one of hate.

“Chibbie what are you doing?”

“It’s okay Juicy, I’m just dealing with the problem.”

“Chibs please don’t kill him…”

“Juicy look at what he’s done tae ye lad!”

“Please Chibs, oh god no you can’t kill him.”

“Juice why would ye want him alive?”

“Chibs it’s who I am, two wrongs don’t make a right.”

“Aye yer daft lad, yer too soft for yer own good that’s yer problem.”

“Chibs if you love me you won’t kill him, he let me live and he kept me company.”

“Juice, he beat ye and raped ye!”

“He made love to me Chibs, he was so soft and gentle.”

“Juice, I think that ye need some help lad, fine for now he can live.”

“No not just for now, I need you to promise me that he’s safe.”

“Aye okay, I won’t kill Hap because I love ye tae much lad.”

“Thank you Chibbie.”

“Can ye even stand lad?”

“No, I can hardly move at all.”

Suddenly Chibs held me in his arms, then I was overwhelmed at how safe I now felt. He lowered me onto some blankets in the rear of the van, then he ordered Hap to get inside too.

“Right Hap you get tae live, ye can thank Juice and yer mom for that one. We drive back and then we go our separate ways, this all ends now understood?”

“Yeah, I understand, thanks’ for this as my mom wouldn’t cope alone.”

I was far too tired to even listen, to be honest I no longer cared either. I was finally safe, also just to top it off I was finally on my way home.

“Ye okay back there Juicy?”

“Yeah I’m just tired Chibs.”

“When we drop Hap off, we can get ye some help.”

“Why where’s Hap going?”

“Back to his home, me and Jax will be taking ye back to Charming.”

“Why can’t Hap come with us?”

“Juicy lad, shite I really dinnae know where yer heads at right now…”

“He helped me Chibs.”

“Shut the fuck up Juicy, he fuckin raped and beat ye.”

“Please Chibs you have to understand…”

“Understand what Juicy? Shite there’s nothing tae understand other than him been dead.”

“Please Chibs just listen to me.”

Chibs drove without even answering me anymore, I guess I’d have to find a way to make him understand it all.


I couldn’t even bring myself to look at the lad, shite I’d finally found him, and he was more interested in Happy fuckin Lowman. Maybe I could just kill Hap when Juice was asleep, he’d never even find out if I were careful.

“Chibs, hey man are you okay?”

“Shite Hap how can ye even ask me that, this is all yer fuckin fault.”

“Hey if it wasn’t for me, he’d be dead anyway, Clay gave me a direct order and I disobeyed it.”

“Aye true, but this is all just so fucked up. When the time comes, you’ll have tae talk tae him and explain a few things, let him know that he has tae get on with his life without ye.”

“Yeah I can do that, hell I owe you my life Chibs.”

“No, ye owe Juice your life, I’d have happily put a fuckin bullet in ye.”

We drove for a long time in silence, at least Juice was gently snoring in the rear of the van. I knew that he needed the sleep and it’d do him good; it was all of this with Hap that worried me the most.

There was also the matter of Clay too, as to why he’d wanted Juice dead in the first place. I’d phoned Jax and told him that I was returning and had Juice, I’d also explained the situation to Hap too.

I was suddenly brought out of my thoughts, hell at first it had sounded like a baby crying somewhere. It took me a few seconds to realize that Juice was making the noise, even in his sleep he was crying.

“Hap I’m going to have to pull over…”

“I can get in the back if you want Chibs, that way we won’t have to stop and waste time.”

“Aye okay go for it.”

Hap climbed over the seat and took Juice in his arms; he then just held the sleeping man close. I physically wanted to throw up, I loved Juice and he belonged to me. The man had suffered so much at Haps hands, yet he became quiet and less restless now.

It was like Juice felt safe with Hap holding him, then I felt even worse when I realized Juice was now awake. He smiled up at Hap and looked so happy, I had to say his name before he even acknowledged that I was there.

“Juicy are ye listening tae me?”

“Yeah sorry, what is it Chibs?”

“When ye got out of prison things changed, Clay became different tae ye somehow.”

“Yeah and what about it?”

“Shite lad, I’m trying to ask ye why he wanted ye dead?”

“I don’t know…”

“Bullshit, you must know something lad!”

“Chibs just leave me alone, I don’t want to talk about it anymore.”

“Juice, you need to talk about it though.”

“Chibbie just shut the fuck up.”

“I’m not dropping it Juicy boy.”

Shite that was when the lad started screaming, however it was a high-pitched deafening scream. There was no way I could drive while he made that noise, I had no choice but to pull over.

“God cannae ye calm him the hell down Hap?”

“He won’t respond to anything I do, maybe you pushed him too soon Chibs.”

I got out of the van and went to the rear, I then pulled open the door and climbed inside with Juice.

Hap got out of the van and went to drive, once the van was moving, I tried talking to the lad again.

“Juicy I only wanted tae know about Clay so I could help.”

Juice tried fighting me and pushing me away, yet he was far too weak to get rid of me that easily. However not thinking I reacted and slapped him hard, I’d thought at the time it might calm him down a bit. Yet he then started muttering away about all sorts, half of what he said I couldn’t even understand.

“Clays bitch, just bait that was all, oh god he wanted me to…”

“Tae what Juice, what did he want ye tae do?”

“He gave me to Ron Tully, god please no I don’t want to do it…”

Shit now my blood ran cold in my veins, I’d need to know exactly what happened in Stockton prison.


Chibs was holding me and talking to me, he just felt way too close and I was too weak to even push him away. Just to make it worse I kept talking about my past, things that I never wanted Chibs to know. Just what the fuck was wrong with me, some things were secrets and meant to stay buried.

“Chibs please just let me go…”

“I cannae do that Juicy boy, just explain tae me slowly what happened tae ye.”

“It wasn’t my fault; shit I swear it wasn’t!”

“Juice tell me…”

“Fuck that and fuck you, I don’t want to bring up my fuckin past Chibs.”

“Maybe I can help ye lad…”

“No one can help me, especially you.”

“Shite lad why not me of all people? I thought ye claimed tae love me, I love ye far more than anything Juicy!”

I hadn’t a clue how to explain it to Chibs, also I couldn’t explain why I didn’t want him to know either.

“I do love you Chibs, that’s why it has to be this way too. I’m tired and everything’s just so fucked up, all I want is for it all to end.”

I could see the tears and knew I was hurting Chibs, however I was now in self-destruct mode and couldn’t stop myself. My life no longer mattered or was worth living, I knew that Chibs would get over me eventually.

As Chibs hugged me I grabbed his knife, within seconds I shoved it deep into my leg.

“Fuck… shit that fuckin hurt.”

“Jesus… what the fuck are ye doing lad?”

“Please Chibbie just let me go.”

Chibs started ripping some blankets up, he then tied a tourniquet tight around my leg to slow down the bleeding.

“You daft fuckin lad, look I’m not letting ye go so just get used to it.”


“Juicy I ended up in a fuckin mental hospital, that was because I thought ye were dead and gone.”

“I’m sorry.”

“Yeah well sorry doesn’t cut it anymore lad.”

I decided to just keep my mouth shut, hell it didn’t seem to matter what I said anymore. Before Chibs could say anything else the van came to a stop, then Hap was opening the rear door.

“How’s the lad doing Chibs?”

“Not good since he decided tae stick my knife in his leg, I really need tae get him some help.”

“I’ll go and get Jax, then the three of you can be on your way?”

“Yeah okay, thanks for at least keeping the lad alive.”

“Yeah well I still owe the lad.”

“Aye that you do Hap.”

I remained silent, however Jax appeared and looked rather pissed off. Suddenly my heart literally sank, I realized that Jax was alone and Hap was nowhere in sight.

“Chibs where’s Hap?”

“Jax just start driving the fuckin van will ye?”

“I need Hap, please Chibs you don’t understand at all.”

“Damn right I dinnae fuckin understand, look just lay still lad or you’ll bleed out.”

“Like I give a shit, look I need Hap to come with us.”

“Look Juice it’s not happening, Hap will be staying here so just fuckin accept it!”

“Never, just get out of my way Chibs.”

Suddenly he grabbed me and held me tight, Chibs refused to let go and I was far too tired to fight him anymore. Eventually I became too tired to even think, that was when sleep finally claimed my tired body and mind.


I held on to the lad and refused to let go, I was starting to wonder if he might be beyond help now.

“God Juice please dinnae cry, just talk tae me and I promise that I’ll listen tae ye.”

I knew that he’d fallen asleep now, yet part of me refused to just leave him alone. Now also appeared to be the only time that I could hold him close, also get a good look at how much he’d suffered.


Hell, even in his sleep the lad looked so gaunt and haunted, I couldn’t help myself as I kissed him upon his lips. The lad actually remained asleep until we reached Charming, I then carried Juicy into the club and laid him on a bed in one of the rooms.

Tara was in the room within seconds, she then pulled the blanket back and looked Juice over.

“How is he doc?”

“Chibs I’ll need to fully examine him before I’ll fully know, you should get a shower and some food while he’s asleep.”

“Will he be okay though?”

“I’ll deal with the physical side first, go now Chibs or I’ll have you removed.”

“Aye I’m going.”

I knew that Tara was right, how the hell could she examine him with me hovering in the background. I’d also noticed that I had some blood on my hands too, I guess that was from when Juice stabbed himself.

I did as Tara asked, well almost anyway. I took a long hot shower and it felt good to be clean again, however I was far from hungry. Instead I went and grabbed a full bottle of whisky, all I wanted to do was block out the rejection I felt right now.

Soon Tara re appeared though, she called me over and led me back inside the room. The first thing I did was check Juice out, he looked really tired but was actually awake now.

“Chibs I’ve spoken to Juice about getting help, I thought maybe a clinic, but he refuses to go.”

“What sort of clinic Tara?”

“A mental institute, that or he’ll have to be watched around the clock.”

“Shit I cannae do that on my own.”

“Look I’ll leave the two of you alone and you can have a word with him, maybe you can talk some sense into him…”

“Aye thanks Tara, I gather ye want him tae be treat for depression.”

“It sounds like he might be suffering from Stockholm syndrome, that’s why he just keeps asking for Hap all the time.”

“God, is he still going on about him?”

“Yes and without help he won’t get over it either Chibs, look just talk to him and we’ll take it from there.”

Soon it was just myself and Juicy boy, I grabbed a chair and pulled it over towards the bed.

“So, Juicy what am I gonna do with ye lad?”

“Can you go and get Hap for me?”

“For fucks sake Juice, I love ye and dinnae know how ye can even ask me that!”

“I love you too brother…”

“Juicy just knock it off will ye, that or I’ll knock yer fuckin head off lad.”

“I’m sorry, you don’t hate me do you Chibbie?”

“Maybe ye should go tae that clinic Juicy boy…”

“So, you do fuckin hate me then?”

“No, I just want the old Juice back, the one that I fell in love with. I love ye Juice as a person and in a sexual way, not just as a fuckin brother okay.”

“Well I’m not going in a fuckin clinic Chibs.”

“Shite lad I’ll just take ye there myself if I have tae.”

“Fuck that as I’d rather kill myself first.”

What the hell had I just done; all I could do was watch as the lad broke down in front of me.

“Juice, ye might try killing yourself again even if yer here, ye dinnae have tae be in a clinic tae do it.”

Juice was really starting to worry me now, yet I knew there was no way I could possibly watch the lad around the clock and alone.


I couldn’t take any more of this shit. and I was pathetic and wouldn’t survive in a fuckin clinic, even life having to deal with Hap was easier than this. Everyone around here must think I’m a big cry baby, it was at that point I started slamming my head backwards against the headboard.

“Shite lad, see this is my point.”

Within seconds Chibs was on the bed to stop me, he held me tight in his arms and wouldn’t let go.

“Fine you win and I won’t send you to a clinic, but I’m so lost Juicy and dinnae what tae do for ye…”

“Please just don’t leave me or send me away, I’m barely holding it together now Chibs.”

“What happens lad when I cannae be here, hell or what when I myself need to get some sleep?”

“Tie me to the fuckin bed, shit I don’t care as long as I’m here with you.”

“Shite lad you make that sound so kinky.”

“It can be whatever you want it to be Chibbie…”

I looked up at Chibs and gave him a kiss, then as my tongue entered his mouth something just clicked into place.

“Jesus Juice what are ye trying tae do, please dinnae do it just to get yer own way lad.”


“I love you Chibs.”

I watched as Chibs just closed his eyes, worse though was when the tears rolled down his cheeks.

“What the fuck have I done to you, I love you but feel like I’m betraying Hap.”

I kissed the tears away and wanted Chibs to be happy, at that thought my own tears fell once more.

“It’s not yer fault Juicy lad…”

“How can you even say that? Shit most of the time you can’t even look at me Chibs.”

“It hurts Juicy so much, but it’s not all yer fault as you need help. Tara says it’s most likely Stockholm syndrome, ye will need a specialist tae help ye move on.”

“So everyone thinks that’s why I want Hap despite what he did, so why the hell can’t I just tell myself it’s wrong and I don’t want him?”

“It’s not that simple lad. I guess yer minds working different after all ye’v been through.”

“Yeah but will you ever be able to forgive me Chibs?”

“Hell lad, forgive ye for what exactly?”

“For wanting Hap, also for returning to him that night.”


“Juicy I dinnae need tae forgive ye, hell I dinnae blame ye for any of this.”

“Do you really mean that?”

“Aye lad sometimes I just get angry and say things I dinnae mean, with help hopefully you’ll get over Hap and wanting him.”

“Yeah maybe, but you must have been pissed when I left you at that hospital?”

“Juicy I knew you left because ye love me, ye were only trying tae protect me from the club.”

“God I still do love you, Chibby let me show you just how much I love you.”

I leant forward and kissed Chibs once more upon the lips, however this time I didn’t want it to end.

“Shite lad I only have so much control, right now yer living dangerously and playing with fire.”

“Maybe I like playing with fire.”

“Juicy yer sick and need tae get some rest.”

I just ignored Chibs and moved my hand lower down, soon I’d found just what I was looking for too.

“I’ll make it good for you Chibby…”

“Ye wullnae take no for an answer will ye lad?”

“No so just lay back and accept it, look me giving you a simple hand job won’t kill me.”

“God, I just want tae see ye smile more Juicy and be happy.”

“Then lay there and just enjoy it.”

“Shite how could I not enjoy it, fuck it’s been so long lad.”

I had to admit that Chibs erection felt good in my hand, all I wanted was to make him come, and still be happy with me. I loved him so much and just wanted him to know it, I’d deal with all the other fuck ups in my life later.


Fuck the lads hand felt amazing, especially as he started rubbing his thumb over the end of my weeping erection. I knew that I wouldn’t last too long though, without Juice sex had been the last thing on my mind.

I’d not even jerked off once while I was in the loony bin, shite to be honest it had never even felt right anyway. Then when I got out, I had things to do, or I’d be too drunk to even get it hard and now I was far more than desperate.

“Jesus lad, hell I cannae last much longer…”

“God, you look so fuckin hot and sexy Chibby, I love it when you’re about to come.”

“Yeah well ye been all hot and sexy lad can do that, fuck Juice…”

I couldn’t hold back any longer, the relief was immense as I came all over his hand.

“You taste so good Chibby!”

I slowly forced my tired eyes to open; I was met with the lad staring straight at me. However, it was what he was doing that got to me the most, the lad was there licking his hand clean of my cum.

“Fuck Juicy, keep that up and I’ll be getting hard again.”

“Hey, does it look like I’m stopping you?”

I couldn’t help but notice the lads’ own erection, hell I could feel it as it pressed hard against my thigh. I had no idea what the lad wanted though, Juice had been abused and I was afraid to stir up memories for him.

“Juicy talk tae me and tell me what ye want in return?”

“Chibs that wasn’t the reason I did it, you don’t have to give me anything in return.”

Great the lad was fragile enough, yet I felt like I’d just made it all far worse for him.

“Juicy I dinnae mean it how it sounded, hey I love ye and just want tae make ye feel good too.”

“Yeah okay I understand.”

“I’m scared lad, I dinnae wantae hurt ye after everything you’ve been through.”

“Chibs don’t please not right now, just leave the past where it belongs.”

“Aye sorry Juicy.”

“Just use your hand Chibs, all I want is for it to be you who makes me come and gives me pleasure. I need this, I need to feel like I belong to you again.”

“You’ll always be mine lad no matter what.”

It broke my heart; despite everything Juice had suffered he still wanted me. I ran my hand down his toned body, I tried so hard to ignore the fact that he’d lost some weight too. Juice had been right, leave the past where it belongs and now wasn’t the time to deal with all that anyway.

The lad was like a rock, also he seemed rather eager for me to step it up a bit, Juice reached for my hand and moved it over his groin, he then started rubbing himself with it.

“Yer a wee bit eager there lad…”

“Chibs shut the fuck up and make me come.”

“Pushy too I see.”

“You’ve seen nothing yet Chibby, wait until I’m fully healed and then I’ll show you…”

“Shite should I be worried lad?”

“No Chibby so relax, there’s only a few things that you’ll have to deal with.”

“Aye such as…”

“I can be really pushy and demanding when I’m horny, oh and by the way I get horny a lot of the time. Also, there’s just one other thing, I like to be restrained and spanked sometimes.”

“So, ye are a kinky little bastard after all then!”

“Does that bother you Chibby?”

“No Juicy I’m good with it all.”

“Oh also there’s just one other little thing I forgot…”

“Aye and just what would that be?”

“I won’t always be on the bottom.”

“Shite I’d never thought that far lad.”

“Does it scare you Chibby?”

“Hell, yeah I guess it does, I’ve never had anyone fuck me before.”

“Well I’ll be making love to you.”

“We can deal with that when the time arises lad.”

After that Juice became far too turned on to even talk, as for me I was in love with him more than ever.


I was pleased to hear that Chibby was open to suggestions, even though right now I was happy to just lay here. It didn’t take me long to go over the edge and come, I guess I’d missed Chibby as much as he’d missed me. In all honesty I had been surprised that he still wanted me, especially as I kept fucking everything up all the time.

“God, I love you so much Chibby!”

“Aye I love ye tae lad, come on though as we both could do with some sleep.”

“Yeah true, I think you’ve exhausted me Chibby.”

“Aye well it works two ways Juicy boy.”

It felt so good as Chibs held me in his arms, I was totally wiped out and knew I’d be asleep in no time at all. However, with sleep came dreams and nightmares, I dreamt that I was back with Hap and I had to suffer so that Chibs could remain alive.

I cried and begged Hap not to hurt him, yet Hap just wanted Chibs dead and out of the way. I tried to reason with him, but nothing would work, Hap could be real stubborn at times too.

My eyes suddenly opened, and I realized where I was, it was just a dream and I was safe as I snuggled Chibs. I closed my eyes as I was still tired, yet every time they closed, I saw Hap once more.

It was all driving me mad, this time though Hap was stood there holding his knife. My mind flashed back to the last time he’d used it; Shit Hap had cut me and forced me to come with it.

I forced my eyes open once more, however this time I was still in the bed but it was with Hap. I knew that I had to get out of here and away from him, I had to find Chibs and warn him that Hap was here.

I moved slowly out of the bed, then I opened a draw quietly and found some underwear. Anything would do as I knew Chibby would be here somewhere. Plus, I’d left clothes at the club in the past.

Shit then it hit me, why the hell was I here with Hap and where was Chibs. I had to know why Chibs hadn’t tried to save me, that would have to wait as my only concern was Chibs and his safety.

I opened the door as slowly as possible without making noise, I’d been way too busy thinking to even notice anything else. Suddenly a hand came up in front of me and reached for the door, within seconds the bedroom door had been slammed shut.

“Juicy where the hell are ye going lad?”

“Please Hap just let me go, I need to go and see Chibs one more time…”

“Juicy lad I’m right here, look it’s me Chibs!”

“Go to hell Happy…”

“Shite lad, I really dinnae want tae restrain ye.”

“Fuck you.”

Within seconds I turned and punched the man hard, I then just stood and watched as his nose poured blood.

“Right that’s it Juicy lad.”

Suddenly I was grabbed and shoved onto the bed, I couldn’t help it as my whole body cried out in pain.

“Shit Juicy I’m sorry.”

“I hate you, just let me fuckin go.”

“Yer not going anywhere lad, not until I can make you realize that it’s me.”

“I said fuck you.”

I kicked out and managed to kick him right between the legs, he howled in pain and I knew I’d suffer for my actions. I looked up towards his face, all I wanted was to find out what mood he was now in. Not that I even managed to reach that far, my eyes got as far as his chest and I froze.

I saw his tattoo, and something just clicked, I knew that the tattoo only belonged to one man. I curled up into a tight ball and cried, I could feel his hand on my back, and I knew I didn’t deserve his sympathy.

“Just cry lad and let it all out.”

That was exactly what I did, I couldn’t even bring myself to look Chibs in the face.


To say he was ill the lad had some strength, he could still manage a full-on punch. Now I had a nose that was bleeding everywhere and balls that hurt beyond belief, how could I retaliate when clearly the lad wasn’t all there right now.

“Shite Juicy, look I really dinnae know what tae do with ye right now?”

“Please Chibs don’t send me away, I really didn’t mean to hurt you…”

“Calm down lad, I’m well aware that you dinnae mean it. I just don’t know what ye expect me tae do? I’m exhausted Juicy and need some sleep myself.”

Fuck now all I could do was watch as he cried once more, I just knew that I was too scared to sleep. Deep down I was scared that he’d be gone when I woke up, and there was no way I was willing to lose him now.

“Juicy talk tae me lad, look I’m scared I’ll lose ye again.”

“Just lock me in the room or tie me to the bed, I don’t care as long as you don’t give up on me Chibby.”

“Jesus Juice I cannae do that tae ye…”

“Fuckin do it, is poor Chibs too scared to tie me up…”

“Juicy dinnae push me.”

“Fuck you Chibs, you’re nothing but a fuckin pussy.”

I knew that the lad was pushing me on purpose, he wanted a reaction and for me to deal with him. I just didn’t want to hurt the lad anymore, yet deep down I knew at this rate I’d have to restrain him sooner or later.

“Shite ye asked for this lad.”

I yanked open the nearest draw and pulled out a belt, I then grabbed hold of his wrist, I knew that Hap had kept him restrained and this would hurt, hell the lad still had the marks from the cable ties.

“Juicy please dinnae make me do this, I really dinnae want tae hurt ye anymore.”

“Just fuckin do it Chibs, hell I don’t want to lose you.”

“Juicy ye won’t lose me.”

“I will if I keep this up, do it Chibs or I’ll just try leaving again.”


“Maybe I should go and see Hap, hell I’m sure he’d gladly restrain me.”

“You bastard…”

I squeezed his wrist hard; I then used the belt to tie his wrist to the headboard, and then I moved on to the other one.

“There are ye happy now lad?”

“I’m sorry, shit Chibs I really didn’t mean what I said about going to Hap.”

Fuck how the hell could I be mad with him, I watched Juice as he started crying once again.

“I just dinnae what tae do in a situation like this Juicy!”

“Please don’t ever let me go, I have so many nightmares and I get scared. Everything just feels so real, I feel like I should go back to Happy, so you’ll stay alive.”

“Tough because I won’t give ye up lad.”

“Chibbie promise me that even if I beg you’ll keep me here, even if I say hateful things to you.”

“I promise lad, no matter what I’ll keep ye here with me.”

“Thank you Chibby.”

“Ye will still need tae get professional help though lad, ye need tae see someone so ye can get over this and move on.”

“You mean a shrink?”

“Aye lad, I’m going tae be in the shite come morning as it is.”

“How come, why what have you done?”

“Tara will do her nut, especially when she sees that I restrained a sick man tae a bed. Tae top it off it’s not going tae help yer infected wrists at all, she might even try putting ye in care again.”

“Yeah well you made me a promise to keep me here, and I know that you’ll keep your word Chibby.”

“I’ll try Juicy lad I promise.”

Fuck I knew that this would be a hard promise to keep, also now I’d have to deal with Tara and possibly even Jax.


I awoke the next morning to bright sunshine, I heart sped up when I realized Chibs was still here with me.

“Chibby can you untie me, I just thought it might be better to do it before Tara comes.”

“Aye good idea Juicy, move yer arms a wee bit and the circulation will return.”

“Hap beat me Chibby, believe me I’ve suffered far worse than this.”

“Aye I know, ye shouldn’t have had tae suffer as much as ye have.”

“Look I’ll be okay as long as I have you here with me.”

“Aye well I’m not going anywhere lad.”

We were disturbed by the knock on the door, Chibs went and opened the door to find Tara stood there.

“I just popped in to check on you Juice, also to let you know that a physiatrist will be here soon too.”

“I’m okay Tara, but thanks for coming.”

Part of me suddenly felt nervous, I just wanted her to go so I could be left alone with Chibs.

“Juice maybe I should take a look at your wrists, they look rather sore and red?”

“I said that I’m fine and nothing’s wrong with them.”

Shit I really didn’t want to have to tell her, I knew she’d perhaps just go off and run back to Jax. Also, I didn’t want to get Chibs into any trouble, however I could tell that she was becoming impatient.

“Juice talk to me, believe me I’m a doctor and won’t judge you.”

“Chibs tied me to the bed…”

“He did what!”

“Tara please believe me when I say he had no choice; I became rather violent and punched him.”

“What and he couldn’t defend himself, that doesn’t sound like Chibs at all.”

“Look it wasn’t his fault Tara.”

“So where has he gone now, maybe I should just ask him myself.”

“He went for a shower so that we could talk, look I told Chibs that I’d call Hap and to go back to him

“Why would you want to do that Juice?”

“I have nightmares okay, hell at first I thought he was Hap and that’s why I hit him. It’s so hard to explain as everything feels so mixed up, Chibs was even afraid to go to sleep.”

“Okay just calm down Juice, it’s okay I understand it wasn’t his fault.”

“He was so scared he’d wake up alone, that or next to a dead body.”

“Now I know I can help you; I’ll drop off a sedative to use at nighttime.”

“Great that will help a lot.”

“Well hopefully you’ll both be able to get some sleep.”

“Yeah hopefully, all I want is to move on and get my life sorted out.”

“I take it that you’re aware Jax is now the president, you don’t have to worry about Clay anymore Juice.”

“Yeah Chibs mentioned it.”

“Why did Clay even want you dead Juice?”

“It doesn’t matter, hell it’s all in the past now anyway.”

“You need to deal with the past so you can move forward, I know it might be hard, but it has to be done.”

“I’ll try I promise.”

“Good as the physiatrist will be able to help more if you talk about it.”

“Can Chibs stay with me when she comes?”

“If that’s what you want, then yes I’m sure that will be okay.”

“Thanks’ Tara for everything you’ve done.”

“Your welcome Juice, all we want is to see that smile again.”

We said our goodbyes and Tara left, I then pulled back the bed covers and waited. I couldn’t hear the shower anymore, at least now I knew I’d soon have Chibs back here in the room with me. I was naked and horny right now, I decided that I’d amuse myself while I waited for him to return.


I walked out of the shower and grabbed a clean towel, when I entered the room, I noticed Juice on the bed straightaway. He had his eyes shut and wasn’t even aware of my presence, fuck the lad looked so hot and sexy.

Juice lay there stroking his own erection, I could also hear him as he moaned to himself too. The man was so fuckin tempting, that was when I decided to slowly make my way over to the bed.

I remained as quiet as possible as I bent over him, I was fast and within seconds I deep throated him. Hell, the poor kid nearly jumped off the bed, not that it took him long to settle back down though.

“Fuck Chibs… oh shit don’t fuckin stop now.”

I worked up a rhythm and was determined to make the lad come, I was also hard but Juicy was my main concern right now. Soon he was arching up into my mouth and moaning, I knew that the lad was real close and wouldn’t last long.

I really didn’t want to end this, yet I knew that I would have no choice. I knew it would only be a matter of time before we’d have company, also Juicy would need to get a shower too.

I had him moaning in pleasure as he finally came, I couldn’t help but make sure I swallowed every single drop.

“Jesus Chibs, fuck I’m far too tired to move now.”

“Shower lad, come on get that ass moving.”

“Great, I guess I don’t even get a choice.”

“No lad ye don’t as the physiatrist will be here soon, also Jax said he’d clear out the club house too.”

“What for?”

“So ye can talk in private Juice lad, I thought ye’d prefer it that way?”

“Yeah as long as you stay.”

“Aye of Course I’ll stay.”

“Fine I’ll go and get a shower then…”

I couldn’t help but slap his bare ass when he passed me, the lad was just so fuckin tempting.

“What was that for, do you want something Chibby?”

“Aye I do, you lad later on when everyone’s gone.”

“Hey, I can give you a blow job right now, come on Chibby you know you want it!”

“Aye I want it, we just dinnae have time right now.”

I slapped him once more, Juice didn’t seem to be taking the rejection too well right now.

“Fine I’m going then.”

“Juicy stop pouting.”

“Why Chibby?”

“Because it fuckin turns me on lad.”

“Hey I offered…”

“Aye ye did lad, look just go for a shower as I need a stiff drink now.”

Finally, the lad moved himself, meanwhile I searched all the draws for some clothes. I knew that he’d stayed here more times than his home, one day I’d have to ask him why he preferred it here.

After a few minutes I found some combat trousers and a white tee shirt, I knew straight away that they belonged to Juice. I put the clothes on the bed, I then decided it was time tae get myself that drink.

“Bit Early to be drinking Chibs, is everything okay…”

I looked up and saw Jax stood beside me, the lad seemed to have a right concerned look on his face.

“Aye all’s fine Jackie lad, Dutch courage I guess.”

“How come?”

“I guess I’m worried what the physiatrist might say, or more tae the point what Juice might say tae her.”

“Well I hate to stress you even more… Tara called the physiatrist will be here in ten minutes.”

I knocked the drink back and grabbed another straight away, I then knew it was time to go and be with Juice.


I had to admit that the shower felt really good, I knew after that I’d have to go and search for some clothes. I didn’t want to face the physiatrist with no clothes on, also I didn’t think she’d appreciate it either.

I walked out and noticed the bed, I was surprised to see a full set of my clothes there waiting for me. I was dressing as fast as my aching body would allow when Chibs walked in, I managed to rush over to him and give him a big kiss.

“Thanks for the clothes Chibby.”

“Aye not a problem Juicy boy.”

“Chibby you smell of whisky…”

“Aye I had a small one that’s all.”

“I thought you were joking about getting a drink!”

“No, I’m nervous.”

“Chibs why the hell are you nervous, I’d have thought that’d be me?”

“I dinnae honestly know, maybe it’s because I love ye and ye scare me so much at times.”

“Does that mean you won’t stay with me?”

“Juicy I’m staying so get that idea out of yer head right now.”

“Good because I’m scared too, I’m scared you won’t want me anymore.”

Before Chibs could answer I heard the knock, shit I knew it was the psychiatrist and bottled it big time. Within seconds I’d moved across the room and was back on the bed, I sat there with my arms hugging my knees close. I started to shake and couldn’t even control it, Chibs came over to the bed and held his hand out towards me.

“I can’t do it Chibs…”

“Come on Juicy please…”

“No I’m staying here, please Chibby don’t make me.”

Chibs went and opened the door, however first he told the woman that he wanted a word with her. Chibs pulled the door closed behind him and I was alone, it was a couple of minutes later he returned.


“Shit what?”

“Ye were miles away lad, the doc said she would talk in here if it made you feel more comfortable?”

“Yeah thanks Chibs.”

The shrink entered the room and smiled over at me, Chibs then went and offered her a chair close to the bed.

“Good morning Mr. Ortiz, I’ve already met your partner Fillip.”

“Just call me Juice, that way I might not feel as nervous.”

“Very well Juice it is, Tara has told me the basics with regard to recent events. We will need to also go back and deal with any past issues first, how does that sound to you Juice?”

“Okay I guess, it’s just going to be hard as I’ve never talked about it to anyone before.”

“Okay not a problem as we can take it slow, if at any time you want me to stop just say so.”

“Yeah okay, however I need to be honest to myself about my past and deal with it. I also need to be honest with Chibs too, I love him and don’t want any secrets in this relationship.”

“Well you appear to be looking at this the right way and that’s a good start, I’m glad that you want to deal with it all, and get it off your chest.”

“Yeah I just want it all over with.”

“After the talk we’ll work out ways that will help and benefit you, it’ll be far easier than suffering the pain all alone.”

“Yeah fair enough, well I’m as ready as I’ll ever be.”

“So, Juice where would you like to start?”

“I guess back when I was a kid and still lived at home, I suppose that’s when my problem really started.”

“Very well then Juice start in your own time.”

I must have sat there a good five minutes without even talking, however I had to admit that they were patient with me.

“Well here goes… my father was a drunk and he drank every single day. My mother had been the loving caring type; however, she had died back when I was just ten years old. That was when my farther started to drink even more, then he would beat me and keep me locked in a room. I thought that I could cope with it all, however things became worse and I fell apart.”

Never mind then, suddenly I felt like I was falling apart right now and couldn’t go on.  Then suddenly Chibs was right there beside me, he found my hand and held it tight to let me know I wasn’t alone anymore.


I knew that the lad was struggling and finding it all hard, I thought if I held his hand it would give him support.

“Juice take yer time babe and breathe.”

“I’m sorry Chibby.”

“Dinnae be sorry lad, I’m here with ye no matter what.”

I was hoping by my actions and words he’d feel safe, it must have helped because he had the courage to start talking once more.

“My father had even told the school I’d moved away, gone to live with some aunt or other after my mother died. I pretty much became a prisoner in my own home, well it wasn’t like he’d ever want anyone to see me. I spent most days covered in cuts and bruises, he seemed to get a real kick out of hitting me all the time.”

“Did your father sexually abuse you at all Juice?”

Shite I looked up at the doc and prayed he hadn’t suffered in that way, especially with his own father. Then it hit me just where this was leading, also why Juice thought I might not want him anymore.

“My father started gambling nearly every night, he’d have friends over so they could play poker and get drunk. One night I’d gone to use the bathroom, that was the first night I’d ever bumped into one of his so call friends.

He grabbed me by the wrist and just stared at me, however after a minute or so he let me go. I was twelve now and had suffered two years of my father and his many beatings, I guess I’d just grown to be a nervous timid child.”

Juice became silent once more, I had to admit the doc had the patience of a saint to deal with all this. Me I was just an impatient bastard; I wanted to grab hold of Juice and make him tell me everything. It was killing me him telling us at this pace as I had to know, finally the lad found his voice once more.

“Later on that night I heard my bedroom door open, my father entered and was with the man who’d grabbed me earlier. At first, I thought he’d brag how he beat me and kept me here, yet it was the other man who suddenly grabbed hold of me. He pushed me face down on the bed, he managed to hold me there while he ripped my clothes off.”

“Oh shit Juicy, no lad please dinnae say he… fuck.”

I felt physically sick at the thought of it, I knew without a shadow of a doubt where this was going now. It was the father’s reason that was what also shocked me, even so hitting the kid had been bad enough.

“I’d never felt pain like that before and I couldn’t help but scream, he was brutal as he raped me in my own bed. He had to make it even more degrading by making me hard, he then forced me to come like it was what I wanted. That night was when I realized that I was nothing anymore, even my own father had just used me as leverage.

My father had no money left and gambled my ass on his next bet, if he lost, he’d let the man use me in any way he wanted including rape.”

“Please don’t cry Chibby, I’m sorry that I never told you sooner how dirty I am.”

“Shite Juicy I dinnae think yer dirty at all lad, hell ye were a fuckin kid and dinnae deserve any of it.”

“Yeah well I let him abuse me for another two years, at fourteen I just snapped and ran away.”

“Shite lad where did ye go?”

“I ended up in a foster home after juvie, I got sent away when I was caught stealing some food as I was starving. I guess my life was fucked up yet again for a few years, but I guess I was still alive and somewhat safe. After care I somehow ended up in Charming, I then fixed computers and did odd jobs until I became a prospect.”

The doc was just sat there writing it all down, then finally she turned to Juice and spoke to him gently.

“You’ve done well Juice, I must say I’m really pleased with your progress for the first day. We can end it for today or carry on a bit more, the choice is entirely yours.”

“I guess I’m holding up, I just wanted to know if Chibs wanted to ask me anything specific before we end it?”

I noticed how he spoke to the doc, yet I was sat right next to him and he could have asked me. Well I guess the time had come for my own answers, I had to know what he’d done to make Clay want him dead. Juice was damaged long before the club or Clay, hell did we just add to his many problems…

“Juice, I need to know what happened with Clay, did he hurt ye in any way at all? Please Juice ye must tell me the whole truth, especially if ye want us tae stay together and move on.”

I knew that this would make or break the relationship, Juice had to be honest with me or the relationship wouldn’t work and would be over.


I knew straight away exactly what Chibbie was implying, I had to talk or what we had between us was over. I curled up on the bed and hid my face in my hands, to keep Chibs I’d have to deal with both Clay and Happy.

“Juicy please sweetheart look at me, hey I’m not going to hurt ye so just relax.”

“Ha like hell you won’t hurt me, I always end up hurting one way or another.”

It was then that the physiatrist decided to join in once more, apparently she was telling Chibs that I’d perhaps done enough for one day. She would be in touch to arrange another session, well that was if I wanted to see her again.

I was afraid of her leaving more than anything else, I had this feeling that Chibs would push me harder without her here to stop him. I wasn’t wrong either, well at least he managed to stay silent until he’d closed the door behind her.

“Juice look at me, why do you think I’ll hurt you?”

“Because everyone always does sooner or later.”

I jumped up and ran into the bathroom, I then slammed the door hard and locked Chibs out. Not that it was long before he started banging on the door, I was well aware that he could be a stubborn bastard and wouldn’t give in easy.

“Juicy open this fuckin door.”

“Please Chibs I just want to be alone.”

“Open it or I will lad.”

“Chibby I’m not letting you in so go away.”

He never even bothered replying to me, within seconds Chibs kicked the door open and walked in.

“Juicy I’m staying, you’d better get used to it and talk to me.”

“Hey cozy man…”

“I’m sure you’ve said that tae me once before.”

“Well we seem to have a habit of talking in bathrooms.”

“Aye well maybe if ye talked and stopped locking yourself in them.”

“Fuck you Chibbie.”

“Juice please come out and we can talk, I love ye so much lad and promise that I’ll listen tae ye.”

“What so you can judge me, you’ll realize just how dirty I really am and then you won’t want me…”

“Juice calm down and breathe.”

Fuck suddenly Chibs slapped me hard across the face, it was then that I realized I was panicking and took a deep breath.

“Sorry Juice I dinnae mean to hit ye that hard, look I love ye and all I want is tae help ye.”

“Fine I’ll try, but I’m not promising you anything Chibs.”

“Fine that’s all I ask; lets’ not do it in the bathroom though.”

“Yeah okay.”

I followed Chibby back into the room, I then took up the same position on the bed and waited. I guess somehow, I felt safe on the bed, maybe like some little kid who could hide under the covers and be invisible to monsters.

“Juicy do ye want a drink or anything first?”

“Yeah something really strong.”

Chibs returned with a whisky for me, not that it would have been my first choice any other time. Right now, I’d have drunk anything to numb the pain, I knocked it straight back and soon felt all warm inside.

“How the fuck do you drink that stuff all the time?”

“It’s a man’s drink lad, I guess ye just get used tae it after a while.”

“Whatever, I seriously doubt I would.”

“Yer stalling Juicy!”

“Fuck I’m sorry Chibby…”

“Hey, we can talk all ye want about shite whiskey, or we can get some of this other stuff dealt with.”

“I guess I just don’t know where to start.”

“Aye well I already know now what ye did as a kid, start when things between ye and Clay turned sour.”

“Most likely right at the beginning then, it wasn’t like he ever really took me serious.”

“He thought ye were daft at times, but over time ye proved yourself tae him and everyone else. Then suddenly out of the blue the man wants ye dead, shit lad you must have dinnae something tae piss him off.”

I knew I was now out of choices; it was time to tell Chibs everything or lose him for good.


I took a long good look at the lad and could see his pain, it was then I realized that I couldn’t leave him no matter what he told me. Not that I was about to let him know that, maybe if he thought I’d leave he’d talk to me.

“I think Clay thought I was useless at most things; well I guess there were a few times I did fuck up over the years. There was the time I forgot to load the clips because I’d taken the sleeping pills, then I don’t think Tig ever forgave me for the bite on his ass.”

“Aye I guess they got ye good for the sleeping pills, wasn’t that the time they dressed ye in a diaper and left you on the street?”

“Yeah but I accepted that, I guess it was fun back then and we were good together.”

“Aye then I guess a lot of shite got out of hand.”

“Yeah and then we got caught with the guns, sent to Stockton for fourteen months inside.”

I watched as Juice just sat there playing with his hands, I knew that the lad was struggling to even look me in the face.

“Juice carry on babe, I know it’s hard but I’m proud of how well yer doing.”

“I’d never done time in a prison Chibs, a juvenile detention center and that was about it. I really thought I’d be okay, especially as I had to share a cell with Clay. I woke up one night and he was touching me.”

“What do ye mean Juicy?”

“Well I couldn’t just brush it off as brotherly protection, especially as he had hold of my cock.”

“Shite lad I never knew…”

“No one knew except for myself and Clay, I flipped out and started screaming at him to get off me. Finally, a guard came because of the noise, Clay said I’d had a nightmare and the guard just turned and walked away. As soon as he’d gone Clay backhanded me hard across the face, he then told me to do exactly what he wanted…”

“Juice, are ye okay?”

“He was supposed to be our president and protect us, make sure we were as safe as possible while in there!”

“Aye lad we all thought that, I just dinnae understand why ye never came tae me lad?”

I guess I’d always believed that Juice and I were close, yet the lad lived with so much and was too afraid to tell anyone.

“He never gave up either, day after day he kept trying to push me. Every single day he hit me at least once, yet I stood my ground and refused to give him what he wanted.”

“So ye never actually did anything with him then?”

“No, I thought he’d eventually get bored and move on to someone else, he did in the end, but he made sure I was aware of his displeasure. Clay told me that he’d kill me at the first chance he got, that or he’d get the club to do it.”

“Jesus Juicy and ye just lived with all that…”

“No one would have believed me over Clay, I was left with no choice but to keep my mouth shut and he knew it.”

Deep down I also knew the real reason Juice kept things bottled up, the lad was scared he get kicked out of the club and be alone.

“Aye well I’d have believed ye Juicy.”

“Chibs it didn’t just end that easy…”

Shite I’d finally thought that was it all, that the lad had finally managed to tell me his horrid past.

“Why what else is there Juicy, might as well tell me everything now.”

“Everything changed after he threatened me, I went back to my cell and found him gone.”

“Hey, wasn’t that a good thing Juicy?”

“Yeah well, I thought that too at the time, I asked the guard and he said that Clay had put in a request to be moved. The bastard had said that it was me, apparently my nightmares and mental state were keeping him awake.”

“Yeah sounds about right, I bet the bastard got some cushy cell in the end.”

“Yeah, I guess so, not that I saw that much of him until we got out.”

“So, who was yer new cell mate Juice?”

“Nobody would say much at all, the guard just said they were a better match and would be able to deal with me. I spent the rest of the day nervous and not knowing anything, it was only after evening meal when we returned to our cell. My new cell mate Ron Tully was sat there waiting for me, he also made it damned clear that I wouldn’t say no to him.”

I knew exactly who Tully was and it made my skin crawl, how the fuck would Juice cope with someone like him.


I knew that the hardest part still wasn’t over, would Chibs even want me after what happened with Tully…

“Juicy talk to me lad, what did he do tae ye?”

“That first day he never even touched me, he climbed on his own bunk and I felt immediate relief that he’d left alone. Then that was when I noticed he’d left me something on my bed, shit he’d left me some coke and a book of fuckin love poems.”

“Aye I’d heard that Tully was somewhat strange.”

“He gave me a time for the following day and told me I’d better be ready; how could you ever be ready for someone to brutally rape you!”

“I dinnae know lad, hell I really couldn’t even imagine it.”

“He only gave me the drugs the first time, in all honesty I couldn’t remember that much as I was so high. It felt like I was floating high in the sky, just moving away from all the bad shit.”

“Maybe that was for the best Juicy.”

“I never had that luxury the following night, he lay on my bed and read his love poems to me. A fuckin Aryan brother, yet here he was trying to seduce me.”

“Calm down Juicy, hey I’m still here for ye.”

I hadn’t even realized that I’d raised my voice, I guess that I was so pissed off having to relive it all over again.

“Sorry I didn’t mean to shout at you Chibby, I guess I just feel like I’m always the fuckin victim no matter what.”

“Aye I’m not surprised lad after what ye suffered.”

“He shoved my head into the pillow and brutally forced his way deep inside me. Tully said he’d kill me if I screamed or made a noise, yet he was far from small and all I wanted to do was scream.”

I wiped the tears from my face, I’d never felt so fuckin small in my entire life as right now. Ron Tully and Happy, hell even my own father had made me feel small and worthless.”

” Juice…”


“Ye were miles away again lad.”

“Just thinking that’s all, how the hell I coped with Tully for over a fuckin year I don’t know. However, after a while he became more gentle with me, it was like he was making love to me and not raping me.”

“Shite lad…”

“Yeah believe me that was even worse, I knew no matter what though, that I was afraid to say no to him. There’d been a couple of times that I’d tried, but I guess in the end I was the only one who suffered for it. The first time he put me in the infirmary, he beat me so hard just to prove a point. I guess he must have missed me, after that he hurt me but never enough to get me out of that fuckin cell.”

“Juice, can I just hug ye, all I want right now is tae hold ye close…”

“What… I thought you wouldn’t even want to come near me never mind touch me.”

“I love ye so much lad, shite you have to realize that if nothing else.”

Chibs came over and held me in his arms, he then started kissing all the tears from my wet face. I knew that deep down I was falling apart, however I had to tell him the rest of it before that happened.

“Tully eventually found out that I was due for release, that was when he really turned on me. He’d arranged for many people to start on me and hit me, all he wanted was for me to fight them back. Tully knew I’d lose my parole if I fought back and he wanted me to stay in there, yet I took many beatings without fighting back.

“That must have pissed Tully off though?”


“Yeah, my final night there was the worst of all, Tully beat me and raped me over and over again. When he finally let up, I was black and blue, I even had to have a few stiches too. My last few hours were spent back in that infirmary, not that Tully cared anymore as he knew I wouldn’t be going back to him.”

“Ye are stronger than me lad tae survive all that.”

I was only doing what came naturally and that was to survive, every day I got up it was a case of do or die.


Shit the lad was so fuckin broken inside and had suffered beyond belief, how the hell could I even start putting him back together…

“Chibby I need to get over this, I want you to know everything so we can put it all behind us.”


“Do ye really think ye can do it that easily?”

“I’m trying the best I can, I just want you to be aware of how fucked up I am. I guess that way you can’t use it against me later, if you know now, you can walk if it’s what you want!”

“Juicy I’m not leaving ye lad.”

“Would you do me a favor Chibby?”

“Aye if I can lad.”

“Please just believe that I’m fine and it’s not a brush off, I just want you to get us a couple of drinks while I have a shave.”

“What the fuck…”

“Please Chibby.”

“What you need a shave right now in the middle of talking, hell there’s hardly anything there lad.”

“Please Chibby just trust me a little.”

“Aye as long as ye dinnae try out stupid lad!”

“I promise, why the hell would I try something stupid when I have you?”

“Yer hard work Juicy, but hell yer so worth it lad. Look I’ll give ye ten minutes’ lad and that’s it, after that I’ll be coming back in here.”

“Fine that’s all I need.”

I kissed the lad and let him go, deep down I was shit scared Juice would try something stupid. Okay in all honesty I was fuckin terrified at the thought, however I knew that I’d have to learn to trust him more too.

I went to the bar and grabbed a full bottle of whisky and a couple of glasses; I then sat there and gave him five minutes. I couldn’t wait any longer and hoped we could deal with this today; it would be easier once I fully knew what I was up against.

I entered the room and was met with silence; it was then that I realized the water was running in the bathroom. I sat back down on the bed and would wait another five minutes, I decided I’d pour us both a strong drink while I waited.

By the time Juice returned I was on my third glass, he was only gone the time he said and I knew I was drinking way too fast.

“Ye okay now lad?”

Fuck the lad was so fuckin hot and sexy, his skin was still wet and all he wore was a towel.

“Chibby I need to tell you something…”

“That sounds a bit ominous lad.”

“My face wasn’t the only place that I shaved, I haven’t shaved in weeks because of all this shit with the club.”

“I’m not with ye lad.”

“Normally I don’t like excessive body hair, shit Chibby I’m trying to tell you that I shaved my groin again!”

Shite suddenly my own cock started filling with blood, what the hell was the lad trying tae do Tae me? The thought of that soft shaved skin, now I’d be able to fully kiss and lick him down there.

“Earth to Chibby…”


“You were miles away, yet you had this big smile on your face.”

“Jesus lad, dae ye know how hot that is?”

“Yeah well I need to show you something first so don’t get carried away, after that I might let you have some fun.”

“Dinnae make promises ye cannae keep lad…”

“Oh, I won’t Chibby, please just let me show you something first then.”

I tried so hard to get my head out of the gutter, I knew that the lad was worried and that it must be important to him. I could see why Ron Tully had wanted the lad and been attracted to him, even Hap too.

The man was so fuckin gorgeous and had a contagious smile, he could turn anyone on without even having to try. Shite then the lad went and dropped the towel at his feet, I suddenly found it impossible to string a sentence together no matter how hard I tried.


Jesus I’d never seen Chibs look at me like that before, he had this very needy look upon his face right now.

“God lad all I want tae do is fuck you into next week, look I only have so much restraint lad so just show me whatever it is.”

I went and sat down on the bed beside Chibs, I then lay down on my back and looked up at him. I was so fuckin nervous right now; anyone would think that Chibs had never seen me naked before.

“Chibby do you really love me?”

” Aye lad I do.”

“Would you still say that if I were sat here fully clothed?”

“Jesus lad of course I would, you’re gorgeous and I love ye with all my heart.”

I grabbed hold of my fast-growing erection, I then proceeded to make it even harder.

“Ye planning tae put on a show for me Juicy boy!”

“Maybe, please Chibby just look closely.”

“Juice, I have no idea what I’m looking for here.”

Well I knew that it was going to be now or never, I reached out and grabbed one of his fingers. At least Chibby never refused and even let me direct his finger, very soon I had his finger right where I wanted it.

I slowly moved his finger over my skin, I then ran it on the scars that where hidden beneath my balls. First the one on the right side, then I moved to the one on the left and when he tensed, I knew he felt them.

“Scars Juicy… Shite lad how the hell did ye manage tae get them there?”

“Chances are you wouldn’t have noticed them if I hadn’t shaved, I can grow the hair back if you really want me to…”

“Juicy yer not making any sense at all lad, but fuck yer gorgeous without the hair there and I like it.”

“Chibby get your head on straight, look at the scars and then tell me if you want me to keep it shaved.”

“Juice, I love ye as ye are lad, but hell I’ll look if it’s what ye really want.”

I felt Chibs hands as he moved my erection and balls out of the way, one way then the other and traced the scars. He became quiet and I knew his brain was trying to work it out, then he let go and sat up once more.

“Shite lad.”

“Chibby please talk to me, fuck I should never have told you.”

“Did he fuckin do that to you Juice?”

” Chibby…”

“Answer the fuckin question lad.”

“Yeah, god I’m so sorry Chibby.”

“What the fuck are ye sorry for lad, hell this was Tully and not ye.”

“It was the last night that I was inside, the night I told you that I had to have stitches.”

“Aye lad I remember.”

“Tully carved the letter R and T, he said he’d make sure that I’d never forgot what he did.”

“I’m sorry Juicy you had to suffer like that.”

“He also did it so any partner I had would also see it and not…”

“Shite lad and ye thought I wouldn’t want ye!”

“I’m marked now Chibby.”

“For fucks sake Juice, it’s just a couple of letters and it could mean anything at all.”

“Yeah right, such as…”

“I dinnae know lad, maybe right twat. Believe me that’s what you must think of me if you thought I’d leave ye.”

“I’m sorry that I thought that way Chibby, I love you so much and I’m just scared you’ll leave me.”

“Look believe me I wullnae stop loving ye that easy. In a way it makes ye special Juice. Ye went through it all and ye survived.”

I was hard and wanted Chibs so much, I couldn’t help but move my hand back over my erection and tease Chibs a bit. I was so turned on and wanted him inside me more than anything else, I just felt so much love for him.

“I’ve got it Juicy lad!”

“Got what?”

“What the letters can stand for.”

“Yeah and what would that be?”

“A right tease, because belie me that’s what you are lad.”

I liked the idea better than it standing for Ron Tully, especially if it was Chibs that I got to tease.


I’d never truly seen this side of the lad but he was such a tease, I could understand why the scars bothered him though. Maybe I’d have to arrange some payback for Tully, revenge for what he did to my boy.

“Chibby what are you thinking about, are you having second thoughts about me?”

I could see the unshed tears and knew this would be hard for a long time to come, the lad would never truly be free of his past now.

“Never lad, I was thinking about what I’d like tae do tae Tully.”

“Chibby please don’t…”

“I cannae help it lad.”

“Wouldn’t you rather be thinking about me and what you could do to me?”

“Hey that’s low lad, now all I can think about is ye and what I could do tae that sexy body!”

“Feel free Chibby, believe me I won’t stop you.”

“Is that so laddie?”

I ran my hand along the inside of his leg, Juicy couldn’t help but shiver when I reached his erection.

“Jesus Chibby now who’s the fuckin tease!”

“Shite lad how can ye even say that, you’re the one that’s laid out like some fuckin god.”

“Make love to me Chibby…”

“I think it’s too soon Juicy, ye need to deal with all of your demons first lad.”

“Shit Chibby, hell I thought that was what I’d just done?”

“What about Happy…”

“Chibby just let it go will you, he’s a brother and it’s in the past.”

“He still fuckin raped ye Juicy lad.”

“Great thanks’ for that, what a fuckin turn off Chibby.”

“Oh shite I never meant it Juicy…”

I’d been sat on the bed and Juice pushed me off, he then ran into the bathroom once more. I got up and made my way over towards the door, I wasn’t impressed with the fact it was locked and Juice was ignoring me.

“Juicy please open the door so we can talk.”

“Fuck off.”

“I didn’t mean it the way it sounded, all I wanted was for ye tae deal with everything.”

“Well I’m trying the best I fuckin can.”

“Aye I know ye are lad, I shouldn’t have pushed ye so hard.”

“Whatever I just want to be on my own for now, I can’t deal with all this shit right now.”

Great I didn’t like that idea one single bit; Juice locked in a bathroom and alone didn’t sit well with me at all.


“Juicy open this door right now, that or I’ll open it and put ye over my knee.”

“Ha when you’re man enough Chibs.”

Shite why did the lad have such a reckless streak, I knew that he was pushing my buttons on purpose too. The trouble was the lad knew which ones to push, I wasn’t known for my patience at the best of times.

I waited a couple more minutes and that was enough, I kicked the door open and entered.

“Chibby what the fuck!”

“Hey ye said I wasn’t man enough, well guess what Juicy…”

“Anyone can kick a fuckin door open.”

“Aye they can, however that’s just the start lad.”

I grabbed hold of the lad tight and pulled him back towards the bed, he looked totally surprised and shocked by my actions. However, I decided the couch would be far better, I sat down and pulled the lad across my knee.

“Chibby what the fuck…”

“Ye asked for this lad so remember that, I’m going tae put ye over my knee and teach ye a lesson.”

“Bring it on old man.”

“Ye get off on this dinnae ye lad, I swear though I’m telling Jax not tae fix the lock on that door.”

I could tell by his face that he was well and truly turned on, however I made the first slap count just to show him his behavior wasn’t acceptable.


“Ah fuck Chibby that hurt.”

“It was meant too lad, you’d do well tae remember I’m not too old to put ye over me knee.”

“Yeah fine I get the point.”

The next slap was just as hard as the first, I couldn’t help it as my eyes started watering too.

“Dinnae play games ye cannae win lad.”

“Who says I won’t win…”

Fuck then Chibby hit me a third time and I was nearly crying, my backside felt like it was on fire now.

“Because I know what ye want Juicy, tae ye winning is getting your own way. You need to learn how far you can go, also when to stop pushing people or this happens.”

“Fuck are you implying that I ask for all I get, you think that I asked to be raped and abused?”

“Shit I dinnae mean it like that, you don’t realize just how you come across to other people.”

“I don’t come across as anything, nor do I do anything.”

I felt Chibs run his hand along my overheated ass, that was when my cock started to painfully throb.

“Ye are gorgeous Juice, fuck I bet ye could turn a straight man gay. All I want is to bend you right over the couch, fuck that tight little ass of yours so fuckin hard…”

“So why don’t you then?”

“I won’t take advantage of ye lad, all I want is for ye tae deal with this and get well.”

I was hornier right now than a fuckin teenager, yet there was Chibs with all his fuckin morals.

“Chibby it’s not taking advantage if it’s what I want.”

“Ye need to be thinking straight Juicy, you’ve suffered enough lately.”

“I bet your just too old to get it up Chibby…”

“Juice yer pushing your luck again!”

“Maybe I should just go and see Hap…”

Fuck I screamed as his hand hit my backside even harder, shit it had already been tender from the other three times.

“Dinnae ye fuckin dare say his name lad, believe me I hope that last slap really hurt too.”

I knew what I was doing was wrong, yet I was unable to stop myself until I got what I wanted. Chibs was just so predictable, wind him up and eventually he’d cave and give me what I wanted.

“Ye fuckin bastard, ye can be a really selfish prick at times Juice.”

Suddenly Chibs pulled me off his knee, he then shoved me hard over the arm of the couch. I then felt his hand near my ass as he did something, shit it was then that I felt his lubed finger slip inside me.

I soon realized that he’d hardly used any lube, especially when he forced his erection inside me. I realized that Chibby was doing it on purpose, he wasn’t planning to show me any mercy at all.

Chibs then leant forward and whispered into my ear, all he achieved was turning me on even more.

“Remember ye asked for this Juicy…”

“Fuck I know.”

It was so intense as he fucked me hard, all I wanted now was just to come. I used my own hand and found my own erection; it wasn’t long before I was jerking myself off. I was so carried away and worked up, however Chibs decided to stop and whisper in my ear once more.


“Dinnae ye fuckin dare even think about it lad, only I get tae make ye come so remember that.”

“I promise.”

“Also, remember that yer mine Juice and mine only, ye dinnae belong to Hap or anyone else at all.”

“I’m so sorry for what I said, god I love you and only you Chibby.”

I noticed as I spoke that Chibs suddenly froze, within seconds he came deep inside me. I had this feeling he’d want payback, knowing Chibs he’d make me wait before letting me come.


Fuck the lad was so tight and hot, I came as soon as he told me that he loved me. However, it was now time for payback, also time for me to have a wee bit more fun with the lad. I pulled out of his gorgeous ass and slapped him hard, Juice didn’t half jump up.

“Fuck Chibby what was that for? Shit all I want is to come now.”

“You’ll come when I say so lad and not a second before.”

“Chibby please…”

“God yer so cute lad when yer sulking.”

“Chibby don’t do this, please I’ll do anything you want if you just let me come.”

“Too late for that now lad, ye have tae learn that ye cannae always have yer own way. One day it might end up causing ye serious harm, your health has to come first lad.”

“Look Chibby, I swear that I’m okay and healing really fast.”

“Aye lad but what if you weren’t healing mentally, then you push, and push and I end up hurting ye.”

“Shit I never even thought about how you felt.”

“It dinnae matter how I feel Juice.”

“Of course, it fuckin matters as I love you so much Chibby.”

Shite I had to watch as the lad started crying again, all I could do was hold him close and wait it out.

“Hey Juicy talk tae me, tell me what’s wrong?”

“I hurt you so bad Chibby, shit I was just trying to pretend it never happened.”

“What lad?”

“I tried to make a joke about my time with Hap, I didn’t even consider your feelings or what it might do to you.”

“Aye I cannae say I was thrilled about the reminder, but I can understand why ye did it Juicy.”

Juice turned around and threw his arms around me, he then hugged me close and wouldn’t let me go.

“That’s why ye must think first Juice as actions have consequences, I do love the fact that ye can be so happy and immature at times too though.”

“Great thanks’ Chibby.”

“I meant it in a good way Juicy, however it wullnae get ye what ye want right now.”

“What do you mean by that?”

“Ye think I’ll feel sorry for ye now, that I’ll just roll over and let ye come.”

The look on his face was priceless. I guess I’d just hit the nail on the head.

“Fuck Chibby, you don’t mean it do you?”

“I’m more serious than ever lad.”

“Fuck that…”

“It’s a punishment Juice, do as I say and I’ll ley ye come soon enough lad.”

“Yeah but not now.”

“No not yet.”

“So, what is it that I have to do?”

“Go and lay on the bed Juicy, lay on your back and stop asking all the questions.”

“Fine then, whatever!”

I watched as he moved rather slowly towards the bed, hell I knew that the lad was hard and desperate. While he lay there, I retrieved a couple of belts, I just wanted his hands where I could see them.

I took each of his hands in turn, it didn’t take long at all to have the lad restrained on the bed.

“So what is it Chibby, you must be kinky or you just don’t trust me?”

“Hey, I know how desperate ye are lad, I just want ye tae lay there and think about what ye did.”

“What that’s it?”

“Not exactly, I’m going to make you so hard and desperate that you’ll beg for relief.”

“Fuck I’ll just beg now if that’s what it takes…”

“I can wait lad, unlike you.”

I looked at his gorgeous face the lad had the most amazing eyes and smile when he was desperate.


Great I knew this would take forever, Chibs was determined to make sure I’d learnt my lesson.

“I love ye so much Juicy.”

Chibs started kissing me, I even opened my mouth and welcomed his tongue as it entered. I could have just stayed like this forever. Yet we were finally forced apart due to the lack of oxygen. Soon Chibs moved even further down my body, I jumped as he bit and licked my nipple.

“Ye like that Juicy…”

“Fuck yes Chibby don’t stop.”

Shit then he was moving even lower and licking my body as he went, he only stopped when he reached my groin. I had to use every ounce of restraint not to come, however I knew I was losing what little control I had really fast.

As Chibs moved I realized that he was hard again already, well at least that meant he’d need to come soon too. I was hoping it might make him speed it up, yet Chibs seemed to be coping and taking everything in his stride.

Chibs then pushed my legs apart and felt around, shit it didn’t take him long before he had his finger inside me. Fuck this was over stimulating and I was so turned on, then Chibs went and pulled his finger out.

“Shit please Chibby don’t stop now…”

“Calm down baby, real soon I promise.”

“Oh fuck…”

I realized that Chibs had exchanged his finger for something else, it felt like I was high as he entered my ass with his tongue this time. I withered around like some wanton slut, not that I could even help myself anymore. I had his tongue up my ass, while at the same time his beard was tickling my balls.

“Please, god Chibby I’m going to come.”

“Just a couple more minutes Juicy.”

It was then that I realized he was grabbing my erection tight; the bastard was making sure that I never came.

“Oh, god no, fuck no, please Chibby you can’t do this…”

“Only one more minute I promise.”

Within seconds Chibs was coming once more, fuck I couldn’t help it as I screamed in desperation.

“Juicy are ye still with me lad?”

“Yeah just.”

“Come for me babe…”

With that Chibs moved his hand and I was free, literally within seconds I came hard and fast. I had hardly any memory of much after that, I woke in Chibs arms and was no longer restrained.  I looked up and saw the huge grin on his face, he well and truly had punished me for what I did.

“You bastard…”

“Come on lad admit that it was worth the wait…”

“Fuck yes it was worth the wait, that’s the first time I’ve ever passed out after sex.”

“Aye at first I thought I’d maybe gone too far, but ye were breathing so… ye know.”

“Yeah, I’m still alive but just totally exhausted now though.”

“Well it’s not night yet lad, I think we need tae get some food in ye first before ye waste away.”

“Sounds good, I just need to clean up first.”

“Aye ye do that then Juicy.”

I walked into the bathroom and took a quick shower, now all I had to do wait for Chibs to do the same.


After we were both showered we redressed, I then took Juice into the club in the search of some food.


“Aye lad.”

“Can we go somewhere else?”

“Like where Juicy?”

“I don’t want to stay at the club, can’t we just go to your place?”

“Wadena ye rather go home Juice?”

“No, I’d feel safer at your place Chibby.”

“Aye okay, but I’ll have tae let Tara know.”

“Why, I’m okay and don’t need her approval.”

“Just so she can let the physiatrist know.”

“I’m not going to be seeing her anymore.”

“Look Juice we can go to my home and talk, also we can order some food.”

“Yeah that’s okay then.”

I walked outside and looked around, it was then that I noticed the van and tow truck gone.

“Shite lad I only have my bike as everyone’s out, I’m afraid you’ll have to ride with me or stay here!”

“Chibbie where’s my bike?”

“Not now lad, we can discuss it later.”

“I’ll ride with you, all I wanted was to see my bike.”

“Fuck Juicy I said not now, just let it drop until later will ye!”

“Is it here Chibby?”

“Shite lad, are ye even listening tae me at all?”

“It’s here isn’t it?”

The lad was starting to get to me, I also knew the lad could be a stubborn bastard at times.

“Fuck this and fuck you Chibby, I’ll just go and look myself…”

I stood there as the lad stormed into the garage, trouble was I knew he’d find it sooner or later. Fuck it I knew I’d have to go and follow the lad; it wasn’t like he could blame the others for what he’d find.

“Juicy hold up lad.”

The lad just carried on walking, hell he never even bothered looking back once.

There in the garage was Opie and Lowell, they both spoke to Juice but he just ignored them.


“What’s up Chibs?”

“Will ye just keep an eye on the lad in here, he’s pissed and there’s a lot of dangerous stuff in here.”

“What’s he doing here? Hell, he’s not well enough to be back at work yet.”

“He’s not here to work Opie, he’s looking for his bike.”

“Shit, I take it he still doesn’t know?”

Fuck that was when I turned and saw Juice, he’d just heard my entire conversation with Opie.

“I don’t know what Chibs?”

“Juice, it dinnae matter…”

“Tell me Chibbie or Ill tear this place apart, believe me I’ll find it if it’s here.”

“Aye I have no doubt that ye will lad, Juice you have to understand that it wasn’t our fault!”

“What was not your fault?”

“Come over here Juicy, I think it would be best if ye looked yourself.”

I led Juice over towards the corner, it was then that I pulled the tarp back and exposed his bike.

“Oh shit, what did you do to it Chibby?”

“Hey, it wasn’t me lad, Juice ye cannae blame anyone here for this.”

“Why the fuck can’t I…”

“Juice, they all thought that ye were dead lad, look we can rebuilt it at some point darlin.”

I knew that the lad was real close to losing it big time, that or he’d have a total breakdown.


Shit I no longer even had my own bike anymore, it was just a pile of scrap.


“I can’t rebuild that, shit it’s well beyond that and fuckin destroyed.”

“We can work on it while ye get well, I’m sure we could manage tae sort it out somehow lad.”

“Like hell. Fuck to be totally honest it’s ruined now. Who took it apart Chibby, I just want to know that’s all?”

“Juicy please just let it drop, cannae ye do it for me.”

“It was my bike Chibby, shit it meant more to me than anything.”

“Knowing won’t change anything lad, what’s done is done.”

“I have to know, if you love me Chibby tell me now.”

“Shite, that’s blackmail lad.”

“I don’t care just fuckin tell me now!”

“I cannae tell ye lad, look I’m sorry.”

“Fuck you Chibby.”

I went and stormed back into the club house, I then started shoving everything that was mine into a bag. Great it didn’t take Chibs long to follow me inside, he then stopped dead in the doorway when he saw me packing.

“Shite lad where the hell are ye going?”

“As far away from you as possible.”

“Shite lad all this because I wullnae tell ye the name?”

“Maybe it was you Chibby, hell maybe it was you all and that’s why you won’t tell me!”

Within seconds Chibs was across the room, he then grabbed me tight in his arms.

“Chibby get the fuck off me.”

“I swear it wasn’t me Juicy, shite I couldn’t have done that even if ye were dead.”

I used what strength I had and pushed Chibs away from me, I then went and phoned a cab to pick me up.

“Juicy where are ye going lad?”


“I thought that ye wanted tae go tae my place?”

“I’m going home Chibs, also I’m going on my own too.”

“Juicy why are ye doing this?”

“We’re finished once and for all Chibs.”

“What just like that, shite I love ye Juicy.”

“Ha love, yet you can lie to me and cover up what happened!”

“It was a fuckin bike lad and nothing more.”

“Fuck you Chibs.”

“Shit I never meant that, I know what that bike meant to ye lad.”

“Look the cab’s here.”

“Juice please don’t leave like this.”

“Goodbye Chibs.”

“Juice, dinnae ye fuckin dare walk out of that door!”

“You know where I’ll be. Well that’s if you ever feel like telling me the truth.”

I threw my bag onto the back seat of the cab, I then got in and sat beside it. Once I’d closed the door, I wound the window down, I was breaking inside but I had to do this. What sort of future would I have here with Chibs, especially when he could lie to me so easily?

“I love you Chibby.”

“I and I love ye tae lad.”

I watched as the tears rolled down his cheeks, shit I knew that I’d really upset him if he was crying. I told the cab driver I was ready to go, once out of the lot I glanced back and saw Chibs one last time. It was like he was just frozen on the spot, he just remained there watching as the cab left.


Fuck I was such an idiot, I’d just stood here and watched the lad leave me. He had my heart, but I still hadn’t stopped him, but could I have really told him who’d destroyed his bike.

I knew that Juice was still suffering at the moment, I also knew that it wouldn’t take much to push him over the edge either. I’d let him go and now he was out there with his own thoughts, Juice would brood by himself and then get upset over the smallest of things.

I had to admit that it scared me at that thought, hell I was petrified that the lad became depressed again. Maybe I should follow him home, that or I should have just answered his fuckin question.

I’d had him here with me, I’d thought that he was mine and back for good. Now in such a short time I was alone again, maybe I should just go inside and drown my sorrows with a drink or two.

I walked back inside and felt so lost, not that it took me long to find a full bottle of whisky. Fuck it all as I’d had enough, a few drinks and I’d soon forget about everyone and everything.

Not that it worked out that way though, I just became more depressed with every drink that I knocked back. It was then that Jackie boy returned, maybe I wouldn’t be as depressed if I had someone to drink with.

“Jackie boy join me for a drink.”

“Don’t you think that you’ve had enough?”

“Come on lad, just the one glass.”

“Fine but only one Chibs, I have things that I’m meant to be getting on with.”

“Aye it appears that everyone has but me.”

“I thought that you were looking after Juice, you can’t do that if you’re drunk Chibs!”

“He’s not here Jackie boy.”

“What do you mean by not here?”

“He left me and went home; shite Jackie he found his bike and he hates me now.”

“Oh shit, so Juice is on his own right now?”

“Aye I guess so.”

“Did you tell him who did it Chibs?”

“No Jackie boy, I thought it best he not know.”

“Call him Chibs and see if he’s okay, I’ll be in the garage if you need me.”

“Aye lad and thanks’”

I flipped my phone open and noticed I’d had no missed calls or anything, now I started to panic and wonder if the lad had done something stupid. Well I knew now that I’d have to make the call, the phone rang four or five times before Juice finally answered it.

“Juicy lad it’s me.”

“You sound drunk Chibby.”

“Aye maybe I am, I had to call ye Juicy.”

“Why we had already ended it?”

“I had tae know that ye was okay lad.”

“Yeah, I’m just a bit busy at the moment that’s all, I’m in the middle of packing and kinda want to get on.”

“Shite lad where the hell are ye going?”

“Somewhere far from Charming, I need to get my head sorted out and I can’t do that here.”

“Aye but is all this because of me and that I wouldn’t tell ye, please Juice dinnae say it’s all because of your bike?”

“No it’s about trust and honesty Chibs, I can’t have a relationship without either of them.”

“Would ye stay Juice if I told ye?”

“I don’t know as it’s not the same now, hell maybe I just don’t know anymore.”

“It was Hap, please understand why I dinnae want tae tell ye.”

Suddenly the line went dead, it was then that I threw up most of the alcohol and felt like I’d lost Juice for good.


I threw my phone against the wall in frustration, of all the fuckin people it had to be Happy I pulled on some clothes and got ready, I then made sure that I had my gun and knife with me.

Fuck it was then that I realized I had no transport, it would be a bit awkward to call a cab where I was going. I thought about all my options and then thought fuck them all, I was left with no other choice than to call a cab.

I was an idiot and now had no mobile, I’d have to use the landline and make the call. I’d only just hung up when the phone started ringing, fuck I knew I’d have to answer it in case it was the cab company.


“Juicy please talk tae me…”

“Chibs just leave me the hell alone.”

“Juicy boy, hell at least tell me ye wullnae do anything stupid.”

“I’m okay Chibs, look just don’t call me again.”

I made sure I unplugged the phone before he tried calling again, now all I had to do was wait for my ride. The ride was made in silence, it was late now, and I just wanted this over with. As soon as I reached my destination, I paid the cab off, then I realized I had no phone to call a return one.


Well I was the one who rushed into this without thinking, however there was no going back on it now. I decided to go around to the back of the house, hopefully then I could slip in without been seen or heard.

First sound I heard came from within the kitchen, I pulled out my gun and slowly made my way there. Hap was sat at the table with a mug of coffee, I slowly crept up behind him and placed the gun against his temple.

“Juice what the fuck are you doing here?”

“How the hell did you know it was me?”

“I heard the cab; I also heard the door open and had a feeling it was you.”

“Where’s your gun Hap? I also want the key for your bike too.”

“Over there on the counter, so just what are you hoping to achieve Juice?”

“You destroyed my fuckin life Hap!”

“Hey Juice calm down, I explained why I had to do it.”

“Explain why you took my fuckin bike apart, that was the only thing I had that was truly mine in this shit life.”

“I had to make them all believe that you were dead, it was my life at risk too Juice.”

“Fuck you and fuck your life, you don’t even deserve to live anymore Hap.”

“Juice put the gun down and we can talk, you have far more in life than just the bike.”

“Ha like what? I have nothing left and everything’s just so fucked up.”

“You have Chibs, he loves you Juice and would do anything for you.”

“Yeah well there is no me and Chibs anymore.”

“I love you brother and I couldn’t kill you, surely you can’t blame me for that Juice?”

“No Hap I guess you saved my life, even if you did have a strange way of showing how much I meant to you. It’s me isn’t it, hell it’s always me.”

“Juice, you just need some help that’s all.”

“I’m way beyond help now Hap, I’m going to leave now so don’t try anything or stop me.”

“Juice please don’t go, not like this.”

“Hap, try to stop me and I’ll kill you.”

“Juice please, if you won’t talk to me at least talk to Chibs!”

“I’m done talking with everyone, goodbye Hap.”

I turned and walked out leaving him sat there, I also made a point of taking his bike so I could get away.


I’d thrown up most of the whisky, yet I was still hungover, and my head felt like a sledgehammer had hit it. Great I also knew I was far too hung over to ride my bike, well if no one was about I’d just take the van.

I found the set of keys and left the clubhouse; it was late and dark so I might not get pulled over. I knew that it’d be a prison sentence if I were to be stopped, I’d been pulled a few times in the past for driving under the influence.

At the end of the day I knew I’d risk it, Juice was worth any risk if it kept him alive as I wouldn’t put anything past him.

I kept the speed slow as I drove, at least I’d actually made it there without even seeing any police. His house was in total darkness as I pulled up, well if he was in bed I’d sure as hell be waking the lad up.

I wasn’t surprised to find the door locked, however Juice was highly predictable as usual. I moved a small rock and retrieved his spare key, first thing I had to find a light so I could see.

I finally managed to get some light on the scene, the first thing I noticed was his broken cell phone on the floor. I also found his land line unplugged; I went towards the bedroom praying that he’d just fallen asleep.


I entered the room and it was in darkness too, when I turned the light on, I saw the empty bed and my heart sank. How the fuck could he have just left; hell the lad didn’t even have a bike. So, it was either on foot, that or Juice was using public transport.

I went back and plugged his house phone back in, I re dialed the last number called and reached a cab company. I knew exactly where Juice would go, however I knew that Hap one hell of a short fuse.

The question was whether Juice would kill Hap, shite maybe Hap might have killed Juice. My head hurt from all the thinking I was doing, yet now I’d have to go and drive to Haps house. I’d even had to swerve to miss a couple of cars, I was slowing down and my body was becoming tired.

Haps house turned up to be the total opposite of Juices, nearly every light in the place was burning bright. I went and knocked on the door and waited, at no point did I want to freak Hap out.

The door opened slowly, and I saw the gun, at least when Hap saw me he lowered the weapon.

“Hey Hap, are ye okay? Has Juice been here at all?”

“Yeah, he came by and I think his plan was to kill me.”

“Aye well yer alive, so where’s Juice now?”

“He put a gun to my head and demanded my bike key, he left with my bike and went fuck knows where!”

“How did he seem tae ye Hap?”

“What, you mean other than wanting to be the new hitman?”

“Aye, so how come he never killed ye anyway?”

“I explained to him why I did what I did, also why I had to take his bike apart.”

“Shite and how did he take that?”

“He said that he was pathetic and had no one, I tried to get him to call you, but he refused.”

“Shite so was depressed and not thinking straight!”

“Yeah pretty much sums him up, shit Chibs you stink of whisky.”

“Aye well I had a few, shite I know where Juice will be.”

“Chibs you can’t drive in that state.”

“I got here didn’t I?”

“Tough just give me the keys and I’ll drive, that way you’ll have some help if we find him.”

“Aye well this is Juice, it wouldn’t be the first time he’s done something stupid.”

“Keys then, come on let’s stop wasting time and get moving.”

“Thanks’ for this Hap.”

We both got in the van and Hap drove, I had this gut feeling where the lad might be and hoped I was right. I thought he might go back to Oswald’s field, back to where it went wrong before and where he tried to hang himself.


I no longer cared anymore about anything, yet I always seemed to end up back at this fuckin tree. The same tree I’d tried to swing from once, well those were Chibs words anyway. Great so now I was back to thinking about Chibs again, all the good memories and the times together we’d shared.

My whole life I’d been used and abused, nothing ever seemed to really change in my life. Hell, maybe Hap was right, people tried to help but I always pushed them away.

I knew that Hap went too far when he punished me, yet had I in the end even managed to push him away too. I guess I’d used Chibs as my scapegoat, had I stayed just to protect him or for myself. Thinking back, I’d never really put up a fight with Tully either, I’d let him just use and abuse me.

I’d clung to everyone in one way or another, too scared to be without them and alone. Anyone in their right mind would have left the club too, especially after Clay gave me up to Tully.

I came back every single time, yet I wasn’t really even cut out for it all. Deep down I knew that Chibs would be better off without me, maybe Hap should have just ended it that day.

I liked it out here as it was so peaceful, I could think about my own life and what I’d done. Well apart from the bit about killing Miles here, I knew I’d have faced mayhem had he turned me in.

I tried so hard to justify everything I’d done, yet all I was in life was a fucked-up mess. I’d come so close to dying on many occasions, yet so far nothing had worked.

I remember it so clearly, shit why couldn’t the tree have just supported my weight. Then I’d heard as Chibs shouted my name in the distance, it had taken me some time to hide that huge chain.

I knew that Chibs really did love me, yet he’d struggled to tell me the truth about Hap. Yet deep down maybe Chibs had been right not wanting to tell me, the minute I knew I tried to kill Hap and now myself.

I took my cut off and laid it upon the ground, I then sat there and pulled out my knife, I ran the blade ever so gently along my thumb a couple of times, well at least the blade was still sharp as a razor.

Now all I’d need was the guts to do it, well that or as some would say the coward’s way out of this life. Chibs had ended up in a mental hospital because of me, he loved me, and I was about to destroy my life for good this time.

The hardest part was working myself up to do it, easiest way was to just think of all the shit I’d done in the past. I’d wasted no time stealing the drugs to protect myself, I would have stooped to any level just to remain a brother.

Now I wasn’t even fit to be called a brother or a lover, I knew why Jax had accepted me back too. Everything should have been dealt with after Stockton, but I was too much of a coward to tell them about Clay.

Deep down I believed I was just a worthless piece of shit, useless too as this should have been easy after what I’d done. All I could see though was Chibs, I tried to ignore the image and kept telling myself the same thing. Chibs would be better off if I were dead, also he’d eventually get over me and move on.

After a while I even managed to convince myself, I was right to do this and I was also sparing Chibs from this life too. I fingered my knife once more and gripped it by the handle, surely, I could manage to do this one last thing right.

The point was now facing my stomach, with both hands I forced the blade in with ease. I could hardly breathe let alone think, then darkness finally came and claimed me.


I think Hap was getting sick of my yelling now, it wasn’t my fault that I wanted him to just drive faster.

“Chibs we won’t be of any use to him if we wind up dead, I can’t go any faster in this piece of shit anyway.”

“Aye I’m sorry, shite my head still fuckin aches and I want tae throw up too.”

“We’ll be there in a few minutes anyway, just try and keep it together Chibs for Juice.”

“Aye I’m trying.”

“Hey I might need you if he’s as reckless as you say, hell Chibs you were the medic and not me.”

“Fuck I doubt I’ll be any good, especially in this state.”

“Just calm down, take deep breaths and try not to over think.”

“Aye and there I was thinking you just killed people Hap!”

“I don’t say much but I see a lot, believe me I’m far from stupid.”

“Hey I never said ye were stupid.”

“A lot of people think hitmen are all brawn, no brains at all.”

“Hap can I ask ye a personal question?”

“Yeah, can’t guarantee I’ll answer though.”

“Did it bother you when Clay gave you the order, you know to kill one of your own brothers?”

“Yeah Chibs, shit that’s why the kids still alive. If he’d been some mass murderer maybe not, however Juice just got in way over his head and never deserved mayhem.”

“Aye and tae think Clay just wanted him dead and gone.”

“Yeah, hold on it might start to get bumpy from here on, I’ve no idea how far I can go in this van and we might have to walk.”

Shit it was then that I saw Haps bike, yet there was no sign of Juice at all.

“Hap pull over and turn the lights on full towards yer bike.”

Hap stopped and did as I asked, I got out and then that was when I saw Juice. He was propped up against that same fuckin tree, some insane part of me wanted to cut the fuckin thing down. Even in this light I could see the blood covering the lad, I had this deep fear that I might already be too late.

“Shite Juicy lad, Hap I need some help over here…”

As I rushed over to Juice I saw the knife sticking out of him, the lad just looked so deathly pale and still. I couldn’t help myself as I started throwing up, he looked like he was already dead.

“Chibs snap out of it, fuck I can’t do this on my own.”

I suddenly realized that Hap was talking to me, I had to move and see if Juice was still alive or not. I guess I was scared of what I might find, or lack of too like a pulse. I knelt beside him and felt his wrist, he had a pulse but it was really weak.

“Hap he’s alive, we need tae call for an ambulance.”

“It wouldn’t get here in time, Chibs just help me get him in the van.”

Soon we moved his limp body and had him in the van, I then climbed in and held him.

“Hold on to him tight Chibs, this time I’ll be going as fast as this thing will move.”

“Aye just get him to St Thomas before he dies.”

“I’ll do my best Chibs.”

“That’s all I ask.”

I had to admit that Hap drove like a maniac, not that I was complaining though. He could break every law in the book for all I cared, especially if it meant Juice might live.

Once we arrived Hap pulled up right outside, he then literally picked Juice up and rushed inside with him. This was the second-time Hap had tried to save Juice, I knew that I was more thankful than ever and could never hate him.


I was young again once more, just some pathetic adolescent kid with no mother. I was in that shit life once again; my father was there with his many friends who only wanted me for one thing.

As usual my father was calling me hateful names, while his friends were there trying to pin me down and rip my clothes off. In the distance I could hear another voice too, I knew straight away who that Scottish voice belonged to. The man that I loved and adored, also the same man that didn’t deserve to be saddled with me.

I tried to talk but it came out all wrong no matter how hard I tried, then I heard Chibs worried voice as he spoke once more.

“Juicy lad please dinnae talk, just take it easy until we get ye tae the hospital.”


“Aye I’m here for ye lad, yer a daft fuckin idiot though.”

“Yeah I know, thought you’d be… oh shit.”

“Juice, ye really have tae stop talking now love, yer using up way too much energy and oxygen lad.”

I could sense that I was laid down, also that we were in a moving vehicle. Chibs bent forward and kissed my forehead and held me close, he also stroked the side of my face.

“I love ye so much lad and I need ye in my life, shite how could ye have done something like this…”

“I’m so sorry.”

“Dinnae talk, I’m just talking out loud ye dinnae need tae answer me.”

It was then that the violent pain racked my body, it was excruciating and I thought I’d pass out from the pain.

“Juicy, hey lad are ye okay? Fuck Hap ye might need to drive even faster now.”

“Haps here too?”

“Juicy it dinnae matter right now, look just lay still as the knife is still lodged inside ye.”

“Fuck it can’t be!”

“Fuck lad I said lay still.”

I feebly grabbed hold of the knife the best I could, I then used all my strength to pull it back out. Fuck now I knew just what real pain was, yet I didn’t even have the energy to scream.

“Shite Juicy, what the fuck have ye gone and done now?”

I watched as Chibs removed his cut and then his tee shirt, I had a sudden jolt of pain while he was moving and I wanted to cry.

“Ye idiot, shite Juice now I’ll have tae slow the bleeding down.”

Chibs screwed his tee shirt up and lent over me, within seconds he had it pressed against my wound and held there.

“Ye should have left it alone lad.”

“Most attackers take the knife Chibby, they don’t leave it behind with the body.”

“Juicy babe ye wasn’t attacked, ye did this to yer self lad.”

“Chibby I know that, but the hospital can’t know.”

“Why the hell not?”

“Because they’ll stick me in a looney bin.”

“Maybe that’s what ye need lad.”

“Fuck that, I’d rather be dead than that. Please Chibby don’t tell them what really happened, I’m begging you.”

“Aye I’ll leave it be for now, but only until we get through all of this shite.”

“Okay, I think I need to sleep now Chibby.”

“Stay with me Juicy, come on we’ll be there in a couple of minutes.”

“I’m trying…”

Next thing I knew Hap was carrying me, there were also so many bright lights and my head hurt. Hap lay me down and I was moving somewhere, in the distance I could hear Chibby.

“I love ye Juicy, please lad fight for me and yer self.”

I knew that I’d be on my own now besides the doctors that is, Chibby wouldn’t be allowed to go any further.


Great now all I could do was sit out in the waiting room with Hap, I hated waiting far more than I hated anything else. I knew my own state of mind wasn’t great right now either, I was glad that Hap was with me, yet I also blamed him at the same time.

I looked over to see him sat there with his head in his hands, I knew that he was also hurting and blaming himself too.

“Hap let’s go outside and have a smoke; chances are it’ll be a while before we find out anything.”

“Yeah okay.”

We went outside into the dark night, at least now there was hardly anyone around at all.

“Come on out with it Chibs as I know you want to say something…”

“Aye that I do, I need to know how he got tae the point of killing himself. I thought he was over all that last time, yet this time he stabbed a fuckin knife into himself.

“He’s lost and confused Chibs, he seems to want to blame himself for everything that’s gone wrong in his life. Hell, he thought I destroyed his bike because I hate him, I had to explain that I did it so they’d believe he was dead.

“So ye wanted tae save him and I can understand that, but hell why did you have tae rape him?”

“I can’t ever take back what I did, I know that it was wrong, and it just got way out of hand. I’ll have to discuss it at some point with Juice, try and sort out this fucked up mess.”

I raised my fist and punched Hap full on in the stomach, I then went and punched him in the face too.

“Come on Hap hit me, or are ye just going tae take it like a fuckin coward.”

“Chibs please don’t do this, I love you all as my brothers. I won’t hit you back because I deserved that, also I’m sick of all the fighting between us.”

I looked at Hap and it suddenly sank in, we were brothers, yet we fought most of the time. I knew that we had enough problems within the club, there was no reason to be fighting with the only family we had.

“Hap I love ye tae as a brother and family, I’m just a fuckin idiot that’s all.”

“I love you too brother, however you will need all your energy to deal with Juice.”

I leant forward and gave Hap a big hug, I knew that he was right and things would have to change.

“Why dinnae ye go home Hap, go get some rest and yourself cleaned up.”

“What about you, how will you get home Chibs?”

“I wullnae be leaving anytime soon, then I can always call a cab if need be.”

“Look I’ll go and collect my bike and clean up, after that I’ll have a sleep and come back.”

“Ye dinnae have tae Hap, I’ll be fine calling a cab.”

“Chibs I want to do it, I want to be here for both of you.”

“Aye okay Hap, I really dinnae like the idea of been alone anyway.”

Hap left and I returned to the waiting room and lay on the couch, my whole body was exhausted and I felt so depressed and hung over. Suddenly Hap was there waking me up, at first, I just thought he’d forgot something.

“So, what did ye forget Hap, I thought ye were going home?”

“I did and I’ve been gone over eight hours now.”

“Shite you cannae be serious, look I need tae find a doctor and see how Juice is doing!”

“Just sit there Chibs, I’ll go and do it and then I can grab a coffee too.”

Hap was gone over half an hour and I started to think he’d got lost, I was just about to go and find him when the door opened and Hap strolled in.

“Shite I thought ye weren’t coming back lad.”

“It just took a while to find the right doctor, oh here’s your coffee too.”

“Thanks, so how’s the lad doing?”

“He’s still rather weak and he’s asleep right now, but they say he’s no longer in critical condition.”

I knew that Juice was lucky, well he might not think so as he’d seemed determined to end it all this time.


I opened my eyes and tried to sit up, it was then that a sudden pain ripped through my stomach. It was also then that it all came back to me, fuck by rights I knew that I should be dead now.

I looked around the room to find myself alone, it was then that I suddenly felt even more depressed than before. I felt around the bed for a button, it didn’t take me long at all to summon a nurse.

“Good afternoon Mr. Ortiz, how are you feeling now?”

“I feel like I’ve been through a shredder!”

“You were very lucky Mr. Ortiz, apparently the knife missed all your vital organs. I’ll go and get the doctor so he can take a proper look at you, we might need to up your pain medication.”

“Thank you that would be great, can I just ask you one more question before you leave?”

“Of course you can.”

“Was anyone with me, or did I even have any visitors while I was asleep?”

“You were brought in by two men, they’ve both been sitting patiently in the waiting room and are still there.”

“Can I see them?”

“Fine I’ll send them in, maybe you should just see one at a time to start with…”

“No please, I need to see them both together.”

“Fine but they’ll have to leave if you get too worked up, right I’ll go and tell them now.”


I just sat here and waited, yet I felt so fuckin nervous right now. Part of me wondered if I should have Chibs and Hap together in the same room, maybe I was pushing my luck a bit too far.

The door opened and in walked Chibs, he then turned and shut the door behind him.

“Juicy lad what the hell was ye thinking?”

“Please Chibby I’m so sorry for what I did, also for not listening to you.”

“That was the reason I never told you it was Hap, I knew you’d just go off on one.”

I shut my eyes tight and fought back the tears, I didn’t want Chibs to see just how pathetic I was.

“Shite lad, hell I dinnae mean tae make ye cry Juicy.”

“I just thought you’d be better off without me, I presumed you’d get over me and just move on.”

“Jesus Juicy I love ye with all my heart, I would have died without ye lad!”

“I guess I never really thought that far.”

“No, ye never do that’s the problem, how the hell do I know ye won’t try it again lad as it’s not the first time.”

“I promise Chibs…”

“Aye ye said that before tae.”

“What can I do or say then? How can I make any of this right again?”

“Do ye love me lad?”

“God of course I do Chibby, I love you more than anything else in life.”

“Would ye like it if I hurt myself, or if I took my knife and stabbed myself?”

“You know that I wouldn’t, I don’t understand how you can even ask me that!”

“Because I dinnae want tae find ye dead one day lad, I dinnae want to be without ye Juicy.”

“Maybe I’m not worth it Chibby…”

“See there ye go again lad, ye are worth everything tae me and others lad.”

“But what if I slip and fuck up?”

“Ye find me no matter what and we talk, none of this running away on yer own lad.”

“Okay I promise, god I love you so much Chibby.”

“Aye I love ye tae lad, but I’m afraid there will be some conditions tae.”

“Dare I even ask!”

“If ye hurt yourself I’ll hurt myself far worse, if ye try to kill yer self I’ll end my life. Yet unlike ye I’ll damn well make sure it works tae.”

“Please no Chibby…”

“That’s the rules lad, take it or leave it.”

“Fuck you know that I’ll take it.”

“Aye and together we’ll make it work lad.”

Now I knew that I’d have to make sure Chibs came to no harm, also I’d have to learn to talk to him more and listen too.


Finally, I might actually be getting somewhere with the lad, I knew he’d do anything so that I didn’t get hurt. He just looked so tired right now and scared, I’d been so engrossed with him I hadn’t heard what the lad had to say.

“Chibby are you even listening to me, I have to know what you told them…”

“Sorry lad I was miles away, what was it ye said?”

“Did you tell the doctors that I stabbed myself?”

“No, I told them that I found ye, also said I never noticed a weapon at the scene either.”

“Thanks’ for that, I have no intention of going in the loony bin.”

“Aye and that’s why ye have tae stop the behavior, ye can act like a right little shit at times lad.”

“Jeez thanks Chibs, just lay it on thick why not.”

“I tell it as it is lad and we’ve had enough shit tae last a life time. I guess all I want is for it all to end, that and for ye tae grow up lad.”

“Why stay if you think I act like a fuckin kid?”

Great maybe I’d gone too far too soon, the lad had just recovered from a suicide attempt and rape.                                                                 

“Juicy I love ye and I love how ye are believe me. Hey ye can act as childish as ye want babe, just not when it can affect your life though.”

“Fine’ I admit that I can be an ass at times.”

“Aye but a cute ass lad.”

“Chibby where’s Hap? I think we need to talk.”

“I’ll get him in a few minutes, I just wanted to know how you felt towards him?”

“In what way Chibby?”

“Juice, he kept ye prisoner and raped you, I know in his own way he thought he was saving ye.”

“Yeah, I know, I don’t know if it’s right but I still love him as a brother. Also, I didn’t even really fight him off, only main time was when I drugged him so I could see you.”

“Aye ye could have stayed lad, I’m sure we’d have sorted something out.”

“Because deep down I knew Hap was right, everyone had to believe I was dead and gone. That meant my life as Juice had to be over, all that would leave me was Happy.”

“So basically, ye accepted whatever he gave ye as it was better than having no one at all.”

“I think part of me was glad I was still alive, also I knew that you were safe from them all. Then I got it into my head that I couldn’t trust you at all, that was when I tried to kill myself again.”

“Aye and that’s why we must talk, ye cannae try offing yourself every time we argue or have a problem. Do ye hear me Juicy, hell maybe I should put ye over my knee more often.”

“Hey I’d like that.”

“Aye I’m sure ye would lad, however you need to heal first Juice.”

“Chibby when can I leave here?”

“They won’t let ye go for a few days Juicy, you’ll need to be far healthier than this lad.”

Juice was lucky I hadn’t told them the truth, as he’d have been in here for a long time if I had. I also knew he’d struggle if he had to live alone, maybe I should move the lad in with me for now.

“Juice ye cannae live at the club house like last time, you’ll need some proper rest and care.”

“I’ll be fine Chibby, I do have a home of my own you know.”

“A home, hell is that what it is. I guess I’d always presumed ye lived at the club house.”

“Only because it felt more like a home than my place, that’s just a place to sleep.”

“Aye well things will be changing Juice I promise.”

There was no way I’d be allowing the lad to live alone, nor would I allow him to live at Teller Morrow.


I knew that Chibs was looking out for me, I had to admit that I liked the feeling of been loved and wanted by him too. The thought though of a few more days in here depressed me, I hated hospitals at the best of times and as a patient was even worse.

“Ye okay Juicy?”

“Yeah, I just don’t like the thought of staying here.”

“Aye I can understand that feeling lad, I’ll take it that ye dinnae lie hospitals either.”

“No, they depress me Chibby.”

“Shite lad are ye going tae do something stupid, do I have tae tell them tae keep an eye on ye?”

“No Chibby, I’m sure I’ll survive a few days here.”

I could see the doubt written all over his face, I knew that I’d have to convince Chibby I wasn’t suicidal. I’d give it a few days in here and then I might be though, who knows?

“Chibby I’m really okay, sometimes I get thoughts in my head and I don’t think things through.”

“Aye I’ll agree there lad, I’d say that’s one of the worst problems ye have.”

“Sometimes in my head they don’t make sense, that or I’ll get totally lost and sidetracked while trying to think.”

“Shite Juice, now yer worrying me even more. Just a thought lad, hell maybe you should re consider about seeing the physiatrist?”

“Chibs don’t even go there, you think like that and I’ll be long gone.”

“Juicy I’m only trying tae help ye lad!”

“Yeah well you can help me by keeping your mouth shut, just don’t say anything to anyone.”

“Aye I’ll keep my mouth shut, but I’ll warn ye lad I’ll only do it once.”

“What’s that supposed to mean Chibby?”

“Ye try and off yourself again lad and I’ll have ye locked up, that’s a promise tae Juice.”

“Yeah okay Chibby, I just need to get a few things sorted out and I’ll be fine.”

“God, I want ye home lad, I just want ye to be well and whole again. It hurt so much tae see ye upset like that Juicy, I cannae even hold you now either.”

“I won’t break, it’s tender but they upped the meds for me.”

“Aye that’s good then lad.”

“Shit Chibs it’s my way of saying that I’m okay, also my way of saying that I want you to come and hold me!”

“Are ye sure lad?”

“Yeah, all I ask is that you be gentle with me.”

Chibs stood up and came over to the bed, I was surprised when he lay down beside me on the bed. Then in good old fashioned Juice style it happened, as he held me the tears flowed like I was a baby.

“I love you so much Chibby, please promise me that you won’t ever let me go!”

“Aye I promise ye lad, yer mine Juicy and I’m never going tae let ye go again.”

I kissed Chibby on the lips, then I realized just what a big mistake that had been. Now I could feel myself getting hard, shit then Chibs noticed too as my breathing changed.

“Sorry lad but don’t even think it…”

“Think what?”

“I’m not stupid lad, but there won’t be any of that until yer fully healed.”

“Great, I guess I don’t even get a say in the matter?”

“No lad ye don’t, do ye want me to go and find Hap now so ye can talk?”

“Yeah you might as well.”

“Do ye want me tae stay here with ye lad, I can stay if it’s what ye want?”

“No, you need to go and get some sleep, just make sure you come back later.”

Now I’d have to face Hap on my own, it was hard as I still loved him as a brother.


I kissed Juice and left to find Hap, it turned out he was still in the waiting room where I’d left him.

“How’s he doing Chibs?”

“He’s holding up okay, he wants tae talk tae ye now Hap.”

“Okay, are you coming in with me?”

“No, I’m off home for a few hours’ sleep, just go easy with him as he’s been through a lot lately.”

“Yeah I guess I caused a lot of that too!”

“Hap ye contributed but he doesn’t hate ye, believe me the lad has had problems most of his life.”

“Thanks’ for the heads up then.”

“Not a problem brother.”

“Thanks for been here Chibs, it means a hell of a lot to me.”

“Hap how can I not forgive ye, especially if Juice can. Also, that’s twice now you’ve saved his life, without ye he wouldn’t even be here.”

“Yeah well what Clay did was some serious shit, Juice didn’t deserve the mayhem vote.”

“Aye well it’s thanks tae ye that it never got carried out, for that I’ll always owe ye Hap.”

“God, I love you Chibs.”

“Aye I love ye tae brother, just watch what you say, and it’ll all be okay.”

“Yeah okay, I’ll catch up with you later if you want?”

“Aye ye do that, I have a few things I want tae run by ye anyway.”

“Do you want me to call at your place in a few hours?”

“Aye Hap that would be good, I’ll call ye when I wake up.”

“No problem.”

I said goodbye to Hap, I couldn’t wait to get home and say hello to my bed either. I called a cab to take me home, I knew after a few hours’ sleep I’d be back on my bike again.

Once home I made myself a quick sandwich, I was tired and just ate it as I undressed. Once I was finished I went and had a shower, I had to admit the water felt amazing as it ran down my body.

After a while I became too tired to even enjoy it anymore, I knew that sleep was the only thing my body really needed now. I never even bothered with any clothes; I was past caring about anything other than some sleep.

Fuck as soon as I lay down my thoughts turned to Juice, I started to think about how much he’d suffered in life. Then I started to think about how good he’d felt in my arms, especially as he pressed his body against mine. On top of that I’d soon realized that the lad had been hard, great I knew that I really shouldn’t be having thoughts like this.

Sleep was the only thing I was in need of, even though my cock seemed to have ideas of its own. Now thinking about the lad had made me hard, I had to wonder how the hell I’d manage to fall asleep now.

It was then that my hand slowly went under the sheet, it then found its way to my throbbing erection. I couldn’t hold back and within seconds I was jerking myself off, just thinking about Juice and the times we’d made love in the past.

It had literally only taken a few minutes, within no time my weeping cock erupted all over my hand. I was far too tired to even move now; I grabbed the towel from the floor and used that to clean myself up.

I knew at some point I’d have to clean this shit hole up, however I knew that wouldn’t be any time soon. Even so I knew I’d have to do it for Juice, it was then that my mind started wandering and thinking about the lad once more.

I ran my hand along my own chest and stomach, it was then that I realized age was catching up with me. I was getting old and could no longer hide it even from myself, I had to wonder just what the hell Juice saw in me.

At some point I’d ended up falling asleep, however that was when the nightmares came and made me restless. I’d dreamt that Juice no longer wanted to be with me, in my dream he’d decided that he wanted to be with Hap!”


Now that I was alone I suddenly felt nervous, maybe I should have asked Chibs to be here and stay with me after all. Deep down though I knew that Chibs would need some decent sleep, also he’d be back within a few hours anyway.

I watched as the door opened, Hap smiled at me and I nearly fell apart. Worse was when he came over and hugged me, then he went and kissed me on the cheek.

“Hap please…”

“Hey, are you okay Juice, I didn’t squeeze too tight did I?”

“No, it’s just too soon, please Hap I can’t do this right now!”

“Do you want me to leave Juice?”

“No Hap as we really need to talk, it’s just too soon to have you hug me like that.”

“Sorry Juice, guess I wasn’t really thinking!”

“Hap it’s okay and I just need some time.”

“Hell, I don’t even know what to say to you, apart from I’m sorry that is.”

“I know Hap, at the end of the day you saved my life and I owe you for that.”

“You owe me nothing, shit Juice I beat you and fucking raped you!”

“Was I any better though, shit I was the one that came back Hap.”

“Yeah but you only did that to protect Chibs.”

“Look it’s all fucked up Hap, also I can’t change who you are or what you did.”

“No neither can I, fuck I wish that I could.”

“Look Clay was the one that started it all, he only ordered mayhem because he couldn’t have me for himself.”

“I just couldn’t let you die Juice; I don’t have feelings for many people but you were different. You always were so genuine and innocent, you also got upset way too easy. I had no right to abuse you though, then I went and abandoned you in the middle of nowhere.”

“Hap you saved my life twice, Chibs told me what you did and how you carried me in here. Look we need to move forward now, your still my brother and I love you Hap. I also know that Chibs still loves you too, oh and that you love us both.”

“Yeah apart from my mom your all I’ve got left, the club’s the only family I’ve got without her.”

“The club are my family too; believe me Hap I know how it feels to be rejected by them.”


“Do you really think that we can move on Juice, do we even have a future as friends and brothers?”

“We have to Hap, I’ve lost way too many people in my life and don’t want to lose anymore. All I need is some time to accept what happened, also my wound makes it hard to have people too close anyway.”

“I’d like it if we could at least try Juice, I just can’t thank you enough for giving me a second chance like this.”

“Don’t mention it Hap, look we can just take it one day at a time.”

“Is there anything you need Juice, or anything you want me to do for you?”

“Yeah Hap, can you keep an eye on Chibs for me?”

“I’ll watch him, but he’ll be fine as long as he has you.”

“There might be times when I’m not there, also I don’t know what will happen when I leave here. Chibs doesn’t want me to be alone, also he doesn’t want me staying at the clubhouse either.”

“I’m guessing he won’t let you out of his sight anytime soon, he seems to be overly protective when it comes to you Juice.”

“Yeah well, I guess I’ve done some stupid things, I’ll have given him far more reason to worry now.”

“Yeah none of us could understand why he beat you that day in the garage, I’ve never seen Chibs behave like that before with a brother.”

“I’ve learnt how he works Hap, Chibs is just old school. He thought that he could just knock some sense into me, if he was hard enough, I’d learn sooner or later.”

“Yeah, it’s part of who Chibs is, I doubt he’ll have meant you any real harm Juice.”

We finally said our goodbyes and I instantly felt alone again, all I could do now was lay here and wait for Chibs.


Shite I woke feeling far worse than before, I guess the sleep had done me no good at all. My plan today was to return to Juice, however I wanted a word with Hap first to see what happened.

I grabbed a really quick shower and dressed, once sorted I gave Jax a quick call and then I phoned Hap.

By the time coffee was made Hap had arrived, hell he looked far worse than I did.

“You look like shit Chibs…”

“Aye so do you brother, dae ye want a coffee Hap?”

“Yeah that sounds good.”

Hap sat down while I made the drinks, once the coffee was done I joined him at the small table.

“So Hap, what happened with Juicy boy then?”

“It went better than I expected, the lad can forgive way too easy though Chibs.”

“Aye but that’s his nature Hap, I guess it’s one of the things I love about him.”

“Well he seems to be holding up okay, he seems to be more worried about you.”

“Shite I want him well, I dinnae want the lad worrying about me.”

“Chibs when did this become… hell when did you take this relationship to the next level? We all knew you were close to Juice, I guess none of us really thought about it,”

“After the lad tried tae off himself, something changed and I realized how much he meant tae me.”

“So, what happens when he gets out?”

“That’s where I want yer help Hap, I asked Jax what happened tae all of the lads’ stuff.”

“Did Jax tell you it’s all at the club, they were Clays orders and I’m sorry.”

“Hey Hap, ye had tae take the bike apart, also Clay wouldn’t have wanted him buried in any Sons stuff.”

“So, what is it that you actually want then?”

“His cut and keys, that’s it.”

“Does Jax know he’s back in hospital?”

“Aye I had tae tell him, Jax said Juice would have two choices if he returned tae the club.”

“Personally, I thought Jax might refuse to have him back!”

“Aye so did I, he’ll either be on probation or be a prospect once more.”

“How do you think Juice will take that?”

“I’ve no fuckin idea, for now I just need tae get the lad well and back home where he belongs.”

“Yeah true, do you want me to go pick his stuff up from the club?”

“Aye Hap, I then need ye tae help me later too.”

“No problem, I’ll help if I can Chibs.”

“I want ye to meet me over at Juice’s place, he might not like it but he’s moving in with me.”

“Chances are it’ll be best all around, Juice needs someone to look after him.”

“Aye that he does.”

“Just call me later on then brother.”

“Aye Hap and thanks.”

“Hey, I owe you both.”

“No this will be a fresh start brother, how’s things going with Jax anyway?”

“He understands most of what I did was on Clays orders, also he was president at the time, so I had to follow them. Jax has had some shit too, but he’s coping far better than I expected.”

“Aye well I’m glad, hopefully we can all get back tae the table soon!”

When Happy left I grabbed my keys, the ride to the hospital felt really good and calming. I loved riding the bike on an open road, now all I’d need was Juice to ride with me.

I parked at the hospital, once there it didn’t take me long to reach the appropriate floor. I hated the place; however, it was either here or the mental hospital for the lad.

Though I soon realized that Juice was Juice, he could cause a storm in a teacup. I could hear his raised voice; I could also hear a female voice too and it sounded like the nurse.


I was glad that I had the talk with Hap, at least I could now look him in the face without hating him. At first, I’d felt guilty for pushing him away, however it had just brought back far too many painful memories.

Now I had to wait for the doctor to do his rounds, all I wanted was to know when I could leave here. Finally, he showed up to talk, it appeared that everything was healing rather well and as expected.

The doctor said I’d suffered a severe attack and was to remain bed ridden for now, he wanted me to stay here for at least another two weeks. I saw red and lost it big time, I knew at this rate they’d end up locking me in a padded cell somewhere.

“I’m not staying, there’s no way that you’ll keep me here for that long.”

“It might be less if you get plenty of rest, maybe only one week to ten days.”

“I don’t think you understand me, I’m not fuckin staying here any longer…”

“Please Mr. Ortiz calm down, you’ll end up rupturing your stitches!”

“Agree that I can leave, and I’ll calm down.”

“I’ll get the nurse to come in and have a word with you.”

“There’s nothing to explain…”

He went ahead and called the nurse regardless; I had this strong feeling no one was listening to me at all.

“This is nurse Kelly; she will explain what can happen if you leave too soon.”

“Fine just say what you have to say, but I guarantee it won’t change anything.”

“The doctor’s right Mr. Ortiz, if the wound doesn’t heal fully it can become infected, Then there’s the risk of septicemia, even amputation and death.”

“That’s only if I got an infection, I’ll be careful, that way I’ll be okay.”

“Where would you go if you left Mr. Ortiz?”

“That has nothing to do with you, just fuck off so I can discharge myself.”

“It’s not that easy.”.”

I started pulling out the drip from my arm, maybe I was a bit rough as blood went everywhere. It was then that the nurse went to stop me, for some reason I was back in that cell with Ron Tully again.

“Get the fuck off me now or I’ll kill you…”

Shit that was when the door opened, I couldn’t help but notice the look on Chibs face.

“What the hell is going on in here?”

“Chibs please, they won’t let me leave here.”

“Calm down lad, what’s all this about leaving here?”

“I’ll discharge myself if I have to, please I can’t stand it here any longer Chibs. It’s like when Tully cut me open, I can’t stand it here anymore.”

“Look stay for a few hours, calm down and then we can talk lad.”

“I’m leaving now Chibby, with or without your help.”

“Aye I hear ye lad, but you really need tae calm down lad. Look I cannae help ye if ye split the stitches open, please Juice calm down for me!”

“Fine but I’m only talking to you, get them out of the room Chibby.”

“Aye okay if it means ye will calm down.”

I sat down on the bed as Chibs led them out, he then disappeared into the corridor with them. I knew that I was an idiot and had behaved like a baby, my stomach was already starting to hurt again too.

Chibby finally returned and sat beside me, he then held out his arms to me.

“Shite Juicy lad I’m way tae old for this, yer not doing yourself any favors here either.”

“I’m sorry Chibby, please will you just hold me?”

“I’m sorry tae Juicy boy, god I love ye so much.”

“You have no reason to be sorry, you haven’t done anything wrong…”

“I wish that were true lad.”

I had to wonder what he was going on about, I was the only one who needed to apologize for my behavior.


I held Juice as tight as possible and kissed him on the head, his hair was growing fast an ye wouldn’t even know the tattoos were there.

“Just sleep Juicy and I’ll be here for ye lad.”

“Chibby I don’t want any sleep, please I just want to go home.”

I noticed the door open and buried the lads face against my chest, it was then that the nurse slipped quietly into the room. As she approached the bed my grip on Juice tightened, I knew it was too tight, but I had little choice.

In one swift movement, the nurse acted, and she managed it before Juice even registered the injection.

“I’m so sorry babe, please forgive me Juice!”

“You fuckin bastard…”

“It’s only a mild sedative Juicy, just rest and get the sleep ye body needs. I swear that I’ll stay here with ye and keep ye safe, when ye wake we can talk lad.”

I watched the tears roll down his cheeks as I lay him down, I noticed that the sedative was already having an effect on his muscles. He managed to give me the most hurt look possible, then the lad muttered just one single word.


“Shite, because I fuckin love ye far more than I can put into words. Ye need tae get better lad, be well and come back home where ye belong.”

“Please don’t make me stay here Chibby…”

“Just sleep for now Juice.”

Finally, his eyes slowly closed as his body gave in, however I knew the lad would start again the minute he woke up. I also knew they couldn’t keep him sedated for two weeks; I’d have to think of a way to help him.

“Is there anything you need before I leave?”

Shite I’d totally forgot that the nurse was still here, I guess I’d just presumed she’d left when he passed out.

“I’m okay for now, ye are aware that he won’t stay and will fight ye all the way. I need tae come up with a way tae help him, that or he’ll really end up hurting himself.

“We can’t just let him go without any proper care, the risk of infection or rupture is too great.”

“Aye I get that, I was a medic in the army a few years ago and know about infections and such.”

“So, you know some first aid?”

“Aye, I learnt quite a bit, cleaning wounds amongst other things.”

“That could prove to be rather usual. I’ll have a word with the doctor.”

“Aye I’d really appreciate that.”

“Fine we can talk later when he wakes up.”

“Do ye know how long the sedative will last?”

“Six hours at least, but I’d say no more than ten.”

“Aye thanks for that.”

Soon I was left alone in the room with Juice, I lay down beside him on the bed and held him in my arms. The lad felt so warm; he also had such soft skin too. At least he looked peaceful while he slept, I was just hoping the sleep would help him relax somewhat when he woke.

My heart broke to have tae go behind his back, so I just kept on telling myself that I had to do it for his own sake and his health. It then hit me hard just how tired I was myself, maybe for now I’d stay here and be close to Juice while he couldn’t complain.

I’d need to get some rest to be able to deal with him, also I’d have to do a lot of thinking and planning too. I was so tired and yet sleep refused to come, I’d never seen Juice this aggressive towards other people. Maybe it really was all scaring the hell out of the lad, it wasn’t like he’d any good experience while with Tully or hospitals.

I couldn’t blame the lad or hold it against him, Juice had suffered so much in the last few months alone. The question was whether he’d now blame me for it all, I was just hoping when he woke, he’d understand why I did it.

I kissed him once more and thought about what the lad meant to me; I then fell into a deep sleep with Juice in my arms.


I woke and started to panic; I hated the thought of waking up restrained in the dark ever since Tully. I ran my hand gently over the face in front of me, I recognized it straight away and breathed once more.

Suddenly all the events of earlier popped back into my head, the fact that Chibs had deceived me by letting the nurse inject me with the sedative. I pressed the button that would work the small night light, it was then that I realized he was still fast asleep.

I loved the man so much that it hurt, yet suddenly I saw red and became pissed off. How could he just sleep after what he’d done to me, or even stay for that matter?

“Chibby wake the fuck up…”

“Shite what time is it?”

“I’ve no idea but it’s dark.”

Chibs managed to flip his phone open, then he sat straight up and nearly knocked me off the bed.

“Jesus Chibs.”

“Sorry lad but it’s nearly eleven, I’ve been asleep for the last eight hours!”

“Yeah well you obviously needed it.”

“Aye but I was meant tae call Hap, shite I’d better go and do it now.”

“Fuck that, you’re not going anywhere Chibby until we talk.”

“Juice it’s important that I call him.”

I knew that I was been childish, yet a part of me felt totally rejected.

“If Haps more important you better get running then, as it appears you’d prefer his company over mine.”

“Juicy not now lad, ye can also stop sulking like a spoilt fuckin kid. I said we’d talk, I just had tae let Hap know what was happening!”

“So now I’m nothing more than a spoilt fuckin kid, go on then Chibby just fuck off and go.”

Chibs walked towards the door, however he turned and spoke to me once more first.

“Be careful what you say lad, especially if ye dinnae mean it.”

“What the fuck’s that supposed to mean Chibby?”

With that he was gone, and the door closed behind him, now I felt totally lost and alone once more. I just lay back down on the bed and cried, what the fuck was wrong with me? I seemed determined to push him away all the time.

I loved Chibby and knew he was right, one day I might push him to the limit, and he’ll be gone for good. I also prayed that today wasn’t the day. I didn’t even hear the door open, suddenly I looked up to see Chibs stood beside the bed.

“Shite, I shouldn’t have said that tae ye lad.”

“Why? I deserved it; shit I’m so scared of what I’m becoming Chibby…”

“What is that ye think yer becoming Juicy?”

“Look at me Chibby, hell all I am is a walking fuckin disaster. I even started to think you’d rather have Hap than me, maybe I’m just useless and broken!”

“Juicy it’s ye I love lad, it’s also ye and only ye that I want. Hell, I was having nightmares that ye wanted Hap, I dreamt of the two of you together.”

“God I’m so sorry Chibby…”

“Juice stop apologizing, none of this is yer fault.”

“I’m still not staying here Chibby, I’ll just leave on my own if I have to!”

“Shite Juicy, I wullnae let you be alone so get that idea right out of yer head.”

“So why was talking to Hap more important then?”

“Because he was helping me Juicy, it was just some stuff for when ye got out of here.”

Great now I felt like a complete bastard, everything Chibs did was for me.


“Look Juicy they’ll be coming tae kick me out soon, ye have to stay here for tonight at least lad. Juice please, would you do it for me?”

I could see his lip tremble; Juice had honestly just thought I’d take him home tonight.

“Juicy look at me, I swear I’ll do my best tae get ye out of here.”

“Do you really mean that Chibby?”

“Aye lad I do, but ye have tae give me tonight tae deal with it all.”

“Fine one night, after that I’ll leave on my own if I have to.”

“Give me a kiss then Juicy. The sooner I leave and sort it out the better.”

I kissed the lad and dinnae want tae let go, he looked so broken and hurt as I turned to leave him.

“Yer gorgeous Juicy lad, believe me now I have ye I’m letting ye go.”


“When will you come back Chibby?”

“I’ll try and get here by lunch time. Just dinnae go getting all upset if I’m a bit late.”

“Chibby what if you decide I’m not worth it? What if you decide not to come back?”

“Juicy lad just calm down, I swear that I’m coming back for ye lad.”

“Fine just go Chibby, otherwise I won’t let you go.”

I kissed the lad one more time and walked out, I knew that he’d become depressed the minute he was alone. I rang Hap on the way back to my bike, he arranged to meet me over at Juices place in the morning.

I’d be going home to try and clean my place up, Juice couldn’t live like that or he’d be tripping up all day. I buckled down and got to work on the place, you’d think that Juice had never been or stayed at my place before.

Once the cleaning was done, I grabbed a bottle of whisky, I planned to drink myself into oblivion for a few hours. I woke sometime later to the shrill noise of my phone, I realized I’d fallen asleep on the couch and I also had a fuckin hangover. I grabbed the phone and flipped it open, all I wanted to do was silence it.

“Chibs here…”

“Chibs it’s Hap, I just called to see where you’d got to.”

“Shite what time is it?”

“It’s noon Chibs, you told me we’d meet at eight this morning.”

“Sorry Hap, look I’m on my way now.”

I hung up and grabbed my keys, I’d just have to pray no one wanted to breathalyze me today. I knew that I was taking a big risk riding the bike, yet I’d told Juice I’d be there by lunchtime.

Well I finally reached Juices place in one piece, I had only just missed a couple of parked cars and a pedestrian.

“Morning Hap.”

“Chibs its gone twelve, also you look like shit man!”

“Aye I know, I had a drink or two last night that’s all.”

“Are you sure it was just one or two?”

“Shut it Hap, come on let’s just get this done as quick as possible.”

“I came in the van and have already packed a lot of it, see some of us actually turned up on time.”

“Aye thanks’ Hap, I will need tae hand his keys in after and then head to the hospital.”

“Well it’s mainly just the bedroom left to do, Juice seems to like it simple and organized.”

“Aye he can be a bit of a neat freak, god knows what he’ll make of my place?”

“He’ll be fine Chibs, come on more work and less worrying.”

By three we finally had everything packed up, Hap was taking it over to my place and unpacking it. As for me I had the lads’ keys to return to the landlord. I finally made it to the hospital five hours late.


I promised Chibs I’d stay one more night, so I was good and stayed put despite how I felt. Come morning the depression was starting to set in once more, at least I knew I had Chibs returning and I was looking forward to it.

I slept on and off all morning and felt somewhat better, they told me that it was normal to still ache and I should try moving around. I got out of the bed and paced somewhat; it was then that I noticed the clock.

Shit it was already two so I started to panic, maybe Chibs wasn’t going to show up at all. I thought back to how I behaved last night, maybe Chibs had finally got sick of my behavior.

By three o’clock I’d had enough, then I realized the only clothes I had were the ones I came into the hospital with. Well it wasn’t like I could be choosy or anything, blood stained clothes were better than leaving here naked.

Chibs had put what money I had beside the bed, now I’d have to hope it was enough to get me a cab home. It was times like this that I was thankful of the little things, at least I’d always kept my rent paid a few months in advance.

I’d have to hope that the spare key was still there, otherwise I’d have to piss around by going to see the landlord.

The hospital staff tried so hard to stop me, they made sure I knew about every little thing that could go wrong and why this was a bad idea. By four they realized I was serious and I signed the discharge papers, they even called a cab to come and get me.

A nurse turned up with a wheelchair for me, I’d protested but she wouldn’t take no for an answer. She told me that I should save what strength I had, also that I’d need it to be able to get out of the cab.

I thought that it was kind of her, I was even more grateful when she helped me get into the rear of the cab. The ride was a rather slow one due to traffic, not that I had anywhere to be or anyone waiting for me.

Finally, we arrived outside my place, even the cab driver showed some sympathy and helped me out. At first though all I could do was sit on the doorstep for a while, I was in far too much pain to even move. As luck would have it one of my keys was there, I was surprised that no one ever found the ones I left hidden.

I unlocked the door apprehensively, for some reason it felt strange and I had no idea why. I advanced forward slowly and with caution, it wasn’t like I even had a gun or weapon to protect myself.

Shit then it suddenly hit me what was wrong with the place, it was fuckin bare, and everything had gone. I’d literally only been here a few days ago, granted I wasn’t here long before I went to search for Hap.

Only a few days ago, all my stuff had been here, I decided that I’d go and check the bedroom out while I was at it. Fuck every single draw was empty, I no longer even had a single change of fuckin clothes.

It was then that I realized I had nothing, hell maybe it was just what I deserved. Even the gun I’d kept hidden was gone too along with my money, I realized that I was trapped here and couldn’t leave even if I wanted to.

I sat down on the floor with my back against the wall, this time I was totally fucked and couldn’t control the tears. The more I thought about the situation I was in, the worse the tears became.

After a while I was full on sobbing, I’d lost everything I had including Chibby. My head started to ache along with my stomach, I guess all the exertion wasn’t helping whatsoever.

Finally, I lay on the floor and curled into a fetal position, I no longer had the reason or will to carry on.


I’d said it before and I’ll say it again, juice was hard work and would be the death of me one day. I’d handed his keys back to his landlord, also Hap had taken the lads’ personal stuff back to my place.

There had been times I’d wondered if I’d cope but I loved him, he could be demanding but I was the stronger willed one. I’d have to work on getting the lad to loosen up a bit, the lad had a serious problem with things been in order. As for me I was the total opposite and couldn’t find things at the best of times.

I arrived at the hospital and parked my bike; I’d go home with Juice and then Hap would collect my bike later for me. I walked down the corridor towards the lads’ room, it was then that I opened the door to find the room empty.

Shit this was Juice, so it made me panic a bit, I knew that I’d get no answers though unless I calmed down. Maybe they just took him for some tests or something, even though my mind was screaming otherwise right now.

I panicked even more when I saw the empty chart hung on the bed, that should have had all his medical information on it. I decided it might be a good idea to check the rest of the room, draw after draw contained fuck all.

I left the room and went in search of a nurse or doctor, it didn’t take me long to find the nurse who’d looked after Juice.

“Where’s Juice gone?”

“Sorry, please calm down a bit.”

“Juan Carlos Ortiz, his rooms empty and I cannae find him.”

“He discharged himself about an hour or so ago, it was also totally against all medical advice too.”

“Do ye know if he left with anyone or where he went?”

“I ordered a cab for Mr. Ortiz, I also made sure that he was safely inside it.”

“Aye thanks lass, did ye give the cab company his destination?”

“No Mr. Ortiz refused to tell me, he said that he’d inform the cab driver himself.”

“Aye okay, I guess I’ll have tae go and look for the lad…”

I knew the chances are it’d be one of two places; it wasn’t like he really had many places that he could go. I knew he wouldn’t go to my place; this was Juice after all, and he’d think I’d rejected him.

I knew that he saw the club as his second home, however he wouldn’t want his brothers or Jax to see him this way. I knew Juice only too well; he’d feel like a failure and go somewhere to be alone.

I figured that only left one safe place for the lad, my guess was that Juice had gone back home. Shite then reality hit me full on, it wasn’t the lads’ home anymore. If Juice went there, he’d fall apart, he’d feel like we were trying to get rid of him.

I got on my bike and high tailed it over there, I knew that he’d have been alone for a couple of hours now. I pulled up outside and got off my bike, however suddenly I felt nervous about entering. Fuck the lad did have a reckless streak a mile long, I guess deep down I was scared what I might find in there.

I knew that it had to be done though, I’d do no one any favors if I were a coward. I opened the door and found the first two rooms totally empty; I then made my way towards the bedroom door.

The bed was still stripped as I’d left it, every single room looked just as I’d left it which was worrying. I was just about to leave when I noticed something on the floor beyond the bed, there was Juice curled up in a ball on the floor.

I felt sick as I rushed over to him, the first thing I did was feel for a pulse to see if he was alive.


I’d wanted to die and cried myself to sleep, next thing I knew someone was holding me in their arms and kissing me. I forced my eyes open, there staring down at me was Chibby.

My first instinct was to pull away from him, yet that just made him hold me even tighter.

“Dinnae move Juicy lad, ye dinnae want tae damage the stiches.”

“Why are you here? You abandoned me at that hospital Chibby…”

“Aye that I did lad, but it wasn’t on purpose Juicy!”

“Yeah right, you never even came to tell me to my face.”

“Tell ye what Juice?”

“That you don’t want me any more…”

It hurt so much to hear those words; it also broke my heart having him this close to me.

“Shite lad, what the hell makes ye think that?”

“Maybe because you never fuckin came back, then I come here to find I’ve got no home either.”

“Do I even get a chance to explain myself lad, or are ye going tae write me off because I fucked up again?”

“Fine, you have five minutes and then I want you gone.”

“Is that how little ye think of me lad?”

“Fuck you Chibby if that’s what you think, I just can’t handle all of this right now.”

Suddenly Chibby put me back down on the floor, he then stood up and stretched. Was this where he was going to just walk out and leave me, leave me on the floor like I was dirt. I lay there and curled back into a ball; I even pushed his hand away from me.

“Come on Juicy lad.”

“Just leave me here if your leaving…”

“Shite lad, I’m getting old and cannae sit on the floor for too long.”

Chibby helped me stand and move, he then made me lay down on the empty bed.

“For the record, I’m not leaving ye Juicy. I love ye far tae much tae be without ye lad.”

He must have seen the look of despair upon my face, I’d just suddenly felt nervous as he lay down beside me.

“Dinnae look so worried lad, I only want tae talk and won’t hurt ye.”

“God I’m sorry, I guess that I think people only ever want to hurt me or…”

“Not everyone wants tae hurt and abuse ye lad, all I want to do is keep you safe.”

“Why did you leave me then?”

“I couldn’t sleep lad, I guess I was just so worried about leaving ye in the hospital alone. So, I decided tae have a small nightcap so I’d sleep, I guess one glass led tae another and another. I drank half the bottle or more, Hap woke me the next day at lunch time tae see where I was.”

“You mean you were drunk, honestly that was all it was?”

“Aye lad, I guess everything finally caught up with me.”

I knew Chibby had hardly slept because of me, so I knew that I couldn’t blame him for what he did.

“So why did Hap ring you Chibs?”

“We had some stuff tae do.”

“So, you spent a few hours with him, why didn’t you come to the hospital at lunch time then when he woke you?”

“I told ye lad, I had some stuff tae sort out with Hap first.”

“Fuck you Chibs…”

I tried to pull myself up. Obviously Chibs had wanted to be with Hap more than me. He knew how much I hated the hospital, yet he left me so he could go and have fun with Happy.


I was still hung over and the lad was really testing what patience I had, maybe it was time to let him know the reason I was with Hap today.

“Dinnae ye fuckin move lad.”

“You can’t keep me here Chibs…”

“Yer not moving until I’ve had my say, ye behave like a spoilt brat at times lad!”

“Fuck you.”

“Aye maybe one day lad when yer better, but that won’t be anytime soon I promise.”

“Just say what you must and then let me fucking go…”

“Fine lad, I went tae meet Hap so I could get yer keys and stuff from the club. Hap had arranged tae help me pack up all yer stuff that’s all.”

“Why? Was you and Hap just planning to get rid of me or something?”

“Jesus Juice, ye make it sound like I was going tae just off ye lad!”

“How do I know you wasn’t, maybe you got sick of putting up with me…”

“Never in a million years’ lad, if ye came back who’d look after ye?”

“I can look after myself.”

The lad was one stubborn little bastard at times, but I guess that was part of what I loved about him.

“Juicy ye can hardly look after ye self at the best of times, ye fuckin stabbed yourself last time ye were left alone!”

“I’d have managed, I’m used to been alone.”

“Shite Juice I love ye, I also wanted ye tae come and live with me.”

“Yeah right, I bet you’re just saying that.”

“God no lad but it was meant tae have been a surprise, we moved all of yer stuff into my place earlier on. That’s why I arranged to meet Hap so he could help, it’s also the reason I arrived at the hospital late.”

I think it had finally sank in as the lad cried, my heart felt like it was breaking inside as I watched him.

“Maybe I’m just old and sentimental lad, however I want ye tae be my everything. Juice yer my life now, I need you as much as I need air tae breathe.”

“Then I went and fucked it all up, I jumped to conclusions just like I always do.”

“Right I’ll try again then, maybe this time you’ll realize how much ye mean tae me.”

“Fine go on then.”

“Juice, will ye move in with me permanently, also will ye be my partner for life?”

His face literally changed; he had the most gorgeous smile I’d ever seen in my life.

“Is that a yes then lad?”

“Hell of course it’s a yes, next time though just phone me if you can’t make it.”

“Aye I promise lad, I should have called but everything has been so fucked up.”

“Yeah I know, so Chibby when do I get to move in with you? It can be a new start for us both, just me and you together Chibby.”

“Aye lad, I’ll give Hap a quick call as he has the van. Hap can take ye tae mine, it’s just I have my bike outside.”

Fuck that look was back on the lads face once more, I guess it was tae soon for him to feel secure alone with Hap right now.

“Ye okay lad?”

“Chibby can I ask you a favor?”

“Juice, ye can ask me anything.”

“Would you take me in the van, Hap could ride your bike back to your place?”

“Aye I’m sure he’ll be okay with that…”

“Thanks, god I love you so much Chibby.”

I leant forward and kissed him upon the lips, the lad was such a fuckin temptation at times. It didn’t help when he started breathing really heavy, I finally had to let him go once more.

I pulled out my phone and called Hap, my hardest problem would be resisting the lad until he was well again.


It wasn’t just the idea of going with Hap that bothered me, it was more the fact that I didn’t want to let Chibs out of my sight. It felt like every time I turned around, he was gone, well not anymore as he was mine now.

The drive over to his place was in silence, I was mainly wondering how it’d work out the two of us living together. I wanted Chibs more than ever, yet I knew he wouldn’t take me until I was well. Chibs would want to make sure I was physically over it, also mentally stable too.

Chibs had to realize that I’d accepted what had happened to me, hell it was the story of my fuckin life. Yeah right who was I trying to kid, Chibs would never see me as mentally stable anymore.

It didn’t help that I hadn’t behaved rationally today either, hell he shows up a few hours late and I run away unable to cope. I’d been so busy thinking about how I’d fucked up, I hadn’t even realized that we’d reached his place.

“Juicy boy come on shake a leg lad. Do ye need a hand tae get out of the van?”

“No, I’m fine Chibby, I just want to get inside as I’m really tired.”

“Aye come on then lad.”

Chibby led me into his house and I sat on the couch, it just felt strange been here now. This was to be my home, yet in the past it was just somewhere to get drunk with Chibs. There had been many times that I’d passed out on this very couch, afterwards I’d wake up stiff with a hangover.

Well I guess Chibby wasn’t just my brother or friend anymore, he was now my lover and I’d be sharing the bed with him.

“Juice everything okay as yer quiet lad?”

“Just thinking that’s all, it just feels a bit strange been here.”

“Aye but hopefully in a good way?”

“Yeah, can I go to bed Chibby as I’m so tired and need some sleep?”

“Aye come on then, will ye make it upstairs Juicy?”

“Yeah, the hospital said I need to be moving around a bit more, apparently it will help with the healing.”

“Come on then lets’ move.”

I followed Chibs to the bedroom and sat on the bed, it would be strange waking here instead of that uncomfortable couch of his. I couldn’t help but notice as Chibby started to strip, he’d shed his clothes in no time and climbed into bed.

“Ye gonna sit there all night lad?”

“Chibby can I put the light off first?”

“Juicy I’ve seen ye naked before lad, you’ve got a gorgeous body and no reason tae hide it.”

“Please Chibby…”

“Aye if that’s what ye want lad.”

I stood up and made my way over to the light switch, I felt like I could breathe once more as the room was plunged into darkness.

I had to admit that it wasn’t easy to undress, my body ached beyond belief and I wanted some sleep.

“Ye need any help there lad?”

“No, I’m okay Chibby.”

Finally, I pulled the cover back and got into bed, I then just lay on my side of the bed like a statue.

“Juicy what’s wrong lad? Oh, and dinnae ye dare say nothing either.”

“Just tired Chibby, go to sleep and don’t worry about me.”

“Aye any chance of a cuddle lad, or are ye tae tired for that as well?”

“You won’t let it drop will you Chibby!”

“No lad, I’m not daft and know yer hiding something.”

Well I knew that I was left with no choice, I moved over towards Chibs and into his arms.


I had no idea why the lad was trying to avoid me, I guess I was just thankful that he’d agreed to move closer to me. I pressed myself against his gorgeous body, it was then that I realized the lad was hard.

“Juicy is this why ye wouldn’t get undressed, hey I’m flattered if this is for me lad!”

“It was when you undressed, I’m sorry Chibby and it just happened.”

“Shite lad, what the hell are ye sorry for?”

“You said nothing would happen sexually for a while, I guess I thought you’d be pissed off with me.”

“Jesus Juicy, no I’m not pissed off with ye. Believe me that I want ye more than anything, I just dinnae want tae hurt ye yet.”

“Yet, does that mean you plan to hurt me in the future?”

“Dinnae worry lad as it will be a good hurt, god help ye when ye heal up a bit.”

“You sound like you’ve got it all planned Chibby! So just what is it that you plan to do?”

“I’m going tae fuck ye through the mattress lad, then I’m not going to let ye come until I’ve teased you for a bit.”

“Thanks Chibby as now I’m really fuckin hard, I bet you’re having a right good laugh about it too.”

“No Juicy I’m not.”

I ran my hand gently down his lean body, I then parted his legs and sat between them.

“I cannae fuck you yet lad, but I can make it good for ye.”

I soon moved forward and deep throated his erection, the lad was totally rock hard now and weeping. I sucked hard wanting to encourage him, I then ran my tongue along the slit of his erection.

Jesus I was hard just from the sounds the lad made, I knew he wouldn’t last long with me doing this to him either. I knew that the lad would need some sleep soon though, yet he moaned even louder when I pulled my mouth away.

“Chibby don’t you fuckin dare stop!”

“Ye like that do ye laddie?”

“Oh fuck yes…”

I pushed his legs wider apart, I then ran my tongue between his ass cheeks. Okay I couldn’t resist poking my tongue in there, Jesus the lad didn’t half jump.

“Jesus Christ, oh fuck Chibby…”

I had the lad right where I wanted him now, I’d play with him a few minutes before letting him come. I pulled my tongue out and inserted a finger instead, the lad was so wet that it just slipped straight inside his ass.

“Fuck yer so hot lad…”

“Just shut the fuck up Chibby, shit I really need to come…”

“Demanding wee thing aren’t ye, right little slut underneath that cute face.”

“Please Chibby…”

I knew I’d be pushing him too far if I didn’t let him come, so I pulled out my finger and slipped in three instead.

“Fuck…. Fuck Chibby oh god….”

I inserted them all the way in and searched for what I wanted, it was then that I found his prostate.

“Ye ready Juicy lad?”

“Fuck yes I’m ready Chibby.”

I pushed my fingers in even further, I then started stroking his prostate. I grabbed my own erection and started to jerk off, I knew I’d come in no time with Juice beneath me.

I had his sexy body withering around on the bed, the next time I rubbed his prostate he came hard. It wasn’t long before I joined him and came myself, I shot my load all over the lads groin.

“Fuck Chibby, I swear I’m going to sleep for a week now.”

“Not till I’ve cleaned ye up lad, we dinnae want to risk any infections.”

Once we were both clean, I climbed back in bed, I then fell into a deep sleep with Juice in my arms.


It turned out to be far better than I expected, I loved Chibs and I loved living with him too. I healed well and was soon back to my old self, okay maybe not totally!

Chibs had talked to me repeatedly, he made me realize that I was a person and very much loved. I wasn’t someone that was here just to be used by everyone, for that I couldn’t ever thank him enough.

I finally became a real person for once, there were only two things I missed from my old life. I missed my bike for one, I’d loved that more than anything else at the time. Now though Chibs was the love of my life, while I had to ride around on some old bike no one wanted anymore.

Also, there was the club and my position there, I was once more just a prospect but couldn’t blame Jax for that. In most respects, I couldn’t complain about my life and it was just the times when we had to be apart.

Jax wouldn’t let me do a lot until I proved myself to the club, that meant Chibs went away while I stayed here alone. Okay I was sulking like a big baby since Chibs came home, he’d just told me that he had to go away for a few days.

I really didn’t want to be alone, also it would be my birthday in a few days too. I lay on the bed and put my hands over my face, maybe I could just try and pretend he wasn’t really going.

“Juicy lad!”

“Chibs go away, I just want to be on my own for a while.”

“What, so ye can just sulk like a big baby again lad?”

“Fuck you…”

“Maybe one day lad.”

“Yeah right, I’m sure you made that promise months ago Chibby!”

“Maybe I want a man tae fuck me, not some sniveling little brat.”

“You fuckin bastard.”

I got up and just wanted to leave the room right away, suddenly though I was pushed back down onto the bed.

“No chance lad, yer not leaving until ye understand that I’m coming back.”

“I’m not fuckin stupid, of course I know you’re coming back.”

“So, what’s the problem then lad? Yer carrying on like I’m dumping ye or summit…”

“You know that I don’t like being alone Chibby, knowing you I bet you won’t even be back for my birthday…”

“Aye I know lad, but I’ll ring you every single day I promise. I also promise that I love ye and wullnae forget yer birthday lad.”


“That’s it? That’s all ye have tae say Juicy…”

“What the hell do you want me to say, I just said it was okay.”

"We spent months working on this and yer behavior, do I have tae punish ye again lad?”

“What? No I’m fine so just leave me alone.”

“Strip lad right now.”


“Ye heard me lad, dinnae make it any harder on yerself.”

Fuck I knew what Chibby had in mind when it came to punishment, he’d start easy and I’d just get spanked a few times. Then he would purposely get me so hot and turned on, then finally he’d make me wait before he’d let me come.

“Chibby don’t…”

“Come on, ye know ye want me Juicy.”

“Yeah Chibby I fuckin want you! But I’m pissed off right now and you’re not helping at all.”

“Aye lad I guess I’m not, but ye know ye will give in soon baby.”

Shit the best thing was I knew he was right; I always gave in to Chibby and this would be no exception either.


I could see the kids brain working overtime, he wanted me yet he also wanted to be stubborn about it.

“Ye strip Juicy, that or I’ll strip ye lad…”

“In your dreams old man.”

I undid his trousers and started pulling them off, no surprise that Juicy wasn’t wearing any underwear as usual.

“See, you’ve even made it easier for me lad.”

I knew that he was still trying to ignore me, that was when I rolled him over onto his stomach. Fuck the lad had one hell of a sexy ass, it would look even better though with my mark on it.

I waited until Juice wasn’t expecting it, I then brought my hand down hard on his backside.

“Fuck Chibby! What the hell was that for?”

“For not doing as ye were told, what’s the matter wasn’t one good enough for ye.”

“Whatever old man.”

I knew Juice only called me that to push his luck, also because he knew I’d react to it.

“Juicy ye get all ye ask for lad.”

I brought my hand down fast once more, now his ass was hot and extremely red.

“Shit just fuck me Chibby.”

“I thought ye were ignoring me lad?”

“I am, but that doesn’t stop you from fucking me.”

“Aye okay lad, let’s see how long you can ignore me for shall we?”

“Do you want me to turn over?”

“No lad ye can stay where ye are, I know what’ll happen if ye roll over.”

“Such as?”

“You’ll use those hands on yer self, also I won’t be able tae touch that bare ass of yours.”

“Hey, I wouldn’t do that!”

“Hold yer arms up darlin, towards the headboard.”


“Do it now.”

I grabbed my belt and restrained his hands to the bed, I then licked right down his spine as he shivered.

“Yer mine Juicy boy…”

“Jesus, please don’t make me wait Chibby.”

I grabbed the lube from beneath the bed, once my fingers were lubed I pushed two straight into his ass.

“Ye still ignoring me lad?”

I received no reply and knew his game, the lad wanted this hard to ease his state of mind. I pulled my fingers out and then wiped them, well that would be all the lubrication he’d get tonight.

I didn’t even bother stretching him anymore, in one swift movement I buried my erection deep in his ass. I could hear him moaning but totally ignored the lad, I was far from gentle as I plunged in and out of his tight body.

“Chibby I really need to come.”

“I thought ye were ignoring me lad…”

“No I’m not, please Chibby…”

“Tough luck lad, because now it’s my turn to ignore ye.”

I soon worked up a fast rhythm, also I was far from gentle as I forced my erection deep inside him.

“Take it all Juicy boy, I’m gonna fuck ye senseless lad.”

“Fuck yeah Chibby…”

With that I couldn’t hold back any longer, I came deep inside him before collapsing. I knew the lad was hard, but hey I could be a bastard if I wanted.


“Fuck Chibby move your ass.”

“What’s up, am I tae heavy for ye lad?”

“Fuck, don’t you dare leave me like this. You do and I swear I’ll never talk to you again.”

“Ye not talking tae me is what got you in this situation tae start with.”


“Sticks and stones lad… Hey I feel so good and could just fall asleep about now.”

“I’m warning you Chibby!”

“Warning me, why what are ye goin tae do lad?”

“You wait until my hands are free…”

“Maybe I’ll just leave ye like that then.”

“Chibby you wouldn’t…”

“Juicy if I wasn’t away tomorrow I would, I’d leave ye there like that tied tae the bed. Just think you’d be my sex slave; I’d be able to fuck that tight ass over and over again.”

“Yeah I bet you would too.”

I was becoming seriously frustrated now, also I knew I couldn’t fall asleep in this condition either. My hands had fallen asleep a long time ago and my ass was sore too. Chibby finally reached up and removed the belt, he then started rubbing my hands for me.

“Fuck that Chibby, come on I need your hands rubbing something else right now…”

“Aye I bet ye do lad.”

Suddenly Chibby went down on me, no joke as I literally came the minute he touched me. Chibs swallowed every single bit, he then even licked me clean as I was too exhausted to move.

“Shite, ye wasted no time Juicy.”

“Hell, I’m not surprised, I could sleep for a whole week now…”

“That was the idea lad.”

“Will you hold me Chibby, at least until I fall asleep?”

“I’ll hold ye all night lad if it’s what ye want.”

I lay in his arms and tried not to think about morning, I knew it would arrive soon enough as it was. Before I fell asleep, I made a plan for morning, tomorrow I’d pay Chibby back before he left. I just wanted to make sure he remembered me, also I wanted to see him on the receiving end for a change.

I drifted into a deep sleep for once, I guess that’s what been truly loved can do to you. Also, when said lover fucks you through the mattress, Hell I was exhausted before I even came.

When morning came I felt truly refreshed, it was then when I remembered the plan I’d made for Chibby. As soon as I opened my eyes, I realized I was alone, Chibs side of the bed was empty and cold.

I lay there listening for the kettle, or even the shower. After five minutes I’d heard nothing at all, it appeared the place silent which wasn’t like Chibs. I pulled myself out of the warm bed, however first I’d need to take a piss before looking for him.

Well the bathroom was empty, I then entered the kitchen and found that empty too. It was then that I saw the note on the table, I knew straight away that I’d be alone for the next few days.

I flicked the note open to see what Chibs had to say, as I just wished he’d stayed to say goodbye.

I love ye Juicy, I just dinnae want ye tae be upset when I said goodbye.

Love Chibby. Also, I promise I’ll be back for yer birthday lad xx

Well at least he’d been thinking about me as he left, now I had to just face the idea of been here alone for a few days.


I woke that morning earlier than Juice, god the man looks so fuckin gorgeous as he slept. Well he was also just as gorgeous awake too, that was the reason why I’d pushed him so hard last night.

I knew the lad would be out like a light, the whole idea had been to slip out quietly without him knowing. I loved the lad so much, yet he was far too sentimental when it came to saying goodbyes.

It was like the lad thought you weren’t coming back at all, shite maybe that was what the lad really did truly believe. I tried to not think too hard as I rode to my destination, there stood Hap already there waiting for me.

“Morning Hap, jeez ye shit the bed or something?”

“I like to be punctual Chibs, if not I could wind up dead myself.”

“Aye true, how’s yer ma doing?”

“Fine, I’ve got a neighbor watching her for a few days.”

“Thanks Hap, I owe ye big for this one.”

“Hey, we're in this together Chibby, I’m as much to blame for all this shit too.”

“Aye well for now we just have tae keep it quiet, ye know how Juice gets worked up over everything!”

“You mean like if he knew you were spending a couple of days with me…”

“Aye Hap, Juice can have an over imaginative mind at times.”

“Right let's roll Chibs, places to be and things to do!”

We rode side by side to the small cabin, it was pretty much a secure location and perfect for us. Between the two of us we got a lot done, we’d made a difference as a team and I was really pleased. I noticed Hap finish for the night and then sit down, as for me I knew I’d struggle to sleep.

“How do ye fancy a drink lad?”

“What you got Chibs, please tell me it isn’t the usual shit you drink!”

“Aye, ye know me so well Hap.”

“I guess whisky it is then…”

Sometime later we were both rather drunk, Hap even had to tell me that my mobile was ringing.

“Chibs here at yer service.”

“Chibby you said that you’d ring me, shit are you drunk? Who’s there with you, I swear I can hear someone else there too?”

“Shite lad take a fuckin breather, yes I’m with someone and yes I’m drunk.”

“So that’s why you didn’t ring me, also who are you with Chibby?”

“Aye I never realized the time, or I’d have called.”

“I also asked who’s there with you…”

“Hap why?”

“Is he drunk too?”


“Fuck you Chibby, how come you couldn’t take me with you?”

“Jax gives the orders Juice.”

“He’s always let me stay before; I’m just not allowed to go on the job with you.”

“Aye well it’s not up tae me.”

“No, well to me it sounds like you're happy without me there.”

I never even got to answer as Juice hung up on me, shite now I knew that I had a problem.


I couldn’t believe he hadn’t made Jax let me go this time, well fuck him as I’d go and see Jax myself. I rode to the club on my shit heap of a bike, I knew at this rate it’d stop working soon too. Inside the clubhouse was Tig and Bobby, they both looked up as I entered.

“Well Bobby look who’s here.”

“Shut up Tig, I just want to know where Jax is?”

“He’s at the table.”

“How come you and Bobby are here anyway?”

“Why were we meant to be somewhere else Juice?”

“You were meant to be on a job with Chibs.”

“News to me lad, maybe Jax can help you.”

As I opened the door Jax was sat at the table alone, he was reading some old manuscript or something.

“What’s up Juice?”

“Where’s Chibs?”

“How should I know, what’s up have you lost him?”

“He’s on a job somewhere with Hap.”

“He’s not on a job for me Juice, I’ve noticed that they’ve been spending a lot of time together. Fuck how am I supposed to know, maybe it’s just a few drinks as brothers."

“No, it’s way more than that as I heard them laughing, Chibs also forgot to even ring me.”

“Well I don’t know what to say Juice, nothing that will help anyway.”

“So, you didn’t stop me from going with him?”

“No Juice, I swear I have no idea where either of them are.”

“Thanks Jax.”

With that I just turned and walked out, however I decided to stop at the bar and grab a drink first. After a while I just thought fuck them, if Chibby could get drunk so could I.

“Juice slow down a bit…”

“Fuck you Tig, I don’t answer to you or Chibs.”

“So, what has Chibs done now?”

“I think he’s having an affair with Hap…”

I had to slap Tig on the back as he nearly choked, after that he just started to laugh instead.

“What’s so funny Tig?”

“He loves you Juice, hell he never shuts up about you.”

“Yeah well we all know you’d stick up for Chibs.”

I’d had a few drinks by then, all that meant was that my mind would go into overdrive along with my mouth.

“For all I know he could be sleeping with you too Tig, yeah I bet he lets you even fuck him too. I always wondered why he never wanted me to do it, it’s you isn’t it Tig?”

Shit I never saw the fist coming, well not until it impacted with my face anyway.

“Juice you are drunk, just go home before you say something else.”

“Fuck you. I wouldn’t want to stay here with you anyway.”

I stood up and my head swam, fuck the whole room was spinning around so fast. Next thing I knew I was on the floor, then someone was pulling me up and dragging me away. I was then thrown down against something hard and struggled to breathe, maybe Tig wanted rid of me as I knew too much.

“Juice you’re in the van that’s all, I’m taking you home before you say something you’ll regret. Well that or I do something I might regret, look just breathe as you’re safe.”

I drifted in and out of a troubled sleep, I only vaguely remembered Tig putting me to bed.


I woke the next morning with a pounding headache, fuck I knew I was stupid and had drank far too much. First job would be to call Juice back, explain to him that I was far too drunk to ride.

I picked my phone up and noticed the messages, most seemed to be from Tig for some reason. I tried reading them but my head hurt worse, I then decided ringing Tig would be easier.

“What’s up Tiggie?”

“Didn’t you read my messages?”

“Aye maybe one or two, shite Tig my head hurts too much tae read.”

“Yeah well you have some shit here to put up with Chibs.”

“Aye true, I think I pissed Juicy off as he hung up on me.”

“He came here looking for you.”

“Shite did anyone say anything?”

“Jax told him he hadn’t sent you on a job, that and he had no idea where you were.”

“Great this is all I need right now.”

“It gets worse Chibs.”

“How the fuck can it get worse Tig, as he’ll be pissed now?”

“He thinks you’re having an affair with Hap, I also gave him a black eye too.”

“What, shit are ye fuckin serious Tig?”

“He drank a lot and accused me of sleeping with you, I tried telling him that you love him more than anything.”

“Aye let me guess, he wouldn’t listen tae anything ye said?”

“No, he really believes that you and Hap are away on a dirty weekend, shit he’s a loose cannon right now Chibs.”

“So where is he now then?”

“I had to put him to bed, so I guess he’s still there.”

“Thanks Tig I owe you one.”

“Yeah you do, so when are you coming back Chibs?”

“I can’t until tonight, I still have a few things that need doing here first.”

“Chibs is that really a wise idea?”

“I love him so much Tig, but hell the lad had me wrapped around his little finger. I need him tae trust me and get over this paranoia, it appears that hasn’t happened yet.”

“Yeah, I can see where you’re coming from, do you want me to keep an eye on him for you?”

“Aye I’d appreciate that, just try and keep him out of trouble until I get home.”

“Will do, I need to apologize for hitting him anyway.”

“That’s yer choice, by the sounds of it he asked for it!”

“Yeah but he’s still a brother.”

“Aye okay, thanks again Tig.”

I flipped the phone shut, I then just closed my eyes and thought about all that was happening. So, we’d been through so much together, shite and Juicy still refused to trust me when we’re apart.

Well I knew I’d have my work cut out convincing Juice, especially as he knew I’d lied about going away and Hap. The lad had one hell of an overactive mind; Juice was my first relationship since Fiona. I didn’t want anyone else either, if it was just sex, I’d have made do with the crow eaters.

Juice was the one that I fell in love with, also the one that I wanted to have a real relationship with. I decided to take some pain meds, after that I went back to bed for a few hours’ sleep. I’d have to be sober to ride back anyway, also headache free to deal with a hot-headed Juice.

When I woke it was dark but at least I was headache free, I had to explain everything regarding Juice to Hap. Well at least he saw the funny side of it, as for me I wasn’t laughing at all.

The whole ride back I felt so anxious, Juice could be a stubborn bastard and this could be hard.


I woke late in the afternoon and was in need of caffeine, I nearly jumped out of my skin as I entered the kitchen. There at the table sat Tig, great now I wondered what the fuck he wanted.

“How did you get in Tig?”

“Juice who do you think put you to bed last night, also had to bring your sorry ass home?”

Suddenly it all came flooding back to me including Chibs, or should I say Chibs and Happy.

“Maybe the same person that gave me the black eye!”

“You asked for that Juice, shit you accused me of fucking Chibs.”

“Hey man this is you Tig, you’d even fuck the dead if it got you off.”

“Juice, do you want another black eye?”

“Fuck you Tig, well you can leave now as I don’t want you here.”

“Well I promised Chibs I’d stay.”

“Go to hell Tig…”

I lunged forward and went to grab him, however I was hungover, and he was faster. It wasn’t long before I was face down on the floor, I also had Tig pinning my arms behind my back.

“Just relax Juice or it’ll hurt more.”

“Yeah I bet you’d like that.”

“Juice you can be an immature prick at times, fuck knows how Chibs even puts up with you?”

“Obviously he doesn’t, he’s not here is he Tig… Fuck no he’s somewhere with Hap, to top it off he fuckin lied to me.”

“You’ll have to take that up with him Juice, however I promised him that I’d keep you safe.”

” So, you’re still doing his dirty work for him, well fuck you as I’m not staying here.”

“Juice please don’t do this!”

I fought to get my hands free, I then crawled as far away from Tig as possible.

“I’m off to get dressed then I’m leaving Tig, I just want a few strong drinks so I can forget about everything.”

I made my way towards the bedroom and slammed the door shut, however I decided to just lay down until my head cleared. At some point I must have fallen asleep, I decided on a quick shower and then I’d dress. It was I reached the door my mood changed, now I was fuckin furious.

“Tig get the fuck here right now…”

“What do you want Juice?”

“Tig open this fuckin door right now, where the hell is the handle?”

“Sorry Juice but you’re staying put.”

“You’re dead Tig…”

“I’m so scared Juice.”

“Fuck you.”

I pulled out one draw after another, however I found nothing that would open the door. The only thing I found of any use was a joint, well at least that could be a substitute for the alcohol.

I smoked the joint and soon felt relaxed and chilled out, I just lay there on the bed thinking to myself. What a great birthday I’d have tomorrow, Chibs with Hap and us just arguing.

The minute that door opens I planned to leave, I’d pack a few things and go away for a while. Hell, then again maybe I might never even come back, it’s not like any of them would even miss me.

Finally, I became so relaxed that I slept once more, I never woke until I heard someone open the bedroom door.


I rode back home as soon as I was sober enough, the first person to greet me as I entered was Tiggie.

“You okay Chibs?”

“Aye as well as can be expected, so where is he Tiggie?”

“Bedroom, I think he’s fallen asleep though.”

“I’d better go and have a word with him.”

“Hold on Chibs, I need to fix the handle first…”

“Shite Tig what did ye do?”

“You told me to keep him here, he spat his dummy out so it wasn’t my fault.”

“Talk now Tiggie.”

“He was going to leave, he said he wanted to go before you came home.”

“Aye well I’m grateful ye kept him here Tig, even if it meant moving the handle I guess.”

I made my way to the bedroom, and patiently waited, however I entered the minute Tig replaced the handle. As I walked in Juice suddenly sat up, great I knew that he was far beyond just been pissed.

“What do you want Chibby?”

“Well I thought that I lived here Juice, or are ye kicking me out?”

“Hey, I tried to leave believe me, it was Tig who wouldn’t just let me go.”

“Aye and I’m glad he kept ye here tae, so you’d have just gone without a word?”

“Has Hap got boring or something Chibby, why don’t you just fuck off back to him?”

“Juicy he’s outside, Hap can come in and we’ll talk when ye calm down lad.”

With that Juice moved faster than I’d expected, he was off the bed and at the door in seconds. I was left with no choice other than to just grab him, I then shoved him back down onto the bed.

“Let me go Chibs, I swear I’m going to kill you and Happy fuckin Lowman.”

“Juice calm down lad.”

“Let me fuckin go and I might.”

Shite I hadn’t expected Juice to spit in my face, also it was the sheer look of hate upon his gorgeous face.

“Ye won’t even let me explain will ye.”

“No so fuck off…”

I was still knelt over Juice, the next minute he kneed me hard in the balls and I fell to the floor. With that Juice fled the room, hell the lad never even looked back once.

I knew that I’d fucked up bigtime, I’d hurt the lad so bad with a simple little lie. Suddenly the door flew open and Tig walked in, he rushed straight over to check on me.

“You okay Chibs?”

“Aye I’ll be okay in a minute, the lad kicked me in the fuckin balls.”

Tig held out his hand and pulled me up, he then just started grinning to himself.

“Okay what’s so funny Tig?”

“The lad has more balls than I thought, hell he’s just proved himself in the last day alone.”

“Aye sure, well it’s not helping me that he’s grown some.”

“Calm down Chibs.”

“Where is he anyway.”

“Grabbed his keys and ran out, just took off on his bike.”

“Great, so I dinnae even know where he’s gone now…”

“He won’t get far as Hap went after him.”

That was all I needed, I knew Juice would be pissed big time if Hap caught up with him.


I rode my bike as fast as it would go, not that this old crappy thing would go fast at all. Finally, I’d have to accept that I couldn’t outrun Hap, so I decided to ride out of Charming before giving him the satisfaction.

At least out here it was rather remote, less chance of anyone seeing me finish Hap off. Fuck that was when I realized I hadn’t grabbed my gun, well it looked like Hap would get to end my sad pathetic life.

Hap wasted no time as he pulled in behind me, he was also then off his bike within seconds.

“Juice I only want to talk.”

“I’ve got nothing to say Hap so fuck off.”

“Juice, I swear it’s not what you think, please just let me explain.”

I never even gave Hap a chance to explain, I used all my force and charged at him. He just calmly grabbed me as I punched his chest over and over again, I knew he was stronger than me and it pissed me off even more.

“I hate you Hap, you and Chibs both fuckin deserve each other.”

Suddenly he slapped me hard across the face, hell I thought he’d broke my jaw at first.

“Fuck you Hap…”

I tried to do the same to him as I’d done to Chibs, I brought my knee up to kick him where it hurts. Hap moved fast and shoved me backwards, suddenly the most gruesome pain bloomed in my head.

“Shit just lay still Juice.”

Suddenly Hap was knelt beside me, he then started to feel my head. I just stared transfixed as he pulled his hand away, especially as it was covered in my blood.

“Juice talk to me, come on man get with it.”

I opened my mouth but nothing would come out, suddenly I felt extremely sick. Hap rolled me over onto my side, he then pressed and held something against my head.

“Shit I think you need an ambulance Juice.”

“Please Hap no ambulance.”

I watched as he pulled out his phone, I thought he was calling an ambulance regardless of what I said. However, when he spoke, I realized otherwise, well I guess his way was somewhat better than a hospital. I rolled back over and listened to what was said, I got the general idea from his side of the conversation.

“Tig it’s me Hap, yeah I need a favor. Meet me at Oswald’s with the van, oh and can you bring the first aid kit too. No not too bad, he just can’t ride the bike that’s all.”

Hap hung up, he then sat down on the ground beside me.

“Hap he’s not bringing Chibs is he?”

“No idea Juice, I think he’d gone to the clubhouse so I doubt it.”

“I don’t want to see him.”

“Juice, you get fixed up and then we talk, I also guarantee that this time you will listen.”

“Yeah well it looks like I don’t even have a choice.”

“You’re learning kid.”

Finally, Tig showed up with the van, he then came over towards us both.

“Tig can you help me to get Juice into the van?”

“Yeah no problem.”

They both helped me get into the passenger seat, then Hap made sure I was fastened in.

“I’ll just load your bike Juice and then Tig will take you back, I’ll follow on my bike.”

I was so tired and just wanted to sleep. I also just wanted this fuckin nightmare to end.


I was sat right in the corner of the van as Hap loaded the bike, I just remained quiet so Juice wouldn’t know I was here. Hap knew that I was here, however I swore I’d let him talk to Juice first. Once we were on the move Juice started talking, Tig answered him while I just listened from the shadows.

“Tig is Chibby okay, when did you last see him?”

“Juice why the hell do you care, you’re the one who didn’t want him!”

“I do still love him Tig, I just can’t live with the lies from him and Hap.”

“Maybe you just need to learn how to listen Juice, hell you never even gave him a chance to explain.”

“He was out there with Hap as I heard him, even Jax had no idea what they were up to.”

“You still could have at least heard him out, at least that way you’d know why he did it.”

“I don’t care anymore as it’s over, yet now I have to listen to bullshit from Hap too.”

“You get yourself into some predicaments Juice, Chibs told me how you took him to the floor. Then to top it off you try it with Hap too, of all the people he was a big mistake.”

“Maybe I’m sick of everyone forcing me to stay, forcing me to listen and do as they say all the time.”

“Maybe standing up for yourself was a good idea then.”

“Ha I don’t think Chibby or Hap would agree with you.”

“Most likely not, however I have respect for this new you.”

“Thanks, maybe me and you should get together some time Tig.”

I remained quiet, yet I had all on not to say something to Juice. He says he loves me but hits on Tig, thankfully Tig was my friend.

“Juice Chibs and Hap would kill me, also they are brothers.”

“Yeah true I just want the pain to end. At least you still have family Tig.”

“So do you Juice, you just need to let them in and help you.”

I could tell that Juice was on the verge of tears, when I went away he’d thought his life was perfect. I’d done this to him and it broke my heart, the lad had no one that could hug him better.

It was then that I realized we were slowing down, I then heard Haps bike stop behind us.

“Come on Juice let’s get you inside.”

“I’m fine Tig, I can manage on my own now.”

“You took a knock to the head Juice, at least humor me and let me help you.”

“Fine if you must.”

I knew that Juice could be a stubborn bastard, I had all on not to laugh as Tig helped him out. Juice moaned about everything, it was obvious that he didn’t want Tig here or helping him.

I waited a few minutes until they’d gone inside, it was only then that I slipped out of the van unseen. I entered the cabin and listened, all three of them were sat down in silence. After a few minutes Hap stood, he then turned to talk to Juice.

I remained where I was and just listened for now, I knew Juice was pissed as Hap was giving the orders.

“Juice I can’t say much as it’s up to Chibs to do that, he needs to explain the reason why he lied to you.”

“I don’t want to see him Hap.”

“Juice you’ll listen to me, that or I’ll tie you to the fuckin chair.”

Now I could hear Juice moaning like hell, he even tried to stand and leave the room.


Fuck Hap was good at giving orders, I stood because I didn’t see why I should just sit here and take it.

“Sit the fuck down Juice, how many times do I have to tell you to listen?”

“Fine just get it over with then.”

“Firstly, I want you to know that Chibs loves you more than anything, which God alone knows why he puts up with you.”

“What the hell does that mean Hap?”

“You behave like a big baby at times Juice, that or you go off at the deep end. I’ve noticed with you it’s one or the other, there’s no normal in-between.”

“So, you’re saying that I’m not normal, hell I was good enough when you fucked me.”

“You little fuckin bastard, without me you’d be dead Juice.”

“Fuck you Hap, I wish you’d just fuckin killed me.”

“It’s not too late believe me.”

“Come on then big bad assassin, just fuckin do it.”

Shit within seconds Hap had his gun out with the safety off, he also had it pointed at my head. I closed my eyes and waited, maybe this was it and this was how I was meant to die.

“You anything to say now Juice?”

“Just fuckin do it…”

It was then that I heard the safety go back on, I opened my eyes to see the gun had gone.

“I thought you were going to kill me; shit you’re all talk Hap!”

“Keep it up with the mouth and I’ll do it regardless, Chibs is the only reason you’re still breathing right now.”

“No, you couldn’t possibly hurt Chibs could you.”

“Juice don’t…”

Fuck he wouldn’t let me leave, yet he also wouldn’t kill me. No matter what I did he wouldn’t end it, it was then that I suddenly had a thought.

I waited until Hap was talking and occupied, I then lunged at him and grabbed his gun. My time was up, and I was ready to die, I wasn’t going to kill Tig or Hap only myself.

“Juice put the gun down.”

“Hap just stay away, and I won’t shoot you.”

It was then that I noticed movement out of the corner of my eye, then I heard the voice that I loved so much.

“Put it down Juicy.”

“Give me a reason Chibby, just one fuckin reason as I’ve had enough of the pain.”

“Because I love ye so much Juice, end your life and mine will be over too.”

“You don’t mean that Chibby.”

“Dinnae ye remember the promise I made ye lad, hurt yourself and I’ll do the same tae myself.”

I started at him trying to weigh up what he said, was it words or did he really mean it? However, I was so focused on Chibby and forgot about Tig. Suddenly I was slammed against the wall, it was then I lost grip on the gun and it fell to the floor.

I saw Hap grab the gun and then Tig let me fall to the floor. Within seconds Chibby was on the floor with me, he started stroking my face and whispering things to me.

I clung to him as he tried to stand up, I ended up next to him on the couch as the tears flowed.

“I love ye so much Juice, all I want is a chance tae explain it all tae ye. Afterwards if ye want tae leave I won’t stop ye, please just hear me out first…”

I just nodded my head; at the moment I was far too emotional to even speak.


I realized that now was the perfect time to talk, Juice was far too tired and stressed out to fight back.

“Juicy what day is it in a couple of hours?”

“My birthday, why?”

“I promise ye I’d be with ye to celebrate it didn’t I?”


“There was no job lad, Jax was telling ye the truth about that.”

I could feel Juice tense up, however this time he remained quiet and listened.

“Hap was helping me with your birthday present Juice, it would be your first birthday with me and I wanted it tae be special.”

“What do you mean Chibby…”

“Hap came away with me to help make it all perfect, I love ye so much lad despite ye can be daft at times. I only told a little white lie to keep it a surprise, next minute I’m sleeping with half of the club.”

I watched as he closed those gorgeous eyes, he then laid his head against my chest.

“You mean it don’t you Chibby…”

“Aye lad that I do, maybe I fucked up and went the wrong way about it.”

“Maybe I shouldn’t have jumped to conclusions, oh shit I made Haps life hell too.”

“Hap understands lad, he just wanted tae help with your present too. I guess it was his way of making things up tae you.”

“Yeah and I fucked it all up as usual.”

“Juice I should have realized how it’d look tae ye, especially after the past few months and all.”

“I was still a jerk Chibby…”

“Aye that ye were lad.”

“Chibby will you kiss me?”

“Jesus lad ye dinnae have tae ask me that twice, I feel like I’ve waited days tae kiss ye again.”

I kissed his gorgeous mouth and didn’t want to let go, then Juice started using his tongue and I was getting hard.

“Juicy I think we’re giving Hap and Tig a show…”

It was then that Tig got my attention, apparently, he’d wanted to ask me something.

“Chibby are you two good now, it’s just Jax wanted the van back for morning?”

“Yeah Tig we’re good and thanks for all this, you too Hap thanks for everything.”

“No problem, I’m going back with Tig as I’m too tired to ride my bike.”

Hap and Tig were soon gone, now it was just me and Juice and I’d missed him so much.

“Chibby where are we anyway, who owns this place?”

“Me lad, well at least for the next week anyway.”


“It was for yer birthday Juicy, a week here together away from everyone.”

“Oh shit and I fucked it up.”

“Hey, we’re good now, Hap helped me clean the place up and stock up on food and stuff.”

“I’ll thank him later Chibby.”

“Aye we need to pop to the club tomorrow so ye can do it then.”

“Thank you Chibby for all of this, also for putting up with me too.”

“I do it cos I love ye lad.”

“Prove it, make love to me Chibby!”

“Ye sure lad as you’ve just had a bang to the head?”

“I’m sure. Also, I know that you want it too Chibby. Shit I can feel how hard you are against my leg, come on I want you inside me.”

The lad was making me so hot and turned on, I grabbed his hand and pulled him towards the bedroom.


Chibby picked me up and placed me on the bed, he then started to undress me ever so slowly.

“Fuck Chibby, I could do it faster myself.”

“The whole point is to make ye wait lad.”

“Chibby please! Come on I need you now…”

“Juicy boy…”


“You do realize it’s yer birthday in a few minutes.”

“Yeah so what?”

“I’d made plans, you can have yer main present tomorrow though. It was actually something else, no never mind just forget about it…”

“Chibby just say it, anyway I thought been here with you was my present?”

“No lad, but you’ll have to wait until later tomorrow.”

“So, what was it you were going to ask then Chibby?”

“Shite lad, ye kept asking if we could do it the other way around.”

“What are you talking about Chibby?”

“Make love, sex or whatever…”

“I believe you’re a little flustered Chibby.”

“Dinnae be a smart-ass lad.”

“Do you really mean it?”

“Juicy I mean it if you’re on about us… You know what I mean.”

“Chibby you actually want me to fuck you?”

“Aye lad, I guess it’s time I let ye.”

“You sound a bit nervous Chibby.”

“Fuck yeah I’m nervous, I’ve never done this before with anyone.”

“This sounds like fun then.”

“Juicy I’m not laughing.”

“Sorry Chibby, I swear I’ll be gentle and make it feel real good.”

“Aye ye had better do.”

“I promise, have you got any supplies here?”

“Top draw Juicy boy.”

I reached into the draw and searched for what I wanted, within seconds I advanced on Chibby.

“I love you so much Chibby, and I love that you trust me enough to let me do this.”

“Shite lad you’re the first person I’ve loved this much, that was why I wanted it to be special.”

I gave Chibby a passionate kiss, and only then did I stand up.

“Fuck Juicy where are ye going?”

“Chibby I think we both still have too many clothes on, well if you want anything to happen that is!”

“Aye lad yer right.”

I watched as Chibby stripped within no time at all, I also couldn’t help but notice how hard he was too.

“Juicy move it lad.”

“Sorry I was too busy watching you.”

“Strip Juicy for me.”

It didn’t take me long, especially with Chibs looking hungrily at me.

“Chibby shut up and lay down on the bed.”

“Now who’s the impatient one lad?”

“I told you we’d take it slow. Hell, I don’t want to put you off for life.”

I remembered my first time, I guess I was lucky it hadn’t put me off men.


I lay on the bed as the lad had wanted, within seconds he was also on the bed with me as I was as nervous as hell.

“Relax for me Chibby…”

“Aye I’m trying Juicy.”


It was easy at the start, Mary mother of Jesus it was an overload of stimulation. The lad had that talented tongue of his everywhere, he bit both my nipples and then moved even lower down.

Fuck I nearly came as he suddenly deep throated me, the feeling of wanting to come already was great. Then I felt something press against my ass and I jumped, fuck that just made me tense up even more.

“Chibby please baby, hey it’s only one finger and it’s lubed!”

I tried to relax as Juice had another go, his finger slipped straight in this time and it felt really strange to begin with.

“Chibby make sure you stay relaxed, this time I’m going to use two.”

“Shite lad…”

This time there was a bit more strain as he entered me, however this time he decided to move his fingers around inside me. Suddenly the lad brushed lightly against my prostate, my whole body felt like it was on fire now.

“Do you like that Chibby?”

“Fuck yes! Do it again Juicy.”

“No chance Chibby, now you’ll have to wait until my cocks buried deep inside you.”

“Just fuck me now then lad!”

“Chibby you have to be ready first.”

“Shite I’m fuckin ready, hell I’m not going to get any readier than this either!”

“Fine have it your own way then, turn over for me Chibby.”

“Ye dinnae want me facing ye Juicy?”

“Maybe next time, shit Chibby I’ll stop if I see I’m hurting you at all.”

“Thought ye said it dinnae hurt lad?”

“A small bit at first, but then it’s worth it for the pleasure that’ll follow.”

“Aye okay just get on with it then.”

I rolled over onto my stomach and then that I felt something large pressing against my ass, I nearly screamed as Juice worked his cock inside my body.

“Relax Chibby and it won’t be as bad.”

“Fuck this, I was supposed to be a man for crying out loud. Hell, if Juicy could take it so could I, in one fast movement I pushed my ass against him.


“Chibby I said to go slow.”

“Just give me a minute and I’ll be alright, how the fuck do ye do this Juicy?”

“Hold on babe.”

Juice worked a miracle and started moving, he soon worked up a rhythm plunging in and out of me. I had to admit that the pain soon turned to pleasure, also I knew that I’d be coming soon.

“Fuck Juicy I need tae come…”

“Hold on.”

Suddenly Juice moved slightly and hit my prostate hard, the next minute I was seeing stars as I came all over the bed. I just turned into a boneless heap beneath Juice, who soon followed and came deep inside my ass.

“You okay Chibby?”

“Fuck, yeah it was amazing…”

“I told you it would be.”

The lad rolled off me, then he slapped me on the backside before laying down beside me.


In the morning I woke to see Chibby already awake, however he was just laid there staring at me.

“Morning love ye sleep well?”

“Yeah far better after last night Chibby.”

“Aye well happy birthday Juicy lad.”

“Thanks, also thanks for all of this too Chibby.”

“How about we shower and then go see what Jax wants? Also, I need tae give ye yer present too.”

“Chibby I’m just happy that I still have you!”

“Go shower lad, I’ll go and make us both some coffee.”

“You not going to wash my back then?”

“No chance, hell we’d never get out of there lad.”

“Yeah good point.”

I got out of bed and made my way to the bathroom; I enjoyed the warm water upon my body as I was lost in thought. I had to wonder what Jax wanted me for, also just what Chibby would give me for my birthday.

I was finally dressed and went to grab my coffee, meanwhile Chibby went to take a shower on his own. I had to admit that it was peaceful here, I also liked the idea of the pair of us here alone for a week.

Chibby had promised me we wouldn’t be at the club for long, I was glad as I always worried about what they really thought of me.

“Ye ready Juicy?”

“You do know that my bike’s fucked Chibby, I think I burnt it out totally trying to outrun Hap.”

“Juice it’s a death trap anyway.”

“Yeah well it’s all I have.”

“I guess ye get tae ride bitch then babe.”

“What joy, believe me I’d only do it with you though.”

“Aye lad, I’d better show ye your present before we leave.”

“What it’s here?”

“Aye lad.”

“So, what is it Chibby?”

I really hoped that I’d like his present, Chibs could read my emotions and I didn’t want to let him down again. He’d already put up with so much from me in the past, so I smiled as he led me outside.

“Oh fuck Chibby…”

I turned around and hugged him tight as I cried, I couldn’t believe he’d done all of this for me.

“Juicy lad come on, talk tae me babe.”

“I made your life hell and you did this…”

“Aye cos I love ye lad, it’s also from Hap too as without his help I’d have never done it.”

“I’m such a jerk Chibby!”

“Go look at it Juicy.”

I walked over towards my present, the last time I’d seen my bike it was in pieces. As far as I was concerned it was the best present ever, I knew I’d have to make sure I thanked Hap too.

“So ye like it then babe?”

“God of course I do, it just looks so new and perfect.”

“We replaced some of the chrome with new, I think that Hap did a good job on it tae lad.”

“Yeah I’ll have to thank him and apologize for all the shit.”

“Aye that ye will lad.”

“So when can I ride it?”

“Now, ye can ride it tae the club Juicy.”

As I rode to Teller Morrow I felt like a god, my present was perfect and so was my life.


The look on the lad's’ face was worth it all, at least now he knew the reason I’d lied to him in the first place. We arrived at T.M in good time, at least his bike was faster than that other heap of shite.

When we got off our bikes Juice came straight over to me, he then threw his arms around me and hugged me.

“I love you so much Chibby.”

“Aye I know lad, I love ye tae.”

Suddenly his lips were upon mine, Juicy gave me the most passionate kiss I’d had in my life. However, I knew now wasn’t a good time, Jax had accepted what we had together. This however was a place of work, it also had customers that might not like two men together.

“I think we need tae get inside lad.”

“You’re not ashamed of me are you Chibby?”

I kissed him upon those perfect lips, I then knew I had no choice other than to pull away.

“Far from it lad, however Jax might not like us doing it here.”

“Yeah I guess he won’t.”

“Last thing ye need is tae get on his wrong side, hell at least he’s still letting ye prospect.”

“I know and I’m truly grateful.”

“Aye well move that cute ass lad.”

We walked into the club and it was nearly empty, so far I could only see Tig sat at the bar.

“Morning Tig, so where’s everyone?”

“Garage, that or out on a job.”

“What about Hap and Jax?”

“I’ve no idea Chibs, I’m sure they’ll turn up sooner or later.”

“Aye I guess yer right Tig.”

“What are you doing here anyway, I thought you two were sorted and spending the week together?”

“Jax asked us tae call by, also Juicy wants to see Hap about the bike.”

“I’ll go and ask if anyone’s seen them, suppose I should get something done anyway.”

“Aye okay, I’ll catch you later Tiggie.”

I turned back to see Juice getting a drink, well I suppose it was his birthday after all.

“Pour me a whisky lad will ye.”

“Yeah will do, just don’t drink too much lover.”

“Ye scared I cannae handle my drink lad?”

“Hey, you promised that we could go back to bed…”

“Aye but I never said what for! maybe I want a wee bit more sleep.”

“Really, if that’s the case I might have to stay here then.”

“Aye, and why would ye want tae do that lad?”

“I’ll be bored if you go to sleep, also I shouldn’t have to be bored on my birthday.”

“Aye okay, I promise ye that I’ll stay awake then.”

“Chibby I want you to make love to me!”

“Aye I get it Juicy.”

“Yeah well don’t drink too much or, you know…”

“What ye think I won’t be capable of getting it up? Ye wait lad and I’ll show ye.”

“I can’t wait lover.”

It was then that the door opened and Hap walked in, I’d never seen Juice move that fast before. It was good that he could go to Hap, maybe it meant I wouldn’t have to worry about him as much.


I ran towards Hap and hugged him, I even kissed him on the cheek.

“What’s got into you lad?”

“You went out of your way to help Chibby, what with the bike and everything else. All I did was make your life hell, yours and Chibs!”

“Yeah well I fucked up too lad, you just have to realizes how much we all love you and listen to us.”

“I love all of you too and you’re my family, the only one that I really have.”

“Be good then and Jax might let you back in, I take it that’s what you want?”

“More than anything Hap, well apart from Chibby that is.”

“Make sure you look after him Juice, Chibs loves you more than anything else in his life.”

“Yeah I think I’ve finally realized that.”

“Oh I forgot to say Jax is in the garage, Tig said that you wanted to see him.”

“Yeah Hap, well actually it was Jax that wanted to see me and Chibs.”

“Right I’ve got a collection to make so I’ll tell him you’re here.”

“Thanks Hap.”

I went over and sat beside Chibby, I then leant against his shoulder.

“Jax will be here soon.”

“Aye are ye okay Juicy?”

“Yeah why?”

“Ye seem a bit more confident around Hap, he does love ye lad in his own way.”

“Yeah he honestly believed he was doing right by saving me.”

“Aye well Clay had no right giving him the order in the first place.”

“Yeah I think I was just there, and Hap loved me a bit too much, you know he struggles with his emotions.”

“Aye lad well I’m glad ye have made yer peace Juicy, I’m also glad that we’re good again.”

I remained resting against Chibs and closed my eyes, for some reason I was suddenly feeling tired. I guess that all the excitement was finally catching up with me, well until I heard Jax shout.

“Happy birthday Juice.”

I opened my eyes to see Jax stood there, he has this shit ass grin on his face too.

“Thanks Jax.”

“Can you and Chibby come to the table as it’s quiet there.”

“Aye lad no problem.”

I felt really nervous, I guess I was scared he’d kick me out because of everything that had happened. Jax shoved a box across the table at me, at first I just sat there looking at it.

“Open it Juice as it won’t bite.”

I lifted the lid off the box to find my cut inside, I ran my hand along the soft leather remembering the past.

“I thought that I’d get it cleaned, that way it’ll look good with that shiny bike of yours.”

“Thank you Jax, I think it’s the cleanest it’s looked in a long time.”

“Put it on then Juice.”

I pulled the cut out of the box, shit it was then I noticed what had changed about it.

“Shit Jax really, I’m no longer a prospect anymore?”

“No Juice, you’re a fully patched member once more.”

“Hell, I don’t know what to say, hey is everyone else alright with this?”

“Yeah Juice as we took a vote this morning and everyone voted except Chibs, however we knew what he’d vote so that was okay. Everyone wants you back, so do you accept Juice?”

“Hell yeah I accept, thanks Jax this means so much to me.”

We had one more drink, then we set off to spend the week together. This though had turned out to be my best birthday ever, I had my bike back and my patch.

I also had the man that I loved so much, also as a birthday bonus he planned to make love to me all night. What more could I ask for, I finally felt so loved and had found my place in life.

Breaking Inside

By CarolelaineD