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Akiyama closes the door of the shared dorm room and lets a sigh escape from his lips as he takes off his boots. It had been raining all afternoon during their patrol and the water is dripping from his clothes and hair onto the floor he had been scrubbing diligently the day before. His partner Benzai is already in the shower and he knows he should at least get his wet clothes off before he’s finished but he’s unable to find the motivation. He runs his fingers through his wet, green locks. Usually a little rain during their patrol doesn’t really bother him, it’s just the specific day that’s nagging him. Today is Hidaka’s wedding day.

He leaves his clothes to dry next to Benzai’s, throwing a brief glance at the clock. It’s four thirty, he still has enough time to tidy himself up. The suit they bought for special occasions as these, all of them are getting older and it’s not the first wedding of a member of the squad they’ve attended to, is hanging on the open closet door.

You look good in a suit.” He shakes his head of the memory of the taller man’s cheerful, slightly hinting to something very inappropriate voice and the grin he had given him that day in the fitting room of a small clothing store at the side of town. His words were stressed later by the way he had been devouring him with his eyes all night, and the rush he had been to almost rip the clothing off Akiyama’s body. Almost, he stopped him in time. It was a very expensive purchase he wasn’t about to do any time again soon. He lets himself fall back onto the bed; breathing out. He could really use a cigarette right now. He didn’t sleep well last night, hasn’t had a proper night of rest ever since Hidaka’s announcement. 

It’s not as if they had stopped seeing each other either. His thoughts wander to Hidaka’s bachelor’s party last night. It had been surprisingly appropriate for the likes of Hidaka, sharing drinks together and bringing up memories about their days in Scepter4, the bonding activities they’ve suffered through with the Captain and regrettable hook ups.

We have to stop doing this.” He had whispered, contradicting his words immediately as he pulled Akiyama back into the kiss they were sharing after all the guests left and Akiyama stayed to help him ‘clean up the place’. His hands unbuttoning Akiyama’s shirt and pulling it off of him. Akiyama’s own hands on the taller man’s belt right before he got pushed down onto the bed.

I know.”

“This is the last time, Akiyama-san.
” He moaned while Akiyama was making his way down with his lips over Hidaka’s torso, from his chest to his abdomen. A long trail of soft kisses and bites down to his privates, a path they both went down on countless of times.

I know.” Akiyama had whispered to him in return, then kissed him because Hidaka should really learn to keep his mouth shut at times especially when Akiyama’s fingers are wrapped around him and there’s all these horrible things he could do to him. Then again, Hidaka would most likely enjoy it. He didn’t need a reminder that this would be the last time he could leave his marks on the man who has never quite belonged to him, especially not that night.

When Akiyama entered his lover’s body his eyes linger on Hidaka’s face, they joy mixed with slight pain even though they had done this so many times before. His eyes closed and lips parted, making soft noises on the rhythm of the shorter’s moving hips. Hidaka looked truly beautiful. Akiyama had clung to him last night, kissed him as if it was the last time they’d ever kiss (which it should be), nails scraping over the tanned skin (slightly harder than they agreed to— Akiyama never said he’s not a pitiful person) and teeth grazing over his collarbone (one of their favourite spots during foreplay). Both of their bodies still in sync while they struggled for the one to be on top, Akiyama’s hips angling up to get the desired reaction and eventually swallowing all the noises between them in a feverish kiss as Hidaka came into his hand.   

I love you.” He breathed out after and Akiyama wishes it hadn’t sounded so sincere, that Hidaka wouldn’t actually love him the way he does. That he had been drunk or coming down from whatever high he was on but he wasn’t because he made a promise to stay sober on their last night and Hidaka doesn’t often keep his promises unless he’s actually serious about them. Akiyama believes him still, even when his actions say otherwise. He knows why they can’t be together— what Hidaka truly desires is not something Akiyama could give to him. A family, his wish to be a father one day. Akiyama still goes along with it because he loves the stupid giant oh so much and it hurts so much more but he hasn’t made any effort to resist Hidaka either despite the warnings of his friends and comrades. Because it’s Hidaka and of course everyone gossips and they all know how Akiyama keeps falling into the same trap when those brown eyes lure him back into his arms and he wakes up the next morning with the man still sleeping next to him and there’s this small part of him that still hopes that this time he will stay. He never does however, maybe Akiyama is the true masochist in this relationship.

“Me too.” He says out loud. The words he never returned. He has never said it back to him when Hidaka could actually hear it, afraid of the consequences when he’d say it out loud. It would make it too real and what they’ve been doing all these years was never real. Akiyama stares at the bottom of the bed above him. It had still been dark when he left the peacefully sleeping Hidaka alone in his bed this morning and he wanted nothing more than to get back next to him and probably pin him down once more for the second final round. The door opens and Benzai steps in; the thoughts of what happened after Hidaka’s bachelor party last night quickly vanishing.

“Your turn.” Benzai says, a damp towel still around his neck as he reaches into the drawers for a clean pair of boxers. Over the years they’ve grown so comfortable with each other that seeing each other naked has turned into something common. When Akiyama first came out to his best friend he had feared the worst that Benzai would request to change roommates but he had just laughed and told him he already had his suspicions about Akiyama’s sexuality back in the defence force when Akiyama had drunkenly made out with one of their squad members. Benzai had told him nothing would change between the two of them, which Akiyama had been thankful for. Admittedly, he had crushed on Benzai for about a month. They had slept together one time on a hot summer night when both were in a particular mood and maybe there had been a little alcohol involved. Akiyama had acted bold and kissed him which led to him pinning Benzai down onto the mattress. Once they both rolled off and sobered up they made a silent agreement to never do that again. It had been a in the heat of the moment thing neither actually enjoyed as much. Benzai is attracted to women and Akiyama quickly got over his crush. Shortly after he fell in love with another member on their squad and stuck to him— and a lot of one-night stands in an attempt to forget about him.

When Akiyama makes no attempt of getting up from what is actually Benzai’s bed he knows the question that’s coming is inevitable, he just doesn’t know how to answer it. He is surprised when Benzai doesn’t ask but sits next to him on the edge of the bed instead. Hindsight it shouldn’t be a surprise considering Benzai knows him better than anyone, better than himself sometimes. “Are you sure you want to go to his wedding tonight?”

Akiyama huffs, only to hide the wry expression on his face. “It’s my duty as one of his best men.”

“Let me rephrase my question. Are you sure you can do this while you actually don’t approve of the wedding?”

He purses his lips, there’s some truth in Benzai’s words. “I do approve of it…”

“You just wish it had been you.” Benzai finishes for him.

Akiyama sits up, eyes focussed on his hands on his lap. “It’s all going so fast, first you, now him.”

Benzai nods understandingly. He has had a stable girlfriend for nearly two years now and a couple of months ago they finally decided to start living together. When he sees the sour look on his best friend’s face Benzai wraps his arm around Akiyama’s shoulder. The shorter one responds to it by burying his face onto Benzai’s bare shoulder. His scent has a faint hint of chocolate because of the body lotion Akiyama bought for him. He always associates Benzai with dark chocolate. It had started as a joke the first time Akiyama bought it for him as alternative valentines gift but it had stuck with him and he’s been using the same brand since.

“Go freshen up, clear your head and eat his entire wedding cake tonight.”

Akiyama manages a chuckle and drags himself to the bathroom. The warm water on his skin is very welcome but once alone with his thoughts he can’t help but let his mind wander to the times he stood here in this same too small cabin with a very tall man pressed up behind him who would hit his head against the shower more than once. Akiyama can’t quite trace back the moment he fell in love with his subordinate. It were the little things that made him fall for the ridiculously tall man. The nervous stuttering, the occasional mess ups, his bright eyes and goofy smile. Later it became the moments they shared together that made Akiyama fall for him a little more every day. Hidaka would bring him coffee in the morning, send him a numerous of texts while he should be working, joins him during his rare smoke breaks just to watch him even when the rain came pouring down and took him out to places in the city he’d never been before. They weren’t exactly dating, but they weren’t exactly not either.  He had always thought that, like most men in the squad, Hidaka was strictly heterosexual. How could he not since his first favourite topic to talk about is boobs, followed by women in general. It wasn’t until Hidaka vaguely hinted one night that some men are attractive too and he had always been curious how it felt to be topped that Akiyama had kissed him and introduced him to a world of not only sex but domination too.

As he turns off the water he gets reminded of how he would always get out first, leaving Hidaka in the cabin because of his strange habit of turning the water to ice cold before he leaves the shower. Something about it being good for the immune system. Hidaka has always been a bit of a health freak. Another one of his horrible habits is the morning runs at five am. The first time Hidaka left the bed so early Akiyama had not thought that much of it, he was used to his partner of that night getting up in the morning and leaving. When Akiyama brings back a one night stand they’d sneak into one of the empty dorm rooms— something common amongst all the members of the squad because of their shared rooms, not everyone has Fushimi’s luxury of having a room to himself. The true surprise came however when Hidaka actually returned about an hour later, took a shower and crawled back into bed with him until their alarm went off. Just like their coffee in the morning it became a routine. Hidaka would get up at five in the morning, run a few laps, shower and gets back in bed with him. Sometimes he’d skip the shower to cuddle Akiyama first until the older man finally got enough of the sweaty body pressing against him and they get into the shower together. Other times he’d pin Hidaka down for morning sex to ‘work on his stamina’. Only one-time Hidaka actually convinced Akiyama to come with him (after he sort of lost a bet— but it was stupid anyway) on his morning run. It was awful, leaving the bed before the sun arises should be illegal, and whoever gets joy out of running in circles for forty-five minutes before having breakfast should get their head checked in the hospital. But Hidaka stayed loyal to his routine.

One of the few things Hidaka stays actually loyal to. He can’t help but wonder how it will be this time, but they made a promise last night, and Hidaka will be making an even bigger promise today.




Akiyama glances in the mirror of his car and meets Hidaka’s eyes. His hair is less of a mess than usual and he’s wearing the glasses he started using about a year ago when it became a little too obvious Hidaka spent most of his time at work squinting at the screen. He looks handsome in his suit with the glasses on. Extraordinary handsome. The reason Hidaka is sitting on the back seat and not next to him is because they had to pick up the wedding cake themselves and Akiyama insisted the cake would be the safest on its own seat next to him. At least if Akiyama can’t keep his hands to himself during the car ride he’ll feel a little less guilty once he has the white cream on his hand.

“Nervous?”

Hidaka shakes his head in respond. “Not really. It feels good with her, I don’t have a reason to feel nervous. I am making the right decision.”

Akiyama can almost imagine how the Red King must have felt all these years ago when their King pushed his sword right through his heart. He knows that Hidaka doesn’t mean it in a bad way, but it feels as if he just tried to make clear to him again that picking her over him was the best decision to make. They had never been exclusive, necessarily, but after they started sleeping together Akiyama didn’t really feel the need to spend his nights with someone else anymore and Hidaka said he didn’t either. That was until he met her.

The her we are talking about is no-one other than Gotou’s younger sister. Yes, exactly. Akiyama had the same reaction when he first heard they were going out. Gotou dragged his roommate with him to some family barbeque because his girlfriend had broken up with him and Hidaka never says no to a chance to get drunk and get laid during a party. Plus, it had been Gotou’s family, who knows what they’ve been smoking that day. They hit it off right away, got terribly drunk and hooked up somewhere in the bushes of the garden they had their gathering. Hidaka gave her his number after the party and surprisingly enough she called him the next day.

They had a couple of dates and seemed to have a lot in common. Even their love for breast since both of them turned out to be bisexual. She wouldn’t be related to Gotou if she wouldn’t be a little odd at least and they agreed to an open relationship.  

When Hidaka first introduced her to him (to suggest something very inappropriate which Akiyama immediately declined) he never thought he’d be looking at Hidaka’s future wife. She’s quite beautiful, even Akiyama can agree on that. She has dark blue hair like her brother with a lighter shade of blue eyes. Her figure is definitely something Hidaka would be attracted to, her breast is— let’s say she comes close to their Lieutenant. He doesn’t know her well enough to know something about her personality but what he heard from Hidaka is that she can be calm like her brother but she also has a “fun and adventurous” side, somehow, she’s open for most of the horrible things Hidaka suggests and even though Akiyama hates to admit it; they actually do make a good couple. Hidaka looks happy when he’s around her, and that is all that should matter.

He doesn’t know why Gotou agreed to his friend dating his younger sister (Akiyama loves Hidaka with his whole heart but he would never let him get near to his own sisters) but they’ve been together since that party one and a half year ago. When Hidaka told him about his engagement Akiyama’s first reaction was to ask if he accidently got her pregnant. The taller blushed and whilst stuttering he explained that it was a well-considered decision. They definitely didn’t decide this on a whim. Hidaka is turning 27 in December and after a talk about their future together the three-year younger woman told Hidaka she’s ready for commitment and would want to start a family with him eventually. A romantic proposal followed from Hidaka a few days later and here they are now, on their wedding day.

They wanted to keep the wedding small, but Hidaka has a large family and the Captain insisted on coming with the previous special forces squad. They aren’t in uniform but at least they’re all together again. He joins Benzai and a few others with their plus one, feeling oddly out of place all of the sudden. However, it’s better than trying to chat up with one of the other guests because most of them all look like taller versions of their Hidaka. Out of the corner of his eye he sees the groom across the room. The Captain is standing with him. He spots Fushimi who is trying to decide if he’s more comfortable standing closer to Hidaka or Munakata while their old King chats with two figures he recognises as Hidaka’s parents. His father is a tall man with a moustache and a couple of grey locks through his hair. Akiyama assumes that’s what Hidaka will look like in a decade or two. Not bad, but Akiyama would shave off the moustache in his sleep. His mother is a small woman (he wonders how she ever manages to pop out four large children) but she seems to hold a firm hand over them. Hidaka’s eldest brothers are twins, one is a taller friendlier family man with a wife and kids, the other is a taller, sly looking version of Hidaka. The youngest of the four is still taller than Akira, but seems to be the most normal one of their family.

Suddenly Hidaka looks his way, as if he felt him staring. On his turn, he can feel Hidaka is taking him in with his eyes. Although he wishes that Hidaka would not be undressing him with his eyes on his own wedding day there’s a small part of Akiyama that feels oddly proud he caught the attention of the groom in a room full of attractive women with large breasts in small dresses.

“Akiyama,” he hears Benzai say and for a second he’s worried that they got caught doing something they shouldn’t. They’ve had more intense sessions of eye-fucking across the office but that never felt so wrong. Benzai knows Akiyama is still in love with Hidaka, he didn’t even have to tell him that. He’s aware they have been sleeping together till recently (he hopes that he doesn’t know the last time was at the bachelor party) and he knows Akiyama never confessed to Hidaka how he feels about him. It’s a little too late for regret now, isn’t it? “it’s time.”

They all get to their assigned places, Akiyama close to the groom as one of his best men. Even though he’s of a perfect average height he feels smaller than usual next to Hidaka’s almost two meters tall brother. The bride looks stunning in her dress and Akiyama feels the jealousy crawling under his skin when he notices the faint blush on the groom’s cheeks. Honestly, what is he doing here? He is here to fulfil his duty as best friend and best man but Benzai was right. He’s a hypocrite, standing here by Hidaka’s side while every vein in his body is screaming at him to stop him from getting married. He shouldn’t have come, shouldn’t have agreed to hold the rings and have given that task to Fushimi instead. He should have thought about his own damn feelings for once.

It’s not about missing their nights together, not the excitement of their affair or the things Hidaka allows him to do to him in the bedroom. He is in love with Hidaka, has always been, but he has the worst timing of realising he’s finally ready to say these words out loud. He should have let Hidaka reject him, should have listened to his explanation that they don’t have a future together but then at least Akiyama could have gotten the words off his chest. But he’s always been too afraid of the rejection, of Hidaka abandoning him and ending whatever, it was they had because he could love Akiyama but being loved in return would have been too much for him to handle. If he’d only—

“If there are any objections to this marriage, speak now or forever hold your peace.”

There it is. The final moment. His final chance? He shouldn’t, he absolutely should not and the thoughts crossing his mind shouldn’t even be there. Akiyama feels his hands sweating as he clenches them tightly together. He has never done anything stupid in his entire life, stays faithful to law and order despite Hidaka’s subconscious attempts to drag them into trouble, however he’s on the point of making the biggest mistake of his life. Or perhaps not, what does he have to lose? Can he be selfish enough to sacrifice everything, their friendship, Hidaka’s marriage simply because he was too much of a coward all these years? The answer is yes…

“Yes, there’s one.” He hears himself say. The entire room falls dead silent. There’s no-one moving, whispering or even breathing at this point. All their eyes are focussed on him.

“I have an objection,” he says, louder this time. “I have something to confess and I can’t let you get married without you knowing Hidaka.” He’s not sure which one of Hidaka’s brothers is standing next to him but he doesn’t seem to be in any rush to stop him. Not even the brother of the bride on the other side of him seems to appear even the littlest bit mad he’s interrupting his sister’s wedding. Then again, it’s Gotou they’re talking about. Hidaka’s face looks even paler than Fushimi’s at this point. Akiyama gives the audience a quick glance and his eyes find the Captain’s who appears to be rather amused than disapproving. “I know it’s a bit late, but there is something you have to know before you give her your word.”

The tension could be cut with a knife, there are judging but curious stares but Akiyama’s eyes are only focussed on Hidaka.

“We’ve been comrades for almost five years, we have been through so much together. We’ve lost and we’ve loved together. Over all of these years I have developed feelings for you, stronger than anything I have ever felt for someone but I have never told you about them before.”

“Akiyama-san… w-what…. What are you trying to say?” There’s the familiar stutter he’s grown so fond of. The dark blush on his cheeks when he gets flustered and suddenly Akiyama knows exactly what to do.

“I am trying to say that, Hidaka Akira, I am hopelessly, desperately in love with you.” He can feel his heart pounding in his chest, losing all sense of reason he reaches for the ring in his pocket— the one he had to hold for the bride, and gets down on one knee. There’s no-one in the room but them this moment as he locks eyes with the man he’s been in love with all these years. “Hidaka Akira, will you marry me?”

There’s a long silence before Hidaka breaks and gives him one of the brightest smiles he’s ever seen from him. “Y-Yes, Akiyama Himori, yes I—”

“I do.”

Akiyama gets pulled out of his daydream and drawn back into the reality.

“I know pronounce you husband and wife.”

He forgot he had given the rings to Hidaka’s brother in case he couldn’t do it.

“You may kiss the bride.”

Hidaka holds his new wife by her waist and kisses her on the lips.

He had been so caught up in his own fantasy he missed a huge part of the wedding. Around him people are standing, applauding and some are crying out of happiness. He is the only one with tears in his eyes out of pain.

He missed his chance, the love of his life is married now, and there’s nothing he can change about it.



Akiyama unlocks the bathroom door and lets his hand rest on the handle without opening it. He knows he doesn’t have to lock it anymore now that he’s living alone, it has just become a habit. He never had to lock the door for Benzai, he trusts his partner and even if he’d walk in he knows neither of them would mind. The habit actually came from Hidaka constantly walking in during the morning while Akiyama was showering. Unlike Benzai, who usually just needed to brush his teeth, Hidaka would join him and more than once they had arrived too late at work. After Lieutenant Awashima had remarked it became a little too obvious they were coming in late (Hidaka’s version is “only a little”, if you ask Akiyama it were nearly two hours) Akiyama started to lock the bathroom door behind him. It’s not as if that would withhold them from having showers together, because Hidaka made it a sport to try to sneak in before Akiyama could lock the door.

Akiyama just finished drying his hair when he hears a knock on the door. He lets the towel hang around his neck and reaches for his trousers at least before he opens the door. The clock on the wall says it’s a little after midnight and he’s not expecting any late visitors. It could be Benzai checking up on him but he usually calls or texts him first. He has permanently moved out of the dorm room, but after a late mission he still tends to sleep here, especially if they have to work the next morning. There’s a lot of new recruits who have moved into the dorms, Akiyama is one of the seniors at this point.

When Akiyama opens the door he sees a familiar face, one he definitely wasn’t expecting to see.

“Hidaka…”

The taller man looks down at him with a smile Akiyama can’t quite place, he doesn’t have much time to think about it either because Hidaka already took a step forward and pushes Akiyama inside. He kicks the door shut behind him and pushes Akiyama’s body backwards until he hits the cold wall with his bare back.

Their faces are smashed together in a hot, mostly messy, open mouthed kiss. He can feel Hidaka’s nails digging into his arms and taste the alcohol in his breath. Ah. He shoves Hidaka away from him, a little disappointed that this kiss is only taking place because Hidaka is most likely drunk.

The respond from the brunette is a growl and apparently he’s not very pleased with Akiyama’s rejection, stepping forward once again and pressing their lips together for a second time, cupping the other’s face between his hands. Akiyama stops resisting— can’t resist because that’s how it has always worked with Hidaka, and returns the kiss. It feels good, he’s missed Hidaka, he missed his touch, his voice, his kisses, the way he holds him— everything about him. But his heart is aching. This is not what Hidaka really wants, he’s drunk and the only thing he needs right now is distraction.

“Hidaka.” He says, tries to sound firm but he’s out of breath because of their intense kissing. “Hidaka! Stop, I mean it!” He gets hold of Hidaka’s wrists when they are reaching down to unbutton his pants.

“Hypocrite,” he hisses while he places his lips in Akiyama’s neck instead, hot breath and sharp teeth toying with his skin and mind. “you’re the one opening the door wearing nothing but a tight pair of jeans.”

Akiyama whimpers softly when Hidaka leaves a mark. Even though Akiyama always tops, Hidaka is known to take the lead during the foreplay, groping him whenever he’s horny— which is a lot, but this doesn’t feel the same. Hands are feeling hot on his skin and it makes him almost lose his cool until he feels the obvious bump of the wedding ring around the other man’s finger. There’s a painful stab in the chest, he’s letting him do this to him again. Hidaka’s kisses and touches are rather impatient, he’s eager for flesh, any kind of, it doesn’t have to be Akiyama specifically, he’s just here to get laid.

“Hidaka, I’m serious.” The taller is fumbling with the button again, this time when Akiyama grabs his wrists he switches their positions to pin the taller to the wall. “You’re married, you shouldn’t be doing this now! You shouldn’t even be here, go back to your wife!” Akiyama tries to keep his voice steady but it’s pretty damn difficult when Hidaka is still so close and he’s trying to leave another hickey in his neck.

He will regret this tomorrow morning and then Hidaka will blame him that he didn’t stop him in time. He loves Hidaka, and because he loves him he should refrain himself from sleeping with him, for his sake.

“Please stop talking,” Hidaka breathes against his skin. “I don’t want to talk. Because when I have to talk I have to think and that’s the last thing I want to do right now.”

Akiyama must say he’s surprised how much sense Hidaka is making despite the condition he’s in now, he’s seen Hidaka at his worst and heard him say less brighter things. Even when not under influence. There’s another bite, Hidaka’s leg moves between Akiyama’s and he bites back a moan, pinning him firmer against the wall. “You will regret this.”

“No, I won’t.” Akiyama is startled at the tone of Hidaka’s voice, because it almost sounds like he really does mean his words. But he has to remind himself that Hidaka is drunk and horny and in need for release. He’s only here because that’s the selfish man he is. The what ifs are speaking louder than the logical voice in his head and Hidaka has never been selfish overrules the rest. All of the reasoning he’s trying to do in these split seconds he couldn’t even start to guess his motives— “Leaving you was the worst mistake I’ve ever made.”

Akiyama is frozen on the spot. This cannot be happening. Not after weeks of suffering— months if he counts the period before the wedding. He has been trying to act normally around Hidaka, avoid him too but for their sakes. He wants the marriage to work out for Hidaka, he wants him to start the family he’s always dreamt of yet now he’s here. He kissed him, Akiyama has him pinned against the wall and he’s here.

“I love you.” It’s a hoarse whisper in his ear, a hot tongue over his skin and Akiyama has to suppress a shiver before Hidaka notices how affected he is by the taller man’s words.

“Hidaka, go home—” He stops in the middle of his sentence before he can scold him. Hidaka is meeting his eyes and in his drunk state of mind he shouldn’t be having that bright look in his eyes. But he does, and still has when he repeats his words.

“I love you Akiyama.” It comes out as a sob, it’s slurred and messy but so damn meant. Hidaka’s face drops onto Akiyama’s shoulder and it makes him loosen the tight grip on the other’s wrists. As if he sensed it he wraps his arms around the smaller body instead and pulls him into a rib crushing embrace. After a moment, Akiyama returns the hug and finally says the words out loud that have been waiting to come out for so long.

“I love you too.”

Akiyama wouldn’t be able to tell how long they’ve been standing in the middle of the room and when they decided to move onto the edge of the bed but here they are. Hidaka with a glass of water to clear his head, occasionally taking small sips. 

“I’m sorry.”

“It’s fine, I wasn’t going to sleep yet.”

Hidaka seems confused but that’s only his brain catching up a bit slower than usual. Of course, Akiyama would turn his apology into a sorry I barged into your room unannounced at one in the morning. Because that’s obviously what he should be sorry for.  

“Ah, that, but I’m also sorry for confessing to you like this, and most of all…” Hidaka drops an almost dramatic pause, taking his time to place his hand on the other’s knee. “I’m sorry for leaving you behind.”

Akiyama hesitates, it’s surprising how sober Hidaka seems to be. He’s slurring less than before and his eyes are bright; giving him the look he’s been longing for. This exact look he’s been trying to forget. He shifts on his spot on the bed, feeling way too aware of the large hand on his knee, together in this small room. “Perhaps I should have told you how I felt too.”
 
The taller man nods, takin a sip of his drink as if he’s deep in thoughts and still not removing his hand.  “And now?” He asks after a moment of silence. “What about your wife, you’ve been married for barely a month.”

“I am not sure. I really don’t know what to do. I care for her, but I love you. I’ve missed you so much.” He squeezes in Akiyama’s knee and he wants to flinch. He wants to smack the hand away, yell at him that he should have realised this sooner and that he’s just horny, then kick him out of his room and curl up on the end of the couch with a lot of cake. He doesn’t move however, doesn’t remove the hand either because there’s a part of him— more than just a part, that wants this. He too has missed Hidaka and he often dreamt of this exact moment. Maybe, maybe this once he should listen to his own feelings. He should listen to what he wants and perhaps deserves to be selfish for once.

“You were right earlier,” Akiyama says as he takes Hidaka’s glass and puts it on the night stand. “We should stop talking, we said enough for the night.” He leans over him, head angled up so he can reach his lips.  He gives him a soft kiss on his lips, and another, and another until Hidaka finally responds by leaning backwards onto the bed and wraps his arms around Akiyama’s smaller waist. There’s an amused hum coming from Akiyama upon the realisation how long Hidaka managed to hold back with the shorter one being shirtless ever since Hidaka stepped in. He will have to reward him for that later. For now they’re clawing at each other, the kiss turning desperate as both are trying to make up for the time they lost together. It doesn’t take long for them to remove each other’s clothes, hands exactly where they need to be at the right moment and new marks are being left. They exchange another few confessions of love, Hidaka’s loud and coming out as a cry, Akiyama’s soft like a whisper right before he kisses him again. It almost sounds perfect when Akiyama rolls off and immediately gets drawn closer against a tall, sweaty but comfortable body and is able to rest his head on that muscular chest again, falling asleep in the brunette’s arms.

Almost.

When Akiyama awakens the next morning he feels sore, the marks the other man left last night burning on his skin, but it’s surely better than waking up with that empty feeling Hidaka left behind. However, something is missing. Hidaka is missing. He is alone in his bed. The briefest moment he fears that it was all just another one of his lively dreams, that it was too good to be true. Hidaka was never here, he never confessed his love to him. But his scent is still in the sheets and the empty wrapper of the condom they used light night definitely implies that it hadn’t been just a dream. The upcoming anxiety vanishes and gets replaced for that same giddy feeling he gets when Hidaka gives him one of those dazzling grins. He buries his face on the pillow, inhaling the other’s scent which has been missing in his sheets for far too long. Hidaka loves him, and Akiyama loves his stupid giant too.

Now the question is, where is he? Akiyama lifts his head from the pillow and glances around the room. Hidaka’s clothes are gone, that’s odd. Nothing besides the obvious evidence implies that he ever set foot in his room last night. So that’s it? Apparently that is all Akiyama is worth to him. He has never felt this used before. Wrapping his arms around his stomach he curls up on his mattress. He was a drunk mistake, a one-night stand, a simple toy for his satisfaction. He swallows but it doesn’t help him feeling less nauseous.

Hidaka left.

This wasn’t supposed to happen, or perhaps it was them that wasn’t supposed to happen. He’s abandoned again, and he didn’t think it could actually hurt more than the first time.

Whatever it was that happened last night, it meant nothing to Hidaka. He never thought that the good-hearted Hidaka would be the type to use him like that. Benzai has tried to warn him, didn’t he? Akiyama just refused to believe him, wanted to see the good in this wanton playboy. However he’s the one that has been played, fooled by the innocent puppy act he puts up. He feels empty inside but he cannot cry, not again. Hidaka broke his heart for the second time.

Just as Akiyama is about to throw the pillow with Hidaka’s obvious scent on it away from him the door opens abruptly. There’s a large appearance in the door way, messy hair stuck to his forehead in a training suit holding two mugs. “Good morning!”

Akiyama is speechless. The red digits on the clock on his nightstand tell him it’s around six in the morning. Hidaka just returned from his morning jog with their morning coffee. He steps in, looking far too pleased with himself as he places the warm mugs on the desk by the wall. The superior still hasn’t said a word, staring at him like a cautious cat. When Hidaka notices the figure on the bed is wide awake already and clutching his stomach he gently sits down on the edge of the bed. Warm fingers are brushing over his forehead, pushing some of the bangs out of his face. “You look pale, are you feeling sick?”

There’s so much concern in the taller’s eyes, the touch so gentle on his skin. The moment Hidaka seems to be debating whether he should lean in or keep his appropriate distance Akiyama realises he isn’t the only one fretting if the other would consider this as a mistake. Hidaka has his own insecurities, afraid of another rejection from Akiyama’s side now that the sun is about to rise. A part of him finds it extremely adorable, another part is frustrated, mad at himself that he panicked and immediately questioned Hidaka’s intentions when he woke up alone in his bed this morning. And there’s a small part of him that feels annoyed by those brown eyes looking down with so much worry behind them. He grabs Hidaka by the arms and easily pins him down onto the bed to drag him into a messy kiss which he eagerly responds to.

“Hey, hey easy!” Two hands come to halt on his shoulders when his own nails are digging too hard into Hidaka’s skin, something he usually wouldn’t complain about but Akiyama can guess that he’s expecting some kind of explanation for this sudden make out.

“I was just— when I woke up and you were …”

“You thought I had left?”

Akiyama nods, biting his lip. The look Hidaka gives him is nothing but understanding. The brunette brings up his hands to his superior’s face, tilting his head down so he can press their foreheads together. “I’m sorry for scaring you.”

“It’s alright, really.” He almost hates how insecure he sounds, shifting into a better position on top of Hidaka now that he doesn’t have to hold him down with so much force anymore. His head comes to rest on Hidaka’s chest, with his eyes closed he listens to the other’s fastened heartbeat. It has something soothing, and he finally brings up the courage to ask what has been on his mind for so long already. “Does this mean you’re staying?”

There’s a chuckle, one arm circling securely around his waist and the other comes to rest atop of his head. “I’m staying.”

Akiyama feels contended, almost purring like a kitten in Hidaka’s arms while his long fingers are running through his hair. Hidaka is staying with him, and this time there’s nothing coming between them again.