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Dumbshit, Straight A’s, Gangster, President

Chapter Text

He Tian created a chat group.

He Tian invited Red Head, Jian^2, and Puffed into the group.

He Tian renamed the group as Dumbshit, Straight A’s, Gangster, President.

 

He Tian                   : hey guys

Red Head                : what the fuck is this?!

Jian^2                    : what?! He Tian you lookin for a fite?!

Puffed                     : Um…

Puffed                     : Why is it only He Tian using his real name?

He Tian                   : *laughs*

Jian^2                     : !!!

Jian^2                     : no wonder you’re a straight A student! Noticing the unnoticeable!

Jian^2                     : change it!!

Red Head                : bitch you’d better fucking change it

He Tian changed his nickname to Le President.

Red Head                : wtf?!!

Le President changed his nickname to Red Head’s Hubby.

Red Head                : FUCK YOU!

Red Head’s Hubby  : It will be me fucking you instead

Jian^2                     : Wow, how sweet *pukes*

Jian^2                     : Zhan Xi Xi why not we try this as well

Puffed                     : *pukes*

 

 

Chapter Text

Red Head                : Zhan Zheng Xi, you done with your meth?

Puffed                     : What?

Red Head                : Math***

Puffed                     : Ah

Puffed                     : The old man’s work?

Puffed                     : Yeah I’m done.

Red Head                : snap a pic and lemme copy em

Puffed                     : Do it yourself.

Red Head                : fuck! seriously? I cooked for you guys and this is how I get treated?!

Puffed                     : @Red Head’s Hubby Look at your husband

Red Head                : *middle finger emoji*

Red Head’s Hubby   : Beg me and I’ll give you the answers pronto

Red Head                : who tf would beg you

Red Head                : aint cooking for anyone next time!

Red Head                : get the fuck out!

Red Head’s Hubby   : nah

Red Head’s Hubby   : I’ll just meet my mother-in-law straight

Red Head                : WHAT THE BLOODY FLYING FUCK

Puffed                     : Mother-in-law?

Jian^2                     : you’ve met the parent???

Jian^2                     : congrats!!!

Jian^2                     : when will the wedding be?

Puffed                     : Jian Yi……

Red Head’s Hubby   : Don’t worry we will rmb to pass you guys the invitation cards

Jian^2                     : wokays!!

Red Head                : wtf! why are you at my place?!

Red Head’s Hubby   : Your mum invited me in

Red Head                : FUCK OFF!!!

Red Head’s Hubby   : *scoffs*

Jian^2                     : eh Zhan Xi Xi I also wanna go 2 yr place

Puffed                     : Come over then

Puffed                     : My mum prepared fried chicken today

Jian^2                     : omw!!!

Chapter Text

Jian^2                     : redhead

Red Head                : speak

Jian^2                     : I wanted to ask

Jian^2                     : abt the piercing u hv on yr right ear

Jian^2                     : since when

Jian^2                     : I rmbed u nvr really liked wearing em

Puffed                     : I also wanted to ask about it

Red Head                : …………

Red Head left the group chat.

Jian^2                     : ??

Puffed                     : What happened?

Red Head’s Hubby   : It's a token of love duh.

Red Head’s Hubby added Red Head into the group chat.

Red Head                : TOKEN OF LOVE MY ASS!!

Jian^2                     : ngawww

Jian^2                     : don’t b shyyyy

Puffed                     : I mean yeah

Puffed                     : Having something like it feels really nice to

Jian^2                     : Zhan Xi Xi when will you give me a token of your love?

Puffed left the group chat.

Jian^2                     : SHit…

Chapter Text

Red Head’s Hubby : So have you guys made out and up?

Red Head               : !!!

Red Head               : Didn’t I told you not to ask?!

Red Head’s Hubby : What?

Red Head’s Hubby : Why should I listen to you

Red Head’s Hubby : And weren’t you interested in knowing?

Red Head changed his nickname to: The President’s Man.

The President’s Man changed his nickname to: HIS Man.

HIS Man                 : I’d be your slave willingly, Mr. President.

Red Head’s Hubby : Good

Red Head’s Hubby : You should’ve done this much earlier.

Puffed                    : Made out?

Puffed                    : The day I’ll make out with him is the day he clarifies every single shit.

Red Head’s Hubby : Jian Yi you’re running out of time you better spill out everything

Red Head’s Hubby : We’re waiting for your wedding invitation

Puffed                    : *scoffs*

HIS Man                 : we?

HIS Man                 : …………

HIS Man                 : !!!!!!!!!

HIS Man                 : GDI

HIS Man                 : HE TIAN

HIS Man                 : I left my phone for bloody few minutes

HIS Man                 : AND THIS?!!!!

HIS Man                 : U MESSED WIT MY PHONE

HIS Man                 : 2 FULFIL YR PRIDE ON HAVING ME BOWING 2 YOU?!!!!

HIS Man                 : SCREW YOU!!!!!!!!!

HIS Man changed his nickname to: Your Dad.

Your Dad               : fuck you piece of shit

Your Dad               : wanna die?

Red Head’s Hubby : Oops busted

Your Dad               : FUCK OFF!

Jian^2                    : HT you’re interested in SM?

Red Head’s Hubby : Yeah it’s not that bad

Your Dad left the group chat.

Jian^2                    : yikes

Jian^2                    : Redhead is weak

Puffed                    : You speak as though you’re any better

Jian^2                    : its only SM

Jian^2                    : lets ged on 2it!

Puffed left the group chat.

Jian^2                    : fuck……

Red Head’s Hubby : *scoffs*

Chapter Text

Red Head’s Hubby  : @Puffed Zhan Zheng Xi

Red Head’s Hubby  : Where did you have your haircut?

Puffed                    : Why?

Red Head’s Hubby  : Don’t Close Mountain had been looking at you

Red Head’s Hubby  : Your hair**

Red Head’s Hubby  : Was thinking of getting a similar cut so that he would look at me more

Your Dad                : what the flying fuck?!

Your Dad                : please im not that gay

Your Dad                : not for you

Your Dad                : short hair is fuckin refreshing do you even know that

Your Dad                : unlike you

Your Dad                : your face basically screams: I’m a creep

Red Head’s Hubby  : Creep?

Red Head’s Hubby  : Who could be worthy of “creep” other than She Li?

Your Dad                : …………

Your Dad                : that guy’s not human so he’s not counted

Jian^2                     : He Tian

Jian^2                     : WHO ARE YOU TO SPEAK!

Jian^2                     : yr brother is one helluva freak okay!!

Puffed                     : He has a brother?

Your Dad                : he has a brother?

Red Head’s Hubby left the group chat.

Your Dad                : wtf?!!!!

Puffed                     : Hmm?

Puffed                     : Looks like I became the group’s admin by default

Jian^2                     : wert??

Jian^2                     : which means that we could add ppl in this gc?!

Puffed                     : No.

Jian^2                     : WHAI

Puffed                     : Your annoyance knows no bounds.

Puffed                     : Any other normal human would be frightened

Jian^2                     : ngaw purr-lease I wont

Puffed                     : Out. Now.

Puffed added Red Head’s Hubby into the group.

Puffed                     : He Tian

Puffed                     : You still owe us an explanation.

Your Dad                : u nvr let me knw tht u hv a brother

Your Dad                : n u dare call yrself as my man?!

Your Dad                : *scoffs*

Red Head’s Hubby changed his nickname to: Your Dad’s Master.

Your Dad’s Master  : I’m your master from now on

Your Dad’s Master  : Being your man is terrible

Your Dad’s Master  : Like, I need to look at your grumpy face and listen to your every whims

Your Dad’s Master  : Might as well rule and reign over your body and life

Your Dad’s Master  : Whips, candles, handcuffs are all prepared

Your Dad’s Master  : When are you coming over?

Your Dad left the group chat.

Your Dad’s Master  : Oh dear… He doesn’t seem to get the joke

Jian^2                     : joke?

Jian^2                     : what joke?

Jian^2                     : this is a bloody threat

Puffed                     : This is a threat +1

Puffed                     : Apologize

Puffed                     : Now.

Your Dad’s Master   : Tsk.

Chapter Text

Puffed                   : @ Your Dad’s Master

Puffed                   : He Tian

Your Dad’s Master : Speak

Puffed                   : How did your brother know about Jian Yi

Puffed                   : What does your brother do?

Your Dad’s Master : Sleeping with women.

Puffed                   : ……

Jian^2                   : ……

Your Dad changed his nickname to: Redhead.

Redhead                : ……

Your Dad’s Master : I’m just telling the truth.

Jian^2                   : he slept wit men too rite

Jian^2                   : looking at you

Jian^2                   : yr bro must have brought you up real bad

Redhead               : nah

Redhead               : prolly he was d bad influence

Puffed                   : I’m not sure if I want to know where this chat is going.

Jian^2                   : rmb i was once targeted by few dudes

Jian^2                   : then u tried saving me?

Jian^2                   : his brother was one of them

Puffed                   : Fuck.

Puffed                   : Which one?

Jian^2                   : his hair was as short as Redhead’s but it’s black

Puffed                   : The one who looks freakishly scary

Puffed                   : Like Hades?

Jian^2                   : more like Anubis

Jian^2                   : bt yeah

Jian^2                   : dat’s him

Puffed                   : I have so many questions

Puffed                   : You knowing about Anubis is one of them

Puffed                   : But first.

Puffed                   : He Tian

Puffed                   : Get your brother out

Puffed                   : I’m

Puffed                   : Gonna

Puffed                   : Fucking

Puffed                   : Wreck

Puffed                   : Him

Puffed                   : .

Jian^2                   : ZHAN XI XI!!!!!

Jian^2                   : me so touched!!!

Redhead               : He Tian

Redhead               : u frm a family of a syndicate group?

Your Dad’s Master changed his nickname to: Prez

Prez                      : You sure you wanna know?

Redhead               : ?

Redhead               : ws i askin smth earlier?

Redhead               : no idea

Prez                      : Heh.

 

 

Puffed                  : @Prez He Tian

Puffed                  : You still owe us a fucking answer.

Puffed                  : What does your brother do

Prez                     : Don’t know

Prez                     : Don’t bother

Prez                     : Don’t care

Prez                     : Heading to bed now

Jian^2                  : bed??

Jian^2                  : with who???

Prez                     : With my right hand?

Prez                     : And pillows?

Jian^2                  : u gonna sleep???

Jian^2                  : R U FUCKIN KIFDIN ME?!!!

Jian^2                  : its only 12!!!!

Jian^2                  : u think u Cinderella?!!!

Jian^2                  : u always go home earliest at 4am okay

Jian^2                  : n nw u goin 2 slp

Jian^2                  : SERIUS?!!

Redhead              : heh

Redhead              : scum

Redhead              : piece of shit

Jian^2                  : @Prez

Jian^2                  : yr wife’s pissed

Jian^2                  : g’luck

Puffed                  : I think Redhead’s upset that he’s going to sleep with his right hand instead of him.

Redhead left the group chat.

Prez                     : Heh.

 

 

Chapter Text

Jian^2                 : Zhan Xi Xi!!!

Puffed                 : What

Jian^2                 : i feel like changing my nickname :P

Puffed                 : Change it then

Jian^2                 : but idk wht 2 chg in2

Prez                    : White head.

Prez                    : It would be a nice match with Don’t Close Mountain

Redhead             : wtf

Redhead             : playin games rite nw eh

Redhead             : at least im x like sm1

Redhead             : self-acclaimed president

Redhead             : n all he does was playing with his phone and women

Prez                    : I do admit that I play with my phone

Prez                    : But I do not, and have no interest in playing with women.

Prez                    : Playing with you sounds fine though.

Redhead             : *middle finger emoji*

Jian^2                 : guys, you wanna flirt

Jian^2                 : go elsewhere

Jian^2                 : i needa think this thru seriously

Prez                    : I told you

Prez                    : White head

Puffed                 : That does sound a bit right

Jian^2                 : but then

Jian^2                 : talking about white head

Jian^2                 : the first person that came into my head

Jian^2                 : Sakurai Takahiro

Puffed                 : Didn’t he say not to relate him with white haired characters?

Jian^2                 : BUT STILL!!!!

Jian^2                 : i mean yeah but still

Jian^2                 : its quite diff 2 x relate with him

Puffed                 : True that

Puffed                 : Want him to voice you?

Puffed                 : Though I think it’s not worth it

Puffed                 : Like

Puffed                 : A famous Japanese voice actor voicing for a dumbass like you?

Puffed                 : Nah not worth it.

Prez                    : Not worth it at all.

Jian^2                 : …………

Jian^2                 : go fuck yourself

Jian^2 changed his nickname to: A Whitehead that’s not voiced by Sakurai.

Prez                    : Too long

Puffed                 : Too long

Redhead             : wads d use?

Redhead             : they r supposed 2 b short

A Whitehead that’s not voiced by Sakurai changed his nickname to: Whitehead.

Whitehead          : He Tian yr turn

Prez                    : Not bad.

Prez                    : I should change mine too.

Prez changed his nickname to Blackie.

Blackie                : Don’t think I’m dumb enough to change it to blackhead

Whitehead          : tsk

Whitehead          : fuck u

Blackie               : You don’t stand a chance.

Puffed                : We all know that

Whitehead          : Zhan Xi Xi!!!

Whitehead          : QAQ

Puffed changed his nickname to: Golden Retriever.

Whitehead          : !!!

Whitehead          : ive nw gt d perfect one!!!

Whitehead changed his nickname to: White Sadaharu.

Golden Retriever             : That suits you.

White Sadaharu              : hehex

Golden Retriever             : That wasn’t a praise.

White Sadaharu              : tsk

Blackie changed his nickname to: Black Rottweiler.

Golden Retriever             : That seems right.

White Sadaharu              : NOOOOOOOOO

White Sadaharu              : Zhan Xi Xi hv you gone blind?!!

White Sadaharu              : Rottweilers r fuckin hot okay!!

Black Rottweiler              : Heh.

Black Rottweiler              : Don’t Close Mountain

Black Rottweiler              : You’re the only one left

Black Rottweiler              : Don’t tell me you’re google-ing dog breeds rn

Redhead                         : o0o

Redhead changed his nickname to: Red Setter.

White Sadaharu              : tht’s x a dog!!

White Sadaharu              : hw dumb could you be

White Sadaharu              : haikyuu is good but

White Sadaharu              : kenma is a cat.

Red Setter                      : *scoffs*

Red Setter                      : https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Irish_Setter

Golden Retriever             : Jian Yi

Golden Retriever             : I’m appalled

Golden Retriever             : At how dumb could you be.

White Sadaharu              : …………

Black Rottweiler              : But then

Black Rottweiler              : The Red Setter is actually amicable and affectionate

Black Rottweiler              : You aren’t.

White Sadaharu              : LOLOLOLOLOLOLOLOLOLOLOLOLOL

Red Setter                      : YOU DICK

White Sadaharu              : He Tian r u sayin tht u want yr bf 2 b affectionate with u?

Black Rottweiler              : Yeah

Red Setter                      : utter bullshit.

Black Rottweiler              : I stopped with the candles, whips and the rest of the toys

Black Rottweiler              : There’s just only a pair of handcuffs.

Red Setter left the group chat.

Golden Retriever             : You are just terrible.

Black Rottweiler              : Heh.

 

Chapter Text

White Sadaharu              : guys

White Sadaharu              : if He Tian is Cinderella

White Sadaharu              : wht r we?

White Sadaharu              : tho i think Redhead is Little Red Riding Hood

White Sadaharu              : except hes nt little

White Sadaharu              : n then Zhan Xi Xi

White Sadaharu              : RAPUNZEL!!!

White Sadaharu              : bt u jz cut yr hair

White Sadaharu              : :(

Golden Retriever            : …………

Golden Retriever            : I have so much to say

Golden Retriever            : But first

Golden Retriever            : Gender.

White Sadaharu              : ah

White Sadaharu              : that

White Sadaharu              : lets kip tht aside 4 nw

White Sadaharu              : its nt important

White Sadaharu              : its nvr important

White Sadaharu              : !!!!!

White Sadaharu              : i jz realized

White Sadaharu              : He Tian could totes pull off the evil queen look

White Sadaharu              : “Mirror, mirror, on the wall. Who’s the fliest of them all”

White Sadaharu              : AHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA

Golden Retriever            :

Golden Retriever            : @Black Rottweiler

White Sadaharu              : whai u tag him?

Golden Retriever            : He knows you’re stupid

Golden Retriever            : But I need him to evaluate the extent of your stupidity.

White Sadaharu              : ZHAN XI XI HOW CUD U?!! OAQ

Golden Retriever            : Heh

 

Red Setter                      : wtf?!!

Red Setter                      : who d hell would be red riding hood?!!

Red Setter                      : n sure af i won be lil!!

Red Setter                      : fuck yall!!

White Sadaharu              : oh!!

White Sadaharu              : hes online!!!

Golden Retriever            : Yo

Golden Retriever            : Where’s He Tian?

Red Setter                      :

Red Setter                      : i’ll go wake him up

Golden Retriever            : Wake him up?

White Sadaharu              : aww

White Sadaharu              : nvr knew u guys give each other morning calls

White Sadaharu              : maybe it’s afternoon call now

Golden Retriever            : Are you sure it’s a call

Golden Retriever            : Redhead

Golden Retriever            : Where’s He Tian

Black Rottweiler             : I heard someone was calling for me

Black Rottweiler             : The summoning didn’t really work well though

Black Rottweiler             : I’m in my room btw

Golden Retriever            : Redhead?

Black Rottweiler             : In my room as well

Golden Retriever            : Knew it.

White Sahararu               : !!!!!!!

White Sadaharu              : HOW DID YOU KNOW?!!!

Golden Retriever            : It’s blatantly obvious.

Golden Retriever            : He Tian

Golden Retriever            : I’m seriously amazed at how your brother suck

Golden Retriever            : This white haired is basically a three years’ old

Golden Retriever            : How could he fail in catching him

Black Rottweiler             : Well

Black Rottweiler             : You were there

Black Rottweiler             : And I finally finished reading the convo

Black Rottweiler             : Redhead is definitely our Little Red Riding Hood

Black Rottweiler             : And I’m the Big Bad Wolf

Golden Retriever            : Now that I think of it

Golden Retriever            : The Big Bad Wolf appeared in quite a lot of stories

White Sadaharu              : like…?

Red Setter                      : The Three Little Pigs

White Sadaharu              : whts tht story abt?

Black Rottweiler             : How three little pigs get eaten up by the big bad wolf

Black Rottweiler             : And I’m the BIG BAD WOLF

Black Rottweiler             : *grins*

Red Setter                      : fuck u

Red Setter                      : o0o!!

Golden Retriever            : But then…

Golden Retriever            : I remembered the wolf died of exhaustion

Red Setter                      : BURN!!!!

White Sadaharu              : WOI

White Sadaharu              : u’re d Cinderella ok?

Golden Retriever            : Gender.

White Sadaharu             : THAT’S NOT THE PROBLEM

Golden Retriever            : Yeah

Golden Retriever            : That’s not the problem

Golden Retriever            : Your brain is the problem.

Red Setter                      : 4 once

Red Setter                      : i agree to this

Black Rottweiler             : Same.

Black Rottweiler             : Although I have been agreeing with Zhan Zheng Xi for quite some time.

Golden Retriever            : Let me tell you guys something

Golden Retriever            : We were at a shop for a part-time job

Golden Retriever            : And we needed to wear uniforms

Golden Retriever            : I was wearing waiter’s clothings

Golden Retriever            : He was wearing a maid’s

Red Setter                      : pictures

Red Setter                      : or it nvr happened

Black Rottweiler             : I’d like to see that too

Golden Retriever            : Didn’t take them

Red Setter                      : tsk

Red Setter                      : useless

Black Rottweiler             : I can’t believe you gave up on such a wonderful blackmail material

Golden Retriever            : Let me continue

Black Rottweiler             : Go on.

Golden Retriever            : This shit was sitting with his legs open

Golden Retriever            : So this girl told him

Golden Retriever            : “Big sister, you should sit with your legs closed.”

Golden Retriever            : Guess what tf this shit did?

Red Setter                      : “im a fuckin he”

Black Rottweiler             : Pulled up the skirt.

Golden Retriever            : One point for He Tian

Golden Retriever            : Could you imagine

Golden Retriever            : How horrified that girl was??

White Sadaharu              : showing it is so much easier!

White Sadaharu              : and obvious duh

Golden Retriever            : SHE’S A PRIMARY SCHOOL KID

Golden Retriever            : DO YOU HAVE THE FUCKING NEED??

White Sadaharu             : I do.

Golden Retriever has left the group chat.

White Sadaharu              : ZHAN XI XI!!!

White Sadaharu              : IM SO SORRY!!!!!

White Sadaharu              : COME BACK!!!

Red Setter                      : Come back, baby come back to me

Red Setter                      : HAHAHA EAT THAT YOU SHIT

Black Rottweiler             : Oho?

Black Rottweiler             : Looks like I’m the admin again

Red Setter                      : tch

Red Setter                      : shaddap 4 fucks sake

White Sadaharu              : show off

White Sadaharu              : quick

White Sadaharu              : add my hubby in

White Sadaharu              : i cnt let him roam out there alone

Black Rottweiler added Golden Retriever into the group chat.

Golden Retriever            : Hubby?

Golden Retriever            : Heh.

Golden Retriever has left the group chat.

White Sadaharu              : ZHAN XI XI!!!!!

White Sadaharu              : QAQ!!

Red Setter                      : i’ve no fuckin idea whr dis convo is heading

Black Rottweiler             : Get used to it then

Chapter Text

Golden Retriever             : Can somebody please explain

Golden Retriever             : Why are there so many weird songs and videos

Golden Retriever             : On YouTube

White Sadaharu               : ONE TWO SEVEN THREE DOWN DA ROCKEFELLER STREET

Golden Retriever left the group chat.

White Sadaharu               : LIFE IS MARCHIN ON DO YOU FEEL THAT

White Sadaharu               : ONE TWO SEVEN THREE DOWN DA ROCKEFELLER STREET

White Sadaharu               : EVERYTHIN IZ MOA THAN SURREAL

Red Setter left the group chat.

White Sadaharu               : PEOPLE SING ALONG WIT ME!!!!

White Sadaharu               : ALL RIGHT, ALL RIGHT, ALL RIGHT

White Sadaharu               : LETS GO, LETS GO!!!!

Black Rottweiler removed White Sadaharu from the group chat.

Black Rottweiler added Golden Retriever, Red Setter into the group chat.

Black Rottweiler              : What happened?

Golden Retriever             : Good lord

Golden Retriever             : This dude

Golden Retriever             : Is ruined.

Black Rottweiler              : That’s why I’m asking

Black Rottweiler              : What happened

Golden Retriever             : He was busy

Golden Retriever             : Reading fanfiction

Golden Retriever             : Which I was surprised about

Red Setter                       : he reads fanfic???

Red Setter                       : HE READS???!!!

Red Setter                       : the sun wil b rising frm d west tmr

Golden Retriever             : Sadly it did not happened

Golden Retriever             : Even when it started few weeks ago.

Black Rottweiler              : Redhead don’t butt in

Black Rottweiler              : Zheng Xi, continue.

Golden Retriever             : He was reading a particular fic called Regrets™

Golden Retriever             : And he got to know the existence of Eurovision Song Contest.

Black Rottweiler              : Oh.

Red Setter                       : What’s that?

Golden Retriever             : Baidu it up.

Red Setter                       : Oh.

Golden Retriever             : Yes.

Golden Retriever             : I have nothing against it

Golden Retriever             : ABSOLUTELY NOTHING AGAINST IT

Golden Retriever             : But

Golden Retriever             : He made a playlist and was on loop

Golden Retriever             : For three days

Golden Retriever             : And then

Golden Retriever             : He was introduced to Osu!

Golden Retriever             :

Black Rottweiler              : He started playing it?

Golden Retriever             : YES.

Black Rottweiler              : Redhead says that it looks very hard to play

Black Rottweiler              : He’s beside me scrolling through the videos on YouTube.

Black Rottweiler              : Oh.

Black Rottweiler              : Oh.

Golden Retriever             : Yes.

Golden Retriever             : Get it?

Red Setter                       : https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=JPVIgshtOag

Black Rottweiler              : That’s the link right?

Golden Retriever             : STOP.

Red Setter                       : jian yi is d type of person who wl put it on loop

Golden Retriever             : HE TRIED DRAGGING ME TO DO THE POSING AS WELL

Golden Retriever             : I mean I’m not against him having fun

Golden Retriever             : BUT WE WERE AT THE POOL

Golden Retriever             : AND HE WAS PLAYING IT AT MAX VOLUME

Golden Retriever             : CHILDREN AND PARENTS WERE LOOKING AT HIM AND JUDGING ME

Golden Retriever             : End me.

Black Rottweiler              : Good luck.

Black Rottweiler              : How did you get out of there?

Golden Retriever             : I left him there to fend for himself.

Golden Retriever             : And now he’s at my door demanding to be added back into the group chat.

Black Rottweiler              : He called earlier

Black Rottweiler              : The both of us.

Black Rottweiler              : I blocked his number.

Red Setter                       : my phone is out of batt

Golden Retriever             : God save me.

Black Rottweiler              : Amen.

Red Setter                       : Amen

Chapter Text

Redhead              : oy

He Tian               : What do you want?

He Tian               : Though it’s pretty rare for you to be privately messaging me.

He Tian               : So what is it that you want?

He Tian               : Your sugar daddy will get them for you.

Redhead              :

Redhead              : congrats u made me throw my phone across the room

Redhead              : end me

He Tian               : :)

Redhead              : fuckin disgusting

Redhead              : tch

Redhead              : bck 2 d main point

Redhead              : Jian Yi nvr confessed 2 Zhan Zheng Xi before?

He Tian               : How would I know?

He Tian               : I’m not them.

Redhead              : OI!!

Redhead              : focus!

Redhead              : dont thnk of runnin away

Redhead              : yu knw doncha

He Tian               : How are you so confident in me knowing it?

Redhead              : cuz u’re smart.

He Tian               :

He Tian               : I’m flattered

He Tian               : I can’t believe Don’t Close Mountain praised me!

Redhead              :

He Tian               : So

He Tian               : You’ve finally decided to admit to your man’s ability?

Redhead              : yes yes yes u a man

Redhead              : cn we get bck 2 d main pt now?

He Tian               : Tsk tsk tsk.

He Tian               : Yes, I’m biologically a man

He Tian               : But more than that

He Tian               : I’m YOUR man.

Redhead              :

Redhead              : fml

Redhead              : neways

Redhead              : whats goin on with those 2

Redhead              : ?

He Tian               : Not sure

He Tian               : Tho I think these two are bound to be together

Redhead              : u sure?

He Tian               : Yeah

He Tian               : Just like the both of us

Redhead              : just like the both of us MY ASS

He Tian               : Aww come on

He Tian               : Don’t be embarrassed

He Tian               : :)

Redhead              : fuckin sadist

He Tian               : Thanks for the praise

Redhead              : FUCK OFF!!

Chapter Text

Jian^2   : He Tian

He Tian : Hmm?

He Tian : I wonder what’s wrong with it today

He Tian : People have been private messaging me.

He Tian : Although I don’t really mind it.

He Tian : So

He Tian : Speak, my child

Jian^2   : I……

Jian^2   :

Jian^2   :

Jian^2   : Zhan Xi Xi asked me if I like him

Jian^2   : how should I reply??

He Tian :

He Tian : First of all

He Tian : It took you

He Tian : Fucking

He Tian : Nine minutes

He Tian : And thirty-eight seconds

He Tian : To type

He Tian : That two fucking sentences.

Jian^2   : blease binch I’m nervous ok?!

He Tian : Poor Zhan Zheng Xi

He Tian : He had been waiting for your reply.

Jian^2   : so how m I gonna reply?!!!

He Tian : Tell him the truth then.

He Tian : What else?

He Tian : This is bound to happen eventually.

He Tian : By the way,

He Tian : Where are you hiding to message me?

Jian^2   : ……

Jian^2   : restroom

He Tian : Would he think that you’re having constipation due to severe anxiety?

Jian^2   :

Jian^2   : I uh...

Jian^2   : head out first

He Tian : Best of luck

He Tian : Hoping the best of you two

Jian^2   : gee thanks

Chapter Text

Jian^2 added He Tian, Red into the group chat.

Jian^2   : Gentleman and gentleman

Jian^2   : I, Jian Yi

Jian^2   : Have something I would like to announce.

He Tian : What’s with this formality

He Tian : It’s giving me goosebumps

He Tian : Switch back to your usual chatting style please.

Red       : eh u hv nth better 2 do izzit

Red       : 1 grp chat isn’t enuf

Red       : n u HAD to make a new 1

Red       : wtf r u plotting

Jian^2   : I haf no choice ok QAQ

Jian^2   : didn want Zhan Xi Xi to read this

He Tian : What happened?

He Tian : What did he say?

He Tian : And Redhead

He Tian : Is your current nickname a reference to Pokémon Red?

Red       : whts goin on

Red       : im lost

Red       : and yeet 2 Red

He Tian : Quick summary

He Tian : Zhan Zheng Xi asked Jian Yi if he liked him.

He Tian : Jian Yi was at the restroom for at least ten minutes figuring out how to reply.

Red       : ZZX is an idiot rite?

Red       : or is he blind?

Red       : or an idiot?

Red       : maybe a blind idiot

Red       : its fuckin obvious

Red       : anyone who can see it would know that whitey is HEAD-OVER-HEELYS in LOVE with him

He Tian : Tsk tsk tsk.

He Tian : You don’t understand this, do you?

Red       : wat

He Tian : What Zhan Zheng Xi wants

He Tian : Is a clear answer.

He Tian : The relationship that is existing between them is very ambiguous

He Tian : And he needs to hear the words from Jian Yi’s mouth

He Tian : Explicitly

He Tian : Only he knows how is he supposed to treat Jian Yi

He Tian : Or interact with him.

He Tian : So Jian Yi

He Tian : What was his reply?

Jian^2   :

Jian^2   :

Jian^2   : he didn’t really say anything

Red       : HAAAAA???

Jian^2   : just….

Jian^2   : i just told him n walked out of d room

Jian^2   : it was hard 2 play cool ok?

He Tian : Play cool?

He Tian : That sounds interesting

He Tian : Details please

He Tian : I can’t imagine you playing it cool when you’re just a Sadaharu.

He Tian : So… Story us

Jian^2   :

Jian^2   : yea ok i know

Jian^2   : i could nvr play it cool

Jian^2   : d so-called-cool s a fuckin facade

Jian^2   : my hands were even trembling whn I told him i like him

Jian^2   : m only a useless sada

Jian^2   : a sada that fell for his own friend.

Jian^2   : ok?

Jian^2   : happy?

He Tian : Good that you know where you lie

He Tian : But then again

He Tian : Why didn’t you hear his reply?

Jian^2   :

Jian^2   : scared

Red       : tsk

Red       : useless

He Tian : Jian Yi

He Tian : I don’t believe Zhan Zheng Xi will not say anything

Jian^2   :

Jian^2   : well….

Jian^2   : he did not say anything so…

He Tian : Then I assume he must have done something.

He Tian : What was it?

Jian^2   :

Jian^2   : he…

Jian^2   :

Jian^2   : he kissed my forehead

Red       :

Red       : seriously?

Red       : SERIOUSLY???

Red       : GO FUCK YOURSELF

 

Red left the group chat.

Jian^2   : eh?

Jian^2   : wait what?

He Tian : Your idiocy pushed him down the cliff.

He Tian : I’ve finally seen the power of idiocy

He Tian : Capable of killing.

He Tian : You two are just a pair of idiot couples.

He Tian : Do you know what it means when someone kisses you on the forehead?

Jian^2   : err no

He Tian : Why don’t you look it up if you don’t know about it?

He Tian : Google it up yourself

He Tian : We’ll call you guys out for another basketball match soon

He Tian : Use that to clear your mind a bit.

He Tian : G’night

Jian^2   : WAIT!!!

He Tian : What now

Jian^2   :

Jian^2   : The forehead kiss usually means that you are just friends.

Jian^2   : Depending on how it is planted, it can also be used as a means of showing deep affection to a loved one.

Jian^2   : Most people use it as a starter kiss when they meet someone new, to express that they like them.

Jian^2   : BUT ZHAN XIXI IS NOT NEW!! WHICH IS WHICH???!!!

He Tian :

He Tian : Yeah, an idiot.

He Tian : Ask him yourself!

He Tian left the group chat.

Jian^2   : hey wait!!!

Jian^2   :

Jian^2   : fml

Chapter Text

White Sadaharu               : Zhan Xi Xi

White Sadaharu               : you sure you’d b ok alone?

White Sadaharu               : need me 2 help?

White Sadaharu               : in

White Sadaharu               : *AHEM*

Golden Retriever             : What

Golden Retriever             : The

Golden Retriever             : Flying

Golden Retriever             : Fuck.

Golden Retriever             : I woke up to your crotch at my face.

Golden Retriever             : And all I need was some time to relieve the shock I had

Golden Retriever             : Not for you

Golden Retriever             : To attack my buddy down there.

White Sadaharu              : bt we’re bros yo

White Sadaharu              : gotta knw d situation of our best bros

Golden Retriever             : I

Golden Retriever             : Don’t

Golden Retriever             : Fucking

Golden Retriever             : Need

Golden Retriever             : It.

White Sadaharu              :

White Sadaharu              : (*꒦ິ⌓꒦ີ)

White Sadaharu              : dun b so heartless

White Sadaharu               : u wer rly cute ths morning

White Sadaharu              : all i wanted ws 2 take a pic of u

White Sadaharu sent an image.

White Sadaharu              : lookatchu lookatchu

White Sadaharu              : fckin adorbs!!!

White Sadaharu              : <3

Golden Retriever             :

White Sadaharu              : looooookkkkk!!!!

White Sadaharu              : u wer sucking yr thumb!!!!!

White Sadaharu              : <3

Black Rottweiler              : Jian Yi

Black Rottweiler              : Are you fucking done?

Black Rottweiler              : It’s a Sunday for fuck’s sake

Black Rottweiler              : And I’m up at 8 in the fucking morning

Black Rottweiler              : Thanks to the bunch of messages you sent

Black Rottweiler              : You kept us up all night

Black Rottweiler              : And now this shit?

Black Rottweiler              : Tbh I don’t expect any gratitude or what

Black Rottweiler              : But waking Redhead and I up

Black Rottweiler              : You sure do have a death wish eh?

White Sadaharu              : err no….???

Black Rottweiler              : Since I’m such a lovely and supporting friend

Black Rottweiler              : I shall assist you on that trip.

Black Rottweiler sent an image.

Black Rottweiler sent an image.

Black Rottweiler sent an image.

White Sadaharu              : OIIIIIIII

White Sadaharu              : SHIT

White Sadaharu              : FUCK

White Sadaharu              : u asshat do u rly need to??????

White Sadaharu              : nw thrs no meaning in having a pm!!!!

Black Rottweiler              : You actually have the guts to ask me on the need to do this??

White Sadaharu              : errrrrr….. uh……..

Golden Retriever             :

Golden Retriever             : Jian Yi

Golden Retriever             : I’m sorry for putting you through this

White Sadaharu              : no its nt bcz of this

White Sadaharu              : URGGGHHHH

White Sadaharu              : idek hw 2 explain ths ( > . < )

Black Rottweiler              : Another one to spice up your life for today.

Black Rottweiler sent an image.

White Sadaharu              :

White Sadaharu              : !!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

White Sadaharu              : FFFFFFFFFFFUUUUUUCCCCCCCCCCCKKKKKKKK!!!!!!!!!!

White Sadaharu              : HOW THE FUCK DID YOU GET YOUR HANDS ON THIS???!!!!

Golden Retriever             :

Black Rottweiler              : Wow perfect grammar with correct spellings.

Golden Retriever             : ^

Golden Retriever             : But also I don’t want to know how He Tian has that picture

Golden Retriever             : And I’m doubting myself right now

Golden Retriever             : Thanks to you.

Golden Retriever             : I shouldn’t have brought you back to my room.

Red Setter                         : oho?

Red Setter                         : i heard smth

Red Setter                         : brought him bck to yr room eh?

Red Setter                         : pls tell me yall slept in the same bed

Red Setter                         : *scoffs*

Red Setter                         : wht nw?

Red Setter                         : havin fun after a night’s cry?

White Sadaharu              : errrr

White Sadaharu              : nope…..?

Red Setter                         : heh

Black Rottweiler              : Heh.

Golden Retriever             : Heh

White Sadaharu              : Zhan Xi Xi!!!!

White Sadaharu              : TT^TT

Chapter Text

Golden Retriever            : Fuck

Golden Retriever             : I’m seriously questioning my intellect

Golden Retriever             : And my brain.

Black Rottweiler              : Ssup?

Golden Retriever             : How did I get to know this shit??

Black Rottweiler              : Good question.

Black Rottweiler              : Don’t tell me you don’t know the answer though.

Golden Retriever             :

White Sadaharu              : Zhan Xi Xi

White Sadaharu              : we’r Childhood Friends™!

Golden Retriever             : Childhood friends my ASS!

White Sadaharu              : we r tho

White Sadaharu              : no denyin it

White Sadaharu              : i stil hv pics of our days in kindergarten

White Sadaharu              : lemme find ‘em

Black Rottweiler              : Oh?

Red Setter                       : sounds fun

Red Setter                       : i’m getting popcorn

Golden Retriever             : What the fuck??

Golden Retriever             : JIAN YI!!!

Golden Retriever             : GET THE FUCK BACK HERE RIGHT NOW!!

White Sadaharu sent an image.

White Sadaharu sent an image.

Golden Retriever             : Bloody fuck!

Golden Retriever left the group chat.

White Sadaharu              : ZHAN XI XI!!

White Sadaharu              : com bck!!!

Black Rottweiler              : To be honest

Black Rottweiler              : This dude is fun to mess with

Red Setter                       : pics all saved

Red Setter                       : u guys wait 4 it tmr

White Sadaharu              : hwt the…

Black Rottweiler              : Listen to your hubbie, okay?

White Sadaharu              : FUCK OFF!!!

Chapter Text

White Sadaharu              : HEY!!!!!!

White Sadaharu              : GUESS WHAT I FOUND!!!!!!

Golden Retriever             : Is there a time when you’re not this excited?

White Sadaharu              : NO

Golden Retriever             : Heh

Golden Retriever             : Anyways, shoot

White Sadaharu              : i saw a pic on weibo!!!

White Sadaharu              : it ws my fav model doin photoshoot

White Sadaharu              : guess hu i saw???

Golden Retriever             : Idc

White Sadaharu              : HE TIAN

White Sadaharu              : AND

White Sadaharu              : REDHEAD!!!!!

White Sadaharu              : dey thn left tgt, according to the model

White Sadaharu              : WHERE ARE YOU TWO I NEED DEETS!!!!

Golden Retriever             : Oho?

Golden Retriever             : I smell a story here

Golden Retriever             : @Black Rottweiler

Golden Retriever             : We need updates.

Golden Retriever             : C’mon

Golden Retriever             : Sharing is caring.

White Sadaharu               : deets deets deets!!

Black Rottweiler              : Fuck you all.

White Sadaharu              : u’r welcome

Chapter Text

He Tian added Jian^2, Puffed into a chat group.

He Tian : You two.

He Tian : Does any of you know about the past of Redhead?

Jian^2   : Redhead’s past?

Jian^2   : hw d hell wld we knw

Puffed  : If someone is to know about his past

Puffed  : Wouldn’t it be you?

Puffed  : You could try hiring a private detective to search about him

Jian^2   : tru tru tru

Jian^2   : u n ur cash

Jian^2   : ths wld b more like u

Jian^2   : hiring a detective

He Tian : Say some more and you’ll be the target

Jian^2   : LMAAAAOOOOO

Jian^2   : whai bother

Jian^2   : jz ask ur brother

Jian^2   : dumbass

Puffed  :

Puffed  : But then

Puffed  : Why would you ask this question out of the blue?

He Tian :

He Tian : I saw Redhead doing some moving and transportation, so I invited him out for dinner

He Tian : But once we enter, he was all tensed up

He Tian : He was shaking uncontrollably and just left the seat

He Tian : His eyes were red

He Tian : He even vomited outside

Jian^2   : isn tht anxiety?

He Tian : High possibility

He Tian : As though that place brought upon a terrifying memory he wanted to forget.

He Tian : So since you guys are closer to him

He Tian : Here I am to ask

Jian^2   : first of all

Jian^2   : we gt close whn we helped him out last time

Jian^2   : we were stil yelling at each others throats at tht time

Jian^2   : second

Jian^2   : d 1 he shld be familiar is u, isn it?

Jian^2   : u wer d 1 dragging Reddy in2 our circle

Jian^2   : third

Jian^2   : no wait

Jian^2   : it shld be 2.5

Jian^2   : anyways

Jian^2   : if u rly wnt 2 ask sm1

Jian^2   : it shld b She Li, shldnt it?

Jian^2   : thts all frm me, tq for coming to my TedTalk.

He Tian :

Puffed  : Such a rare sight for Jian Yi to be sharing his “wisdom”

Jian^2   : WOI

Puffed  : But I have to agree with him

Puffed  : If you’d like to ask someone around him

Puffed  : It would be better if you could ask She Li or Redhead’s mother.

Puffed  : If you’d like to perform a search

Puffed  : Don’t let Redhead find out about it

He Tian :

He Tian : Got it

Jian^2   : Go tit

He Tian : Fuck off.

Puffed  : It’s all on you now

Jian^2   : Reddy is p unstable rn

Jian^2   : dun agitate him

Jian^2   : or he leaves w/o GOODBYE

Jian^2   : thn u no1 cook 4 u 2 eat

Puffed  : True

Puffed  : But it’s pretty unexpected

Puffed  : Redhead could cook decently

Puffed  : Even with that personality of his

He Tian : Don’t try to get into this

He Tian : He cooks mainly for me even if he cooks.

Jian^2   : tsk

Puffed  : Tsk.

He Tian : Fuck off.

Jian^2   : wanting 2

Jian^2 left the group chat.

Puffed  : Don’t act on impulse

Puffed  : Give him some time

Puffed  : But remember to let him know

Puffed  : That you would not abandon him

He Tian : Go tit

He Tian : Got it**

Puffed  : I’m screenshotting it

He Tian :

Puffed  : Bye.

Puffed left the group chat.

 

 

Chapter Text

White Sadaharu                : oi

White Sadaharu                : Redhead

White Sadaharu                : ARE YOU IN LOVE???

Red Setter                        : fuxk you!

Red Setter                        : your d one in love!

Red Setter                        : you and fucking everyone around you!!

White Sadaharu                : which includes u

White Sadaharu                : n also

White Sadaharu                : you’re*

Red Setter                        : FUCK YOU

Red Setter                        : o0o

White Sadaharu                : ahahahahaha

White Sadaharu                : looks like sm1 is angryyyyy

Black Rottweiler               : I think it’s hangry instead.

White Sadaharu                : huh??

Black Rottweiler               : Hungry angry, hangry.

White Sadaharu                : OOOHHHHHHH

White Sadaharu                : wait

White Sadaharu                : u ddnt eat??

Red Setter                        : i did

Black Rottweiler               : He did.

Black Rottweiler               : Apparently, he doesn’t eat cheese

Black Rottweiler               : So I gotta get him something else.

Golden Retriever              : Wow so nice.

Black Rottweiler               : I am nice.

Golden Retriever              : Questionable.

Golden Retriever              : Also, what did I miss?

White Sadaharu                : Redhead is in love heheheee

Golden Retriever              : Oh?

Golden Retriever              : Where did you heard that from?

White Sadaharu                : i saw it!!

White Sadaharu                : jst earlier

White Sadaharu                : Redhead ws sittng earlier wit a monk classmate of his

White Sadaharu                : they seem to be looking at some girl at the field

White Sadaharu                : AND I STG

White Sadaharu                : Redhead’s expression ws priceless

White Sadaharu                : he ws petrified like a stone

White Sadaharu                : n after tht

White Sadaharu                : HE BLUSHED

White Sadaharu                : n yelled at his classmate

White Sadaharu                : n walked away

White Sadaharu                : u shldve seen their faces

White Sadaharu                : epic AF

Golden Retriever              : When did you saw them?

White Sadaharu                : recess time

White Sadaharu                : rmb i went to the toilet?

Golden Retriever              : Oh…

White Sadaharu                : they wer sittin p far off

White Sadaharu                : so i couldn hear their convo

Black Rottweiler               : Mo Guan Shan

Black Rottweiler               : Don’t Close Mountain

White Sadaharu                : LMAOOOOOOO

Black Rottweiler               : Disappeared?

Red Setter has left the group chat.

Golden Retriever              : You’ve been pushing him too much.

White Sadaharu                : ya ya yayayaya

Black Rottweiler               : As if you’re in any place to say.

Golden Retriever              : I

Golden Retriever              : I’m doubting this friendship I have here.

Black Rottweiler               : So do I.

White Sadaharu                : wait wait wait WHUT???

Red Setter has been added into the group chat.

Red Setter                        : WTF DO YOU WANT

Red Setter                        : o0o

White Sadaharu                : dude

White Sadaharu                : take yr husband away wit u

White Sadaharu                : dnt let him poison Zhan Xi Xi

Red Setter                        :

Red Setter                        : who tf is my husband

Red Setter                        : deal with it yrself

Red Setter has left the group chat.

White Sadaharu                : da heck??

Golden Retriever              : Heh.

Black Rottweiler               : Heh.

Chapter Text

White Sadaharu           : HAPPY CHRISTMAS!!!

White Sadaharu           : MERRY CHRISSY!!!!

White Sadaharu           : IT’S FUCKING CHRISTMAS!!!!

Golden Retriever          : So what?

Golden Retriever          : We don’t celebrate Christmas in China.

White Sadaharu           : whut

White Sadaharu           : w h u t ?!

White Sadaharu           : WHAIIIII???!!!!

White Sadaharu           : Christmas is whn u celebrate wit yr loved ones!!!

White Sadaharu           : it needs 2 b made in2 a national holiday!!!

Red Setter                    :

Red Setter                    : i cant believe this dude is mixing up Xmas and Valentines

Black Rottweiler           : Same.

Golden Retriever          : Same

Golden Retriever          : I’ve stopped correcting him since we were 12

White Sadaharu           : ZHAN XI XI

White Sadaharu           : WHAI U FUCKING BETREI ME

White Sadaharu           : ಥ_ಥ

Golden Retriever          : In fact

Golden Retriever          : I think I’ve given up on him

Black Rottweiler           : He’s practically irredeemable.

Black Rottweiler           : So you’re stuck with him.

Golden Retriever          : Yeah

Red Setter                    :

Red Setter                    : need some luck?

White Sadaharu           : id prefer sum fuc

Red Setter                    :

Red Setter left the group chat.

White Sadaharu           : eyyyyy

White Sadaharu           : whr did he go?!

White Sadaharu           : u cnt leave everytime i meme

White Sadaharu           : also

White Sadaharu changed his nickname to Let It Go, Let It Snow.

Let It Go, Let It Snow   : better

Let It Go, Let It Snow   : its chrismassy

Golden Retriever          : You should be grateful that your hair is white

Golden Retriever          : Not many could see the dandruff falling off your hair

Let It Go, Let It Snow   : ???!!!!

Let It Go, Let It Snow   : i dont have them!!!!

Black Rottweiler           : Tsk tsk tsk.

Golden Retriever          : He doesn’t have them

Golden Retriever          : But wouldn’t that be hilarious if he does?

Black Rottweiler           : True.

Let It Go, Let It Snow   : BINCH

Let It Go, Let It Snow changed his nickname to ELSA.

ELSA                            : BOW BEFORE ME YOU PEASANTS!!!

Golden Retriever          :

Black Rottweiler           :

Golden Retriever          : He Tian do something

Black Rottweiler           : Why me?

ELSA                            : GUYS DON IGNORE MIIIIIIII

Golden Retriever          : Cuz you’re the admin and admin privileges

Black Rottweiler           : Valid.

Black Rottweiler           : Give me a mo.

ELSA                            : EXCUSE YOU

Golden Retriever          : Bing me once you’re done. I’m setting this chat on mute

ELSA                            : @Golden Retriever

ELSA                            : @Golden Retriever

ELSA                            : @Golden Retriever

ELSA                            : @Golden Retriever

ELSA                            : @Golden Retriever

ELSA                            : @Golden Retriever

ELSA                            : @Golden Retriever

ELSA                            : @Golden Retriever

ELSA                            : WHAI IS HE NOT RESPONDING TO ME

ELSA changed his nickname to I SHALL REPENT.

Black Rottweiler           : @Golden Retriever

Black Rottweiler           : There you go.

I SHALL REPENT            : WHAI CANT I FUCKING CHANGE IT BACK

I SHALL REPENT            : FUCK YOU!!!

Black Rottweiler           : Not interested.

I SHALL REPENT            : I MEANT IT IN A FIGURATIVE WAY

Black Rottweiler           : Still not interested.

Black Rottweiler added Red Setter into the group chat.

Black Rottweiler           : I avenged you.

Red Setter                     : him repenting isn’t enuf

Red Setter                     : burn all those magazines in his room

Red Setter                     : those porn ones

I SHALL REPENT            : I SHALL REPENT         

I SHALL REPENT            : spare me please o big lord master-sama

Golden Retriever              : That is gold, He Tian

Golden Retriever              : By the way

Golden Retriever              : Redhead

Golden Retriever              : How did you know about Jian Yi’s secret stash?

Red Setter                    : i was at his place few days ago and i found them hidden in his laundry basket

Golden Retriever              :

Golden Retriever              : ……

Golden Retriever              : Okay…

Black Rottweiler           : Redhead

Black Rottweiler           : We need to talk.

Red Setter has left the group chat.

I SHALL REPENT           : lmao

I SHALL REPENT           : shits gettin real dude

Golden Retriever             : Sit at the corner and repent.

I SHALL REPENT           : yes mom

Chapter Text

I SHALL REPENT : HEY HEY HEY!!!

I SHALL REPENT : TO ALL IDIOTS

I SHALL REPENT : (INCLUDING ME)

I SHALL REPENT : HAPPY NEW YEAR!!!!

I SHALL REPENT : YEEEAAAAAAHHHH

I SHALL REPENT : @Black Rottweiler wil u b playin fire crackers?

Black Rottweiler : Yeah

Black Rottweiler : We’re playing them right now

I SHALL REPENT : we???

Black Rottweiler : Redhead and I

Black Rottweiler : Will you guys be coming over?

I SHALL REPENT : yeap!!

I SHALL REPENT : we’re on our way

Red Setter : why are u two together?

I SHALL REPENT : my mom is working overtime 2day

I SHALL REPENT : so i had dindin at Zhan Xi Xi’s!

Black Rottweiler : Okay

Black Rottweiler : Drop a message when you guys reached.

Black Rottweiler : I’ll send Redhead let you guys in.

Red Setter : fuck me

Red Setter : dude im not a pokemon for u to call out or shit

Golden Retriever : You’re not a pokemon.

I SHALL REPENT : ure a fuckin watchdog

Golden Retriever : You’re his wife

I SHALL REPENT :

Golden Retriever :

Black Rottweiler : 10 points for Zhan Zheng Xi.

Black Rottweiler : Also, I’d take up your offer, Redhead.

Red Setter :

Red Setter has left the group chat.

I SHALL REPENT : welp

I SHALL REPENT : well just dm redhead l8r

Golden Retriever : Yeah

Golden Retriever : It would be much better.

Golden Retriever : We’ll get some apple pies on the way.

Black Rottweiler : Thanks

Chapter Text

I SHALL REPENT : hu’s Ray?

Golden Retriever : What?

I SHALL REPENT : ive been scrolling thru weibo

I SHALL REPENT : n d girls in our class hv been yellin abt a new character??

Golden Retriever : Oh

Golden Retriever : Mystic Messenger.

Red Setter : whats that

Black Rottweiler : A game

Black Rottweiler : Targeted to ladies.

Golden Retriever : A dating sim, in simple words.

I SHALL REPENT : whai cnt they ge t a real guy?

Golden Retriever : Real guys like us?

Golden Retriever : I doubt they are masochist

Golden Retriever : Although those who choose Saeran’s route are

Golden Retriever : Maybe.

I SHALL REPENT : gays** like us

I SHALL REPENT : also

I SHALL REPENT : hus Saeran?

Red Setter : can u google it up yrself?

Red Setter : its like

Red Setter : E V E R Y W H E R E

Black Rottweiler : I agree to what Redhead said.

Golden Retriever : It’s literally everywhere.

Golden Retriever : My sister has a couple of dating sims on her phones

Golden Retriever : Including MM and a newly released Love and Producer.

Black Rottweiler : Ah that.

Black Rottweiler : I can’t think of people being more cray over animated characters other than us Chinese.

Black Rottweiler : And I mean it.

Golden Retriever : I second to it.

Black Rottweiler : And nominations are closed.

Red Setter : i feel like im missing out a lot

Red Setter : whts going on?

Red Setter :

Red Setter : scratch tht

Red Setter : its better not knowin

Black Rottweiler : Too late.

I SHALL REPENT : WE’RE GUNNA BRING U DOWN

Golden Retriever : What do you think about dating sims?

Red Setter : ???

Red Setter : huh?

Black Rottweiler : He doesn’t need any dating sims.

Golden Retriever : Why?

Black Rottweiler : He has me, so he should focus on me.

Red Setter : fuck you

Red Setter has left the group chat.

Golden Retriever : He Tian

Golden Retriever : You’re more of a combination of Han Jumin and Choi Saeran

Golden Retriever : Redhead needs to be exposed to other types as well for him to make his pick.

Golden Retriever : Be fair.

Black Rottweiler : He still will choose me in the end.

Black Rottweiler : Real is better than all these animated characters.

I SHALL REPENT : OBJECTION!

I SHALL REPENT : yr honor, allow me to speak on court

Golden Retriever : Permission granted.

I SHALL REPENT : 2D animation is whr we find solace and peace and we were saved by them.

I SHALL REPENT : i rest my case.

Golden Retriever :

Golden Retriever : That’s not enough but okay.

Black Rottweiler : I’m richer so who cares

Golden Retriever : True

I SHALL REPENT : tru

I SHALL REPENT : imma dl MM, Love and Producer, Tabikaeru on Redhead’s phone

Black Rottweiler : Ah the frog game.

Black Rottweiler : He already has that game.

I SHALL REPENT : HE IS MY BFF NOW

Golden Retriever : What about me?

I SHALL REPENT : Boyfriend

I SHALL REPENT : BYE TTYL

Golden Retriever :

Golden Retriever : And… He’s offline.

Black Rottweiler : Hm.

Golden Retriever : Good luck getting Redhead’s attention.

Black Rottweiler : Duh.

Golden Retriever : Yeah right.

Chapter Text

I SHALL REPENT : GAIS

I SHALL REPENT : WHAT THE FUCK IS THIS

I SHALL REPENT : image.jpg

I SHALL REPENT : WHAI THE FUCK?!!

Golden Retriever : Oh

Golden Retriever : Do you know da wae™.

Golden Retriever : Yeah it’s pretty epic

I SHALL REPENT : WHAT THE FUCK???!!!

I SHALL REPENT : ok tbh

I SHALL REPENT : i hv alwys thuhgt of myself s d best memer here

I SHALL REPENT : BUT WHAI AM I NOT UNDERSTANDING A SINGLE SHIT OF THIS???

Red Setter : u dont try to understand d meme

Red Setter : u ride along with it

Red Setter : u dont choose the meme

Red Setter : the meme chooses u

I SHALL REPENT : WHAT THE FUCK?!!

Black Rottweiler : Oh

Black Rottweiler : Perfect spelling

Golden Retriever : Yeah

Golden Retriever : He must’ve been really shocked

Golden Retriever : Or he’s on his PC

Black Rottweiler : Or both

Golden Retriever : True.

Red Setter : wtf

Red Setter : using QQ on PC?

Golden Retriever : Yeah

Golden Retriever : For games purposes

Red Setter : tht explains the uganda knuckles shit

Golden Retriever : ¯\_(ツ)_/¯

Black Rottweiler : ¯\_(ツ)_/¯

I SHALL REPENT : WHAT THE FUCK GAIS??

Red Setter : ¯\_(ツ)_/¯

I SHALL REPENT : ???!!!

I SHALL REPENT : o0o

I SHALL REPENT : FUCK YALL

Black Rottweiler : Fuck?

Black Rottweiler : Sure you can

Black Rottweiler : But first,

Black Rottweiler : Do you know da wae?

I SHALL REPENT : I SWEAR TO FUCKING SONIC THAT I WILL END YOUR SORRY ASS YOU STALE PIECE OF BREAD

Golden Retriever : Now that he knows.

I SHALL REPENT : IM THE FUCKIN MEME DICTIONARY YOU PIECE OF SHIT

Golden Retriever : Not convincing.

Red Setter : not at all

Red Setter : also

Red Setter : add me back once the chaos is over

Red Setter : wait

Red Setter : dont add me at all

Red Setter has left the group chat.

Black Rottweiler has added Red Setter into the group chat.

Red Setter : fuck you

Red Setter has left the group chat.

Black Rottweiler : I wanted to say I’d gladly accept the proposition.

Black Rottweiler : But he left too quick.

Black Rottweiler : I guess I missed my chance

I SHALL REPENT : U MISSED EVERY FUCKIN CHANCE U PIECE OF SHIT

I SHALL REPENT has changed his nickname to BEYOND REPENTANCE.

BEYOND REPENTANCE : FUCK U HE TIAN!!!!

Black Rottweiler : Like I said before

Black Rottweiler : Not interested.

Golden Retriever : I agree with the nickname wholeheartedly.

Black Rottweiler : Thank you

Black Rottweiler : I’m glad someone here appreciates it.

Golden Retriever : You’re welcome.

BEYOND REPENTANCE : FUCK U BOTH!!!

Black Rottweiler : Not interested.

Golden Retriever : Good luck.

 

Chapter Text

Black Rottweiler              : Redhead

Black Rottweiler              : Where is my Valentine’s gift?

Red Setter                       : heh

Red Setter                       : ask it from yr right hand

Golden Retriever             :

BEYOND REPENTANCE   :

BEYOND REPENTANCE   : HOLY SHEET

BEYOND REPENTANCE   : THE BURN!!!

Red Setter                       : or maybe

Red Setter                       : you should get her a glove

Red Setter                       : or maybe

Red Setter                       : a tenga

Golden Retriever             :

BEYOND REPENTANCE   : i

REYOND REPENTANCE   : Redhead

BEYOND REPENTANCE   : are u ok

BEYOND REPENTANCE   : u sound like u ate a bomb

BEYOND REPENTANCE   : or prolly a whole bag of salt

BEYOND REPENTANCE   : perhaps both

BEYOND REPENTANCE   : explosive and salty

BEYOND REPENTANCE   : af

Red Setter                       : me?

Red Setter                       : explosive?

Red Setter                       : lmao

BEYOND REPENTANCE   : Zhan Xi Xi………

Golden Retriever             : Prolly because he found out He Tian had been receiving gifts from girls this morning

BEYOND REPENTANCE   : ????!!!!!

BEYOND REPENTANCE   : HE TIAN!!!!!

BEYOND REPENTANCE   : ARE YOU FOR REALS???

BEYOND REPENTANCE   : LIKE FUCKING

BEYOND REPENTANCE   : AAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAA

BEYOND REPENTANCE   : HOW UNFAIR IT IS TO YOUR HUSBAND!!!!!!!!!

Red Setter                       : I’m not his husband

BEYOND REPENTANCE   : HE’S FILING A FUCKING DIVORCE

BEYOND REPENTANCE   : DO SOMETHING

Red Setter                         : fuck

BEYOND REPENTANCE   : get your husband

BEYOND REPENTANCE   : no wait

BEYOND REPENTANCE   : NOT THE POINT

BEYOND REPENTANCE   : EXPLAIN! EXPLAIN!

Golden Retriever             : You sound like a Dalek

Golden Retriever             : Is that supposed to be a pun?

Golden Retriever             : Cuz you suck at it

Red Setter                         : he sucks at everything

BEYOND REPENTENCE   : Zhan Xi Xi stop calling me out

BEYOND REPENTANCE   : and Redhead

BEYOND REPENTANCE   : ( ͡° ͜ʖ ͡°)

Red Setter                         : shit

BEYOND REPENTANCE   : innuendo game goin strong ey

BEYOND REPENTANCE   : NO BUT HE TIAN

Black Rottweiler              : Am I having the mic now?

Black Rottweiler              : I am.

Black Rottweiler              : So……

Black Rottweiler              : I told them I have an s/o and refused their gifts.

Black Rottweiler              : Then they said that they knew about it and wanted me to feed it to Mo Guan Shan.

Black Rottweiler              : They even knew it’s him.

Black Rottweiler              : Apparently they saw us making out behind the school.

Black Rottweiler              : They also said that to make sure Redhead can’t stand in the morning.

Black Rottweiler              : You know.

Black Rottweiler              : Bet they are glad that their love rival is not of the same gender.

Black Rottweiler              : Some of them even have alcohol in it.

Black Rottweiler              : And yeah, Redhead ate them.

Black Rottweiler              : I think he’s pissed cuz he saw the letters, which included him in it.

Black Rottweiler              : And he got embarrassed.

Red Setter                         :

Red Setter has left the group chat.

Black Rottweiler              : Whoops.

Black Rottweiler              : Looks like he got embarrassed.

BEYOND REPENTANCE   : i wanna say tmi

BEYOND REPENTANCE   : bt ther isn’t a thing like that in our chat

Golden Retriever             : Tbh.

Black Rottweiler              : Anyways.

Black Rottweiler              : I gotta do my job as his s/o and get him out of the room for our candlelight dinner.

Black Rottweiler              : Talk to you guys later.

BEYOND REPENTANCE   :

BEYOND REPENTANCE   : these two…….

BEYOND REPENTANCE   : what a dynamic duo

BEYOND REPENTANCE   : ANYWAYS

BEYOND REPENTANCE   : ZHAN XI XI

BEYOND REPENTANCE   : WHERE IS MY VALENTINE’S GIFT

Golden Retriever             : Non-existent.

BEYOND REPENTANCE   : WHAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAATTTTTTTT

Golden Retriever             : You didn’t get me a thing anyways

BEYOND REPENTANCE   : THATS NOT HOW IT WORKS

Golden Retriever             : Meh

BEYOND REPENTANCE   :

Golden Retriever             : Anyways, my family’s not at home

Golden Retriever             : Wanna come over later to chill?

BEYOND REPENTANCE   : !!!

BEYOND REPENTANCE   : CAN I COME NOW????

Golden Retriever             : Yeah sure

Golden Retriever             : Prepare to get rekt tho

BEYOND REPENTANCE   : !!!!

Golden Retriever             : You’re definitely gonna die in Mario Kart

Golden Retriever             : Again.

BEYOND REPENTANCE   : FUCK YOU!!!

Golden Retriever             : Yeah nice try but better luck next time

BEYOND REPENTANCE   : IM ON MY WAY GET YOUR SORRY ASS READY!!!!

 

 

 

Chapter Text

Black Rottweiler : Time for a change.

Black Rottweiler has changed his nickname to Black Panther.

Golden Retriever : Oh

Golden Retriever has changed his nickname to Captain.

Captain : Language.

Black Panther : Lmao

Red Setter : ………………

Red Setter has changed his nickname to The Flash.

The Flash : hah losers

Black Panther : Be right back.

The Flash : dude did you just

The Flash : type out brb???

BEYOND REPENTANCE : uhhhhhhhhhh

BEYOND REPENTANCE : can i get back my access to change my nickname?

Captain : Done.

BEYOND REPENTANCE : !!!!

BEYOND REPENTANCE : ZHAN XI XI YOU’RE THE BEST!!!!

BEYOND REPENTANCE : UWU

BEYOND REPENTANCE has changed his nickname to Quicksilver.

Captain : He died, ya know.

Quicksilver : bUT HIS HAIR IS WHITE!!!

Quicksilver : oh wait

Quicksilver : i got a better one

Quicksilver has changed his nickname to ELiZaBeth.

ELiZaBeth : there. all done

Captain : Don’t tell me that this Elizabeth is from an anime with a hella twisted timeline and plot and characters.

ELiZaBeth : it is iNDEED that elizabeth!

Captain : ………

ELiZaBeth : listen

ELiZaBeth : i had this nickname in pubg

ELiZaBeth : and there was this dud i met who share a matching one

ELiZaBeth : heck his QQ nickname is the same

ELiZaBeth : wait lemme share

ELiZaBeth has added Gintama into the group chat.

Gintama : huh

ELiZaBeth : oh shit

ELiZaBeth : added him

Gintama : zhan xi xi?

Captain : …

Gintama : yooo, you’re the zhan zheng xi from our school

ELiZaBeth : how didja know???

Gintama : judging by the way you type you have to be jian yi

Black Panther : Wow who added the snake into our group chat?

Gintama : he tian

Black Panther : She Li. Yes I know who you are.

Gintama has been removed from the group chat.

Black Panther : Jian Yi.

ELiZaBeth : iM SORRY I NEVER KNEW IT WAS HIM AND I DID NOT DO ANYTHING ON PURPOSE!!!!!

Black Panther : Cap how do you deal with him on a daily basis.

Captain : It’s like dealing with Peter Quill.

ELiZaBeth : thanks for the idea

ELiZaBeth has changed his nickname to Star Lord.

Star Lord : tHE BEST!!!

Black Panther : Mo Guan Shan.

The Flash has changed his nickname to Iron Man.

Iron Man : fuck you

Black Panther : Sounds like a plan.

Iron Man : i take that back

Black Panther : Not happening.

Star Lord : lmaoooooooooo

Star Lord : no wait

Star Lord : imagine if He Tian’s brother joined in

Star Lord : what do you think would his nickname be????

Captain : He’d probably be the Real Black Panther™.

Star Lord : and He Tian would be?

Star Lord : shuri?

Star Lord : okoye?

Black Panther : Can you shut up?

Star Lord : nEVERRRRRRR

Star Lord has been removed from the group chat.

Black Panther : Better.

Captain : What a terrifying guy you are.

Black Panther : Heh.